1
00:00:01,865 --> 00:00:03,066
(TV playing quietly)
2
00:00:03,067 --> 00:00:05,101
So, when are
the girls coming back?
3
00:00:05,102 --> 00:00:08,004
Not for another half hour.
4
00:00:08,005 --> 00:00:09,539
They did the hot yoga today?
5
00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:11,374
No, that's on Wednesdays.
6
00:00:11,375 --> 00:00:13,042
Today is Vinyasa yoga.
7
00:00:13,043 --> 00:00:14,611
It's less about sweat and more
8
00:00:14,612 --> 00:00:16,613
about the flow of movement.
9
00:00:16,614 --> 00:00:17,647
It's the key to everything.
10
00:00:17,648 --> 00:00:18,615
You got to keep moving.
11
00:00:18,616 --> 00:00:20,849
Ain't that the truth?
12
00:00:22,318 --> 00:00:23,318
You're back early.
13
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,255
Something awful happened.
14
00:00:26,257 --> 00:00:27,390
Hey, don't feel bad.
15
00:00:27,391 --> 00:00:28,725
They shouldn't have you
bending and squatting
16
00:00:28,726 --> 00:00:30,726
in a room that quiet.
17
00:00:30,728 --> 00:00:31,861
No.
18
00:00:31,862 --> 00:00:33,428
Our instructor died.
19
00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:34,497
Seriously?
20
00:00:34,498 --> 00:00:35,864
JOYCE:
Right in the middle of class.
21
00:00:35,866 --> 00:00:37,600
Kara was teaching us Tree Pose
22
00:00:37,601 --> 00:00:40,103
when she went down
like a redwood.
23
00:00:40,104 --> 00:00:41,070
As she was falling,
24
00:00:41,071 --> 00:00:42,171
some clown in
the back of the room
25
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:43,239
yelled out, "Timber""
26
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,441
I didn't know she was dead,
all right?
27
00:00:46,443 --> 00:00:48,110
I just still can't believe it.
28
00:00:48,111 --> 00:00:50,445
I've been taking her class
for ten years.
29
00:00:50,447 --> 00:00:51,447
That's terrible.
30
00:00:51,448 --> 00:00:52,647
Well, was she an older broad?
31
00:00:52,649 --> 00:00:55,016
She was three years
younger than me.
32
00:00:55,018 --> 00:00:57,018
Eh.
33
00:00:58,187 --> 00:00:59,822
Too young.
34
00:00:59,823 --> 00:01:01,356
Way too young.
35
00:01:02,892 --> 00:01:04,060
Gah, it's crazy.
36
00:01:04,061 --> 00:01:05,594
I mean, she-she was a vegan,
37
00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:07,563
worked out every day,
didn't smoke, didn't drink...
38
00:01:07,564 --> 00:01:08,531
Didn't shave.
39
00:01:08,532 --> 00:01:09,999
Let's just say
her final Tree Pose
40
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,967
had a couple of nests in it.
41
00:01:12,969 --> 00:01:14,670
So, uh, how you doing?
42
00:01:14,671 --> 00:01:15,604
And if it helps,
43
00:01:15,605 --> 00:01:17,373
I-I thought "timber" was funny.
44
00:01:17,374 --> 00:01:18,307
Thank you.
45
00:01:18,308 --> 00:01:19,575
It just makes you realize
46
00:01:19,576 --> 00:01:21,610
that you got to make
every moment count.
47
00:01:21,611 --> 00:01:22,778
You have to really appreciate
48
00:01:22,779 --> 00:01:24,712
the people you love
in this world.
49
00:01:24,714 --> 00:01:26,048
Yeah.
50
00:01:26,049 --> 00:01:27,049
So, you want to go upstairs?
51
00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:28,651
Ew, no, Mike!
52
00:01:28,652 --> 00:01:30,219
Okay, I misread the signal.
53
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:31,386
Namaste.
54
00:01:34,256 --> 00:01:37,092
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
55
00:01:37,093 --> 00:01:40,829
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
56
00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:43,432
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
57
00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:45,033
♪ I see love ♪
58
00:01:45,034 --> 00:01:47,136
♪ I see love ♪
59
00:01:47,137 --> 00:01:50,172
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
60
00:01:50,173 --> 00:01:51,640
♪ I see love ♪
61
00:01:51,641 --> 00:01:55,647
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
62
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:07,327
Boy, I just can't get over
what happened yesterday.
63
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,762
I know, neither can I.
64
00:02:08,763 --> 00:02:09,862
And the more I think about it,
65
00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:11,665
the more I have to wonder...
66
00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:15,167
shouldn't that yoga studio
give us a refund for that class?
67
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:18,304
Victoria, the woman just died.
68
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,573
So, I should call in a few days?
69
00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:23,776
Well, that's what I'm doing.
70
00:02:23,778 --> 00:02:24,845
Hey.
71
00:02:24,846 --> 00:02:25,779
How'd you sleep?
72
00:02:25,780 --> 00:02:27,347
(sighs) I didn't.
73
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,815
Here.
(clears throat)
74
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,116
Stickers?
Yeah.
75
00:02:30,118 --> 00:02:31,550
You each have your own color.
76
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,519
I want you both to
go through the house
77
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,754
and mark anything
you want after I die.
78
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,524
What?
79
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,225
Look, it's the best way
to divide my stuff up,
80
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:41,094
and that way
you can kickback, relax,
81
00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:42,895
and enjoy the funeral I planned.
82
00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:44,431
There's gonna be a calypso band.
83
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,765
Okay, we're not doing this.
84
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:47,901
Well, why not?
85
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:49,269
Because no one is dying.
86
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,903
You're perfectly healthy, Mom.
87
00:02:50,905 --> 00:02:52,572
Yeah, so was Kara,
88
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,274
and she went
downward-facing dead,
89
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,308
right in front of us.
90
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,876
Eight minutes into a $30 class.
91
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:01,547
Come on, it'll be a fun game.
92
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,216
I'll set the timer
for 20 minutes,
93
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,651
and you each get one steal.
94
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,886
No.
95
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,922
Victoria and I are not
picking through your things
96
00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:10,456
like a couple of vultures.
97
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,991
Are earrings one sticker or two?
98
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:17,262
Two, they should be two.
99
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,238
Apparently this woman
ate healthy, she exercised,
100
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,406
and it still didn't do
a damn bit of good.
101
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,609
I mean, there has got to be
a lesson in there somewhere.
102
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,976
I'll have an apple fritter.
103
00:03:32,311 --> 00:03:33,979
Uh, no, he will not.
104
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,148
Yes, I will.
105
00:03:35,149 --> 00:03:36,248
Not on my watch.
106
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,617
Then close your eyes.
107
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,286
All right, Samuel,
108
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:41,753
bring him his
deep-fried death warrant.
109
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:45,758
That warrant was signed
long before I got here.
110
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:46,859
I can't believe you.
111
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:47,860
Every time some health nut dies,
112
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,061
you take it as a starter pistol
113
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,729
to stuff your face.
114
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,631
Have you not heard a word
I said?
115
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,867
When your number is up,
your number is up,
116
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:59,104
and I am not going to
go hungry into that good night.
117
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,673
So, it's all luck?
118
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,440
Diet and exercise have nothing
to do with it?
119
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,810
You remember
my old, Greek landlady,
120
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:08,914
Mrs. Something-dopo-dopolous,
okay?
121
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,783
She lived to be 103, okay?
122
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,518
The only time she took
her cigarette out of her mouth
123
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:14,552
was to take a swig of ouzo.
124
00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,188
Yeah, but look what
it did to her.
125
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,924
Her face looked like a Fruit
Roll-Up with a mustache.
126
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:25,564
The point is, okay,
she lived life on her terms.
127
00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:26,865
Died with a smile on her face,
128
00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:29,667
and a cigarette
in her throat hole.
129
00:04:30,502 --> 00:04:31,570
Come on, don't do it, Mike.
130
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:32,838
You know in your gut
that it's wrong.
131
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:33,939
Are you kidding?
132
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,307
My gut's been planning this
for weeks.
133
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,377
Well, just know
that every fritter that you eat,
134
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:40,012
that's gonna be less time
with your beautiful wife
135
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,079
and your future children.
136
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,580
(sighs)
137
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:47,119
(high-pitched):
Tell us about our daddy, Uncle Carl.
138
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,755
Did he love us?
139
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:50,956
(normal voice): Oh, yes, child.
140
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,657
Almost as much
as he loved fritters.
141
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,895
Well, why do all
my unborn children
142
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:58,896
sound like Michael Jackson?
143
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:02,367
'Cause you weren't around
to raise them right.
144
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:03,869
Yeah, they had to rely
on the numerous lovers
145
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,504
that Molly took...
in her grief...
146
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,505
after your death.
147
00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:09,540
One apple fritter,
148
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:13,477
served without
judgment or liability.
149
00:05:21,519 --> 00:05:23,988
All right, but I'm gonna
spend those extra years
150
00:05:23,989 --> 00:05:26,857
making your life miserable.
151
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,792
You won't regret it.
152
00:05:32,163 --> 00:05:33,697
Although you would
have died happy...
153
00:05:33,699 --> 00:05:35,365
Ah!
154
00:05:39,103 --> 00:05:40,471
(hammer pounding)
155
00:05:40,472 --> 00:05:43,508
Hey, who's banging
around down here?
156
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,176
Me.
157
00:05:45,177 --> 00:05:46,477
You finally making that still
158
00:05:46,478 --> 00:05:48,313
you've been
threatening to build?
159
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,481
No, I'm trying to get
into this damn thing.
160
00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:51,849
Well, don't you have a key?
161
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:53,150
Yeah.
162
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:55,820
I just thought it would be
more fun to spend 20 minutes
163
00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:57,955
trying to open it
with a freaking hammer.
164
00:05:57,956 --> 00:05:59,824
All right, don't sass me.
165
00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:01,292
Give me the hammer.
166
00:06:01,293 --> 00:06:02,527
What's in here, anyway?
167
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,161
Ugh, who can remember?
168
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,763
Old savings bonds?
169
00:06:05,764 --> 00:06:07,732
Insurance policy?
170
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:11,102
It's just one stupid piece
of the jigsaw puzzle
171
00:06:11,103 --> 00:06:12,236
that is my life.
172
00:06:12,237 --> 00:06:13,404
Well, you don't have to sort
173
00:06:13,405 --> 00:06:14,604
through all this stuff now.
174
00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:15,640
Yes, I do.
175
00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:17,508
You have no idea how hard things
176
00:06:17,509 --> 00:06:19,075
are gonna be when I'm gone.
177
00:06:19,077 --> 00:06:20,478
I got to be honest.
178
00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:23,113
Things aren't that easy
when you're here.
179
00:06:23,115 --> 00:06:26,617
I was completely blindsided
when your father died.
180
00:06:26,618 --> 00:06:28,986
Gah, I had to plan a funeral,
181
00:06:28,987 --> 00:06:31,756
figure out bank accounts, bills,
182
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:34,525
all while balling my eyes out.
183
00:06:34,526 --> 00:06:37,494
I don't want you girls
to have to go through all that.
184
00:06:37,496 --> 00:06:39,696
Okay.
185
00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:42,633
So, it's decided.
186
00:06:42,634 --> 00:06:44,767
You'll live forever.
187
00:06:44,769 --> 00:06:47,837
I'll see what I can do.
188
00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,874
All right,
let's crack this clam open.
189
00:06:50,875 --> 00:06:52,443
(grunting):
See what kind of legacy
190
00:06:52,444 --> 00:06:54,278
you're leaving us.
191
00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:55,312
Oh.
192
00:06:55,313 --> 00:06:56,547
Hey.
193
00:06:56,548 --> 00:06:58,882
Oh, Polaroids?
194
00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:02,352
Ugh.
195
00:07:02,353 --> 00:07:04,387
(sighs in disgust)
196
00:07:09,660 --> 00:07:13,963
Boy, your father sure
knew how to frame a shot.
197
00:07:20,337 --> 00:07:22,072
Boy, it feels weird
being in a lawyer's office
198
00:07:22,073 --> 00:07:25,108
without a bottle
of clean urine in my purse.
199
00:07:25,109 --> 00:07:27,010
Yeah, if you're gonna
keep those in the fridge,
200
00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:30,146
could you please label them?
201
00:07:30,148 --> 00:07:32,082
Just so you know, once
we finish with the will,
202
00:07:32,083 --> 00:07:34,083
there's just a few loose
ends we got to tie up.
203
00:07:34,085 --> 00:07:36,386
Power of attorney,
end of life issues.
204
00:07:36,387 --> 00:07:38,587
Mainly, which one of you
is gonna pull the plug.
205
00:07:38,589 --> 00:07:40,257
Mom, neither one of us
is gonna pull the plug...
206
00:07:40,258 --> 00:07:41,424
I'll do it.
207
00:07:41,425 --> 00:07:43,259
Victoria.
208
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,229
Nobody is going
to pull the plug.
209
00:07:46,230 --> 00:07:48,964
She's our mother,
not your curling iron.
210
00:07:48,966 --> 00:07:50,367
I guess just
working with the dead
211
00:07:50,368 --> 00:07:53,269
makes me more comfortable with,
like, getting them there.
212
00:07:53,270 --> 00:07:56,105
Mama's little Kevorkian.
213
00:07:57,307 --> 00:08:00,609
So, that's settled,
you'll kill Mom?
214
00:08:00,611 --> 00:08:02,378
But we should come up
with a safe word,
215
00:08:02,379 --> 00:08:03,712
so I know when to do it.
216
00:08:03,714 --> 00:08:06,682
If I'm saying words,
don't do it.
217
00:08:08,785 --> 00:08:11,386
And, Molly,
before we go in there,
218
00:08:11,388 --> 00:08:13,188
there's something
I want you to have,
219
00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:14,990
and I don't want an argument.
220
00:08:14,992 --> 00:08:17,393
I told you I didn't want
to do this when...
221
00:08:17,394 --> 00:08:18,393
Oh, ooh!
222
00:08:18,395 --> 00:08:20,595
Grandma's ring!
223
00:08:22,198 --> 00:08:24,767
You two always had a special bond,
Ah...
224
00:08:24,768 --> 00:08:26,435
and I know she'd want you
to have it.
225
00:08:26,437 --> 00:08:28,638
Oh, I don't know what to say.
226
00:08:28,639 --> 00:08:30,273
Just say you'll keep it.
227
00:08:30,274 --> 00:08:32,809
Of course, forever.
228
00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:34,376
Thank you.
(chuckling)
229
00:08:34,378 --> 00:08:37,379
Oh, and Victoria,
you're getting the house.
230
00:08:37,381 --> 00:08:38,647
Okay.
What?
231
00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:53,407
(sports playing on TV)
232
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,676
What do you think
happens when we die?
233
00:08:55,677 --> 00:08:56,677
It's fourth and goal.
234
00:08:56,678 --> 00:08:58,545
Can this wait?
235
00:08:58,546 --> 00:08:59,546
You know what,
236
00:08:59,547 --> 00:09:01,114
remind me to never be vulnerable
237
00:09:01,115 --> 00:09:03,315
in front of you again.
238
00:09:07,754 --> 00:09:09,689
(turns off TV) All right, fine.
239
00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:11,891
What's bothering you, princess?
240
00:09:14,227 --> 00:09:16,763
Do you believe in heaven?
241
00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,397
I believe that there's a quiet,
242
00:09:18,399 --> 00:09:20,266
peaceful place that we all go,
243
00:09:20,267 --> 00:09:23,003
and today I was hoping
that was the living room.
244
00:09:23,004 --> 00:09:24,104
Sorry.
245
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,905
It's just
that last night in bed,
246
00:09:25,906 --> 00:09:27,707
Joyce told me
she didn't believe.
247
00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:29,042
Threw me for a loop.
248
00:09:29,043 --> 00:09:32,311
Could have knocked me over
with the feather we were using.
249
00:09:33,580 --> 00:09:34,981
You know when you tell me
these things,
250
00:09:34,982 --> 00:09:38,218
I can't look at Joyce
for three days, right?
251
00:09:38,219 --> 00:09:40,053
It's not like
I'm a religious man.
252
00:09:40,054 --> 00:09:43,523
I'm just saying, why not pretend
to believe, just in case?
253
00:09:43,524 --> 00:09:44,923
Hedge your bets.
254
00:09:46,484 --> 00:09:50,086
Well, don't you think that God
knows if you're full of crap?
255
00:09:50,088 --> 00:09:54,157
I don't know, I think he would
appreciate that I got a system.
256
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:57,495
Well, I guess when
I think about it, I mean,
257
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:58,762
I do rub the Buddha's belly
258
00:09:58,763 --> 00:10:01,364
when I leave
a Chinese restaurant.
259
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:03,867
I even tried on a yarmulke
once at a flea market.
260
00:10:03,868 --> 00:10:05,002
Not a good look on me.
261
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:07,537
I need a hat with a bill.
262
00:10:07,539 --> 00:10:08,638
Hello.
263
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:09,506
Victoria.
264
00:10:09,507 --> 00:10:10,206
Hey.
265
00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:12,008
Joyce.
266
00:10:14,812 --> 00:10:16,113
Guess who Mom's
leaving the house to,
267
00:10:16,114 --> 00:10:17,114
and I'll give you a hint.
268
00:10:17,115 --> 00:10:18,981
I'm getting a stupid ring!
269
00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:22,718
Listen, I don't have to
justify my decision to you.
270
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,688
Because you can't; it's lunacy.
271
00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:27,324
Wait a minute,
what does she have on you?
272
00:10:27,325 --> 00:10:29,126
I don't know what I have on her,
273
00:10:29,127 --> 00:10:31,727
but I know what
I'm getting from her.
274
00:10:31,729 --> 00:10:33,130
Yeah?
275
00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:34,131
Meet me in the driveway.
276
00:10:34,132 --> 00:10:35,231
I got something for you, too.
277
00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:37,234
Hey, hey, hey, stop fighting.
278
00:10:37,235 --> 00:10:39,402
Look, it's my decision,
so deal with it.
279
00:10:39,404 --> 00:10:41,370
Come on, Mom,
let's go to the kitchen.
280
00:10:41,372 --> 00:10:43,306
Let her cool off.
281
00:10:43,307 --> 00:10:44,541
Just so that there's
no confusion,
282
00:10:44,542 --> 00:10:47,443
are the appliances
coming with the house?
283
00:10:47,445 --> 00:10:49,146
Yeah, it comes
with the driveway, too.
284
00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:51,314
I'll meet you there
in ten minutes!
285
00:10:51,315 --> 00:10:53,049
Now's probably not the time,
286
00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:54,718
but I thought I was
getting that ring.
287
00:10:54,719 --> 00:10:55,819
What?
288
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:58,020
Whoa!
(shouting indistinctly)
289
00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:06,061
No, no, no, no.
290
00:11:14,003 --> 00:11:15,838
All right, come on, don't...
291
00:11:19,709 --> 00:11:22,579
If this is my mom's way
of making me pull that plug,
292
00:11:22,580 --> 00:11:25,380
I'm gonna yank that cord
like I'm starting a lawn mower.
293
00:11:27,417 --> 00:11:28,984
Well, maybe
your mom figured that,
294
00:11:28,986 --> 00:11:30,753
you know, since we're
getting my mom's house,
295
00:11:30,754 --> 00:11:31,920
you don't need two.
296
00:11:31,922 --> 00:11:35,457
She knows I'm never gonna
live in that hell hole.
297
00:11:35,459 --> 00:11:37,527
Hey, that was my childhood home.
298
00:11:37,528 --> 00:11:39,127
I got a lot of
good memories there.
299
00:11:39,129 --> 00:11:40,863
Name one.
300
00:11:40,864 --> 00:11:43,865
All right, you made your point.
301
00:11:43,867 --> 00:11:45,935
It just doesn't make any sense.
302
00:11:45,936 --> 00:11:47,469
I was always the good daughter.
303
00:11:47,471 --> 00:11:48,871
I mean, I was home by curfew.
304
00:11:48,872 --> 00:11:49,872
I got straight A's.
305
00:11:49,873 --> 00:11:52,040
I was captain
of the color guard.
306
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,845
You don't still have
that uniform, do you?
307
00:11:58,648 --> 00:12:01,983
It was-it was itchy
wool pants and a poncho.
308
00:12:03,786 --> 00:12:06,554
What color was the poncho?
309
00:12:08,424 --> 00:12:09,924
Ick.
310
00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:14,897
I don't know.
311
00:12:14,898 --> 00:12:17,332
I mean, Victoria was
always way worse than I was.
312
00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:19,602
I mean, she was out all night,
crazy boyfriends, drugs.
313
00:12:19,603 --> 00:12:22,104
One time a guy
crawling out of her window
314
00:12:22,105 --> 00:12:23,439
bumped into a guy crawling in.
315
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,574
They-they got in a fistfight
right there on the roof.
316
00:12:26,576 --> 00:12:28,444
Look, I get what you're
saying about your mom.
317
00:12:28,445 --> 00:12:29,612
It doesn't make any sense.
318
00:12:29,613 --> 00:12:31,180
It's almost like she's rewarding
319
00:12:31,181 --> 00:12:33,481
Victoria for being a screw-up.
320
00:12:35,551 --> 00:12:36,585
(grunts) Oh...
321
00:12:36,586 --> 00:12:38,187
my...
Ow.
322
00:12:38,188 --> 00:12:39,188
Yes.
323
00:12:39,189 --> 00:12:40,823
That's it.
324
00:12:40,824 --> 00:12:42,424
That's it!
325
00:12:42,425 --> 00:12:43,892
That is exactly why
326
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,894
my mom is giving
the house to Victoria.
327
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:48,297
Oh, she's a screw-up.
328
00:12:48,298 --> 00:12:49,898
Oh, my...
329
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,100
You know, my mom knows
330
00:12:51,101 --> 00:12:52,734
that she might not be there
to bail her out,
331
00:12:52,735 --> 00:12:55,170
but at least Ding-Dong
will have a place to live.
332
00:12:55,171 --> 00:12:56,504
Yeah.
333
00:12:57,339 --> 00:12:58,673
You think?
334
00:12:59,541 --> 00:13:00,842
What else could it be?
335
00:13:00,843 --> 00:13:02,044
I mean, look at me.
336
00:13:02,045 --> 00:13:03,412
(chuckles)
337
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:06,281
I'm a smart, strong,
independent woman.
338
00:13:06,282 --> 00:13:08,824
I mean, I've kind of
got it all together.
339
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:14,890
So, her giving Victoria
the house is her way of saying
340
00:13:14,891 --> 00:13:17,392
that you're a better person?
341
00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:18,760
Hey, I didn't say that.
342
00:13:18,761 --> 00:13:20,928
Mom did.
343
00:13:22,097 --> 00:13:23,330
All right, come on, don't...
344
00:13:23,332 --> 00:13:25,733
All right.
345
00:13:31,573 --> 00:13:32,607
(Molly giggling)
346
00:13:32,608 --> 00:13:34,242
MIKE: Okay.
347
00:13:34,243 --> 00:13:36,110
I never really
thought I liked karaoke,
348
00:13:36,112 --> 00:13:39,614
but I am really good at it.
349
00:13:39,615 --> 00:13:41,215
Okay, that wasn't karaoke.
350
00:13:41,217 --> 00:13:44,585
(giggles) That was you, a jukebox,
and a bar full of angry people.
351
00:13:45,353 --> 00:13:46,988
(giggling): Oh, hello.
352
00:13:46,989 --> 00:13:47,988
Hello.
353
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:49,424
MIKE: Good night.
354
00:13:49,425 --> 00:13:50,591
Good night.
355
00:13:50,593 --> 00:13:52,292
Good night.
356
00:13:53,128 --> 00:13:54,562
I just want you to know...
357
00:13:54,563 --> 00:13:56,898
Oh, boy.
358
00:13:56,899 --> 00:13:59,734
...that I'm okay
with Mom's decision.
359
00:13:59,735 --> 00:14:00,902
Well, thank you.
360
00:14:00,903 --> 00:14:02,536
So am I.
361
00:14:02,538 --> 00:14:04,706
(whispering):
Because I get it now,
362
00:14:04,707 --> 00:14:08,408
and it's not your fault
that you're the "screw-up""
363
00:14:10,211 --> 00:14:11,846
Excuse me?
364
00:14:11,847 --> 00:14:12,779
I mean, I was,
365
00:14:12,781 --> 00:14:16,249
I think, a tough act to follow.
366
00:14:17,118 --> 00:14:18,085
You know,
367
00:14:18,087 --> 00:14:19,287
and that couldn't
have been easy,
368
00:14:19,288 --> 00:14:22,622
and... maybe that's
why you're easy.
369
00:14:24,826 --> 00:14:27,695
♪ Easy like Sunday morning. ♪
370
00:14:27,696 --> 00:14:29,664
Okay, okay, okay, all right.
371
00:14:29,665 --> 00:14:31,566
Okay, my little
songbird, let's go.
372
00:14:31,567 --> 00:14:32,600
(Molly giggling) Up here.
373
00:14:32,601 --> 00:14:34,201
MOLLY:
I just wanted to tell her,
374
00:14:34,202 --> 00:14:35,436
I know why Mom did what she did.
375
00:14:35,437 --> 00:14:36,536
MIKE: Okay.
376
00:14:36,538 --> 00:14:37,771
And why is that?
377
00:14:37,773 --> 00:14:38,973
Don't make me say it.
378
00:14:38,974 --> 00:14:40,107
All right, I'm gonna say it.
379
00:14:40,108 --> 00:14:41,941
(groaning): Oh, God.
380
00:14:41,943 --> 00:14:44,845
Because I'm the good daughter,
381
00:14:44,846 --> 00:14:47,882
and you're the mess.
382
00:14:47,883 --> 00:14:48,948
Mm.
383
00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:51,285
I see.
384
00:14:51,286 --> 00:14:52,853
So...
(clucks tongue)
385
00:14:52,854 --> 00:14:54,387
I'm the screw-up?
386
00:14:54,389 --> 00:14:57,257
Only in Mom's eyes.
387
00:14:57,259 --> 00:15:00,094
You know, it's just
a little confusing
388
00:15:00,095 --> 00:15:02,796
because I'm not the daughter
who quit her job.
389
00:15:02,797 --> 00:15:05,232
Or has a mountain
of credit card debt
390
00:15:05,233 --> 00:15:08,234
(whispering):
because of a shopping addiction.
391
00:15:09,470 --> 00:15:10,970
Are you listening to this?
392
00:15:10,972 --> 00:15:12,138
I lived it.
393
00:15:13,407 --> 00:15:16,243
And you know what, Mol,
for your information,
394
00:15:16,244 --> 00:15:18,611
all my credit cards
are paid off,
395
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,446
and I have enough money
396
00:15:20,448 --> 00:15:21,415
to put a down payment
397
00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:22,983
on any house in
this neighborhood,
398
00:15:22,984 --> 00:15:25,652
even if I wasn't
already getting one.
399
00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:27,888
And, at the moment,
400
00:15:27,889 --> 00:15:31,658
I am sober and you're the mess.
401
00:15:31,659 --> 00:15:32,893
Hold on.
402
00:15:32,894 --> 00:15:35,628
Hold on a minute.
403
00:15:37,798 --> 00:15:41,100
Are you saying you don't have
any credit card debt, like, any?
404
00:15:41,102 --> 00:15:43,770
Never have, never will.
405
00:15:43,771 --> 00:15:45,739
So, if you'll excuse me,
406
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:49,642
I'm gonna go upstairs
and see how my stocks did today.
407
00:15:54,815 --> 00:15:56,183
Do we have any stocks?
408
00:15:56,184 --> 00:15:58,984
Aw.
409
00:16:05,725 --> 00:16:08,194
Oh, what are you
doing down here?
410
00:16:08,195 --> 00:16:09,795
I thought you'd
be sleeping it off.
411
00:16:09,797 --> 00:16:11,797
I did.
It's almost noon.
412
00:16:11,799 --> 00:16:14,633
Oh, I guess I was
sleeping it off, too.
413
00:16:14,635 --> 00:16:17,302
Oh, just a heads up,
414
00:16:17,304 --> 00:16:19,973
there's another bin of Polaroids
over there somewhere.
415
00:16:19,974 --> 00:16:22,541
I think it's labeled
"Mom's Box."
416
00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:28,981
Oh, you know what, actually,
I was looking for this.
417
00:16:28,983 --> 00:16:30,416
Oh.
(laughs)
418
00:16:30,417 --> 00:16:32,218
My old Underwood.
419
00:16:32,219 --> 00:16:33,285
Oh, boy,
420
00:16:33,287 --> 00:16:35,255
I hauled this thing
all over the globe
421
00:16:35,256 --> 00:16:37,457
when I was pushing
peanuts for Pan Am.
422
00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:39,826
You know, I saved all those
letters you wrote to us.
423
00:16:39,827 --> 00:16:41,928
Ironically, they're
also in something
424
00:16:41,929 --> 00:16:45,064
labeled "Mom's Box""
425
00:16:45,065 --> 00:16:46,499
I'm gonna let
the grandkids sort that out.
426
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:47,699
(laughs)
427
00:16:47,701 --> 00:16:51,637
You had a very unique way
of describing the world.
428
00:16:51,638 --> 00:16:53,773
I think those letters
are probably part of the reason
429
00:16:53,774 --> 00:16:55,308
I wanted to become a writer.
430
00:16:55,309 --> 00:16:57,476
You never told me that.
431
00:16:57,478 --> 00:16:59,678
Yeah.
432
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:03,583
Look, about the house,
I-I get it,
433
00:17:03,584 --> 00:17:05,785
I-I know why you're
not giving it to me.
434
00:17:05,786 --> 00:17:06,786
You do?
435
00:17:06,787 --> 00:17:08,187
Yeah, because I'm the screw-up,
436
00:17:08,188 --> 00:17:10,222
and Victoria's the together one,
437
00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:13,658
and she's gonna take better care
of the house than I would.
438
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:14,994
No, she's not.
439
00:17:14,995 --> 00:17:17,896
She's gonna sell it
before I'm cold in the ground.
440
00:17:17,898 --> 00:17:19,131
Well, wait a minute,
if you know that,
441
00:17:19,132 --> 00:17:20,633
then why are you
giving it to her?
442
00:17:20,634 --> 00:17:23,334
Is this 'cause she has stocks?
443
00:17:23,336 --> 00:17:25,471
I'm giving it to her,
444
00:17:25,472 --> 00:17:28,973
so you'll have no choice
but to get the hell out.
445
00:17:28,975 --> 00:17:30,809
You want me to leave?
446
00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:32,912
Of course, I do.
447
00:17:32,913 --> 00:17:34,813
I want you to spread your wings,
448
00:17:34,814 --> 00:17:39,218
see the world, live your life...
449
00:17:39,219 --> 00:17:43,022
but not until mine's over.
450
00:17:43,023 --> 00:17:45,790
'Cause I can't imagine
this house without you.
451
00:17:47,626 --> 00:17:50,462
That is the sweetest, and...
452
00:17:50,463 --> 00:17:53,766
and most dysfunctional thing
you've ever said to me.
453
00:17:53,767 --> 00:17:55,266
Thanks.
454
00:18:00,239 --> 00:18:01,507
(exhales) (clears throat)
455
00:18:01,508 --> 00:18:02,608
Boy, I thought Mike and his mom
456
00:18:02,609 --> 00:18:04,843
had a messed up relationship.
457
00:18:04,844 --> 00:18:06,845
Yeah, but they let it all out.
458
00:18:06,846 --> 00:18:08,714
We keep ours hidden,
like civilized people.
459
00:18:08,715 --> 00:18:10,915
Yeah.
460
00:18:20,753 --> 00:18:21,921
Okay, say you lose a limb,
461
00:18:21,922 --> 00:18:24,824
you think it's waiting
for you up in heaven?
462
00:18:24,825 --> 00:18:26,892
Yeah, I'm sure they got
a whole basket of them.
463
00:18:26,893 --> 00:18:29,094
Need a leg, take a leg.
464
00:18:30,930 --> 00:18:34,300
What about this, say I die,
Molly remarries,
465
00:18:34,301 --> 00:18:35,434
now who gets her up there,
466
00:18:35,435 --> 00:18:36,802
me or the squirrely bastard
467
00:18:36,803 --> 00:18:39,004
who moved in
on my grieving widow?
468
00:18:39,005 --> 00:18:41,774
Oh, I never even
thought about that.
469
00:18:41,775 --> 00:18:43,809
My first wife Bunny's
gonna be up there.
470
00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:47,512
Joyce sees her, she'll rip
the halo right off her head.
471
00:18:47,514 --> 00:18:51,717
If she's not already
with Molly's dad.
472
00:18:51,718 --> 00:18:52,851
It's been 30 years.
473
00:18:52,852 --> 00:18:55,320
He's got to have another broad
up there by now.
474
00:18:55,321 --> 00:18:59,323
I mean, he's in heaven,
he's not dead.
475
00:19:01,126 --> 00:19:03,228
I guess we'll just have
to prepare for anything.
476
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,564
Well, if I go first,
477
00:19:05,565 --> 00:19:09,635
I'll try to send you a sign,
give you the lay of the land.
478
00:19:09,636 --> 00:19:12,437
Like haunt me?
479
00:19:12,438 --> 00:19:15,274
No, like a...
480
00:19:15,275 --> 00:19:18,876
a yellow butterfly
landing on your nose.
481
00:19:24,016 --> 00:19:25,751
Wh-what is that gonna tell me?
482
00:19:25,752 --> 00:19:28,085
That I'm still here with you.
483
00:19:33,925 --> 00:19:35,659
Yeah, whatever.
484
00:19:39,397 --> 00:19:40,599
You be a ladybug.
485
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,399
I-I like ladybugs.
486
00:19:45,236 --> 00:19:48,172
I'm not being a ladybug.
487
00:19:50,709 --> 00:19:52,279
It's an eagle or nothing.
Okay.
488
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:58,609
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/