1
00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:06,069
So, when are the girls
coming back?
2
00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:07,966
Not for another half hour.
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,870
They do the hot yoga today?
4
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:12,767
No, that's on Wednesdays.
5
00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:14,444
Today is Vinyasa yoga.
6
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:17,114
It's less about sweat and
more about the flow of movement.
7
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:19,951
That's the key to everything,
you got to keep moving.
8
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,448
Ain't that the truth.
9
00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:27,218
- You're back early.
- Something awful happened.
10
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,357
Hey, don't feel bad,
they shouldn't have you
11
00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:31,496
bending and squatting
in a room that quiet.
12
00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:34,827
No, our instructor died.
13
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:35,990
Seriously?
14
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:37,329
Right in the middle of class.
15
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,069
Cara was teaching us tree pose,
16
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:41,139
when she went down
like a redwood.
17
00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:43,140
And as she was falling,
some clown
18
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:44,833
at the back of the room
yelled out, "Timber!"
19
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:47,741
I didn't know she was dead,
all right?
20
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,679
I still can't believe it.
21
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,874
I've been taking her class
for 10 years.
22
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,247
That's terrible,
was she an older broad?
23
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,579
She was three years younger
than me.
24
00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:58,347
Eh.
25
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,391
Too young. Way too young.
26
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,092
God, it's crazy. I mean...
27
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:08,200
She... She was a vegan,
worked out every day,
28
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:10,029
- didn't smoke, didn't drink...
- Didn't shave.
29
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:11,500
Let's just say,
her final tree pose
30
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,571
had a couple of nests in it.
31
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,205
So, how you doing?
And if it helps,
32
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:18,708
I thought "timber" was funny.
33
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:19,867
Thank you.
34
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:23,106
This makes you realize that you
got to make every moment count
35
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:24,443
and you have to
really appreciate
36
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,050
the people you love
in this world.
37
00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:27,410
Yeah.
38
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,078
- So, you want to go upstairs?
- Ew. No. Mike.
39
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,622
Okay, I misread
the signal. Namaste.
40
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
41
00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:05,119
Well, I just can't get over
what happened yesterday.
42
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,120
I know, neither can I.
43
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:09,557
And the more I think about it,
the more I have to wonder...
44
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:12,764
Shouldn't that yoga studio
give us a refund for that class?
45
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,630
Victoria, the woman just died.
46
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,502
So I should call in a few days?
47
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:20,970
Well, that's what I'm doing.
48
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,573
- Hey.
- How did you sleep?
49
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,912
I didn't. Here.
50
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,136
Stickers?
51
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,009
Yeah, you each have
your own color.
52
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,077
I want you both
to go through the house
53
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,311
and mark anything you want
after I die.
54
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,315
- What?
- Look, it's the best way
55
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,615
to divide my stuff up.
56
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,016
That way you can kick back,
57
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:41,251
relax and enjoy the funeral
I planned.
58
00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:42,927
There's going to be a
Calypso Band.
59
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,155
Okay, we are not doing this.
60
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,695
- Why not?
- Because no one is dying.
61
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,334
You're perfectly healthy, Mom.
62
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:50,992
Yeah, so was Cara.
63
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,696
And she went downward facing
dead, right in front of us.
64
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:56,000
Eight minutes into a $30 class.
65
00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:00,009
Come on, it'll be a fun game.
66
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,704
I'll set the timer
for 20 minutes,
67
00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:03,280
and you each get one steal.
68
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,319
No, Victoria and I are not
picking through your things
69
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:08,954
like a couple of vultures.
70
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,156
Are earrings one sticker or two?
71
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,450
Two. They should be two.
72
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,697
Apparently this woman
ate healthy, she exercised,
73
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,497
and it still didn't do
a damn bit of good.
74
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,970
I mean, there has got to be
a lesson in there somewhere.
75
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:29,130
I'll have an apple fritter.
76
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:32,409
Uh, no, he will not.
77
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:33,568
Yes, I will.
78
00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:36,237
- Not on my watch.
- Then close your eyes.
79
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,212
All right, Samuel, bring him
his deep fried death warrant.
80
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,479
That warrant was signed
long before I got here.
81
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,392
Can't believe you, every time
some health nut dies,
82
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,493
you take it as a starter pistol
to stuff your face.
83
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,052
Have you not heard
a word I said?
84
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,256
When your number is up,
your number is up.
85
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:56,266
And I'm not going to go hungry
into that good night.
86
00:03:58,037 --> 00:03:59,026
So it's all luck?
87
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:01,002
Diet and exercise
have nothing to do with it?
88
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,333
You remember my
old Greek landlady?
89
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:06,069
Mrs. Something
Dopadopalis, okay?
90
00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:08,912
She lived to be 103.
91
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,016
Okay? And the only time she took
her cigarette out of her mouth
92
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,674
was to take a swig of Ouzo.
93
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,584
Yeah, but look
what it did to her.
94
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,449
Face looked like a Fruit Roll-Up
with a mustache.
95
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:20,687
The point is...
96
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:23,623
Okay, she lived life
on her terms.
97
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,189
Died with a smile on her face
98
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,798
and a cigarette
in her throat hole.
99
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,298
Come on, don't do it, Mike.
You know in your gut that it's wrong.
100
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:34,201
Are you kidding? My gut's
been planning this for weeks.
101
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,699
Well, just know that
every fritter that you eat,
102
00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:37,865
that's going to be less time
103
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:39,568
with your beautiful wife
and your future children.
104
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:43,037
"Tell us about our daddy,
Uncle Carl."
105
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:46,807
"Did he love us?"
106
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,377
"Oh, yes, child.
107
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,089
"Almost as much as
he loved fritters."
108
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,895
Why do all my unborn children
sound like Michael Jackson?
109
00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:00,560
'Cause you weren't around
to raise them right.
110
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:02,894
They had to rely on the
numerous lovers that Molly took,
111
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,058
in her grief,
112
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:05,393
after your death.
113
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,133
One apple fritter.
114
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:10,842
Served without judgment
or liability.
115
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,311
All right, but I'm gonna spend
those extra years
116
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,012
making your life miserable.
117
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:26,647
You won't regret it.
118
00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:32,256
Although you would have
died happy.
119
00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:41,931
Hey, who's banging around
down here?
120
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,097
Me.
121
00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:44,667
You finally making that still
122
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,402
you've been threatening
to build?
123
00:05:46,879 --> 00:05:48,870
No, I'm trying to get into this
damn thing.
124
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:50,137
Well, don't you have a key?
125
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:51,706
Yeah.
126
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,183
I'd just thought it'll be
more fun to spend 20 minutes
127
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,219
trying to open it
with a freaking hammer.
128
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,922
All right, don't sass me,
give me the hammer.
129
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,889
What's in here anyway?
130
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,652
Oh! Who can remember?
131
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,627
Old savings bonds,
insurance policy.
132
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,397
It's just one stupid piece
of the
133
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,468
jigsaw puzzle that is my life.
134
00:06:10,636 --> 00:06:13,002
Well, you don't have to
sort through all this stuff now.
135
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:14,161
Yes, I do.
136
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:17,509
You have no idea how hard things
are gonna be when I'm gone.
137
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:18,866
I got to be honest,
138
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,376
things aren't that easy
when you're here.
139
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:25,015
I was completely blindsided
when your father died.
140
00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:27,378
I had to plan a funeral,
141
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,178
figure out bank accounts, bills,
142
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:32,558
all while bawling my eyes out.
143
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:35,652
I don't want you girls
to have to go through all that.
144
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:38,254
Okay.
145
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:41,895
So, it's decided.
You'll live forever.
146
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:45,301
I'll see what I can do.
147
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:49,367
All right,
let's crack this clam open.
148
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,874
See what kind of legacy
you're leaving us.
149
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,411
Oh! Polaroids.
150
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,627
Boy, your father sure knew
how to frame a shot.
151
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,565
Boy, it feels weird
being in a lawyer's office
152
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,140
without a bottle of
clean urine in my purse.
153
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:25,543
Yeah, if you're gonna keep
those in the fridge,
154
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,042
could you please label them?
155
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,269
Yeah.
156
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,373
Just so you know,
once we finish with the will,
157
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,541
there's just a few loose ends
we got to tie up.
158
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,783
Power of attorney,
end of life issues...
159
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,979
Mainly, which one of you is
going to pull the plug.
160
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,951
Mom, neither one of us
is going to pull...
161
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,786
- I'll do it.
- Victoria.
162
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,730
Nobody is going to
pull the plug.
163
00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:46,888
She's our mother,
not your curling iron.
164
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,622
I guess just working with
the dead
165
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,792
makes you more comfortable
with, like, getting them there.
166
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,099
Mama's little Kevorkian.
167
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:57,999
So, that's settled?
You'll kill Mom?
168
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:00,740
But we should come up with
a safe-word
169
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:01,971
so I know when to do it.
170
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,313
If I'm saying words,
don't do it.
171
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:08,747
And, Molly,
172
00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:10,110
before we go in there,
173
00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:11,684
there's something
I want you to have.
174
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,083
And I don't want an argument.
175
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,923
I told you, I didn't want to
do this, when you...
176
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:18,119
Grandma's ring.
177
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,858
You two always had a special bond.
178
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,598
And I know,
she'd want you to have it.
179
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,035
Oh, I don't know what to say.
180
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,629
Just say you'll keep it.
181
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,469
Of course, forever.
182
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:32,635
Thank you.
183
00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:35,837
Oh, and Victoria,
you're getting the house.
184
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,039
- Okay.
- What?
185
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,292
What do you think happens
when we die?
186
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:53,121
It's fourth and goal.
Can this wait?
187
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,665
You know what?
Remind me to never be vulnerable
188
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,770
in front of you again.
189
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:04,708
All right, fine.
190
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,173
What's bothering you, princess?
191
00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:11,210
Do you believe in heaven?
192
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:15,544
I believe that, there's a quiet,
peaceful place that we all go,
193
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:18,155
and today I was hoping that
was the living room.
194
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:19,647
Sorry.
195
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:21,822
It's just that,
last night in bed,
196
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:23,325
Joyce told me
she didn't believe.
197
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,485
Threw me for a loop.
198
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,632
Could've knocked me over
with the feather we were using.
199
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,733
You know,
when you tell me these things,
200
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,394
I can't look at Joyce
for three days, right?
201
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,840
It's not like
I'm a religious man.
202
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,176
I'm just saying,
why not pretend to believe?
203
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,403
Just in case, hedge your bets.
204
00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:44,739
Well, don't you think that God
knows if you're full of crap?
205
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:47,550
I don't know, I think,
he would appreciate
206
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,982
that I got a system.
207
00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:52,786
Well, I guess,
when I think about it, I mean,
208
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,957
I do rub the Buddha's belly when
I leave a Chinese restaurant.
209
00:09:57,396 --> 00:09:59,557
I even tried on a yarmulke once
at a flea market.
210
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,666
Not a good look on me,
need a hat with a bill.
211
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,134
- Hello.
- Victoria.
212
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:06,328
- Hey.
- Joyce.
213
00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:12,377
Guess who Mom's leaving the
house to, I'll give you a hint,
214
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,978
I'm getting a stupid ring.
215
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:18,240
Listen, I don't have to justify
my decision to you.
216
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,246
Because you can't, it's lunacy.
217
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:22,216
Wait a minute,
what does she have on you?
218
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:24,645
I don't know what I have on her
219
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,485
but I know
what I'm getting from her.
220
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:30,893
Yeah? Meet me in the driveway,
I got something for you too.
221
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:32,587
Hey, hey, hey. Stop fighting.
222
00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:34,992
Look, it's my decision,
so deal with it.
223
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:37,001
Come on, Mom,
let's go to the kitchen.
224
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:38,494
Let her cool off.
225
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,063
Just so that there's
no confusion,
226
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:41,866
are the appliances coming
with the house?
227
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:44,504
Yeah, it comes with
the driveway too,
228
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,076
I'll meet you there
in 10 minutes.
229
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,574
Now is probably not the time,
230
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:50,113
but I thought
I was getting that ring.
231
00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:51,271
What?
232
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:54,444
Go! Go, go!
233
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,114
Go! Let it go!
234
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,378
Let it go!
235
00:10:57,556 --> 00:10:58,545
Come on, get out of here.
236
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:00,752
No, no, no, no.
237
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:10,760
All right, come on, don't...
238
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:18,072
If this is my Mom's way of
making me pull that plug,
239
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:20,872
I'm going to yank that cord
like I'm starting a lawn mower.
240
00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:24,639
Maybe your Mom figured that,
you know,
241
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:27,308
since we are getting my Mom's
house, you don't need two.
242
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,952
She knows I'm never going to
live in that hellhole.
243
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,989
Hey, that was my childhood home.
244
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,717
I got a lot of
good memories there.
245
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:35,883
Name one.
246
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,563
All right, you made your point.
247
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,460
It just doesn't make any sense.
248
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,033
I was always the good daughter.
249
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,432
I mean, I was home by curfew,
I got straight A's,
250
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,231
I was captain of the Colorguard.
251
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,842
You don't still have
that uniform, do you?
252
00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:57,575
It... It was itchy wool pants
and a poncho.
253
00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:01,384
What color was the poncho?
254
00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:05,412
Ugh!
255
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:10,219
I don't know.
256
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,626
Victoria was always way worse
than I was.
257
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,232
I mean, she was out all night,
crazy boyfriends, drugs...
258
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,626
One time, a guy crawling out of
her window
259
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,100
bumped into a guy crawling in.
260
00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:21,239
They got into a fist fight
right there on the roof.
261
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,933
Look, I get what you're saying
about your Mom.
262
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,099
It doesn't make any sense.
263
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:27,507
It's almost like she's
rewarding Victoria
264
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:28,669
for being a screwup.
265
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:34,651
Oh, my... Yes.
266
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:36,076
That's it.
267
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,578
That's it.
268
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:41,582
That is exactly why my Mom
is giving the house to Victoria.
269
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,762
Oh, she's a screwup.
270
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,190
Oh, my, uh...
271
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:46,456
You know, my mom knows
272
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:48,190
that she might not be there
to bail her out.
273
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,494
But at least Ding-Dong
will have a place to live.
274
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:54,161
You think?
275
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,471
What else could it be?
I mean, look at me.
276
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,841
I'm a smart, strong,
independent woman.
277
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:03,879
I mean, I've kind of
got it all together.
278
00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:09,217
So, her giving Victoria
the house
279
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:10,878
is her way of saying that
280
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:12,919
you're a better person?
281
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:14,181
Yeah, I didn't say that.
282
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:15,682
Mom did.
283
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,026
All right, come on, don't...
All right.
284
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,676
I never really thought
I'd like karaoke,
285
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,074
but I am really good at it.
286
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,845
Okay, that wasn't karaoke.
287
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:40,042
That was you, a jukebox and
a bar full of angry people.
288
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:42,910
Oh, hello.
289
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:44,315
- Hello.
- Good night.
290
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,254
- Good night.
- Good night.
291
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,419
- I just want you to know...
- Oh, boy.
292
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,066
That I'm okay
with Mom's decision.
293
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,731
Well, thank you. So am I.
294
00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:00,035
Because I get it now.
295
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,608
And it's not your fault
that you're the "screwup".
296
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:07,237
Excuse me?
297
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:11,075
I mean, I was,
I think, a tough act to follow.
298
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:15,251
You know, and that
couldn't have been easy
299
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,013
and maybe that's why
you're easy.
300
00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:26,523
Okay, okay, okay. All right.
Okay, my little songbird.
301
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:27,688
Let's go.
302
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,428
I just wanted to tell her
I know why Mom did what she did.
303
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:33,331
- Okay.
- And why is that?
304
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:35,871
Don't make me say...
All right, I'm going to say it.
305
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,201
Oh, God.
306
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:39,910
Because I'm the good daughter,
307
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,741
and you're the mess.
308
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,118
I see, so...
309
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,612
I'm the screwup?
310
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,788
Only in Mom's eyes.
311
00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:55,590
You know,
it's just a little confusing
312
00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:58,092
because I'm not the daughter
who quit her job.
313
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,896
Or has a mountain of
credit card debt
314
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:02,931
Because of a shopping addiction.
315
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:06,660
- Are you listening to this?
- Yeah.
316
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:07,961
I lived it.
317
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:12,135
And you know what, Mol,
for your information,
318
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:14,245
all my credit cards
are paid off.
319
00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:16,707
And I have enough money
to put a down payment
320
00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:18,577
on any house
in this neighborhood
321
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,912
even if I wasn't
already getting one.
322
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,312
And at the moment,
323
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:26,549
I am sober and you're the mess.
324
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,126
Hold on a... Hold on a minute.
325
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:36,332
Are you saying you don't have
any credit card debt, like, any?
326
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,001
Never had, never will.
327
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,232
So, if you'll excuse me,
328
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:44,899
I'm going to go upstairs and
see how my stocks did today.
329
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:51,915
- Do we have any stocks?
- No.
330
00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,395
Oh! What are you doing down here?
331
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,227
I thought you'd be
sleeping it off.
332
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:07,258
I did, it's almost noon.
333
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:09,927
Uh-oh. I guess
I was sleeping it off too.
334
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,930
Uh, just a heads-up.
335
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:15,300
There's another bin of
polaroids over there, somewhere.
336
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,469
I think it's labeled,
"Mom's box."
337
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,301
Oh, you know what?
338
00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:24,511
Actually,
I was looking for this.
339
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:27,410
Oh, my old Underwood.
340
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:28,814
Oh, boy.
341
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,615
I'd haul this thing
all over the globe
342
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:32,848
when I was pushing peanuts
for Pan Am.
343
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:34,151
You know, I saved
all those letters
344
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,315
you wrote to us.
345
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:38,725
Ironically, they are also in
something labeled, "Mom's box."
346
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:42,862
I don't know,
let the grandkids sort that out.
347
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:46,400
You had a very unique way
of describing the world.
348
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:49,170
I think those letters are
probably part of the reason
349
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,740
I wanted to become a writer.
350
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:52,871
You never told me that.
351
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:54,334
Yeah.
352
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,010
Look, about the house, I get it.
353
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,311
I... I know why
you're not giving it to me.
354
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:03,785
- You do?
- Yeah, because I'm the screwup.
355
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,684
And Victoria is the
together one.
356
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:07,118
And she's gonna take
357
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,017
better care of the house
than I would.
358
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:10,520
No, she's not.
359
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,256
She's gonna sell it
before I'm cold in the ground.
360
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:14,654
Well, wait a minute,
if you know that,
361
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,266
then why are you
giving it to her?
362
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:17,959
Is this 'cause she has stocks?
363
00:17:19,938 --> 00:17:20,996
I'm giving it to her
364
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:24,267
so you'll have no choice
but to get the hell out.
365
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:26,337
You want me to leave?
366
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,173
Of course I do.
367
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,877
I want you to spread your wings.
368
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,648
See the world, live your life.
369
00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:36,650
But not until mine's over.
370
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:40,951
'Cause I can't imagine
this house without you.
371
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:45,396
That is the sweetest and...
372
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,631
And most dysfunctional thing
you've ever said to me.
373
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:50,690
Thanks.
374
00:17:57,042 --> 00:18:00,068
Boy, I thought Mike and his mom
had a messed up relationship.
375
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:01,844
Yeah, but they let it all out.
376
00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,675
We keep ours hidden,
like civilized people.
377
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:13,988
Okay, say you lose a limb.
378
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,786
You think it's waiting for you,
up in heaven?
379
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:19,361
Yeah, I'm sure they got a
whole basket of them.
380
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:20,930
Need a leg? Take a leg.
381
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:24,793
What about this?
382
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,837
Say, I die, Molly remarries.
Now, who gets her up there?
383
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:31,533
Me or the squirrelly bastard who
moved in on my grieving widow?
384
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,036
Oh, I never even thought about that.
385
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,342
My first wife Bunny's
gonna be up there.
386
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:39,177
Joyce sees her, she'll rip
the halo right off her head.
387
00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:43,981
If she's not already
with Molly's dad.
388
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:45,345
It's been 30 years.
389
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:47,549
He's got to have another broad
up there by now.
390
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,386
He's in heaven, he's not dead.
391
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,790
I guess we'll just have to
prepare for anything.
392
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:57,563
Well, if I go first,
393
00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,702
I'll try to send you a sign.
394
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,231
Give you the lay of the land.
395
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:03,964
Like, haunt me?
396
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:07,678
No, like, uh...
397
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:10,504
A yellow butterfly,
landing on your nose.
398
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,222
What is that going to tell me?
399
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,251
That I'm still here with you.
400
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:27,654
Yeah, whatever.
401
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,664
You be a ladybug.
I like ladybugs.
402
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,236
I'm not being a ladybug.
403
00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:44,710
It's an eagle or nothing.
404
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll