1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:04,028
I'll admit it, guys. We suck at chicks.
2
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,664
Yeah, man. 24 weeks since we've kissed girls,
3
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:07,764
besides our moms.
4
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,035
Okay, I was gonna say.
5
00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,576
We got to do something this weekend,
6
00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:12,270
or else I'm gonna donate my dick to science.
7
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:13,676
What we should do, really,
8
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,908
is we should be like those dudes on YouTube
9
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:17,574
that, like, see hot chicks,
10
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:19,982
and then they just go up to
them and just frickin' scope
11
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,317
'em out and say, "you're hot." Smooch 'em.
12
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:23,788
DERS: Love those guys.
ADAM: Surprise smooch.
13
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:24,881
You know, they're caught off guard,
14
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,119
but they like it
because it was an aggressive kiss,
15
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,717
but it was done in a tasteful fashion.
16
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:31,195
Aggressive kissing. Like Harrison Ford-style.
17
00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:33,255
So you go that route.
I think I'm gonna class it up,
18
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,563
probably get into wine,
so that hopefully, I can dine,
19
00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:37,068
and, fingers crossed, 69.
20
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,126
- Good angle, Ders.
- JILLIAN: Come here.
21
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,637
You want some sandwich?
22
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:42,138
I bet you're used to eating garbage all day.
Come here.
23
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,835
Jillian's dumpster-talking again.
24
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,673
- Okay.
- Jillian, hey!
25
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:47,212
Step away from the dumpster,
26
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,180
and let's go on inside
and talk to real people, okay?
27
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:51,149
No, no, no, there's a
little kitty cat in here.
28
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,411
You're talking to dumpsters.
29
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:53,645
It's no big whoop, right?
30
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,846
We're all a little crazy.
31
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:56,752
I'm not crazy. There's a cat in there.
32
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:57,915
- Oh.
- BLAKE: Come on.
33
00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:59,856
- I scared her. She's in there.
- Just get down.
34
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,558
- BLAKE: I don't think there...
- Come here, kitty!
35
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,186
JILLIAN: Oh.
DERS: Sure.
36
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,128
- Come here! Come here, little one.
- BLAKE: Jillian, stop.
37
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:06,256
(JILLIAN LAUGHS)
38
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:07,697
- Oh, there you are!
- It doesn't smell great.
39
00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:09,026
- (PANTS)
- (CAT MEOWS)
40
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:11,798
See? I told you I wasn't crazy.
41
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:13,229
- (CAT GROWLS)
- (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
42
00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:14,568
- (CAT HISSES)
- Ow, ow, ow!
43
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:18,500
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
44
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:19,669
(SINGING) I'm fresh
45
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:23,372
You gotta, you gotta
You gotta, gotta
46
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:24,472
Gotta be fresh
47
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,152
JILLIAN: Aw. Right?
48
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:31,052
It is a cute little baby kitty cat, isn't it?
49
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:32,489
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, she's special.
50
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,685
I mean, she's a little dirty,
51
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,058
so you can't really see her pussy.
But we'll take care of that, right?
52
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:37,153
- BLAKE: Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, on that note,
53
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,221
I'm gonna walk away and avoid
any kind of responsibility
54
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:41,527
for that bootleg-ass Heathcliff. Bye.
55
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,269
What, I... He should've said, uh, Garfield.
56
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:47,868
(CHUCKLES) Why?
57
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,377
- Well, 'cause he's also a cat, so...
- Sure.
58
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,207
- I should've left when Ders left, actually.
- Yeah.
59
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,303
Probably.
60
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:56,706
See ya.
61
00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:58,642
(SIGHS)
62
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,147
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
What should we name you?
63
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,209
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
What should we name you?
64
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:02,982
BLAKE: Aw.
JILLIAN: How about dumpster?
65
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,353
BLAKE: Ooh, what about Bonnie?
66
00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:07,359
My aunt had a large-chested
friend named Bonnie,
67
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:08,587
who I was always very fond of.
68
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:10,025
- Classic.
- Yes.
69
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:11,555
What about Chastity?
70
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,528
- Nah, this cat farts.
- Yes.
71
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:15,691
(EXHALES)
72
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:18,168
Well, my brain is fried,
73
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,138
and I'm starving.
74
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,298
Me too.
75
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,002
I can go for some...
76
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,304
BOTH: Denny's.
77
00:02:24,444 --> 00:02:25,468
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- (CAT MEOWS)
78
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:26,534
Oh.
79
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:27,705
BOTH: Denny's?
80
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,541
"Denny's." That's what we'll call you.
81
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:31,015
- Hi, Denny's.
- (CHUCKLES)
82
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,109
Our little cat, Denny's.
83
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,377
Oh, dude, check it out.
84
00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:38,156
Meth. Okay, we're doing it.
85
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:39,418
I'm actually kind of excited.
86
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,084
I've always wanted to... To have a taste.
87
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,560
But I don't want to lose me to it.
88
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,493
What? No, dude, this is wine.
Wine aerator, right?
89
00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:48,966
But, like, I put like seven of them
in the whole thing, so, like,
90
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,433
basically, it gets super aerated.
91
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,667
That way, the classy chicks
we bring back here to drink it,
92
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,141
they'll be drippin' for a sippin'.
93
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,877
They're probably gonna be warmed up
from my aggressive surprise kisses.
94
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:00,935
- Exactly.
- Right?
95
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,982
JILLIAN: Hey, guys. You got it?
BLAKE: Uh-oh.
96
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:04,710
Hey, ho, cat in the dog house.
97
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:06,376
Check it out. (GRUNTS)
98
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,317
- Wow. What's that big, dumb, stupid thing?
- Yeah.
99
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,878
Mommy made a... Made a cat tower.
100
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:12,447
Yeah, and we've decided that this is
officially Denny's home.
101
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,390
- (EXHALES)
- So you'll be seeing a lot more of me.
102
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:15,688
Where are the keys? (CHUCKLES)
103
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,787
I don't know how to feel about that.
104
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,991
- But beer for my buddy.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES)
105
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,693
- Thanks, dude.
- Hit that there.
106
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:22,962
Pipe it up with my amigos.
107
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,094
Oh, wow.
108
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:27,901
Does daddy think it's a good idea
to smoke in front of Denny's?
109
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,534
Uh, yeah, actually, you know what?
110
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:31,975
- I'm good off that.
- For real?
111
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,138
Yeah, I'm gonna pass on grass tonight.
112
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,269
(BLAKE AND JILLIAN CHUCKLE)
113
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:37,449
- We are gonna go out though, right?
- Right?
114
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:40,012
BLAKE: Right.
115
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,350
You don't care, right?
116
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:43,913
JILLIAN: Oh, me?
117
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:47,456
No, go have fun with
Unkie Adam and Unkie Ders.
118
00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:49,427
- (CHUCKLES)
- Unkie Adam and Unkie Ders. I like that.
119
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:50,962
- ADAM: All right!
- (CHUCKLES) All right!
120
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,395
- (LAUGHTER)
- Meow!
121
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:53,989
- BLAKE: I need this, man.
- Meow!
122
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,666
- Bye, cat!
- (LAUGHING)
123
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,135
All right, bye, sweetie.
124
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:00,536
Okay, sweet dreams.
You have fun with mommy, all right?
125
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:01,699
- Be good.
- Hey...
126
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:02,763
(MOUTHING)
127
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:08,177
DERS: Oh, let's do this.
128
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,977
- Pardon me.
- ADAM: Oh, and excuse me.
129
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:11,573
Hello, bartender,
130
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,584
I would like a glass
of your smoothest red wine.
131
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:15,845
How about a cab'?
132
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:19,318
Uh, I just got here in my own car.
133
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:21,326
So I'll pass on the taxi
and take that red wine, thanks.
134
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:24,156
You believe this prick? Crazy, right?
135
00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:30,891
Yeah.
136
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:32,898
What's up?
137
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:35,370
- No.
- I find you attractive.
138
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:37,233
- I do, and that's just a fact.
- (SIGHS)
139
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:38,436
Do you find me attractive?
140
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:39,533
Nope.
141
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,271
Surprise kiss.
142
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,911
- (GROANS) Oh. I think you broke my nose.
- Okay.
143
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,644
But I think, uh, if you
guys tasted a little wine,
144
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,382
you might be... Okay, all right.
145
00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:51,879
Dude, any luck?
146
00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:53,456
No, zero.
147
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,489
Yeah. They're definitely not a classy crowd.
148
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:58,021
Look at this.
149
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:01,596
ADAM: Oh, my, that dirty dog.
BLAKE: What?
150
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,693
BLAKE: Then I pull out
her little can of cat food,
151
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,601
and she makes this face at me.
152
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:07,673
- Aah!
- (LAUGHS)
153
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:09,401
- (WOMEN WHIMPER)
- BLAKE: Yeah, I know.
154
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,636
And I'm like, "Did I rescue her,
155
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,702
"or did she rescue me?" You know?
156
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,907
- Aw, yes.
- GIRL: That's so philosophical.
157
00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:18,313
She has the sweetest little face.
158
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:19,817
- Doesn't she?
- That goofy tongue
159
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,547
isn't the cutest thing I've ever seen.
160
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:22,914
- BLAKE: Okay.
- Okay.
161
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,149
- Watch out.
- Talking about the cat.
162
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,815
I'm about to aggressively kiss
a girl by surprise.
163
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,019
Wait, no, no. Hang on, hang on.
164
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,856
- BLAKE: I'm in love, yeah.
- That's adorable.
165
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,897
Hey, well, if you guys
wanna meet that darn cat,
166
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:33,295
why don't you just come back to our place?
167
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,355
We're his roommates.
168
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:35,526
Really? (GASPS)
169
00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:37,736
Uh...
170
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:38,926
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
171
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:40,232
Heck, yeah. Sure, we could...
172
00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:42,035
- We could probably wake her up and say hi.
- (WOMEN SQUEAL)
173
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,666
- BLAKE: Sure, yeah.
- Yeah!
174
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,437
WOMAN: So cool!
175
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:48,005
Welcome to my house.
176
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:50,515
Hey, look at the time.
It's already wine-thirty.
177
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:51,982
(CHUCKLES) Wine-thirty.
178
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:54,542
You guys are just...
I'd say, about eight minutes away
179
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:59,023
from drinking the smoothest
2014 Brose Mangria you ever had.
180
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,822
- Here we go.
- Oh, look at it go!
181
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,556
Where's that cat?
I'm not dying to meet it or anything.
182
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:05,790
- (CHUCKLES)
- Can we wake her up?
183
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:06,889
Um...
184
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,564
It's a miracle you haven't already.
185
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:10,829
- (GASPS)
- Jillian. Hey, mommy.
186
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,370
Don't you "hey, Mommy" me, Daddy,
187
00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:14,329
barging in here with these whores
188
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,773
like the beginning of some crude stag film,
189
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,843
just ten feet away from
where your cat sleeps!
190
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,378
- Okay.
- Oh, hey, hey!
191
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:23,609
We heard all about Denny's
and we just wanted to meet her.
192
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:24,945
- (MOCKING ACCENT) Oh, did you?
- Yeah.
193
00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:26,211
Did you hear about Denny's?
194
00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:27,411
(NORMAL VOICE) Do you have any cats?
195
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,045
- I... No.
- No, I didn't think so.
196
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:31,122
Because if you did,
you wouldn't be dressed like sluts
197
00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:33,249
and following home strange men
to pound Mangria.
198
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,953
Blake, can I see you
in the kitchen for a moment?
199
00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:36,460
Mmm-hmm, yup.
200
00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:38,324
- We're not strange.
- Yeah, we're very non-strange.
201
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,765
By the way, we are just minutes away
from the Mangria, ladies.
202
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,769
Yeah, so, you know, we didn't wake her up.
203
00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:46,702
- And I didn't think it was that...
- Yeah, that's right, Blake.
204
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:47,933
You didn't think.
205
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,336
Denny's was left for dead in a dumpster,
206
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,571
and you didn't think that maybe you shouldn't
207
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:55,409
abandon her on the first night
of being her daddy?
208
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:59,008
(CHUCKLING) Hey, I mean, I just figured,
you know, you're such a good mommy...
209
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,416
Don't you patronize me!
210
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,818
(ANGRILY) Okay, how would I patronize you
211
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:05,517
when I don't even know what that means?
212
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,316
Okay? (STAMMERS)
213
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:09,694
What do you want from me?
214
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,026
I want you to be a good daddy,
215
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,931
not some whore-mongering night owl!
216
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,969
Hey! All right, at least those...
217
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:20,197
(SOFTLY) Whores aren't crazy.
218
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,264
Oh! Oh, that's right!
219
00:07:22,341 --> 00:07:23,808
Because I am crazy, right?
220
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,104
- Oh, yeah!
- Okay, yeah, 'cause I'm crazy.
221
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,271
- You know what? I'll show you crazy!
- Yeah, oh, what you gonna do?
222
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:28,904
BLAKE: Oh, yeah!
223
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:32,439
No, no, no!
Throw 'em all over the place, Jillian!
224
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,247
You frickin' psycho!
225
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,914
Don't you throw the nice plastic plates!
226
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:38,718
Denny's! Because she needs one!
227
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,123
There's one from Anders's birthday! Okay?
228
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,693
BLAKE: No, let me help ya!
229
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,127
- Let me help ya!
- You want to help me?
230
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,290
- That's fine!
- Just throw 'em all over the place,
231
00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:49,163
'cause I work at a goddamned dead-end job!
232
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:53,102
I got the shortest straw, didn't I,
when I got you?
233
00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:55,704
- You're throwing plates!
- (CRYING)
234
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:58,300
- (CAT MEOWS)
- She's awake now.
235
00:07:58,377 --> 00:08:00,504
- Denny's! Denny's!
- Oh, come on!
236
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,343
Oh, come on!
237
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:03,404
Oh, God, we should go.
238
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,043
Wait, no, no, guys.
Just, like, five more minutes on the wine.
239
00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:07,107
- Surprise kiss!
- (SCREAMS)
240
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,086
- You... God!
- Oh, fuck.
241
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,587
- All right, see ya at the bar, maybe, next time.
- ADAM: Sorry.
242
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:12,885
Too aggressive?
243
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:14,452
I don't think so.
244
00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:15,824
JILLIAN: That's my point.
You're never here.
245
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,260
Oh, come on!
246
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,763
I have one cat,
247
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,662
and now I can't leave the fricking house?
248
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:23,201
You wanna know how many dinners
I had with my pops?
249
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:27,296
Nada, zero, zilch, nothing, okay?
250
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:30,467
And I didn't turn out to be a...
Any, uh, degenerate.
251
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:32,010
Keep telling yourself that, Blake.
252
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,037
Say good-bye to Daddy.
253
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,208
Fine! Go!
254
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:39,740
I don't care, actually, at all!
255
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:41,150
(CRYING) Oh, God.
256
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,246
Oh, great, great.
257
00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:45,153
DERS: You know what?
Forget about that cat, okay?
258
00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:47,852
No, actually, don't forget about it,
259
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:51,294
because you are its daddy
and it is a little baby.
260
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:53,261
- So go frickin' save your baby, Blake.
- Mmm-hmm.
261
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:54,526
- Go.
- Mm-hmm, okay.
262
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,692
- Go save the baby.
- All right, yeah.
263
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,497
- What are you doing? This cat is problems.
- Hell, yeah.
264
00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:59,060
- It's trouble.
- What is wrong with you?
265
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,230
You almost blew it.
266
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:03,536
The only reason that we had
those chicks over at our house
267
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:05,804
was that cat, 'cause chicks love animals.
268
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,642
They love animals
even more than they love surprise kisses.
269
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,943
- Mm-hmm.
- So this is the angle, right?
270
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:12,109
Yeah, okay.
271
00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:14,550
So last night, I was drunk.
272
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,053
I said some things.
273
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:19,091
It was stupid. I didn't mean it, all right?
274
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:20,989
- I don't hate you, Blake.
- Okay.
275
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,584
And I don't want Denny's to hate you,
276
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,562
which is why I think
we should do a joint custody.
277
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,723
I get her on the weekdays.
You get the weekends.
278
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,027
- Yes.
- Great.
279
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,534
Um, but actually, it's Friday.
280
00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:33,265
So that's kind of, like, technically,
the start of the weekend. So...
281
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,567
- I didn't think about that.
- Yeah.
282
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,868
Here's her stuff.
283
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,569
- Uh, these are her toys.
- Yeah.
284
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,736
- And this is her catnip.
- I know.
285
00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:41,541
- Carry it around at all times.
- Yeah.
286
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,912
Oh, and she only eats off of her Frisbee.
287
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,917
- (CHUCKLING) It's the craziest thing.
- Yeah, I know!
288
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,676
Okay, I... I know.
I know she eats off a Frisbee, yes.
289
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:49,914
I know my...
290
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,923
- Everything okay here?
- Yeah.
291
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,891
Everything's cool, Bill. Thanks.
292
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,082
She's with daddy now,
293
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:56,594
and I know how to take care of her.
294
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,052
Bye, Daddy.
295
00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:01,333
Ow! Gosh, you got a nerve.
296
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:02,794
No, go harder.
297
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,329
Work it out, betch.
298
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,837
(BEATBOXING)
299
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:07,895
Harder.
300
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,003
(BEATBOXING)
301
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,212
- Welcome to our house. Come on inside.
- Hey.
302
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,374
Wine is inside.
303
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,385
Okay, this party is popping. What's going on?
304
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:22,579
Yeah, it's kind of crazy.
305
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,680
Way more people than I was expecting.
306
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:25,985
- I don't know.
- WOMAN: Hey.
307
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:28,083
- Hey.
- Where's the free cocaine from the flyer?
308
00:10:28,327 --> 00:10:30,124
Wow, weird. "Free cocaine"? It does say that.
309
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,629
That is weird. I've never seen this before.
310
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:32,755
I don't know anything about that.
311
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,528
But I do know that there's about to be
a falcon debut
312
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:39,435
happening in a few.
I'm a falconer, so that's exciting.
313
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:41,097
Hmm, I'm sorry to be a wet blanket here.
314
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,971
Uh, I don't know if this is
the best environment
315
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,806
to be raising a cat.
316
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,907
Denny's is a chick magnet,
317
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,710
just like my falcon
is about to be a chick magnet.
318
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,648
Ders, you better get
a bunny wabbit or something,
319
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:53,980
or you're gonna be sniffing on butt steaks.
320
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,283
I wouldn't worry about me, guys.
321
00:10:56,355 --> 00:10:57,652
I think I'm gonna have some dumb girl
322
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:59,315
wrapped around my pinky in no time.
323
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,859
- (ADAM CHUCKLES)
- DERS: Because...
324
00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:03,918
while you guys are fighting
over some animal-lover girls,
325
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,298
I'm gonna track down me
a little animal hater.
326
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:08,492
- (CAT MEOWS)
- Oh.
327
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,057
That's right.
I'm calling it "counter ho-gramming."
328
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,095
ADAM: That is hella good angle,
329
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,502
and I want to congratulate you
330
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:14,903
and wish you the best of luck,
in all seriousness.
331
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,271
- Thanks.
- Boom and hello.
332
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,832
- BOTH: Muah!
- (SPITS)
333
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:20,003
- I don't like that we still do that.
- We don't have to do that.
334
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:21,068
We don't have to.
335
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:25,078
Whoa! (CHUCKLES) Nice shot, sista.
336
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:27,619
Hey, what do you guys say
we liven this game up,
337
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,212
drop in a real, live gerbil, kill it?
338
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,587
Right? Spinnies!
339
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,159
(CHUCKLES)
340
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:36,419
No? Okay.
341
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,629
Well, be sure and try the Mangria.
342
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,687
It's pretty tasty.
343
00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:41,697
- Hey.
- (GASPS)
344
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,166
That wasn't such a bad idea.
345
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,302
- (WHISPERS) The gerbil.
- Oh. Oh!
346
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,601
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks.
You thought it was pretty funny?
347
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:48,935
I thought it was hilarious.
348
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:50,803
I love terrorizing animals.
349
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:51,865
Ooh.
350
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,602
Do you want to come back to my place?
351
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,146
Got a couple of tied-down raccoons
352
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:56,579
that we can bash in with hammers.
353
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:58,976
- (CHUCKLES)
- Unless you're a knife guy.
354
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:02,020
- Uh...
- Oh, you're a knife guy. I knew it.
355
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:03,885
Oh, just do me already.
356
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:05,179
I want to.
357
00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:08,283
Hear ye! Hear ye, animal lovers!
358
00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:13,530
Prepare yourself for the debut
of my pet falcon!
359
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,558
Okay, cool, you're listening.
360
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:18,762
I love animals.
361
00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:20,835
They mean so much to me.
362
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:24,433
So I would like to introduce to all of you,
363
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:25,737
my beloved...
364
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:28,605
Beth!
365
00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:32,106
Real falcon. I Just... I Amazon Primed her.
366
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,617
Turns out you can get...
Get animals on there.
367
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:37,986
For Beth's first trick,
she shall fly through the kitchen,
368
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:40,355
back to me, her master,
369
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:43,826
Adam "the animal lover" DeMamp.
370
00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:45,587
- Fly, Beth! Fly!
- (FALCON SCREECHES)
371
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:48,132
- Oh! Okay.
- (CROWD GASPS)
372
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,628
So now... She's... she'll be fine.
She's gonna come back.
373
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:51,795
Did she poop on you?
374
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,463
Uh, that... That's okay.
375
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,302
I trained her to do such.
376
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:56,466
Beth?
377
00:12:56,976 --> 00:13:00,036
(MIMICS BIRD SCREECHING)
378
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,477
Den... Denny's?
379
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:02,809
That's really cool. That's awesome.
380
00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:04,481
I went to Tanzania last summer.
381
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:05,881
- Oh, wow.
- And I shot a rhino,
382
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:06,940
and I sawed its horn off.
383
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,185
God, it was so hot.
384
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,449
Yeah.
385
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,816
- I still have the horn.
- Mm-hmm.
386
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,960
- I'd love to peg you with it.
- Oh.
387
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:18,428
But first I wanna kill something
and get really hot, you know?
388
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:19,862
- (PHONE BEEPS)
- DERS: Yeah, oh, of course I know.
389
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:23,459
One time, I spit on this pigeon's face,
390
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,094
and then I got a little boner...
391
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:26,968
Big boner... Pretty big boner.
392
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:28,267
Ooh, I know.
393
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:29,864
Let's kill your friend's cat.
394
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:31,307
Oh, Denny's? Oh...
395
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,470
I'll go get you a knife, knife guy.
396
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:36,306
And you just get ready
to give me that lap dagger.
397
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,577
- (GROANS)
- I'm talking about your dick.
398
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,448
(STRAINED VOICE) Yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT) I know.
399
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:41,577
I know. You grabbed it.
400
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,178
Excuse me, I have a baby coming through.
401
00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:44,449
Excuse me.
402
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:47,185
Okay, just put you right to bed.
403
00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:48,954
Oh, you had me worried sick.
404
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:51,258
This party's a little too crazy, huh?
405
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,298
Oh, no, no, no. No weed.
406
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,488
Here you go, here.
407
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,159
Yeah, have your catnip, okay?
408
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:58,100
Daddy's gonna go party, all right?
409
00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,931
He's gonna go get twisted!
410
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:01,671
BLAKE: (SIGHING) Okay, Oh.
411
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,368
Oh, my gosh, I am ready to party.
412
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:06,638
Serve my man up
with some of that indo, my dude.
413
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,304
Oh, I need it.
414
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,606
I'm stressing.
415
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,081
- I thought I was your man?
- (BLAKE SIGHS)
416
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:14,509
No, no, no. You're my dude,
Blake's my man.
417
00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:16,285
(COUGHS)
418
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,554
- Dude...
- Sticky, right?
419
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:19,852
BLAKE: What the hell is this, man?
420
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:22,416
It tastes like Swamp Thing's dingleberries.
421
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,223
Really? I kind of like it.
422
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,289
Whatever, it was free.
It was just sitting there, so...
423
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,389
Huh?
424
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,763
- No.
- ADAM: Finders keepers, losers weepers.
425
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:32,732
Adam, this is, um...
426
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:34,127
This is catnip.
427
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:36,063
That's like the weed name? Like a...
428
00:14:36,141 --> 00:14:38,132
No, I think it's actual catnip.
429
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:41,809
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
430
00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:43,308
No! No!
431
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:46,509
- (GASPS)
- (CAT GROANS)
432
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:47,708
(SCREAMS)
433
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,413
(BEATBOXING)
434
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:57,025
(BEATBOXING)
435
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,225
- Where are they?
- DERS: They're right there.
436
00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:02,459
(ANGRILY) Where are they?
437
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:03,794
And it's not all Blake's fault, by the way.
438
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,895
Wait, are you boinking Bill?
439
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:09,769
Grow up.
(WHISPERS) Yes.
440
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,742
She's alive, barely.
441
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:14,212
Everybody, please back up.
442
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,472
I said get back, get back,
get back, get back, get back!
443
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:19,244
Go! Go! Butts to the wall!
444
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:23,311
(SIGHS) Dear Lord,
bless these fingers once more.
445
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,647
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
446
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,059
- (CAT RETCHES)
- Whoa!
447
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,153
- (PEOPLE GASP)
- Ew!
448
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:32,629
- There's my girl.
- Dude.
449
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:34,689
There she is.
Old-fashioned stomach pump.
450
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,257
- You're nasty.
- (LAUGHING)
451
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:37,996
Oh, thank God, Denny's, you're all right.
452
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:39,503
- You stay back, Blake!
- Whoa!
453
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,839
(SNIFFS)
454
00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,238
Are you high right now?
455
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:44,367
No, no, no, no, no.
456
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,707
You're smelling catnip.
I smoked, uh, catnip.
457
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:48,643
I can't feel nothing.
458
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:50,041
ADAM: That cannot be true.
459
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:52,544
I'm smoking it right now, and I am...
460
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,176
(IMITATES ROCKET LIFT-OFF)
461
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,920
And this asshole hates animals.
462
00:15:58,023 --> 00:16:01,049
DERS: (ON RECORDING)
One time, I spit on this pigeon's face,
463
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:02,559
and then I got a little boner.
464
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,186
- (ALL GASP)
- No, I didn't! I didn't!
465
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:06,026
It was a big boner.
I don't have a little boner.
466
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:07,565
So that's how you know it didn't happen.
467
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,158
Did your "counter ho-gramming"
go as planned,
468
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:11,600
you chauvinist pig?
469
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:13,533
Asshole!
470
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:16,073
- This party sucks.
- So you were never...
471
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:18,242
This is who you surround my kitty with?
472
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,744
Nip-smokers and a pigeon-fucker?
473
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,140
Did you fuck a pigeon?
474
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:25,342
You will never see her again, Blake.
475
00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:26,850
Say good-bye to Daddy.
476
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,011
Oh, wait. Hold up.
477
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:29,577
Bill, warm up the car.
478
00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:31,315
What else do you want me to warm up?
479
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,419
- We talk like that now.
- Come on, wait.
480
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,619
- Nice, dude.
- Hold up. Ders, what?
481
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,685
No, I didn't... why... No, I spit.
482
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:38,991
Jillian! Hey, hey, no, no, no, no.
483
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:40,326
You can't do this.
484
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:41,889
Like, legally, you can't do that.
485
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,265
Oh, really?
You want me to call the cops, Blake?
486
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,461
- Is that what you want?
- No, what... we don't snitch.
487
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:49,505
Look, Blake, you're a good guy,
488
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:50,803
but you're a shitty daddy.
489
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,405
- (CAT MEOWS SOFTLY)
- I know, honey.
490
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:54,838
Come on, Bill.
491
00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:57,177
Hey, man, forget her.
Forget the cat, right?
492
00:16:57,649 --> 00:17:00,482
Why don't we go inside, work some angles,
493
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,042
drink a little vino?
494
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,747
Yeah!
495
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:07,792
Whoo! Cat's gone!
496
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,157
(INTENSE TECHNO MUSIC)
497
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:11,856
Let's get loose!
Thanks, brother.
498
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:13,055
Oh...
499
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:17,163
Okay, no, that's... (BELCHES)
500
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:18,396
That's cigarette butts.
501
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:19,767
- Want some?
- Nah, I'm okay.
502
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,738
Your loss. Oh, that looks like a really
503
00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,365
good year man, doesn't it?
504
00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:26,673
Huh? Huh? Yeah!
505
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,547
- Hey, you broke my aerator.
- Now we're having fun!
506
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,549
Come on! Turn the music up, bud!
507
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:32,810
What we got over here?
508
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,682
Ooh, a Merlot, vino.
509
00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:36,343
Ders, you like that, huh?
510
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:38,151
Oh, big old stout.
511
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,052
Fancy Feast.
512
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:44,424
(SOMBER MUSIC)
513
00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:46,088
Tender Turkey Primavera.
514
00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:48,791
Hey, um, look, Blake,
515
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:50,391
we're gonna get your cat Denny's back.
516
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:54,098
Yeah, and not because it
was a total pussy magnet,
517
00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:55,740
- which it was.
- Totally.
518
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:57,774
- But because you loved it.
- Yeah.
519
00:17:58,143 --> 00:17:59,440
Daddy.
520
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:01,943
Actually, it's kind of
creepy when you say it.
521
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,110
Okay, so here's the deal.
522
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:05,775
We go in, we grab Denny's, and then,
523
00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:08,342
when she grows up to be, like,
a lion or a tiger or a liger
524
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,012
or whatever she is, she'll
be all yours, right?
525
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,555
That's not how cats work, but yes.
526
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:12,954
- He's right.
- Really?
527
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,253
Also, we're gonna make it
528
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:15,554
look like she just ran away, all right?
529
00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:17,561
I got some paint, marshmallow paw prints.
530
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:20,058
- Cool, I mean, That's very cute.
- Yeah, thank you.
531
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,393
Okay, thanks, guys. I appreciate it.
532
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:28,033
BLAKE: Ow, you're up
my butthole, dude.
533
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,574
ADAM: I'm sorry.
534
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,700
- Okay, she's sleeping.
- Shh.
535
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,472
Go get your girl, boy.
536
00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:35,137
- Go get her.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
537
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:36,579
(FALCON SCREECHES)
538
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:39,248
- Oh, my God.
- No, it's Beth.
539
00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,148
Oh, I'm so good at fricking birding.
540
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,448
- No.
- Watch this.
541
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,885
- Beth, come to me.
- (FALCON SCREECHES)
542
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:45,946
- Beth?
- No!
543
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:47,491
- (BONES SNAP)
- (ALL SCREAM)
544
00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:49,186
- BOTH: No!
- Shh!
545
00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:51,024
JILLIAN: Who's out there?
BOTH: Shh!
546
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:52,859
- JILLIAN: What's going on?
- Go, go, go, go, go, go.
547
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:54,296
- Go, go, go.
- JILLIAN: Hey, who's out there?
548
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,297
(BEATBOXING)
549
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,007
(BEATBOXING)
550
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,778
- Um, hey, uh...
- Hey.
551
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:11,338
Uh, I just want you to know
that I'm a bad daddy.
552
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,008
I'm also a bad mommy.
553
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,515
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
554
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:16,849
That's... that's not true at all.
555
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:20,016
- Uh-huh. It is true.
- No, no, no.
556
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,627
After I left your house
on Friday with Denny's,
557
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:25,219
I was driving and texting.
558
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:26,525
DERS: That's okay.
BLAKE: Yeah.
559
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:28,623
I ran a stoplight, slammed on the brakes,
560
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,099
and Denny's flew into the windshield.
561
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,364
Wham! Died on impact.
562
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,403
Wait, so she was dead?
563
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,702
Or is... she is... she is currently dead?
564
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,209
That's good to know. Okay.
565
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:40,472
But that's not all.
566
00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,946
I laid Denny's out that night
to bury in the morning.
567
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,141
And in the middle of the night,
568
00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:45,706
I woke up to a screech.
569
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:48,014
And I'm not talking about Dustin Diamond.
570
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:50,816
Now it flew off before I
got a good look at it,
571
00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,948
but then I found paw prints
outside my apartment,
572
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,253
and it was then that I knew.
573
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:55,623
- Paw prints.
- Hmm.
574
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,423
- Wait, knew what?
- Duh.
575
00:19:57,496 --> 00:20:00,192
That a young griffin
had broken into my apartment
576
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:01,562
and eaten our cat's corpse.
577
00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:03,362
- Yes, a griffin.
- Yeah.
578
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,397
The legendary creature that has
the body of a lion and the head
579
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:08,268
- and wings of a falcon.
- ALL: Yeah.
580
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:09,364
- Man, really?
- I mean,
581
00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:10,806
there's no other possibility.
582
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,741
There's literally no other possibility.
583
00:20:12,811 --> 00:20:15,279
It couldn't... it wouldn't be,
like, my pet hawk or anything.
584
00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,474
Shh... sure couldn't be that.
585
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,941
Hey, Blake, I was hoping
we could put all the bad stuff
586
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:23,784
behind us and have a burial... together.
587
00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:27,221
I'd like that... Mommy.
588
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,191
Thanks... Daddy-o.
589
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,729
(SOMBER MUSIC)
590
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:34,061
Good-bye, little angel.
591
00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:35,827
I'll freakin' miss you, you jerk.
592
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:40,064
Magic!
593
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,465
She sure was.
594
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:44,907
(HAWK SCREECHES)
595
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,137
Ah, a griffin!
596
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:47,473
Go away, go away, go away!
597
00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:52,850
Nope, that's just a hawk
I've never met before.
598
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,046
I think I'll name her Beth.
599
00:20:56,121 --> 00:20:57,520
- (HAWK SCREECHES)
- Oh!
600
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:58,715
Ohh...
601
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:01,484
Nice.
602
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,118
Nice!
603
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:08,622
I'm beginning to think
maybe it's your attitude
604
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,100
- that sucks balls.
- Fuck you guys, man.
605
00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:12,636
- There's the door.
- Yeah, you want some of this?
606
00:21:12,704 --> 00:21:14,296
There's the door.
607
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:15,670
- Get outta here!
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
608
00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:17,072
Did you swing at him?
609
00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:19,872
- Oh! Oh! Dude!
- You got in a fight, dude!
610
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,072
I scared the shit out of that dude!
611
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:33,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll