1 00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:33,860 Here he is! 2 00:00:34,460 --> 00:00:36,460 - Have you forgotten? - Forgotten what? 3 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,820 - The mountain. - Course I ain't forgotten. 4 00:00:38,860 --> 00:00:40,860 You and me up Brokeback Mountain. 5 00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:45,420 You haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, have you? 6 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:48,180 - No. How did you know that? - Just a guess. 7 00:00:49,460 --> 00:00:52,820 - You're not going to climb Benidorm's tallest mountain like that? - No. 8 00:00:52,860 --> 00:00:54,860 I'm gonna climb it like this. 9 00:00:58,660 --> 00:01:01,940 Seriously, though, you're gonna go up a mountain in just flip-flops? 10 00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:04,980 Course I'm not gonna go up the mountain in just flip-flops! 11 00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:07,020 OK. Good. 12 00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,540 Right. Let's do this! 13 00:01:11,580 --> 00:01:14,020 Mate, we're gonna be out in the sun all day long. 14 00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:16,660 We need food, sun cream. You need a T-shirt. 15 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,780 Mate, we ain't going up there for a picnic. 16 00:01:18,820 --> 00:01:20,580 It's us against Mother Nature. 17 00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:23,020 We is gonna be like Barbeque Grills. 18 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:24,900 Do you mean Bear Grylls? 19 00:01:24,940 --> 00:01:27,660 - I don't know. - I'm serious. 20 00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:30,820 We need proper clothing, a bit of food and plenty of water. 21 00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:33,700 Go and get dressed. I'll nick some grub from the breakfast bar 22 00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:35,380 and you get the aguas in. 23 00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:38,420 Is that a problem? 24 00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:41,260 Nah, mate, no problem. 25 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,140 You get the food. 26 00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:44,820 I'll get the aguas in. 27 00:01:44,860 --> 00:01:47,900 All right, sweet. See you in reception in ten minutes. 28 00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:49,940 Cool. Tige, remember... 29 00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:52,620 If you need me, call me, 30 00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:54,580 no matter where you are, 31 00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:56,500 no matter how far. 32 00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:58,180 What? 33 00:01:58,220 --> 00:02:00,220 Just call my name. 34 00:02:00,260 --> 00:02:01,980 I'll be there in a hurry. 35 00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:03,780 On that you can depend. 36 00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:05,820 And never worry. 37 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:10,740 ♪ Cos there ain't no mountain high enough 38 00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:14,180 ♪ Ain't no valley low enough 39 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:18,420 ♪ To keep me from getting to you-oo-oo! 40 00:02:18,460 --> 00:02:20,860 All I'm saying is 41 00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:24,020 don't mention anything about last night, son. 42 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:26,220 Don't mention anything? 43 00:02:26,260 --> 00:02:29,100 I thought we could say 44 00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:33,860 we've decided to go home early because I left the gas on. 45 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:37,540 Mother, if you'd left the gas on for three days, 46 00:02:37,580 --> 00:02:39,260 we'd have no home to go back to. 47 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:42,220 I just don't want to embarrass her. 48 00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:43,900 Embarrass HER? 49 00:02:43,940 --> 00:02:46,540 I was the one who had to peel her off that bloke at reception 50 00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:49,820 at four o'clock this morning singing Sexual Healing. 51 00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:52,860 - What were you singing that for? - Not me, HER! 52 00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,140 Here she comes. 53 00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:00,140 Good morning. 54 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,820 Didn't expect to see you till this afternoon. 55 00:03:02,860 --> 00:03:04,580 Why ever not? 56 00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:07,180 We may be on holiday, but that's no excuse for lethargy. 57 00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,700 It's no excuse for straddling the night porter 58 00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:11,700 while singing Marvin Gaye either. 59 00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:13,500 That's not fair, Pauline, 60 00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:15,260 not if he was gay. 61 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:19,700 I admit, it wasn't my finest hour. But let's not get carried away. 62 00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:23,100 A little holiday spirit is expected when one is on vacation. 63 00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:26,020 Yeah? You've drank more holiday spirit 64 00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:28,020 than the rest of the hotel put together. 65 00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,740 A momentary lapse. 66 00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,540 I can assure you I no longer have a drink problem. 67 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,220 No, love, 68 00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:38,460 it's everyone around you ends up with the problem. 69 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:42,860 I think we just have to admit you're not in the right place to enjoy Benidorm at the moment. 70 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,860 Well, where is the right place? 71 00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:49,500 No, I'm saying Pauline's not in the right space in her head. 72 00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,740 Well, that makes even less sense. 73 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:58,420 Pauline, Geoff and I have decided to cut the holiday short. 74 00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:01,460 If you're not enjoying yourselves, there's no point you staying. 75 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,300 - For ALL of us. - What? 76 00:04:04,340 --> 00:04:06,460 We're taking you home, Pauline. 77 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,260 For your own sake. 78 00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:10,300 Absolute rubbish. 79 00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:12,500 I'm just getting into my stride. 80 00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:16,300 Ah, yes, if you please? 81 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:20,060 One very small large vodka and orange and a... 82 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:23,380 Excuse me, where are you going? 83 00:04:23,420 --> 00:04:26,860 You, sir, have the manners of a armyard fanimal. 84 00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:30,380 A farmyard animal! 85 00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:33,500 Nobody will serve you, love. 86 00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:38,340 We're all going home. 87 00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:40,060 We can't go home. 88 00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:42,300 We're booked till the end of the week. 89 00:04:42,340 --> 00:04:45,580 - We've already changed the flights. - What? 90 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:47,620 To when? 91 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,460 When are we leaving? 92 00:04:58,100 --> 00:04:59,940 Go and pack your stuff, love. 93 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,340 Excuse me. 94 00:05:10,380 --> 00:05:13,700 You weren't thinking of taking THAT food out of the hotel, were you? 95 00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:18,300 No, I was just using this bag to carry everything back to my table. 96 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:20,780 Yes. 97 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:24,340 I'm afraid you're going to have to put everything back at once, thank you. 98 00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:26,380 Ah, but the thing is 99 00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:28,940 I'm climbing a mountain with my friend Joey today. 100 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:32,300 I don't care if you're digging a hole to China with David Yip. 101 00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:35,740 All food is to be consumed on the premises. 102 00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:46,820 Who's David Yip? 103 00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:54,340 Welcome to The Solana. How can I help? 104 00:05:54,380 --> 00:05:57,620 - Hola. I need your help. - That's why I'm here, pal. 105 00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:59,740 I am in great need 106 00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:01,580 of a man. 107 00:06:01,620 --> 00:06:03,300 Oh, I see. 108 00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:05,140 Well, it's a bit early, 109 00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:07,860 but you could always try the Pink Trombone in the Old Town. 110 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:11,900 Mind you, it doesn't get busy till they open the finger buffet at one o'clock. 111 00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:14,540 Listen to me. I look for a man here! 112 00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:21,540 I am sorry. I travel far. I am tired. 113 00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,500 Look, I'm not sure I can help you, pal. 114 00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:26,460 This man, he work here. 115 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,900 Oh, I see. Well, why didn't you say so? 116 00:06:28,940 --> 00:06:31,580 Well, if you describe him, I might know him. 117 00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:34,180 OK, he has 118 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:35,940 the black hair, 119 00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:38,140 tan for the skin and he is - 120 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,260 how you say? - 121 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,300 a simple man. 122 00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:44,780 Can you be a bit more specific? 123 00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:46,620 He is Spanish. 124 00:06:46,660 --> 00:06:49,500 Oh, well, that doesn't really narrow it down very much, pal. 125 00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:52,220 He has the name Mateo. 126 00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:54,020 Can I ask what this is about? 127 00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:58,540 I cannot say. It is a private matter between me and Mateo. 128 00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:02,060 Right. As entertaining as this has been, I've got work to do. 129 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:05,580 Why don't you go and wait at the pool bar through there? 130 00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:07,580 And I'll go and see if I can find Mateo. 131 00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:10,020 If you see him, 132 00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:13,380 you tell him it is a matter of life and death. 133 00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:15,340 Do you understand? 134 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:17,380 I think I do. 135 00:07:19,580 --> 00:07:21,380 Bloody hell. 136 00:07:24,660 --> 00:07:27,980 - There you go, one beer. - Thanks, love. 137 00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:31,100 Has anyone told you how pretty you are? 138 00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:32,860 No, you're the first one ever. 139 00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:35,620 You on the beers already? It's only ten o'clock. 140 00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:37,940 Is it? Thought it were later. 141 00:07:39,220 --> 00:07:41,220 - It's five to ten. - Oh, aye. 142 00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:47,420 Excuse me, love, just top that up with lemonade, will you? 143 00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:49,380 All the way to the top? 144 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:52,060 No, just a dash. Don't drown it. 145 00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:53,540 Dad, 146 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:55,540 me and Sheron have been talking. 147 00:07:55,580 --> 00:07:57,260 - Oh, aye? - Yeah. 148 00:07:57,300 --> 00:08:00,300 And I know she's been a bit resistant to the idea, 149 00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:03,780 but she's reconsidered and she's happy for you to move in with us. 150 00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:06,140 - Oh, she's seen the error of her ways, then? - Yeah. 151 00:08:06,180 --> 00:08:08,140 No, no! Don't say that in front of her. 152 00:08:08,180 --> 00:08:10,860 It takes a big woman to admit she were wrong. 153 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,500 I don't mean fat. I mean... 154 00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:15,620 Dad, for God's sake, don't mess this up. 155 00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:18,660 It were her that messed it up, telling me I couldn't live with you. 156 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:20,940 - There you go. - Thanks, love. 157 00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:25,820 There is one condition on you moving in. 158 00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:28,260 I knew the Ice Queen would thaw eventually. 159 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:31,220 No woman can resist the Dawson charm for very long. 160 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,980 Apart from lesbians. 161 00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:34,940 I'm not a magician. 162 00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:36,860 Dad, will you listen to me, please? 163 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:39,220 You don't know what this means to me, son. 164 00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:42,420 I can't bear the thought of living alone any more. 165 00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:44,940 I need a house full of life, 166 00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:46,740 full of love. 167 00:08:46,780 --> 00:08:48,460 I need my family back. 168 00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:52,780 Now, what were you saying about a condition? 169 00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:56,660 - Oh, it were nothing. - It must have been something. 170 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,540 No, no, it were just... erm... 171 00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:03,140 - No ladies after ten o'clock. - Not a problem. 172 00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:06,460 I'm more of an afternoon delight kind of man anyway. 173 00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:25,260 Please, Tige. 174 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:27,900 No more. Please, I can't take it. 175 00:09:27,940 --> 00:09:30,180 Mate, I can literally still see the bus. 176 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:34,460 Please, we need to rest. 177 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:36,300 I'm not an athlete. 178 00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:42,740 I can't feel my legs! Seriously. I'm not even joking. 179 00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:44,620 I can't feel anything in my legs. 180 00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:46,500 Ow! 181 00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,740 All right, I can feel a bit. 182 00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:51,220 Come on, what happened to us against Mother Nature? 183 00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:53,820 No offence, but Mother Nature's a bitch. 184 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,660 Come on! 185 00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,980 Would Barbeque Grills sit here moaning 186 00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:00,100 or would he climb the mountain? 187 00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:03,500 Oh, my God! There's a barbeque at the top? 188 00:10:03,540 --> 00:10:05,060 Now you're talking! 189 00:10:17,190 --> 00:10:20,190 Hey. Thanks for agreeing to wear the uniform, Kenneth. 190 00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:21,950 No worries. 191 00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:24,910 And thank you for letting me make a few adjustments. 192 00:10:26,070 --> 00:10:28,590 What did I say? It's all about compromise. 193 00:10:32,950 --> 00:10:34,710 Hi, Jacqueline. You all right? 194 00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:37,070 No. Well, yes. 195 00:10:37,110 --> 00:10:38,990 I've got a date tonight 196 00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,750 with a man. 197 00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:42,550 And I need your advice. 198 00:10:42,590 --> 00:10:44,590 Jacqueline, I don't mean to sound rude, 199 00:10:44,630 --> 00:10:47,230 but your experience with men is even greater than mine. 200 00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:50,430 - Who's the lucky fella? - Troy, for goodness sake, like we don't know. 201 00:10:50,470 --> 00:10:53,350 They were wrestling each other to the ground around that pool. 202 00:10:53,390 --> 00:10:55,230 No, we were not! 203 00:10:55,270 --> 00:10:57,710 He just rubbed a bit of suntan cream on my back. 204 00:10:57,750 --> 00:11:00,510 And in Neptune's he was rubbing the creases of his trousers, 205 00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:02,630 while you played with your bubble and squeak. 206 00:11:02,670 --> 00:11:05,470 I honestly can't remember - what does he look like? 207 00:11:05,510 --> 00:11:10,150 He looks a bit like a drunken, sunburnt Santa Claus on holiday. 208 00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:13,550 You'd better make sure you don't end up on his naughty list, eh? 209 00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:19,150 And make sure he wraps his present before he shoves down your chimney! 210 00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:22,150 What? 211 00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,790 Come on... 212 00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:47,030 Why aren't you answering your phone? 213 00:11:49,070 --> 00:11:51,910 - Is everything OK? - I am sleeping in the place I work. 214 00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:53,710 Of course everything is not OK. 215 00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:56,830 You've stayed here loads of times before. You never complained. 216 00:11:56,870 --> 00:11:59,350 Yeah, but that is when I am sleeping with a guest. 217 00:11:59,390 --> 00:12:02,150 It is different if you are paying for this rubbish yourself. 218 00:12:02,190 --> 00:12:03,830 Why don't you get a proper place? 219 00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:06,070 With what, Les, hm? 220 00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:07,870 My wife, she take everything. 221 00:12:07,910 --> 00:12:09,670 She leave me with nothing. 222 00:12:09,710 --> 00:12:12,070 Your shift's in half an hour, but I came to tell you - 223 00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:14,870 there's a Spanish fella downstairs looking for you. 224 00:12:14,910 --> 00:12:16,750 For me? What does he look like? 225 00:12:16,790 --> 00:12:19,470 Leather waistcoat, slick black hair, 226 00:12:19,510 --> 00:12:21,190 seemed quite aggressive. 227 00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:23,230 What did he say? 228 00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:26,510 He said he wants to see you and it's a matter of life and death. 229 00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:28,830 - Madre mia! - What's going on? 230 00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:32,190 Come in, Les. I tell you. I think the fan has finally hit on the shit. 231 00:12:35,910 --> 00:12:37,750 Mate, mate, can we stop? 232 00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,710 Oh, not again! We're stopping every five minutes. 233 00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:44,190 No, Tige, you don't understand. This time I need the toilet. 234 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,630 - Go on, then. - Well, where is it? 235 00:12:46,670 --> 00:12:48,470 Where's what? 236 00:12:48,510 --> 00:12:50,510 The toilet. 237 00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:55,270 You go straight up this path, and it's the first on your left. 238 00:12:55,310 --> 00:12:57,230 Cheers. 239 00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:02,070 Where are you going, you muppet? Just go anywhere! 240 00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,110 Oh, cool, yeah. Hang on a sec. 241 00:13:17,590 --> 00:13:19,470 What on earth do you think you're doing? 242 00:13:19,510 --> 00:13:22,190 Nothing major, bruv. Just having a slash. 243 00:13:22,230 --> 00:13:24,230 Did you actually take the time 244 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:26,910 to look at the place that you're fouling? 245 00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:29,550 Easy, mate, he ain't a dog. 246 00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:32,750 I'm not your mate. Look! 247 00:13:32,790 --> 00:13:35,870 This is the memorial plaque of the late Antonio Guardez. 248 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,190 The finest mountaineer in Spanish history. 249 00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:42,910 He can't be that great if he's late all the time. 250 00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:44,950 - Well said, bruv. - Thanks, Tige. 251 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,030 I'll wait until you've washed your hands. 252 00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:48,430 Fair point, bruv. 253 00:13:48,470 --> 00:13:50,510 It means he's dead. 254 00:13:50,550 --> 00:13:55,310 I will not have his memory soiled by a couple of execrable yahoos. 255 00:13:56,350 --> 00:13:58,550 I am the tourist liaison officer to Benidorm, 256 00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:02,110 and the amount of obnoxious, loutish behaviour 257 00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:04,990 for which I have to apologise is insurmountable. 258 00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:09,270 Why can't you just behave, you people, for once? 259 00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:11,950 We're climbing a mountain. We ain't hurting anyone. 260 00:14:11,990 --> 00:14:13,910 Well, I'm reporting you. 261 00:14:13,950 --> 00:14:17,270 Who to? The piss police? 262 00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:18,990 Come on, bruv, let's bounce. 263 00:14:19,030 --> 00:14:21,710 - We've got a mountain to climb. - Innit! 264 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,550 Wait there. I want both of your names. 265 00:14:24,870 --> 00:14:28,110 Where are you going? I am making a citizen's arrest. 266 00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:30,510 Come back here at once. 267 00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:37,590 That's him there. 268 00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:39,910 Hostia! It is him. 269 00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:41,870 Are you sure? You can't see his face. 270 00:14:41,910 --> 00:14:43,830 I do not need to see his face. 271 00:14:43,870 --> 00:14:46,830 This is my brother-in-law. People call him the Axeman. 272 00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:49,990 Why do they call him the Axeman? 273 00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:51,670 He is very excellent at the guitar. 274 00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:53,390 Oh. 275 00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:55,390 And once he killed a man with an axe. 276 00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:59,110 Bloody hell. But why is he after you? 277 00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:01,150 I brought shame on the family of my wife. 278 00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:03,030 This is why I moved to Madrid. 279 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:06,070 I thought I could slip back to Benidorm and lie on the low, 280 00:15:06,110 --> 00:15:08,190 but someone must have done a dirty on me. 281 00:15:08,230 --> 00:15:10,030 You got anywhere to go? 282 00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:12,070 No, I do not. 283 00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:14,390 But I must accept, 284 00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:17,350 now that Maria's family have caught up with me, 285 00:15:17,390 --> 00:15:19,590 this is now my life with the runs. 286 00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:21,750 I think you mean 'on the run'. 287 00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:25,110 Les, the man is an axe murderer. 288 00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:27,150 I know what I am saying. 289 00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:30,950 Hasta luego. 290 00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:40,150 Listen, Sheron. I just wanted to say thank you. 291 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,830 Oh, that's OK. 292 00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:45,030 You know, for finally coming to your senses. 293 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:48,430 We can all act a bit childishly from time to time, 294 00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:51,830 but it's nice to see you've decided to grow up a bit. 295 00:15:51,870 --> 00:15:53,830 I really appreciate it. 296 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,670 You're welcome, Eddie. 297 00:15:55,710 --> 00:15:58,270 And you're happy with the condition? 298 00:15:58,310 --> 00:16:01,230 I wouldn't say I'm happy, but I don't want to rock the boat. 299 00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:04,270 - Thank you. - Not after ten o'clock anyway! 300 00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:12,950 That's it. Nice one, Jodie. 301 00:16:12,990 --> 00:16:16,270 - You'll be swimming in no time. - Let go. I want to swim on my own. 302 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,310 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 303 00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:24,630 Hey! Amazing! 304 00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:26,390 Don't go too far! 305 00:16:26,430 --> 00:16:28,110 She's a natural! 306 00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:32,190 Yeah. The fact that she's wearing so many inflatables 307 00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:35,430 it would take a nuclear bomb to sink her has nothing to do with it. 308 00:16:35,470 --> 00:16:38,110 - Oh, can I get another lemonade? - Yeah, sure. 309 00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:43,710 Are you not on the beer like everyone else? 310 00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:45,390 No, I'm... 311 00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:48,230 - Under age? - Not a big drinker. 312 00:16:48,270 --> 00:16:51,030 - I'm 23. - Really? You don't look it. 313 00:16:51,070 --> 00:16:52,750 I say it's embarrassing, 314 00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:55,470 but my dad says I'll appreciate it in years to come. 315 00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:57,390 Cheers. 316 00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:59,590 So you're not on a big boozy Benidorm holiday? 317 00:16:59,630 --> 00:17:01,350 Nah, I can do that anytime. 318 00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:05,110 - I like spending time with my family. - That's nice. 319 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,790 - And you've got your little sister to look after. - Yeah. 320 00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:10,190 As you know, my grandad keeps trying to kill her, 321 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,230 so it keeps me on my toes. 322 00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,630 It was a joke. 323 00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:19,910 I didn't want to ask if she was your sister. 324 00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:21,630 Sounds nosey. 325 00:17:21,670 --> 00:17:24,230 Big age gap. She wasn't really planned, 326 00:17:24,270 --> 00:17:27,350 but sometimes life's little surprises 327 00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:29,430 turn out to be just what we're looking for. 328 00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:34,990 Hey, come back here, you! 329 00:17:58,550 --> 00:18:01,390 Breathe it in, Joey. Do you know what that is? 330 00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:04,270 It's either Ferrari or David Beckham. 331 00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:05,990 Eh? 332 00:18:06,030 --> 00:18:08,590 My aftershave - I can't remember which one I put on. 333 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,350 No, mate, 334 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,750 I am talking about the sweet smell of success. 335 00:18:12,790 --> 00:18:14,470 Oh, that! 336 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,510 Yeah, sweet as! 337 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,750 Right... 338 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:30,310 We've earned this. 339 00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:33,990 Is that all you got? 340 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:37,190 Sorry, man, they made me put back all the breakfast stuff. 341 00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:44,630 Mmm. Nice, good. 342 00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:49,030 Mmm. Mmm. 343 00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:54,150 Water. I need water. 344 00:18:54,190 --> 00:18:55,950 Yeah, go on, I'll have one as well. 345 00:18:55,990 --> 00:18:58,630 What do you mean 'go on'? You said you'd get the water. 346 00:18:58,670 --> 00:19:01,990 No, I didn't. I was getting the food. You were getting the water. 347 00:19:02,030 --> 00:19:05,390 No, you said you were getting the food and supplies. 348 00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:08,070 Bruv, I was supposed to get the food. 349 00:19:08,110 --> 00:19:10,750 I asked YOU to get the aguas in. 350 00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:12,790 Yeah, I got that. 351 00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:18,910 I got them from the chemist. 352 00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,070 Oh, my God. 353 00:19:22,110 --> 00:19:24,870 I assumed they were mountain climbing pills or something. 354 00:19:24,910 --> 00:19:26,790 Stop talking, Joey, please. 355 00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:29,310 Just stop talking. 356 00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:31,350 I need a little quiet time. 357 00:19:34,470 --> 00:19:36,470 Hang on, look! 358 00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:42,310 Mate, we're really sorry about earlier, 359 00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:45,510 but we've got no water. Please, can we borrow some of yours? 360 00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:47,910 So you can urinate on another hero's tomb? 361 00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:51,150 - Hardly think so. - Please, sir! We'll do anything. 362 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,270 Just one little drop of water! 363 00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:56,230 I've just done a whole bag of ready salted, and I'm like... 364 00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:04,550 Sorry, gentlemen, but if I help you now, you'll never learn, will you? 365 00:20:04,590 --> 00:20:07,670 Please, sir! Please, sir! Pleeeeeeaaasse! 366 00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:11,350 Good day. 367 00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:15,790 NO! 368 00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,610 To the first day of the rest of your life. 369 00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:41,810 Oh, I hope not. 370 00:20:41,850 --> 00:20:45,930 She had terrible cradle cap on the first day of her life. 371 00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:50,730 She looked like she'd been rubbed down with a yard brush. 372 00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:56,010 I don't mean that. What I mean is - it's a rebirth, a renaissance. 373 00:20:56,050 --> 00:20:59,170 You're not saying much, Pauline. 374 00:21:01,650 --> 00:21:03,650 That call I made in the taxi, 375 00:21:03,690 --> 00:21:05,610 it was to my sponsor. 376 00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:08,530 I didn't know you were being sponsored. 377 00:21:08,570 --> 00:21:10,570 Maybe we should've walked here. 378 00:21:12,050 --> 00:21:13,770 Not a sponsored walk. 379 00:21:13,810 --> 00:21:15,810 She's in a recovery programme. 380 00:21:16,410 --> 00:21:18,690 You're in a programme?! 381 00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:21,490 They've not been filming us, have they? 382 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,650 I'd have put a bit of lippy on. 383 00:21:23,690 --> 00:21:25,730 Oh, for God's sake! Is there any wonder 384 00:21:25,770 --> 00:21:27,610 I've been bulldozed into a relapse, 385 00:21:27,650 --> 00:21:30,730 listening to this unremitting gibberish all day?! 386 00:21:30,770 --> 00:21:33,530 I'm sorry, Pauline... 387 00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:37,050 I just get confused. 388 00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:39,290 No need to be sorry, Mam. 389 00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:42,690 If anyone has an apology to make, then it's Pauline. 390 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,930 As I was saying, 391 00:21:47,970 --> 00:21:50,450 I've spoken to my sponsor 392 00:21:50,490 --> 00:21:52,730 and she agrees that I shou... 393 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:55,250 WE should leave Benidorm. 394 00:21:56,450 --> 00:22:00,010 I have been reintroduced to my higher power 395 00:22:00,050 --> 00:22:03,090 and I would like you to know that I regret 396 00:22:03,130 --> 00:22:05,810 any harm or upset I may have caused 397 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:08,530 and hope we can move on. 398 00:22:10,210 --> 00:22:13,250 I'm that proud of you, Pauline. 399 00:22:15,530 --> 00:22:17,530 Excellent philosophy. 400 00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:19,650 One I subscribe to myself, actually. 401 00:22:20,530 --> 00:22:23,450 Once the tide has gone out, that ship has sailed. 402 00:22:25,290 --> 00:22:28,010 To moving forward, with all our lives. 403 00:22:37,970 --> 00:22:39,970 Hello, Geoff. 404 00:22:41,250 --> 00:22:43,250 Rubella! 405 00:22:45,770 --> 00:22:47,810 Hello, love. 406 00:22:47,850 --> 00:22:49,650 Fancy seeing you here. 407 00:23:06,290 --> 00:23:08,290 Er, excuse me. 408 00:23:08,330 --> 00:23:10,050 Where are you going? 409 00:23:10,090 --> 00:23:13,250 Sorry, Miss Temple-Savage. I tried to find you, 410 00:23:13,290 --> 00:23:16,090 but I need to go to the doctor's. 411 00:23:16,130 --> 00:23:18,130 Mateo! 412 00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:24,050 I have been lied to by men for most of my adult life. 413 00:23:25,090 --> 00:23:27,650 I can smell a rat a mile away. 414 00:23:27,690 --> 00:23:29,530 You can smell a rat one mile away?! 415 00:23:29,570 --> 00:23:32,130 - It's a saying. - Do you want me to move the rat, 416 00:23:32,170 --> 00:23:34,570 while I am at the doctor? - Get back to work. 417 00:23:34,610 --> 00:23:37,690 If you go out of that door, consider yourself sacked. 418 00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:40,370 Do you understand that? 419 00:23:41,290 --> 00:23:43,290 Yes, Miss Temple-Savage. 420 00:23:44,330 --> 00:23:46,330 Put your badge on. 421 00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:05,210 Come on, bruv, you're doing well. 422 00:24:05,250 --> 00:24:07,330 My mou... 423 00:24:07,370 --> 00:24:09,410 ...i... o... rye. 424 00:24:09,450 --> 00:24:12,090 I can't understand a word you're saying. 425 00:24:12,130 --> 00:24:14,090 Mah mou! 426 00:24:14,130 --> 00:24:16,170 Mah-mah? 427 00:24:16,210 --> 00:24:18,210 - What does that mean? - Not mah-mah! 428 00:24:18,530 --> 00:24:21,210 Mah mouh i... o... rye. 429 00:24:21,250 --> 00:24:24,130 Mate, I don't wanna keep talking. My mouth is really dry. 430 00:24:30,890 --> 00:24:32,730 Oh, my God! 431 00:24:32,770 --> 00:24:34,370 There's a rucksack on the ground. 432 00:24:34,410 --> 00:24:36,410 It might have water in it. 433 00:24:38,530 --> 00:24:40,610 It's one of those water bottle things! 434 00:24:42,610 --> 00:24:44,610 Here you go, bruv, you first. 435 00:24:47,610 --> 00:24:50,050 Oh, gee, that's better. 436 00:24:50,090 --> 00:24:51,850 There you go, mate. 437 00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:54,130 That's it, Tige. Get it down you, bruv. 438 00:24:54,170 --> 00:24:56,170 Ah! Ah! 439 00:24:58,010 --> 00:25:00,010 Hello? Hello? 440 00:25:01,370 --> 00:25:03,370 Is anyone there? 441 00:25:03,410 --> 00:25:06,530 I'm down here! Help! Help! 442 00:25:08,130 --> 00:25:10,650 Oh, thank goodness! Salvation. 443 00:25:13,090 --> 00:25:16,410 Could you get my rope? It's in the rucksack. 444 00:25:16,450 --> 00:25:19,410 I think I may have broken my ankle. 445 00:25:19,450 --> 00:25:21,210 You see the thing is 446 00:25:21,250 --> 00:25:24,210 if we help you now, you'll never learn, will you? 447 00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:26,290 Come on, Joey. 448 00:25:26,330 --> 00:25:28,130 Hang on a minute, bruv. 449 00:25:28,170 --> 00:25:30,970 All that water - I think I need another wee. 450 00:25:31,010 --> 00:25:32,770 Would you mind, bruv? 451 00:25:32,810 --> 00:25:35,010 Certainly. 452 00:25:35,050 --> 00:25:36,450 What? 453 00:25:36,490 --> 00:25:39,410 No! 454 00:25:39,450 --> 00:25:41,450 Jokes! 455 00:25:44,450 --> 00:25:46,250 ♪ My acres of a land 456 00:25:46,290 --> 00:25:48,170 ♪ That I've achieved 457 00:25:48,210 --> 00:25:49,930 ♪ It may be hard for you 458 00:25:49,970 --> 00:25:51,730 ♪ To stop and believe 459 00:25:51,770 --> 00:25:53,730 ♪ But for you, ooh 460 00:25:53,770 --> 00:25:55,770 ♪ You, ooh, I'd leave it all ♪ 461 00:26:02,130 --> 00:26:03,810 You're in a good mood. 462 00:26:03,850 --> 00:26:07,410 Well, I've got the sun, a good book, a cold drink, music. 463 00:26:07,450 --> 00:26:09,250 What else do I need? 464 00:26:09,290 --> 00:26:12,290 - I know why you're in a good mood. - Oh, yeah? Go on, then. 465 00:26:12,330 --> 00:26:14,850 Because you were talking to that girl. 466 00:26:14,890 --> 00:26:17,730 - Wahey! Go on, my son! - Shut up. 467 00:26:17,770 --> 00:26:20,930 - The girl at the bar? - We were just talking. 468 00:26:20,970 --> 00:26:23,930 Her name's Amber. She likes you. 469 00:26:24,930 --> 00:26:28,090 How do you know her name and how do you know she likes me? 470 00:26:28,130 --> 00:26:32,610 Because she's not daft. She takes after her mother. Don't you, darling? 471 00:26:32,650 --> 00:26:34,170 Nice one, Roberto! 472 00:26:34,210 --> 00:26:37,450 - Oh, can you all just shut up? - Well, that's a relief. 473 00:26:37,490 --> 00:26:39,970 - What is? - We all thought you were a bit... 474 00:26:40,010 --> 00:26:42,170 light in the loafers. 475 00:26:42,210 --> 00:26:44,170 - Light in my what? - All that reading, 476 00:26:44,210 --> 00:26:46,130 dying your hair, poncing about. 477 00:26:46,170 --> 00:26:48,490 I've never dyed my hair. 478 00:26:48,530 --> 00:26:51,130 You want to get in there like a rat up a drainpipe. 479 00:26:51,170 --> 00:26:54,090 Hang about, and that greasy Spaniard she works with 480 00:26:54,130 --> 00:26:56,650 will be going through her like a dose of salts. 481 00:26:56,690 --> 00:26:58,490 Oh! Do you mind?! 482 00:26:58,530 --> 00:27:00,570 I'm squiring a young lady this evening. 483 00:27:00,610 --> 00:27:04,130 - Maybe we could double-date. - You're doing what to a young lady? 484 00:27:04,170 --> 00:27:06,490 I haven't got a date. Just leave me alone. 485 00:27:07,730 --> 00:27:09,530 Now look what you've done! 486 00:27:12,170 --> 00:27:13,890 Who are you going on a date with? 487 00:27:13,930 --> 00:27:16,650 That old trollop he was rubbing sun cream into yesterday. 488 00:27:16,690 --> 00:27:18,770 I'm a single man, Sheron. 489 00:27:18,810 --> 00:27:21,050 I'll rub sun cream into whoever I like. 490 00:27:21,090 --> 00:27:22,730 Right. 491 00:27:22,770 --> 00:27:25,090 Time to syphon the python 492 00:27:25,130 --> 00:27:28,850 and then I'm going to get myself a bit of Dutch courage for tonight. 493 00:27:30,570 --> 00:27:34,610 You have told him about the condition of him staying with us, haven't you? 494 00:27:34,650 --> 00:27:36,650 Yes, of course I have. 495 00:27:48,890 --> 00:27:51,130 Are you feeling OK, mate? 496 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:53,170 For the last time, I am not your mate. 497 00:27:53,210 --> 00:27:55,290 And, no, I am far from OK. 498 00:27:55,330 --> 00:27:59,010 You imbeciles might as well have dragged me down the mountain by my rope. 499 00:27:59,050 --> 00:28:01,930 God knows the additional damage you've done to my ankle. 500 00:28:01,970 --> 00:28:04,330 Is this guy for real? 501 00:28:04,370 --> 00:28:07,370 Llevame al hospital... 502 00:28:07,410 --> 00:28:09,610 rapido rapido. 503 00:28:09,650 --> 00:28:11,330 Oh, careful. 504 00:28:11,370 --> 00:28:14,290 Oh, mister. Here you go. Take these. 505 00:28:14,330 --> 00:28:16,050 Why on earth would I take these? 506 00:28:16,090 --> 00:28:18,090 For the pain. 507 00:28:20,730 --> 00:28:22,610 Animals! Disgusting animals! 508 00:28:22,650 --> 00:28:24,690 Careful, careful. 509 00:28:24,730 --> 00:28:27,010 Cuidado. Poco poco. 510 00:28:30,650 --> 00:28:32,450 Why was she laughing at me? 511 00:28:34,290 --> 00:28:37,730 Cos it looks like you've bought the Spanish version of Viagra, mate. 512 00:28:37,770 --> 00:28:40,330 - What?! You are joking me! - Nope! 513 00:28:40,370 --> 00:28:42,930 I thought the guy in the chemist looked at me funny. 514 00:28:42,970 --> 00:28:44,450 I bought four boxes and said 515 00:28:44,490 --> 00:28:47,370 I was going up Brokeback Mountain with my best mate! 516 00:28:53,050 --> 00:28:55,050 Cheers, pal. 517 00:28:58,090 --> 00:29:00,930 Honestly, he's not here and he won't be back any time soon. 518 00:29:00,970 --> 00:29:04,130 It is strange how this hotel seems to run without any staff at all. 519 00:29:04,170 --> 00:29:07,250 Look, I think the best thing to do is leave a contact number, 520 00:29:07,290 --> 00:29:10,130 and if Mateo turns up I'll get in touch, OK? 521 00:29:10,170 --> 00:29:13,410 Listen to me, I know he is here, OK? 522 00:29:14,090 --> 00:29:16,090 - Julio! - Mateo! 523 00:29:21,170 --> 00:29:24,090 Les, why did you not tell me my dear friend Julio is here to visit? 524 00:29:24,130 --> 00:29:27,730 - But I thought you said... - We worked together in Madrid. 525 00:29:28,930 --> 00:29:30,690 It is good to see you, brother. 526 00:29:30,730 --> 00:29:34,530 - So what brings you to Benidorm? - I come to visit my mother in Albir. 527 00:29:34,570 --> 00:29:37,690 But I bring you sad news. 528 00:29:37,730 --> 00:29:39,490 Senora Ana Garcia, 529 00:29:39,530 --> 00:29:41,250 she has passed to the other side. 530 00:29:41,290 --> 00:29:42,970 Senora Garcia? 531 00:29:43,010 --> 00:29:45,890 My heart is breaking to hear this, Julio. 532 00:29:45,930 --> 00:29:47,890 - Who's this, then? - Senora Garcia - 533 00:29:47,930 --> 00:29:50,570 she was a very old resident at the hotel in Madrid. 534 00:29:50,610 --> 00:29:53,450 - A fine woman. - The finest. 535 00:29:54,450 --> 00:29:56,130 She knew she was dying - 536 00:29:56,170 --> 00:29:59,610 she left cards for all the hotel staff. 537 00:29:59,650 --> 00:30:01,770 An amazing woman. Thank you, Julio. 538 00:30:01,810 --> 00:30:04,730 Don't lose it, eh? There is 100 euros inside. 539 00:30:04,770 --> 00:30:07,530 She gave this to all the workers, a final tip. 540 00:30:07,570 --> 00:30:09,370 Ah, a generous woman. 541 00:30:09,410 --> 00:30:11,610 And - how you say? - insatiable. 542 00:30:14,530 --> 00:30:17,290 On Mondays and Tuesdays we go to the cinema, 543 00:30:17,330 --> 00:30:19,250 Wednesday to the bowling alley, 544 00:30:19,290 --> 00:30:21,450 Thursday a classical music concert 545 00:30:21,490 --> 00:30:23,490 and Fridays we go to the ice rink. 546 00:30:24,650 --> 00:30:26,450 You certainly get around town. 547 00:30:26,490 --> 00:30:28,930 No, all of these things are in our home. 548 00:30:30,690 --> 00:30:32,770 You've got an ice rink in your house? 549 00:30:32,810 --> 00:30:34,810 Do not be silly, Geoffrey! 550 00:30:35,930 --> 00:30:38,010 It is in one of our outbuildings. 551 00:30:38,050 --> 00:30:40,050 Yeah, of course. 552 00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:42,210 It's good to see you're happy, Ionela. 553 00:30:44,530 --> 00:30:46,690 Geoffrey... 554 00:30:46,730 --> 00:30:48,730 If only this were true. 555 00:30:49,930 --> 00:30:52,650 But you've got everything you ever wanted. 556 00:30:53,730 --> 00:30:55,730 A rich husband. 557 00:30:56,650 --> 00:30:58,650 Well, that's it. A rich husband. 558 00:31:00,090 --> 00:31:02,090 But I still do not have a family. 559 00:31:03,090 --> 00:31:04,890 A mother who loves me, 560 00:31:04,930 --> 00:31:07,330 a drunk, aggressive sister to protect me. 561 00:31:07,370 --> 00:31:09,450 I never said she was a drunk. 562 00:31:09,490 --> 00:31:11,250 I am sorry, you are right. 563 00:31:11,290 --> 00:31:14,410 Those were not your words. You said 'raging alcoholic'. 564 00:31:14,450 --> 00:31:16,450 Did I? 565 00:31:20,490 --> 00:31:22,570 These simple things you have, 566 00:31:22,610 --> 00:31:24,610 they are my heart's desire, 567 00:31:24,650 --> 00:31:28,170 more than any diamonds, limousines, 568 00:31:28,210 --> 00:31:32,650 surround-sound 3D home-cinema system with reclining leather chairs. 569 00:31:32,690 --> 00:31:34,690 And an ice rink. 570 00:31:35,490 --> 00:31:38,690 But you could have all of these, Ionela. 571 00:31:40,210 --> 00:31:42,210 You could have all of these things. 572 00:31:42,250 --> 00:31:44,090 How? 573 00:31:44,130 --> 00:31:46,330 How can these things be mine, Geoffrey? 574 00:31:49,050 --> 00:31:51,050 Get on a plane with us, tonight. 575 00:31:51,930 --> 00:31:53,610 What? 576 00:31:53,650 --> 00:31:55,690 Why not? 577 00:31:55,730 --> 00:31:57,730 It's worth a shot, isn't it? 578 00:31:58,410 --> 00:32:00,410 Look, I can see you're not happy. 579 00:32:01,330 --> 00:32:03,050 Why not take the chance? 580 00:32:03,090 --> 00:32:04,770 But... 581 00:32:04,810 --> 00:32:07,770 We don't have a bowling alley in our basement, lonela. 582 00:32:09,410 --> 00:32:11,530 We don't even have a basement. 583 00:32:11,570 --> 00:32:13,250 We don't have a home cinema. 584 00:32:13,290 --> 00:32:15,610 But there's an Odeon just around the corner, 585 00:32:15,650 --> 00:32:17,610 that does two-for-one on Wednesdays. 586 00:32:19,170 --> 00:32:21,170 What do you say? 587 00:32:21,210 --> 00:32:23,130 Geoff, I... 588 00:32:23,170 --> 00:32:26,770 You have to listen to your heart, Ionela, not your head. 589 00:32:28,570 --> 00:32:30,970 Our flight leaves at ten o'clock tonight. 590 00:32:32,210 --> 00:32:34,010 Take the day to think about it. 591 00:32:36,210 --> 00:32:38,210 You know where I'll be. 592 00:33:02,790 --> 00:33:04,870 ♪ Oh, little girl, in that case 593 00:33:04,910 --> 00:33:07,430 ♪ I don't want no part 594 00:33:07,470 --> 00:33:12,270 ♪ I do believe that that would only break my heart 595 00:33:12,310 --> 00:33:15,430 ♪ Oh, if you feel like loving me... 596 00:33:15,470 --> 00:33:17,150 17, 18... 597 00:33:17,190 --> 00:33:19,070 18.50. 598 00:33:19,110 --> 00:33:21,990 It's not really enough to go into Benidorm, mate. 599 00:33:22,030 --> 00:33:24,870 Looks like we're stuck in here for the rest of the holiday. 600 00:33:24,910 --> 00:33:26,590 I can't believe it, man. 601 00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:29,790 We climb Brokeback Mountain, and we have to celebrate in this place. 602 00:33:29,830 --> 00:33:31,510 Mate, how many times? 603 00:33:31,550 --> 00:33:34,270 Brokeback Mountain is not in Benidorm. 604 00:33:34,310 --> 00:33:36,110 All right, where is it? 605 00:33:36,150 --> 00:33:37,870 It ain't anywhere. 606 00:33:37,910 --> 00:33:41,470 Brokeback Mountain is a movie about two gay cowboys. 607 00:33:41,510 --> 00:33:43,350 - What?! - For real. 608 00:33:43,390 --> 00:33:45,590 Well, I think one of them is gay, 609 00:33:45,630 --> 00:33:48,430 but the other one gets a bit jiggy with him in their tent. 610 00:33:48,470 --> 00:33:50,670 You've seen it? 611 00:33:50,710 --> 00:33:52,790 Mate, you got something you want to tell me? 612 00:33:52,830 --> 00:33:54,590 No! 613 00:33:54,630 --> 00:33:56,550 Don't be an idiot. 614 00:33:56,590 --> 00:33:58,750 Everybody's seen it. 615 00:33:58,790 --> 00:34:00,790 I ain't. 616 00:34:01,310 --> 00:34:02,990 Mate, I know you ain't gay, 617 00:34:03,030 --> 00:34:06,030 but if you're just a bit greedy, no problems, bruv. 618 00:34:06,070 --> 00:34:08,510 I've got an uncle whose wife is Lebanese. 619 00:34:08,550 --> 00:34:11,350 - Your uncle's wife is Lebanese? - Yeah. 620 00:34:11,390 --> 00:34:13,750 So what? 621 00:34:13,790 --> 00:34:15,510 Exactly, man! 622 00:34:15,550 --> 00:34:17,230 That don't make her a bad person. 623 00:34:17,270 --> 00:34:19,310 This is 2014, bruv! 624 00:34:19,350 --> 00:34:21,510 It's 2015. 625 00:34:21,550 --> 00:34:23,750 Is it? 626 00:34:26,110 --> 00:34:28,510 ♪ I second that emotion ♪ 627 00:34:33,870 --> 00:34:36,910 ♪ Oooooooooo! 628 00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:38,950 ♪ Yeah 629 00:34:40,750 --> 00:34:44,270 ♪ You're more than a number in my little red book 630 00:34:44,310 --> 00:34:47,270 ♪ You're more than a one-night date... 631 00:34:47,310 --> 00:34:51,030 Yeah, it's a real shock to suddenly become single again at our age. 632 00:34:51,070 --> 00:34:53,070 Oh, you can say that again. 633 00:34:53,110 --> 00:34:55,470 It's been over six months, 634 00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:57,790 but I can't get used to waking up 635 00:34:57,830 --> 00:35:02,670 and not have that special someone to the left of me. - Yeah. 636 00:35:02,710 --> 00:35:04,910 And Donald to the right of me. 637 00:35:07,670 --> 00:35:09,670 I've got to admit, 638 00:35:09,710 --> 00:35:12,590 Mary and I had separate beds for t'last... 639 00:35:13,870 --> 00:35:16,790 - ...38 years. - How many years were you married? 640 00:35:16,830 --> 00:35:18,310 39. 641 00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:19,830 Aw. 642 00:35:19,870 --> 00:35:22,070 I used to like to go out to t'pub, 643 00:35:22,110 --> 00:35:24,110 whereas Mary were a home bird. 644 00:35:25,350 --> 00:35:28,230 And I didn't want to wake her coming home stinking of booze. 645 00:35:28,270 --> 00:35:30,590 I always used to say, 646 00:35:30,630 --> 00:35:34,150 'If I'm not in bed by midnight, I'm going home.' 647 00:35:37,710 --> 00:35:41,150 Jacqueline, am I getting t'wrong signals here? 648 00:35:41,190 --> 00:35:43,750 It sounds like you and your late husband 649 00:35:43,790 --> 00:35:47,110 led quite an adventurous lifestyle. 650 00:35:47,150 --> 00:35:48,910 We were swingers. 651 00:35:48,950 --> 00:35:50,670 Did I not mention it? 652 00:35:50,710 --> 00:35:52,830 No. 653 00:35:52,870 --> 00:35:55,630 But I kind of got the impression. 654 00:35:55,670 --> 00:35:58,750 Did you and Mary not have much of a sex life? 655 00:36:01,470 --> 00:36:03,670 Don't mind us. This is fascinating. 656 00:36:03,710 --> 00:36:05,750 ♪ You're more than a one-night stand 657 00:36:05,790 --> 00:36:07,790 ♪ In case you get to thinkin' 658 00:36:07,830 --> 00:36:10,350 ♪ That you'd been took... 659 00:36:10,390 --> 00:36:12,670 Thank you very much. Please call again. 660 00:36:12,710 --> 00:36:14,390 ♪ In my little red book... 661 00:36:14,430 --> 00:36:17,030 Mateo, we need to talk about your living arrangements. 662 00:36:17,070 --> 00:36:19,070 You can arrange for me a better room? 663 00:36:19,110 --> 00:36:20,790 I'm afraid not. 664 00:36:20,830 --> 00:36:23,870 It's against company policy for staff to stay on the premises. 665 00:36:23,910 --> 00:36:26,670 I didn't mind you bedding down while you got settled, 666 00:36:26,710 --> 00:36:29,670 but I can't keep up your heavily discounted rate. 667 00:36:29,710 --> 00:36:31,670 I understand. 668 00:36:31,710 --> 00:36:34,390 You owe us 96 euros for your stay. 669 00:36:35,590 --> 00:36:37,750 But I'll take it out of your next pay cheque. 670 00:36:37,790 --> 00:36:39,470 No. No problem. 671 00:36:39,510 --> 00:36:41,510 I have the money. 672 00:36:44,550 --> 00:36:46,550 - What is this? - 100 euros. 673 00:36:46,590 --> 00:36:49,710 And I need my four euros change. 674 00:36:53,110 --> 00:36:55,590 Mateo, this isn't 100 euros. 675 00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:57,670 Oh, she give me a cheque. 676 00:36:57,710 --> 00:36:59,590 OK, take the money from my salary. 677 00:36:59,630 --> 00:37:03,670 No, no, no, no! I mean, it's a lot more than 100 euros. 678 00:37:03,710 --> 00:37:05,710 Ostia! 679 00:37:05,750 --> 00:37:07,590 10,000 euros. 680 00:37:07,630 --> 00:37:10,350 Somebody obviously likes you. 681 00:37:10,390 --> 00:37:12,670 - Senora Garcia! - Who? 682 00:37:12,710 --> 00:37:15,110 She was a resident from The Hotel Rio in Madrid. 683 00:37:17,470 --> 00:37:19,470 In English she say, 684 00:37:19,510 --> 00:37:22,470 'Mateo, you were always my favourite. 685 00:37:22,510 --> 00:37:25,230 Your handsome face, 686 00:37:25,270 --> 00:37:28,950 your kind - how you say? - service 687 00:37:28,990 --> 00:37:31,150 and the best ass in all of Spain. 688 00:37:31,190 --> 00:37:35,630 If only I had been 30 years more young. Senora Garcia.' 689 00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:38,510 30 years younger? How old was she? 690 00:37:38,550 --> 00:37:40,910 Maybe close to 100. 691 00:37:40,950 --> 00:37:43,390 But she still knew a good ass when she saw one. 692 00:37:43,430 --> 00:37:44,870 ♪ More than a number 693 00:37:44,910 --> 00:37:49,030 ♪ Written in my little red book ♪ 694 00:37:51,470 --> 00:37:53,470 Thank you. 695 00:37:58,390 --> 00:38:00,070 This place ain't so bad, mate! 696 00:38:00,110 --> 00:38:02,590 I might have to treat you to a bit of Ed Sheeran later. 697 00:38:02,630 --> 00:38:04,390 - Shit! - All right, easy, man! 698 00:38:04,430 --> 00:38:06,150 How about Flo Rida? 699 00:38:06,190 --> 00:38:08,110 No, look! 700 00:38:08,150 --> 00:38:10,190 Oh, my God! 701 00:38:10,230 --> 00:38:12,830 He must have got our fingerprints off his water thingy, 702 00:38:12,870 --> 00:38:15,470 then got a lab to run it through his tourist computer 703 00:38:15,510 --> 00:38:18,310 and then checked it with every hotel in Benidorm! 704 00:38:18,350 --> 00:38:20,270 Or he just looked at our wristbands. 705 00:38:20,310 --> 00:38:21,990 Evening, gentlemen. 706 00:38:22,030 --> 00:38:24,270 - Hi, mate, you all right? - Not really, no. 707 00:38:24,310 --> 00:38:27,110 I've spent the entire evening in hospital, thanks to you two. 708 00:38:27,150 --> 00:38:29,990 - It ain't our fault you broke your ankle. - No, it wasn't. 709 00:38:30,030 --> 00:38:32,910 But it was thanks to both of you that I made it to hospital. 710 00:38:32,950 --> 00:38:34,750 Yeah, well, it ain't our fault if... 711 00:38:34,790 --> 00:38:36,910 Wait. That's a good thing, yeah? 712 00:38:36,950 --> 00:38:38,470 Indeed it is. 713 00:38:38,510 --> 00:38:40,390 Which is why I came here to say thank you. 714 00:38:40,430 --> 00:38:43,270 You see, in my job I tend to come across 715 00:38:43,310 --> 00:38:45,790 the bad behaviour of a few idiots 716 00:38:45,830 --> 00:38:48,790 and rather forget that the vast majority of Brits 717 00:38:48,830 --> 00:38:51,270 who come to Benidorm are decent people, 718 00:38:51,310 --> 00:38:53,070 enjoying a well-earned break. 719 00:38:53,110 --> 00:38:57,190 So I came here to thank you for reminding me of that fact. 720 00:38:57,230 --> 00:38:58,910 No worries. 721 00:38:58,950 --> 00:39:01,430 And also to tell you that I've nominated you both 722 00:39:01,470 --> 00:39:04,790 in the category of Local Hero for the Pride of Benidorm Awards, 723 00:39:04,830 --> 00:39:07,110 on Friday night at The Benidorm Palace. 724 00:39:07,150 --> 00:39:09,030 - Are you serious? - Absolutely. 725 00:39:09,070 --> 00:39:12,070 - I hope you can make it. - I think I have a window in my diary. 726 00:39:12,110 --> 00:39:14,190 - Joey? - I haven't got a diary. 727 00:39:14,230 --> 00:39:16,710 Right, well, it's 7:30, 728 00:39:16,750 --> 00:39:19,590 Friday, Benidorm Palace. Here's my card. 729 00:39:19,630 --> 00:39:21,910 If there's anything I can do for you, let me know. 730 00:39:21,950 --> 00:39:25,310 Oh, and if you present that to any British-owned bar in Benidorm 731 00:39:25,350 --> 00:39:27,710 before Saturday, it'll see you right 732 00:39:27,750 --> 00:39:29,990 for a couple of rounds of drinks for both of you. 733 00:39:30,030 --> 00:39:32,230 - OK, chaps? - Nice one! 734 00:39:34,110 --> 00:39:36,950 Oh, just remember to always drink res... pons... 735 00:39:36,990 --> 00:39:38,910 Don't know why I bother. 736 00:39:39,910 --> 00:39:42,510 ♪ We'll be swinging and dancing and singing 737 00:39:42,550 --> 00:39:44,550 ♪ Baby, come on over tonight 738 00:39:46,390 --> 00:39:49,710 ♪ Baby, come on over tonight 739 00:39:50,550 --> 00:39:53,230 ♪ Come on over tonight ♪ 740 00:39:57,990 --> 00:40:01,550 The wonderful Leroy C and his Motown Memories! 741 00:40:01,590 --> 00:40:04,110 And now it's time to hear from your good selves. 742 00:40:04,150 --> 00:40:05,950 It's karaoke time. 743 00:40:05,990 --> 00:40:10,230 And the first greyhound out of the trap is Jacqueline. 744 00:40:10,270 --> 00:40:12,270 Where are you, Jacqueline? 745 00:40:35,270 --> 00:40:38,750 ♪ Candlelight and soul forever 746 00:40:38,790 --> 00:40:41,910 ♪ Dream of you and me together 747 00:40:41,950 --> 00:40:45,230 ♪ Say you believe it 748 00:40:45,270 --> 00:40:47,990 ♪ Say you believe it 749 00:40:48,030 --> 00:40:50,270 ♪ Free your mind of doubt... 750 00:40:50,310 --> 00:40:52,510 Aw, it's nice to see him happy. 751 00:40:52,550 --> 00:40:54,590 What are you on about? He's always happy! 752 00:40:54,630 --> 00:40:57,550 It's those around him who have a problem enjoying themselves. 753 00:40:57,590 --> 00:41:00,350 I sometimes think that's all a bit of a front, you know? 754 00:41:00,390 --> 00:41:03,510 Really? Are you worried about him? 755 00:41:03,550 --> 00:41:05,990 ♪ Closer, baby 756 00:41:06,030 --> 00:41:08,070 ♪ Get it on, get it on 757 00:41:08,110 --> 00:41:11,230 ♪ Cos tonight is the night 758 00:41:11,270 --> 00:41:14,550 ♪ When two become one 759 00:41:15,390 --> 00:41:18,830 ♪ I need some love like I never needed love before 760 00:41:18,870 --> 00:41:21,550 ♪ Wanna make love to you, baby! 761 00:41:21,590 --> 00:41:24,110 No, you know what - I think he'll be all right. 762 00:41:24,150 --> 00:41:26,750 Thanks again for letting him come and stay. 763 00:41:26,790 --> 00:41:29,510 - We'll see how it goes for a bit, eh? - It's all right, love. 764 00:41:29,550 --> 00:41:31,630 I'm surprised he agreed to it, to be honest. 765 00:41:31,670 --> 00:41:34,670 Who'd want to live in a caravan on the front drive? 766 00:41:39,110 --> 00:41:41,710 ♪ Wanna make love to you, baby! 767 00:41:41,750 --> 00:41:44,710 ♪ Set your spirit free 768 00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:47,510 ♪ It's the only way to be 769 00:41:53,510 --> 00:41:56,150 - There you go. - Cheers, thanks. 770 00:41:57,070 --> 00:41:59,150 Listen, I was wondering 771 00:41:59,190 --> 00:42:01,790 if you'd like to go for a drink at some point. 772 00:42:01,830 --> 00:42:04,790 You know, one that's not all inclusive. 773 00:42:04,830 --> 00:42:06,670 I work late most nights. 774 00:42:06,710 --> 00:42:08,670 - So that means no? - No. 775 00:42:08,710 --> 00:42:10,710 That means it would have to be a late drink, 776 00:42:10,750 --> 00:42:12,430 after 11 o'clock. 777 00:42:12,470 --> 00:42:14,270 Right. 778 00:42:14,310 --> 00:42:16,070 OK. Nice one. 779 00:42:16,110 --> 00:42:19,030 - How about Friday? - Our last day. 780 00:42:19,070 --> 00:42:21,670 Yeah, cool. See you Friday. 781 00:42:33,470 --> 00:42:35,750 Why don't you take all them extra clothes off now? 782 00:42:35,790 --> 00:42:37,470 And where am I gonna put them? 783 00:42:37,510 --> 00:42:39,990 The bags have all been checked in. 784 00:42:40,030 --> 00:42:43,270 I knew that Spanish ham would tip us over. 785 00:42:43,310 --> 00:42:45,470 Sorry about that - a few last-minute gifts. 786 00:42:47,230 --> 00:42:48,950 Oh, Pauline, no. 787 00:42:48,990 --> 00:42:51,750 I thought that was all behind you. 788 00:42:53,030 --> 00:42:56,510 - For the girls in the office. - Oh, good lass! 789 00:42:57,590 --> 00:42:59,270 I think we're boarding. 790 00:43:00,830 --> 00:43:03,390 No sign of Rubella, love? 791 00:43:03,430 --> 00:43:05,550 No. 792 00:43:05,590 --> 00:43:07,590 I'm sorry, son. 793 00:43:08,430 --> 00:43:10,430 Well, it's her loss. 794 00:43:10,470 --> 00:43:12,470 Thanks, Pauline. 795 00:43:13,310 --> 00:43:15,310 Come on. 796 00:43:16,750 --> 00:43:18,750 Got a plane to catch. 797 00:43:38,950 --> 00:43:40,750 Geoff! 798 00:43:40,790 --> 00:43:42,310 Geoffrey! 799 00:43:42,350 --> 00:43:44,350 Ionela. 800 00:43:49,590 --> 00:43:51,590 I can't believe you came. 801 00:43:51,630 --> 00:43:53,870 Of course I came. 802 00:43:53,910 --> 00:43:56,310 - Where's your bag? - I do not need a bag. 803 00:43:56,350 --> 00:44:00,150 No, you're right. Who cares about all that? 804 00:44:00,190 --> 00:44:02,590 It's just stuff, right? 805 00:44:02,630 --> 00:44:05,270 - You remembered your passport? - I do not need my passport. 806 00:44:05,310 --> 00:44:07,670 You're right! Who cares about... 807 00:44:09,070 --> 00:44:11,830 Actually, no, you definitely do need a passport. 808 00:44:11,870 --> 00:44:13,590 Geoffrey, 809 00:44:13,630 --> 00:44:15,470 I thought about what you said - 810 00:44:15,510 --> 00:44:18,190 about listening to my heart and not my head. 811 00:44:18,230 --> 00:44:20,870 I listened very carefully 812 00:44:20,910 --> 00:44:23,190 and in the end I chose my heart. 813 00:44:24,310 --> 00:44:26,150 And my heart tells me 814 00:44:26,190 --> 00:44:28,830 that I want to stay 815 00:44:28,870 --> 00:44:31,550 with my multi-millionaire Russian husband. 816 00:44:32,590 --> 00:44:34,270 And of course 817 00:44:34,310 --> 00:44:36,310 my head agrees. 818 00:44:40,110 --> 00:44:42,030 So... 819 00:44:42,070 --> 00:44:44,390 why did you come to the airport? 820 00:44:44,430 --> 00:44:45,870 To say goodbye. 821 00:44:45,910 --> 00:44:47,910 But we said goodbye in Albir. 822 00:44:50,590 --> 00:44:52,950 Did you have to run in so dramatically? 823 00:44:53,990 --> 00:44:56,110 I'm sorry. 824 00:44:56,150 --> 00:44:58,150 Goodbye, Geoffrey. 825 00:45:01,790 --> 00:45:03,790 Yeah. 826 00:45:03,830 --> 00:45:06,230 See you later, Rubella. 827 00:45:27,990 --> 00:45:30,030 Come on, son. 828 00:45:30,070 --> 00:45:32,070 Time to go home. 829 00:45:38,470 --> 00:45:41,590 She was too glamorous for you. 830 00:45:41,630 --> 00:45:43,350 Too pretty. 831 00:45:43,390 --> 00:45:45,070 And way too tall. 832 00:45:45,110 --> 00:45:48,830 You do realise you're saying all these things out loud, don't you?