1 00:00:00,220 --> 00:00:03,322 Oh, heads up, Jillian. Coffee is for closers. 2 00:00:03,408 --> 00:00:05,324 Well, I don't even drink coffee. 3 00:00:05,410 --> 00:00:07,243 Mm, well, actually, sweetheart, bagels-- 4 00:00:07,328 --> 00:00:08,544 also for closers. 5 00:00:08,663 --> 00:00:10,296 Mmm. That's not very good. 6 00:00:10,381 --> 00:00:12,331 Sugar-free vanilla creamer, also for-- 7 00:00:12,417 --> 00:00:13,632 I'm sorry, I don't remember your name, 8 00:00:13,718 --> 00:00:15,301 but I think you know what I was about to say, 9 00:00:15,386 --> 00:00:17,253 and the word is "closers." 10 00:00:17,338 --> 00:00:19,722 All right, everyone, come and have a seat, please. 11 00:00:19,841 --> 00:00:22,258 - It's for closers. - Yeah, we're closers, so... 12 00:00:22,343 --> 00:00:24,844 All right, everyone, we have a very special guest today. 13 00:00:24,979 --> 00:00:26,979 Let me introduce Sigourney. 14 00:00:27,064 --> 00:00:28,848 - Thank you, Alice. - You're welcome. 15 00:00:28,933 --> 00:00:31,650 Hi, everybody. I'm Sigourney Goulet. 16 00:00:31,736 --> 00:00:34,153 Most of you know me as the product rep from MenCo. 17 00:00:34,238 --> 00:00:37,356 For years, we've had products such as... 18 00:00:37,442 --> 00:00:40,943 men's intimacy endurance spray. 19 00:00:41,028 --> 00:00:44,864 Well, we are going to just throw all of that in the trash... 20 00:00:46,868 --> 00:00:50,286 Because today we're no longer MenCo. 21 00:00:50,371 --> 00:00:52,788 We are now... 22 00:00:52,874 --> 00:00:54,540 - FemCo! - Huh? 23 00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:56,792 The future leaders in feminine retail. 24 00:00:56,878 --> 00:00:58,761 That's right, ladies, huh? 25 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,430 And the very first product that we're gonna bring to market 26 00:01:01,549 --> 00:01:05,050 is the Boobillow. 27 00:01:05,186 --> 00:01:09,221 The Boobillow is an ergonomic wedge-shaped pillow 28 00:01:09,357 --> 00:01:11,390 that allows very large-breasted women 29 00:01:11,526 --> 00:01:14,393 to sleep comfortably on their stomachs. 30 00:01:14,479 --> 00:01:16,061 Yes? 31 00:01:16,197 --> 00:01:17,363 Hi, um, question-- 32 00:01:17,448 --> 00:01:19,064 - just to be clear... - Yes. 33 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,568 So you're telling us we are allowed to call women 34 00:01:22,703 --> 00:01:26,622 and talk to them about their breasts? 35 00:01:26,741 --> 00:01:30,075 Well, yes, but when dealing with a sensitive subject-- 36 00:01:30,161 --> 00:01:32,294 Cool! 37 00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:34,246 We finally get to talk titties at work. 38 00:01:34,332 --> 00:01:36,248 - All right! - Yeah, baby! 39 00:01:36,384 --> 00:01:38,467 - Dude, I'm gonna call my dad. - You got to. You have to. 40 00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:40,085 I'm gonna try to contact my father. 41 00:01:41,444 --> 00:01:43,224 Sync & corrections by dwigt Addic7ed.com 42 00:01:44,225 --> 00:01:46,725 ♪ I'm fresh ♪ 43 00:01:46,811 --> 00:01:48,677 ♪ You gotta, we gotta, you gotta ♪ 44 00:01:48,763 --> 00:01:50,033 ♪ Gotta be fresh ♪ 45 00:01:50,091 --> 00:01:51,459 - 06x04 - "Death of a Salesdude" 46 00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,998 Dudes, dudes, dudes, check it out. 47 00:01:54,084 --> 00:01:56,301 I got a girl on here who wants to buy two Boobillows-- 48 00:01:56,361 --> 00:01:59,379 One for her and one for her sister with back issues. 49 00:02:00,074 --> 00:02:03,075 Hey, that lady's back issue is giving me a front issue 50 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,610 that's gonna require a ton of tissue. 51 00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:08,697 - I get it. Like ejaculation. - Yeah, to clean up. 52 00:02:08,782 --> 00:02:11,250 Oh, dude, that is funny, dude! 53 00:02:11,335 --> 00:02:14,119 Yes, um, what size are your breasts? 54 00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:17,456 Are we talking kumquats or grapefruits? 55 00:02:17,591 --> 00:02:19,791 And be honest. You're on speakerphone. 56 00:02:19,877 --> 00:02:21,426 - Hello? - Hello? 57 00:02:21,512 --> 00:02:23,295 What you working with, girl? 58 00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:24,680 Okay, I think I lost her. 59 00:02:24,798 --> 00:02:25,964 Lost another one! 60 00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:27,683 - We're gonna lose many more. 61 00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:29,768 Oh, I thought it was gonna break. 62 00:02:29,853 --> 00:02:32,104 Oh, man, yesterday was so frickin' awesome, right? 63 00:02:32,189 --> 00:02:33,855 - Yeah. - I love my job. 64 00:02:33,974 --> 00:02:35,891 I love my life, and dare I say I love my friends? 65 00:02:35,976 --> 00:02:37,359 Oh, man, I love you right back. 66 00:02:37,478 --> 00:02:38,727 Dude, I got a girl's number yesterday. 67 00:02:38,812 --> 00:02:41,230 - What? - Yeah, from my list of leads. 68 00:02:41,315 --> 00:02:43,232 - But you got it. - Yeah, and I texted it. 69 00:02:43,317 --> 00:02:44,700 And now it's just a waiting game. 70 00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:51,657 Hey, guys, over here... 71 00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:53,041 now. 72 00:02:55,129 --> 00:02:56,712 Well... 73 00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:59,414 You guys were all terrible yesterday-- 74 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:02,584 awkward, creepy, and with total sales of zero. 75 00:03:02,670 --> 00:03:04,803 Luckily, all the saleswomen in the office killed it. 76 00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:06,505 So that's why I'm transferring more women 77 00:03:06,590 --> 00:03:08,757 from other departments to take over your call lists. 78 00:03:08,842 --> 00:03:11,760 First they take "Ghostbusters," now our phones? 79 00:03:11,845 --> 00:03:15,514 Okay, Alice, what are we supposed to do, then, huh? 80 00:03:15,649 --> 00:03:18,850 From this point on, all men are support staff. 81 00:03:18,936 --> 00:03:21,520 Okay, well, she's lucky I don't have my bo staff. 82 00:03:21,605 --> 00:03:23,939 I'm sorry. What was that? 83 00:03:24,024 --> 00:03:25,824 - Nothing. - Yeah. 84 00:03:25,909 --> 00:03:28,944 I'm sure--he was-- what you were trying to say was, 85 00:03:29,029 --> 00:03:32,531 like, if these were guy-centric products, right, 86 00:03:32,616 --> 00:03:34,116 we'd be selling the crap out of them, Alice. 87 00:03:34,201 --> 00:03:36,034 It's just this stuff, we don't-- 88 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,337 - Can I have one moment? - No. 89 00:03:38,422 --> 00:03:40,372 - Just give me one moment. - No--Don't touch me. Fine. 90 00:03:40,457 --> 00:03:42,541 - Just give me one moment. - Ugh. 91 00:03:42,676 --> 00:03:44,676 I just want a moment. We just want one moment. 92 00:03:44,762 --> 00:03:46,511 What moment are we doing? 93 00:03:46,597 --> 00:03:48,297 - We're gonna do... - We're doing that? 94 00:03:48,382 --> 00:03:49,631 Yes, it's fine. 95 00:03:49,717 --> 00:03:51,633 Premature ejaculation 96 00:03:51,719 --> 00:03:55,721 is the number-one problem facing the American penis today. 97 00:03:55,806 --> 00:03:58,523 But with the male intimacy endurance spray, 98 00:03:58,609 --> 00:04:01,893 just spritz your member four times... 99 00:04:03,564 --> 00:04:05,280 Close it down. Get underneath. 100 00:04:05,399 --> 00:04:08,283 And I guess it'll take a few seconds to kick in. 101 00:04:08,402 --> 00:04:10,819 - He just touched his ding-dong. - Ticktock, ticktock. 102 00:04:10,904 --> 00:04:12,738 Adam, go ahead and kick me in the dads. 103 00:04:12,823 --> 00:04:15,123 - It's show-and-tell, baby. - Really? 104 00:04:15,242 --> 00:04:16,792 Yeah, man, we're selling these people. 105 00:04:16,910 --> 00:04:18,243 MenCo. 106 00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:21,296 Ow, you spit your gum. 107 00:04:21,415 --> 00:04:23,298 That was awesome. That was cool. 108 00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:24,966 Another satisfied customer. 109 00:04:25,085 --> 00:04:26,635 I'd like to give it a shot. 110 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,256 I'm left-handed. 111 00:04:31,392 --> 00:04:33,475 And I'm all good. I'm fine. 112 00:04:33,594 --> 00:04:34,926 Dragon Punch! Dragon Punch! 113 00:04:35,012 --> 00:04:37,429 Whoa. 114 00:04:37,564 --> 00:04:38,764 Whoa, did you time out that ding? 115 00:04:38,899 --> 00:04:40,432 No, I think somebody got a text. 116 00:04:40,517 --> 00:04:42,317 - That was incredible! - Put them on vibrate, please. 117 00:04:42,436 --> 00:04:44,486 Yeah, put them on vibrate. This is a presentation. 118 00:04:44,605 --> 00:04:46,438 So do you want us to get on the phones now or...? 119 00:04:46,573 --> 00:04:48,106 No. But I am going to sleep better at night, 120 00:04:48,242 --> 00:04:49,858 knowing that you can't have children now. 121 00:04:49,943 --> 00:04:51,276 Ooh. 122 00:04:51,412 --> 00:04:52,611 Okay, Alice. 123 00:04:52,746 --> 00:04:54,329 Hello. Excuse me. 124 00:04:54,448 --> 00:04:56,365 I need my first cup of coffee ever, immediately. 125 00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:59,117 Blake, you heard her. Go get some coffee. 126 00:04:59,253 --> 00:05:01,253 Are we gonna get those leads anytime soon? 127 00:05:01,338 --> 00:05:03,004 Go fetch, Stretch. Move it. 128 00:05:03,123 --> 00:05:05,340 Okay, Alice, hey, real quick, 129 00:05:05,459 --> 00:05:08,210 I know that Jillian is on the phones now, 130 00:05:08,295 --> 00:05:10,178 so you will need a new assistant, right? 131 00:05:10,297 --> 00:05:12,347 You know what? Fine. I will think about it. 132 00:05:12,466 --> 00:05:14,549 But for now, you're a floater. 133 00:05:14,635 --> 00:05:17,569 Ew. Was that a poop joke? 134 00:05:17,671 --> 00:05:19,604 No, of course not. 135 00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:23,141 Okay, good, 'cause just know that I hate poop jokes. 136 00:05:23,141 --> 00:05:24,803 All right, this is working out great so far. 137 00:05:32,378 --> 00:05:35,462 Hey, gals, check out my new assistant. 138 00:05:35,548 --> 00:05:37,681 Oh, hey, uh, is it garbage day? 139 00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:39,850 'cause, uh, it looks like someone took the junk 140 00:05:39,935 --> 00:05:41,218 out of your pants. 141 00:05:42,888 --> 00:05:45,105 But, hey, peep that caboose. 142 00:05:45,224 --> 00:05:46,523 - Oh. - Ooh. 143 00:05:46,609 --> 00:05:48,726 - Oops. - Uh-oh. 144 00:05:48,811 --> 00:05:51,445 Whoopsy-daisy. Could you get it for me, Blake? 145 00:05:51,564 --> 00:05:54,531 - Of course. Of course. - Thanks, Blake. 146 00:05:56,402 --> 00:05:59,787 Ooh. Okay, turn, so I can see. 147 00:05:59,905 --> 00:06:02,740 Turn, turn, yeah. Turn-- And pivot. 148 00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:06,076 - Oh, yeah. - That's where it's at. 149 00:06:06,212 --> 00:06:07,961 Lower. 150 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,329 Excuse me? 151 00:06:09,415 --> 00:06:11,048 - Lower. - Yeah. 152 00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:12,716 - And now in. - In? 153 00:06:12,802 --> 00:06:14,051 Yeah. In, but down. 154 00:06:14,136 --> 00:06:15,886 No, no, no, spread the legs more. 155 00:06:15,988 --> 00:06:17,921 - Spread as much as you can. - I'm-- Yeah, that's about-- 156 00:06:18,007 --> 00:06:19,923 And now just-- And now just [bleep] it. 157 00:06:20,059 --> 00:06:22,059 - Okay. - Now just [bleep] the ground. 158 00:06:22,144 --> 00:06:24,311 - Okay. - Pop it! Pop it! 159 00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:27,681 Pop it and dip it in! In! In! 160 00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:29,933 In! 161 00:06:30,019 --> 00:06:32,236 I'm done. - What? 162 00:06:32,321 --> 00:06:35,105 - You can leave now. - All right, sorry. 163 00:06:37,276 --> 00:06:40,077 Hello, ladies, got some hot, fresh leads for you. 164 00:06:40,162 --> 00:06:41,445 Oh, yeah, for us? 165 00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,113 'cause we do your job now, right? 166 00:06:43,249 --> 00:06:45,949 Anyway, if you guys ever wanted any pointers, sisters, 167 00:06:46,035 --> 00:06:47,618 feel free to bend my ear, and-- 168 00:06:47,703 --> 00:06:49,369 Oh, please enlighten us. 169 00:06:49,455 --> 00:06:51,205 Yeah, that'd be great. 170 00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:52,368 Make a sa-- Oh, cool, yeah. 171 00:06:52,408 --> 00:06:54,458 - I'll make a sale. Yeah, I mean-- - Oh, yeah, come on. 172 00:06:54,543 --> 00:06:56,293 Yeah, I want to see that. See what you got. 173 00:06:56,378 --> 00:06:57,795 - Watch how it's done. - We haven't been able to. 174 00:06:57,930 --> 00:07:00,547 Yeah, okay, can I call Marcia? Is that cool? 175 00:07:00,633 --> 00:07:02,382 Yeah, Marcia's next. 176 00:07:02,468 --> 00:07:04,351 I'm actually not getting a dial tone. 177 00:07:04,470 --> 00:07:06,220 That's weird. 178 00:07:06,305 --> 00:07:09,440 Could be because you're not a salesman, bitch. 179 00:07:09,525 --> 00:07:10,641 Now get! 180 00:07:13,312 --> 00:07:16,647 - You didn't even plug it in? - No, it wasn't plugged in. 181 00:07:22,321 --> 00:07:24,988 Good afternoon, ladies! 182 00:07:25,124 --> 00:07:26,657 Chocolate for you, chocolate for you. 183 00:07:26,742 --> 00:07:28,492 Sorry about the new attire. 184 00:07:28,627 --> 00:07:29,993 I spilled a little coffee on myself. 185 00:07:30,129 --> 00:07:32,329 Had to borrow a spare from my main man, Rob. 186 00:07:32,465 --> 00:07:34,081 Ooh! 187 00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:36,667 Hey, just let me know if you need anything from me 188 00:07:36,802 --> 00:07:38,669 using my strength or my muscles. 189 00:07:38,754 --> 00:07:41,722 - Fresh mail. Hot off the boat. - Thank you. 190 00:07:41,841 --> 00:07:43,474 Hey, I know what you're thinking-- 191 00:07:43,559 --> 00:07:47,845 "Is this guy Alice Murphy assistant material?" 192 00:07:47,980 --> 00:07:51,231 Well, I'm about to prove to you that I would. 193 00:07:52,685 --> 00:07:55,185 Excuse me, sales angels! 194 00:07:55,321 --> 00:07:59,356 I've arranged a special beef tenderloin lunch 195 00:07:59,441 --> 00:08:03,777 that I will be serving myself in the break room at noon. 196 00:08:03,863 --> 00:08:06,446 Who's hungry? Thank you. 197 00:08:06,532 --> 00:08:08,248 Thank you very much. Thank you. 198 00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:10,417 Thank you very much. Thank you. 199 00:08:10,536 --> 00:08:13,537 If you feed 'em at work, they won't take an hour for lunch. 200 00:08:13,672 --> 00:08:15,839 Oh, I never suspected you had a brain. 201 00:08:15,925 --> 00:08:18,709 I just want to use my muscles and my mind 202 00:08:18,844 --> 00:08:21,428 and open up shop right here and be your number-one guy, 203 00:08:21,547 --> 00:08:23,881 using my muscles and my mind. 204 00:08:24,016 --> 00:08:25,716 All right, well, I'll think about it. 205 00:08:25,851 --> 00:08:28,969 But for now, let's just keep you at my, like, number-20 guy. 206 00:08:29,054 --> 00:08:31,722 I'll live with that. 207 00:08:31,807 --> 00:08:34,608 Ah, these women, my gosh. 208 00:08:34,727 --> 00:08:36,643 Can't live with 'em, can't... 209 00:08:38,564 --> 00:08:41,281 have sex with 'em, 'cause they don't like me. 210 00:08:44,954 --> 00:08:46,236 Whatever. 211 00:08:46,372 --> 00:08:47,955 Hey, Blake. 212 00:08:48,073 --> 00:08:49,573 Jillian? 213 00:08:49,658 --> 00:08:52,042 Keep "potty-ing." 214 00:08:52,127 --> 00:08:55,078 Hey, you know what I was thinking? 215 00:08:55,164 --> 00:08:56,830 You would look so much prettier 216 00:08:56,916 --> 00:08:59,132 if you wore your hair up in a bun. 217 00:08:59,251 --> 00:09:02,920 Oh, the nape of your neck is so elegant. 218 00:09:03,005 --> 00:09:05,172 You know what, Blake? 219 00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:06,807 I like a man bun... 220 00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:10,060 Up top and on bottom. 221 00:09:11,814 --> 00:09:15,098 So shake-a da wee-wee off-a da pee-pee 222 00:09:15,184 --> 00:09:17,901 and go get me a coffee. 223 00:09:28,030 --> 00:09:30,080 She gone? 224 00:09:30,165 --> 00:09:31,331 Who's in here? 225 00:09:33,202 --> 00:09:34,868 You can't stand for that bull[bleep]! 226 00:09:34,954 --> 00:09:37,454 It's time to fight back for men's rights. 227 00:09:37,539 --> 00:09:39,373 I can't fight a woman, Bill. 228 00:09:39,458 --> 00:09:40,924 She'd kick my ass. 229 00:09:41,010 --> 00:09:42,542 Well, you know what I'd do? 230 00:09:42,628 --> 00:09:45,963 Poo in a plastic bag, flatten it out like a pancake, 231 00:09:46,048 --> 00:09:48,298 stick it in the freezer for a few hours. 232 00:09:48,384 --> 00:09:50,350 You know how those bitches always leave their windows 233 00:09:50,469 --> 00:09:52,102 cracked open in the Rancho heat? 234 00:09:52,187 --> 00:09:55,973 You slide the poo disc through Jillian's window, 235 00:09:56,058 --> 00:09:58,775 and when she gets into her car after work, 236 00:09:58,861 --> 00:10:02,980 she's got a poo puddle waiting for her. 237 00:10:05,317 --> 00:10:06,867 That's insane, Bill. 238 00:10:06,986 --> 00:10:09,903 I've got a poo disc in the freezer, if you want it? 239 00:10:09,989 --> 00:10:11,955 Oh, my gosh, I thought that was 240 00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:13,707 - a Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage. - Nope. 241 00:10:20,666 --> 00:10:22,416 Superglue for a super bitch. 242 00:10:30,225 --> 00:10:31,224 What up? 243 00:10:31,343 --> 00:10:32,643 Jillian says she needs you 244 00:10:32,728 --> 00:10:35,062 to come tuck her napkin into her shirt. 245 00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:36,847 Of course, yes. 246 00:10:36,932 --> 00:10:39,182 She asked me to tidy up as well, which I'm doing, 247 00:10:39,268 --> 00:10:42,436 and, also, I'm making a personal call to my father. 248 00:10:43,522 --> 00:10:45,355 Okay. 249 00:10:45,491 --> 00:10:47,691 Okay, bye. 250 00:10:49,528 --> 00:10:51,028 Oh, shoot. 251 00:10:52,531 --> 00:10:54,197 Ah! 252 00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:56,199 Ow! Ow! Ow! 253 00:10:56,335 --> 00:10:58,752 Hey, buddy. A little medium raw, please. 254 00:10:58,871 --> 00:11:00,704 Loin is for closers only. 255 00:11:00,789 --> 00:11:02,873 It is. Loin's for closers. 256 00:11:03,008 --> 00:11:05,042 There you go. Enjoy the loin. 257 00:11:05,177 --> 00:11:06,259 Sorry, honey. 258 00:11:06,378 --> 00:11:07,878 Come on, man. They've all eaten. 259 00:11:07,963 --> 00:11:09,713 There's, like, a ton of leftover loin. 260 00:11:09,798 --> 00:11:12,716 Mm, in fact, there's no leftover loin. Ders... 261 00:11:12,851 --> 00:11:14,434 Know your place. 262 00:11:14,553 --> 00:11:16,386 Have you forgotten what's it's like to make a sale? 263 00:11:16,472 --> 00:11:19,272 - I don't remember anything before putting on this apron 264 00:11:19,391 --> 00:11:22,059 and getting the attention of a lifetime. 265 00:11:22,194 --> 00:11:23,610 Good luck with that. 266 00:11:23,729 --> 00:11:25,979 - Wow. - Bye! 267 00:11:30,369 --> 00:11:33,487 It's good to be back. 268 00:11:33,572 --> 00:11:34,821 Hello, ma'am? 269 00:11:34,907 --> 00:11:36,540 Hi. Uh, my name's Anders Holmvik, 270 00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:38,792 and I'm calling to talk to you about your blobs. I-- 271 00:11:38,911 --> 00:11:42,796 Sorry. I'm calling to talk to you about your knock-wobbles. 272 00:11:42,915 --> 00:11:44,748 Sorry. I'm calling to talk to you 273 00:11:44,883 --> 00:11:45,832 about your chest bombs, ma'am, 274 00:11:45,918 --> 00:11:47,384 I mean-- 275 00:11:47,469 --> 00:11:49,336 I'm just calling to talk to you about your tits. 276 00:11:50,639 --> 00:11:51,588 Hello? 277 00:11:51,724 --> 00:11:53,890 You stupid, dumb dick. 278 00:11:53,976 --> 00:11:55,809 Aah! 279 00:12:01,433 --> 00:12:04,351 Wait a second. 280 00:12:04,436 --> 00:12:06,837 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 281 00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:09,239 Just-- 282 00:12:09,324 --> 00:12:12,526 You can do this. 283 00:12:12,611 --> 00:12:14,945 It's not bad, actually. 284 00:12:16,281 --> 00:12:17,547 ♪ He's insane ♪ 285 00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:26,060 Hey, gals, got a tasty bit of trivia. 286 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,950 It turns out that, uh, Jillian here 287 00:12:28,155 --> 00:12:31,373 has quite the embarrassing tattoo. 288 00:12:31,492 --> 00:12:34,076 - No, I--no, I don't. - Yes. 289 00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:35,494 You have a real tattoo? 290 00:12:35,579 --> 00:12:37,746 You guys want-- you want to see it? 291 00:12:37,831 --> 00:12:39,131 - Yes. - Yeah! 292 00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:40,749 All right, fine. I'll show you. Fine. 293 00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:42,384 I'll show it to you too, Blake... 294 00:12:42,503 --> 00:12:43,635 - Oh, good. - Since you're so interested. 295 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:44,886 Ladies... 296 00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:46,838 can you unzip? 297 00:12:46,924 --> 00:12:48,307 This ought to be real good. 298 00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,175 - Whoa. - Whoa! 299 00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:52,728 - It's big. - Jillian, that is badass. 300 00:12:52,846 --> 00:12:54,229 I had no idea. 301 00:12:54,348 --> 00:12:56,181 No, it's not badass. It's embarrassing. 302 00:12:56,266 --> 00:12:58,433 I wanted the same tat as my granddaddy, 303 00:12:58,519 --> 00:13:01,153 and I took the photo in to show the tattoo artist, 304 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,239 and he just-- he messed up, and he tattooed the whole photo. 305 00:13:04,358 --> 00:13:08,527 Polaroids are a throwback, and that means that is dope. 306 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,329 Girl, you got a throwback back. 307 00:13:10,431 --> 00:13:12,831 - You really think so? - Yeah. 308 00:13:12,916 --> 00:13:14,616 - You guys are dope. - You are. 309 00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,585 You're dope. 310 00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:18,870 Could you zip me up? 311 00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,205 Thanks, sisters. 312 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,258 Sister! 313 00:13:25,512 --> 00:13:28,096 Did you come at me? 314 00:13:28,215 --> 00:13:30,215 I will fudging end you. 315 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:34,186 I will rip off your head and fudge it down your neck. 316 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:37,606 Okay, all right, all right. All right, sorry. 317 00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:49,234 Hello, hi, uh, yes, uh, Mrs. Wilson? 318 00:13:49,319 --> 00:13:51,069 How are you? 319 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,072 My name's Anders Holmvik, and I'm calling to tell you how 320 00:13:54,158 --> 00:13:55,624 how the Boobillow breast pillow rest 321 00:13:55,743 --> 00:13:57,909 is going to change your life. 322 00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:00,746 I made a sale. 323 00:14:00,831 --> 00:14:02,714 Phyllis Wilson--34F. 324 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,835 But I neutralized my sexuality, so I don't care. 325 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,170 Is this true, Jillian? 326 00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:10,722 Um, Phyllis Wilson, you said? 327 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,558 Um, no, I made that sale this morning. 328 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,260 - He's a liar. - No, I'm not. 329 00:14:15,345 --> 00:14:18,146 I'm not lying, okay? I have nothing to lie about. 330 00:14:18,265 --> 00:14:20,816 Yeah, I, like, almost cared for two seconds. 331 00:14:20,934 --> 00:14:22,350 - Right? - No, no. 332 00:14:22,436 --> 00:14:24,186 But I sprayed the stuff, so I can't feel a thing. 333 00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:25,821 Did you feel that? 334 00:14:25,939 --> 00:14:28,940 No. Not down there. 335 00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:30,525 But, yeah. 336 00:14:30,611 --> 00:14:32,160 Yeah, up here. 337 00:14:32,279 --> 00:14:35,113 One! Two! 338 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,366 - Three! Four! Five! - Aah! 339 00:14:38,452 --> 00:14:40,752 Oh! Aah! 340 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:43,538 I cramped up there. 341 00:14:43,624 --> 00:14:45,373 Very good, Adam. 342 00:14:45,459 --> 00:14:47,592 - That's very strong. - Very strong. Thank you. 343 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,127 All right, listen up, everybody. 344 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:52,514 Sales of the Boobillow have been so amazing 345 00:14:52,633 --> 00:14:55,884 that I just signed a contract with FemCo 346 00:14:55,969 --> 00:14:58,970 to sell their products exclusively. 347 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:03,308 Which means these kick-ass office changes are permanent! 348 00:15:03,393 --> 00:15:05,477 Oh, my God! 349 00:15:05,612 --> 00:15:08,146 Oh, my God! 350 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,315 - Hey, psst. - Jesus. 351 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,342 Come on in here. 352 00:15:11,367 --> 00:15:13,567 - Go. He's coming. He's coming. - I know. Okay. 353 00:15:13,573 --> 00:15:15,572 These women have to be stopped, all right? 354 00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,310 - I can't take this anymore. - It's true, man. 355 00:15:17,346 --> 00:15:19,046 Jillian is a monster. 356 00:15:19,132 --> 00:15:22,294 Mere seconds ago, she told me she wanted to butt-fudge me 357 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:23,962 in the mouth or something. 358 00:15:24,047 --> 00:15:27,082 - I don't know. - Ow! Ow, my eyes! They hurt! 359 00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:30,252 They hurt from how ugly you are when you complain. 360 00:15:30,337 --> 00:15:33,972 This is, like, an amazing time to be a man. 361 00:15:34,057 --> 00:15:36,341 Finally we get "oogled" and ogled 362 00:15:36,426 --> 00:15:38,677 and-- and get sexualized. 363 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,679 I mean, he did always love that. 364 00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,481 Yeah, but he also loved sales. 365 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:45,016 Guys, women rule the world, 366 00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:47,519 and it's time that we accept that. 367 00:15:47,654 --> 00:15:49,604 Let's be on the right side of histor-she. 368 00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:51,156 - No. - What did you just say? 369 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,358 - Histor-she. - No, no, no, no, no. 370 00:15:53,443 --> 00:15:54,693 That is not the word. 371 00:15:54,778 --> 00:15:56,161 - It is his-story. - Adam... 372 00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:58,113 Miss Murphy, I got you 373 00:15:58,198 --> 00:16:00,448 a warm, steaming travel mug 374 00:16:00,534 --> 00:16:03,368 of Darjeeling Limited Edition Tazo tea. 375 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,954 Yeah, you can just put that down anywhere, Adam. 376 00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:09,591 What's going on here? Is he assaulting you? 377 00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:12,210 Do I need to frickin' throw down right now? 378 00:16:12,296 --> 00:16:13,628 Is that what I need to do? 379 00:16:13,714 --> 00:16:15,380 Okay, cut it out, Adam. 380 00:16:15,465 --> 00:16:16,715 Gil is my new assistant. 381 00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:24,639 What kind of massaging are you even doing, Gil? 382 00:16:24,725 --> 00:16:26,942 You don't even know massaging. What kind of massaging is that? 383 00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:28,216 Foot. 384 00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:30,086 That makes sense. 385 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,822 I thought I was your number one. 386 00:16:31,859 --> 00:16:34,993 Yeah, well, right now you're acting like a number two. 387 00:16:37,509 --> 00:16:39,225 Was that a poop joke? 388 00:16:39,573 --> 00:16:41,990 Yep. 389 00:16:53,587 --> 00:16:55,670 I got to say something. 390 00:16:55,756 --> 00:16:56,838 - Yeah, yeah. - No, do it. 391 00:16:56,924 --> 00:16:59,257 Ahem! Ahem! 392 00:16:59,343 --> 00:17:02,010 I wanted to just say something to the women of this office, 393 00:17:02,095 --> 00:17:05,730 and that is that I think things need to change, 394 00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,732 if that's okay. 395 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,268 No, no, no, he's right. 396 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:13,104 Because the way you are treating us is like used meat, 397 00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:14,272 and we're not meat. 398 00:17:14,358 --> 00:17:16,408 We're men... with feelings. 399 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:17,776 Treat us thusly. 400 00:17:17,861 --> 00:17:19,945 Whoops. 401 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,497 Oh, I dropped my popcorn. 402 00:17:22,616 --> 00:17:24,783 I guess you guys are gonna have to come pick it up. 403 00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,751 - Yeah, whoo! - Pick it all up. 404 00:17:29,539 --> 00:17:31,373 It's not gonna do it itself. 405 00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:32,841 Oh, missed a spot. 406 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,426 We haven't even started, Jillian. 407 00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,544 Oh, hey, would it be easier 408 00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:39,464 if you took your tops off? 409 00:17:41,385 --> 00:17:43,435 Show me your titties! 410 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,721 Unbutton your buttons! 411 00:17:46,807 --> 00:17:49,391 Unbutton your buttons! Unbutton your buttons! 412 00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:51,776 Unbutton your buttons! Unbutton your buttons! 413 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,112 Stand up! Cover yourselves! 414 00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:59,222 What is wrong with you women? 415 00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:02,425 For days, we've been held down 416 00:18:02,513 --> 00:18:04,114 by the matriarchy... 417 00:18:04,238 --> 00:18:06,157 which is a word I recently looked up, 418 00:18:06,243 --> 00:18:08,660 and it means when women control things. 419 00:18:08,795 --> 00:18:11,212 We are not gonna stand by 420 00:18:11,331 --> 00:18:14,299 and be harassed and controlled by you... 421 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:18,503 'cause men are invaluable, 422 00:18:18,588 --> 00:18:21,006 and we should be treated as such. 423 00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:27,679 No! No! That wasn't-- I'm not a piece of meat! 424 00:18:27,764 --> 00:18:31,483 I'm not a piece of meat! 425 00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,685 Just as women... 426 00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:36,988 burned bras in the '70s to be hot, 427 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:41,026 I shall burn this Boobillow for men's rights! 428 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:43,995 To infinity and beyond! 429 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,498 - Men rule. Men-- - Whoa! 430 00:18:51,705 --> 00:18:53,672 - Fire! - Fire! 431 00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:56,424 Fire! Watch it! 432 00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:00,320 Where's Sigourney? 433 00:19:00,469 --> 00:19:02,553 Oh, she's still in there! Oh, my God, where's Sigourney? 434 00:19:02,688 --> 00:19:04,221 All right, women, shut up and stand back. 435 00:19:04,357 --> 00:19:06,607 Heroism is man business. 436 00:19:06,726 --> 00:19:09,526 That's right-- shut up and stand--stand back 437 00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:11,895 and--and grab on to your tampon string. 438 00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:13,430 Yeah, everybody shut up, 439 00:19:13,532 --> 00:19:15,032 'cause the men are about to s-save the day. 440 00:19:15,117 --> 00:19:16,900 - Yeah. Here we go. - Save the day. 441 00:19:17,036 --> 00:19:18,952 - That's what we're gonna do. - All right, save the day! 442 00:19:19,071 --> 00:19:20,571 - Men doing men stuff! - We got this. 443 00:19:20,706 --> 00:19:22,573 - All right. - Whoa! 444 00:19:23,876 --> 00:19:25,576 Be careful. 445 00:19:25,711 --> 00:19:29,963 Everyone's out. Everyone's safe. 446 00:19:30,082 --> 00:19:31,582 - Guys? - Sigourney? 447 00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,417 - Help! 448 00:19:39,158 --> 00:19:40,081 Oh, thank God. 449 00:19:40,192 --> 00:19:42,418 My beautiful boys are in there! Save them! 450 00:19:53,140 --> 00:19:55,140 Are you okay? Are you okay? 451 00:19:55,339 --> 00:19:57,722 We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. 452 00:19:57,784 --> 00:19:58,797 I'm good. 453 00:19:58,872 --> 00:20:00,872 You want to know why we're OK? 454 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,335 Because we were saved by some guys. 455 00:20:03,447 --> 00:20:06,276 Yeah, some real manly male fire-men. 456 00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:08,069 - That's right. - That is right. 457 00:20:08,149 --> 00:20:09,284 Yeah. 458 00:20:09,299 --> 00:20:13,808 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 459 00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:15,357 Oh, yes! 460 00:20:15,441 --> 00:20:16,910 - Yes! - Dudes! 461 00:20:16,961 --> 00:20:18,299 That's what I'm talking about. 462 00:20:18,407 --> 00:20:21,035 Thanks, man. Good stuff, good stuff. 463 00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:25,363 Well, everyone, I would love to be able to fire Adam 464 00:20:25,473 --> 00:20:27,160 for setting the office on fire, 465 00:20:27,325 --> 00:20:30,819 but, unfortunately, FemCo is taking full responsibility, 466 00:20:30,974 --> 00:20:33,391 because the Boobillows were so highly flammable. 467 00:20:33,454 --> 00:20:34,186 Whoo! 468 00:20:34,244 --> 00:20:36,639 Everyone will resume their normal jobs. 469 00:20:36,826 --> 00:20:38,233 Thanks, [bleep]-tard. 470 00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:39,847 You're welcome. I'm here to help. 471 00:20:39,895 --> 00:20:42,485 Whoa, heads up. Coffee's for closers. 472 00:20:42,554 --> 00:20:44,746 Actually, I quit coffee. 473 00:20:44,865 --> 00:20:47,345 I mean, sure, the caffeine turned me into a sales beast 474 00:20:47,408 --> 00:20:49,792 that made me enough money to fix my back tat, but-- 475 00:20:49,931 --> 00:20:51,931 I sure will miss that cubicle, though. 476 00:20:52,009 --> 00:20:53,376 Yeah. 477 00:20:56,571 --> 00:20:57,768 Nice. 478 00:20:57,768 --> 00:20:59,669 Sync & corrections by dwigt Addic7ed.com