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The '80s gave us the multiplex...
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00:00:03,290 --> 00:00:05,226
10 glorious movies under one roof,
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00:00:05,251 --> 00:00:06,883
a heaven where you could literally spend
4
00:00:06,908 --> 00:00:09,988
a whole day inside, delighting
in mystery, action,
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00:00:10,024 --> 00:00:11,790
and some of the greatest films ever made.
6
00:00:11,829 --> 00:00:13,829
One for "E.T." One
for "Indiana Jones," please.
7
00:00:13,864 --> 00:00:14,863
One ticket for "Mannequin".
8
00:00:14,899 --> 00:00:16,165
One for "The Lost Boys", please.
9
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,733
One for "Weekend at Bernie's".
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They put sunglasses on a corpse.
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00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:24,606
And then a movie came
along that changed everything
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for countless young men
on the verge of adulthood.
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"Porky's!" Oh, yes!
14
00:00:29,126 --> 00:00:30,649
Hell, no!
15
00:00:31,415 --> 00:00:34,216
Do you realize that movie
is packed with potty language,
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adult situations, and Florida attitude?
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00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:38,987
Yeah. That's why I want to see it.
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00:00:39,023 --> 00:00:40,889
Not with those beautiful
and innocent eyes.
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One's kind of wonky. The
other one's all right.
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Point is, no "Porky's."
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It's rated "R," and you
need my permission,
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which I will never, ever, ever give.
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Well, in a few years, I won't
even need your permission.
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I'll just rent it on Beta.
25
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Well, not if I contact
every video store in the state.
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Well, I'll legally change my name.
27
00:00:56,612 --> 00:00:58,407
Well, then I'll do a mass
mailing for your photo.
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Well, then I'll have
extensive plastic surgery
29
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and change my face.
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Well, then I'll hire the A-Team
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to capture you and bring you home.
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Well, then I'll hire Delta Force
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to combat your precious A-Team.
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What's going on with you two?
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What's going on is, you're a good boy.
36
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And if I say that movie isn't
appropriate, then you'll listen.
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What about "Annie", huh?
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I hear you singing
"It's A Hard-Knock Life"
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every morning when you make your poopalas.
40
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But my mom was on to something.
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That little redhead
would be our perfect cover.
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Okay. Just got our "Annie" tickets.
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Now all we got to do
is sneak into "Porky's."
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This is it. The last time
we'll see each other as boys.
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Bear witness to the end
of my innocence, bro.
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Okay, no one panic,
but I'm like 99.9% sure
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that ticket guy is on to us!
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You're freaking out.
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I am not!
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Then why is your voice
all high and squeaky?
51
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That's just how I sound now.
52
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Stop yapping and come on already.
53
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Wait! We missed the first minute!
54
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All the naughty stuff
will be way less enjoyable
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if we don't understand
how it fits into the story!
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It was one of those moments
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that show you what you're made of.
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Was I gonna stay a scared little boy,
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or would I become a man?
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No, Annie! There's no way to go but up.
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How is this not rated "R"?
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This wasn't in the stage production.
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I was not prepared for this.
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♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
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♪ but nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪
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Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
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♪ I don't know the future ♪
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♪ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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It was February 10, 1980-something,
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and Valentine's Day was right
around the corner.
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Barry, you know I love you,
but please don't be an idiot
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and go crazy on Valentine's Day.
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- I mean it.
- What?
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All I asked was if there
was anywhere to park
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a hot-air balloon on your property.
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I'm serious.
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I'm not one of those girls
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who likes big public
displays of affection.
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Just keep it small, okay?
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Back then, keeping it small meant
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my brother's only option
was the love-a-gram.
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It made the cool kids feel cooler
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and the lonely goobers feel even lonelier.
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Hey, uh, I'd like to send
a flower to chemistry class for,
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00:03:02,829 --> 00:03:03,399
um
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Yourself?
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It's okay, Naked Rob.
You'll find love one day.
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Hey, man. How you doing?
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Uh, I'm fine.
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Gah! You're always, like, right there.
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Enough already. Okay?
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00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:19,514
Look, just do what every high-school
boy on the planet does.
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Get her flowers.
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You want me to get Lainey flowers?
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They're nature's trash! They
don't even do anything.
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Trust me. Every girl loves roses.
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Erica Goldberg!
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I got roses for you!
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Crap. Why?!
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Don't you just love V-Day?
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Ooh! Here.
102
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I got 100 roses from your secret admirer.
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100?!
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Come on, man!
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How mysterious and sexy.
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Not to mention bulky and unwieldy.
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Who knows?
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Maybe today, your secret
admirer will reveal himself
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and you'll realize that love
was under your nose the whole time.
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Or I tell him that I have
no feelings for him at all
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and we shake hands and go
our separate ways.
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Or you kiss him 'cause you
realize you're soul mates.
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Or I knee him in the coin purse
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because now he's getting creepy.
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I was so close.
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Were you, though?
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While Erica was breaking hearts,
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my friends were bragging
about breaking in to "Porky's".
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I feel like "Porky's" graphic
adult content wasn't blatant.
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It was earned, you know?
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00:04:15,977 --> 00:04:18,258
I feel like, at its core, it
was a story of friendship.
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Mm. And boobs.
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Not to be this guy, but Kim
Cattrall is so hot.
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Pbht! Know who's even hotter?
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Miss Hannigan from "Annie".
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I mean, not in a conventional way,
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but there's something there.
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This is just sad, pal.
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I can't believe it.
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The boy saw "Annie" instead of "Porky's."
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My lord, you raised a wuss.
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Me?! He's your son!
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I take a casual, non-committal
approach to parenting.
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You're the one in the trenches.
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He's not a wuss. He's a good boy.
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Too good!
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Now's the time for taking chances
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and spreading his wings a bit.
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Would you rather take over?
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Let's not get crazy.
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00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,080
How about that scene in gym
class with Ms. Balbricker?
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- That was crazy!
- Yes!
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00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:02,923
You want to talk crazy... Carol Burnett.
144
00:05:03,165 --> 00:05:05,120
She acts, sings, and dances.
145
00:05:05,155 --> 00:05:07,089
She's a Swiss army knife of entertainment.
146
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Okay, yeah. That was full
wuss right there.
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So, I wasn't a bad boy.
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But at least my girlfriend
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always appreciated my sensitive side.
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Geez, I wish I was gonna see
you on Valentine's Day.
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00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,633
You know what's just as good
as me going to Seattle?
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A 10-minute phone date where
we eat the same pasta
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00:05:21,638 --> 00:05:23,939
and watch the same episode
of "Diff'rent Strokes."
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It's really not. Whatchu
talkin' 'bout, Dana?
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Dang it. That's time.
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Aw. Just a few more minutes?
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I can't.
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You know how crazy my parents get
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about the long-distance bills.
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It's, like, a huge rule.
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Some rules are made to be broken.
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What the hell was that about?
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I think he's saying you can break
the rule and we can keep talking.
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No way. He's bluffing.
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Not bluffing.
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What kind of crazy mind game is this?!
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Maybe it's not a game.
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Oh, it's a game.
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Not a game.
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He said it's not a game.
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It's worse! It's a trap!
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It's not a damn trap!
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It's a trap, and I'm
gonna hang up and win!
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00:06:01,211 --> 00:06:02,944
But he said...
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00:06:03,981 --> 00:06:05,352
My god. What are you doing?
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00:06:05,446 --> 00:06:06,915
What am I doing?! What are you doing?!
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00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,337
Get out of my head, man!
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Adam, you're a good kid.
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But sometimes, you got to take a risk,
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like breaking the phone rule
or going to see "Porky's".
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Shh!
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00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:17,792
Don't say the "p" word when
the "m" word is around.
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00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:19,758
My point is seeing an "R"-rated movie...
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00:06:20,258 --> 00:06:21,897
That might be a rule that's okay to break.
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Hey, I break plenty of rules...
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00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:25,333
Jaywalking, I once ran with scissors.
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00:06:25,369 --> 00:06:28,103
They were safety scissors,
and I lied about the jaywalking.
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00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,587
So lying! Lying is on the list now.
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Okay. That's it.
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00:06:31,696 --> 00:06:33,408
Tomorrow, I'm taking you to see "Porky's."
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00:06:33,657 --> 00:06:34,643
What about Mom?
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00:06:34,678 --> 00:06:35,678
She'll never find out.
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00:06:35,712 --> 00:06:36,883
What's going on in here?
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00:06:36,946 --> 00:06:37,546
"Porky's!"
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00:06:37,581 --> 00:06:38,758
What? "Porky's!"
196
00:06:38,821 --> 00:06:39,781
Pork and beans.
197
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,650
The boy wants pork and beans for dinner.
198
00:06:41,821 --> 00:06:43,985
It's tuna taco Tuesday.
199
00:06:44,021 --> 00:06:46,901
But... I can move some things around.
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00:06:47,339 --> 00:06:49,354
Good suggestion, my little angel.
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00:06:51,034 --> 00:06:53,261
Boy, you're really not good at this.
202
00:06:53,297 --> 00:06:55,430
While I was being forced
to break the rules...
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00:06:55,465 --> 00:06:56,667
Psst! Hey, dummy!
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00:06:57,568 --> 00:07:00,667
You looked! Means you're a dummy.
205
00:07:00,893 --> 00:07:01,903
But seriously, I need
your help and advice.
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00:07:01,939 --> 00:07:02,804
Come on.
207
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,472
Erica was about to discover
208
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,604
that Barry broke into the A.V. club room.
209
00:07:07,307 --> 00:07:09,811
Okay, I know you told me
to buy Lainey flowers,
210
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,589
but that's just too small
a gift for the love of my life.
211
00:07:12,948 --> 00:07:15,984
Luckily, I figured out the perfect
Valentine's gift to get her.
212
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,819
A new boyfriend? Burn!
213
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,788
I don't agree with your insult,
but I respect it.
214
00:07:19,823 --> 00:07:21,523
Anyway, I was watching MTV,
215
00:07:21,558 --> 00:07:24,125
and this crazy genius video popped up.
216
00:07:24,503 --> 00:07:27,329
And there it was...
the answer I was looking for.
217
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:31,333
♪ Hello ♪
218
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,602
"Hello"? How is this the answer?
219
00:07:33,637 --> 00:07:35,103
-♪ Is it me you're looking for?♪
- Lainey loves Lionel.
220
00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:36,438
And this video right here
221
00:07:36,473 --> 00:07:38,473
is the most romantic story ever told.
222
00:07:38,508 --> 00:07:39,541
Granted, Lionel is cool
223
00:07:39,576 --> 00:07:41,543
and can pull off a striped sweater,
224
00:07:41,578 --> 00:07:43,745
but this whole video
is, like, super weird.
225
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:47,182
33 years before Adele,
this was the "Hello"
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00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:50,352
that took the world by storm
thanks to Lionel Richie.
227
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,387
♪ I love you ♪
228
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:53,121
He's in love with a blind girl.
229
00:07:53,156 --> 00:07:55,323
He follows her through the halls,
and she has no idea.
230
00:07:55,359 --> 00:07:56,651
- It's so romantic.
- Is it?
231
00:07:56,927 --> 00:07:59,190
Yes! And she loves him, too!
232
00:07:59,363 --> 00:08:01,463
Just look at the sculpture
she made of his face.
233
00:08:01,498 --> 00:08:03,120
It's scary but sincere.
234
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:05,834
What does this have to do
with Valentine's Day or anything?
235
00:08:05,869 --> 00:08:07,636
Duh! I'm gonna be just like the video
236
00:08:07,671 --> 00:08:08,970
and make Lainey a Clay bust.
237
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,341
Oh, it's wonderful.
238
00:08:13,377 --> 00:08:15,377
This is how I see you.
239
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,345
The point is, stop while you're ahead.
240
00:08:17,381 --> 00:08:19,948
Trust me. Girls don't like it
when a guy tries too hard.
241
00:08:20,221 --> 00:08:21,082
What up, what up?
242
00:08:21,118 --> 00:08:23,081
Guess who's all about V.D. today.
243
00:08:23,690 --> 00:08:24,819
Wait. That sounded really bad.
244
00:08:24,855 --> 00:08:26,521
I've got math class, Geoff.
What do you need?
245
00:08:26,659 --> 00:08:28,924
Me? Nothing. Just thought you'd need
something from your locker.
246
00:08:29,190 --> 00:08:29,624
Nope.
247
00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:32,057
Well, maybe just check to see
that everything's okay.
248
00:08:32,581 --> 00:08:33,495
Why wouldn't it be okay?
249
00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:34,432
Just open it!
250
00:08:39,703 --> 00:08:41,069
What the hell?!
251
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,538
Doves. Someone must like you.
252
00:08:43,563 --> 00:08:45,792
Dear lord! They pooped all over my stuff!
253
00:08:45,995 --> 00:08:48,677
It's like a bottle of Elmer's glue
exploded in there.
254
00:08:48,885 --> 00:08:50,292
Geoff, this has to stop.
255
00:08:50,514 --> 00:08:52,253
Don't worry. I-I'll go
get some paper towels.
256
00:08:52,339 --> 00:08:54,268
Geoff to the rescue. I'm such a good guy.
257
00:08:54,964 --> 00:08:56,807
While Erica was trying to ignore Geoff,
258
00:08:57,089 --> 00:08:59,487
my dad just wanted me to ignore the rules.
259
00:08:59,674 --> 00:09:00,518
All right, son.
260
00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:02,221
I'm not looking.
261
00:09:02,392 --> 00:09:04,192
Now's your chance to go
see your jiggle movie.
262
00:09:04,393 --> 00:09:06,174
What? Aren't you coming with me?
263
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:07,562
Who's gonna buy me a ticket?
264
00:09:08,198 --> 00:09:09,798
That would defeat the whole purpose!
265
00:09:10,081 --> 00:09:11,033
You got to do this on your own.
266
00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:12,667
You buy a ticket for "Annie",
267
00:09:12,971 --> 00:09:14,502
and then you sneak into "Porky's".
268
00:09:14,745 --> 00:09:15,503
Easy-peasy.
269
00:09:15,667 --> 00:09:17,167
But I just saw "Annie".
270
00:09:17,503 --> 00:09:19,240
You think they'll believe
I'd see that garbage
271
00:09:19,276 --> 00:09:20,375
twice in a week?
272
00:09:24,715 --> 00:09:26,948
Even better. Now it's free.
273
00:09:27,198 --> 00:09:28,623
Now you're telling me to cheat the theater
274
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:29,718
out of the price of a ticket?
275
00:09:29,893 --> 00:09:31,419
All right. That's it. I've had enough.
276
00:09:31,455 --> 00:09:33,588
You go see that movie
now or you're punished.
277
00:09:33,623 --> 00:09:36,558
What?! You can't punish me
for not breaking the rules!
278
00:09:36,593 --> 00:09:37,643
Move it now!
279
00:09:37,839 --> 00:09:38,424
Fine!
280
00:09:38,698 --> 00:09:40,505
But I'll never forgive you
for helping me get into
281
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,497
the movie I've been dying to see.
282
00:09:45,602 --> 00:09:48,212
Even though I was doing
exactly what my dad said,
283
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:51,378
for the first time in my life,
I felt like a total rebel.
284
00:09:51,643 --> 00:09:52,540
Show time.
285
00:09:52,576 --> 00:09:55,034
That is, until someone
interrupted the movie.
286
00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:56,878
Excuse me. Pardon me, everyone.
287
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:58,378
I hate to interrupt your smut,
288
00:09:58,749 --> 00:10:00,849
but my innocent little boy is in here.
289
00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:02,150
She's here!
290
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,807
I know you're in here, Adam!
291
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,862
A mother always knows.
292
00:10:06,307 --> 00:10:06,955
Surrender!
293
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:07,823
Oh, balls.
294
00:10:07,991 --> 00:10:09,257
I don't mean to judge any of you,
295
00:10:09,292 --> 00:10:10,378
but you're all terrible.
296
00:10:11,471 --> 00:10:12,727
Best of luck.
297
00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:15,750
Valentine's Day was fast approaching,
298
00:10:16,104 --> 00:10:18,479
and Barry had finally found
the perfect gift for Lainey.
299
00:10:18,581 --> 00:10:20,120
How long have you been here?
300
00:10:20,189 --> 00:10:21,151
Been in here since the crack of dawn,
301
00:10:21,206 --> 00:10:23,503
but it'll all make sense
once you see my masterpiece.
302
00:10:24,284 --> 00:10:25,333
♪ Hello ♪
303
00:10:27,182 --> 00:10:28,253
Was that a scream of delight?
304
00:10:28,401 --> 00:10:29,518
That was terror.
305
00:10:29,799 --> 00:10:31,909
Seriously, this thing
is gonna haunt me forever.
306
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:32,526
In a good way?
307
00:10:32,557 --> 00:10:33,753
Who gets haunted in a good way?
308
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,099
Kevin Costner in "Field of Dreams."
309
00:10:35,346 --> 00:10:37,001
Okay, that was a fantastic example.
310
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:38,706
But this thing is beyond disturbing.
311
00:10:38,831 --> 00:10:39,354
Thing?!
312
00:10:39,401 --> 00:10:41,072
It looks like sloth from "The Goonies"
313
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:42,673
got botched plastic surgery.
314
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:43,753
It's clearly Lainey.
315
00:10:43,849 --> 00:10:44,581
Lainey?!
316
00:10:44,792 --> 00:10:46,589
It looks like someone sat on a puppet
317
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:47,778
from "The Dark Crystal."
318
00:10:47,924 --> 00:10:48,510
Damn it!
319
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,510
Okay. I know what I got to do.
320
00:10:50,104 --> 00:10:51,799
See, the girl in the video was blind.
321
00:10:52,135 --> 00:10:53,714
I've been looking at Lainey with my eyes
322
00:10:53,917 --> 00:10:55,807
when I should really be
looking at her with my hands.
323
00:10:56,182 --> 00:10:57,487
The hands are the eyes of the arms.
324
00:10:57,964 --> 00:10:59,042
I don't know, man.
325
00:10:59,277 --> 00:11:01,128
This whole thing is just so off the rails.
326
00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:03,416
Ceramics, am I right?
Can we talk about us?
327
00:11:03,628 --> 00:11:05,065
There isn't an us.
328
00:11:05,362 --> 00:11:07,057
And you're, like, terrible at icebreakers.
329
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,630
Cool. Cool. So, I've come
to a major life decision.
330
00:11:09,964 --> 00:11:11,109
We're done. Sweet.
331
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,362
You do realize what that means.
332
00:11:13,557 --> 00:11:14,720
Now you have to just sit back
333
00:11:14,745 --> 00:11:16,651
and watch me date a parade of hot ladies,
334
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:17,917
knowing in your heart that you missed out.
335
00:11:18,152 --> 00:11:19,417
Well, live and learn.
336
00:11:19,464 --> 00:11:21,064
Okay, but you're making me uncork
337
00:11:21,099 --> 00:11:22,499
all this charm I've been hiding!
338
00:11:24,569 --> 00:11:26,636
Hey, hallways, am I right?
339
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,854
You broke my rules, you broke my trust,
340
00:11:31,182 --> 00:11:32,432
and you broke my heart.
341
00:11:32,753 --> 00:11:34,604
The bad-boy triple axle.
342
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:36,432
Well, gold medal, bad boy.
343
00:11:36,615 --> 00:11:38,260
You are grounded for a month.
344
00:11:38,424 --> 00:11:41,065
No Nintendo, no telephone, no snuggies.
345
00:11:41,152 --> 00:11:42,919
What?! You can't do that.
346
00:11:42,954 --> 00:11:43,620
You're right.
347
00:11:44,155 --> 00:11:45,855
I'm not gonna deny myself snuggies
348
00:11:45,891 --> 00:11:47,596
just because you love perverted cinema.
349
00:11:47,792 --> 00:11:51,194
We can snug, but still... No
Nintendo and no telephone.
350
00:11:51,229 --> 00:11:52,362
But Sunday's Valentine's Day.
351
00:11:52,397 --> 00:11:54,264
I have a whole phone
date planned with Dana.
352
00:11:54,299 --> 00:11:56,432
Well, too bad. And if you think I'm angry,
353
00:11:56,468 --> 00:11:58,190
just wait till your dad gets going.
354
00:11:58,401 --> 00:11:59,736
This is gonna get ugly.
355
00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:01,905
You're gonna hear it! Brace yourself, boy!
356
00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:06,809
I am so proud of you.
357
00:12:06,845 --> 00:12:08,044
Please. Don't be.
358
00:12:08,079 --> 00:12:09,145
Oh, but I am.
359
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:10,680
Go and make Mom unground me.
360
00:12:10,715 --> 00:12:12,315
Oh, I can't do that. You broke the rules.
361
00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:13,416
Because of you!
362
00:12:13,451 --> 00:12:15,451
And you have my respect.
363
00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:16,452
I don't want it!
364
00:12:16,488 --> 00:12:19,289
I want to have my first
Valentine's Day with my girlfriend.
365
00:12:19,324 --> 00:12:21,124
You are angry and defiant.
366
00:12:21,159 --> 00:12:22,992
And it makes my heart full.
367
00:12:23,028 --> 00:12:24,627
No! Stop! Empty your heart.
368
00:12:24,663 --> 00:12:26,496
Way to go, son.
369
00:12:26,531 --> 00:12:28,331
Don't call me "son" with pride ever again.
370
00:12:28,366 --> 00:12:29,432
Son.
371
00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:31,200
You really want me to break the rules?
372
00:12:31,236 --> 00:12:33,403
That's exactly what I'm going to do!
373
00:12:33,438 --> 00:12:37,874
And so, I started my life
as a rule breaker, big-time.
374
00:12:37,909 --> 00:12:39,542
One ticket to Seattle, please.
375
00:12:39,578 --> 00:12:40,618
My girlfriend lives there.
376
00:12:40,645 --> 00:12:41,844
You flying alone today, kid?
377
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,948
Uh... Is that a problem?
378
00:12:44,983 --> 00:12:47,016
Nope, but you can meet the captain,
379
00:12:47,052 --> 00:12:48,985
and we'll let you steer the plane.
380
00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:50,753
Lucky for me, it was the '80s.
381
00:12:50,789 --> 00:12:53,222
Things were a tad looser back then.
382
00:12:53,258 --> 00:12:55,024
As I was off to see my Valentine,
383
00:12:55,060 --> 00:12:56,759
Barry was still feeling his out.
384
00:12:56,795 --> 00:12:57,827
Hey, babe.
385
00:12:57,862 --> 00:12:59,662
Hello. Oh, boy.
386
00:12:59,698 --> 00:13:01,998
And with that, Barry did some research...
387
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:04,100
Terrible, invasive research.
388
00:13:04,135 --> 00:13:05,268
Do you trim your nose hairs?
389
00:13:05,303 --> 00:13:07,003
Wow. Your forehead's so big.
390
00:13:07,038 --> 00:13:08,738
What's that right there?
I never noticed that.
391
00:13:08,773 --> 00:13:09,772
Your eye looks different today.
392
00:13:09,808 --> 00:13:10,808
What's going on?
393
00:13:10,842 --> 00:13:12,175
What's happening right now?
394
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:14,377
Oh, nothing. Just passing
on by before social studies class.
395
00:13:14,412 --> 00:13:16,079
Thought I'd give you a little face feel.
396
00:13:16,114 --> 00:13:17,547
Please don't touch my face.
397
00:13:17,582 --> 00:13:18,848
You got tater-tot hands.
398
00:13:18,883 --> 00:13:23,453
Ooh! That is a big noggin!
399
00:13:23,488 --> 00:13:26,322
Dude! I don't know what this
is, but now I'm pissed!
400
00:13:26,358 --> 00:13:27,890
Well done. Wait. How
many teeth do you have?
401
00:13:27,926 --> 00:13:29,325
- Let me count your teeth.
- Ugh!
402
00:13:29,361 --> 00:13:30,693
Teeth, am I right?
403
00:13:30,729 --> 00:13:32,161
Stop doing what you're doing!
404
00:13:32,197 --> 00:13:33,429
No, it's not what you think, okay?
405
00:13:33,465 --> 00:13:35,264
I just wanted to say sorry.
406
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,100
I've been annoying. I get it.
407
00:13:37,135 --> 00:13:38,601
Spending all that money on flowers
408
00:13:38,637 --> 00:13:40,336
and white pigeons was a real wake-up call.
409
00:13:40,372 --> 00:13:41,838
I thought they were doves.
410
00:13:41,906 --> 00:13:44,374
You put gross albino pigeons in my locker?
411
00:13:44,409 --> 00:13:47,343
The point is, I give up, okay?
412
00:13:47,379 --> 00:13:48,478
I made a deal with myself.
413
00:13:48,513 --> 00:13:50,246
If I couldn't win you
over by Valentine's Day,
414
00:13:50,281 --> 00:13:51,948
then it was time to move on.
415
00:13:51,983 --> 00:13:54,550
So... I guess... friends?
416
00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:56,975
For sure.
417
00:13:57,022 --> 00:13:57,893
Friends.
418
00:13:58,223 --> 00:13:59,989
There it was... the one word that killed
419
00:14:00,025 --> 00:14:01,682
any romantic relationship.
420
00:14:02,127 --> 00:14:03,259
That was very mature of you, man.
421
00:14:03,294 --> 00:14:04,427
Oh, no. Just wait.
422
00:14:04,462 --> 00:14:05,561
Here's where she turns around,
423
00:14:05,597 --> 00:14:07,263
gives me a longing look
because she didn't realize
424
00:14:07,298 --> 00:14:08,598
what she had until now.
425
00:14:08,623 --> 00:14:11,448
It's my master plan. Here we go.
426
00:14:11,870 --> 00:14:13,536
Right...
427
00:14:13,571 --> 00:14:14,837
Now!
428
00:14:16,117 --> 00:14:17,667
Right now!
429
00:14:18,309 --> 00:14:19,342
Right... Now!
430
00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:21,978
It's over, bro.
431
00:14:22,003 --> 00:14:24,784
Shut up, Robert. Everyone knows
you gave yourself that flower.
432
00:14:25,183 --> 00:14:27,635
As Geoff realized he had
to get over his broken heart,
433
00:14:28,019 --> 00:14:29,714
I was breaking the rules.
434
00:14:29,888 --> 00:14:31,154
Suck on this, Murray Goldberg.
435
00:14:32,457 --> 00:14:34,090
Welcome aboard. This is your captain.
436
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:36,859
Our flight time to Seattle
will be about five hours.
437
00:14:36,895 --> 00:14:38,895
Wait. Did he say five hours?
438
00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:40,363
Rough weather in the Midwest,
439
00:14:40,398 --> 00:14:42,265
so we'll see some minor turbulence.
440
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,701
Minor turbulence? Oh, that's not great.
441
00:14:44,736 --> 00:14:46,235
Or major turbulence.
442
00:14:46,271 --> 00:14:48,571
Just, uh, please keep
your seat belts fastened.
443
00:14:48,606 --> 00:14:50,573
They don't know? They should know!
444
00:14:50,608 --> 00:14:53,509
Oh, god! Why am I here?! What have I done?
445
00:14:53,545 --> 00:14:56,179
Sure, as a boy, I was afraid of flying.
446
00:14:56,214 --> 00:14:59,515
But as a man, I wasn't gonna
wuss out and call my parents.
447
00:15:02,187 --> 00:15:03,252
Murray!
448
00:15:07,926 --> 00:15:09,292
Murray!
449
00:15:09,327 --> 00:15:11,761
I can't! I'm busy!
450
00:15:11,796 --> 00:15:13,329
Murray!
451
00:15:13,364 --> 00:15:15,164
Fine.
452
00:15:17,402 --> 00:15:19,074
Hello?
453
00:15:19,871 --> 00:15:21,370
Uh-huh.
454
00:15:21,406 --> 00:15:22,605
Uh-huh.
455
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:23,606
Uh-huh.
456
00:15:23,641 --> 00:15:25,141
Who is it?
457
00:15:25,176 --> 00:15:27,577
Adam's at the airport.
458
00:15:27,612 --> 00:15:28,644
Seattle?!
459
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,580
I mean, really?
460
00:15:30,615 --> 00:15:33,082
You are not dressed
for that kind of rainy weather.
461
00:15:33,118 --> 00:15:35,151
At the very least, pack some duck boots.
462
00:15:35,186 --> 00:15:37,653
I mean, you could have
gotten a head cold and died!
463
00:15:37,689 --> 00:15:40,156
Dad said to break the rules,
so that's just what I did.
464
00:15:40,191 --> 00:15:43,626
I meant leave the seat up! Eat
a grape at the supermarket!
465
00:15:43,661 --> 00:15:46,028
Not fly across the damn country!
466
00:15:46,064 --> 00:15:47,530
But, deep down, you're proud of me.
467
00:15:47,565 --> 00:15:48,965
No, I'm the opposite of that.
468
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,166
Gotcha. Mom's here,
469
00:15:50,201 --> 00:15:52,034
so you can't give me
the respect that I deserve.
470
00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:54,003
No respect! You're a moron!
471
00:15:54,038 --> 00:15:56,472
Yep. I really am.
472
00:15:56,508 --> 00:15:57,940
You really are.
473
00:15:57,976 --> 00:16:00,443
Let's just all agree... In the future,
474
00:16:00,478 --> 00:16:02,845
we leave the parenting to me and Bev.
475
00:16:02,881 --> 00:16:04,147
Yes. For sure.
476
00:16:04,182 --> 00:16:05,515
Absolutely.
477
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,416
Guys, guys, I think the headline here
478
00:16:07,452 --> 00:16:09,519
is that I did the right thing in the end.
479
00:16:09,554 --> 00:16:10,653
True.
480
00:16:10,688 --> 00:16:12,421
I cried until they turned
that plane around.
481
00:16:12,457 --> 00:16:15,558
That was not easy and cost
me every bit of my dignity.
482
00:16:15,593 --> 00:16:16,759
He did do that.
483
00:16:16,795 --> 00:16:18,194
And I did not try smoking,
484
00:16:18,229 --> 00:16:21,164
even though the other passengers
said it would calm my nerves.
485
00:16:21,199 --> 00:16:22,799
You should head upstairs now.
486
00:16:22,834 --> 00:16:24,867
Same goes for the tiny vodka bottles.
487
00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:26,369
Head upstairs now.
488
00:16:26,404 --> 00:16:27,537
Everybody go!
489
00:16:29,174 --> 00:16:31,440
Well, I hope you're happy.
You've ruined our son.
490
00:16:31,476 --> 00:16:34,677
Adam used to be a good boy,
and now he's a real [Bleep].
491
00:16:34,712 --> 00:16:36,546
I'm not gonna apologize for that.
492
00:16:36,581 --> 00:16:39,549
Bevy, do you really want to have
the only kid in the world
493
00:16:39,584 --> 00:16:41,684
who's afraid to see an "R"-rated movie?
494
00:16:41,719 --> 00:16:42,519
Yes!
495
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,193
That's the dream.
496
00:16:44,322 --> 00:16:45,721
Well, it's not mine.
497
00:16:45,757 --> 00:16:48,257
Look, I know I'm not down in the trenches
like the two of you,
498
00:16:48,293 --> 00:16:50,472
but we need to raise a man,
499
00:16:50,829 --> 00:16:53,696
one who's not afraid to go
out and take a risk,
500
00:16:53,731 --> 00:16:55,965
even if it means disappointing us.
501
00:17:02,285 --> 00:17:03,685
Valentine's Day had arrived,
502
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,410
and Barry was finally ready
to unveil his masterpiece.
503
00:17:06,488 --> 00:17:09,441
Dude, are you still in here
making Lainey heads?
504
00:17:09,512 --> 00:17:11,812
I'm so close, Erica!
505
00:17:11,848 --> 00:17:14,115
Come. Prepare yourself for beauty.
506
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:15,746
♪ Hello ♪
507
00:17:16,019 --> 00:17:17,084
Oh, no!
508
00:17:17,109 --> 00:17:18,043
Okay. That's a no.
509
00:17:18,074 --> 00:17:19,487
Don't worry. Got many more.
510
00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:20,755
Behold.
511
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,056
♪ Hello ♪
512
00:17:22,091 --> 00:17:22,857
Ew!
513
00:17:22,892 --> 00:17:25,074
Okay. Good note.
514
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,561
Feast your eyes on this.
515
00:17:26,596 --> 00:17:29,144
♪ 'Cause you know just what to say ♪
516
00:17:29,399 --> 00:17:30,364
I got one you're gonna love.
517
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,902
♪ And you know just what to do ♪
518
00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:34,735
That's supposed to be your girlfriend?!
519
00:17:34,771 --> 00:17:38,566
♪ And I want to tell you so much ♪
520
00:17:39,509 --> 00:17:41,209
-♪ I love you ♪
- No. Stop.
521
00:17:41,244 --> 00:17:44,128
You can't show Lainey
any of these clay monstrosities.
522
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,980
She'll think you're a serial killer.
523
00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:47,433
I know.
524
00:17:47,784 --> 00:17:49,283
I blew it.
525
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:52,597
I ruined the first
Valentine's with the girl of my dreams.
526
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:53,949
Barry?
527
00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,222
Lainey! Lainey, don't look at me, please,
528
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,892
or anything else in this room.
529
00:17:57,927 --> 00:17:59,860
Also, happy Valentine's Day.
530
00:17:59,896 --> 00:18:00,928
What the...
531
00:18:00,964 --> 00:18:03,297
You made all this for me?
532
00:18:05,802 --> 00:18:07,101
So, you like them?
533
00:18:07,263 --> 00:18:09,536
Don't take this the wrong
way, but they're nightmares.
534
00:18:09,561 --> 00:18:11,411
This was supposed to be
your Valentine's gift.
535
00:18:11,436 --> 00:18:14,267
I just wanted to show
how I see you, but...
536
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:17,420
It's just impossible to make
something as beautiful as you.
537
00:18:17,646 --> 00:18:19,990
Barry, I told you not to go all crazy.
538
00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:21,749
I know, but the fact that you love me
539
00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:25,886
more than any man in this
world is everything to me.
540
00:18:25,921 --> 00:18:28,021
It's everything.
541
00:18:28,057 --> 00:18:31,859
The fact that you'd sit here
for days and try over and over...
542
00:18:34,130 --> 00:18:36,372
that's exactly why I love
you, you big idiot.
543
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:44,805
♪ I've been alone
with you inside my mind ♪
544
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:50,744
♪ and in my dreams, I've kissed
your lips a thousand times ♪
545
00:18:50,780 --> 00:18:52,579
I saw that.
546
00:18:52,615 --> 00:18:58,585
- ♪ I sometimes see you pass outside my door♪
- What? Ew. You saw nothing.
547
00:18:58,621 --> 00:19:00,020
Lights out.
548
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:01,789
- ♪ Hello ♪
- And Mom says no sneaking T.V.
549
00:19:01,824 --> 00:19:03,590
Still punished. Got it.
550
00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:05,993
- ♪ Is it me you're looking for? ♪
- I've got to say... flying to Seattle?
551
00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:07,685
You really took a big swing.
552
00:19:07,721 --> 00:19:10,887
- ♪ I can see it in your eyes ♪
- Don't worry. I'll get the hang of it.
553
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,606
♪ I can see it in your smile ♪
554
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,337
♪ you're all I've ever wanted ♪
555
00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:20,140
That night, I decided
to start breaking the rules,
556
00:19:20,176 --> 00:19:22,371
but it wasn't because my dad said to
557
00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:24,244
or because I thought
I would prove I was a man.
558
00:19:24,269 --> 00:19:26,280
- ♪ 'Cause you know just what to say ♪
- I did it simply because...
559
00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:29,216
- ♪ And you know just what to do ♪
- I was a boy in love with a girl.
560
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,575
And after being in such
a hurry to grow up...
561
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:34,772
- ♪ And I want to tell you so much ♪
- In that moment, I just wanted time to stop.
562
00:19:35,138 --> 00:19:37,388
And I was willing to risk everything.
563
00:19:37,574 --> 00:19:39,640
♪ I love you ♪
564
00:19:41,545 --> 00:19:43,478
He snuck out to call Dana.
565
00:19:43,513 --> 00:19:46,189
Well, what do you know?
566
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:48,316
You gonna bust him?
567
00:19:48,352 --> 00:19:49,951
Oh, for sure.
568
00:19:49,987 --> 00:19:51,876
But he's a good boy.
569
00:19:52,256 --> 00:19:53,936
- ♪ Hello ♪
- I'll give him a couple of minutes.
570
00:19:55,058 --> 00:19:58,860
♪ Is it me you're looking for? ♪
571
00:19:58,895 --> 00:20:02,264
- ♪ 'Cause I wonder where you are ♪
- That's the thing about love.
572
00:20:02,299 --> 00:20:05,267
- ♪ And I wonder what you do ♪
- It makes you want to take risks and go out on a limb,
573
00:20:05,302 --> 00:20:07,435
no matter the consequence.
574
00:20:07,471 --> 00:20:08,948
♪ But let me start by saying ♪
575
00:20:08,973 --> 00:20:11,580
But for the right person,
it's totally worth it.
576
00:20:12,009 --> 00:20:13,808
♪ I love you ♪
577
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,824
Ugh. Why is that Lainey head here?
578
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:20,151
They made me remove them
all from the school premises
579
00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:21,448
'cause they were scaring
the first graders.
580
00:20:21,473 --> 00:20:23,779
Me and the JTP are gonna blow
this one up with some fireworks.
581
00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:26,811
Do it now. I am not gonna sleep
with that thing in the house.
582
00:20:26,846 --> 00:20:29,379
Oh, my.
583
00:20:29,404 --> 00:20:31,223
I get it. I suck at sculptering.
584
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,139
No.
585
00:20:32,175 --> 00:20:34,948
Baby, you're a genius.
586
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:38,599
And I am so honored that this
is how you see me.
587
00:20:38,622 --> 00:20:42,367
I mean, what a beautiful tribute
to the love of your life...
588
00:20:44,528 --> 00:20:45,594
me.
589
00:20:45,629 --> 00:20:46,552
Oh, no.
590
00:20:46,599 --> 00:20:47,466
Mom, just so you know,
591
00:20:47,474 --> 00:20:48,806
this is actually a sculpture
of Lainey's head.
592
00:20:48,842 --> 00:20:49,874
Toss it in the trash.
593
00:20:52,078 --> 00:20:53,878
That's my stupid brother right there.
594
00:20:53,913 --> 00:20:55,646
He's talking with his girlfriend.
595
00:20:58,171 --> 00:20:59,604
What was that?
596
00:20:59,628 --> 00:21:01,628
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