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Adult Adam: The '80s
gave us the multiplex...
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00:00:03,367 --> 00:00:05,303
10 glorious movies under one roof,
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00:00:05,328 --> 00:00:06,960
a heaven where you could literally spend
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00:00:06,985 --> 00:00:10,065
a whole day inside, delighting
in mystery, action,
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00:00:10,101 --> 00:00:11,867
and some of the greatest films ever made.
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One for "E.T." One
for "Indiana Jones," please.
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One ticket for "Mannequin".
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00:00:14,976 --> 00:00:16,242
One for "The Lost Boys", please.
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One for "Weekend at Bernie's".
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They put sunglasses on a corpse.
[Chuckles]
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And then a movie came
along that changed everything
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for countless young men
on the verge of adulthood.
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"Porky's!" Oh, yes!
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00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,726
Hell, no!
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Do you realize that movie
is packed with potty language,
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adult situations, and Florida attitude?
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00:00:37,617 --> 00:00:39,064
Yeah. That's why I want to see it.
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Not with those beautiful
and innocent eyes.
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One's kind of wonky. The
other one's all right.
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Point is, no "Porky's."
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It's rated "R," and you
need my permission,
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which I will never, ever, ever give.
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Well, in a few years, I won't
even need your permission.
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I'll just rent it on Beta.
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Well, not if I contact
every video store in the state.
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Well, I'll legally change my name.
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Well, then I'll do a mass
mailing for your photo.
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Well, then I'll have
extensive plastic surgery
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and change my face.
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Well, then I'll hire the A-Team
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to capture you and bring you home.
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Well, then I'll hire Delta Force
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to combat your precious A-Team.
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What's going on with you two?
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What's going on is, you're a good boy.
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And if I say that movie isn't
appropriate, then you'll listen.
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♪
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[Gasps] What about "Annie", huh?
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I hear you singing
"It's A Hard-Knock Life"
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every morning when you
make your poopalas.
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But my mom was on to something.
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That little redhead
would be our perfect cover.
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Okay. Just got our "Annie" tickets.
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Now all we got to do
is sneak into "Porky's."
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This is it. The last time
we'll see each other as boys.
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Bear witness to the end
of my innocence, bro.
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Okay, no one panic,
but I'm like 99.9% sure
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that ticket guy is on to us!
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You're freaking out.
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I am not!
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Then why is your voice
all high and squeaky?
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That's just how I sound now.
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Stop yapping and come on already.
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Wait! We missed the first minute!
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All the naughty stuff
will be way less enjoyable
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if we don't understand
how it fits into the story!
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It was one of those moments
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that show you what you're made of.
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Was I gonna stay a scared little boy,
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or would I become a man?
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No, Annie! There's no way to go but up.
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How is this not rated "R"?
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This wasn't in the stage production.
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I was not prepared for this.
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♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
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♪ but nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪
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Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
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♪ I don't know the future ♪
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♪ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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It was February 10, 1980-something,
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and Valentine's Day was right
around the corner.
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Barry, you know I love you,
but please don't be an idiot
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and go crazy on Valentine's Day.
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- I mean it.
- What?
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All I asked was if there
was anywhere to park
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a hot-air balloon on your property.
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I'm serious.
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I'm not one of those girls
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who likes big public
displays of affection.
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Just keep it small, okay?
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Back then, keeping it small meant
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my brother's only option
was the love-a-gram.
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It made the cool kids feel cooler
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and the lonely goobers feel even lonelier.
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Hey, uh, I'd like to send
a flower to chemistry class for,
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um [Chuckles]
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Yourself?
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It's okay, Naked Rob.
You'll find love one day.
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Hey, man. How you doing?
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Uh, I'm fine.
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Gah! You're always, like, right there.
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Enough already. Okay?
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Look, just do what every high-school
boy on the planet does.
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Get her flowers.
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You want me to get Lainey flowers?
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They're nature's trash! They
don't even do anything.
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Trust me. Every girl loves roses.
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[Singsong voice] Erica Goldberg!
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I got roses for you!
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Crap. Why?!
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Don't you just love V-Day?
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Ooh! Here.
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I got 100 roses from your secret admirer.
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100?!
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Come on, man!
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How mysterious and sexy.
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Not to mention bulky and unwieldy.
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Who knows?
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Maybe today, your secret
admirer will reveal himself
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and you'll realize that love
was under your nose the whole time.
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Or I tell him that I have
no feelings for him at all
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and we shake hands and go
our separate ways.
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Or you kiss him 'cause you
realize you're soul mates.
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Or I knee him in the coin purse
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because now he's getting creepy.
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[Sighs] I was so close.
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Were you, though?
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♪
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While Erica was breaking hearts,
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my friends were bragging
about breaking in to "Porky's".
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I feel like "Porky's" graphic
adult content wasn't blatant.
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It was earned, you know?
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I feel like, at its core, it
was a story of friendship.
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Mm. And boobs.
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Not to be this guy, but Kim
Cattrall is so hot.
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Pbht! Know who's even hotter?
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Miss Hannigan from "Annie".
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I mean, not in a conventional way,
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but there's something there.
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This is just sad, pal.
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Murray: I can't believe it.
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The boy saw "Annie" instead of "Porky's."
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My lord, you raised a wuss.
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Me?! He's your son!
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I take a casual, non-committal
approach to parenting.
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You're the one in the trenches.
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He's not a wuss. He's a good boy.
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Too good!
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Now's the time for taking chances
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and spreading his wings a bit.
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Would you rather take over?
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Let's not get crazy.
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How about that scene in gym
class with Ms. Balbricker?
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- That was crazy! [Laughs]
- Yes!
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You want to talk crazy... Carol Burnett.
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She acts, sings, and dances.
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She's a Swiss army knife of entertainment.
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Okay, yeah. That was full
wuss right there.
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So, I wasn't a bad boy.
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But at least my girlfriend
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always appreciated my sensitive side.
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Geez, I wish I was gonna see
you on Valentine's Day.
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You know what's just as good
as me going to Seattle?
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A 10-minute phone date where
we eat the same pasta
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and watch the same episode
of "Diff'rent Strokes."
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It's really not. [As Arnold
Jackson] Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Dana?
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[Timer dings]
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[Normal voice] Dang it. That's time.
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Aw. Just a few more minutes?
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I can't.
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You know how crazy my parents get
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about the long-distance bills.
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It's, like, a huge rule.
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Some rules are made to be broken.
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What the hell was that about?
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I think he's saying you can break
the rule and we can keep talking.
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No way. He's bluffing.
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Not bluffing.
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What kind of crazy mind game is this?!
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Maybe it's not a game.
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Oh, it's a game.
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Not a game.
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He said it's not a game.
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It's worse! It's a trap!
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It's not a damn trap!
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It's a trap, and I'm
gonna hang up and win!
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But he said... [Dial tone]
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My god. What are you doing?
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What am I doing?! What are you doing?!
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Get out of my head, man!
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Adam, you're a good kid.
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But sometimes, you got to take a risk,
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like breaking the phone rule
or going to see "Porky's".
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Shh!
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Don't say the "p" word when
the "m" word is around.
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My point is seeing an "R"-rated movie...
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That might be a rule that's okay to break.
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Hey, I break plenty of rules...
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Jaywalking, I once ran with scissors.
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They were safety scissors,
and I lied about the jaywalking.
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So lying! Lying is on the list now.
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Okay. That's it.
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Tomorrow, I'm taking you to see "Porky's."
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What about Mom?
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She'll never find out.
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What's going on in here?
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"Porky's!"
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00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:38,835
What? "Porky's!"
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00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:39,858
Pork and beans.
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00:06:39,893 --> 00:06:41,727
The boy wants pork and beans for dinner.
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00:06:41,898 --> 00:06:44,062
It's tuna taco Tuesday.
202
00:06:44,098 --> 00:06:46,978
But... I can move some things around.
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00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:49,431
Good suggestion, my little angel.
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Boy, you're really not good at this.
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While I was being forced
to break the rules...
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00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:56,744
Psst! Hey, dummy!
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00:06:57,645 --> 00:07:00,744
[Laughs] You looked!
Means you're a dummy.
208
00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:01,980
But seriously, I need
your help and advice.
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Come on.
210
00:07:02,916 --> 00:07:04,549
Erica was about to discover
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00:07:04,585 --> 00:07:06,681
that Barry broke into the A.V. club room.
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00:07:07,384 --> 00:07:09,888
Okay, I know you told me
to buy Lainey flowers,
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00:07:10,087 --> 00:07:12,666
but that's just too small
a gift for the love of my life.
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00:07:13,025 --> 00:07:16,061
Luckily, I figured out the perfect
Valentine's gift to get her.
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00:07:16,096 --> 00:07:17,896
A new boyfriend? Burn!
216
00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,865
I don't agree with your insult,
but I respect it.
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00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,600
Anyway, I was watching MTV,
218
00:07:21,635 --> 00:07:24,202
and this crazy genius video popped up.
219
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:27,406
And there it was... the
answer I was looking for.
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♪ Hello ♪
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00:07:31,445 --> 00:07:33,679
"Hello"? How is this the answer?
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00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,180
-♪ Is it me you're looking for?♪
- Lainey loves Lionel.
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00:07:35,215 --> 00:07:36,515
And this video right here
224
00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:38,550
is the most romantic story ever told.
225
00:07:38,585 --> 00:07:39,618
Granted, Lionel is cool
226
00:07:39,653 --> 00:07:41,620
and can pull off a striped sweater,
227
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:43,822
but this whole video
is, like, super weird.
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00:07:43,857 --> 00:07:47,259
33 years before Adele,
this was the "Hello"
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00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:50,429
that took the world by storm
thanks to Lionel Richie.
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♪ I love you ♪
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He's in love with a blind girl.
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00:07:53,233 --> 00:07:55,400
He follows her through the halls,
and she has no idea.
233
00:07:55,436 --> 00:07:56,728
It's so romantic. Is it?
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00:07:57,004 --> 00:07:59,267
Yes! And she loves him, too!
235
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Just look at the sculpture
she made of his face.
236
00:08:01,575 --> 00:08:03,197
It's scary but sincere.
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00:08:03,259 --> 00:08:05,911
What does this have to do
with Valentine's Day or anything?
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00:08:05,946 --> 00:08:07,713
Duh! I'm gonna be just like the video
239
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,047
and make Lainey a Clay bust.
240
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Oh, it's wonderful.
241
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Woman: This is how I see you.
242
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The point is, stop while you're ahead.
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Trust me. Girls don't like it
when a guy tries too hard.
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What up, what up?
245
00:08:21,195 --> 00:08:23,158
Guess who's all about V.D. today.
246
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:24,896
Wait. That sounded really bad.
247
00:08:24,932 --> 00:08:26,598
I've got math class, Geoff.
What do you need?
248
00:08:26,736 --> 00:08:29,001
Me? Nothing. Just thought you'd need
something from your locker.
249
00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:29,701
Nope.
250
00:08:29,737 --> 00:08:32,134
Well, maybe just check to see
that everything's okay.
251
00:08:32,658 --> 00:08:33,572
Why wouldn't it be okay?
252
00:08:33,607 --> 00:08:34,509
Just open it!
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00:08:34,603 --> 00:08:35,907
[Sighs]
254
00:08:38,278 --> 00:08:39,745
[Screams]
255
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,146
What the hell?!
256
00:08:41,181 --> 00:08:43,615
Doves. Someone must like you.
257
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,869
Dear lord! They pooped all over my stuff!
258
00:08:46,072 --> 00:08:48,754
It's like a bottle of Elmer's glue
exploded in there.
259
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,369
Geoff, this has to stop.
260
00:08:50,591 --> 00:08:52,330
Don't worry. I-I'll go
get some paper towels.
261
00:08:52,416 --> 00:08:54,345
Geoff to the rescue. I'm such a good guy.
262
00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:56,884
Adult Adam: While Erica
was trying to ignore Geoff,
263
00:08:57,166 --> 00:08:59,564
my dad just wanted me to ignore the rules.
264
00:08:59,751 --> 00:09:00,595
All right, son.
265
00:09:00,768 --> 00:09:02,298
I'm not looking.
266
00:09:02,469 --> 00:09:04,269
Now's your chance to go
see your jiggle movie.
267
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:06,251
What? Aren't you coming with me?
268
00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:07,639
Who's gonna buy me a ticket?
269
00:09:08,275 --> 00:09:09,875
That would defeat the whole purpose!
270
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,110
You got to do this on your own.
271
00:09:11,145 --> 00:09:12,744
You buy a ticket for "Annie",
272
00:09:13,048 --> 00:09:14,579
and then you sneak into "Porky's".
273
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:15,580
Easy-peasy.
274
00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:17,244
But I just saw "Annie".
275
00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:19,317
You think they'll believe
I'd see that garbage
276
00:09:19,353 --> 00:09:20,452
twice in a week?
277
00:09:24,792 --> 00:09:27,025
Even better. Now it's free.
278
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,700
Now you're telling me to cheat the theater
279
00:09:28,729 --> 00:09:29,795
out of the price of a ticket?
280
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,496
All right. That's it. I've had enough.
281
00:09:31,532 --> 00:09:33,665
You go see that movie
now or you're punished.
282
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:36,635
What?! You can't punish me
for not breaking the rules!
283
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:37,720
Move it now!
284
00:09:37,854 --> 00:09:38,439
Fine!
285
00:09:38,775 --> 00:09:40,582
But I'll never forgive you
for helping me get into
286
00:09:40,607 --> 00:09:42,574
the movie I've been dying to see.
287
00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,289
Even though I was doing
exactly what my dad said,
288
00:09:48,314 --> 00:09:51,455
for the first time in my life,
I felt like a total rebel.
289
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,544
Show time.
290
00:09:52,569 --> 00:09:55,111
That is, until someone
interrupted the movie.
291
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,835
Excuse me. Pardon me, everyone.
292
00:09:56,870 --> 00:09:58,335
I hate to interrupt your smut,
293
00:09:58,706 --> 00:10:00,806
but my innocent little boy is in here.
294
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:02,107
[Gasps] She's here!
295
00:10:02,142 --> 00:10:03,764
I know you're in here, Adam!
296
00:10:04,327 --> 00:10:05,819
A mother always knows.
297
00:10:06,264 --> 00:10:06,912
Surrender!
298
00:10:07,131 --> 00:10:07,780
Oh, balls.
299
00:10:07,948 --> 00:10:09,214
I don't mean to judge any of you,
300
00:10:09,249 --> 00:10:10,335
but you're all terrible.
301
00:10:11,483 --> 00:10:12,739
Best of luck.
302
00:10:14,296 --> 00:10:15,762
Valentine's Day was fast approaching,
303
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,491
and Barry had finally found
the perfect gift for Lainey.
304
00:10:18,593 --> 00:10:20,132
How long have you been here?
305
00:10:20,201 --> 00:10:21,163
Been in here since the crack of dawn,
306
00:10:21,218 --> 00:10:23,515
but it'll all make sense
once you see my masterpiece.
307
00:10:24,296 --> 00:10:25,345
♪ Hello ♪
308
00:10:25,515 --> 00:10:26,680
- [Music stops]
- [Screams]
309
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,265
Was that a scream of delight?
310
00:10:28,413 --> 00:10:29,530
That was terror.
311
00:10:29,811 --> 00:10:31,921
Seriously, this thing
is gonna haunt me forever.
312
00:10:31,976 --> 00:10:32,538
In a good way?
313
00:10:32,569 --> 00:10:33,765
Who gets haunted in a good way?
314
00:10:33,812 --> 00:10:35,111
Kevin Costner in "Field of Dreams."
315
00:10:35,358 --> 00:10:37,013
Okay, that was a fantastic example.
316
00:10:37,039 --> 00:10:38,718
But this thing is beyond disturbing.
317
00:10:38,843 --> 00:10:39,366
Thing?!
318
00:10:39,413 --> 00:10:41,084
It looks like sloth from "The Goonies"
319
00:10:41,119 --> 00:10:42,685
got botched plastic surgery.
320
00:10:42,721 --> 00:10:43,765
It's clearly Lainey.
321
00:10:43,861 --> 00:10:44,593
Lainey?!
322
00:10:44,804 --> 00:10:46,601
It looks like someone sat on a puppet
323
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,790
from "The Dark Crystal."
324
00:10:47,936 --> 00:10:48,522
Damn it!
325
00:10:48,702 --> 00:10:49,522
Okay. I know what I got to do.
326
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:51,811
See, the girl in the video was blind.
327
00:10:52,147 --> 00:10:53,726
I've been looking at Lainey with my eyes
328
00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:55,819
when I should really be
looking at her with my hands.
329
00:10:56,194 --> 00:10:57,499
The hands are the eyes of the arms.
330
00:10:57,976 --> 00:10:59,054
I don't know, man.
331
00:10:59,289 --> 00:11:01,140
This whole thing is just so off the rails.
332
00:11:01,195 --> 00:11:03,428
Ceramics, am I right?
Can we talk about us?
333
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,077
There isn't an us.
334
00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:07,069
And you're, like, terrible at icebreakers.
335
00:11:07,132 --> 00:11:09,642
Cool. Cool. So, I've come
to a major life decision.
336
00:11:09,976 --> 00:11:11,121
We're done. Sweet.
337
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,374
You do realize what that means.
338
00:11:13,569 --> 00:11:14,732
Now you have to just sit back
339
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,663
and watch me date a parade of hot ladies,
340
00:11:16,688 --> 00:11:17,929
knowing in your heart that you missed out.
341
00:11:18,164 --> 00:11:19,429
Well, live and learn.
342
00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:21,076
Okay, but you're making me uncork
343
00:11:21,111 --> 00:11:22,511
all this charm I've been hiding!
344
00:11:22,546 --> 00:11:24,546
♪
345
00:11:24,581 --> 00:11:26,648
Hey, hallways, am I right?
346
00:11:28,592 --> 00:11:30,866
You broke my rules, you broke my trust,
347
00:11:31,194 --> 00:11:32,444
and you broke my heart.
348
00:11:32,765 --> 00:11:34,616
The bad-boy triple axle.
349
00:11:34,791 --> 00:11:36,444
Well, gold medal, bad boy.
350
00:11:36,627 --> 00:11:38,272
You are grounded for a month.
351
00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:41,077
No Nintendo, no telephone, no snuggies.
352
00:11:41,164 --> 00:11:42,931
What?! You can't do that.
353
00:11:42,966 --> 00:11:43,632
You're right.
354
00:11:44,167 --> 00:11:45,867
I'm not gonna deny myself snuggies
355
00:11:45,903 --> 00:11:47,608
just because you love perverted cinema.
356
00:11:47,804 --> 00:11:51,206
We can snug, but still... No
Nintendo and no telephone.
357
00:11:51,241 --> 00:11:52,374
But Sunday's Valentine's Day.
358
00:11:52,409 --> 00:11:54,276
I have a whole phone
date planned with Dana.
359
00:11:54,311 --> 00:11:56,444
Well, too bad. And if you think I'm angry,
360
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,202
just wait till your dad gets going.
361
00:11:58,413 --> 00:11:59,748
This is gonna get ugly.
362
00:11:59,882 --> 00:12:01,917
You're gonna hear it! Brace yourself, boy!
363
00:12:05,122 --> 00:12:06,821
I am so proud of you.
364
00:12:06,857 --> 00:12:08,056
Please. Don't be.
365
00:12:08,091 --> 00:12:09,157
Oh, but I am.
366
00:12:09,192 --> 00:12:10,692
Go and make Mom unground me.
367
00:12:10,727 --> 00:12:12,327
Oh, I can't do that. You broke the rules.
368
00:12:12,362 --> 00:12:13,428
Because of you!
369
00:12:13,463 --> 00:12:15,463
And you have my respect.
370
00:12:15,499 --> 00:12:16,464
I don't want it!
371
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:19,301
I want to have my first
Valentine's Day with my girlfriend.
372
00:12:19,336 --> 00:12:21,136
You are angry and defiant.
373
00:12:21,171 --> 00:12:23,004
And it makes my heart full.
374
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,639
No! Stop! Empty your heart.
375
00:12:24,675 --> 00:12:26,508
Way to go, son.
376
00:12:26,543 --> 00:12:28,343
Don't call me "son" with pride ever again.
377
00:12:28,378 --> 00:12:29,444
Son.
378
00:12:29,479 --> 00:12:31,212
You really want me to break the rules?
379
00:12:31,248 --> 00:12:33,415
That's exactly what I'm going to do!
380
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:37,886
And so, I started my life
as a rule breaker, big-time.
381
00:12:37,921 --> 00:12:39,554
One ticket to Seattle, please.
382
00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:40,630
My girlfriend lives there.
383
00:12:40,657 --> 00:12:41,856
You flying alone today, kid?
384
00:12:41,892 --> 00:12:44,960
Uh... Is that a problem?
385
00:12:44,995 --> 00:12:47,028
Nope, but you can meet the captain,
386
00:12:47,064 --> 00:12:48,997
and we'll let you steer the plane.
387
00:12:49,032 --> 00:12:50,765
Lucky for me, it was the '80s.
388
00:12:50,801 --> 00:12:53,234
Things were a tad looser back then.
389
00:12:53,270 --> 00:12:55,036
As I was off to see my Valentine,
390
00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:56,771
Barry was still feeling his out.
391
00:12:56,807 --> 00:12:57,839
Hey, babe.
392
00:12:57,874 --> 00:12:59,674
[As Lionel Richie] Hello. Oh, boy.
393
00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:02,010
And with that, Barry did some research...
394
00:13:02,045 --> 00:13:04,112
Terrible, invasive research.
395
00:13:04,147 --> 00:13:05,280
Do you trim your nose hairs?
396
00:13:05,315 --> 00:13:07,015
Wow. Your forehead's so big.
397
00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:08,750
What's that right there?
I never noticed that.
398
00:13:08,785 --> 00:13:09,784
Your eye looks different today.
399
00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:10,820
What's going on?
400
00:13:10,854 --> 00:13:12,187
What's happening right now?
401
00:13:12,222 --> 00:13:14,389
Oh, nothing. Just passing
on by before social studies class.
402
00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:16,091
Thought I'd give you a little face feel.
403
00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:17,559
[Chuckles] Please don't touch my face.
404
00:13:17,594 --> 00:13:18,860
You got tater-tot hands.
405
00:13:18,895 --> 00:13:23,465
Ooh! That is a big noggin! [Chuckles]
406
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:26,334
Dude! I don't know what this
is, but now I'm pissed!
407
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:27,902
Well done. Wait. How
many teeth do you have?
408
00:13:27,938 --> 00:13:29,337
- Let me count your teeth.
- Lainey: Ugh!
409
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:30,705
Teeth, am I right?
410
00:13:30,741 --> 00:13:32,173
Stop doing what you're doing!
411
00:13:32,209 --> 00:13:33,441
No, it's not what you think, okay?
412
00:13:33,477 --> 00:13:35,276
I just wanted to say sorry.
413
00:13:35,312 --> 00:13:37,112
I've been annoying. I get it.
414
00:13:37,147 --> 00:13:38,613
Spending all that money on flowers
415
00:13:38,649 --> 00:13:40,348
and white pigeons was a real wake-up call.
416
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:41,850
I thought they were doves.
417
00:13:41,918 --> 00:13:44,386
You put gross albino pigeons in my locker?
418
00:13:44,421 --> 00:13:47,355
The point is, I give up, okay?
419
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:48,490
I made a deal with myself.
420
00:13:48,525 --> 00:13:50,258
If I couldn't win you
over by Valentine's Day,
421
00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:51,960
then it was time to move on.
422
00:13:51,995 --> 00:13:54,562
So... I guess... friends?
423
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,987
For sure.
424
00:13:57,034 --> 00:13:57,905
Friends.
425
00:13:58,235 --> 00:14:00,001
There it was... the one word that killed
426
00:14:00,037 --> 00:14:01,694
any romantic relationship.
427
00:14:02,139 --> 00:14:03,271
That was very mature of you, man.
428
00:14:03,306 --> 00:14:04,439
Oh, no. Just wait.
429
00:14:04,474 --> 00:14:05,573
Here's where she turns around,
430
00:14:05,609 --> 00:14:07,275
gives me a longing look
because she didn't realize
431
00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:08,610
what she had until now.
432
00:14:08,635 --> 00:14:11,460
It's my master plan. Here we go.
433
00:14:11,771 --> 00:14:13,437
Right...
434
00:14:13,472 --> 00:14:14,738
Now!
435
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,438
Right now!
436
00:14:18,081 --> 00:14:19,114
Right... Now!
437
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,415
[Sniffs]
438
00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:21,750
[Sighs] It's over, bro.
439
00:14:21,775 --> 00:14:24,556
Shut up, Robert. Everyone knows
you gave yourself that flower.
440
00:14:24,955 --> 00:14:27,407
As Geoff realized he had
to get over his broken heart,
441
00:14:28,053 --> 00:14:29,748
I was breaking the rules.
442
00:14:29,922 --> 00:14:31,188
Suck on this, Murray Goldberg.
443
00:14:31,223 --> 00:14:32,456
[Bell dings]
444
00:14:32,491 --> 00:14:34,124
Captain: Welcome aboard.
This is your captain.
445
00:14:34,159 --> 00:14:36,893
Our flight time to Seattle
will be about five hours.
446
00:14:36,929 --> 00:14:38,929
Wait. Did he say five hours?
447
00:14:38,964 --> 00:14:40,397
Rough weather in the Midwest,
448
00:14:40,432 --> 00:14:42,299
so we'll see some minor turbulence.
449
00:14:42,334 --> 00:14:44,825
Minor turbulence? Oh, that's not great.
450
00:14:44,865 --> 00:14:46,364
Or major turbulence.
451
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,700
Just, uh, please keep
your seat belts fastened.
452
00:14:48,735 --> 00:14:50,615
They don't know? They should know!
453
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,638
Oh, god! Why am I here?! What have I done?
454
00:14:53,674 --> 00:14:56,308
Adult Adam: Sure, as a boy,
I was afraid of flying.
455
00:14:56,343 --> 00:14:59,644
But as a man, I wasn't gonna
wuss out and call my parents.
456
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,169
[Telephone ringing]
457
00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:03,381
Murray!
458
00:15:03,417 --> 00:15:04,816
[ Cheering]
459
00:15:04,852 --> 00:15:05,884
[Volume increases]
460
00:15:05,919 --> 00:15:08,019
[Ringing continues]
461
00:15:08,055 --> 00:15:09,199
Murray!
462
00:15:09,270 --> 00:15:11,714
I can't! I'm busy!
463
00:15:11,749 --> 00:15:13,282
[Ringing continues] Murray!
464
00:15:13,317 --> 00:15:14,723
Fine.
465
00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:16,147
[TV shuts off]
466
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,722
Hello?
467
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,018
Uh-huh.
468
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,253
Uh-huh.
469
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:23,713
Uh-huh.
470
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,248
Who is it?
471
00:15:25,283 --> 00:15:27,684
Adam's at the airport.
472
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:28,751
Seattle?!
473
00:15:28,787 --> 00:15:30,687
I mean, really?
474
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:33,189
You are not dressed
for that kind of rainy weather.
475
00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:35,258
At the very least, pack some duck boots.
476
00:15:35,293 --> 00:15:37,760
I mean, you could have
gotten a head cold and died!
477
00:15:37,796 --> 00:15:40,263
Dad said to break the rules,
so that's just what I did.
478
00:15:40,298 --> 00:15:43,733
I meant leave the seat up! Eat
a grape at the supermarket!
479
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:46,135
Not fly across the damn country!
480
00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:47,574
But, deep down, you're proud of me.
481
00:15:47,599 --> 00:15:49,072
No, I'm the opposite of that.
482
00:15:49,107 --> 00:15:50,273
Gotcha. Mom's here,
483
00:15:50,308 --> 00:15:51,902
so you can't give me
the respect that I deserve.
484
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,883
No respect! You're a moron!
485
00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:56,352
Yep. I really am.
486
00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:57,820
You really are.
487
00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:00,323
Let's just all agree... In the future,
488
00:16:00,358 --> 00:16:02,725
we leave the parenting to me and Bev.
489
00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:04,190
Yes. For sure.
490
00:16:04,215 --> 00:16:05,481
Absolutely.
491
00:16:05,505 --> 00:16:07,371
Guys, guys, I think the headline here
492
00:16:07,407 --> 00:16:09,474
is that I did the right thing in the end.
493
00:16:09,509 --> 00:16:10,129
True.
494
00:16:10,153 --> 00:16:12,425
I cried until they turned
that plane around.
495
00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:15,551
That was not easy and cost
me every bit of my dignity.
496
00:16:15,586 --> 00:16:16,752
He did do that.
497
00:16:16,788 --> 00:16:18,187
And I did not try smoking,
498
00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:20,926
even though the other passengers
said it would calm my nerves.
499
00:16:20,951 --> 00:16:22,792
You should head upstairs now.
500
00:16:22,827 --> 00:16:24,860
Same goes for the tiny vodka bottles.
501
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,362
Head upstairs now.
502
00:16:26,397 --> 00:16:27,530
Everybody go!
503
00:16:29,167 --> 00:16:31,433
Well, I hope you're happy.
You've ruined our son.
504
00:16:31,469 --> 00:16:34,670
Adam used to be a good boy,
and now he's a real [Bleep].
505
00:16:34,705 --> 00:16:36,539
I'm not gonna apologize for that.
506
00:16:36,574 --> 00:16:39,542
Bevy, do you really want to have
the only kid in the world
507
00:16:39,577 --> 00:16:41,677
who's afraid to see an "R"-rated movie?
508
00:16:41,712 --> 00:16:42,668
Yes!
509
00:16:42,864 --> 00:16:44,264
That's the dream.
510
00:16:44,393 --> 00:16:45,792
Well, it's not mine.
511
00:16:45,828 --> 00:16:48,328
Look, I know I'm not down in the trenches
like the two of you,
512
00:16:48,364 --> 00:16:50,543
but we need to raise a man,
513
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:53,856
one who's not afraid to go
out and take a risk,
514
00:16:53,891 --> 00:16:56,125
even if it means disappointing us.
515
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,195
♪
516
00:17:02,445 --> 00:17:03,845
Valentine's Day had arrived,
517
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,570
and Barry was finally ready
to unveil his masterpiece.
518
00:17:06,648 --> 00:17:09,601
Dude, are you still in here
making Lainey heads?
519
00:17:09,672 --> 00:17:11,972
I'm so close, Erica!
520
00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:14,275
Come. Prepare yourself for beauty.
521
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:15,906
♪ Hello ♪
522
00:17:16,179 --> 00:17:17,244
Oh, no!
523
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:18,203
[Music stops] Okay. That's a no.
524
00:17:18,234 --> 00:17:19,647
Don't worry. Got many more.
525
00:17:19,682 --> 00:17:20,915
Behold.
526
00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:21,996
♪ Hello ♪
527
00:17:22,021 --> 00:17:22,871
[Music stops] Ew!
528
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,116
Okay. Good note.
529
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:26,603
Feast your eyes on this.
530
00:17:26,638 --> 00:17:29,186
♪ 'Cause you know just what to say ♪
531
00:17:29,441 --> 00:17:30,406
I got one you're gonna love.
532
00:17:30,442 --> 00:17:32,944
♪ And you know just what to do ♪
533
00:17:33,311 --> 00:17:34,777
That's supposed to be your girlfriend?!
534
00:17:34,813 --> 00:17:38,608
♪ And I want to tell you so much ♪
535
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,400
-♪ I love you ♪
- No. Stop.
536
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:44,319
[Music stops] You can't show Lainey
any of these clay monstrosities.
537
00:17:44,471 --> 00:17:46,171
She'll think you're a serial killer.
538
00:17:46,387 --> 00:17:47,805
I know.
539
00:17:47,903 --> 00:17:49,402
I blew it.
540
00:17:49,438 --> 00:17:52,716
I ruined the first
Valentine's with the girl of my dreams.
541
00:17:52,941 --> 00:17:54,068
Barry?
542
00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:56,341
Lainey! Lainey, don't look at me, please,
543
00:17:56,411 --> 00:17:58,011
or anything else in this room.
544
00:17:58,046 --> 00:17:59,979
Also, happy Valentine's Day.
545
00:18:00,015 --> 00:18:01,047
What the...
546
00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:03,416
You made all this for me? [Chuckles]
547
00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:07,220
So, you like them?
548
00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:09,437
Don't take this the wrong
way, but they're nightmares.
549
00:18:09,473 --> 00:18:11,373
This was supposed to be
your Valentine's gift.
550
00:18:11,408 --> 00:18:14,008
I just wanted to show
how I see you, but...
551
00:18:14,044 --> 00:18:17,161
It's just impossible to make
something as beautiful as you.
552
00:18:17,647 --> 00:18:20,148
Barry, I told you not to go all crazy.
553
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,750
I know, but the fact that you love me
554
00:18:21,785 --> 00:18:25,723
more than any man in this
world is everything to me.
555
00:18:25,922 --> 00:18:27,715
It's everything.
556
00:18:28,058 --> 00:18:31,860
The fact that you'd sit here
for days and try over and over...
557
00:18:34,131 --> 00:18:37,298
that's exactly why I love
you, you big idiot.
558
00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:44,806
♪ I've been alone
with you inside my mind ♪
559
00:18:44,841 --> 00:18:50,745
♪ and in my dreams, I've kissed
your lips a thousand times ♪
560
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,580
I saw that.
561
00:18:52,616 --> 00:18:58,586
- ♪ I sometimes see you pass outside my door ♪
- What? Ew. You saw nothing.
562
00:18:58,622 --> 00:19:00,021
Lights out.
563
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,790
- ♪ Hello ♪
- And Mom says no sneaking T.V.
564
00:19:01,825 --> 00:19:03,591
Still punished. Got it.
565
00:19:03,627 --> 00:19:05,994
- ♪ Is it me you're looking for? ♪
- I've got to say... flying to Seattle?
566
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:07,686
You really took a big swing.
567
00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:10,888
- ♪ I can see it in your eyes ♪
- Don't worry. I'll get the hang of it.
568
00:19:11,501 --> 00:19:14,607
♪ I can see it in your smile ♪
569
00:19:15,472 --> 00:19:17,338
♪ you're all I've ever wanted ♪
570
00:19:17,374 --> 00:19:20,141
That night, I decided
to start breaking the rules,
571
00:19:20,177 --> 00:19:22,310
but it wasn't because my dad said to
572
00:19:22,345 --> 00:19:24,245
or because I thought
I would prove I was a man.
573
00:19:24,281 --> 00:19:26,199
- ♪ 'Cause you know just what to say ♪
- I did it simply because...
574
00:19:26,224 --> 00:19:29,217
- ♪ And you know just what to do ♪
- I was a boy in love with a girl.
575
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,621
And after being in such
a hurry to grow up...
576
00:19:31,677 --> 00:19:35,156
- ♪ And I want to tell you so much ♪
- In that moment, I just wanted time to stop.
577
00:19:35,192 --> 00:19:36,991
And I was willing to risk everything.
578
00:19:37,027 --> 00:19:39,093
♪ I love you ♪
579
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:43,698
He snuck out to call Dana.
580
00:19:43,733 --> 00:19:46,409
Well, what do you know?
581
00:19:47,304 --> 00:19:48,536
You gonna bust him?
582
00:19:48,572 --> 00:19:50,035
Oh, for sure.
583
00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:52,096
But he's a good boy.
584
00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:54,156
- ♪ Hello ♪
- I'll give him a couple of minutes.
585
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:59,080
♪ Is it me you're looking for? ♪
586
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:02,484
- ♪ 'Cause I wonder where you are ♪
- That's the thing about love.
587
00:20:02,519 --> 00:20:05,487
- ♪ And I wonder what you do ♪
- It makes you want to take risks and go out on a limb,
588
00:20:05,522 --> 00:20:07,655
no matter the consequence.
589
00:20:07,691 --> 00:20:09,168
♪ But let me start by saying ♪
590
00:20:09,193 --> 00:20:11,800
But for the right person,
it's totally worth it.
591
00:20:12,229 --> 00:20:14,028
♪ I love you ♪
592
00:20:15,684 --> 00:20:17,831
Ugh. Why is that Lainey head here?
593
00:20:17,856 --> 00:20:19,355
They made me remove them
all from the school premises
594
00:20:19,391 --> 00:20:20,790
'cause they were scaring
the first graders.
595
00:20:20,825 --> 00:20:23,835
Me and the JTP are gonna blow
this one up with some fireworks.
596
00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:26,861
Do it now. I am not gonna sleep
with that thing in the house.
597
00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:29,364
Oh, my.
598
00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:31,132
I get it. I suck at sculptering.
599
00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:32,066
No.
600
00:20:32,102 --> 00:20:34,875
Baby, you're a genius.
601
00:20:35,138 --> 00:20:38,558
And I am so honored that this
is how you see me.
602
00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:42,328
I mean, what a beautiful tribute
to the love of your life...
603
00:20:44,489 --> 00:20:45,555
me.
604
00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:46,551
Oh, no.
605
00:20:46,575 --> 00:20:47,774
Mom, just so you know,
606
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:49,142
this is actually a sculpture
of Lainey's head.
607
00:20:49,178 --> 00:20:50,210
Toss it in the trash.
608
00:20:50,245 --> 00:20:52,379
♪
609
00:20:52,414 --> 00:20:54,214
Adam: That's my stupid
brother right there.
610
00:20:54,249 --> 00:20:55,982
He's talking with his girlfriend.
611
00:20:58,053 --> 00:20:59,486
What was that?
612
00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:01,510
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