"The Hapley Group",
an unrehearsed and largely uniform round-table discussion
of the days' events. Featuring Pawnee Indiana's foremost hundreds.
Our first topic and issue number one is
this new ban on smoking, in the public, in Pawnee.
What does it mean for smokers,
and, will they still be able to smoke?
Joan?
Well, as long as I can still smoke
in my niece's kindergarden classroom
everybody else can go to hell.
You want to know who the first person to ban smoking was?
A certain German you might be familiar with,
his name was Adolf
Grönchmeiser
and he was the german chancellor
of Health Bureau from 1983 to 1986.
You make the connection.
Yeah, the real sufferer from the smoking ban is
Rastafari Pete.
Hey man!
Is Ganja part of da smoking ban, man?
Oh no! I see officer Paddy Wagon coming
Hey laddie! It's me officer Paddy Wagon.
Don't take my potatoes and odules.
So let's talk further about this smoking ban.
Should we ban odules?
No, because it goes great with a cigarette.
You on the wagon Joan?
Oh I love a good wagon ride!
Yeah I'll take a wagon ride, a bike ride, a boat ride...
I like a good ride.
Next on the agenda, the Olympics.
They are taking place in Russia, right now as we speak.
And judging from the voices I overheard on the bus this morning,
a lot of people are not happy about that.
Joan.
First, I have a thought here...
Do you remember Jeff Gillooly,
who was hired to hit Nancy Kerrigan in the leg with a lead pipe?
Well in 2008 I went on a date with him, and it went pretty well.
Did he hit you with his pipe?
If Ronald Reagon were alive and there is no reason he shouldn't be,
he would have had the guts to boycott these Olympics.
Miss you Gil...
Hey what's up with curling?
What kind of sport has a broom? It should be called housekeeping!
Right? Yeah, why don't we just throw a mop off a ski jump?
I'd ride your mom off a ski jump!
Dude that's your wife's sister.
Oh yeah...
Great points, all of you. Food for thought.
Coming up on "The Hapley Group" :
Stoners have taken over the colour purple and I'm sick of it!
Perd, what's that insight you had?
I just picture like a birdcage with a dead parakeet.
Well it's something I've been thinking about all my life.
What's this bird doing here?
Come on down to the Pawnee Farmers Market,
Tuesday through Friday, where you'll find a wide variety of fruits,
vegetables and entertainment for the whole family.
But when the sun goes down...
The Farmers Market after dark heats up...
Welcome to chard-town...
...To satisfy a more mature appetite.
It's so chard, it's easy!
Come get some healthy action.
Don't say no and eat your chard!
I like a chard.
Brought to you by Nolan's chard farm.
We now return to the Hapley group.
Our next topic is something a lot of people .
have been talking about lately, Obama-care.
It's short for Alabama-care.
Now Joan, what kind of insurance do you have?
For me, I like to go with the little green lizard.
Well, you know I have dressed up as a sexy nurse
for the past 30 odd years so I really do believe
I can speak to this topic.
- I agree with that. - Yes.
And I would say Obama, he is hot.
And I speak for everybody when I say, I'll have what he's having! You know.
This is population control by big Obama.
Death panels, Benghazi, Vince Foster, the Teapot Dome.
I lost my thread, hold on here, let me just--
I'm gonna keep going through--
The Illuminati, Brian from "Family Guy", Edward Snowden,
snow, Santa Claus was white, I brought it back. Thank you.
Douche?
I just want to make a public service announcement real quick
that Crazy Ira and I will be giving out
free mammograms all week down at the studio.
C-cups and above please!
There was a time in this country, when you had a polyp
or any kind of cancer you just thought it out.
It's a known fact that Robert Mitchum was mostly tumors
by the time he died. But he didn't make a peep!
Joan what are your thoughts on this subject?
I'm just gonna have to agree with him,
because he was very right about it, he used hand gestures...
I was using hand gestures in the greenroom before we came out here.
Don't you have a daughter you don't talk to?
Mike what do you think should replace Obama-care?
The following should replace Obama-care.
Free will,
the United States constitution
and hard work.
That's the first thing I've agreed with you.
Well I don't agree with you!
I'm agreeing with you!
The Hapley Group: week nights from 2.45 to 6.15am
on channel 46 Pawnee cable access.
Join us!
Of course not literally, but by watching us here on TV.
Script by Mulva1989
Sync by LeRalouf