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"The Hapley Group",

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 an unrehearsed and largely uniform 
round-table discussion

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of the days' events. Featuring 
Pawnee Indiana's foremost hundreds.

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Our first topic and issue number one is

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this new ban on smoking, in the public,
in Pawnee.

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What does it mean for smokers,

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and, will they still be able to smoke?

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Joan?

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Well, as long as I can still smoke

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in my niece's kindergarden classroom

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everybody else can go to hell.

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You want to know who the first person
to ban smoking was?

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A certain German
you might be familiar with,

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his name was Adolf

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Grönchmeiser

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and he was the german chancellor

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of Health Bureau from 1983 to 1986.

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You make the connection.

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Yeah, the real sufferer from
the smoking ban is

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Rastafari Pete.

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Hey man!

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Is Ganja part of da smoking ban, man?

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Oh no! I see officer Paddy Wagon coming

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Hey laddie! 
It's me officer Paddy Wagon.

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Don't take my potatoes and odules.

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So let's talk further
about this smoking ban.

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Should we ban odules?

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No, because it goes great 
with a cigarette.

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You on the wagon Joan?

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Oh I love a good wagon ride!

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Yeah I'll take a wagon ride, 
a bike ride, a boat ride...

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 I like a good ride.

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Next on the agenda, the Olympics.

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They are taking place in Russia, 
right now as we speak.

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And judging from the voices 
I overheard on the bus this morning,

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a lot of people are not happy 
about that.

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Joan.

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First, I have a thought here...

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Do you remember Jeff Gillooly,

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who was hired to hit Nancy Kerrigan 
in the leg with a lead pipe?

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Well in 2008 I went on a date with him, 
and it went pretty well.

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Did he hit you with his pipe?

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If Ronald Reagon were alive 
and there is no reason he shouldn't be,

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he would have had the guts 
to boycott these Olympics.

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Miss you Gil...

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Hey what's up with curling?

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What kind of sport has a broom? 
It should be called housekeeping!

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Right? Yeah, why don't we just 
throw a mop off a ski jump?

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I'd ride your mom off a ski jump!

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Dude that's your wife's sister.

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Oh yeah...

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Great points, all of you.
Food for thought.

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Coming up on "The Hapley Group" :

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Stoners have taken over 
the colour purple and I'm sick of it!

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Perd, what's that insight you had?

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I just picture like a birdcage 
with a dead parakeet.

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Well it's something I've been 
thinking about all my life.

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What's this bird doing here?

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Come on down to 
the Pawnee Farmers Market,

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Tuesday through Friday, where 
you'll find a wide variety of fruits,

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vegetables and entertainment 
for the whole family.

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But when the sun goes down...

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The Farmers Market after dark 
heats up...

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Welcome to chard-town...

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...To satisfy a more mature appetite.

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It's so chard, it's easy!

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Come get some healthy action.

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Don't say no and eat your chard!

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I like a chard.

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Brought to you by Nolan's chard farm.

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We now return to the Hapley group.

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Our next topic 
is something a lot of people .

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have been talking about lately, 
Obama-care.

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It's short for Alabama-care.

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Now Joan, 
what kind of insurance do you have?

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For me, I like to go 
with the little green lizard.

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Well, you know I have dressed up 
as a sexy nurse

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for the past 30 odd years 
so I really do believe

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I can speak to this topic.

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- I agree with that.
- Yes.

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And I would say Obama, he is hot.

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And I speak for everybody when I say, 
I'll have what he's having! You know.

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This is population control by big Obama.

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Death panels, Benghazi, 
Vince Foster, the Teapot Dome.

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I lost my thread, hold on here, 
let me just--

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I'm gonna keep going through--

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The Illuminati, Brian from 
"Family Guy", Edward Snowden,

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snow, Santa Claus was white,
I brought it back. Thank you.

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Douche?

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I just want to make a public service 
announcement real quick

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that Crazy Ira and I will be giving out

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free mammograms all week 
down at the studio.

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C-cups and above please!

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There was a time in this country, 
when you had a polyp

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or any kind of cancer 
you just thought it out.

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It's a known fact that 
Robert Mitchum was mostly tumors

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by the time he died. 
But he didn't make a peep!

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Joan what are your thoughts 
on this subject?

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I'm just gonna have to agree with him,

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because he was very right about it, 
he used hand gestures...

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I was using hand gestures in 
the greenroom before we came out here.

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Don't you have a daughter 
you don't talk to?

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Mike what do you think should 
replace Obama-care?

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The following should replace Obama-care.

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Free will,

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the United States constitution

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and hard work.

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That's the first thing 
I've agreed with you.

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Well I don't agree with you!

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I'm agreeing with you!

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The Hapley Group: week nights 
from 2.45 to 6.15am

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on channel 46 Pawnee cable access.

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Join us!

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Of course not literally, 
but by watching us here on TV.

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Script by Mulva1989

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Sync by LeRalouf