1 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,240 (Alarm bleeps) 2 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:12,120 Oh, um, ma'am. I get you go back, please. Uh... 3 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,960 (Alarm bleeps) 4 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:18,120 You got no ring on your fingers, uh, on your toes? 5 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:19,360 Nothing in your pocket? 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,440 No, no, nothing in my pockets. 7 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,800 Oh, hang on. 8 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,520 Oh. Sorry. Oh, phone, yes. 9 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,080 Happens all the time. It's OK. 10 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,720 (Alarm bleeps) Can I get you to go back, yes? 11 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,440 (Alarm bleeps) 12 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,160 Oh! Oh. 13 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,160 Keys. 14 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:41,400 (Alarm bleeps) 15 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,360 (Alarm bleeps) Sorry. 16 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,520 (Camera clicks) Yeah, camera. 17 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,400 (Alarm bleeps) 18 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,400 Oh, ee-ah-weh. 19 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:11,760 (Sighs) 20 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,720 (Laughs) 21 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,040 OK, come through. 22 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,040 # Theme music 23 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,120 Sorry I'm late. You been waiting long? 24 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,360 Oh, 45 minutes. 25 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,680 Oh, that's good. 26 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,360 Uh, sorry, how is that good? 27 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,560 Better me take a shit in the toilet than in the car, eh? 28 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,000 OK, let's get a move on. 29 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,040 OK. 30 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,160 What you doing? 31 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,640 Um, getting in the car? 32 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,920 Haven't you heard of the pre-driving good luck ceremony? 33 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,480 No, I haven't. 34 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,800 Oh, bud, not off to a very good start, are ya? 35 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,440 That's not an actual thing, though... is it? 36 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:37,280 Are you the instructor now? You can teach me how to drive. 37 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,280 No, I wasn't saying that. I was just... 38 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,880 I got the clipboard. 39 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,240 You got shit. Now get in the car. 40 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:52,760 Uh, what about the pre-driving good luck ceremony? 41 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,440 That's not a thing. Now get in the car. 42 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,960 (Both moan erotically) 43 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,480 (Moans) 44 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,320 Why do they call it 'missionary'? 45 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,080 What? 46 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,280 'Missionary'. 47 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,160 Yeah, why do... they call it 'missionary'? 48 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:35,560 I don't know. 49 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,520 Maybe because of the missionaries? 50 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,160 Like... Like Christian missionaries? 51 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,400 Like the missionaries that came and created missions 52 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,280 for Aboriginal people? 53 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,760 What are you talking about? 54 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,320 (Moans) This... 55 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:55,080 (Moans) This feels kind of weird. 56 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,640 What do you mean? 57 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,920 Kind of... oppressive. What do you mean 'oppressive'? 58 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:04,440 You on top of me in missionary. 59 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:10,240 I, as an Aboriginal woman, can't have a white man on top of her, 60 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:14,000 inside of her, and it be called 'missionary'. 61 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,880 Nope. We could call it something else. 62 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,720 Like what? 63 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,800 'Man on top'. 64 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,440 (Moans) Wait, wait. 'Man on top'? Mm-hm. 65 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,320 Are you serious, Cale? 66 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,680 Do you really need to reiterate the power of the patriarchy 67 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,040 inside of the bedroom? 68 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,280 Yeah, you're right. What about, um... 69 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,280 Gifts from above. Your penis is a gift? 70 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,120 Pleasure from the sky? 71 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,680 From the sky. Like God. Great, now I'm back at missionary. 72 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,320 What about 'journey to the...' Look, it's not the words. 73 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,160 It's the meaning. 74 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,720 Who cares what the name is if it just symbolises the same thing? 75 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,600 You invading me and colonising me. 76 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,040 Your goodwill and faith is just a facade 77 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,640 as you destroy me from the inside. 78 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:04,680 You fill me with your beliefs as you plough me dry 79 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,480 for my natural resources. 80 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,600 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! God. 81 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,840 We're not going there. 82 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:16,920 Cale... 83 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,120 ..we need to talk seriously about this. 84 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,840 (Snoring) 85 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,680 Hey! 86 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,920 (Snorts) 87 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,600 (Knocking) 88 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,880 # HIP-HOP 89 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,360 Hey! 90 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,040 You right? Yeah. 91 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:06,600 Come on, let's go have some fun. 92 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,920 (Slap!) (Air whistling) 93 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,760 # HIP-HOP 94 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,840 Eyah, slut. 95 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,480 What, slut? 96 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,680 We need to talk. About what? 97 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:41,960 About us. 98 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,040 (Gasps) I knew you were gonna say that. 99 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,560 It's like we've got a psycho connection. 100 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,040 So, what about us? 101 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,400 I need to know if... you're my man. 102 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,000 Oh. Why do you need to know? Isn't it obvious? 103 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,080 I need to hear it. 104 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:58,360 Only reason you wanna hear it is so you can put it up on Facebook 105 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,320 and let everybody know that I'm your slut. 106 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,560 So what if I do? What if I do it first? 107 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,600 Then everybody will know that we're sluts. 108 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,760 Anyway, can't even tell me. 109 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:11,480 (Gasps) Well, what's this, then, slut? You're my man. 110 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,240 Oh. Well, what's this, then, slut? You're my man too. 111 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,680 Oh. Well what's this, then, slut? 112 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,320 If you cheat on me, I will cut your budhoo off. 113 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,800 Rowr! 114 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,480 If you do, can you put it up on the wall as a trophy? 115 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,560 No! Only my eyes be seeing your budhoo from now on. 116 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,160 Ooh! Are your eyes big enough? 117 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,520 (Gasps) Big enough for big budhoo. 118 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,120 Proper big hole. Oh! 119 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,800 Are you gonna change your Facebook status? 120 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,480 Already have. (Mobile phone bleeps) 121 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,440 Ooh. You move proper fast. 122 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,680 Can you keep up? I can keep... anything up. 123 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:43,840 (Mobile phone bleeps) 124 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,560 (Gasps) Well, now it's official. 125 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,720 Now the world knows... we're sluts. 126 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:50,600 Eternal sluts. For eternity. 127 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,560 Can't even celebrate. (Gasps) 128 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,240 What's this, then, slut? 129 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,480 (Gasps) Well, what's this, then, slut? 130 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,880 What's this, then... slut? 131 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,440 What's this, then, slut? What's this, then, slut? 132 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,040 What's this, then, slut? (Gasps) 133 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,040 # JOYOUS PARTY MUSIC 134 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,480 What if I kiss you? 135 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,040 OK. 136 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,280 And you get on top? 137 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:37,960 Yeah, that could work. 138 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,360 (Both grunt) I love you, babe. 139 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,560 (Both moan erotically) 140 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:04,000 Why do I have to do all the work? What? 141 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,120 This is just sooo typical. 142 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,320 The black woman doing all the work, 143 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:11,600 and the white man can just lay back and reap all of the rewards. 144 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,520 No, it's meant to be that you're in control, 145 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,160 you're on top and you control the pleasure. 146 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,360 Yeah, it would seem that way, wouldn't it? 147 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,360 Yes. 148 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,160 Yeah. But I'm not really in control, am I? 149 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,440 Because I'm doing all the work, aren't I? 150 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,760 I'm working harder than I've ever worked before, 151 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,840 and you just lay back and reap all of the rewards 152 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,000 and the cycle of oppression continues. 153 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,320 What cycle? 154 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,600 I don't want to keep you in a cycle - I just wanna make you come. 155 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,880 Make me what, Cale?! 156 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,200 Make you feel good. 157 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,280 Well, then how about YOU try doing something. 158 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:45,800 OK. How? 159 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,120 Oh, I can't think of everything, Cale. Just do something. 160 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:53,120 Take responsibility for your own decisions. 161 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:57,280 It's time. Time for change. 162 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,240 OK. Now? 163 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,440 Yes, now. 164 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,600 OK. You're just sitting on my bladder, I really need a wee. 165 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,240 Oh, OK, sorry. 166 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,200 Dad? 167 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:28,760 Yes, son? 168 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,640 If there were no black people, 169 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:36,240 would that mean white people would be the best dancers? 170 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,200 Yeah. 171 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,120 I guess it would. 172 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,040 Yeah. 173 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,280 Mr Farmer... 174 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,520 That's Uncle Doctor, thank you. 175 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:08,160 Uncle Doctor... 176 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,960 ..you have been brought here in front of the medical board today 177 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,920 to answer claims of malpractice. 178 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,520 Malpractice makes perfect. 179 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:19,880 'Malpractice', 'MAL-practice'. 180 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,480 It has been brought to our attention 181 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,240 that you have been practicing medicine 182 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,480 under the guise of a Doctorate which was awarded to you 183 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:30,400 for your services as an advisory to the university board. 184 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:36,240 You have no actual medical training. 185 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,120 You treated a patient with a compound leg fracture 186 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,680 with Vicks VapoRub. 187 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:47,760 Is he dead? 188 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,160 Well, no, but... 189 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,720 You prescribed flat lemonade for an appendicitis 190 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,680 which needed an emergency surgery - 191 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,240 we were within minutes of a man's life! 192 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,360 Is he dead? 193 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,160 Well, no, but that is hardly the point. 194 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,720 A man with severe head trauma was told, 195 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,480 'You'll be right', and... 196 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,680 to... 'walk it off'. 'Walk it off.' 197 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,960 Yeah. 198 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,280 Is he dead? 199 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,000 No, but he is in a vegetative state. 200 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,280 Is he dead? 201 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:35,480 Look, you may not understand my methods but you will respect them. 202 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:42,280 They've been passed down to me from Grandfather Doctor to Father Doctor 203 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,400 to me, Uncle Doctor, 204 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:50,120 and I'm gonna pass them on to Nephew Doctor and Cousin Doctor. 205 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,560 You told a man with third-degree burns to put vinegar on it. 206 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,320 Is he dead? 207 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,280 Yes! He's dead! 208 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,920 (Sighs) 209 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:07,080 One of the hardest things about being Uncle Doctor, 210 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,800 you know, you can't win 'em all. 211 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,200 You're not a doctor! 212 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,920 I'm Uncle Doctor! 213 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,880 And I'll be fucked, I get the job done! 214 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,720 Uncle Doctor, you are not trained 215 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,840 to be practising any kind of medicine. 216 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,400 Who's practising here? 217 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,520 This is the real thing, I'm playing for keeps. Listen. 218 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,040 To save this hospital any embarrassment about this gaffe, 219 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,000 we are not going to make this public. 220 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:35,240 However, if you are caught in a hospital or medical service 221 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,280 in any capacity other than a patient, 222 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,760 you will be arrested and prosecuted. 223 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,920 'Embarrassment?'? 224 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:52,120 Well then, big mouth, shutchole, shutchole, shutchole. 225 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,920 You don't have to shut yer hole. 226 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,160 But you three, shutchole! 227 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,120 What are you doing? 228 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:09,520 I'm being responsible for my own decisions. 229 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:10,760 Oh, OK. 230 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,080 May I start? Uh, yes, start when you want. 231 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:14,880 OK. I've got your, like, express permission to just... 232 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,880 Oh, my God, Cale, what are you planning to do 233 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,800 where you need my express consent? Just sex stuff! 234 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,200 Just start! OK! 235 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,440 (Moans) Oh, yeah. 236 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,280 Um... 237 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,640 What do I normally do with my hands? You decide. 238 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,400 What was that? It was an arse slap. 239 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,440 Oh, Cale, if you're gonna slap my arse, slap it - don't tap it. 240 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,680 Slap it! (Smack!) 241 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,600 Ow! What was that?! A slap. 242 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,120 Oh, I can't do this. 243 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,080 What, it felt bad? No, it feels good. 244 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,320 Well? 245 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,560 It just doesn't feel... right. 246 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,360 Well, what's wrong? We're both adults, we're being safe. 247 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,600 Are we? Yes! 248 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,240 But what is safe for us might not be safe for others. 249 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,560 We don't live in a vacuum, our decisions have consequences. 250 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,760 May, it's just sex. 251 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,960 Is it, Cale? Is it just sex? 252 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,920 Or are we perpetuating a culture of oppression 253 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,000 through our own personal decisions? 254 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,920 Maybe you, a white man, being behind me, a black woman, 255 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:10,640 slapping me like a dog is more than just sex - 256 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,040 maybe it's a symbol for society. 257 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,200 And can I ever really consent to that? 258 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,080 I don't know, May. I don't know what to do. 259 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,080 I don't know how to dismantle my white male privilege 260 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,400 to come up with a sexual position to empower us both equally 261 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,880 whilst challenging the status quo 262 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,480 and bringing us both to an adequate climax. 263 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:29,360 Cale, I can't do this on my own. We need to be allies. 264 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,160 We're in this together. You, me and society. 265 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:37,400 OK. What about side by side, where we're both equals? 266 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,440 Just no-one's on top, no-one's below, just face to face. 267 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:41,840 Equals. OK? 268 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,920 Yeah. OK. 269 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,080 OK. 270 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,040 Now? Yes, now. 271 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,080 I just need to wee first. 272 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,960 OK, you go wee, I'll try and get ready. 273 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,560 Oh, shit. 274 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:13,080 Well, now you know how Aboriginal people feel. 275 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,120 And so does Pebbles. 276 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:26,640 Oh, Mr Hookey? Yeah. Yeah, John. 277 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,160 G'day. 278 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:32,200 I'm here to see, um, Teefarnay O'Reilly. 279 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,920 Teefarnay? You mean Tiffany. 280 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,760 Yeah, Tiffany. 281 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,120 Um, can you tell me what this is about? 282 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,400 Because I'm not too sure whether I want to speak with her, because... 283 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,520 ..we kind of ended up on really bad terms. 284 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,040 The only thing I bin guilty of is lovin' you, John. 285 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,680 I bin giving my all, but I never bin gettin' nothing in return. 286 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,880 Ah, we've heard all about it. Really? 287 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,120 Well, what'd she say? Oh, she told us everything. 288 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,160 You're not Murri. 289 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,360 Here, bubba, you don't wanna talk to me like that 290 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,840 when I belongs to you. 291 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,720 That's proper 'urtful, you know? 292 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,000 She's been here a few months now. 293 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,400 Ever since we found her running around out there in the desert, 294 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,840 naked, covered in mud, claiming land rights. 295 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,760 Look, the best way for her to get over it is by facing it. 296 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,800 (Sighs) Alright, fair enough. I'll speak with her. 297 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,160 OK. Through this way, mate. 298 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,680 Tiffany, you have a visitor. 299 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:44,320 (Normal voice) Hello, John. How are you? 300 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,800 Yeah, I'm well. You? 301 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,920 Better. 302 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,800 The doctors, they say that if I keep making progress, 303 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,840 then I'll be out of eyah... 304 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,040 ..here... within a couple of months. 305 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,160 Well, that's nice to hear. 306 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:06,800 So, can you tell me why you wanted to see me? 307 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,320 Wasn't my idea. 308 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,720 The doctors thought it would be good for me to see you. 309 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:20,360 They say that my decline started when I started dating you. 310 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,520 Please don't think that I'm blaming you. 311 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,360 I told them that I'd be... proper shame... 312 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,240 Sorry. 313 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,680 I just... I still have my moments. 314 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,600 Look, you'll be alright. You'll get through this. 315 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,640 I mean, if there's one thing I know about you, 316 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,480 once you put your mind to something, there's no stopping you. 317 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,160 Thanks, John. 318 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:57,840 Well, look, Elaine's waiting for me, so I better go. 319 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:03,800 Is that the girl I met in the cafe when I had my little outburst? 320 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,560 Yeah. 321 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,560 She seemed nice. 322 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,120 It was really nice to see you, Tiff. 323 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,040 And I wish you a speedy recovery. 324 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:18,040 Me too, John. Me too. 325 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,720 OK. See ya. 326 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,920 Eyah la you, fella! 327 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:39,280 You bin hurt me proper bad! 328 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,520 And if there's one thing Teefarnay never bin forget, 329 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,880 it's the pain she bin feel when you fella 330 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,280 bin put that knife through her heart. 331 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:55,280 So, look out, John Hookey. I'm coming for you, fella! 332 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:59,920 I'm coming for you, fella, and your uptown woman, 333 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:04,440 and you fella will know how that pain bin feel. 334 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,960 Oh... (Hisses) ..you fella will know! 335 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,520 How'd you go? 336 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:28,520 Yeah, good. I think she's gonna be OK. 337 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,400 You ready? 338 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,200 Yeah, I'm ready. 339 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,400 Dad? 340 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,880 Yes, son. 341 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:03,000 You know how they call black people who hang out at parks 'parkies'? 342 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,960 Yes, son. 343 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:10,720 Well, does that make us... beachies? 344 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:15,920 Yeah. 345 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,880 Yeah, it does. 346 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,240 Beachies. 347 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:28,920 Yeah. 348 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:33,720 So, for the ground-breaking ceremony, 349 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,920 we've been asked to include a Welcome to Country. 350 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:37,640 What is that? 351 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:41,840 Oh, it's like an Aborigine welcomes us to their land, 352 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,400 and they kind of bang on about how we should respect it 353 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,040 and... cultural stuff. 354 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,440 Apparently, in the last year, it's become the norm. 355 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,160 Everyone's doing it. We need to keep up. 356 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,680 OK. Are we on to it? You bet. 357 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,240 Last night I jumped on to Google, made a few phone calls, 358 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,800 got the names of a couple of Aborigines 359 00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,360 who specialise in this sort of thing. 360 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:00,920 Oh, excellent. Anyone good? 361 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,560 Yeah, there's an old man called Ben 362 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,680 who goes by the stage name 'Uncle Jack'. 363 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,680 Great, we'll have him. That's good. Wait, there were some others, yeah? 364 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,520 There was an old woman who's highly recommended, 365 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,400 goes by the name of Aunty Dot. 366 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,920 'Aunty Dot', that sounds nice. Let's have her. 367 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,280 The thing is she asked for $1,000 368 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,720 plus exclusive rights to all our Welcome to Countries. 369 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,560 Oh, that'd be right. 370 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,080 Um, what about the Jack guy? 371 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,960 Jack only asked for $500, 372 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,680 but he wants a tab at the bar for him and his nephews. 373 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,280 OK, it's a ground-breaking ceremony, there won't be a bar. 374 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:32,760 We shouldn't have to pay 375 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,520 for all this ancient mumbo jumbo we don't even want. 376 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,000 Too bloody right! 377 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,640 They should do it for the love of it. 378 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,360 Geez. 379 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,160 Why don't we just do it ourselves? 380 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,720 I mean, how hard can it be? 381 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,880 Thank you all for coming today. 382 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:55,200 So, as we prepare to break ground on this amazing new development, 383 00:22:55,400 --> 00:23:00,160 we would like to pay respects to the traditional custodians of the land 384 00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:03,000 with a traditional Welcome to County. 385 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:04,920 (Muted applause) 386 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,640 (Mutters unintelligibly 387 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,120 Hello. Hello. 388 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,000 How you mob doin', eh? Are you deadly? Yeah? 389 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,600 Er, we got proper good land to be sold here, eh? 390 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,480 Proper good price too, huh? 391 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,560 So, uh... let's break this land. 392 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,280 (Applauds) 393 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,720 I wonder who his mob are? 394 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,640 (Both moan erotically) 395 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,320 Oh, yeah. 396 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,800 Oh, this feels great. Yeah. 397 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,680 Equal. BOTH: Uh-huh. 398 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:52,440 Nothing more, nothing less. Yep. 399 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,200 You're... You're not in. 400 00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:55,840 Oh. 401 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,040 Wait. 402 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,960 You've gone soft. Why have you gone soft? 403 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:04,760 Is it... Is it me? 404 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,760 Hey, no, no. No, no. 405 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,120 Well, kind of. 406 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,400 What do you mean, 'kind of'? Well... 407 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:16,280 It's just hard for me to... you know, get it up, 408 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,880 because I can't look at you without thinking about you being... 409 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,880 Being what? Being Aboriginal. 410 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,560 Oh. Oh, so you're a racist? No! No. 411 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,760 Oh, OK, so your penis is a racist? 412 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,320 My penis is not a racist. 413 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,760 But you can't have sex with me because I'm Aboriginal. 414 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,640 I just can't, as a white man, have sex with you, a black woman, 415 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,480 without oppressing you or your people. 416 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:40,320 Well, maybe you're being racist if you DON'T have sex with me. 417 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:45,200 Yeah, maybe you need to have sex with me to bridge... the gap? 418 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:47,920 Yeah? 419 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:52,480 Yeah, maybe you need to have sex with me as action 420 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:57,440 that affirms, as affirmative action. 421 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,840 Yeah. 422 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:05,600 Our ancestors didn't fight for our civil rights, 423 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,200 they didn't march across The Harbour Bridge 424 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:13,560 and Kevin Rudd did not say 'sorry' for us to not have sex. 425 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,280 It's our duty as Australians. 426 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,280 We're going to have sex in every position, 427 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:22,120 free of the white, male patriarchy. 428 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:28,640 This is one night for man, but one giant lifetime for mankind. 429 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,480 (Moans) 430 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:39,680 May? 431 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:40,920 Yes, Cale. 432 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,720 Oh. I just came. 433 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:45,600 Oh, shit. 434 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,680 (Both exhale) 435 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,240 (Snores) 436 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,640 Do you feel like... you're doing fuck-all? 437 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:07,240 And you feel like you should be doing fuck heaps? 438 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:13,240 Well, you probably just need a little bit of motivation. 439 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:20,360 And my series of books and audio books, as read by me, Uncle Doctor, 440 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,160 are bound to get you on the right path. 441 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:30,480 My 'Fuck Up and Do Sumfint' series starts with Vol.1 - Shutchole. 442 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,280 The reason you're not doing fuck-all 443 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,120 is because ya probably talkin' shit. 444 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,480 Shutchole. 445 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,400 See, you're not reaching ya full potential coz ya full of shit, 446 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:44,920 something's not right with you. 447 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:46,360 Shutchole. 448 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,240 (Strains) 449 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:56,840 Each book is pleather-bound, so it feels mad. 450 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,800 Order now and get my other bestsellers like... 451 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,480 (Gasps) That's Probably Infected. 452 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,480 Is He Dead? Vol.4. 453 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,000 And Stop Fuckin' Around And Get It Togevva. 454 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,360 Order now, ya dumb dog.