1
00:00:00,326 --> 00:00:01,610
Does this look like a rifle?
2
00:00:01,611 --> 00:00:03,919
- Uh... yeah. Kind of.
- Thanks.
3
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,587
God, it seems like the season
4
00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:07,911
comes faster every year, you know?
5
00:00:07,912 --> 00:00:10,330
Honestly, every person I
run into keeps blabbing
6
00:00:10,331 --> 00:00:12,883
about how awesome our
4/20 party was last year,
7
00:00:12,884 --> 00:00:14,168
and I'm like, "Bitch,
you don't even know.
8
00:00:14,169 --> 00:00:17,102
This year, we've got a 42-blunt salute!"
9
00:00:17,103 --> 00:00:18,389
Dude, I don't even know what that is,
10
00:00:18,390 --> 00:00:20,391
and I got goose pimples
up and down my arms.
11
00:00:20,392 --> 00:00:21,642
- Yeah.
- Remember how last year,
12
00:00:21,643 --> 00:00:23,511
I lip-synched Cypress Hill
for, like, five hours?
13
00:00:23,512 --> 00:00:25,179
Yes.
14
00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:27,815
So this year, I think I'm
just gonna freestyle it.
15
00:00:27,816 --> 00:00:29,113
Just, like, go, you know what I mean?
16
00:00:29,114 --> 00:00:30,555
You know how I do.
17
00:00:30,556 --> 00:00:33,437
And I'm gonna call
myself "Cypress Chill."
18
00:00:33,725 --> 00:00:34,643
Get out.
19
00:00:34,644 --> 00:00:35,906
That's what I was gonna call myself,
20
00:00:35,907 --> 00:00:37,825
except for not "Cypress Chill."
21
00:00:37,826 --> 00:00:39,577
I was gonna call myself
the "Chill Sergeant."
22
00:00:39,578 --> 00:00:41,579
Happy holidays.
23
00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:43,697
- Happy holidays.
- Happy holidays.
24
00:00:44,807 --> 00:00:46,200
I want you guys to go ahead,
25
00:00:46,201 --> 00:00:47,501
and it's a free-for-all
with that box there.
26
00:00:47,502 --> 00:00:49,920
I don't want any of it.
It's all up for grabs.
27
00:00:49,921 --> 00:00:51,539
- Blake, these are your pornogs.
- Yeah.
28
00:00:51,540 --> 00:00:53,124
What are you doing? These are classics.
29
00:00:53,125 --> 00:00:54,570
All the pages are stuck together.
30
00:00:54,571 --> 00:00:56,043
Yeah. I know.
31
00:00:56,044 --> 00:00:57,429
You're freaking me the
freak out right now, okay?
32
00:00:57,430 --> 00:00:59,758
Go back in your room and crank it down.
33
00:00:59,759 --> 00:01:02,299
Sorry, can't help you
with that one, bud,
34
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:06,351
because... I'm a boyfriend now.
35
00:01:06,855 --> 00:01:08,472
Who are you boyfriending?
36
00:01:08,473 --> 00:01:13,527
Well, my love's name is Erin Mantini.
37
00:01:13,528 --> 00:01:16,030
Okay, great, but just
because you've got a girl
38
00:01:16,031 --> 00:01:18,449
doesn't mean you got to get
rid of your whack stash.
39
00:01:18,450 --> 00:01:20,848
Fellas, now that I'm a boyfriend,
40
00:01:20,849 --> 00:01:24,205
I'm just sort of above that
kind of behavior, you know?
41
00:01:24,206 --> 00:01:25,501
I mean, I'm in love.
42
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,208
I don't want to seem like a creep.
43
00:01:29,744 --> 00:01:32,490
I'm in love.
44
00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:36,917
Yes?
45
00:01:41,807 --> 00:01:43,270
♪ I'm fresh ♪
46
00:01:44,342 --> 00:01:46,222
♪ You gotta, we gotta, you gotta ♪
47
00:01:46,322 --> 00:01:47,878
♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
48
00:01:47,879 --> 00:01:49,879
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
49
00:01:50,682 --> 00:01:53,067
Dro, dro, dro.
50
00:01:53,068 --> 00:01:54,810
Happy holidays.
51
00:01:54,811 --> 00:01:56,604
- Happy holidays.
- Happy holidays.
52
00:01:56,605 --> 00:01:58,522
Whoa, I love what you've
done with the place.
53
00:01:58,523 --> 00:02:01,275
- It's so 4/20-friendly.
- Absolutely.
54
00:02:01,276 --> 00:02:02,993
- Okay.
- Ashtray.
55
00:02:02,994 --> 00:02:04,945
- Might've broke the...
- Dig right on in, baby.
56
00:02:04,946 --> 00:02:06,247
Ooh.
57
00:02:06,248 --> 00:02:08,199
We got bowls. We got blunts.
58
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,668
We got weed bricks that'll
make you feel like an angel
59
00:02:10,669 --> 00:02:12,953
and hash that'll make you feel
like you're on mushrooms.
60
00:02:12,954 --> 00:02:15,956
- Ow!
- Happy four twizzle.
61
00:02:15,957 --> 00:02:17,458
Why don't you guys get nuts,
62
00:02:17,459 --> 00:02:18,959
and I'm gonna get you your moola, huh?
63
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,128
All right, man. Ho, ho, ho!
64
00:02:21,129 --> 00:02:22,630
- I kind of like it.
- Still not friends.
65
00:02:22,631 --> 00:02:24,682
Last year, you know I sold out by noon?
66
00:02:24,683 --> 00:02:27,101
I had to go harvest ditch
weed off of exit 311.
67
00:02:27,102 --> 00:02:28,686
Yo, Chill Sergeant DeMamp!
68
00:02:28,687 --> 00:02:31,473
Did you move the moola?
69
00:02:31,474 --> 00:02:33,524
I did not move the moola.
70
00:02:33,525 --> 00:02:36,110
In fact, last time I saw the moola,
71
00:02:36,111 --> 00:02:39,480
it was grazing free range by the couch.
72
00:02:40,482 --> 00:02:42,149
Oh, did I forget to tell you guys?
73
00:02:42,150 --> 00:02:43,617
I got great news.
74
00:02:43,618 --> 00:02:46,871
I sent all $800 to Erin,
my love, in the mail.
75
00:02:46,872 --> 00:02:48,072
You're joking, right?
76
00:02:48,073 --> 00:02:49,490
You took our money
77
00:02:49,491 --> 00:02:51,542
that we all pooled together
for the entire year
78
00:02:51,543 --> 00:02:54,461
and just gave it to your girlfriend?
79
00:02:54,462 --> 00:02:56,330
Guys, she told me there was
80
00:02:56,331 --> 00:02:58,751
a can't-miss business investment.
81
00:02:58,752 --> 00:03:00,000
Some dude in Algeria or something,
82
00:03:00,001 --> 00:03:01,719
which, actually, you dudes owe me,
83
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,554
like, $40 worth of moola
84
00:03:03,555 --> 00:03:06,966
because it took a lot of money
to ship all that loose change.
85
00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:08,414
Okay, this sounds like
a great investment,
86
00:03:08,415 --> 00:03:09,755
and I wish you all the best.
87
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,368
- I hope you get your money back.
- I will.
88
00:03:11,369 --> 00:03:14,064
But it's 4/20, and there's no
layaway plans, okay?
89
00:03:14,065 --> 00:03:15,933
So until shit changes, page me.
90
00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:17,601
Whoa.
91
00:03:17,602 --> 00:03:19,999
Can we at least get 42 blunts
until we figure this out?
92
00:03:20,772 --> 00:03:22,072
Happy holidays.
93
00:03:22,073 --> 00:03:23,465
- Happy holidays.
- Happy holidays.
94
00:03:23,466 --> 00:03:25,659
Guys, relax.
95
00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:29,816
My love told me that she is
going to mail me the money.
96
00:03:29,817 --> 00:03:32,457
Why are you guys mailing
stuff to each other?
97
00:03:32,998 --> 00:03:36,120
Bitch, have you ever met this woman?
98
00:03:36,121 --> 00:03:38,172
Do you even know that bitch?
99
00:03:38,173 --> 00:03:39,707
She's not a bitch, okay?
100
00:03:39,708 --> 00:03:41,292
She's my love,
101
00:03:41,293 --> 00:03:45,012
and we have what you would
call a "cyber romance."
102
00:03:45,013 --> 00:03:47,832
- So you've never actually met her?
- We met on the internet,
103
00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:50,384
where a lot of kids are
falling in love nowadays.
104
00:03:50,385 --> 00:03:52,436
You guys are really
outdating yourself here.
105
00:03:52,437 --> 00:03:54,876
Blake, you stupid dumb
idiot moron bitch.
106
00:03:54,877 --> 00:03:57,975
No offense, but you've
been catfished, okay?
107
00:03:57,976 --> 00:03:59,643
- That's what's happening.
- Okay.
108
00:03:59,644 --> 00:04:01,312
All your ex-girlfriends are fives.
109
00:04:01,313 --> 00:04:02,363
This chick's a ten.
110
00:04:02,364 --> 00:04:04,648
So that didn't, like, have any
111
00:04:04,649 --> 00:04:06,784
"This bitch probably ain't real"
red flags pop up in your head?
112
00:04:06,785 --> 00:04:07,664
Who's to say what's real?
113
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,306
And I don't know. Maybe
I really got a winner.
114
00:04:09,307 --> 00:04:11,064
Erin is real! What are you doing?
115
00:04:11,065 --> 00:04:12,644
- That's it!
- Okay.
116
00:04:12,645 --> 00:04:13,977
You sit down and don't make me use 'em!
117
00:04:13,978 --> 00:04:15,498
Don't make me use my muscles!
118
00:04:15,499 --> 00:04:18,374
"You could never make me
not love you, my love,
119
00:04:18,375 --> 00:04:21,999
but please send me more money
before it's too late, my love."
120
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,667
Dude, she's bleeding you dry.
121
00:04:23,668 --> 00:04:25,386
She's milking your money teat, Blake.
122
00:04:25,387 --> 00:04:26,754
What are you doing? Don't...
123
00:04:26,755 --> 00:04:28,255
- Sit!
- Relax.
124
00:04:28,256 --> 00:04:29,566
I'm texting her, inviting
her to the party
125
00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:30,641
so we can all meet her.
126
00:04:30,642 --> 00:04:31,642
No! All right?
127
00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:34,061
We are waiting for the
exact perfect right time
128
00:04:34,062 --> 00:04:35,012
to meet each other.
129
00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:36,897
Please don't do that!
130
00:04:36,898 --> 00:04:38,932
"Sorry. Can't make it.
131
00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:40,818
Car trouble, my love."
132
00:04:40,819 --> 00:04:42,903
"Sorry. Can't make it.
133
00:04:42,904 --> 00:04:45,439
Car trouble, my love"?
134
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,825
That is a classic catfish excuse!
135
00:04:47,826 --> 00:04:48,776
Totally.
136
00:04:48,777 --> 00:04:49,713
And no offense,
137
00:04:49,714 --> 00:04:53,086
but I can't believe you're
so stupid, 'cause a girl
138
00:04:53,087 --> 00:04:55,837
this hot is never gonna be
interested in you, no offense.
139
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,340
All right. Maybe I am ugly.
140
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:02,260
But maybe what we have is...
is deeper than looks, okay?
141
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:06,231
I hope you both die before
I walk through this door.
142
00:05:06,232 --> 00:05:08,183
Dang!
143
00:05:08,184 --> 00:05:10,352
Well, I'm not gonna give up on 4/20.
144
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:11,486
Good.
145
00:05:11,487 --> 00:05:13,822
So, sadly, I will have to
call out of work today
146
00:05:13,823 --> 00:05:15,857
and launch a full-on recon...
147
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,442
No, wait, a weedcon...
148
00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,694
And find enough ditch
weed to roll up 42 blunts
149
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,029
and have a 42-blunt salute
150
00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,030
and save the party and save the day.
151
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:24,866
Maybe I could go catfish some people,
152
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,168
you know, get some easy money.
153
00:05:26,169 --> 00:05:29,463
Sorry, catfish some people,
get some easy moola.
154
00:05:29,464 --> 00:05:30,922
Okay. I was confused. Yeah.
155
00:05:30,923 --> 00:05:32,874
I didn't know what you
were talking about.
156
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:34,543
Yo, Tez, my good friend.
157
00:05:34,544 --> 00:05:36,595
- Just a second.
- Did you get a email?
158
00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:38,964
♪ Did you get a email, man? ♪
159
00:05:38,965 --> 00:05:41,967
♪ That's the hook
to the song like blam ♪
160
00:05:41,968 --> 00:05:44,102
♪ Gats be spraying,
and I'm just saying ♪
161
00:05:44,103 --> 00:05:45,554
- ♪ Can I... ♪
- Stop. Stop. Stop.
162
00:05:45,555 --> 00:05:46,721
What you doing?
163
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,390
Sorry. My email's down.
164
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,108
I was wondering if yours
is working and if maybe
165
00:05:50,109 --> 00:05:51,777
you got a email sent to you
that could be, like,
166
00:05:51,778 --> 00:05:52,811
a cool thing you might be into.
167
00:05:52,812 --> 00:05:53,945
I don't know.
168
00:05:53,946 --> 00:05:55,647
That's okay. Let me see.
169
00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:56,815
Actually, look at this.
170
00:05:56,816 --> 00:05:57,949
- What is it?
- Okay.
171
00:05:57,950 --> 00:05:59,067
Billion Man March.
172
00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,736
Billion Man March? What?
173
00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:03,822
Only $1,500.
174
00:06:03,823 --> 00:06:05,157
You know what? I should do it.
175
00:06:05,158 --> 00:06:06,958
Yes, you should. Great. Awesome.
176
00:06:06,959 --> 00:06:08,160
But... but... but I can't. I can't.
177
00:06:08,161 --> 00:06:10,712
I've been splurging at
the new titty bar...
178
00:06:10,713 --> 00:06:12,247
- No.
- Every day.
179
00:06:12,248 --> 00:06:14,416
Colleen has been
watching me like a hawk.
180
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:15,383
She everywhere.
181
00:06:15,384 --> 00:06:17,752
All my money got to go to my children.
182
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:22,140
Why am I so ugly, Lord?
183
00:06:22,141 --> 00:06:25,143
The zits, the snot, the
boogers, the stinky butt,
184
00:06:25,144 --> 00:06:29,130
the bad breath, the globs
of earwax in the morning,
185
00:06:29,131 --> 00:06:31,269
my weird teeth,
186
00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:35,687
my stupid hair, my itchy butt,
187
00:06:35,688 --> 00:06:39,440
the BO, the dandruff,
the below-average dick.
188
00:06:41,043 --> 00:06:43,441
What is your plan?
189
00:06:45,414 --> 00:06:47,249
You know every hair on my head, Lord.
190
00:06:47,250 --> 00:06:48,867
I know you have a plan for me.
191
00:06:55,266 --> 00:06:56,086
Aah!
192
00:06:56,087 --> 00:06:59,137
Oh... you scared me, dude.
193
00:06:59,138 --> 00:07:00,591
Happy holidays.
194
00:07:00,592 --> 00:07:02,893
Oh, happy holidays!
195
00:07:02,894 --> 00:07:04,645
- Happy holidays.
- Hi!
196
00:07:04,646 --> 00:07:06,134
Who the hell are you?
197
00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:09,600
My name is Chill Sergeant DeMamp,
198
00:07:09,601 --> 00:07:11,018
at your service!
199
00:07:11,019 --> 00:07:12,804
- Are you army?
- Well, yeah.
200
00:07:12,805 --> 00:07:13,904
I guess so. Army of one.
201
00:07:13,905 --> 00:07:16,057
Oh. How many tours you do, Sergeant?
202
00:07:16,058 --> 00:07:17,861
It's been a while since
I've gone on a tour,
203
00:07:17,862 --> 00:07:20,323
but I used to go on a lot, I
did the Anheuser-Busch tour.
204
00:07:20,324 --> 00:07:21,448
- Bush!
- Which is cool.
205
00:07:21,449 --> 00:07:23,283
- They give you, like, little...
- Yeah, I went through the bush.
206
00:07:23,284 --> 00:07:25,702
Nips, and then the Play-Doh
tour, that was the shit.
207
00:07:25,703 --> 00:07:28,506
I have been in the shit, you understand?
208
00:07:28,507 --> 00:07:29,571
Cool. Right on.
209
00:07:29,572 --> 00:07:31,971
- But I'm out!
- Yeah, nice.
210
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:36,580
My boy. I know you ca... you...
211
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,249
You want... you want some
ditch weed, don't you?
212
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,635
Well, it's two clicks this way,
213
00:07:41,636 --> 00:07:43,920
so let's roll, Sergeant!
214
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,590
Hey, men! This is... this is DeMamp.
215
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,175
He's a drill sergeant in the army.
216
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,509
I'm a... no.
217
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,144
I'm a chill sergeant. Yeah.
218
00:07:51,436 --> 00:07:54,390
Trying to get a pillowcase full of weed.
219
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,274
Yeah.
220
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,608
A sergeant with an upside-down
221
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:57,918
private patch on your shoulder?
222
00:07:58,309 --> 00:07:59,926
What's the real story?
223
00:07:59,927 --> 00:08:01,227
- My friend Karl...
- Karl?
224
00:08:01,228 --> 00:08:03,112
- We hate that son of a bitch.
- Yeah.
225
00:08:03,113 --> 00:08:05,064
- He smells like shit.
- Yeah.
226
00:08:05,065 --> 00:08:06,616
He raids our fields at night,
227
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:10,153
tries to sell our weed for profit.
228
00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:12,655
Whose side are you on, son?
229
00:08:12,656 --> 00:08:15,024
There's no sides, guys.
230
00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:19,238
There's not... Let's face it, guys.
231
00:08:19,239 --> 00:08:22,296
4/20 only comes around once a year,
232
00:08:22,297 --> 00:08:25,501
and it is our job to make
sure that every man,
233
00:08:25,502 --> 00:08:28,588
woman, and child who wants to get stoned
234
00:08:28,589 --> 00:08:30,206
can get stoned,
235
00:08:30,207 --> 00:08:35,094
because this is America,
the land of the free
236
00:08:35,095 --> 00:08:40,716
and the home of the chill!
237
00:08:40,717 --> 00:08:43,352
Now, let's go get some weed!
238
00:08:43,353 --> 00:08:47,023
You want us to give you
weed for free, right?
239
00:08:47,024 --> 00:08:49,192
- That's the plan, yes.
- I don't think so.
240
00:08:49,193 --> 00:08:51,861
- We're gonna kick your ass.
- Really?
241
00:08:51,862 --> 00:08:52,894
Yeah.
242
00:08:56,116 --> 00:08:59,118
Oh, lights out, babe.
243
00:08:59,119 --> 00:09:01,120
Hey, Bill. Could we talk?
244
00:09:01,121 --> 00:09:03,539
- I was just reading the web.
- Yeah. Relax. It's fine.
245
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:04,874
I'm into ladies' football.
246
00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:06,209
Go, Chicago Bliss.
247
00:09:06,210 --> 00:09:07,475
See that email on the top there?
248
00:09:07,476 --> 00:09:08,744
What is that? Click on that.
249
00:09:08,745 --> 00:09:09,657
What is that?
250
00:09:09,658 --> 00:09:12,381
"Please donate to Save Mammals Now.
251
00:09:12,382 --> 00:09:15,918
"There's been a tsunami in China,
and all the panda bears
252
00:09:15,919 --> 00:09:19,255
are at risk unless you send $500 now"?
253
00:09:19,256 --> 00:09:20,807
Not the pandas, Bill!
254
00:09:20,808 --> 00:09:22,425
We got to send money.
255
00:09:22,426 --> 00:09:24,857
Do you know what I'd do
with $500 if I had it?
256
00:09:24,858 --> 00:09:26,512
For starters, I'd eat fresh meat.
257
00:09:26,513 --> 00:09:28,648
I've been a freegan for two months now.
258
00:09:28,649 --> 00:09:31,067
Gas was shut off. Power too.
259
00:09:31,068 --> 00:09:33,269
I've been trading bread for
nudes with my neighbors,
260
00:09:33,270 --> 00:09:35,071
so those are out there now.
261
00:09:35,072 --> 00:09:36,823
Can't wait for those chickens
to come home to roost.
262
00:09:36,824 --> 00:09:37,990
Okay.
263
00:09:37,991 --> 00:09:39,408
Can I borrow 100 bucks, actually?
264
00:09:39,409 --> 00:09:41,777
Just need some trash
bags to sleep in is all.
265
00:09:41,778 --> 00:09:42,945
Oh, my God. Okay.
266
00:09:42,946 --> 00:09:44,580
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
267
00:09:44,581 --> 00:09:45,364
- Jeez.
- Hi. Hello.
268
00:09:45,365 --> 00:09:47,416
Hey.
269
00:09:47,417 --> 00:09:48,964
TGIF.
270
00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:52,922
Who's ugly now?
271
00:09:52,923 --> 00:09:55,007
I can't freaking believe
272
00:09:55,008 --> 00:09:56,709
Bill didn't come through with the moola.
273
00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:58,711
- What are you doing?
- I'm taking the stuff down.
274
00:09:58,712 --> 00:10:01,013
I almost died for that ditch weed, okay?
275
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:02,131
We're gonna... we're gonna
have the 4/20 party.
276
00:10:02,132 --> 00:10:05,601
We can't have a party
with no bud and no moola.
277
00:10:05,602 --> 00:10:06,602
- It's all Blake's fault!
- All right, fine.
278
00:10:06,603 --> 00:10:07,970
It's all my fault.
279
00:10:07,971 --> 00:10:10,189
What do you guys want
me to do, kill myself?
280
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:13,609
Then you can collect my life insurance
and have your stupid awesome party.
281
00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:15,945
Like you... like you have
life insurance, pal.
282
00:10:15,946 --> 00:10:18,814
By the way, the whole makeup
thing, dude, that's got to go.
283
00:10:18,815 --> 00:10:21,117
- That's not happening.
- I'm not wearing any makeup.
284
00:10:21,118 --> 00:10:22,451
- Honestly, you look uglier.
- Yeah.
285
00:10:22,452 --> 00:10:24,770
You look like the female gremlin.
286
00:10:24,771 --> 00:10:25,777
You look like Greta, yeah.
287
00:10:25,778 --> 00:10:27,039
You look like Greta the gremlin,
288
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,457
and she was hideously ugly.
289
00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:30,565
I don't want you to
take offense to that.
290
00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:31,711
Please don't.
291
00:10:31,712 --> 00:10:33,079
That's it. I'm out of here.
292
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,047
Oh, happy holidays, indeed.
293
00:10:35,048 --> 00:10:36,215
What a bitch.
294
00:10:36,216 --> 00:10:37,500
He's a bitch.
295
00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:38,322
- And you're getting good at that, man.
- Thank you.
296
00:10:38,323 --> 00:10:40,106
- Do not stop practicing.
- I won't.
297
00:10:41,255 --> 00:10:43,272
Happy holi... damn.
298
00:10:43,273 --> 00:10:44,223
Hi.
299
00:10:44,224 --> 00:10:46,175
Hi. I'm Erin.
300
00:10:46,176 --> 00:10:47,551
I'm a friend of Blake's.
301
00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:51,514
This is the address that
he gave me for the party.
302
00:10:51,515 --> 00:10:52,982
I'm sorry.
303
00:10:52,983 --> 00:10:55,401
Don't be sorry about anything
304
00:10:55,402 --> 00:10:57,436
in your whole life, sweetheart.
305
00:10:57,437 --> 00:10:59,071
Yeah, yeah. You're... you're real.
306
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:01,357
- You're Erin Mantini, here.
- Yes!
307
00:11:01,358 --> 00:11:02,525
And you must be Ders and Adam.
308
00:11:02,526 --> 00:11:04,396
Blake has told me so
much about you guys.
309
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,195
Wait, I thought that you
310
00:11:06,196 --> 00:11:07,780
texted you weren't gonna be here.
311
00:11:07,781 --> 00:11:09,909
Oh, no, I wanted it to be
a surprise for my love
312
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,652
because our investment went global,
313
00:11:11,653 --> 00:11:14,741
and I have here $18,000.
314
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,602
Is he here?
315
00:11:16,603 --> 00:11:17,757
Uh...
316
00:11:18,551 --> 00:11:20,553
Hi. I'm Erin.
317
00:11:22,012 --> 00:11:23,796
Say something, you weirdo.
318
00:11:23,797 --> 00:11:25,047
No offense.
319
00:11:25,048 --> 00:11:26,048
Hi. Hey.
320
00:11:26,049 --> 00:11:28,184
Erin, it's...
321
00:11:28,185 --> 00:11:30,519
I'm Blake's friend,
322
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,856
Alph... Alphonso.
323
00:11:33,857 --> 00:11:35,558
Howdy. How do you do?
324
00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,777
Blake is out of town currently.
325
00:11:37,778 --> 00:11:39,395
Oh, that's right.
326
00:11:39,396 --> 00:11:41,230
He goes dirt biking in
the desert on Saturdays.
327
00:11:41,231 --> 00:11:43,232
- I totally forgot.
- No, he doesn't.
328
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:44,450
He will be back tomorrow.
329
00:11:44,451 --> 00:11:46,437
I will take moola from you.
330
00:11:46,438 --> 00:11:48,032
I give to him.
331
00:11:48,033 --> 00:11:50,489
Oh, no, no, no, I want to see
the look on my love's face
332
00:11:50,490 --> 00:11:51,741
when I hand it to him in person.
333
00:11:51,742 --> 00:11:53,492
- It was nice to meet you guys.
- Okay.
334
00:11:53,493 --> 00:11:55,327
- You're amazing.
- Happy holidays.
335
00:11:56,964 --> 00:11:59,415
I need you to be 100% real
with me when I ask you
336
00:11:59,416 --> 00:12:03,848
the question, "Did you send
her a photo of another man?"
337
00:12:04,554 --> 00:12:06,472
I did.
338
00:12:06,473 --> 00:12:08,741
- I'm a catfisher. I catfish...
- You're the catfisherman.
339
00:12:08,742 --> 00:12:10,226
Yeah. I'm a cyberterrorist.
340
00:12:10,227 --> 00:12:11,344
Wait, you used a photo
341
00:12:11,345 --> 00:12:12,678
of my likeness, didn't you?
342
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:14,921
Actually, I used a picture of Montez.
343
00:12:14,922 --> 00:12:18,234
- Ew! Why?
- So not...
344
00:12:18,235 --> 00:12:20,236
- Oh, my God!
- What do you mean?
345
00:12:20,237 --> 00:12:22,321
Montez was, like, really
good-looking in high school.
346
00:12:22,322 --> 00:12:23,990
He looked like French Montana, actually.
347
00:12:23,991 --> 00:12:25,658
- No.
- I'll go talk to her.
348
00:12:25,659 --> 00:12:28,110
I'll explain to her everything,
and I'll get the moola back.
349
00:12:28,111 --> 00:12:29,862
You can't go talk to her,
'cause if you do,
350
00:12:29,863 --> 00:12:32,581
she's gonna think you're
a fat, pig-faced loser
351
00:12:32,582 --> 00:12:34,676
and not want to talk to you, no offense.
352
00:12:34,677 --> 00:12:37,703
Adam, you're right. I think we got
to keep this fish on the hook.
353
00:12:37,704 --> 00:12:38,974
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
354
00:12:42,259 --> 00:12:43,592
Happy holidays.
355
00:12:43,593 --> 00:12:44,844
- Happy holidays.
- Happy holidays.
356
00:12:44,845 --> 00:12:47,630
Whoa, what the hell
are y'all doing here?
357
00:12:47,631 --> 00:12:49,262
You're interrupting my
family bonding time!
358
00:12:49,263 --> 00:12:51,050
We're in a bit of a pickle,
and we need your help.
359
00:12:51,051 --> 00:12:51,670
Vlasic.
360
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,817
Okay. Junior, hydration station.
361
00:12:53,818 --> 00:12:56,848
Y'all have exactly two minutes. What?
362
00:12:56,849 --> 00:12:59,089
Okay, Blake catfished this woman...
363
00:12:59,090 --> 00:12:59,951
I hate that word.
364
00:12:59,952 --> 00:13:01,610
Using a picture of you from high school,
365
00:13:01,611 --> 00:13:03,390
which we don't understand
either, 'cause...
366
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,629
We're wondering if you could
just pretend to be Blake
367
00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:07,199
for, like, about an hour.
368
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,784
Hey, bitch. Ooh, sorry.
369
00:13:08,785 --> 00:13:10,319
I didn't know your work
friends were here.
370
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,821
I'm kidding. Of course I knew.
371
00:13:11,822 --> 00:13:13,489
Listen, I'm gonna go get
ready for dance class.
372
00:13:13,490 --> 00:13:14,824
You're good to go with the kids tonight?
373
00:13:14,825 --> 00:13:17,043
Yes, I am, honey. I was
just telling them how...
374
00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:18,494
Yeah. I'm already walking away.
375
00:13:18,495 --> 00:13:19,829
- Do you see I'm on thin ice?
- Okay.
376
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:23,499
What's gonna happen is, I'm
gonna put on a sumo suit.
377
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:25,751
If I win, you pretend to be Blake,
378
00:13:25,752 --> 00:13:27,223
and if you win...
379
00:13:29,172 --> 00:13:31,006
I got it. You're good.
380
00:13:31,007 --> 00:13:35,344
You won't win 'cause I'm...
381
00:13:35,345 --> 00:13:36,929
- I'm gonna beat your ass, dude.
- Yeah.
382
00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:38,180
Whoo!
383
00:13:38,181 --> 00:13:39,899
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna beat your ass!
384
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,017
I'm gonna beat your ass!
385
00:13:42,018 --> 00:13:44,070
I'm gonna beat your ass!
386
00:13:44,071 --> 00:13:45,905
I'm gonna beat your ass.
387
00:13:45,906 --> 00:13:47,366
I'm sorry!
388
00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:48,607
You the bitch!
389
00:13:50,193 --> 00:13:53,481
Damn! You got pancaked like a bitch!
390
00:13:53,482 --> 00:13:54,613
He cheated!
391
00:13:54,614 --> 00:13:56,698
Hell no. Friendship attack!
392
00:13:58,201 --> 00:13:59,534
I'm next!
393
00:14:01,171 --> 00:14:03,873
- We family up in here!
- Hell yeah!
394
00:14:03,874 --> 00:14:05,601
No, no, no, no, no!
395
00:14:09,787 --> 00:14:11,488
What if we gave you $2,500?
396
00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:13,555
Man, lead with that.
397
00:14:21,384 --> 00:14:23,969
Okay. Can y'all hear me?
398
00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:25,554
Yes. We hear you.
399
00:14:25,555 --> 00:14:27,189
No, I'm talking about my son Y'all.
400
00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:28,187
Cover his ears.
401
00:14:32,779 --> 00:14:34,647
All right. Here you go,
partner. Excellent.
402
00:14:34,648 --> 00:14:36,865
Happy holidays, okay?
Tell your wife I said hello.
403
00:14:36,866 --> 00:14:38,117
Happy holidays.
404
00:14:38,118 --> 00:14:40,412
My moon and stars.
405
00:14:42,122 --> 00:14:43,393
Oh, goddamn.
406
00:14:43,394 --> 00:14:44,747
She's sugar to the core.
407
00:14:44,748 --> 00:14:45,752
Oh, my gosh.
408
00:14:45,753 --> 00:14:47,493
Blake, you're real!
409
00:14:47,494 --> 00:14:49,147
Of course I'm real.
410
00:14:49,148 --> 00:14:50,284
That's my girl.
411
00:14:50,830 --> 00:14:52,023
That's my girl.
412
00:14:52,666 --> 00:14:53,976
How long has it been?
413
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:58,220
You know, it's been three months
414
00:14:58,221 --> 00:14:59,888
next Wednesday, my love.
415
00:14:59,889 --> 00:15:01,256
You remembered the day?
416
00:15:01,257 --> 00:15:04,210
So how many girls you been with?
417
00:15:04,211 --> 00:15:06,011
Six, borderline seven.
418
00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:08,842
Dude, I've been to the
boneyard more than you.
419
00:15:08,843 --> 00:15:11,266
"Dude, I've been to the
boneyard more than you."
420
00:15:11,267 --> 00:15:13,185
Guys, please.
421
00:15:13,186 --> 00:15:15,336
You look a little different
than that picture you sent me.
422
00:15:15,337 --> 00:15:17,492
That was a little bit ago.
423
00:15:17,493 --> 00:15:19,015
I mean in a good way.
424
00:15:19,016 --> 00:15:23,200
Usually, I'm only attracted
to long-haired skater types,
425
00:15:23,201 --> 00:15:25,531
you know, skinny slacker bros
426
00:15:25,532 --> 00:15:27,199
who are effortlessly cool
but still have a soft side,
427
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,584
and this is kind of embarrassing,
428
00:15:29,585 --> 00:15:31,870
but I even dated Carrot Top.
429
00:15:31,871 --> 00:15:33,622
This is getting a little crazy, right?
430
00:15:33,623 --> 00:15:34,737
Now, I'm a little... I'm, like,
431
00:15:34,738 --> 00:15:36,235
a better-looking Carrot
Top, I've been told.
432
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:36,926
Way less talent.
433
00:15:36,927 --> 00:15:38,755
No offense, but you're
uglier and not as talented.
434
00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:40,106
Okay, wait. Let me get this straight.
435
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:44,160
So you're the ugly one, yeah?
And you're the white nerd?
436
00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:46,303
That's what I'm getting.
I can't figure out what you are.
437
00:15:46,304 --> 00:15:47,509
Oh, yeah, that's right.
438
00:15:47,510 --> 00:15:49,905
You're the little bitch
that got beat up by my dad.
439
00:15:49,906 --> 00:15:51,357
Your dad didn't beat me up.
440
00:15:51,358 --> 00:15:52,499
- He cheated.
- Oh, really?
441
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,449
Yeah, he cheated by
using all of his lard.
442
00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:56,871
Hey. Hey. Am I gonna have
to separate you two?
443
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,230
Oh, World Star. World Star.
444
00:15:58,231 --> 00:16:00,306
- Ders, do something.
- You...
445
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,068
- Come on!
- Over there.
446
00:16:01,069 --> 00:16:02,930
You stay right here. Sit down!
447
00:16:02,931 --> 00:16:04,181
Junior, you play with that.
448
00:16:04,182 --> 00:16:05,182
Adam...
449
00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:06,050
Ooh.
450
00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:08,469
You got me... Oh, I love these things.
451
00:16:09,938 --> 00:16:12,905
This just seems so natural, right?
452
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:14,558
It's like I can tell you anything.
453
00:16:14,559 --> 00:16:16,360
Oh, like... like what?
454
00:16:16,361 --> 00:16:19,864
I'm actually having some dirty
thoughts about you and me.
455
00:16:19,865 --> 00:16:21,482
It's just me and you here.
456
00:16:21,483 --> 00:16:23,450
You can tell me anything.
457
00:16:23,451 --> 00:16:26,737
I know you told me that you
have a very big penis.
458
00:16:26,738 --> 00:16:29,740
Mm, it's kind of embarrassing,
459
00:16:29,741 --> 00:16:32,960
but I have a very shallow cervix.
460
00:16:32,961 --> 00:16:33,961
Whoa.
461
00:16:33,962 --> 00:16:35,246
And it's very painful
462
00:16:35,247 --> 00:16:37,377
for me to have sex with big guys.
463
00:16:37,378 --> 00:16:39,083
- What?
- Really.
464
00:16:39,084 --> 00:16:43,254
Below average or, ideally,
a micro-penis is perfect.
465
00:16:43,255 --> 00:16:45,673
Did you hear that? We're meant to be.
466
00:16:45,674 --> 00:16:46,891
God made us for each other!
467
00:16:46,892 --> 00:16:48,427
Please, let me go, Ders!
468
00:16:48,428 --> 00:16:50,106
No. Just keep texting.
469
00:16:50,107 --> 00:16:53,898
Oh! Dudes, I'm sold out. Like, entirely.
470
00:16:53,899 --> 00:16:56,317
The holiday shopping season is over.
471
00:16:56,318 --> 00:16:58,102
I hope that doesn't ruin
any thoughts that are
472
00:16:58,103 --> 00:16:59,904
running around in that
handsome little head of yours.
473
00:16:59,905 --> 00:17:01,939
Not at all.
474
00:17:01,940 --> 00:17:04,158
Actually...
475
00:17:04,159 --> 00:17:05,576
He turned his phone off.
476
00:17:05,577 --> 00:17:06,944
He's completely gone rogue.
477
00:17:06,945 --> 00:17:09,530
He's trying to steal my
love away from me, Ders.
478
00:17:09,531 --> 00:17:11,031
I say let it fly,
479
00:17:11,032 --> 00:17:13,043
and I think you should
start using your noodle,
480
00:17:13,044 --> 00:17:14,367
not your heart.
481
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:19,280
- You want to get nuts?
- He did it. - Yeah!
482
00:17:19,281 --> 00:17:20,708
- Let's get nuts!
- Yeah. Yeah.
483
00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:22,126
Oh, yeah. We gonna tear it up.
484
00:17:24,629 --> 00:17:26,553
Okay. Where's the bed?
485
00:17:26,554 --> 00:17:29,016
- The bed is, like...
- Stop it now!
486
00:17:29,017 --> 00:17:31,268
- Oh, no, oh, no.
- No! No!
487
00:17:32,590 --> 00:17:34,637
- Oh, let's do that.
- Yeah, definitely do that.
488
00:17:37,309 --> 00:17:38,809
- Blake, Stop!
- Hey, hey.
489
00:17:38,810 --> 00:17:40,394
- Whoa, hey.
- What's going on?
490
00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:43,280
- Fancy meeting you two here.
- Hi. What's happening?
491
00:17:43,281 --> 00:17:46,400
You remember me, Erin. Um, okay.
492
00:17:46,401 --> 00:17:47,985
I just have to get
something off my chest.
493
00:17:47,986 --> 00:17:49,101
- I knew it.
- What's going on?
494
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,389
Oh, my God.
495
00:17:51,957 --> 00:17:53,958
- Go to the arcade.
- Cool.
496
00:17:53,959 --> 00:17:56,293
I'm sorry, what is going
on, and who are you?
497
00:17:56,294 --> 00:17:57,795
I'm his wife. Who are you?
498
00:17:57,796 --> 00:17:59,496
- You're married?
- Okay.
499
00:17:59,497 --> 00:18:02,333
- Dudes, you want to step in here?
- No.
500
00:18:02,334 --> 00:18:03,667
- Not really. I don't.
- Okay.
501
00:18:03,668 --> 00:18:06,003
This ain't what it looks like.
See, let me explain.
502
00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:07,504
- See, these idiots...
- No, actually, I can explain.
503
00:18:07,505 --> 00:18:09,173
I'm not mad.
504
00:18:09,174 --> 00:18:11,008
- You're not mad?
- No. I'm actually relieved.
505
00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:13,143
Honey, I love you. I love our marriage.
506
00:18:13,144 --> 00:18:16,313
I love our family, our house,
all our possessions.
507
00:18:16,314 --> 00:18:18,265
But recently, I signed up
for Ashley Madison 'cause
508
00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:22,603
I want us to be open, and I
want us to share together
509
00:18:22,604 --> 00:18:23,687
and have fun again.
510
00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:25,706
Baby, I want that too.
511
00:18:25,707 --> 00:18:28,692
I think I'm gonna go and
let you two work this out.
512
00:18:28,693 --> 00:18:30,244
- Yeah.
- No. Really, it's okay.
513
00:18:30,245 --> 00:18:31,528
- And we're all adults here.
- Mm-hmm.
514
00:18:31,529 --> 00:18:34,006
And you two, it looks like,
were really hitting it off.
515
00:18:34,007 --> 00:18:35,332
Frankly, it was really freaking hot.
516
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,418
And she got a little coochie too.
517
00:18:37,419 --> 00:18:39,837
I mean...
518
00:18:39,838 --> 00:18:42,172
Goddamn, I love you, woman.
519
00:18:42,173 --> 00:18:43,874
You know, maybe you could stick around
520
00:18:43,875 --> 00:18:44,925
and the three of us can, you know,
521
00:18:44,926 --> 00:18:46,292
try something new together.
522
00:18:47,846 --> 00:18:49,346
I'm always down for something new.
523
00:18:49,347 --> 00:18:51,715
Mm... want something here.
524
00:18:51,716 --> 00:18:53,801
- Hot damn!
- Oh!
525
00:18:53,802 --> 00:18:55,352
Baby, bam.
526
00:19:01,127 --> 00:19:02,498
Where are my parents?
527
00:19:02,499 --> 00:19:05,372
They are... They got food poisoning.
528
00:19:05,373 --> 00:19:09,042
From eating each other's butt,
529
00:19:09,043 --> 00:19:11,695
which is what they're doing
in there, definitely.
530
00:19:15,516 --> 00:19:16,766
- Erin.
- Let's go home.
531
00:19:16,767 --> 00:19:19,052
Aww. Come on, y'all.
532
00:19:19,053 --> 00:19:21,757
See you later, guys. Eat, Adam.
533
00:19:21,758 --> 00:19:23,333
Yeah, you mean like
your parents just did
534
00:19:23,334 --> 00:19:25,025
out of a stranger's bum-bum?
535
00:19:25,026 --> 00:19:27,901
Hey, there's no way you've
had more sex than me!
536
00:19:27,902 --> 00:19:30,697
That was some freaky-deaky biz-nass
537
00:19:30,698 --> 00:19:32,315
that was going on in there.
538
00:19:32,316 --> 00:19:33,900
Thank you, thank you, and,
539
00:19:33,901 --> 00:19:37,320
Blake, most of all, thank you.
540
00:19:37,321 --> 00:19:40,057
Here is $800 for you.
541
00:19:40,058 --> 00:19:41,733
That's $2,500 for me,
542
00:19:41,734 --> 00:19:43,308
and the rest go to the manager,
543
00:19:43,309 --> 00:19:44,137
'cause guess what.
544
00:19:44,138 --> 00:19:46,206
We did some damage in there.
545
00:19:47,165 --> 00:19:49,583
- Happy holidays.
- Happy holidays.
546
00:19:49,584 --> 00:19:50,762
- Happy holidays to you.
- All right.
547
00:19:50,763 --> 00:19:53,252
Alright, Chill Sergeant DeMamp
548
00:19:53,253 --> 00:19:56,190
states the 4/20 party is back on!
549
00:19:56,739 --> 00:19:58,096
Dude, Karl's sold out of weed.
550
00:19:58,097 --> 00:20:00,997
Where are we gonna find
any weed on 4/20 eve?
551
00:20:00,998 --> 00:20:04,479
Yeah. Now, that's what I call moola.
552
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:05,914
- Happy holidays to you.
- Yeah.
553
00:20:05,915 --> 00:20:09,017
- Happy holidays, my main man.
- Happy holidays.
554
00:20:09,018 --> 00:20:10,185
Oh, dude. Perfect timing.
555
00:20:10,186 --> 00:20:12,721
Cypress Chill's
about to take stage.
556
00:20:12,722 --> 00:20:13,922
All right. Goody, goody, goody.
557
00:20:13,923 --> 00:20:14,889
What's going on?
558
00:20:14,890 --> 00:20:18,159
Ah, well, you know,
Erin broke up with me.
559
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,794
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
560
00:20:19,795 --> 00:20:23,164
I guess Montez had, like,
a really big dong or something.
561
00:20:23,165 --> 00:20:24,766
I feel super sorry for her.
562
00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:27,913
Like, you big-dicked freak show.
563
00:20:27,914 --> 00:20:29,904
Like, join the circus
with your lasso dick.
564
00:20:29,905 --> 00:20:30,905
It's all good, though.
565
00:20:30,906 --> 00:20:32,407
You guys should get pretty excited
566
00:20:32,408 --> 00:20:35,010
'cause there's some
Blake Chesterfield Hender-nachos
567
00:20:35,011 --> 00:20:36,311
about to come out the oven!
568
00:20:36,312 --> 00:20:37,879
Here's the... This is the
real meaning of 4/20.
569
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,814
You ready to get rocked?
570
00:20:39,815 --> 00:20:40,782
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
571
00:20:40,783 --> 00:20:42,384
Are you going
to freestyle rap, though?
572
00:20:42,385 --> 00:20:44,019
No, pretty terrified
about doing that
573
00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:45,153
in front of people, so...
574
00:20:45,154 --> 00:20:47,455
Yeah, and also, no offense,
you're really bad at it.
575
00:20:47,456 --> 00:20:49,457
♪ Pick it, pack it, fire it off ♪
576
00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:52,861
♪ Come along and take
a hit from the bong ♪
577
00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:55,364
♪ Put the blunt down just for a second ♪
578
00:20:55,365 --> 00:20:58,466
♪ Don't get me wrong,
it's not a new method ♪
579
00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:02,469
www.addic7ed.com