1 00:00:01,501 --> 00:00:02,490 Does this look like a rifle? 2 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,628 - Uh, yeah. Kind of. - Thanks. 3 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:08,698 God, it seems like the season comes faster every year, you know? 4 00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:11,300 Honestly, every person I run into keeps blabbing 5 00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:14,074 about how awesome our 4/20 party was last year, 6 00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:15,307 and I'm like, "Bitch, you don't even know. 7 00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:18,078 "This year, we've got a 42-blunt salute!" 8 00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,345 Dude, I don't even know what that is 9 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,387 and I got goose pimples up and down my arms. 10 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:22,580 - Yeah. - Remember how last year, 11 00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:24,555 I lip-synched Cypress Hill for, like, five hours? 12 00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:25,648 Yes. 13 00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:28,717 So this year, I think I'm just gonna freestyle it. 14 00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,395 Just, like, go, you know what I mean? You know how I do. 15 00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:33,762 And I'm gonna call myself "Cypress Chill." 16 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:35,490 Get out. 17 00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:38,695 That's what I was gonna call myself, except for not "Cypress Chill." 18 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,740 I was gonna call myself the "Chill Sergeant." 19 00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:42,707 Happy holidays. 20 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,710 Happy holidays. 21 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:49,315 I want you guys to go ahead and it's a free-for-all with that box there. 22 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,077 I don't want any of it. It's all up for grabs. 23 00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:52,618 - Blake, these are your pornogs. - Yeah. 24 00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,175 What are you doing? These are classics. 25 00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,745 - All the pages are stuck together. - Yeah. I know. 26 00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:58,848 You're freaking me the freak out right now, okay? 27 00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:00,392 Go back in your room and crank it down. 28 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:04,460 Eh, sorry, can't help you with that one, bud, because, um, 29 00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,093 I'm a boyfriend now. 30 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:09,430 Who are you boyfriending? 31 00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:13,698 Well, my love's name is Erin Mantini. 32 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,941 Okay, great, but just because you've got a girl 33 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:19,672 doesn't mean you got to get rid of your whack stash. 34 00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,974 Fellas, now that I'm a boyfriend, 35 00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:25,108 I'm just sort of above that kind of behavior, you know? 36 00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,413 I mean, I'm in love. 37 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,010 I don't want to seem like a creep. 38 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,755 I'm in love. 39 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:37,556 Yes? 40 00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:42,400 Ripped & Corrected By mstoll 41 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:43,695 I'm fresh 42 00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:47,606 You gotta, you gotta You gotta, gotta 43 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,936 Gotta be fresh 44 00:01:52,011 --> 00:01:53,945 Dro, dro, dro. 45 00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:55,574 Happy holidays. 46 00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:58,014 Happy holidays. 47 00:01:58,084 --> 00:01:59,415 Whoa, I love what you've done with the place. 48 00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:02,114 - It's so 4/20-friendly. - Absolutely. 49 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,122 - Okay. - Ashtray. Might've broke the... 50 00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,452 Dig right on in, baby. 51 00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:06,719 Ooh. 52 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,818 We got bowls. We got blunts. 53 00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:11,663 We got weed bricks that'll make you feel like an angel 54 00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:13,722 and hash that'll make you feel like you're on mushrooms. 55 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,789 Ow! 56 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,460 Happy four twizzle. 57 00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:19,802 Why don't you guys get nuts and I'm gonna get you your moola, huh? 58 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,807 All right, man. Ho, ho, ho! 59 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,435 - I kind of like it. - Still not friends. 60 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,569 Last year, you know I sold out by noon? 61 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:28,045 I had to go harvest ditch weed off of exit 311. 62 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:29,979 Yo, Chill Sergeant Demamp! 63 00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:32,347 Did you move the moola? 64 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,816 I did not move the moola. 65 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,254 In fact, last time I saw the moola, 66 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:40,520 it was grazing free range by the couch. 67 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,292 Oh, did I forget to tell you guys? 68 00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,387 I got great news. 69 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:47,729 I sent all $800 to Erin, my love, in the mail. 70 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:48,959 You're joking, right? 71 00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:51,526 You took our money that we all pooled together 72 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:54,869 for the entire year and just gave it to your girlfriend? 73 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,509 Guys, she told me there was a can't-miss business investment. 74 00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:02,772 Some dude in Algeria or something, which, actually, 75 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,283 you dudes owe me, like, $40 worth of moola 76 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,717 because it took a lot of money to ship all that loose change. 77 00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:09,414 Okay, this sounds like a great investment, 78 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,650 and I wish you all the best. I hope you get your money back. 79 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:12,713 I will. 80 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:15,022 But it's 4/20, and there's no Layaway plans, okay? 81 00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,789 So until shit changes, page me. 82 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:17,989 Whoa. 83 00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:21,295 Can we at least get 42 blunts until we figure this out? 84 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:22,992 Happy holidays. 85 00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:24,261 - Happy holidays. - Happy holidays. 86 00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:26,497 Guys, relax. 87 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:30,570 My love told me that she is going to mail me the money. 88 00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:33,141 Why are you guys mailing stuff to each other? 89 00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,908 Bitch, have you ever met this woman? 90 00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:38,741 Do you even know that bitch? 91 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,876 She's not a bitch, okay? She's my love, 92 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:45,652 and we have what you would call a "cyber romance." 93 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:47,392 So you've never actually met her? 94 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:48,722 We met on the internet, 95 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:51,161 where a lot of kids are falling in love nowadays. 96 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,222 You guys are really outdating yourself here. 97 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,859 Blake, you stupid dumb idiot moron bitch. 98 00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:59,166 No offense, but you've been catfished, okay? 99 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,672 - That's what's happening. - Okay. 100 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,207 All your ex-girlfriends are fives. 101 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,435 This chick's a ten. 102 00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:06,205 So that didn't, like, have any "this bitch probably ain't real" 103 00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:07,507 red flags pop up in your head? 104 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,672 Who's to say what's real? 105 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,375 And I don't know. Maybe I really got a winner. 106 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,441 Erin is real! What are you doing? 107 00:04:12,518 --> 00:04:13,610 - That's it! - Okay. 108 00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:14,812 You sit down and don't make me use 'em! 109 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,381 Don't make me use my muscles! 110 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:19,254 "You could never make me not love you, my love, 111 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:22,783 "but please send me more money before it's too late, my love." 112 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,557 Dude, she's bleeding you dry. 113 00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,189 She's milking your money teat, Blake. 114 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,631 - What are you doing? - Don't... 115 00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:28,894 - Sit! - Relax. 116 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:31,129 I'm texting her, inviting her to the party so we can all meet her. 117 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,296 No! All right? 118 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:35,705 We are waiting for the exact perfect right time to meet each other. 119 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,834 Please don't do that! 120 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:41,573 "Sorry. Can't make it. Car trouble, my love." 121 00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:46,347 "Sorry. Can't make it. Car trouble, my love"? 122 00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:49,650 - That is a classic catfish excuse! - Totally. 123 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,781 And no offense, but I can't believe 124 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,554 you're so stupid, 'cause a girl this hot 125 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,822 is never gonna be interested in you, no offense. 126 00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:58,591 All right. Maybe I am ugly. 127 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:03,227 But maybe what we have is, is deeper than looks, okay? 128 00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:05,904 I hope you both die before I walk through this door. 129 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:08,231 Dang! 130 00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:11,867 - Well, I'm not gonna give up on 4/20. - Good. 131 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,811 So, sadly, I will have to call out of work today 132 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,815 and launch a full-on recon, 133 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:18,214 no, wait, a weedcon, 134 00:05:18,284 --> 00:05:20,752 and find enough ditch weed to roll up 42 blunts 135 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,220 and have a 42-blunt salute and save the party and save the day. 136 00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:26,383 Maybe I could go catfish some people, 137 00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:27,983 you know, get some easy money. 138 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,256 Sorry, catfish some people, get some easy moola. 139 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:33,322 Okay. I was confused. Yeah. I didn't know what you were talking about. 140 00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:35,760 Yo, Tez, my good friend. 141 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,063 - Just a second. - Did you get a email? 142 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,971 Did you get a email, man? 143 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,633 That's the hook to the song like blam 144 00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,075 Gats be spraying, and I'm just saying 145 00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:46,133 Can I? 146 00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:47,439 Stop. Stop. Stop. What you doing? 147 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:49,680 Sorry. My email's down. 148 00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:51,239 I was wondering if yours is working and if maybe 149 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:52,909 you got a email sent to you that could be, like, 150 00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:54,418 a cool thing you might be into. I don't know. 151 00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,546 Um, that's okay. Let me see. 152 00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:57,680 Actually, look at this. 153 00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:58,916 - What is it? - Okay. 154 00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:00,083 Billion man march. 155 00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:02,627 Billion man march? What? 156 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,720 Only $1,500. 157 00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,264 You know what? I should do it. 158 00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,163 Yes, you should. Great. Awesome. 159 00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:09,997 But, but, but I can't. I can't. 160 00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:11,866 I've been splurging at the new titty bar... 161 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,166 - No. - Every day. 162 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,434 Colleen has been watching me like a hawk. 163 00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:16,805 She everywhere. 164 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,434 All my money got to go to my children. 165 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,043 Why am I so ugly, Lord? 166 00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:26,247 The zits, the snot, the boogers, the stinky butt, 167 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,948 the bad breath, the globs of earwax in the morning, 168 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,221 my weird teeth, 169 00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,453 my stupid hair, my itchy butt, 170 00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:40,360 the B. O, the dandruff, the below-average dick. 171 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,865 What is your plan? 172 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,669 You know every hair on my head, Lord. I know you have a plan for me. 173 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,585 Oh, you scared me, dude. 174 00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:02,915 Happy holidays. 175 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,286 Oh, happy holidays! 176 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,087 - Happy holidays. - Hi! 177 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,388 Who the hell are you? 178 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:13,198 Uh, my name is Chill Sergeant Demamp, at your service! 179 00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:14,863 - Are you army? - Well, yeah. 180 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,629 I guess so. Army of one. 181 00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:18,226 Oh. How many tours you do, Sergeant? 182 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,133 It's been a while since I've gone on a tour, 183 00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:22,504 but I used to go on a lot, I did the Anheuser-Busch tour. 184 00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:23,564 - Bush! - Which is cool. 185 00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:25,736 - They give you, like, little nips. - Yeah, I went through the bush. 186 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,871 And then the Play-Doh tour, that was the shit. 187 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,741 I have been in the shit, you understand? 188 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,614 - Cool. Right on. - But I'm out! 189 00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:33,777 Yeah, nice. 190 00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,686 My boy. I know you ca... 191 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:41,384 You, you want, you want some ditch weed, don't you? 192 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:45,921 Well, it's two clicks this way, so let's roll, Sergeant! 193 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,726 Hey, men! This is, this is Demamp. 194 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,291 He's a drill sergeant in the army. 195 00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:53,202 I'm a, no. I'm a chill sergeant. 196 00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:56,307 Yeah. Trying to get a pillowcase full of weed. 197 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,672 Yeah. 198 00:07:57,743 --> 00:08:00,507 A sergeant with an upside-down private patch on your shoulder? 199 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:01,808 What's the real story? 200 00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:03,542 - My friend Karl... - Karl? 201 00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:05,277 - We hate that son of a bitch. - Yeah. 202 00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:06,375 He smells like shit. 203 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:12,049 Yeah. He raids our fields at night, tries to sell our weed for profit. 204 00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,525 Whose side are you on, son? 205 00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:17,828 There's no sides, guys. 206 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,159 There's not... 207 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:24,260 Let's face it, guys. 4/20 only comes around once a year 208 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,467 and it is our job 209 00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:30,999 to make sure that every man, woman, and child who wants to get stoned 210 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,169 can get stoned, 211 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,508 because this is America, 212 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,005 the land of the free 213 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:42,278 and the home of the chill! 214 00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:45,489 Now, let's go get some weed! 215 00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:49,091 You want us to give you weed for free, right? 216 00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:50,627 That's the plan, yes. 217 00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:53,324 I don't think so. We're gonna kick your ass. 218 00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:54,792 - Really? - Yeah. 219 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,502 Oh, lights out, babe. 220 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:02,768 Hey, Bill. Could we talk? 221 00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:05,703 - I was just reading the web. - Yeah. Relax. It's fine. 222 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,245 I'm into ladies' football. 223 00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:08,780 Go, Chicago Bliss. 224 00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,873 See that email on the top there? What is that? Click on that. 225 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:11,974 What is that? 226 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,917 "Please donate to save mammals now. 227 00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:17,148 "There's been a tsunami in China 228 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:21,557 "and all the panda bears are at risk unless you send $500 now"? 229 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:24,619 Not the pandas, Bill! We got to send money. 230 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:27,097 Do you know what I'd do with $500 if I had it? 231 00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:28,895 For starters, I'd eat fresh meat. 232 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,993 I've been a freegan for two months now. 233 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,163 Gas was shut off. Power too. 234 00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:35,565 I've been trading bread for nudes with my neighbors, 235 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,040 so those are out there now. 236 00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:39,373 Can't wait for those chickens to come home to roost. 237 00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:41,811 - Okay. - Can I borrow 100 bucks, actually? 238 00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,145 Just need some trash bags to sleep in is all. 239 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:47,443 Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeez. 240 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,384 Hi. Hello. Hey. 241 00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:50,778 TGIF. 242 00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:54,586 Who's ugly now? 243 00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:58,625 I can't freaking believe Bill didn't come through with the moola. 244 00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,463 - What are you doing? - I'm taking the stuff down. 245 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,593 I almost died for that ditch weed, okay? 246 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,330 We're gonna, we're gonna have the 4/20 party. 247 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,872 We can't have a party with no bud and no moola. 248 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:10,704 - It's all Blake's fault! - All right, fine. It's all my fault. 249 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,573 What do you guys want me to do, kill myself? 250 00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:16,274 Then you can collect my life insurance and have your stupid awesome party. 251 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,476 Like you, like you have life insurance, pal. 252 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,315 By the way, the whole makeup thing, dude, that's got to go. 253 00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:23,116 - That's not happening. - I'm not wearing any makeup. 254 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:24,816 - Honestly, you look uglier. - Yeah. 255 00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,222 You look like the female gremlin. 256 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,385 You look like Greta, yeah. 257 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,485 You look like Greta the gremlin, 258 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:30,824 and she was hideously ugly. 259 00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:33,831 I don't want you to take offense to that. Please don't. 260 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,298 That's it. I'm out of here. 261 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,063 Oh, happy holidays, indeed. 262 00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:38,798 - What a bitch. - He's a bitch. 263 00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:40,361 You're getting good at that, man. 264 00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:41,599 - Thank you. - Do not stop practicing. 265 00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:42,800 I won't. 266 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,075 Happy holi... Damn. Hi. 267 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:48,078 Hi. I'm Erin. 268 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,580 I'm a friend of Blake's. 269 00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:50,807 Uh... 270 00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:52,874 This is the address that he gave me for the party. 271 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,014 I'm sorry. 272 00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:59,615 Don't be sorry about anything in your whole life, sweetheart. 273 00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,357 Yeah, yeah. You're, you're real. 274 00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,657 - You're Erin Mantini, here. - Yes. 275 00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,321 And you must be Ders and Adam. 276 00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,127 Blake has told me so much about you guys. 277 00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:09,759 Wait, I thought that you texted you weren't gonna be here. 278 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,133 Oh, no, I wanted it to be a surprise for my love 279 00:11:12,204 --> 00:11:13,796 because our investment went global, 280 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:16,706 and I have here $18,000. 281 00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:18,735 Is he here? 282 00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:20,203 Uh... 283 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,446 Hi. I'm Erin. 284 00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:26,448 - Say something, you fucking weirdo. - No offense. 285 00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:30,047 Hi. Hey. Erin, it's... 286 00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:32,522 I'm Blake's friend, 287 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,456 Alph, Alphonso. 288 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,518 Howdy. How do you do? 289 00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:40,463 Blake is out of town currently. 290 00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,829 Oh, that's right. He goes dirt biking in the desert on Saturdays. 291 00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,632 - I totally forgot. - No, he doesn't. 292 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,797 He will be back tomorrow. 293 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:50,000 I will take moola from you. I give to him. 294 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,570 Oh, no, no, no, I want to see the look on my love's face 295 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:53,976 when I hand it to him in person. 296 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:55,513 - It was nice to meet you guys. - Okay. 297 00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:57,071 - You're amazing. - Happy holidays. 298 00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:03,253 I need you to be 100% real with me when I ask you the question, 299 00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:06,054 "Did you send her a photo of another man?" 300 00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,018 I did. 301 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:09,650 I'm a catfisher. 302 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,162 - I catfish... - You're the catfisherman. 303 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,857 Yeah. I'm a cyberterrorist. 304 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,797 Wait, you used a photo of my likeness, didn't you? 305 00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:17,097 Actually, I used a picture of Montez. 306 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:20,501 - Ew! Why? - So not... 307 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,200 - Oh, my God! - What do you mean? 308 00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:24,299 Montez was, like, really good-looking in high school. 309 00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,037 He looked like French Montana, actually. 310 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,579 - No. - I'll go talk to her. 311 00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:29,978 I'll explain to her everything, and I'll get the moola back. 312 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,141 You can't go talk to her, 313 00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:34,675 'cause if you do, she's gonna think you're a fat, pig-faced loser 314 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,745 and not want to talk to you, no offense. 315 00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:39,655 Adam, you're right. I think we got to keep this fish on the hook. 316 00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:41,090 - Mmm-hmm. - Mmm-hmm. 317 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,416 Ha! 318 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,890 Happy holidays. 319 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,330 - Happy holidays. - Happy holidays. 320 00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:49,697 Whoa, what the hell are y'all doing here? 321 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,737 You're interrupting my family bonding time! 322 00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:52,998 We're in a bit of a pickle and we need your help. 323 00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:54,096 Vlasic. 324 00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:56,004 Okay. Junior, hydration station. 325 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:58,134 Y'all have exactly two minutes. 326 00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,470 What? 327 00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:02,207 - Okay, Blake catfished this woman... - I hate that word. 328 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:05,478 Using a picture of you from high school, which we don't understand either, 'cause... 329 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,885 We're wondering if you could just pretend to be Blake 330 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,181 for, like, about an hour. 331 00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,984 Hey, bitch. Ooh, sorry. 332 00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:12,353 I didn't know your work friends were here. 333 00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,192 I'm kidding. Of course I knew. 334 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,693 Listen, I'm gonna go get ready for dance class. 335 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:16,887 You're good to go with the kids tonight? 336 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:18,589 Yes, I am, honey. I was just telling them how... 337 00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,256 Yeah. I'm already walking away. 338 00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:22,563 - Do you see I'm on thin ice? - Okay. 339 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,570 What's gonna happen is, I'm gonna put on a sumo suit. 340 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:29,165 If I win, you pretend to be Blake and if you win... 341 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,671 I got it. You're good. 342 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,010 You won't win 343 00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:39,017 - 'cause I'm, I'm gonna beat your ass, dude. - Yeah. 344 00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:40,142 Whoo! 345 00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:44,282 I'm gonna beat your ass! I'm gonna beat your ass! 346 00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:46,153 I'm gonna beat your ass! 347 00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,624 I'm gonna beat your ass! 348 00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,820 I'm sorry! 349 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,055 You the bitch! 350 00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,900 Damn! You got pancaked like a bitch! 351 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,232 - He cheated! - Hell no. Friendship attack! 352 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,434 I'm next! 353 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,607 - We family up in here! - Hell yeah! 354 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,044 No, no, no, no, no! 355 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,746 What if we gave you $2,500? 356 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,578 Man, lead with that. 357 00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:26,723 Okay. Can y'all hear me? 358 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:27,925 Yes. We hear you. 359 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,365 No, I'm talking about my son, Y'all. 360 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,527 Cover his ears. 361 00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:36,298 All right. Here you go, partner. 362 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:39,173 Excellent. Happy holidays, okay? Tell your wife I said hello. 363 00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:40,503 Happy holidays. 364 00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:42,909 My moon and stars. 365 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,216 Oh, God damn. She's sugar to the core. 366 00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:49,754 Oh, my gosh. Blake, you're real! 367 00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,449 Of course I'm real. 368 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:52,850 That's my girl. 369 00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:54,819 That's my girl. 370 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:56,455 How long has it been? 371 00:14:56,528 --> 00:15:00,259 You know, it's been, uh, three months. 372 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,223 Next Wednesday, my love. 373 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,528 You remembered the day? 374 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,568 So how many girls you been with? 375 00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,804 Six, borderline seven. 376 00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:11,206 Dude, I've been to the boneyard more than you. 377 00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:13,707 "Dude, I've been to the boneyard more than you." 378 00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,337 Guys, please. 379 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,974 You look a little different than that picture you sent me. 380 00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:20,484 That was a little bit ago. 381 00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:21,814 I mean in a good way. 382 00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:25,880 Usually, I'm only attracted to long-haired skater types, 383 00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:27,619 you know, skinny slacker bros 384 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,355 who are effortlessly cool but still have a soft side, 385 00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:32,052 and this is kind of embarrassing, 386 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,190 but I even dated Carrot Top. 387 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,992 This is getting a little crazy, right? 388 00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,763 I'm a little, I'm, like, a better-looking Carrot Top, 389 00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:38,860 I've been told. 390 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,029 Way less talent. 391 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,333 No offense, but you're uglier and not as talented. 392 00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:42,669 Okay, wait. Let me get this straight. 393 00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:45,072 So you're the ugly one, yeah? 394 00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,671 And you're the white nerd? That's what I'm getting. 395 00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:48,906 I can't figure out what you are. 396 00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:50,039 Oh, yeah, that's right. 397 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,515 You're the little bitch that got beat up by my dad. 398 00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:54,449 Your dad didn't beat me up. He cheated. 399 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:55,612 Oh, really? 400 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,212 Yeah, he cheated by using all of his lard. 401 00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:59,353 Hey. Hey. Am I gonna have to separate you two? 402 00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:01,290 Oh, world star. World star. 403 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:02,418 Ders, do something. 404 00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:03,654 - Come on! - You, over there. 405 00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,697 You stay right here. Sit down! 406 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,288 Junior, you play with that. Adam... 407 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,498 Ooh. 408 00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:11,229 You got me... Oh, I love these things. 409 00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:15,329 This just seems so natural, right? 410 00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,602 It's like I can tell you anything. 411 00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:18,836 Oh, like, like what? 412 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:22,540 I'm actually having some dirty thoughts about you and me. 413 00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:24,104 It's just me and you here. 414 00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,208 You can tell me anything. 415 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:29,220 I know you told me that you have a very big penis. 416 00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:32,254 Mmm, it's kind of embarrassing, 417 00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:35,653 but I have a very shallow cervix. 418 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,019 Whoa. 419 00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:39,758 And it's very painful for me to have sex with big guys. 420 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,856 What? 421 00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:41,957 Really. 422 00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:46,095 Below average or, ideally, a micro-penis is perfect. 423 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:47,397 Did you hear that? 424 00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:48,462 We're meant to be. 425 00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,065 God made us for each other! Please, let me go, Ders! 426 00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,508 No. Just keep texting. 427 00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:56,579 Oh! Dudes, I'm sold out. Like, entirely. 428 00:16:56,648 --> 00:16:59,208 The holiday shopping season is over. 429 00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:01,184 I hope that doesn't ruin any thoughts that are running around 430 00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,584 in that handsome little head of yours. 431 00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:04,349 Not at all. 432 00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,254 Actually... 433 00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,387 He's turned his phone off. He's completely gone rogue. 434 00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:12,225 He's trying to steal my love away from me, Ders. 435 00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:13,696 I say let it fly 436 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,462 and I think you should start using your noodle, not your heart. 437 00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:21,171 - He did it. - You want to get nuts? 438 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,298 - Yeah! - Let's get nuts! 439 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,001 Yeah. Yeah! 440 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:25,566 Oh, yeah. We gonna tear it up. 441 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,308 - Okay. Where's the bed? - The bed is, like... 442 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,440 Stop it now! 443 00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:32,745 Oh, no, oh, no. 444 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,715 - Oh, let's do that. - Yeah, definitely do that. 445 00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:41,389 - Blake, stop! - Hey, hey. 446 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,121 - Whoa, hey. - What's going on? 447 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,753 Fancy meeting you two here. 448 00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:45,990 Hi. What's happening? 449 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,125 You remember me, Erin. Um, okay. 450 00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:50,828 I just have to get something off my chest. 451 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,894 - I knew it. - Oh, my God. 452 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,432 - Go to the arcade. - Cool. 453 00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:58,738 I'm sorry, what is going on, and who are you? 454 00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:00,477 I'm his wife. Who are you? 455 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:01,638 You're married? 456 00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,307 Okay. Dudes, you want to step in here? 457 00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,578 No, not really. I don't. 458 00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,381 This ain't what it looks like. See, let me explain. 459 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:10,115 - See, these idiots... - No, actually, I can explain. 460 00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:11,247 I'm not mad. 461 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,553 - You're not mad? - No. I'm actually relieved. 462 00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:15,752 Honey, I love you. I love our marriage. 463 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,797 I love our family, our house, all our possessions. 464 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,126 But recently, I signed up for Ashley Madison 465 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,065 'cause I want us to be open 466 00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:26,798 and I want us to share together and have fun again. 467 00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:28,304 Baby, I want that too. 468 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,335 I think I'm gonna go and let you two work this out. 469 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:32,968 - Yeah. - No. Really, it's okay. 470 00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,535 - And we're all adults here. - Mmm-hmm. 471 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,513 And you two, it looks like, were really hitting it off. 472 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,174 Frankly, it was really freaking hot. 473 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:40,115 And she got a little coochie too. 474 00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:41,977 I mean... 475 00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:44,813 God damn, I love you, woman. 476 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,318 You know, maybe you could stick around 477 00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:49,053 and the three of us can, you know, try something new together. 478 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,956 I'm always down for something new. 479 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,492 Mmm, want something here? 480 00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:55,828 - Hot damn! - Oh! 481 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,992 Baby, bam. 482 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,440 Where are my parents? 483 00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:08,309 Uh, they are, they got food poisoning. 484 00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:12,111 From eating each other's butts out 485 00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:14,950 which is what they're doing in there, definitely. 486 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,288 - Erin. - Let's go home. 487 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:21,758 Aw. Come on, y'all. 488 00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:23,887 See you later, guys. 489 00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:25,020 Eat shit, Adam. 490 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:28,396 Yeah, you mean like your parents just did out of a stranger's bum-bum? 491 00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:31,559 Hey, there's no way you've had more sex than me! 492 00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:35,266 That was some freaky-deaky biz-nass that was going on in there. 493 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:40,277 Thank you, thank you, and Blake, most of all, thank you. 494 00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:43,273 Here is $800 for you. 495 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:44,815 That's $2,500 for me, 496 00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,976 and the rest go to the manager, 'cause guess what. 497 00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:49,350 We did some damage in there. 498 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:51,747 Happy holidays. 499 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,048 Happy holidays. 500 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,752 - Happy holidays to you. - All right. 501 00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:57,192 Chill Sergeant Demamp states 502 00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,628 the 4/20 party is back on! 503 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:00,995 Dude, Karl's sold out of weed. 504 00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:03,933 Where are we gonna find any weed on 4/20 eve? 505 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:07,334 Yeah. Now, that's what I call moola. 506 00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,739 - Happy holidays to you. - Yeah. 507 00:20:09,808 --> 00:20:11,366 Happy holidays, my main man. 508 00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:15,404 Oh, dude. Perfect timing. Cypress Chill's about to take stage. 509 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,539 - All right. Goody, goody, goody. - What's going on? 510 00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:20,981 Ah, well, you know, Erin broke up with me. 511 00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:22,811 - Yeah. - I don't know. 512 00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:26,220 I guess Montez had, like, a really big dong or something. 513 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,054 I feel super sorry for her. 514 00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:31,027 Like, you big-dicked freak show. 515 00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:33,030 Like, join the circus with your lasso dick. 516 00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:34,156 It's all good, though. 517 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,291 You guys should get pretty excited 518 00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:37,858 'cause there's some Blake Chesterfield hender-nachos 519 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,403 about to come out the oven! 520 00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:41,598 Here's the, this is the real meaning of 4/20. 521 00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:43,573 - You ready to get rocked? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 522 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:45,576 Are you going to freestyle rap, though? 523 00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:47,737 No, pretty terrified about doing that in front of people, so... 524 00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:50,281 Yeah, and also, no offense, you're really bad at it. 525 00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:52,874 Pick it, pack it, fire it off 526 00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:55,886 Come along and take a hit From the bong 527 00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:58,318 Put the blunt down Just for a second 528 00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:01,120 Don't get me wrong, It's not a new method 529 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,524 Nice. 530 00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:08,797 Yes, I'm white on the outside 531 00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,630 But I'm black deep down 532 00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:13,102 Sometimes I feel like I might even be brown 533 00:21:14,706 --> 00:21:15,764 No? 534 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:31,000 Ripped & Corrected By mstoll