1
00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:02,798
- Okay. Are we ready? All right.
- Yup. Ready.
2
00:00:02,902 --> 00:00:04,494
Oh, my God, Ders, come out here!
3
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:05,970
- Ders! Help!
- Hurry! Hurry!
4
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:07,939
- Help!
- What are you guys doing up there?
5
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,373
Come on, we got to go. We're gonna be late.
6
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:10,875
Okay, just give us two secs.
7
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:13,504
Blake, will you do me the honor
of pulling my finger?
8
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:14,945
Sure, Adam.
9
00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:16,710
I'd love to.
10
00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:17,909
- It's a marble.
- Yeah.
11
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,474
- Watch this.
- What's gonna happen?
12
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:20,883
Kerplunk. Kerplunk.
13
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:22,817
There it goes! It's coming!
14
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:27,457
It's going...
15
00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:31,321
Is there something out here
I'm supposed to see?
16
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,332
It's a... It's a roof Goldberg.
17
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,594
'Cause we're on the roof.
18
00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:36,601
Like Rube Goldberg, but it's "roof."
19
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,111
We should have probably done it
in the front yard.
20
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:49,773
- Yeah.
- This is kind of a poor plan.
21
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,218
- There's the guy!
- Oh!
22
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:56,585
- Oh!
- Oh, it worked!
23
00:00:56,656 --> 00:00:57,884
- Oh!
- It worked!
24
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:00,553
Hold on.
25
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:02,450
Hold on.
26
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:04,188
Hold on.
27
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:06,593
Hold on.
28
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,425
Nope. It went back up.
29
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:10,833
It went back up in the deep butt.
30
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:14,900
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
31
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,203
I'm fresh
32
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:19,775
You gotta, you gotta
You gotta, gotta
33
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,143
Gotta be fresh
34
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,516
Can I take these blindfolds off?
35
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,142
- I got hot eyes.
- Yeah, dude, come on.
36
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,813
I got to feed my Tamagotchi.
I don't want him to die.
37
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,355
Oh, no, no, no, no. Not yet, okay?
38
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:33,722
I want to record your faces when you find out
what we're doing for this year's Ders' Day.
39
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,488
Dude, this better not be lame, man.
40
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:37,792
I mean, last Ders' Day sucked.
41
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:39,593
Admittedly, that was the
worst day of my life...
42
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,224
- Yeah, terrible.
- And a lot of my family members
43
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:42,598
have died tragically, you know?
44
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,534
Blake's Day rules. Adam's Day rules.
45
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,038
Ders' Day...
46
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,870
Drools. Yeah, you could've finished it.
47
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,466
Well, I think you're gonna be
pleasantly surprised
48
00:01:50,543 --> 00:01:52,238
when you find out what I have
in store for you this year.
49
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,506
What?
50
00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:54,911
I smell it. I smell it.
51
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:58,007
We're at a mother-freaking Chili's right now,
52
00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:01,781
and we're gonna use that $100 gift card
that your grandpa sent you.
53
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,413
- Oh, my gosh!
- Yes!
54
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,481
I forgot about that, dude! Yes, dude!
55
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:08,823
You know how many Triple Dippers
we can buy with 100 bones?
56
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:10,055
Guys, stop. Ready?
57
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,360
Okay, you can take off your blindfolds...
58
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,890
...now, and get ready
for the Ders' Day of your life!
59
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:19,837
Welcome to "Vikings of Scandinavia"!
60
00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:24,404
What the fuck kind of Chili's is this?
61
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,335
It's not a Chili's. It's a museum.
62
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,371
You better hope there's
a Chili's To Go in here.
63
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,042
Oh, that's what it is.
There's definitely a Chili's To Go in here.
64
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,345
- You think?
- Yeah, it's a museum.
65
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:33,783
- It has a Chili's To Go.
- Okay.
66
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,081
Chili's To Go in this bitch!
67
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,089
And your card works there, right?
68
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,557
- No... I...
- You did check on that, right?
69
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,257
Screw you for taking us
to a freaking museum.
70
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,989
These places are... They're a scam.
71
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:45,825
- It's not a scam.
- Yes, they are.
72
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,697
You're sipping the government Kool-Aid.
That's what they want you to believe.
73
00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:52,932
Luckily, I never had to sip
from that poisonous well
74
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,564
because I went to private school.
75
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:57,439
You went to private school?
76
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,911
Yeah, I did. In fact, it was wildly private.
I was the only student.
77
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,943
I was taught by my mom's special friend,
Dr. Jerry Larryberry.
78
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,507
He was, like, a really cool guy.
79
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:09,453
Like, during the day he'd, like, teach me
stuff like history, or, you know, whatever.
80
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:12,548
And then, at night, he would...
He would, um...
81
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:14,590
He'd fuck my mom.
82
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:16,128
- Cool teacher.
- Yeah, he was cool.
83
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,562
He also was an ex-spy
on the run from the government.
84
00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:22,499
He was like,
"Don't believe in museums or any of that.
85
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,332
"If you have a question, ask me."
86
00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:27,840
He'd also make me chop a lot of firewood
shirtless in the backyard, he was a cool guy.
87
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,033
- Sure.
- No way.
88
00:03:29,108 --> 00:03:30,598
Museums, they give me the willies, man.
89
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,305
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they are haunted.
90
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,040
I mean, there's mummies downstairs.
91
00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:37,173
There's dead animals
hanging all over the walls.
92
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,649
They're all crammed into one building.
93
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,583
- It's bad juju, man.
- 'Cause it's fake, yeah.
94
00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:42,917
Guys, there's no "haunted".
There's no "bad juju".
95
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:45,321
This is just a regular, normal museum, okay?
96
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,292
As an executive in charge
of our friendship circle,
97
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:50,329
I say Ders' Day...
98
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:53,764
...canceled. Blake, let's go home and try
99
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,664
to gain my fart back from my deep butthole.
100
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:56,793
I like that idea, man.
101
00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,530
- Okay.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
102
00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,663
Wait, wait, okay?
103
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,434
You thought I was gonna really just bring you
104
00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:04,032
to a museum and show you
these beautiful fossils...
105
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,134
Mmm-hmm.
106
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:07,042
And make you learn stuff
that you probably should know.
107
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:09,411
No. What? I brought you here...
108
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,042
To...
109
00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:14,180
Steal...
110
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:17,756
Erik the Red's helmet.
111
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,689
- What?
- Really?
112
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,488
Like, a secret mission to steal something?
113
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,529
- It's a heist, guys.
- I love heists.
114
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,995
And we're gonna make this
the best Ders' Day ever.
115
00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:26,691
- Heist this bitch.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
116
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:27,960
Very smart. Very cool.
117
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,968
Tell this evil museum to freaking suck it!
118
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,333
And then we'll go to Chili's.
119
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,803
- Yeah, fuck you, museum!
- Suck it.
120
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:34,897
- Fuck you, museum.
- You suck!
121
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,305
- Fuck...
- Hey!
122
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,773
- Oh, my God!
- What is going on?
123
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:41,575
If you guys don't keep it down,
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
124
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,047
You're gonna have to ask us to leave?
125
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,516
What are you, the king of this place?
Doubt it.
126
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:47,485
I am the assistant director of the museum,
127
00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:49,248
and the director is on his honeymoon,
128
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:51,950
so, yes, for all intents and purposes,
129
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,720
I am the king.
130
00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:56,292
Now, if I catch you causing trouble again,
you're gone.
131
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,556
- Understand?
- Understood. Understood.
132
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:58,790
- Okay.
- Right. Right.
133
00:04:58,865 --> 00:04:59,957
Congratulations to your boss.
134
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,398
God, I can't believe we're here.
I can't wait to see the helmets
135
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,436
and the... But, anyway, so, the plan...
136
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:05,596
- Mmm-hmm.
- Is that I'm gonna
137
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,469
steal the helmet, and
you guys are gonna be lookouts.
138
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,371
- Cool? All right. All right.
- Okay.
139
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:12,036
Hey, Ders, uh, if you could just kind of
140
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,510
make it quick, you know?
141
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:16,878
This place has some serious
Night at the Museum disaster potential.
142
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:21,147
Yeah, I bet there's, like, hell of ancient tablets
just waiting to explode all around this place.
143
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,915
No, probably not,
144
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,253
but here's my selfie stick,
and you guys can play with that.
145
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,452
Use it to peer around corners as lookouts.
146
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,325
- Right?
- Oh, okay.
147
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:31,863
I was wondering why you were using it.
148
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,193
I was like, "Wow, Ders,
149
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:36,463
"What are you, a widowed dentist
on a cruise ship or something?"
150
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:40,666
But really, it's a heist tool
disguised as a lame thing only losers have.
151
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:41,832
- Very cool.
- Yeah, that's sick.
152
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,341
Yeah, exactly.
153
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:46,741
So, um, eyes peeled. Lookouts.
154
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,274
Dang, man,
155
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,339
I can't believe Ders took us to the museum.
156
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:52,850
And I can't believe Ders
thinks we're gonna sit around
157
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:55,444
and be lookouts while he gets to heist.
158
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,354
We're the frickin' heisters, dude.
Let's go freaking heist some stuff!
159
00:05:58,424 --> 00:05:59,686
- All right.
- Let's heist!
160
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,227
- Okay, what? What are we stealing?
- I have no idea. We'll figure it out.
161
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,922
- Let's just go look.
- All right.
162
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,759
So it's only $13.99? Is that right?
163
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,428
That's right.
164
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,631
So it's a steal after all.
165
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,334
Wow, look at this.
166
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:20,037
Museum's so desperate to seem cool
they made up, like, a spooky curse.
167
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,809
Okay, dude, curses are very real.
168
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:25,009
- As you know, I've been cursed...
- Mmm-hmm.
169
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,780
With like a very huge, long wiener.
170
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:30,186
I know that's a lie. I've seen your dick.
It's very small.
171
00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:31,416
Not hard.
172
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,550
- Oh, my God.
- What?
173
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:36,186
Well, I just figured out
what we're about to heist.
174
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,363
You want a smoke a bowl?
175
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:41,992
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, dude.
Yes, I like where your head's at.
176
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,501
But... I don't know, man.
177
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,127
I've got a bad feeling about this.
178
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,138
We just need to find
the weakness in the cage.
179
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,468
What?
180
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:49,633
Whoa.
181
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:51,441
What are you do...
182
00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:52,738
- Stop.
- Oh, here's the lock.
183
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,007
You just need to wiggle your
tiny little spaghetti fingers
184
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,242
in there, and wiggle it free.
185
00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:59,807
Okay, I don't have tiny spaghetti fingers,
all right?
186
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,319
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't.
187
00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,218
And I don't got a tiny spaghetti dick either.
188
00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:06,122
You do. Yeah, we just covered this.
You have a very tiny penis.
189
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,352
I don't. You've never seen it hard.
190
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,826
- I've seen it dozens of times.
- Not hard.
191
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,192
I'll just take one of your bobby pins.
192
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,026
- I don't have bobby pins.
- Yes, you do.
193
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,531
You have a small dick,
and you carry bobby pins.
194
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:14,793
That's who you are as a person.
195
00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:16,129
- No, it's a pipe cleaner.
- Okay, just use it.
196
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:17,499
I actually have seen your dick hard. Okay...
197
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,060
- Oh, you have?
- Yeah.
198
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,603
- Keep a lookout.
- Oh, yeah.
199
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:21,662
- Obviously.
- Yeah. Yeah.
200
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,209
All right. Based on the movies I've seen,
201
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,211
you just snap it in,
202
00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:28,511
you look off in the distance,
203
00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:29,908
and you just wiggle it...
204
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,084
I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it.
205
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,279
Are you kidding me? You got it? Dude.
206
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:37,288
Dude, I didn't think you'd
be able to do it this way.
207
00:07:37,356 --> 00:07:39,381
You know, I believe in myself,
and that's what it takes
208
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,653
sometimes to be a champion.
209
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:41,988
I'm impressed. Okay.
210
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:43,392
Uh...
211
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,353
Okay, she's gone. She's gone.
212
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:48,491
How do we... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
That is a weight sensor.
213
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:50,229
- Let me do my magic.
- I'm gonna step back,
214
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,771
'cause you're probably gonna get
killed by lasers or something.
215
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:07,414
- Huh.
- Okay. Guess it wasn't a weight sensor.
216
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,784
- Yeah, my bad.
- All right.
217
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:09,981
- Sorry about that.
- All right.
218
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,990
- Let's go smoke a bowl.
- All right.
219
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,491
Hey, dude, when did you see my dick hard?
220
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:16,050
Like, two Christmases ago,
you said it was something about the eggnog.
221
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:17,755
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
222
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,855
Hey, check it out. Pretty cool, huh?
223
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:23,493
Are you kidding?
It's a bunch of old crap put on mannequins.
224
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,295
No, no, you've got to...
225
00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:27,362
You've got to use your imagination, right?
226
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,307
Imagine you and your friends
on a Viking longship,
227
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:32,139
battling the high seas, and then...
228
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:33,974
... you discover America!
229
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:37,174
But in the 11th century.
Eat that, Christopher Columbus, right?
230
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:40,310
I'm only here 'cause my mom
dragged me here.
231
00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:42,581
I'd rather be anywhere else.
232
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:45,418
- You don't like museums?
- No one likes museums!
233
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:48,983
Mom, this giant Ken doll is annoying me.
234
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:52,553
No, I'm not.
You're a Barbie-face poopy mouth.
235
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:54,598
Smoke 'em, big chief.
236
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,529
What did you do?
237
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:02,870
- That's not us, right?
- Dude.
238
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:06,036
Excuse me. Excuse me, everyone.
We need to evacuate the building.
239
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:09,275
Please move to the nearest exit.
No running! Jesus.
240
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:12,511
- Okay. Hey, just follow me.
- Yeah, okay.
241
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,447
You two, let's go.
242
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,987
Yeah, no, that's what we're doing.
243
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,851
We're having so much fun.
244
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,987
You think anybody saw us?
245
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,086
- Hey, you guys.
- Oh!
246
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,926
- What's happening?
- Guess what? Success!
247
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,159
- Oh! Yeah, it was.
- Cool!
248
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,202
All right, man, I guess it was
a double success,
249
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:32,362
'cause we heisted this peace pipe.
250
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:33,803
- Uh-oh.
- What?
251
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:36,205
Dude, are you insane?
You can't steal from the museum!
252
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:38,910
- Shh.
- Why not? You did.
253
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:40,570
No. I bought this, okay?
I lied about the heist
254
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:42,807
just so you guys would stop complaining
and have a little fun.
255
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,476
Well, we had fun, stealing,
like you said you were gonna do.
256
00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:47,712
- Yeah.
- Who cares?
257
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:48,913
Let's just get out of here.
258
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:50,387
Give me my selfie stick. Let's go.
259
00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:52,424
Oh...
260
00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:54,322
Where's my selfie stick?
261
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,590
Yeah, actually, we kind of
Indiana Jonesed that
262
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,563
at the Native American exhibit.
263
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:02,601
So you left my selfie stick
in there with my phone,
264
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,135
which has a video that says,
265
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,398
"We're going to rob this museum," on it?
266
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:07,734
Correct?
267
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:08,967
- Sorry.
- Okay.
268
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,565
- Yeah. We did do that.
- Okay.
269
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,634
- Shoot. That's a bummer.
- Oh, my God, dude.
270
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:14,235
It's way worse than you think.
271
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,644
What? What now?
272
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,114
My Tamagotchi died.
273
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:18,814
Oh, no, you all right?
274
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:20,784
No, I'm not okay. Everything's going wrong.
275
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:23,549
You know what just happened?
We... We're cursed.
276
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,614
- How are we cursed?
- We smoked the peace pipe
277
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:26,953
when there's beef in our crew.
278
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,459
That makes it a beef pipe.
279
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,688
That's, like, Native American 101, dude.
280
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:32,856
I did not smoke a beef pipe. Let it be known.
281
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:36,095
Yes, you did, and I smoked the
big beef pipe in his pants,
282
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,568
and it's all going downhill,
we're cursed, man.
283
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,196
Shh! We do not have time for this, okay?
284
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:42,069
We need to get that beef pipe back in there
285
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,608
and find my phone
before someone else does.
286
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:45,701
Oh, we need to squash the beef
and lift the curse.
287
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,678
Otherwise, this stuff's gonna be
going wrong all day.
288
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:48,907
I can already tell. Look it.
289
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,778
If I get my phone,
I'll squash all the beef you want.
290
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:52,044
- Okay, fine.
- Let's just go to Chili's.
291
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:53,710
Your attention, please.
I'm sorry, but since the museum
292
00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:55,344
closes in a half hour,
we're gonna close early
293
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:57,115
so we can check the alarm system.
294
00:10:57,189 --> 00:10:59,987
But come back tomorrow with your
ticket stubs for refunds,
295
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:03,028
and remember, next week,
"A Walk With Dinosaurs"!
296
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:04,562
Exciting stuff!
297
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,322
Boo! This guy sucks!
298
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:07,661
Shut up. Let's go. This way.
299
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:08,893
- Go. Go this way. Go.
- Ow!
300
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,368
There's gotta be, like, a side door
we can sneak in or something.
301
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,842
Yeah, I'm just trying to massage
the fart out of me right now.
302
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:24,314
Hey, can we focus?
303
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:26,374
Jeez, Ders, you almost
scared the fart out of me.
304
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,181
You should do that.
Try to scare the fart out of me.
305
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,846
I'm not scaring the fart out of you.
306
00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:31,287
Fine, then. No more farts.
307
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,552
No more farts in our crew.
We don't get to talk about farts anymore.
308
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,854
- We used to love it.
- Great, yeah.
309
00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:36,724
You can't block a door. It's a fire hazard.
310
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,161
Get that out of the way.
311
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:41,028
Will you guys just stop beefing?
We have enough beef to squash already.
312
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,328
- Do you like farts?
- I love farts.
313
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:44,460
- Am I in the wrong here?
- No, I'll marry a fart, I swear to...
314
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,162
- Wait.
- What is this?
315
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:47,995
Is this bamboo?
316
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:49,335
Is this bamboo?
317
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,069
You imbeciles brought the wrong shipment!
318
00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:54,169
Do you know how ridiculous it would be to
have dinosaurs roaming around in bamboo,
319
00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:57,443
when everyone knows there was
no bamboo in the Cretaceous Period?
320
00:11:57,983 --> 00:11:59,951
- I think it's down this way.
- Okay.
321
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,016
Hide, hide!
322
00:12:04,623 --> 00:12:06,921
So have you ever worked
with dinosaur costumes before?
323
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,051
No, but I did the Sesame Street live tour,
324
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:12,188
and the Snuffleupagus puppet
is basically the same size.
325
00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:17,929
- Gone?
- Yeah.
326
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,937
Oh, my God, that was close. Okay.
327
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:21,973
- Oh, hide, hide, hide!
- What?
328
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:26,407
Yeah, I did background work
on a couple other movies,
329
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,642
- but Frank Oz was a nightmare to work with.
- Oh, Frank's the worst.
330
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:31,615
I was finally like,
"You know, life's too short."
331
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:35,814
Last time I saw Frank, I said to myself,
"This man needs to go away, like, forever."
332
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:39,880
Okay, come on.
333
00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:43,221
We're starting.
334
00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:44,728
Oh, I left my gloves in the car.
335
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,822
Start without me. I'll be back in a jiffy.
336
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,093
Oh.
337
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,998
- Okay, the phone's this way.
- Come on, let's go.
338
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:53,368
- Good idea. Great idea.
- Yeah.
339
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:54,997
All right, okay.
340
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:56,166
- Look how good I am at this.
- Get it, get it.
341
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:57,436
I can do it with my eyes closed.
342
00:12:58,043 --> 00:13:00,068
Open your eyes and get it!
343
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,813
Okay, Ders, you almost scared
the fart out of me.
344
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:05,407
I wish. That'd be awesome.
I've been looking forward to that fart.
345
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,746
- Yeah, open it please.
- Go, please.
346
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:08,480
- Come on.
- All right, got it.
347
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:09,987
- Here you go.
- Give me the phone.
348
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,320
Okay, look, now you have your phone, Ders.
Please, will you just squash the beef?
349
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:16,190
Hey, what in the Dark Ages are you doing?
350
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:17,924
- Run.
- Run!
351
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,487
- Go!
- Run, run, run!
352
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,499
Not running. Not running.
353
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:25,726
Come on!
354
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:28,299
Where...
Where are we going, Ders?
355
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,205
- I don't know.
- Stop!
356
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:32,176
Get them! They're bad boys!
357
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,177
Oh, my God! Run!
358
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:39,809
Go, go, go!
359
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,785
Let me in! Let me in!
360
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,332
Shh!
361
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,585
Lock it! Lock it! Lock it! Lock it!
362
00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:21,452
Will you guys please come out?
363
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,329
- Never!
- Oh, come on.
364
00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:26,557
We're in the middle of a rehearsal,
and we need to finish
365
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:28,657
so we can get over to the
children's hospital.
366
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:31,428
We're supposed to do
a puppet show for the sick kids.
367
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:33,698
Just come out. We'll let you go.
368
00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:35,831
We don't even work for the museum.
369
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:37,639
How do we know it's not a trick?
370
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,871
I swear on Jim Henson's life.
371
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:41,378
Come on, please!
372
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,381
We'll let you try on the dinosaur suits.
373
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,106
- We get to try on the suits.
- Okay, that's cool.
374
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,674
- "Jim Henson's life"?
- Are they safe?
375
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:48,014
Are they hot? Are they breathable?
376
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:50,453
- Are you serious?
- Okay, okay. We're coming out.
377
00:14:50,522 --> 00:14:52,114
Okay, how do you make the eyes blink?
378
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:54,318
- Ah, yeah, this is gonna be cool.
- That's like a really cool...
379
00:14:54,426 --> 00:14:55,950
- Heck, yeah.
- What the fuck
380
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:58,155
- Hello.
- That's what you get for ruining our rehearsal,
381
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,390
you idiots.
382
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,727
What kind of children's hospital
383
00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:03,029
has a dinosaur party at 8:00 p. M?
384
00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:05,360
Okay, don't you throw logic in my face.
385
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:06,699
You gave us your word.
386
00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:08,535
I swore on Jim Henson's life.
387
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:09,767
- Right.
- Exactly.
388
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,434
Jim Henson has been dead for years!
389
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,910
We are all students of Brian Henson's.
390
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,241
I should've known that.
391
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,474
- Brian Henson.
- Enough.
392
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:19,016
Watch the teeth, buster. I'll sue you.
393
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,917
Brian Henson! Brian Henson!
394
00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,477
Brian Henson!
395
00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:36,432
Sit down, and don't move.
396
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,936
There's only two chairs. I'm gonna stand.
397
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,063
I hope you little turd boys
like getting arrested,
398
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,402
because I'm calling the police.
399
00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:43,736
What's with you and turds?
400
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:47,711
You've got, like, a weird butthole fixation,
and also a fixation on little boys.
401
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,179
You're a pedophile. Ders!
402
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:51,045
I bet you feel good, don't you?
403
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:54,711
Because this is, hands down, the worst
Ders' Day of all time. Congratulations.
404
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,687
Whatever, man. You didn't even
give Ders' Day a chance.
405
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:58,052
It could've been a nice day
at the museum, but no!
406
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:01,092
Three Caucasian men.
They were trying to steal.
407
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,321
- Everything has to be "epic".
- Okay, stop yelling.
408
00:16:03,395 --> 00:16:04,862
Yeah, just chill out, Ders.
409
00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:05,988
Oh, do you want me to chill?
410
00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:08,465
I thought you wanted to be epic.
Which one do you want, epic or chill?
411
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,866
- We want, like, an epic chill.
- No, forget about it, man!
412
00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:12,233
I'll be epic 'cause it's Ders' Day!
413
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:13,498
Mother... Ders' Day! Yeah!
414
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,563
Whoa.
415
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,105
You just scared the fart out of me.
416
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,007
I know, that's why I did that. Let's go!
Come on!
417
00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:21,410
- Hey, get back here!
- Let's go!
418
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:24,205
Oh, my God.
419
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:25,773
What did you eat?
420
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:29,184
I don't know. That's been
up there for a while.
421
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,654
- That was in the deep butt.
- The smell! I can't breathe!
422
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:33,955
I'm home!
423
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,856
Oh, happy, epic Ders' Day.
424
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,225
My new favorite cape.
425
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,857
Cool boat! I love it! Yeah!
426
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:43,163
Oh, my God.
427
00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:46,170
Happy Epic Ders' Day, Erik the Red.
428
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:47,398
Okay, Ders, look,
429
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,202
I think the police are on their way.
430
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:51,242
We need to get going, all right?
431
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:52,504
Who cares!
432
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,375
We're having fun, right?
433
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:55,811
I'm having fun. Here, here.
434
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,678
- Why? What are you doing?
- Here, fight me real quick.
435
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,377
- That's cool, that's cool.
- Okay.
436
00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:00,850
Oh, yeah, yeah!
437
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,250
- Oh!
- What are you doing?
438
00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:05,119
Oh, God.
I thought these things were CGI.
439
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,919
Oh, yeah, that does not make sense, Adam.
440
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:08,584
- Oh, my God.
- Ders, look,
441
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,321
I know you're in the middle
of a mental breakdown.
442
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:11,988
I get that, sometimes I throw Slipknot on
443
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:16,330
and rage in the room,
but we need to squash the beef and go.
444
00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:19,394
Blake, I don't have time for beef, pal,
445
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:22,497
because I am a Viking!
446
00:17:22,574 --> 00:17:23,905
To the 'Vo!
447
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,443
I like Ders when he's like this.
448
00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,809
This is fun. I feel a little concussed.
449
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:35,948
Hey, dinosaurs,
450
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,955
why don't you go back to being extinct?
451
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,354
- Yeah!
- Nice.
452
00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:41,556
Oh, what the hell?
453
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,254
- I'm so sorry.
- We're gonna kick your ass!
454
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:44,761
- Oh, go, go, go!
- Oh, crap!
455
00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:47,430
- Come on, come on.
- Go, go, go, go.
456
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:49,126
This way.
457
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:51,032
- Oh, Jesus!
- Oh, man!
458
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:52,900
- It's the end of the line, boys.
- Oh, my God.
459
00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:54,871
- He escaped.
- Damn it, we're trapped.
460
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,305
Wait, there's an exit.
461
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,969
- Oh.
- Ah, it's locked!
462
00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:00,511
Forget about it, man, we're toast.
463
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,206
Put the artifacts down now.
464
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:03,475
- Okay, yeah.
- Fine.
465
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:04,777
Here, there's that.
466
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:07,785
Guys, I'm sorry I dragged you here
even though I know you hate museums,
467
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:10,583
and I just ruined another Ders' Day,
and now we're gonna get arrested, great.
468
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,420
Honestly, it's not even your fault, dude.
We were just being selfish.
469
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:16,689
Ders' Days, yes, they do suck.
Admittedly, they're the worst day.
470
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,491
But like, this was a pretty fun one.
471
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:19,690
- Appreciate that.
- Yeah.
472
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,164
Hey, what do you say we squash the beef?
473
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:22,894
I never knew what beef
you were talking about.
474
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,163
Well, just the fact that
we've been kind of fighting.
475
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:26,795
- It's squashed.
- Is it squashed?
476
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:27,896
- Yeah.
- All right, wait.
477
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:30,203
One, two, three, beef squashed!
478
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,601
You know what, screw that guy.
Just leave it blocking the door.
479
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:34,976
Come on, man.
480
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,674
We do that and we're stooping to his level.
481
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:40,481
That's not what we do at Anderson Delivery.
Let's move it.
482
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:49,625
Yeah, I have three intruders
at the Museum of Science and History.
483
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,923
Please come down.
484
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:55,126
Yeah, you freaking wish, Saul, but sorry,
the beef is squashed!
485
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,827
- We squashed the beef!
- Squashed! Squashed!
486
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,233
I'm gonna try it.
487
00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,463
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
488
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:00,766
- Ah! It worked!
- Go!
489
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:02,136
- Stop it!
- It worked! It worked!
490
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:04,971
The spell is broken and we live again!
491
00:19:07,012 --> 00:19:08,946
I better never see you
in this museum ever again!
492
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:11,278
You hear me? Never again!
493
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,317
Is that a ficus?
494
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,348
He's insane
495
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:23,394
Hey, why do we have to do this again?
496
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:24,894
- Hey, what... Ow!
- Ow, there's thorns.
497
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:28,524
You guys are gonna find out what's going on.
Let's just say that Ders' Day is not over yet.
498
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:29,760
Ders' Day isn't over yet?
499
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,268
All I can say is, it was pretty cool
500
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,566
that, you know,
Adam farted his way out of trouble.
501
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,402
- That smelled bad.
- Yeah.
502
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:37,499
God, that smelled, like, medically bad, man.
503
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,373
Like, seriously, you should
get yourself checked out.
504
00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:41,105
I feel like I can still
smell it or something.
505
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,705
Oh, and the reason for that
is because I did poop my pants.
506
00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:46,375
- Oh, there was some poop in the toot.
- A ton of it's actually smeared
507
00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:49,682
on my butt cheeks, I'm gonna have to
take off my underwear when we get inside, so.
508
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,188
- Yeah, yeah.
- Also, I realized something
509
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,655
about Dr. Jerry Larryberry.
510
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:55,124
- Who's that?
- He was lying to me.
511
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,492
- Obviously.
- He actually was a real big liar.
512
00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:59,929
I don't even think he was
in the CIA, truthfully.
513
00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:03,490
- I think we knew.
- And he, um, jerked me off once.
514
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,161
- Oh.
- Obviously, yeah.
515
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:06,396
That's, like, a no-brainer.
516
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:08,063
Ah, that's neither here nor there,
but remember
517
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,767
when I hit that dinosaur
in the head with that sword?
518
00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:11,832
Yes, yes. Ders' Day has been epic.
519
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:16,006
It's about to get a little bit more epic,
and I'm just squeezing through you.
520
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:17,673
I know you can't see me,
but go ahead and take off
521
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:18,807
your blindfolds and look up.
522
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,249
- Okay.
- What... Where are we?
523
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:21,718
Not straight up,
but just kind of up and forward.
524
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:22,981
- Oh!
- Yeah!
525
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,215
- Oh, Chili's!
- Ooh!
526
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:27,190
It's a Ders' Day, baby!
It's a Ders' Day, baby! Yes!
527
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,853
- Now we're talking.
- Just get in there! Get in there!
528
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:31,520
We should've just came right here, you idiot.
529
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:34,327
Uh, I will take...
530
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:37,495
Three Triple Dippers,
one of every option, please.
531
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,503
Yes, and I would like the steak fajitas.
532
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,131
- No beef. Extra squash.
- Nice. Good call.
533
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:44,573
And then an order of wings
over buffalo for moi.
534
00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:46,235
And don't forget the...
535
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,108
Chili's...
536
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,638
Baby back ribs
537
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,745
Barbecue sauce
538
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:55,844
Okay, you almost forgot the barbecue sauce!
539
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,946
So, basically, one of everything?
540
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,315
- Sure.
- Yeah.
541
00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:01,154
- That works too. Just one of everything.
- Yeah, yeah.
542
00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:02,420
Nice!
543
00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:08,829
"Indiana Jonesing."
544
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,336
It's... We...
We replaced it with a similar sized item.
545
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:13,530
Your selfie stick.
546
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,835
Thus, countering the waste displace...
547
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:18,841
We replaced it with a similar item.
Your selfie stick.
548
00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:20,138
Thus, countering the weight...
549
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:32,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll