1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,303 Yo. X Games. 2 00:00:04,371 --> 00:00:05,702 What the hell's up, man? 3 00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:06,966 This is Blake H. 4 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,735 And right over here is... 5 00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,268 Ders H. 6 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,675 And we're here to tell you that you need to consider 7 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:13,804 our new sport 8 00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:15,346 for this summer's X Games. 9 00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:18,448 Freaking don't even consider it. Just take it, you idiots. 10 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,179 - It's brilliant, all right? - Duh. 11 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,547 Basically what we've done 12 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:26,490 is taken the sickest and gnar-gnarest, most epic sports and mixed them together. 13 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,991 I'm talking rollerblading, I'm talking skateboarding combined 14 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:32,896 to make roller-skating... 2. 15 00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,826 - The new class. - Sick. 16 00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:39,034 What? DeMampsa, what up, bro? 17 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,367 Are you ready to rip? 18 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:41,907 I'm ready to rip! 19 00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:43,570 Actually, I'm very nervous. 20 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:45,235 I don't think I'm wearing enough padding, 21 00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,370 but I will die for you guys! 22 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,640 Freaking rock on. Ders, light it up. 23 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,650 - Let's do this. Ready to go? - Ow! 24 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,310 - Little worried. - Ow! 25 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,146 Whoo! 26 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,483 All right, you got this, DeMamp! 27 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,319 Ders, punch it! 28 00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,482 We're about to hit the jump! 29 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:00,817 (SCREAMING) 30 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,028 - Whoa, dude. - Whoo! 31 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,065 - How did you land that, dude? - (LAUGHS) 32 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,327 Blake, tell me you got the shot. 33 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,493 - I got it... - You got the shot? 34 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,833 - Oh. Ow! Ow. - (CRACKING) 35 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,930 Great, Blake. I hope you're happy. 36 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,776 You lost the footie, and the X Games are in, like, four days. 37 00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,869 Now we're gonna have to get a new cameraman for the next run. 38 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:20,970 No. Next run? There's not a next run. 39 00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:22,446 - Blake's hurt, man. - Yeah, didn't you hear him? 40 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,608 I, like, fractured it in, like, six places. 41 00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:26,344 I don't think my wrist will ever walk again. 42 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:27,743 Fine. 43 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,847 I'll freaking text Karl, have him film it. 44 00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:33,355 He's not gonna be a bitch about it and go to the hospital 45 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,450 for no good reason. 46 00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:36,893 Yeah, um, again, serious injury. 47 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,625 But it's okay 'cause I like to ride in ambulances. 48 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:40,859 (WHISPERING) I'm gonna steal drugs. 49 00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,559 Get him out of my face! 50 00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,364 I mean, I knew today was gonna end with an ambulance ride. 51 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,200 I just didn't think Blake would be the one in it. 52 00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:47,737 - What's that supposed to mean? - It means, like, 53 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,101 you're always getting hurt. 54 00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:52,140 Yeah. Yeah, right, Ders. I get hurt all the time. 55 00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:53,709 - (THUDDING) - Dude! Hey! 56 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:55,537 - Whoa, guys! Hey! - (AMBULANCE SIRENS WAILING) 57 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:01,511 (SIGHS) 58 00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:03,012 Hi, 911? 59 00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,283 Yeah, it's Anders again. 60 00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:08,186 Uh, look, can you tell your boy to flip a B? We got another. 61 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:12,500 Ripped & Corrected By mstoll 62 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,156 (SINGING) I'm fresh 63 00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:17,102 You gotta, you gotta You gotta, gotta 64 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,569 Gotta be fresh 65 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:24,369 God, man, I can't believe I broke my wrist on my scratching hand. 66 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:26,570 Ders, will you just give me one little finger, please? 67 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:27,943 Ew, dude, scratch your own butt. 68 00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:29,472 I'm worried about Adam. 69 00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,414 He probably should've gotten in the ambulance. 70 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,111 - He's got a concussion. - He's fine, dude. 71 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:34,312 No, he's not, he's showing all the symptoms. 72 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:36,586 Nausea, memory loss, mood swings. 73 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,390 (VOMITS) 74 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,623 Ew. 75 00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:45,821 Who puked? 76 00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,192 (GIGGLES) 77 00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:48,591 Answer me! 78 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,862 It was you. You just did it. 79 00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:53,937 All right. Listen up, everybody. Because of the little stunt 80 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,373 these three morons pulled in the parking lot, 81 00:02:56,709 --> 00:02:59,803 corporate now wants us to take an online safety course, 82 00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:01,204 which sounds super fun. 83 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:03,413 So it'll take about three hours, 84 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,450 so after lunch, just get to your cubicles... 85 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:06,542 - (CHOKING) - Who's the coolest? 86 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,777 Who's the coolest? Who's the coolest? 87 00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:10,853 Can't hear you. Going to sleep. Oh, good night. 88 00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:13,249 I'm her sister. 89 00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,122 I'm Juliette. Ha. It's all good. 90 00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,226 Oh, God, I think I'm still drunk. 91 00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:21,260 Oh. Me and B-Rad just did a 12-hour shift at Spearmint Rhino. 92 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:24,426 That pig is still there just crushing hot wings. 93 00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:25,832 - Sick. Sick. - B-Rad. 94 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:26,929 - I miss that guy. - Yeah. 95 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,899 Classic sleeper hold, huh? 96 00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:30,700 Still funny. 97 00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:32,902 I see that you've met my sister, Juliette. 98 00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:37,146 She's going to be filling in for Jillian while she's on National Guard duty. 99 00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:38,882 - Cool. Freaking sick. - Yeah. 100 00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:40,948 What the hell was I saying? 101 00:03:41,754 --> 00:03:44,484 You were doing some BS speech about safety or something. 102 00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:47,149 Dude, I knew this job was gonna be a complete dookie fountain. 103 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,455 - Dookie fountain. - (LAUGHS) 104 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:51,395 Well, this is how much fun we're gonna have. 105 00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:54,524 Because if everybody passes their online safety course, 106 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,997 I'm gonna take you on a nature hike. 107 00:03:57,670 --> 00:04:00,036 - Go walking? - That's lame. I have a better idea. 108 00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:02,004 I used to date this chick in the Navy. 109 00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:04,167 She has a jump plane. We can go skydiving. 110 00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:05,977 - BLAKE: Are you serious? - What? 111 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,313 - Oh, we should go skydiving. - DERS: Finally. 112 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,611 Let's go skydiving. Let's go skydiving. 113 00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,750 Guys. Come on, skydiving? 114 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:16,118 That's... That's not cool. It's, like, so '90s. 115 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,582 What? Are you kidding me? The '90s were awesome. 116 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,417 Like Space Jam, Doug, Lark Voorhies. 117 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:24,053 Yup. Real World: Seattle. 118 00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,392 When Stephen slapped Irene. 119 00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,989 That was off the hook. 120 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,966 - It was. - Uh, Blink 182. 121 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,229 What's My Age Again? 122 00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:31,770 - Yeah. - What is my age again? 123 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,433 - Are you serious? - How old am I? 124 00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:35,306 (CHANTING) Skydiving. 125 00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:38,236 - Don't start chanting, please. - ALL: Skydiving. 126 00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:39,539 Skydiving. 127 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,505 - Skydiving. - All right, okay, fine. 128 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,812 If you wanna go freaking skydiving, we'll go skydiving. 129 00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,919 (ALL CHEERING) 130 00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:51,286 Yes! Yes! 131 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:53,758 - Yes! - Yes, yes, yes. 132 00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:55,051 Yes, yes, yes. 133 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,488 Ew! Who puked? 134 00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:00,157 (LAUGHS) Yeah. 135 00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:02,724 This freaking safety test is impossible. 136 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:07,068 Adam... Okay, well, you are on farmersonly. Com 137 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,068 You're not even taking the test right now. 138 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,769 We just... We need to concentrate. 139 00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:12,470 Do you not want to go on the field trip, dude? 140 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:14,103 Come on, it's gonna be super fun. 141 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,271 Dude, you know what happens on field trips. 142 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,113 Bus ride hookups. 143 00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,382 - (LAUGHS) - This guy knows. Look. 144 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:23,422 You get your starter jacket out, put your hand underneath, 145 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,456 and you make the pussy queef. 146 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:26,750 You don't have to tell me. 147 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,257 I... I've got history. Ninth grade, yeah. 148 00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,189 We took a field trip to Fiddler on the Roof 149 00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:35,597 and I "diddler" on the bus, is what I did. 150 00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:36,894 - That's awesome. - Hi. 151 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:38,730 Uh, just taking a shot in the dark here, 152 00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,864 but, uh, you drug addicts definitely have drugs, right? 153 00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:42,966 BLAKE: Uh... 154 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,402 - Uh... Yes. - Ahem. 155 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,578 - I can't hear you. - We got the hookup. 156 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:51,079 Yeah, I can't... It's just, your sister's just kind of watching us like a hawk, so... 157 00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:53,243 You're worried about Alice? She's obsessed with me. 158 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,253 She'll do anything for my approval. Watch this. 159 00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:58,582 Hey, Alice, these guys over here are doing drugs. 160 00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:01,284 - What? - Cocaine, you name it. 161 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,487 - No, no. - Just kidding. 162 00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:03,961 I just didn't want to walk all the way over there. 163 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,793 So what are you getting me for lunch, peachy? 164 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:10,525 Well, actually, I was going to let this be a surprise, 165 00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:14,530 but we're gonna get some El Pollo Loco tacos. 166 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,274 Uh, the thing about that 167 00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:19,209 is I'd rather have balls in my mouth than eat their tacos. 168 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:20,904 'Cause she's a lesbian. 169 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:22,805 - Sick. - Thanks. 170 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,349 Go to Tina's Tacos. They're the best. 171 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:27,181 Tell Tina you know me, and she'll give you that extra guac hookup. 172 00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:28,686 Stop touching my breast. 173 00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:30,518 Vámonos. Mommy's hungry. Mmm. 174 00:06:31,357 --> 00:06:33,188 DERS: Smoking in Alice's office. 175 00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,256 Okay, so you all passed. 176 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,495 Man, this sucks that you're only gonna work here for two weeks. 177 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,791 - I really love you. - Yeah. 178 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,126 No, two weeks... That's my limit on any job, dude. 179 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,324 - Mm. - Whoa. 180 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,996 Juliette: You guys didn't tell me that a famous actress worked here. 181 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:46,632 - What, Didi? - Yeah. 182 00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,698 - Oh, no, she's not a famous actress. - No. 183 00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:50,834 - It's Didi. - Oh... 184 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,571 - Yeah, she's a loser. - She used to be. 185 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,240 Look at this. Check this out. 186 00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,807 MAN: Ooh. She is one bad mama-jamma. 187 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,579 JULIETTE: Didi's, like, a lesbian icon. 188 00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:03,479 What, bitch? 189 00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:04,580 You gonna stand there and stare 190 00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:06,818 or you gonna sock it to my pocket like a space rocket? 191 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:10,293 Oh, my stars. You weren't kidding. 192 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,728 - Nope. - That's her, isn't it? 193 00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:14,292 All your friends are dead and now you are, too. 194 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:15,456 (GUNSHOT) 195 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,524 (NARRATOR ON TV READING) 196 00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,300 Dude, this puts Didi in a whole new light. 197 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,672 I think I just found my bus ride hookup. 198 00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:26,634 (COUGHS AND GRUNTS) 199 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,107 (LAUGHS) Oh, no, no, no, no, Ders. 200 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,512 I'm the one who's gonna be slipping Didi my digits. 201 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:32,881 And I'm not talking about my phone number. 202 00:07:33,085 --> 00:07:34,643 I just called her, okay? 203 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,210 Are we really about to have this manversation? 204 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,951 Okay, yeah, actually we are. I need some manswers, dude, 205 00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,424 and I'm sorry to talk about this in front of you. 206 00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:43,087 - It's just guy stuff. - I mean, I'm fine with it. Dude, it's a field trip. 207 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:46,131 I'm definitely finger-banging a TelAmeri-vag. 208 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,223 - (LAUGHS) - Yeah. 209 00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,357 - Yeah, but I called Didi. - No... 210 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,833 Well, guys, I don't have time for this buffoonery 211 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:51,301 because I actually have a meeting with Karl 212 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:52,996 in the parking lot right now. 213 00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:55,302 - What? About what? - I don't know, Anders! 214 00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,236 (CLATTERING) 215 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,103 Okay. 216 00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:01,677 (BEATBOXING) 217 00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:10,651 Hey, Didi, uh, could you help me with something real quick? 218 00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,447 Huh? 219 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,453 - Yeah. - What the... What's going on? 220 00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:17,755 I just wanted to show you a little something with my, uh, finger skateboard. 221 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:21,065 Thought maybe you could watch me shred some gnar tricks. 222 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,226 Tell me how you like my finger skills. 223 00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,663 Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show... Oh. 224 00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:29,766 Oh, do you like the way I ollie? 225 00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:33,539 Oh, that's weird, I'm so good, and this isn't even my good hand. 226 00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,638 - I'm actually left-handed. - (BANJO STRUMS) 227 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:36,807 If you get what I'm saying. 228 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,478 - (STRUMS BANJO) - What the hell's that? 229 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,419 Can you do this? What's up, Didi? Check it. 230 00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:45,090 (PLAYS UPBEAT BLUEGRASS TUNE) Ooh! Yeah. 231 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,093 They call them "licks" for a reason. 232 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:53,456 (GIGGLES) 233 00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:58,126 Yeah, you're pretty cool. Honor. 234 00:08:58,304 --> 00:08:59,498 Okay. Yeah, no. 235 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,437 And you can go lick off, Steve Martin. 236 00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:03,532 Why don't you go put a arrow through your head, you idiot? 237 00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:06,737 'Cause I was just about to show her my final trick. 238 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,441 Oh, hey, finger skater boy. 239 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,276 I said, see you later, boy. 240 00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:13,578 You're not good enough for her. 241 00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:15,584 Okay, well, that's funny you should say that, 242 00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:19,785 because it's gonna be pretty hard for her to refuse my love when I can do this. 243 00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:22,460 Oh, oh. So it's time to battle? 244 00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:23,552 Watch this. 245 00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,688 She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes 246 00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:26,959 Stop. Obviously. 247 00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,331 - See you later, guys. - JULIETTE: What are you doing? 248 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,094 What? It's an old-fashioned duel. 249 00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:33,764 Except instead of real guns, we're using finger guns. 250 00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:36,467 Oh, this isn't a duel, Ders, okay? 'Cause you don't stand a chance. 251 00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:39,244 All right? 'Cause I'm gonna be the one at the back of the bus 252 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,507 rocking Didi's world with some erotic... 253 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:44,548 Pawing. (MEOWING) 254 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:47,212 Am I getting right under little kitty's chin? 255 00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,681 And then guess what? While she's not looking... 256 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,015 Mmm-hmm. 257 00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:55,150 Oh, my God. Is that how you think you're supposed to finger a girl? 258 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,352 - Uh? - Yeah. 259 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:57,929 What, you think that's how you finger a girl? 260 00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:00,056 Dude, you're a dummy... You don't even have any cool moves. 261 00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:02,794 I got a cool move. You basically make the shadow puppet dog, 262 00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,199 but then you shove it in, right? 263 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:05,597 And then it just bites the meat. 264 00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:07,228 Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong. 265 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,434 - Let me in, ma'am, I got a vacuum to sell ya. - Okay, this is what I call the twister. 266 00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:12,136 Okay, you guys. Okay, stop. Come, follow me. 267 00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:13,235 What? 268 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,073 Working up a sweat. 269 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,245 Okay, that's secure. Excellent. 270 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,149 Oh, dude. 271 00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:22,084 Goons the pussy-eater strikes again, man. 272 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,746 (LAUGHS) That is funny. 273 00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:25,584 Oh, uh, talent on set. 274 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,853 Okay, everybody, let's gather round, let's do this. 275 00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:32,292 Whoo! Let's go, okay! Yeah! 276 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,600 You're lucky we even showed up 'cause we're a busy crew. 277 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:37,795 We got back-to-back quinceañeras later on this afternoon, so let's get to it. 278 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,030 Time is money, all right? 279 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,329 (RETCHES) 280 00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,101 Okay. Yeah, let's do this. 281 00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:43,975 Okay, uh, let's roll camera. 282 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,442 - Roll sound. - Rolling! 283 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:46,739 Good. And... 284 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,171 (WHISPERS) Action. 285 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:55,013 Adam... Okay, man. 286 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:56,952 Look, if you're nervous, just use that emotion. 287 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,681 Think about the script. 288 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,993 Say your lines with that emotion. 289 00:11:01,627 --> 00:11:02,651 It's gonna be great. 290 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:03,852 All right. 291 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,555 Where's the script? 292 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,290 Okay, cut. 293 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,493 Okay, we don't work without a script, so if you'll excuse us, 294 00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:12,696 we need to go watch two beautiful, young Mexican females 295 00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:16,299 turn into two beautiful, old Mexican women. 296 00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:17,600 So buh-buh-bye. 297 00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:20,311 Oh, don't you turn your backs on me! 298 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:21,872 Don't you... 299 00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:23,712 I'll break everything that you own! 300 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,282 - I will ruin you! - Hey, man, that's my slate! 301 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:28,149 - Man, my slate, that's $1,200! - I will ruin you and your whole squadron! 302 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,652 I'm gonna fight one of these women right here! 303 00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:33,951 I'm gonna beat the shit out of this girl right here. 304 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,854 Yeah, the big one. I'm coming for you... 305 00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,187 Ooh! 306 00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:40,225 Homeless Mike, are you okay? 307 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,061 Okay, lesson number one. 308 00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,668 Clitoris is on the top of the kiwi. 309 00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:45,897 - Copy that? - Yeah. 310 00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:47,495 - Butthole is on the bottom. - (GIGGLING) 311 00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:49,097 Just avoid that unless she says not to. 312 00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,335 - Okay. - She's gonna say not to. 313 00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:51,433 - So just calm down. - Okay. 314 00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:52,704 I want you to just go up and down, 315 00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:55,606 Gently massage the clitoris. 316 00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:57,512 - Okay, and the clitoris is in here? - Yes. 317 00:11:57,583 --> 00:11:59,107 - Oh! No. - So get in there... 318 00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,209 DERS: Yeah, get it, boy. JULIETTE: Okay, stop. 319 00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,275 - Stop. - Oh, look, I'm making the jell-o. 320 00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:02,752 Here, let me just... I'll show you. 321 00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,751 At least there's liquid coming out. I heard that's good. 322 00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:06,115 When do we get to go to the butthole? 323 00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,657 - Hi there. - Hi. 324 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:11,128 So, uh, I actually found something interesting. 325 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,091 Um, I just went on my computer 326 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:15,626 and I checked the safety course scores, 327 00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:20,468 and funny, it looks like you two and Adam all scored a 69. 328 00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:22,234 Oh, good for you guys. 329 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,673 - Frickin' triple 69. - Nice. 330 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,233 - We've always wanted to do that. - I'm not buying it. 331 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,070 - She put you up to this, didn't she? - JULIETTE: Oh, God. 332 00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:29,273 Look, we got those scores on our own. 333 00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:31,612 I mean why... Do you want a cup for your hater-ade? 334 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,151 'Cause that's what you're drinking. Want a cup for it? 335 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:34,277 - That's a dirty cup, though. - Oh. Yeah. 336 00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,253 - I'll get you a clean... - You should've seen the other girl. 337 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,391 - What? - I got in a fight in the parking lot. 338 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:40,482 I think I beat up a woman. 339 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:41,924 You know what? That is it. 340 00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:43,793 - Skydiving is cancelled. - JULIETTE: Oh! 341 00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:47,697 Okay? No. You are too much of a liability, and I am not taking the risk. 342 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:50,358 We are going with my plan, and we're gonna go hiking. 343 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,730 And it's gonna be fun. Deer. 344 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,530 Deer? Deers are pretty. 345 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,870 I'm supposed to diddle Didi. I can't do that if we're going to Rancho Hills. 346 00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,069 That's like six minutes away. 347 00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:01,443 How am I supposed to diddle Didi in six minutes? 348 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:04,312 It's gonna take me at least a half hour to find a clit on the butthole. 349 00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:07,783 I don't know why you guys are talking to each other in that tone, 350 00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:10,378 and I don't know why I'm in the kitchen. 351 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:13,356 Okay, everyone, just calm down. We're gonna go skydiving. 352 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:16,155 I've been manipulating Alice my entire life, all right? 353 00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:19,720 All we have to do is apologize, do some grand gesture, and she's gonna fold. 354 00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,732 - Okay? - Yeah, no doubt. 355 00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,338 - (BEATBOXING) - (RAPPING) Kick it 356 00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,338 - Here she comes, here she comes. - Shh. Everyone, be professional. 357 00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:35,946 What the hell are you guys doing in here? Get back to work. 358 00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:40,246 First of all, we want to say that we are sorry and that we take safety very seriously. 359 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,877 And to show that... Have a seat... 360 00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:44,788 We put together a little presentation. 361 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,991 Yes, welcome to our presentation of... 362 00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:52,059 "Office safety: It's very important and we get that." 363 00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:53,854 I'd love to run some stats by you. 364 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:58,034 Recent studies have shown that the most dangerous things you can do 365 00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,363 are retreats on Earth. 366 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:01,664 On the ground. 367 00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:05,642 Here's a great example of what might happen on an outside work retreat. 368 00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:07,772 Juliette, watch out for that cliff! 369 00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:10,709 - Cliff? What cliff... (TRAILING OFF) - BLAKE: Dead. 370 00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,383 We shall celebrate our... 371 00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:17,115 Our bountiful harvest with our new native friends 372 00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:20,124 by feasting and giving strength. 373 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:22,789 Uh... Thanks. 374 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,959 And we shall call this day "Thanksgiving." 375 00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:28,224 Adam, wrong... No, this is... Wrong performance. 376 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:29,392 This is a safety presentation. 377 00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:33,268 Your words make no sense to me, noble Indian. 378 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:38,102 But I shall thank you and your people for the corn and the blankets. 379 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,875 What the hell is wrong with him? 380 00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:41,540 Corn. So, okay. 381 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,707 Say we're on the hike and we're picking wild corn. 382 00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:46,717 Okay, and what's that? Ah! Rattlesnake! Rattlesnake to the neck! 383 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,354 I've now been bit, the venom is coursing through me. 384 00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:52,481 If someone doesn't suck the venom out soon, I will have a casualty. 385 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,253 Who, hm? Who should do it? Maybe Didi. 386 00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:55,554 - Get over here and work my neck, girl. - Didi? 387 00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:58,926 Oh, ow! More corn snakes! Bit me in the neck! 388 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,761 So, Didi, you're gonna have to suck on my neck too. 389 00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,629 Well, me first 'cause I got bit first, so... 390 00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,169 I need it. It's been a while since I've had a snake bite me. 391 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,565 But I'm a pilot in the next scene. I switched with Gary. 392 00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:09,740 What? Okay, no recasting. 393 00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,134 - What needs sucking? - Uh... 394 00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:15,442 Okay, I can see what you guys are doing and it is not happening, okay? 395 00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:17,505 We are not going skydiving. 396 00:15:17,616 --> 00:15:19,481 We are going hiking, and that is final. 397 00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:21,552 Can you please just be cool for once in your life? 398 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:22,878 - MAN: Right? - Try it. 399 00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:24,080 Okay, do you wanna know what's cool? 400 00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:26,555 Consistency and leadership. 401 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:29,059 You think what she does is cool? 402 00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:31,926 She just, like, goes from job to job 403 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:35,091 and girl to girl and has no responsibilities 404 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,429 and isn't tied down. 405 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,060 That's not cool, okay? 406 00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:41,629 Alice, that's the definition of cool and I think you're just jealous 407 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:43,105 and it's not a good look on you. 408 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:45,340 I am not jealous. 409 00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:49,180 Oh, my gosh, this is sad. You won't even let us have any fun 410 00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:51,375 just so you can win some stupid family squabble? 411 00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:53,444 I'm disappointed in you. 412 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,178 All right. Fine. 413 00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:58,514 Fine, you know what? 414 00:15:58,691 --> 00:15:59,885 You know what, you're probably right. 415 00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:03,553 All right? I am not cool. I'm never gonna be as cool as Juliette. 416 00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:04,993 She's always been the cool one. 417 00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,262 So you know what, if you want to go and hang out with her 418 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:10,496 and go skydiving and not hang out with me on a hike... 419 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,131 Your Alice... 420 00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:14,300 Fine, I can't stop you. 421 00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:15,767 - Yeah, we do. - Yeah. 422 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,001 - Sick. All right. Yeah, we did it. - Awesome. 423 00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,108 Okay, so for the X Games submission, 424 00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:23,438 I'm gonna roller-skate to the New Class out of an airplane. 425 00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:24,973 - That's cool, right? - Yeah. 426 00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:29,282 And then I'll be the first person to roller-skate to the New Class midair. 427 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,251 - Which is cool, right? - Yeah. 428 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,881 Okay, so I need you guys to help me film it. 429 00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:34,084 Yeah, I mean, we're in. 430 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:37,526 I think we're just glad to see you back to your good, old, normal self. 431 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:42,128 Oh, well, I didn't die in my sleep, which the doctor said is a good sign. 432 00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,225 - Yeah, that is. - That's huge. 433 00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:44,826 But I gotta wear this helmet because evidently, 434 00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,768 if I get one more concussion, I'll get brain damage. 435 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:47,863 But for now, I'm fine. 436 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,269 - Hang on a second. - Right on. 437 00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,137 - Hey, guys, the van's out back. 438 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:53,041 - Just save me a seat next to you. - I want to sit next to you. 439 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,910 JULIETTE: I don't understand what the big deal is. Are you seriously mad at me? 440 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:56,970 I'd love to just talk on the bus. 441 00:16:57,049 --> 00:17:00,712 ALICE: No, no, no, this is... This is fine, this is just fine. 442 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,218 It's actually very typical of you. 443 00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:05,051 I mean, you promised an entire office that you'd take them skydiving, 444 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:07,684 and now you're bailing on them for some girl. 445 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,228 - I mean, cool. - JULIETTE: Yeah, what is the problem? 446 00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:13,124 The problem is, is that the van is going to be here in five minutes. 447 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,358 What am I supposed to tell them? 448 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,034 Make something up. I don't know. 449 00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:20,538 Just tell them that I got my period and that my tampon will fly out. 450 00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,031 No. 451 00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:24,735 No, I am done covering for you, okay? 452 00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,042 You know what, I really thought you'd changed. 453 00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:29,672 But you're still the same flake that you've always been. 454 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,079 - Oh, God. - And I'm over it. 455 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:34,183 - So get the hell out of my call center! - Jesus. 456 00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,913 Ahem. Uh, attention, everyone. 457 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,457 Uh... Unfortunately, I have some bad news. 458 00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,862 Seems that Juliette is not going to be able to take you skydiving today. 459 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,060 So, um, she... 460 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,361 Started her period. 461 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,432 Ooh, I know how bad that can get. 462 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:53,697 Well, I mean everybody knows that at that altitude, 463 00:17:53,772 --> 00:17:56,400 I mean, your tampon could just fly out of you. 464 00:17:56,475 --> 00:17:57,499 No, that's true. 465 00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:01,910 A lot of lesbians have medical issues because they don't have dicks inside of them. 466 00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:03,372 Yeah, sure. 467 00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,246 - This is ridiculous. - ALICE: I'm sorry, you guys. 468 00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:07,747 Thanks, Alice. Real cool. 469 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,078 But you know what? Hey, what if I... 470 00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:13,654 I don't know, what if I take you guys skydiving? 471 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:16,020 Okay, are you being serious right now? 472 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,990 - Yeah. - Yes. Alice freaking rocks. 473 00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,189 Yeah, Alice! 474 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:22,563 (ALL CHANTING) Alice. Alice. Alice. 475 00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:24,898 All right, yes, okay, thank you, that is very sweet. 476 00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:27,597 But let's just get on the van before I change my mind, okay? 477 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,003 - Shotgun! - I don't think so. 478 00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:31,975 - Hey, um, Alice? - We're gonna go skydiving. 479 00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,840 - What? - We heard the whole conversation 480 00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:34,936 with you and Juliette. 481 00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:36,944 And we know that she's not on her period. 482 00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:39,477 And it's pretty cool for you to step up for the office. So... 483 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:42,681 Yeah, that's really freaking cool. I'd even go to say, uh... 484 00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,654 - You're the coolest Murphy sister. - Thanks, Blake. 485 00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:48,558 - Right? - Seriously, thank you for saying that. 486 00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:50,886 That really means a lot to me. 487 00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,723 I just feel like I've always grown up in the shadow of my sister. 488 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,859 She always makes me feel so small, you know? 489 00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:59,263 - (GIGGLING) - Just makes me feel this big. 490 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,138 Are you crying right now? 491 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,498 Oh, my God, that is so weak. 492 00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,668 - Why are you crying? - That's such a weak emotion. 493 00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:06,972 - Yeah, you cry? - (LAUGHING) 494 00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:08,973 Ew, that's not a good look on you. 495 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:10,105 - You got issues. - Oh, my God. 496 00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,308 Crybaby. 497 00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:13,109 "My sister." 498 00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:15,152 No, I want Didi. Stop. 499 00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:16,751 - Get out of my way. - Please, just stop. 500 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,890 - I need this, okay? - Uh, that's my seat. 501 00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:20,219 - That's me. - What? No. 502 00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:21,617 Sit somewhere else. 503 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,195 BLAKE: Hey, uh... DERS: What? 504 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:31,931 I brought a kiwi. 505 00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:34,638 If you wanted to, I don't know, like... 506 00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:35,832 Pretend on the way there. 507 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:37,733 Great. 508 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,167 Imagination is a powerful thing. 509 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:41,706 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 510 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,846 Yeah. Hey. Yeah, thanks. 511 00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:46,842 This could've been you, Didi. 512 00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:50,486 When you guys are done finger-banging that kiwi, can I get it? 513 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,081 I'm starving. 514 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:53,549 You got it. 515 00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:55,851 (CLEARS THROAT) 516 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,693 (BEATBOXING) 517 00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:08,166 Okay, you're all set! 518 00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:13,737 I'm sorry, but isn't it illegal to allow someone to jump alone on their first time? 519 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:17,307 Yeah, technically you're supposed to have 25 jumps in first. 520 00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:20,215 But we're not a legal skydiving company. 521 00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:23,143 I'm just a chick with a plane who used to bang your sister. 522 00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,356 What? What? No! No! 523 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:26,548 (SCREAMS) 524 00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:28,353 Ooh, whoa. 525 00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:29,553 - All right, who's up next? - All right! 526 00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:30,652 Me? Cool. 527 00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,089 - Hoorah! - Okay. 528 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:33,557 Whoa! 529 00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:34,996 Whoa! (LAUGHS) 530 00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:37,295 Jumping, jumping! 531 00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:39,862 Oh, what am I doing? 532 00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:41,929 They don't even wear helmets in the X Games. 533 00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:43,736 Roller-skate guy, you're up! 534 00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:45,833 (SCREAMING) 535 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:49,379 No! My little baby! 536 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,173 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) 537 00:20:52,651 --> 00:20:53,845 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 538 00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:57,019 Let him land. Lord, please let him land in the lake. 539 00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:58,985 Adam! 540 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,914 (SCREAMING) 541 00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:03,485 MAN: Nice. 542 00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:10,930 They actually... They don't have the muscles inside of their vaginas 543 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,631 'cause they're not used to the penetration of the penis, 544 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,199 and the vagina grips ahold of the penis 545 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,937 and actually it forms muscles. 546 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:20,610 - The vagina, it forms... - So lesbians... 547 00:21:20,679 --> 00:21:22,374 Things just fall out of 'em all the time. 548 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:33,000 Ripped & Corrected By mstoll