1
00:00:09,984 --> 00:00:10,885
Abbi?
2
00:00:12,036 --> 00:00:14,870
Rat Bastard!
3
00:00:15,806 --> 00:00:18,874
Ah...
4
00:00:20,077 --> 00:00:23,078
Get out of here! You're ruining my life!
5
00:00:31,956 --> 00:00:35,307
This is some of my best
sandwich work to date.
6
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,145
No, no-no-no.
7
00:00:43,301 --> 00:00:45,435
Rata hijueputa.
8
00:00:46,771 --> 00:00:48,538
Kinda sexy.
9
00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:07,800
Weed thief!
10
00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:12,022
♪ Four and three and
two and one-one ♪♪
11
00:01:12,263 --> 00:01:16,036
Sync and corrections by rickSG
www.addic7ed.com
12
00:01:16,518 --> 00:01:18,684
That rat won't be bothering you anymore.
13
00:01:18,887 --> 00:01:20,851
He's gone to a better place.
14
00:01:20,886 --> 00:01:22,586
Oh, you mean, like the heaven.
15
00:01:22,621 --> 00:01:27,125
Oh, no. His dead carcass is
probably rotting in the ceiling.
16
00:01:27,244 --> 00:01:27,871
Oof.
17
00:01:28,063 --> 00:01:30,423
All right, that'll be $400.
18
00:01:30,564 --> 00:01:31,887
- $400?
- Are you serious?
19
00:01:31,932 --> 00:01:33,449
I'm gonna have to sell
my sperm again, uh...
20
00:01:33,502 --> 00:01:36,652
- Jesus, that's criminal.
- No.
21
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:50,949
$400.
22
00:01:51,035 --> 00:01:53,118
Oh!
23
00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,809
That's all of it.
24
00:01:59,844 --> 00:02:01,627
Thank you.
25
00:02:02,363 --> 00:02:04,553
- God...
- Oh, there's a package out here.
26
00:02:04,817 --> 00:02:06,887
Ooh, Larry and David.
27
00:02:06,922 --> 00:02:10,821
♪♪
28
00:02:20,148 --> 00:02:23,065
Flirt alert, oh, my God, cute dress, Ab.
29
00:02:23,151 --> 00:02:24,483
Hot date later?
30
00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:25,901
Is he black?
31
00:02:25,987 --> 00:02:27,150
What?
32
00:02:27,271 --> 00:02:30,739
No, I just thought it was a party,
so, I'm wearing normal clothes.
33
00:02:30,825 --> 00:02:34,033
Right, this is your first
Summer Solstice Soulstice party.
34
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:37,079
You 'lil virgin, ooh...
35
00:02:37,215 --> 00:02:38,581
I'm gonna need to start drinking.
36
00:02:38,716 --> 00:02:39,916
Yes, girl.
37
00:02:40,051 --> 00:02:41,083
Here, drink this.
38
00:02:41,219 --> 00:02:44,003
It is 11% alcohol content kombucha.
39
00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:46,138
I like to call it
"kom-booze-cha."
40
00:02:47,809 --> 00:02:50,893
Don't, um, don't steal that, though.
41
00:02:50,979 --> 00:02:53,262
I came up with it.
42
00:02:53,348 --> 00:02:56,599
♪♪
43
00:03:02,607 --> 00:03:03,606
Olive oil?
44
00:03:03,741 --> 00:03:04,907
Sea salt crackers?
45
00:03:04,993 --> 00:03:06,002
Baklava?!
46
00:03:06,146 --> 00:03:09,219
This is the most beautiful basket I've
ever seen, and I grew up on Long Island.
47
00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:11,447
They had shivas for days, literally.
48
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:15,918
"We love and accept
you exactly as you are."
49
00:03:16,004 --> 00:03:17,286
Oh, my God.
50
00:03:17,436 --> 00:03:18,704
It must be from my parents.
51
00:03:18,790 --> 00:03:19,662
Oh!
52
00:03:19,697 --> 00:03:22,476
They haven't spoken to me since
I came out to them months ago.
53
00:03:22,511 --> 00:03:23,533
Months?
54
00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:26,111
This must be their
olive branch, literally.
55
00:03:26,146 --> 00:03:27,346
Olive branch?
56
00:03:27,465 --> 00:03:29,682
Dur, there's olive tapenade in here.
57
00:03:29,801 --> 00:03:31,133
I mean, double dur.
58
00:03:31,269 --> 00:03:33,185
Larry and David? That's two men, right?
59
00:03:33,304 --> 00:03:35,304
Oh, my God, this is so beautiful, Ilana.
60
00:03:35,390 --> 00:03:36,639
Oh, my God.
61
00:03:36,774 --> 00:03:38,724
- That's awesome, dude.
- Yeah.
62
00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:40,761
I think we should throw a party
63
00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:44,232
and spread the seed of this
gesture all over people.
64
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,983
Himmelz, what if we charged a cover,
65
00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:48,868
and we made back that money
66
00:03:48,987 --> 00:03:51,352
that we gave to that
stupid exterminator?
67
00:03:51,387 --> 00:03:52,154
Ooh.
68
00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:53,956
Sometimes we are so smart, Ilana,
69
00:03:54,042 --> 00:03:56,993
I am scared of what we
are truly capable of.
70
00:03:57,078 --> 00:03:58,995
I gotta call A-Team.
71
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,800
Oh!
72
00:04:08,506 --> 00:04:09,476
Go for Abbi.
73
00:04:09,511 --> 00:04:11,674
Jaimé's former bigot
parents who are now amazing,
74
00:04:11,809 --> 00:04:16,312
sent him an "insahn" gift
basket from Larry and David.
75
00:04:16,397 --> 00:04:18,647
Holy shit.
76
00:04:19,684 --> 00:04:21,183
Uh...
77
00:04:21,269 --> 00:04:23,695
Well, uh, save me some of
those chocolate-covered cherries
78
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,096
'cause those are so classy.
79
00:04:25,106 --> 00:04:26,322
I'll do ya one better.
80
00:04:26,407 --> 00:04:29,769
We're throwing a party tonight
for a tiny fee of ten bucks a head.
81
00:04:29,804 --> 00:04:31,777
Bring friends... I, I don't
have any, but you guys.
82
00:04:32,864 --> 00:04:36,082
That's cool.
83
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,118
Uh-oh, what do we have here?
84
00:04:39,203 --> 00:04:43,039
Caught Abbi red 'anded,
creepin' on da Soulstice floor.
85
00:04:43,124 --> 00:04:44,340
Shaggy Boombastic!
86
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,160
But, seriously, what are you doing?
87
00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:48,928
I was just in here... drinking
88
00:04:48,963 --> 00:04:52,889
because this was like my third,
and fourth, uh, bottle of booze.
89
00:04:52,924 --> 00:04:54,811
And I didn't want anyone
to see me, you know,
90
00:04:54,846 --> 00:04:57,686
consuming so many empty calories.
91
00:04:57,772 --> 00:05:00,556
All right, tell you what.
I am in, I'm gonna join ya.
92
00:05:00,641 --> 00:05:02,725
Cent'anni!
93
00:05:03,811 --> 00:05:05,410
It's kind of spunky, right?
94
00:05:05,445 --> 00:05:06,529
That's what she said.
95
00:05:08,149 --> 00:05:10,649
Come on, that was genuinely organic.
96
00:05:10,735 --> 00:05:12,018
"That's what she said."
97
00:05:12,053 --> 00:05:12,868
Okay.
98
00:05:12,954 --> 00:05:14,036
♪♪
99
00:05:15,287 --> 00:05:19,542
♪ I want some marijuana, uh uh oh ♪
100
00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:21,077
♪ I wanna marijuana ♪
101
00:05:21,212 --> 00:05:22,962
♪ I want some marijuana ♪
102
00:05:23,081 --> 00:05:24,914
♪ I need some marijuana ♪
103
00:05:25,049 --> 00:05:26,916
♪ Uh uh oh ♪
104
00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:28,250
♪ Whudda bud down Whudda bud down ♪
105
00:05:28,336 --> 00:05:29,251
♪ Whudda bud down Whudda bud down ♪
106
00:05:29,387 --> 00:05:32,138
♪ Whudda bud down whudda day ♪
107
00:05:35,176 --> 00:05:37,009
♪ Whudda bud at Gimme dat, uh ♪
108
00:05:37,095 --> 00:05:38,978
♪ Whudda bud at Gimme dat, dat, uh ♪
109
00:05:39,097 --> 00:05:40,930
♪ Whudda bud at Gimme dat, uh ♪
110
00:05:41,065 --> 00:05:43,149
♪ Whudda bud at Gimme dat dat dat ♪
111
00:05:43,267 --> 00:05:46,735
♪ I need some marijuana Uh uh oh ♪
112
00:05:46,821 --> 00:05:48,604
♪ Roll it and lick it and
light it and smoke it ♪
113
00:05:48,689 --> 00:05:50,606
♪ And pass it and lick it
and light it and pass it ♪
114
00:05:50,691 --> 00:05:52,608
♪ And roll it and lick it
and light it and pass it ♪
115
00:05:52,693 --> 00:05:54,860
♪ Then light it and
smoke it and... ♪
116
00:05:54,946 --> 00:05:56,612
♪ Roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it ♪
117
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,781
♪ Now roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it ♪
118
00:05:58,866 --> 00:06:00,533
♪ Now roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it ♪
119
00:06:01,504 --> 00:06:03,669
Weed queen.
120
00:06:06,007 --> 00:06:06,963
Okay?
121
00:06:07,132 --> 00:06:09,875
Hey, don't make me do CPR, okay?
122
00:06:09,961 --> 00:06:11,677
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Okay.
123
00:06:11,796 --> 00:06:13,629
So, I go into, like, a
Starbucks, you know, Starbucks.
124
00:06:13,714 --> 00:06:16,465
It's, like, a pretty big
chain of coffee shops.
125
00:06:16,551 --> 00:06:18,300
Yeah, I've seen 'em around.
126
00:06:18,386 --> 00:06:20,803
From Seattle! Get a clue, man!
127
00:06:20,888 --> 00:06:22,221
And I'm, like, ordering.
128
00:06:22,306 --> 00:06:23,973
And the person's like,
"What's your name?"
129
00:06:24,058 --> 00:06:25,524
And I'm, like,
130
00:06:25,643 --> 00:06:27,893
"Mrs. Starbucks."
131
00:06:34,402 --> 00:06:37,108
I'm gonna pick up my
phone 'cause it's ringing.
132
00:06:37,143 --> 00:06:37,831
Hello?
133
00:06:37,863 --> 00:06:40,208
- Can you steal tampons, too?
- Yeah, tampons!
134
00:06:40,324 --> 00:06:41,040
Ohh!
135
00:06:41,159 --> 00:06:43,192
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
136
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,426
Oh, my God, you're bleeding.
137
00:06:44,462 --> 00:06:46,662
- Dur, that's why I need the tampons.
- You're bleeding. You're bleeding.
138
00:06:46,731 --> 00:06:48,881
Sorry, take your phone call, You'take
your phone call, you'take your phone call.
139
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,319
No, tamps, tamps.
140
00:06:50,354 --> 00:06:53,719
For, for... yeah, yeah... I got them.
141
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,609
That didn't mean anything.
142
00:06:58,644 --> 00:07:01,677
♪♪
143
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,097
I can't believe that diseased little rat
144
00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:07,766
chewed through my
favorite period panties.
145
00:07:07,852 --> 00:07:10,436
Panty-eating rat perv.
146
00:07:10,799 --> 00:07:15,274
Ilana, there's been something
I've been wanting to ask you
147
00:07:15,359 --> 00:07:20,329
for a while and don't feel
any pressure at all to say yes.
148
00:07:21,699 --> 00:07:24,083
But it would mean the world to me,
149
00:07:24,437 --> 00:07:27,920
if I could be your Head Chef.
150
00:07:28,039 --> 00:07:29,338
Yeah, go nuts.
151
00:07:29,423 --> 00:07:32,521
"With great power comes
great responsibility."
152
00:07:32,541 --> 00:07:34,448
- Teddy Roosevelt.
- Spider-Man.
153
00:07:34,483 --> 00:07:35,928
Even better.
154
00:07:36,047 --> 00:07:37,346
Ffft!
155
00:07:39,267 --> 00:07:40,633
Whoa.
156
00:07:40,718 --> 00:07:43,558
Okay, I, I know what you're gonna
say, but just hear me out, okay?
157
00:07:43,888 --> 00:07:46,806
I've always felt that the
energy in this room was just off.
158
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,510
But I didn't wanna say
anything because, you know,
159
00:07:48,545 --> 00:07:50,392
I don't like to stir the shit pot.
160
00:07:50,528 --> 00:07:54,534
But since this happened with my parents,
I feel more like, mmm, confidence.
161
00:07:54,565 --> 00:07:57,700
This... is how I feel
the room should be.
162
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,014
- I love it.
- Oh, sweet!
163
00:08:00,144 --> 00:08:01,393
Why didn't you do
this, like, a year ago?
164
00:08:01,575 --> 00:08:04,479
I don't know! It was like
I hated a part of myself.
165
00:08:04,613 --> 00:08:06,160
Now I only hate my cankles.
166
00:08:07,272 --> 00:08:09,106
I need to make out with somebody.
167
00:08:09,186 --> 00:08:11,519
- Wham, bam, thank you, sir.
- No, someone new.
168
00:08:11,651 --> 00:08:14,073
- Okay, I'll do this for you.
- No, someone who's attracted to women.
169
00:08:14,108 --> 00:08:16,502
Abbi, just so you know, every
guy here's gonna be, like,
170
00:08:16,587 --> 00:08:18,190
a four-plus on the Kinsey scale.
171
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,265
Gay.
172
00:08:19,419 --> 00:08:23,676
I know, that's why
this gal joined Tinder.
173
00:08:23,761 --> 00:08:24,893
You on Tinder?
174
00:08:24,979 --> 00:08:28,290
I thought you're all about
that IRL meet-cute rom-com Lyfe.
175
00:08:28,451 --> 00:08:29,800
You must be très horny.
176
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,268
I'm not Trey anything, Ilana... what?
177
00:08:32,403 --> 00:08:34,653
Okay, I won't show-off my French, Abbi.
178
00:08:34,772 --> 00:08:37,650
Plus, every Tinder guy
will pay us the $10!
179
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,874
- Money-money-money-money...
- Plus, plus, it's not even your apartment,
181
00:08:40,043 --> 00:08:42,308
so if they come back to chop
you up, you're not even here.
182
00:08:42,343 --> 00:08:44,747
Yeah... Wait, what?
183
00:08:50,188 --> 00:08:52,371
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
184
00:08:53,792 --> 00:08:54,674
Mmm...
185
00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:56,375
That is so hot.
186
00:08:56,461 --> 00:08:57,794
Yes.
187
00:08:57,929 --> 00:08:59,378
Hi, thank you so much, thanks.
188
00:08:59,464 --> 00:09:00,797
It's gonna be worth it.
189
00:09:00,932 --> 00:09:04,300
Thank you, love your money... outfit.
190
00:09:04,385 --> 00:09:07,386
Uh, oh, it is so
disgustingly hot in here.
191
00:09:07,472 --> 00:09:08,304
You know what?
192
00:09:08,439 --> 00:09:10,389
I'll give you a
discount, I know a gal...
193
00:09:10,475 --> 00:09:12,275
Okay, no, I'm gonna go. I love you.
194
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:13,693
Love ya.
195
00:09:13,812 --> 00:09:15,398
Last one in, first one out, respect.
196
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:18,481
Uh, oh, I got three
matches already, so...
197
00:09:18,566 --> 00:09:20,316
Tinder is so fucking easy, dude.
198
00:09:20,451 --> 00:09:23,619
Yes, it is healthy for you to
have zero discretion sometimes.
199
00:09:23,705 --> 00:09:24,713
I just got another match.
200
00:09:24,748 --> 00:09:27,240
God, why didn't I do this earlier?
201
00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:28,791
I am rich in men.
202
00:09:28,877 --> 00:09:30,747
And those men are gonna make me rich...
203
00:09:30,782 --> 00:09:32,545
in money.
204
00:09:32,664 --> 00:09:34,964
♪ I rich ♪
205
00:09:35,049 --> 00:09:37,300
♪ I rich, I rich ♪
206
00:09:37,385 --> 00:09:38,668
♪ I rich... ♪
207
00:09:41,506 --> 00:09:43,571
Rat Bastard!
208
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,754
- Lincoln, I just saw that dickhead rat.
- Where?
209
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,256
In this apartment.
210
00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:51,716
If people see him, they're gonna leave.
211
00:09:51,751 --> 00:09:54,327
And worse yet, they're
gonna want their money back.
212
00:09:54,362 --> 00:09:56,462
Yeah, but they'd be right.
213
00:09:56,547 --> 00:09:58,631
- Right?
- Yeah, I know.
214
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:01,183
Okay, Lincoln, I need
your culinary skills
215
00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:03,135
to go above and beyond right now.
216
00:10:03,221 --> 00:10:06,522
I need you to create a
dish so good, so élégante,
217
00:10:06,641 --> 00:10:09,975
that the party is distracted and I
can catch this fat-ass rat-ass myself.
218
00:10:10,061 --> 00:10:11,777
I'm talking Food Network-level.
219
00:10:11,863 --> 00:10:15,364
This restaurant would
definitely rate a "C,"
220
00:10:15,483 --> 00:10:18,317
on the New York Sanitation
Department scale.
221
00:10:18,403 --> 00:10:20,152
But I wanna take on this challenge.
222
00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:21,904
Actually, it would be a grade "D"
223
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,906
'cause of that moth larvae
all over the ceiling.
224
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,658
Yeah, I can't find the source.
225
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,337
Okay, dope.
226
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,881
Hi, Tadd 26?
227
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,799
Yeah, Abbi, hi.
228
00:10:33,885 --> 00:10:35,968
Wow, you look great.
229
00:10:36,498 --> 00:10:39,534
This is a really good photo of you.
230
00:10:39,574 --> 00:10:42,141
- Thanks.
- It's almost too good, though.
231
00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:43,559
Okay.
232
00:10:43,678 --> 00:10:44,912
Should I go?
233
00:10:44,947 --> 00:10:46,831
Inside? Yeah.
234
00:10:46,872 --> 00:10:48,681
I'll take that off your hands.
235
00:10:48,766 --> 00:10:49,820
Enjoy yourself, feel welcome.
236
00:10:49,855 --> 00:10:51,934
Mm-hmm.
237
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,854
Ilana, come on, I
just... broke up with him.
238
00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:56,322
I need him, I need them all.
239
00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:58,574
I spent $400 to get rid of this rat.
240
00:10:58,693 --> 00:11:01,494
I just saw him scurrying across
the floor with his little nails.
241
00:11:02,864 --> 00:11:03,746
Oh, my God, rat!
242
00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:04,997
Pack!
243
00:11:05,083 --> 00:11:08,403
With Fred Sinatra, and they would sing
a cappella and watch each other fuck.
244
00:11:08,541 --> 00:11:11,036
Give me my money back. I'm
not staying at a rat party.
245
00:11:11,172 --> 00:11:12,440
Okay, okay... Get out of here.
246
00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:14,540
Keep quiet. Go.
247
00:11:16,022 --> 00:11:18,685
_
248
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,514
What... No one.
249
00:11:21,599 --> 00:11:22,381
What?
250
00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,049
What? I didn't get a text from anybody.
251
00:11:24,135 --> 00:11:27,362
If I ever get my own food truck,
I'm gonna call it "Lincoln's Center."
252
00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:29,438
That is genius!
253
00:11:29,557 --> 00:11:30,439
Wow.
254
00:11:30,558 --> 00:11:31,524
Mmm...
255
00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:32,305
Mmm.
256
00:11:32,340 --> 00:11:33,495
Gracias, Lincoln.
257
00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:34,360
Okay.
258
00:11:36,564 --> 00:11:38,566
I've been keeping something
in for a very long time.
259
00:11:38,601 --> 00:11:41,066
But today's a new day for the Jaimé.
260
00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:43,569
Your mustache is terrible.
261
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:47,907
It makes you look like you...
Like touch the little children.
262
00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:50,292
That felt good.
263
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:52,795
Mmm.
264
00:11:52,914 --> 00:11:54,336
Motherfuck, that's good.
265
00:11:54,371 --> 00:11:55,901
Whoa, costume change?
266
00:11:55,936 --> 00:11:57,383
Yeah, I'm quirky.
267
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:03,255
♪♪
268
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,674
Sorry...
269
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:06,675
Get up.
270
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,732
Damn it.
271
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,407
Hold down the fort.
272
00:12:21,492 --> 00:12:23,188
I've got a plan.
273
00:12:24,579 --> 00:12:28,364
God, I loved your hair.
274
00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:29,365
Not cool.
275
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:31,322
Oh, I'd love to make out with this guy.
276
00:12:31,488 --> 00:12:33,220
I thought you said you were 26?
277
00:12:33,255 --> 00:12:35,047
I was, in that picture.
278
00:12:35,206 --> 00:12:38,457
I thought that was an Instagram filter.
279
00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:43,462
Ooh, you're really sexy.
280
00:12:45,049 --> 00:12:46,465
With a great smile.
281
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:53,138
Hey, can I see your tat?
282
00:12:53,274 --> 00:12:54,640
Too...
283
00:12:54,725 --> 00:12:57,309
♪ Two peas in a pod ♪
284
00:12:57,445 --> 00:12:59,612
♪ And neither of us are Jews ♪
285
00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:01,197
You should Uber.
286
00:13:01,315 --> 00:13:03,482
That's, um, German, right?
287
00:13:05,069 --> 00:13:07,278
Sorry, but this obviously isn't you.
288
00:13:07,425 --> 00:13:08,821
Yeah, obviously.
289
00:13:08,906 --> 00:13:12,235
You thought a young Denzel Washington
was gonna show up for your Tinder date?
290
00:13:12,677 --> 00:13:15,244
You shoulda just swiped left.
291
00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:18,497
Wait, what do you mean "swipe left"?
292
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:30,175
Jellicle Cat, I need you to find
and kill this ballsack, Rat Bastard.
293
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:32,911
- In use!
- Ilana, it's me.
294
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:33,936
Oh, come in.
295
00:13:34,065 --> 00:13:35,664
Dur, oh my God.
296
00:13:35,716 --> 00:13:38,524
Did you know that you can,
like, swipe left on Tinder?
297
00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:40,320
And that means you're not into the guy.
298
00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:42,269
I thought you had to
meet-up with every...
299
00:13:42,401 --> 00:13:45,074
- You have options.
- What's happening in here?
300
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,493
The cat's out of the bag.
301
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:49,578
Jellicle was not easy to
remove from the bodega.
302
00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:53,689
But I gotta catch this piece of shit,
Rat Bastard, and I needed backup.
303
00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:55,750
So, I had to borrow him.
304
00:13:56,537 --> 00:13:57,653
Or her.
305
00:13:57,739 --> 00:13:59,572
Hm, what you?
306
00:13:59,657 --> 00:14:03,913
Well, I kinda hope it's a guy because
there's literally zero good guys here.
307
00:14:04,412 --> 00:14:08,080
I need to meet, like,
real men in real life
308
00:14:08,166 --> 00:14:10,299
- that I don't work with.
- Yeah.
309
00:14:10,697 --> 00:14:14,503
- What?
- That I don't, like, work it with.
310
00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:15,864
- You know?
- Totally.
311
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,723
That's what I meant to say.
312
00:14:17,809 --> 00:14:19,725
Well, please let this work.
313
00:14:19,811 --> 00:14:23,564
No, it's totally going to,
because cats can be scary vicious.
314
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:29,402
Come on, Jellicle Cat, scheme,
make some fucking trouble.
315
00:14:29,487 --> 00:14:30,486
Like, Tom and Jerry.
316
00:14:30,605 --> 00:14:33,861
Oh, my God, the media, reducing
even cats to a stereotype.
317
00:14:33,892 --> 00:14:35,884
See, I have to remember,
I am the problem.
318
00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:39,812
Up next, you'll savor chilled
chocolate-covered cherry slivers
319
00:14:39,898 --> 00:14:42,648
your tongue didn't know that it needed.
320
00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:44,600
Enjoy.
321
00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:47,253
I am crushin' it right now.
322
00:14:47,255 --> 00:14:48,389
I'm definitely gonna be
323
00:14:48,390 --> 00:14:50,602
- the Chop'd Champion tonight.
- Yes.
324
00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:53,526
- What?
- The rat just ran over my foot.
325
00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:57,029
You know the band Ratatat?
Let's listen to thatatat, mm-hmm.
326
00:14:57,115 --> 00:14:58,581
Uh-huh.
327
00:15:00,118 --> 00:15:03,354
Oh, if I have to see another
Tin-dude, I'm gonna fucking break out.
328
00:15:03,498 --> 00:15:07,317
Hi, I am looking for a Larry and David
gift basket that was dropped off here.
329
00:15:07,482 --> 00:15:10,893
I, I, dropped it off, but at the
wrong address, and I need it back now.
330
00:15:11,012 --> 00:15:12,744
- My money.
- My parents.
331
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:13,868
My chef's high.
332
00:15:13,903 --> 00:15:15,047
My...
333
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,691
My, my.
334
00:15:18,886 --> 00:15:20,306
How you doin'?
335
00:15:21,690 --> 00:15:23,806
So, what are you saying? It
didn't come from Guatemala?
336
00:15:23,892 --> 00:15:26,058
No, I'm sorry. This is 21510th Street.
337
00:15:26,144 --> 00:15:28,194
And I was supposed to
deliver it to 21015th Street.
338
00:15:28,313 --> 00:15:30,195
I keep messing up
because I have dyslexia.
339
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,696
Please, this is an SOS.
340
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,616
I'm sorry, SOS.
341
00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:36,619
Dude, I'm so sorry
but we got the basket,
342
00:15:36,704 --> 00:15:38,621
and I already made some incredible...
343
00:15:38,706 --> 00:15:40,489
Strides.
344
00:15:40,575 --> 00:15:41,991
Strides.
345
00:15:42,126 --> 00:15:45,628
To keep the basket in mint condition.
346
00:15:45,713 --> 00:15:48,831
So, you know, we're just
gonna need a couple minutes
347
00:15:48,917 --> 00:15:51,514
to fill out some paperwork.
348
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:52,668
Mm-hmm.
349
00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:54,925
You seem stressed.
Why don't you come in?
350
00:15:55,089 --> 00:15:57,089
You guys figure out the paperwork.
351
00:15:57,175 --> 00:15:58,474
I'll show you around.
352
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,509
I mean, with letters and everything,
353
00:16:00,595 --> 00:16:03,327
it's like, who cares
what order they're in?
354
00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:05,147
♪♪
355
00:16:08,487 --> 00:16:09,318
Steven.
356
00:16:09,404 --> 00:16:13,328
Yeah, I shaved my mustache with the
pubey girl razor from the bathroom.
357
00:16:13,503 --> 00:16:15,358
- You happy?
- You look incredible.
358
00:16:15,443 --> 00:16:16,776
I was completely right.
359
00:16:16,861 --> 00:16:19,028
And the whole pedophile
mustache was so distracting.
360
00:16:19,113 --> 00:16:21,383
But now I see your face. It's beautiful.
361
00:16:21,418 --> 00:16:22,839
Kind of like it, too.
362
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:26,557
It's like I was holding onto
something, like, some kind of mask.
363
00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:29,255
You know, we should hang
out like in a date way.
364
00:16:29,374 --> 00:16:30,779
Yeah, I'd love that.
365
00:16:31,292 --> 00:16:33,042
I'm really glad that this all happened.
366
00:16:33,127 --> 00:16:34,260
Me too.
367
00:16:36,681 --> 00:16:37,908
Ew, dude!
368
00:16:38,088 --> 00:16:39,715
- Homophobe!
- You hate the gays, man?
369
00:16:39,801 --> 00:16:42,486
- Who's a homophobe?
- No, look at this mess!
370
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,303
I'm never gonna be able
to get this back together.
371
00:16:44,389 --> 00:16:47,974
Lincoln, what do we all know is the
most challenging part of cooking?
372
00:16:48,059 --> 00:16:49,423
- Presentation.
- Exactly.
373
00:16:49,458 --> 00:16:51,059
This is a presentation challenge.
374
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,896
Let's turn our trash...
375
00:16:54,032 --> 00:16:55,197
Into treasure.
376
00:16:55,283 --> 00:16:57,741
I never will care about
this basket, so good luck.
377
00:16:57,776 --> 00:16:59,253
I'm not losing this money.
378
00:16:59,288 --> 00:17:01,372
Cool hat. I love hats.
379
00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:04,991
Cool, um...
380
00:17:05,076 --> 00:17:06,523
Can I ask you a personal question?
381
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:07,576
Mm-hmm.
382
00:17:07,712 --> 00:17:09,662
You ever taken a sharp
turn in one of those trucks
383
00:17:09,747 --> 00:17:12,915
without the doors on it,
and then, you just fall out?
384
00:17:13,051 --> 00:17:13,966
All the time.
385
00:17:14,085 --> 00:17:16,669
Quick follow-up. Do you
wanna make out right now?
386
00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:18,220
- Yeah.
- Okay.
387
00:17:24,262 --> 00:17:25,895
Perfect.
388
00:17:30,098 --> 00:17:31,901
Keep going. Do your thing.
389
00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,853
Just pick the right food.
390
00:17:33,938 --> 00:17:35,738
Oh, great.
391
00:17:38,276 --> 00:17:39,743
Everybody love cheese balls.
392
00:17:39,778 --> 00:17:42,745
I know, they're, like, too good.
393
00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:46,082
This is actual food.
394
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:48,417
This is honestly really fucking good.
395
00:17:53,608 --> 00:17:54,874
We did it.
396
00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:57,902
Yeah, but I still don't
feel too good about this.
397
00:17:57,937 --> 00:18:02,181
I've been making a mockery of Larry and
David and they seem like really good guys.
398
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:03,516
Larry and David are fine.
399
00:18:03,634 --> 00:18:04,967
They've got a whole franchise
400
00:18:05,053 --> 00:18:07,874
based on their explosive sexual
and romantic relationship.
401
00:18:07,909 --> 00:18:10,306
Yo, what the fuck are you talking about?
402
00:18:10,441 --> 00:18:11,941
The Larry and David franchise.
403
00:18:12,026 --> 00:18:13,809
Larry and David are brothers.
404
00:18:13,945 --> 00:18:14,777
Ew.
405
00:18:14,862 --> 00:18:16,788
♪♪
406
00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:20,166
Here's your pristine basket.
407
00:18:20,285 --> 00:18:22,985
We really wanna get in there,
but we used our willpower.
408
00:18:23,955 --> 00:18:25,394
No, no, we just made out.
409
00:18:26,457 --> 00:18:27,723
Is that a shower curtain?
410
00:18:28,009 --> 00:18:29,198
Oh, my God.
411
00:18:29,423 --> 00:18:32,011
You little piece of shit!
412
00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:33,356
Fuck you.
413
00:18:33,391 --> 00:18:34,347
You fucking rat!
414
00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:36,632
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
415
00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:45,224
Ugh...
416
00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:47,693
Ohhh!
417
00:18:47,812 --> 00:18:48,978
She's female.
418
00:18:49,113 --> 00:18:50,479
Don't you see?
419
00:18:52,116 --> 00:18:54,383
And she just had these little babies.
420
00:18:54,419 --> 00:18:55,418
Oh fuck.
421
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,622
She's a single gal just looking
to raise her kids in a safe home.
422
00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:01,115
Hey, no, I'm freaking out right now.
423
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,325
She's me!
424
00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:03,910
What the fuck is going on here?
425
00:19:03,995 --> 00:19:05,328
Come on, they're so cute.
426
00:19:05,463 --> 00:19:08,164
They're wrinkly, but
they're soft and fun, too.
427
00:19:08,249 --> 00:19:09,532
That's what she said.
428
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,560
That's something Trey would say.
429
00:19:12,595 --> 00:19:13,845
Oh my God, totally.
430
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:15,838
- You gotta head out.
- What?
431
00:19:15,874 --> 00:19:16,889
- It's time for you to go.
- You sure?
432
00:19:17,008 --> 00:19:20,009
Yeah, you just say that basket was stolen
and you can salvage that job, great.
433
00:19:20,111 --> 00:19:21,430
It's been fun.
434
00:19:22,146 --> 00:19:24,013
We're a great team.
435
00:19:24,148 --> 00:19:25,271
Yes, we are.
436
00:19:25,306 --> 00:19:27,683
May God, She bless us.
437
00:19:27,819 --> 00:19:29,018
Every one.
438
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:34,587
Oh, God.
439
00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:35,916
Goodness.
440
00:19:36,279 --> 00:19:39,051
- Hey, you know what, baby?
- Yeah?
441
00:19:39,206 --> 00:19:42,292
Right now that I'm on this new
path of like, honesty and truth?
442
00:19:42,455 --> 00:19:45,681
There's a couple of things
that I wanted to share with you.
443
00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:47,350
First of all, in the near future,
444
00:19:47,435 --> 00:19:49,589
I would kind of like to
use our oven for cooking.
445
00:19:49,624 --> 00:19:51,283
Will you take your clothes out, please?
446
00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:54,323
- Absolutely, I hear that, I hear that.
- Thank you so much.
447
00:19:56,277 --> 00:19:59,196
Ilana, I don't want to
do your bacne anymore.
448
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:00,029
What?
449
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:03,166
I'm sorry, it's just not my thing.
You should see a dermatologist.
450
00:20:03,251 --> 00:20:06,193
Would you mind just doing
one last one, the middle...
451
00:20:06,228 --> 00:20:08,257
- I got it.
- Massive middle back.
452
00:20:09,498 --> 00:20:11,674
There's another thing,
Ilana, and I just...
453
00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:13,292
I say this because I love you so much.
454
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:16,128
There is something you do that
I see a lot of white people do.
455
00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:18,381
And it's kind of like
cultural appropriation.
456
00:20:18,382 --> 00:20:19,285
I've heard about this.
457
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,800
Like, for example, you know those
earrings that you have that say "Latina"?
458
00:20:21,835 --> 00:20:22,560
Yeah?
459
00:20:22,595 --> 00:20:24,173
- They look beautiful on you.
- Thank you.
460
00:20:24,174 --> 00:20:25,470
But you not latina anymore.
461
00:20:25,505 --> 00:20:28,024
It's almost like you're
stealing the identity from people
462
00:20:28,109 --> 00:20:31,394
who fought hard for
against colonial structures.
463
00:20:31,479 --> 00:20:35,531
So, in a way, it's almost
like you are the colonists.
464
00:20:35,617 --> 00:20:37,283
You see?
465
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,651
Ah!
466
00:20:38,736 --> 00:20:40,319
Oh, that felt good.
467
00:20:41,135 --> 00:20:43,706
Oh, also, mi amor, can
you please get off Grindr?
468
00:20:43,791 --> 00:20:46,411
You have a Grindr profile and
it's kind of our thing, you know?
469
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,322
I just wanna see penises
within a mile of me.
470
00:20:49,357 --> 00:20:51,380
I'm so sorry, I've gone too far.
471
00:20:51,466 --> 00:20:53,076
You can see all the penises you want.
472
00:20:53,111 --> 00:20:54,317
Teach me.
473
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,880
- All the penises you want.
- Teach me.
474
00:20:55,915 --> 00:20:57,409
Penis.