1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,367
Adam, you are pushing
2
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:04,994
- when I need you to pull, okay?
- Stop it.
3
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,538
- Stay in the slot, baby.
- It's a delicate dance.
4
00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:07,698
It's a tango, okay?
5
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:10,208
I'm the man. I lead you, sweetheart.
6
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:11,834
No, sweetheart.
7
00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:14,539
In fact, I came up
with a cool name for our team,
8
00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:16,479
The Woodsmen, right?
9
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:17,982
- That's, like, a badass name...
- Classic.
10
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:20,349
...and I thought of it 'cause I'm the leader.
11
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:21,853
You want to name us "The Woodsmen,"
12
00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:24,412
after a Kevin Bacon movie
about a pedophile.
13
00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:25,958
You didn't actually let me finish.
14
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,459
No, we are the Timberlakes,
15
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,290
and we're bringing sexy
to the timber sports.
16
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:32,092
End of story. Now, you push, I pull.
17
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:35,134
No, I push, and you pull on my count.
18
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,964
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Do not swing it... Right...
19
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,527
This isn't... You're not helping!
20
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,731
Stop fighting!
21
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,364
Flip a coin. Or you know what?
22
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,534
Better yet, why doesn't one
of you take the high road
23
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,908
and let the other call the shots?
Be the bigger man.
24
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,412
I'm the baller shot caller.
25
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,141
I've got 20-inch blades
on my Impala, okay?
26
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:51,979
This... This is why
you're not even on the team.
27
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,644
You're not on our team, you bitch.
28
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,880
Oh, this is why.
29
00:00:54,954 --> 00:00:57,081
See, 'cause I was wondering why,
'cause it really hurt my feelings
30
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:58,784
no one asked me,
especially since I'm the one
31
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:00,849
who knew about the tournament
in Big Bear.
32
00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:03,487
I love timber sports.
You know that about me.
33
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,394
Yes, you're a timber sports fan,
34
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:08,730
but we are timber sports,
35
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,269
and that's the difference between us.
36
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:12,099
You can start at the penis
or just scream,
37
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,470
"I don't give a fuck and see
who means this," so scream it.
38
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:15,633
- What?
- Fuck.
39
00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:16,902
Fuck.
40
00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:19,137
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Fuck.
41
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:20,804
We gonna fuck
all the time. We just do it.
42
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,142
I don't give a fuck.
43
00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:24,080
Part of our nature,
because we're alpha dogs.
44
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,742
- We bark fuck all the time.
- Yeah.
45
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,753
- We're not afraid to bark a fuck at someone.
- You're beta bitch boy.
46
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,118
Fine, you want me to? Fuck.
47
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:32,419
- You didn't even say it.
- Yes, I did. Fuck.
48
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:34,460
- Now, on my count, let's saw!
- Okay.
49
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:37,155
That is my count, though,
since nobody's counting.
50
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,323
- Sound off!
- Alpha dogs, baby!
51
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:41,492
BOTH: Ooh-rah!
52
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:43,365
ANDERS, Oh, oh!
53
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:48,206
Oh, no, the Vo!
54
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,639
Oh, are you guys okay?
55
00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:52,142
- Stop the watch?
- Yeah, what was the time?
56
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,442
- No, hey.
- He's good.
57
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:57,210
Uh, yeah... Uh, really fast.
58
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,478
- He... He didn't push the button.
- Yes, I did.
59
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:03,700
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
60
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,291
(SINGING) I'm fresh
61
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:08,554
You gotta, you gotta
You gotta, gotta
62
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,152
Gotta be fresh
63
00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:14,263
Hey, Bill, thanks
for driving us home, bud.
64
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:18,134
I mean, nothing really rides
like a Toyota Corolla.
65
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,729
- Shotgun!
- Shotgun, and that was a tie.
66
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,069
- Fine. License plate.
- License plate.
67
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,134
Oh! And I even walked in slow-mo.
68
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:26,473
It's all right, bud.
69
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:28,571
Oh, yeah,
that's a tight squeeze.
70
00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:30,239
- Squeeze them in.
- Shotgun.
71
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,910
All right, boys,
I MapQuested the best route,
72
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,716
and I made us a little mix tape.
73
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,449
Oh, all right, Bill's mix tape.
74
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:39,958
That's cool, but after you,
pass me the aux, dude.
75
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:42,290
I'm gonna get this place
fricking on fire, dude.
76
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:44,958
(JAZZY BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
77
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:46,259
- Wow.
- Mmm-hmm.
78
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,630
- That's bad.
- Yeah, it's really, really bad.
79
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:49,929
Just way out of date.
80
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,903
This is way, way Less than Jake.
81
00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:53,939
Terrible. Really, really bad fish.
82
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,066
- I like that one.
- Thank you. I like yours too.
83
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:58,667
That's my band. Here's my solo.
84
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,407
You know, I'm just going
to turn it off for a second.
85
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:02,607
BOTH: Thank you.
86
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,182
Bill, is it cool if I get this Gatorade?
87
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:07,185
Uh, that's not Gatorade anymore.
88
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:08,345
Oh.
89
00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:10,218
Jesus Christ, Bill.
90
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,053
Guys, we have got to get the $3,000
91
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,820
and get the Vo fixed, okay?
This is a nightmare.
92
00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:16,691
I don't like it.
I'm, like, way too big to be...
93
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,287
I'm too big to be back here.
94
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,355
You know, I play poker
at this underground card game
95
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:21,559
where Diane deals.
96
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,568
Won 200 bones last week.
97
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,802
200 bones. 200 bones.
98
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,030
All right, boys, alpha Ders
is gonna step up, hit the table,
99
00:03:29,108 --> 00:03:30,575
probably play till dawn,
100
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,167
but I'm gonna get our money back
no doubt.
101
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:33,906
Well, as an alpha dog myself,
102
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,380
I'd probably get all
of our moolah back by sunrise,
103
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:37,643
so I'm gonna play as well.
104
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,241
Oh, you're playing too?
105
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:41,310
This is cool. It's like family game night.
That is great, yeah.
106
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,685
- Yeah. No, I'd like to play too.
- Okay.
107
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,280
Cash only, gents.
108
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,258
- No cell phones.
- ADAM: Okay, cool.
109
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,522
DERS: This isn't cash.
110
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,257
(MUTED CONVERSATION)
111
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,561
Is it already my turn?
112
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,225
Yeah, no, nope.
113
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,131
I just... Nah.
114
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:58,932
- What are you doing?
- Nah, I just... I fold.
115
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,269
You don't have to fold, dude.
Just say "check."
116
00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:02,638
No, I don't...
117
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,301
And it's cash only, so I'm out, actually.
118
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,777
This just... No, it's too stressful.
119
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:09,246
Frank, sorry, I'm out, okay?
You guys.
120
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:11,681
Okay.
121
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,343
I check.
122
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,353
Okay. Um...
123
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:16,752
(GASPS)
124
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:18,188
(LAUGHS)
125
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,284
Man, sometimes you just
don't get a good hand,
126
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:23,829
but you got to just...
127
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:26,421
I guess I'll play.
128
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,160
Nope, you're gonna want to...
129
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:29,292
You're gonna... Okay.
130
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:30,461
I fold too.
131
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,902
Yes! Boom.
132
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,531
I'll take your chips.
I'll take your chips.
133
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,167
Watch out,
we got a shark in the waters.
134
00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:44,515
Frank, what's up, dude?
135
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,518
I'm just wondering
if there's anything fun
136
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,486
to do here, some entertainment...
137
00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:51,489
Maybe some magic show,
Siegfried and Roy,
138
00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:54,651
Criss Angel. Mindfreak me, will ya?
139
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,820
I guess you could watch
the rats fuck out back.
140
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,693
Okay.
141
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:06,000
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
142
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,307
(TELEVISION PLAYING
IN BACKGROUND)
143
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:18,546
Yes! What a hand.
144
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:21,553
I'm going all in, punks.
145
00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:23,815
Hey, you seem nervous, dude.
146
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,255
Why you so nervous?
147
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,690
- Yeah, why you so nervous?
- I'm not nervous.
148
00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:27,919
Why you nervous?
149
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,824
Just gamble... Take the bet or don't.
150
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:33,923
I suggest that you don't,
'cause that's a good hand.
151
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:36,695
Mmm, all you can eat, baby,
Hometown Buffet.
152
00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,496
- I love Hometown Buffet.
- Me too.
153
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:42,199
So here... Okay, all in for me too.
154
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,207
I have literally nothing.
155
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,677
That's what I thought.
156
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,112
Okay, here. You're missing these chips.
157
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,840
Don't forget these. Hey, do we...
158
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,545
Can we still get
drinks if we're out of moneys?
159
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:57,819
So, got no ride,
and now we've got no money.
160
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:00,390
And we would've starved
to death if Rancho Cuca Pizza
161
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,519
wouldn't have hooked us up
with this irregular pizza
162
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,892
they were about to throw out.
163
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,260
Well, you know what they say,
164
00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:06,821
- the house always wins.
- Yeah.
165
00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:08,366
Except for we didn't lose to the house.
166
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:10,493
We lost to that cool-looking Asian dude.
167
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,936
He was cool... Sunglasses inside?
168
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,132
- That's, like, a good look.
- That's the look.
169
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,037
- What did you just say?
- I said...
170
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,805
We were talking about the Asian guy,
171
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,243
and I'm like, "Sunglasses inside...
172
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:21,439
- "That's the look."
- Right.
173
00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:22,742
And then Ders is like,
"That's the look."
174
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:23,975
No, before that.
175
00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:26,084
I don't know. I farted.
176
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,414
The house always...
177
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,476
He did fart.
178
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,351
- Oh, the house always wins.
- Yes.
179
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:33,449
Our house could always be
winning if we were the casino.
180
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,657
- Oh, okay.
- That's not a bad idea.
181
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,992
Oh, dude, yeah, we could have
a way better casino
182
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,362
- than that warehouse dude.
- Totally.
183
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:41,559
I mean, this is a card table.
184
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,261
I mean, we're at a card table right now.
185
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:44,563
We already have a card table.
186
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,332
- Check.
- Got that.
187
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:47,963
- Anders?
- DERS: What's up?
188
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,507
I love that idea.
189
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:50,906
- Give it here!
- Yes!
190
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,602
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
191
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,278
Hey, hey, hey, it's Ray.
192
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,112
There you go.
Welcome to my casino.
193
00:06:58,217 --> 00:07:00,378
Remember, what happens here stays here.
194
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,976
Big Gil dog.
195
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,682
Snap into a Slim Jim,
compliments of the house.
196
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:07,055
Deedee, killer blouse.
197
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:10,653
DERS: Welcome to my casino.
198
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:12,626
I'll be watching you.
199
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,425
I'll be watching all of you.
200
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,447
Yeah, Deedee. (SLURPS)
201
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,883
Yeah, sip that drink.
202
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,713
Oh, well, hello, hello.
203
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,083
Who are you?
204
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,588
You're a sexy mommy
out on the town, aren't you?
205
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,955
You told the sitter
you'd be back by 9:00,
206
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,119
9:30 at the latest,
207
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:44,560
but tonight
you're gonna be a little late,
208
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,258
because Mommy has got
to have fun too.
209
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,535
Yeah,
I think I'm gonna beat off.
210
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,302
Excuse me, young lady,
211
00:07:57,376 --> 00:08:00,140
but you have to be 21
or older to play here.
212
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,477
Do you need to see my ID?
213
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,243
Yeah, that'll work.
214
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,150
Okay, Mama's a whale.
215
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,414
Adam, this is your boss.
216
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,785
Please get to the back
of the house.
217
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,414
You are my bitch.
I am your employer.
218
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:14,223
Get to the back of the house pronto.
Thank you, bye.
219
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,124
One momento.
220
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,391
Diane, what are you doing?
It's like you've never dealt before.
221
00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:22,366
(IN A SING SONG VOICE) What do you want?
222
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,300
- She's a whale.
- No, she's not.
223
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:25,735
- She's in great shape.
- She is in great shape.
224
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,602
What I'm saying
is that she's loaded, okay?
225
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:30,870
She's got cash,
and if we string her along,
226
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,968
we can pay for the Vo and go
to the timber sports games.
227
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:35,673
Yeah, these are things that
I know, because I'm in charge.
228
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:37,909
No, no, no, you're an idiot,
and I'm in charge.
229
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:39,679
Of what, cranking down?
230
00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:42,243
'Cause that lotion
is not where I left it last.
231
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,617
Are you using my lotion?
232
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:46,317
Only when I'm in your room,
jerking off on your computer.
233
00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:49,919
Absolutely do not ever
jerk off on my computer.
234
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,930
Fine, okay, I won't,
235
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,364
but because I choose not to
from now on.
236
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:55,730
You know what? Just get out, okay?
237
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,962
I've got actual
in-charge-type work to do.
238
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,699
Work, like what?
Work on your cock?
239
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,467
(GRUNTS)
240
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,846
Damn it, I didn't take my pants off.
241
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,776
All right, packed house.
242
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,286
So the key to a successful
magic trick is distraction.
243
00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:16,446
That's where you come in.
244
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:17,614
As my assistant,
245
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:22,627
you need to be something that
the audience looks at while I...
246
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:25,589
Look up there...
Perform my illusion, see?
247
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:28,828
Okay, cool, so I'm like
eye candy and all that.
248
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,426
Is there anything that you want
me to do, like, specifically?
249
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,563
You know,
just do what feels right.
250
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,766
You'll know when to do
the distraction, okay?
251
00:09:35,841 --> 00:09:38,275
- Okay.
- But when it's time,
252
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:41,643
- you distract.
- Oh!
253
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:42,840
You got it, man.
254
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:45,042
I'll be a distraction.
255
00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:47,984
Hello, and welcome!
256
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,281
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
257
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:51,687
I am the resident magician, Magic Blake,
258
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:55,193
and this is my beautiful
assistant, Magic Carl.
259
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:58,286
We start off with a card trick.
260
00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:00,489
You, sir, what's your name?
261
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:02,329
Let me guess, Waymond.
262
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:06,132
How'd I know? Go ahead
and pick a card, Waymond.
263
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,762
Okay, what is the card?
264
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,400
Don't tell me. Actually,
don't you ever tell me,
265
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,637
all right?
Put it back in the deck,
266
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,646
anywhere in the deck. Now...
267
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,205
Magic Carl is gonna go
to the other side of the stage,
268
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,410
and I'm gonna go to the other
other side of the stage
269
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:24,785
and visualize the card.
270
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:28,588
Now, please, please make sure
that my assistant, Magic Carl,
271
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:32,188
is placing that deck
very, very far away.
272
00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:33,959
(QUIETLY) Distract 'em. Distract 'em.
273
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,830
Okay, so I'm just visualizing.
274
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:37,095
Nothing to see, really, over here.
275
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:39,034
It's just me thinking,
visualizing, boring.
276
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,265
(CROWD GASPS)
277
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:41,829
And what... Okay. Whoa!
278
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:43,772
Okay, whoa.
What are you doing?
279
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,401
What are you...
What are you doing?
280
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:47,411
I'm just doing
what feels right, okay?
281
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:49,572
This is not right.
Please put your pants back on.
282
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,583
- God, fine!
- Family show.
283
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,743
There's no kids here, is there?
284
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,012
Well, I'm just saying...
285
00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:55,246
There's no kids here.
286
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,549
All right, stop.
287
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:58,516
These are my best pants.
288
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,718
I'm ruining my belt now. Great.
289
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,789
But she is sexy.
290
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:04,361
24, your bet.
291
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,694
(GROANS) I don't have any money left.
292
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:07,892
I guess I should go.
293
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:11,266
What? No, don't do that.
294
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,497
I will walk you to the ATM.
295
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,563
It's about three miles away.
We should get going.
296
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:18,132
I mean, this ring
is worth 5,000.
297
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,838
Can I gamble that?
298
00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:23,245
Yes, you can.
299
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:25,340
No, no, no, no.
$5,000? We can't...
300
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:28,909
Pit boss DeMamp, please get
to the back of the house now.
301
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:33,384
Yes, and I will definitely
be right there, boss.
302
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:35,693
Tang, can I see your shoe?
303
00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:37,752
Adam, we cannot handle that bet.
304
00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:39,794
Do not take that bet.
305
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,630
(SCREAMS) Adam!
306
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,034
(GRUNTS)
307
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:50,100
And I visualized this.
308
00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:51,670
Queen of hearts,
what do you say?
309
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,644
Waymond, is that your card?
310
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:54,872
No?
311
00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:56,437
Okay, there had to be a mix-up
somewhere...
312
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:57,675
(EXCLAIMS)
313
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,240
This is my show now, baby.
314
00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:00,580
They want to see my dick.
315
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:01,950
Helicopter your wang!
316
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:03,955
Got it, buddy.
That's all I want to do.
317
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,048
Stop, guys. Next trick.
Carl, get in the box.
318
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,558
No, you get in the box, man.
319
00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:09,651
This is puppetry of the penis,
it's so hot right now.
320
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,788
They love it!
They love it.
321
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,331
If you could just please get in the box.
322
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,094
- You get in the box.
- Don't do that!
323
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,965
Get in the box, Magic Blake.
Get in the box, Magic Blake.
324
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,267
Carl, stop! Please, this is my show!
325
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:21,704
- Whoo!
- Please!
326
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:23,605
- Shh.
- Stop encouraging him, please.
327
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,734
Where is he?
This is not part of the show.
328
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:27,335
Please, where are you, Carl?
329
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,675
(SCREAMS)
330
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,272
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
331
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,078
What was that?
332
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:34,543
Okay, I'm done.
333
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,416
You can do your next trick now.
334
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,650
- And back to Magic Blake.
- I'm gonna kill you, you stupid idiot.
335
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:41,215
I'm gonna kill you!
I'm gonna kill you.
336
00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:43,420
- That's not magic. (CRYING)
- I'm sorry, dude.
337
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,487
I'll cut your freaking dick off, then.
338
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,758
(CRYING)
339
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,459
My eye itches.
340
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're gonna take a short
341
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:51,331
five-minute intermission.
342
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,462
Why does it itch? Is it bleeding?
343
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,029
- Is it bleeding?
- It's fine.
344
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,438
Why did you do that?
345
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:59,501
I just need to verify
the authenticity of this ring.
346
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,977
Yep, that's real.
That is very hard.
347
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:04,106
Actually hurt my tooth
a little bit.
348
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:07,516
Diane, would you mind
getting this angel some chips?
349
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:10,054
- Changing 5,000.
- Whoo!
350
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,817
- Spend up, guys.
- No, stop. Adam, don't.
351
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:12,983
We can't cover that.
352
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:15,492
Ders, just trust the math, okay?
353
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:19,156
As you know, the house always wins.
354
00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:20,255
Blackjack.
355
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:23,024
(SQUEALS) Oh, my God!
356
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,366
Well, that's the most fun
I've had all week.
357
00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:28,133
I'll cash out now, fellas,
if you don't mind.
358
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,742
I always knew math was a hoax.
359
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:42,645
So we don't have it, your money,
360
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,315
but we could probably cover half.
361
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:46,824
Half? I'm sorry.
362
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,587
That's not how
this sort of thing works.
363
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:54,998
We can cover the other half
with IOUs and prizes.
364
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:56,728
Have you ever been
to a fondue restaurant?
365
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:58,565
We'll take you to one
every Sunday for a month.
366
00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:00,799
The Melting Pot,
have you been there?
367
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:04,069
Of course she has,
for our 13th wedding anniversary.
368
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:05,576
Hi, honey, how was work?
369
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:06,975
Not bad, babe.
370
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:10,944
What is happening right now?
371
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:12,716
You know Laura?
372
00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:14,843
Of course I do. She's my wife.
373
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,047
These ass wipes owe us five grand.
374
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:18,180
Is that right?
375
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:20,691
We do, but five grand,
we can't pay that.
376
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:23,193
- We don't have that.
- We don't have that kind of money.
377
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:24,923
Wanna snap into a Slim Jim?
378
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,294
You got this house.
379
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:27,993
You want your house back,
380
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:29,261
you give me my five grand.
381
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:33,135
Till then, get the fuck out
of my new casino.
382
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,706
Well, that was a disaster.
383
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:38,602
Magic Carl just sexually
assaulted my face.
384
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,036
Yeah.
385
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,106
Oh, hello.
386
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:43,642
I don't believe we've met.
387
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,775
I'm Magic Blake,
in-house entertainment.
388
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:47,216
Pleasure.
389
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:57,056
(YAWNS LOUDLY)
390
00:14:58,163 --> 00:15:00,529
I hate sleeping on the floor.
391
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,568
Only slept for, like,
seven hours or something.
392
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:04,966
You can thank Adam for that
393
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,800
and for taking
the world's dumbest bet.
394
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,203
There's table limits for a reason.
395
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:11,300
And there it is right there,
classic Ders,
396
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,811
passing the blame when you're
too busy smacking off
397
00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:16,006
to realize that I need
proper supervision.
398
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,709
That's on you, but that dude
never would've punked us
399
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:21,148
if we were all alphas, Blake.
400
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:26,214
I get it.
I am a beta B-word, yes,
401
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:29,853
but, you know, maybe I thought
you guys, my alpha dogs,
402
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,829
would protect me, okay?
403
00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:33,990
But you guys are so busy
fighting each other,
404
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,158
you can't even come up
with a good plan.
405
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:37,862
Blake, I'm a hound dog,
406
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:39,562
and I'm gonna howl at the moon,
407
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:42,334
and I shouldn't have to worry
about protecting you, okay?
408
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:46,777
It might be time for us
to not be alpha dogs anymore
409
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:48,645
and start being alpha lions.
410
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,782
We are all kinds of animals,
me and you.
411
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,010
- (BOTH SHRIEKING)
- (BOTH SNARLING)
412
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:55,810
(BOTH BARKING)
413
00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:57,914
Here's the plan,
414
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,617
sneak in through the crawl space
415
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,455
and then saw through
the bathroom floor.
416
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:03,222
Right, but also the plan
is to play music
417
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:04,626
off my Bluetooth shower speakers
418
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:06,755
through my phone so that they
don't hear us sawing...
419
00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:08,823
Sawing into the bathroom floor
420
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,869
so we can get the floor safe
and use it
421
00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:12,961
as a bargaining chip for Frank
and get the house back.
422
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:14,835
And go to the
timber sports tournament,
423
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,306
and we bring sexy back.
424
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:18,843
- Okay, as The Woodsmen...
- Right, yeah.
425
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:20,776
Parentheses, not the pedophile movie
426
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:22,313
but, like, badasses who can
knock a deer out
427
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:23,973
with one punch, close parentheses.
428
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,475
Okay. Here is the spot.
429
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:27,610
Okay.
430
00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:30,382
Whoa, dude, huge wasps' nest.
431
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:31,946
Just stay back.
Give me the saw, all right?
432
00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:33,786
Okay, no,
433
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:36,521
I carried the saw the whole way,
so I should get to saw first.
434
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:38,927
Dude, I saw first.
You saw second.
435
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,022
That was the deal.
436
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,124
Yeah, 'cause I'm the closer,
good call. Here you go.
437
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,293
- Whatever.
- Yeah, I close.
438
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:45,564
All right. Let me just make
a little groove here.
439
00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:46,661
Get up in there.
440
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,104
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- Oh, yeah!
441
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,697
(SAWING WOOD)
442
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:52,107
- Long and lean, baby.
- (GRUNTING) Long and strong.
443
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,406
Long strides, let's go.
444
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,708
Okay, here,
you're about halfway. My turn.
445
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,477
No, I'm kind of in a groove.
Just back off.
446
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,211
- Stop! Dude, I'm not...
- (MUMBLING)
447
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,179
- Let me saw!
- Oh.
448
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:06,247
- (SCREAMING)
- Wasps, wasps!
449
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:09,187
Shh, be quiet! Ow!
450
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,892
(MUSIC PLAYING)
451
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,057
They can hear us! Quiet!
452
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:15,464
Shut up!
453
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:16,831
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
454
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:18,335
(BOTH YELLING)
455
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,531
Adam, They're biting me!
456
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,471
Ow! Save me!
457
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,975
Ow! Ow!
458
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,602
Cover the hole!
Cover the hole.
459
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:29,306
Oh, you are so slow at sawing.
460
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,474
Oh, you look bad.
You look bad
461
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,415
- like pepperoni...
- One, two...
462
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,521
- (FALSETTO) Hey.
- (FALSETTO) What up?
463
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:38,317
We just stopped by
to check things out,
464
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,584
make sure it's going well.
465
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,785
- We're gonna get out of your hair.
- Yeah.
466
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,987
Uh, do you mind if we head out
the front door, though?
467
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,655
Because bee problem down there.
468
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,894
- Yeah, it's a wasp sitch, so take care.
- Watch your step.
469
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:50,699
- Thanks for your time.
- Excuse me.
470
00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:51,895
Grab 'em.
471
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:53,561
- You don't have to.
- Ow!
472
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:54,764
Okay.
473
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,398
Ow, ow.
474
00:17:58,043 --> 00:18:01,444
Hey, asswipes,
let my friends go.
475
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,344
Good.
476
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,316
You're just in time
for the ass kicking.
477
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:07,544
Oh, yeah?
478
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,883
Letting your dogs
do your dirty work?
479
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,522
You've gone soft, Frank.
480
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,648
Excuse me?
481
00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:15,386
You, me, mano-a-mano,
one on one.
482
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,261
High-stakes pokey.
483
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:20,388
I win, you guys get the hell
out of our house.
484
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,160
- You win...
- Which he definitely will, Blake.
485
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,100
Shut up.
Shut the hell up.
486
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:28,865
There's the deed
to the old crib, huh?
487
00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:31,771
Blake, no offense, but you
don't know how to gamble.
488
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,709
Shut the hell up! Okay?
489
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:34,870
We did your plan.
490
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,847
Your guys' plan didn't work,
all right?
491
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,849
So now it's my turn
to make the plans.
492
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:42,182
I'm the plan maker now,
alpha dog style.
493
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:43,812
I don't give a fuck.
494
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,481
Start at the penis!
495
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:48,150
Start at my penis.
496
00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,865
FRANK: I'll tell you what.
497
00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:01,200
You fold right now,
498
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,001
and I'll give you another shot
at that shrimp buffet
499
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,940
before you hit the road
and don't come back.
500
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,477
BLAKE: I'll tell you what.
501
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:07,910
You fold right now,
502
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:10,208
and I'll give you another crack
at the shrimp buffet
503
00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:13,547
before you go home, you.
504
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:15,476
That's exactly what I said.
505
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:17,078
Gentlemen, your card.
506
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:20,923
Full boat, sixes over aces.
507
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,423
- Oh, damn it, Blake.
- Ah, Blake!
508
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:26,855
They have fricking shrimps, dude.
509
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,158
7 and 8 diamond.
510
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,131
That straight flush,
the high hand.
511
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,863
- Oh, my God, we won!
- I won? We won?
512
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:35,963
- All right!
- We won!
513
00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:37,565
(ALL YELLING)
514
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,201
ADAM: Oh, my God.
515
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:40,609
DERS: You got bluffed.
516
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:41,906
(LAUGHS)
517
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:45,244
Ah, but, yeah, dude,
you got to go, I guess.
518
00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:46,875
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
519
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,212
Let me be very clear.
520
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:52,519
If I find out you guys start running
another table out of this house,
521
00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:55,059
I will come back here
and break your goddamn necks.
522
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,018
- You can bet on it.
- Bet.
523
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,791
(LAUGHS) Oh, that was pretty funny
bringing bet back.
524
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,763
And I'm absolutely fucking serious.
525
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:03,630
- Yeah, duly noted.
- Truly noted, even.
526
00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,301
- Let's go.
- Thanks, Frank.
527
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,598
Hey, thank you so much...
528
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:07,798
- Good job, Goonie.
- Thanks.
529
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:08,895
Hey, good dealing out there.
530
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,134
Just put these chairs in here.
531
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,642
Love the hair, man.
532
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:13,005
Friends don't let friends get haircuts.
533
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:15,808
- Karate kick.
- Yeah, bud!
534
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:17,848
What the frick, man?
535
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:20,441
You did it.
Oh, wait a second.
536
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,282
Dude, did you have, like,
a card up your sleeve
537
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:24,321
'cause you've been
studying magic for your shows,
538
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:25,754
picked up some tricks?
539
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:27,757
- ADAM: That's smart.
- Way alpha.
540
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:28,985
No, actually, I didn't.
541
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,688
I just kind of bet it all.
542
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:35,222
Yeah, put my nuts on the table,
and then I did the damn thing.
543
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,700
So you could've lost everything.
544
00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:39,128
Yeah.
545
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:42,036
But who's the alpha dog now? (BARKS)
546
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,699
I guess we still are,
because you only did, like,
547
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:45,902
one alpha dog thing.
548
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:48,913
And we do alpha shit,
like, every day, boy!
549
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:50,709
Alpha dogs, sound off!
550
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,340
Hoo-rah!
551
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:55,181
(BOTH YELLING)
552
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,687
Hoo, hoo, hoo!
553
00:20:56,755 --> 00:21:01,215
BOTH: Hoo-rah! Hoo-rah, hoo-rah!
Hoo-rah!
554
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:02,885
Nice.
555
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:08,290
Beta bitch right here.
556
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:10,961
- Beta bitch, beta bitch.
- Who's the beta bitch?
557
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:12,765
- Beta bitch, beta bitch.
- You the beta bitch.
558
00:21:12,871 --> 00:21:14,634
- Beta bitch, beta bitch.
- You the beta bitch.
559
00:21:14,706 --> 00:21:15,730
Beta bitch, beta bitch.
560
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:16,796
Beta, beta, beta...
561
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:18,206
- You beta bitch, you beta bitch.
- Beta, beta, beta.
562
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:19,776
- Stop.
- You beta bitch, you beta bitch.
563
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,574
- Stop.
- You beta bitch, you beta bitch.
564
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:32,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll