Is the water too hot?
I don't know where you end and the hot begins.
Phil, this is heaven.
Heaven must be missing a hot tub.
So romantic.
A whole place to ourselves.
Till 11:00.
Just don't be upset right now, Kim, please.
I'm going in.
Your mom said you weren't allowed to come home until 11:00.
Since when do I ever dohat my mom says?
- When?! - Kim, we were having a nice time, Kim.
I took you out to a nice dinner at margiano's.
I bought you your own dessert. And just because I'm not gonna give you money
to throw some stupid lingerie party, you're gonna ruin a great night.
It's not a stupid lier party. You're stupid.
I told you to stop saying I was stupid, kim.
Well, then, stop being against lingerie.
Do you know I am this close to being a super-successful entrepreneur?
All I need is the deposit money for some inventory and some snack food.
I'm not doing it, Kim.
It's like that time I gave you 300 bucks
to start that at-home botox business.
That was a good idea. I don't care what you or the idiot government says.
Butthole. Butthole?!
1991 called, Kim! It wants that insult back!
What are you doing here? You weren't supposed to be home until 11:00.
It's not my fault, it's Craig's.
This is my very much-needed sexy alone time with Phil.
- Who ts dinner in a robe, anyway? - I wasn't wearing a robe.
You two are so gross.
Yeah, you wouldn't have to see us being gross if you came home at 11:00.
Well, where am I supposed to go?
All right, just sit here and be quiet and let us finish our dinner, please.
- Everything okay? - Yes, it's fine.
Let's just get on with our night.
Can you lower the Tv, please, Kim?
- You want another hit of pilaf? - I'd love some.
I'm just going to ignore that. I'm sure Kim will get it.
Now, what is in this?
Is it almond slivers? Pecans? I'm stumped.
Get the door, Kim. You know it's Craig.
Almonds, pecans. Like amelange a trois in your mouth.
Excuse-moi! Who do you think you are?
- A guy who spent a buttload. - You know, I make all kinds of pilaf.
I once made one with nuts and craisins.
Well, while we're on the subject, you are driving me nuts. And
- I'd like to peel off that robe. - Would you?
Oh, good, I'm glad!
- I want my... - I'll be right back.
Don't touch me, copier woman.
Whatis going on out here?
She's mad at me because I won't give her money to have a lingerie PTY.
- You'restupid! - I didn't even say stupid that time.
Right.
All right, Vivien, everything's fine here. You can keep on walking.
Just admit it, Kim. You don't like me. We don't even have sex.
That's 'cause you're so in love with your stupid dog.
Why don't you just have sex with her?
Now is having sex with a dog here, in case anybody's wondering.
Keep on walking. Keep it going.
Kim, get in the house! Get in! Go! Asap!
How are you tonight, Linda?
How do you think i'm doing with all this discombobulation?
You can go back to watching your program
'cause everything is combobulated. Thank you.
Craig, I cannot have you coming to my house and making a scene.
We are not those kind of people.
I bought her her own dessert.
Yeah, well, I herniated my pelvis giving birth to her,
and she won't even stay out till 11:00!
Can I just talk to her for... three minutes?
This is so. I spent like $48.
-= 115 =- " DESIRE "
VO : ¤AkaZab¤
Subs-Addicts" [Sub-way.fr]
Phil, I willet you dollars to donuts the whole neighborhood's
abuzz about the scene that Kim caused last night.
- Did you see that? - It'll be fine.
I really thought that Kim would have gone back to Craig by now.
Maybe she's serious. Maybe she really doesn't want to be married to Craig.
What is she going to do with her life?
Maybe a little frolic in the jacuzzi will take your mind off things?
Phil, sexual healing is not gonna do it for me now.
You know, it's just got me in a Tizzy. I mean, what is she gonna do all day?
She's certainly not workforce material.
I've been down that road before, did not end well.
Wish there was something I could do to help.
Phil, you're the best. So successful and strong.
Sex appeal up the wazoo.
If Craig were more like you, Kim never would have left him.
Yeah, I like the kid, but he's a bit of a train wreck?
Hey, maybe you could give him somtips!
Well, I don't normally give out the secret recipe to Phil. But,
but for you...
- Anything. - Really?
You can thank me with a little Kath-ternoon delight.
- Don't mind if I do. - Come on, give me some.
You got a minute? We need to talk.
Yeah, hey, man, i'm sorry about last night.
Your date night really blew. But so did mine, though, so...
Listen, I think I may have figured out a way
to get you and Kim back together.
Nice. Well, I really appreciate it, P, but unless you can turn me into, like,
a million dollars or
a bottomless bag of doritos, I don't think that's gonna happen, bro.
Okay, you see, it's that type of "can't do"
attitude that I really think is the problem here.
Yeah, well, bakers aren't really a can-do type of people.
Listen, come on the island tomorrow. I'd say today, but I'm getting
in a big load of mayonnaise. And it's gonna be an all-nighter.
All right, you need any help with that or...
no, thanks. This is something I need to,
to do alone.
Good luck man.
I gave up my life for Kim.
I gave her everything she wanted, never set any limits.
I just don't know where I went wrong.
Even if Kim has a Phil of her own, she won't be full-Philled.
That's a good one, Kath!
She needs a passio something to make her feel good about herself.
What's with the happy'tude all of a sudden?
Well, I have a great idea, which involves you having your lierie party.
What?
I went to the mall, and I saw these very stylish women wearing lingerie.
So of course I follow them, and I go up to one of the gals,
and she tells me that lingerie is very in.
And I thought, "oh, good. For once Kim isn't talking out of her pooper."
Thank you.
I realy think that it could be good for you and Craig.
You know, you might not be so hard on your marriage,
vis-a-vis Craig, if you had your own interests, Kimmie.
I mean, look at me. I have my salon and my crafts and my work as a notary
so that I don't have to make Phil the be-all and the end-all.
- Even though he is. - Okay, am I having my party what?
I did the math, and with the deposit for the inventory and the snacks,
plus accidentals, it comes out to about $400.
Okay, great.
Let's get going. Are you gonna talk all day? I mean, 'cause we got stuff to do.
Kim, do you really think this is appropriate? I mean, it's a family pool.
OK It's high fashion. It's like something that kate moss had on.
Yeah, you got a little Kate Moss showing right there.
So you went with Phil's aloha.
Yeah, the ham and pineapple club... genius, bro.
Seriously, there is nothing about this I don't like.
Thank you. I'm really proud of the work i'm doing here.
- Awesome. - Craig, I'm not gonna lie to you.
- I wasn't always the man you see today. - What man were you?
I was a 400-pound, sad, lonely...
Loser man, Craig.
That's right. Kim always talks about that. You were like crazy fat.
- 400 pounds. That's like a car. - It's like a golf cart.
I bet you could do a mean cannonball back in the day.
I once displaced two feet of water out of a pool at a child's birthday party.
What did the child do, like, freak out?
- I would. - But look at me now.
I mean, I got a foxy fiance.
I got a thriving business. Very interesting.
And dynamic sex... On a regular basis.
I'm on top of the world. You know why?
- No. - I worked on myself.
I changed on the outside, which is really the only type
of change that matters. I mean, people a gonna Kim tell you different.
It's a lie.
Yeah, but I don't think I should lose 200 pounds, though.
I mean, I could, but I feel like I would
yeah. I would weigh negative pounds if I did that.
- Craig, do you want to get Kim back? - Yes... i love her.
I mean, I hate myself for it, but...
- i do. - Then you gotta do something.
You don't have to lose the weight, but you gotta lose those hip-hop type jeans.
Women love men in dressy slacks.
- And man Jewelry. - Really?
- That's the Phil guarantee. - All right, cool. Let's do it.
All right, we gotta work fast. I just got in a shipment of peppered meats.
- My day is going to be a bear. - Sweet.
Kim, I don't know why you need my help to get this stuff for the party.
- 'cause I want topend time with you. - Really?
I'm so touched. Not!
- Do you wanna model at the party? - Really?
Oh, gosh. Do you think I could?
All right, sure! Why not? I'll give it a whirl.
Cute.
Jeez, I never thought of myself as a model before. That's very flattering.
We really should invite the neighbors to the party too. With all the trouble
of late, it would be a very nice way to extend the onion branch.
Whatev.
You are a genius, Kath Day. This is gonna be so great for Kimmie.
I love this song. Okay, you run in. I'll wait in the car.
What? I'll go in the next time.
I'm organizing this whole thing, and that is a lot.
All right, fine.
Here I am. I got the goods.
Pwease?
Forgot those.
Ice cream cone for you.
- Put this down here. - Look.
I like it, she's just tired from all the organizing.
Baby steps, that's all it is.
- Can I have some more of that bubbly? - Of course, Linda.
Fun party.
Craig looks fantastic? Really?
Jeez, Kim's gonna be so excited.
- Everything is just coming together. - Come on, mom, let's go.
Okay, listen, I have to go. I'll see you later. I have to go do my modeling now.
Testing, 1, 2, 3. Testing... 1, 2, 3.
Thank you all for coming today. The show is about to begin.
Our first model is the lovely Kim.
Spread it, girl!
For those nights when you're in the mood to be trashy
and nasty and filthy dirty, the Pam Anderson.
The chicken cutlets are optional.
Tats available at rite-aid.
Thank you, Kim-alicious.
And now the lovely and talented Kath.
This is the Sharon Stone.
Would you like to pull up a chair and demonstrate...
What's that? What's that?
Interrogate me. Interrogate me.
I'm Sharon Stone.
Baby bumps are all the rage. The filthy milfy.
- very classy. - Unique.
Here he is.
- Craig, you look like a hundred bucks! - Thank you.
I can't take my eyes off of you in that sexy lingerie.
It's perfect to highlight your... backyard.
You bet.
Okay, you really think I look good, Kath?
Kim's gonna love it. Plus, she's in a great mood.
Okay, I'm goin' in. Wish me luck, bro.
- You hit me. - Shoot.
- Is yours okay? - Yeah, it's fine.
- Was that there when i. - That's the marbling.
I'm good, then. Excuse me.
I am looking for the foxy lady who rocks my world.
- What? - Kimberly Day,
why don't you make today a very happy day,
and accompany me and you to our marital bed
for some lovemakinsexyime?
Are you trying to be like Phil?
No, I'm acting like an attractive adult male.
That's lame.
- Well, it's true! - I think he looks sharp.
- Are you wearing perfume? That is... - No, it's...
- nasty. - No, it is not perfume. It's colog.
It's sailboat for men.
- It smells like it sucks for men. - That's real nice, Kim.
I went to a lot of trouble, okay, to look this dorky
and smell this good for you. Dude I told you she wouldn't appreciate it, dude.
You ruined my lingerie party!
Well, guess what? Lingerie is stupid! So how'bout that?
- No! You're stupid! - You're stupid!
- You are! - You're stupid! That's enough.
- How's that? - Don't throw your.
You know how hard it is to walk in these shoes?
- That is enough! - What are those?
- Can you hold that for a minute - You are out of control, Kimberly!
- Cheese ball, mom! - Let me tell you something.
Phil happens to be a very stylish guy!
He can pull off a dressy slack like a lot of guys can't.
- He's a dork! - He is not!
He is a wonderful person, and he has changed my life. And I thght that...
That if Craig was a little more like Phil, that you'd be happy too.
You thought if Craig was more like Phil that I'd be happy?!
- We are not the same, mom! - Fine.
Hon, you don't wanna be with Craig, don't be with Craig.
But you can still pursue your dream career in lingerie.
Yeah, I don't think so. That's too much work.
What?
I have really been kidding myself.
Here I have been running around trying to help you, Kim,
because I thought that maybe, for once, you could make something of something.
Everybody has. Everybody been bending over backwards
trying to accommodate you but nothing works.
You don't like Phil. You don't want to be with Craig. What do you want? What?
I don't know.
You people like a commotion.
Jeez.
Well, another 400 bucks down the drain.
Can we go to appleby's for dinner?
Chocolate volcano cake with extra lava!
You know, Kim, sometimes I think you are to spoiled.
Don't be ridic. Can you bring me another root beer float?
All this chocolate's making me thirsty. Thanks.
I don't want ice cream! Why do I have to have ice cream!
Brat, much?
You see, now, that mother is letting that little girl walk all over her.
Little girl's the one in charge. She's controlling the mother. Can you imagine?
Bro, she totally almost took my eye out with her fake boob, man.
Technology. I remember when these were just wadded up tissue papers.
Well, I guess I won't be needing this man Jewelry anymore.
- Ho I want you to keep that. - Dude, really?
Thank you, man. I'm so touched right now.
You ought to be. That's genuine American Indian "turkwaz."
- You ever heard of the arapaho? - No, is that a band?
It's a band of brothers.
Blood brothers.
Wanna hit a movie?
No, I think I'm just gonna go home and get drunk and break some stuff, man.
I understand. I mean, it's not for me, but... I understand.
- But, I mean, thanks for everything. - You're welcome.
Even though I think it maybe, probably zero percent helped
zero percent helped,
like, my situation with Kim, I think it
at least, like, 17% helped me
- as, like, a... As a guy. - Those are low numbers.
But I'm not done with you yet.
Hey, look, stars are just like us. They fill up their gas tank,
they walk their dog, and they pick up their dry-cleaning.
- You don't do any of those things. - That is so weird.
Lindsay Lohan has tons of freckles in some pictures, ne in hers.
It's cald airbrushing, Kim. Get used to it.
You should get airbrushed. You'd look great.
Well, thank you very much.
Who am i? "The lady who rocks my world."
Oh, gosh. I know, I have to admit it was very odd.
Bulet's face it Craig is no Phil.
Team Subs-Addicts"