1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:09,202 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:30,590 --> 00:00:34,320 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening. 3 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,560 Welcome to QI. 4 00:00:37,111 --> 00:00:39,520 Now, you mentioned the gluteus maximus. Yeah. 5 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,470 The ass muscles there. This a true thing, right? 6 00:00:43,470 --> 00:00:49,111 It is physically impossible for the human buttocks to break an egg. 7 00:00:49,111 --> 00:00:51,470 LAUGHTER That is true. 8 00:00:51,470 --> 00:00:57,010 That is absolutely, 100% true and I've tried it and... 9 00:00:58,231 --> 00:01:00,030 And...the beautiful thing... 10 00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:03,560 You mean put it in the crack, in the cleavage? As much as you want. 11 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,211 He's not allowed to work in kitchens any more. 12 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,750 Yeah, if you put the egg between the buttocks and it doesn't matter 13 00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:13,390 how hard you squeeze, impossible to crack the egg. 14 00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:15,520 Now, here's the thing, I know that to be true. 15 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,200 There might be people watching this who question that, 16 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:22,111 and I'd like to think all over the country... People are now. 17 00:01:22,111 --> 00:01:25,470 Introducing eggs into the area... 18 00:01:25,470 --> 00:01:27,241 "Is Noble lying or not?" 19 00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:30,650 I mean, if you got somebody laying there, you put an egg there, 20 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:32,760 if somebody else is there to go like that... 21 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,600 But then that's not the muscle doing it. Ah, OK, yeah. That's the point. 22 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,127 You can't... It's the muscle. Can you by a twitch, pulling in? 23 00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:43,361 Exactly. I'm doing it now. 24 00:01:43,361 --> 00:01:45,371 The problem would be... 25 00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:49,280 "Oh! That Cadbury's Creme Egg is gone." 26 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,570 That's probably melting rather than... 27 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:55,760 I think the worry is that you do it, the egg could go right up. 28 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,524 Is that a worry? You see, that's interesting. 29 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:10,830 Now, what mania was started by a few myopic Merseysiders? 30 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,920 BUZZER But weirdly... 31 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:16,299 No, keep going... Does this buzzer stop Jimmy speaking? Try again. 32 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,590 I was just going to say... BUZZER 33 00:02:22,590 --> 00:02:24,750 APPLAUSE 34 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:27,590 There's some support for it. 35 00:02:27,590 --> 00:02:29,870 I find the buzzers really disconcerting. 36 00:02:29,870 --> 00:02:32,361 It does feel like somebody's about to get murdered. 37 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:37,190 BUZZER: 'Oh, go to bed.' LAUGHTER 38 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:40,670 There's a childish ghost cries. BUZZER: 'Mice!' 39 00:02:40,670 --> 00:02:43,080 LAUGHTER 40 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,530 Myopic Merseysiders. Myopic's short-sighted, is it? 41 00:02:45,530 --> 00:02:47,320 Yes, short-sighted. Partially sighted. 42 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,320 So what M could help you with partial sightedness? 43 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:54,600 My glasses? LAUGHTER 44 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,470 Yes. 45 00:02:56,470 --> 00:03:00,080 Any particular type of ophthalmic instrument that would help the... 46 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,000 Monocle. Monocle is the right answer. 47 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,650 There we go. Very good. 48 00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:07,960 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 49 00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:10,236 Yeah. 50 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:16,310 I only knew that cos there happens to be a monocle next to me. 51 00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:19,470 It was a bit of a giveaway. There you are. Pop them in. 52 00:03:19,470 --> 00:03:21,920 It was a fashion thing that seemed to sweep Liverpool... 53 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,160 I can't imagine it taking off again, to be honest. 54 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,800 You do look very... 55 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,554 "George, me old pal." 56 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,950 Jimmy, you have never looked more like a ventriloquist's doll. 57 00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:38,874 APPLAUSE 58 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,470 THEY MOUTH WORDLESSLY 59 00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:50,080 He really did look like Lord Charles there. 60 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,440 HE LAUGHS 61 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,101 I now feel slightly haunted. 62 00:03:56,021 --> 00:04:00,421 The word meteorology comes from the Greek for things high up 63 00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:03,141 and in terms of high up, they used to use frogs 64 00:04:03,141 --> 00:04:05,171 for telling weather forecasts. 65 00:04:05,171 --> 00:04:08,271 They built them little ladders and put them in a jar. 66 00:04:08,271 --> 00:04:11,261 They thought if they went up the ladder, it was going to be fine. 67 00:04:11,261 --> 00:04:13,981 If they went down the ladder, it was going to be a bit wet. 68 00:04:13,981 --> 00:04:16,701 You are getting an idea here. LAUGHTER 69 00:04:16,701 --> 00:04:19,590 Did frogs even know what ladders were? 70 00:04:20,991 --> 00:04:23,891 I don't think they had to know what they are. Did they just...? 71 00:04:23,891 --> 00:04:26,171 Instinct to climb. It could've been anything, 72 00:04:26,171 --> 00:04:28,381 it didn't have to be ladders? It didn't have to be. 73 00:04:28,381 --> 00:04:30,102 "Where's the frog?" "It's halfway up." 74 00:04:30,102 --> 00:04:32,434 "Well, which way is he looking?" "He's looking down." 75 00:04:34,251 --> 00:04:37,072 "Just say scattered showers. Scattered showers." 76 00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:41,541 I think you're right. "Sunny spells, sunny spells. 77 00:04:41,541 --> 00:04:45,631 "Just do a cloud with a bit of the sun, half of the sun." 78 00:04:45,631 --> 00:04:49,260 What if it was foggy. "He's got an escalator, it's foggy." 79 00:04:52,061 --> 00:04:54,991 Maybe he's just trying to get out the top. He's trying to escape. 80 00:04:54,991 --> 00:04:57,021 One day, the ladder is right up to the top 81 00:04:57,021 --> 00:05:00,421 and the frog has fucked off. Then what's going to happen? 82 00:05:00,421 --> 00:05:04,342 He's left a note, "I have no idea what the weather is going to be. 83 00:05:04,342 --> 00:05:05,377 "I'm out of here." 84 00:05:09,222 --> 00:05:10,871 There we have it. 85 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:16,371 I'll tell you an interesting thing about Queen Victoria. Yeah. 86 00:05:16,371 --> 00:05:17,991 When she died, 87 00:05:17,991 --> 00:05:21,352 towards the end of her life... LAUGHTER 88 00:05:21,352 --> 00:05:24,291 Go on. I feel guilty about telling you. 89 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,451 She won't find out. 90 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,021 She was wider than she was tall. 91 00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:30,611 Really? So? 92 00:05:30,611 --> 00:05:33,092 LAUGHTER 93 00:05:33,092 --> 00:05:37,671 APPLAUSE 94 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,711 No, tell us more about old... 95 00:05:39,711 --> 00:05:42,102 She was 59 inches tall 96 00:05:42,102 --> 00:05:44,261 and she was 66 inches wide. 97 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,301 Wow. Bless her. Really? 98 00:05:46,301 --> 00:05:48,391 But wide or...? Well, in circumference. 99 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,181 Yeah, I was going to say. Sorry, not wide. 100 00:05:50,181 --> 00:05:51,661 Couldn't have possibly been... 101 00:05:51,661 --> 00:05:54,311 LAUGHTER No, sorry. 102 00:05:54,311 --> 00:05:56,581 No, circumference. Yeah. 103 00:05:56,581 --> 00:05:58,511 I don't mean width. Here she comes! 104 00:05:58,511 --> 00:06:00,102 All the way round was 66 inches. 105 00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:02,309 "We're going to have to knock through." Yeah. 106 00:06:03,811 --> 00:06:05,665 Can't get through any of the doors. 107 00:06:07,232 --> 00:06:09,741 And that's how the Victoria line starts... 108 00:06:09,741 --> 00:06:12,665 LAUGHTER She needs a pew of her own. 109 00:06:15,021 --> 00:06:18,581 The Albert Hall was just a cast of her body. 110 00:06:18,581 --> 00:06:21,731 This is her bust size I'm talking about. 66. 111 00:06:21,731 --> 00:06:24,342 66 bust? Wow. Yeah. Crikey. Good lord. 112 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,822 She was very short. Ooh, yeah, some loving there. 113 00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:32,011 Alaska's state motto is "North to the Future". 114 00:06:32,011 --> 00:06:35,861 Don't know what that means, but it's... There it is. 115 00:06:35,861 --> 00:06:38,661 They all have mottos, these states, 116 00:06:38,661 --> 00:06:42,081 and my favourite one is Kentucky. 117 00:06:42,081 --> 00:06:44,501 Kentucky's known, really, for two things. It's called... 118 00:06:44,501 --> 00:06:46,831 Fried chicken. Well, yeah, apart from that. 119 00:06:46,831 --> 00:06:48,541 It's called the Bluegrass State, 120 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:52,541 but it's bourbon and the Kentucky Derby, the race. 121 00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:56,621 And somebody came up with a two-word phrase for Kentucky 122 00:06:56,621 --> 00:06:58,151 which encapsulates both those things, 123 00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,821 which I think is rather brilliant. 124 00:06:59,821 --> 00:07:00,941 Pissed horses. 125 00:07:00,941 --> 00:07:03,381 LAUGHTER That would do it. 126 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,301 No, it's Unbridled Spirit. 127 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:09,941 Ah! Isn't that clever? Very good. Genuinely clever. Yeah. 128 00:07:09,941 --> 00:07:11,181 No, that's great. 129 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,501 That absolutely shits on North to the Future. 130 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:17,102 It does, doesn't it? It's got to be said. 131 00:07:17,102 --> 00:07:20,501 Because if there's one place you do not want to head north from, 132 00:07:20,501 --> 00:07:21,811 it's Alaska 133 00:07:21,811 --> 00:07:24,901 cos there's fuck all of the world there. 134 00:07:24,901 --> 00:07:26,141 You want to go south. 135 00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:28,301 You want to see stuff... South to the Future. Yeah. 136 00:07:28,301 --> 00:07:31,021 North to the Future, maybe you'd say from Argentina. 137 00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:33,461 Yes. Alaska, South... 138 00:07:33,461 --> 00:07:37,451 North in Denial of the Rest of Humanity. 139 00:07:37,451 --> 00:07:40,171 Head into the Snow and Die. North to the Massive Tundra. Yeah. 140 00:07:40,171 --> 00:07:41,433 Wishful thinking, exactly. 141 00:07:42,651 --> 00:07:45,061 But, in terms of anagrams... This isn't an anagram, 142 00:07:45,061 --> 00:07:47,901 it's actually a limerick composed by someone, 143 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:51,541 which I invite you to recite to me. Oh. Oh. 144 00:07:51,541 --> 00:07:53,021 See if you can. 145 00:07:53,021 --> 00:07:56,871 Eh? Yes. Oh. That's a shock, isn't it? Yes. 146 00:07:56,871 --> 00:07:59,461 And you can do it. Can you? Yes, you can. 147 00:07:59,461 --> 00:08:01,461 It is a limerick. OK. OK. 148 00:08:01,461 --> 00:08:04,341 You have to ask yourself what these numbers are, in fact. 149 00:08:04,341 --> 00:08:06,821 They have some other... A dozen and 12 dozen... Ah! 150 00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:09,881 But 144 is also called a...? 151 00:08:09,881 --> 00:08:11,431 A gross. 152 00:08:11,431 --> 00:08:14,871 So, a dozen, a gross, a score 153 00:08:14,871 --> 00:08:17,871 plus three times the square root of four. 154 00:08:17,871 --> 00:08:20,821 SUSAN LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY Divided by seven. 155 00:08:20,821 --> 00:08:23,472 You're all right. You're doing well. That's five... 156 00:08:24,741 --> 00:08:27,661 Calm down. Do I have to slap you? Yes. 157 00:08:27,661 --> 00:08:29,629 LAUGHTER 158 00:08:31,591 --> 00:08:35,151 The episode of QI where Stephen just slapped me. 159 00:08:35,151 --> 00:08:38,021 So, say it again as a limerick. You can do it now. Yes, yes. 160 00:08:38,021 --> 00:08:40,511 Go on. Go on, then, Susan. SUSAN LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY 161 00:08:40,511 --> 00:08:42,871 A dozen... A dozen... A dozen, a gross... 162 00:08:42,871 --> 00:08:44,341 A dozen, a gross and a score... 163 00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:47,541 ALL: Plus three times the square root of four. 164 00:08:47,541 --> 00:08:52,461 Divided by seven plus five times 11 equals nine squared... 165 00:08:52,461 --> 00:08:54,141 Plus not a bit more. 166 00:08:54,141 --> 00:08:55,821 There you are. Yeah! Well done. 167 00:08:55,821 --> 00:08:57,960 APPLAUSE 168 00:09:02,151 --> 00:09:04,901 Now, who would like to see some milky magic? 169 00:09:04,901 --> 00:09:06,141 Cos I want to show you... 170 00:09:06,141 --> 00:09:09,102 LAUGHTER 171 00:09:09,102 --> 00:09:10,741 Stranger danger! 172 00:09:10,741 --> 00:09:13,096 APPLAUSE 173 00:09:15,811 --> 00:09:17,901 I wish I hadn't put it like that. 174 00:09:17,901 --> 00:09:21,052 If a man says this to you in a park, say no. 175 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,982 IN A MENACING VOICE: Would you like to see my milky magic? 176 00:09:26,982 --> 00:09:28,261 You know what I meant. 177 00:09:28,261 --> 00:09:30,701 Would you like to see my milky magic? 178 00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:33,901 OK. I've got some... Mm, yeah. 179 00:09:33,901 --> 00:09:35,901 Mm, lovely milky things. 180 00:09:35,901 --> 00:09:37,972 LAUGHTER 181 00:09:37,972 --> 00:09:39,701 Stop saying it! 182 00:09:40,951 --> 00:09:43,511 Well, now, because... Here we are. 183 00:09:43,511 --> 00:09:45,151 Now, this is just a thing about milk - 184 00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,591 there's never enough, you always want more. Yeah. But... 185 00:09:47,591 --> 00:09:50,661 LAUGHTER 186 00:09:50,661 --> 00:09:51,901 Bear with me. Milky magic! 187 00:09:51,901 --> 00:09:54,581 Here we have...here we have some milk. 188 00:09:54,581 --> 00:09:56,261 Now, what I'd like you to do 189 00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:58,341 is just transfer it along the way 190 00:09:58,341 --> 00:10:01,511 from smaller to larger glasses, 191 00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:02,941 as you can see. 192 00:10:02,941 --> 00:10:05,691 And, well, this'll fill it about halfway up, maybe. 193 00:10:05,691 --> 00:10:08,901 Just checking the size, really. Let's just see how much... 194 00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:11,621 Oh, well, that fills it up completely. Oh, that's weird. 195 00:10:11,621 --> 00:10:13,061 That's all right, that's good, 196 00:10:13,061 --> 00:10:15,141 because we've got more than we started out with. 197 00:10:15,141 --> 00:10:18,102 and that's got to be a thing... Fast forward...with milk. 198 00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:19,541 We've got... No! What?! 199 00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:22,251 There we are. Oh, that's weird. Got to have that, haven't you? 200 00:10:22,251 --> 00:10:24,411 No! That makes sense. 201 00:10:24,411 --> 00:10:26,061 And then see if we can get even more, 202 00:10:26,061 --> 00:10:29,381 because what we're doing is earning ourselves lots and lots of milk... 203 00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:31,901 Wow! Oh, man. ..which has good to be good, surely. 204 00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:33,871 There we are. Can you do this with wine? 205 00:10:33,871 --> 00:10:36,861 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 206 00:10:36,861 --> 00:10:39,901 Here we are. Oh, no! You're Jesus! We've got even more. 207 00:10:39,901 --> 00:10:42,161 LAUGHTER That's it. 208 00:10:42,161 --> 00:10:45,517 APPLAUSE There. Do you like that? 209 00:10:49,471 --> 00:10:54,161 After World War II, in America they used surplus parachutes 210 00:10:54,161 --> 00:10:57,671 to help repopulate beavers into the wild. 211 00:10:57,671 --> 00:10:59,751 The idea was that they'd shove them in a box. 212 00:10:59,751 --> 00:11:02,261 They first thought, "We'll shove them in a box, they'll fall, 213 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,271 "and they'll gnaw their way out of the box." 214 00:11:04,271 --> 00:11:06,341 This doesn't sound like sexy times to me. 215 00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:08,411 LAUGHTER "Shove them in a box." 216 00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:11,421 They worried they'd eat through the box while they were still in the air. 217 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,621 Then they chucked them out of a plane? Yeah. 218 00:11:13,621 --> 00:11:16,701 To repopulate...? Yeah. Huge areas of wilderness. 219 00:11:16,701 --> 00:11:19,421 It's incredibly hard to get them out... Yes, makes total sense. 220 00:11:19,421 --> 00:11:21,102 ..give them their own territory. 221 00:11:21,102 --> 00:11:23,391 Couldn't they have driven them there, Stephen? 222 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,421 No, they... Wilderness, huge areas of wilderness. 223 00:11:26,421 --> 00:11:29,181 They're bigger than countries, they're bigger than England... 224 00:11:29,181 --> 00:11:31,541 What, beavers?! No, the parks. LAUGHTER 225 00:11:31,541 --> 00:11:33,911 IN AMERICAN ACCENT: "Bring me some massive beavers." 226 00:11:33,911 --> 00:11:35,901 In the parks in which you wish to drop them. OK. 227 00:11:35,901 --> 00:11:38,551 And you want to sort of get them disposed evenly around. 228 00:11:38,551 --> 00:11:40,751 Why have they been dying out? Oh, gosh... 229 00:11:40,751 --> 00:11:44,061 People have been throwing them out of planes. Yeah. 230 00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:46,821 "If you don't fall out, you can gnaw your way out of your crate." 231 00:11:46,821 --> 00:11:48,021 You go, "Oh, thanks a lot. 232 00:11:48,021 --> 00:11:50,982 "Well, this is the middle of f...cking nowhere. 233 00:11:50,982 --> 00:11:53,141 "I've got to go all the way back to Ottawa." 234 00:11:53,141 --> 00:11:55,951 Until another beaver lands on your head at high velocity. 235 00:11:55,951 --> 00:11:58,031 LAUGHTER 236 00:11:58,031 --> 00:12:01,341 They had tried moving them into new territories for them by mule, 237 00:12:01,341 --> 00:12:04,321 and they just simply got too hot, and they really didn't like it at all. 238 00:12:04,321 --> 00:12:07,601 They put a beaver on horseback, essentially? Yeah. 239 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:10,871 They've got to transport it somehow. How would you transport...? 240 00:12:10,871 --> 00:12:12,871 I don't understand why the beavers... 241 00:12:12,871 --> 00:12:15,232 I don't understand any of this. LAUGHTER 242 00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:19,261 So they thought, "OK, there's no way we can drop them into a park 243 00:12:19,261 --> 00:12:20,831 "other than from the sky..." 244 00:12:20,831 --> 00:12:24,681 Or by mule, which you found also incomprehensible. 245 00:12:24,681 --> 00:12:29,112 Is there a man with - or a lady - with a beaver on horseback, 246 00:12:29,112 --> 00:12:31,191 or is it just a beaver on horseback? Well, no. 247 00:12:31,191 --> 00:12:34,112 LAUGHTER Of course there's a person. 248 00:12:34,112 --> 00:12:35,341 I'm confused! 249 00:12:35,341 --> 00:12:37,889 So, is it one beaver per mule? 250 00:12:39,131 --> 00:12:42,232 Because, then, we're repopulating the place with mules 251 00:12:42,232 --> 00:12:45,021 as far as I can work out. LAUGHTER 252 00:12:45,021 --> 00:12:46,941 The beavers didn't want to stay. 253 00:12:46,941 --> 00:12:49,871 The mules have forced the beavers further along. 254 00:12:49,871 --> 00:12:52,317 They're relying on the mule to find its way back. 255 00:12:53,992 --> 00:12:56,491 More complicated than you think, this beaver transportation. 256 00:12:56,491 --> 00:12:57,751 Yeah, it is. 257 00:12:57,751 --> 00:12:59,951 Well, that was harder work than I expected. 258 00:12:59,951 --> 00:13:02,391 Erm... LAUGHTER 259 00:13:02,391 --> 00:13:04,471 But, on the subject of Mary Queen of Scots, 260 00:13:04,471 --> 00:13:07,982 do you remember who her husband was, by any chance? 261 00:13:07,982 --> 00:13:10,141 Darnley, his name was, her husband. 262 00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:13,061 He was murdered. He was actually blown up. 263 00:13:13,061 --> 00:13:15,261 This is a very extraordinary story. 264 00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,311 One of the presumed architects of the explosion 265 00:13:17,311 --> 00:13:19,141 was a fellow called Archibald Douglas - 266 00:13:19,141 --> 00:13:21,751 a pair of his shoes were found at the scene of the crime. 267 00:13:21,751 --> 00:13:23,951 ALAN GIGGLES 268 00:13:23,951 --> 00:13:25,951 "Where's your shoes, Archibald?" 269 00:13:25,951 --> 00:13:28,701 "Oh!" LAUGHTER 270 00:13:28,701 --> 00:13:31,181 You've always got to take your shoes off before a dynamite - 271 00:13:31,181 --> 00:13:32,491 that's what I say. 272 00:13:32,491 --> 00:13:35,141 But he later gave an account of Mary's reaction. 273 00:13:35,141 --> 00:13:38,481 So, this is Mary, her husband has been blown up. Mm-hm. 274 00:13:38,481 --> 00:13:42,242 "She sent for a number of light ladies and women 275 00:13:42,242 --> 00:13:44,551 "to come to Holyroodhouse 276 00:13:44,551 --> 00:13:48,961 "and participate stark naked in a ball. 277 00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:52,311 "Then they had cut off their pubic hair 278 00:13:52,311 --> 00:13:54,781 "and had put it in puddings 279 00:13:54,781 --> 00:13:57,112 "to be eaten by the male guests, 280 00:13:57,112 --> 00:13:58,601 "who were sick." 281 00:13:58,601 --> 00:14:00,631 LAUGHTER 282 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,671 Is that what you do when your husband's blown up? 283 00:14:02,671 --> 00:14:03,751 Was she just trying to... 284 00:14:03,751 --> 00:14:06,311 you know, like, trying to get back to normal life? 285 00:14:06,311 --> 00:14:08,471 LAUGHTER 286 00:14:08,471 --> 00:14:10,951 "First, let's just carry on as we were." 287 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,982 "Get your pubes and put them in that pie." 288 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:16,211 "It's what he would have wanted." LAUGHTER 289 00:14:16,211 --> 00:14:18,232 Actually, I think this might be quite clever. 290 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,601 Probably, if your partner is killed in a horrific way, 291 00:14:20,601 --> 00:14:22,701 all anyone is ever going to talk to you about is, 292 00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:25,461 "Aw, what happened to your husband?" But, now, no. Yeah. 293 00:14:25,461 --> 00:14:29,041 "Why did you have that pube party?" LAUGHTER 294 00:14:29,041 --> 00:14:32,601 "What? Why was it in...?" It's all the detail we have. 295 00:14:32,601 --> 00:14:36,201 "Two things, Mary - number one, condolences, number two..." 296 00:14:36,201 --> 00:14:37,862 It's all the detail we have, sadly. 297 00:14:37,862 --> 00:14:40,221 But the actual person who took the rap for the murder, 298 00:14:40,221 --> 00:14:41,751 he was hanged, drawn and quartered 299 00:14:41,751 --> 00:14:44,551 on the basis that he was the one who discovered the scene, 300 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,831 which seems a bit unfair. 301 00:14:45,831 --> 00:14:49,031 His name was William Blackadder. Oh! 302 00:14:49,031 --> 00:14:50,831 AS GENERAL MELCHETT: Meh! 303 00:14:50,831 --> 00:14:52,862 It's true. LAUGHTER 304 00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:54,989 APPLAUSE Oh, stop it. Don't. 305 00:14:57,761 --> 00:15:01,071 Now, show me the symptoms of bicycle face. 306 00:15:02,341 --> 00:15:04,002 Bicycle face? Mm-hm. 307 00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:07,501 That's with goggles. 308 00:15:07,501 --> 00:15:09,141 No, these are wheels. 309 00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:12,031 Oh, I see! Sorry. Of course they're wheels. 310 00:15:12,031 --> 00:15:14,951 What is bicycle face? When you get sucked off by your grifter? 311 00:15:14,951 --> 00:15:16,951 LAUGHTER 312 00:15:16,951 --> 00:15:18,671 Wow! 313 00:15:18,671 --> 00:15:21,311 Wow! I better go. Yes. No. 314 00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:24,581 That's the right answer. That's what I've got written on the card. 315 00:15:24,581 --> 00:15:25,752 That's amazing. 316 00:15:26,951 --> 00:15:29,191 On my card, in this universe, on the other hand, 317 00:15:29,191 --> 00:15:30,579 I've got something else. 318 00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:36,141 The Literary Digest in 1895 warned women cyclists... 319 00:15:36,141 --> 00:15:39,391 Don't know why I'm looking at you. I'm a woman. That's OK. 320 00:15:39,391 --> 00:15:40,791 You've identified me as a woman. 321 00:15:40,791 --> 00:15:43,231 It's going to get worse, I'm afraid, this thing is. 322 00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:45,581 "Overexertion, the upright position on the wheel 323 00:15:45,581 --> 00:15:48,751 "and the unconscious effort to maintain one's balance 324 00:15:48,751 --> 00:15:51,831 "produces a wearied and exhausted bicycle face." 325 00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:54,481 "No-one will marry you!" Yes! LAUGHTER 326 00:15:54,481 --> 00:15:58,221 "The main symptoms are a hard, clenched jaw and bulging eyes..." 327 00:15:58,221 --> 00:16:00,041 Wasn't sure where you were going to stop at 328 00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:01,391 after "hard, clenched" there. 329 00:16:01,391 --> 00:16:03,221 "..as well as being flushed or pale." 330 00:16:03,221 --> 00:16:04,761 Either of those. Right. Yeah. 331 00:16:04,761 --> 00:16:07,311 And, "Wearing a haggard, anxious expression." 332 00:16:07,311 --> 00:16:10,681 That's just the fear of patriarchy - that's what that is. 333 00:16:10,681 --> 00:16:12,501 "I'm under so much pressure." 334 00:16:12,501 --> 00:16:13,671 Some doctors said that, 335 00:16:13,671 --> 00:16:15,701 "Cycling would irritate the pelvic organs 336 00:16:15,701 --> 00:16:18,581 "and stimulate women to disturbing lusts." 337 00:16:18,581 --> 00:16:20,631 LAUGHTER 338 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:24,471 If you can't get it at home, you get it on a bike, right, ladies? 339 00:16:24,471 --> 00:16:27,041 Get your stimulated pelvic organs, right? 340 00:16:27,041 --> 00:16:30,221 Well, there's a downside, according to a French expert... Of course. 341 00:16:30,221 --> 00:16:32,621 ..who said, "It would ruin the female organs 342 00:16:32,621 --> 00:16:34,311 "of matrimonial necessity." 343 00:16:34,311 --> 00:16:36,781 LAUGHTER 344 00:16:36,781 --> 00:16:39,941 Now, Cariad, tell me, your organs of matrimonial necessity... 345 00:16:39,941 --> 00:16:43,301 Excuse me? What are you asking me? I'm just hoping that... 346 00:16:43,301 --> 00:16:46,201 "Hello, Wembley, we're the Female Organs of Natural Necessity." 347 00:16:46,201 --> 00:16:49,141 It's funny, cos the clitoris... STEPHEN GASPS 348 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:51,481 LAUGHTER 349 00:16:51,481 --> 00:16:53,688 I'm just going to draw a picture. La-la-la-la... 350 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,791 She said it! She said it! She said it! 351 00:16:57,791 --> 00:16:59,831 SHE IMITATES ALARM 352 00:16:59,831 --> 00:17:01,862 I've drawn a rainbow, everyone - it's all right. 353 00:17:01,862 --> 00:17:03,921 LAUGHTER 354 00:17:03,921 --> 00:17:06,191 Where's Sue Perkins when you need her? 355 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:09,041 The clitoris is actually a very large organ... 356 00:17:09,041 --> 00:17:10,421 Shush, Cariad! 357 00:17:10,421 --> 00:17:13,481 ..and...it's just literally the tip of an iceberg. 358 00:17:13,481 --> 00:17:15,791 When you say, "LITERALLY the tip of an iceberg"...? 359 00:17:15,791 --> 00:17:18,122 I knew I was looking for it in the wrong place. 360 00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:20,301 LAUGHTER 361 00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:22,661 There was an artist in New York... In the Arctic Ocean. 362 00:17:22,661 --> 00:17:24,221 Yeah, an artist in New York? 363 00:17:24,221 --> 00:17:27,401 ..and she made, like, this, obviously not to scale, clitoris, 364 00:17:27,401 --> 00:17:29,501 and she got women to ride on it. 365 00:17:29,501 --> 00:17:31,041 But it literally...it's huge. 366 00:17:31,041 --> 00:17:32,471 It's like there's this bit 367 00:17:32,471 --> 00:17:35,511 and then there's these two other huge bits that are in the body... 368 00:17:35,511 --> 00:17:37,681 I was looking behind you. Yeah. 369 00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,711 LAUGHTER Behind me just here. 370 00:17:39,711 --> 00:17:41,841 Wow. It's way bigger. 371 00:17:41,841 --> 00:17:44,271 But you have two, don't you? It's one under each arm? 372 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,992 LAUGHTER Have I...have I got this wrong? 373 00:17:46,992 --> 00:17:50,511 Alan, help me out. It's OK. I didn't bring mine with me today. 374 00:17:50,511 --> 00:17:53,031 So to say it damages the marital organs, is, again... 375 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:55,641 So, how much more of it is there, then, going...? 376 00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,761 Oh, my God. Guys, do we have to, like...? 377 00:17:57,761 --> 00:18:00,671 Is this the bit where I tell you about...explain it to you? 378 00:18:00,671 --> 00:18:02,231 A woman, at some point in your life, 379 00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,411 should've explained this to you, but perhaps... 380 00:18:04,411 --> 00:18:06,481 I've never seen such fear in all your faces! 381 00:18:06,481 --> 00:18:08,581 LAUGHTER 382 00:18:08,581 --> 00:18:12,801 APPLAUSE 383 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,841 A man called Miura, who's an aeronautical designer, 384 00:18:15,841 --> 00:18:18,231 was doing solar panel foldings 385 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,643 and he came up with this way of doing it. 386 00:18:22,361 --> 00:18:25,401 And you...all you have to do is that, and it folds. 387 00:18:25,401 --> 00:18:27,073 You just push the corners together. 388 00:18:28,221 --> 00:18:30,401 And it doesn't matter what... I bet... 389 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:32,791 What's more, it doesn't get, it doesn't get... Sorry? 390 00:18:32,791 --> 00:18:34,872 It wouldn't work if you gave it to me. 391 00:18:34,872 --> 00:18:36,941 Stephen, did you...? Well, I'll give you one. 392 00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:39,351 The one that you've got there, is that a map of Mars? 393 00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:42,791 LAUGHTER You've got one there. 394 00:18:42,791 --> 00:18:45,231 And you just take the top right and bottom left corners 395 00:18:45,231 --> 00:18:46,231 or any other way. 396 00:18:46,231 --> 00:18:48,911 Is that, that way? It's so folded, it just does it by itself. 397 00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:50,661 Take the corners and push them together. 398 00:18:50,661 --> 00:18:53,311 J EREMY GASPS That's it! Jeremy, you did it. 399 00:18:53,311 --> 00:18:56,132 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 400 00:19:00,591 --> 00:19:03,311 But this man is the greatest genius who ever lived. Isn't he? 401 00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:04,591 I know. It's fantastic. 402 00:19:04,591 --> 00:19:07,641 Who is he? He's called Miura. He's a... 403 00:19:07,641 --> 00:19:10,841 LAUGHTER 404 00:19:10,841 --> 00:19:11,872 God. 405 00:19:11,872 --> 00:19:14,701 Of course, what you don't realise, he was trying to make a crane. 406 00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:16,992 LAUGHTER 407 00:19:16,992 --> 00:19:19,661 Koryo Miura, his name is, and they are very handy. 408 00:19:19,661 --> 00:19:22,401 I would've been so fucking pleased 409 00:19:22,401 --> 00:19:24,751 if I'd invented that. LAUGHTER 410 00:19:24,751 --> 00:19:26,831 Well, there are other things you can do with folding. 411 00:19:26,831 --> 00:19:29,791 I've got some tissues here, and... 412 00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:32,081 Oh, what are we doing now? Oh, origami. 413 00:19:32,081 --> 00:19:35,641 I'm going to give you each a tissue, right? 414 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:38,031 So, I'll pass... OK. 415 00:19:38,031 --> 00:19:39,921 There we are. Pass down. Oops. 416 00:19:39,921 --> 00:19:42,211 What are we doing with the tissue? What are we doing? 417 00:19:42,211 --> 00:19:44,872 I'll have one here. OK. So, what are we up to? 418 00:19:44,872 --> 00:19:46,791 What you're trying to do is scrunch it up... 419 00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:49,231 Oh, yeah. OK. ..Iike this in your hands. 420 00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,301 You scrunch it up. 421 00:19:50,301 --> 00:19:52,311 And then... You stick it right up your bum. No. 422 00:19:52,311 --> 00:19:54,281 LAUGHTER You don't... 423 00:19:54,281 --> 00:19:56,951 You try and think of an animal. Then think of an animal. 424 00:19:56,951 --> 00:19:59,231 I'm thinking of a swan or something. 425 00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:01,431 I've really scrunched mine up. Think of a swan. 426 00:20:01,431 --> 00:20:03,511 You see? Like that. Can you see my swan? 427 00:20:03,511 --> 00:20:05,240 Do I have to think of a swan? There you are. 428 00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:08,941 LAUGHTER 429 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,318 APPLAUSE 430 00:20:14,301 --> 00:20:16,391 And we've heard the marsh warbler. 431 00:20:16,391 --> 00:20:19,591 The monotonous lark is so-called cos it's monotonous... 432 00:20:19,591 --> 00:20:21,431 A monotonous lark. 433 00:20:21,431 --> 00:20:23,511 "Come on, we're going on a monotonous lark." 434 00:20:23,511 --> 00:20:25,511 LAUGHTER 435 00:20:25,511 --> 00:20:27,843 We're going on narrow boat holiday in Norfolk. 436 00:20:29,151 --> 00:20:31,597 Hey! THAT is a monotonous lark. 437 00:20:32,661 --> 00:20:33,992 I went on one of those. 438 00:20:33,992 --> 00:20:35,361 "Oh, that'll be fun." 439 00:20:35,361 --> 00:20:37,491 "Yeah, let's go on a narrow boat holiday," 440 00:20:37,491 --> 00:20:39,561 and everyone was taking turns doing the engine. 441 00:20:39,561 --> 00:20:43,311 Cut to a couple of hours later, everyone downstairs drinking wine. 442 00:20:43,311 --> 00:20:44,671 Me, upstairs... 443 00:20:44,671 --> 00:20:47,801 HE IMITATES ENGINE 444 00:20:47,801 --> 00:20:50,241 ..for three days! Three days! 445 00:20:50,241 --> 00:20:53,132 There... HE IMITATES ENGINE 446 00:20:53,132 --> 00:20:55,031 Oh, golly. "Do you want a glass of wine, Bill?" 447 00:20:55,031 --> 00:20:56,951 "No, no, I'm fine. I'm here, I'll be fine." 448 00:20:56,951 --> 00:20:59,711 HE IMITATES ENGINE Worst weekend of my life. 449 00:20:59,711 --> 00:21:01,801 LAUGHTER 450 00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:03,841 It begins with M, this particular life form. 451 00:21:03,841 --> 00:21:06,231 It got rid of all the oxygen... Mouse. 452 00:21:06,231 --> 00:21:08,231 Sorry? Mouse. It wasn't a mouse. 453 00:21:08,231 --> 00:21:10,391 You've got the right consonants. 454 00:21:10,391 --> 00:21:12,021 Consonants. All right. 455 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,201 M...m...m...m... 456 00:21:14,201 --> 00:21:16,591 M and a S. M and a S. 457 00:21:16,591 --> 00:21:18,591 It's wonderful how he's coming on, isn't it? 458 00:21:18,591 --> 00:21:20,866 LAUGHTER 459 00:21:23,862 --> 00:21:26,151 It's moss. Moss! Moss. Moss! 460 00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:29,511 Moss is the answer. Oh, how boring. Yeah, hard to believe. Moss. 461 00:21:29,511 --> 00:21:32,721 It was like a phage. It ate away at rocks... Right. 462 00:21:32,721 --> 00:21:35,721 Hey, look, Cariad - there's an iceberg like your clitoris. 463 00:21:35,721 --> 00:21:38,401 LAUGHTER You're learning! 464 00:21:38,401 --> 00:21:40,231 I mean this, Alan, you can get more... 465 00:21:40,231 --> 00:21:41,882 If you've just joined the show... 466 00:21:41,882 --> 00:21:43,671 I can usually predict almost everything 467 00:21:43,671 --> 00:21:46,211 that's going to be said on this show, but, 468 00:21:46,211 --> 00:21:48,930 "There's an iceberg like your clitoris," is a new one. 469 00:21:50,201 --> 00:21:51,851 That's exactly what I was talking about. 470 00:21:51,851 --> 00:21:53,711 Don't just work with what you see. 471 00:21:53,711 --> 00:21:55,762 Now you've got to work with more, underneath it. 472 00:21:55,762 --> 00:21:58,481 There's not moss on it, is there? Yes, mate. Keep the moss on. 473 00:21:58,481 --> 00:22:00,642 What's wrong with you? Don't want to look like a child. 474 00:22:02,311 --> 00:22:04,997 Wear your moss and be proud, ladies. You're right. 475 00:22:04,997 --> 00:22:08,958 Interestingly, you only get moss on the north side of a lady. 476 00:22:08,958 --> 00:22:11,958 LAUGHTER 477 00:22:11,958 --> 00:22:14,068 That seems fair. Oh, Lord. 478 00:22:14,068 --> 00:22:16,207 Depends how long she's been at the bus stop. 479 00:22:18,388 --> 00:22:20,228 I went on a bus once. 480 00:22:20,228 --> 00:22:22,348 LAUGHTER 481 00:22:22,348 --> 00:22:24,948 APPLAUSE 482 00:22:24,948 --> 00:22:26,438 End of anecdote. 483 00:22:27,588 --> 00:22:29,228 It wasn't a bus, it was a coach, 484 00:22:29,228 --> 00:22:31,739 and it had a lavatory in the middle of it. 485 00:22:31,739 --> 00:22:35,512 You know, you go down some stairs into the bowels of the thing. 486 00:22:35,512 --> 00:22:37,943 And the driver was a very, very, very large man 487 00:22:37,943 --> 00:22:40,573 who could barely get behind the enormous wheel. 488 00:22:40,573 --> 00:22:41,833 And he pulled the bus over, 489 00:22:41,833 --> 00:22:44,703 and he prised himself out from behind the wheel 490 00:22:44,703 --> 00:22:47,913 and went down the aisle - a bit of a squeeze - 491 00:22:47,913 --> 00:22:51,093 went down the...stairs, 492 00:22:51,093 --> 00:22:52,734 disappeared into this cupboard. 493 00:22:52,734 --> 00:22:55,223 And we all waited. LAUGHTER 494 00:22:55,223 --> 00:22:56,864 Then when he came up, he said, 495 00:22:56,864 --> 00:23:00,463 "No-one can use the toilet. It's full." 496 00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:02,875 LAUGHTER 497 00:23:04,073 --> 00:23:05,210 Charming! 498 00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:09,635 And then he got behind the wheel and drove off. 499 00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:15,383 Where are most missionaries positioned? 500 00:23:15,383 --> 00:23:17,513 LAUGHTER 501 00:23:17,513 --> 00:23:19,583 GREGORIAN CHANTING Matt? 502 00:23:19,583 --> 00:23:23,433 I'm going to guess that most of them are in Utah, 503 00:23:23,433 --> 00:23:26,913 where the Mormons tend to kind of congregate, 504 00:23:26,913 --> 00:23:30,663 because they haven't yet been assigned their places to go to. 505 00:23:30,663 --> 00:23:32,303 Interesting, interesting answer, 506 00:23:32,303 --> 00:23:34,353 but I'm talking about which is the country 507 00:23:34,353 --> 00:23:36,143 that receives the most incoming... 508 00:23:36,143 --> 00:23:37,823 Well, I'm not talking about that. 509 00:23:37,823 --> 00:23:39,823 No, no. LAUGHTER 510 00:23:39,823 --> 00:23:42,394 I'm talking about them before they've gone. 511 00:23:43,583 --> 00:23:46,633 So, I'm not asking where the most missionaries come from, I'm asking... 512 00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:50,353 I know, but I am still getting to that point. 513 00:23:50,353 --> 00:23:54,023 This doesn't work by you answering the question that I haven't asked. 514 00:23:54,023 --> 00:23:55,373 OK. 515 00:23:55,373 --> 00:23:59,023 My guess is China. Yeah, it's a possibility. Well, it's not... 516 00:23:59,023 --> 00:24:00,984 It is a possibility, but it's not a fact. 517 00:24:00,984 --> 00:24:04,023 Is it in Africa? It's not Africa, no. Is it England? No. 518 00:24:04,023 --> 00:24:06,303 England's a much, much closer... KLAXON BLARES 519 00:24:06,303 --> 00:24:09,473 South America? Not South America. Not SOUTH America. 520 00:24:09,473 --> 00:24:11,673 Central! North America? North! North America! 521 00:24:11,673 --> 00:24:13,593 America. United States. Really? 522 00:24:13,593 --> 00:24:15,833 Well, I think you'll find Utah is in America. 523 00:24:15,833 --> 00:24:18,033 LAUGHTER 524 00:24:18,033 --> 00:24:20,103 APPLAUSE 525 00:24:23,463 --> 00:24:25,463 ALL: Ooh! Yeah, impressive. 526 00:24:25,463 --> 00:24:27,593 Ooh! Look. 527 00:24:27,593 --> 00:24:29,953 It looks like a happy face that's taken a lot of drugs. 528 00:24:29,953 --> 00:24:31,953 LAUGHTER 529 00:24:31,953 --> 00:24:34,023 It does a bit, doesn't it? Yeah. 530 00:24:34,023 --> 00:24:35,713 But what is it, Stephen? 531 00:24:35,713 --> 00:24:38,593 Well, I just want to know who first wrote the theorem 532 00:24:38,593 --> 00:24:40,153 that this model demonstrates? 533 00:24:40,153 --> 00:24:42,033 Pythagoras. Pythagoras. 534 00:24:42,033 --> 00:24:44,718 KLAXON BLARES Oh! 535 00:24:47,273 --> 00:24:50,353 My grandfather, who was from Hungary, 536 00:24:50,353 --> 00:24:53,033 always pronounced it Peeta-goras. LAUGHTER 537 00:24:53,033 --> 00:24:55,583 IN HUNGARIAN ACCENT: "At school, doing the mathematics, 538 00:24:55,583 --> 00:24:57,583 "are you studying Peeta-goras?" LAUGHTER 539 00:24:57,583 --> 00:25:00,874 And I thought this man, Peter Goras. Who is Peter? 540 00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:04,223 No, it wasn't Peter Goras who first proved it. Ah. 541 00:25:04,223 --> 00:25:07,943 What is it, the theorem that needs to be discussed here? 542 00:25:07,943 --> 00:25:10,023 A squared equals B squared plus C squared. 543 00:25:10,023 --> 00:25:12,393 Yeah. It's the... The sum of the two...the squared... 544 00:25:12,393 --> 00:25:15,093 The sum of the two squares is equal to the sum on the hypotenuse. 545 00:25:15,093 --> 00:25:17,593 You can see that. That big one should go into the other two. 546 00:25:17,593 --> 00:25:21,023 So, you can see here, the yellow, that's the triangle. 547 00:25:21,023 --> 00:25:23,023 These are its two sides. 548 00:25:23,023 --> 00:25:24,864 And these are the squares of the two sides. 549 00:25:24,864 --> 00:25:27,923 They are literally geometrically expressed as squares 550 00:25:27,923 --> 00:25:31,543 rather than just mathematically as if that was, say, X, 551 00:25:31,543 --> 00:25:35,433 it's just not X squared, but it's literally the square there. 552 00:25:35,433 --> 00:25:37,033 Then there's Y squared 553 00:25:37,033 --> 00:25:39,353 and it's supposedly equal to Z squared, 554 00:25:39,353 --> 00:25:41,273 which is the longest side, the hypotenuse. 555 00:25:41,273 --> 00:25:43,673 Cos here's the right angle. Here. 556 00:25:43,673 --> 00:25:46,283 These are not right angles, obviously. 557 00:25:46,283 --> 00:25:48,073 And...there's that... 558 00:25:48,073 --> 00:25:49,593 How can we show they're equal? 559 00:25:49,593 --> 00:25:52,823 Well, there are all kinds of ways, but here's one way. 560 00:25:52,823 --> 00:25:54,994 Drumroll, please. Oh, yes. 561 00:25:54,994 --> 00:25:57,918 THEY TAP ON DESKS All right, let's go. 562 00:25:59,223 --> 00:26:01,903 ALL: Ooh! 563 00:26:01,903 --> 00:26:03,383 Oh, that's very clever. 564 00:26:03,383 --> 00:26:05,793 There it goes. Pouring into the first square. 565 00:26:05,793 --> 00:26:08,744 Wow. Expensive. Is it going to fill it up? 566 00:26:08,744 --> 00:26:12,823 Oh! Well, it definitely equals X squared. Yes! 567 00:26:12,823 --> 00:26:14,543 Does it equal Y squared as well? 568 00:26:14,543 --> 00:26:16,583 I need to go to the toilet. 569 00:26:16,583 --> 00:26:18,583 LAUGHTER 570 00:26:18,583 --> 00:26:20,393 There's a Y squared. It's filling up. 571 00:26:20,393 --> 00:26:23,383 It's filling up, it's filling up. It's full. And there it is. 572 00:26:23,383 --> 00:26:26,079 APPLAUSE There it is. 573 00:26:27,183 --> 00:26:28,673 Isn't that satisfactory? 574 00:26:31,303 --> 00:26:33,583 Highly satisfactory. 575 00:26:33,583 --> 00:26:36,183 Now time for a short interval. Who wants an ice cream? 576 00:26:36,183 --> 00:26:38,323 There we are. Me, me, me, me. Pick me. 577 00:26:38,323 --> 00:26:40,233 Yeah, go on. Take a couple. 578 00:26:40,233 --> 00:26:42,393 We've got some leftover, of course. 579 00:26:42,393 --> 00:26:43,663 Wow. There you go. 580 00:26:43,663 --> 00:26:46,913 Johnny? Oh, yes, please. Thank you, my love. 581 00:26:46,913 --> 00:26:49,113 I've got chocolate. I don't really like chocolate. 582 00:26:49,113 --> 00:26:50,833 I've got raisin. I don't like raisin. 583 00:26:50,833 --> 00:26:54,033 Do you want to swap? Yes. No, I'd like vanilla, please. Oh. 584 00:26:54,033 --> 00:26:56,273 LAUGHTER 585 00:26:56,273 --> 00:26:58,233 Just swap. You can have another flavour. Yes! 586 00:26:58,233 --> 00:27:00,823 I've got strawberry. That'll do me. All right. 587 00:27:00,823 --> 00:27:02,463 Oh, you've already had a bit! Yes! 588 00:27:02,463 --> 00:27:04,723 LAUGHTER 589 00:27:04,723 --> 00:27:07,513 How else would I know I didn't like it? 590 00:27:07,513 --> 00:27:09,673 Well, do what I did - just sniff it and lick it. 591 00:27:09,673 --> 00:27:10,765 Don't do that! 592 00:27:13,193 --> 00:27:15,673 People who sniff... Don't take a lump out. 593 00:27:16,833 --> 00:27:19,663 You must have very warm hands cos this is already melted. 594 00:27:19,663 --> 00:27:21,543 I'm having a hot flush! 595 00:27:21,543 --> 00:27:24,193 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE It's one of my superpowers! 596 00:27:24,193 --> 00:27:26,874 Mine's turned into a slushy! Yes! 597 00:27:26,874 --> 00:27:28,223 You're going to a dinner party 598 00:27:28,223 --> 00:27:31,033 and they've forgotten to get the ice cream out of the freezer - 599 00:27:31,033 --> 00:27:33,033 I just hold it against my neck... LAUGHTER 600 00:27:33,033 --> 00:27:34,754 and it's spoon-soft in seconds. 601 00:27:34,754 --> 00:27:37,744 While there's barely any... THEY BOTH SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER 602 00:27:37,744 --> 00:27:39,903 LAUGHTER 603 00:27:39,903 --> 00:27:42,383 Right... I don't want to do this in front of Stephen... No. 604 00:27:42,383 --> 00:27:45,583 ..but the next time, we're having ice cream. Just... 605 00:27:45,583 --> 00:27:47,713 LAUGHTER 606 00:27:47,713 --> 00:27:48,953 Don't have her on my team. 607 00:27:48,953 --> 00:27:51,786 Do you have any HRT-flavoured ice cream? 608 00:27:53,183 --> 00:27:55,383 No, this is delicious. Thank you very much. Good. 609 00:27:55,383 --> 00:27:57,723 This is what I think life would be like in a nursing home. 610 00:27:57,723 --> 00:27:59,833 LAUGHTER 611 00:27:59,833 --> 00:28:01,874 APPLAUSE Anyway... 612 00:28:01,874 --> 00:28:04,593 What flavour have you got?! Bingo! 613 00:28:04,593 --> 00:28:08,543 So what was the biggest nuisance in the Victorian theatre? I like peas! 614 00:28:08,543 --> 00:28:10,744 I've got a fly in mine. What was the biggest nuisance 615 00:28:10,744 --> 00:28:12,803 in the Victorian theatre? I've got to tell this. 616 00:28:12,803 --> 00:28:16,033 What was the biggest nuisance in the Victorian theatre? I've got to... 617 00:28:16,033 --> 00:28:18,473 What was the biggest nuisance in the Victorian theatre? 618 00:28:18,473 --> 00:28:20,864 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Please... 619 00:28:20,864 --> 00:28:24,683 HE SHOUTS: What was the biggest nuisance in the Victorian theatre?! 620 00:28:24,683 --> 00:28:27,363 LAUGHTER 621 00:28:27,363 --> 00:28:29,923 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 622 00:28:31,323 --> 00:28:33,874 Yes? Any thoughts? 623 00:28:33,874 --> 00:28:35,114 Ice cream? 624 00:28:36,953 --> 00:28:39,729 APPLAUSE