1
00:00:03,290 --> 00:00:06,560
(Gasps)
There is my favorite girl!
2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:08,560
I'm so excited
about our spa weekend!
3
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:09,960
Oh, me too.
4
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:11,330
If you think of it
while you're there,
5
00:00:11,330 --> 00:00:12,730
I'm dangerously low
on sunscreen powder.
6
00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:13,800
Powder?
7
00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:15,230
You know, you won't be smirking
10 years from now
8
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:17,700
when your face looks like
an old apple.
9
00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:21,280
I just got my first perk as
C.E.O. Of pritchett's closets.
10
00:00:21,290 --> 00:00:23,390
I finished a big job for a spa,
11
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:27,530
and as a thank-you, they sent me
a free weekend for two.
12
00:00:27,530 --> 00:00:30,130
Phil's too ticklish
for massages, though.
13
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:31,900
But I am not!
14
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:34,070
I heard it's the place
where all the stars go
15
00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:36,970
to get hot mud poured
into their faces.
16
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:40,640
I just can't wait to see this
one without makeup. (Chuckles)
17
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,480
You do, it will be the last
thing that you will ever see.
18
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:44,880
(Chuckles)
19
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,250
I remember my first big perk
for a job well-done.
20
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:51,380
I had upgraded some closets
for guy who created "alf."
Hmm.
21
00:00:51,390 --> 00:00:53,710
And six weeks later,
I'm watching the show.
22
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,760
There's alf sassing
this handsome mailman
23
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,090
named Jay pritchett.
24
00:00:58,090 --> 00:00:59,720
I still got it on betamax.
25
00:00:59,730 --> 00:01:01,730
I remember. You showed it to me
on our first date.
26
00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:03,360
(Cameron clears throat)
27
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,760
Hey.
Hey.
28
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,060
Jay, you ready to watch
the, uh, fight together?
29
00:01:07,070 --> 00:01:08,500
Yep.
30
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:10,830
Just two of us.
Mm.
31
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,570
I had the perfect night
planned...
32
00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:14,700
Alone, pay-per-view boxing...
33
00:01:14,710 --> 00:01:17,680
The pride of Ireland
versus a Cuban sensation.
34
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,380
In the ring
and in my bloodstream.
35
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,020
Then Gloria and Mitchell
got involved.
36
00:01:23,020 --> 00:01:25,950
Jay, cam is gonna
watch the fight, too.
37
00:01:25,950 --> 00:01:28,010
Why don't you two
watch it together?
38
00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:29,110
Oh, good, because cam
was just gonna
39
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,620
watch from a bar by himself.
40
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:32,220
I love it. It's gonna be like
you have a date!
41
00:01:32,230 --> 00:01:33,760
(Giggles)
42
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,730
I don't know what it is,
but Jay gets uncomfortable
43
00:01:35,730 --> 00:01:37,630
when it's just the two of us.
44
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:40,390
And then I get uncomfortable,
45
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,270
and I feel like
i have to say something.
46
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,210
Perfect. Yeah.
47
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,380
Today's Hitler's birthday.
48
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:52,910
Mitchell, we're going!
49
00:01:52,910 --> 00:01:55,470
(Sighs) Where is Phil?
The theater's gonna be packed.
50
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,910
Honey, your nerd friend
is waiting.
51
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,250
(Laughs evilly)
Who dare invoke my name?
52
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:02,380
That's my cue.
53
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:04,220
It is I, your destroyer!
54
00:02:04,220 --> 00:02:06,120
(Chuckles) Hey, Lily,
you sure you don't want
55
00:02:06,130 --> 00:02:07,630
to go to the movies with us?
Last chance.
56
00:02:07,630 --> 00:02:09,000
What is it about again?
57
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,260
The defenders of infinity
are heroes
58
00:02:11,270 --> 00:02:12,890
from several
different time streams
59
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,340
that make their way
into the future without...
60
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:15,830
Um, it's not really the future
61
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,770
since the streams
have always coexisted.
62
00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:20,230
Don't do that. Don't treat me
like I'm a lobotomorph.
63
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,640
Lily, you don't want to go.
64
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:22,900
You'll be the only girl
in the theater.
65
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,250
All right,
you guys should head out.
66
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:25,640
We would love to.
67
00:02:25,650 --> 00:02:27,250
Oh, and don't worry.
68
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,480
Lily's babysitters have
a big night planned...
69
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,240
Puzzles, ping-pong,
board games.
70
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,480
Are we still in that "let
Manny win or he cries" phase?
71
00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:36,090
No.
72
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,760
We should get going. Are
we taking separate time streams?
73
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,190
Sure, if we want
to get there yesterday.
74
00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:41,090
(Both laugh)
75
00:02:41,930 --> 00:02:45,670
Captions by vita...
76
00:02:45,670 --> 00:02:49,500
♪
77
00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:57,440
Ah, there's something
so relaxing
78
00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:58,700
about a bowl of green apples.
79
00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:01,110
I already forgot
all my problems.
80
00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:03,840
(Drawer squeaks quietly)
Did you hear that?
81
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,850
What?
Exactly.
82
00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:08,780
We used whisperquiet gliders
in all the drawers.
83
00:03:08,790 --> 00:03:11,360
Oh, really cuts down
on c.N....
84
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,390
It's industry jargon
for "closet noise."
85
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,850
Does that technology work
on people, too?
86
00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:16,990
(Cellphone chiming)
You're right.
87
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,200
I promise...
No more shop talk.
88
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,200
What is this?
Oh.
89
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,130
Our smoke alarm
went off at home.
90
00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:24,540
I'm sure it's nothing,
91
00:03:24,540 --> 00:03:27,310
but I'm still gonna call Luke
just in case.
92
00:03:27,310 --> 00:03:29,310
And it's straight to voicemail.
93
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,980
Hello, Manny. We saw
that the smoke alarm went off.
94
00:03:31,980 --> 00:03:33,210
Are you okay?
95
00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:34,740
Oh, god.
Luke's outgoing message
96
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,850
is a long
and vaguely sexist rap.
97
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,250
Okay, papi.
Stay perfect!
98
00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:40,910
Ay.
Everything is okay.
99
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,230
They were baking cookies
and they burned a batch.
100
00:03:43,230 --> 00:03:45,250
Oh. All right.
101
00:03:45,260 --> 00:03:47,360
Except our oven isn't working.
102
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,500
Manny would never lie.
You know what?
103
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:52,270
I am gonna call
for a Russian masseuse.
104
00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:54,370
Their hands are very strong
from wringing laundry.
105
00:03:54,370 --> 00:03:56,240
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Think about it.
106
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,440
They were very eager
to get us out of the house.
107
00:03:58,440 --> 00:03:59,870
They're up to something.
108
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,200
You are too suspicious.
109
00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:03,010
And you are too trusting!
110
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,740
Luke's already been arrested
this year.
111
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:06,610
A few weeks ago,
we caught him with beer.
112
00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:08,510
Even that's a better rap.
113
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,350
I'm hearing a lot of Luke's name
and none of Manny.
114
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:12,910
You don't think Manny's
up to the same things
115
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,190
when you're not
paying attention?
116
00:04:14,190 --> 00:04:15,920
You're crazy.
Manny hates beer.
117
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,280
A fruity beaujolais then.
118
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:18,630
You can do whatever you want.
119
00:04:18,630 --> 00:04:19,800
I'm gonna go check on my kid.
120
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,530
(Sighs)
121
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,120
(Drawer squeaks quietly)
122
00:04:26,130 --> 00:04:29,260
I hate how good
those gliders are!
123
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,440
(Indistinct conversations)
124
00:04:35,410 --> 00:04:37,280
I am so excited.
I feel like a teenager.
125
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,410
Me too.
Although, as torf the ancient,
126
00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:42,540
I have seen everything
from the great star explosion
127
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,950
to the seven moon alliance.
128
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,720
Claire was right.
No girls.
129
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,490
Phil?
James!
130
00:04:47,490 --> 00:04:48,560
Hey.
What's up?
131
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,390
(Laughs)
132
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,090
I sold this cool cat a house
in the hills last year.
Ah.
133
00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:54,290
Since then, his bluegrass band
has really taken off.
134
00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,220
It's so crazy.
We started doing it ironically,
135
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,170
and before we knew it, we
were actually doing it for real.
136
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,490
That happened to me in the '90s
with saying, "exsqueeze me."
137
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,070
Oh.
Yeah.
138
00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:04,170
Well, I assume from
your torf the ancient costume,
139
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:06,840
and your
pale slave getup...
Not a costume.
140
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,410
That you guys are here to see
"defenders of infinity."
141
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:10,510
Oh, yeah!
Yeah.
142
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:11,610
Oh, it is so incredible!
143
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:12,970
Really?
Yeah.
144
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,420
Hey, if you really want
to be blown away,
145
00:05:14,420 --> 00:05:17,010
I've got two special gummy bears
you can have.
146
00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:18,620
Just one for each of us?
147
00:05:18,620 --> 00:05:20,150
Believe me.
One is all you need.
148
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,280
I guess we can get more
at the concession stand.
149
00:05:22,290 --> 00:05:24,760
No, they don't sell gummy bears
like these here.
150
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,630
Ohhh.
(Chuckles)
151
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:29,700
You get extra cool ones
from Europe or something.
152
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,500
Guys, how are you
not getting this? It's pot.
153
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,970
Together: Ohhhh.
154
00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:38,670
I don't know why,
but I've never tried marijuana.
155
00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,030
No.
No, me neither.
156
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,310
Th-there was always
something stopping me...
157
00:05:42,310 --> 00:05:43,980
Needing to take care of Lily,
158
00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:45,710
the figure-skating
honor code,
159
00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:47,770
not wanting to accidentally tell
everyone in high school
160
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:49,180
I was gay.
161
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:50,940
People never offered it to me,
which is weird
162
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:53,620
because in college, I was
kind of a big man on campus.
163
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,690
I founded
a major organization...
164
00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:59,730
The national association
of responsible cheerleaders.
165
00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:02,400
Uh, narcs.
Yeah.
166
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,570
Here. They take 45 minutes
to hit, so take them now,
167
00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:06,740
and you'll be good to go
when the movie starts.
168
00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:09,130
Okay.
(Chuckles)
169
00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:13,340
Um, you know, if...
If we ever were gonna try this,
170
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,580
tonight's kind of
the perfect opportunity.
171
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,180
I guess you're right.
172
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:19,750
No kids.
I'm wearing velcro sneakers.
173
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,150
(Chuckling)
Should we?
174
00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:23,050
I've always wanted to know
what it would be like.
175
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,090
Plus, I went to the gym today.
176
00:06:25,090 --> 00:06:26,710
I deserve a sweet.
177
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,760
Let's do it.
Okay.
178
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:28,810
(Chuckles)
179
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:30,220
I'm shaking.
Thank you.
180
00:06:30,220 --> 00:06:32,020
(Both chuckle)
181
00:06:32,030 --> 00:06:33,430
Cheers.
Cheersies.
182
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,830
(Giggles)
Subtle.
183
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,170
Chew smaller.
184
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,840
'Sup?
185
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,540
(Cellphone buzzes)
(Chuckling)
Oh, my god.
186
00:06:45,540 --> 00:06:47,280
I cannot believe we're
doing this. This is so exciting.
187
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:48,700
Uh-oh.
188
00:06:48,710 --> 00:06:50,250
Oh, god. I knew this was
a horrible mistake.
189
00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:52,670
I just got an alert.
Our smoke alarm when off!
190
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,420
(Coughing)
(Blowing)
191
00:06:55,420 --> 00:06:56,750
It's not coming up.
(Spits)
192
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,790
Okay, okay.
193
00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:01,920
Relax. I'm gonna... I'm gonna
call Luke, find out what's up.
Yeah.
194
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,690
Voicemail.
(Sighs)
195
00:07:06,690 --> 00:07:09,050
(Chuckles)
This rap's hilarious, though.
196
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:10,720
Call Claire.
She's not home.
197
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,070
We're gonna have to
check this out.
198
00:07:12,070 --> 00:07:13,970
No, come on.
Those alerts are always nothing.
199
00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:16,940
Plus...
(Whispering) Our crime.
200
00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:18,870
Listen, we have assigned seats
201
00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:21,030
and 45 minutes
till this kicks in.
202
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,110
That gives us plenty of time
to uber home,
203
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,410
make sure everything's fine,
touch up my veins, and get back.
204
00:07:25,410 --> 00:07:27,710
I'll set an alarm so we know
exactly when it hits.
205
00:07:27,710 --> 00:07:29,940
No, you're right. Lily's there.
Yes, yes. Let's go.
206
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,390
Plus, we're not gonna
want to deal with this
207
00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:32,540
when we're high and paranoid.
208
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,050
Oh. Oh, god.
209
00:07:34,050 --> 00:07:36,380
Do you think the paranoia
will be bad?
210
00:07:41,730 --> 00:07:44,760
(Bell dings,
boxing announcer talking on TV)
211
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,260
So, how's the closet business?
212
00:07:47,270 --> 00:07:50,240
I retired two months ago.
Right. Right.
213
00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:55,970
Uh, getting our carpets cleaned
next month.
214
00:07:58,410 --> 00:08:00,450
Oh, come on.
That's ridiculous.
215
00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:02,020
Hernandez has this fight
in the bag.
216
00:08:02,020 --> 00:08:03,420
Yeah, it's gonna be
such a cakewalk.
217
00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:04,590
He shouldn't even
be getting paid for it.
218
00:08:04,590 --> 00:08:06,180
Can you believe these guys?
219
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:08,490
Hey, no disrespect, but
if o'brien's even halfway sober,
220
00:08:08,490 --> 00:08:10,360
he takes Hernandez apart.
221
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,030
Yeah, he's got
a better reach, better jab,
222
00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:14,000
and I haven't seen feet
that fast since riverdance.
223
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,820
You guys seem pretty confident.
224
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,800
Uh, care to make
a friendly $10 bet?
225
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,600
We'll take it.
Easiest money I ever made.
Yeah.
226
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,130
You're crazy.
O'brien is a mook.
227
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:22,460
Well, Hernandez is a palooka.
228
00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:24,270
I'd rather be a palooka
than a mook.
229
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,110
Well, that's a lot of talk
coming from a couple jabronis.
230
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:32,210
Cam, calm down.
We're just having fun here.
231
00:08:32,210 --> 00:08:34,440
Really?
That's... that's the line?
232
00:08:34,450 --> 00:08:36,980
(Cheering)
233
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,180
What happened?
234
00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,810
Damn it!
O'brien knocked him out!
235
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,850
Already?
We missed the whole thing!
236
00:08:41,860 --> 00:08:43,310
We're backed up in the kitchen.
237
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,960
Sorry, guys.
Your food's gonna be a while.
238
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,130
I thought about leaving,
239
00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:50,700
but I didn't want
to make Jay feel bad.
240
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,770
I had a sandwich coming.
241
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,870
I told you.
Nothing!
242
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:02,870
A little too much nothing,
if you ask me.
243
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:07,740
Hey, what are you guys
doing here?
244
00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:09,580
I forgot my slippers.
245
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,140
Doesn't the hotel have slippers?
246
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,720
I'll be asking the questions.
247
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,560
How did you manage
to burn chocolate-chip cookies
248
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:15,980
in an oven that doesn't work?
249
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,190
Oh, Manny meant pancakes.
250
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:19,950
We're making
chocolate-chip pancakes.
251
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:26,870
You see?
Now, let's go.
252
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:30,070
Somebody named Olga should be
salting me like a pretzel!
253
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,670
Mm.
254
00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:33,770
Mm-hmm.
255
00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:36,100
Is everything okay?
256
00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:38,180
Oh, yes.
It was just a false alarm.
257
00:09:38,180 --> 00:09:39,680
Well, then we should probably
get back to the theater.
258
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,250
Those Pre-movie
trivia questions
259
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:43,020
aren't gonna answer themselves,
are they? (Chuckles)
260
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:44,690
Actually, they do.
Wait a minute!
261
00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:49,190
What the hell is going on...
262
00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:51,420
Here, huh?
263
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,050
(Sniffs) Yep.
264
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,130
I smell cheap beer.
Someone's been having a party.
265
00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:57,530
Claire, you're just being crazy.
266
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,770
Take a look around!
Nothing is going on!
267
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:02,030
There is no party!
268
00:10:02,030 --> 00:10:04,000
Everyone just be cool!
269
00:10:07,070 --> 00:10:09,400
See that story
about the one-armed golfer?
No.
270
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:13,380
Yeah, well,
it's this guy and he's...
271
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,150
Well, I guess that's it.
He's... he's a one-armed golfer.
272
00:10:16,150 --> 00:10:17,720
Oh.
273
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,790
How backed up is that kitchen?!
274
00:10:20,790 --> 00:10:22,260
Hey!
These guys!
275
00:10:22,260 --> 00:10:23,730
Hey, you rascals.
Get over here.
276
00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:25,220
We're on our way out.
277
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:26,990
No! Don't you want a chance
to win your money back?
278
00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:28,390
It's 5 bucks each.
We're good.
279
00:10:28,390 --> 00:10:29,490
No! Come on!
280
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,660
It'll be fun.
281
00:10:30,660 --> 00:10:31,990
Dude, you're hurting my arm.
282
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,500
No, a game of foosball,
double or nothing.
283
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,740
I don't think...
you're on!
Let's go!
284
00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:35,830
Let's go!
285
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,470
Phil, uh, how long do we have?
286
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:39,960
17 minutes.
287
00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:41,470
Till the movie,
is what we're talking about.
288
00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:43,740
We're just two guys
seeing a movie.
289
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:45,500
No one's leaving here until
we get to the bottom of this.
290
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:47,740
Oh, my god.
Somebody give me a back rub!
291
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,480
Manny! Luke!
Get in here!
292
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,310
You guys go search the house.
Find something suspicious.
293
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,120
Is this gonna be like
loading the dishwasher?
294
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,320
First I load it,
then you reload it?
295
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,660
Wouldn't it be faster
if you actually...
296
00:10:55,660 --> 00:10:57,090
Phil, go!
297
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,160
What's so important?
I'm sitting for my portrait.
298
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,200
Oh, knock it off.
I know you two threw a party.
299
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,930
I don't "throw" a party, Claire.
300
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,500
It's true.
He can't throw anything.
301
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:06,800
And if I were hosting an event,
302
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,170
where did I put
the ice sculpture?
303
00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:09,840
Where did I stash
the hors d'oeuvres?
304
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,770
Where did I hide the jazz trio?
305
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:14,130
Good question, considering you
couldn't even hide...
306
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,980
The solo.
307
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:17,540
Nice wordplay, mom,
308
00:11:17,540 --> 00:11:19,540
but that cup's been there
for like three days.
309
00:11:19,550 --> 00:11:21,950
I didn't want to say anything
'cause I thought it was yours.
310
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,820
Yeah.
It was bold.
311
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:28,290
But those kids upstairs weren't
gonna stay quiet forever.
312
00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:29,990
I was one
dead phone battery away
313
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,790
from a conversation
breaking out.
314
00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:34,150
(Chuckles)
315
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,960
Sure, throwing a party
was a risk,
316
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,890
but two hot exchange students
just started at our school.
317
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,800
Best part is,
they don't understand
318
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,700
just how uncool we are.
319
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,330
Yet.
320
00:11:44,340 --> 00:11:45,970
So, we were walking
down the hallway
321
00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:47,170
when we stopped by the locker...
322
00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:48,800
Ohh, pizza day.
323
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:51,980
Mmm.
324
00:11:54,350 --> 00:11:55,880
That's our personal trainer.
325
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,640
He hates it when we eat carbs.
326
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,520
We had a short window.
We needed to impress them fast.
327
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,990
So, we bribed Lily with
all the soda she could drink
328
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,520
and threw a party.
329
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,550
It was going great
until someone set off the alarm
330
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,060
because he just had to smoke
his dorky pipe.
331
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,920
Dorky? Yeah, because Hugh Hefner
doesn't get girls.
332
00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:13,260
(Scoffs)
333
00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:15,400
I love you, too, mommy.
334
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:18,600
All clear, party people!
335
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,600
(Indistinct conversations)
336
00:12:20,610 --> 00:12:22,010
I told her
we were baking cookies.
337
00:12:22,010 --> 00:12:23,780
Dude, our oven's broken.
338
00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:26,280
My mom's definitely gonna
get suspicious and check on us.
339
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,780
That means my mom's coming, too.
340
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,250
I'll get everyone to leave,
341
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:31,550
you get rid of the beer
and your idea of a spread.
342
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:34,020
Wait.
We're not giving up yet.
343
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,890
The beer pong tournament
just started,
344
00:12:35,890 --> 00:12:37,760
the girls are laughing
at all of our jokes,
345
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,860
and they think we're friends
with guys like Tommy cutahee.
346
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,190
Great party, Lewis.
347
00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:43,760
Thanks, Tommy.
348
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,290
From now on, I'm Lewis.
349
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:46,870
We're going to get caught
if we do nothing.
350
00:12:46,870 --> 00:12:48,300
What if we hide everyone
long enough
351
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,560
for my mom to check on us
and then leave?
352
00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:51,540
It's not worth it.
353
00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:55,880
(european accent)
Guys, when do we play
seven hours in heaven?
354
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,450
Moving the party upstairs,
people!
355
00:13:00,550 --> 00:13:02,110
Okay. No one's here.
Okay.
356
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,910
(Alarm beeps)
Is that
your watch alarm?
357
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,320
We have to get out of here!
358
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,890
I do not want to be high
in front of Claire!
359
00:13:06,890 --> 00:13:08,090
Wait.
360
00:13:08,090 --> 00:13:09,590
I think I'm feeling something.
361
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:11,220
Oh, no.
362
00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:13,320
What are you feeling?
363
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:14,390
Nice.
364
00:13:14,390 --> 00:13:15,990
Oh, god.
365
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,500
Are you feeling anything?
366
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,100
No.
367
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,500
Then why are you leaning
like that?
368
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,070
I'm not leaning.
369
00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:24,030
Maybe you're leaning
so it looks like I'm leaning.
370
00:13:27,170 --> 00:13:29,330
Oh, yeah.
You're right.
371
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:31,170
Claire:
Phil, what are you doing?
372
00:13:31,180 --> 00:13:32,410
Still searching!
373
00:13:32,410 --> 00:13:34,410
Anything suspicious?
Say nothing.
374
00:13:34,410 --> 00:13:36,510
Okay.
375
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,020
Phil?
376
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:39,790
Answer her!
You said "say nothing."
377
00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:41,990
I mean say
the word "nothing."
Word.
378
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,860
Nothing!
379
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,260
That was so good.
Thanks, man.
380
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:51,360
Okay, Phillip.
Focus.
381
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,120
We have to finish
searching this house
382
00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:55,490
before we start
acting weird or...
383
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,300
Yeah.
384
00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,200
Nothing!
385
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:02,380
That was so great.
386
00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:04,840
Yeah, I learned from the best.
387
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,940
Come on, you jerk. Get in there,
you son of a bitch!
388
00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:09,220
Oh, yeah, baby.
Here we go.
389
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:10,650
That's what your sister
said last night
390
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:11,720
when I was banging her.
391
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,390
What?!
Aw, damn it, Vic!
392
00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:15,550
(Both laugh)
393
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:18,380
(Laughing)
Cam was banging Vic's sister.
394
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:19,820
(Laughs)
395
00:14:19,830 --> 00:14:21,800
Classic!
396
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,970
Oh, just hit it already.
397
00:14:26,970 --> 00:14:29,000
That's what your sister said
to cam last night
398
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,400
when he was banging her.
Did I do it?
399
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,130
(Laughing)
You're so good!
400
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:33,980
(Laughs) Yes!
401
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,910
Manny, Manny... Manny.
402
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:41,040
How did we get here?
403
00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:42,980
You're a good kid.
404
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:44,580
You didn't have anything
to do with this.
405
00:14:44,580 --> 00:14:47,250
You were in the wrong place
at the wrong time. Am I right?
406
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:49,210
But someone's going down
for this.
407
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:52,520
You think it'll be
the white kid? Hmm?
408
00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:54,330
(Whispering)
Psst! Claire!
409
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,730
What are you doing?
410
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:01,560
I am trying to get to the truth.
411
00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,570
The only way I'm gonna find out
what really happened here
412
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,440
is to get those two clowns
to turn on each other.
413
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,940
Nothing happened here!
414
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,070
And even if it had,
415
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,500
Manny's not gonna rat out
his best friend!
416
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,850
(Whispering)
I think I'm gonna take the deal.
417
00:15:12,850 --> 00:15:14,110
(Whispering) No!
418
00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:15,340
You cave,
we don't stand a chance
419
00:15:15,350 --> 00:15:16,850
with those exchange students.
420
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,750
Those girls don't respect
weak, little nerds
421
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,510
afraid of being punished
by their mommies.
422
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,020
They've lived through wars.
423
00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:23,410
They're from Portugal!
424
00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:27,550
(Whispering)
Whoa. I heard something.
425
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,700
Did you hear something?
426
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:30,960
No.
427
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,490
Am I screaming right now?
428
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,900
No.
Okay.
429
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,800
Stay cool.
We're almost out of here.
430
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:44,770
All clear.
431
00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:46,310
Let's just check Luke's room.
432
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:49,010
Then we can tell Claire
we didn't find anything.
433
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,610
(Keg clanks)
434
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:57,890
Okay, there's two ways
we can play this.
435
00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,290
Okay.
436
00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:06,260
(Whispering) Okay, if we tell
Claire about those kids,
437
00:16:06,270 --> 00:16:07,840
we're gonna have to stay here
and punish Manny
438
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:08,930
and the, uh...
The other one.
439
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:10,960
That's no good!
(Exhales shakily)
440
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,570
I don't think we can hide
our crime!
441
00:16:13,570 --> 00:16:14,830
Well, then what if
we don't tell her?
442
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:15,910
Does... does that make us
bad parents?
443
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:17,510
Or are we bad parents
444
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,310
because we're punishing our kids
while we are high?
445
00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:21,470
We're bad parents
either way!
This is a nightmare.
446
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,650
Oh, hey, guys.
Hey, cupcake!
447
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,320
(Whispering)
Do I call her "cupcake"?
448
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,690
(Whispering) Don't worry,
I'll make it normal.
449
00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:28,690
(Normal voice)
What's going on, cupcake?
450
00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:31,090
Are you guys okay?
451
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:33,660
Yeah.
Yeah, we're okay.
Why wouldn't we be okay?
452
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,160
Cupcake.
453
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,690
I was so drunk,
i thought they were stoned.
454
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:41,340
Luke... Luke... Luke.
455
00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:45,430
Keeping a secret like this
is tough...
456
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,270
Eats away at a man's soul.
457
00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:49,300
Mom, i have one question...
458
00:16:49,310 --> 00:16:51,280
Why do you hate yourself?
459
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,950
What?
460
00:16:52,950 --> 00:16:55,780
You have one night in a spa
to be massaged and pampered,
461
00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:57,710
but you're here.
462
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,820
Why don't you think
you deserve happiness?
463
00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:03,020
That's the mystery
I'm interested in solving today.
464
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,050
(Cheering in distance)
What is that?
465
00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:09,800
That is the sound
of a party, Gloria, huh?
466
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,570
Ay, Manny!
467
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,800
Tomorrow's gonna be one awkward
mother/son mambo class.
468
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,660
(Groans)
469
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,470
Cameron: Oh, boom!
Jay: Next up,
i paddle your mother.
470
00:17:20,470 --> 00:17:21,630
(Laughter)
471
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,140
Dad.
Claire!
472
00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:24,900
Hey, this is my actual daughter.
473
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:26,410
You came up a few times tonight.
474
00:17:26,410 --> 00:17:27,510
So has my "wife."
(Laughs)
475
00:17:27,510 --> 00:17:28,910
What are you doing here?
476
00:17:28,910 --> 00:17:30,840
We ran out of games to bet on
at the bar.
477
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:34,290
Claire... There's something
we have to tell you.
478
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,730
What did we decide to do again?
479
00:17:37,730 --> 00:17:39,680
We, uh...
480
00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:41,850
We're g...
We're gonna need a minute.
481
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:45,100
I told you there was nothing
going on with the boys.
482
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,930
(Chuckles)
You're right.
483
00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:49,390
Boys, I apologize.
484
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,700
We can confirm
485
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:53,030
that there's
nothing suspicious anywhere.
486
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,110
(All gasp)
487
00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:56,910
(Groans)
488
00:17:59,610 --> 00:18:01,870
Sorry about your table, Lewis.
489
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,080
I have another party.
490
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,350
Oh, I knew it!
491
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:09,250
I knew these two
were up to something.
492
00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:10,960
What do you think about
your precious Manny now, huh?
493
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,960
I am sure it was Luke's idea!
494
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,960
But do not give up on him yet.
495
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,030
I know that there is a camp
up in the mountains
496
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,370
where you can send bad kids.
497
00:18:18,370 --> 00:18:20,860
No, it was my idea, too.
498
00:18:20,870 --> 00:18:22,400
I'm the one who set off
the smoke alarm.
499
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,560
I'm the one who bribed Lily
with soda.
500
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,410
I'm the one who put a red
light bulb in the laundry room
501
00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:28,240
to give it a sexy vibe.
502
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,310
You've got to stop thinking of
me as your perfect little boy.
503
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,880
Honey.
504
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,120
There's a party upstairs.
Party upstairs.
505
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:41,050
I cannot believe
that my baby lied to me.
506
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:43,450
I cannot believe
my baby accepted a bribe.
507
00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:45,760
I'd be more concerned
with how natural she is
508
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,060
with that bottle
in her hands.
Okay.
509
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,500
I shouldn't trust my kid
so much.
510
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,600
I have to be more like Claire
and not trust anybody.
511
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,670
I didn't want to be right,
but I am.
512
00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:57,270
So (Chuckles) Here we are.
513
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,170
At least we still have Alex.
514
00:18:59,170 --> 00:19:00,670
You guys don't have
any good kids,
515
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:02,600
so who's the bad parent
now, huh?
516
00:19:02,610 --> 00:19:04,110
Nobody.
Phil, no, don't.
517
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,510
No, no.
I got this.
518
00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:08,940
Claire, I know
why you're always worried.
519
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:11,850
Because you don't know
what's going to happen.
520
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:17,760
It's called fear of the future,
or "fof" or "fotf."
521
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,460
But spoiler alert...
It's gonna be great.
522
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:25,860
Guys, I have two words
for you...
523
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:28,330
Think about time travel.
524
00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:30,930
If you could go forward in time
and turn around
525
00:19:30,940 --> 00:19:33,510
and look at this moment,
we would say,
526
00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:35,870
"this is all super chill."
527
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:38,270
Our kids are good people.
528
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,110
They turn out great.
529
00:19:40,110 --> 00:19:42,170
Phil's right.
Really?
530
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,310
Oh, t-then here's
something, too.
531
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,660
When I was younger,
i never thought I would be here.
532
00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:49,210
And here I am.
533
00:19:49,890 --> 00:19:51,230
What the hell does that mean?
534
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:52,480
Oh, god.
535
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:54,620
Look, you got to relax.
536
00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:56,060
They're going to be fine.
537
00:19:56,060 --> 00:19:59,060
People have a way
of surprising you.
538
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:01,360
Yes, you see, we had
our own journey tonight...
539
00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:03,740
An unlikely duo thrust together.
540
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,070
Not your moment, cam.
541
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,640
Oh, right.
I'll send a group e-mail.
542
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,310
Honey, don't worry.
543
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:10,540
You're better parents
than dede and I ever were,
544
00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:12,000
and you turned out all right.
545
00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,150
Thanks, dad.
546
00:20:13,150 --> 00:20:14,810
But what do we do now?
547
00:20:14,810 --> 00:20:16,170
Are we just supposed to
let these kids off the hook
548
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:17,880
because we were as bad
as they are?
549
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,210
No.
We'll be hypocrites.
550
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:20,520
Mm.
Like all parents!
551
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,850
Luke! Manny!
552
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:23,550
Get your asses in here!
553
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,890
Also, am I the only one
that sees
554
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:27,650
that these two idiots
are high as kites?
555
00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:30,720
Cameron: Mitchell?
556
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:37,440
Oh, my god.
She is still going.
557
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,370
How much soda did she have?
558
00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:41,070
You know, when you and Mitchell
first got together,
559
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:43,100
you used to ask me
to do a lot of stuff.
560
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:45,010
I was new to the family,
and I...
561
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:46,680
I really wanted you to like me.
562
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,680
But I always seemed to be
too much, too demonstrative,
563
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,910
too dramatic...
So I stopped.
564
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,550
Well, I had fun tonight.
565
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:56,450
I wouldn't mind
if you still chased me
566
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:57,720
a little bit sometimes.
567
00:20:57,730 --> 00:20:58,920
Oh, Jay.
Get in here.
568
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,750
(Both laugh)
It's going too fast.
569
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,530
I'm... I'm sorry.
Baby steps.
570
00:21:02,530 --> 00:21:04,270
No, the treadmill's about to
launch her through the drywall.
571
00:21:04,270 --> 00:21:06,520
Lily!
Daddy!