2
00:00:04,130 --> 00:00:05,189
the politically correct,

3
00:00:05,190 --> 00:00:06,937
supportive environment we know today.

4
00:00:06,945 --> 00:00:09,089
To say the least, it was humiliating.

7
00:00:13,104 --> 00:00:14,468
Let's grab that flab.

9
00:00:16,545 --> 00:00:18,464
It was also our athletic skill...

12
00:00:22,353 --> 00:00:24,023
Assume the position.

16
00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:33,092
The sadistic ritual of picking teams.

20
00:00:37,117 --> 00:00:39,225
My friends and I were always chosen last

22
00:00:40,188 --> 00:00:41,264
I'll take Sirota.

26
00:00:45,227 --> 00:00:47,166
I don't know. Dave Kim.

28
00:00:48,931 --> 00:00:51,132
Second-to-last was the "I guess".

29
00:00:51,157 --> 00:00:52,137
Goldberg, I guess.

30
00:00:52,138 --> 00:00:53,350
A fine choice.

31
00:00:53,351 --> 00:00:55,734
The only thing worse than being
picked last were the games,

32
00:00:55,759 --> 00:00:57,197
where the athletic ruled

33
00:00:57,222 --> 00:00:58,835
and the scrubs desperately wished to go

34
00:00:58,860 --> 00:00:59,882
under the radar.

36
00:01:00,993 --> 00:01:01,993
Don't pass to me!

37
00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:06,484
What?

38
00:01:06,531 --> 00:01:08,550
Goldberg, you're the worst.

39
00:01:08,575 --> 00:01:09,883
I welcome the feedback.

40
00:01:09,891 --> 00:01:11,406
But luckily, for kids like me,

41
00:01:11,445 --> 00:01:14,350
there was another world
where we were champions...

43
00:01:16,355 --> 00:01:18,953
Long before Xbox, there
was a role-playing game

44
00:01:19,008 --> 00:01:21,225
with 20-sided dice and a Dungeon Master

45
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:23,261
who led you on adventures using books

46
00:01:23,286 --> 00:01:25,437
filled with monsters and treasure.

47
00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:28,060
The firenewt is coming for you,
Gribald the Unreasonable.

48
00:01:28,085 --> 00:01:29,976
I use my potion of fire resistance.

49
00:01:30,828 --> 00:01:31,906
- It works. 
- Yes!

50
00:01:31,923 --> 00:01:34,656
Oh, no. Not this game.

51
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:36,752
I heard all about it on "60 Minutes".

52
00:01:36,753 --> 00:01:39,890
A stuffy Southern reverend said
it's the gateway to black magic.

53
00:01:39,915 --> 00:01:41,453
Don't worry, guys. I got this.

54
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,321
Okay, mama, I won't play the thing

55
00:01:44,322 --> 00:01:45,431
that makes my heart happy.

56
00:01:45,432 --> 00:01:48,471
You bewitched me, you little devil.

57
00:01:49,836 --> 00:01:51,123
Look away. I'm doing this for us.

58
00:01:51,148 --> 00:01:53,047
Dungeons and Snuggles!

59
00:01:53,048 --> 00:01:54,107
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.

60
00:01:54,108 --> 00:01:57,057
I'm a little devil, and I like kisses.

61
00:01:57,058 --> 00:01:58,890
♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

62
00:01:58,882 --> 00:02:02,710
♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪

63
00:02:02,734 --> 00:02:04,896
Synced and corrected by Nest0r 
www.addic7ed.com

64
00:02:04,921 --> 00:02:06,055
♪ I don't know the future ♪

65
00:02:06,056 --> 00:02:09,915
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

66
00:02:09,916 --> 00:02:12,015
It was April 6, 1980-something,

67
00:02:12,016 --> 00:02:13,811
and my sister's plan for her future

68
00:02:13,812 --> 00:02:16,226
was about to rock our mother
to her very core.

69
00:02:16,251 --> 00:02:18,515
Mom, insanely great news.

70
00:02:18,641 --> 00:02:21,241
I'm gonna do what you want
and stay in state for college.

71
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,245
In state? That's where I live.

72
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,261
Yes. Good.

73
00:02:26,286 --> 00:02:27,335
CMU it is.

74
00:02:27,336 --> 00:02:29,584
Where in Philadelphia is CMU?

75
00:02:29,609 --> 00:02:33,366
Um, Carnegie
Mellon's only like a little bit west.

76
00:02:33,391 --> 00:02:35,194
How far west?

77
00:02:35,219 --> 00:02:35,773
Pittsburgh.

78
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,139
Pittsburgh?! No. Too far.

79
00:02:38,164 --> 00:02:39,811
You're the worst daughter in the world.

80
00:02:39,836 --> 00:02:40,679
Come on, Mom.

81
00:02:40,695 --> 00:02:42,733
It's a great school
with an amazing music program.

82
00:02:42,758 --> 00:02:44,827
No, you're gonna go to JFA
right here in town.

83
00:02:44,852 --> 00:02:46,445
We discussed this.

84
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,920
I am not going to the Jenkintown
Funk Academy.

86
00:02:50,975 --> 00:02:53,366
Yes, the Funk is in a mini-mall

88
00:02:55,521 --> 00:02:57,218
Come on, Mom.

90
00:03:00,217 --> 00:03:01,430
At least hear him out.

92
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:05,981
Okay. Sure thing. Set that meeting.

93
00:03:07,148 --> 00:03:08,593
Dad, you need to come with us.

94
00:03:08,618 --> 00:03:10,561
Mom is in full sabotage mode.

95
00:03:10,586 --> 00:03:11,750
This is my dream.

96
00:03:11,766 --> 00:03:14,686
And it's my dream to have one less
moron living in this house.

97
00:03:14,687 --> 00:03:15,992
- I'll help you. 
- Aww.

98
00:03:16,008 --> 00:03:17,008
I'll go, too.

99
00:03:17,009 --> 00:03:19,530
College is a nonstop party.

101
00:03:21,475 --> 00:03:23,574
Yes, but I just watched "Back to School"

102
00:03:23,575 --> 00:03:24,953
with Rodney Dangerfield.

103
00:03:24,984 --> 00:03:27,155
It's about this delightful old scamp

105
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,249
'cause let's face it...

106
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:33,062
A guy that old doesn't go back to school.

107
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:34,256
But he does.

109
00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:37,984
Are you done?

110
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:38,992
I don't have to be.

111
00:03:39,008 --> 00:03:40,725
While Erica and my dad were struggling

112
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,015
to get my mom on board,

113
00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:44,890
my friends were fighting their way
through enemy territory.

114
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:45,950
As you climb out of the pit,

115
00:03:45,951 --> 00:03:48,366
a band of marauding orcs awaits you.

117
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,300
Earth to Mondragor.

118
00:03:52,301 --> 00:03:54,828
Sorry, guys. I can't stop
thinking about gym class.

119
00:03:54,853 --> 00:03:56,157
We've been picked last for years.

120
00:03:56,182 --> 00:03:58,172
- It's bull crap. 
- Relax, dude.

121
00:03:58,173 --> 00:04:00,396
The athletes rule now,
but once we hit high school,

122
00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:02,171
our brains and elegance will be valued.

123
00:04:02,196 --> 00:04:02,772
Really?

124
00:04:02,797 --> 00:04:04,092
For sure.

125
00:04:04,117 --> 00:04:06,076
Until then, back to the orc attack.

129
00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:12,078
you guys are doomed.

130
00:04:12,103 --> 00:04:13,507
When did you even sit down?

131
00:04:13,531 --> 00:04:15,600
My point is, you guys
got to figure out a way

132
00:04:15,601 --> 00:04:17,897
to not get picked last
before you're in high school.

133
00:04:17,922 --> 00:04:19,554
Otherwise, you'll never date,

134
00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:21,539
you'll never love, you'll never have joy.

136
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,031
What if your mean-spirited
brother's right?

137
00:04:25,086 --> 00:04:27,476
I can't be bottom of the social
chain in high school.

138
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:29,513
And just because I'm
the coolest one in our group

139
00:04:29,514 --> 00:04:31,523
doesn't mean anything
in the outside world.

140
00:04:31,524 --> 00:04:32,952
Okay, that settles it.

141
00:04:32,977 --> 00:04:35,140
We're gonna break the cycle of dorkdom.

142
00:04:35,148 --> 00:04:37,000
- But how? 
- I'll tell ya how!

143
00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:39,159
Tomorrow, I shall storm Mellor's office

144
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,663
and demand an end to our oppression!

145
00:04:41,688 --> 00:04:42,688
- Huzzah! 
- Huzzah!

146
00:04:42,713 --> 00:04:43,560
- Huzzah! 
- Huzzah!

147
00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:44,210
No!

148
00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:45,257
Come on. Please.

149
00:04:45,281 --> 00:04:46,522
Picking teams has been the same

150
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:48,952
since the dawn of physical education.

151
00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,272
The awesome jocks choose
kids in descending order

152
00:04:51,297 --> 00:04:52,316
of athletic ability.

153
00:04:52,317 --> 00:04:53,304
What is the problem?

154
00:04:53,313 --> 00:04:55,362
The problem is the rest of us suffer.

155
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,401
Turns out, gym class will determine

156
00:04:57,402 --> 00:05:00,022
how society views us
for the rest of our lives.

157
00:05:00,047 --> 00:05:02,679
People... really think that?

158
00:05:02,695 --> 00:05:03,695
Of course.

159
00:05:03,696 --> 00:05:04,281
Don't you realize

161
00:05:06,766 --> 00:05:08,328
Well, I know that.

162
00:05:08,352 --> 00:05:10,341
It's just, when the English department

163
00:05:10,341 --> 00:05:12,584
doesn't invite you out for bowling night,

164
00:05:12,609 --> 00:05:14,330
it... really gets in your head.

165
00:05:14,331 --> 00:05:16,007
You hold the power, Coach.

166
00:05:16,032 --> 00:05:17,734
Whatever you choose here today

167
00:05:17,759 --> 00:05:20,366
could change the course
of our whole lives.

168
00:05:21,392 --> 00:05:22,781
Let's do it.

169
00:05:22,883 --> 00:05:24,832
Tomorrow, you'll be the team captain,

170
00:05:24,833 --> 00:05:26,842
and you can choose
all your nerd friends first.

171
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:27,687
Sounds great,

172
00:05:27,712 --> 00:05:28,992
except for the part where
you called us nerds.

173
00:05:28,993 --> 00:05:30,695
Losers it is, then!

174
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,992
Tomorrow, the hierarchy
of the physical-education world

175
00:05:32,993 --> 00:05:34,972
will be turned upside down,

177
00:05:39,266 --> 00:05:40,435
I had won over Coach Mellor,

178
00:05:40,435 --> 00:05:43,454
but my mom was hoping to sway
Mr. Glascott to her team.

179
00:05:43,455 --> 00:05:46,725
Have to admit, I love it when
an entire family comes together

180
00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:49,171
to discuss a young
lady's journey to college.

181
00:05:49,227 --> 00:05:51,216
So any first thoughts?

182
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:53,326
Yes, uh [bleep] that [bleep]

184
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,306
So you came to voice some concerns.

185
00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:59,276
I hope you're here to keep
this conversation civil.

186
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:00,326
I'll do what I can.

187
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:01,346
Gotcha.

188
00:06:01,347 --> 00:06:02,396
Uh, I'm still not sure

189
00:06:02,397 --> 00:06:04,468
what the gentleman
in the corner is doing here.

190
00:06:04,493 --> 00:06:07,163
I'm considering going
back to school myself.

191
00:06:07,188 --> 00:06:09,177
Ignore him. He saw a movie.

192
00:06:09,178 --> 00:06:10,757
Can we talk about CMU now?

193
00:06:10,789 --> 00:06:13,858
Look, I know it's scary sending
your baby out into the world,

194
00:06:13,859 --> 00:06:17,140
but this college can turn
your little girl into a leader.

195
00:06:17,172 --> 00:06:20,459
And in that moment, my mom saw
more than just a brochure.

197
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:28,780
It, uh... does look a bit
nicer than the Funk Academy.

198
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,406
While my dad saw the reality

199
00:06:30,422 --> 00:06:31,795
of a world without his princess.

200
00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:33,078
Who are these guys?

201
00:06:33,103 --> 00:06:34,538
Who are these guys?

202
00:06:34,563 --> 00:06:35,534
Who are those guys?

203
00:06:35,559 --> 00:06:37,203
And Pops just felt ripped off.

204
00:06:37,234 --> 00:06:39,373
I don't see any hot tubs in the dorms.

205
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,407
Are there hot tubs in the dorms?

208
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,984
Wait a minute. Now she's going
to a whole other country?

209
00:06:48,009 --> 00:06:53,234
Erica, I... didn't realize
how wrong I'd been.

210
00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:55,679
I want this for you, sweetie... All of it.

211
00:06:55,704 --> 00:06:57,693
Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

212
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:58,968
Let's go sign up for a tour.

213
00:06:59,993 --> 00:07:02,046
Well, looks like my work here is over.

215
00:07:03,853 --> 00:07:06,320
I'm letting my pumpkin
go to this hellhole.

216
00:07:06,345 --> 00:07:07,936
But look at the girl in the pamphlet.

217
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:11,248
She's smiling under a tree
with the boy in the wheelchair.

218
00:07:11,273 --> 00:07:13,292
Aww, look at him. He's holding a book.

219
00:07:13,317 --> 00:07:14,867
Okay, compromise.

220
00:07:14,929 --> 00:07:17,581
The moron boys can get the hell out,

221
00:07:17,606 --> 00:07:20,320
but my little peanut, she's going
to school in Philadelphia.

223
00:07:21,251 --> 00:07:23,379
I got a bird. She's my princess.

224
00:07:23,482 --> 00:07:26,252
If she flew away, I don't
know what I would do.

225
00:07:26,797 --> 00:07:28,429
Wait. Where are you going?

226
00:07:28,969 --> 00:07:30,453
What's with the getup?

227
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,503
Is there, like, a sports
musical you're starring in?

228
00:07:32,504 --> 00:07:33,889
Little production called gym class,

229
00:07:33,914 --> 00:07:36,210
and Coach Mellor's letting
me be the leading man.

230
00:07:36,219 --> 00:07:38,092
He made you captain?

231
00:07:38,117 --> 00:07:39,592
This is a game changer.

232
00:07:39,617 --> 00:07:40,717
You got to pick smart.

233
00:07:40,742 --> 00:07:41,437
For sure.

234
00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:43,959
First my boy Sirota, then
Dave Kim, Tiny Tyler,

235
00:07:43,984 --> 00:07:45,935
Lanky Hank, and the foreign-exchange kid

236
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,218
who knows nothing of our customs.

237
00:07:47,243 --> 00:07:48,054
No!

238
00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:50,866
This is the only time
you'll ever be captain.

239
00:07:50,891 --> 00:07:52,500
You can't pick the wienies.

240
00:07:52,523 --> 00:07:55,421
You got to pick the winners,
earn their respect.

241
00:07:55,446 --> 00:07:57,485
This is a defining moment for you, bro.

242
00:07:57,802 --> 00:07:59,811
Barry made a convincing argument,

243
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:01,429
but there was no way I'd pick the athletes

244
00:08:01,454 --> 00:08:02,367
over my best friends...

245
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,811
I'll take Corbett, Big
Luke Schmidt, Spink,

246
00:08:04,836 --> 00:08:05,421
and Taz Money.

247
00:08:05,477 --> 00:08:06,937
But I found a way.

248
00:08:07,141 --> 00:08:09,230
Dude, what the hell did you just do to us?

249
00:08:09,231 --> 00:08:10,843
Don't worry.

250
00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,904
Good news is, I'm climbing
the social ladder

251
00:08:12,905 --> 00:08:14,695
by stepping on you guys.

252
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,601
It'll take a while, and I'll have to be

253
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:18,553
mean to you at first... Super-mean...

254
00:08:18,578 --> 00:08:20,498
But one day, we'll all be cool.

255
00:08:20,523 --> 00:08:21,335
Me first, though.

256
00:08:21,344 --> 00:08:22,952
I don't like your plan at all.

257
00:08:22,977 --> 00:08:25,687
Oh, please, Dave Kim, you'd do
the exact same thing.

258
00:08:25,712 --> 00:08:26,492
No way.

259
00:08:26,563 --> 00:08:27,592
My allegiance would always be

260
00:08:27,617 --> 00:08:29,951
to my friends and Sergei
the exchange student.

261
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:30,646
Ja!

262
00:08:30,647 --> 00:08:32,526
This betrayal will not stand.

263
00:08:32,527 --> 00:08:33,795
Much like "Revenge of the Nerds",

264
00:08:33,820 --> 00:08:35,706
we will dig deep and use
our brains to defeat you

265
00:08:35,707 --> 00:08:37,109
once and for all.

266
00:08:37,134 --> 00:08:38,498
Yeah! Yeah!

267
00:08:38,523 --> 00:08:40,107
But there would be no revenge.

268
00:08:54,526 --> 00:08:56,525
Nice assist, Goldie.

269
00:08:56,526 --> 00:08:59,276
All you, Taz Money.

270
00:08:59,301 --> 00:09:01,445
Yes. Well done, Adam the Betrayer.

271
00:09:01,484 --> 00:09:03,395
Come on, Dave Kim. I'll make it up to you.

272
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:04,742
- Switch teams. 
- That's a no.

273
00:09:04,781 --> 00:09:05,900
After picking the best players,

274
00:09:05,902 --> 00:09:07,941
I was finally crushing at gym class.

275
00:09:07,942 --> 00:09:10,147
Also crushed my friends spirits.

276
00:09:10,172 --> 00:09:13,734
Enough! This game has made
a mockery of physical education.

277
00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:16,649
Now, I'm not gonna name names,
but there's a young man in here

278
00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:19,319
with big ideas and small conviction.

279
00:09:19,344 --> 00:09:21,213
Adam. Is Adam.

280
00:09:21,214 --> 00:09:22,367
That's right, foreign kid.

281
00:09:22,383 --> 00:09:24,584
Coach was sold a bill of goods
on how to make this class fair,

283
00:09:27,519 --> 00:09:29,983
So, next class, we'll have the same teams,

284
00:09:30,008 --> 00:09:32,452
but, Dave Kim, you pick the game.

285
00:09:32,477 --> 00:09:33,882
It can be anything you want...

286
00:09:33,930 --> 00:09:37,334
Chess, word puzzles,
something with a calculator.

287
00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:40,898
All right, then. I choose
Dungeons and Dragons.

288
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,125
"The Ghost Tower of Inverness."

289
00:09:45,269 --> 00:09:47,179
What's happening? Why
is half the class gasping?

290
00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:48,656
Tournament module.

291
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,101
What he said, then. Okay.

292
00:09:51,126 --> 00:09:54,609
Then... And the winners get
free pizza and losers run laps.

293
00:09:54,634 --> 00:09:57,046
I'm gonna eat so much pepperoni.

294
00:09:57,071 --> 00:09:58,308
One slice per kid.

295
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,553
After deciding Carnegie
Mellon was too far for Erica,

296
00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:06,272
my dad had an idea for a different
college choice...

297
00:10:06,297 --> 00:10:07,561
One a lot closer to home.

298
00:10:07,586 --> 00:10:08,710
What the hell, Murray?

299
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:12,084
I know you're exploring
your many options for next year,

300
00:10:12,109 --> 00:10:14,507
but the way I see it, there's just one.

301
00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:15,571
Yeah, CMU.

302
00:10:15,596 --> 00:10:16,675
Goldberg U.

303
00:10:16,762 --> 00:10:19,351
Why go to college hundreds of miles away

304
00:10:19,376 --> 00:10:21,976
when you can enjoy
the comforts of campus life

305
00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:23,773
right here at home?

306
00:10:23,804 --> 00:10:26,398
And so began the worst
college tour of all time.

307
00:10:26,423 --> 00:10:28,405
The school cafeteria.

308
00:10:28,430 --> 00:10:30,054
It did not start out strong...

309
00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:32,914
Shrimp parm three times a week.

310
00:10:32,939 --> 00:10:34,202
And then it got worse...

311
00:10:34,227 --> 00:10:35,875
Our state-of-the-art dorm room.

312
00:10:35,898 --> 00:10:36,907
Much worse...

313
00:10:36,908 --> 00:10:38,515
And don't forget our school mascot,

314
00:10:38,523 --> 00:10:39,468
the mighty Cockapoo.

315
00:10:39,484 --> 00:10:41,756
And finally downright stupid.

316
00:10:41,781 --> 00:10:43,319
Here's our student lounge.

317
00:10:43,344 --> 00:10:44,375
Oh, look!

318
00:10:44,383 --> 00:10:47,372
One of our esteemed
faculty has stopped by.

319
00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:48,827
I can't get over it.

320
00:10:48,852 --> 00:10:51,264
He throws a party in his dorm room

321
00:10:51,289 --> 00:10:54,298
after specifically being told not to.

322
00:10:54,299 --> 00:10:56,318
We can't fire him. He's got tenure.

323
00:10:56,319 --> 00:10:58,803
But the point is, you
are going to Goldberg U.

324
00:10:58,828 --> 00:11:00,747
Wait, so you spent your whole life

325
00:11:00,748 --> 00:11:02,334
saying you wanted your kids
out of the house,

326
00:11:02,359 --> 00:11:04,560
and now you want me to stay forever?

328
00:11:05,141 --> 00:11:08,484
Well, I didn't apply, and also,
this isn't a school.

329
00:11:08,905 --> 00:11:11,195
Murray, I'm usually the irrational one

330
00:11:11,220 --> 00:11:13,914
who keeps our children from enjoying
their lives, not you.

331
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:15,632
All right, look at this movie.

332
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,710
That's what college is.

333
00:11:17,735 --> 00:11:19,875
Do you want Erica to end up in a hot tub

334
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,750
with an elderly businessman?

336
00:11:23,173 --> 00:11:25,375
some of the tickle
out of the movie for me.

337
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,320
Our daughter deserves
a first-class education.

338
00:11:28,345 --> 00:11:30,060
She needs to experience life.

339
00:11:30,085 --> 00:11:33,062
She can experience it
here where she's safe

340
00:11:33,087 --> 00:11:34,593
and we can protect her.

341
00:11:34,618 --> 00:11:36,257
End of words!

342
00:11:36,282 --> 00:11:39,062
Good. Now I can finally
hear "Back to School".

343
00:11:39,087 --> 00:11:40,477
What is it with you and this movie?

344
00:11:40,502 --> 00:11:42,031
He's living the dream.

345
00:11:42,094 --> 00:11:44,186
I mean, what parent wouldn't want

346
00:11:44,211 --> 00:11:45,648
to go back to school with his kid?

347
00:11:45,673 --> 00:11:47,289
But a parent can't really do that.

348
00:11:47,314 --> 00:11:48,835
But he does.

349
00:11:49,266 --> 00:11:50,187
He does?

350
00:11:50,212 --> 00:11:52,191
At my mom was putting together a plan,

351
00:11:52,216 --> 00:11:54,984
I was planning a D and D victory.

352
00:11:55,009 --> 00:11:57,703
Okay, it's been two hours,
and there's been

353
00:11:57,728 --> 00:12:00,777
a lot of wrestling and confusion
on why D and D is a thing,

354
00:12:00,973 --> 00:12:04,052
but here we are, so let's just continue.

355
00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:05,414
Zinethar the priest, your move.

356
00:12:05,439 --> 00:12:09,523
My move is I change
my name to Dick Biggens.

357
00:12:11,572 --> 00:12:13,140
You can't change your name.

358
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:14,524
Yeah!

359
00:12:14,549 --> 00:12:16,843
I meant you're facing
a deadly, gelatinous cube.

360
00:12:16,875 --> 00:12:17,781
How do you evade it?

361
00:12:17,806 --> 00:12:19,844
Evade it? Let's kick that Jell-O's ass.

362
00:12:19,845 --> 00:12:20,805
- Yeah. 
- Yeah.

363
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:21,804
It's a gelatinous cube.

364
00:12:21,829 --> 00:12:25,351
If you attack it, it'll slurp
you up and digest you alive.

365
00:12:25,376 --> 00:12:27,367
Sweet! Look at that busty hot chick.

366
00:12:28,397 --> 00:12:29,062
That's not a chick.

368
00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:32,451
Can my guy make out with her?

369
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:33,491
I want to make out with her, too.

370
00:12:33,492 --> 00:12:34,187
What do I got to roll?

371
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:35,487
Fine.

372
00:12:35,512 --> 00:12:37,501
A Dryad suddenly appears.

373
00:12:37,502 --> 00:12:39,109
If you roll a 20, you can kiss her.

374
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,233
If not, we move on.

375
00:12:42,315 --> 00:12:43,414
- Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 
- Oh!

376
00:12:43,439 --> 00:12:45,799
Yeah! Yeah!

377
00:12:45,824 --> 00:12:47,632
I take her back to my apartment,
and we do stuff.

378
00:12:47,657 --> 00:12:48,637
Ooh.

379
00:12:48,662 --> 00:12:49,770
There's no apartment.

380
00:12:49,795 --> 00:12:51,703
If you won't let me get
busy with the tree lady,

381
00:12:51,728 --> 00:12:53,657
then I stab the Jell-O man in his face.

382
00:12:53,682 --> 00:12:57,140
And you're paralyzed
and slowly eaten alive.

383
00:12:57,165 --> 00:12:57,968
End of game.

384
00:12:57,993 --> 00:12:59,041
I've heard enough.

385
00:12:59,084 --> 00:13:01,043
Time for Barry to fix this.

386
00:13:01,068 --> 00:13:01,968
Where did he come from?

387
00:13:01,993 --> 00:13:03,109
He does that.

388
00:13:03,134 --> 00:13:04,875
Just go away. This is hopeless.

389
00:13:04,905 --> 00:13:06,564
That's where you're wrong.

390
00:13:06,589 --> 00:13:09,343
The only problem is, you guys
don't speak the same language.

391
00:13:09,368 --> 00:13:11,377
You speak lazy-eyed nerd,

392
00:13:11,402 --> 00:13:13,531
and, like me, you speak
awesome, all-star athlete.

393
00:13:13,556 --> 00:13:14,631
Tater "T"?

394
00:13:14,656 --> 00:13:15,820
- Score. 
- Yeah, man.

395
00:13:15,845 --> 00:13:16,773
I like this bro.

396
00:13:16,798 --> 00:13:18,148
Of course you do.

397
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:22,015
Even though I'm ripped like you,
my body has also been infected

398
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,718
by my brother's crippling geekery.

399
00:13:23,743 --> 00:13:25,682
I tried to fight it,
but it's too powerful.

400
00:13:25,707 --> 00:13:27,016
And it's led to this.

401
00:13:28,066 --> 00:13:30,859
Dude, you created a D and D character?

403
00:13:32,971 --> 00:13:35,140
I wanted one ready in case
you asked me to play,

404
00:13:35,165 --> 00:13:37,429
but... you never did.

405
00:13:37,914 --> 00:13:39,648
I just assumed you didn't care.

406
00:13:39,673 --> 00:13:42,382
Point is, if this crazy-jacked bro

407
00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,265
can learn how to play D and D,

408
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,699
other super-shredded bros can, too.

409
00:13:46,724 --> 00:13:49,937
I mean, sure, we're shredded,
but we suck at this game.

410
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:52,011
Adam keeps yelling at us
and hurting our feelings.

411
00:13:52,036 --> 00:13:54,140
That's 'cause you used
a lightning-bolt spell

412
00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:56,906
in an underwater melee
like a bunch of scrubs.

413
00:13:56,931 --> 00:13:58,054
We're trying our best.

414
00:13:58,079 --> 00:13:59,503
We're just not good at it like you.

415
00:13:59,528 --> 00:14:02,414
Do you have any idea how it feels to...
to suck so bad?

416
00:14:02,439 --> 00:14:06,359
Actually, I do... When I play basketball.

417
00:14:06,392 --> 00:14:08,341
I-I didn't know that.

418
00:14:08,366 --> 00:14:10,648
Yeah, man. Sorry.

420
00:14:13,564 --> 00:14:14,583
I shall.

421
00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:15,398
But first...

422
00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:17,956
coming off the top rope!

423
00:14:19,409 --> 00:14:21,468
Oh!

424
00:14:21,617 --> 00:14:23,646
Hey, boopie.

425
00:14:23,671 --> 00:14:24,680
Go away.

426
00:14:24,705 --> 00:14:27,754
Look, I wanted to apologize for your dad.

427
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,554
Some people just don't understand

428
00:14:29,579 --> 00:14:31,648
the boundary between parent and child.

429
00:14:31,673 --> 00:14:33,562
Are you high on nail polish?

430
00:14:33,587 --> 00:14:35,606
I never went to college.

431
00:14:35,631 --> 00:14:37,585
This whole thing has made me realize

432
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:41,406
everything I missed out on,
and at the end of the day,

433
00:14:41,431 --> 00:14:44,340
I couldn't bear it if you missed
out on those things, too.

434
00:14:44,365 --> 00:14:44,998
Really?

435
00:14:45,023 --> 00:14:48,012
Trust me, college is gonna be amazing.

436
00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:50,420
We are gonna have so much fun.

437
00:14:50,445 --> 00:14:52,434
Oh, my God. Thank you s...

438
00:14:52,436 --> 00:14:53,436
Wait. "We"?

439
00:14:53,437 --> 00:14:54,991
Yes. Crazy story.

440
00:14:55,016 --> 00:14:57,017
I was watching this
movie with Pops, and...

441
00:14:57,018 --> 00:14:58,398
Please don't say "Back to School".

442
00:14:58,423 --> 00:15:02,311
It was "Back to School,"
and I realized that could be us.

443
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,054
Hmm?

444
00:15:03,079 --> 00:15:04,118
No! Dad!

445
00:15:04,143 --> 00:15:06,172
Wherever you are sitting
or eating in this house,

446
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:07,240
come to my room immediately.

447
00:15:07,265 --> 00:15:08,320
It's an emergency.

448
00:15:08,345 --> 00:15:11,460
I was both sitting and eating,
so this better be worth it.

449
00:15:11,485 --> 00:15:13,484
I'm going to Carnegie Mellon with Erica.

450
00:15:13,509 --> 00:15:14,867
- No. 
- We're gonna be roommates.

451
00:15:14,892 --> 00:15:16,179
- No! 
- We're gonna sneak in

452
00:15:16,204 --> 00:15:17,764
a hot plate to cook ramen soup.

453
00:15:17,789 --> 00:15:18,789
- Never! 
- And then we're gonna

454
00:15:18,789 --> 00:15:19,731
rush the same sorority.

455
00:15:19,756 --> 00:15:20,671
This is a nightmare.

456
00:15:20,696 --> 00:15:22,163
And I'll be her mother and her sister.

457
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:23,138
Kill me.

458
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,177
She's right, Beverly.

459
00:15:24,178 --> 00:15:25,197
You're acting nuts.

460
00:15:25,198 --> 00:15:26,704
Yes. Thank you.

461
00:15:26,728 --> 00:15:28,969
'Cause she's obviously
not going away at all.

462
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:31,093
Erica's staying here
and being my little peanut.

463
00:15:31,118 --> 00:15:32,984
What is wrong with you people?!

464
00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:35,183
Seriously, I get no respect!

465
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:36,247
No respect.

466
00:15:36,248 --> 00:15:39,365
That's exactly what Rodney
Dangerzone says.

467
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:41,553
See? We are on the same team.

468
00:15:41,578 --> 00:15:43,070
No, we're not.

469
00:15:43,046 --> 00:15:44,695
If either of you were on my team,

470
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,570
you would actually hear
my hopes and dreams

471
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:49,335
and not try to take them
away or make them about you.

472
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,171
So just forget all of it.

473
00:15:51,477 --> 00:15:53,648
I won't go to college at all.

474
00:15:55,457 --> 00:15:56,078
Wow.

475
00:15:56,094 --> 00:15:59,319
I guess we both really blew it here, huh?

478
00:16:02,783 --> 00:16:04,802
our school gym was about to witness

479
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,328
the face-off of a lifetime.

480
00:16:06,353 --> 00:16:08,687
Looks like Goldberg
and his merry band of meatheads

481
00:16:08,712 --> 00:16:09,138
are a no show.

482
00:16:09,163 --> 00:16:10,257
Congrats, boys.

483
00:16:10,282 --> 00:16:11,827
You just earned yourself a cheese pizza.

484
00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:13,640
I have been in real dungeon.

485
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:19,551
But we did show... Ready to roll...
some dice.

486
00:16:19,576 --> 00:16:22,164
Dungeons and Dragons, anyone?

487
00:16:22,188 --> 00:16:23,428
Whatever. By the end of this game,

488
00:16:23,453 --> 00:16:25,312
you guys aren't gonna know what end

489
00:16:25,343 --> 00:16:26,561
of the Staff of the Magi you're holding.

490
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,535
Well, if you're casting confusion,

491
00:16:28,536 --> 00:16:30,929
the Staff of the Magi
gives the user a plus-two

493
00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:35,938
They've learned our ways.

494
00:16:35,977 --> 00:16:38,006
Enough talk. Let the battle begin.

495
00:16:44,173 --> 00:16:44,725
Yeah!

496
00:16:47,622 --> 00:16:48,656
- Dude! 
- Oh!

497
00:16:50,608 --> 00:16:53,163
I cast cure light wounds.

498
00:16:53,188 --> 00:16:54,905
I draw my Staff of Striking.

499
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,671
Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

501
00:16:58,180 --> 00:16:59,414
Corbett, you're dead.

502
00:16:59,439 --> 00:17:03,179
Taz Money, the basilisk
turns you to stone.

503
00:17:03,204 --> 00:17:05,223
Face!

505
00:17:06,704 --> 00:17:07,835
Come on, DM.

506
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,159
What kind of call is that?

507
00:17:09,184 --> 00:17:11,545
That day, the most amazing thing happened.

508
00:17:11,570 --> 00:17:13,562
It was no longer jocks versus scrubs.

509
00:17:13,587 --> 00:17:16,359
We were a class united in one belief...

510
00:17:16,384 --> 00:17:19,273
- D and D was awesome. 
- Yeah!

511
00:17:19,298 --> 00:17:21,453
It was the greatest game ever
played in any gym class,

512
00:17:21,478 --> 00:17:22,390
and we loved it.

513
00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:25,356
Except for Coach Mellor,

514
00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:26,625
who didn't realize it
would last four hours.

515
00:17:26,650 --> 00:17:29,045
It's 6:30 P.M. I just want my life back.

516
00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:31,089
In the end, two were left standing...

517
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:33,398
Me and the friend I betrayed.

519
00:17:35,352 --> 00:17:36,450
and with one last move,

521
00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:41,350
All right, Goldfarb,
as you reach the soul gem,

522
00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:46,294
you find a gelatinous cube
slowly oozing towards you.

523
00:17:46,295 --> 00:17:47,163
Take the gem.

524
00:17:47,188 --> 00:17:48,138
Finish it up, Goldberg.

525
00:17:48,139 --> 00:17:49,007
Easy lay-up.

526
00:17:49,032 --> 00:17:51,421
Go ahead, Betrayer. End it.

527
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,718
Don't act like that.

528
00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:54,960
Me and my boys won this fair and square.

530
00:17:57,089 --> 00:17:59,118
D and D was the one thing we were good at,

531
00:17:59,143 --> 00:18:01,182
and now...

533
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,210
Take the gem and win the game already.

534
00:18:13,235 --> 00:18:14,093
Please.

535
00:18:15,729 --> 00:18:17,579
I raise my sword...

536
00:18:19,611 --> 00:18:20,914
and toss it aside

537
00:18:20,939 --> 00:18:23,484
and swan-dive directly
into the gelatinous cube.

538
00:18:24,004 --> 00:18:24,929
Adam, no!

539
00:18:24,954 --> 00:18:25,959
- What? Are you crazy? 
- No, no.

540
00:18:25,984 --> 00:18:26,914
Everybody, shut up.

541
00:18:27,757 --> 00:18:31,398
You do realize you'll die
if you touch the Jell-O thing.

542
00:18:35,678 --> 00:18:36,613
I touch the Jell-O.

543
00:18:36,638 --> 00:18:37,656
- No! 
- Stop!

544
00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:38,762
I touch the Jell-O!

545
00:18:38,787 --> 00:18:42,492
I touch the Jell-O!

546
00:18:42,517 --> 00:18:46,046
And you're dead. Dave Kim's team wins.

547
00:18:46,071 --> 00:18:47,711
Somebody clean this up.

548
00:18:49,416 --> 00:18:50,085
Good game.

549
00:18:50,110 --> 00:18:51,390
I don't get it.

550
00:18:51,415 --> 00:18:54,406
You finally had their respect.
Why give it up?

551
00:18:54,431 --> 00:18:57,562
I guess it's not their respect I want.

552
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,522
And so, that day, I fell on my sword

553
00:19:01,547 --> 00:19:04,606
to save something much more important,

554
00:19:04,638 --> 00:19:07,359
and my parents realized
letting go was more important

555
00:19:07,384 --> 00:19:08,473
than holding on.

556
00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:10,609
Hey, Squishy. Can we talk?

559
00:19:16,159 --> 00:19:18,561
Look, you know how I sometimes
say to you kids

560
00:19:18,562 --> 00:19:19,897
that I want you out of the house?

561
00:19:19,922 --> 00:19:21,397
Only three to five times a day.

562
00:19:21,422 --> 00:19:25,023
Yeah, well, the reason is it
always seemed so far away.

563
00:19:25,048 --> 00:19:27,377
Then I blinked and here we are,

564
00:19:27,402 --> 00:19:31,431
and... I guess I just wasn't ready for it.

565
00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:33,968
And don't worry.

566
00:19:33,993 --> 00:19:36,554
I won't go to college with you.
Unless you want me to.

568
00:19:38,289 --> 00:19:41,781
That day, my parents started
to let their peanut go,

570
00:19:44,085 --> 00:19:45,444
if you're picked first or last

571
00:19:45,469 --> 00:19:47,703
'cause we're all on the same team.

572
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:50,125
Should've cast a reverse
gravity spell, Holmes.

573
00:19:51,493 --> 00:19:52,914
That's pretty impressive.

574
00:19:52,939 --> 00:19:53,998
Thanks.

575
00:19:56,704 --> 00:19:57,813
What?

576
00:19:57,838 --> 00:19:59,554
You got psionic powers

578
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:01,937
What a dork.

580
00:20:04,555 --> 00:20:06,514
Do you, like, want to join us?

581
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:09,584
Let's do this, boys.

582
00:20:09,585 --> 00:20:11,742
That's the thing
about the adventure of life.

583
00:20:11,767 --> 00:20:14,171
It doesn't matter if you win or lose.

584
00:20:14,196 --> 00:20:16,580
It's who you have along for the ride.

585
00:20:26,281 --> 00:20:29,220
Stop! I don't want you
filming me, all right?

586
00:20:29,221 --> 00:20:30,648
Stop!

588
00:20:33,048 --> 00:20:35,326
you encounter a she-wolf.

589
00:20:35,351 --> 00:20:36,484
Fight or flee?

590
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,054
I do a few push-ups to get
pumped up, and I ask her out.

591
00:20:39,079 --> 00:20:40,232
- For sure. 
- Yeah, boy.

592
00:20:40,257 --> 00:20:41,273
Boom!

593
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,365
But then, suddenly, her
smokin' hot twin sister's

594
00:20:43,390 --> 00:20:46,781
also there, and she's like,
"Hey, why don't we all party?"

595
00:20:46,806 --> 00:20:49,296
And then we hop into the wolf
hot tub that's also there.

596
00:20:49,321 --> 00:20:50,420
There's no wolf hot tub!

597
00:20:50,445 --> 00:20:51,968
Come on, DM.

598
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,101
Fine. If you roll a 20,

599
00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:55,820
it's the best night of your life.

600
00:20:57,435 --> 00:20:59,117
- One. 
- Damn it!

601
00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:00,340
The she-wolves eat you.

603
00:21:01,549 --> 00:21:03,549
Synced and corrected by Nest0r 
www.addic7ed.com