Aunty Brenda, you will be my receptionist.
And you, Bobsy Gittens, will be my assistant undertaker.
Michael's got a big important meeting tomorrow
with this bloke from Bahrain.
He's from Kuwait. And he's not our client yet.
-So don't tell him. -What?
Don't tell him we are seeing each other.
Is there a dance teacher in the house?
There is now.
Karl, man! Stop standing on my bloody feet!
And then she smiles
And my heart starts beating
I go weak inside
Na na na na na na
Na na na
A perfectly normal-looking street
in the perfectly normal-looking town of Pontyberry.
But what horrors lurk behind closed doors.
This camera's immense.
Yeah, well, I hope you said thank you to your dad.
Must have cost a packet.
You seen my A-Z?
No.
Why are you going to London again?
To see Michael?
Oh! Do you ever listen to anything I ever say?
And put that thing down, will you?
It's an open day at St Thomas's hospital.
Michael doesn't know I am coming,
so if he calls the house, don't tell him where I am.
I want to surprise him.
We won't be here anyway.
Me and Little Al got a zombie film to make.
If you ever work out how to use it.
-Oi.
Yeah, well, don't be sticking it in people's faces.
Not everyone wants to be on that flipping tube thing or whatever.
It's YouTube and we could make loads of money from it.
Stella Morris.
The train departs in approximately 29 minutes.
Yeah, be there now in a sec.
Right. No parties.
No smoking.
Wash the dishes and walk the dog.
Oh, and don't even think about going anywhere near my new car.
Oh, Bobs, you know I am off to London, didn't you?
Vicious, dirty place. I love it.
Oh.
So long.
- Bye. - Bye, Mom.
This is hideous.
-Jasminder, you will have to cook. -Me?
Do full-on Indian? Get real.
I can't even toast a Pop-Tart.
I will nip down to the supermarket.
We can't get your Dadiji a shop-bought curry.
Oh, man, that really is gross.
-Hiya. -Carole.
-What's going on? -Grandma's coming to stay.
She rang last night. You see, she put money into this place
and she'll be wanting to come and check on her investment.
-She's a nightmare. -Jasminder.
Actually, she is a nightmare.
And Dad's made her a curry and it's rank.
God, you're right. That's proper nasty.
Right. What time is she getting here?
-One o'clock. -Well, you got plenty of time.
You get me the ingredients while I clean up.
I make quite a mean Jalfrezi as it goes. My son loves it.
Oh, well, anything's better than Dad's cooking.
You have a son.
Yeah.
More fan mail for the dancing undertaker.
Oh.
And a hamper from Dotty Moss.
She says, ''Thank you, Ivan, for making me feel 21 again.''
I got something, I have, for Ivan Slosh.
Schloss it is, Marj.
Yes, 'im.
Fresh from the allotment.
-Aunty Brenda. -Mayor Mary Meyer.
Aunty Brenda. Mayor Mary Meyer.
George the Butcher.
Oh. You got to have eyes in the back of your neck
when that one is around.
-He's very ambitious, shall we say?
Aunty Brenda, may I count upon your loyalty?
Heart, soul, liver and kidneys.
I suspect my time as mayoress is drawing to a close.
There are plans to oust me from power.
But I dare not name names.
Come to my office after the meeting,
for it is you I want to be my successor.
I shall reveal all anon.
In the meantime, trust no one.
-Ben! - I'm having a poo.
Okay. just going to the dentist.
What, I thought you went yesterday.
It's a different tooth. I'll be back in a bit!
Well, I am sorry, Karl, but I am not giving up.
You have to give me something to look forward to
after slaving over a hot nappy all week and sacrificing my soul to motherhood.
And if you don't want to dance, I will find someone who do. Little Alan!
Oh, what?
Will you be my dancing partner?
No. I already got one, haven't I?
Who? Ben Morris?
No. Not Ben.
Charming.
Oof!
Uh, bearing in mind all these factors,
we feel your client must reconsider his claim.
Yours sincerely, blah, blah, blah.
Oh, Melanie, just to be sure, when I say blah, blah, blah,
it means, yours sincerely, Michael Jackson, acting for our clients.
Mohammad al Kamali, it doesn't mean you write the actual words,
''Blah, blah, blah.'' Okay, great.
That temp is awful. Claire's back next week.
-Yeah. I've had a bit of a breakthrough. -Go on.
Um, Jamieson's lawyers are unable to substantiate the Belushi allegation.
Good. Get on the phone to his accountant and see if you can secure the affidavit.
Come on, come on, keep up, keep up.
If you get lost, on your heads be it.
Come on! Watch your handbags.
Welcome to London.
One of the most deadliest of cities in the world.
Any minute now we will be setting off for St Thomas's hospital.
Remember, the journey there will be littered with unseen perils.
Danger lurks under every corner.
Each passer-by is a potential terrorist or lunatic.
Do not be taken in.
Having said that, if you follow me,
stay close and keep the flag within your sights at all times.
There's a good chance we'll make it there, alive.
Onwards.
Come one, you slackers, keep up, keep up, keep up!
Come on!
Next on the agenda, George the Butcher.
Mary the Mayor, fellow councillors,
I would like to bring your attention to an issue that have been a blight
on the people of Pontyberry for several years.
Two words.
Chewing gum.
Now, this is what I propose we do.
Excuse me, George the Butcher, love.
I don't want to rain on your what-you-call,
but do you think this will take long.
Only, I really got to be getting on.
Getting on?
Getting on, she says. Well, that's rich, coming from...
Oh, right to be so sensitive, man.
--Ivan Schloss Funeral Services.
One moment, please. It's Megan Madigan.
She do want a word.
-Is she bereaved? -No.
-Purchasing a pre-pay? -Nada.
-Headstone? -No.
She is the one who discussed the foxtrot.
Tell her I am indisposed.
Sorry, Megan. He's with a weeping widow at the mo.
-Call back later, is it?
Oh, honestly, this phone haven't stopped
since you rocked up and got Pontyberry boppin'.
This was not to my intention, Bobsy,
and I guarantee I will not allow it to distract.
-Well, excuse me. -Dotty.
Mr Ivan, I just thought I'd come.
Many thanks for the hamper. Most kind.
But I am afraid I must return it.
I cannot risk impropriety of any kind.
-Oh. -Was there anything else, Dot?
-Well, not really... -'Cause we really should be getting on.
I just wondered if...
Yes. Aah. Bless. Oh!
I knew this would happen.
Oh, how could you, Casanova?
No, Bobsky, you misunderstand.
It is not me. It is the power of the dance.
It does strange things.
There once was a lady with whom I...
No, I have said enough.
-Right. -Ms Bevan.
I do need a word, Mr Slosh.
Schloss.
-It's about the dancing. -Oh, you don't say.
Someone needs to ring the son.
Lives in France, apparently, and I'd be more than happy to do it.
Don't you worry, George the Butcher. I got this.
I do think as senior council member, it really is my place to...
What in the name of Catherine Jenkins would make you more senior than me?
Bonjour.
Oui.
Hiya, Ian, love.
Listen, boo, do sit on down 'cause I got a bit of bad news.
And so dancing just helps me through the week, like.
But Karl have rung to say he don't want to do it no more.
So I haven't got no one to dance with. So, I was wondering...
Yes. Well, you are in luck.
Serious?
-Oh, thank you. -George the Butcher.
What?
George the Butcher is looking for someone with whom to dance.
He called me last night. I will tell him his problem is solved.
Hang on. I was hoping that maybe you'd consider...
Thank God you're both here!
Where in the name of the super furry animals have you been?
-just nipping out, you said. -The mayor is dead.
-Oh, my God! Mary the Mayor? -Yes. Mayor Mary Meyer.
Dead as a wasp, and only this lunchtime gone.
Sat there one minute, right as rain, being bored to the back teeth.
Next thing, flop, wham, smack, head on the table,
right in the middle of her ginger creams.
My condolences to you all. She was, I take it, a close friend.
Not really.
Hardly knew the woman.
Oh.
Oh, but here's the thing. I have spoken to the son, Ian.
Ian Meyer!
Christ, I was in school with him, plain as pastry and thin as a pen.
And he do want the funeral quick and simple.
So I told him we could do it. No problem!
He wants it Friday.
Friday! We cannot do it Friday.
We got no choice, butt.
The hospital are dropping her off in a bit.
I have been through these books with the finest toothcomb possible.
She cannot possibly find fault.
God, love, you are so stressed.
Well, when you meet my mother, you will understand why.
All my life I have never been able
to live up to her expectations of me.
''A shopkeeper. A grocery man.
''Oh, why couldn't you be a doctor or an accountant?
''Why couldn't you make me proud?''
Well, tell her you made this.
-Ah. -That will make her proud.
That is absolutely delicious.
He likes it hot, then.
-Yes. -Oh. Oh!
I bloody hate this thing. Do I have to wear it?
-Yes. -Oh, it looks lovely.
You know how Dadiji feels about tradition.
--It's only for a few days.
I look like an idiot.
Hello, yes.
Yes. Well, we all have to make sacrifices, I am afraid.
Look.
I will be there in ten minutes.
Tell him I am on my way.
-I got to go. -Everything all right?
I hope so.
Dad, don't want to panic you, or anything,
but I think you are going to be late for Dadiji.
-No, her train gets in at ten past. -No, I think she said ten to.
In fact, she definitely said ten to.
Well, that's in... Where are my car keys?
Where's the car?
She will go insane.
Oh!
What's wrong with this?
Oh.
-Shh!
- Someone's coming.
- I hate you so much. - Shh.
- Cover me. - Shh, I can't.
I can explain.
Traitor!
Go.
Oh, you said this was going to be a lads' summer. No girls.
I did feel a bit bad, you know, keeping it a secret.
Well, your opinion don't count for nothing, so!
--Can't we just talk about it?
I got nothing to say to you.
You want to talk?
Go chat to your girlfriend.
I am sorry, Mother, but you definitely said ten past.
Are you calling your own mother a barefaced liar?
No. No, of course not.
But you said ten past.
And the journey was dreadful.
Oh, dear.
You think with all this modern technology and what have you?
At least they could make a decent brew.
Jagadeesh, pay attention. The lights have changed.
Chal, chal, chal.
Sorry, sorry.
Right, settle down.
So, that's the hospital tour, done and dusted.
Tomorrow you will all be getting interviewed
for your six-week placemat... Placement.
So I strongly suggest an early night tonight.
However, word to the wide.
If you are to dare to venture outside the old residence,
I recommend carrying both mace and pepper spray,
secreted upon your person at all times.
Actually, Cheryl, I am staying with Michael,
so I am going to head off now to his office, like.
You're a fool, Stella Morris! Taking huge risk.
Make that journey alone,
and you will most likely be abducted by gang masters
and forced to pick beetroot on the Norfolk fens.
What?
I am sorry. You can't see Mr Jackson without an appointment.
No, what it is. I am his girlfriend. And I am here to surprise him. So I...
Now listen up, Cockney Jane.
-Cheryl. -This woman have travelled 200-odd mile
over hill and dale to get to see her fella.
- Cheryl. - Don't sit there lying to me,
saying she ain't going to get through your red tape and doodah.
Cheryl.
Because I'll report you for being anti-Welsh
and prejudicialistical.
What's going on?
Hiya.
Hi, this is Stella.
Leave a message and I might call you back.
Sweetheart, where are you? I have been trying you all day.
Even rang the house. Ben was really weird.
-You okay? -Why don't you judge for yourself?
-Stella! -Hiya.
Isn't this the sweetest thing?
I found her in reception surrounded by her little friends.
A-Z in her hand.
Come all this way from Wales to see her man.
Is everything okay? I mean what are you doing here?
I am on a college trip to St Thomas's Hospital.
I thought I would surprise you.
Well, she do look a lot more peaceful now than she did when she was alive.
Very nervous woman. Always frightened and what-ya-call.
At least now she is ready for her son.
What time is he expected?
He was getting the three o'clock Eurostar from Paris.
The dance class starts in half an hour. I will call them and cancel.
Oh, don't be daft.
You'll have a riot on your hands, you do that.
-Call who? I'll stay on, no bother. -I'll stay late, it's okay.
--That is most diligent of you both.
Your commitment will not unnoticed go.
Oh, Slosher!
Schloss.
- Madam Evans. -Bought you a little present, like.
Can of Cock and Bull.
-What do Ivan Slosh... -Schloss.
...Schloss want with a can of cider?
Fair point. I'll have it.
Tell you what, mind.
Your dance class tonight is swarming with horny bastard mares.
Thought you might like a cowin' bodyguard.
Thank you.
-This is posh, innit? -You think?
Mmm.
-You will have to show me around.
-But I was wondering about tonight. -Well, the thing is, Stell...
Will you take me up the OEO Tower?
That sounds so wrong on many different levels.
Stella. I can't tell you what a lovely surprise this is,
-you showing up out of the blue. -Oh, thank you.
But I am snowed under. Got a mountain of work.
I have just spoken to Max.
You are both coming to ours tonight for dinner.
-Are we? -Oh, really?
That's really kind but I have got that deadline.
Oh, work can wait.
It's not often we get a little visitor up from Wales.
Max is going to adore you.
Our place at 7:00. He's doing paella.
One, two, three. And one, two, three.
Very good. One, two, three. Excellent.
With the flick. Good.
You're best mates.
And he wants you to make a film with him.
So he can't ignore you all the summer.
You don't know Ben Morris.
One, two, three.
No, I was not out of time, George the Butcher.
Yes you were. You're useless, man.
Good. Good. Now!
Let us partake a two-minute break
and for those of you interested in the dance competition,
please put down your name upon the list.
Go away, please.
I require space, rest and refreshment.
Give the man some cockin' air, for cock's sake.
-Yes, thank you, Rhian. -Sorry, Chief.
No, it's not, it's not. It's anti-clockwise.
-It's clockwise, he showed me earlier. -No, it's not. I move better than you.
No, no, no. What are you doing? This, it is all wrong.
Oh, I know. I am trying to show him.
That's what I keep saying. But sadly people don't listen.
Enough. Cease. Observe.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four and round.
Oh.
It is not complicated. You must simply with the flowing go.
All right.
Okay, break over. Let's get back into your pairs.
Clip the shlop and we will all together try this lunge. Um...
Miss, uh, Miss Bevan.
Please demonstrate.
Yes. Music.
And one, two, three, and one, two, three.
And around and pull and step,
and flick, flick, flick, flick.
Turn, two, three.
And one, two.
You see so simple when you know how.
Now try it with your partners.
I still don't understand what the problem was.
The problem, Max, was that it was my bin
and my property for my apple cores and not hers.
You see, this is the kind of attitude I was dealing with.
Stuck up, neurotic and grumpy beyond belief.
Well, I wasn't in the best of places. I had just gone through a divorce.
-Oh, then we forgive you. -Thank you.
You soon sorted him out there, did you, Stella?
-Took him in hand? -Mmm, I suppose I did.
Stella's definitely the one in charge.
Is that in all departments?
Oh, ah, here we go.
-Sorry. -I am just curious
about the dynamics of your relationship.
Why?
I am a people watcher, Michael, it fascinates me.
How people get on?
How people interlock?
There we are then.
-More wine?
Oh, God, I shouldn't really, I am going to be hanging tomorrow.
Hanging?
Ah, yeah, it means hung over. Rough, worse for wear.
Oh. Mmm.
Michael is fluent now in Pontyberry.
-Aren't you, presh? -Presh.
-Oh, I love it. -Oi, ya.
Okay. Presh.
Fill my glass up and all, isn't it?
--Oh, my God, Maria.
Was that meant to be a Welsh accent?
-Yes. -You should hear her Brummie.
No, I can do a good Brummie accent
-'cause Michael's from Wolverhampton. -Oh, come on.
You know, it sort of goes a bit like... Does that sound South African?
Do you do any others?
-Everything all right? -Yeah.
I think I am just about getting the hang of how to pull a pint.
--How's your mum?
She has a migraine.
Thank you for working this evening.
With Stella in London and Yanto in the dance class.
Not a problem, honest.
Carole, when I collected my mother from the train,
I saw you outside the police station.
-Was that your son you were with? -Yes.
I just wondered. Is he...
He's got Down syndrome, yes.
But don't start feeling all sorry for me because that don't help no one.
I just meant is he in trouble?
What?
Because you were outside the police station
and obviously, I thought that...
Oh, right, well, yeah, he'd been caught shoplifting, as it goes.
So, not my proudest moment.
Ah!
Oh, God!
Ah.
So, how long have you and Maria been an item, then?
Item?
Oh, you have such a fantastic turn of phrase.
-Do I? -You certainly do.
I don't know really.
We don't do anniversaries and all that sort of stuff.
Hmm. Gets complicated sometimes, doesn't it?
Yeah.
And I hate complication.
Oh, God, don't tell Michael I am doing this, for Christ's sake.
I have not had a fag in two years.
Don't worry, Stella. Your secret's safe with me.
You don't strike me as a smoker, mind.
-Don't I? -No.
Look at you, all fit and buff.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, God.
I am so sorry. Did I give you the wrong...
-Hey... -I did, didn't I?
Look, I am just... I am just pissed.
Hey, no worries.
-Can't blame a guy for trying, right? -Right.
Cheers.
Oh, God, sorry. It was open so I just...
Oh, we don't have any locks on any doors.
We really should get that sorted.
-Okay, I'll wait. -No, no, don't mind me.
-I will be right out of your way. -Maria, you've got something...
-Never a good look. -No.
I only take this recreationally, so don't go getting all moral on me.
I'm not, I don't. It's your house, it's up to you.
You want some?
No, thanks.
Really?
I had you down as an adventurous type.
You know, work hard, play harder.
Jesus, look, this is really not my thing, Maria.
-I mean, you are my boss. - Michael!
And if I wasn't.
Sorry, have we interrupted?
I'm not sure yet.
And what size waves were you surfing?
My God, Daddy, what are you like?
-And well jell...
Oh, ah, he's here.
Right, sorry, Daddy, got to go. Make sure you wax your board now.
Don't want you slipping in the tube. So long. Okay, so long.
Hiya, kid, I'm Aunty Brenda. We spoke on the phone.
Ian Meyer.
So terribly sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Oh, um, sorry.
Sorry, it's...
Well, it just you look so different.
From school days, you know.
Bobby Gittins, remember?
-Same year as you in comp. -Oh, right, yeah.
I'd like to see my mother, please.
Of course, in there she is, in the chapel of rest,
if you'd like to go on through.
Thank you.
Well, I don't know whatever happened to him in the interim,
but he turned out absolutely stonking.
--I didn't know where to put myself.
I think she had a pretty good idea where to put you.
Stella! Thank God, you came back in when you did.
Yeah, but only 'cause Max tried to kiss me in the garden.
He didn't. What?
Yeah. just launched in for the kill. They're swingers, Michael!
Jesus, they're swingers. My boss is a swinger.
Has it ever happened to you before?
Actually, me and Jan were approached at the golf club once
by this guy and his wife.
-Were you tempted? -Ah, no, Jan was furious.
-She threatened to sue him. -What for?
Not exactly sure.
-Good ol' Jan. -Yeah.
And what about you? Have you and Karl ever...
Oh, shut up. God!
Nothing like that ever happens in Pontyberry.
-Bet it does. You are just very naive. -Hmm.
God, how am I going to face her in the morning?
Ha!
Oh, you know, normally, I'd feel all intimidated by someone like Maria.
High-powered solicitor type. Big success and that.
But, now she has gone and made a twat of herself, hasn't she?
I guess she has.
Stella, you are a success, you know.
-A huge success. -Yeah, right.
45 and still training to be a nurse.
By the time I've studied, it will be time for me to retire.
Oh, wish I could start over again, sometimes.
Oh, please don't. I am so proud of you.
Are you?
God, yes.
Mmm.
Come on, let's get home.
I am absolutely gagging for it.
--Oh.
There you go.
I hadn't seen her for 15 years.
-Yeah? -Oh!
She was always ashamed of me, see.
For being gay.
Nonsense!
She was always banging on about you, wasn't she, Bobs?
Yeah.
Oh, my Ian to live in Paris, you know?
My Ian to speak French, you know?
My Ian to do this, my Ian to do that.
You couldn't shut her up, by all accounts.
God.
Oh, thank God, you're here.
Sorry, Ian?
Thank God you were here to help me through this.
Oh, well, this is embarrassing.
Sorry, what?
I said thank God you were here to help me through this.
-Right.
Sorry.
Listen, I'll let you two get on.
I got a million and one things I got to sort out for the funeral.
We are going to give your mum a lovely send-off, Ian.
I don't care how much it costs.
Good. I mean, right.
Well, toodle pip, see you on the morrow.
Why would you want to come back to Pontyberry,
when you got this to look at every day.
You know why I want to come back.
-Of course I do. Your allotment. -My allotment.
I've only ever lived in Pontyberry.
I was born there. Went to school there.
Had my kids there. Probably die there.
Unless you moved here.
Here?
I'll be here for six weeks if get that placement.
No, I'm talking permanently.
Sorry?
Well, we could both live here.
Once you qualify, there will be plenty of nursing jobs to choose from.
-Hang on, what about Ben and Katie? -They will be at uni next year.
What? And the baby.
You just can't abandon him.
I will see him at weekends,
which is no different from what will happen anyway.
Come on, Stell.
Think about it at least.
You'd love it here.
Yeah, I would.
I better get going. Face the Maria music.
And if I turn up late at St Thomas's,
Cheryl will think I have been drawn into some sordid sex and drugs den.
-Well, you weren't far off, last night.
Jamie is helping me out today, if that's all right.
He won't be no bother, will you, love?
Sure thing. Hey there, I'm jag.
-Jamie, say hello to Jagadeesh. -Hello to Jagadeesh.
He's not a happy bunny I am afraid, after his telling off by PC Plod.
Right, in you go, blossom, and try and stay out of trouble.
Nice to meet you, Jamie.
Are you hiding from me, Michael?
No, I just...
It was a fabulous evening last night.
Yes. Thanks for the paella.
That's okay. just a shame you didn't both stay for dessert.
The thing is Maria, I have never really had much of a sweet tooth.
--Oh. Got to get that.
Well?
I have been offered the placement.
Oh, brilliant! No excuse not to move here now.
No, I suppose not.
So, how's she been?
Completely normal.
She hasn't said a word except something about puddings.
I can't wait to come home.
Yeah, I'm sorry we're not on the same train.
It's just that I can't, you know, I better get back for the pub.
No, I know. But, I'll see you at bedtime, won't I?
Oh, my God.
What's the matter?
Nothing. Um, I will see you tonight.
I love you.
Well, admittedly, I drank a lot of wine last night,
but I don't think I am seeing things, am I?
Hello, Stella.
The place will be bulging at the seams.
200-odd guests I've rustled up for tomorrow.
An excellent advert for the company. Morticia Brenda.
That's what I thought.
And to also showcase what I can do
in a mayoral, nay, statesman-like capacity.
I've got Only Men Allowed singing a couple of numbers,
and Louise Benz doing a tribute dance.
-Hiya, kid. -Good morning, Bobsky.
All right?
May I interest anyone in some coffee? It's Turkish.
-Right, go on. -Got a macchiato, thanks.
Oh.
I was just filling Ivan in on the progress for tomorrow's funeral.
-How was Ian last night, in the end?
Bobs.
Oh, Aunty Bren, I've dropped the most massivest clanger imaginable.
You didn't.
I couldn't help it.
At first, I was like,
''Wow, that ugly duckling from Pontyberry comp
''turned into a beautiful beefy swan. Who speaks French.''
Bonjour. Tout le monde.
But, oh, my God, talk about looks deceiving.
Did you take him up the Frisky Fox?
Yes.
But then he wanted a lift to his hotel, so naturally, I obliged.
Naturally.
But then he wanted me to come inside for a nightcap at the bar!
-And I thought, well, in for a penny.
-Three hours later...
I am still sat there listening to him droning on.
Ah, in all fairness, mind, Bobs, he was grief stricken.
Oh, I could have handled grief stricken, but this was something else.
Oh, he was moaning about the people he works with.
That he don't get appreciated, no one listens to him, quelle surprise.
Of all the men in his life who have deserted him,
and oh, yeah, how he've struggled for years with sobriety.
Oh, God, he was dull.
So me, I just got drunker and drunker
to blot out the boredom and by the time the barman called last orders,
and Ian invited me up to his room, I had lost all sense of judgement.
He've texted me eight times already this morning.
And declared his undying love.
You mean to say, Bobsky, that you had sexual relations with a customer.
Ivan, I am so sorry, it was an accident.
Oh, that's all right, then.
You mean you accidentally had sexual relations with a customer.
Bobsky, what were you thinking?
Well, obviously he had no choice.
He've taken one for the team, is all.
I beg your pardon.
Ian Meyer's paying for this funeral and we got to keep him sweet
and if it takes a bit of what-you-call to make him happy,
then, it was just good business sense.
Now, if you ask me,
you bite the bullet and dive back in.
What do you mean?
You got to take him up the Frisky Fox again.
But why London?
I mean, surely they've got the same treatment in Canada?
Apparently not.
This is cutting edge. Trailblazing.
All those words they like to use to make you feel like you're going to be okay.
Yeah, well, you are going to be okay, okay?
Well, the guy's a world cardio specialist, so, uh...
Anyway, how are you?
How am I?
I'm in shock, that's how I am.
Sorry.
I mean, you always keep so fit.
You go running, for Christ's sake. You hardly drink anything.
Is it the fags? I hope you've packed them in.
Pretty much.
Oh, why didn't you say something, Rob?
To me or to Luke.
I don't want Luke to know anything about this.
In fact, I don't want anyone to know about it.
I take it Suzanne knows.
She's a doctor.
It's not the sort of thing I can hide from her.
So, where is she?
-Oh, you haven't split up. -I'm having a break.
I wanted time my own with this.
What is wrong with you?
I've got a dodgy ticker.
I get the results this afternoon.
If this medication isn't working,
then I want to come back to Wales for a bit.
Spend some time with Luke and get to know Sophie.
I can't believe I am hearing this.
Stella, if you hadn't happened to be in this hospital,
on this particular day, at this particular time,
then you wouldn't even know I was in the country.
I have to go.
-Yeah, well, let me come with you... -Thanks.
I'd rather be on my own. Honestly.
Stubborn bastard.
Let me know what happens, is it?
Of course.
Hiya, kid. It's me, it is. Aunty Brenda.
Listen, I am sorting you out a first-class send-off tomorrow.
It will be the nearest thing to a state funeral
this town have ever seen.
And, uh,
don't think I've forgotten what you said, you know,
about me being your rightful heir and what you call.
I reckon, when they see what I've organised,
there will be no contest.
Oh.
The mayor is dead.
Long live the mayor.
What in the name of Loredana Groza do you think you are doing?
Sorry, Ivan, I was just trying it on for size.
Immediately return these chains.
The thing is before she died, the mayor...
Morticia Brenda.
With what Bobsy's antics last night upon the son of Mayor Mary Meyer,
and yours before me, now,
I am beginning to wonder that I had the wrong team chose.
Consider this an official warning.
--Sorry.
I'm glad you could make it.
I just thought...
This is freshly-squeezed lime juice, isn't it, not cordial?
-Freshly squeezed. -Definitely no alcohol in it?
Some ginger beers they say alcohol-free, but in fact, it's 0.5%%% alcohol.
Totally alcohol free.
I can't touch a drop, see.
Been sober now for two and a half months...
-Two and a half months, yes, you said. -One day at a time.
Hiya, Stella, how was London?
It was, um, not quite what I expected.
You want to come and join us.
Oh, I can't, sorry.
Late for my shift.
Oh.
I know we rushed into things last night.
-Bit of a whirlwind. -Yes, look, I am sorry about that.
-I'd had a few drinks. -Let me take you out to dinner.
-No. -Get to know each other, see.
There's a nice little Italian down the road, we could...
Listen, Ian, love, I am sorry. You are a lovely fella.
Oh.
But you're just not my type.
That's not what you were saying less than 24 hours ago.
-Hello, Bob. -All right.
Less than 24 hours ago, you were saying
that there was no one quite like me in Pontyberry.
That I was a breath of fresh air.
-Did I? Did I say that? -You said you imagined us
living together in France and skiing the Alps
and sharing a chocolate fondue.
-Oh, heck. -You called me your little French onion.
Your pamplemousse.
-Your petit fleur. -I really had had a lot to drink.
I think I should go.
No, don't be daft.
Well, that's the problem, isn't it, Bobby?
That's what I am in your eyes.
Daft, an idiot, le bouffon! It means clown in French.
The humiliation is overwhelming.
Where are you going?
Oh, you only wanted me for my money and my mother.
Well, you can forget that for a kick-off.
Because I am taking my mother elsewhere.
What?
Hang on, you can't do that, Ian!
Babe!
You can't just cancel a funeral, willy-nilly.
Hey, come over for breakfast tomorrow, is it?
Hey, nice one, all right.
Makes a change from takeaways.
You are still without Zoe, then, my friend.
Yeah. She's back in a couple of weeks, I hope.
Her dad's on the mend, so.
Hey, talking of dads, you heard from yours, lately?
And you haven't mentioned him much.
Oh, I haven't, as it goes. He've gone really quiet.
Have you, then?
-What? -Heard from Rob.
No.
Hey, maybe him and Suzanne have secretly got married
and he feels bad 'cause he never invited us to the wedding.
Yeah. Maybe.
Yes, please?
I think you will find that so far the books are looking pretty healthy.
And you can be certain your investment is still safe.
I am not here to talk about the books, Jagadeesh.
Oh. Then why...
I am here to talk about Jasminder.
Has she been rude? I know sometimes she can...
I think it's time we found her a husband.
Don't you?
Hey, there's already 20 people signed up for the dance competition, you know.
What's the matter?
I will never live it down. A cancelled funeral.
George the Butcher will never stop laughing at me.
I can hear him now, calling me the biggest joke this town have ever seen.
And it's all entirely my own fault.
Ideas above my station.
Oh, it's not your fault. It's mine.
If I'd have just said yes to a dinner date with him,
he wouldn't have felt so rejected and none of this would have happened.
That's true.
-Yes, you're right, it is your fault. - Enough!
No more of this talk of fault, of blame.
We are a team.
The team of Schloss.
Sometimes the team, it is defeated.
But, we will rise again from the rushes and learn.
Now, please, let us from this disaster move on.
Michael.
I wasn't asleep, honest.
Oh.
Sorry I had to work.
Made dinner for Ben and Little Alan
and they are still not speaking, because Little Alan's got a girlfriend.
I know. Ridiculous.
Excited about your placement? Well done, again.
I haven't thought about it much, to be honest.
So, what have you been thinking about?
Because there is something on your mind. I can read you like a Kindle.
This.
I have been thinking about catching up.
I hope you're hungry because we've got loads.
Oh, Ben, put that thing away!
I am capturing mundane and everyday occurrences.
Apparently, we are mundane, are we? Yeah?
Speak for yourself, Jacko.
-I am exquisitely fascinating. -Yes, me too.
Oh, shall I do the eggs?
Huh, I'm not eating nothing he's cooked.
Oh, behave.
Mum!
Oh, here they are. Perfect timing.
I am going to start calling you Mystic Meg from now on.
Why is that?
Well, you know last night you was asking about Rob?
Did he ring you?
Nah. He've gone one better than that.
Hello, everyone.
He've come to stay for the summer.
Oh.
-Hello, Ben. -How's it going, all right?
-Good to see you. -Michael.
Hi, Little Al.
-Hi, Bobby. -Hello, Stella.
-Right, I will fill the... -I will get the...
We need that in by the end of Friday, or we can't counterclaim.
But I am going to Pontyberry today. It's my anniversary tomorrow.
This is nice, isn't it?
You have to tell Luke, Rob.
I'd prefer it if you were with me when I did.
Of course.
Here you go, darling.
You want to tread gentle with that one, you know.
Attractive woman.
Husband away.
Who's that?
Could that be a dirty douche who'd rather spend the summer
with a girl than his best bro?