It was just a kiss, all right?
-And did you enjoy it? -Yes, I enjoyed it.
I should, um... I'm gonna go.
You made me feel like we had something special.
Like we was dance champions.
Now you're telling me it meant nothing!
Nothing.
(VOCALISING)
And then she smiles
And my heart starts beating
I go weak inside
Na na na na na na
Na na na
-STELLA: Got your ticket? -Yup.
-Passport? -Yup.
-Sex appeal? -Always.
You could come and visit me, you know.
-In New Zealand? Are you paying? -There's a lot of fit blokes out there.
And they're not fussy.
-One of them is bound to fancy you. -(SCOFFS)
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm already in a relationship.
-Yeah, question is, who with? -Don't start.
So, you spoken to him then?
Not yet, no.
But, I will.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Oh, I wish you didn't have to go back.
Me too. Your dog's dinner of a love-life's more entertaining
than Britain's Got Talent.
-Fuck off. You're boring me now. -(CHUCKLES)
LITTLE ALAN: Ben.
We've worked out what we're doing for your birthday.
-Have you? -I know it's your party in the night.
But, how about an American-style breakfast in the morning,
followed by an afternoon up the BME track?
-Cerys has never been on a BME... -You're coming?
-I don't have to. -Of course Cerys is coming.
Yes, you do.
Look, I thought everything was cool between you now.
BOTH: It is.
So, what's the problem?
Oh, I have had a gut full of you both.
He is my best mate. She is my girlfriend. Get over it.
-I am over it. -It's him.
I'm walking out now and it's not gonna be dignified.
Cos I've gotta clamber down a ladder.
-Don't go. I'm sorry. -Be in no doubt I am well pissed off.
(CERYS SIGHS)
-This is all your fault. -Yeah, all right.
You shouldn't have made that film.
(SIGHS)
She in?
B, the butcher's here.
He's wearing your chain.
(STAMMERING) It is not her chain.
It's the mayor's chain.
And seeing as I am the acting mayor right now...
Well, you didn't waste much time
jumping into my democratically elected grave, did you?
Aunty Brenda, you haven't been answering my calls.
Correct.
The council executive meets tomorrow at 1 2:00,
where they'll decide whether or not to reinstate you.
Please attend.
What do you think I am, George The Butcher?
A glutton for what's-her-name?
I'm not standing there before you to be ridiculed,
like a medieval jester.
Then we'll decide in your absence.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have mayoral duties to fulfil.
I'm presenting Dillon, the Do-Gooding Dragon
with his cheque for the kiddys' ward.
(SCOFFS)
Watch where you go, pal.
You might trip over that colossal ego of yours.
(LAUGHS)
One of the highlights of the mayoral calendar that is,
presenting Dillon, the Do-Gooding Dragon.
It's some big wee fella in a costume, you tube.
He's not an actual dragon.
Oh, shut up.
It's your fault I'm in this mess in the first place.
B, how many times? I'm sorry. OK?
Sorry won't put that chain back around my neck, good boy.
(BABY COOING)
Rob.
(BABY WHINING)
Rob.
(SIGHS)
(MOBILE RINGING)
-This is Rob Morgan. Leave a message. -(BEEPING)
Rob, it's me. Give me a ring, will you?
I need to tell you something.
No, she means her fluffy duck.
The one with the eye.
Well, give it a wash, babe.
OK, see you.
-Sorry about that. -I don't know how you do it.
juggle work with family life?
No, talk on the phone while smoking and holding a coffee.
Oh, look at the time. Iv's still not shown?
He didn't turn up till lunch time yesterday
and he looked terrible.
(CRASHING)
Oh. Look out.
The shop floor is abandoned.
For what do I you pay?
Inside please. Choppity chop.
Someone's heading for a breakdown. You mark my words.
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
I can find me not the diary. Where is it, please?
It's right in front of you, babe, on the desk.
Yes. Well, good.
This place is very disorganised. I expect better.
Sorry.
How may a business survive if its staff care not for their work?
It must be loved and nurtured.
Like so many things of life.
Not rejected or strangled
or stamped upon.
(WHIMPERS)
I expect from you both, more commitment and concentration.
(RINGTONE) I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world
- Life in plastic, it's fantastic -I am so sorry but I've gotta get this.
just in case...
Yeah?
I know this squeak is broke. You have to do the noise for her.
In an American accent.
You know, like,
(IN AMERICAN ACCENT) ''Quack, quack, little ducky.''
Yeah.
We have three home visits today
and a meeting with the seller of shrouds.
I'm afraid you will both have to with it all deal,
for I am indisposed.
(WHIMPERS)
(DOOR CREAKS)
Dine.
My beast, home at last.
Look what I got you.
Yeah, nice.
Listen, Karl, I've been thinking, and I'm sorry for neglecting you.
I took by eye off of the balls.
But all that's gonna change.
I'm yours, my beast.
Yours and no one else's.
Fucking hell!
I feel like a soldier returning from the war.
Except, I haven't got a gun like.
Or a helmet.
-Don't be disgusting. -Where to is Genevieve?
Hush now. She's having a kip.
(EEHALES DEEPLY)
No, Dine.
Listen.
I've been doing a lot of thinking myself, like,
and talking up the rigging with Fat Les.
He reckons, we should be more spiritual-like.
Who's Fat Les?
He says I gotta stop treating you like a sex machine.
He says I gotta buy you dinner
and get inside that complicated head of yours.
So tonight, Nadine Patricia Bevan,
I am taking you up The Frisky Fox.
Are you?
Right.
(MOTOR RUNNING)
And if we get it right, it'll be the biggest contract
the company's ever won.
-Dave Marshall is one of the leading... -Maria, I know but we can't force him
to choose us.
Look, you go on ahead. I've gotta make a quick call.
Don't be late.
(MOBILE RINGING AND BUZZING)
Hey, gorgeous.
Are you in Cardiff?
just arrived. Literally, 2 7 miles away.
Hmm... Can't wait to see you.
-I got the cake. -Excellent.
-How's my boy. -Oh, he's beautiful.
But I've got so much to do for this party.
Be glad when Beyonce picks him up, to be honest.
What time's she coming?
She texted last night from the airport.
Wants a lie in this morning to get over the jet lag.
What? Two hour flight from Magalluf?
She's incredible.
(MOBILE CHIMES)
Yeah, I know. (LAUGHS)
Don't take any of her nonsense, Stell.
-You know what's she's like. -(MOBILE BUZZING)
Yeah, erm... Listen babe, I gotta go.
I'm parked on double yellows
I'll catch you later, yeah?
Rob.
(SIGHS) Bollocks.
(MOBILE RINGING)
ANSWERING MACHINE: This is Rob Morgan. Leave a message.
(BEEP)
Hi. It's me. I just missed you.
Try me again, yeah?
We really need to talk.
(ENGINE STARTING)
(TYRES SCREECHING)
Listen, George. It's about Brenda's tribunal.
She's really upset and I was just wondering...
No.
Councillor Davies. It's about Brenda's tribunal.
-Look, I know it's a bit... -No.
Councillor Lloyd. It's about Aunty Brenda.
-Hey, pal. -Yeah.
Are you Tim Rhys-Evans
from, Only Men Aloud!
I am. Do you want a selfie?
Er,
not quite.
I can't stop. I just nipped back for my charger.
Well, hang on.
You have 30 seconds to kiss your husband. Don't you?
Sorry.
just that Ivan's getting worse.
This morning he was proper bonkers. I don't know what's the matter with him.
But he's basically left me and Bobs to man the ship.
Well, calm down, and have this.
-BEN: Luke. -Yeah, in here.
(DOOR CLOSES)
I need some advice.
Now's not a good time, bud. Zoe's gotta...
No, it's fine. I gotta get back.
I'll see you, kids. I'll see you tonight, love.
I don't have the time.
(SIGHS)
That was Zoe.
-Right. What's up, bro? -(DOOR CLOSES)
Oh, Luke, I'm in a right mess.
Perhaps, if you put some ribbon around it,
people won't notice.
Are you serious?
Yes.
For Jamie's birthday, I made loads and loads of cupcakes
and piled them up in a pyramid. Didn't I, presh?
Yeah. I had 1 0 of them and then I was sick.
(ALL LAUGHING)
I'll do the same for you, if you like.
-Really? -Yeah.
Isn't she the kindest, sweetest person, Stella?
Won't take me long and Jaime can help.
-Kind and beautiful and ravishing. -(EECLAIMS)
Ignore him. What do you reckon?
Oh, that'd be amazing.
Thank you.
(BEYONCE LAUGHING)
You got any bacon butties, Yan?
Only me and him just flew in and we are ravaged.
-Aren't we, hon? -Hola.
We actually we stopped serving breakfast an hour ago.
Where the hell have you been?
Stell!
Oh, my God! I missed my flight, didn't I?
You could have rung.
Oh, here's my darling.
Pedro, this is my little baby, Jackson.
(SPEAKS IN SPANISH)
You're drunk.
Er, I know. I just come home from my holidays.
You were meant to be having Jackson back. 11:00 you said.
-I'll take him with me now. It's fine. -No, it's not fine.
Cos you're in no fit state to look after a baby.
So I'm gonna have to look after him. But then, you knew that, didn't you?
Thanks, babe. You're a star. By the way, this is Pedro.
Hola.
You pick him up first thing tomorrow and you better be bloody sober.
Michael's gonna be furious about this.
Hola.
-Ooh... -(LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)
Come on! Squeeze it out.
(PANTING)
Can't breathe. Can't feel my legs.
Gonna puke.
Excellent. They wouldn't be called suicide runs if they were easy.
You've only done 10 anyway, you big wuss.
I don't get it.
How's bringing me up here and beasting me
gonna help me stop thinking about Cerys?
It's all about perspective, innit?
What are you thinking about now? Your legs or Cerys?
(PANTING) Cerys.
Oh, Christ, you've got it bad.
You know when you and Zoe got together,
you just knew she was the one, didn't you?
Yeah.
But it wasn't plain sailing.
Lenny Mack gave me a run for my money and a few black eyes into the bargain.
Some things are worth fighting for though.
Aren't they, Luke?
What are you saying, bud?
How she has the nerve to go in there and purchase lamb-chops
from a butcher who butchered the career of her favourite aunt,
I will never know.
Don't start.
I got enough on my plate without you having a go.
I see that philandering solicitor from Wolverhampton
have lumbered you again with his love child.
Aunty Brenda, my Michael is a good person.
He is honest and loyal and lovely.
So lay off of him, will you?
I'm sorry.
You're right.
It's this council tribunal, it is, Stell.
It have turned me all bitter and twisted.
I don't recognise the person I've become.
Look, just turn up there tomorrow.
Calmly fight your corner and tell them the truth.
You did not inhale.
Good, God. I'm not actually gonna turn up.
The whole thing is a travesty.
I'd be humiliated beyond belief.
Fair enough.
Though I never had you down as a coward, Aunty Bren.
-Hiya. -Hi.
All right.
Er, I'll have half a chicken breast and two of them kebabs, please,
George The Butcher.
Hey, shouldn't you be keeping Karl's strength up?
Got a lovely bit of rump on offer.
Much more meaty than your kebabs.
Don't be disgusting.
And you can stop staring at me and all, Stella Morris,
boring into me with them judgemental eyes.
-What? Never said nothing. -No, but you thought it.
Well, let me tell you something.
It was a huge mistake me kissing Ivan Slosh.
-Schloss. -Schloss.
And an even bigger one telling you about it.
Nadine.
I'm the last person to judge.
Hey, what about your kebabs?
-George... -Now, listen.
I hope you haven't come to have a go about Aunty Brenda.
I've already had her useless husband on my doorstep.
No. I have come to order a side of ham
and two dozen chipolatas for Ben's party.
Right. Yes, well...
Call it 25 quid and collect it tomorrow.
-(DOOR CLOSES) -I just checked the orders.
There is nothing down here for Langham Cottage?
No. He rang last week and cancelled.
Who, Rob did?
Rob did what?
Rob Morgan. Cancelled his order.
Aye. He's upped and gone by all accounts.
Be with you now in a minute.
Give me a couple of hours and I'll let you have my decision.
But, it's fair to say, you can be optimistic.
Fantastic. Anything we can help with, just call.
-Will do. -Cheers.
Well, I don't want to get straight back on the train.
So, how about you invite me to your place for dinner?
Or do they call it tea down here?
Ugh. Go away, Ben.
-Cerys, I need you. -You are unbelievable.
-What? -You need me.
-No, I mean... -I'm your best friend's girlfriend.
-You should be ashamed. -No.
I need you to help me.
Sort this mess out will Little Al. He said he won't come to my party.
I know.
Do not go in the kitchen.
-Why? -It's a secret. Shh.
I've known him since I was six and three quarters.
I'd never do anything to hurt him.
What?
Even if I felt the same way about you.
But you don't.
But if I did?
♪ Joe COCKER: You Are So Beautiful
Then I wouldn't come near you.
Friendship's more important than a fling
with the most gorgeous girl in Pontyberry.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Right answer.
You passed the test.
What? Cos I said you're the most gorgeous girl in Pontyberry?
No, saphead.
Cos you said friendship's more important.
So, yes. I'll help you.
(MOBILE CHIMES)
What? (SIGHS)
This is Rob Morgan. Leave a message.
Rob. I've been calling you all day. What's going on?
This afternoon, George The Butcher tells me you've upped and gone.
Then I get a message saying, ''I'm fine. I'm in London.''
Doing what, for God's sake?
(EEHALES) Look,
that kiss last week was stupid and childish.
And it was lovely as well. But then kissing you always was lovely.
But I...
I can't kiss you any more. OK?
That's what I wanted to say.
I wanted to tell you to stop it. Stop kissing me. All right?
I'm with Michael now and I love him. I really, really love him.
That's not to say I don't love you.
But I don't love you, you know, like that.
I love you like an old friend cos that's what we are, isn't it?
Oh, my God.
I'm worried about you now. Are you all right?
God, I hope you're all right.
-Because I just... -Stella.
Yeah?
Guess what?
-We've got a visitor. -We've got a visitor.
-Maria. -Hi, Stella.
Hello, little man. What are you still doing here?
(LAUGHS)
So, I can expect to see you there then, can I?
Oh, yes. But can we bring Donkey?
If you like.
Though I suspect there'll be enough dumbasses in the place already.
No offence. Oh, and you'll need to look through these.
Right.
Clem, Marj, Glen, Donkey.
You may as well be the first to know,
I've decided I'm gonna clear my name and get my old job back.
At least, attempt to.
-Ah, the warrior returns. -Yup.
I'm gonna go to that tribunal tomorrow with my head held high
and speak my truth.
My name is Aunty Brenda and I did not inhale.
Won't be needing us after all that, eh, Clem?
Are you kidding?
If that woman is defending herself,
she's gonna need all the help she can get.
(DONKEY BRAYING)
We've been looking all over for you.
Well, now you have me found.
We've been at the shop till now working our fingers to the bum.
I've rearranged all the files and I've cleared out all the cabinets.
Good. I expect no less.
Yes, but we can only do so much.
(RINGTONE) I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie world
Hiya, Luke.
Yeah, I'm coming now.
Yeah.
So...
Are you going to tell us what's occurring?
Cos I've been where you are, babe,
and right now my depression radar is going berserk.
And I ain't leaving this pub until you tell me everything.
I've tried so hard, Bobsy.
Oh, with the undertakers.
But yes, of course you do.
You did, and it's doing really well.
No. Not with the damn, bloody, damn, flipping, bloody undertakers.
I couldn't give two fags about the funeral business.
-Calm down. -I'm talking of my breaking heart.
I tried so hard for to my feelings fight,
but they have me consumed.
I am in love.
With me?
Oh, Christ.
-Good heavens, no. Not you. -Oh.
-Ms Bevan. -Mr Slosh.
Schloss.
(GASPS)
Knock me sideways on a seesaw.
I warned you from the get go to stay away from Nadine Bevan,
but would you listen? No.
-So, now it all comes out. -Bobsy, please.
You've been trotting her fox while her husband's up a rig?
No, no, no. Let me assure you, her honour remains spotlessly intact.
I trotted not the fox of Ms Bevan.
We merely kissed.
Drink, Nads?
You bet your bottom dollar, you badass boy.
Right. Now, listen to me. Is she...
BOBBY: Look at me.
Look. Look. Look at me!
Is she aware of how you feel?
No. She believes I hate her.
Oh, well, that's a start, I suppose.
Please, Bobsy. You must not to another person
breathe of this a word.
Cross my heart and troff a pie.
OK, so deep breaths.
Pick yourself up
and walk away.
Walk away.
What was she thinking, Stell, drinking during the day?
I don't know.
A teenager would be more responsible than her and she's 29.
When you think about all the people desperate to become parents
and she behaves like that.
Makes me think I should, you know...
What?
Go for custody.
-Are you mental? -(MARIA LAUGHS)
I hope you know a good lawyer.
Why? He'd have a better life living with us.
-You can't deny that. -You've had too much wine, good boy.
Michael, you know as well as I do
the chances of successfully taking a mother to court.
Unless, she's being negligent.
Hang on. She made one mistake.
You can't take her baby just for one mistake.
-Why are you defending her? -It's not like Jackson was in danger.
-Well, no. But he could have been. -(MOBILE RINGING)
Dave Marshall. Excuse me.
Hello?
Thanks.
-Sorry. -Oh, it's OK.
I've just not had the best of days, that's all.
I could have done without a dinner guest.
She's not staying tonight, is she?
Yeah, I said she could squeeze in bed with us.
You don't mind, do you?
He's signed. He's bloody signed.
-Fantastic. -Congratulations.
On condition, you lead the project.
-Really? -Yes.
It'll mean a bonus for you and lot of travel.
So, do I have your commitment, Michael?
-One hundred percent? -Of course.
Good.
Now, if I hurry, I'll make the last train to London.
Can I hail a taxi on the street?
-You can get one on the top of the road. -Try the top of the road.
I hope you're proud of him, Stella.
This is going to be the highlight of his career.
I'll see you Monday.
-Bye. -Bye.
(DOOR OPENING)
-(DOOR CLOSING) -Wow.
-(REPORTER SPEAKING ON TELEVISION) -(DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
-Sorry, babe. -What time do you call this?
I've been slaving over a hot stove
while you've been downing pints in the pub.
Shut up.
Seriously, your tea is in the oven.
Oh, thanks.
Go on, put your feet up and I'll bring it over.
jack waited up as long as he could, by the way.
Oh, bless him.
(SIGHS)
Hey, this drawing is good.
When did he do this?
Today. Went to feed the ducks.
Well, to be honest, Sophie had more bread than them, but still...
Oh.
Here we go.
Here there's, erm, Sophie in her pram, there's jack, and there I am.
Oh, look at me on the end.
No, I think that's a duck.
Well, because you weren't... You know, you weren't there, were you?
No.
-Will I see you later then, Mikey? -We'll try our best.
What about you, Karl?
Oh, do I have to, bud?
I feel a right berk.
Come on, Karl,
it's for a very good cause.
You're not giving Ben that bear, Karl.
Oh, come on, Stella.
-Nadine don't want it. -I'm not surprised.
STELLA: Ben.
Won't be long now.
Having a lie in, I expect.
A lie in?
Used to be up for the crack on his birthday.
Hmm. When he was six, maybe.
Our baby boy is all grown up now, Karl.
Aye.
Where to is Nadine?
Oh, she said she wanted some space.
She's a bit under the weather at the moment.
Maybe you ought to talk to her, presh.
It must be hard, you know, you being away all the time.
Yeah, I know.
She's emotionally bankrupt because of the baby.
Fat Les told me that.
-Did he? -Aye.
(SIGHS)
Yeah, well, I hope you sort things out.
Cos I never thought I'd say this, but you two are good together.
Yeah.
We're much better suited than you and me ever were.
KATIE: Is there a birthday boy in the house?
-Katie. -Hiya.
-Oh. -All right.
Look, someone left Ben this beautiful bear for his birthday.
KATIE: Where's Dad?
Beyonce.
Bey...
(SIGHS)
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
What a magnificent tower of sponge.
Sponges.
-It's good, isn't it? -(CHUCKLES)
Stella will be made up, and what is this?
Saphead?
Well, that's his nickname, isn't it?
-Is it? -That's what Jaime told me.
Said Ben loves people calling him Saphead.
Yeah, he loves it.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Right, hmm.
-You clever little scamp! -(CHUCKLES)
-The Pontyberry Mary Berry. -(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Oh, Mr Schloss.
Do you know how it feels when your heart simply soars.
No, but I know how it feels
when you decide to rip your own heart from your chest
and violently stamp upon it
simply to observe what is morally correct and proper.
Right. Well, nice to chat.
-We better head off now, jag. -Mmm-hmm.
You joining us, Ivan?
No, I needs must be alone at this time.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Oh, Clem. I'm that nervous, my mouth's as dry as an old school dap.
Fancy a drop of the old mother courage?
Oh, yes, that'll go down well, won't it?
Me, rolling into the council chamber with 1 0 sheets to the wind.
George The Butcher will have me down as a drunk, as well as a druggie.
You didn't inhale, B.
just hold on to that fact.
-And don't forget. -(DOOR OPENING)
I've got your back.
Yeah.
Aunty Brenda.
We're ready for you now.
Right.
-You go in, B, I've just got... -Ah, I might have guessed.
When the going gets tough, Clem Draper gets going.
-No, it not like... -Well, there you are.
I've managed all these years without you,
why should today be any different?
(DAVIES CLEARS THROAT)
Shall we?
Yeah.
I remember my 1 8th.
KARL: 1 986, it was.
Year of the tiger.
-Or was it the prawn? -MICHAEL: Stell, I'm back.
-All right. -Oh.
Katie bear.
-With a bear. -Hi, Dad.
Hello, little bro.
STELLA: No answer then?
No, I knocked on her door for ages.
Stella said you're going for custody.
Well, I'm thinking about it. Yeah.
You're on a hive into nothing there. The woman always wins.
Not necessarily, Karl.
-ALL: Hi. -STELLA: Oh. Happy Birthday.
BEN: Thanks.
And Nadine said although she do adore the bear,
she'd want you to have it.
Thanks, Dad.
(DOOR CLOSING)
All right.
-Happy birthday, and that. -Hi.
Cheers, mate.
Cerys said you and her have had a chat. And you're sorted it.
You're mates, like, for real this time.
Yeah, we're mates.
Right.
-Well, we haven't got you a present yet. -Yeah, no worries.
But we'll defo coming to the party.
Oh, wicked.
Great. Well, now we got that sorted out, you better open them presents,
-cos we've all got to make a move. -Ah.
Right.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
And that is why I feel I should be granted the same leniency,
and what-you-call, as the 42nd President
of the United States of America.
Bill, what's-his-name, Clinton.
The end.
Thank you.
Is that it?
Yes, George The Butcher.
That's it.
Aunty Brenda.
You stand accused of bringing this council into disrepute.
We've heard your defence,
and we'll now confer.
Please, talk amongst...yourself.
(WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
Oh, pub was shut, was it?
Couldn't find no one to buy you a pint?
(GAVEL BANGING)
Aunty Brenda Draper.
We have taken into account your plea and your apology,
but I'm afraid it cuts with us no mustard.
Wait.
just wait.
Let me show you something.
It will take two minutes.
No longer.
Please.
For the love of Max Boyce.
-Are you drunk? -No.
Well, not much.
Look, what you're about to hear and see
is the reason why you should reinstate my Brenda,
as mayor of Pontyberry.
Are you ready?
This better be good, Clem Draper.
Take it away, Timmy.
One, two, three, four.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Give us back our Brenda
She's the one for us
We're all here to defend her
We're here to make a fuss
Will we cope without her?
You bet your bottom, we won't
And do we doubt her?
You bet your bottom, we don't
Ahhh
I feel like I'm in an episode of Glee.
Ahhh
Aunty Brenda for mayor
Or else we're gonna fail
Because she's got massive hair
And plus she didn't inhale
Brenda, Aunty Brenda
We commend her
Brenda
This is council business,
not an episode of Britain's Got Talent.
Actually, we won Last Choir Standing, you cheeky git.
That's beside the point.
The decision made here is ours.
And it is final.
George The Butcher is right.
It is our decision.
Popular support is crucial,
and the people have spoken.
Well, some actually.
Anyway.
I propose we reinstate Aunty Brenda
as mayor of Pontyberry with immediate effect.
All those in agreement?
ALL: Yeah.
(ALL CHEERING)
Right, we better go down to the shops before they shut.
-Yeah. Let's go. -Yeah?
You called me, ''My Brenda.''
-Always. -Well, here you are,
take this for your trouble, Clem Draper.
(CHEERING)
Hurry up now, Karl. They'll be doing the cake any minute.
We should have done this hours ago.
What about ''Benny boy, Benny boy,
''you're now a man.
''You're not a toy.''
For God sake, Karl. just put ''I love you.''
Nah, that's boring, that is.
When was the last time you said ''I love you'', Karl?
I'm not saying it. No way.
Mr Morris.
I could not help but overhear.
All right.
You are right to be afraid of love.
-Eh? -Evan. Ivan.
For love deceives.
It withers and destroys like acid on a satin hat.
-Here we are then. -(SIGHS)
A good evening, I bid you.
Ms Bevan.
He's deep as shit, that one, ain't he?
(SOFTLY) Yeah.
You got scissors?
-Oh, kitchen drawer. -(SIGHS)
OK. (SIGHS)
I'm going to look up that quote from Reservoir Dogs.
If we got time, we can stick it on the front.
Cool.
-CERYS: We better get to move on. -OK. (CHUCKLES)
You are so beautiful
To me
Can't you see
(CHEERING)
You are 1 8!
And he'll be 1 8 one day. Hard to believe, isn't it?
They grow up so quickly, Michael.
Oh.
(APPLAUDING)
-(WHISTLING) -Oh, look.
I helped my mum make them.
Oh, nice one.
-Saphead. -Yeah. Your nickname, isn't it?
-Jaime told me. -(ALL LAUGHING)
(BEYONCE LAUGHING OBNOEIOUSLY)
I don't believe this.
-BEYONCE: Shut up. -No.
Can you look after him for a minute.
Don't say anything stupid.
(LAUGHS)
What the hell are you playing at?
Mikey. (SNIFFS)
-How's the party going? Good turnout. -Where you've been?
I know... Sorry.
I tried phoning you, texting you. Even tried calling you at your house.
Also, I had Pedro over so...
-Hola. -(CHUCKLES)
I can report you to social services.
(CHUCKLES) What for? My baby's safe with his dad and stepmom.
But we're not some cost-free babysitting service.
-Calm down. -Begrudging me a social life now, is it?
-Pedro's my first fella in yonks. -I don't give a toss about Pedro.
All I care about is my son.
-And you may as well know... -Oh, don't do this, Michael.
I intend to have him with me.
-Permanently. -You what?
I want custody. I'm taking you to court.
-No, you're not. -Watch me.
Thanks, Stella. I'll take him off you now.
-No, I really don't mind looking... -You know what they say
about she-cats and their kittens, Mike.
Scratch your eyes out if you get too close.
You wanna fight?
Bring it on, old man.
Come on, Peds, let's put my baby to bed.
Hola.
-Darling, do you mind if I go home? -No, of course not. I won't be long.
I love you.
Don't worry, it will all be all right.
But there is one person I wanna pay special tribute to tonight,
that's my best mate, Little Al.
Who haven't seen yet. Is he here?
-I'm here, all right. -Oh, brilliant. Little Al, everyone.
(ALL CHEERING)
I bought you a director's chair for your birthday.
-Oh, nice one. -Cos you like directing films.
Don't you?
-Yeah. -Films about other people's girlfriends.
-No.. -Making out you didn't like her
when in fact, you wanted to go with her.
-Let me explain. -(ALL SCREAMING)
KARL: Hey, come on, now.
You know how much I love her.
Yeah, and that's why I'd never, ever do anything about it.
-Look, I'm sorry, OK. -It's too late, traitor.
(ALL SCREAMING)
(ALL GASPING)
-(GASPS) -Ah.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
You're my best mate.
That's always going to come first.
Oh.
(LAUGHS)
Stop it you two, for God's sake.
-(GASPS) -ALL: Oh.
-(SCREAMS) -(LAUGHS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
(ALL SHOUTING)
-Don't even think about it, Karl. -Oh!
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(LAPTOP BEEPS)
And to what do I owe this gorgeous pleasure.
(CLEARS THROAT) I need to talk to you about the Marshall case.
I admire your enthusiasm.
The thing is, erm, like you said, it's lot of hours
and it's going to impact on my being at home.
So, I'm not gonna take it on. My family has to come first.
You know as well as I do,
that Dave Marshall has only given us the contract on condition
-that you're involved. -I know.
Without you, we lose the job.
Yes, and I'm sorry.
Then you leave me no option.
You're dismissed.
Consider yourself on gardening leave for three months.
(SIGHS)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
-Rob. -Hi.
-They're all at the party. -Er, yeah.
Bit noisy for me, I'm afraid. I just brought these for Ben.
Come in. Sorry, erm... Come in.
Thanks. Er, I've got company actually.
Have you?
(SIGHS)
(SNIFFING)
Conchita.
(WHIMPERS)
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(WOMAN GIGGLING)
I know...
-BEN: I know. -What happened to you?
There was a cake fight.
-It was mint. -It wasn't.
-Dad, you would've hate it. -(LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLES)
You all right?
Not really, no.
-Stella, look... (TAKES A DEEP BREATH) -What?
BEN: Mum, Rob is here.
Oh, yeah, Rob's here.
Oh, my God, has he said something to you?
-No, not at all. -Is that what's wrong?
Come on.
Yeah, but what were you going to tell me?
Nothing. It's not urgent.
Rob, on the other hand, has some good news.
The wanderer returns then, is it?
Oh, hello.
Stella, I'd like you to meet Suzanne.
-Hi. -Enchanté.
-I've heard so much about you. -I've heard so much about you.
-(ROB CHUCKLES) -Sorry.
It's been quite a party.
Yeah, and you've been in London then?
To see a new consultant.
We've had a second opinion.
-About the surgery. -Mmm, and he's agreed to do it.
Isn't that fantastic?
God, yeah.
Oh. Er, better not. It's cake.
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
(SIGHS) Sorry I've been so, er, cloak and dagger.
It's just been a bit rushed.
It's fine.
-I'm just glad you're all right. -Hmm.
I got your voicemail.
Good.
SUZANNE: Rob.
Come and open the champagne, let's celebrate.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(ALL CHEERING)
I don't think you and I can be just friends.
Have you been drinking? Again?
-Jackson isn't yours. -What?
I only said you were the dad because you're loaded.
There's something I wanna talk to you about.
(SIGHS)
Something important.