1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,562 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: All right, here we go, yo! 2 00:00:01,587 --> 00:00:03,697 As you know, Michael proposed to Jane 3 00:00:03,722 --> 00:00:05,060 and a wedding date was set. 4 00:00:05,085 --> 00:00:06,864 Did you make the reservations for the chair rentals? 5 00:00:06,889 --> 00:00:08,249 I'm working on it. 6 00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:10,499 Exciting, right? Not as exciting: 7 00:00:10,523 --> 00:00:12,339 Xiomara and Rogelio broke up. 8 00:00:12,364 --> 00:00:14,943 Oh, and the Villanuevas' house flooded! 9 00:00:14,968 --> 00:00:16,653 Bright side: thanks to Rafael, 10 00:00:16,678 --> 00:00:18,482 the family got to stay at the Marbella. 11 00:00:18,507 --> 00:00:20,420 And speaking of Rafael, his half brother 12 00:00:20,445 --> 00:00:21,859 - _ - Derek is back in town. 13 00:00:21,884 --> 00:00:23,020 Don't go off with him alone. 14 00:00:23,053 --> 00:00:24,967 And Raf was working with Detective Michael 15 00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:26,930 to see if Derek was connected to their mother... 16 00:00:26,955 --> 00:00:29,327 - Where were you? - Right here. On this boat. 17 00:00:29,352 --> 00:00:31,685 The notorious crime lord known as "Mutter." 18 00:00:31,710 --> 00:00:34,507 And, oh, yeah, he also just had twin girls with Petra, 19 00:00:34,532 --> 00:00:37,023 and truthfully Petra's not doing so great. 20 00:00:37,048 --> 00:00:39,323 NURSE: And does postpartum depression run in your family? 21 00:00:39,348 --> 00:00:41,324 Do you ever have thoughts of running away? 22 00:00:41,349 --> 00:00:43,485 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know! Mama drama, right? 23 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,528 So let's dive in. 24 00:00:46,028 --> 00:00:48,815 As you all know, Jane Gloriana Villanueva 25 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,878 didn't lose control very often. 26 00:00:50,904 --> 00:00:52,583 (loud dance music playing) 27 00:00:52,608 --> 00:00:54,268 But when she did... 28 00:00:54,293 --> 00:00:56,238 Oh, when she did... 29 00:00:56,263 --> 00:00:57,445 (gunshot, guests screaming) 30 00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:59,179 _ 31 00:00:59,525 --> 00:01:01,675 it was epic. 32 00:01:02,525 --> 00:01:04,037 Ah, yes. 33 00:01:04,062 --> 00:01:06,583 You'll recall Jane's 21st birthday. 34 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,339 The night she and Michael first met. 35 00:01:09,855 --> 00:01:11,446 But what you don't know 36 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,628 is what happened after that kiss. 37 00:01:13,653 --> 00:01:15,224 Don't get into any more trouble. 38 00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:16,934 I won't. 39 00:01:19,691 --> 00:01:21,730 But call me, okay? 40 00:01:21,755 --> 00:01:23,427 I will. 41 00:01:28,912 --> 00:01:31,886 (knocking at door) 42 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,970 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: He couldn't bring himself to leave! 43 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,809 It's so romantic! 44 00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:39,315 So, one of your friends 45 00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:40,822 is passed out on your porch. 46 00:01:40,848 --> 00:01:41,589 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh. 47 00:01:41,614 --> 00:01:43,890 Not quite as romantic. 48 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,726 That's not my friend. 49 00:01:48,068 --> 00:01:49,666 It's my mom. 50 00:01:50,103 --> 00:01:51,272 Here, let me help you. 51 00:01:51,297 --> 00:01:52,747 It's okay, I got it. 52 00:01:52,772 --> 00:01:54,611 Ma! Come on, wake up. 53 00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,456 - Huh? - Come on. 54 00:01:57,441 --> 00:02:00,500 Oh, hey, Officer! (giggles) 55 00:02:00,525 --> 00:02:02,350 You can put those cuffs on me any... 56 00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:04,466 - (Xiomara vomiting) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: - Yeah. 57 00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,486 That party was out of control... 58 00:02:06,511 --> 00:02:09,601 - _ - which is why Jane is taking control 59 00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:11,011 of her bachelorette party. 60 00:02:11,036 --> 00:02:12,175 And after Mani-pedis, 61 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,198 we'll have dinner from 7:00 to 10:00. 62 00:02:14,223 --> 00:02:15,323 _ 63 00:02:15,348 --> 00:02:16,121 Strictly prohibited: 64 00:02:16,147 --> 00:02:18,176 strip clubs, cheesy bars, penis stuff. 65 00:02:18,201 --> 00:02:20,469 Wow, this looks great. 66 00:02:20,494 --> 00:02:21,420 Thank you, Lina. 67 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:22,796 Don't thank me. You wrote it. 68 00:02:22,821 --> 00:02:25,349 True. Oh, which reminds me... 69 00:02:25,374 --> 00:02:29,575 I made a seating chart for dinner. 70 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:30,856 I just have so many different groups, 71 00:02:30,881 --> 00:02:32,268 I want to make sure everyone melds. Don "Key-sotty"? 72 00:02:32,293 --> 00:02:33,388 JANE: Don Quixote. 73 00:02:35,151 --> 00:02:36,250 Oh. 74 00:02:36,275 --> 00:02:37,676 It's reading for this week's class. 75 00:02:37,701 --> 00:02:38,898 It's a really great book. 76 00:02:38,923 --> 00:02:40,503 It's about this guy who sees the world 77 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,995 as if it's one of his great romances and... 78 00:02:43,021 --> 00:02:44,529 - I'm out. - Okay. 79 00:02:44,554 --> 00:02:46,111 Is this the seating chart? 80 00:02:46,136 --> 00:02:48,378 Yep. All right, last chance, Abuela. 81 00:02:48,403 --> 00:02:49,541 Do you want to come? 82 00:02:49,566 --> 00:02:53,841 _ 83 00:02:53,866 --> 00:02:55,346 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hard to argue with that. 84 00:02:55,371 --> 00:02:57,547 _ 85 00:02:57,572 --> 00:03:00,382 - Or that. - Stop. Jane wants me there. 86 00:03:00,954 --> 00:03:03,103 Okay, I should drop off Mateo with Rafael 87 00:03:03,128 --> 00:03:04,915 before my shift starts. 88 00:03:04,940 --> 00:03:05,999 And thank you both. 89 00:03:06,024 --> 00:03:07,683 You know, for not pushing back 90 00:03:07,708 --> 00:03:08,807 and just letting me have 91 00:03:08,832 --> 00:03:10,413 the bachelorette that I want. 92 00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:11,925 Of course. 93 00:03:11,950 --> 00:03:13,164 It's your party. 94 00:03:13,189 --> 00:03:14,440 Bye! 95 00:03:14,465 --> 00:03:16,129 Bye! Bye! 96 00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:17,747 (gasps) 97 00:03:19,361 --> 00:03:21,011 Do you think she suspects anything? 98 00:03:21,036 --> 00:03:21,974 Definitely not. 99 00:03:21,999 --> 00:03:23,105 _ 100 00:03:23,130 --> 00:03:25,002 - (squeals) - Yes! 101 00:03:25,662 --> 00:03:27,679 Thank you so much, ladies. 102 00:03:27,704 --> 00:03:29,291 Surprise! 103 00:03:29,316 --> 00:03:30,415 - _ - Uh... 104 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,675 - _ - (chuckles) 105 00:03:32,033 --> 00:03:33,374 - _ - Oh, my God, Jane! 106 00:03:33,399 --> 00:03:35,245 We're so happy to see you! 107 00:03:35,437 --> 00:03:36,936 We missed you so much! 108 00:03:36,961 --> 00:03:38,860 Oh, really? 109 00:03:39,129 --> 00:03:41,198 - That's so sweet. - Yeah! 110 00:03:41,223 --> 00:03:43,844 So maybe you can convince Rogelio 111 00:03:43,869 --> 00:03:45,535 to invest in our fashion blog. 112 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,829 He thinks you're some kind of genius or something. 113 00:03:47,854 --> 00:03:48,953 It's all about... 114 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:50,687 BOTH: Seeing Double! 115 00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:52,968 Wow. 116 00:03:52,993 --> 00:03:54,390 Neat. 117 00:03:54,415 --> 00:03:57,101 See? Jane agrees that it's an awesome idea. 118 00:03:57,126 --> 00:03:58,903 It makes perfect sense for you to give whatever money 119 00:03:58,928 --> 00:04:01,009 you were going to give to us for college to fund it. 120 00:04:01,034 --> 00:04:02,377 ROGELIO: Jane... 121 00:04:02,402 --> 00:04:04,634 Please. Help. 122 00:04:04,659 --> 00:04:07,568 Explain to them, in the unlikely event 123 00:04:07,593 --> 00:04:09,209 "Seeing Double" doesn't catch on, 124 00:04:09,234 --> 00:04:11,170 it's always good to have a backup plan. 125 00:04:11,195 --> 00:04:12,314 Oh, y-yeah. 126 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,607 Well, I-I'm a big proponent of college. 127 00:04:14,632 --> 00:04:16,391 Oh, there's a prospective student program 128 00:04:16,416 --> 00:04:18,501 at my school today, if you want to come by. 129 00:04:18,931 --> 00:04:21,092 Check out the sitch. 130 00:04:21,117 --> 00:04:23,016 That is a wonderful idea! 131 00:04:23,041 --> 00:04:23,869 They will be there. 132 00:04:23,894 --> 00:04:25,343 If they want me 133 00:04:25,369 --> 00:04:26,352 to even consider 134 00:04:26,377 --> 00:04:27,372 investing in their blog. 135 00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:28,683 BOTH: Fine. 136 00:04:28,708 --> 00:04:30,224 Great. Well, I have to run. 137 00:04:30,249 --> 00:04:31,011 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 138 00:04:31,036 --> 00:04:33,031 Girls, you haven't congratulated Jane 139 00:04:33,056 --> 00:04:35,905 on her engagement to the greatest man in the world. 140 00:04:35,929 --> 00:04:38,384 Oh, my God, you're marrying Rafael?! 141 00:04:38,409 --> 00:04:39,995 - That's amazing! -Oh, you're so lucky! 142 00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:40,673 No. 143 00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:41,714 - He's so sexy. - He's so gorgeous and rich. 144 00:04:41,738 --> 00:04:43,371 - No, that's... - And those abs... 145 00:04:43,396 --> 00:04:44,325 No, I said no! 146 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:45,699 I am not marrying Rafael. 147 00:04:45,724 --> 00:04:47,400 I am marrying Michael. 148 00:04:47,672 --> 00:04:49,522 - Oh. - Huh? 149 00:04:49,547 --> 00:04:51,173 Oh. Okay. 150 00:04:51,197 --> 00:04:53,006 He seems... 151 00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:54,406 loyal. 152 00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:56,264 - Yes. - Yeah. 153 00:04:56,289 --> 00:04:58,602 Sorry we can't make it to your wedding. 154 00:04:58,627 --> 00:05:00,980 Yeah, we're just super busy that day. 155 00:05:01,005 --> 00:05:03,176 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I'll point out, they don't know when it is. 156 00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:05,769 - Congrats, though. - Thanks. 157 00:05:05,794 --> 00:05:07,561 It's always a treat, seeing you girls. 158 00:05:07,586 --> 00:05:08,467 I'm off, Dad. 159 00:05:08,492 --> 00:05:09,822 No, please. Just make sure 160 00:05:09,847 --> 00:05:12,333 Michael got the invite reminder for tonight. 161 00:05:12,642 --> 00:05:13,962 I never heard from him. 162 00:05:13,987 --> 00:05:15,046 Maybe they didn't go through. 163 00:05:15,071 --> 00:05:16,832 I'll send it to you, too. 164 00:05:16,857 --> 00:05:18,876 (giggles nervously, sighs) 165 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:21,000 MICHAEL: Oh, no, he sent it to you, too. 166 00:05:21,025 --> 00:05:22,184 JANE: I'm getting it. 167 00:05:22,209 --> 00:05:25,109 - Hang on. - Oh, you really don't have to see it. 168 00:05:26,609 --> 00:05:28,311 (maniacal laugh) 169 00:05:28,336 --> 00:05:30,344 I'm sorry, but I really do. 170 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,659 MICHAEL: Throw your hands up in the air 171 00:05:32,684 --> 00:05:33,831 and wave 'em like you just don't care 172 00:05:33,856 --> 00:05:36,784 because it's my bachelor party! Woot! Woot! 173 00:05:38,813 --> 00:05:40,613 Is that your voice? 174 00:05:40,638 --> 00:05:41,813 He made me record it. 175 00:05:41,838 --> 00:05:43,557 Michael, I'm so sorry. 176 00:05:43,582 --> 00:05:44,543 Yeah. 177 00:05:44,568 --> 00:05:46,124 (laughs) I can't believe 178 00:05:46,149 --> 00:05:47,666 my dad's going to your bachelor party. 179 00:05:47,691 --> 00:05:48,920 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, me neither. 180 00:05:48,945 --> 00:05:49,953 Here's what happened. 181 00:05:49,977 --> 00:05:52,353 I remember it like it was a week ago. 182 00:05:52,378 --> 00:05:54,755 So, are there gonna be strippers? 183 00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:56,599 Do you not want there to be strippers? 184 00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:57,966 No, no, it's okay. 185 00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,831 I mean, it's your bachelor party. 186 00:05:59,856 --> 00:06:01,112 Well, if you don't want there to be strippers... 187 00:06:01,137 --> 00:06:02,382 Okay, fine, fine, you convinced me, 188 00:06:02,407 --> 00:06:03,976 no strippers at your bachelor party. 189 00:06:04,002 --> 00:06:06,739 ROGELIO: You're having a bachelor party? 190 00:06:08,197 --> 00:06:10,747 And I'm not invited? 191 00:06:11,099 --> 00:06:12,935 No. Did you... Oh, he must not have... 192 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,780 Did you... you didn't get the e-mail. 193 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,942 Man, my friends are so flaky. 194 00:06:16,967 --> 00:06:17,793 (laughs) 195 00:06:17,818 --> 00:06:20,553 Oh... thank God! 196 00:06:20,578 --> 00:06:23,792 'Cause for a minute, I was like, "My best brogelio" 197 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,450 "doesn't want me 198 00:06:25,475 --> 00:06:28,567 at his bachelor party?" 199 00:06:28,592 --> 00:06:29,950 What's up, brother? Yeah. 200 00:06:29,975 --> 00:06:31,412 JANE: So... 201 00:06:31,437 --> 00:06:34,262 what if I called my dad and told him not to go? 202 00:06:34,287 --> 00:06:36,192 And you call my mom and tell her not to come? 203 00:06:36,336 --> 00:06:37,939 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, that's not happening. 204 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,025 What? A girl can dream. 205 00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:42,466 It's too late. He's already taking over the planning. 206 00:06:42,491 --> 00:06:43,564 Which could be good. 207 00:06:43,589 --> 00:06:45,325 I mean, let's face it, if it weren't for Rogelio, 208 00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:46,699 it would probably be me and my friends 209 00:06:46,724 --> 00:06:48,796 eating tacos over a trash can. 210 00:06:49,021 --> 00:06:51,656 Why are you so sweet? 211 00:06:51,681 --> 00:06:53,556 To me, to my dad... 212 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,318 Save it for the vows. 213 00:06:55,604 --> 00:06:57,386 Printer deadline's Friday, right? 214 00:06:57,411 --> 00:06:58,067 Mm-hmm. 215 00:06:58,092 --> 00:06:59,301 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I should explain. 216 00:06:59,326 --> 00:07:02,747 In a Catholic mass, you can't recite your own vows, 217 00:07:02,772 --> 00:07:05,157 so theirs were going to be printed in the programs. 218 00:07:05,182 --> 00:07:06,359 So, how's yours going? 219 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,323 Oh, it's great. Great, yeah. 220 00:07:08,348 --> 00:07:09,013 You? 221 00:07:09,038 --> 00:07:09,944 Yeah, just ironing out 222 00:07:09,969 --> 00:07:11,589 the last details. 223 00:07:11,775 --> 00:07:12,874 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Sure, if you call 224 00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,834 19 pages of general ideas 225 00:07:14,859 --> 00:07:16,624 "ironing out the last details." 226 00:07:16,649 --> 00:07:19,502 Wait, scratch that... 23 pages, actually. 227 00:07:19,682 --> 00:07:20,741 Jane? 228 00:07:20,766 --> 00:07:23,452 - Professor Blake, hello. - Hey. 229 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,057 So, last minute, but, uh, 230 00:07:25,082 --> 00:07:26,665 one of the T.A.s who was supposed to speak 231 00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:28,593 to prospective students just canceled. 232 00:07:28,618 --> 00:07:30,170 I know you just started office hours, 233 00:07:30,195 --> 00:07:32,536 but is there any way you could fill in for her? 234 00:07:32,830 --> 00:07:33,926 Oh, my God. 235 00:07:33,951 --> 00:07:36,568 Uh, I would love to, thank you so much! 236 00:07:36,592 --> 00:07:38,861 Just remember... keep it professional. 237 00:07:38,886 --> 00:07:40,659 Don't worry. Professional, got it. 238 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,034 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here, now. 239 00:07:43,059 --> 00:07:45,439 And as we dive into our section on Don Quixote, 240 00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:47,730 it's great seeing them connect to the material 241 00:07:47,755 --> 00:07:49,523 and relate Quixote's quest 242 00:07:49,548 --> 00:07:51,467 to their own youthful idealism. 243 00:07:51,492 --> 00:07:52,415 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yup. 244 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,181 Youthful idealism at its best. 245 00:07:54,206 --> 00:07:55,666 JANE: So, if you have any questions, 246 00:07:55,691 --> 00:07:58,035 I am more than happy to answer them. 247 00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,487 - Oh. - (knocking at door) 248 00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:01,332 One second. 249 00:08:02,581 --> 00:08:05,139 Hello, I'm looking for Jane Villanueva. 250 00:08:05,164 --> 00:08:06,940 Yeah, I-I'm Jane Villanueva. 251 00:08:06,965 --> 00:08:08,600 - Milady. - Is this a skit 252 00:08:08,625 --> 00:08:09,714 for prospective students? 253 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,105 Allowest me to remove my armor. 254 00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:13,519 - I'm sorry, who... ? - Oh! 255 00:08:13,544 --> 00:08:15,127 I am Don Quixote! 256 00:08:15,153 --> 00:08:16,210 Ready to see what's in 257 00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:18,350 - my Sancho Panza? - (students shriek) 258 00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:20,304 No! Oh, wait, wait. 259 00:08:20,329 --> 00:08:21,994 You know, wait, this is a mistake. 260 00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:22,959 This is a mistake! 261 00:08:22,983 --> 00:08:25,029 Ah! Oh! No... 262 00:08:25,054 --> 00:08:26,668 Ah... ah! 263 00:08:27,277 --> 00:08:30,202 I'm so sorry! 264 00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:33,349 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 265 00:08:33,374 --> 00:08:36,390 _ 266 00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:39,163 Professor Blake, I assure you 267 00:08:39,188 --> 00:08:40,943 I had no idea this was going to happen. 268 00:08:40,968 --> 00:08:42,656 I'm having a bachelorette party later tonight, 269 00:08:42,681 --> 00:08:44,137 and it seems my friends 270 00:08:44,162 --> 00:08:45,105 got a bit overzealous. 271 00:08:45,130 --> 00:08:46,597 I am not even a stripper person, 272 00:08:46,622 --> 00:08:49,181 not that that matters. Believe me, I'm as angry as you are. 273 00:08:49,206 --> 00:08:51,869 Look, I understand that the incident wasn't your fault, 274 00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:53,275 but it was a public event, 275 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:55,541 pictures were taken, people were horrified. 276 00:08:55,566 --> 00:08:56,286 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: To be fair, 277 00:08:56,311 --> 00:08:57,642 parents were horrified. 278 00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,727 Students were LOLing all over Instagram, 279 00:08:59,752 --> 00:09:01,309 or whatever the kids say these days. 280 00:09:01,335 --> 00:09:02,583 And I will do whatever it takes 281 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:03,841 to right the situation. 282 00:09:03,866 --> 00:09:05,005 I know. 283 00:09:05,865 --> 00:09:07,386 But I'm gonna have to talk to the dean. 284 00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,802 I really don't know if you can continue as a T.A. 285 00:09:10,255 --> 00:09:12,242 I'll check in end of day. 286 00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,240 I just need the day to rest. 287 00:09:19,265 --> 00:09:21,866 So if you could take the babies tonight... 288 00:09:21,891 --> 00:09:22,920 What's wrong? 289 00:09:22,945 --> 00:09:25,103 Nothing, I just, um... 290 00:09:25,688 --> 00:09:27,279 started my medication. 291 00:09:27,304 --> 00:09:29,313 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: For postpartum depression, you'll recall. 292 00:09:29,338 --> 00:09:31,490 And it's giving me a pretty bad migraine. 293 00:09:31,515 --> 00:09:33,033 So can you keep the babies? 294 00:09:33,058 --> 00:09:34,401 Yeah, of course. 295 00:09:34,426 --> 00:09:36,580 Oh, and make sure I'm not disturbed. 296 00:09:40,612 --> 00:09:41,936 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Uh-oh. 297 00:09:41,961 --> 00:09:43,562 This isn't looking good. 298 00:09:44,024 --> 00:09:45,163 (sighs) 299 00:09:45,188 --> 00:09:46,914 Sorry. 300 00:09:47,989 --> 00:09:49,396 Where were we? 301 00:09:49,421 --> 00:09:50,333 Nowhere. 302 00:09:50,358 --> 00:09:51,833 We got nothing so far. 303 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,440 What about the bug you put in Derek's office? 304 00:09:53,465 --> 00:09:54,624 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You'll recall these two 305 00:09:54,649 --> 00:09:56,750 have been working together to discover... 306 00:09:56,776 --> 00:09:59,292 How shall I put this? It's rather nuanced... 307 00:09:59,317 --> 00:10:01,698 - Nothing. - whether Rafael's brother Derek 308 00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:03,538 is a good guy 309 00:10:03,581 --> 00:10:06,805 - or a bad guy. - (growls) 310 00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:07,949 His boat. 311 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,361 There's got to be something on his boat. 312 00:10:09,386 --> 00:10:10,573 Good, so search his boat. 313 00:10:10,598 --> 00:10:12,836 I-I get a warrant, he knows you told me about it. 314 00:10:12,861 --> 00:10:14,136 So don't get a warrant. 315 00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:16,654 Oh, come on, Michael. 316 00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:20,302 We both know you're not above bending the rules. 317 00:10:21,128 --> 00:10:23,739 XIOMARA: So did you get a little visit 318 00:10:23,763 --> 00:10:25,733 from Don Quick-Naughty? 319 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:28,022 You were in on that? What were you thinking? 320 00:10:28,047 --> 00:10:31,248 Hey, strippers were not technically on your "no" list. 321 00:10:31,273 --> 00:10:32,937 - Just strip clubs. - There's a big difference. 322 00:10:32,962 --> 00:10:34,446 Yeah, well that big difference just gave me a lap dance 323 00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:36,654 - in front of 50 students and parents. - What?! 324 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,839 I was asked to do a last-minute talk 325 00:10:38,864 --> 00:10:39,933 to prospective students and... 326 00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:42,157 He was supposed to go to your office. 327 00:10:42,182 --> 00:10:44,091 I wasn't there. He found me. 328 00:10:44,116 --> 00:10:45,927 I'm sorry. 329 00:10:45,953 --> 00:10:47,707 How could I have known he would turn out to be, 330 00:10:47,732 --> 00:10:50,169 like, the world's most industrious stripper? 331 00:10:50,194 --> 00:10:52,078 This is why I implemented 332 00:10:52,103 --> 00:10:54,102 the "no surprise" rule in the first place. 333 00:10:54,127 --> 00:10:55,127 I was clear. 334 00:10:55,152 --> 00:10:57,168 No surprises. 335 00:10:58,843 --> 00:11:00,887 ♪ ♪ 336 00:11:01,883 --> 00:11:03,792 Maybe just one more? 337 00:11:03,817 --> 00:11:04,876 Surprise! 338 00:11:04,901 --> 00:11:06,573 Welcome to your bachelorette party. 339 00:11:06,598 --> 00:11:09,225 (squealing with excitement, giggling) 340 00:11:09,845 --> 00:11:12,169 What's going on? 341 00:11:12,194 --> 00:11:15,180 This is not a part of my carefully detailed 342 00:11:15,205 --> 00:11:16,703 bachelorette party plan. 343 00:11:16,729 --> 00:11:19,676 I know, but your mom and I decided that we owed it to you 344 00:11:19,701 --> 00:11:21,700 not to throw you the world's lamest party. 345 00:11:21,725 --> 00:11:23,725 We owed it to everyone. 346 00:11:26,665 --> 00:11:29,237 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, here we have... 347 00:11:29,262 --> 00:11:31,191 Well, names aren't important. 348 00:11:31,216 --> 00:11:32,989 We've taken care of everything. 349 00:11:33,015 --> 00:11:35,694 But Mateo is... With Abuela all night in a guest room. 350 00:11:35,719 --> 00:11:37,529 - And I have to work tomorrow. - Luca's covering your shift 351 00:11:37,554 --> 00:11:39,694 so you can nurse what'd better be a raging hangover. 352 00:11:39,719 --> 00:11:41,780 - I have to finish my vows. - I called the printers 353 00:11:41,804 --> 00:11:43,783 and got them to agree to a one-day extension. 354 00:11:43,808 --> 00:11:45,062 And we brought your party clothes! 355 00:11:45,088 --> 00:11:46,428 XIOMARA: And we're really sorry about the stripper, 356 00:11:46,453 --> 00:11:48,566 but there's nothing you can do about it tonight. 357 00:11:48,591 --> 00:11:51,106 Except drink and take your mind off it. Right, girls?! 358 00:11:51,131 --> 00:11:53,130 (whooping) 359 00:11:53,155 --> 00:11:54,727 Come on, hon. 360 00:11:54,752 --> 00:11:58,849 Wouldn't it feel good to lose control just this once? 361 00:11:59,904 --> 00:12:02,245 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Come on, Jane, are you going to let down 362 00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,158 this group of vaguely familiar ladies 363 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:06,880 who are apparently your very good friends? 364 00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:09,338 All right, bring on the shots! 365 00:12:09,363 --> 00:12:11,269 (cheering) 366 00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:13,576 To your last night of freedom. 367 00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:16,495 (whooping) 368 00:12:19,053 --> 00:12:20,053 _ 369 00:12:20,078 --> 00:12:21,593 _ 370 00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:24,355 - _ - HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Whoo-hoo! 371 00:12:24,383 --> 00:12:25,498 (whoops) 372 00:12:25,523 --> 00:12:28,784 See, isn't this better than some boring dinner party? 373 00:12:28,809 --> 00:12:30,641 _ 374 00:12:30,704 --> 00:12:32,704 _ 375 00:12:32,729 --> 00:12:36,383 _ 376 00:12:36,408 --> 00:12:37,807 Wow. 377 00:12:37,832 --> 00:12:41,337 Uh, I thought you said we were just stopping by. 378 00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:44,857 For five scrumptious courses prepared by my personal chef. 379 00:12:44,881 --> 00:12:47,277 Now sit, sit, everyone, sit. 380 00:12:47,302 --> 00:12:48,818 Open your swag bags. 381 00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:53,679 They contain all the essentials for an epic bachelor party. 382 00:12:53,704 --> 00:12:55,270 _ 383 00:12:55,295 --> 00:12:56,295 _ 384 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,085 (quietly): What the hell's happening? 385 00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,719 Oh. 386 00:12:59,744 --> 00:13:01,881 Rogelio, you really didn't have to do this. 387 00:13:01,905 --> 00:13:02,905 Of course I did. 388 00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:04,288 You only get married once. 389 00:13:04,313 --> 00:13:05,098 Right, guys? 390 00:13:05,123 --> 00:13:06,304 - _ - Huh? 391 00:13:07,756 --> 00:13:08,932 I need a drink. 392 00:13:08,957 --> 00:13:09,642 Perfect. 393 00:13:09,668 --> 00:13:11,627 I've done the wine pairings myself. 394 00:13:11,652 --> 00:13:16,168 We'll start with an ice-cold pink champagne toast. 395 00:13:17,894 --> 00:13:19,404 Oh, I almost forgot. 396 00:13:19,429 --> 00:13:21,380 The pièce de résistance. 397 00:13:21,405 --> 00:13:23,245 Open it. 398 00:13:27,942 --> 00:13:29,861 Oh. 399 00:13:29,886 --> 00:13:30,796 Wow. 400 00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:31,774 (chuckles) 401 00:13:31,799 --> 00:13:33,674 (all chuckling) 402 00:13:33,699 --> 00:13:35,579 Turn it around. 403 00:13:37,445 --> 00:13:39,505 (whoops) 404 00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:41,957 (upbeat music playing) 405 00:13:43,217 --> 00:13:45,031 (whooping) 406 00:13:45,056 --> 00:13:46,471 Yes! 407 00:13:46,496 --> 00:13:48,346 Whoo-hoo! 408 00:13:48,371 --> 00:13:49,467 Angela's amazing. 409 00:13:49,492 --> 00:13:50,492 Did you know she's a genius? 410 00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:52,036 She really is a genius. 411 00:13:52,061 --> 00:13:54,854 Actually, my IQ is 139, so it's just below. 412 00:13:54,879 --> 00:13:55,692 You see?! 413 00:13:55,717 --> 00:13:57,003 Only a genius would know that. 414 00:13:57,028 --> 00:13:58,138 XIOMARA: Totally. 415 00:13:58,164 --> 00:13:59,431 (laughing) 416 00:13:59,456 --> 00:14:00,826 (whoops) 417 00:14:00,851 --> 00:14:02,253 ♪ ♪ 418 00:14:02,278 --> 00:14:04,508 - _ - Whoo-hoo! 419 00:14:04,533 --> 00:14:06,283 All right, I'm signing up for karaoke. 420 00:14:06,307 --> 00:14:07,865 - Sweet Lady Jane? - No! 421 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:08,984 - Yes! - No, no, no! 422 00:14:09,009 --> 00:14:10,376 Who's Sweet Lady Jane? 423 00:14:10,402 --> 00:14:12,091 Xo, it's her Sasha Fierce. 424 00:14:12,116 --> 00:14:13,366 When she gets drunk enough to freestyle. 425 00:14:13,391 --> 00:14:14,473 You've never seen her like that? 426 00:14:14,498 --> 00:14:15,597 No, I haven't. 427 00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,668 But it is definitely happening tonight. 428 00:14:17,693 --> 00:14:20,091 - We need more drinks. - Agreed! Can you go get them? 429 00:14:20,116 --> 00:14:22,948 I kind of have a history with Chad the hot bartender. 430 00:14:22,973 --> 00:14:25,306 _ 431 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,230 I don't want it to seem like I'm chasing him. 432 00:14:27,255 --> 00:14:29,709 I mean, I am chasing him, but I don't want him to know. 433 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:30,748 On it! 434 00:14:30,773 --> 00:14:32,619 (whoops) 435 00:14:32,644 --> 00:14:33,926 So where'd you go to college? 436 00:14:33,951 --> 00:14:35,409 Oh, I didn't. 437 00:14:35,434 --> 00:14:37,367 Oh, weird. Why? 438 00:14:37,601 --> 00:14:39,808 It just wasn't, like, my path. 439 00:14:40,152 --> 00:14:41,591 So what do you do? 440 00:14:41,616 --> 00:14:43,315 I'm a waitress with Jane. 441 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,511 But she goes to school. 442 00:14:44,536 --> 00:14:46,486 Well, I-I'm a stylist, too. 443 00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,448 I mean, I will be once that takes off. 444 00:14:48,473 --> 00:14:50,121 So you, like, pick out clothes? 445 00:14:50,146 --> 00:14:51,963 XIOMARA: A shot for Sweet Lady Jane! 446 00:14:51,988 --> 00:14:53,932 Uh, no, she is not coming out tonight. 447 00:14:53,957 --> 00:14:56,183 She's definitely coming out tonight. Drink. 448 00:14:56,209 --> 00:14:57,624 ALL (chanting): Drink! Drink! 449 00:14:57,649 --> 00:14:59,739 Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! 450 00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:01,814 _ 451 00:15:01,839 --> 00:15:03,106 Whoo-hoo! 452 00:15:03,131 --> 00:15:04,763 - _ - (camera shutter clicking) 453 00:15:04,788 --> 00:15:05,837 Oh, no, no, no. No cameras. 454 00:15:05,862 --> 00:15:07,042 No posting any pictures 455 00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:08,995 on the Twitter, the "Facegram" or "Instabook." 456 00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:10,819 Hon, you got to relax. 457 00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:13,376 No, Mom, I can't when they're documenting me on their phones. 458 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,084 I'm already on thin ice at school. 459 00:15:15,109 --> 00:15:17,451 Okay, everybody, give me your phones! 460 00:15:17,476 --> 00:15:18,136 What?! 461 00:15:18,161 --> 00:15:20,744 Phone-free zone, people! 462 00:15:20,769 --> 00:15:22,071 (whoops) 463 00:15:22,096 --> 00:15:25,065 - Yeah! - (whoops) 464 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:25,939 Uh... 465 00:15:25,964 --> 00:15:27,225 Hey, Mom, Mom, Mom. 466 00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:28,490 Why don't you just pace yourself? 467 00:15:28,515 --> 00:15:29,670 Maybe get you a little food or something. 468 00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:32,626 Hey, no Old Lady Jane tonight. 469 00:15:32,652 --> 00:15:35,661 I want to meet Sweet Lady Jane! 470 00:15:35,686 --> 00:15:39,885 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Huh, she doesn't look thrilled. 471 00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:43,780 And neither does she. 472 00:15:43,805 --> 00:15:47,306 The best thing you could do for those girls 473 00:15:47,331 --> 00:15:50,331 is to give them away. 474 00:15:53,159 --> 00:15:54,759 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, dear. 475 00:15:54,785 --> 00:15:56,707 Very suspicious. 476 00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:58,703 Also suspicious... 477 00:15:58,728 --> 00:16:00,089 _ 478 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:07,295 Looks like Michael decided to break the law after all. 479 00:16:08,129 --> 00:16:10,603 And here I'd thought he'd changed. 480 00:16:12,916 --> 00:16:15,902 Well, he did change his shirt at least. 481 00:16:16,024 --> 00:16:17,264 (gasps) 482 00:16:17,289 --> 00:16:18,576 Nicholas. 483 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,873 Grappa is a digestif. 484 00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:24,708 It's to be sipped, not chugged like a shot of cheap tequila. 485 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,681 - I wish it were cheap tequila. - (laughing): Yeah, boy. 486 00:16:29,706 --> 00:16:31,635 Remember when we road-tripped to the Redneck Riviera 487 00:16:31,659 --> 00:16:33,385 - and Michael got wasted on Mezcal? - No. Stop. 488 00:16:33,411 --> 00:16:35,152 - Oh, yeah, the night he ate the worm. - Shh. 489 00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:37,330 Eating the worm is the least of what happened that night. 490 00:16:37,355 --> 00:16:39,537 Guys, guys, let's not bore Rogelio, 491 00:16:39,562 --> 00:16:42,208 my future father-in-law, with these boring stories, okay? 492 00:16:42,232 --> 00:16:44,521 No, Vincent, finish your story, please. 493 00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:46,369 What happened in this Redneck Riviera? 494 00:16:46,394 --> 00:16:47,499 I must know. 495 00:16:47,524 --> 00:16:49,014 Uh, well... 496 00:16:49,039 --> 00:16:51,817 we had a nice talk about our feelings 497 00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:53,319 and how much we respect women, 498 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,133 and then we all went to bed by 10:00. 499 00:16:55,157 --> 00:16:56,283 (chuckles) The end. 500 00:16:56,308 --> 00:16:58,500 That's a weird story, Vincent. 501 00:16:58,812 --> 00:17:00,415 Rogelio. 502 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,349 This dinner, fantastic. 503 00:17:03,374 --> 00:17:07,478 The oysters, the pheasant, the-the macaroons. 504 00:17:07,503 --> 00:17:09,642 But, uh, maybe it's time to head out? 505 00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:10,964 Let's do it. 506 00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:13,223 I've gotten us into the hottest spot in town. 507 00:17:13,248 --> 00:17:14,783 All right. 508 00:17:15,638 --> 00:17:19,318 This Russian bathing ritual dates back centuries. 509 00:17:19,343 --> 00:17:22,870 The euca leaves really promote exfoliation and circulation. 510 00:17:22,895 --> 00:17:25,012 You will be glowing for the wedding, Michael. 511 00:17:25,037 --> 00:17:27,218 You may not even need a spray tan. 512 00:17:27,243 --> 00:17:30,921 ♪ Macho, macho man ♪ 513 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:34,673 ♪ I've got to be a macho man... ♪ 514 00:17:34,698 --> 00:17:35,797 Have you seen my mom? 515 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,625 - XIOMARA: Jane! - Ma! 516 00:17:37,650 --> 00:17:39,317 There's my daughter. They didn't believe I have 517 00:17:39,342 --> 00:17:40,803 a daughter old enough to get married. 518 00:17:40,828 --> 00:17:41,932 Tell them you're my daughter. 519 00:17:41,957 --> 00:17:43,348 (chuckles) I'm her daughter. 520 00:17:43,373 --> 00:17:44,230 Mom, I need my phone. 521 00:17:44,255 --> 00:17:45,339 No, no phones. 522 00:17:45,363 --> 00:17:46,421 No, no, Mom, I'm serious. 523 00:17:46,446 --> 00:17:47,717 You see how serious she is? 524 00:17:47,742 --> 00:17:49,241 - Mom! - No. 525 00:17:49,266 --> 00:17:51,019 No, no. Phone-free zone! 526 00:17:51,044 --> 00:17:54,340 - No, uh, wait, Ma, where are you going? - To protect you from yourself! 527 00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,237 - No, Mom, that's not funny! - I'm doing you a favor! 528 00:17:56,262 --> 00:17:58,112 - You'll thank me later! - (stammering) 529 00:17:58,137 --> 00:17:59,758 - Give it to me! - What do you want to use it for? 530 00:17:59,783 --> 00:18:01,023 You want to do some work? 531 00:18:01,048 --> 00:18:03,091 No, I need to see if Professor Blake called me 532 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,129 and to see if I still have my job 533 00:18:04,154 --> 00:18:05,792 because of the stripper you sent. 534 00:18:05,817 --> 00:18:06,915 Fine. 535 00:18:06,940 --> 00:18:08,729 But I'm holding it. 536 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,753 So you don't go answering e-mails. 537 00:18:10,778 --> 00:18:11,960 Fine. 538 00:18:12,269 --> 00:18:13,647 JANE: You see? 539 00:18:13,672 --> 00:18:16,396 Professor Blake left a voice mail. 540 00:18:17,109 --> 00:18:19,278 Okay, he's just calling to say... 541 00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:23,009 Oh, my God, I can keep my job! 542 00:18:23,034 --> 00:18:25,298 - Yes! - (laughs) 543 00:18:25,324 --> 00:18:27,783 Go, Professor Tight-Ass! That guy is such a dick. 544 00:18:27,808 --> 00:18:29,504 I thought I was gonna have to, like, send a stripper 545 00:18:29,529 --> 00:18:31,625 to his house to pull the pole out of his ass. 546 00:18:31,651 --> 00:18:34,810 FEMALE VOICE: Would you like to send your message with normal delivery? 547 00:18:34,835 --> 00:18:36,025 - Wait, what message? - Oh, my God, no, no, no. 548 00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:37,347 - What happened? Stop. - Must've hit "call back." 549 00:18:37,372 --> 00:18:40,786 - Message sent. - No... 550 00:18:41,226 --> 00:18:45,083 _ 551 00:18:46,289 --> 00:18:49,584 Okay, we need to come up with a plan. 552 00:18:49,609 --> 00:18:50,440 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Unfortunately, 553 00:18:50,465 --> 00:18:52,236 coming up with a plan is quite difficult 554 00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:53,261 when you are... 555 00:18:53,286 --> 00:18:54,850 Well, let's check. 556 00:18:54,875 --> 00:18:56,376 _ 557 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,022 HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Whoo-hoo! 558 00:18:58,047 --> 00:19:00,893 Don't worry, nobody listens to their voice mail anymore. 559 00:19:00,918 --> 00:19:02,466 What are you talking about? 560 00:19:02,491 --> 00:19:04,490 Everybody listens to their voice mails, Ma. 561 00:19:04,515 --> 00:19:06,064 - LINA: I've got an idea. - Go. 562 00:19:06,088 --> 00:19:07,397 Let's ask Siri. 563 00:19:07,525 --> 00:19:09,063 Any other suggestions? 564 00:19:09,088 --> 00:19:10,513 Angela, go. 565 00:19:10,538 --> 00:19:12,803 I think if we all think really hard, 566 00:19:12,828 --> 00:19:14,828 we could delete it with our minds. 567 00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:19,196 Here's what we're gonna do. 568 00:19:19,221 --> 00:19:20,413 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: This ought to be good. 569 00:19:20,439 --> 00:19:22,005 He's at a party for prospective students. 570 00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:23,426 I am gonna go to that party 571 00:19:23,451 --> 00:19:24,842 and I am going to steal his phone 572 00:19:24,867 --> 00:19:26,356 and I'm going to erase that message. 573 00:19:26,381 --> 00:19:28,151 Wait, you can't go in there. 574 00:19:28,176 --> 00:19:30,543 You just had a stripper at school. 575 00:19:30,568 --> 00:19:32,122 Right. 576 00:19:32,148 --> 00:19:33,406 Can you go? 577 00:19:33,431 --> 00:19:34,480 Way too drunk. 578 00:19:34,958 --> 00:19:36,768 Angela, can you go? 579 00:19:36,793 --> 00:19:39,072 Sure. Where? 580 00:19:40,493 --> 00:19:41,828 I know who could go! 581 00:19:41,853 --> 00:19:42,417 (gasps) 582 00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:43,829 I have to pee! 583 00:19:43,854 --> 00:19:45,916 _ 584 00:19:45,941 --> 00:19:47,005 - _ - Get in. Hurry. 585 00:19:47,030 --> 00:19:48,159 Not so fast. 586 00:19:48,184 --> 00:19:49,794 Since we're doing you a favor, 587 00:19:49,819 --> 00:19:50,962 we want something in return. 588 00:19:50,987 --> 00:19:52,925 What?! Seriously? 589 00:19:52,950 --> 00:19:54,363 We want to come to your wedding now. 590 00:19:54,388 --> 00:19:55,904 Great, you're in, twins. Let's do this. 591 00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:57,482 BOTH: And be bridesmaids. 592 00:19:57,507 --> 00:19:58,726 What? Why? 593 00:19:58,751 --> 00:19:59,529 You don't even like me. 594 00:19:59,554 --> 00:20:01,874 Yeah, but we could sell the pictures to some tabloid 595 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,491 because of Rogelio and fund our blog. 596 00:20:03,516 --> 00:20:05,511 Plus, we'll be wearing our own designs. 597 00:20:05,536 --> 00:20:07,565 This is our chance to be like the Olsen twins. 598 00:20:07,590 --> 00:20:08,805 But less depressing. 599 00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:11,168 And without Mary-Kate's weird old French guy. 600 00:20:11,534 --> 00:20:13,225 Fine, let's go! 601 00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:14,517 Yes! Awesome! 602 00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:15,911 (gasps) 603 00:20:15,936 --> 00:20:17,265 Break out the booze! 604 00:20:17,290 --> 00:20:18,309 We're doing shots! 605 00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:19,789 No, no shots. 606 00:20:19,814 --> 00:20:21,201 MEN: Shot! Shot! Shot! 607 00:20:21,226 --> 00:20:22,401 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Truth be told, 608 00:20:22,426 --> 00:20:24,385 if Derek knew his boat was being searched, 609 00:20:24,410 --> 00:20:26,449 he probably wouldn't feel so buoyed. 610 00:20:26,474 --> 00:20:27,932 See what I did there? 611 00:20:27,957 --> 00:20:29,895 But alas, he doesn't. 612 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,135 Dude, you don't have to keep buying us drinks all night. 613 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,640 Hey, brotherly bonding. 614 00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:35,554 And plus, I have two sleeping babies 615 00:20:35,579 --> 00:20:37,318 and two night nurses upstairs that yell at me 616 00:20:37,343 --> 00:20:39,064 every time I make noise. 617 00:20:39,089 --> 00:20:40,441 (chuckles) 618 00:20:41,087 --> 00:20:42,851 So, did you consider asking? 619 00:20:42,876 --> 00:20:45,370 - Stop, no. - Asking what? 620 00:20:45,395 --> 00:20:47,204 He wants to buy into this deal I'm looking at. 621 00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:49,094 I told him he should hit up his rich brother. 622 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:50,472 Brandon, enough. All right. 623 00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:53,141 I just am not in a position 624 00:20:53,166 --> 00:20:54,440 to make any investments right now. 625 00:20:54,465 --> 00:20:56,673 No, of course not. 626 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,841 Let's just call it. Thanks for the drinks. 627 00:20:59,866 --> 00:21:01,316 We should, uh, head back to the boat. 628 00:21:01,341 --> 00:21:03,147 No, now, hey, just, uh, just stay. 629 00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:04,523 Uh, it's weird. Now, now it seems 630 00:21:04,548 --> 00:21:05,785 like I'm after your money or something. 631 00:21:05,809 --> 00:21:07,824 No, it doesn't. It's fine, hey. 632 00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:09,808 Come on, just sit down? 633 00:21:10,129 --> 00:21:11,455 Sit down! 634 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:12,438 Come on, another round. 635 00:21:12,463 --> 00:21:15,338 - Let me at least pay this time. - Hey, put your money away. 636 00:21:17,556 --> 00:21:19,485 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I don't know about you, 637 00:21:19,510 --> 00:21:21,294 but I'm not on board with this make-under. 638 00:21:21,319 --> 00:21:22,987 How'd you become a stylist? 639 00:21:23,013 --> 00:21:24,690 You have to have good taste 640 00:21:24,715 --> 00:21:26,403 so celebrities want your opinion. 641 00:21:26,427 --> 00:21:28,213 Do any celebrities want yours? 642 00:21:28,239 --> 00:21:29,044 (phone chimes) 643 00:21:29,069 --> 00:21:30,262 LINA: Well, they will eventually. 644 00:21:30,287 --> 00:21:31,711 _ 645 00:21:33,231 --> 00:21:36,058 (chuckles, sighs) 646 00:21:36,083 --> 00:21:39,552 _ 647 00:21:39,577 --> 00:21:41,666 _ 648 00:21:43,630 --> 00:21:50,505 _ 649 00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:54,850 _ 650 00:21:54,875 --> 00:22:01,275 _ 651 00:22:01,707 --> 00:22:08,785 _ 652 00:22:10,508 --> 00:22:12,215 _ 653 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,700 Enough with the questions! 654 00:22:14,725 --> 00:22:19,622 _ 655 00:22:21,151 --> 00:22:25,836 _ 656 00:22:26,212 --> 00:22:28,428 Up to you, but I'd lose the towel. 657 00:22:28,453 --> 00:22:30,137 It's not good for your pores. 658 00:22:30,162 --> 00:22:31,871 Hey, you know, I'm feeling, I'm feeling okay. 659 00:22:31,896 --> 00:22:33,662 Your choice. After this, 660 00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:36,277 a quick plunge in the cold pool and massages. 661 00:22:36,302 --> 00:22:38,153 Space is limited, so be sure to tell me 662 00:22:38,178 --> 00:22:40,297 who you want as your couples massage partner, 663 00:22:40,322 --> 00:22:42,983 while I grab us some cucumber water. 664 00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:47,067 Okay, dude. 665 00:22:47,092 --> 00:22:49,247 Dude, what the hell? 666 00:22:49,273 --> 00:22:50,093 This is weird, dude. 667 00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:52,239 No, no, no, wait, we left weird back at his apartment. 668 00:22:52,264 --> 00:22:54,606 This is way past weird. 669 00:22:54,631 --> 00:22:56,053 I know, but what am I supposed to do? 670 00:22:56,078 --> 00:22:58,110 Get rid of your crazy father-in-law. 671 00:22:58,135 --> 00:22:59,914 Look, obviously I don't want Rogelio here. 672 00:22:59,939 --> 00:23:01,315 I don't want to hurt his feelings. 673 00:23:05,797 --> 00:23:07,826 Rogelio, I'm sorry. 674 00:23:08,236 --> 00:23:10,709 No-no apology necessary. 675 00:23:10,734 --> 00:23:14,405 I will take my leave so you can start having fun. 676 00:23:18,227 --> 00:23:21,663 Hey, Rogelio, I am so sorry. I feel terrible. 677 00:23:21,688 --> 00:23:23,583 If you didn't want me at your party, 678 00:23:23,608 --> 00:23:25,528 then why did you invite me? 679 00:23:26,525 --> 00:23:28,465 I never meant to. 680 00:23:30,563 --> 00:23:32,854 When you found about it and-and wanted to come, 681 00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:34,051 I didn't want to hurt your feelings. 682 00:23:34,076 --> 00:23:35,852 And then you ran with it, making this whole night. 683 00:23:35,877 --> 00:23:37,104 Your friends weren't making any plans. 684 00:23:37,129 --> 00:23:38,655 I wanted it to be special. 685 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:39,856 I know. 686 00:23:39,881 --> 00:23:41,372 I thought you like being pampered. 687 00:23:41,397 --> 00:23:42,907 Men these days. 688 00:23:42,933 --> 00:23:45,209 They don't take enough time for themselves. 689 00:23:45,477 --> 00:23:47,527 It's not about the SPA. 690 00:23:48,046 --> 00:23:49,531 Having you here, it changes 691 00:23:49,556 --> 00:23:51,292 the dynamic with my friends. 692 00:23:51,317 --> 00:23:52,916 But we're friends! 693 00:23:52,940 --> 00:23:54,803 #Brogelios4Life. 694 00:23:54,828 --> 00:23:56,984 We are, but we're also about to be family, 695 00:23:57,009 --> 00:23:58,638 and you know, that changes things. 696 00:23:58,663 --> 00:24:01,296 They can't tell funny stories and have them be inappropriate 697 00:24:01,321 --> 00:24:03,218 while my wife's dad is around, you know? 698 00:24:03,243 --> 00:24:05,903 Yeah, I understand. 699 00:24:06,156 --> 00:24:08,387 If I were a normal dad. 700 00:24:08,412 --> 00:24:09,398 But I'm a cool dad. 701 00:24:09,423 --> 00:24:12,163 You can be inappropriate around me, I swear. 702 00:24:12,188 --> 00:24:13,649 (sighs) 703 00:24:14,048 --> 00:24:16,314 Okay, we... I mean, all right. 704 00:24:16,339 --> 00:24:18,358 You know that story with the Redneck Riviera? 705 00:24:18,383 --> 00:24:20,116 When you ate the worm? Hilarious. 706 00:24:20,141 --> 00:24:21,649 Yeah, and after that, 707 00:24:21,673 --> 00:24:24,913 we went to a strip club where we met 708 00:24:24,939 --> 00:24:27,581 a stripper named Jane and her twin sister, 709 00:24:27,606 --> 00:24:29,462 - and she showed us... - Enough, stop it! 710 00:24:29,487 --> 00:24:30,375 - I'm sorry. - I get it. 711 00:24:30,401 --> 00:24:31,189 I get it. 712 00:24:31,214 --> 00:24:32,570 You've made your point. 713 00:24:32,595 --> 00:24:33,945 I'll cancel the massages 714 00:24:33,969 --> 00:24:36,016 so you can go to a bar with your friends 715 00:24:36,041 --> 00:24:39,206 and talk about things I never want to hear about again. 716 00:24:39,231 --> 00:24:41,335 Okay, let's get out of the pool... 717 00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:42,690 Wait, wait, wait, I-I mean, 718 00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:46,763 I'm not really in a bar mood right now... are you? 719 00:24:46,946 --> 00:24:49,055 I mean, we go to bars, like, every night. 720 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,928 Yeah, and a two-hour massage, bro, sounds kind of cool. 721 00:24:52,953 --> 00:24:54,305 Fine, yeah, yeah. 722 00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:56,839 We'll, uh, we'll get the massages. 723 00:24:56,864 --> 00:24:58,256 VALERIA: Relax. 724 00:24:58,281 --> 00:24:59,994 We got this. 725 00:25:00,019 --> 00:25:01,209 Okay, repeat the plan 726 00:25:01,234 --> 00:25:02,485 back to me just to make sure. 727 00:25:02,510 --> 00:25:03,519 You go. 728 00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:05,060 I thought you were listening. 729 00:25:05,084 --> 00:25:06,327 I listened last time. 730 00:25:06,352 --> 00:25:07,868 Okay, both of you, listen! 731 00:25:07,893 --> 00:25:09,517 One of you says you have a personal emergency 732 00:25:09,542 --> 00:25:10,949 and you need to borrow Professor Blake's phone 733 00:25:10,973 --> 00:25:11,724 because both of your phones 734 00:25:11,749 --> 00:25:12,854 are dead, then 735 00:25:12,879 --> 00:25:14,208 one of you stays with him 736 00:25:14,233 --> 00:25:15,820 while the other one goes to make the call 737 00:25:15,845 --> 00:25:17,836 and deletes the voice mail, then you return 738 00:25:17,868 --> 00:25:19,672 the phone to Professor Blake and you slip out. 739 00:25:19,697 --> 00:25:21,854 - One champagne. - No champagne! 740 00:25:21,878 --> 00:25:24,567 Calm down, calm down, we got this. This is easy. 741 00:25:24,592 --> 00:25:27,084 Yeah, it's like taking candy from a baby. 742 00:25:27,109 --> 00:25:28,721 _ 743 00:25:28,746 --> 00:25:30,927 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Or leaving your babies. 744 00:25:30,952 --> 00:25:32,901 Honestly, I don't know what's more shocking. 745 00:25:32,926 --> 00:25:34,938 Petra abandoning her children 746 00:25:34,963 --> 00:25:37,374 or Petra taking a bus. 747 00:25:37,399 --> 00:25:39,394 (moaning) 748 00:25:39,419 --> 00:25:41,610 Can't believe how much I like this. 749 00:25:41,635 --> 00:25:43,407 You-you never had a massage? 750 00:25:43,432 --> 00:25:44,563 No. 751 00:25:44,588 --> 00:25:46,486 _ 752 00:25:46,511 --> 00:25:48,100 Well, they are 753 00:25:48,125 --> 00:25:50,838 very relaxing. 754 00:25:50,863 --> 00:25:53,831 _ 755 00:25:55,732 --> 00:25:58,317 _ 756 00:25:58,342 --> 00:25:59,786 So, Ro? 757 00:25:59,811 --> 00:26:01,154 Is everything cool with us? 758 00:26:01,180 --> 00:26:03,416 Yes, I understand what you're saying. 759 00:26:03,441 --> 00:26:05,161 There should be a certain amount 760 00:26:05,186 --> 00:26:08,082 of decorum between father-in-law and son-in-law. 761 00:26:08,106 --> 00:26:10,530 I don't need to hear everything. 762 00:26:10,556 --> 00:26:12,750 Okay, but the thing is, 763 00:26:12,774 --> 00:26:16,027 you did hear about the strippers or whatever. 764 00:26:16,053 --> 00:26:18,006 Does that change the way you feel about me? 765 00:26:18,031 --> 00:26:18,972 What? 766 00:26:18,997 --> 00:26:20,213 Of course not. 767 00:26:20,239 --> 00:26:22,339 (sighs) Okay, good. 768 00:26:22,555 --> 00:26:24,555 I was worried. 769 00:26:25,871 --> 00:26:27,811 You were? 770 00:26:28,735 --> 00:26:30,392 Of course. 771 00:26:30,563 --> 00:26:32,894 What you think really matters to me. 772 00:26:32,944 --> 00:26:34,691 More than anything. 773 00:26:34,716 --> 00:26:36,755 I mean... (chuckles) 774 00:26:36,780 --> 00:26:38,767 I'm marrying your daughter. 775 00:26:39,368 --> 00:26:43,275 You're massaging my heart right now, Michael Cordero. 776 00:26:43,300 --> 00:26:44,379 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw! 777 00:26:44,404 --> 00:26:45,274 Looks like this massage 778 00:26:45,300 --> 00:26:47,227 has a happy ending after all! 779 00:26:47,252 --> 00:26:50,331 - _ - (both imitate small explosion) 780 00:26:50,638 --> 00:26:52,029 And just for the record, 781 00:26:52,054 --> 00:26:54,973 I couldn't imagine anyone better for Jane. 782 00:26:54,998 --> 00:26:56,047 Oh... 783 00:26:56,072 --> 00:26:58,180 You are my dream man. 784 00:26:58,822 --> 00:27:00,280 JANE: This is a nightmare. 785 00:27:00,305 --> 00:27:02,906 Here, this will take the edge off waiting. 786 00:27:02,931 --> 00:27:03,940 I can't believe this is happening! 787 00:27:03,965 --> 00:27:05,064 - We got it! - Huh? 788 00:27:05,089 --> 00:27:07,352 - Piece of cake! - You took it? 789 00:27:07,377 --> 00:27:09,192 We figured we'd let you do the honors. 790 00:27:09,217 --> 00:27:10,493 Fine, give me that. 791 00:27:10,517 --> 00:27:13,271 Oh, yes, it doesn't require a code. 792 00:27:13,296 --> 00:27:14,914 Sucker. Ooh! 793 00:27:14,940 --> 00:27:15,795 (gasps) Found my voice mail. 794 00:27:15,820 --> 00:27:18,113 - He didn't listen! - Yes! 795 00:27:19,114 --> 00:27:20,427 (gasps) What is that? 796 00:27:20,452 --> 00:27:22,031 - His wallet. - What?! 797 00:27:22,055 --> 00:27:23,814 - (phone beeping) - What is it doing? 798 00:27:23,839 --> 00:27:25,438 Oh, he has Find My Phone! 799 00:27:25,463 --> 00:27:26,765 - What?! - Ditch it, quick! 800 00:27:26,790 --> 00:27:28,778 - (grunts) - No! 801 00:27:30,287 --> 00:27:32,607 - Now! - Aah! Gah! 802 00:27:32,632 --> 00:27:34,002 - No! - For our blog! 803 00:27:34,027 --> 00:27:35,460 Leave it. (both grunt) 804 00:27:35,485 --> 00:27:37,183 Run! Run! 805 00:27:43,708 --> 00:27:46,931 We really did it! I can't believe we did it! 806 00:27:46,956 --> 00:27:49,512 - LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Me neither. - Now let's get back to partying! 807 00:27:49,537 --> 00:27:50,510 Wait, where's my mom? 808 00:27:50,535 --> 00:27:52,753 - She went back to get the phones. - What phones? 809 00:27:52,778 --> 00:27:55,248 I guess she left her purse with our phones in the bar? 810 00:27:55,272 --> 00:27:57,013 - What? - Except yours! 811 00:27:57,038 --> 00:27:59,823 So we got her an Uber and she's on it. 812 00:28:00,498 --> 00:28:02,377 (sighs) 813 00:28:02,949 --> 00:28:04,525 Chad's on the lookout. 814 00:28:04,550 --> 00:28:05,787 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And that's when... 815 00:28:05,812 --> 00:28:07,239 Your fiancé. 816 00:28:07,464 --> 00:28:09,472 She saw him. 817 00:28:09,497 --> 00:28:11,337 And he saw her. 818 00:28:11,363 --> 00:28:12,544 Oh... 819 00:28:14,644 --> 00:28:16,283 Did you hear back from your mom? 820 00:28:16,308 --> 00:28:17,841 No, not yet. 821 00:28:17,989 --> 00:28:19,786 God, your skin looks amazing. 822 00:28:19,811 --> 00:28:20,840 - Spasibo. - (laughs) 823 00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:22,442 That's thank you in Russian. 824 00:28:22,467 --> 00:28:24,053 - Fancy. - I know. 825 00:28:24,078 --> 00:28:25,935 - (phone chimes) - Oh, please, please, please. 826 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,081 Finally. 827 00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:29,328 _ 828 00:28:29,353 --> 00:28:31,828 - Ah... - I got this. 829 00:28:31,853 --> 00:28:36,532 _ 830 00:28:36,557 --> 00:28:38,279 Don't worry, I'm in charge of your mom. 831 00:28:38,304 --> 00:28:39,122 Really? 832 00:28:39,147 --> 00:28:40,559 Really. 833 00:28:40,757 --> 00:28:42,139 LINA: Good news, 834 00:28:42,164 --> 00:28:43,751 bachelors and bachelorettes, 835 00:28:43,776 --> 00:28:47,024 everyone is down for an after-party at the Marbella. 836 00:28:47,050 --> 00:28:48,861 Should we do it? 837 00:28:48,886 --> 00:28:50,220 I don't know. 838 00:28:50,245 --> 00:28:52,172 _ 839 00:28:52,671 --> 00:28:53,740 Do you want to? 840 00:28:53,765 --> 00:28:55,372 I wouldn't mind a drink. 841 00:28:55,397 --> 00:28:57,315 _ 842 00:28:57,340 --> 00:28:58,988 _ 843 00:29:00,263 --> 00:29:01,847 Last night of freedom, right? 844 00:29:01,872 --> 00:29:02,713 Let's do it. 845 00:29:02,738 --> 00:29:05,011 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 846 00:29:05,036 --> 00:29:07,335 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And do it, they did! 847 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,067 _ 848 00:29:10,092 --> 00:29:12,613 - _ - ♪ 'Cause we comin' out tonight... ♪ 849 00:29:12,638 --> 00:29:14,740 ♪ Hey, hey, hip-hop hooray... ♪ 850 00:29:14,764 --> 00:29:15,843 I am on it, I am 851 00:29:15,868 --> 00:29:17,119 (high voice): on it! Yeah! 852 00:29:17,144 --> 00:29:19,017 - (laughs) - (whoops) 853 00:29:19,042 --> 00:29:20,274 ♪ 'Cause we comin' out tonight... ♪ 854 00:29:20,299 --> 00:29:21,806 Hey. 855 00:29:21,831 --> 00:29:24,135 I might have not gone to college, 856 00:29:24,159 --> 00:29:27,248 but at least I can dance, okay? 857 00:29:27,341 --> 00:29:28,919 Why are you being so mean? 858 00:29:28,944 --> 00:29:31,569 Oh, my God, Angela's been so rude to me all night! 859 00:29:31,595 --> 00:29:34,090 - What are you talking about? - Yeah, yeah. 860 00:29:34,114 --> 00:29:36,264 - Asking questions... - That's Angela! 861 00:29:36,290 --> 00:29:38,027 That's why we call her Weird Angela. 862 00:29:38,052 --> 00:29:39,456 I thought you said she was brilliant. 863 00:29:39,481 --> 00:29:41,751 - She is, and weird. - Angela? 864 00:29:41,775 --> 00:29:43,393 - No! No! - Yes! 865 00:29:44,392 --> 00:29:48,367 Angela, Lina would like to apologize to you. 866 00:29:48,970 --> 00:29:51,491 I'm sorry if I was rude to you tonight. 867 00:29:51,516 --> 00:29:53,426 When were you rude? 868 00:29:54,582 --> 00:29:56,426 (mouths) Who's thirsty? 869 00:29:56,451 --> 00:29:57,687 Should I? I'm pretty wasted. 870 00:29:57,712 --> 00:29:58,771 I just texted your mom. 871 00:29:58,796 --> 00:30:00,135 She's pulling into the hotel. 872 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,610 Do it. 873 00:30:01,634 --> 00:30:03,146 ♪ Hey, hey, hip-hop hooray ♪ 874 00:30:03,171 --> 00:30:05,223 ♪ Pop a bottle and flow all day... ♪ 875 00:30:05,248 --> 00:30:06,775 Ah! (whoops) 876 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,038 ♪ Pop a bottle and flow all day ♪ 877 00:30:08,063 --> 00:30:10,826 ♪ 'Cause we comin' out tonight... ♪ 878 00:30:10,851 --> 00:30:13,299 It is going down! 879 00:30:13,324 --> 00:30:14,075 Yeah? 880 00:30:14,100 --> 00:30:16,150 Yeah! (whoops) 881 00:30:16,175 --> 00:30:16,998 (chimes tinkle) 882 00:30:17,023 --> 00:30:19,431 Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor 883 00:30:19,456 --> 00:30:21,515 and privilege to welcome to the stage 884 00:30:21,540 --> 00:30:24,405 the Queen of Miami, the Boss of the Beach, 885 00:30:24,430 --> 00:30:27,227 the Maiden of the Marbella... 886 00:30:27,252 --> 00:30:31,533 it's Sweet Lady Jane! 887 00:30:31,558 --> 00:30:33,304 (cheering) 888 00:30:33,328 --> 00:30:34,906 ♪ ♪ 889 00:30:34,931 --> 00:30:37,103 ♪ First things first, I'm Sweet Lady Jane ♪ 890 00:30:37,128 --> 00:30:39,390 ♪ And I'm-a drop lyrics so sick, they insane ♪ 891 00:30:39,415 --> 00:30:41,474 ♪ Got the 305 and I'm bringing the pain ♪ 892 00:30:41,499 --> 00:30:43,560 ♪ Got the fly boys screamin' "That's Sweet Lady Jane" ♪ 893 00:30:43,586 --> 00:30:46,036 ♪ Got a secret for y'all: it's my last night of freedom ♪ 894 00:30:46,061 --> 00:30:48,060 ♪ I'm like Don Quixote and I'm finding my kingdom ♪ 895 00:30:48,112 --> 00:30:50,245 ♪ Got my king by my side 'cause this queen likes to ride ♪ 896 00:30:50,270 --> 00:30:53,430 ♪ Far away from the baby mama drama drama drama drama... ♪ 897 00:30:53,722 --> 00:30:55,771 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: At least, that's what happened in her head. 898 00:30:55,796 --> 00:30:58,525 In reality... Jane was really wasted. 899 00:30:58,550 --> 00:31:00,109 So it was more like this. 900 00:31:00,134 --> 00:31:01,462 - Yeah! - Yeah! 901 00:31:01,487 --> 00:31:02,681 - Yeah! - ALL: Yeah! 902 00:31:02,706 --> 00:31:04,574 - ♪ Y'all say... ♪ - The point was, 903 00:31:04,599 --> 00:31:05,952 she lost control. 904 00:31:05,977 --> 00:31:08,835 ♪ I love you like you love me... ♪ 905 00:31:08,860 --> 00:31:10,631 ♪ Yo. Yo. ♪ (beatboxing) 906 00:31:10,656 --> 00:31:12,047 ♪ It's gotta be great ♪ 907 00:31:12,072 --> 00:31:13,059 ♪ I cannot wait ♪ 908 00:31:13,084 --> 00:31:15,665 ♪ I wanna rock, I wanna roll ♪ 909 00:31:15,690 --> 00:31:17,179 ♪ I wanna be so gangster ♪ 910 00:31:17,204 --> 00:31:20,796 ♪ I'm gonna go slow, real slow... ♪ 911 00:31:23,862 --> 00:31:25,552 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, dear. 912 00:31:25,577 --> 00:31:28,633 Someone seems to be having regrets. 913 00:31:31,550 --> 00:31:33,062 Wait a second. 914 00:31:33,087 --> 00:31:34,841 I wasn't awful. 915 00:31:34,866 --> 00:31:35,865 So awful. 916 00:31:35,890 --> 00:31:36,613 (laughing): Oh, no! 917 00:31:36,638 --> 00:31:38,770 Lina, um, a-as your friend, I feel like 918 00:31:38,795 --> 00:31:40,126 it's my duty to let you know 919 00:31:40,151 --> 00:31:42,320 that guy Chad, who you like, he's out in the hall, and... 920 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:44,670 Oh! 921 00:31:45,961 --> 00:31:49,159 Oh, my God. You have got to be kidding me. 922 00:31:49,603 --> 00:31:51,463 Mom? 923 00:31:51,488 --> 00:31:52,433 (exhales) Uh... 924 00:31:52,458 --> 00:31:55,294 CHAD: Wait, Lina, wait. 925 00:31:55,406 --> 00:31:57,314 Jane, I'm sorry. 926 00:31:57,339 --> 00:31:59,724 This is why I didn't want you at my bachelorette party. 927 00:31:59,749 --> 00:32:01,191 Because I knew this would happen. 928 00:32:01,216 --> 00:32:03,976 I knew you would act like a drunk sorority girl. 929 00:32:04,001 --> 00:32:06,000 Wait. That's not fair. 930 00:32:06,025 --> 00:32:07,084 You're right. 931 00:32:07,109 --> 00:32:08,914 (crying): It's not fair! 932 00:32:08,939 --> 00:32:11,313 You know why I'm such a control freak, Mom? 933 00:32:11,338 --> 00:32:12,780 Because I grew up with you, 934 00:32:12,805 --> 00:32:15,750 and you are so out of control! 935 00:32:23,964 --> 00:32:26,083 Hey. 936 00:32:27,347 --> 00:32:28,721 I am so sorry. 937 00:32:28,746 --> 00:32:29,805 No. 938 00:32:30,186 --> 00:32:32,195 He was clearly a jerk. 939 00:32:32,220 --> 00:32:33,621 It's better I know now. 940 00:32:33,646 --> 00:32:35,373 Are you okay? 941 00:32:35,398 --> 00:32:36,920 I think this... 942 00:32:37,226 --> 00:32:39,339 and the Angela thing... 943 00:32:39,775 --> 00:32:41,919 It's like, you're getting married, 944 00:32:41,944 --> 00:32:43,217 you have a kid, 945 00:32:43,242 --> 00:32:45,341 and I'm happy for you, I am. 946 00:32:45,366 --> 00:32:46,385 I know. 947 00:32:46,410 --> 00:32:47,782 But it just makes me think 948 00:32:47,807 --> 00:32:49,489 how everything is moving forward for you, 949 00:32:49,514 --> 00:32:53,069 but I'm still sort of lost. 950 00:32:53,645 --> 00:32:55,960 I don't want to be at the Marbella forever. 951 00:32:55,985 --> 00:32:57,288 And you won't be. 952 00:32:57,314 --> 00:32:58,422 Yeah. 953 00:32:58,446 --> 00:32:59,534 (sniffs) 954 00:32:59,559 --> 00:33:01,409 Do you want to make a list? 955 00:33:02,384 --> 00:33:03,740 What kind of list? 956 00:33:03,764 --> 00:33:06,032 Well, just like a five-point action item list. 957 00:33:06,057 --> 00:33:08,231 Don't worry, it's, like, the most basic type of list. 958 00:33:08,256 --> 00:33:09,602 Oh, my God, 959 00:33:09,627 --> 00:33:10,984 you have different types of lists? Of course. 960 00:33:11,023 --> 00:33:13,351 - (laughs) - Hey, if you want to be a stylist, 961 00:33:13,376 --> 00:33:15,104 you gotta come up with a plan, right? 962 00:33:15,129 --> 00:33:17,148 Okay. Let's do it. 963 00:33:17,173 --> 00:33:20,312 And my mom owes you an apology, of course. 964 00:33:20,337 --> 00:33:23,158 No. It's like she helped me, kind of. 965 00:33:23,183 --> 00:33:25,302 Seeing that... you know? I don't know. 966 00:33:25,487 --> 00:33:28,013 It's like a cautionary tale, 967 00:33:28,038 --> 00:33:29,836 right? 968 00:33:31,788 --> 00:33:33,727 (door opens) 969 00:33:33,752 --> 00:33:35,331 Mmm... 970 00:33:35,356 --> 00:33:38,334 _ 971 00:33:38,363 --> 00:33:40,364 I know. 972 00:33:45,986 --> 00:33:48,206 Oh... 973 00:33:50,338 --> 00:33:51,832 (sighs) 974 00:33:51,857 --> 00:33:54,156 I messed up, Ma. 975 00:33:54,631 --> 00:33:57,278 I really messed up. 976 00:33:59,666 --> 00:34:02,758 _ 977 00:34:02,783 --> 00:34:05,389 _ 978 00:34:06,649 --> 00:34:09,045 _ 979 00:34:09,070 --> 00:34:11,852 _ 980 00:34:11,877 --> 00:34:13,839 _ 981 00:34:24,792 --> 00:34:26,303 No... 982 00:34:26,328 --> 00:34:28,100 What the hell? 983 00:34:28,125 --> 00:34:30,848 Oh, we all got them. Bam! 984 00:34:30,873 --> 00:34:32,373 Oh, no! 985 00:34:32,398 --> 00:34:33,194 Yep. 986 00:34:33,226 --> 00:34:34,860 Oh, my God... 987 00:34:34,885 --> 00:34:36,794 - Yeah. - (giggles) 988 00:34:37,940 --> 00:34:39,615 Oh, I'm still drunk. 989 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:40,598 I know. 990 00:34:40,623 --> 00:34:42,039 (giggles) 991 00:34:42,064 --> 00:34:45,137 But can I say something? 992 00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:49,864 I love you so much. 993 00:34:49,889 --> 00:34:52,133 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So, I guess we're back to gushing levels. 994 00:34:52,158 --> 00:34:54,017 And I'm not just gushing because I'm drunk, 995 00:34:54,042 --> 00:34:56,121 I'm gushing 996 00:34:56,145 --> 00:34:58,344 because... 997 00:34:59,150 --> 00:35:02,460 I've been having trouble with my vows. 998 00:35:02,485 --> 00:35:05,055 Distilling what to say. 999 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,048 And tonight I realized 1000 00:35:07,276 --> 00:35:09,186 it's simple. 1001 00:35:09,909 --> 00:35:12,026 With you... 1002 00:35:12,610 --> 00:35:15,457 You make me feel safe, 1003 00:35:15,482 --> 00:35:17,954 in the best way. 1004 00:35:18,565 --> 00:35:22,540 And my mom kept telling me to lose control, 1005 00:35:23,402 --> 00:35:27,862 but I couldn't until you got here. 1006 00:35:28,169 --> 00:35:30,176 Because I know you're watching over me. 1007 00:35:30,201 --> 00:35:31,298 (sobs) 1008 00:35:31,323 --> 00:35:32,637 Instead of me always having 1009 00:35:32,662 --> 00:35:34,582 to watch over everyone else. 1010 00:35:34,650 --> 00:35:35,872 So tonight is not 1011 00:35:35,897 --> 00:35:37,207 my last night of freedom, 1012 00:35:37,232 --> 00:35:40,786 it's my first night of freedom. 1013 00:35:44,486 --> 00:35:46,906 And that's what I'm going to put in my vows. 1014 00:35:46,930 --> 00:35:49,605 Minus the whole "mom out of control" part. 1015 00:35:49,928 --> 00:35:52,732 Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. 1016 00:35:52,757 --> 00:35:56,186 I've been feeling a little stuck, and I, 1017 00:35:56,211 --> 00:35:57,444 and I figured out why... 1018 00:35:57,838 --> 00:35:59,034 During my massage. 1019 00:35:59,059 --> 00:36:00,456 (laughs) 1020 00:36:00,481 --> 00:36:02,571 I realized that some things 1021 00:36:02,596 --> 00:36:04,465 are only meant for certain people to hear. 1022 00:36:04,489 --> 00:36:06,450 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Redneck Riviera, for example... 1023 00:36:06,476 --> 00:36:08,194 Not a story for fathers-in-law. 1024 00:36:08,219 --> 00:36:10,515 And when it comes to my feelings for you... 1025 00:36:11,161 --> 00:36:14,250 you're the only person that I want to share those with. 1026 00:36:14,441 --> 00:36:16,733 So I was wondering if... 1027 00:36:16,758 --> 00:36:20,037 maybe we didn't put the vows in the program... 1028 00:36:20,063 --> 00:36:23,067 but instead I told you them right now. 1029 00:36:23,091 --> 00:36:24,304 (softly): Yes. 1030 00:36:24,329 --> 00:36:26,046 Yes, please. 1031 00:36:27,166 --> 00:36:29,186 ♪ ♪ 1032 00:36:31,741 --> 00:36:33,540 Jane... 1033 00:36:33,565 --> 00:36:34,856 (whispers): Yeah? 1034 00:36:34,881 --> 00:36:35,966 ♪ ♪ 1035 00:36:35,991 --> 00:36:39,166 Sorry, but remember, he wants these to be private. 1036 00:36:40,036 --> 00:36:42,155 You'll just have to take my word for it... 1037 00:36:42,180 --> 00:36:44,029 They were perfect. 1038 00:36:44,054 --> 00:36:46,207 ♪ ♪ 1039 00:36:51,593 --> 00:36:54,212 _ 1040 00:36:54,308 --> 00:36:57,315 Thank you. And I am so sorry again 1041 00:36:57,340 --> 00:37:00,190 for waking them up when I got in last night. 1042 00:37:00,287 --> 00:37:01,831 (sighs) 1043 00:37:01,856 --> 00:37:03,635 (phone chimes) 1044 00:37:03,660 --> 00:37:08,834 _ 1045 00:37:11,573 --> 00:37:12,692 Huh. 1046 00:37:12,717 --> 00:37:14,913 I-I get a warrant, he knows you told me about it. 1047 00:37:14,938 --> 00:37:16,633 So don't get a warrant. 1048 00:37:16,657 --> 00:37:19,228 Oh, come on, Michael. 1049 00:37:19,698 --> 00:37:22,376 We both know you're not above bending the rules. 1050 00:37:22,401 --> 00:37:23,863 Those days are over. 1051 00:37:23,888 --> 00:37:25,768 It's all got to be by the book now. 1052 00:37:25,793 --> 00:37:29,296 So apparently, Rafael took matters into his own hands, 1053 00:37:29,485 --> 00:37:32,550 and he got proof that his brother was telling the truth. 1054 00:37:32,575 --> 00:37:34,750 Thanks for letting me crash. 1055 00:37:35,525 --> 00:37:37,402 - You okay? - Yeah. 1056 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:38,738 Yeah. 1057 00:37:38,763 --> 00:37:40,614 For the first time, he trusts you. 1058 00:37:40,639 --> 00:37:42,295 Sorry, I'm just... Are you hungry? 1059 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,216 Yeah. Here, let's get some food, huh? 1060 00:37:44,241 --> 00:37:45,996 I'll pull up a menu. 1061 00:37:46,021 --> 00:37:47,489 - _ - What's that e-mail? 1062 00:37:47,514 --> 00:37:49,689 From the bank? 1063 00:37:50,181 --> 00:37:52,439 - Oh, my God. - What? 1064 00:37:52,827 --> 00:37:54,904 Did I buy stock last night? 1065 00:37:54,929 --> 00:37:55,968 I don't know, man. 1066 00:37:55,993 --> 00:37:58,511 - It's all kind of a blur. - (chuckles): Yeah. 1067 00:37:58,535 --> 00:38:00,494 Oh, my God, I did. 1068 00:38:00,519 --> 00:38:02,024 And I just... 1069 00:38:02,049 --> 00:38:03,842 made $5 million. 1070 00:38:03,867 --> 00:38:06,185 Okay. Wow. 1071 00:38:06,210 --> 00:38:09,704 Uh... so we should probably get our stories straight, right? 1072 00:38:09,729 --> 00:38:10,921 What do you mean? 1073 00:38:10,946 --> 00:38:13,750 Well, Brandon knew they had the patent... 1074 00:38:13,775 --> 00:38:15,616 before they announced it this morning. 1075 00:38:15,641 --> 00:38:18,028 You mean like... insider trading? 1076 00:38:18,053 --> 00:38:20,082 I'm sorry, I... I thought you knew. 1077 00:38:20,107 --> 00:38:22,638 That's why... I didn't want you to invest. 1078 00:38:22,663 --> 00:38:23,901 What a mess. 1079 00:38:23,926 --> 00:38:28,496 And from one mess to another. 1080 00:38:29,167 --> 00:38:31,323 (knocking) 1081 00:38:34,958 --> 00:38:38,885 Hey. Pastelitos. 1082 00:38:38,910 --> 00:38:40,059 Ah, yes. 1083 00:38:40,084 --> 00:38:41,652 An old family tradition. 1084 00:38:41,677 --> 00:38:43,790 (knocking) 1085 00:38:44,898 --> 00:38:47,822 - _ - Pastelitos from Isidoro's. 1086 00:38:47,847 --> 00:38:49,797 ♪ ♪ 1087 00:38:50,523 --> 00:38:52,801 I'm sorry about last night. 1088 00:38:52,826 --> 00:38:55,183 I-I was out of control. 1089 00:38:55,207 --> 00:38:57,743 It's just that you're turning 21. 1090 00:38:57,768 --> 00:38:59,875 And you're getting married. 1091 00:38:59,900 --> 00:39:01,628 (crying): You're an adult now. 1092 00:39:01,654 --> 00:39:03,250 And what that does to me... 1093 00:39:03,275 --> 00:39:05,800 What that does to me... well, 1094 00:39:06,042 --> 00:39:09,223 it makes me feel old, for one. 1095 00:39:09,248 --> 00:39:11,287 And it makes me realize... 1096 00:39:11,508 --> 00:39:13,686 that my big job is done. 1097 00:39:13,762 --> 00:39:15,392 Being a mom, 1098 00:39:15,417 --> 00:39:16,881 it's the only thing 1099 00:39:16,906 --> 00:39:18,915 I've been really successful at. 1100 00:39:19,467 --> 00:39:22,247 (sobbing): And it makes me wonder... 1101 00:39:22,550 --> 00:39:24,608 what am I doing with my life? 1102 00:39:24,633 --> 00:39:26,204 ♪ ♪ 1103 00:39:26,229 --> 00:39:28,859 (crying): A-And I just realized that I... 1104 00:39:28,883 --> 00:39:32,166 (chuckles) have to figure it out, you know? 1105 00:39:32,948 --> 00:39:34,414 So I will. 1106 00:39:34,439 --> 00:39:35,936 And I'm sorry. 1107 00:39:35,961 --> 00:39:37,481 It's okay, Mom. 1108 00:39:37,506 --> 00:39:39,010 I know it's hard. 1109 00:39:39,035 --> 00:39:40,715 And I'm sorry. 1110 00:39:40,740 --> 00:39:42,591 And maybe it was Jane's hangover 1111 00:39:42,616 --> 00:39:44,659 or the fact that it was the same apology 1112 00:39:44,684 --> 00:39:48,416 Xo had given four years before and four years before that, 1113 00:39:48,441 --> 00:39:50,705 but this time Jane said... 1114 00:39:50,730 --> 00:39:52,220 I don't want your apology, Mom. 1115 00:39:52,879 --> 00:39:54,557 I want you to grow up. 1116 00:39:54,582 --> 00:39:57,036 What are you talking about? I'm plenty grown up. 1117 00:39:57,062 --> 00:40:00,300 We've been having the same conversation for years. 1118 00:40:00,325 --> 00:40:02,364 At this point, I should remind you 1119 00:40:02,389 --> 00:40:04,868 that Jane didn't lose control very often. 1120 00:40:04,893 --> 00:40:05,864 And I've had it. 1121 00:40:05,889 --> 00:40:07,838 Enough with all the excuses 1122 00:40:07,863 --> 00:40:09,295 and the apologies. 1123 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:10,419 At this point 1124 00:40:10,444 --> 00:40:12,383 you are just a cautionary tale. 1125 00:40:12,408 --> 00:40:16,352 But when she did, it was epic. 1126 00:40:17,854 --> 00:40:21,257 (taking deep breaths) 1127 00:40:23,948 --> 00:40:25,968 ♪ ♪ 1128 00:40:28,215 --> 00:40:31,124 Which brings us back to Petra. 1129 00:40:31,197 --> 00:40:33,256 ♪ ♪ 1130 00:40:33,281 --> 00:40:35,940 It should be noted that Petra, too, 1131 00:40:35,965 --> 00:40:39,044 rarely lost control. 1132 00:40:44,483 --> 00:40:46,079 Oh, my God. 1133 00:40:46,314 --> 00:40:49,253 My long-lost sister! It's you! 1134 00:40:49,278 --> 00:40:50,916 (laughs): It's really you! 1135 00:40:50,941 --> 00:40:52,833 Oh! 1136 00:40:52,858 --> 00:40:54,291 Then again, 1137 00:40:54,316 --> 00:40:56,982 that isn't Petra. 1138 00:40:57,007 --> 00:41:00,103 (exhales) 1139 00:41:00,128 --> 00:41:03,158 _