1
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:27,260
How was the journey, Dad?
Marvellous.

2
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:31,020
We took the coastal road, then came in
on the bypass to avoid the traffic.

3
00:00:31,060 --> 00:00:34,820
Did it in record time.
Phwoar! Three days, door to door!

4
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:38,740
Oh, I'm so excited to finally see
where you live.

5
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:46,500
Well, it's certainly got character.
I did ask Grumio to tidy up.

6
00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:49,740
I didn't want to spoil the character.
I'll do it. I brought my pinny.

7
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,860
And give me any dirty undies to
wash.  Oh, Mum, please.

8
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:55,780
How much do you pay for this place?
Not much.  250 a month.

9
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:59,180
250? You could rent a whole village
for that.

10
00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:02,140
Now, then! Pressie time.
Ooh!

11
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:07,380
I've got tunics for everyone
and I've got a cardy for Stylax.

12
00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:09,820
Hat for Grumio.
Are all the presents knitted?

13
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:12,900
There's damp here, look. You should
speak to your landlord.  Yeah.

14
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:18,500
And a briefcase for you, Marcus. Yow!
This is wicked, Sylvia. Thank you.

15
00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:21,220
Ah! There. That's cosy, isn't it?

16
00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:23,380
Ooh! Right, I'll get started
on the kitchen.

17
00:01:23,420 --> 00:01:25,500
Oh, no, you don't do...
Are these clean or...?

18
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:26,980
(SNIFFS)

19
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,700
No.

20
00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:34,780
# When in Rome
Do as the Romans do

21
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:40,660
# Far from home

22
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:43,340
♪ All I got is you... ♪

23
00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:51,660
This is some sort of big Roman
palaver.

24
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,940
Oh, how exciting. Tell me everything
you know.

25
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:56,700
That's about it, actually.

26
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:58,580
It's the parade of the Vestal
virgins.

27
00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:01,220
Not too late for you to join, eh,
Marcus?

28
00:02:01,260 --> 00:02:03,025
Hilarious, Dad.
Oh, stop it.

29
00:02:03,225 --> 00:02:06,820
I bet the girls are queuing up for him,
right, Marcus?

30
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,700
Well, yeah, not exactly.

31
00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:10,580
So have you got a girlfriend, then?

32
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:11,980
Er, well...

33
00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:15,300
He's got one. Lepidus, look - he's
got one.

34
00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:17,180
So who is she? When can we meet her?

35
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:20,580
No, I don't... I don't have a
girlfriend. Sorry.

36
00:02:20,620 --> 00:02:23,220
Oh. You will one day, soldier.

37
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:27,220
Another honey sandwich, Grumio?
Yeah. Keep them coming, Sylv.

38
00:02:27,260 --> 00:02:30,260
Eh, why didn't you tell her about
your girlfriend?  Why do you think?

39
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:34,780
I can't expose Delphine to that shit
storm. What? Your parents are wicked.

40
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:38,700
No. Mum would smother her with wool
and Delphine's so bloody fiery

41
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:41,020
there'd be some terrible knitwear
inferno.

42
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:43,580
Oh! Here come the virgins.

43
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:45,740
Salve, ladies.

44
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,300
What are you doing?
My sexy face.

45
00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:50,902
Not sure your sexy face
will work on this lot.

46
00:02:51,102 --> 00:02:52,980
My sexy face works on every lot.

47
00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:54,540
Hello!  Hi.

48
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:03,620
As if. It was probably just a
twitch.

49
00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:07,180
Uh-uh. It was a cheeky little
wink from a smoking hot Vestal.

50
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:11,540
She's not going to wink at shrub-haired
wally boy in his granddad's cardy.

51
00:03:11,580 --> 00:03:13,300
I know when I've been winked at,
mate.

52
00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:16,580
Now I just need to work out how to
get my winky into that winker.

53
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:19,100
You keep your winky away from her.
She's a Vestal Virgin.

54
00:03:19,140 --> 00:03:21,020
Maybe I'm up for a bit of
vestiality.

55
00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:24,820
Oh, well, that's disgusting
and illegal.  Vestiality - with a V.

56
00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:28,340
Yes, that's illegal too. There are
half a million women in this city

57
00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:31,737
and only six of them with whom sexual
relations are specifically forbidden.

58
00:03:31,937 --> 00:03:32,980
Please just forget it.

59
00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:36,500
Nobody winks at Stylax Urastaques
and gets away with it.

60
00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:37,860
Nobody.

61
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:43,820
20 sesterces for an apple? An apple?

62
00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:46,940
This city's out of control.
I don't know how you manage.

63
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:49,460
Something usually turns up if you
know where to look.

64
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:53,020
Grumio, I found a lump of cheese
under your bed.

65
00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:55,900
There you go.
It was wrapped in a soggy towel.

66
00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:58,620
Eh, eh, eh. What are you doing?

67
00:03:58,660 --> 00:04:01,300
I'm throwing it out. It's covered in
mould. Look.

68
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:05,460
I'll have it. It's just a bit blue.
At least cut the blue bit off, then.

69
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,340
Oh, dear.  Oh.

70
00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:19,340
(RETCHES)

71
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:21,420
Oh! Hang about.

72
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:24,940
Mmm.

73
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,740
Marcus!
Delphine! Hey.

74
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:35,380
Wow! You finally got a nice tunic.
It looks good on you.

75
00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:41,020
Oh. Yeah, it's... Erm... An original
piece by a rural artisan friend.

76
00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:44,140
Mm.  What are you doing here?
I came into town for a haircut.

77
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,980
I thought we could have dinner.
Oh, yeah. It looks great.

78
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,820
I've not had it yet, dickhead.
I meant afterwards.

79
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:51,420
Sure, yes, sorry.

80
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:55,660
Erm, I would love to but I'm really
not feeling well.

81
00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:57,660
Really? You look fine.

82
00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:02,460
I know. You'd have to feel my other
end. It's chock full of germs.

83
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,740
OK. I'm not doing that.

84
00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:07,460
But I can tuck you in later on
if you want.  No, best not.

85
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:12,140
The germs in question are all over
the flat and very contagious.

86
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:14,220
I'll come to yours as soon as
they're gone,

87
00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:16,740
probably around eight o'clock
tomorrow night?

88
00:05:16,780 --> 00:05:21,060
That's very precise.
Well, I know my body.

89
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:29,060
The blessings of Vesta.

90
00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:34,020
The blessings of Vesta.

91
00:05:36,340 --> 00:05:38,140
The blessings of Vesta.

92
00:05:40,580 --> 00:05:42,340
The blessings of... Oh, hi.

93
00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:46,340
Erm, I'm usually served by the young
sultry one,

94
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,260
with the cheekbones and the...

95
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:51,020
Ursula is busy now.
Oh, that's fine. I can wait.

96
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:53,900
And it doesn't matter who serves you.
You get the same fire.

97
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:55,780
Yeah, I know, I... I just prefer her
fire.

98
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:58,220
It feels a bit hotter.

99
00:05:58,260 --> 00:06:00,580
Well... Thank you.

100
00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:08,220
Ahem.

101
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,780
Hi. Ursula, is it? I'm Stylax.

102
00:06:11,820 --> 00:06:14,780
You might remember me from this
morning in the crowd. You winked.

103
00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:17,940
I think. Or blinked.

104
00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:20,620
Or... It was a twitch, wasn't it?

105
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:23,140
Oh, I'm sorry. I just...

106
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:26,740
Come back this evening.
I'll be guarding the flame.

107
00:06:26,780 --> 00:06:28,660
Alone.

108
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:32,100
Mind your fingers, by the way.

109
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:33,580
Oh!

110
00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:42,660
(FRENCH ACCENT) You bought this
here?  Yeah. And now it's all mouldy.

111
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:46,460
I don't do refunds. I'm sorry.
No, I'm not complaining.

112
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:49,420
The mould tastes bloody lovely.
Try it.

113
00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:51,620
It's surprisingly delicious, I
assure you.

114
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:00,580
Oh, sh...  Stay with it.

115
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,580
Stay with it.

116
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:04,460
Ah?  Ah?

117
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:07,140
Right, you see?
Ah! I love it.

118
00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:09,660
How did you make this?
Trade secret, I'm afraid.

119
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:12,180
If you supply the cheese,
he can make plenty more -

120
00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:14,540
split the profits - what do you say?
OK.

121
00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:18,180
And how do we call it?
I'm calling it blue.

122
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,860
Nah. I think we should call it bleu.

123
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:23,980
Personally, I prefer blue.
I much prefer bleu.

124
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:26,180
Mm. Blue.

125
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,020
Ah. Bleu.

126
00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:33,180
Bleurgh it is, then.

127
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,500
(CHUCKLES)

128
00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:37,409
Have a nice evening, guys.

129
00:07:37,609 --> 00:07:40,540
Are you not coming for dinner?
I'd love to but I've made plans.

130
00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:42,860
I'm going to the temple.
Temple? Really?

131
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:45,860
I didn't know you'd found religion,
Stylax.  Neither did I.

132
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:49,460
Well, that parade got me all fired up.
I think I'm going to check it out.

133
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:52,060
Well, I'm very impressed.

134
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:56,860
Oh, don't forget your cardy. Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't want to catch a cold.

135
00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,460
Mm.

136
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:04,500
Oh. And to think that's the boy who
used to stick raisins up his willy.

137
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:08,940
So, Ursula, what's it like,
being a Vestal Virgin?

138
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:12,340
Total sack of shit, mate.
Every day the same.

139
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:15,100
You get up, you watch the flame,
you tend the flame,

140
00:08:15,140 --> 00:08:16,460
you take the flame for a walk.

141
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,420
Yeah, but you're really famous.
I mean, that must be wicked.

142
00:08:19,460 --> 00:08:23,580
Is it fuck?  No?  People think being
in the V's is all glamour, right?

143
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:28,060
But it's like a prison. I've never
left Rome. I've never climbed a tree,

144
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:29,700
never been out for a greasy kebab.

145
00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:31,860
No - you would regret a greasy
kebab.

146
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,700
I would love to regret a greasy
kebab.

147
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:35,860
So why did you join, then?
Same as everyone.

148
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,220
I was eight years old. I liked the
hats.

149
00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:40,700
They are nice hats.

150
00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:44,900
So, you want to shag me in the
cloister or what?

151
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:48,580
Er, I'm happy to do it in the
vagina, like normal.

152
00:08:48,980 --> 00:08:51,940
That room there.  Oh, right!

153
00:08:52,780 --> 00:08:54,060
Yes, please.

154
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,860
Well, erm, I don't think we need
a starter.

155
00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:59,322
Shall we go straight to the mains?

156
00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:01,780
Let them have a starter if
they want one. We do, yeah.

157
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:03,580
Can we have a table for two, please?

158
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:07,700
Actually, I can't eat anything here.
Maybe let's go somewhere else.

159
00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:10,820
What?  Yeah. Somewhere a bit cheaper.
Eh, Dad? Oh, yes, all right.

160
00:09:10,860 --> 00:09:13,820
No, there's plenty you can eat.
You like chicken, you like lamb,

161
00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:16,460
fish if I take out the bones. You
might like lobster.

162
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:20,100
He might not. He might prefer
the soup or the omelette or...

163
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,060
Marcus what are you doing down
there?

164
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,460
All right, Delphine?
No! Grumio!

165
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:28,220
Hi, Grumio. Is that Marcus under
there by any chance?

166
00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:30,660
(SIMPERS) Er, found it.

167
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,740
Found that pea I was looking for.

168
00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:36,660
Oh! Hi, Delphine.

169
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,220
Fancy seeing you here.

170
00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:41,020
Feeling better, then?  Er, yes,
thanks.

171
00:09:41,060 --> 00:09:43,980
Er, turns out I don't know my body
after all. Hmm.

172
00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:46,260
So do you two know each other, then?

173
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:51,820
Yes. Erm... Delphine's my

174
00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:54,660
girlfriend. What? You didn't have one
this morning.

175
00:09:54,700 --> 00:10:00,100
Busy afternoon. Er, no. We've actually
been together for a while.

176
00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:04,980
So why didn't you say anything?
And is this man involved?

177
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,820
No. I... I don't know who that is.

178
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:10,580
Oscar. Hi.  Hi.

179
00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:12,380
Oscar is my hairdresser.

180
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:15,460
Seeing as you were ill, I was at a
loose end.

181
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:18,100
Right. Your hair looks great, by the
way. Oh! Thanks.

182
00:10:18,140 --> 00:10:21,700
Well, why don't you join us? We'll
push the two tables together.

183
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:26,540
Thank you but I think Marcus prefers
to keep things separate.

184
00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:38,140
# I'm in the mood for love

185
00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:42,820
Are you sure you're a virgin? Cos you
seem to know what you're doing. Sh!

186
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,660
What was that?  Oh, nothing. The
flame just went out.

187
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,220
What?

188
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:55,940
The sacred flame went out.
Mm. Is that going to be a problem?

189
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:59,580
The flame's gone out!
The sacred flame's gone out!

190
00:10:59,620 --> 00:11:01,820
(BELL RINGS)
The flame's gone out!

191
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:03,460
The sacred flame's gone out!

192
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:06,460
Er... What do we do now?

193
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,100
The window. Quickly.

194
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:12,580
Oh, shit - my cardy.  Leave it!
It was a present.

195
00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,700
Leave the fucking cardy!  OK.

196
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,260
This way, centurion.

197
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,880
Have you just got back?
Oh, hey.

198
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,520
Er, what are you doing in here?
I gave my parents my bed.

199
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:45,440
So how was temple? Yeah, good.

200
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,360
Yeah. How was dinner?  Hideous.

201
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,800
Delphine was eating in the same
bloody restaurant. Phoof!

202
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:55,160
My bedroom's just over there.
Er, where's the toilet?  Here.

203
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,520
Shit! So Delphine must have been
pretty angry, right?

204
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,480
Is...? Who was that? That's
Ursula, yeah.  The Vestal Virgin?

205
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,720
Well, she's technically just a
Vestal now.

206
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,640
Ah! And why is she in our flat?

207
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,598
Well, there was a kerfuffle with
some wine and the flame going out,

208
00:12:09,798 --> 00:12:11,080
which apparently is a no-no.

209
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:14,240
You put out the sacred flame
and brought a Vestal to our flat?

210
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,360
And lost the cardigan your mum gave
me. Bit of a triple whammy.

211
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,000
Well, go back and get it, then,
before they trace it to us.

212
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,000
What's all the shouting about?
Stylax humped a Vestal Virgin.

213
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,800
She's technically just a Vestal now.

214
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,840
Oh. Boom.  Yeah.

215
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,720
No - not boom. Not boom at all.

216
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,360
Your toilet's full of cheese.
Yeah, I know. Just work around it.

217
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,120
Why is the toilet full of cheese?
I'm harvesting blue.

218
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,560
What? Sorry. I should say,
I'm harvesting bleu.

219
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:45,160
That's no clearer, Grumio. I'm making
mouldy cheese to sell down the market.

220
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,305
Oh, good! So you're hiding
a runaway nun

221
00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:50,960
and you're cultivating putrid
cheese while my parents are here.

222
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,796
Yeah. Anything else
you want to throw in?

223
00:12:52,996 --> 00:12:55,600
Smear the wall with faeces?
Fill the kitchen with snakes?

224
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:02,480
Toast's done. I cut it into corners,
just how you like it.

225
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,800
Old school.  I'm sure I've seen you
somewhere before, Ursula.

226
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,920
Do you work in arable farming, by
any chance?

227
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,960
Er, no, I'm in between jobs at the
moment.

228
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,440
And where did you two meet?
Actually, we met at the temple.

229
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,280
Oh, lovely! Have you been together
long?  No, not long.

230
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:22,560
And you still introduce us and we're
not even your parents.

231
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,880
Marcus doesn't even...  I said I was
sorry. It was so embarrassing.

232
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:29,560
Honestly, that poor girl.
I know, Mum. I'm going to apologise.

233
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,760
Good. Do you want me to come?
No! Of course not.

234
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,520
I'm a grown-up man. I can deal with
it. Yes!

235
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,480
Oh, you've got jam face.

236
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,440
I'm sorry. It's not you, it's my
parents, honestly.

237
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,960
Boff.  No, not boff. I was just
worried you wouldn't get on.

238
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,280
Why wouldn't we get on?
Because they're annoying

239
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,840
and you can be, well, quite...
Quite what?

240
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,080
Quite fucking what?
Well, yeah, like this. Aggro.

241
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,280
I thought you were apologising.
No, I am. I'm sorry.

242
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:07,480
Look - I got you this. It's a hand-made
handbag from my artisan friend.

243
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,120
Thank you. It's really nice.

244
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,720
Hmm.

245
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,640
Oh, you wrote me a note.
Oh! Erm...

246
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,960
"For my little soldier."

247
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,440
Yeah. That's my nickname for you.
No, it isn't.

248
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,680
Just trying it out.

249
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,400
"Love from Mum."

250
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:32,040
Your nickname for me?
You're a cheap bastard, Marcus.

251
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,120
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Look...

252
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:37,160
I come from a long line of cheap
bastards.

253
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,600
You all right, Landlady? What's
going on here?

254
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,520
I'm just enjoying the show.

255
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:56,360
Some Vestal slag was having a shag
and let the flame go out. Whorr!

256
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,000
Yeah, I love all this celebrity sex
stuff, me.

257
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,720
Do they who it was yet?
No, not yet, no.

258
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,920
They're just getting the bricks
ready to wall 'em in with.  What?

259
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:08,960
Wall them in? What does that mean? Well,
it's what it sounds like, numb-nuts.

260
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:14,040
The pair of them, the perverts, gets
bricked up inside a wall until they die

261
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,360
of hunger or thirst or both.

262
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,640
Fucking brilliant.

263
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,720
I've found his cardigan!
Ooh!

264
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,600
She's found his cardy.

265
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:27,240
Here - wall 'em in.
Wall 'em in!

266
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,840
Wall 'em in.

267
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,080
Wall 'em in!
Wall 'em in!

268
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,920
Wall 'em in! Wall 'em in!

269
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,160
Bingo.

270
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,840
What's the matter,
my little soldier?

271
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,320
You look ever so glum.
Oh, it's nothing.

272
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,880
It's just that bloody bleu -
it's making me wince.

273
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,920
Mm. It's more than just the bleu,
though, isn't it?

274
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,520
There's something else.
Er...

275
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,480
I think I've really pissed off
Delphine. Now, swearing.

276
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,040
You can win her round
if you like her.

277
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,200
Do you like her?
Well... I think...

278
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,480
I think I might love her.

279
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,200
But I've really fucked up.
Well, then - swearing again -

280
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,720
what are we going to do about it?

281
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,080
I don't know.

282
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:20,600
What do you mean, "we"?

283
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,280
Mum, please. This is not a good idea.

284
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,720
Oh, because you're doing such a
marvellous job on your own? Fair point.

285
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:33,560
Is this where she lives?
This isn't a normal house.

286
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,720
Yeah, it's a sort of squat.

287
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:40,200
Delphine, hello!
What a lovely squat.

288
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,480
It's got such character.
Hello, Mrs Gallow.

289
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,840
Call me Sylvia, please.
What do you want, Marcus?

290
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,760
Now, it's not for me to meddle
but I want you to know

291
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:54,200
that however badly he's behaved, he's
a good boy at heart and he means well.

292
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,920
Mum. Well, you are. I want her to
know that.

293
00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,680
And do you know this good boy tried
to give me the bag you made him?

294
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,360
What, the briefcase? Yeah, well,
it's more of a ladies' handbag, Mum.

295
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,200
If you didn't like it, you should
have said.  Yeah, I'm sorry.

296
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,320
It took me days to knit that. It's a
very complicated pattern.

297
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:16,280
That aside, I still think you should
give him another chance, Delphine.

298
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,120
To be honest, the only reason he's
being such an idiot

299
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,600
is because he thinks he might love
you.  Oh, Mum!

300
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,960
What are you doing? Well, you do. You
said you did.

301
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,640
Well... Did you?

302
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,720
Er... Go on - say it to her face.
Yeah, well, not now.

303
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,560
Not with my mother here telling me
to.

304
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,960
Oh, he's gone all shy. Look!

305
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,920
You should probably take him home.
Yeah.

306
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,760
Very nice to meet you all.

307
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,080
Briefly.

308
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,760
Come on.

309
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,000
And...

310
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:54,600
I don't know how to tell you this but
if they catch us, they're going to...

311
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,880
wall us in.
Yeah, I know.

312
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,720
You know? Why didn't you tell me?

313
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,200
It didn't really come up, did it?

314
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,587
You shouldn't sleep with a girl

315
00:18:02,787 --> 00:18:04,960
unless you're ready to deal
with the consequences.

316
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,560
Oh, these are some spicy
consequences.

317
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,400
Only because you put the flame out.
It's never happened before.

318
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,960
What do you mean, before?
Ah! So you weren't a virgin.

319
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,680
Did I seem like a virgin?  No. Not
really.

320
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,000
Your title was a bit misleading.
Yeah, well.

321
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,440
What shall we do?  Well, we need
to come up with a plan.

322
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,541
Shall we have sex again?

323
00:18:24,741 --> 00:18:27,840
Er, not the sort of plan I was
thinking but, yeah, why not?

324
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:31,040
The damage has been done. Yeah.
You can't get walled in twice, eh?

325
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,120
Good boy. This way.

326
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,800
So, how's it going with the bleu?
Oh, magnifique.

327
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,280
It is maybe the best cheese
I've ever tasted.

328
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,240
Well, I do my best.  But no-one will
buy it.

329
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,440
What? Why not?
They say, "What is this bleu?

330
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,520
I don't want to buy this stinky
cheese that's covered in mould."

331
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,840
What about when they taste it?
They won't. They are too scared.

332
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,680
So we're not going to make a packet?
Eh, Grumio,

333
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:02,560
you cannot win the beauty contest
if no-one will look at your face.

334
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,760
I'm not sure I'd win it, anyway.

335
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,960
Now take it away, please. The smell
has been making me dizzy.

336
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,400
Salve, Marcus.
All right, Landlord.

337
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:24,120
Oh, you're the landlord? Lovely.
Sylvia Gallow, Marcus's mum.

338
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,640
We're just visiting for the weekend.
Oh, are you, now?

339
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,440
Staying here, are you? Yes. Actually, my
husband wanted to talk to you about rent.

340
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,203
Well, exactly, cos guests is extra.

341
00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:35,160
I think he was after a discount.
I'll put it on the tab.

342
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:39,040
(IMITATES HUNTING HORN)
Right! Let the hunt commence.

343
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:43,640
What? What hunt? There's a reward for
this missing Vestal and her fella.

344
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,000
I've rounded up a bit of a posse.
A Vestal's gone missing?

345
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,400
Oh! But we saw them only yesterday.

346
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,800
Popped her cherry then popped off,
apparently.

347
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,720
Still, couldn't have gone far.
They're very eye-catching.

348
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,120
Oh, well, good luck, then.
What do they look like?

349
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:01,280
Well, she's a bit of a stunner
and he's an old gipper,

350
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,680
judging by his dodgy cardigan that
he left behind.

351
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,600
Ooh. Erm...
Yes, between extra rent and this reward,

352
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,400
I think it's going to be a bumper
weekend for me.

353
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,560
Come on, lads.
(CHEERING)

354
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:21,560
I'm disappointed in you, Stylax. A
Vestal Virgin? I thought you'd grown up?

355
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,120
And a bloody manhunt, Sylvia.
Don't forget the manhunt.

356
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,920
This is very naughty, Stylax, even
for you.

357
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,200
This is the naughtiest thing I've
done, to be fair.

358
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,960
Why couldn't you just forget it?
This is a total disaster.

359
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,160
Well, mostly for me.
I could get walled in.

360
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,040
If they find her,
we'll all get walled in.

361
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,080
Surely me and your mother won't get
walled in? What have we done?

362
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,440
Let's just hide out here for a few
weeks until it blows over.

363
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,320
Yes, like it. Let's chill out and
work our way through the bleu.

364
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:46,840
I think I'd rather get walled in.

365
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,400
We need to get her out of here.
I can't go out there!

366
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,560
There's men with sniffer dogs
looking for me.

367
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,640
Oh, bloody Nora.
Right, everybody, think.

368
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,360
Lepidus, are you thinking?
I'm trying, dear. I'm trying.

369
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,480
(KNOCKING)

370
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,680
Fine. I forgive you.
Oh, great. Thank you. Do come in.

371
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:11,840
But only because I like your mother.
Oh, well, I like you, too, Delphine.

372
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,760
Ooh-lah-lah! What is that smell?

373
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,440
It's bleu. You get used to it after
a couple of days.

374
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,280
Ah. These are for you, Sylvia,
to say thank you for the bag.

375
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,320
How lovely!

376
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:27,680
Not that you'd be able to smell
anything with that cheese around.

377
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,880
Oh! Amazing! I love you.

378
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,080
Oh!  I've had an idea.

379
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:36,960
Mum, Dad, I need to ask a bit of a
favour.

380
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,280
Yes, anything, we'll do it.
How much will it cost?

381
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,640
Er, sorry about this.

382
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,560
Ach, it's better than being
walled in.

383
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,640
Yeah, I guess you're sort of
cheesed in.

384
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,000
So what are you going to do?
Dunno. Maybe do a bit of travelling.

385
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,360
Finally eat that greasy kebab.
Oh!

386
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,760
Shall I come with you?  No, it's all
right, babe.

387
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,920
Once I'm out of the city, you're in
the clear.

388
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,720
Oh, no, I meant more for sexy
reasons.  Oh.

389
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,000
For a virgin, it was one hell of a
ride.

390
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,360
Yeah, I can't breathe.
It's too cheesy.

391
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,080
Well, it was so good to meet you,
Delphine - eventually.

392
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:25,640
And do let me know your address,
sizes and favourite colour of wool.

393
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,960
Hold it there, please. Just going to
check your cargo.

394
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,040
Oh, yes, OK.
Good boy. Up you get.

395
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,760
Phwarr. Bloody hell. Ugh!

396
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,120
All right, that's clear. On you go.
Thank you very much.

397
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,560
And we're in the clear.

398
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,920
Salve, boys.
All right, Landlord.

399
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,040
We got them - look.
Come on, then, you perverts.

400
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,280
All right? Let's get 'em walled in.

401
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,400
(CHEERING)

402
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,000
# Uh-huh

403
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,320
# Do it again

404
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,360
# Ah

405
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,440
# Hear me calling

406
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,800
# I came, I saw, I conquered
I came, I saw, I conquered

407
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,680
# I came, I saw, I conquered
Then I conquered you

408
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,600
# You gotta believe me

409
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,800
# I came, I saw, I conquered
I came, I saw, I conquered

410
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,520
♪ I came, I saw, I conquered
Then I conquered you. ♪