1 00:00:00,859 --> 00:00:02,758 Adult Adam: The '80s had a lot of pop trends, 2 00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:03,838 and my sister was into all of them. 3 00:00:03,839 --> 00:00:05,944 It all began with New Kids On The Block. 4 00:00:05,945 --> 00:00:07,824 Danny, Donnie, Joe, Jon, Jordan. 5 00:00:07,849 --> 00:00:08,970 Danny, Donnie, Joe, Jon, Jordan. 6 00:00:08,995 --> 00:00:10,994 Most of these trends lasted only a week or so, 7 00:00:11,019 --> 00:00:12,958 some even shorter. 8 00:00:12,959 --> 00:00:15,838 Hey. Girls just want to have fun, am I right? 9 00:00:15,839 --> 00:00:16,998 And it's over. 10 00:00:16,999 --> 00:00:18,656 In fact, the styles changed so fast 11 00:00:18,664 --> 00:00:21,533 that at school it was nearly impossible to keep up, 12 00:00:21,534 --> 00:00:22,603 especially for Geoff Schwartz. 13 00:00:22,604 --> 00:00:23,875 'Sup, Erica? 14 00:00:23,883 --> 00:00:25,334 Really feeling the flock today, am I right? 15 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,553 Ugh. Flock of Seagulls is so last week, Geoff. 16 00:00:27,578 --> 00:00:29,398 We're all about Debbie Gibson now. 17 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,479 But I used an entire jar of honey for this. 18 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,953 I've been fighting off bees all morning. 19 00:00:32,977 --> 00:00:34,350 I told you. I'm not gonna date you 20 00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:35,386 just 'cause we love the same music. 21 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,632 Yeah, Bro. If anything, 22 00:00:37,648 --> 00:00:39,897 you should hate her guts for the crap she listens to. 23 00:00:39,922 --> 00:00:40,906 Whoa, I'm sorry. 24 00:00:40,922 --> 00:00:42,382 Do you have a problem, Johnny Atkins? 25 00:00:42,406 --> 00:00:43,873 My problem is your music sucks. 26 00:00:43,898 --> 00:00:44,977 Big mistake, Bro. 27 00:00:45,002 --> 00:00:47,203 - Yo, back me up, JTP. - That's a polite pass, Bro. 28 00:00:47,242 --> 00:00:48,920 Your hair suggests you don't know what you're doing with your life. 29 00:00:48,945 --> 00:00:50,755 Well, you dodged a bullet, homeboy. 30 00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:53,671 For your sake, back off my girl. 31 00:00:53,696 --> 00:00:55,202 - Not your girl. - I love you, Erica! 32 00:00:55,203 --> 00:00:56,953 - You will be! - You guys need to get a clue. 33 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,163 There's only one band on the planet that matters. 34 00:00:59,164 --> 00:01:00,943 - Rush. - Here we go. 35 00:01:00,943 --> 00:01:01,203 - Not again. - Rush sucks. 36 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:01,687 - I hate you. - Ugh. 37 00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:02,734 They're not the canned garbage 38 00:01:02,742 --> 00:01:03,771 that you listen to. 39 00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:05,757 They're real. They're from Canada. 40 00:01:05,782 --> 00:01:09,100 It's super-cold, so they have to rock super-hard to stay warm. 41 00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:10,154 I'll take your word for it. 42 00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:11,328 Why take my word for it 43 00:01:11,336 --> 00:01:13,920 when you can come to my Corolla and find out for yourself? 44 00:01:13,945 --> 00:01:14,906 Unless you're afraid. 45 00:01:14,930 --> 00:01:17,467 Of being alone with you in your rusted-out piece of crap? 46 00:01:17,492 --> 00:01:18,125 For sure. 47 00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:20,205 Hey. Johnny Atkins respects women. 48 00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:22,345 He has bad hair days, too. 49 00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:24,205 Not many, though. 50 00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:26,191 You ready to step into the musical cocoon 51 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,263 and emerge a rock-'n'-roll butterfly? 52 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,238 Just play it so I can be proven right. 53 00:01:33,276 --> 00:01:36,295 In that moment, my sister's mind unlocked... 54 00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,748 ♪ A modern-day warrior, mean, mean stride ♪ 55 00:01:37,773 --> 00:01:39,265 as she was ushered into a world of prog rock. 56 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:40,335 ♪ Today's Tom Sawyer ♪ 57 00:01:40,336 --> 00:01:42,215 ♪ Mean, mean pride ♪ 58 00:01:46,146 --> 00:01:47,345 It was an instant attraction 59 00:01:47,346 --> 00:01:49,593 in more ways than one. 60 00:01:49,617 --> 00:01:51,452 I don't even know what's happening right now. 61 00:01:51,477 --> 00:01:53,131 Oh, my... This is a terrible mistake. 62 00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:55,148 - One you'll make again. - Don't tell anyone. 63 00:01:55,172 --> 00:01:56,281 I can promise that I won't. 64 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:57,908 But I definitely will. 65 00:01:57,961 --> 00:01:59,367 There's one thing you should know about me. 66 00:01:59,391 --> 00:02:00,540 I'm painfully honest. 67 00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:03,470 You're a fox, but you also wear too much makeup like a clown. 68 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,340 See? 69 00:02:05,341 --> 00:02:06,400 ♪ The river ♪ 70 00:02:06,401 --> 00:02:07,510 Knock it off, you two. 71 00:02:07,511 --> 00:02:08,781 You're on school grounds. 72 00:02:08,813 --> 00:02:10,092 And you're in my parking spot. 73 00:02:10,117 --> 00:02:12,166 The window's rolled down so I know you can hear me. 74 00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:13,216 Hello. 75 00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:15,178 Cut it out. 76 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,726 ♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪ 77 00:02:17,735 --> 00:02:21,164 ♪ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say ♪ 78 00:02:21,188 --> 00:02:23,680 Synced and corrected by Nest0r www.addic7ed.com 79 00:02:23,705 --> 00:02:24,804 ♪ I don't know the future ♪ 80 00:02:24,805 --> 00:02:28,894 ♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 81 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,921 It was April 1980-something, the morning of my birthday. 82 00:02:32,930 --> 00:02:34,498 And that meant one thing. 83 00:02:34,523 --> 00:02:37,452 Gah! There's my little birthday Schmoops! 84 00:02:37,477 --> 00:02:39,960 All I want for my birthday is for you to not call me Schmoops. 85 00:02:39,969 --> 00:02:41,467 Aww, you're cute. 86 00:02:41,492 --> 00:02:44,601 So, look, I know how much you like big Hollywood directors, 87 00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:47,791 like Steven Lucas and George Spielberger, 88 00:02:47,816 --> 00:02:49,585 so I special-ordered you this. 89 00:02:50,805 --> 00:02:53,281 Don't hurt your little arms. It's heavy. 90 00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:54,496 My own Oscar? 91 00:02:54,497 --> 00:02:55,497 Read it! 92 00:02:55,498 --> 00:02:56,508 "Best Son". 93 00:02:56,533 --> 00:02:58,765 Yes, you are! And that is gonna go great 94 00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:01,585 with the big Hollywood-themed birthday party I'm throwing you. 95 00:03:02,555 --> 00:03:03,898 Speech! 96 00:03:03,923 --> 00:03:05,726 For once, can't I plan my own birthday? 97 00:03:05,781 --> 00:03:06,436 What? 98 00:03:06,461 --> 00:03:07,461 What is this? 99 00:03:08,471 --> 00:03:09,953 "Best Son"? 100 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,608 You gave Adam a golden trophy? 101 00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:13,132 That squeaky-voiced turd? 102 00:03:13,157 --> 00:03:14,498 Honey, it's not what you think. 103 00:03:14,523 --> 00:03:17,296 Oh, I think this is exactly what I think. 104 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,820 This tiny golden man 105 00:03:18,836 --> 00:03:20,905 is nonliving proof of what I've always known. 106 00:03:20,906 --> 00:03:21,995 Adam's your favorite. 107 00:03:21,996 --> 00:03:24,553 That is not true. 108 00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:26,617 I love all my kids equally. 109 00:03:26,642 --> 00:03:28,545 I don't have a "Best Son" trophy. 110 00:03:28,546 --> 00:03:30,039 The only things you ever gotten me 111 00:03:30,064 --> 00:03:31,492 are expensive gifts from the store. 112 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,431 Take it. This trophy represents 113 00:03:33,456 --> 00:03:34,992 everything that's wrong with my life in this house. 114 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,664 No. I want my own trophy 115 00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:39,234 'cause I'm better than Adam at everything. 116 00:03:39,414 --> 00:03:42,343 Can he soothe animals with just some peanut butter and a smile? 117 00:03:42,344 --> 00:03:45,413 Can he eat an entire apple in just two bites? 118 00:03:45,438 --> 00:03:47,617 Hmm? Give me an apple right now. 119 00:03:54,255 --> 00:03:55,975 Bad start. Give me another. 120 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,765 Don't waste my apples. 121 00:03:57,797 --> 00:03:59,796 Look, I'm sorry you feel this way, 122 00:03:59,797 --> 00:04:01,077 but there's nothing that'll convince me 123 00:04:01,102 --> 00:04:03,161 that I play favorites. 124 00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:05,050 Barry: See that? 125 00:04:05,051 --> 00:04:07,120 Adam's photo is twice the size of ours! 126 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,100 This is a misunderstanding. 127 00:04:09,101 --> 00:04:11,030 The photo guy made it the wrong size, 128 00:04:11,031 --> 00:04:12,272 and I couldn't return it. 129 00:04:12,297 --> 00:04:15,812 Please. I've seen you return a dead goldfish, used ChapStick, 130 00:04:15,836 --> 00:04:18,785 and a bathing suit Dad wore for 10 straight days in Puerto Rico. 131 00:04:18,786 --> 00:04:21,397 That liner was destroyed. 132 00:04:21,422 --> 00:04:22,234 Destroyed. 133 00:04:22,242 --> 00:04:24,109 I know the truth and so does he. 134 00:04:24,134 --> 00:04:26,757 Just look at that smug little face lording it over me. 135 00:04:26,782 --> 00:04:28,742 Adam?! Where are you?! You're so dead! 136 00:04:31,068 --> 00:04:33,137 Oh, no. What have I done? 137 00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,703 You've woken me up. 138 00:04:34,766 --> 00:04:36,705 Barry thinks I got a bigger photo of Adam 139 00:04:36,705 --> 00:04:38,155 'cause he's my favorite. 140 00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:40,129 Every parent has a secret favorite. 141 00:04:40,130 --> 00:04:41,179 Mine's Erica. 142 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,789 You can't say that. 143 00:04:42,814 --> 00:04:44,209 I don't have a favorite. 144 00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:47,039 Beverly. Come on. Come on. 145 00:04:47,064 --> 00:04:48,664 It's Adam, damn it. 146 00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:52,239 He's my cute little munchkin who sweats when he sleeps 147 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,119 and then I flip the pillow over to the cool side and... 148 00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:58,174 And then he whispers, "Love you, Mama," 149 00:04:58,199 --> 00:05:00,199 and then I just want to gobble his delicious face! 150 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,351 Okay. 151 00:05:01,755 --> 00:05:03,844 My God. Barry's right. 152 00:05:04,190 --> 00:05:07,199 Well, starting now, he is gonna know what it's like 153 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,129 to be my number-one son. 154 00:05:09,154 --> 00:05:11,175 Get back here! You will pay for what your picture did! 155 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,451 I was just reading a book! 156 00:05:12,476 --> 00:05:14,259 This makes no sense! 157 00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:16,071 As my mom was coming to terms 158 00:05:16,096 --> 00:05:17,140 with who her favorite child was, 159 00:05:17,148 --> 00:05:21,057 my sister had no doubts who her new favorite band was. 160 00:05:21,058 --> 00:05:22,031 Wait. What is happening? 161 00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:23,156 Why are you covering up Debbie G.? 162 00:05:23,164 --> 00:05:25,303 'Cause I discovered something infinitely better... 163 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000 Rush. 164 00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:28,054 Holy crap. 165 00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:29,158 You made out with Johnny Atkins. 166 00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:30,381 You're a bad little girl. 167 00:05:30,406 --> 00:05:31,975 How could you possibly know that? 168 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,710 Because he's the only other person I know 169 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,320 who's obsessed with that lame wizard band. 170 00:05:35,328 --> 00:05:36,304 Also, he's telling everyone. 171 00:05:36,312 --> 00:05:38,843 Oh, God, I knew I shouldn't have made out with him. 172 00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,077 You don't actually like him, do you? 173 00:05:40,102 --> 00:05:40,929 I don't know. 174 00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:42,756 He's like a cocky band nerd, 175 00:05:42,781 --> 00:05:44,749 but he's also honest and deep, 176 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,162 but he also has a ponytail. 177 00:05:46,187 --> 00:05:47,256 It's so confusing. 178 00:05:47,258 --> 00:05:49,197 I've dated the biggest jerks on the planet. 179 00:05:49,198 --> 00:05:50,218 Trust me. 180 00:05:50,243 --> 00:05:52,062 You need to end up with a nice guy like Barry. 181 00:05:52,087 --> 00:05:53,307 Okay, please don't gag 182 00:05:53,308 --> 00:05:55,147 when I mention your brother's name. 183 00:05:55,148 --> 00:05:55,992 Why are you gagging? 184 00:05:56,017 --> 00:05:58,217 I'm sorry, but her gaggy face is making me gag. 185 00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:04,187 Stop. 186 00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,928 Yo. It's Johnny Atkins. 187 00:06:06,953 --> 00:06:08,186 Yo. So? 188 00:06:08,211 --> 00:06:09,764 So, Erica's expecting me. 189 00:06:09,789 --> 00:06:11,928 Mind if I just pop upstairs, chill for a few? 190 00:06:11,953 --> 00:06:13,648 Yes, very much. 191 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,937 All right. Then give her this flier. 192 00:06:15,969 --> 00:06:17,311 Battle of the Bands this weekend. 193 00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:19,015 Speed Up's gonna win top prize. 194 00:06:19,039 --> 00:06:21,048 - Speed Up? - My Rush cover band. 195 00:06:21,049 --> 00:06:22,108 Thinking Erica could join us 196 00:06:22,109 --> 00:06:24,188 'cause our guitarist got arrested for selling... 197 00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:25,405 - fudge. - Fudge. 198 00:06:25,430 --> 00:06:26,858 So good, it's illegal. 199 00:06:26,883 --> 00:06:27,867 Okay. 200 00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:29,483 Well, are you gonna have her call, or... 201 00:06:29,963 --> 00:06:32,002 I wouldn't do that if I were you. 202 00:06:32,003 --> 00:06:34,952 I'm not letting Ponytail Johnson anywhere near my daughter. 203 00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:38,942 Trying to keep them from each other is a classic mistake. 204 00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:41,437 It'll only make her want him more. 205 00:06:41,516 --> 00:06:42,968 Just like with you and Bev. 206 00:06:42,993 --> 00:06:44,664 Please. You loved me. 207 00:06:44,711 --> 00:06:46,578 No. I hated you real bad. 208 00:06:46,603 --> 00:06:48,705 Thought you were a stubborn grump. 209 00:06:48,706 --> 00:06:51,531 First night, I nicknamed you "El Lumpo." 210 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:52,705 'Cause you're a lump. 211 00:06:52,706 --> 00:06:53,474 Yeah, yeah. I get it. 212 00:06:53,499 --> 00:06:55,527 Really bad-mouthed you to everyone. 213 00:06:55,552 --> 00:06:57,132 Backfired big-time, 214 00:06:57,148 --> 00:06:59,795 so when you think about it, you're welcome. 215 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:00,921 This is hurtful. 216 00:07:00,937 --> 00:07:02,395 Just leave it alone for a week 217 00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:04,349 and it'll go away on its own. 218 00:07:04,350 --> 00:07:05,409 Was someone at the door? 219 00:07:05,410 --> 00:07:08,304 I'm not sure. Murray, did someone stop by? 220 00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:10,209 No, he did not. 221 00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,609 While my dad was ignoring Pops' advice, 222 00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:19,711 my mom was about to turn all her attention to Barry. 223 00:07:21,726 --> 00:07:23,445 The heck is this? 224 00:07:23,453 --> 00:07:26,842 Just a "Best Son" trophy for my real best son. 225 00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:27,867 Here's the truth. 226 00:07:28,969 --> 00:07:32,968 You are an amazing athlete with a ton of trophies. 227 00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:35,444 I only gave Adam one for "Best Son" 228 00:07:35,469 --> 00:07:37,490 so he wouldn't be jealous of your greatness. 229 00:07:37,515 --> 00:07:39,484 See, this makes sense. 230 00:07:39,509 --> 00:07:41,984 And to prove you really are the best son, 231 00:07:42,009 --> 00:07:45,464 I'm gonna focus all my time and energy on you. 232 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,796 Just please don't say anything to Adam. 233 00:07:47,821 --> 00:07:49,504 And hurt his feelings? 234 00:07:49,797 --> 00:07:50,664 I would never. 235 00:07:50,695 --> 00:07:53,684 Sorry, sucka! Barry's number one. 236 00:07:53,685 --> 00:07:55,656 - The trophy's mine forever. - Cool. 237 00:07:55,681 --> 00:07:57,030 Hope you enjoyed your day as "Best Son" 238 00:07:57,055 --> 00:07:59,420 'cause now Mom's only gonna focus on me. 239 00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:01,117 - Ha! - Wait. 240 00:08:01,172 --> 00:08:02,703 Did she really say that? 241 00:08:02,719 --> 00:08:03,640 Absolutely. 242 00:08:03,665 --> 00:08:05,272 Oh, my God. 243 00:08:05,297 --> 00:08:07,276 You literally are the best brother ever. 244 00:08:07,277 --> 00:08:09,296 And the best son. 245 00:08:09,297 --> 00:08:10,545 My mother's rejection of me 246 00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:13,062 is the most wonderful birthday gift I could ever get. 247 00:08:13,094 --> 00:08:15,133 - It's your birthday? - From the bottom of my heart, 248 00:08:15,134 --> 00:08:17,103 thank you, Barry Norman Goldberg. 249 00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,699 You're welcome. 250 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,570 I feel like you're trying to tell me something, 251 00:08:22,595 --> 00:08:24,445 but I'm too excited to figure out what it is! 252 00:08:27,524 --> 00:08:28,578 Hello, Father. 253 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,171 Tell me something. 254 00:08:30,187 --> 00:08:32,609 By chance does this "Battle of the Bands" flier 255 00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:34,082 look at all familiar to you? 256 00:08:34,107 --> 00:08:35,389 Just say what you're gonna say. 257 00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:37,515 I saw Johnny Atkins at school today. 258 00:08:37,539 --> 00:08:39,866 He told me you slammed the door in his face. 259 00:08:39,891 --> 00:08:40,960 Oh, that. 260 00:08:40,961 --> 00:08:43,843 Yeah, I only did that because he's a piece of [bleep]. 261 00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:45,890 - You get it. - Gonna backfire. 262 00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:47,890 How could you be so shallow and judgy? 263 00:08:47,891 --> 00:08:49,980 - You don't even know him. - Mistake. 264 00:08:49,981 --> 00:08:52,000 I know he's a teenage boy 265 00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:55,084 who associates with fudge dealers. 266 00:08:55,109 --> 00:08:56,031 Here it comes. 267 00:08:56,047 --> 00:08:57,975 Johnny's, like, super deep. 268 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,367 He introduced me to Rush, 269 00:08:59,391 --> 00:09:00,430 he makes wax hands, 270 00:09:00,431 --> 00:09:02,178 and he even wrote me a poem. 271 00:09:02,203 --> 00:09:03,561 - I'll read it. - Please don't. 272 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,605 "Her eyes sparkle like the sun. 273 00:09:05,916 --> 00:09:06,975 Erica." 274 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,624 Don't bash the poem. 275 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,708 I hate that poem. 276 00:09:09,893 --> 00:09:11,367 And I hate that boy. 277 00:09:11,392 --> 00:09:13,031 You are not going out with him. 278 00:09:13,047 --> 00:09:14,843 What?! You can't tell me who to date! 279 00:09:14,868 --> 00:09:16,873 And yet, I just did. 280 00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:18,890 It's happening. 281 00:09:18,977 --> 00:09:21,886 Will you stop singing ominous warnings? 282 00:09:21,886 --> 00:09:22,895 It's done. 283 00:09:24,876 --> 00:09:27,105 But, of course, it had only begun. 284 00:09:29,946 --> 00:09:31,975 Hey. Erica. 285 00:09:31,976 --> 00:09:33,025 What'd I say? 286 00:09:33,026 --> 00:09:34,342 You said no going out, 287 00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,078 which is exactly why we're staying in. 288 00:09:36,086 --> 00:09:39,350 That's not in the spirit of our agreement and you know it. 289 00:09:39,375 --> 00:09:40,992 Yo. Dad-bro. 290 00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,086 Can you close the door? 291 00:09:42,087 --> 00:09:43,136 You're letting all the good vibes out. 292 00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,945 Shut up, Ponytail Johnson! 293 00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:46,116 I joined Johnny's band, 294 00:09:46,117 --> 00:09:47,968 so we're gonna be practicing here a lot. 295 00:09:47,993 --> 00:09:49,126 Now, if you'll excuse me. 296 00:09:49,127 --> 00:09:51,186 No, I won't excuse you! 297 00:09:51,187 --> 00:09:52,177 What the hell?! 298 00:09:52,178 --> 00:09:53,206 Don't do that! 299 00:09:53,207 --> 00:09:54,694 Do not kiss him! 300 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,523 It's my garage! 301 00:09:56,548 --> 00:09:59,358 You hear me?! That's my garage! 302 00:09:59,961 --> 00:10:02,780 It was only the first day of Barry being the number-one son 303 00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:05,256 and I was already reaping the benefits. 304 00:10:05,281 --> 00:10:08,515 Schmoopaloo, Mama has some truly tragic news. 305 00:10:08,547 --> 00:10:09,920 Barry's hockey game this weekend 306 00:10:09,945 --> 00:10:12,824 is at the exact same time as your party. 307 00:10:12,825 --> 00:10:14,570 You're... You're not gonna be there? 308 00:10:14,595 --> 00:10:15,920 Of course we'll rush right back, 309 00:10:15,945 --> 00:10:18,350 but as far as the planning goes and everything... 310 00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:18,976 I'll plan it myself. 311 00:10:19,008 --> 00:10:20,170 You don't have to worry about anything. 312 00:10:20,171 --> 00:10:21,748 Okay. Headed to practice. 313 00:10:21,773 --> 00:10:23,792 Not yet. Come and eat this chili I made you. 314 00:10:23,794 --> 00:10:26,693 No, I'm not gonna eat a bowl of chili before I play. 315 00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:27,694 It'll slow me down! 316 00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:29,062 Nonsense. It'll give you strength. 317 00:10:29,109 --> 00:10:31,138 It's Mama's special power chili. 318 00:10:31,139 --> 00:10:32,139 I don't want it. 319 00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:33,959 It's loaded with meat and beans. 320 00:10:33,984 --> 00:10:34,570 I don't want it. 321 00:10:34,586 --> 00:10:37,045 It's Mama's special power chili. 322 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,069 I'm not gonna eat your special power chili. 323 00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:40,079 Look at the meat and beans. 324 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,149 I see the meat and beans. 325 00:10:41,150 --> 00:10:43,049 I just don't want to eat the meat and beans. 326 00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:45,149 Eat the damn meat and beans, get some power, 327 00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:47,467 then wash it down with some bone-strengthening buttermilk. 328 00:10:47,492 --> 00:10:50,553 No milk and no chili. I have to skate for three hours! 329 00:10:50,578 --> 00:10:51,905 That's why you need the buttermilk. 330 00:10:51,930 --> 00:10:55,164 It coats the mouth and belly from all the power-giving chili. 331 00:10:55,227 --> 00:10:57,069 - No. - There you go. 332 00:10:57,094 --> 00:10:59,023 It's so beany and meaty. 333 00:10:59,024 --> 00:11:00,156 Feel the beefy power. 334 00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:01,179 My tongue can't fight the beefiness. 335 00:11:01,204 --> 00:11:03,725 Shh. Mama knows. 336 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,101 Now you're ready. 337 00:11:05,109 --> 00:11:07,088 Just go make a boom-boom and I'll take you. 338 00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:07,843 But I just have practice. 339 00:11:07,883 --> 00:11:09,873 Oh, I'm going to every practice. 340 00:11:09,874 --> 00:11:11,374 In fact, I made these 341 00:11:11,399 --> 00:11:13,379 deviled energy eggs for the ride. 342 00:11:16,602 --> 00:11:17,572 What just happened? 343 00:11:17,573 --> 00:11:18,718 You're her favorite. 344 00:11:18,743 --> 00:11:20,732 Enjoy. 345 00:11:20,757 --> 00:11:22,320 Y-You got a little something on your... 346 00:11:22,345 --> 00:11:23,523 Ah, never mind. 347 00:11:23,570 --> 00:11:26,549 As Barry was surprised by what came with being "Best Son," 348 00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:29,241 my dad gave Erica a shock of her own. 349 00:11:29,242 --> 00:11:30,468 Murray: What do you know? 350 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:33,549 All of your closest friends, classmates, 351 00:11:33,550 --> 00:11:37,108 and your teacher here in our den. 352 00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:38,195 Hey there, Erica. 353 00:11:38,227 --> 00:11:39,316 Why is my guidance counselor 354 00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:40,928 wearing shorts in my living room? 355 00:11:40,953 --> 00:11:41,929 Please have a seat. 356 00:11:41,937 --> 00:11:44,878 Last thing I'm gonna do is be negative about Ponytail Johnson, 357 00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:47,077 but... Hoo-hoo!... They sure will. 358 00:11:47,102 --> 00:11:48,522 The guy's a total tool bag, Erica. 359 00:11:48,523 --> 00:11:50,648 See? I didn't say it. Your best friend Lacey did. 360 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,334 - Lainey. - Is this a friggin' joke? 361 00:11:52,359 --> 00:11:53,616 His face is a joke. 362 00:11:53,641 --> 00:11:55,085 And his poetry is awful. 363 00:11:55,109 --> 00:11:57,038 And the dude only wears Rush shirts. 364 00:11:57,039 --> 00:11:58,233 Yeah, it's like, try a polo, Bro. 365 00:11:58,258 --> 00:11:59,851 Or a V-neck. I mean, what's his deal? 366 00:11:59,876 --> 00:12:01,882 - What's he hiding? - Shut up, JTP! 367 00:12:01,914 --> 00:12:03,342 My love life is none of your business. 368 00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:05,687 And you... Why are you even here? You're a teacher. 369 00:12:05,712 --> 00:12:07,953 I'm here to guide you away from dating Atkins. 370 00:12:07,984 --> 00:12:10,013 Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's an adult man 371 00:12:10,014 --> 00:12:12,578 living amongst the student body as an undercover cop. 372 00:12:12,594 --> 00:12:14,583 - Like "21 Jump Street"? - Mm-hmm. 373 00:12:14,584 --> 00:12:15,526 That makes sense to me. 374 00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:17,374 You completely ambushed me. 375 00:12:17,399 --> 00:12:18,296 I can't believe you. 376 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,390 Not me. 377 00:12:19,507 --> 00:12:21,506 Your friends, your teacher, 378 00:12:21,531 --> 00:12:24,179 and that excitable boy who so clearly loves you. 379 00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:25,253 Who is it? I'll fight him. 380 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,374 Well, I don't care what any of you think. 381 00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:29,242 In fact, if I'm getting rid of anybody, it's you guys. 382 00:12:29,267 --> 00:12:31,334 - Yeah, not buying it. - Well, you better buy 383 00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,648 'cause I choose Johnny over all you assclowns. 384 00:12:33,673 --> 00:12:35,257 - No, you don't. - I love the guy. 385 00:12:35,282 --> 00:12:36,321 You're stubborn and digging in. 386 00:12:36,346 --> 00:12:37,874 We'll see who's stubborn when I marry him 387 00:12:37,899 --> 00:12:39,859 and don't invite any of you to the wedding. 388 00:12:41,836 --> 00:12:43,845 So, I was promised pizza. 389 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:44,905 Where are we on that? 390 00:12:44,906 --> 00:12:46,687 Also, can we add some wings? 391 00:12:46,727 --> 00:12:48,766 I just find that they make any situation better. 392 00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:51,054 Eating with your hands is fun. 393 00:12:51,179 --> 00:12:51,836 Out. 394 00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:55,147 Yep, my steadfast sister was doubling down on love 395 00:12:55,172 --> 00:12:56,531 while my brother wasn't sure 396 00:12:56,556 --> 00:12:57,876 how much more love he could take. 397 00:12:59,391 --> 00:13:02,360 Hey! Ad Rock! 398 00:13:02,361 --> 00:13:04,717 How about a thirst-quenching Ecto Cooler 399 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:05,983 for the birthday boy, huh? 400 00:13:06,008 --> 00:13:07,210 I'm not taking Mom back. 401 00:13:07,235 --> 00:13:08,710 Pfft! What? 402 00:13:08,937 --> 00:13:10,514 No. 403 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:11,618 But now that you bring it up, 404 00:13:11,619 --> 00:13:13,523 don't you think Mom would be a killer party planner? 405 00:13:13,548 --> 00:13:15,320 I got that covered. 406 00:13:15,345 --> 00:13:16,504 Check this out. 407 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,890 The hell is this crap? 408 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,828 The single greatest party in eighth-grade history. 409 00:13:20,853 --> 00:13:22,937 It's an overwhelming feast for the senses, 410 00:13:22,938 --> 00:13:24,186 and I have you to thank for it. 411 00:13:24,211 --> 00:13:25,250 Please? 412 00:13:25,251 --> 00:13:26,222 My stomach can't take any more 413 00:13:26,247 --> 00:13:28,246 of that chili meat and buttery milk. 414 00:13:28,271 --> 00:13:29,726 You got to take Mom back. 415 00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,609 Never! From this point on, 416 00:13:31,634 --> 00:13:33,749 you're gonna be her delicious snuggle monster, 417 00:13:33,774 --> 00:13:35,287 and I'm gonna be left all alone. 418 00:13:35,312 --> 00:13:36,577 Don't you dare say that! 419 00:13:36,602 --> 00:13:38,343 And this isn't just for this week. 420 00:13:38,368 --> 00:13:41,428 This will stretch months, years, decades, 421 00:13:41,453 --> 00:13:42,453 until she moves in with you. 422 00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:43,873 How can you be so cruel? 423 00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:45,328 This is what you asked for, Pal. 424 00:13:45,359 --> 00:13:46,881 You brought Mom's love on yourself. 425 00:13:46,906 --> 00:13:50,716 I hope no one comes to your ridiculous awesome party! 426 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,936 I have that all in my Trapper Keeper. 427 00:13:58,937 --> 00:14:01,718 Barry was miserable being the new number-one son. 428 00:14:01,743 --> 00:14:02,771 Meanwhile, Erica's band 429 00:14:02,796 --> 00:14:04,936 was making my dad even more miserable. 430 00:14:04,961 --> 00:14:05,984 This is crazy. 431 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,859 He's been playing the drums for over an hour. 432 00:14:07,884 --> 00:14:10,147 You've brought this upon yourself, Murr. 433 00:14:10,172 --> 00:14:12,358 It should have worked. I didn't say a word to the girl. 434 00:14:12,383 --> 00:14:13,664 Instead of telling her yourself, 435 00:14:13,672 --> 00:14:16,420 you had everyone else in her life gang up on her. 436 00:14:16,445 --> 00:14:19,109 You took a love forbidden by her father 437 00:14:19,134 --> 00:14:21,148 and made it forbidden by the world. 438 00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:23,421 Oh, damn it. It sounds romantic. 439 00:14:23,836 --> 00:14:28,164 ♪ Love ninja nunchucked my life apart ♪ 440 00:14:31,711 --> 00:14:33,202 Wow. That's really good. You wrote that? 441 00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:34,499 Yeah. And I never would have thought 442 00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:36,162 to put a 10-minute drum solo in the middle. 443 00:14:36,187 --> 00:14:37,414 I just Rush'd it up. 444 00:14:37,439 --> 00:14:39,148 We're actually really good. 445 00:14:39,289 --> 00:14:41,288 And, like, we're actually pretty good, too. 446 00:14:41,289 --> 00:14:43,171 Oh, boy. Here we go. 447 00:14:43,196 --> 00:14:44,242 Yo. It's gonna be one of those. 448 00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:46,298 I told you. 449 00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:48,506 Johnny Atkins doesn't put labels on things. 450 00:14:48,531 --> 00:14:50,520 The thing is, I kind of went out on a limb 451 00:14:50,521 --> 00:14:52,179 and told everyone that 452 00:14:52,204 --> 00:14:54,193 even though they think you're human trash, 453 00:14:54,266 --> 00:14:55,257 I'll be with you forever, 454 00:14:55,282 --> 00:14:58,866 so, yeah, kind of locked into this. 455 00:14:58,891 --> 00:15:00,414 You love me. I get it. 456 00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:02,439 Johnny Atkins is a roller coaster that only goes up. 457 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,469 Oh, God, no. 458 00:15:03,494 --> 00:15:05,992 I mean, you've for sure grown on me, but yuck. 459 00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:08,172 So you're saying the roller coaster goes down? 460 00:15:08,203 --> 00:15:09,741 No. I definitely think 461 00:15:09,766 --> 00:15:11,430 we should take things to the next level, 462 00:15:11,446 --> 00:15:13,867 even though I'm kind of like, "Ehhh." 463 00:15:13,899 --> 00:15:16,147 This is rocking my world and not in a good way. 464 00:15:16,172 --> 00:15:17,241 Look on the bright side. 465 00:15:17,242 --> 00:15:19,389 One day we'll get married so I can prove a point, 466 00:15:19,414 --> 00:15:21,523 and that's not nothing, fella. 467 00:15:21,525 --> 00:15:23,444 Wait. What about practice? 468 00:15:23,445 --> 00:15:25,078 Battle of the Bands is this weekend. 469 00:15:25,102 --> 00:15:26,570 For me. You're out. 470 00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:28,908 Mostly 'cause what you said sucked. 471 00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:39,546 It was the day before my birthday party, 472 00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,835 and I was discovering that planning it without my mom 473 00:15:41,860 --> 00:15:43,741 was a lot harder than I thought. 474 00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:45,715 I don't care if it'll get the other kids sick. 475 00:15:45,716 --> 00:15:47,705 I promised drinks with fog! 476 00:15:47,706 --> 00:15:49,453 Why would a clown need to see a picture of me 477 00:15:49,477 --> 00:15:50,566 before he agrees to come? 478 00:15:50,591 --> 00:15:52,351 You can't make me a camera cake? 479 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,499 You advertise specialty cakes! 480 00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,329 Oh, you're a fraud! 481 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,600 This is a disaster, man! 482 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,764 You want to talk disaster? 483 00:16:00,765 --> 00:16:04,094 I've eaten so much power chili my body has adapted. 484 00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:05,984 It's starting to crave it like water or air. 485 00:16:06,009 --> 00:16:08,156 My party's tomorrow and the vendors are impossible. 486 00:16:08,181 --> 00:16:10,984 I'm a boy. I can't plan the hugest party ever! 487 00:16:11,009 --> 00:16:12,734 Mom could have done it easily. 488 00:16:12,782 --> 00:16:14,680 Too bad she's busy ruining my life. 489 00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:16,133 I need her. 490 00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,208 Say it again! 491 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,180 - Say it! - I take it back. 492 00:16:18,205 --> 00:16:19,601 Adam needs you! 493 00:16:19,618 --> 00:16:21,483 Focus on him and not me. 494 00:16:21,508 --> 00:16:22,531 What? What's wrong? 495 00:16:22,547 --> 00:16:24,312 He misses being your little Schmoopaloo. 496 00:16:24,368 --> 00:16:25,991 I admit it. He's the best son. 497 00:16:26,016 --> 00:16:27,035 Take him back. 498 00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:29,949 Aww. You really miss your mama? 499 00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:31,680 Okay, fine. I do. 500 00:16:31,703 --> 00:16:33,762 I miss you getting me everything I ever wanted 501 00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:36,672 through fear, intimidation, and remorseless perseverance. 502 00:16:36,673 --> 00:16:40,336 That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 503 00:16:40,361 --> 00:16:42,250 Come to Mama. 504 00:16:42,275 --> 00:16:44,555 But I still feel awful. 505 00:16:45,622 --> 00:16:47,070 I just can't live with the idea 506 00:16:47,095 --> 00:16:49,351 that you think I love Adam more than you. 507 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,406 No. Adam's your baby. 508 00:16:51,431 --> 00:16:52,609 Always will be. 509 00:16:52,634 --> 00:16:54,728 And, man, I am more than okay with that. 510 00:16:54,753 --> 00:16:57,430 Okay, so party's tomorrow. What exactly do you need? 511 00:16:57,455 --> 00:16:59,474 - Everything. - Everything?! 512 00:16:59,854 --> 00:17:01,953 Don't panic. Give me a phone book. 513 00:17:01,978 --> 00:17:03,765 Mama's got to see a man about a mini horse. 514 00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,515 As my mom set out to save the party of the year, 515 00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:08,844 my dad realized he needed to save Erica 516 00:17:08,869 --> 00:17:10,625 from throwing away something she loved. 517 00:17:10,868 --> 00:17:11,883 Can we talk? 518 00:17:12,326 --> 00:17:13,492 Like, just you and me, 519 00:17:13,517 --> 00:17:15,167 or is everyone who matters in my life 520 00:17:15,192 --> 00:17:16,601 standing outside the door? 521 00:17:17,063 --> 00:17:18,192 I messed up. 522 00:17:18,584 --> 00:17:20,422 I, uh, wanted to be better 523 00:17:20,447 --> 00:17:24,390 than all those other crazy dads and protect you, 524 00:17:24,622 --> 00:17:27,679 but I only made things way worse. 525 00:17:27,704 --> 00:17:28,750 It's just... 526 00:17:28,775 --> 00:17:30,297 It's not easy seeing 527 00:17:30,322 --> 00:17:34,554 my peanut all grown up and dating guys. 528 00:17:35,659 --> 00:17:37,859 Well, I guess we both got carried away. 529 00:17:38,210 --> 00:17:39,945 I mean, I was ready to stay with some dude 530 00:17:39,970 --> 00:17:41,594 just to prove you wrong. 531 00:17:41,619 --> 00:17:43,242 And the worst part? 532 00:17:43,555 --> 00:17:45,789 I'm really gonna miss being in that cover band. 533 00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:48,125 Just because you broke up with the guy... 534 00:17:49,383 --> 00:17:51,273 doesn't mean you got to break up with the band. 535 00:17:53,553 --> 00:17:55,047 Battle of the Bands. Who's in? 536 00:17:55,072 --> 00:17:56,328 Me. I'll literally do whatever you want. 537 00:17:56,353 --> 00:17:57,442 Not you. 538 00:17:57,623 --> 00:18:00,398 I want to form a Rush cover band, just the girls. 539 00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:02,383 Dude, does it have to be Rush? 540 00:18:02,408 --> 00:18:05,281 Answer after you listen. 541 00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:09,929 Whoa. Whoa. 542 00:18:15,774 --> 00:18:17,250 ♪ A modern-day warrior ♪ 543 00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:18,610 ♪ Mean, mean stride ♪ 544 00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:19,722 ♪ Today's Tom Sawyer ♪ 545 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:22,642 ♪ Mean, mean pride ♪ 546 00:18:23,693 --> 00:18:24,803 I love you, Erica! 547 00:18:28,683 --> 00:18:31,672 Okay, everybody! Party faces right now! 548 00:18:31,673 --> 00:18:33,672 And 3, 2, 1! 549 00:18:33,673 --> 00:18:35,662 ♪ Though his mind is not for rent ♪ 550 00:18:35,663 --> 00:18:37,624 - ♪ Don't put him down as arrogant ♪ - Happy birthday! 551 00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,265 And so began the most epic 552 00:18:39,298 --> 00:18:41,287 middle-school party of all time. 553 00:18:41,312 --> 00:18:42,952 - ♪ Riding out the day's events ♪ - Hell yeah! 554 00:18:44,192 --> 00:18:45,292 ♪ The river ♪ 555 00:18:47,733 --> 00:18:49,642 Whoa! 556 00:19:01,844 --> 00:19:03,903 ♪ What you say about his company ♪ 557 00:19:03,904 --> 00:19:06,903 ♪ Is what you say about society ♪ 558 00:19:06,904 --> 00:19:09,873 ♪ Catch the mist, catch the myth ♪ 559 00:19:09,874 --> 00:19:12,833 ♪ Catch the mystery, catch the drift ♪ 560 00:19:12,834 --> 00:19:13,973 Cue the mini horse. 561 00:19:18,794 --> 00:19:19,923 Mini horse! 562 00:19:19,948 --> 00:19:23,759 - In mini sneakers! -♪ The world is, the world is ♪ 563 00:19:23,784 --> 00:19:27,187 ♪ Love and life are deep ♪ 564 00:19:27,212 --> 00:19:31,679 ♪ Maybe as his eyes are wide ♪ 565 00:19:36,954 --> 00:19:38,783 ♪ Today's Tom Sawyer ♪ 566 00:19:38,784 --> 00:19:39,803 ♪ He gets high on you ♪ 567 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,903 ♪ And the space he invades ♪ 568 00:19:40,904 --> 00:19:42,803 ♪ He gets by on you ♪ 569 00:19:45,892 --> 00:19:47,500 Awesome camera cake! 570 00:19:50,751 --> 00:19:53,750 That fateful night, my sister realized she didn't need a boy 571 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,617 to achieve her rock-'n'-roll dreams, 572 00:19:55,642 --> 00:19:58,242 and I realized I may not have been the best son, 573 00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:01,234 but I definitely had the best mom. 574 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,123 And obviously the best dance moves. 575 00:20:13,663 --> 00:20:16,482 Beverly: Well, Adam hopes some day to make real movies, 576 00:20:16,493 --> 00:20:18,692 like his idol, Steven Spielberg. 577 00:20:18,693 --> 00:20:21,672 Maybe someday this will become a real one for you. 578 00:20:21,673 --> 00:20:24,602 Adam: I'd like to thank everybody. 579 00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:26,512 My family. 580 00:20:26,513 --> 00:20:27,682 And my friends. 581 00:20:27,683 --> 00:20:30,582 And... And everybody for making this possible. 582 00:20:30,583 --> 00:20:31,632 Thanks for being there when I needed you. 583 00:20:42,102 --> 00:20:43,181 'Sup, Erica? 584 00:20:43,182 --> 00:20:44,211 Want to go out to my Jetta 585 00:20:44,212 --> 00:20:46,191 and listen to a little "Exit... Stage Left"? 586 00:20:46,191 --> 00:20:48,250 Rush? That's, like, so last week. 587 00:20:48,275 --> 00:20:49,781 We're into The Cure now. 588 00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:51,909 Can you guys, like, clue me in a little next time? 589 00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:53,870 This horsehair ponytail was expensive! 590 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,029 Whoa. 591 00:20:58,015 --> 00:20:59,899 Are you me? 592 00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:01,940 I've had way too much fudge today.