1 00:00:01,743 --> 00:00:02,703 Good night, Sam. 2 00:00:02,728 --> 00:00:04,628 Uh, you got any place I can put this change? 3 00:00:04,653 --> 00:00:06,152 Fahboh heh-mah. 4 00:00:06,188 --> 00:00:08,588 All right, sorry. 5 00:00:08,714 --> 00:00:10,247 I thought we had, uh, wrapped up 6 00:00:10,283 --> 00:00:11,515 the talking portion of the evening. 7 00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:12,692 Uh, football helmet. 8 00:00:12,693 --> 00:00:13,925 You're a Bears fan? 9 00:00:13,961 --> 00:00:16,228 Oh, you know, sometimes in life 10 00:00:16,264 --> 00:00:17,896 we collect things. Trinkets. 11 00:00:17,932 --> 00:00:20,566 Some sentimental, some not. 12 00:00:20,601 --> 00:00:22,634 Nick gave it to me. Is that, is that weird? 13 00:00:22,635 --> 00:00:24,501 N-n-no, that's fine. I, uh, 14 00:00:24,537 --> 00:00:26,804 can't really believe I'm saying this, 'cause 15 00:00:26,839 --> 00:00:29,535 Nick being in your life has definitely been hard for me, 16 00:00:29,536 --> 00:00:31,201 but I'm getting used to it. 17 00:00:31,237 --> 00:00:32,736 That makes me so happy. 18 00:00:32,772 --> 00:00:36,200 Hey, this is gonna sound crazy, 19 00:00:36,201 --> 00:00:39,512 but my parents are in town tomorrow, 20 00:00:39,522 --> 00:00:41,596 and I thought maybe you could come meet them. 21 00:00:41,597 --> 00:00:43,684 Yes, I'd love that. 22 00:00:43,685 --> 00:00:45,885 Good. You know, family's real important to me, 23 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,553 and before I introduce you, 24 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,867 I just wanted to make sure that we were solid. 25 00:00:49,892 --> 00:00:51,859 We are so solid. 26 00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,269 Cece. 27 00:01:03,906 --> 00:01:05,739 - I had a sex dream. - So? 28 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,575 It was about Nick. 29 00:01:09,545 --> 00:01:10,751 No! 30 00:01:10,752 --> 00:01:11,764 I know! 31 00:01:17,158 --> 00:01:18,342 Where are my leftovers? 32 00:01:18,343 --> 00:01:19,582 What? Who cares? 33 00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:21,016 I care. I brought it up. 34 00:01:21,052 --> 00:01:22,918 I left perfectly nice leftovers in the fridge, 35 00:01:22,954 --> 00:01:24,417 and I expect them to be there. 36 00:01:24,442 --> 00:01:25,441 Well, now they're not. 37 00:01:25,477 --> 00:01:26,576 - End of discussion. - No. 38 00:01:27,612 --> 00:01:29,112 Middle of discussion. 39 00:01:30,415 --> 00:01:32,289 You're not even gonna look at me? 40 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,000 When you throw away my stuff, 41 00:01:34,025 --> 00:01:35,440 - you're throwing me away. - Mm-hmm. 42 00:01:35,465 --> 00:01:36,530 I wanted to have 43 00:01:36,566 --> 00:01:38,132 cold scallop pizza for breakfast 44 00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:39,633 and you took that from me. 45 00:01:39,669 --> 00:01:40,868 You took that from me. 46 00:01:40,903 --> 00:01:42,069 I hope you can live with yourself. 47 00:01:42,105 --> 00:01:43,167 You're disgusting. 48 00:01:43,168 --> 00:01:44,867 I'm actually really happy that you're eating breakfast, Nick. 49 00:01:44,903 --> 00:01:46,829 It's nice to know that you're taking care of yourself. 50 00:01:46,854 --> 00:01:47,465 Thank you. 51 00:01:47,466 --> 00:01:50,006 Well, I'm on my way to meet Aly 52 00:01:50,038 --> 00:01:51,558 and her boyfriend for brunch. 53 00:01:51,559 --> 00:01:54,433 And I am super excited to meet him. 54 00:01:54,535 --> 00:01:55,950 Yeah, that was sarcasm. 55 00:01:55,951 --> 00:01:57,483 And this is shark-casm: 56 00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,085 I just hate eating people. 57 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,570 Dear Lord, do you mean to tell me that you're going to brunch 58 00:02:02,595 --> 00:02:04,562 with the woman that you love and her boyfriend? 59 00:02:04,597 --> 00:02:06,008 That's the worst thing I've ever heard. 60 00:02:06,009 --> 00:02:08,514 No, it's not that bad. I mean, I'm in a prank marriage, anyway. 61 00:02:08,539 --> 00:02:09,627 And I'm over Aly, so... 62 00:02:09,628 --> 00:02:11,234 - Don't you lie to me, Winston. - I'm not lying. 63 00:02:11,259 --> 00:02:12,618 You and both know that you are not 64 00:02:12,619 --> 00:02:14,751 even a little bit over Aly. 65 00:02:16,147 --> 00:02:16,975 I'm coming with you. 66 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,132 All right, fine, Schmidt, you can come. 67 00:02:18,168 --> 00:02:19,800 But please, do me a favor? 68 00:02:19,825 --> 00:02:21,791 Don't be weird and start smelling people's bread. 69 00:02:21,835 --> 00:02:24,635 Either you eat bread, or you don't eat bread. 70 00:02:24,671 --> 00:02:26,158 There's nothing in between, man. 71 00:02:26,159 --> 00:02:28,003 So in the dream, what was Nick... 72 00:02:28,028 --> 00:02:29,374 He was wearing this. 73 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:31,180 He was wearing a frickin' football helmet. 74 00:02:31,204 --> 00:02:32,110 Ah, damn. 75 00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:33,501 What happened next was primal. 76 00:02:33,536 --> 00:02:34,802 Man versus woman. 77 00:02:34,838 --> 00:02:36,671 The ancient battle of the flesh. 78 00:02:36,706 --> 00:02:38,406 Calm down. It's probably just happening 79 00:02:38,441 --> 00:02:40,214 because you're getting more serious with Sam. 80 00:02:40,215 --> 00:02:41,145 Yes. 81 00:02:41,146 --> 00:02:43,296 And Sam is finally, just a little bit, 82 00:02:43,321 --> 00:02:45,546 sort of, starting to trust me. 83 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,540 And he wants me to meet his parents. 84 00:02:47,576 --> 00:02:49,051 You can't meet a man's parents if your ex 85 00:02:49,052 --> 00:02:51,039 is making love to you in your head. 86 00:02:51,336 --> 00:02:52,202 I need my mind 87 00:02:52,203 --> 00:02:54,102 Nick-free by tonight. 88 00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:57,362 On this bed is everything Nick gave me 89 00:02:57,363 --> 00:02:58,497 while we were together. 90 00:02:58,498 --> 00:03:00,831 I'm going to get rid of it to clear my subconscious. 91 00:03:00,866 --> 00:03:02,099 All right. 92 00:03:02,134 --> 00:03:03,545 Good-bye, sex helmet. 93 00:03:03,944 --> 00:03:04,806 Good-bye, uh, 94 00:03:04,807 --> 00:03:06,570 lacquered bagel with my name on it. 95 00:03:06,571 --> 00:03:08,570 Good-bye, world's tiniest hedgehog. 96 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:09,489 That was a gift? 97 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,190 Good-bye almost done Rubik's Cube. 98 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:15,119 Literally, it was one turn from the end 99 00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:17,718 - and he would not finish it. - That makes sense with Nick. 100 00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:20,561 People try to pretend like the brain is so complicated, 101 00:03:20,585 --> 00:03:21,736 but I feel better already. 102 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,961 Well, the two most important men 103 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,674 in my life are finally meeting. 104 00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:29,890 And for some reason this other guy's here. 105 00:03:29,915 --> 00:03:30,207 Yo. 106 00:03:30,438 --> 00:03:31,883 Hey, brunch is on me today, guys, okay? 107 00:03:31,908 --> 00:03:33,707 So, feel free to add blue cheese to anything. 108 00:03:34,436 --> 00:03:36,269 I'm an agent for animal actors. 109 00:03:36,304 --> 00:03:37,784 He's doing pretty good. 110 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,894 He recently signed the crow from Game of Thrones. 111 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:41,677 - Darnell. You know his name. - Darnell. That's right. 112 00:03:41,678 --> 00:03:43,777 I didn't realize an animal agent was a real job. 113 00:03:43,812 --> 00:03:46,179 Let me put it to you this way, so the next Avatar movie 114 00:03:46,215 --> 00:03:48,115 takes place on a cat planet, 115 00:03:48,150 --> 00:03:49,925 and, uh, I was the first one they called. 116 00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:50,883 - Shut up. - I know. 117 00:03:50,908 --> 00:03:52,022 - I knew you were gonna like that. - A cat planet? 118 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,496 I know. He swore me to secrecy. 119 00:03:53,521 --> 00:03:54,410 I was gonna tell you. 120 00:03:54,411 --> 00:03:56,211 My good... you know, I always thought 121 00:03:56,246 --> 00:03:57,512 Furguson should be in the movies. 122 00:03:57,547 --> 00:03:59,514 Would you interested in, uh, I don't know, 123 00:03:59,549 --> 00:04:00,949 taking a meeting with him? 124 00:04:00,984 --> 00:04:02,383 He's got no representation, so he's... 125 00:04:02,419 --> 00:04:04,385 Let me guess. Wait. He has an adorable yawn? 126 00:04:04,856 --> 00:04:06,095 - Yeah. - Of course he does. 127 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,528 He's a cat. 128 00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:09,757 But can he show up every day to work? 129 00:04:09,758 --> 00:04:11,725 I run a business. Pass. 130 00:04:12,325 --> 00:04:13,546 Yeah, never mind. Dumb idea. 131 00:04:13,547 --> 00:04:15,980 Tripp, you have got to sit down with Furguson. 132 00:04:16,016 --> 00:04:17,643 He's literally one of the most beautiful creatures 133 00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:18,574 I've ever laid eyes on. 134 00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:20,288 Really? I thought you hated him. 135 00:04:20,313 --> 00:04:22,213 I thought you hated cats in general, actually. 136 00:04:22,248 --> 00:04:24,448 I love Furguson, are you kidding me? It's Furguson. 137 00:04:24,484 --> 00:04:27,852 He's got that, uh... he's got the little, uh, his, uh... 138 00:04:27,887 --> 00:04:29,053 You know, his front? 139 00:04:29,088 --> 00:04:30,630 Does he have a headshot? 140 00:04:30,631 --> 00:04:34,098 No, but W-Winston, actually does have a lot 141 00:04:34,134 --> 00:04:36,234 of 8x10 photos of the cat's face. 142 00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:38,549 All right, fine. Bring him by my office. 143 00:04:38,550 --> 00:04:40,884 Can't miss it. It's the tallest building in Beverly Hills. 144 00:04:43,019 --> 00:04:44,856 Hey, hey, hey. Where'd you get that? 145 00:04:44,857 --> 00:04:46,256 I got this from the shoulder-less 146 00:04:46,292 --> 00:04:48,058 Dutch boy you live with. 147 00:04:49,074 --> 00:04:50,810 - Jess? - Possibly. 148 00:04:50,811 --> 00:04:52,945 That's mine. Why are they throwing away my stuff? 149 00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:55,315 They're throwing away me. Give it back. 150 00:04:55,350 --> 00:04:57,505 All right, but my babies come with it. 151 00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,039 I don't want your rock babies. 152 00:04:59,074 --> 00:05:02,008 - Well, I'll just keep 'em. - Okay. 153 00:05:03,476 --> 00:05:05,709 Sorry, Leviticus. 154 00:05:05,743 --> 00:05:07,143 He's tough. 155 00:05:10,849 --> 00:05:14,224 Why is everyone throwing away my stuff? 156 00:05:14,225 --> 00:05:15,935 First of all, that is not your helmet. 157 00:05:15,936 --> 00:05:16,842 You gave that to me. 158 00:05:16,843 --> 00:05:18,710 And second of all, I need a clean house. 159 00:05:18,745 --> 00:05:20,798 I need a clean room. A clean mind. 160 00:05:20,799 --> 00:05:22,295 Yeah, dirty room, dirty dreams. 161 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,622 No dirty dreams. No one had dirty dreams. 162 00:05:24,647 --> 00:05:26,956 What are you talking about? No dirty dreams. 163 00:05:26,981 --> 00:05:29,448 So there has been dirty dreams? 164 00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:32,451 - No. - What'd you have a dream about? 165 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,767 It's interesting, Jessica. What was it about? 166 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,241 There was no dream, dude. 167 00:05:36,242 --> 00:05:37,193 Well, which one of you is gonna crack 168 00:05:37,194 --> 00:05:39,716 and tell me what the dream was about? Jess? 169 00:05:39,963 --> 00:05:41,463 Or Cece? 170 00:05:55,353 --> 00:05:56,099 You looked at the helmet. 171 00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,582 - Cece! - I did not. I did not. 172 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,306 You had a sex dream about a Bear's helmet? 173 00:05:59,342 --> 00:06:00,641 Who was wearing it? Ditka? 174 00:06:00,676 --> 00:06:02,209 Vic Fangio? John Fox? 175 00:06:02,683 --> 00:06:04,416 Our GM, Ryan Pace? 176 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,883 He's cute, but come on. 177 00:06:06,884 --> 00:06:08,383 She doesn't know any of those people, Nick. 178 00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:09,652 Cece! So... 179 00:06:09,688 --> 00:06:11,087 She doesn't know those people. 180 00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:12,384 So it was somebody you know. 181 00:06:12,385 --> 00:06:15,188 There wasn't... No. Absolutely not. No. 182 00:06:15,213 --> 00:06:17,746 Oh, my God. 183 00:06:17,782 --> 00:06:22,666 You had a sex dream about me. 184 00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:23,289 No. 185 00:06:23,290 --> 00:06:24,949 It was... no... there was no... 186 00:06:24,950 --> 00:06:27,650 Well, well, well, well, well. 187 00:06:27,651 --> 00:06:29,703 - Thanks a lot, Cece. - That was my bad. I'm sorry. 188 00:06:29,728 --> 00:06:32,796 Pancakes and syrup, girls. 189 00:06:32,832 --> 00:06:34,932 Let's eat. 190 00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,522 Nick, I have to meet Sam's parents tonight. 191 00:06:39,789 --> 00:06:41,159 I don't have time for this. 192 00:06:41,184 --> 00:06:42,132 What will it take for you 193 00:06:42,133 --> 00:06:44,201 to just forget about this and get rid of the helmet? 194 00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:46,067 Oh, just every single detail 195 00:06:46,103 --> 00:06:47,814 - about the dream. - Damn. 196 00:06:47,815 --> 00:06:49,581 Now, and this one is a biggie, 197 00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,435 - was I 100% percent human? - What? 198 00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:52,396 Obviously. 199 00:06:52,397 --> 00:06:53,490 Okay, I'm just trying to figure out 200 00:06:53,515 --> 00:06:54,763 the reality of the dream. 201 00:06:54,788 --> 00:06:56,353 Well, we were having sex, 202 00:06:56,603 --> 00:06:58,097 so in that sense, 203 00:06:58,098 --> 00:06:59,564 it was not reality-based at all, 204 00:06:59,601 --> 00:07:01,334 because that's never gonna happen again. 205 00:07:01,376 --> 00:07:02,469 Oh! 206 00:07:02,470 --> 00:07:04,103 You sound like the beginning of a Salt-N-Pepa song, 207 00:07:04,138 --> 00:07:05,904 and I just wish we could just, like, act like adults. 208 00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:07,973 Definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely. 209 00:07:08,009 --> 00:07:10,638 Were you just recreating our best encounter? 210 00:07:10,826 --> 00:07:11,872 Was it Glove City again? 211 00:07:11,873 --> 00:07:14,639 - Our best was not Glove City. - Oh, it wasn't? 212 00:07:14,675 --> 00:07:16,690 It was for you, but not for me. 213 00:07:16,691 --> 00:07:18,196 So what was our best, in your opinion? 214 00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:20,123 Ooh, you just walked right into that one. 215 00:07:20,124 --> 00:07:22,958 Okay, it wasn't something that actually happened. 216 00:07:22,993 --> 00:07:25,333 It was historical. 217 00:07:25,427 --> 00:07:28,528 Oh, historical, so was there a dragon? 218 00:07:28,564 --> 00:07:30,698 No, it was historical. 219 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,113 You think dragons are real? 220 00:07:33,138 --> 00:07:34,337 I think there's a lot of debate about it. 221 00:07:34,362 --> 00:07:35,521 And there's a lot of blogs about it. 222 00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,104 And I know that as a fact, 'cause I've written one. 223 00:07:37,105 --> 00:07:38,604 Do you think dinosaurs are dragons? 224 00:07:38,639 --> 00:07:39,905 There's debate about dragons, Jess, 225 00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:40,973 and we're not doing this right now. 226 00:07:41,008 --> 00:07:43,508 Wow, this office is nice. 227 00:07:45,746 --> 00:07:47,546 M... look, this is so nice of you, man. 228 00:07:47,581 --> 00:07:48,780 You didn't really have to come. 229 00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,215 Of course, I came. 230 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,950 I believe in yo... I believe in Furguson. 231 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,621 Is that offer a joke? Huh? 232 00:07:55,656 --> 00:07:59,558 Because I will feed you to my eagle. 233 00:07:59,593 --> 00:08:01,126 'Sup. Let's talk puss. 234 00:08:01,161 --> 00:08:02,327 Ready to show me your hairy little guy? 235 00:08:02,363 --> 00:08:03,629 - What? - Ugh. 236 00:08:03,664 --> 00:08:05,549 Oh. Yes, uh... 237 00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:07,498 Introducing... 238 00:08:07,561 --> 00:08:11,124 The mouse murderin', the heart burglarin', 239 00:08:11,304 --> 00:08:12,894 the king of the kennel, 240 00:08:12,895 --> 00:08:16,931 Furguson Michael Jordan Bishop. 241 00:08:21,396 --> 00:08:22,528 He's lickin' his no-no. 242 00:08:22,564 --> 00:08:23,649 America's sweetheart. 243 00:08:23,650 --> 00:08:26,417 All right. This is catnip oil. 244 00:08:26,452 --> 00:08:28,819 The professional cats don't need it to come out of the box. 245 00:08:33,803 --> 00:08:35,723 Who's a good cat? 246 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,675 Who's a good cat? 247 00:08:37,676 --> 00:08:39,942 Who's a good cat? 248 00:08:40,224 --> 00:08:41,404 Not you. This cat doesn't have it. 249 00:08:41,405 --> 00:08:42,571 - What? - Let me show you something. 250 00:08:42,607 --> 00:08:44,440 This is a star. 251 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,390 This is Patches. 252 00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:51,221 If you find yourself at the intersection 253 00:08:51,256 --> 00:08:53,455 of Grace and Courage, look up. 254 00:08:53,456 --> 00:08:55,490 The street sign says, "Patches." 255 00:08:56,337 --> 00:08:59,493 She is "bang, marry, kill" in one furry little package. 256 00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:01,448 You want to own her. 257 00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:03,450 Run to her. Run from her. 258 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,508 - Wow. - Most of all, 259 00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:08,568 you want to watch her. 260 00:09:08,569 --> 00:09:10,144 Patches is a trash cat. 261 00:09:10,169 --> 00:09:13,137 This is who you take to the Avatar audition. 262 00:09:13,442 --> 00:09:14,942 This is sexy. 263 00:09:15,245 --> 00:09:16,983 And this? This is normal. 264 00:09:16,984 --> 00:09:18,944 And normal doesn't pay for the cruise 265 00:09:18,945 --> 00:09:20,378 in the Arctic that I'm taking Aly on. 266 00:09:21,781 --> 00:09:23,147 Unless I sign a baby walrus 267 00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:24,515 and then the whole thing's a write-off. 268 00:09:24,551 --> 00:09:25,884 That was humiliating. 269 00:09:25,919 --> 00:09:28,219 Yeah, for Tripp. 270 00:09:28,255 --> 00:09:30,655 Because Furguson is gonna book Avatar. 271 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:32,657 I stole the script off of his desk. 272 00:09:32,692 --> 00:09:35,260 We're going to crash that audition today. 273 00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:36,728 Oh. 274 00:09:37,964 --> 00:09:39,151 - Hi. - Hey. 275 00:09:40,006 --> 00:09:41,939 - Oh, uh, two, please. - You got it. 276 00:09:47,548 --> 00:09:48,954 What's his name? 277 00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,188 Josh. 278 00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:52,322 So your football helmet was caked in soot. 279 00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:53,523 Why was I a chimney sweep? 280 00:09:53,524 --> 00:09:55,391 Well, a chimney is hollow and you're just like jamming 281 00:09:55,426 --> 00:09:57,265 - something into it. - What does that have to do with sex? 282 00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:58,411 - Get a hold of yourself. - Sorry. 283 00:09:58,412 --> 00:10:00,318 So you took me to a dark, Victorian alley. 284 00:10:00,343 --> 00:10:02,143 It was filthy. I was on top. 285 00:10:02,178 --> 00:10:03,144 Okay, I'm okay with that. 286 00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:04,174 Our passion drowns out 287 00:10:04,175 --> 00:10:06,075 the coughs from the orphans inside. 288 00:10:06,457 --> 00:10:08,232 And then Winston brings us scones. 289 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:08,689 And that's it. 290 00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:09,822 Really sweet of him. 291 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,736 I'm starving after sex, 292 00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,036 especially when I have to lay on my back. 293 00:10:13,061 --> 00:10:13,920 You're starving all the time. 294 00:10:13,921 --> 00:10:15,583 - Who invited you in this room? - All right? 295 00:10:15,608 --> 00:10:17,333 Are we good? Can we get rid of the helmet? 296 00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:18,733 I'm concerned, as a friend, 297 00:10:18,768 --> 00:10:22,678 that Sam isn't satisfying you sexually. 298 00:10:22,703 --> 00:10:24,736 I can confidently say 299 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,022 that's not what this is about. 300 00:10:26,047 --> 00:10:28,314 Maybe he's just not rotating your tires enough, Jess. 301 00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:28,948 What? 302 00:10:28,949 --> 00:10:30,334 You know you need that at least once a month. 303 00:10:30,335 --> 00:10:30,686 Nick. 304 00:10:30,721 --> 00:10:32,654 For sex, that's not enough. 305 00:10:32,690 --> 00:10:36,325 And for literal tire rotation, that's way too frequent. 306 00:10:36,361 --> 00:10:37,860 Not when you drive like I do. 307 00:10:38,408 --> 00:10:39,223 Not... 308 00:10:39,224 --> 00:10:40,865 when you drive like I do. 309 00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:42,814 I have to get ready to meet Sam's parents. 310 00:10:42,839 --> 00:10:44,248 Will you please get out of here? 311 00:10:44,249 --> 00:10:45,442 Yes. I'm leaving, 312 00:10:45,443 --> 00:10:47,243 but I will not throw away this helmet. 313 00:10:47,278 --> 00:10:50,145 Why? You didn't care about that helmet when you gave it to me? 314 00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:51,521 Yes, I did. It was a Christmas gift. 315 00:10:51,522 --> 00:10:53,287 I gave you a Christmas present, 316 00:10:53,322 --> 00:10:57,039 and you said, Christmas? What? Hold up. 317 00:10:57,071 --> 00:10:58,512 And then you went and got that helmet. 318 00:10:58,537 --> 00:10:59,561 Unwrapped. 319 00:10:59,562 --> 00:11:00,761 What was I supposed to do with it? 320 00:11:01,101 --> 00:11:02,034 - Wear it? - I wouldn't do... 321 00:11:02,035 --> 00:11:05,349 Oh, the perfect ensemble for a night at the theater. 322 00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:07,247 Throw whatever you want at me, Blue Men. 323 00:11:07,248 --> 00:11:08,513 I'm ready. 324 00:11:08,717 --> 00:11:11,451 Oh, crap. That's Sam. Ugh. 325 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,501 Okay, why won't this come off? 326 00:11:14,502 --> 00:11:16,512 Probably because it's a child-size medium. 327 00:11:16,537 --> 00:11:17,414 What?! 328 00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,407 Why would you give me a child's helmet? 329 00:11:19,432 --> 00:11:20,465 I didn't think you were gonna put it on. 330 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,839 Cece, help me, help me. 331 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,133 - Yeah, I got it. - I can't meet Sam's parents like this. 332 00:11:24,158 --> 00:11:25,991 Okay, ready? 333 00:11:26,397 --> 00:11:27,225 It's not going to help. 334 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:28,716 Okay, no, it's-it's really stuck, babe. 335 00:11:28,909 --> 00:11:29,942 Suck your head in. 336 00:11:29,977 --> 00:11:31,610 I can't suck my head in. 337 00:11:31,645 --> 00:11:33,145 Then throw a jersey on and pants, 338 00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:34,779 and just pretend you're a little football player. 339 00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,055 I can't go out with a helmet. 340 00:11:36,056 --> 00:11:37,255 You look ridiculous. 341 00:11:38,753 --> 00:11:40,145 I'm aware. 342 00:11:43,923 --> 00:11:45,801 Cece, can you go out there and stall Sam? 343 00:11:45,802 --> 00:11:47,101 He knows that Nick gave me this helmet 344 00:11:47,137 --> 00:11:48,670 and he can't see me in it. 345 00:11:48,705 --> 00:11:50,138 Okay, what's my lie? Chlamydia? 346 00:11:50,173 --> 00:11:53,074 No! No! Anything else. Literally, anything else. 347 00:11:53,109 --> 00:11:54,900 Okay, anything else, okay. 348 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,646 Hey, hey, Legs. 349 00:11:59,673 --> 00:12:00,422 What's up? 350 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,787 You and I have never really clicked, huh? 351 00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:08,890 Oh, boy. 352 00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:11,893 Wow. 353 00:12:13,396 --> 00:12:14,562 Oh, my God. 354 00:12:14,598 --> 00:12:16,531 Patches is walking like a person. 355 00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:20,535 This was a enormous mistake. 356 00:12:28,411 --> 00:12:30,931 Is it, um, hard being a doctor? 357 00:12:30,932 --> 00:12:32,732 - Yeah. - Oh. 358 00:12:32,768 --> 00:12:34,401 What's taking Jess so long? 359 00:12:34,436 --> 00:12:36,303 Get! Off! 360 00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,738 - Stop, you're gonna break it. - My! Head! 361 00:12:37,773 --> 00:12:40,231 Whatever. I'll buy you a new one. 362 00:12:42,775 --> 00:12:43,255 You can't. 363 00:12:43,256 --> 00:12:45,489 My dad gave it to me. 364 00:12:49,177 --> 00:12:51,678 You gave me something that your dad gave you? 365 00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:58,335 Well... I just used it to put dirty change in. 366 00:12:58,370 --> 00:12:59,836 Why didn't you tell me? 367 00:12:59,872 --> 00:13:01,605 I don't like talking about emotional stuff, 368 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,306 especially about my dead father. 369 00:13:04,343 --> 00:13:06,943 No, I... yeah. 370 00:13:06,979 --> 00:13:10,247 I get it. I get... I get it as much as someone 371 00:13:10,282 --> 00:13:13,817 who has two, living, healthy parents can. 372 00:13:14,254 --> 00:13:14,615 Easy. 373 00:13:14,616 --> 00:13:16,125 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 374 00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:17,919 That was... was that too harsh? 375 00:13:17,944 --> 00:13:20,812 I just... I'm messing everything up. 376 00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:22,536 You know what? I'm just gonna 377 00:13:22,537 --> 00:13:25,274 tell Sam everything, and I'll see what happens. 378 00:13:25,275 --> 00:13:26,507 No. 379 00:13:27,255 --> 00:13:28,926 I think I know how to get it off. 380 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,513 Okay, run backwards. 381 00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:33,813 - Yeah, it's not working. - It's not working. 382 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,114 You run backwards. 383 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:44,272 - It's moving. Rock with me. - Okay. 384 00:13:44,307 --> 00:13:46,574 All right. Well, don't stop. 385 00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,492 You got to keep going. Do it harder. 386 00:13:48,517 --> 00:13:50,209 If it slips out, tell me. I don't want to 387 00:13:50,248 --> 00:13:51,389 accidentally put it back in. 388 00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:52,781 Don't stop, Whatever you do, don't stop. 389 00:13:52,806 --> 00:13:53,324 Just relax. 390 00:13:53,359 --> 00:13:54,992 Don't stop. 391 00:13:56,362 --> 00:13:58,529 - Jess? - Oh. 392 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,131 Oh. No, no. There was a scallop pizza... 393 00:14:02,163 --> 00:14:03,592 No, I was mad at Nick, 394 00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:04,745 - ...and it was in the fridge. - so I put the helmet on. 395 00:14:04,746 --> 00:14:05,517 Schmidt threw it away. 396 00:14:05,518 --> 00:14:06,583 What is going on here? 397 00:14:06,619 --> 00:14:08,318 Okay, um... 398 00:14:10,668 --> 00:14:12,251 I had a sex dream about Nick. 399 00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:13,847 Let me back up. 400 00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:16,126 Last night, you asked me about this helmet. 401 00:14:16,173 --> 00:14:18,039 Sorry. Let me fast forward. 402 00:14:18,075 --> 00:14:19,975 The helmet's stuck on my head. 403 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:22,636 Look, I know this is a lot to ask, 404 00:14:22,637 --> 00:14:26,189 but is there any way, you could just trust me 405 00:14:26,214 --> 00:14:30,416 when I tell you that it was just a stupid sex dream. 406 00:14:31,452 --> 00:14:34,720 Okay, yes. Yeah, no. I trust you. 407 00:14:34,756 --> 00:14:36,889 Thank you. 408 00:14:38,059 --> 00:14:39,759 But right now, my parents are expecting us. 409 00:14:39,794 --> 00:14:40,860 So, you know, a lot of kids 410 00:14:40,895 --> 00:14:41,761 come into the hospital 411 00:14:41,762 --> 00:14:42,869 with stuff stuck on their head. 412 00:14:42,870 --> 00:14:45,400 Do you guys have a screwdriver or a hammer? 413 00:14:47,979 --> 00:14:51,948 Oh, uh, we can't break it 'cause... 414 00:14:52,547 --> 00:14:54,176 Nick's dad gave it to him. 415 00:14:58,326 --> 00:15:00,556 Right. Uh, well... 416 00:15:01,626 --> 00:15:02,610 I have to go meet my parents, 417 00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,257 so I'll call you tomorrow. 418 00:15:09,623 --> 00:15:12,380 Hey. What are you doing out here, man? 419 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,219 I'm sorry I got us into this, Winston. 420 00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:18,513 That frickin' cat's a genius. Yeah. 421 00:15:18,514 --> 00:15:19,780 I don't want to humiliate your cat. 422 00:15:19,815 --> 00:15:21,648 I care about Furguson. I don't want... 423 00:15:21,683 --> 00:15:23,150 I don't want that poor thing to be humiliated. 424 00:15:23,193 --> 00:15:24,338 Hey, hey, hey. 425 00:15:24,339 --> 00:15:26,299 I can't imagine his self-esteem level already. 426 00:15:26,334 --> 00:15:27,298 It's got to be very low. 427 00:15:27,299 --> 00:15:29,566 Through the frickin' roof, the self-esteem. 428 00:15:29,602 --> 00:15:31,568 Don't worry about Furguson, okay? 429 00:15:31,604 --> 00:15:33,161 Okay, I can't do this anymore. 430 00:15:33,162 --> 00:15:35,462 Are we talking about Furguson, or are we talking about you? 431 00:15:35,497 --> 00:15:37,197 - We're talking about me, okay? - I knew it. 432 00:15:37,232 --> 00:15:38,999 Furguson is me. Patches is Tripp, all right? 433 00:15:39,034 --> 00:15:40,741 I knew... we've been dancing around that all day. 434 00:15:40,766 --> 00:15:41,611 Can we please go? 435 00:15:41,612 --> 00:15:42,913 I haven't eaten anything in six hours. 436 00:15:42,948 --> 00:15:44,080 You know what? No. 437 00:15:44,116 --> 00:15:45,549 Patches may know a lot of tricks, 438 00:15:45,584 --> 00:15:47,450 but you know how Furguson's gonna get Aly? 439 00:15:47,486 --> 00:15:49,805 I think you're getting lost, Winston, but keep going. 440 00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:51,829 He's gonna keep trying, okay? 441 00:15:51,830 --> 00:15:53,463 He's never gonna give up. 442 00:15:53,498 --> 00:15:54,864 That's his trick. 443 00:15:55,318 --> 00:15:57,152 Now come on, man. Let's get back in there. 444 00:15:57,188 --> 00:15:59,388 Come on. 445 00:15:59,423 --> 00:16:00,870 - Come on. - All right. 446 00:16:00,871 --> 00:16:02,205 - Let's go. - Yeah, no. Let's do this. 447 00:16:02,230 --> 00:16:03,076 Let's go. 448 00:16:12,152 --> 00:16:13,218 What are you guys doing here? 449 00:16:13,253 --> 00:16:14,586 Wait a second. 450 00:16:14,621 --> 00:16:16,244 You're not auditioning that housecat, are you? 451 00:16:16,269 --> 00:16:18,870 Oh, that is exactly what I'm doing. 452 00:16:18,905 --> 00:16:21,005 Tripp, can I borrow that catnip oil just for a sec? 453 00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:23,597 Sure, but I think you know very well 454 00:16:23,629 --> 00:16:25,146 it's not going to help you in there. 455 00:16:25,147 --> 00:16:27,046 We'll see about that. 456 00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:28,839 Oh, my God. 457 00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:31,331 That stuff is so concentrated. What are you doing? 458 00:16:31,356 --> 00:16:33,026 Aha! 459 00:16:33,878 --> 00:16:35,938 It looks like Patches is gonna have a little trouble 460 00:16:35,939 --> 00:16:37,472 concentrating on her audition. 461 00:16:42,212 --> 00:16:43,612 God save me. 462 00:16:44,881 --> 00:16:46,848 Furguson, avenge me! 463 00:16:46,883 --> 00:16:48,083 Avenge me! 464 00:16:56,745 --> 00:16:57,978 I need a straw. 465 00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,956 Ugh, I should be charming the pants off 466 00:16:59,981 --> 00:17:01,672 Sam's parents right now. 467 00:17:02,079 --> 00:17:03,078 Jess. 468 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,681 We're gonna break it. 469 00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:05,889 But what about your dad? 470 00:17:05,890 --> 00:17:07,210 Look, it sucks to admit, 471 00:17:07,211 --> 00:17:11,233 but Sam's a really good guy with above average handsomeness. 472 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:15,115 And he's above six feet tall, which I know means a lot to you. 473 00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:17,317 And he makes you happy, and so... 474 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,745 I think it's time for me to 475 00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:21,818 stop coming in between you guys. 476 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,039 Let's do this. Let's have a little bit of fun, huh? 477 00:17:31,209 --> 00:17:33,810 I will be going on the count of three. 478 00:17:34,031 --> 00:17:37,757 One, zero, two, three, four... 479 00:17:37,782 --> 00:17:38,847 What are you doing? 480 00:17:38,882 --> 00:17:39,772 You never go on three. 481 00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:42,031 You want to catch the patient off guard. 482 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,111 It's less scary that way. 483 00:17:43,112 --> 00:17:45,738 Everybody knows it. It's just a doctor trick. 484 00:17:45,739 --> 00:17:48,106 Nick. So this time I am going on three. 485 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:52,208 - One, two, three, four... - Do it! 486 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,184 So this is the famous Patches. 487 00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,404 No. I am... 488 00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:05,501 Winston L'andre Bishop 489 00:18:05,536 --> 00:18:07,122 and this is: 490 00:18:07,123 --> 00:18:09,090 the king of cats. 491 00:18:09,124 --> 00:18:10,390 Lover of mats. 492 00:18:10,426 --> 00:18:12,336 No friend of rats. 493 00:18:12,337 --> 00:18:15,705 The kitty from Angel City, 494 00:18:15,741 --> 00:18:19,464 Furguson Michael Jordan... 495 00:18:19,488 --> 00:18:20,373 Bishop. 496 00:18:30,557 --> 00:18:31,756 He just, poof... 497 00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:33,558 - I'm gonna try to settle him down. - ...and disappeared. 498 00:18:36,542 --> 00:18:39,586 ♪ What would you do if your son was at home ♪ 499 00:18:39,587 --> 00:18:40,997 ♪ Crying all alone ♪ 500 00:18:41,022 --> 00:18:43,088 - ♪ On the bedroom floor ♪ - Oh, my God, 501 00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:44,782 he's singing to the cat. 502 00:18:44,783 --> 00:18:46,923 - Come on. - He's singing to the cat. 503 00:18:46,994 --> 00:18:48,075 Let's get out of here. 504 00:18:48,076 --> 00:18:49,498 It's okay. We're here. We're here. 505 00:18:49,523 --> 00:18:50,823 Okay, Patches is here. 506 00:18:53,727 --> 00:18:56,121 I was four steps away from freedom 507 00:18:56,122 --> 00:18:57,788 and I fell. 508 00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,319 Oh, they were on me, and they traversed me. 509 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:01,486 It was like I was their city 510 00:19:01,521 --> 00:19:02,887 and they were all rushing to work. 511 00:19:02,923 --> 00:19:04,756 May I just please take a moment with Patches? 512 00:19:04,791 --> 00:19:06,124 She needs a, a moment to center herself. 513 00:19:06,159 --> 00:19:07,610 She almost OD'd on catnip. 514 00:19:07,611 --> 00:19:08,976 Forget about Patches. 515 00:19:09,011 --> 00:19:11,010 You should represent more cats like Furguson. 516 00:19:11,045 --> 00:19:12,671 - What? - What? You were laughing at him. 517 00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:13,814 He's an original. 518 00:19:13,815 --> 00:19:15,837 Makes Patches look like a Culkin brother. 519 00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:16,861 What?! 520 00:19:18,632 --> 00:19:19,998 It's hard to celebrate this moment 521 00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:23,335 with so much cat hair in my mouth. 522 00:19:23,378 --> 00:19:24,434 You did it, buddy. 523 00:19:24,435 --> 00:19:26,406 Really? Really? Now you're gloating? 524 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:27,679 - Huh? Winston? - Ah. 525 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:28,679 Do you have to be such a dick? 526 00:19:30,475 --> 00:19:32,062 I mean, you're already so intimidating. 527 00:19:32,063 --> 00:19:34,363 Do you have to go out of your way to actually get at me? 528 00:19:34,408 --> 00:19:35,342 Intimidating? 529 00:19:35,343 --> 00:19:37,446 Aly talks about you all the time, obviously. 530 00:19:37,471 --> 00:19:39,404 You're a cop. You're a hero. 531 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,240 Last weekend, I went to a turtle's birthday party. 532 00:19:42,276 --> 00:19:43,475 This is oddly emotional. 533 00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:45,911 - You're intimidated by me? - Yes. 534 00:19:45,946 --> 00:19:47,612 It's funny how life works, man. It's ironic. 535 00:19:47,648 --> 00:19:49,448 This is amazing. 536 00:19:49,483 --> 00:19:51,049 You know what, Tripp? 537 00:19:51,477 --> 00:19:52,252 You don't have to worry about 538 00:19:52,253 --> 00:19:54,085 Furguson competing with Patches. 539 00:19:54,121 --> 00:19:55,420 Yeah. 540 00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,222 I'm taking him out of the game. 541 00:19:57,257 --> 00:19:58,657 I don't like this life for him. 542 00:19:59,594 --> 00:20:00,601 Oh, yeah! 543 00:20:00,626 --> 00:20:03,255 You blew it, son. 544 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,002 Oh, God, am I unhappy. 545 00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:09,882 I'm casting cats. 546 00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:12,614 Hi. So sorry I'm late. 547 00:20:12,649 --> 00:20:14,649 It's a long story. 548 00:20:14,694 --> 00:20:17,195 - I'm really glad you made it. - Me, too. 549 00:20:17,764 --> 00:20:21,027 - Uh, Dad, Dad, this is Jess. - Hi. 550 00:20:21,028 --> 00:20:22,194 - So nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 551 00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:25,171 Oh. Huh. A little piece of helmet. 552 00:20:28,509 --> 00:20:30,309 What did you think of Tripp? 553 00:20:30,344 --> 00:20:31,777 I know he's a little intense. 554 00:20:31,812 --> 00:20:34,758 Well, look, I mean, if he makes you happy, 555 00:20:34,783 --> 00:20:38,586 then, uh... and I like him, so... 556 00:20:38,587 --> 00:20:39,859 Thanks. 557 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,672 You know, for a guy who eats his raisins hot, 558 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,900 your opinion means a lot to me. 559 00:20:44,935 --> 00:20:46,468 Thank you. 560 00:20:47,505 --> 00:20:49,013 What's up with Schmidt? 561 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:51,987 Oh, he's haunted. 562 00:20:52,174 --> 00:20:53,473 - Hey. - Hey. 563 00:20:53,498 --> 00:20:54,464 Did you have a dream last night? 564 00:20:54,499 --> 00:20:56,066 Yeah, just the usual. 565 00:20:56,101 --> 00:20:58,615 You know, the one where I'm in a muffin test kitchen 566 00:20:58,616 --> 00:21:01,417 and Hillary Clinton tells me my muffins suck. 567 00:21:01,451 --> 00:21:02,784 So that's the regular one. 568 00:21:02,819 --> 00:21:04,619 Got you a present. 569 00:21:04,655 --> 00:21:06,488 - Can I open it right now? - Yes. 570 00:21:07,691 --> 00:21:09,791 Oh. 571 00:21:11,718 --> 00:21:14,352 I thought you could hang it on the wall here. 572 00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:15,830 I love that. 573 00:21:15,855 --> 00:21:17,731 It's like your dad's looking over the bar. 574 00:21:17,732 --> 00:21:19,132 Aw, thank you, Jess. 575 00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:20,844 It's really nice. 576 00:21:23,077 --> 00:21:24,249 All right. 577 00:21:24,476 --> 00:21:26,710 Now to be fair, I've had some sex dreams about you, too. 578 00:21:27,060 --> 00:21:29,096 First, there was the one where I was a spider 579 00:21:29,097 --> 00:21:30,580 and instead of legs it was penises. 580 00:21:30,612 --> 00:21:32,078 - No, I'm out. - It was eight penises... 581 00:21:32,103 --> 00:21:33,235 - Yeah, I know. - Oh. 582 00:21:33,368 --> 00:21:34,935 You were there, too. 583 00:21:34,970 --> 00:21:36,269 I'm out. 584 00:21:36,305 --> 00:21:38,004 - Was I there? - And I'm out. 585 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,040 Oh, that would've been so cool.