1 00:00:05,247 --> 00:00:08,248 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:15,001 --> 00:00:17,614 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com - 3 00:00:18,677 --> 00:00:20,176 SELINA: My fellow Americans, 4 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:24,598 I stand before you this morning in barefaced awe 5 00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:28,101 of the majesty of our democratic system. 6 00:00:28,186 --> 00:00:29,936 What a night. 7 00:00:30,022 --> 00:00:32,022 In a democracy such as ours, 8 00:00:32,107 --> 00:00:35,025 it falls to the people to choose their president, 9 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,661 and that is what you attempted to do last night. 10 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:41,531 As it turned out, there's a virtually unprecedented tie 11 00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:42,999 in the electoral college, 12 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,751 a somewhat arcane institution 13 00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:47,370 that many scholars believe we should do away with. 14 00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:49,873 I wish to say on a personal note 15 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,841 that although there is a tie, 16 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:55,378 I am most privileged to have won the popular vote. 17 00:00:55,464 --> 00:00:57,881 And though this tie may be frustrating, 18 00:00:57,966 --> 00:01:00,216 I want to assure the American people 19 00:01:00,302 --> 00:01:02,385 our country is not leaderless. 20 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:05,939 No matter who you voted for, I am your president. 21 00:01:06,058 --> 00:01:08,441 Thank you all. God bless you. 22 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:12,612 And may God bless the United States of America. 23 00:01:12,731 --> 00:01:14,614 We're clear. 24 00:01:14,733 --> 00:01:17,567 Can we have the room? Fantastic speech, ma'am. 25 00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:20,153 The three Ss... strength, stability and bullshit. 26 00:01:20,238 --> 00:01:23,740 I forgot to thank the voters for making our country look like a high school Spanish club. 27 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:26,910 Didn't those founding fuckers ever hear of an odd number? 28 00:01:26,995 --> 00:01:29,412 Two great Greek contributions to society... 29 00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:31,748 democracy and getting fucked up the ass. 30 00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:34,968 I've tried both and they're way overrated, like jazz. 31 00:01:35,087 --> 00:01:38,305 My bowling coach used to say a tie was like kissing your sister. 32 00:01:38,423 --> 00:01:41,141 Well, this feels like my sister took a shit on my chest. 33 00:01:41,259 --> 00:01:43,810 God, I'll tell you something, too, okay? 34 00:01:43,929 --> 00:01:46,763 There is no world in which I am going to be vice president 35 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:50,934 to that smug, Dick Van Dyke-looking motherfucker Tom James. 36 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,736 Who in the hell does he think... 37 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,021 Catherine, what are you doing with that thing? 38 00:01:55,107 --> 00:01:57,490 - BEN: Is that on? - Remember when we got back last night? 39 00:01:57,609 --> 00:01:59,109 My thesis film about the tie. 40 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,527 She majored in film at Vassar College. 41 00:02:00,612 --> 00:02:02,362 Oh, believe me, I know what she majored in. 42 00:02:02,447 --> 00:02:04,698 65 grand a year to watch movies. 43 00:02:04,783 --> 00:02:06,700 Mom, this is such a historic event. 44 00:02:06,785 --> 00:02:08,535 Can you please just get off of me? 45 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,620 And I never came up with a thesis my advisor liked 46 00:02:10,706 --> 00:02:13,340 because I had that thing last semester where I was tired all the time... 47 00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:16,509 Okay, we don't have time to hear the story of your syndrome. 48 00:02:16,628 --> 00:02:18,294 What about your minor, dance? 49 00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:21,765 Why don't you make up a little kind of a dance about the election? 50 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,517 You know, you can't decide should you dance or should you not dance? 51 00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:27,771 I want you to take this seriously. You promised me. 52 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,190 Please, Catherine, stop with the whining, all right? 53 00:02:30,308 --> 00:02:32,942 You're gonna shatter the bulletproof glass in here. 54 00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:34,861 How is it that we did not win Delaware? 55 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:37,897 Okay, is that a yes to my question? 56 00:02:39,651 --> 00:02:43,119 Okay, she can have full access, okay? 57 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:46,740 Starting right after we address the situation in Yemen. 58 00:02:46,825 --> 00:02:48,408 Honey, it's Yemen. 59 00:02:48,493 --> 00:02:51,661 Life gives you Yemen, you got to make Yemenade. 60 00:02:51,747 --> 00:02:53,797 Okay, well, I'll come back later. 61 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,999 You always do. (KISSES) 62 00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:57,333 - (DOOR CLOSES) - Ma'am. 63 00:02:57,419 --> 00:02:58,835 No, there's not gonna be a film. 64 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,804 The only thing Catherine ever finished 65 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,338 was an entire ice cream cake. 66 00:03:02,424 --> 00:03:03,840 Quick thinking about Yemen, by the way. 67 00:03:03,925 --> 00:03:06,393 Actually, four Christian missionaries burned to death. 68 00:03:06,511 --> 00:03:07,427 Oh, even better. 69 00:03:07,512 --> 00:03:09,813 Amy! Jesus. 70 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,432 This thing on the side of my face feels like a dog nipple. 71 00:03:12,517 --> 00:03:13,900 It's hardly noticeable, ma'am, 72 00:03:14,019 --> 00:03:15,819 like our Hispanic voter turnout. 73 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,354 Maybe you just might want to see a doctor just in case. 74 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,740 No, she doesn't need a doctor. I got it under control. 75 00:03:20,859 --> 00:03:22,192 - Amy! - Yeah? 76 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,993 - So, what? - Nothing. 77 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:26,196 I've been on the phone all night with these clueless 78 00:03:26,281 --> 00:03:28,114 constitutional law experts of ours. 79 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,866 I don't know what's getting their dicks harder, 80 00:03:29,951 --> 00:03:31,835 an electoral college tie or talking to a girl. 81 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:35,538 - Are you back? - No, I'm not back. I'm just helping out. 82 00:03:35,624 --> 00:03:36,790 - Ma'am. - What? 83 00:03:36,875 --> 00:03:39,175 Do you want to see a doctor about the... 84 00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,344 - It's a stress pimple. - No, it's... 85 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,763 - I get them on my ass all the time. - It's not a stress pimple. 86 00:03:43,882 --> 00:03:46,683 It's a pimple that erupted during a very stressful time. 87 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,351 - Gary's on it, okay? - Exactly, yes. 88 00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,437 - I don't have a spoon. - Oh. 89 00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:52,055 Have you tried cider vinegar? 90 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,023 No, we're using hot compresses. That's all we need. 91 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:57,143 For the stress pimple? Ben gets those on his butt. She should see a doctor. 92 00:03:57,229 --> 00:03:58,945 - Amy's back. - No, I'm not back. 93 00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:01,231 - Ma'am, rave reviews on the speech. - Good. 94 00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:03,900 - Oh, and big news. - Oh, God, O'Brien made a statement? 95 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,870 I'm sorry, I should have said big personal news. 96 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,122 Wendy and I are adopting a baby from China. 97 00:04:09,241 --> 00:04:09,879 GARY: Oh! 98 00:04:09,904 --> 00:04:11,815 We were keeping it a secret till after the election. 99 00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:14,077 Actually, Wendy was keeping it a secret from me until today 100 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,745 because I'm so bad with keeping secrets. 101 00:04:15,831 --> 00:04:18,715 - But I'm gonna be a dad. - You're a nincompoop. 102 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,918 We are in the middle of a tied election. 103 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:25,338 There is no time for some Chinese baby. 104 00:04:25,423 --> 00:04:27,423 Cancel it and see if you can get your money back. 105 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:30,260 Fortune cookie say you fuck up big-time, round eye. 106 00:04:30,345 --> 00:04:33,313 It's not a big deal. I don't even know when to expect her. 107 00:04:33,431 --> 00:04:36,099 And, starting today, I'm getting in dad shape. 108 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:36,893 Counting my steps. 109 00:04:36,918 --> 00:04:38,675 Too bad you're not counting your missteps. 110 00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:40,153 You'd be done by breakfast, right? 111 00:04:40,272 --> 00:04:42,155 I prefer to count my steps in my head. 112 00:04:42,274 --> 00:04:44,190 4,383. 113 00:04:44,276 --> 00:04:46,159 Get out of my sight, Kent, okay? 114 00:04:46,278 --> 00:04:47,660 I have not forgiven you for this tie. 115 00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:50,446 Ma'am, I have the final House results. 116 00:04:52,284 --> 00:04:54,250 - Lafontaine won? - Mm-hmm. 117 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,169 How many abortions does a pro-lifer 118 00:04:56,288 --> 00:04:58,922 have to pressure his mistress into before the people turn on him? 119 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,291 - Three. - And how did Craig lose? 120 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,959 Didn't she go to Indiana, like, five times? 121 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,128 That may have been the problem. 122 00:05:05,213 --> 00:05:07,597 All right, listen. From this moment forward, 123 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,883 people, I am all about the House vote. 124 00:05:09,968 --> 00:05:13,770 We are recommending direct engagement with individual congressmen. 125 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,638 - That's got to happen. - BEN: That's right. 126 00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:17,690 And every day you have to do the one thing O'Brien can't do. 127 00:05:17,809 --> 00:05:20,643 - Yeah, drive sober. - Take a shit without getting a hernia. 128 00:05:20,729 --> 00:05:23,146 Be the president. It is imperative 129 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,281 that you look presidential right now. 130 00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,367 I'm going to visit troops, 131 00:05:27,485 --> 00:05:30,320 go on and off of Air Force One as much as possible. 132 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,121 - We don't even have to leave the ground. - Right. 133 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,990 Ma'am, you may want to consider 134 00:05:34,075 --> 00:05:36,376 - moving up that symposium on race. - SELINA: Uh... 135 00:05:36,494 --> 00:05:39,712 I don't think that we're symposium on race desperate yet. 136 00:05:39,831 --> 00:05:42,498 - All right? - Hi. 137 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:43,833 Sorry I'm late. 138 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,135 Strangely, I agree with everything Amy just said. 139 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,254 And if I may also suggest 140 00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:50,807 repurposing the election Twitter account 141 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,843 to a new POTUS account to talk directly to the American people. 142 00:05:53,929 --> 00:05:57,430 Great idea, Bill. Could you... 143 00:05:57,515 --> 00:06:00,683 could you step outside for a moment, please? 144 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,602 - (DOOR OPENS) - Sure. 145 00:06:03,855 --> 00:06:05,855 Now. 146 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:08,107 - (DOOR CLOSES) - There's only one person 147 00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:10,193 I'd be more surprised to see today in the Roosevelt Room 148 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,362 and that's Teddy fucking Roosevelt. 149 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,614 - I'm just trying to help the president. - And she appreciates that. 150 00:06:14,699 --> 00:06:18,034 But the US Attorney for the District of Columbia is prepared to indict you. 151 00:06:18,119 --> 00:06:20,920 You're as welcome here as a swastika-shaped shit in a synagogue. 152 00:06:21,039 --> 00:06:22,789 - Of course. - I spoke with the president 153 00:06:22,874 --> 00:06:25,041 and she's willing to reconsider a full pardon 154 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,794 if you surrender quietly. No media. 155 00:06:27,879 --> 00:06:30,296 Just don't want to dominate the news cycle. 156 00:06:30,382 --> 00:06:32,882 - Can I just say one thing? - Yes, good-bye. 157 00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:38,721 - (DOOR OPENS) - So, how'd it go? 158 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,056 He took it like a man. 159 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,725 Oh, well, he better get used to that. Pfft. 160 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,394 Isn't she adorable? 161 00:06:44,479 --> 00:06:46,863 - Oh, they all look alike to me. - What? 162 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:50,366 Not Chinese people, but pictures of children. How old? 163 00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:53,903 The agency says she's either 16 months or three years old. 164 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,705 - Do you like your Fitbit? - Oh, yeah. 165 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,741 - I am just over 12,000 steps today. - (PHONE RINGING) 166 00:06:58,827 --> 00:07:00,994 I'm at 3,000. Did you run to work today? 167 00:07:01,079 --> 00:07:03,079 No, the job keeps me active. 168 00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,498 Office of the president. 169 00:07:06,584 --> 00:07:07,800 Hold, please. 170 00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:10,303 When we come back, the pollster postmortem. 171 00:07:10,422 --> 00:07:13,089 Why were the exit polls so off? 172 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:19,262 - Oh, Greg. Greg. - Dan. 173 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,930 - Great job last night. - Thank you. 174 00:07:21,016 --> 00:07:22,649 I saw Matty Curtis crying in the parking garage. 175 00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:24,567 (LAUGHS) That's fantastic. Hey, listen. 176 00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,569 I was really hoping to get back on, but they got me waiting 177 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,521 - in the greenroom for, like, two hours. - Spauldy showed up. 178 00:07:28,606 --> 00:07:30,690 He's here. He's getting his hair done. Just go home, I guess. 179 00:07:30,775 --> 00:07:32,325 But I killed it last night, right? 180 00:07:32,444 --> 00:07:34,444 Dan, look, I think you could have a future in this, 181 00:07:34,529 --> 00:07:36,279 but you got to get out there and make a name for yourself. 182 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,948 You ran one campaign for two weeks and had a nervous breakdown. 183 00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:40,450 That is medically inaccurate. 184 00:07:40,535 --> 00:07:42,201 Go out, win a race with a Jesus-loving 185 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:44,754 homophobic homosexual or a racist billionaire. 186 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,789 Then we can talk about a career in TV. 187 00:07:51,129 --> 00:07:54,630 - How's Zitzilla looking? - Angry. You been picking at it? 188 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,716 No. 189 00:07:56,801 --> 00:08:00,019 Ahem, well, maybe a little bit, but... 190 00:08:00,138 --> 00:08:02,138 - Ow! Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. What? What? 191 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:05,224 - Oh, that is so hot. - It's supposed to be hot. 192 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:06,976 And the tea is cold. 193 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,811 Madam President, Chinese hackers 194 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:11,531 breached an NSA firewall earlier this morning. 195 00:08:11,649 --> 00:08:13,616 - Any chance they fixed the Wi-Fi? - I'll check. 196 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,985 And the director of the Secret Service is waiting to see you. 197 00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:18,738 Then send him in. If he's been waiting to see me, I mean... 198 00:08:18,823 --> 00:08:20,656 - hi, Keith. - Sorry to bother you, ma'am. 199 00:08:20,742 --> 00:08:22,742 No, it's okay. It's no bother. 200 00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:26,162 Since you became president, we have been looking for a new lead agent for your detail. 201 00:08:26,247 --> 00:08:29,132 Gosh, I like Bob. I mean, apart from the discolored tooth. 202 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,551 But that's obviously not a reason to replace him. 203 00:08:31,669 --> 00:08:33,419 - Can they replace the tooth? - No, no. 204 00:08:33,505 --> 00:08:35,505 Ma'am, this is Special Agent Marjorie Palmiotti. 205 00:08:35,590 --> 00:08:37,173 - Oh, hello. - Hello, ma'am. 206 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,841 - Agent? - Palmiotti. 207 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,977 - Palmiotti, okay. Welcome aboard. - Thank you. 208 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,979 Ma'am, a key requirement for being lead agent 209 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,598 is someone who looks like the president, especially from behind, 210 00:08:45,683 --> 00:08:48,568 to provide an additional decoy target for any would-be assailants. 211 00:08:48,686 --> 00:08:50,937 I'm a perfect match from behind. 212 00:08:51,022 --> 00:08:54,907 Um, okay, I'll tell you something. 213 00:08:55,026 --> 00:08:57,744 I am not quite seeing it, 214 00:08:57,862 --> 00:09:01,364 um, only because I'm... 215 00:09:03,034 --> 00:09:06,169 well, you are... 216 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,067 Ma'am? 217 00:09:07,092 --> 00:09:09,529 It's just... would you mind just giving us a second, 218 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,508 Agent Palmi... thank you. 219 00:09:14,045 --> 00:09:17,797 Keith, are you really not seeing what it is I'm seeing? 220 00:09:17,882 --> 00:09:20,133 - No, ma'am. - Gary, can you help me out here? 221 00:09:20,218 --> 00:09:22,435 She smells completely different, so, you know... 222 00:09:22,554 --> 00:09:24,937 - That is not what... it's not... - (KNOCKS) 223 00:09:25,056 --> 00:09:27,890 Excuse me, ma'am, if you... I'm sorry. 224 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:31,394 - What? - You've got to see this, ma'am. 225 00:09:31,479 --> 00:09:33,896 - Pleasure to meet you. - Pleasure to meet you, ma'am. 226 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,116 Oh, shit. 227 00:09:37,235 --> 00:09:38,985 The big story at this moment... Nevada. 228 00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:40,787 With all the votes now tallied, 229 00:09:40,905 --> 00:09:43,956 Senator Bill O'Brien's lead over President Selina Meyer 230 00:09:44,075 --> 00:09:47,460 is now less than half a percent, which by Nevada state law 231 00:09:47,579 --> 00:09:49,662 would allow for a possible recount. 232 00:09:49,747 --> 00:09:52,298 If President Meyer were to win a recount, 233 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,417 she wins Nevada's six electoral votes 234 00:09:54,502 --> 00:09:56,335 - and therefore the presidency. - Oh! 235 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,921 - All the networks have it. - "New York Times" as well. 236 00:09:59,007 --> 00:10:01,808 - Oh, my God! Oh, wait. - (LAUGHING) 237 00:10:01,926 --> 00:10:04,844 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is this really happening? 238 00:10:04,929 --> 00:10:06,929 I mean, do we actually have a chance at Nevada? 239 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,681 - "Nev-add-a." - Oh, my God. 240 00:10:08,766 --> 00:10:11,934 I get to be president. I don't have to move. What do we do? 241 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,820 Ma'am, we need to be sure that when we get on... 242 00:10:13,938 --> 00:10:16,439 No, shut up, Kent. You already lost Nevada for me once. 243 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,658 - "Nev-add-a." - Ben, what do we do? 244 00:10:18,776 --> 00:10:21,777 Uh, we need to get ahold of our people in Nevada. Don't. Don't. 245 00:10:21,863 --> 00:10:24,247 RICHARD: The vast majority of Nevada voting is done by machine. 246 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,666 Once the Nevada Secretary of State certifies the count, 247 00:10:26,784 --> 00:10:28,618 we'll then have 72 hours to request a recount. 248 00:10:28,703 --> 00:10:31,420 At that point, 5% of the precincts will be selected, 249 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,872 and if there's a discrepancy of more than 1%, 250 00:10:32,957 --> 00:10:35,007 a full hand recount will be requested. 251 00:10:35,126 --> 00:10:37,677 I actually did my doctorate in recount procedures in the West. 252 00:10:37,795 --> 00:10:40,179 Excellent work, Richard. Richard works for me. 253 00:10:40,298 --> 00:10:41,325 You have a doctorate? 254 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,990 Two. Constitutional law and veterinary medicine, 255 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:46,102 - which was my fallback. - But you were getting my coffee. 256 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,855 Which is much harder 'cause you have so many different moods. 257 00:10:48,973 --> 00:10:51,140 Like a half-caff and a full-caff, macchiato. 258 00:10:51,226 --> 00:10:52,725 - "Ma-key-ato." - Macchiato. 259 00:10:52,810 --> 00:10:56,195 Okay, Richard, you are going to be my recount specialist. 260 00:10:56,314 --> 00:10:58,147 - Jonah, you're working for Richard. - Wait, what? 261 00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:00,366 Amy, you got to sort all of this out, okay? 262 00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:02,652 Ma'am, I really can't go to Nevada. I'm not even really here. 263 00:11:02,737 --> 00:11:05,738 Ma'am, O'Brien is calling a press conference in an hour to discuss the recount. 264 00:11:05,823 --> 00:11:07,823 I'm gonna talk in a half an hour, okay? 265 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:09,625 I got to say stuff before he says stuff. 266 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,744 - Listen, you got to write something up. - I'm on it. 267 00:11:11,829 --> 00:11:14,664 - Right now. Ooh, recount, recount. - I'm on it. 268 00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:16,382 Jonah, with me, please. 269 00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:20,336 This is highly enriched weapons-grade bullshit. 270 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,588 How dare she put you in charge of me? 271 00:11:22,674 --> 00:11:24,173 It's an outrage is what it is. 272 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,175 It is an outrage, you know? 273 00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:27,760 She's Uncle Dursley and she's got 274 00:11:27,845 --> 00:11:31,647 the great wizard Harry Potter living under the staircase. 275 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,100 Do you see that? But what happens in the Harry Potter books? 276 00:11:34,185 --> 00:11:36,018 He rises up and he kills all the muggles. 277 00:11:36,104 --> 00:11:37,770 I don't think that's what happens. 278 00:11:37,855 --> 00:11:40,990 Actually, I'm sorry, that lumbar support goes with this chair. 279 00:11:44,028 --> 00:11:46,946 - GARY: Yeah, we're getting there. - Okay, so what do you got? 280 00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:50,166 Am I still standing in barefaced awe of the majesty of our democratic system? 281 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,001 - Not exactly, ma'am. This time... - (WATCH BEEPS) 282 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,419 - Oh, sorry. - What? 283 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,338 Just hit 5,000 steps on my Fitbit. 284 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,840 - Okay, okay. - This time, you're simply blessed. 285 00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,760 Wow, I thought your last one was flowery, vacuous nonsense. 286 00:12:00,878 --> 00:12:03,346 This one is much worse. Excellent, Mike. 287 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,381 Gary, this is taking longer than it did 288 00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:07,412 for them to paint my fucking pool house. 289 00:12:07,437 --> 00:12:08,291 We got to go. 290 00:12:08,386 --> 00:12:11,804 - Good afternoon. - Good afternoon. 291 00:12:11,889 --> 00:12:14,857 Yes, oh, wow. Look at this full house. 292 00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:18,311 When I think about this great country of ours, 293 00:12:18,396 --> 00:12:21,147 I have to count my blessings. 294 00:12:21,232 --> 00:12:23,649 Earlier today as you'll remember, 295 00:12:23,735 --> 00:12:26,235 I briefed you on the state of affairs regarding... 296 00:12:26,321 --> 00:12:27,787 It's looking a little worse. 297 00:12:27,905 --> 00:12:29,538 Wherever you stand in the room, 298 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,741 it's still looking at you. 299 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:34,243 Since that time, we have been doubly blessed 300 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,797 by new developments in the state of Nevada. 301 00:12:37,915 --> 00:12:41,250 And I am confident... 302 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,252 - (GARY GROANS) - ...that all Americans, 303 00:12:43,338 --> 00:12:45,471 including Senator O'Brien... 304 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:48,341 - Leave it. Leave it. - (BLOWING) Come on. 305 00:12:48,426 --> 00:12:50,760 It is my clear duty as president 306 00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,845 to enforce the laws of this country 307 00:12:52,930 --> 00:12:54,764 after a careful assessment 308 00:12:54,849 --> 00:12:58,150 of what those laws actually mean. 309 00:12:58,269 --> 00:12:59,395 (PHONES CHIMING) 310 00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:02,796 I am also blessed to be your candidate for president. 311 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,858 - What is this? - Did it pop? Did it pop? 312 00:13:05,943 --> 00:13:09,578 The Dow is dropping lower than my balls on a hot summer day. 313 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,782 While the American people may sometimes be... 314 00:13:12,867 --> 00:13:14,200 BEN: It's the fucking pimple. 315 00:13:14,285 --> 00:13:17,286 Zitzilla just stomped all over Wall Street. 316 00:13:17,372 --> 00:13:21,457 And in that, we are all blessed. 317 00:13:21,542 --> 00:13:24,710 - Thank you. - (REPORTERS CLAMORING) 318 00:13:26,464 --> 00:13:29,298 So, how was that? 319 00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:33,686 - Uh... - REPORTER: The Dow has dropped 986... 320 00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,554 Oh, suck my dick. 321 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,307 Panic from the recount led to a huge sell-off 322 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,476 and the market is so overmargined, blammo. 323 00:13:40,561 --> 00:13:42,561 They're already calling it Black Wednesday. 324 00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,864 Jesus, it's only Wednesday? 325 00:13:44,982 --> 00:13:46,649 And O'Brien just issued a statement. 326 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:51,153 He says, "The market crash caused a blotch on the face of America." 327 00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:53,155 Is that about my pimple? 328 00:13:53,241 --> 00:13:55,408 Well, I don't think it helped. 329 00:13:56,994 --> 00:13:59,078 - Gary. - Yeah? 330 00:13:59,163 --> 00:14:01,714 - I want to see a doctor. - Okay, I just don't think... 331 00:14:01,833 --> 00:14:04,667 You did this, okay? All that heat made it grow bigger. 332 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,803 You baked a fucking soufflé on my face. 333 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:14,009 Madam President. Howzit going? (CHUCKLES) 334 00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:15,761 Did he just say zit? 335 00:14:15,847 --> 00:14:18,764 How come no one ever tries to assassinate a vice president? 336 00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:21,183 SELINA: Okay, so what are we going to do about the economy? 337 00:14:21,269 --> 00:14:24,603 Why don't we appoint an economy czar for a start? That seems like something. 338 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:27,239 Like an empty cop car they park on the side of the road to slow speeders. 339 00:14:27,358 --> 00:14:28,858 Those cars are empty? 340 00:14:28,943 --> 00:14:31,527 - Okay, you've got to sit down. - Yes, ma'am. 341 00:14:31,612 --> 00:14:34,663 Guys, it might be time to move up the symposium on race. 342 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,333 BEN: I'm on it, ma'am, like brown on rice. 343 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:42,171 Ma'am, Tom James just gave an interview to the Bumfuck "Plain Dealer" 344 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:45,541 where he says, and I quote, "I just want to make sure they're recounting 345 00:14:45,626 --> 00:14:49,428 all the absentee ballots of our men and women bravely serving overseas." 346 00:14:49,547 --> 00:14:50,402 It's up on AP, too. 347 00:14:50,427 --> 00:14:52,989 What is he doing? He knows that the military hates me. 348 00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:55,101 There are only bound to be more votes for O'Brien. 349 00:14:55,219 --> 00:14:57,770 We need less of those and more votes for you, ma'am. 350 00:14:57,889 --> 00:14:59,972 You think? 351 00:15:00,057 --> 00:15:03,859 No, what we have to do is hang a bell on this guy. 352 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,694 He's completely off book. 353 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,613 No, ma'am, I think that means that he's learned all his lines 354 00:15:07,732 --> 00:15:09,064 and he no longer needs a script. 355 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,901 - No, he's off book. - Off the hook? 356 00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:16,655 No, he's... God, he's deviating from the book 357 00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:17,907 of the things that he should do. 358 00:15:17,992 --> 00:15:19,575 - You mean off the rails. - Oh. 359 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,160 Fine, he's off the rails. 360 00:15:21,245 --> 00:15:24,713 Well, let's make Tom economy czar. 361 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,465 Yeah. 362 00:15:26,584 --> 00:15:28,968 We'll czar him. That'll give him something to do. 363 00:15:29,086 --> 00:15:30,920 All right, we're gonna start with that. 364 00:15:31,005 --> 00:15:33,923 Amy, Amy, I just need to talk to you for one second. 365 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,591 I've got a very big question. 366 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,426 I can't go to Nevada. I'm sorry. 367 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,061 I have thought about this a lot. 368 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,263 What do you think of Candi Caruso 369 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,899 to head up Nevada for me? 370 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,018 Oh, yeah. 371 00:15:46,103 --> 00:15:47,987 I hear just excellent things about her. 372 00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:49,855 - "Harvard Law Review." - Right. 373 00:15:49,941 --> 00:15:51,607 She clerked for Justice Tenny. 374 00:15:51,692 --> 00:15:53,242 - "Politico" 's 30 under 30. - That's right. 375 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:56,946 She's still under 30. She looks older, but... 376 00:15:57,031 --> 00:15:58,280 - You like her? Yeah. - Yes. 377 00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,166 I mean, if you want a super smart woman 378 00:16:00,284 --> 00:16:01,700 who's young and brilliant, then why not? 379 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,619 Yeah, I really want that. 380 00:16:04,705 --> 00:16:06,589 I really do. 381 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:10,209 Look, regardless of the recount, this could mean big things for zucchini. 382 00:16:10,294 --> 00:16:12,461 Yeah, good. We'll talk later. Bye. 383 00:16:12,547 --> 00:16:15,848 Hey, Danny boy. Saw you on TV last night. 384 00:16:15,967 --> 00:16:17,800 - Nicely done. - Yeah. Thank you. 385 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,685 That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. 386 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,804 - Uh-huh. - See, I need to make some changes. 387 00:16:21,889 --> 00:16:25,140 Can you just let me hold on one quick second? 388 00:16:25,226 --> 00:16:27,810 - Yeah. - Shoot off this text. Sorry, go ahead. 389 00:16:27,895 --> 00:16:29,562 - You were saying? - I was. 390 00:16:29,647 --> 00:16:31,981 I was saying that I really enjoyed my time here. 391 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,200 - Oh, good. - And I've learned so much from you. 392 00:16:34,318 --> 00:16:35,734 - That's good to hear. - (PHONE BUZZES) 393 00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,653 - Sorry about that. - Go ahead, take that. 394 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,154 - Yeah? - Yeah. 395 00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,874 - It's from you? - Is it? 396 00:16:41,993 --> 00:16:44,493 - I'm fired? - Yes, get out. 397 00:16:44,579 --> 00:16:46,662 We are doubling down on O'Brien, 398 00:16:46,747 --> 00:16:48,881 so you're basically as useless to me as a 40-year-old woman. 399 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,583 - Okay, well... - (PHONE CHIMES) 400 00:16:50,668 --> 00:16:52,501 Oh, interesting. Getting something back from you. 401 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,837 Oh, "You can't fire me, I quib." 402 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,673 - (LAUGHS) - You know it's supposed to say quit. 403 00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:01,427 Well, I just fired you anyway. You can't quib, you rebard. 404 00:17:01,512 --> 00:17:05,347 Ma'am, someone opened a Twitter account for the pimple. 405 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,016 - What? - It's called POTUS. 406 00:17:07,101 --> 00:17:09,018 - Pimple of the United States. - Okay. 407 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:12,154 There are 220,000 followers as of five minutes ago. 408 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,607 How many Twitter followers do I have? 409 00:17:14,692 --> 00:17:16,492 Approaching that. 410 00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:19,862 Is there anything not fucked up that you can tell me right now? 411 00:17:19,947 --> 00:17:22,865 Well, the symposium on race is all set for this afternoon. 412 00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:24,617 Oh, good. Well, that'll be a hoot. 413 00:17:24,702 --> 00:17:28,003 Oh, czar she blows. Excuse me, gentlemen. 414 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,672 ...with the press on Sundays. 415 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,258 - Hey, Tom. Excuse me. - Madam President. 416 00:17:32,376 --> 00:17:34,209 - How are you? - I am good. 417 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:37,212 - So you're up to speed on Nevada? - Uh-huh. 418 00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:40,716 - And the markets now. - I saw that. 419 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,385 My God. Which brings me to my point. 420 00:17:43,471 --> 00:17:46,968 Um, I would like to officially offer you... 421 00:17:46,993 --> 00:17:48,581 No, no, no, no. 422 00:17:48,643 --> 00:17:51,443 - ...the position of economy czar. - Nope, nope, nope. 423 00:17:51,562 --> 00:17:53,112 Thank you, but no. 424 00:17:53,230 --> 00:17:57,700 Why not? You would be in charge of the economic crisis. 425 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,152 No, I would be blamed for the economic crisis. 426 00:18:00,237 --> 00:18:03,489 Tom, stop it. You wanted to be Treasury Secretary. 427 00:18:03,574 --> 00:18:06,825 Remember? I don't see how this is any different than that. 428 00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:09,578 Well, respectfully, Madam President, I hope you do 429 00:18:09,664 --> 00:18:11,463 because if the President of the United States 430 00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:13,832 can't tell the difference between Treasury Secretary 431 00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:17,636 and stock market patsy, that's pretty disturbing. 432 00:18:17,755 --> 00:18:19,722 Then you accept? 433 00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:23,559 Madam President, it is a huge honor, 434 00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:27,646 but I have to balance that against my need not to do it. 435 00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:30,265 Tom, I'm asking you 436 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:33,068 as the President of the United States. 437 00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:36,021 And, respectfully, I am declining. 438 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,358 I'm not picking up any respect. 439 00:18:39,443 --> 00:18:42,194 But you're getting the declining? 440 00:18:43,781 --> 00:18:46,782 Do you know what Candi Caruso's real name is? 441 00:18:46,867 --> 00:18:50,002 It's Candice. And she changed it to Candi with an I. 442 00:18:50,121 --> 00:18:51,787 If she does that to her own goddamn name, 443 00:18:51,872 --> 00:18:54,456 how the hell is she going to handle a potential recount? 444 00:18:54,542 --> 00:18:56,675 Good morning, Amy. This is the president's schedule, 445 00:18:56,794 --> 00:18:59,128 which, incidentally, Ms. Caruso is on right now. 446 00:18:59,213 --> 00:19:01,013 - AMY: Oh, I'm aware. - Oh, good morning, ma'am. 447 00:19:01,132 --> 00:19:02,297 - Good morning. - Hey, ma'am... 448 00:19:02,383 --> 00:19:04,466 Okay, I see you. You stay away from my face. 449 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,886 I hear you, but this is a family recipe from my aunts in Savannah 450 00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:10,305 and they swear by it for skin problems and migraines. 451 00:19:10,391 --> 00:19:10,933 Mm-hmm. 452 00:19:10,958 --> 00:19:12,582 Chickpea based, Tabasco, with just a dash... 453 00:19:12,643 --> 00:19:14,560 All you're doing right now is making me hungry. 454 00:19:14,645 --> 00:19:16,214 So why don't you do something about that? 455 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:16,836 Sure, sure. 456 00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,447 - Snack. - Uh-huh, yeah. 457 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:21,450 Amy, did you need me for anything? 458 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,619 - No. I'm just chilling. - No? Mmm. 459 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,207 I think the most important thing in terms of strategy 460 00:19:28,325 --> 00:19:29,908 is controlling the narrative. 461 00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:32,327 Oh, I have a saying. If you're explaining, you're losing. 462 00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,329 Absolutely. I'm right on board with you. 463 00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,331 - Excuse me, Madam President. - Amy. 464 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,917 Have... have you met Candi? 465 00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:41,003 Hi, it's Candi with an I. 466 00:19:41,088 --> 00:19:43,172 Amy with a Y. Which is correct. 467 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,841 We are right in the middle of an interview 468 00:19:45,926 --> 00:19:49,595 with an exceptionally wonderful candidate for coordinating Nevada. 469 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,430 Ma'am, it's just gonna take a second. 470 00:19:51,515 --> 00:19:55,401 - Apologies. I'll be right back. - Absolutely. 471 00:19:55,519 --> 00:19:57,770 - I got you a snack. - Oh, yeah, give me that. 472 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,242 That's a great dress. 473 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,028 Oh, thank you. 474 00:20:06,113 --> 00:20:09,364 - Size two? - Um... 475 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:12,367 Ms. Caruso, the president sends her apologies, 476 00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:13,919 but the position has been filled. 477 00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,954 - Ooh. - Right this way. 478 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,590 Okay. 479 00:20:18,709 --> 00:20:21,593 And if I need more clothes, then I'll have you or Mom send them. 480 00:20:21,712 --> 00:20:24,296 Yeah, fine, bye. Richard. 481 00:20:24,381 --> 00:20:26,515 - What's this? - You know Jonah. He works for me. 482 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,467 In fact, you two used to date, but you never got over him. 483 00:20:28,552 --> 00:20:30,352 Not Jonah. Why is baby with a beard here? 484 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,638 Oh, good, you remember Cliff. He works for me now. 485 00:20:32,723 --> 00:20:34,356 I recruited him from Justice. 486 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,525 The first of many appointments I intend to make. 487 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:39,645 Here, Richard, we need recount lawyers in each county 488 00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:41,613 and we need housing for all the volunteers. 489 00:20:41,732 --> 00:20:43,982 Could you take care of this, Jonah? 490 00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:47,736 Cliff, my plate is just full of shit right now and I'd like for you to clean that. 491 00:20:47,822 --> 00:20:49,538 You know what? I'll do it. Yeah. 492 00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,957 - I love talking to people anyway. - Get out. 493 00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:54,877 Out. Take that cushion with you. That is disgusting. 494 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,079 Actually, it goes with the seat, so it should probably stay. 495 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,966 - Madam President! - (PEOPLE SHOUTING) 496 00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:04,470 I can't understand a word. 497 00:21:04,588 --> 00:21:08,173 This afternoon I asked Tom James 498 00:21:08,259 --> 00:21:10,058 to serve as economy czar 499 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:11,927 and to my delight, he said yes. 500 00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,512 - Madam President! - (ALL SHOUTING) 501 00:21:13,597 --> 00:21:18,267 Senator James' selflessness is an inspiration to us all. 502 00:21:18,352 --> 00:21:22,104 Whatever useless, vain, vapid thing you're doing right now, drop it. 503 00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:24,857 Well, I am enjoying a delicious sandwich 504 00:21:24,942 --> 00:21:27,659 made even more delicious by the fact that there's a homeless guy watching me eat it. 505 00:21:27,778 --> 00:21:30,162 AMY: I need you to get on this plane to Nevada with me today. 506 00:21:30,281 --> 00:21:31,580 Been there, got fucked by that. 507 00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,448 Cut the shit. You just got fired. 508 00:21:33,534 --> 00:21:35,450 - Purcell's told everyone in town. - That fucker! 509 00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:38,453 Right now you're about as toxic as a urinal cake in Chernobyl 510 00:21:38,539 --> 00:21:39,872 and I am offering you a job. 511 00:21:39,957 --> 00:21:41,790 You have exactly zero seconds to decide. 512 00:21:41,876 --> 00:21:43,876 You know, Candi Caruso would have asked me nicer. 513 00:21:46,797 --> 00:21:49,798 Sue, the president's remarks for the symposium. 514 00:21:49,884 --> 00:21:52,017 And... (POPS MOUTH) caught you. 515 00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:55,137 18,000 steps. I am Chinese baby ready. 516 00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:58,390 Oh, my God. Mike, when are the auditions for "Music Man"? 517 00:21:58,475 --> 00:22:01,443 - (CHUCKLES) - So how many flights, Mike? 518 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,779 - What do you mean flights? - As in flights of stairs. 519 00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:07,733 Burns way more calories. I am at 22 flights today. 520 00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,570 How... stairs? 521 00:22:11,655 --> 00:22:12,988 The things you walk up and down. 522 00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:14,323 Hi, Sue. Is she busy? 523 00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:15,991 Oh, wow, never mind. 524 00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:19,328 - Oh, looky, looky. - How could you do this? 525 00:22:19,413 --> 00:22:21,630 - What? - I gave you my decision. 526 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,882 - Oh, suck it. - Excuse me? 527 00:22:24,001 --> 00:22:26,468 Yeah, you heard me. I LBJ'd you, okay? 528 00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:28,086 I'm the LBJ queen 529 00:22:28,172 --> 00:22:30,172 and you are Sargent "Suck It" Shriver. 530 00:22:30,257 --> 00:22:32,558 And now you have to excuse me, 531 00:22:32,676 --> 00:22:34,676 because this pimple isn't getting any smaller. 532 00:22:34,762 --> 00:22:36,895 Kind of like the national debt. (CHUCKLES) 533 00:22:37,014 --> 00:22:38,897 Hey, Sue, is Dr. Abernethy here? 534 00:22:39,016 --> 00:22:41,066 - Yes. - Okay, send him in, please. 535 00:22:41,185 --> 00:22:43,685 - Do you mind? Hi there, Doctor. - Madam President. 536 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,904 You know Senator James. He's our new economy czar. 537 00:22:46,023 --> 00:22:48,156 - Oh, congratulations, sir. - Thank you. 538 00:22:48,242 --> 00:22:49,691 Prosperity is just around the corner. 539 00:22:49,827 --> 00:22:52,244 - Oh, good. Good, good. - How may I help you? 540 00:22:52,363 --> 00:22:55,530 Well, you can get rid of this Skittle that's embedded in my face. 541 00:22:55,616 --> 00:22:58,700 She's also got a mole near her Spanx line and it's hidden... 542 00:22:58,786 --> 00:23:02,087 Yeah, and this thing up my ass has got to get removed, too. 543 00:23:02,206 --> 00:23:04,373 - How are you, Gary? - Fine. You? 544 00:23:04,458 --> 00:23:08,210 - Oh, yeah. That is really deep. - See? 545 00:23:08,295 --> 00:23:09,595 What have you been doing? 546 00:23:09,713 --> 00:23:12,130 - Just putting heat on it. - Well, hot heat. 547 00:23:12,216 --> 00:23:13,632 That's the last thing you want to be doing. 548 00:23:13,717 --> 00:23:15,601 - SELINA: Okay. - It wasn't that hot. 549 00:23:15,719 --> 00:23:17,386 Small cortisone shot should take care of it. 550 00:23:17,471 --> 00:23:19,554 - Uh, excuse me, ma'am. - SELINA: Oh, yeah, come in. 551 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,608 We have to go over your opening statement for the symposium. 552 00:23:22,726 --> 00:23:24,359 - Sure. - KENT: Also, ma'am, 553 00:23:24,445 --> 00:23:26,528 catastrophic mudslides in Idaho. 554 00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:29,064 The governor is requesting a federal state of emergency. 555 00:23:29,199 --> 00:23:31,783 - This should be cleared up in 24 hours. - Okay. 556 00:23:31,902 --> 00:23:34,703 Just keep your skin free of all irritants for a few days. 557 00:23:34,788 --> 00:23:37,990 - Ma'am, he said no irritants. - You're an irritant. 558 00:23:38,075 --> 00:23:39,741 How much did we lose Idaho by? 559 00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:42,244 - Shellacked. - Uh, well over 212,000 votes. 560 00:23:42,329 --> 00:23:45,330 Then I declare a state of go fuck yourself. 561 00:23:45,416 --> 00:23:48,834 I'm not spending money to scrape mud off a bunch of dirt roads. 562 00:23:48,919 --> 00:23:51,303 - You're not from Idaho, are you, Doctor? - No, ma'am. 563 00:23:51,422 --> 00:23:53,338 I don't mean this to sound insensitive, 564 00:23:53,424 --> 00:23:56,224 but don't you think that mudslides 565 00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,510 are the funniest kind of natural disasters? 566 00:23:58,595 --> 00:24:01,346 I've always been partial to sinkholes. You know, ah! 567 00:24:01,432 --> 00:24:04,066 - (LAUGHS) Those are hilarious. - KENT: Nature's trapdoor. 568 00:24:04,151 --> 00:24:07,352 Ma'am, makeup is an irritant and we really need that. 569 00:24:07,438 --> 00:24:10,689 - Makeup is not an irritant. - Actually, ma'am, yes, it is. 570 00:24:10,774 --> 00:24:14,076 Let's avoid any makeup on the facial area for at least 48 hours. 571 00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:16,445 - You're gonna feel a small... - Oh, no, we're not gonna do this. 572 00:24:16,530 --> 00:24:18,914 - But thanks for coming. - Yes, ma'am. 573 00:24:18,999 --> 00:24:20,832 I'll show you out. 574 00:24:20,951 --> 00:24:22,784 SELINA: We need to take a peek at this. 575 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:26,038 - KENT: Thank you, Doc. - Cold compress, Gary. 576 00:24:26,123 --> 00:24:27,289 Whatever. 577 00:24:33,464 --> 00:24:34,164 I mean... 578 00:24:34,189 --> 00:24:36,288 Yeah, took the words right out of my mouth. 579 00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:37,549 - Right? - Yeah. 580 00:24:37,634 --> 00:24:40,218 - Ma'am? - Hmm? 581 00:24:40,304 --> 00:24:43,939 Oh, Ben, were we able to get Dr. Weisglass here today? 582 00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:44,741 Absolutely, ma'am. 583 00:24:44,766 --> 00:24:46,916 Okay. Oh, good, Catherine. You're documenting this. 584 00:24:46,977 --> 00:24:51,229 Okay, welcome to the First Annual Towards a New Promise... 585 00:24:51,315 --> 00:24:52,898 Mom, don't look into the camera. 586 00:24:52,983 --> 00:24:55,067 - Just pretend I'm not here. - But you are here. 587 00:24:55,152 --> 00:24:57,536 Yeah, but that's the point of a documentary film is that you're... 588 00:24:57,654 --> 00:24:59,988 Okay, I don't understand what this project is at all. I don't get it. 589 00:25:00,124 --> 00:25:01,656 Catherine, why is that your hair? 590 00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:03,625 BEN: They're ready for you, ma'am. 591 00:25:05,245 --> 00:25:07,496 (PANTING) 592 00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:12,834 (CHUCKLES) 593 00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:16,471 (GASPS) There he is. 594 00:25:16,557 --> 00:25:17,086 Dr. Weisglass. 595 00:25:17,111 --> 00:25:18,697 Pleasure to see you again, Madam President. 596 00:25:18,759 --> 00:25:20,726 I'm so pleased you were able to make it. 597 00:25:20,844 --> 00:25:23,061 And I'm really excited to start this conversation today. 598 00:25:23,180 --> 00:25:25,263 - Yes, ma'am. - Sam O'Keefe, also Harvard. 599 00:25:25,349 --> 00:25:27,682 I think what we're gonna talk about today is hard, 600 00:25:27,768 --> 00:25:29,651 but I think it's going to be worth it, don't you agree? 601 00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:31,269 - I agree, yes. Thank you. - Good, good. 602 00:25:31,355 --> 00:25:33,655 Madam President, Elisa Burke, 603 00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:36,241 cochair of African-American Studies at Howard. 604 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,361 - Oh, Ms. Burke, is it? - Yes. 605 00:25:39,446 --> 00:25:42,030 Great. Well, every difficult conversation 606 00:25:42,116 --> 00:25:45,367 starts with a sentence. 607 00:25:46,954 --> 00:25:49,421 What the fuck is going on here? Why are they all white? 608 00:25:49,540 --> 00:25:51,506 Looks like the NHL All-Star Weekend. 609 00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:53,375 Okay. Hello. 610 00:25:53,460 --> 00:25:55,677 Franklin Washington, Morehouse University. 611 00:25:55,763 --> 00:25:57,846 Now, Morehouse University 612 00:25:57,931 --> 00:26:00,382 is historically an African-American university. 613 00:26:00,467 --> 00:26:02,267 - Historically. - Okay. 614 00:26:02,386 --> 00:26:04,186 We need to round up some blacks and fast. 615 00:26:04,271 --> 00:26:07,639 - We need to round up... - Don't say it over the radio, asshole. 616 00:26:07,724 --> 00:26:10,392 Richard! Oh, thank God. 617 00:26:10,477 --> 00:26:12,227 Go get Sue. We need her now. 618 00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:14,062 - Right now. - Yeah. 619 00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:15,564 Folks, I look around here today 620 00:26:15,649 --> 00:26:18,233 and I see a rainbow of faces, you know? 621 00:26:18,368 --> 00:26:21,987 Faces from the savannahs of Africa 622 00:26:22,072 --> 00:26:25,490 to the cities and towns of England. 623 00:26:25,576 --> 00:26:28,076 Faces from... from Holland 624 00:26:28,212 --> 00:26:30,378 and even perhaps Norway. 625 00:26:30,464 --> 00:26:32,747 (GASPING) 626 00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:38,553 (COUGHS) 627 00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:40,388 In your fucking face, Sue. 628 00:26:40,474 --> 00:26:42,224 - (ALARM BLARING) - Fuck! 629 00:26:44,478 --> 00:26:47,095 Everyone remain calm. We're in total lockdown 630 00:26:47,181 --> 00:26:48,980 - while we search the premises. - We got her. 631 00:26:49,099 --> 00:26:50,899 - (CROWD GASPS) - Freeze! Put your hands up! 632 00:26:50,984 --> 00:26:52,818 Whoa, whoa! I work here. 633 00:26:52,936 --> 00:26:55,437 - Huh? What happened? - SUE: Ma'am? 634 00:26:55,522 --> 00:26:58,490 Mr. McLintock, why are there so few people of color in the Meyer White House? 635 00:26:58,609 --> 00:27:00,442 Mike, does President Meyer care about black people? 636 00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:02,994 Just moments ago, Bill Ericsson, 637 00:27:03,113 --> 00:27:05,113 former Director of White House Communications, 638 00:27:05,249 --> 00:27:08,950 was arrested at his Kalorama home and taken into federal custody. 639 00:27:09,086 --> 00:27:12,420 Due to the seriousness of the crimes and despite rumors to the contrary, 640 00:27:12,506 --> 00:27:14,589 a pardon is not on the table. 641 00:27:14,675 --> 00:27:17,542 Regrettably, he was also responsible for the chaos 642 00:27:17,628 --> 00:27:19,377 that occurred at the symposium on race today. 643 00:27:19,463 --> 00:27:21,847 - Thank you. That's all for now. - (REPORTERS CLAMORING) 644 00:27:21,965 --> 00:27:23,849 Once again, our top story tonight, 645 00:27:23,967 --> 00:27:26,101 disgraced presidential aide Bill Ericsson goes into federal custody. 646 00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:28,186 This is a strong move by the president, 647 00:27:28,305 --> 00:27:30,972 who was under fire for a disastrous symposium on race 648 00:27:31,058 --> 00:27:34,476 that left some wondering if she had any control over her administration. 649 00:27:34,561 --> 00:27:35,727 - (REPORTERS CLAMORING) - BILL: No comment! 650 00:27:35,812 --> 00:27:38,647 Wow, he looks puffy on TV. 651 00:27:38,732 --> 00:27:40,782 Well, prison will get him in shape. 652 00:27:40,868 --> 00:27:43,818 Okay, now I've just got to blow for, like, five minutes, all right? 653 00:27:43,904 --> 00:27:45,987 HART: When we come back, a wild day on Wall Street. 654 00:27:46,073 --> 00:27:48,373 And we'll go live to Nevada where armies of staffers 655 00:27:48,492 --> 00:27:51,326 and volunteers for the Meyer and O'Brien campaigns 656 00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:55,580 are descending on the desert to monitor and manage the recount. 657 00:28:00,254 --> 00:28:03,338 If you do not have a reservation, we are sold out. 658 00:28:03,423 --> 00:28:05,640 There are no more rooms at this hotel. 659 00:28:05,726 --> 00:28:08,226 Richard, have your people check us in. We're going to the lounge. 660 00:28:08,345 --> 00:28:10,345 Jonah, take care of that. 661 00:28:10,430 --> 00:28:12,814 Cliff, would... 662 00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:14,683 Cliff? 663 00:28:14,768 --> 00:28:16,851 Cliff? 664 00:28:22,693 --> 00:28:24,693 Excuse me, are you in line? 665 00:28:24,778 --> 00:28:28,029 Does anybody know where the line ends?