1 00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:14,185 SELINA: My fellow Americans, 2 00:00:14,316 --> 00:00:18,428 I stand before you this morning in barefaced awe 3 00:00:18,510 --> 00:00:21,789 of the majesty of our democratic system. 4 00:00:21,871 --> 00:00:23,550 What a night. 5 00:00:23,633 --> 00:00:25,552 In a democracy such as ours, 6 00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:28,433 it falls to the people to choose their president, 7 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,962 and that is what you attempted to do last night. 8 00:00:31,044 --> 00:00:34,675 As it turned out, there's a virtually unprecedented tie 9 00:00:34,806 --> 00:00:36,084 in the electoral college, 10 00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:37,765 a somewhat arcane institution 11 00:00:37,879 --> 00:00:40,278 that many scholars believe we should do away with. 12 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,680 I wish to say on a personal note 13 00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:44,568 that although there is a tie, 14 00:00:44,650 --> 00:00:47,962 I am most privileged to have won the popular vote. 15 00:00:48,044 --> 00:00:50,363 And though this tie may be frustrating, 16 00:00:50,445 --> 00:00:52,604 I want to assure the American people 17 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,685 our country is not leaderless. 18 00:00:54,815 --> 00:00:58,095 No matter who you voted for, I am your president. 19 00:00:58,209 --> 00:01:00,496 Thank you all. God bless you. 20 00:01:00,610 --> 00:01:04,498 And may God bless the United States of America. 21 00:01:04,612 --> 00:01:06,419 We're clear. 22 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,252 Can we have the room? Fantastic speech, ma'am. 23 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,733 The three Ss... strength, stability and bullshit. 24 00:01:11,815 --> 00:01:15,175 I forgot to thank the voters for making our country look like a high school Spanish club. 25 00:01:15,305 --> 00:01:18,217 Didn't those founding fuckers ever hear of an odd number? 26 00:01:18,298 --> 00:01:20,617 Two great Greek contributions to society... 27 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,859 democracy and getting fucked up the ass. 28 00:01:22,940 --> 00:01:25,948 I've tried both and they're way overrated, like jazz. 29 00:01:26,063 --> 00:01:29,150 My bowling coach used to say a tie was like kissing your sister. 30 00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:31,871 Well, this feels like my sister took a shit on my chest. 31 00:01:31,985 --> 00:01:34,432 God, I'll tell you something, too, okay? 32 00:01:34,546 --> 00:01:37,266 There is no world in which I am going to be vice president 33 00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:41,268 to that smug, Dick Van Dyke-looking motherfucker Tom James. 34 00:01:41,397 --> 00:01:42,997 Who in the hell does he think... 35 00:01:43,078 --> 00:01:45,189 Catherine, what are you doing with that thing? 36 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,558 - BEN: Is that on? - Remember when we got back last night? 37 00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:49,112 My thesis film about the tie. 38 00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:50,472 She majored in film at Vassar College. 39 00:01:50,554 --> 00:01:52,233 Oh, believe me, I know what she majored in. 40 00:01:52,315 --> 00:01:54,474 65 grand a year to watch movies. 41 00:01:54,556 --> 00:01:56,395 Mom, this is such a historic event. 42 00:01:56,477 --> 00:01:58,156 Can you please just get off of me? 43 00:01:58,238 --> 00:02:00,157 And I never came up with a thesis my advisor liked 44 00:02:00,239 --> 00:02:02,766 because I had that thing last semester where I was tired all the time... 45 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,807 Okay, we don't have time to hear the story of your syndrome. 46 00:02:05,921 --> 00:02:07,520 What about your minor, dance? 47 00:02:07,602 --> 00:02:10,850 Why don't you make up a little kind of a dance about the election? 48 00:02:10,932 --> 00:02:13,491 You know, you can't decide should you dance or should you not dance? 49 00:02:13,605 --> 00:02:16,613 I want you to take this seriously. You promised me. 50 00:02:16,694 --> 00:02:18,934 Please, Catherine, stop with the whining, all right? 51 00:02:19,047 --> 00:02:21,575 You're gonna shatter the bulletproof glass in here. 52 00:02:21,657 --> 00:02:23,416 How is it that we did not win Delaware? 53 00:02:23,530 --> 00:02:26,329 Okay, is that a yes to my question? 54 00:02:28,012 --> 00:02:31,339 Okay, she can have full access, okay? 55 00:02:31,422 --> 00:02:34,814 Starting right after we address the situation in Yemen. 56 00:02:34,895 --> 00:02:36,414 Honey, it's Yemen. 57 00:02:36,496 --> 00:02:39,535 Life gives you Yemen, you got to make Yemenade. 58 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:41,585 Okay, well, I'll come back later. 59 00:02:41,666 --> 00:02:43,698 You always do. (KISSES) 60 00:02:43,779 --> 00:02:44,978 - (DOOR CLOSES) - Ma'am. 61 00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,419 No, there's not gonna be a film. 62 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,308 The only thing Catherine ever finished 63 00:02:48,390 --> 00:02:49,780 was an entire ice cream cake. 64 00:02:49,863 --> 00:02:51,221 Quick thinking about Yemen, by the way. 65 00:02:51,303 --> 00:02:53,671 Actually, four Christian missionaries burned to death. 66 00:02:53,784 --> 00:02:54,663 Oh, even better. 67 00:02:54,744 --> 00:02:56,952 Amy! Jesus. 68 00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:59,465 This thing on the side of my face feels like a dog nipple. 69 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:00,874 It's hardly noticeable, ma'am, 70 00:03:00,988 --> 00:03:02,715 like our Hispanic voter turnout. 71 00:03:02,797 --> 00:03:05,147 Maybe you just might want to see a doctor just in case. 72 00:03:05,230 --> 00:03:07,437 No, she doesn't need a doctor. I got it under control. 73 00:03:07,551 --> 00:03:08,830 - Amy! - Yeah? 74 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,558 - So, what? - Nothing. 75 00:03:10,641 --> 00:03:12,672 I've been on the phone all night with these clueless 76 00:03:12,753 --> 00:03:14,512 constitutional law experts of ours. 77 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,193 I don't know what's getting their dicks harder, 78 00:03:16,275 --> 00:03:18,082 an electoral college tie or talking to a girl. 79 00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:21,635 - Are you back? - No, I'm not back. I'm just helping out. 80 00:03:21,718 --> 00:03:22,837 - Ma'am. - What? 81 00:03:22,918 --> 00:03:25,125 Do you want to see a doctor about the... 82 00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:27,206 - It's a stress pimple. - No, it's... 83 00:03:27,289 --> 00:03:29,527 - I get them on my ass all the time. - It's not a stress pimple. 84 00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:32,329 It's a pimple that erupted during a very stressful time. 85 00:03:32,411 --> 00:03:33,930 - Gary's on it, okay? - Exactly, yes. 86 00:03:34,012 --> 00:03:35,931 - I don't have a spoon. - Oh. 87 00:03:36,044 --> 00:03:37,484 Have you tried cider vinegar? 88 00:03:37,613 --> 00:03:39,372 No, we're using hot compresses. That's all we need. 89 00:03:39,454 --> 00:03:42,366 For the stress pimple? Ben gets those on his butt. She should see a doctor. 90 00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:44,095 - Amy's back. - No, I'm not back. 91 00:03:44,209 --> 00:03:46,288 - Ma'am, rave reviews on the speech. - Good. 92 00:03:46,370 --> 00:03:48,849 - Oh, and big news. - Oh, God, O'Brien made a statement? 93 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,699 I'm sorry, I should have said big personal news. 94 00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:53,859 Wendy and I are adopting a baby from China. 95 00:03:53,974 --> 00:03:54,586 GARY: Oh! 96 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:56,443 We were keeping it a secret till after the election. 97 00:03:56,534 --> 00:03:58,614 Actually, Wendy was keeping it a secret from me until today 98 00:03:58,743 --> 00:04:00,214 because I'm so bad with keeping secrets. 99 00:04:00,297 --> 00:04:03,064 - But I'm gonna be a dad. - You're a nincompoop. 100 00:04:03,145 --> 00:04:06,137 We are in the middle of a tied election. 101 00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:09,419 There is no time for some Chinese baby. 102 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,419 Cancel it and see if you can get your money back. 103 00:04:11,550 --> 00:04:14,141 Fortune cookie say you fuck up big-time, round eye. 104 00:04:14,223 --> 00:04:17,071 It's not a big deal. I don't even know when to expect her. 105 00:04:17,184 --> 00:04:19,744 And, starting today, I'm getting in dad shape. 106 00:04:19,873 --> 00:04:20,506 Counting my steps. 107 00:04:20,530 --> 00:04:22,216 Too bad you're not counting your missteps. 108 00:04:22,307 --> 00:04:23,634 You'd be done by breakfast, right? 109 00:04:23,748 --> 00:04:25,555 I prefer to count my steps in my head. 110 00:04:25,669 --> 00:04:27,507 4,383. 111 00:04:27,590 --> 00:04:29,396 Get out of my sight, Kent, okay? 112 00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:30,837 I have not forgiven you for this tie. 113 00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:33,510 Ma'am, I have the final House results. 114 00:04:35,273 --> 00:04:37,160 - Lafontaine won? - Mm-hmm. 115 00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:39,001 How many abortions does a pro-lifer 116 00:04:39,115 --> 00:04:41,643 have to pressure his mistress into before the people turn on him? 117 00:04:41,724 --> 00:04:43,916 - Three. - And how did Craig lose? 118 00:04:44,045 --> 00:04:45,516 Didn't she go to Indiana, like, five times? 119 00:04:45,646 --> 00:04:47,597 That may have been the problem. 120 00:04:47,679 --> 00:04:49,966 All right, listen. From this moment forward, 121 00:04:50,048 --> 00:04:52,160 people, I am all about the House vote. 122 00:04:52,241 --> 00:04:55,889 We are recommending direct engagement with individual congressmen. 123 00:04:55,971 --> 00:04:57,682 - That's got to happen. - BEN: That's right. 124 00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,651 And every day you have to do the one thing O'Brien can't do. 125 00:04:59,765 --> 00:05:02,484 - Yeah, drive sober. - Take a shit without getting a hernia. 126 00:05:02,566 --> 00:05:04,886 Be the president. It is imperative 127 00:05:05,015 --> 00:05:06,934 that you look presidential right now. 128 00:05:07,017 --> 00:05:08,936 I'm going to visit troops, 129 00:05:09,049 --> 00:05:11,769 go on and off of Air Force One as much as possible. 130 00:05:11,899 --> 00:05:13,497 - We don't even have to leave the ground. - Right. 131 00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,290 Ma'am, you may want to consider 132 00:05:15,372 --> 00:05:17,580 - moving up that symposium on race. - SELINA: Uh... 133 00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:20,781 I don't think that we're symposium on race desperate yet. 134 00:05:20,895 --> 00:05:23,454 - All right? - Hi. 135 00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:24,735 Sorry I'm late. 136 00:05:24,865 --> 00:05:26,944 Strangely, I agree with everything Amy just said. 137 00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:28,977 And if I may also suggest 138 00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:31,426 repurposing the election Twitter account 139 00:05:31,508 --> 00:05:34,339 to a new POTUS account to talk directly to the American people. 140 00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:37,781 Great idea, Bill. Could you... 141 00:05:37,863 --> 00:05:40,902 could you step outside for a moment, please? 142 00:05:41,033 --> 00:05:42,744 - (DOOR OPENS) - Sure. 143 00:05:43,946 --> 00:05:45,865 Now. 144 00:05:45,995 --> 00:05:48,026 - (DOOR CLOSES) - There's only one person 145 00:05:48,108 --> 00:05:50,027 I'd be more surprised to see today in the Roosevelt Room 146 00:05:50,157 --> 00:05:52,108 and that's Teddy fucking Roosevelt. 147 00:05:52,238 --> 00:05:54,269 - I'm just trying to help the president. - And she appreciates that. 148 00:05:54,351 --> 00:05:57,551 But the US Attorney for the District of Columbia is prepared to indict you. 149 00:05:57,632 --> 00:06:00,320 You're as welcome here as a swastika-shaped shit in a synagogue. 150 00:06:00,434 --> 00:06:02,113 - Of course. - I spoke with the president 151 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,274 and she's willing to reconsider a full pardon 152 00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:06,915 if you surrender quietly. No media. 153 00:06:06,997 --> 00:06:09,316 Just don't want to dominate the news cycle. 154 00:06:09,399 --> 00:06:11,797 - Can I just say one thing? - Yes, good-bye. 155 00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:17,400 - (DOOR OPENS) - So, how'd it go? 156 00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:18,681 He took it like a man. 157 00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:21,242 Oh, well, he better get used to that. Pfft. 158 00:06:21,372 --> 00:06:22,843 Isn't she adorable? 159 00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,212 - Oh, they all look alike to me. - What? 160 00:06:25,294 --> 00:06:28,573 Not Chinese people, but pictures of children. How old? 161 00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:31,967 The agency says she's either 16 months or three years old. 162 00:06:32,098 --> 00:06:33,696 - Do you like your Fitbit? - Oh, yeah. 163 00:06:33,778 --> 00:06:36,609 - I am just over 12,000 steps today. - (PHONE RINGING) 164 00:06:36,692 --> 00:06:38,771 I'm at 3,000. Did you run to work today? 165 00:06:38,852 --> 00:06:40,771 No, the job keeps me active. 166 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,092 Office of the president. 167 00:06:44,135 --> 00:06:45,301 Hold, please. 168 00:06:45,415 --> 00:06:47,703 When we come back, the pollster postmortem. 169 00:06:47,817 --> 00:06:50,376 Why were the exit polls so off? 170 00:06:53,468 --> 00:06:56,299 - Oh, Greg. Greg. - Dan. 171 00:06:56,429 --> 00:06:57,900 - Great job last night. - Thank you. 172 00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,549 I saw Matty Curtis crying in the parking garage. 173 00:06:59,662 --> 00:07:01,389 (LAUGHS) That's fantastic. Hey, listen. 174 00:07:01,472 --> 00:07:03,310 I was really hoping to get back on, but they got me waiting 175 00:07:03,393 --> 00:07:05,183 - in the greenroom for, like, two hours. - Spauldy showed up. 176 00:07:05,265 --> 00:07:07,264 He's here. He's getting his hair done. Just go home, I guess. 177 00:07:07,346 --> 00:07:08,833 But I killed it last night, right? 178 00:07:08,947 --> 00:07:10,866 Dan, look, I think you could have a future in this, 179 00:07:10,948 --> 00:07:12,627 but you got to get out there and make a name for yourself. 180 00:07:12,756 --> 00:07:15,188 You ran one campaign for two weeks and had a nervous breakdown. 181 00:07:15,270 --> 00:07:16,629 That is medically inaccurate. 182 00:07:16,711 --> 00:07:18,309 Go out, win a race with a Jesus-loving 183 00:07:18,392 --> 00:07:20,759 homophobic homosexual or a racist billionaire. 184 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,711 Then we can talk about a career in TV. 185 00:07:26,876 --> 00:07:30,235 - How's Zitzilla looking? - Angry. You been picking at it? 186 00:07:30,365 --> 00:07:32,236 No. 187 00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:35,405 Ahem, well, maybe a little bit, but... 188 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,439 - Ow! Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. What? What? 189 00:07:37,568 --> 00:07:40,400 - Oh, that is so hot. - It's supposed to be hot. 190 00:07:40,482 --> 00:07:42,081 And the tea is cold. 191 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,841 Madam President, Chinese hackers 192 00:07:43,972 --> 00:07:46,451 breached an NSA firewall earlier this morning. 193 00:07:46,565 --> 00:07:48,452 - Any chance they fixed the Wi-Fi? - I'll check. 194 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,725 And the director of the Secret Service is waiting to see you. 195 00:07:50,855 --> 00:07:53,366 Then send him in. If he's been waiting to see me, I mean... 196 00:07:53,448 --> 00:07:55,207 - hi, Keith. - Sorry to bother you, ma'am. 197 00:07:55,289 --> 00:07:57,208 No, it's okay. It's no bother. 198 00:07:57,290 --> 00:08:00,490 Since you became president, we have been looking for a new lead agent for your detail. 199 00:08:00,571 --> 00:08:03,339 Gosh, I like Bob. I mean, apart from the discolored tooth. 200 00:08:03,421 --> 00:08:05,661 But that's obviously not a reason to replace him. 201 00:08:05,774 --> 00:08:07,453 - Can they replace the tooth? - No, no. 202 00:08:07,535 --> 00:08:09,454 Ma'am, this is Special Agent Marjorie Palmiotti. 203 00:08:09,536 --> 00:08:11,055 - Oh, hello. - Hello, ma'am. 204 00:08:11,184 --> 00:08:12,655 - Agent? - Palmiotti. 205 00:08:12,786 --> 00:08:14,705 - Palmiotti, okay. Welcome aboard. - Thank you. 206 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,626 Ma'am, a key requirement for being lead agent 207 00:08:16,707 --> 00:08:19,139 is someone who looks like the president, especially from behind, 208 00:08:19,220 --> 00:08:21,988 to provide an additional decoy target for any would-be assailants. 209 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,261 I'm a perfect match from behind. 210 00:08:24,343 --> 00:08:28,071 Um, okay, I'll tell you something. 211 00:08:28,185 --> 00:08:30,793 I am not quite seeing it, 212 00:08:30,906 --> 00:08:34,266 um, only because I'm... 213 00:08:35,869 --> 00:08:38,877 well, you are... 214 00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:39,738 Ma'am? 215 00:08:39,762 --> 00:08:42,100 It's just... would you mind just giving us a second, 216 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,959 Agent Palmi... thank you. 217 00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:50,034 Keith, are you really not seeing what it is I'm seeing? 218 00:08:50,115 --> 00:08:52,275 - No, ma'am. - Gary, can you help me out here? 219 00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,484 She smells completely different, so, you know... 220 00:08:54,598 --> 00:08:56,884 - That is not what... it's not... - (KNOCKS) 221 00:08:56,999 --> 00:08:59,718 Excuse me, ma'am, if you... I'm sorry. 222 00:08:59,848 --> 00:09:03,080 - What? - You've got to see this, ma'am. 223 00:09:03,162 --> 00:09:05,481 - Pleasure to meet you. - Pleasure to meet you, ma'am. 224 00:09:06,811 --> 00:09:08,570 Oh, shit. 225 00:09:08,684 --> 00:09:10,364 The big story at this moment... Nevada. 226 00:09:10,445 --> 00:09:12,093 With all the votes now tallied, 227 00:09:12,206 --> 00:09:15,133 Senator Bill O'Brien's lead over President Selina Meyer 228 00:09:15,247 --> 00:09:18,495 is now less than half a percent, which by Nevada state law 229 00:09:18,610 --> 00:09:20,608 would allow for a possible recount. 230 00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:23,137 If President Meyer were to win a recount, 231 00:09:23,252 --> 00:09:25,171 she wins Nevada's six electoral votes 232 00:09:25,252 --> 00:09:27,011 - and therefore the presidency. - Oh! 233 00:09:27,093 --> 00:09:29,492 - All the networks have it. - "New York Times" as well. 234 00:09:29,575 --> 00:09:32,262 - Oh, my God! Oh, wait. - (LAUGHING) 235 00:09:32,375 --> 00:09:35,175 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is this really happening? 236 00:09:35,257 --> 00:09:37,176 I mean, do we actually have a chance at Nevada? 237 00:09:37,306 --> 00:09:38,857 - "Nev-add-a." - Oh, my God. 238 00:09:38,938 --> 00:09:41,978 I get to be president. I don't have to move. What do we do? 239 00:09:42,109 --> 00:09:43,788 Ma'am, we need to be sure that when we get on... 240 00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:46,301 No, shut up, Kent. You already lost Nevada for me once. 241 00:09:46,430 --> 00:09:48,430 - "Nev-add-a." - Ben, what do we do? 242 00:09:48,543 --> 00:09:51,423 Uh, we need to get ahold of our people in Nevada. Don't. Don't. 243 00:09:51,505 --> 00:09:53,793 RICHARD: The vast majority of Nevada voting is done by machine. 244 00:09:53,874 --> 00:09:56,114 Once the Nevada Secretary of State certifies the count, 245 00:09:56,227 --> 00:09:57,987 we'll then have 72 hours to request a recount. 246 00:09:58,068 --> 00:10:00,675 At that point, 5% of the precincts will be selected, 247 00:10:00,758 --> 00:10:02,068 and if there's a discrepancy of more than 1%, 248 00:10:02,150 --> 00:10:04,117 a full hand recount will be requested. 249 00:10:04,231 --> 00:10:06,679 I actually did my doctorate in recount procedures in the West. 250 00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:09,079 Excellent work, Richard. Richard works for me. 251 00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:10,179 You have a doctorate? 252 00:10:10,203 --> 00:10:12,736 Two. Constitutional law and veterinary medicine, 253 00:10:12,843 --> 00:10:14,762 - which was my fallback. - But you were getting my coffee. 254 00:10:14,844 --> 00:10:17,404 Which is much harder 'cause you have so many different moods. 255 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,596 Like a half-caff and a full-caff, macchiato. 256 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:21,117 - "Ma-key-ato." - Macchiato. 257 00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:24,447 Okay, Richard, you are going to be my recount specialist. 258 00:10:24,561 --> 00:10:26,320 - Jonah, you're working for Richard. - Wait, what? 259 00:10:26,402 --> 00:10:28,449 Amy, you got to sort all of this out, okay? 260 00:10:28,563 --> 00:10:30,642 Ma'am, I really can't go to Nevada. I'm not even really here. 261 00:10:30,724 --> 00:10:33,603 Ma'am, O'Brien is calling a press conference in an hour to discuss the recount. 262 00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:35,604 I'm gonna talk in a half an hour, okay? 263 00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:37,333 I got to say stuff before he says stuff. 264 00:10:37,415 --> 00:10:39,366 - Listen, you got to write something up. - I'm on it. 265 00:10:39,448 --> 00:10:42,168 - Right now. Ooh, recount, recount. - I'm on it. 266 00:10:42,249 --> 00:10:43,816 Jonah, with me, please. 267 00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:47,610 This is highly enriched weapons-grade bullshit. 268 00:10:47,740 --> 00:10:49,771 How dare she put you in charge of me? 269 00:10:49,853 --> 00:10:51,292 It's an outrage is what it is. 270 00:10:51,422 --> 00:10:53,213 It is an outrage, you know? 271 00:10:53,343 --> 00:10:54,733 She's Uncle Dursley and she's got 272 00:10:54,815 --> 00:10:58,463 the great wizard Harry Potter living under the staircase. 273 00:10:58,545 --> 00:11:00,817 Do you see that? But what happens in the Harry Potter books? 274 00:11:00,898 --> 00:11:02,657 He rises up and he kills all the muggles. 275 00:11:02,739 --> 00:11:04,338 I don't think that's what happens. 276 00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:07,428 Actually, I'm sorry, that lumbar support goes with this chair. 277 00:11:10,343 --> 00:11:13,142 - GARY: Yeah, we're getting there. - Okay, so what do you got? 278 00:11:13,224 --> 00:11:16,232 Am I still standing in barefaced awe of the majesty of our democratic system? 279 00:11:16,314 --> 00:11:17,993 - Not exactly, ma'am. This time... - (WATCH BEEPS) 280 00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:19,353 - Oh, sorry. - What? 281 00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:21,195 Just hit 5,000 steps on my Fitbit. 282 00:11:21,276 --> 00:11:23,595 - Okay, okay. - This time, you're simply blessed. 283 00:11:23,678 --> 00:11:26,397 Wow, I thought your last one was flowery, vacuous nonsense. 284 00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,878 This one is much worse. Excellent, Mike. 285 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,831 Gary, this is taking longer than it did 286 00:11:30,912 --> 00:11:32,780 for them to paint my fucking pool house. 287 00:11:32,804 --> 00:11:33,623 We got to go. 288 00:11:33,714 --> 00:11:36,994 - Good afternoon. - Good afternoon. 289 00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:39,923 Yes, oh, wow. Look at this full house. 290 00:11:40,006 --> 00:11:43,237 When I think about this great country of ours, 291 00:11:43,319 --> 00:11:45,958 I have to count my blessings. 292 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,359 Earlier today as you'll remember, 293 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,840 I briefed you on the state of affairs regarding... 294 00:11:50,923 --> 00:11:52,329 It's looking a little worse. 295 00:11:52,443 --> 00:11:54,009 Wherever you stand in the room, 296 00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:56,123 it's still looking at you. 297 00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:58,524 Since that time, we have been doubly blessed 298 00:11:58,654 --> 00:12:01,934 by new developments in the state of Nevada. 299 00:12:02,047 --> 00:12:05,247 And I am confident... 300 00:12:05,378 --> 00:12:07,168 - (GARY GROANS) - ...that all Americans, 301 00:12:07,251 --> 00:12:09,297 including Senator O'Brien... 302 00:12:09,411 --> 00:12:12,051 - Leave it. Leave it. - (BLOWING) Come on. 303 00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:14,372 It is my clear duty as president 304 00:12:14,454 --> 00:12:16,373 to enforce the laws of this country 305 00:12:16,454 --> 00:12:18,214 after a careful assessment 306 00:12:18,295 --> 00:12:21,463 of what those laws actually mean. 307 00:12:21,577 --> 00:12:22,657 (PHONES CHIMING) 308 00:12:22,681 --> 00:12:25,921 I am also blessed to be your candidate for president. 309 00:12:26,027 --> 00:12:28,859 - What is this? - Did it pop? Did it pop? 310 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:32,428 The Dow is dropping lower than my balls on a hot summer day. 311 00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:35,502 While the American people may sometimes be... 312 00:12:35,584 --> 00:12:36,863 BEN: It's the fucking pimple. 313 00:12:36,944 --> 00:12:39,824 Zitzilla just stomped all over Wall Street. 314 00:12:39,906 --> 00:12:43,826 And in that, we are all blessed. 315 00:12:43,907 --> 00:12:46,947 - Thank you. - (REPORTERS CLAMORING) 316 00:12:48,630 --> 00:12:51,349 So, how was that? 317 00:12:51,432 --> 00:12:55,560 - Uh... - REPORTER: The Dow has dropped 986... 318 00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:57,352 Oh, suck my dick. 319 00:12:57,434 --> 00:12:59,993 Panic from the recount led to a huge sell-off 320 00:13:00,124 --> 00:13:02,075 and the market is so overmargined, blammo. 321 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,075 They're already calling it Black Wednesday. 322 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,285 Jesus, it's only Wednesday? 323 00:13:06,398 --> 00:13:07,998 And O'Brien just issued a statement. 324 00:13:08,127 --> 00:13:12,319 He says, "The market crash caused a blotch on the face of America." 325 00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:14,240 Is that about my pimple? 326 00:13:14,323 --> 00:13:16,402 Well, I don't think it helped. 327 00:13:17,924 --> 00:13:19,923 - Gary. - Yeah? 328 00:13:20,005 --> 00:13:22,453 - I want to see a doctor. - Okay, I just don't think... 329 00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:25,286 You did this, okay? All that heat made it grow bigger. 330 00:13:25,415 --> 00:13:28,295 You baked a fucking soufflé on my face. 331 00:13:31,099 --> 00:13:34,250 Madam President. Howzit going? (CHUCKLES) 332 00:13:34,332 --> 00:13:35,931 Did he just say zit? 333 00:13:36,013 --> 00:13:38,812 How come no one ever tries to assassinate a vice president? 334 00:13:38,895 --> 00:13:41,133 SELINA: Okay, so what are we going to do about the economy? 335 00:13:41,216 --> 00:13:44,415 Why don't we appoint an economy czar for a start? That seems like something. 336 00:13:44,497 --> 00:13:46,944 Like an empty cop car they park on the side of the road to slow speeders. 337 00:13:47,058 --> 00:13:48,497 Those cars are empty? 338 00:13:48,579 --> 00:13:51,058 - Okay, you've got to sit down. - Yes, ma'am. 339 00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:54,067 Guys, it might be time to move up the symposium on race. 340 00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:56,629 BEN: I'm on it, ma'am, like brown on rice. 341 00:13:56,711 --> 00:14:01,271 Ma'am, Tom James just gave an interview to the Bumfuck "Plain Dealer" 342 00:14:01,353 --> 00:14:04,505 where he says, and I quote, "I just want to make sure they're recounting 343 00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:08,234 all the absentee ballots of our men and women bravely serving overseas." 344 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,169 It's up on AP, too. 345 00:14:09,193 --> 00:14:11,651 What is he doing? He knows that the military hates me. 346 00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:13,677 There are only bound to be more votes for O'Brien. 347 00:14:13,791 --> 00:14:16,238 We need less of those and more votes for you, ma'am. 348 00:14:16,353 --> 00:14:18,351 You think? 349 00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:22,081 No, what we have to do is hang a bell on this guy. 350 00:14:22,163 --> 00:14:23,841 He's completely off book. 351 00:14:23,924 --> 00:14:25,683 No, ma'am, I think that means that he's learned all his lines 352 00:14:25,797 --> 00:14:27,075 and he no longer needs a script. 353 00:14:27,205 --> 00:14:29,797 - No, he's off book. - Off the hook? 354 00:14:29,879 --> 00:14:34,359 No, he's... God, he's deviating from the book 355 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,560 of the things that he should do. 356 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,160 - You mean off the rails. - Oh. 357 00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:38,681 Fine, he's off the rails. 358 00:14:38,763 --> 00:14:42,090 Well, let's make Tom economy czar. 359 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:43,771 Yeah. 360 00:14:43,885 --> 00:14:46,173 We'll czar him. That'll give him something to do. 361 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,046 All right, we're gonna start with that. 362 00:14:48,127 --> 00:14:50,927 Amy, Amy, I just need to talk to you for one second. 363 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,528 I've got a very big question. 364 00:14:52,657 --> 00:14:54,288 I can't go to Nevada. I'm sorry. 365 00:14:54,419 --> 00:14:55,857 I have thought about this a lot. 366 00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,970 What do you think of Candi Caruso 367 00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,499 to head up Nevada for me? 368 00:15:00,582 --> 00:15:02,532 Oh, yeah. 369 00:15:02,614 --> 00:15:04,422 I hear just excellent things about her. 370 00:15:04,535 --> 00:15:06,214 - "Harvard Law Review." - Right. 371 00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:07,895 She clerked for Justice Tenny. 372 00:15:07,977 --> 00:15:09,464 - "Politico" 's 30 under 30. - That's right. 373 00:15:09,545 --> 00:15:13,018 She's still under 30. She looks older, but... 374 00:15:13,099 --> 00:15:14,298 - You like her? Yeah. - Yes. 375 00:15:14,428 --> 00:15:16,107 I mean, if you want a super smart woman 376 00:15:16,221 --> 00:15:17,579 who's young and brilliant, then why not? 377 00:15:17,662 --> 00:15:19,421 Yeah, I really want that. 378 00:15:20,463 --> 00:15:22,270 I really do. 379 00:15:22,352 --> 00:15:25,744 Look, regardless of the recount, this could mean big things for zucchini. 380 00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,904 Yeah, good. We'll talk later. Bye. 381 00:15:27,987 --> 00:15:31,154 Hey, Danny boy. Saw you on TV last night. 382 00:15:31,269 --> 00:15:33,027 - Nicely done. - Yeah. Thank you. 383 00:15:33,157 --> 00:15:34,836 That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. 384 00:15:34,950 --> 00:15:36,869 - Uh-huh. - See, I need to make some changes. 385 00:15:36,951 --> 00:15:40,070 Can you just let me hold on one quick second? 386 00:15:40,153 --> 00:15:42,632 - Yeah. - Shoot off this text. Sorry, go ahead. 387 00:15:42,713 --> 00:15:44,313 - You were saying? - I was. 388 00:15:44,394 --> 00:15:46,634 I was saying that I really enjoyed my time here. 389 00:15:46,764 --> 00:15:48,763 - Oh, good. - And I've learned so much from you. 390 00:15:48,876 --> 00:15:50,235 - That's good to hear. - (PHONE BUZZES) 391 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,076 - Sorry about that. - Go ahead, take that. 392 00:15:52,206 --> 00:15:53,516 - Yeah? - Yeah. 393 00:15:53,647 --> 00:15:56,126 - It's from you? - Is it? 394 00:15:56,241 --> 00:15:58,639 - I'm fired? - Yes, get out. 395 00:15:58,722 --> 00:16:00,720 We are doubling down on O'Brien, 396 00:16:00,802 --> 00:16:02,850 so you're basically as useless to me as a 40-year-old woman. 397 00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:04,483 - Okay, well... - (PHONE CHIMES) 398 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,323 Oh, interesting. Getting something back from you. 399 00:16:06,453 --> 00:16:08,564 Oh, "You can't fire me, I quib." 400 00:16:08,694 --> 00:16:11,285 - (LAUGHS) - You know it's supposed to say quit. 401 00:16:11,415 --> 00:16:14,887 Well, I just fired you anyway. You can't quib, you rebard. 402 00:16:14,969 --> 00:16:18,649 Ma'am, someone opened a Twitter account for the pimple. 403 00:16:18,779 --> 00:16:20,250 - What? - It's called POTUS. 404 00:16:20,332 --> 00:16:22,171 - Pimple of the United States. - Okay. 405 00:16:22,301 --> 00:16:25,180 There are 220,000 followers as of five minutes ago. 406 00:16:25,263 --> 00:16:27,534 How many Twitter followers do I have? 407 00:16:27,615 --> 00:16:29,342 Approaching that. 408 00:16:29,424 --> 00:16:32,576 Is there anything not fucked up that you can tell me right now? 409 00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:35,457 Well, the symposium on race is all set for this afternoon. 410 00:16:35,539 --> 00:16:37,138 Oh, good. Well, that'll be a hoot. 411 00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:40,387 Oh, czar she blows. Excuse me, gentlemen. 412 00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:41,989 ...with the press on Sundays. 413 00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:44,470 - Hey, Tom. Excuse me. - Madam President. 414 00:16:44,583 --> 00:16:46,342 - How are you? - I am good. 415 00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:49,223 - So you're up to speed on Nevada? - Uh-huh. 416 00:16:49,306 --> 00:16:52,585 - And the markets now. - I saw that. 417 00:16:52,715 --> 00:16:55,146 My God. Which brings me to my point. 418 00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:58,584 Um, I would like to officially offer you... 419 00:16:58,608 --> 00:17:00,132 No, no, no, no. 420 00:17:00,191 --> 00:17:02,878 - ...the position of economy czar. - Nope, nope, nope. 421 00:17:02,992 --> 00:17:04,479 Thank you, but no. 422 00:17:04,593 --> 00:17:08,882 Why not? You would be in charge of the economic crisis. 423 00:17:08,963 --> 00:17:11,234 No, I would be blamed for the economic crisis. 424 00:17:11,316 --> 00:17:14,436 Tom, stop it. You wanted to be Treasury Secretary. 425 00:17:14,518 --> 00:17:17,637 Remember? I don't see how this is any different than that. 426 00:17:17,719 --> 00:17:20,278 Well, respectfully, Madam President, I hope you do 427 00:17:20,361 --> 00:17:22,087 because if the President of the United States 428 00:17:22,201 --> 00:17:24,360 can't tell the difference between Treasury Secretary 429 00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:28,010 and stock market patsy, that's pretty disturbing. 430 00:17:28,124 --> 00:17:30,012 Then you accept? 431 00:17:31,214 --> 00:17:33,693 Madam President, it is a huge honor, 432 00:17:33,775 --> 00:17:37,615 but I have to balance that against my need not to do it. 433 00:17:37,729 --> 00:17:40,128 Tom, I'm asking you 434 00:17:40,258 --> 00:17:42,817 as the President of the United States. 435 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,651 And, respectfully, I am declining. 436 00:17:47,142 --> 00:17:48,852 I'm not picking up any respect. 437 00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:51,574 But you're getting the declining? 438 00:17:53,096 --> 00:17:55,976 Do you know what Candi Caruso's real name is? 439 00:17:56,057 --> 00:17:59,065 It's Candice. And she changed it to Candi with an I. 440 00:17:59,180 --> 00:18:00,778 If she does that to her own goddamn name, 441 00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:03,339 how the hell is she going to handle a potential recount? 442 00:18:03,422 --> 00:18:05,468 Good morning, Amy. This is the president's schedule, 443 00:18:05,582 --> 00:18:07,822 which, incidentally, Ms. Caruso is on right now. 444 00:18:07,903 --> 00:18:09,630 - AMY: Oh, I'm aware. - Oh, good morning, ma'am. 445 00:18:09,745 --> 00:18:10,862 - Good morning. - Hey, ma'am... 446 00:18:10,945 --> 00:18:12,944 Okay, I see you. You stay away from my face. 447 00:18:13,074 --> 00:18:16,225 I hear you, but this is a family recipe from my aunts in Savannah 448 00:18:16,308 --> 00:18:18,546 and they swear by it for skin problems and migraines. 449 00:18:18,629 --> 00:18:19,149 Mm-hmm. 450 00:18:19,173 --> 00:18:20,731 Chickpea based, Tabasco, with just a dash... 451 00:18:20,789 --> 00:18:22,629 All you're doing right now is making me hungry. 452 00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:24,216 So why don't you do something about that? 453 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:24,813 Sure, sure. 454 00:18:24,919 --> 00:18:26,358 - Snack. - Uh-huh, yeah. 455 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,240 Amy, did you need me for anything? 456 00:18:29,321 --> 00:18:31,321 - No. I'm just chilling. - No? Mmm. 457 00:18:33,163 --> 00:18:35,723 I think the most important thing in terms of strategy 458 00:18:35,836 --> 00:18:37,355 is controlling the narrative. 459 00:18:37,438 --> 00:18:39,676 Oh, I have a saying. If you're explaining, you're losing. 460 00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:41,597 Absolutely. I'm right on board with you. 461 00:18:41,728 --> 00:18:43,518 - Excuse me, Madam President. - Amy. 462 00:18:43,649 --> 00:18:45,999 Have... have you met Candi? 463 00:18:46,082 --> 00:18:48,001 Hi, it's Candi with an I. 464 00:18:48,082 --> 00:18:50,082 Amy with a Y. Which is correct. 465 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,643 We are right in the middle of an interview 466 00:18:52,725 --> 00:18:56,245 with an exceptionally wonderful candidate for coordinating Nevada. 467 00:18:56,327 --> 00:18:58,006 Ma'am, it's just gonna take a second. 468 00:18:58,087 --> 00:19:01,816 - Apologies. I'll be right back. - Absolutely. 469 00:19:01,929 --> 00:19:04,089 - I got you a snack. - Oh, yeah, give me that. 470 00:19:07,740 --> 00:19:09,339 That's a great dress. 471 00:19:09,453 --> 00:19:12,012 Oh, thank you. 472 00:19:12,094 --> 00:19:15,213 - Size two? - Um... 473 00:19:15,344 --> 00:19:18,095 Ms. Caruso, the president sends her apologies, 474 00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,584 but the position has been filled. 475 00:19:19,698 --> 00:19:21,536 - Ooh. - Right this way. 476 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,066 Okay. 477 00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,947 And if I need more clothes, then I'll have you or Mom send them. 478 00:19:27,061 --> 00:19:29,541 Yeah, fine, bye. Richard. 479 00:19:29,622 --> 00:19:31,670 - What's this? - You know Jonah. He works for me. 480 00:19:31,751 --> 00:19:33,543 In fact, you two used to date, but you never got over him. 481 00:19:33,624 --> 00:19:35,351 Not Jonah. Why is baby with a beard here? 482 00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:37,545 Oh, good, you remember Cliff. He works for me now. 483 00:19:37,626 --> 00:19:39,193 I recruited him from Justice. 484 00:19:39,276 --> 00:19:41,274 The first of many appointments I intend to make. 485 00:19:41,356 --> 00:19:44,268 Here, Richard, we need recount lawyers in each county 486 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,156 and we need housing for all the volunteers. 487 00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:48,429 Could you take care of this, Jonah? 488 00:19:48,512 --> 00:19:52,031 Cliff, my plate is just full of shit right now and I'd like for you to clean that. 489 00:19:52,114 --> 00:19:53,760 You know what? I'll do it. Yeah. 490 00:19:53,842 --> 00:19:56,081 - I love talking to people anyway. - Get out. 491 00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:58,883 Out. Take that cushion with you. That is disgusting. 492 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,996 Actually, it goes with the seat, so it should probably stay. 493 00:20:03,127 --> 00:20:04,726 - Madam President! - (PEOPLE SHOUTING) 494 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:08,088 I can't understand a word. 495 00:20:08,201 --> 00:20:11,641 This afternoon I asked Tom James 496 00:20:11,723 --> 00:20:13,449 to serve as economy czar 497 00:20:13,532 --> 00:20:15,243 and to my delight, he said yes. 498 00:20:15,372 --> 00:20:16,763 - Madam President! - (ALL SHOUTING) 499 00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:21,326 Senator James' selflessness is an inspiration to us all. 500 00:20:21,407 --> 00:20:25,008 Whatever useless, vain, vapid thing you're doing right now, drop it. 501 00:20:25,089 --> 00:20:27,649 Well, I am enjoying a delicious sandwich 502 00:20:27,731 --> 00:20:30,338 made even more delicious by the fact that there's a homeless guy watching me eat it. 503 00:20:30,452 --> 00:20:32,739 AMY: I need you to get on this plane to Nevada with me today. 504 00:20:32,853 --> 00:20:34,100 Been there, got fucked by that. 505 00:20:34,181 --> 00:20:35,892 Cut the shit. You just got fired. 506 00:20:35,975 --> 00:20:37,813 - Purcell's told everyone in town. - That fucker! 507 00:20:37,944 --> 00:20:40,694 Right now you're about as toxic as a urinal cake in Chernobyl 508 00:20:40,777 --> 00:20:42,056 and I am offering you a job. 509 00:20:42,138 --> 00:20:43,896 You have exactly zero seconds to decide. 510 00:20:43,979 --> 00:20:45,898 You know, Candi Caruso would have asked me nicer. 511 00:20:48,701 --> 00:20:51,580 Sue, the president's remarks for the symposium. 512 00:20:51,662 --> 00:20:53,709 And... (POPS MOUTH) caught you. 513 00:20:53,823 --> 00:20:56,703 18,000 steps. I am Chinese baby ready. 514 00:20:56,832 --> 00:20:59,824 Oh, my God. Mike, when are the auditions for "Music Man"? 515 00:20:59,906 --> 00:21:02,753 - (CHUCKLES) - So how many flights, Mike? 516 00:21:02,836 --> 00:21:04,995 - What do you mean flights? - As in flights of stairs. 517 00:21:05,076 --> 00:21:08,789 Burns way more calories. I am at 22 flights today. 518 00:21:09,879 --> 00:21:12,470 How... stairs? 519 00:21:12,552 --> 00:21:13,831 The things you walk up and down. 520 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,112 Hi, Sue. Is she busy? 521 00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,712 Oh, wow, never mind. 522 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,914 - Oh, looky, looky. - How could you do this? 523 00:21:19,996 --> 00:21:22,123 - What? - I gave you my decision. 524 00:21:22,204 --> 00:21:24,284 - Oh, suck it. - Excuse me? 525 00:21:24,398 --> 00:21:26,765 Yeah, you heard me. I LBJ'd you, okay? 526 00:21:26,847 --> 00:21:28,317 I'm the LBJ queen 527 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,319 and you are Sargent "Suck It" Shriver. 528 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,608 And now you have to excuse me, 529 00:21:32,721 --> 00:21:34,640 because this pimple isn't getting any smaller. 530 00:21:34,723 --> 00:21:36,770 Kind of like the national debt. (CHUCKLES) 531 00:21:36,884 --> 00:21:38,691 Hey, Sue, is Dr. Abernethy here? 532 00:21:38,805 --> 00:21:40,772 - Yes. - Okay, send him in, please. 533 00:21:40,886 --> 00:21:43,285 - Do you mind? Hi there, Doctor. - Madam President. 534 00:21:43,415 --> 00:21:45,414 You know Senator James. He's our new economy czar. 535 00:21:45,528 --> 00:21:47,575 - Oh, congratulations, sir. - Thank you. 536 00:21:47,657 --> 00:21:49,047 Prosperity is just around the corner. 537 00:21:49,178 --> 00:21:51,497 - Oh, good. Good, good. - How may I help you? 538 00:21:51,611 --> 00:21:54,650 Well, you can get rid of this Skittle that's embedded in my face. 539 00:21:54,732 --> 00:21:57,692 She's also got a mole near her Spanx line and it's hidden... 540 00:21:57,774 --> 00:22:00,941 Yeah, and this thing up my ass has got to get removed, too. 541 00:22:01,056 --> 00:22:03,135 - How are you, Gary? - Fine. You? 542 00:22:03,216 --> 00:22:06,816 - Oh, yeah. That is really deep. - See? 543 00:22:06,898 --> 00:22:08,145 What have you been doing? 544 00:22:08,259 --> 00:22:10,578 - Just putting heat on it. - Well, hot heat. 545 00:22:10,660 --> 00:22:12,019 That's the last thing you want to be doing. 546 00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:13,908 - SELINA: Okay. - It wasn't that hot. 547 00:22:14,021 --> 00:22:15,621 Small cortisone shot should take care of it. 548 00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:17,701 - Uh, excuse me, ma'am. - SELINA: Oh, yeah, come in. 549 00:22:17,784 --> 00:22:20,631 We have to go over your opening statement for the symposium. 550 00:22:20,745 --> 00:22:22,311 - Sure. - KENT: Also, ma'am, 551 00:22:22,394 --> 00:22:24,393 catastrophic mudslides in Idaho. 552 00:22:24,475 --> 00:22:26,826 The governor is requesting a federal state of emergency. 553 00:22:26,955 --> 00:22:29,435 - This should be cleared up in 24 hours. - Okay. 554 00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:32,237 Just keep your skin free of all irritants for a few days. 555 00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:35,390 - Ma'am, he said no irritants. - You're an irritant. 556 00:22:35,472 --> 00:22:37,070 How much did we lose Idaho by? 557 00:22:37,201 --> 00:22:39,472 - Shellacked. - Uh, well over 212,000 votes. 558 00:22:39,554 --> 00:22:42,433 Then I declare a state of go fuck yourself. 559 00:22:42,516 --> 00:22:45,795 I'm not spending money to scrape mud off a bunch of dirt roads. 560 00:22:45,877 --> 00:22:48,164 - You're not from Idaho, are you, Doctor? - No, ma'am. 561 00:22:48,278 --> 00:22:50,117 I don't mean this to sound insensitive, 562 00:22:50,199 --> 00:22:52,886 but don't you think that mudslides 563 00:22:52,968 --> 00:22:55,079 are the funniest kind of natural disasters? 564 00:22:55,161 --> 00:22:57,801 I've always been partial to sinkholes. You know, ah! 565 00:22:57,883 --> 00:23:00,410 - (LAUGHS) Those are hilarious. - KENT: Nature's trapdoor. 566 00:23:00,492 --> 00:23:03,563 Ma'am, makeup is an irritant and we really need that. 567 00:23:03,646 --> 00:23:06,765 - Makeup is not an irritant. - Actually, ma'am, yes, it is. 568 00:23:06,847 --> 00:23:10,015 Let's avoid any makeup on the facial area for at least 48 hours. 569 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:12,288 - You're gonna feel a small... - Oh, no, we're not gonna do this. 570 00:23:12,370 --> 00:23:14,657 - But thanks for coming. - Yes, ma'am. 571 00:23:14,739 --> 00:23:16,497 I'll show you out. 572 00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,370 SELINA: We need to take a peek at this. 573 00:23:18,501 --> 00:23:21,493 - KENT: Thank you, Doc. - Cold compress, Gary. 574 00:23:21,574 --> 00:23:22,693 Whatever. 575 00:23:28,618 --> 00:23:29,289 I mean... 576 00:23:29,313 --> 00:23:31,327 Yeah, took the words right out of my mouth. 577 00:23:31,387 --> 00:23:32,537 - Right? - Yeah. 578 00:23:32,619 --> 00:23:35,098 - Ma'am? - Hmm? 579 00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:38,669 Oh, Ben, were we able to get Dr. Weisglass here today? 580 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:39,438 Absolutely, ma'am. 581 00:23:39,462 --> 00:23:41,525 Okay. Oh, good, Catherine. You're documenting this. 582 00:23:41,584 --> 00:23:45,663 Okay, welcome to the First Annual Towards a New Promise... 583 00:23:45,746 --> 00:23:47,265 Mom, don't look into the camera. 584 00:23:47,346 --> 00:23:49,346 - Just pretend I'm not here. - But you are here. 585 00:23:49,427 --> 00:23:51,715 Yeah, but that's the point of a documentary film is that you're... 586 00:23:51,828 --> 00:23:54,068 Okay, I don't understand what this project is at all. I don't get it. 587 00:23:54,198 --> 00:23:55,668 Catherine, why is that your hair? 588 00:23:55,799 --> 00:23:57,557 BEN: They're ready for you, ma'am. 589 00:23:59,112 --> 00:24:01,272 (PANTING) 590 00:24:04,683 --> 00:24:06,393 (CHUCKLES) 591 00:24:08,124 --> 00:24:09,883 (GASPS) There he is. 592 00:24:09,966 --> 00:24:10,473 Dr. Weisglass. 593 00:24:10,497 --> 00:24:12,019 Pleasure to see you again, Madam President. 594 00:24:12,078 --> 00:24:13,966 I'm so pleased you were able to make it. 595 00:24:14,079 --> 00:24:16,206 And I'm really excited to start this conversation today. 596 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,319 - Yes, ma'am. - Sam O'Keefe, also Harvard. 597 00:24:18,402 --> 00:24:20,640 I think what we're gonna talk about today is hard, 598 00:24:20,723 --> 00:24:22,529 but I think it's going to be worth it, don't you agree? 599 00:24:22,612 --> 00:24:24,082 - I agree, yes. Thank you. - Good, good. 600 00:24:24,164 --> 00:24:26,371 Madam President, Elisa Burke, 601 00:24:26,454 --> 00:24:28,852 cochair of African-American Studies at Howard. 602 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,846 - Oh, Ms. Burke, is it? - Yes. 603 00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,407 Great. Well, every difficult conversation 604 00:24:34,490 --> 00:24:37,609 starts with a sentence. 605 00:24:39,132 --> 00:24:41,499 What the fuck is going on here? Why are they all white? 606 00:24:41,613 --> 00:24:43,499 Looks like the NHL All-Star Weekend. 607 00:24:43,582 --> 00:24:45,293 Okay. Hello. 608 00:24:45,374 --> 00:24:47,501 Franklin Washington, Morehouse University. 609 00:24:47,584 --> 00:24:49,582 Now, Morehouse University 610 00:24:49,664 --> 00:24:52,016 is historically an African-American university. 611 00:24:52,097 --> 00:24:53,824 - Historically. - Okay. 612 00:24:53,939 --> 00:24:55,666 We need to round up some blacks and fast. 613 00:24:55,747 --> 00:24:58,979 - We need to round up... - Don't say it over the radio, asshole. 614 00:24:59,060 --> 00:25:01,620 Richard! Oh, thank God. 615 00:25:01,702 --> 00:25:03,381 Go get Sue. We need her now. 616 00:25:03,511 --> 00:25:05,142 - Right now. - Yeah. 617 00:25:05,272 --> 00:25:06,583 Folks, I look around here today 618 00:25:06,664 --> 00:25:09,144 and I see a rainbow of faces, you know? 619 00:25:09,273 --> 00:25:12,746 Faces from the savannahs of Africa 620 00:25:12,827 --> 00:25:16,107 to the cities and towns of England. 621 00:25:16,189 --> 00:25:18,588 Faces from... from Holland 622 00:25:18,719 --> 00:25:20,797 and even perhaps Norway. 623 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,070 (GASPING) 624 00:25:26,162 --> 00:25:28,641 (COUGHS) 625 00:25:28,723 --> 00:25:30,402 In your fucking face, Sue. 626 00:25:30,484 --> 00:25:32,163 - (ALARM BLARING) - Fuck! 627 00:25:34,326 --> 00:25:36,837 Everyone remain calm. We're in total lockdown 628 00:25:36,919 --> 00:25:38,646 - while we search the premises. - We got her. 629 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,487 - (CROWD GASPS) - Freeze! Put your hands up! 630 00:25:40,568 --> 00:25:42,328 Whoa, whoa! I work here. 631 00:25:42,441 --> 00:25:44,841 - Huh? What happened? - SUE: Ma'am? 632 00:25:44,923 --> 00:25:47,771 Mr. McLintock, why are there so few people of color in the Meyer White House? 633 00:25:47,885 --> 00:25:49,643 Mike, does President Meyer care about black people? 634 00:25:49,773 --> 00:25:52,092 Just moments ago, Bill Ericsson, 635 00:25:52,206 --> 00:25:54,125 former Director of White House Communications, 636 00:25:54,256 --> 00:25:57,807 was arrested at his Kalorama home and taken into federal custody. 637 00:25:57,937 --> 00:26:01,136 Due to the seriousness of the crimes and despite rumors to the contrary, 638 00:26:01,219 --> 00:26:03,218 a pardon is not on the table. 639 00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:06,051 Regrettably, he was also responsible for the chaos 640 00:26:06,133 --> 00:26:07,812 that occurred at the symposium on race today. 641 00:26:07,894 --> 00:26:10,182 - Thank you. That's all for now. - (REPORTERS CLAMORING) 642 00:26:10,295 --> 00:26:12,103 Once again, our top story tonight, 643 00:26:12,216 --> 00:26:14,263 disgraced presidential aide Bill Ericsson goes into federal custody. 644 00:26:14,345 --> 00:26:16,264 This is a strong move by the president, 645 00:26:16,378 --> 00:26:18,937 who was under fire for a disastrous symposium on race 646 00:26:19,020 --> 00:26:22,299 that left some wondering if she had any control over her administration. 647 00:26:22,381 --> 00:26:23,499 - (REPORTERS CLAMORING) - BILL: No comment! 648 00:26:23,581 --> 00:26:26,301 Wow, he looks puffy on TV. 649 00:26:26,383 --> 00:26:28,350 Well, prison will get him in shape. 650 00:26:28,432 --> 00:26:31,263 Okay, now I've just got to blow for, like, five minutes, all right? 651 00:26:31,345 --> 00:26:33,344 HART: When we come back, a wild day on Wall Street. 652 00:26:33,426 --> 00:26:35,633 And we'll go live to Nevada where armies of staffers 653 00:26:35,748 --> 00:26:38,467 and volunteers for the Meyer and O'Brien campaigns 654 00:26:38,596 --> 00:26:42,548 are descending on the desert to monitor and manage the recount. 655 00:26:47,033 --> 00:26:49,992 If you do not have a reservation, we are sold out. 656 00:26:50,074 --> 00:26:52,201 There are no more rooms at this hotel. 657 00:26:52,284 --> 00:26:54,682 Richard, have your people check us in. We're going to the lounge. 658 00:26:54,797 --> 00:26:56,716 Jonah, take care of that. 659 00:26:56,797 --> 00:26:59,085 Cliff, would... 660 00:26:59,167 --> 00:27:00,878 Cliff? 661 00:27:00,959 --> 00:27:02,958 Cliff? 662 00:27:08,563 --> 00:27:10,482 Excuse me, are you in line? 663 00:27:10,564 --> 00:27:13,683 Does anybody know where the line ends?