1
00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:01,919
How's the planning of
the bachelor party coming?
2
00:00:01,945 --> 00:00:04,549
Well, Tokyo is not happening.
Turns out Nick booked the trip
3
00:00:04,575 --> 00:00:07,743
on a Web site called Pricelive.cob.
4
00:00:08,814 --> 00:00:09,979
- Right.
- That's a scam.
5
00:00:10,015 --> 00:00:11,782
- Yeah.
- I'm sure. I'm sure of it.
6
00:00:11,808 --> 00:00:13,975
I-I'm still pulling for a Tokyo theme.
7
00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:15,943
You know, we could do a spa day.
8
00:00:15,979 --> 00:00:17,712
There could be hot springs,
9
00:00:17,747 --> 00:00:19,347
cherry blossoms.
10
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:23,317
Oh!
11
00:00:24,487 --> 00:00:25,887
Imbecile!
12
00:00:29,459 --> 00:00:31,492
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.
13
00:00:31,528 --> 00:00:33,006
Oh, oh, oh. He's-he's
getting out of the car.
14
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,075
Why is he getting out of the car?
15
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:35,541
I don't know, babe, I don't know.
16
00:00:35,576 --> 00:00:36,930
Toby!
17
00:00:37,991 --> 00:00:39,357
I'm Toby!
18
00:00:39,392 --> 00:00:41,082
What you gonna say now?
19
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,149
I'm-I'm sorry?
20
00:00:42,194 --> 00:00:43,960
Toby! Toby!
21
00:00:43,985 --> 00:00:45,082
- Okay.
- Toby.
22
00:00:45,107 --> 00:00:45,954
- Okay.
- Toby.
23
00:00:45,955 --> 00:00:47,321
- Okay!
- Toby!
24
00:00:47,356 --> 00:00:48,722
"Okay" is not working.
25
00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:50,491
I don't understand. Is Toby your name?
26
00:00:50,526 --> 00:00:52,326
That's right. Toby, bitch.
27
00:00:52,361 --> 00:00:54,161
- Got it.
- Bitch.
28
00:00:58,134 --> 00:01:00,534
That was Toby.
29
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,860
The froofy Japan bachelor party is off.
30
00:01:05,377 --> 00:01:07,511
W-We're going to Vegas on a road trip.
31
00:01:08,340 --> 00:01:09,127
Like men.
32
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,419
Vegas, yeah!
33
00:01:10,454 --> 00:01:11,954
- Like men.
- Like men.
34
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,355
- Like men!
- Vegas!!
35
00:01:14,458 --> 00:01:15,524
Is this change of plans
36
00:01:15,559 --> 00:01:16,758
an overreaction to something?
37
00:01:16,794 --> 00:01:18,627
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
38
00:01:22,633 --> 00:01:23,633
Road trip.
39
00:01:23,894 --> 00:01:25,235
Oh, I called the car rental place,
40
00:01:25,261 --> 00:01:26,927
reservation's all good.
41
00:01:26,963 --> 00:01:28,329
Did you get us the toughest convertible?
42
00:01:28,363 --> 00:01:29,396
I did.
43
00:01:29,431 --> 00:01:30,997
Anything you want, you get.
I'm your best man.
44
00:01:31,033 --> 00:01:33,800
- Well, what if I want a hug?
- Peel it open.
45
00:01:33,835 --> 00:01:36,269
All right. You failed the test.
Hugs are not tough.
46
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,271
Bro fail. Big-time bro fail, Nick.
47
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,123
What is going on with you?
48
00:01:39,124 --> 00:01:40,564
Yeah, babe. Just because a scary man
49
00:01:40,591 --> 00:01:41,857
yelled his name in your face
50
00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:43,504
doesn't mean you can't like sake baths.
51
00:01:43,530 --> 00:01:45,697
This has nothing to do
with me being yelled at.
52
00:01:45,732 --> 00:01:47,065
- Yeah, okay.
- This has everything to do
53
00:01:47,101 --> 00:01:48,667
with a road trip.
54
00:01:48,702 --> 00:01:50,035
Road tri...
55
00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:51,403
Are we...
56
00:01:51,438 --> 00:01:52,938
Are we not cheering on that one?
57
00:01:52,973 --> 00:01:54,940
Cece, as your bridesman I am so sorry
58
00:01:54,975 --> 00:01:56,408
I have to miss your bachelorette party.
59
00:01:56,443 --> 00:01:59,377
I know you girls are just
having a ladies' day in,
60
00:01:59,413 --> 00:02:01,246
but please keep Winnie up to date
61
00:02:01,281 --> 00:02:02,581
with anything that's noteworthy.
62
00:02:02,616 --> 00:02:04,216
Noteworthy!
63
00:02:04,251 --> 00:02:05,417
"Noteworthy" gets one?
64
00:02:06,573 --> 00:02:09,107
Well, we have one convertible left.
65
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:10,811
No.
66
00:02:10,812 --> 00:02:12,086
That's not tough.
67
00:02:12,087 --> 00:02:13,953
Yellow convertibles are
for horny beach trash.
68
00:02:13,989 --> 00:02:15,088
I drive a yellow convertible.
69
00:02:15,123 --> 00:02:16,422
It's my boy's bachelor party.
70
00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:17,791
If he says you're horny beach trash,
71
00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:19,259
then you're horny beach trash.
72
00:02:19,294 --> 00:02:20,627
I'm a good person.
73
00:02:22,731 --> 00:02:24,597
Hey, hey, hey, huh?
74
00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:26,733
Welcome fellow groomsmen.
75
00:02:26,768 --> 00:02:29,035
Big Schmidt, your minivan
is sweet as hell, dude.
76
00:02:29,070 --> 00:02:31,237
Yeah. Well, you know,
I got it for the kids,
77
00:02:31,273 --> 00:02:33,206
but, uh, it's not quite the chick magnet
78
00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:34,808
- I was hoping for.
- Yeah, of course not.
79
00:02:34,843 --> 00:02:36,309
I mean, I-I am straight hounding
80
00:02:36,344 --> 00:02:37,877
for some Sin City strange, you know.
81
00:02:37,913 --> 00:02:39,445
I don't care if it's a man,
woman, or child.
82
00:02:39,481 --> 00:02:41,314
You really should care if it's a child.
83
00:02:41,349 --> 00:02:42,882
- Yeah, them kids, man.
- Yeah, no children.
84
00:02:42,918 --> 00:02:44,717
No. God, God, of course not.
85
00:02:44,743 --> 00:02:45,842
You know, that's not what I'm saying.
86
00:02:45,877 --> 00:02:46,909
I was just listing...
87
00:02:46,945 --> 00:02:48,058
Ah, Vegas.
88
00:02:48,059 --> 00:02:50,560
Truly a town in which
to devour and be devoured.
89
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,303
Whoo-whoo. Whoo, whoo, Vegas.
90
00:02:52,331 --> 00:02:53,931
I'm gonna click in, eventually.
91
00:02:54,264 --> 00:02:56,431
I just... this morning
I realized I still have some
92
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,033
unresolved feelings towards Cece,
93
00:02:58,068 --> 00:03:00,168
and now I'm out here
celebrating with her fiancé.
94
00:03:00,204 --> 00:03:02,604
So, you know...
if I didn't wake up tomorrow,
95
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,873
you know, that would be fine with me.
96
00:03:04,908 --> 00:03:07,375
But we're gonna have
a good time in Las Vegas. Whoo.
97
00:03:07,411 --> 00:03:08,443
Yeah, that's dark, man.
98
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,078
That's dark, bro.
99
00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:13,150
Ooh, I got a text from Jess.
100
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,251
Hot bachelorette party goss.
101
00:03:15,293 --> 00:03:18,161
"With Aly, Tripp. On the squirts!"
102
00:03:18,189 --> 00:03:18,864
That's weird.
103
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:22,184
Uh, why would she be
with Aly and her boyfriend?
104
00:03:22,614 --> 00:03:24,314
Why does she need to tell me?
105
00:03:24,349 --> 00:03:25,878
Maybe they're having problems.
106
00:03:25,879 --> 00:03:29,428
She's, uh, with my partner,
Aly, who, I'm in love with,
107
00:03:29,454 --> 00:03:31,254
but she has a boyfriend, you know.
108
00:03:31,289 --> 00:03:32,722
And I'm married to Rhonda,
109
00:03:32,758 --> 00:03:34,157
but it's a prank.
It's a whole story, I'm prank...
110
00:03:34,192 --> 00:03:35,391
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
111
00:03:35,427 --> 00:03:37,026
Too many lady problems, all right?
112
00:03:37,062 --> 00:03:39,062
- This is a bachelor party.
- You know what? You're right.
113
00:03:39,097 --> 00:03:40,864
You're right.
I'm gonna put the phone away.
114
00:03:40,899 --> 00:03:41,754
My focus is here with you guys.
115
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,617
Fabulous. Anybody want to split a pill?
116
00:03:43,643 --> 00:03:44,608
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
117
00:03:44,644 --> 00:03:45,684
Change of plans, you guys.
118
00:03:45,712 --> 00:03:47,064
- Boys.
- Hey.
119
00:03:47,065 --> 00:03:48,465
We're doing motorcycles.
120
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:50,467
Yeah! Let's do this.
121
00:03:59,711 --> 00:04:01,244
You look cool, man. You look cool.
122
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,543
Hey, why don't you check
your right pocket, buddy?
123
00:04:04,569 --> 00:04:06,435
- What?
- What?
124
00:04:06,471 --> 00:04:08,304
I said "What?"
125
00:04:08,339 --> 00:04:09,954
I thought you said something different.
126
00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:10,847
Different from what?
127
00:04:10,848 --> 00:04:12,081
I thought you said something different.
128
00:04:12,116 --> 00:04:13,482
I can't hear you. What?
129
00:04:13,517 --> 00:04:15,484
Check your pocket on
the right side, buddy.
130
00:04:15,519 --> 00:04:17,853
My pock... yeah!
131
00:04:17,888 --> 00:04:20,689
This is exactly what
I was talking about.
132
00:04:20,725 --> 00:04:21,890
What?
133
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:26,895
All right.
134
00:04:28,110 --> 00:04:29,443
We are going to party so hard.
135
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,069
We're gonna go buck wild.
136
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,004
- Buck wild.
- On fleek.
137
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,039
Yeah, that's right, that's right,
138
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,040
that's right, that's right.
139
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:35,479
I'm telling you guys,
140
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,029
this couldn't come at a better time.
141
00:04:37,055 --> 00:04:38,688
I really need this.
142
00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:40,644
I mean, between my divorce
143
00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:42,451
and my mom getting put in
hospice care, you know?
144
00:04:42,452 --> 00:04:44,685
Yeah, we gonna tap that ass!
145
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,987
♪ Bend it over and do it again. ♪
146
00:04:47,023 --> 00:04:48,222
Are you on your phone, man?
147
00:04:48,257 --> 00:04:49,757
Huh? What are you...?
148
00:04:49,792 --> 00:04:51,692
Huh? No, no, I am... nah.
Enough with the phone.
149
00:04:51,727 --> 00:04:52,927
- I was, uh...
- What are you doing?
150
00:04:52,962 --> 00:04:54,528
I was looking at
this-this children's book.
151
00:04:54,564 --> 00:04:56,004
Yeah, this ugly duckling about to be
152
00:04:56,032 --> 00:04:57,198
fine as hell at the end.
153
00:04:57,233 --> 00:04:58,732
Sexy ass swan.
154
00:04:58,768 --> 00:05:01,068
Got me picking feathers
out of my teeth for days.
155
00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:02,696
It's not the feathers
you have to worry about.
156
00:05:02,697 --> 00:05:04,128
It's the eggshells.
157
00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:11,436
Ow!
158
00:05:11,471 --> 00:05:12,237
Damn it.
159
00:05:12,272 --> 00:05:13,905
Oh, shoot.
160
00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:15,940
Hey, hey!
161
00:05:15,976 --> 00:05:16,808
No, no...
162
00:05:16,843 --> 00:05:19,277
No.
163
00:05:19,312 --> 00:05:20,719
Aah! Aah!
164
00:05:20,745 --> 00:05:22,998
Oh!
165
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:27,634
Whoa.
166
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,532
I didn't know you could
fall off those things.
167
00:05:29,558 --> 00:05:31,691
Well, you can't, but I did it anyway.
168
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,582
'Cause I'm not friggin' tough enough
169
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,148
to ride a mechanical tricycle.
170
00:05:36,184 --> 00:05:37,387
Hey, it could have happened
to anybody, Schmidt.
171
00:05:37,413 --> 00:05:38,050
No, it couldn't have.
172
00:05:38,086 --> 00:05:39,752
- It could only happen to me.
- You crashed.
173
00:05:39,787 --> 00:05:41,484
You chunked. You beefed.
174
00:05:41,485 --> 00:05:42,918
You came off your bike.
175
00:05:42,952 --> 00:05:45,119
That's cool as hell. You got injured.
176
00:05:45,155 --> 00:05:46,287
Yeah, you know,
my neck does feel a little...
177
00:05:46,323 --> 00:05:47,722
I don't know... off.
178
00:05:47,757 --> 00:05:48,923
Well, yeah, your neck's off.
179
00:05:48,958 --> 00:05:50,191
It's-it's hurt.
180
00:05:50,226 --> 00:05:52,527
You got hurt on a hog, man.
181
00:05:53,552 --> 00:05:54,419
And what are you gonna
do with that pain?
182
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,286
What does a man do about that pain?
183
00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:58,079
- He takes a bubble bath.
- No.
184
00:05:58,114 --> 00:05:59,747
He drinks the pain away.
185
00:05:59,782 --> 00:06:01,048
Here's what we're gonna do.
186
00:06:01,084 --> 00:06:02,316
You see that biker bar?
187
00:06:02,352 --> 00:06:03,784
We're gonna walk inside.
188
00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:04,986
You're gonna take your helmet off.
189
00:06:05,021 --> 00:06:06,252
You're gonna slam it down.
190
00:06:06,253 --> 00:06:07,586
You're gonna tell somebody to watch it.
191
00:06:07,621 --> 00:06:09,154
You're gonna put Seeger on the jukebox.
192
00:06:09,189 --> 00:06:10,389
And you're gonna drink some whiskey.
193
00:06:10,424 --> 00:06:12,424
Some clear-cut accomplishables.
194
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:13,859
That sounds pretty manly.
195
00:06:13,894 --> 00:06:15,327
All right, my man. Give me some skin.
196
00:06:15,362 --> 00:06:17,719
Ah, Schmidt.
197
00:06:17,751 --> 00:06:18,850
Come on, that didn't hurt.
198
00:06:18,885 --> 00:06:20,118
It's too hard. It hurt.
199
00:06:20,153 --> 00:06:21,286
It honestly hurt. You're strong.
200
00:06:21,321 --> 00:06:22,453
Look, man, I do... you know.
201
00:06:22,489 --> 00:06:23,314
Feel good?
202
00:06:23,315 --> 00:06:25,348
- I am, I'm feeling better.
- You back?
203
00:06:25,383 --> 00:06:28,017
Who's the butchest guy on this roadside?
204
00:06:28,052 --> 00:06:29,819
Me.
205
00:06:29,854 --> 00:06:31,354
What are we doing? Stopping for coffee?
206
00:06:31,389 --> 00:06:32,555
Let me get a scone.
207
00:06:32,590 --> 00:06:34,056
Unless it's raspberry, in which case
208
00:06:34,092 --> 00:06:35,691
I'll take a chocolate chip cookie.
209
00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:37,360
- That's it. Give me the phone.
- Whoa, no, no, no, no.
210
00:06:37,395 --> 00:06:38,795
Look, I just texted Jess
211
00:06:38,830 --> 00:06:40,530
to see if Aly and Tripp broke up, okay?
212
00:06:40,565 --> 00:06:42,698
And she's replying, man,
the dots are up.
213
00:06:42,734 --> 00:06:44,634
All right? Look, I need
to know if Aly is single.
214
00:06:44,669 --> 00:06:46,502
Oh, all right, well, let
me see real quick. Yeah.
215
00:06:46,538 --> 00:06:48,004
Give me that thing. Hey, hey, hey. Oh!
216
00:06:48,039 --> 00:06:49,639
Oh! That ding. That ding.
217
00:06:49,674 --> 00:06:51,808
That's for me. That's for me.
You got to let me check.
218
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:53,376
Hell no. Uh-uh.
219
00:06:53,411 --> 00:06:56,012
This phone is on lockdown
in pocket town.
220
00:06:57,582 --> 00:06:58,815
Did you hear what I just said?
221
00:06:58,850 --> 00:07:00,349
- It's good.
- Hey, guys!
222
00:07:00,385 --> 00:07:03,085
Eagle eyes has found the road house.
223
00:07:03,121 --> 00:07:05,154
So let's...!
224
00:07:06,554 --> 00:07:08,424
I don't why I led out
with "let's" like that.
225
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:09,859
I feel like I have nowhere to...
226
00:07:09,894 --> 00:07:12,061
Let's rodeo.
227
00:07:21,039 --> 00:07:23,469
- Oh, these people are real desert-y.
- I don't think
228
00:07:23,470 --> 00:07:25,710
this is the kind of place
where you're gonna want to s...
229
00:07:27,741 --> 00:07:30,242
Somebody watch that.
230
00:07:32,068 --> 00:07:33,948
I must say, this is not my favorite
231
00:07:33,949 --> 00:07:35,315
sort of white people in here.
232
00:07:35,316 --> 00:07:36,649
Me neither. My favorite kind
233
00:07:36,684 --> 00:07:38,551
of white people are
redheads with high socks.
234
00:07:38,586 --> 00:07:40,119
Male or female.
235
00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:41,988
Hey, hey.
236
00:07:42,023 --> 00:07:45,013
Um, remember earlier,
when you took my phone
237
00:07:45,014 --> 00:07:46,380
and it went "ding"?
238
00:07:46,415 --> 00:07:47,494
Wait a minute.
239
00:07:47,495 --> 00:07:49,005
There's a desert flower over there
240
00:07:49,006 --> 00:07:50,471
who needs a little watering.
241
00:07:53,176 --> 00:07:54,509
What's Schmidt doing?
242
00:07:57,113 --> 00:07:58,814
Oh, he's not even
looking at the buttons.
243
00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:03,084
Hey, what's going on? Come here.
244
00:08:03,119 --> 00:08:04,479
Unplug it. Unplug the whole thing.
245
00:08:05,488 --> 00:08:07,388
Whoa.
246
00:08:07,423 --> 00:08:10,389
Good thing that's over.
247
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,257
We can come back from this.
Buy everybody in here a drink.
248
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,593
That's a cool move.
That's a Rat Pack move.
249
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,107
Can I buy you a drink?
250
00:08:17,108 --> 00:08:19,041
Um, uh, a beer? A bock, maybe?
251
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,398
You've got some amber
in-in your necklace.
252
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:22,933
Uh, maybe an amber bock.
253
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,336
Nick?
254
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:30,542
Nick?
255
00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:35,812
I got to tell you, I love that vest.
256
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:38,115
Desert fashion has a certain
257
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:40,517
functional sensuality
that I really respond to.
258
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,619
I made it out of my dead Rottweiler.
259
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:44,254
You dirty little rattlesnake.
260
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,622
You know, I've got a picnic blanket
261
00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:47,356
in my minivan, we could go...
262
00:08:47,392 --> 00:08:49,325
You know what? If you're gonna
be traveling in my minivan,
263
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,359
you're gonna live by my rules.
264
00:08:50,395 --> 00:08:52,328
Now go over there and sit down.
265
00:08:52,363 --> 00:08:53,930
You know, I'm willing to bet, you got
266
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,665
a big spider in your hair.
267
00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:56,966
When I come back,
268
00:08:57,001 --> 00:08:59,435
I intend to find it.
269
00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:01,437
I'm not mad.
270
00:09:01,472 --> 00:09:03,506
I'm just incredibly disappointed in you.
271
00:09:03,541 --> 00:09:05,641
- Five whiskeys, please.
- Coming up.
272
00:09:05,677 --> 00:09:08,277
You're doing them all. That's
too much whiskey for my frame.
273
00:09:08,313 --> 00:09:10,146
No, no, I know it seems like a lot,
274
00:09:10,181 --> 00:09:12,048
but binge drinking can be a fun
275
00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:14,550
and safe way to engage with life.
276
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:16,385
This is one of your dear friend's
277
00:09:16,421 --> 00:09:17,620
bachelor parties, you know?
278
00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:19,288
If you miss out on it now,
279
00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:21,457
you miss out
on the memories forever, Wally.
280
00:09:21,492 --> 00:09:25,294
My name's Winston, but
you're absolutely correct, man.
281
00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:26,963
I should not be sitting here,
thinking about Aly.
282
00:09:26,998 --> 00:09:28,798
She's never going to
go for a guy like me.
283
00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:31,467
Clearly living in a fantasy world.
284
00:09:31,502 --> 00:09:34,036
I should be getting drunk with you guys
285
00:09:34,072 --> 00:09:35,905
in this disgusting bar.
286
00:09:37,008 --> 00:09:38,374
Hear, hear. Cheers to that.
287
00:09:38,409 --> 00:09:41,811
- Oh, that is low quality whiskey.
- Yeah.
288
00:09:41,846 --> 00:09:42,846
Hey, barkeep.
289
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,847
Let me get a whiskey on ice.
290
00:09:48,753 --> 00:09:49,852
What? What'd I say?
291
00:09:49,887 --> 00:09:51,554
Did he say something about ice?
292
00:09:52,346 --> 00:09:53,854
Where are you boys from?
293
00:09:54,604 --> 00:09:55,739
I'm from Los Angeles.
294
00:09:55,789 --> 00:09:56,707
East side.
295
00:09:56,789 --> 00:09:58,622
The... more... uh...
east... east downtown.
296
00:09:58,650 --> 00:10:00,750
Big city boys trying
to come to our desert
297
00:10:00,786 --> 00:10:02,885
and freeze the little water we got left.
298
00:10:03,151 --> 00:10:05,351
'Cause you're too soft
for a hot whiskey.
299
00:10:05,386 --> 00:10:07,553
No-no one's bad mouthing hot whiskey.
300
00:10:07,589 --> 00:10:09,489
Hot Whiskey was my first chat room name.
301
00:10:09,524 --> 00:10:11,157
Who wants a drink?
302
00:10:11,192 --> 00:10:12,506
I'll take a nice warm glass
303
00:10:12,507 --> 00:10:15,535
of how about you stop coming
over here and using our water
304
00:10:15,536 --> 00:10:17,468
to hydrate your daisies over in L.A.?!
305
00:10:17,504 --> 00:10:18,903
Okay, first of all, let me just say,
306
00:10:18,938 --> 00:10:21,372
I think we're all concerned
307
00:10:21,407 --> 00:10:23,307
about the drought in California.
308
00:10:23,343 --> 00:10:24,342
I haven't showered in six days.
309
00:10:24,377 --> 00:10:26,077
Oh, so you're saying you want to fight.
310
00:10:26,112 --> 00:10:28,513
That's a huge leap in logic.
311
00:10:28,548 --> 00:10:29,824
- You want to fight?
- Yeah.
312
00:10:29,825 --> 00:10:31,960
I'll fight you and then
I'll take a hot shower,
313
00:10:31,961 --> 00:10:33,318
you s-sandy lizard man.
314
00:10:33,319 --> 00:10:33,802
Let's do this.
315
00:10:33,828 --> 00:10:34,873
Totally, totally,
totally, totally, totally.
316
00:10:34,874 --> 00:10:36,553
- Yeah, let's fight these guys, Nick.
- Yeah, totally.
317
00:10:36,554 --> 00:10:37,856
We're gonna fight these guys.
318
00:10:37,857 --> 00:10:40,558
Uh, but not indoors.
319
00:10:40,593 --> 00:10:42,624
Because real men fight outside.
320
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,826
Yeah, just like real
chili doesn't have beans.
321
00:10:44,827 --> 00:10:46,427
What the hell you just say about beans?
322
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:49,069
Beans are nothing but soggy nuts.
323
00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:50,570
What the hell
are you saying about nuts?!
324
00:10:50,605 --> 00:10:51,813
Nothing, it's a totally
weird digression.
325
00:10:51,839 --> 00:10:52,879
It's not what we're about.
326
00:10:52,907 --> 00:10:54,473
We'll see you outside.
327
00:10:54,508 --> 00:10:57,648
But first we got to go to
the little boys' room together.
328
00:10:57,674 --> 00:10:59,907
Yeah, we're gonna urinate
and then we're gonna do this.
329
00:10:59,943 --> 00:11:01,124
Yeah.
330
00:11:01,125 --> 00:11:03,165
Uh, is there a key?
Do I need a key to the restroom?
331
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:10,524
Ooh, God, I hope I get to
kick somebody in the head.
332
00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:12,100
What are you doing with that window?
333
00:11:12,135 --> 00:11:13,803
You letting a bee out? That's dope, man.
334
00:11:13,804 --> 00:11:15,654
N-N-N-N-N-No. We're escaping.
We're not fighting those guys.
335
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:16,271
What?
336
00:11:16,306 --> 00:11:17,856
I thought you s-said that we're
going to meet them outside?
337
00:11:17,882 --> 00:11:18,270
Uh, yeah.
338
00:11:18,296 --> 00:11:19,796
And they believed it.
It's a great trick.
339
00:11:19,831 --> 00:11:21,631
It's how the Millers have
never had to pay for a ham.
340
00:11:21,666 --> 00:11:23,499
We're escaping?
How-how is that butch, Nick?
341
00:11:23,535 --> 00:11:24,934
Enough with the butch stuff, Schmidt.
342
00:11:24,969 --> 00:11:27,160
You got to let this Toby thing go.
343
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,720
If I freaked out every time
somebody yelled at me, I...
344
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:31,288
It's not because I got yelled at.
345
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,457
It's because I got yelled at
in front of Cece.
346
00:11:34,674 --> 00:11:36,316
You know, I know she can handle herself,
347
00:11:36,317 --> 00:11:39,111
but I need to prove to myself
that I can defend her
348
00:11:39,112 --> 00:11:41,545
from the lunatic pagans of the world.
349
00:11:41,589 --> 00:11:42,424
Because if I can't,
350
00:11:42,425 --> 00:11:44,391
what kind of husband am I going to be?
351
00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:48,513
I understand if you don't want
any part of this,
352
00:11:48,514 --> 00:11:50,314
but this is something I have to do.
353
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,210
For me.
354
00:11:58,191 --> 00:12:00,257
Okay. I'm in.
355
00:12:00,293 --> 00:12:02,393
If you got to do it,
then I got your back.
356
00:12:02,428 --> 00:12:03,661
There's two of them, there's two of us.
357
00:12:03,696 --> 00:12:04,962
We can do this.
358
00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:09,033
They got a lot of rings, Schmidty.
359
00:12:21,981 --> 00:12:23,247
- We are so outnumbered.
- So outnumbered.
360
00:12:23,282 --> 00:12:24,642
We're not going to win this fight.
361
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:27,783
That's a little boy over there.
362
00:12:27,784 --> 00:12:29,050
Where'd that little boy come from?
363
00:12:29,085 --> 00:12:30,851
He just does that sometimes.
364
00:12:32,021 --> 00:12:33,556
All right, I'll take the little boy.
365
00:12:33,582 --> 00:12:34,881
- I'm gonna take the little boy.
- I got the little boy.
366
00:12:34,917 --> 00:12:36,082
You take everybody else. I got the boy.
367
00:12:36,118 --> 00:12:37,317
I'm gonna go for the little boy.
368
00:12:37,352 --> 00:12:38,518
You're not touching Dirt Boy.
369
00:12:38,553 --> 00:12:39,593
Don't touch Dirt Boy.
370
00:12:39,594 --> 00:12:40,892
Dirt Boy touches you.
371
00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:44,763
Why did you not more
forcefully talk me out of this?
372
00:12:45,233 --> 00:12:46,964
Why is that little boy
not in a day care?
373
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,000
Are we fighting or not?
374
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,233
What are we gonna do?
375
00:12:58,145 --> 00:12:59,952
We gotta do something, Schmidt.
376
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:03,615
Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt!
377
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:05,817
What are you doing?
378
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:06,985
I'm being a man.
379
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:07,986
I'm Schmidt!
380
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,087
Schmidt!
381
00:13:09,123 --> 00:13:12,457
Yeah, I'm Schmidt! Schmidt!
382
00:13:12,493 --> 00:13:14,126
- Why does he keep saying his name?
- I'm Schmidt.
383
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:15,427
In case you're wondering what my n...
384
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:16,528
what my name is, it's Schmidt.
385
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:17,596
Schmidt!
386
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,397
This is Nick! Nick! Schmidt!
387
00:13:20,510 --> 00:13:22,667
You know what would be a good plan?
388
00:13:22,703 --> 00:13:25,470
You get a job at
a Raisin Bran factory, right?
389
00:13:25,506 --> 00:13:26,738
You start stealing
390
00:13:26,774 --> 00:13:29,021
all of the raisins, okay? You follow?
391
00:13:29,091 --> 00:13:30,491
Then you hydrate those raisins
392
00:13:30,526 --> 00:13:32,259
to make them turn back into grapes,
393
00:13:32,294 --> 00:13:33,994
and you sell the grapes.
394
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:36,930
There's no overhead, and you
make you a very rich man.
395
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:38,390
That's right, Wilson.
396
00:13:38,391 --> 00:13:40,057
You have surrendered to the night.
397
00:13:40,093 --> 00:13:41,692
I'm Wilson.
398
00:13:41,728 --> 00:13:43,777
Schmidt! Yeah, I'm Schmidt!
399
00:13:44,613 --> 00:13:45,913
My babies.
400
00:13:45,939 --> 00:13:47,613
Ain't nobody gonna touch my babies.
401
00:13:49,217 --> 00:13:50,516
Knuckle up!
402
00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:52,780
- Yeah, I'm feeling dangerous!
- No, no, no.
403
00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:53,759
- Winston. Winston.
- No. Uh-huh!
404
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,225
I ain't got no phone.
I ain't got no Aly.
405
00:13:55,261 --> 00:13:56,326
No, no, no, no, no, no
no, no, no, no, no.
406
00:13:56,362 --> 00:13:58,896
Dirt bike push.
407
00:13:58,931 --> 00:14:00,297
Winston.
408
00:14:00,332 --> 00:14:02,466
Mirror kick.
409
00:14:02,501 --> 00:14:04,820
Hey, hey, that's my car! Okay, get him!
410
00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:06,212
- That's his car?
- You didn't say that was his car.
411
00:14:06,247 --> 00:14:08,147
- We got this. We got this.
- We got this. We got this.
412
00:14:08,183 --> 00:14:09,582
Come on!
413
00:14:46,287 --> 00:14:49,856
Oh, no, it's the little boy!
414
00:14:49,891 --> 00:14:52,358
Little boy, go away!
415
00:15:32,467 --> 00:15:34,434
Hey, where the hell is Big Schmidt?
416
00:15:36,671 --> 00:15:38,671
Keep the vest on.
417
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,343
Here. For your cheek.
418
00:15:49,047 --> 00:15:51,147
I think some turquoise
got stuck in there.
419
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:53,326
- Here. That hurt?
- Ow.
420
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,560
Yes, a little.
421
00:15:54,596 --> 00:15:55,762
All right. Let's do this.
422
00:15:55,797 --> 00:15:57,130
Doggies or trucks?
423
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,365
I don't deserve trucks.
424
00:15:59,401 --> 00:16:02,135
I'll be the judge of that.
425
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,970
You deserve trucks.
426
00:16:06,428 --> 00:16:08,729
Damn. Anybody else get hit with a geode?
427
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:09,784
I got hit with a geode.
428
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:11,684
Some dude stuck his fingers in my mouth.
429
00:16:11,719 --> 00:16:14,220
What is that? Is that
like a desert power thing?
430
00:16:14,255 --> 00:16:16,037
When things started
escalating, I just rolled up
431
00:16:16,063 --> 00:16:17,690
into a little ball like an armadillo.
432
00:16:17,725 --> 00:16:20,326
Fellas, can I get real for a second?
433
00:16:21,596 --> 00:16:24,497
I was thinking
about Aly the entire time.
434
00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:28,769
This is one of her barrettes.
435
00:16:30,816 --> 00:16:32,416
You know, women use barrettes
436
00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:34,597
to keep their hairs in
different styles. Yeah.
437
00:16:34,598 --> 00:16:37,198
But Aly uses this to pin her
hair up when she's on duty.
438
00:16:37,234 --> 00:16:38,800
And I kept it.
439
00:16:38,835 --> 00:16:41,069
That's how pathetic I am.
440
00:16:41,104 --> 00:16:42,170
That's not pathetic.
441
00:16:43,106 --> 00:16:44,139
It's lovely.
442
00:16:44,174 --> 00:16:47,876
It reminds me of all my old lost loves.
443
00:16:47,911 --> 00:16:51,780
Yeah. Cece.
444
00:16:51,815 --> 00:16:53,748
Or my ex.
445
00:16:53,784 --> 00:16:55,250
She was a pill,
446
00:16:55,285 --> 00:16:57,619
but when she used to go
to second base on me,
447
00:16:57,654 --> 00:17:00,288
she was like Joe Morgan.
448
00:17:03,645 --> 00:17:05,133
You know, a lot of people
don't know this,
449
00:17:05,134 --> 00:17:09,469
but, uh, Aly's full name is Alison.
450
00:17:10,483 --> 00:17:13,004
I like to imagine that she
was named after the song.
451
00:17:13,005 --> 00:17:14,905
♪ Alison ♪
452
00:17:16,344 --> 00:17:19,011
♪ I know this world ♪
453
00:17:19,047 --> 00:17:21,647
♪ Is killing you ♪
454
00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:24,984
♪ Alison ♪
455
00:17:25,019 --> 00:17:26,519
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
456
00:17:26,554 --> 00:17:30,423
♪ My aim is true. ♪
457
00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:32,325
Sorry I got us into this, Nick.
458
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,793
I was useless out there.
459
00:17:33,828 --> 00:17:35,161
I didn't even get one punch in.
460
00:17:35,196 --> 00:17:36,829
That's not true.
You hit me a little bit.
461
00:17:36,864 --> 00:17:38,497
I got my ass whomped out there.
462
00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:40,966
Got whomped up and down the road.
463
00:17:41,002 --> 00:17:42,968
- What's whomp?
- Like a whomp-down.
464
00:17:43,004 --> 00:17:44,704
- Oh, whooped?
- Whomped.
465
00:17:44,739 --> 00:17:45,871
Are you talking about getting beat up?
466
00:17:45,907 --> 00:17:47,473
- Yes.
- Whooped.
467
00:17:47,508 --> 00:17:48,708
I got this calendar bod,
468
00:17:48,743 --> 00:17:50,343
but it doesn't hold up in battle.
469
00:17:50,378 --> 00:17:51,977
Look, it's 2016.
470
00:17:52,013 --> 00:17:53,979
She's not looking for a strong husband.
471
00:17:54,015 --> 00:17:56,115
That... no, tha-that's
not what I was gonna...
472
00:17:56,150 --> 00:17:57,516
That's not where I was going with this.
473
00:17:57,552 --> 00:18:00,453
I'm getting married, Nick.
474
00:18:00,488 --> 00:18:02,089
How am I going to defend Cece?
475
00:18:02,090 --> 00:18:04,290
She deserves the best
husband in the world,
476
00:18:04,326 --> 00:18:06,793
and what if I don't have what it takes?
477
00:18:06,828 --> 00:18:10,997
Of course you have what it
takes to be a modern husband.
478
00:18:12,017 --> 00:18:13,833
Do you have what it takes to be
a husband of the old world?
479
00:18:13,869 --> 00:18:15,168
God, no.
480
00:18:15,203 --> 00:18:17,670
They would use you as a pelt.
481
00:18:18,103 --> 00:18:20,937
Today, you fought, kinda.
482
00:18:21,785 --> 00:18:23,217
You're gonna make
a great husband to Cece.
483
00:18:23,253 --> 00:18:24,886
- How do you know?
- Because I know.
484
00:18:24,921 --> 00:18:26,495
- Because why?
- Because.
485
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:28,295
Look what happened here today.
Because why?
486
00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:30,564
Beca... ever since I've
known you, you've been there.
487
00:18:30,599 --> 00:18:32,099
Okay, you're always there.
488
00:18:32,134 --> 00:18:34,468
Even when I don't want
you there, you're there.
489
00:18:34,503 --> 00:18:37,037
That's what a husband does.
490
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:39,606
You fight for me.
That's what a husband does.
491
00:18:39,641 --> 00:18:40,774
You care about what I eat.
492
00:18:40,809 --> 00:18:42,442
That's what a husband does.
493
00:18:42,478 --> 00:18:43,910
You've cooked for me,
even when I don't ask.
494
00:18:43,946 --> 00:18:45,645
That's what a husband does.
495
00:18:45,681 --> 00:18:48,148
When I pass out, you comb my
hair so there's no knots in it.
496
00:18:48,183 --> 00:18:49,483
That's what a husband does.
497
00:18:49,518 --> 00:18:50,917
So, guess what.
498
00:18:50,953 --> 00:18:52,085
You're gonna be a great
husband to Cece because
499
00:18:52,121 --> 00:18:55,122
you're a great husband to me.
500
00:18:55,157 --> 00:18:56,790
So that's how I know.
501
00:18:56,825 --> 00:18:57,991
You're, you're like my husband.
502
00:18:58,026 --> 00:18:59,659
You're like my wife, but...
503
00:18:59,695 --> 00:19:01,595
Yeah, so that's how I know.
504
00:19:04,433 --> 00:19:05,799
Thanks for saying that, man.
505
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:07,367
Yeah, man.
506
00:19:27,639 --> 00:19:29,457
I need this to be done, okay?
507
00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:32,526
Well, you can't take it back.
I heard you say it, Nick.
508
00:19:32,561 --> 00:19:34,728
Hey, hey, hey. What you guys up to?
509
00:19:34,763 --> 00:19:36,696
We're pouring out one
for our lost loves.
510
00:19:36,732 --> 00:19:39,232
Good-bye, unrequited love for Aly.
511
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,554
May I now heal and, and move forward.
512
00:19:42,603 --> 00:19:44,152
I'm proud of you, man.
513
00:19:44,153 --> 00:19:46,887
And as a gift, I'm gonna give
you your own property back.
514
00:19:46,923 --> 00:19:49,257
You don't have to do that.
I mean, it's not...
515
00:19:49,292 --> 00:19:50,858
I don't really need it, but...
516
00:19:50,893 --> 00:19:52,460
Whoa.
517
00:19:54,871 --> 00:19:56,063
Aly is single.
518
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,033
- Aly is single!
- Nice! Oh, great.
519
00:19:59,068 --> 00:20:00,468
Hey. Hey.
520
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:01,969
Okay, so are you gonna
tell her how you feel?
521
00:20:02,005 --> 00:20:03,104
I don't know. I don't know, uh,
522
00:20:03,139 --> 00:20:04,139
I don't know, I mean,
523
00:20:04,173 --> 00:20:05,273
what if she doesn't like me back?
524
00:20:05,308 --> 00:20:06,407
What if I'm not good enough for her?
525
00:20:06,442 --> 00:20:07,608
What if I can't bear her sons?
526
00:20:07,644 --> 00:20:08,876
You have to try. Look, I didn't think
527
00:20:08,911 --> 00:20:10,811
- I was good enough for Cece.
- You aren't.
528
00:20:10,847 --> 00:20:12,246
Winston, I don't know how
this is going to work out,
529
00:20:12,282 --> 00:20:14,282
but you need to know
that you're good enough.
530
00:20:14,317 --> 00:20:16,250
You got a heart of gold.
531
00:20:16,286 --> 00:20:20,054
You got a smile that...
532
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:21,822
He's been having some
really nice moments today
533
00:20:21,823 --> 00:20:23,054
and then kind of freaking out.
534
00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:23,811
You son of a bitch!
535
00:20:23,812 --> 00:20:25,543
So, what, you guys think
I should tell her how I feel?
536
00:20:25,544 --> 00:20:27,471
Yes. You absolutely should.
537
00:20:27,472 --> 00:20:28,241
Let's go now.
538
00:20:28,242 --> 00:20:29,215
What about your bachelor party?
539
00:20:29,216 --> 00:20:30,514
Who could want anything more
540
00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:32,216
from a bachelor party
than their best friend
541
00:20:32,251 --> 00:20:34,801
- telling him that they love him.
- No. For real? You said that?
542
00:20:34,802 --> 00:20:36,436
I didn't tell him that I love
him. Let's be clear about that.
543
00:20:36,471 --> 00:20:37,774
- I missed that?
- You know what?
544
00:20:37,775 --> 00:20:39,823
I'm gonna tell Cece
how I feel about her.
545
00:20:39,824 --> 00:20:40,523
I'm gonna get her back.
546
00:20:40,524 --> 00:20:41,744
You do that, bud... wait, wait.
547
00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:42,372
What?
548
00:20:42,373 --> 00:20:43,871
You guys go on ahead without me.
549
00:20:43,897 --> 00:20:44,939
I'm gonna hang back here
550
00:20:44,940 --> 00:20:46,939
for another round with my desert queen.
551
00:20:46,974 --> 00:20:50,609
Besides, there's nothing
for me in the city.
552
00:20:50,644 --> 00:20:52,291
Wait a second. Don't you have two kids?
553
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:52,891
Yeah.
554
00:20:52,926 --> 00:20:54,359
I'll be back Sunday.
555
00:20:54,394 --> 00:20:55,527
I got to pick them up from swim camp.
556
00:20:55,562 --> 00:20:57,028
Good luck, fellas.
557
00:21:08,043 --> 00:21:10,177
We should go now. Let's do it.
558
00:21:10,212 --> 00:21:11,907
- We're men.
- Men!
559
00:21:11,932 --> 00:21:13,134
- Let's ride.
- Let's ride.
560
00:21:13,159 --> 00:21:14,625
- Let's ride.
- Let's ride.
561
00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:17,821
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, no, no, no. I'm good.
562
00:21:17,846 --> 00:21:19,886
- Men. We're men.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit. Sit. Sit.
563
00:21:23,256 --> 00:21:25,248
Best bachelor party ever, Nick!
564
00:21:25,273 --> 00:21:26,087
What's that, man?!
565
00:21:26,112 --> 00:21:27,329
- What?!
- What?!
566
00:21:27,524 --> 00:21:28,688
- What?!
- I didn't hear you.
567
00:21:28,713 --> 00:21:30,048
- All right.
- I didn't hear you.
568
00:21:30,073 --> 00:21:31,753
- Yeah.
- Yeah, man.
569
00:21:31,767 --> 00:21:33,361
- Yeah, man.
- Yeah, man.
570
00:21:33,415 --> 00:21:36,415
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -