1 00:00:14,107 --> 00:00:15,857 - Hello? - Okay, what's happening, Amy? 2 00:00:15,942 --> 00:00:18,993 Morning, Madam President. It's 5:00 A.M. 3 00:00:19,112 --> 00:00:21,662 - And Nevada is still asleep. - Hello? What? 4 00:00:21,781 --> 00:00:24,582 Well, wake it the fuck up 'cause I'm wondering if we should remove 5 00:00:24,667 --> 00:00:26,701 the Native American precincts from the recount list. 6 00:00:26,786 --> 00:00:28,786 I'm having reservations about the reservations. 7 00:00:28,872 --> 00:00:31,506 So figure that out and call me right back. I'm at Walter Reed. 8 00:00:31,624 --> 00:00:35,093 I'm meeting troops and shaking God only knows what. 9 00:00:35,178 --> 00:00:37,462 Okay. 10 00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:49,573 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:52,779 --> 00:00:54,361 These are from the president's last set of 12 00:00:54,386 --> 00:00:56,004 precinct changes for the recount challenge? 13 00:00:56,116 --> 00:00:58,282 Yes, and the changes before that and the changes before that. 14 00:00:58,368 --> 00:01:01,536 She's changed her mind more times than a frickin' child molester at Disneyland. 15 00:01:01,654 --> 00:01:03,738 You need to file this at the courthouse in exactly 17 minutes. 16 00:01:03,823 --> 00:01:05,249 Yeah, and if you miss the deadline, find a 17 00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:06,765 rattlesnake and shove that up your dick hole 18 00:01:06,826 --> 00:01:08,876 'cause it's a lot more fun than what I'll do to you. 19 00:01:08,995 --> 00:01:10,962 And drive safe. 20 00:01:11,047 --> 00:01:12,880 We've got Hallowes, Bennett, 21 00:01:12,999 --> 00:01:14,999 and Gabby Ramos doing press in Carson City 22 00:01:15,135 --> 00:01:16,584 and Maddox is flying in tonight. 23 00:01:16,669 --> 00:01:18,886 Oh, God, Maddox is probably going to study the effects 24 00:01:19,005 --> 00:01:21,672 of legalized prostitution on his dick. 25 00:01:21,808 --> 00:01:23,508 Catherine, out. 26 00:01:23,593 --> 00:01:25,143 All right, so do we have any idea 27 00:01:25,228 --> 00:01:26,928 what this O'Brien press conference is about? 28 00:01:27,013 --> 00:01:28,596 - No idea. - Perfect. 29 00:01:28,681 --> 00:01:30,848 We're working on our video connection with Amy as we speak. 30 00:01:30,984 --> 00:01:33,851 Well, maybe we can get some six-year-old Asian kid to fix it. 31 00:01:33,937 --> 00:01:36,687 - Mike, when's your baby coming? - Coming soon, ma'am. 32 00:01:36,823 --> 00:01:38,856 We're gonna name her Ellen after Wendy's mom. 33 00:01:38,992 --> 00:01:42,243 Actually, her stepmom. She has a difficult relation... 34 00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:44,112 misunderstood your level of interest, sorry. 35 00:01:44,197 --> 00:01:46,247 Hey, guys, watching the press conference? 36 00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:50,585 Yeah. Amy, just listen a bit before you start talking. 37 00:01:50,703 --> 00:01:52,837 - Our founding fathers... - All right, here we go. 38 00:01:52,922 --> 00:01:56,124 ...entrusted the American people with the right to choose... 39 00:01:56,209 --> 00:01:57,875 I mean, will you look at Montez? 40 00:01:58,011 --> 00:01:59,877 Seriously, I'm more Hispanic than she is. 41 00:02:00,013 --> 00:02:02,130 You know? Where's she from, Santo Connecticut? 42 00:02:02,215 --> 00:02:04,215 She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha. 43 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:05,800 Can Montez look less Hispanic? 44 00:02:05,885 --> 00:02:08,352 Jesus, Amy, we already covered that, okay? 45 00:02:08,438 --> 00:02:11,556 She's from El New Hampshire. 46 00:02:11,641 --> 00:02:15,560 ...James Whitman to head up our recount team. 47 00:02:15,695 --> 00:02:18,896 - Jesus! They got James Whitman. - This is not optimal. 48 00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:22,233 Where I'm from a vote is a vote, the law is the law, 49 00:02:22,318 --> 00:02:24,652 - and the count is the count. - He makes a lot of sense. 50 00:02:24,737 --> 00:02:28,122 All right, so they've got a Secretary of State and what do I have? 51 00:02:28,241 --> 00:02:29,740 Harpo, Chico, and Shito. 52 00:02:29,876 --> 00:02:31,409 - You know who we need? - Who? Who do we need? 53 00:02:31,544 --> 00:02:32,793 Bob Bradley, my old mentor. 54 00:02:32,912 --> 00:02:34,545 - The Eagle. - That'd be amazing. 55 00:02:34,631 --> 00:02:37,131 Served in more administrations than any man alive. 56 00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:38,799 Also an accomplished ballroom dancer. 57 00:02:38,918 --> 00:02:41,419 Okay, great, done. Let's get him. Bob Bradley. 58 00:02:41,554 --> 00:02:44,005 - He's our Whitman hit man. - Madam President, excuse me. 59 00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:46,090 I have the meeting with the Nevada Secretary of State. 60 00:02:46,226 --> 00:02:48,092 Oh, Amy, don't forget to bring Richard with you. 61 00:02:48,228 --> 00:02:50,311 Wait, really? Richard? He's... 62 00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:53,431 Ma'am, the DOD wants us to know that now the Chinese hackers 63 00:02:53,566 --> 00:02:55,399 have breached White House employee files. 64 00:02:55,485 --> 00:02:57,652 Maybe they can find out what some of these people are doing. 65 00:02:57,770 --> 00:02:59,353 Ooh, tell me about it. 66 00:02:59,439 --> 00:03:00,938 Oh, and you have a drop-by at a brunch 67 00:03:01,074 --> 00:03:02,740 to thank campaign volunteers. 68 00:03:02,825 --> 00:03:04,108 To thank them for what? 69 00:03:04,194 --> 00:03:06,444 This Olympic-size swimming pool of shit 70 00:03:06,579 --> 00:03:08,279 that I'm doing the backstroke in right now? 71 00:03:08,414 --> 00:03:10,114 Not a good idea to cancel, ma'am. 72 00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:11,365 Make Tom do it. 73 00:03:11,451 --> 00:03:13,000 He loves all that fake smiley shit. 74 00:03:13,119 --> 00:03:15,169 Tom has his banking task force today. 75 00:03:15,288 --> 00:03:16,038 His what? 76 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,313 It's a veritable who's who of Wall Street. 77 00:03:18,424 --> 00:03:20,424 Well, that sounds a lot sexier than my thing. 78 00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:22,543 Tell Tom that I get dibs on that. 79 00:03:22,629 --> 00:03:25,296 It's my presidential banking task force now. 80 00:03:25,381 --> 00:03:27,381 Well, Tom is not gonna be happy about that. 81 00:03:27,467 --> 00:03:30,017 Well, good. That's the way I like it. Open the door. 82 00:03:30,136 --> 00:03:31,886 The president will be there shaking hands 83 00:03:31,971 --> 00:03:34,272 and thanking some of the volunteers for their hard work 84 00:03:34,357 --> 00:03:36,274 at some point in the near future. 85 00:03:36,359 --> 00:03:38,309 I'll get back. 86 00:03:38,444 --> 00:03:41,312 - No breakfast for this guy. - Who's offering? 87 00:03:41,397 --> 00:03:45,149 You are looking at a guy on the master cleanse. I feel amazing. 88 00:03:45,235 --> 00:03:48,119 What in the lunatic fuck is the master cleanse? 89 00:03:48,204 --> 00:03:50,571 Sounds like Nazi domestic policy. 90 00:03:50,657 --> 00:03:52,573 Little known fact about the Nazis... 91 00:03:52,659 --> 00:03:55,409 their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof. 92 00:03:55,495 --> 00:03:58,162 Unbelievable numbers. Though also tragic. 93 00:03:58,298 --> 00:03:59,997 The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good. 94 00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,549 Yep, I don't eat food anymore. 95 00:04:01,668 --> 00:04:04,135 Just water, maple syrup, 96 00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:06,053 lemon juice, and cayenne pepper. 97 00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,556 Do you still take shits? 98 00:04:08,675 --> 00:04:11,342 Not exactly take. 99 00:04:11,427 --> 00:04:13,094 Welcome to Nevada. 100 00:04:13,179 --> 00:04:15,229 Everybody settle in. Make yourselves comfortable. 101 00:04:15,348 --> 00:04:18,849 Members of the Meyer-James and O'Brien-Montez campaign. 102 00:04:18,935 --> 00:04:21,986 Let's talk ground rules. According to Nevada law, 103 00:04:22,071 --> 00:04:25,489 if the recount sample shows a difference of 1% or more, 104 00:04:25,575 --> 00:04:29,160 which in this case comes to 512 votes, 105 00:04:29,245 --> 00:04:30,745 we go ahead and recount the whole state. 106 00:04:30,863 --> 00:04:33,114 Now, most of the voting here is touch screen, 107 00:04:33,199 --> 00:04:35,283 so we can't do more than retabulate those totals. 108 00:04:35,368 --> 00:04:39,036 Except you could recount the voter-verified paper audit trails. 109 00:04:39,172 --> 00:04:40,621 Sometimes there are big discrepancies. 110 00:04:40,707 --> 00:04:42,623 - Sir, in that case we motion... - On the other hand, 111 00:04:42,709 --> 00:04:45,459 the ninth circuit court of appeals ruled in Crowley v. Nevada 112 00:04:45,545 --> 00:04:48,462 that you don't have to recount the paper audit trails in local elections. 113 00:04:48,548 --> 00:04:50,765 - That's Crawley versus Nevada? - That's Crowley. 114 00:04:50,883 --> 00:04:52,350 Actually, you know what? I could email you. 115 00:04:52,435 --> 00:04:55,553 Or you could email me at splett2@splettnet.net. 116 00:04:55,638 --> 00:04:57,638 Splett1 is my father. It'll be sad to see him go, 117 00:04:57,724 --> 00:04:59,890 but it'll be nice to get my hands on that handle, you know? 118 00:05:00,026 --> 00:05:02,059 Is Meyer being a sore loser? 119 00:05:02,195 --> 00:05:05,062 - Spirits are very high. - The president won the popular vote. 120 00:05:05,198 --> 00:05:07,031 I didn't quite catch all your questions. 121 00:05:07,116 --> 00:05:09,066 - We had a pretty big setback in there. - We have to go. 122 00:05:09,202 --> 00:05:11,736 We're very late for another appointment. Thank you very much, everybody. 123 00:05:11,821 --> 00:05:13,621 What is wrong with you, you Paddington Bear-looking fuck? 124 00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:16,791 You just gave them a Time Life instruction manual on how to fuck us. 125 00:05:16,909 --> 00:05:19,910 You guys have Michael Jordan sitting on the bench here, 126 00:05:20,046 --> 00:05:21,879 but you're starting Hakeem Olajutwat. 127 00:05:21,964 --> 00:05:23,547 You are not Michael Jordan. 128 00:05:23,633 --> 00:05:25,666 You are a seven-foot-seven goony-looking Lithuanian 129 00:05:25,752 --> 00:05:28,836 who's gonna drop dead of Marfan syndrome. Get your ass in the car. 130 00:05:28,921 --> 00:05:31,505 - The Eagle's landed. - Yes, he has. 131 00:05:31,591 --> 00:05:33,424 - Madam President. - Yes? 132 00:05:33,559 --> 00:05:35,426 This is truly an honor to serve you. 133 00:05:35,561 --> 00:05:36,761 Well, thank you very much. 134 00:05:36,896 --> 00:05:38,896 Plus I would never miss the opportunity 135 00:05:38,981 --> 00:05:41,148 to dry fuck Jim Whitman up the ass. 136 00:05:41,267 --> 00:05:43,768 Catherine, out. 137 00:05:43,853 --> 00:05:46,687 Oh, Bob, I need to introduce you to Amy Brookheimer 138 00:05:46,773 --> 00:05:48,489 and her team in Nevada right here. 139 00:05:48,608 --> 00:05:50,324 Nice to meet you, Mr. Bradley. 140 00:05:50,443 --> 00:05:52,777 How many lawyers you got on the ground in Carson City? 141 00:05:52,912 --> 00:05:53,816 I believe it's roughly... 142 00:05:53,841 --> 00:05:55,720 I want you to double it by the end of the day. 143 00:05:55,782 --> 00:05:58,115 Now, let's talk about the actual recount. 144 00:05:58,201 --> 00:06:00,334 Well, I noticed something funny about the mail-in ballots. 145 00:06:00,453 --> 00:06:02,787 All right, let's hear it, Affirmative Action Jackson. 146 00:06:02,872 --> 00:06:06,457 Well, the county clerk of Nye County disqualified a huge number of mail-in ballots 147 00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:08,342 because the signatures didn't match the voter rolls, 148 00:06:08,461 --> 00:06:11,212 so I checked and he's an O'Brien fundraiser. 149 00:06:11,297 --> 00:06:13,681 He probably chucked out a ton of Meyer votes. 150 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,850 Why aren't you moving on this, blondie? 151 00:06:15,968 --> 00:06:19,303 Right, Amy. Come on, get it together. My God in heaven. 152 00:06:19,389 --> 00:06:21,722 We will get right on it, ma'am, sir. 153 00:06:21,808 --> 00:06:24,392 Bob, what do you think? Are we gonna win this thing? 154 00:06:24,477 --> 00:06:26,811 I mean, really honestly, your true gut. 155 00:06:26,946 --> 00:06:28,696 Well, Madam President, I've got big balls, 156 00:06:28,815 --> 00:06:31,399 - but neither one of them are crystal. - Oh, darn it. 157 00:06:31,484 --> 00:06:34,034 This reminds me of something that Dick Nixon used to say 158 00:06:34,153 --> 00:06:36,487 to Henry Kissinger back when that tricky son of a bitch 159 00:06:36,622 --> 00:06:39,623 was trying to get us out of that messy business called Vietnam. 160 00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:40,530 Vietnam, right. 161 00:06:40,555 --> 00:06:43,017 He would say, "Henry, you son of a bitch. 162 00:06:43,129 --> 00:06:45,746 I can lead a horse to water, but I can't milk it." 163 00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:50,167 Can't milk it! I don't even know what that means. 164 00:06:50,303 --> 00:06:52,720 - I love it. - I've got to make a million phone calls. 165 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,755 - So you'll have to excuse me. - All right. 166 00:06:54,841 --> 00:06:58,008 - Good-bye, everyone. - Fantastic. Good-bye. We got our guy. 167 00:06:58,094 --> 00:06:59,677 - Hey, Bob. - Yeah? 168 00:06:59,812 --> 00:07:02,730 You don't remember me. I was an intern way back when you were... 169 00:07:02,849 --> 00:07:04,098 Of course I remember you. 170 00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:07,518 Lookie here. Ben Cafferty all grown up. 171 00:07:07,603 --> 00:07:10,321 We used to have a million nicknames for this guy. 172 00:07:10,406 --> 00:07:12,523 We called him Fatty Dicksuckle 173 00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:14,825 and B-B-Benny and the Jizz. 174 00:07:14,911 --> 00:07:16,327 Buttfucker. 175 00:07:16,412 --> 00:07:17,945 Buttfucker, that's me. 176 00:07:18,030 --> 00:07:20,164 I can't believe you remembered my nickname. 177 00:07:20,249 --> 00:07:22,032 Good to see you. Nice to see you. 178 00:07:22,168 --> 00:07:25,369 Oh, good old Sue. You're still here. 179 00:07:25,505 --> 00:07:29,089 - My, oh, my. - Still here? 180 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:32,176 He hasn't worked in the White House since the late '80s. 181 00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:34,712 - How old is Sue? - Huh? 182 00:07:34,847 --> 00:07:37,097 Well, that's clearly a vote for Meyer. 183 00:07:37,216 --> 00:07:39,216 It says her name right there. It's a write-in. 184 00:07:39,352 --> 00:07:40,935 It says "Fuck Selina Meyer." 185 00:07:41,053 --> 00:07:42,803 If anything, that one should count for us. 186 00:07:42,889 --> 00:07:44,138 Move to call this a no vote. 187 00:07:44,223 --> 00:07:46,390 No, no, no. See, right there. 188 00:07:46,526 --> 00:07:48,442 See that? Yeah, that's a comma. 189 00:07:48,561 --> 00:07:50,361 - Where? - After fuck, that is a comma. 190 00:07:50,446 --> 00:07:51,779 So it doesn't say "Fuck Selina Meyer." 191 00:07:51,898 --> 00:07:53,981 It says, you know, "Fuck, Selina Meyer!" 192 00:07:54,066 --> 00:07:56,867 That's a testament to this voter's earthy 193 00:07:56,953 --> 00:07:59,537 but unambiguous enthusiasm for President Meyer. 194 00:07:59,622 --> 00:08:00,988 Absolutely. 195 00:08:03,743 --> 00:08:06,961 - Vote for Meyer. - Yes! Yeah. 196 00:08:08,748 --> 00:08:11,749 - Madam President. - Yes, Mr. Economy Czar. 197 00:08:11,884 --> 00:08:14,919 Welcome to your banking task force. 198 00:08:15,004 --> 00:08:16,971 - Great idea of yours. - Yeah, it is, isn't it? 199 00:08:17,089 --> 00:08:19,473 I'm looking forward to hearing what my next great idea is gonna be. 200 00:08:19,592 --> 00:08:21,175 Oh, I'm glad that you're able to turn 201 00:08:21,260 --> 00:08:23,761 my actual policy meeting into a meaningless photo op. 202 00:08:23,846 --> 00:08:26,480 I'm sure the Dow is rocketing skywards as we speak. 203 00:08:26,599 --> 00:08:29,767 Don't you have a volunteers brunch or something to get to? 204 00:08:29,852 --> 00:08:32,269 - I think you do. - Hmm, yeah. 205 00:08:32,355 --> 00:08:35,239 And I have to tell you, it is a pleasure to watch those people eat. 206 00:08:35,324 --> 00:08:39,243 - Madam President. - Yeah, take it easy. 207 00:08:39,328 --> 00:08:41,745 - Wow. I know. - Wow. 208 00:08:43,616 --> 00:08:45,199 Boss boots, boss. 209 00:08:45,284 --> 00:08:48,285 Oh, thanks. Yeah, check those out. Genuine crocodile skin. 210 00:08:48,371 --> 00:08:50,454 Yeah, I'm gonna be pulling down Clint Eastwood 211 00:08:50,590 --> 00:08:52,423 cowboy movie style pussy in these things. 212 00:08:52,508 --> 00:08:54,091 Except I'm not the man with no name. 213 00:08:54,176 --> 00:08:55,593 I'm the man with mo' game. 214 00:08:57,597 --> 00:09:01,181 Afternoon, sir. We're here because your ballot 215 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:03,183 was disqualified because your signature didn't match... 216 00:09:03,302 --> 00:09:04,935 okay, well, fooled me with that one. 217 00:09:05,021 --> 00:09:07,638 - Good job, team. - Yeah, nice job, Richard. 218 00:09:07,773 --> 00:09:09,640 That's not how I would've done it if I was in charge. 219 00:09:09,775 --> 00:09:11,358 How would you have done it? 220 00:09:11,477 --> 00:09:13,310 I can't teach how I do it. 221 00:09:13,396 --> 00:09:16,730 Can Paul McCartney teach Kid Rock how to be a good songwriter? 222 00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:19,450 I mean, that's a bad example. Kid Rock rules, but... 223 00:09:21,654 --> 00:09:24,788 Hey, ma'am, this is Charlie Baird, CEO of EM Wheelright. 224 00:09:24,874 --> 00:09:26,457 - Hello, Madam President. - You're Charlie Baird. 225 00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:28,158 - I am. Good to see you. - Yes, good to see you, too. 226 00:09:28,244 --> 00:09:29,543 - Thanks for coming today. - My pleasure. 227 00:09:29,662 --> 00:09:31,211 I thought this was going to be two hours 228 00:09:31,330 --> 00:09:33,330 of Tom James lecturing us about being paid too much. 229 00:09:33,466 --> 00:09:36,584 Well, Tom can be, dare I say... 230 00:09:36,669 --> 00:09:38,636 A bit of an asshat? 231 00:09:38,721 --> 00:09:41,305 Actually, I was gonna say a champion for the middle class, 232 00:09:41,390 --> 00:09:44,475 but I kind of like your thing better to tell you the truth. 233 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,226 Ma'am, this is Phillip Ryan. He's the... 234 00:09:46,345 --> 00:09:48,345 - Can you hang on just two seconds? - Of course. 235 00:09:48,431 --> 00:09:51,649 So let me ask you this. What in the heck is going on with the markets? 236 00:09:51,734 --> 00:09:53,350 - I don't know. - Oh, great. 237 00:09:53,436 --> 00:09:54,935 I do know that yesterday morning 238 00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:57,855 this room felt about $25 billion smarter. 239 00:09:57,940 --> 00:10:01,659 Yeah, I think that's what all of you donated to my opponent, right? 240 00:10:01,744 --> 00:10:04,111 Full disclosure, I did donate to your campaign as well. 241 00:10:04,196 --> 00:10:05,863 Mm-hmm. Two grand? 242 00:10:05,998 --> 00:10:08,115 Where'd you find that? In your sofa seat cushion? 243 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,417 I think it was in my other pants, Madam President. 244 00:10:10,536 --> 00:10:12,586 - Good. Nice to have you here. - Hey, ma'am. 245 00:10:12,705 --> 00:10:14,643 This is Eli Park. He's the CEO of CM Capital. 246 00:10:14,668 --> 00:10:15,313 Oh, yes. 247 00:10:15,374 --> 00:10:17,875 - Oh, hello, Eli. - Madam President. 248 00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:20,844 - Yes, how is Susan? - He's divorced. 249 00:10:20,930 --> 00:10:24,131 Not in jail for what she did to you. 250 00:10:24,216 --> 00:10:26,684 Honestly, it is an outrage. But I'm happy you're here. 251 00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:28,852 And I think we've got to get this meeting going, don't we? 252 00:10:28,938 --> 00:10:30,521 It's got to get... yeah, yeah, yeah. 253 00:10:30,606 --> 00:10:32,272 - Thank you. - Thank you, Madam President. 254 00:10:32,391 --> 00:10:35,726 Oh, thank you very much. Oh, Jesus Christ. 255 00:10:35,811 --> 00:10:37,478 Don't worry about Eli. 256 00:10:37,563 --> 00:10:39,647 Brooks Brothers sews prenups into all our suits. 257 00:10:39,732 --> 00:10:42,149 - Oh, are you divorced? - Oh, yeah, proudly. 258 00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:43,901 Yeah, best thing me and my husband ever did. 259 00:10:44,036 --> 00:10:46,487 Including our daughter. 260 00:10:46,572 --> 00:10:49,573 Listen, I heard you on Bloomberg 261 00:10:49,659 --> 00:10:51,825 talking about my financial acumen, 262 00:10:51,911 --> 00:10:55,462 and I have to say you were wildly out of line. 263 00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:57,748 - Well, most of that is just for show. - Uh-huh. 264 00:10:57,833 --> 00:11:00,250 But, with all due respect, Madam President, 265 00:11:00,386 --> 00:11:02,252 some of your economic policies 266 00:11:02,388 --> 00:11:05,839 are what my friend Katie Gross likes to call fakakta. 267 00:11:05,925 --> 00:11:07,641 Katie Gross? You know Katie Gross? 268 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,093 I went to Smith with Katie Gross. 269 00:11:09,178 --> 00:11:11,145 - I dated Katie Gross. - Yeah, so did I. 270 00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:13,230 'Cause I was at Smith. No, it's a Smith joke. 271 00:11:13,315 --> 00:11:15,315 - That's incredible. - This is Elizabeth Moorehouse. 272 00:11:15,434 --> 00:11:17,484 - Oh, hi, how are you? - I'm well, thank you. 273 00:11:17,603 --> 00:11:20,354 - Thank you for coming today. - My pleasure, Madam President. 274 00:11:20,439 --> 00:11:22,356 I hope you can talk some sense into the fed. 275 00:11:22,441 --> 00:11:24,108 Excuse me, sorry to interrupt. 276 00:11:24,243 --> 00:11:27,828 Madam President, Katie says to tell you Hubbard forever. 277 00:11:27,947 --> 00:11:29,113 - She didn't. - She did. 278 00:11:29,248 --> 00:11:30,497 She didn't! That's hilar... 279 00:11:30,616 --> 00:11:33,250 that was our dorm and it was repulsive. 280 00:11:33,335 --> 00:11:35,536 - You know Katie Gross? - It sounds familiar. 281 00:11:35,621 --> 00:11:37,121 I bet your paths have crossed. 282 00:11:37,206 --> 00:11:40,791 The second signature was when Carl had his stroke. 283 00:11:40,926 --> 00:11:43,544 Oh, that's fantastic. I mean, fantastic for us 284 00:11:43,629 --> 00:11:46,463 because it means that his vote for President Meyer is legitimate. 285 00:11:46,599 --> 00:11:49,633 - Could he testify to that? - I'm sorry, he's passed. 286 00:11:49,769 --> 00:11:52,052 Sorry. You should read C.S. Lewis's book on grief. 287 00:11:52,138 --> 00:11:54,138 It's not as fun as "The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe" series, 288 00:11:54,223 --> 00:11:56,140 - but it's still pretty good. - Ma'am, hi. 289 00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:59,226 Jonah Ryan, Senior Deputy Recount Strategist for the Meyer campaign. 290 00:11:59,311 --> 00:12:02,146 Would it be all right if we waited for your husband inside? 291 00:12:02,281 --> 00:12:04,648 - I think I have a small blister. - I'm sorry. 292 00:12:04,784 --> 00:12:07,367 Alav hashalom. Hebrew. 293 00:12:07,486 --> 00:12:11,038 Maybe you should put on your regular shoes for a little bit? 294 00:12:11,157 --> 00:12:14,374 You know what? I am sick of your micromanaging bullshit. 295 00:12:14,493 --> 00:12:17,578 But if you insist, yes, I will stop by the hotel. 296 00:12:17,663 --> 00:12:20,631 We can do that. It's a two-minute walk. 297 00:12:20,716 --> 00:12:23,167 Oh, sorry, two miles. Ha, so... 298 00:12:23,252 --> 00:12:24,218 God. 299 00:12:26,088 --> 00:12:28,672 Well, well, well, if it isn't TV's Ellen DeGeneres 300 00:12:28,758 --> 00:12:30,841 and of course Amy Brookheimer. 301 00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:32,760 Congressman Furlong, to what do we owe 302 00:12:32,845 --> 00:12:34,928 this pleasure slash skin-crawling sensation? 303 00:12:35,014 --> 00:12:38,265 Well, I just came out West to play a little Cowboys and Injuns 304 00:12:38,350 --> 00:12:40,400 with Big Chief Suckum Choad here. 305 00:12:40,519 --> 00:12:42,236 Say it. 306 00:12:42,354 --> 00:12:44,021 How. 307 00:12:44,156 --> 00:12:46,690 Me suck pee pee in teepee. 308 00:12:46,776 --> 00:12:49,493 Atta girl. 309 00:12:49,578 --> 00:12:51,361 Actually, Bob Bradley asked me to come out here 310 00:12:51,497 --> 00:12:55,032 and dazzle some of these armadillo fuckers with my political star power. 311 00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:57,417 Step aside, roadkill. Big rig coming through. 312 00:12:57,536 --> 00:12:58,836 Hi, Amy, Dan. 313 00:12:58,921 --> 00:13:00,254 - Hi again. - How you doing? 314 00:13:00,372 --> 00:13:01,922 That is not an overvote. 315 00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:04,508 The voter crossed out O'Brien's name and voted for Meyer. 316 00:13:04,593 --> 00:13:05,959 That is a vote for Meyer. 317 00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:07,878 Move to rule it an overvote. 318 00:13:08,013 --> 00:13:10,347 Hey, Grimace. What are you... 319 00:13:10,432 --> 00:13:12,266 no, no, no, not you. 320 00:13:12,384 --> 00:13:15,018 The other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace. 321 00:13:15,104 --> 00:13:17,437 That is not an overvote. You need to trust me on this 322 00:13:17,556 --> 00:13:19,223 because I've been doing this since before your mother 323 00:13:19,358 --> 00:13:21,391 was throwing herself down the stairs belly first. 324 00:13:21,527 --> 00:13:22,810 You want me to get you some glasses? 325 00:13:22,895 --> 00:13:24,695 Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese? 326 00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:27,481 He can come in here and explain election procedures to you. 327 00:13:27,566 --> 00:13:29,783 Oh, I'm not... 328 00:13:29,902 --> 00:13:31,985 - Tracy. - Look, it's... you're wearing purple. 329 00:13:32,071 --> 00:13:34,371 All right? It's got nothing to do with your body shape 330 00:13:34,456 --> 00:13:37,908 or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly. 331 00:13:38,043 --> 00:13:40,744 Hey, you know, we have to get to your next meeting at the... 332 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,713 That's right. Good call. God bless you. 333 00:13:42,798 --> 00:13:45,082 God bless America. 334 00:13:45,217 --> 00:13:49,386 When you're ready, we would like to vigorously contest your ruling. 335 00:13:49,471 --> 00:13:52,222 Oh, ma'am, I have photos to approve from the banking task force. 336 00:13:52,308 --> 00:13:55,392 And you have a meeting with Olympic medalists in five. 337 00:13:55,477 --> 00:13:56,216 Special or normal? 338 00:13:56,241 --> 00:13:58,252 Well, they seemed normal, but I'll confirm. 339 00:13:58,314 --> 00:13:59,763 Okay. 340 00:13:59,849 --> 00:14:03,317 So you catch "The Godfather" on TV last night? 341 00:14:03,435 --> 00:14:04,219 No. 342 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:06,594 There was nothing like seeing it in the theater 343 00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:10,274 when it first came out back in '72. 344 00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:12,442 I don't care for movies. 345 00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:18,615 You've truly brought honor to America with your kayaking. 346 00:14:18,751 --> 00:14:21,618 So congratulations on your gold medal. 347 00:14:21,704 --> 00:14:24,705 - It's bronze. - Oh. Oh, bronze medal. 348 00:14:24,790 --> 00:14:26,673 Did we get it? Oh, and thank you for this. 349 00:14:26,792 --> 00:14:28,959 I can't wait to try it out on the Potomac. 350 00:14:29,044 --> 00:14:30,594 - All right, guys. Right this way. - Okay. 351 00:14:30,679 --> 00:14:32,429 Great. Great. Great. Great. Okay. 352 00:14:32,514 --> 00:14:34,131 Fuck am I supposed to do with this? 353 00:14:34,266 --> 00:14:36,850 - It'd be nice for your library. - What? 354 00:14:36,969 --> 00:14:38,802 Catherine, out. 355 00:14:38,938 --> 00:14:42,022 So what's the press saying about our banking task force? 356 00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:44,141 They opened wide and slurped it down, ma'am. 357 00:14:44,276 --> 00:14:46,109 You know what I was thinking? 358 00:14:46,195 --> 00:14:49,313 I was thinking that I would like to do another banking task force. 359 00:14:49,448 --> 00:14:51,164 I bet we could get Pallenberg at Barclays. 360 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:52,306 I see no problem there. 361 00:14:52,368 --> 00:14:55,152 No, you know who had a lot to say was that guy from Wheelright. 362 00:14:55,237 --> 00:14:58,071 Charlie... Baird. 363 00:14:58,157 --> 00:14:59,957 - Really? - Uh-huh. 364 00:15:00,042 --> 00:15:03,043 Ma'am, I don't think right now 365 00:15:03,162 --> 00:15:05,996 would be the best time for another banking task force. 366 00:15:06,081 --> 00:15:08,715 No, I just want to have a quick banking task force. 367 00:15:08,834 --> 00:15:12,386 With all due respect, ma'am, you know, the banks will still be, 368 00:15:12,504 --> 00:15:15,222 you know, raring to go for a task force, 369 00:15:15,341 --> 00:15:18,475 you know, when you're safely reelected. 370 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,094 I'm human, okay? I just... 371 00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:25,816 I just sometimes need a little banking task force. 372 00:15:25,901 --> 00:15:29,686 Well, ma'am, if you want, I can arrange a more discreet banking task force. 373 00:15:29,822 --> 00:15:31,855 I don't want that kind of banking task force. 374 00:15:31,991 --> 00:15:33,824 I want the banking task force that I want. 375 00:15:33,909 --> 00:15:35,826 What about Patty Driscoll from Deutsche Bank? 376 00:15:35,911 --> 00:15:38,278 She's very good. Might be nice to throw a woman in the mix. 377 00:15:38,364 --> 00:15:40,364 Ma'am, Amy's on video conference. 378 00:15:40,449 --> 00:15:42,699 Amy, what is it? 379 00:15:42,835 --> 00:15:45,535 - Can you see me? I can't see you. - Yeah. 380 00:15:45,621 --> 00:15:47,955 - Am I on your screen? - Who cares if you can't see me? 381 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,374 We're not looking at each other's hairdos. What's going on in Nevada? 382 00:15:50,459 --> 00:15:52,376 - Kent, are you sitting on a bottle? - Shh, shh! 383 00:15:52,511 --> 00:15:54,127 - Ma'am, where are you? - Amy? 384 00:15:54,213 --> 00:15:57,014 Ah, there you are. Precinct totals have been reported. 385 00:15:57,099 --> 00:15:59,216 We got... votes. 386 00:15:59,351 --> 00:16:01,385 Wait, you just went out. What did you just say? 387 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,136 We got... votes. 388 00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:05,806 - How many votes did we get? - Let me try a landline. 389 00:16:05,891 --> 00:16:08,392 - I'm losing my mind. - We got it. We got it. 390 00:16:08,527 --> 00:16:11,395 512 votes. Full state recount is a go. 391 00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:14,231 Fucking recount! 392 00:16:14,366 --> 00:16:17,200 - Oh, my God! - This is favorable news. 393 00:16:17,286 --> 00:16:20,737 Oh, my God, this is my house. This is my house. 394 00:16:20,873 --> 00:16:24,741 Hey, guys, listen up. Okay, precinct totals have been reported and... 395 00:16:24,827 --> 00:16:27,377 Oh, just hang up on her. Wait, where is Catherine? 396 00:16:27,463 --> 00:16:29,413 She should be getting this for her little movie. 397 00:16:29,498 --> 00:16:32,249 I'm feeling light-headed. That bottle's my only source of blood sugar. 398 00:16:32,384 --> 00:16:34,751 Okay, Gary, I'm wanna get Charlie Baird in for another meeting. 399 00:16:34,837 --> 00:16:36,219 You want me to invite some other people? 400 00:16:36,305 --> 00:16:37,971 - No, no, no, just him. - Oh. 401 00:16:38,090 --> 00:16:39,222 - Just him? - Yep. 402 00:16:39,308 --> 00:16:40,757 Here's your stupid bottle. 403 00:16:40,893 --> 00:16:43,560 Stop with the Kabuki show and eat a fucking cookie. 404 00:16:43,645 --> 00:16:47,814 Uh, Mike, remind me again the science behind this. 405 00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:54,604 Now I feel great. 406 00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:57,491 You guys have got to try this. 407 00:16:57,609 --> 00:16:59,609 We need surrogates for the Sunday talk shows. 408 00:16:59,695 --> 00:17:01,611 - Right. - Chung will do it. 409 00:17:01,747 --> 00:17:04,531 Chung would volunteer for a beheading video to get national airtime. 410 00:17:04,616 --> 00:17:06,366 I'd actually like to see that. 411 00:17:06,452 --> 00:17:08,785 Ma'am, Tom James is here sans appointment. 412 00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:12,622 Bleh. Can you go tell him to fuck a bag of glass or something? 413 00:17:12,708 --> 00:17:15,292 Actually, I told him something similar to that, but he's most insistent. 414 00:17:15,427 --> 00:17:17,627 Oh, okay. Send him in. 415 00:17:17,713 --> 00:17:20,514 Hi there. This is an unexpected pleasure. 416 00:17:20,632 --> 00:17:23,934 No, no, no, guys. I want you to hear this. 417 00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:26,970 Ma'am, on reflection, I totally understand 418 00:17:27,106 --> 00:17:29,689 why you needed to take the lead on the banking task force. 419 00:17:29,808 --> 00:17:33,560 And I am ready to do whatever I need to do to help the team. 420 00:17:33,645 --> 00:17:38,365 So, economy czar, kids' birthday parties, reflecting pool boy. 421 00:17:38,484 --> 00:17:41,034 Just don't ask me to be the United Nations ambassador 422 00:17:41,153 --> 00:17:42,736 'cause I still have some pride. 423 00:17:45,157 --> 00:17:47,457 I wanted to say that and I'll leave you guys alone. 424 00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:50,577 - Thank you so much. - Oh, great. Thanks. Good to see you. 425 00:17:50,662 --> 00:17:53,630 Oh, by the way, I just polished the floor in the Eisenhower Room. 426 00:17:53,715 --> 00:17:56,133 - Tom, stop. - Be careful in there, all right? 427 00:17:56,218 --> 00:17:58,218 - Huh? - That was something. 428 00:17:58,337 --> 00:18:01,972 Why did Tom James just wrap up his balls in butcher paper and put them in my purse? 429 00:18:02,057 --> 00:18:04,841 Because he thinks you're gonna win Nevada. 430 00:18:04,977 --> 00:18:06,843 - Tom thinks I'm gonna win Nevada? - Yeah. 431 00:18:06,979 --> 00:18:09,179 - "Nev-add-a." - He's the smartest guy in DC. 432 00:18:09,314 --> 00:18:11,431 You know that? He's a lot smarter than you dummies. 433 00:18:11,517 --> 00:18:15,185 Seriously, if Tom thinks I'm gonna win Nevada, I'm gonna win. 434 00:18:16,688 --> 00:18:17,904 Ma'am, Charlie Baird is here. 435 00:18:18,023 --> 00:18:20,023 Oh. 436 00:18:20,109 --> 00:18:21,525 Hey, I'm gonna be president, 437 00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:24,528 so I can go take a shit in the Rose Garden if I want to. 438 00:18:24,663 --> 00:18:26,947 We used to call that a Jimmy Carter. 439 00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:29,583 Charlie Baird. Move. 440 00:18:29,701 --> 00:18:31,952 Madam President. What a lovely surprise. 441 00:18:32,037 --> 00:18:33,370 Oh, thank you. 442 00:18:33,455 --> 00:18:35,589 I thought my $2,000 donation only entitled me to a photo. 443 00:18:35,707 --> 00:18:38,375 - How are you? - I am good. I am energized. 444 00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:42,179 So, you know, you made an interesting point earlier today about the bond market... 445 00:18:42,264 --> 00:18:44,264 but you know what? Before we do that, 446 00:18:44,383 --> 00:18:47,100 would you like to go on a tour of the West Wing? Would that be fun? 447 00:18:47,219 --> 00:18:48,898 I don't know if you have time for that, ma'am. 448 00:18:48,923 --> 00:18:49,743 Yeah, I have time. 449 00:18:49,855 --> 00:18:52,022 - Okay. - Yeah? Okay. 450 00:18:52,107 --> 00:18:53,416 I warn you, I had a pretty comprehensive White 451 00:18:53,441 --> 00:18:54,582 House tour on my fifth grade class trip. 452 00:18:54,643 --> 00:18:58,645 I actually know a lot about West Wing history if you'd like... no. 453 00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:00,730 I feel like that guy doesn't like me very much. 454 00:19:00,816 --> 00:19:02,532 - Who, Gary? - Yeah. 455 00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:04,534 Come on, that's like saying that the cat doesn't like you 456 00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:06,069 or that table doesn't like you. 457 00:19:06,155 --> 00:19:08,071 Okay, now, there's this Rockwell down here 458 00:19:08,207 --> 00:19:11,658 that is so stunning and I swear to God if I lose this fucking election, 459 00:19:11,743 --> 00:19:14,244 I'm gonna stick it in my suitcase and I'm taking it with me. 460 00:19:14,329 --> 00:19:15,579 - Love Rockwell. - Yeah. 461 00:19:15,664 --> 00:19:17,914 - I have a bunch of Rockwells. - You do? 462 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,416 - Yeah. - You're kidding. 463 00:19:19,551 --> 00:19:21,301 - No. - Where are they? 464 00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:23,837 Some beach house. 465 00:19:23,922 --> 00:19:26,640 - Not sure which beach. - You are wild. 466 00:19:26,758 --> 00:19:28,391 In another person it would be bragging, 467 00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:30,060 but with you it's something different. 468 00:19:30,145 --> 00:19:32,429 Oh, wait a minute. I got to show you this. 469 00:19:32,514 --> 00:19:34,397 Okay, see this closet? 470 00:19:34,483 --> 00:19:36,016 I don't know if you've heard about this, 471 00:19:36,101 --> 00:19:39,102 but this is the actual closet where Warren Harding 472 00:19:39,238 --> 00:19:41,771 fathered a child with his teenage mistress. 473 00:19:41,857 --> 00:19:45,158 They left that off our fifth grade tour. 474 00:19:46,695 --> 00:19:48,612 Did they show you the residence? 475 00:19:48,697 --> 00:19:51,414 Nope. 476 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,950 Uh, you want to see the residence? 477 00:19:54,086 --> 00:19:55,452 Uh, yeah. 478 00:19:55,537 --> 00:19:57,170 Okay. 479 00:19:59,007 --> 00:20:01,875 - Fuck, today. - Now, was that a vote in favor of today? 480 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,045 Oh, that was a fuck, comma, today, yes! 481 00:20:08,016 --> 00:20:10,433 Oh, I didn't... yeah, this is me. 482 00:20:10,519 --> 00:20:12,936 This is me. Uh... 483 00:20:13,021 --> 00:20:14,854 - Okay, good night. - Good night, yeah. 484 00:20:14,973 --> 00:20:16,640 God damn it. Come on. 485 00:20:16,725 --> 00:20:18,358 Jesus Christ. 486 00:20:18,477 --> 00:20:20,977 I've had to get this key card changed twice. 487 00:20:21,113 --> 00:20:23,780 - Because it's like... - Okay, allow me. 488 00:20:28,987 --> 00:20:31,238 - Ooh, hi, Amy. - Whoa. 489 00:20:31,323 --> 00:20:33,873 You didn't tell me faggy hair was here. 490 00:20:33,992 --> 00:20:35,909 Sophie, haven't seen you in years. 491 00:20:35,994 --> 00:20:38,245 How are your illegitimate children? 492 00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:40,830 I asked my sister to send me a change of clothes 493 00:20:40,966 --> 00:20:43,667 and apparently she has decided to bring them herself. 494 00:20:43,802 --> 00:20:45,302 - Uh-huh. - Your hotel room sucks. 495 00:20:45,387 --> 00:20:48,505 I thought that Carson City was, like, part of Las Vegas. 496 00:20:48,590 --> 00:20:50,390 Vegas is 432 miles away. 497 00:20:50,509 --> 00:20:52,976 Sorry I'm not a "where everything is" nerd. 498 00:20:53,061 --> 00:20:54,477 Were you two just about to bone? 499 00:20:54,563 --> 00:20:56,396 Okay, well, 500 00:20:56,515 --> 00:20:58,682 you enjoy all that. 501 00:20:58,817 --> 00:21:01,017 - I'm gonna... - Oh, no, no, no. 502 00:21:01,153 --> 00:21:03,353 What happens in Vegas, it stays in Vegas. 503 00:21:03,438 --> 00:21:06,573 We're not in Vegas. 504 00:21:06,692 --> 00:21:08,658 You know, I hardly ever did that with President Hughes. 505 00:21:08,744 --> 00:21:10,994 And even when we did, I was just kind of going through the motions. 506 00:21:11,079 --> 00:21:14,497 Oh, thank you very much. That's very flattering. 507 00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:16,950 - Maybe we can do this... - We got to get you out of here. 508 00:21:17,035 --> 00:21:18,702 - Right. - I'm gonna call Gary 509 00:21:18,787 --> 00:21:20,620 and get him to take you to the southeast gate. 510 00:21:20,706 --> 00:21:23,089 Can you send Gary up here, please? Yeah, thank you. 511 00:21:23,208 --> 00:21:26,176 - But I really did have a great time. - No, no, no, I did, too. 512 00:21:26,261 --> 00:21:28,628 I mean, I'm just saying I'm not that kind of a president. 513 00:21:28,714 --> 00:21:31,097 - Got it. - Yeah. Do you know where my shoes are? 514 00:21:31,216 --> 00:21:34,267 - I think you... we started in there. - Yes, they're here. 515 00:21:34,386 --> 00:21:36,469 Yeah. 516 00:21:36,555 --> 00:21:39,356 - Come in! - Okay, let's go. 517 00:21:39,441 --> 00:21:41,891 You must be Gary. We haven't officially met. 518 00:21:42,027 --> 00:21:44,277 I'm Charlie Baird. 519 00:21:44,396 --> 00:21:46,146 Uh, nice to meet you. 520 00:21:46,231 --> 00:21:48,281 Where you from? 521 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,901 - Birmingham, Alabama. - Ah, underrated city. 522 00:21:52,037 --> 00:21:54,037 You're telling me. 523 00:21:54,122 --> 00:21:55,989 You're telling me. 524 00:21:56,074 --> 00:21:57,907 They call it the Pittsburgh of the South. 525 00:21:58,043 --> 00:21:59,743 You come from a big family, do you? 526 00:21:59,828 --> 00:22:02,078 I do come from a big family. I do, I do, I do. 527 00:22:02,214 --> 00:22:05,498 It's actually just me. I'm an only child. 528 00:22:05,584 --> 00:22:09,252 Oh, Gary, can you take Mr. Baird to the southeast gate, please? 529 00:22:09,338 --> 00:22:11,304 Oh, so soon? 530 00:22:11,423 --> 00:22:13,923 But what I want to know, Bob, 531 00:22:14,059 --> 00:22:17,427 is do we put a full recount team in all the rural precincts 532 00:22:17,562 --> 00:22:19,596 or do we just focus on Reno and Vegas? 533 00:22:19,731 --> 00:22:23,850 Well, what you have here is a classic two fires, one glove situation. 534 00:22:23,935 --> 00:22:26,686 And you need to know which hand to put the glove on. 535 00:22:26,772 --> 00:22:28,104 - That's exactly right. - Exactly. 536 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:29,989 You know, as much as it pains me 537 00:22:30,108 --> 00:22:31,408 to leave your company, Madam President, 538 00:22:31,493 --> 00:22:33,276 I got to catch a flight to Nebraska. 539 00:22:33,412 --> 00:22:36,363 No, oh, wait a minute. You mean Nevada. Nevada. 540 00:22:36,448 --> 00:22:38,281 - What did I say? - You said Nebraska. 541 00:22:38,367 --> 00:22:40,617 - Well, I'll get that one for you, too. - Okay. 542 00:22:40,752 --> 00:22:42,419 Listen, safe travels, my friend. 543 00:22:42,504 --> 00:22:44,537 Thank you. Gentlemen. 544 00:22:44,623 --> 00:22:47,123 - Buttfucker. - Bye, Bob. 545 00:22:47,209 --> 00:22:48,934 Honestly, they don't make them like that anymore. 546 00:22:48,959 --> 00:22:49,533 The best. 547 00:22:49,628 --> 00:22:52,545 - He's from a different age. - When giants walked these halls. 548 00:22:52,631 --> 00:22:54,130 - Ma'am. - Yeah? 549 00:22:54,266 --> 00:22:56,766 You have a drop-by with the Canadian Trade Delegation in 30. 550 00:22:56,852 --> 00:22:59,719 - Oh, I forgot about that. - And FYI, Charlie Baird's on TV. 551 00:22:59,805 --> 00:23:03,106 You know, I was over in the East Wing and I saw a painting of Sue 552 00:23:03,191 --> 00:23:06,025 holding George Washington's horse. 553 00:23:06,144 --> 00:23:08,311 Senator Bill O'Brien made remarks... 554 00:23:08,447 --> 00:23:11,481 Catherine, I can't even begin. Out. 555 00:23:11,616 --> 00:23:13,149 Charlie Baird is a friend of mine. 556 00:23:13,285 --> 00:23:17,203 Charlie Baird is one of the great financial minds of our time 557 00:23:17,322 --> 00:23:20,206 and would be an asset to any administration. 558 00:23:20,325 --> 00:23:22,208 - You're kidding. - No. 559 00:23:22,327 --> 00:23:24,744 He fucked me and then he fucked me? 560 00:23:24,830 --> 00:23:26,079 What, is he trying to fuck me? 561 00:23:26,164 --> 00:23:28,748 I bet he's really sorry. 562 00:23:30,585 --> 00:23:32,752 Hey, ma'am, Charlie's here. 563 00:23:32,838 --> 00:23:34,671 He seems really sad. 564 00:23:34,756 --> 00:23:37,724 - I always count to 10... - Shut it. 565 00:23:40,846 --> 00:23:43,897 You went straight from here to O'Brien's hotel? 566 00:23:44,015 --> 00:23:46,983 Are you kidding me? Did you take a shower at least in between? 567 00:23:47,068 --> 00:23:49,986 It was just a preliminary meeting regarding his cabinet. 568 00:23:50,071 --> 00:23:52,238 Were you thinking about his cabinet while you were fucking me? 569 00:23:52,357 --> 00:23:54,774 Seriously. Were you fantasizing I had some sort of a goatee 570 00:23:54,860 --> 00:23:56,693 and was on the wait list for a liver? 571 00:23:56,828 --> 00:23:59,078 The O'Brien meeting was scheduled days before we even met. 572 00:23:59,197 --> 00:24:00,447 I didn't think it was a conflict of interests. 573 00:24:00,532 --> 00:24:02,031 You didn't think it was a conflict... 574 00:24:02,167 --> 00:24:04,117 first of all, he doesn't even have a cabinet. 575 00:24:04,202 --> 00:24:07,253 Look, if you win the election, it doesn't mean anything anyway. 576 00:24:07,372 --> 00:24:09,789 - If O'Brien wins the election... - Okay, let's hear what this is. 577 00:24:09,875 --> 00:24:11,791 ...you've slept with the Secretary of the Treasury. 578 00:24:11,877 --> 00:24:14,260 Oh, that's classy. This is over. 579 00:24:14,379 --> 00:24:16,012 Over? I didn't even know it was a thing. 580 00:24:16,097 --> 00:24:18,932 Absolutely not a thing. And if it was a thing, it's over. 581 00:24:19,050 --> 00:24:21,885 Yeah. 582 00:24:24,222 --> 00:24:27,557 - How we doing? - They're ready for you. 583 00:24:27,642 --> 00:24:30,226 Then let's get 'er done! 584 00:24:30,362 --> 00:24:32,562 Oh, where's my bottle? My bottle? 585 00:24:32,647 --> 00:24:34,230 Is this it? 586 00:24:34,366 --> 00:24:36,533 Thanks. Got to keep the old blood sugar up. 587 00:24:40,739 --> 00:24:42,405 Good evening, everyone. 588 00:24:42,541 --> 00:24:44,707 Before you ask, there are no updates on Nevada. 589 00:24:44,793 --> 00:24:46,876 The president is laser-focused on the economy, 590 00:24:46,962 --> 00:24:48,411 so I'd be happy to address that. 591 00:24:48,547 --> 00:24:49,746 - Mike, Mike! - Deb. 592 00:24:49,881 --> 00:24:51,581 Can we expect a stimulus package? 593 00:24:51,666 --> 00:24:54,751 Yes, right now all options are on the table. 594 00:24:55,971 --> 00:24:57,837 Mm-mmm. 595 00:24:57,923 --> 00:25:00,890 Uh, including a stimulus package, 596 00:25:00,976 --> 00:25:03,176 uh, which is on the table. 597 00:25:03,261 --> 00:25:04,727 - Mike! - Wayne. 598 00:25:04,813 --> 00:25:06,763 Why did the president bring Charlie Baird in again today 599 00:25:06,898 --> 00:25:08,231 after he met with the O'Brien camp? 600 00:25:08,316 --> 00:25:11,434 Uh, Charlie Baird, uh... 601 00:25:11,570 --> 00:25:14,437 he's just... came in for a meeting. 602 00:25:14,523 --> 00:25:17,690 Just a meeting. He's an advisor. 603 00:25:17,776 --> 00:25:19,943 Uh, actually not an advisor. 604 00:25:21,496 --> 00:25:25,114 Uh, he... he's a Charlie Baird. 605 00:25:25,250 --> 00:25:27,283 Mike, what exactly is the nature of President Meyer's 606 00:25:27,369 --> 00:25:29,252 relationship with Charlie Baird? 607 00:25:29,337 --> 00:25:31,087 No more questions. I do have to go. 608 00:25:31,172 --> 00:25:33,089 Thank you. 609 00:25:33,174 --> 00:25:35,758 Looks like Charlie Baird is fucking the president. 610 00:25:37,963 --> 00:25:41,014 You know, I got my sister her own room. 611 00:25:41,132 --> 00:25:44,934 So it's just little old you 612 00:25:45,020 --> 00:25:46,603 in that big old room. 613 00:25:47,889 --> 00:25:49,856 I'm gonna go back to that room. 614 00:25:51,476 --> 00:25:53,026 See you later. 615 00:25:56,648 --> 00:25:59,148 Well, hello. 616 00:25:59,284 --> 00:26:02,986 Everybody here is so boring. 617 00:26:03,071 --> 00:26:05,738 The shit you do is such bullshit. 618 00:26:05,824 --> 00:26:08,708 Remind me again what it is that you do that's so interesting. 619 00:26:08,827 --> 00:26:10,660 I work at CVS. 620 00:26:13,164 --> 00:26:14,464 Really? CBS? 621 00:26:14,549 --> 00:26:16,666 I would love to work at CBS. 622 00:26:16,801 --> 00:26:19,669 - Oh, God, don't be a dick. - No, I'm serious. 623 00:26:19,754 --> 00:26:21,170 There's always openings. 624 00:26:21,256 --> 00:26:23,056 Do you seriously think that you could get me something? 625 00:26:23,174 --> 00:26:25,842 - Maybe late night. - Late night's perfect! 626 00:26:25,977 --> 00:26:28,344 Do you want to get out of here? 627 00:26:29,514 --> 00:26:32,181 I have my own room. 628 00:26:32,267 --> 00:26:33,650 Uh, yeah. 629 00:26:33,735 --> 00:26:35,652 - Cool, let's go. - Yeah. 630 00:26:38,189 --> 00:26:41,491 - Let's go! - Yeah. 631 00:26:41,576 --> 00:26:43,943 And this is my number and it goes straight to me. 632 00:26:44,029 --> 00:26:46,496 You can call me any time of the day. I'm always here. 633 00:26:46,581 --> 00:26:48,364 - Thank you, Birmingham. - Okay. 634 00:26:48,450 --> 00:26:51,784 Mr. Baird! Can you confirm that you are dating President Meyer? 635 00:26:51,870 --> 00:26:53,586 When did you and the president first meet? 636 00:26:53,705 --> 00:26:55,672 Mr. Baird, are you dating the president? 637 00:26:55,757 --> 00:26:57,707 Have a lovely night. 638 00:27:43,588 --> 00:27:45,505 23 messages? 639 00:27:45,590 --> 00:27:49,175 A nightcap? 640 00:27:50,929 --> 00:27:53,429 "I'm in DC."