1 00:00:08,847 --> 00:00:10,525 - Hello? - Okay, what's happening, Amy? 2 00:00:10,606 --> 00:00:13,532 Morning, Madam President. It's 5:00 A.M. 3 00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:16,090 - And Nevada is still asleep. - Hello? What? 4 00:00:16,205 --> 00:00:18,890 Well, wake it the fuck up 'cause I'm wondering if we should remove 5 00:00:18,972 --> 00:00:20,922 the Native American precincts from the recount list. 6 00:00:21,003 --> 00:00:22,921 I'm having reservations about the reservations. 7 00:00:23,003 --> 00:00:25,528 So figure that out and call me right back. I'm at Walter Reed. 8 00:00:25,642 --> 00:00:28,968 I'm meeting troops and shaking God only knows what. 9 00:00:29,049 --> 00:00:31,239 Okay. 10 00:00:41,103 --> 00:00:42,850 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:45,924 --> 00:00:47,441 These are from the president's last set of 12 00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:49,016 precinct changes for the recount challenge? 13 00:00:49,124 --> 00:00:51,200 Yes, and the changes before that and the changes before that. 14 00:00:51,283 --> 00:00:54,320 She's changed her mind more times than a frickin' child molester at Disneyland. 15 00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,431 You need to file this at the courthouse in exactly 17 minutes. 16 00:00:56,513 --> 00:00:57,880 Yeah, and if you miss the deadline, find a 17 00:00:57,904 --> 00:00:59,333 rattlesnake and shove that up your dick hole 18 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,357 'cause it's a lot more fun than what I'll do to you. 19 00:01:01,471 --> 00:01:03,357 And drive safe. 20 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,196 We've got Hallowes, Bennett, 21 00:01:05,310 --> 00:01:07,228 and Gabby Ramos doing press in Carson City 22 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:08,747 and Maddox is flying in tonight. 23 00:01:08,829 --> 00:01:10,955 Oh, God, Maddox is probably going to study the effects 24 00:01:11,069 --> 00:01:13,626 of legalized prostitution on his dick. 25 00:01:13,756 --> 00:01:15,386 Catherine, out. 26 00:01:15,467 --> 00:01:16,954 All right, so do we have any idea 27 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,665 what this O'Brien press conference is about? 28 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,264 - No idea. - Perfect. 29 00:01:20,346 --> 00:01:22,423 We're working on our video connection with Amy as we speak. 30 00:01:22,554 --> 00:01:25,302 Well, maybe we can get some six-year-old Asian kid to fix it. 31 00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:28,021 - Mike, when's your baby coming? - Coming soon, ma'am. 32 00:01:28,152 --> 00:01:30,101 We're gonna name her Ellen after Wendy's mom. 33 00:01:30,231 --> 00:01:33,348 Actually, her stepmom. She has a difficult relation... 34 00:01:33,462 --> 00:01:35,140 misunderstood your level of interest, sorry. 35 00:01:35,222 --> 00:01:37,187 Hey, guys, watching the press conference? 36 00:01:37,301 --> 00:01:41,346 Yeah. Amy, just listen a bit before you start talking. 37 00:01:41,459 --> 00:01:43,505 - Our founding fathers... - All right, here we go. 38 00:01:43,587 --> 00:01:46,657 ...entrusted the American people with the right to choose... 39 00:01:46,738 --> 00:01:48,336 I mean, will you look at Montez? 40 00:01:48,466 --> 00:01:50,255 Seriously, I'm more Hispanic than she is. 41 00:01:50,386 --> 00:01:52,415 You know? Where's she from, Santo Connecticut? 42 00:01:52,497 --> 00:01:54,414 She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha. 43 00:01:54,496 --> 00:01:55,934 Can Montez look less Hispanic? 44 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:58,381 Jesus, Amy, we already covered that, okay? 45 00:01:58,463 --> 00:02:01,452 She's from El New Hampshire. 46 00:02:01,534 --> 00:02:05,291 ...James Whitman to head up our recount team. 47 00:02:05,421 --> 00:02:08,490 - Jesus! They got James Whitman. - This is not optimal. 48 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:11,689 Where I'm from a vote is a vote, the law is the law, 49 00:02:11,771 --> 00:02:14,008 - and the count is the count. - He makes a lot of sense. 50 00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:17,335 All right, so they've got a Secretary of State and what do I have? 51 00:02:17,449 --> 00:02:18,887 Harpo, Chico, and Shito. 52 00:02:19,017 --> 00:02:20,487 - You know who we need? - Who? Who do we need? 53 00:02:20,616 --> 00:02:21,814 Bob Bradley, my old mentor. 54 00:02:21,928 --> 00:02:23,493 - The Eagle. - That'd be amazing. 55 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,973 Served in more administrations than any man alive. 56 00:02:26,087 --> 00:02:27,572 Also an accomplished ballroom dancer. 57 00:02:27,686 --> 00:02:30,084 Okay, great, done. Let's get him. Bob Bradley. 58 00:02:30,213 --> 00:02:32,563 - He's our Whitman hit man. - Madam President, excuse me. 59 00:02:32,645 --> 00:02:34,562 I have the meeting with the Nevada Secretary of State. 60 00:02:34,693 --> 00:02:36,482 Oh, Amy, don't forget to bring Richard with you. 61 00:02:36,612 --> 00:02:38,609 Wait, really? Richard? He's... 62 00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:41,601 Ma'am, the DOD wants us to know that now the Chinese hackers 63 00:02:41,730 --> 00:02:43,487 have breached White House employee files. 64 00:02:43,570 --> 00:02:45,648 Maybe they can find out what some of these people are doing. 65 00:02:45,761 --> 00:02:47,278 Ooh, tell me about it. 66 00:02:47,361 --> 00:02:48,798 Oh, and you have a drop-by at a brunch 67 00:02:48,928 --> 00:02:50,526 to thank campaign volunteers. 68 00:02:50,607 --> 00:02:51,837 To thank them for what? 69 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,077 This Olympic-size swimming pool of shit 70 00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,836 that I'm doing the backstroke in right now? 71 00:02:55,966 --> 00:02:57,596 Not a good idea to cancel, ma'am. 72 00:02:57,726 --> 00:02:58,795 Make Tom do it. 73 00:02:58,877 --> 00:03:00,363 He loves all that fake smiley shit. 74 00:03:00,477 --> 00:03:02,442 Tom has his banking task force today. 75 00:03:02,556 --> 00:03:03,275 His what? 76 00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:05,456 It's a veritable who's who of Wall Street. 77 00:03:05,563 --> 00:03:07,480 Well, that sounds a lot sexier than my thing. 78 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,512 Tell Tom that I get dibs on that. 79 00:03:09,594 --> 00:03:12,151 It's my presidential banking task force now. 80 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:14,151 Well, Tom is not gonna be happy about that. 81 00:03:14,233 --> 00:03:16,678 Well, good. That's the way I like it. Open the door. 82 00:03:16,792 --> 00:03:18,470 The president will be there shaking hands 83 00:03:18,551 --> 00:03:20,757 and thanking some of the volunteers for their hard work 84 00:03:20,839 --> 00:03:22,677 at some point in the near future. 85 00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:24,628 I'll get back. 86 00:03:24,757 --> 00:03:27,507 - No breakfast for this guy. - Who's offering? 87 00:03:27,588 --> 00:03:31,186 You are looking at a guy on the master cleanse. I feel amazing. 88 00:03:31,268 --> 00:03:34,033 What in the lunatic fuck is the master cleanse? 89 00:03:34,115 --> 00:03:36,384 Sounds like Nazi domestic policy. 90 00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,304 Little known fact about the Nazis... 91 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,023 their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof. 92 00:03:41,105 --> 00:03:43,662 Unbelievable numbers. Though also tragic. 93 00:03:43,793 --> 00:03:45,421 The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good. 94 00:03:45,552 --> 00:03:46,909 Yep, I don't eat food anymore. 95 00:03:47,024 --> 00:03:49,389 Just water, maple syrup, 96 00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:51,228 lemon juice, and cayenne pepper. 97 00:03:51,342 --> 00:03:53,627 Do you still take shits? 98 00:03:53,742 --> 00:03:56,299 Not exactly take. 99 00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:57,978 Welcome to Nevada. 100 00:03:58,060 --> 00:04:00,025 Everybody settle in. Make yourselves comfortable. 101 00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:03,496 Members of the Meyer-James and O'Brien-Montez campaign. 102 00:04:03,578 --> 00:04:06,504 Let's talk ground rules. According to Nevada law, 103 00:04:06,585 --> 00:04:09,862 if the recount sample shows a difference of 1% or more, 104 00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:13,382 which in this case comes to 512 votes, 105 00:04:13,463 --> 00:04:14,901 we go ahead and recount the whole state. 106 00:04:15,015 --> 00:04:17,173 Now, most of the voting here is touch screen, 107 00:04:17,254 --> 00:04:19,252 so we can't do more than retabulate those totals. 108 00:04:19,334 --> 00:04:22,851 Except you could recount the voter-verified paper audit trails. 109 00:04:22,981 --> 00:04:24,370 Sometimes there are big discrepancies. 110 00:04:24,453 --> 00:04:26,290 - Sir, in that case we motion... - On the other hand, 111 00:04:26,372 --> 00:04:29,009 the ninth circuit court of appeals ruled in Crowley v. Nevada 112 00:04:29,091 --> 00:04:31,888 that you don't have to recount the paper audit trails in local elections. 113 00:04:31,970 --> 00:04:34,096 - That's Crawley versus Nevada? - That's Crowley. 114 00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:35,615 Actually, you know what? I could email you. 115 00:04:35,697 --> 00:04:38,686 Or you could email me at splett2@splettnet.net. 116 00:04:38,768 --> 00:04:40,685 Splett1 is my father. It'll be sad to see him go, 117 00:04:40,768 --> 00:04:42,844 but it'll be nice to get my hands on that handle, you know? 118 00:04:42,975 --> 00:04:44,924 Is Meyer being a sore loser? 119 00:04:45,054 --> 00:04:47,803 - Spirits are very high. - The president won the popular vote. 120 00:04:47,934 --> 00:04:49,691 I didn't quite catch all your questions. 121 00:04:49,773 --> 00:04:51,642 - We had a pretty big setback in there. - We have to go. 122 00:04:51,772 --> 00:04:54,202 We're very late for another appointment. Thank you very much, everybody. 123 00:04:54,283 --> 00:04:56,009 What is wrong with you, you Paddington Bear-looking fuck? 124 00:04:56,123 --> 00:04:59,049 You just gave them a Time Life instruction manual on how to fuck us. 125 00:04:59,162 --> 00:05:02,039 You guys have Michael Jordan sitting on the bench here, 126 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,927 but you're starting Hakeem Olajutwat. 127 00:05:04,008 --> 00:05:05,526 You are not Michael Jordan. 128 00:05:05,608 --> 00:05:07,558 You are a seven-foot-seven goony-looking Lithuanian 129 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,597 who's gonna drop dead of Marfan syndrome. Get your ass in the car. 130 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:13,156 - The Eagle's landed. - Yes, he has. 131 00:05:13,238 --> 00:05:14,996 - Madam President. - Yes? 132 00:05:15,125 --> 00:05:16,915 This is truly an honor to serve you. 133 00:05:17,044 --> 00:05:18,195 Well, thank you very much. 134 00:05:18,324 --> 00:05:20,242 Plus I would never miss the opportunity 135 00:05:20,323 --> 00:05:22,401 to dry fuck Jim Whitman up the ass. 136 00:05:22,515 --> 00:05:24,913 Catherine, out. 137 00:05:24,994 --> 00:05:27,712 Oh, Bob, I need to introduce you to Amy Brookheimer 138 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,439 and her team in Nevada right here. 139 00:05:29,553 --> 00:05:31,199 Nice to meet you, Mr. Bradley. 140 00:05:31,313 --> 00:05:33,550 How many lawyers you got on the ground in Carson City? 141 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:34,547 I believe it's roughly... 142 00:05:34,571 --> 00:05:36,372 I want you to double it by the end of the day. 143 00:05:36,432 --> 00:05:38,668 Now, let's talk about the actual recount. 144 00:05:38,751 --> 00:05:40,796 Well, I noticed something funny about the mail-in ballots. 145 00:05:40,910 --> 00:05:43,148 All right, let's hear it, Affirmative Action Jackson. 146 00:05:43,229 --> 00:05:46,666 Well, the county clerk of Nye County disqualified a huge number of mail-in ballots 147 00:05:46,748 --> 00:05:48,474 because the signatures didn't match the voter rolls, 148 00:05:48,588 --> 00:05:51,225 so I checked and he's an O'Brien fundraiser. 149 00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,592 He probably chucked out a ton of Meyer votes. 150 00:05:53,706 --> 00:05:55,672 Why aren't you moving on this, blondie? 151 00:05:55,785 --> 00:05:58,983 Right, Amy. Come on, get it together. My God in heaven. 152 00:05:59,065 --> 00:06:01,302 We will get right on it, ma'am, sir. 153 00:06:01,384 --> 00:06:03,862 Bob, what do you think? Are we gonna win this thing? 154 00:06:03,943 --> 00:06:06,181 I mean, really honestly, your true gut. 155 00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:07,988 Well, Madam President, I've got big balls, 156 00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,580 - but neither one of them are crystal. - Oh, darn it. 157 00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:13,106 This reminds me of something that Dick Nixon used to say 158 00:06:13,220 --> 00:06:15,458 to Henry Kissinger back when that tricky son of a bitch 159 00:06:15,587 --> 00:06:18,465 was trying to get us out of that messy business called Vietnam. 160 00:06:18,547 --> 00:06:19,334 Vietnam, right. 161 00:06:19,358 --> 00:06:21,719 He would say, "Henry, you son of a bitch. 162 00:06:21,826 --> 00:06:24,335 I can lead a horse to water, but I can't milk it." 163 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,574 Can't milk it! I don't even know what that means. 164 00:06:28,704 --> 00:06:31,021 - I love it. - I've got to make a million phone calls. 165 00:06:31,136 --> 00:06:32,973 - So you'll have to excuse me. - All right. 166 00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:36,091 - Good-bye, everyone. - Fantastic. Good-bye. We got our guy. 167 00:06:36,174 --> 00:06:37,692 - Hey, Bob. - Yeah? 168 00:06:37,821 --> 00:06:40,619 You don't remember me. I was an intern way back when you were... 169 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:41,930 Of course I remember you. 170 00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:45,209 Lookie here. Ben Cafferty all grown up. 171 00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:47,897 We used to have a million nicknames for this guy. 172 00:06:47,978 --> 00:06:50,008 We called him Fatty Dicksuckle 173 00:06:50,137 --> 00:06:52,215 and B-B-Benny and the Jizz. 174 00:06:52,297 --> 00:06:53,655 Buttfucker. 175 00:06:53,736 --> 00:06:55,206 Buttfucker, that's me. 176 00:06:55,288 --> 00:06:57,334 I can't believe you remembered my nickname. 177 00:06:57,415 --> 00:06:59,125 Good to see you. Nice to see you. 178 00:06:59,255 --> 00:07:02,324 Oh, good old Sue. You're still here. 179 00:07:02,454 --> 00:07:05,891 - My, oh, my. - Still here? 180 00:07:06,005 --> 00:07:08,850 He hasn't worked in the White House since the late '80s. 181 00:07:08,932 --> 00:07:11,282 - How old is Sue? - Huh? 182 00:07:11,411 --> 00:07:13,568 Well, that's clearly a vote for Meyer. 183 00:07:13,682 --> 00:07:15,600 It says her name right there. It's a write-in. 184 00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:17,248 It says "Fuck Selina Meyer." 185 00:07:17,361 --> 00:07:19,039 If anything, that one should count for us. 186 00:07:19,122 --> 00:07:20,319 Move to call this a no vote. 187 00:07:20,401 --> 00:07:22,478 No, no, no. See, right there. 188 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,446 See that? Yeah, that's a comma. 189 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,285 - Where? - After fuck, that is a comma. 190 00:07:26,367 --> 00:07:27,645 So it doesn't say "Fuck Selina Meyer." 191 00:07:27,759 --> 00:07:29,756 It says, you know, "Fuck, Selina Meyer!" 192 00:07:29,838 --> 00:07:32,523 That's a testament to this voter's earthy 193 00:07:32,606 --> 00:07:35,083 but unambiguous enthusiasm for President Meyer. 194 00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:36,474 Absolutely. 195 00:07:39,116 --> 00:07:42,201 - Vote for Meyer. - Yes! Yeah. 196 00:07:43,914 --> 00:07:46,791 - Madam President. - Yes, Mr. Economy Czar. 197 00:07:46,921 --> 00:07:49,831 Welcome to your banking task force. 198 00:07:49,912 --> 00:07:51,798 - Great idea of yours. - Yeah, it is, isn't it? 199 00:07:51,911 --> 00:07:54,197 I'm looking forward to hearing what my next great idea is gonna be. 200 00:07:54,311 --> 00:07:55,829 Oh, I'm glad that you're able to turn 201 00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:58,308 my actual policy meeting into a meaningless photo op. 202 00:07:58,389 --> 00:08:00,915 I'm sure the Dow is rocketing skywards as we speak. 203 00:08:01,029 --> 00:08:04,066 Don't you have a volunteers brunch or something to get to? 204 00:08:04,148 --> 00:08:06,465 - I think you do. - Hmm, yeah. 205 00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:09,313 And I have to tell you, it is a pleasure to watch those people eat. 206 00:08:09,394 --> 00:08:13,152 - Madam President. - Yeah, take it easy. 207 00:08:13,233 --> 00:08:15,550 - Wow. I know. - Wow. 208 00:08:17,344 --> 00:08:18,862 Boss boots, boss. 209 00:08:18,943 --> 00:08:21,821 Oh, thanks. Yeah, check those out. Genuine crocodile skin. 210 00:08:21,903 --> 00:08:23,900 Yeah, I'm gonna be pulling down Clint Eastwood 211 00:08:24,031 --> 00:08:25,788 cowboy movie style pussy in these things. 212 00:08:25,869 --> 00:08:27,387 Except I'm not the man with no name. 213 00:08:27,469 --> 00:08:28,827 I'm the man with mo' game. 214 00:08:30,749 --> 00:08:34,185 Afternoon, sir. We're here because your ballot 215 00:08:34,299 --> 00:08:36,104 was disqualified because your signature didn't match... 216 00:08:36,218 --> 00:08:37,784 okay, well, fooled me with that one. 217 00:08:37,866 --> 00:08:40,376 - Good job, team. - Yeah, nice job, Richard. 218 00:08:40,505 --> 00:08:42,295 That's not how I would've done it if I was in charge. 219 00:08:42,424 --> 00:08:43,942 How would you have done it? 220 00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:45,814 I can't teach how I do it. 221 00:08:45,896 --> 00:08:49,093 Can Paul McCartney teach Kid Rock how to be a good songwriter? 222 00:08:49,175 --> 00:08:51,700 I mean, that's a bad example. Kid Rock rules, but... 223 00:08:53,814 --> 00:08:56,818 Hey, ma'am, this is Charlie Baird, CEO of EM Wheelright. 224 00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,418 - Hello, Madam President. - You're Charlie Baird. 225 00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,049 - I am. Good to see you. - Yes, good to see you, too. 226 00:09:00,132 --> 00:09:01,377 - Thanks for coming today. - My pleasure. 227 00:09:01,491 --> 00:09:02,976 I thought this was going to be two hours 228 00:09:03,090 --> 00:09:05,008 of Tom James lecturing us about being paid too much. 229 00:09:05,138 --> 00:09:08,128 Well, Tom can be, dare I say... 230 00:09:08,209 --> 00:09:10,095 A bit of an asshat? 231 00:09:10,177 --> 00:09:12,654 Actually, I was gonna say a champion for the middle class, 232 00:09:12,736 --> 00:09:15,693 but I kind of like your thing better to tell you the truth. 233 00:09:15,775 --> 00:09:17,372 Ma'am, this is Phillip Ryan. He's the... 234 00:09:17,486 --> 00:09:19,404 - Can you hang on just two seconds? - Of course. 235 00:09:19,486 --> 00:09:22,572 So let me ask you this. What in the heck is going on with the markets? 236 00:09:22,653 --> 00:09:24,202 - I don't know. - Oh, great. 237 00:09:24,285 --> 00:09:25,722 I do know that yesterday morning 238 00:09:25,804 --> 00:09:28,522 this room felt about $25 billion smarter. 239 00:09:28,603 --> 00:09:32,169 Yeah, I think that's what all of you donated to my opponent, right? 240 00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,520 Full disclosure, I did donate to your campaign as well. 241 00:09:34,601 --> 00:09:36,199 Mm-hmm. Two grand? 242 00:09:36,329 --> 00:09:38,358 Where'd you find that? In your sofa seat cushion? 243 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,566 I think it was in my other pants, Madam President. 244 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,645 - Good. Nice to have you here. - Hey, ma'am. 245 00:09:42,759 --> 00:09:44,617 This is Eli Park. He's the CEO of CM Capital. 246 00:09:44,641 --> 00:09:45,260 Oh, yes. 247 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,716 - Oh, hello, Eli. - Madam President. 248 00:09:47,845 --> 00:09:50,563 - Yes, how is Susan? - He's divorced. 249 00:09:50,645 --> 00:09:53,714 Not in jail for what she did to you. 250 00:09:53,796 --> 00:09:56,162 Honestly, it is an outrage. But I'm happy you're here. 251 00:09:56,243 --> 00:09:58,240 And I think we've got to get this meeting going, don't we? 252 00:09:58,323 --> 00:09:59,840 It's got to get... yeah, yeah, yeah. 253 00:09:59,922 --> 00:10:01,519 - Thank you. - Thank you, Madam President. 254 00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:04,831 Oh, thank you very much. Oh, Jesus Christ. 255 00:10:04,912 --> 00:10:06,511 Don't worry about Eli. 256 00:10:06,592 --> 00:10:08,590 Brooks Brothers sews prenups into all our suits. 257 00:10:08,672 --> 00:10:10,989 - Oh, are you divorced? - Oh, yeah, proudly. 258 00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:12,669 Yeah, best thing me and my husband ever did. 259 00:10:12,798 --> 00:10:15,148 Including our daughter. 260 00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:18,107 Listen, I heard you on Bloomberg 261 00:10:18,189 --> 00:10:20,266 talking about my financial acumen, 262 00:10:20,348 --> 00:10:23,753 and I have to say you were wildly out of line. 263 00:10:23,867 --> 00:10:25,945 - Well, most of that is just for show. - Uh-huh. 264 00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:28,343 But, with all due respect, Madam President, 265 00:10:28,474 --> 00:10:30,263 some of your economic policies 266 00:10:30,393 --> 00:10:33,702 are what my friend Katie Gross likes to call fakakta. 267 00:10:33,784 --> 00:10:35,430 Katie Gross? You know Katie Gross? 268 00:10:35,544 --> 00:10:36,822 I went to Smith with Katie Gross. 269 00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:38,789 - I dated Katie Gross. - Yeah, so did I. 270 00:10:38,902 --> 00:10:40,788 'Cause I was at Smith. No, it's a Smith joke. 271 00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:42,787 - That's incredible. - This is Elizabeth Moorehouse. 272 00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:44,867 - Oh, hi, how are you? - I'm well, thank you. 273 00:10:44,981 --> 00:10:47,618 - Thank you for coming today. - My pleasure, Madam President. 274 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,538 I hope you can talk some sense into the fed. 275 00:10:49,619 --> 00:10:51,218 Excuse me, sorry to interrupt. 276 00:10:51,347 --> 00:10:54,784 Madam President, Katie says to tell you Hubbard forever. 277 00:10:54,898 --> 00:10:56,016 - She didn't. - She did. 278 00:10:56,146 --> 00:10:57,343 She didn't! That's hilar... 279 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,983 that was our dorm and it was repulsive. 280 00:11:00,064 --> 00:11:02,174 - You know Katie Gross? - It sounds familiar. 281 00:11:02,256 --> 00:11:03,694 I bet your paths have crossed. 282 00:11:03,775 --> 00:11:07,213 The second signature was when Carl had his stroke. 283 00:11:07,342 --> 00:11:09,852 Oh, that's fantastic. I mean, fantastic for us 284 00:11:09,934 --> 00:11:12,651 because it means that his vote for President Meyer is legitimate. 285 00:11:12,781 --> 00:11:15,690 - Could he testify to that? - I'm sorry, he's passed. 286 00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:18,009 Sorry. You should read C.S. Lewis's book on grief. 287 00:11:18,092 --> 00:11:20,009 It's not as fun as "The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe" series, 288 00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:21,929 - but it's still pretty good. - Ma'am, hi. 289 00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:24,887 Jonah Ryan, Senior Deputy Recount Strategist for the Meyer campaign. 290 00:11:24,969 --> 00:11:27,687 Would it be all right if we waited for your husband inside? 291 00:11:27,816 --> 00:11:30,086 - I think I have a small blister. - I'm sorry. 292 00:11:30,216 --> 00:11:32,693 Alav hashalom. Hebrew. 293 00:11:32,807 --> 00:11:36,212 Maybe you should put on your regular shoes for a little bit? 294 00:11:36,326 --> 00:11:39,411 You know what? I am sick of your micromanaging bullshit. 295 00:11:39,525 --> 00:11:42,483 But if you insist, yes, I will stop by the hotel. 296 00:11:42,564 --> 00:11:45,410 We can do that. It's a two-minute walk. 297 00:11:45,491 --> 00:11:47,841 Oh, sorry, two miles. Ha, so... 298 00:11:47,923 --> 00:11:48,849 God. 299 00:11:50,642 --> 00:11:53,119 Well, well, well, if it isn't TV's Ellen DeGeneres 300 00:11:53,201 --> 00:11:55,199 and of course Amy Brookheimer. 301 00:11:55,328 --> 00:11:57,038 Congressman Furlong, to what do we owe 302 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,117 this pleasure slash skin-crawling sensation? 303 00:11:59,199 --> 00:12:02,316 Well, I just came out West to play a little Cowboys and Injuns 304 00:12:02,398 --> 00:12:04,363 with Big Chief Suckum Choad here. 305 00:12:04,477 --> 00:12:06,124 Say it. 306 00:12:06,237 --> 00:12:07,835 How. 307 00:12:07,964 --> 00:12:10,394 Me suck pee pee in teepee. 308 00:12:10,476 --> 00:12:13,081 Atta girl. 309 00:12:13,163 --> 00:12:14,872 Actually, Bob Bradley asked me to come out here 310 00:12:15,003 --> 00:12:18,392 and dazzle some of these armadillo fuckers with my political star power. 311 00:12:18,521 --> 00:12:20,679 Step aside, roadkill. Big rig coming through. 312 00:12:20,793 --> 00:12:22,039 Hi, Amy, Dan. 313 00:12:22,121 --> 00:12:23,399 - Hi again. - How you doing? 314 00:12:23,512 --> 00:12:24,998 That is not an overvote. 315 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:27,477 The voter crossed out O'Brien's name and voted for Meyer. 316 00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:28,868 That is a vote for Meyer. 317 00:12:28,951 --> 00:12:30,708 Move to rule it an overvote. 318 00:12:30,838 --> 00:12:33,075 Hey, Grimace. What are you... 319 00:12:33,157 --> 00:12:34,915 no, no, no, not you. 320 00:12:35,028 --> 00:12:37,554 The other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace. 321 00:12:37,636 --> 00:12:39,873 That is not an overvote. You need to trust me on this 322 00:12:39,987 --> 00:12:41,585 because I've been doing this since before your mother 323 00:12:41,715 --> 00:12:43,664 was throwing herself down the stairs belly first. 324 00:12:43,794 --> 00:12:45,024 You want me to get you some glasses? 325 00:12:45,106 --> 00:12:46,832 Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese? 326 00:12:46,913 --> 00:12:49,503 He can come in here and explain election procedures to you. 327 00:12:49,584 --> 00:12:51,710 Oh, I'm not... 328 00:12:51,824 --> 00:12:53,821 - Tracy. - Look, it's... you're wearing purple. 329 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,109 All right? It's got nothing to do with your body shape 330 00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:59,500 or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly. 331 00:12:59,629 --> 00:13:02,219 Hey, you know, we have to get to your next meeting at the... 332 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,107 That's right. Good call. God bless you. 333 00:13:04,188 --> 00:13:06,378 God bless America. 334 00:13:06,507 --> 00:13:10,504 When you're ready, we would like to vigorously contest your ruling. 335 00:13:10,586 --> 00:13:13,223 Oh, ma'am, I have photos to approve from the banking task force. 336 00:13:13,306 --> 00:13:16,263 And you have a meeting with Olympic medalists in five. 337 00:13:16,344 --> 00:13:17,053 Special or normal? 338 00:13:17,077 --> 00:13:19,005 Well, they seemed normal, but I'll confirm. 339 00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,453 Okay. 340 00:13:20,536 --> 00:13:23,861 So you catch "The Godfather" on TV last night? 341 00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:24,726 No. 342 00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:27,003 There was nothing like seeing it in the theater 343 00:13:27,061 --> 00:13:30,531 when it first came out back in '72. 344 00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,610 I don't care for movies. 345 00:13:34,851 --> 00:13:38,528 You've truly brought honor to America with your kayaking. 346 00:13:38,658 --> 00:13:41,407 So congratulations on your gold medal. 347 00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:44,367 - It's bronze. - Oh. Oh, bronze medal. 348 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,254 Did we get it? Oh, and thank you for this. 349 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,445 I can't wait to try it out on the Potomac. 350 00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:50,013 - All right, guys. Right this way. - Okay. 351 00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:51,772 Great. Great. Great. Great. Okay. 352 00:13:51,854 --> 00:13:53,404 Fuck am I supposed to do with this? 353 00:13:53,534 --> 00:13:56,011 - It'd be nice for your library. - What? 354 00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:57,883 Catherine, out. 355 00:13:58,013 --> 00:14:00,970 So what's the press saying about our banking task force? 356 00:14:01,084 --> 00:14:03,001 They opened wide and slurped it down, ma'am. 357 00:14:03,131 --> 00:14:04,888 You know what I was thinking? 358 00:14:04,971 --> 00:14:07,960 I was thinking that I would like to do another banking task force. 359 00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:09,735 I bet we could get Pallenberg at Barclays. 360 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:10,830 I see no problem there. 361 00:14:10,889 --> 00:14:13,558 No, you know who had a lot to say was that guy from Wheelright. 362 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,357 Charlie... Baird. 363 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,165 - Really? - Uh-huh. 364 00:14:18,247 --> 00:14:21,124 Ma'am, I don't think right now 365 00:14:21,238 --> 00:14:23,955 would be the best time for another banking task force. 366 00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:26,562 No, I just want to have a quick banking task force. 367 00:14:26,676 --> 00:14:30,082 With all due respect, ma'am, you know, the banks will still be, 368 00:14:30,195 --> 00:14:32,801 you know, raring to go for a task force, 369 00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:35,919 you know, when you're safely reelected. 370 00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:38,430 I'm human, okay? I just... 371 00:14:38,513 --> 00:14:42,958 I just sometimes need a little banking task force. 372 00:14:43,039 --> 00:14:46,668 Well, ma'am, if you want, I can arrange a more discreet banking task force. 373 00:14:46,799 --> 00:14:48,748 I don't want that kind of banking task force. 374 00:14:48,878 --> 00:14:50,635 I want the banking task force that I want. 375 00:14:50,717 --> 00:14:52,555 What about Patty Driscoll from Deutsche Bank? 376 00:14:52,636 --> 00:14:54,906 She's very good. Might be nice to throw a woman in the mix. 377 00:14:54,988 --> 00:14:56,906 Ma'am, Amy's on video conference. 378 00:14:56,987 --> 00:14:59,144 Amy, what is it? 379 00:14:59,275 --> 00:15:01,864 - Can you see me? I can't see you. - Yeah. 380 00:15:01,946 --> 00:15:04,184 - Am I on your screen? - Who cares if you can't see me? 381 00:15:04,265 --> 00:15:06,503 We're not looking at each other's hairdos. What's going on in Nevada? 382 00:15:06,584 --> 00:15:08,422 - Kent, are you sitting on a bottle? - Shh, shh! 383 00:15:08,552 --> 00:15:10,101 - Ma'am, where are you? - Amy? 384 00:15:10,184 --> 00:15:12,869 Ah, there you are. Precinct totals have been reported. 385 00:15:12,951 --> 00:15:14,980 We got... votes. 386 00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:17,060 Wait, you just went out. What did you just say? 387 00:15:17,189 --> 00:15:18,739 We got... votes. 388 00:15:18,821 --> 00:15:21,299 - How many votes did we get? - Let me try a landline. 389 00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,778 - I'm losing my mind. - We got it. We got it. 390 00:15:23,907 --> 00:15:26,657 512 votes. Full state recount is a go. 391 00:15:26,787 --> 00:15:29,376 Fucking recount! 392 00:15:29,506 --> 00:15:32,223 - Oh, my God! - This is favorable news. 393 00:15:32,305 --> 00:15:35,614 Oh, my God, this is my house. This is my house. 394 00:15:35,744 --> 00:15:39,453 Hey, guys, listen up. Okay, precinct totals have been reported and... 395 00:15:39,535 --> 00:15:41,980 Oh, just hang up on her. Wait, where is Catherine? 396 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,932 She should be getting this for her little movie. 397 00:15:44,014 --> 00:15:46,651 I'm feeling light-headed. That bottle's my only source of blood sugar. 398 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,050 Okay, Gary, I'm wanna get Charlie Baird in for another meeting. 399 00:15:49,132 --> 00:15:50,457 You want me to invite some other people? 400 00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:52,137 - No, no, no, just him. - Oh. 401 00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:53,337 - Just him? - Yep. 402 00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:54,808 Here's your stupid bottle. 403 00:15:54,939 --> 00:15:57,496 Stop with the Kabuki show and eat a fucking cookie. 404 00:15:57,577 --> 00:16:01,574 Uh, Mike, remind me again the science behind this. 405 00:16:05,895 --> 00:16:08,084 Now I feel great. 406 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:10,852 You guys have got to try this. 407 00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:12,883 We need surrogates for the Sunday talk shows. 408 00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:14,802 - Right. - Chung will do it. 409 00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,602 Chung would volunteer for a beheading video to get national airtime. 410 00:16:17,683 --> 00:16:19,361 I'd actually like to see that. 411 00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:21,680 Ma'am, Tom James is here sans appointment. 412 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:25,359 Bleh. Can you go tell him to fuck a bag of glass or something? 413 00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,919 Actually, I told him something similar to that, but he's most insistent. 414 00:16:28,048 --> 00:16:30,158 Oh, okay. Send him in. 415 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,926 Hi there. This is an unexpected pleasure. 416 00:16:33,039 --> 00:16:36,205 No, no, no, guys. I want you to hear this. 417 00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:39,115 Ma'am, on reflection, I totally understand 418 00:16:39,246 --> 00:16:41,722 why you needed to take the lead on the banking task force. 419 00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:45,434 And I am ready to do whatever I need to do to help the team. 420 00:16:45,515 --> 00:16:50,040 So, economy czar, kids' birthday parties, reflecting pool boy. 421 00:16:50,155 --> 00:16:52,599 Just don't ask me to be the United Nations ambassador 422 00:16:52,714 --> 00:16:54,231 'cause I still have some pride. 423 00:16:56,552 --> 00:16:58,758 I wanted to say that and I'll leave you guys alone. 424 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,749 - Thank you so much. - Oh, great. Thanks. Good to see you. 425 00:17:01,830 --> 00:17:04,676 Oh, by the way, I just polished the floor in the Eisenhower Room. 426 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:07,076 - Tom, stop. - Be careful in there, all right? 427 00:17:07,157 --> 00:17:09,075 - Huh? - That was something. 428 00:17:09,189 --> 00:17:12,674 Why did Tom James just wrap up his balls in butcher paper and put them in my purse? 429 00:17:12,755 --> 00:17:15,425 Because he thinks you're gonna win Nevada. 430 00:17:15,555 --> 00:17:17,344 - Tom thinks I'm gonna win Nevada? - Yeah. 431 00:17:17,474 --> 00:17:19,584 - "Nev-add-a." - He's the smartest guy in DC. 432 00:17:19,713 --> 00:17:21,743 You know that? He's a lot smarter than you dummies. 433 00:17:21,825 --> 00:17:25,342 Seriously, if Tom thinks I'm gonna win Nevada, I'm gonna win. 434 00:17:26,783 --> 00:17:27,949 Ma'am, Charlie Baird is here. 435 00:17:28,063 --> 00:17:29,981 Oh. 436 00:17:30,063 --> 00:17:31,421 Hey, I'm gonna be president, 437 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,300 so I can go take a shit in the Rose Garden if I want to. 438 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,619 We used to call that a Jimmy Carter. 439 00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:39,146 Charlie Baird. Move. 440 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,418 Madam President. What a lovely surprise. 441 00:17:41,499 --> 00:17:42,777 Oh, thank you. 442 00:17:42,859 --> 00:17:44,905 I thought my $2,000 donation only entitled me to a photo. 443 00:17:45,018 --> 00:17:47,576 - How are you? - I am good. I am energized. 444 00:17:47,657 --> 00:17:51,223 So, you know, you made an interesting point earlier today about the bond market... 445 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,222 but you know what? Before we do that, 446 00:17:53,336 --> 00:17:55,941 would you like to go on a tour of the West Wing? Would that be fun? 447 00:17:56,055 --> 00:17:57,665 I don't know if you have time for that, ma'am. 448 00:17:57,689 --> 00:17:58,475 Yeah, I have time. 449 00:17:58,582 --> 00:18:00,660 - Okay. - Yeah? Okay. 450 00:18:00,741 --> 00:18:01,996 I warn you, I had a pretty comprehensive White 451 00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:03,114 House tour on my fifth grade class trip. 452 00:18:03,173 --> 00:18:07,010 I actually know a lot about West Wing history if you'd like... no. 453 00:18:07,091 --> 00:18:09,009 I feel like that guy doesn't like me very much. 454 00:18:09,091 --> 00:18:10,736 - Who, Gary? - Yeah. 455 00:18:10,819 --> 00:18:12,656 Come on, that's like saying that the cat doesn't like you 456 00:18:12,738 --> 00:18:14,128 or that table doesn't like you. 457 00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:16,047 Okay, now, there's this Rockwell down here 458 00:18:16,177 --> 00:18:19,486 that is so stunning and I swear to God if I lose this fucking election, 459 00:18:19,568 --> 00:18:21,965 I'm gonna stick it in my suitcase and I'm taking it with me. 460 00:18:22,047 --> 00:18:23,245 - Love Rockwell. - Yeah. 461 00:18:23,327 --> 00:18:25,484 - I have a bunch of Rockwells. - You do? 462 00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:26,924 - Yeah. - You're kidding. 463 00:18:27,054 --> 00:18:28,731 - No. - Where are they? 464 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,163 Some beach house. 465 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:33,850 - Not sure which beach. - You are wild. 466 00:18:33,963 --> 00:18:35,529 In another person it would be bragging, 467 00:18:35,612 --> 00:18:37,129 but with you it's something different. 468 00:18:37,211 --> 00:18:39,401 Oh, wait a minute. I got to show you this. 469 00:18:39,482 --> 00:18:41,287 Okay, see this closet? 470 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,840 I don't know if you've heard about this, 471 00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:45,798 but this is the actual closet where Warren Harding 472 00:18:45,929 --> 00:18:48,357 fathered a child with his teenage mistress. 473 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,605 They left that off our fifth grade tour. 474 00:18:53,078 --> 00:18:54,916 Did they show you the residence? 475 00:18:54,998 --> 00:18:57,603 Nope. 476 00:18:57,685 --> 00:19:00,034 Uh, you want to see the residence? 477 00:19:00,164 --> 00:19:01,474 Uh, yeah. 478 00:19:01,556 --> 00:19:03,121 Okay. 479 00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:07,632 - Fuck, today. - Now, was that a vote in favor of today? 480 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,671 Oh, that was a fuck, comma, today, yes! 481 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,837 Oh, I didn't... yeah, this is me. 482 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,237 This is me. Uh... 483 00:19:18,319 --> 00:19:20,076 - Okay, good night. - Good night, yeah. 484 00:19:20,190 --> 00:19:21,788 God damn it. Come on. 485 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,435 Jesus Christ. 486 00:19:23,550 --> 00:19:25,946 I've had to get this key card changed twice. 487 00:19:26,077 --> 00:19:28,634 - Because it's like... - Okay, allow me. 488 00:19:33,626 --> 00:19:35,784 - Ooh, hi, Amy. - Whoa. 489 00:19:35,866 --> 00:19:38,311 You didn't tell me faggy hair was here. 490 00:19:38,425 --> 00:19:40,263 Sophie, haven't seen you in years. 491 00:19:40,344 --> 00:19:42,502 How are your illegitimate children? 492 00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:44,981 I asked my sister to send me a change of clothes 493 00:19:45,111 --> 00:19:47,701 and apparently she has decided to bring them herself. 494 00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:49,268 - Uh-huh. - Your hotel room sucks. 495 00:19:49,350 --> 00:19:52,339 I thought that Carson City was, like, part of Las Vegas. 496 00:19:52,421 --> 00:19:54,146 Vegas is 432 miles away. 497 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,626 Sorry I'm not a "where everything is" nerd. 498 00:19:56,707 --> 00:19:58,065 Were you two just about to bone? 499 00:19:58,147 --> 00:19:59,905 Okay, well, 500 00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:02,097 you enjoy all that. 501 00:20:02,226 --> 00:20:04,335 - I'm gonna... - Oh, no, no, no. 502 00:20:04,466 --> 00:20:06,575 What happens in Vegas, it stays in Vegas. 503 00:20:06,656 --> 00:20:09,662 We're not in Vegas. 504 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,661 You know, I hardly ever did that with President Hughes. 505 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,901 And even when we did, I was just kind of going through the motions. 506 00:20:13,982 --> 00:20:17,259 Oh, thank you very much. That's very flattering. 507 00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,611 - Maybe we can do this... - We got to get you out of here. 508 00:20:19,693 --> 00:20:21,291 - Right. - I'm gonna call Gary 509 00:20:21,372 --> 00:20:23,130 and get him to take you to the southeast gate. 510 00:20:23,212 --> 00:20:25,497 Can you send Gary up here, please? Yeah, thank you. 511 00:20:25,611 --> 00:20:28,457 - But I really did have a great time. - No, no, no, I did, too. 512 00:20:28,538 --> 00:20:30,808 I mean, I'm just saying I'm not that kind of a president. 513 00:20:30,890 --> 00:20:33,175 - Got it. - Yeah. Do you know where my shoes are? 514 00:20:33,289 --> 00:20:36,214 - I think you... we started in there. - Yes, they're here. 515 00:20:36,328 --> 00:20:38,325 Yeah. 516 00:20:38,408 --> 00:20:41,093 - Come in! - Okay, let's go. 517 00:20:41,175 --> 00:20:43,524 You must be Gary. We haven't officially met. 518 00:20:43,654 --> 00:20:45,811 I'm Charlie Baird. 519 00:20:45,925 --> 00:20:47,603 Uh, nice to meet you. 520 00:20:47,685 --> 00:20:49,650 Where you from? 521 00:20:49,764 --> 00:20:53,121 - Birmingham, Alabama. - Ah, underrated city. 522 00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:55,169 You're telling me. 523 00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,040 You're telling me. 524 00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:58,879 They call it the Pittsburgh of the South. 525 00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:00,639 You come from a big family, do you? 526 00:21:00,721 --> 00:21:02,878 I do come from a big family. I do, I do, I do. 527 00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:06,157 It's actually just me. I'm an only child. 528 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,756 Oh, Gary, can you take Mr. Baird to the southeast gate, please? 529 00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:11,724 Oh, so soon? 530 00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:14,235 But what I want to know, Bob, 531 00:21:14,365 --> 00:21:17,594 is do we put a full recount team in all the rural precincts 532 00:21:17,724 --> 00:21:19,674 or do we just focus on Reno and Vegas? 533 00:21:19,803 --> 00:21:23,752 Well, what you have here is a classic two fires, one glove situation. 534 00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:26,471 And you need to know which hand to put the glove on. 535 00:21:26,554 --> 00:21:27,831 - That's exactly right. - Exactly. 536 00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,638 You know, as much as it pains me 537 00:21:29,752 --> 00:21:30,999 to leave your company, Madam President, 538 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,790 I got to catch a flight to Nebraska. 539 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,749 No, oh, wait a minute. You mean Nevada. Nevada. 540 00:21:35,831 --> 00:21:37,588 - What did I say? - You said Nebraska. 541 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,828 - Well, I'll get that one for you, too. - Okay. 542 00:21:39,957 --> 00:21:41,555 Listen, safe travels, my friend. 543 00:21:41,637 --> 00:21:43,586 Thank you. Gentlemen. 544 00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:46,066 - Buttfucker. - Bye, Bob. 545 00:21:46,148 --> 00:21:47,802 Honestly, they don't make them like that anymore. 546 00:21:47,826 --> 00:21:48,376 The best. 547 00:21:48,467 --> 00:21:51,264 - He's from a different age. - When giants walked these halls. 548 00:21:51,346 --> 00:21:52,784 - Ma'am. - Yeah? 549 00:21:52,914 --> 00:21:55,311 You have a drop-by with the Canadian Trade Delegation in 30. 550 00:21:55,393 --> 00:21:58,142 - Oh, I forgot about that. - And FYI, Charlie Baird's on TV. 551 00:21:58,225 --> 00:22:01,389 You know, I was over in the East Wing and I saw a painting of Sue 552 00:22:01,471 --> 00:22:04,188 holding George Washington's horse. 553 00:22:04,302 --> 00:22:06,380 Senator Bill O'Brien made remarks... 554 00:22:06,510 --> 00:22:09,419 Catherine, I can't even begin. Out. 555 00:22:09,548 --> 00:22:11,018 Charlie Baird is a friend of mine. 556 00:22:11,149 --> 00:22:14,905 Charlie Baird is one of the great financial minds of our time 557 00:22:15,019 --> 00:22:17,784 and would be an asset to any administration. 558 00:22:17,898 --> 00:22:19,704 - You're kidding. - No. 559 00:22:19,818 --> 00:22:22,135 He fucked me and then he fucked me? 560 00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:23,415 What, is he trying to fuck me? 561 00:22:23,496 --> 00:22:25,974 I bet he's really sorry. 562 00:22:27,735 --> 00:22:29,813 Hey, ma'am, Charlie's here. 563 00:22:29,895 --> 00:22:31,653 He seems really sad. 564 00:22:31,734 --> 00:22:34,580 - I always count to 10... - Shut it. 565 00:22:37,573 --> 00:22:40,498 You went straight from here to O'Brien's hotel? 566 00:22:40,611 --> 00:22:43,457 Are you kidding me? Did you take a shower at least in between? 567 00:22:43,538 --> 00:22:46,336 It was just a preliminary meeting regarding his cabinet. 568 00:22:46,418 --> 00:22:48,495 Were you thinking about his cabinet while you were fucking me? 569 00:22:48,609 --> 00:22:50,927 Seriously. Were you fantasizing I had some sort of a goatee 570 00:22:51,009 --> 00:22:52,766 and was on the wait list for a liver? 571 00:22:52,896 --> 00:22:55,053 The O'Brien meeting was scheduled days before we even met. 572 00:22:55,167 --> 00:22:56,366 I didn't think it was a conflict of interests. 573 00:22:56,447 --> 00:22:57,884 You didn't think it was a conflict... 574 00:22:58,015 --> 00:22:59,884 first of all, he doesn't even have a cabinet. 575 00:22:59,966 --> 00:23:02,891 Look, if you win the election, it doesn't mean anything anyway. 576 00:23:03,005 --> 00:23:05,322 - If O'Brien wins the election... - Okay, let's hear what this is. 577 00:23:05,405 --> 00:23:07,242 ...you've slept with the Secretary of the Treasury. 578 00:23:07,324 --> 00:23:09,609 Oh, that's classy. This is over. 579 00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:11,289 Over? I didn't even know it was a thing. 580 00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:14,088 Absolutely not a thing. And if it was a thing, it's over. 581 00:23:14,201 --> 00:23:16,920 Yeah. 582 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,358 - How we doing? - They're ready for you. 583 00:23:22,439 --> 00:23:24,917 Then let's get 'er done! 584 00:23:25,047 --> 00:23:27,156 Oh, where's my bottle? My bottle? 585 00:23:27,238 --> 00:23:28,755 Is this it? 586 00:23:28,886 --> 00:23:30,964 Thanks. Got to keep the old blood sugar up. 587 00:23:34,996 --> 00:23:36,593 Good evening, everyone. 588 00:23:36,724 --> 00:23:38,800 Before you ask, there are no updates on Nevada. 589 00:23:38,883 --> 00:23:40,880 The president is laser-focused on the economy, 590 00:23:40,962 --> 00:23:42,352 so I'd be happy to address that. 591 00:23:42,482 --> 00:23:43,632 - Mike, Mike! - Deb. 592 00:23:43,761 --> 00:23:45,391 Can we expect a stimulus package? 593 00:23:45,472 --> 00:23:48,430 Yes, right now all options are on the table. 594 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,389 Mm-mmm. 595 00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:54,316 Uh, including a stimulus package, 596 00:23:54,398 --> 00:23:56,508 uh, which is on the table. 597 00:23:56,589 --> 00:23:57,995 - Mike! - Wayne. 598 00:23:58,077 --> 00:23:59,947 Why did the president bring Charlie Baird in again today 599 00:24:00,076 --> 00:24:01,354 after he met with the O'Brien camp? 600 00:24:01,436 --> 00:24:04,425 Uh, Charlie Baird, uh... 601 00:24:04,556 --> 00:24:07,304 he's just... came in for a meeting. 602 00:24:07,387 --> 00:24:10,423 Just a meeting. He's an advisor. 603 00:24:10,506 --> 00:24:12,583 Uh, actually not an advisor. 604 00:24:14,072 --> 00:24:17,541 Uh, he... he's a Charlie Baird. 605 00:24:17,671 --> 00:24:19,621 Mike, what exactly is the nature of President Meyer's 606 00:24:19,703 --> 00:24:21,508 relationship with Charlie Baird? 607 00:24:21,590 --> 00:24:23,268 No more questions. I do have to go. 608 00:24:23,349 --> 00:24:25,187 Thank you. 609 00:24:25,269 --> 00:24:27,746 Looks like Charlie Baird is fucking the president. 610 00:24:29,860 --> 00:24:32,785 You know, I got my sister her own room. 611 00:24:32,898 --> 00:24:36,544 So it's just little old you 612 00:24:36,626 --> 00:24:38,144 in that big old room. 613 00:24:39,377 --> 00:24:41,263 I'm gonna go back to that room. 614 00:24:42,816 --> 00:24:44,302 See you later. 615 00:24:47,775 --> 00:24:50,172 Well, hello. 616 00:24:50,302 --> 00:24:53,851 Everybody here is so boring. 617 00:24:53,933 --> 00:24:56,490 The shit you do is such bullshit. 618 00:24:56,572 --> 00:24:59,337 Remind me again what it is that you do that's so interesting. 619 00:24:59,451 --> 00:25:01,209 I work at CVS. 620 00:25:03,610 --> 00:25:04,856 Really? CBS? 621 00:25:04,937 --> 00:25:06,967 I would love to work at CBS. 622 00:25:07,097 --> 00:25:09,846 - Oh, God, don't be a dick. - No, I'm serious. 623 00:25:09,928 --> 00:25:11,285 There's always openings. 624 00:25:11,368 --> 00:25:13,094 Do you seriously think that you could get me something? 625 00:25:13,207 --> 00:25:15,765 - Maybe late night. - Late night's perfect! 626 00:25:15,894 --> 00:25:18,163 Do you want to get out of here? 627 00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:21,842 I have my own room. 628 00:25:21,925 --> 00:25:23,251 Uh, yeah. 629 00:25:23,332 --> 00:25:25,170 - Cool, let's go. - Yeah. 630 00:25:27,602 --> 00:25:30,768 - Let's go! - Yeah. 631 00:25:30,850 --> 00:25:33,119 And this is my number and it goes straight to me. 632 00:25:33,202 --> 00:25:35,567 You can call me any time of the day. I'm always here. 633 00:25:35,648 --> 00:25:37,358 - Thank you, Birmingham. - Okay. 634 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,637 Mr. Baird! Can you confirm that you are dating President Meyer? 635 00:25:40,719 --> 00:25:42,365 When did you and the president first meet? 636 00:25:42,479 --> 00:25:44,365 Mr. Baird, are you dating the president? 637 00:25:44,446 --> 00:25:46,316 Have a lovely night.