1
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:07,631
Sure was sweet of the neighbors
to let us piggyback
2
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,104
onto their garage sale.
3
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:10,298
They didn't let us.
4
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:13,071
I just started throwing crap
on their lawn.
5
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,873
They're too polite to say no.
6
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:17,915
That's one upside of having
religious nuts as neighbors.
7
00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:21,118
Mom, just because people
smile and wave at us
8
00:00:21,287 --> 00:00:23,221
does not make them religious nuts.
9
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,487
Either way, the meek are about to inherit
10
00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:29,253
a big ball of tangled Christmas lights.
11
00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:31,157
Well, if that's how
we're going to play it,
12
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:33,891
let's giveth unto them
Mike's old snow tires.
13
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:35,456
Gangway!
14
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,738
Starboard! Starboard!
Starboard! Starboard!
15
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:40,167
My starboard? Or your starboard?
16
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,900
Whichever one doesn't crush
my barnacles against the wall.
17
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,542
Guess what I bought
from the religious nuts.
18
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:51,781
You gotta be kidding me, Vin.
I want that eyesore out of here.
19
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:54,181
Hold on, Joyce. You got to
picture it all fixed up,
20
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:57,255
with me on deck in my Speedo,
like Aristotle Onassis.
21
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,789
Couldn't you stop him?
You've seen him in that Speedo.
22
00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:03,053
Oh, I tried to talk him out of it,
23
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,560
but he made a very good argument.
24
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,255
- What?
- I get to be first mate.
25
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
26
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,792
I gotta admit, man, I had my doubts,
27
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,957
but this boat
is really starting to shape up.
28
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,432
Even smells better since you found
29
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,968
whatever died in the hull.
30
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:46,662
I don't know what that skeleton was,
31
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,331
but the thing in its belly was a turtle.
32
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:56,004
Whoa, whoa. Whoa. What...
What are you doing over there?
33
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:57,607
I'm sanding.
34
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,308
You're treating it
like it's a piece of wood.
35
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,977
It is a piece of wood.
36
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,385
No, no, no, a boat is like a lady,
37
00:02:04,557 --> 00:02:07,651
so you got to
touch it like a lady. Gentle.
38
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:10,159
Front to back.
39
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:13,163
Front to back.
40
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,595
I know how to touch a lady.
41
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:19,902
All right, show me again.
42
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:24,039
There, nice and easy. Go with the grain.
43
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:28,112
Make it come alive.
Half the work, twice the reward.
44
00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,873
You had me at "half the work."
45
00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,539
When we're done, The Jolly Joyce
46
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,583
will be the prettiest tug
on Lake Michigan.
47
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:37,847
Jolly Joyce. Those are
two words I'd never put together.
48
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:39,958
Although it will make it harder
for her to take an ax
49
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:41,457
to something that's named after her.
50
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:44,290
Exactly. Why do you think
so many boats are named after women?
51
00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:47,756
Not bad, not bad.
52
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:50,129
With those big mitts of yours,
we'll be done in no time.
53
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,294
- And then we set sail.
- You betcha.
54
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,231
We'll find our own secret fishing spot
55
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:55,635
and yanking so many trout,
56
00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:58,242
your grandkids won't even know
the species existed.
57
00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:01,339
I always loved fishing as a kid.
58
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:04,210
Any sport where you could sit, really.
59
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,480
- Eh, your old man take you out?
- All the time.
60
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,212
Some of my best memories with him.
61
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,323
Well, you and I are gonna
make some new memories.
62
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,618
Like the time you ran
and got me that beer.
63
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:15,992
- When was that?
- Right now.
64
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,424
Permission to go ashore
65
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,930
and procure us
a couple cold ones, Captain?
66
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:23,762
Granted. And procure some Lysol.
67
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,235
The Jolly Joyce still stinks
like dead turtle.
68
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,873
- Hold still.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow!
69
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,015
- I'm not even touching you.
- Oh.
70
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,375
Ah!
71
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,084
Got it. Ooh!
72
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,378
Splinters and blackheads are my specialty.
73
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:45,790
- Stay away from my nose.
- We'll see about that.
74
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,017
Hey, hey.
75
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:48,854
I can't believe
I was out there for six hours.
76
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:50,791
I sanded off half of my fingerprints.
77
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,057
According to my right hand, I don't exist.
78
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,727
Yeah, I've been kicking around
some names for the boat.
79
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,369
Uh, there's The Good Golly Miss Molly.
80
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:59,835
Or I like The Good Ship Molly-Pop.
81
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,131
Vince is calling her The Jolly Joyce.
82
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,035
Well, that's a stupid name.
83
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,811
Oh, it's not ready yet, anyway.
84
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,416
We still got to patch the hull,
grease the motor,
85
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,144
flemish the lines,
and unplug the scuppers.
86
00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:16,547
Ooh. Hello, sailor.
87
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:17,985
Yeah, Vince is teaching me all the terms.
88
00:04:18,157 --> 00:04:19,886
I think he likes passing down
the knowledge.
89
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,088
You're like the baby boy he never had.
90
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,593
Yeah.
91
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:27,161
Oh, and he also taught me
that a boat is like a lady.
92
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,496
Remind me to show you
my new sanding technique.
93
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:33,429
Don't know what that is, but I think
94
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,164
you're gonna wanna rename it.
95
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,940
Boy, we had a blast out there today.
96
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,739
Hey, did you know that Vince
was in the Merchant Marines?
97
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:43,279
He lied about his age so he
could join when he was 17.
98
00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:46,083
You know, he's actually a fascinating man.
99
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,811
How much varnish did you inhale today?
100
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,421
So much.
101
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,501
There's something sexy
about men and boats.
102
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:06,063
Well, not those men and not that boat,
103
00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:08,969
but you know what I'm saying.
104
00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,341
Hey, is Mike still out in the garage?
105
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:14,173
Yeah, he and Vince are having so much fun,
106
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,009
they're peeing in jugs so they
don't have to come inside.
107
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:19,977
What's in the bags?
108
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,780
Well, you know how
Mike's birthday's coming up?
109
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,218
So I got him boat slippers, a boat tie,
110
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,221
and a gravy boat in the shape of a boat.
111
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,791
You have no idea how hard it is
to get presents
112
00:05:29,962 --> 00:05:31,623
for somebody who has no interests.
113
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,857
From now on, it's all boats, all the time.
114
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,966
I hope he doesn't get sea-sick of it.
115
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:40,703
- Get it?
- I do get it. And so do you.
116
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,872
Happy belated.
117
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:44,638
Oh, you shouldn't have.
118
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:47,075
No. It's a bong.
119
00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:48,770
But I'm glad you did.
120
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:55,647
I think it's sweet, the two of them
doing this little project together.
121
00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,881
I thought you hated that boat.
122
00:05:58,057 --> 00:05:59,854
You told Vince that ship's the last thing
123
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,550
he'll be going down on.
124
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,354
Now, it goes back.
125
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,399
Let me tell you a secret about marriage.
126
00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:10,325
When your husband wants something,
127
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:12,300
always say "no" first.
128
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:14,303
It's all about give and take.
129
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,806
If they think
you're giving them something,
130
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:18,637
you can take whatever you want.
131
00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:22,947
It works great for
cults and pyramid schemes, too.
132
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:25,916
Say what you will,
133
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:27,416
but know what I saw when they dragged
134
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,452
that piece of junk up the driveway?
135
00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:31,487
Two tickets to Tom Jones.
136
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:34,148
I've already picked out
the thong I'm gonna throw.
137
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:37,689
Since when do you wear underwear?
138
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,927
Funerals. Tom Jones.
139
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,141
Look, I want to go in your boat,
140
00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,283
but this thing makes me look
like an idiot.
141
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:00,419
Can't I just wear my arm floaties?
142
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:01,778
Sorry, man, ship's rules.
143
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:04,013
Every passenger
has to have their own life vest.
144
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,179
Well, what about you?
145
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,586
I'm crew. I'm not wearing
that ridiculous thing.
146
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:10,921
Wait till you see this boat, Carl.
She's a thing of beauty.
147
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,361
I'm telling you,
Vince really knows his stuff.
148
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:14,591
Uh, you two been getting pretty close
149
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,359
during this little Sea-Doo redo.
150
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,834
We have, and that's
the magic of this boat.
151
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,200
She showed me Vince
in a completely different light.
152
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,308
And I'm proud to call him my Captain.
153
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,376
Well, I'm happy for you. And for me.
154
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,513
About time you found
somebody else to look up to.
155
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:29,576
What are you talking about?
156
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:32,445
In my quiet way, I've given you
guidance all these years.
157
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:34,643
Okay, one, you've never been quiet.
158
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,288
And, two, the only thing you've given me
159
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,515
is a bad case of hemorrhoids.
160
00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:40,716
And I'll always be there for you, Mike.
161
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,383
Just like your hemorrhoids.
162
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,460
What Vince and I have is different.
163
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,860
I actually think
he kind of sees me like a son.
164
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,125
Yeah? That's sweet.
165
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,666
Yeah, if I can make
his life a little happier
166
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:51,963
by playing along, so be it.
167
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,969
- You're a good man, Mike Biggs.
- Thank you.
168
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,129
I taught you well.
169
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,208
Wear your floaties and your
vest, you're going overboard.
170
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,543
Okay, now, bear in mind, it
still needs a little more work.
171
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:06,184
- Got it.
- And I might have talked it up
172
00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:07,341
a little more than I should've.
173
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,385
It doesn't look exactly
like the boat from Jaws.
174
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:10,578
Oh.
175
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,953
But you're still gonna buy
a harpoon gun, aren't you?
176
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:14,456
Oh, yeah. I don't care if we never use it,
177
00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,458
- it's just gonna look cool.
- Yeah.
178
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:19,497
Okay, here she is.
179
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,190
Ta-da!
180
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:28,131
That's a great trick.
Now make it reappear.
181
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,003
What's going on? Where is it?
182
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:32,938
- Hey, fellas.
- Vince, what the hell happened?
183
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:35,273
- Where's the boat?
- Oh, you'll never believe it.
184
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,313
Somebody actually bought
that hunk of junk.
185
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,349
- What?
- It was the craziest thing.
186
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,782
The mailman's at the box,
187
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:44,445
he sees the boat.
I give him this whole B.S. Spiel
188
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:47,320
about taking her out fishing
on Lake Michigan.
189
00:08:47,493 --> 00:08:48,960
Like the one you gave me?
190
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:51,287
Exactly.
191
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,364
That sucker swallowed it
hook, line, and sinker.
192
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,524
Offered me three times what I paid for it.
193
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:59,432
Next thing I know, the mailman's towing it
behind his tiny jeep.
194
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,769
It looked like a little ant
pulling a French fry.
195
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:07,139
Why didn't you call me?
196
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,508
Why would I call you
about me selling my boat?
197
00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:11,513
Because we worked on it together.
198
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,808
Believe me, that did not go unnoticed.
199
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,819
You worked hard. You deserve a tickle.
200
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:21,521
It's not about the money, you jackass.
201
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,023
It's just a bunch of boards and a motor.
202
00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,857
What are you getting so cheesed off about?
203
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:28,057
Because I'm a bigger sucker
than the mailman.
204
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:40,373
This is for the bright orange,
non-refundable life vest.
205
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,419
Okay, where is Mike?
206
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,959
Why would you think he was here?
207
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:58,824
Well, his car's in the driveway,
his shoes are by the door,
208
00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:01,193
and you're holding a big
corner piece of lasagna.
209
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,767
That's pretty much
the smoking gun right there.
210
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,029
Look, I don't know
what you two are fighting about,
211
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:08,537
but he's right and you owe him an apology.
212
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:09,936
We are not fighting.
213
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,599
Well, he's upset about something.
214
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,836
He marched right upstairs
to his old bedroom,
215
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,675
and has been playing records
on his hi-fi ever since.
216
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,309
Playing records on his hi-fi?
217
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:20,975
Is he gonna go to the sock-hop after that?
218
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,352
He was never invited to the sock-hop.
219
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:26,889
It's a damn shame. He was
the best dancer in that school.
220
00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:29,152
He used to throw me around
like a rag doll.
221
00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,597
Please don't give me those visuals.
222
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:36,098
Well, if you didn't drive him
back into Mama's arms, what did?
223
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:38,900
Vince sold his boat.
224
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:40,331
Mike had a boat?
225
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:41,700
No.
226
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,808
No, Vince sold his own boat.
227
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,136
Why would Mikey care
228
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,041
what that salami in a sweat suit
does with his boat?
229
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,782
I think he was looking forward
to going fishing with Vince
230
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,612
like he used to with his dad.
231
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:55,376
What the hell are you talking about?
232
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:58,455
That rat bastard
never took my boy fishing.
233
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:00,990
He always promised to,
but the closest he ever came
234
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,492
was dropping Mikey off
at Long John Silver's
235
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,824
while he went to the boobie bar.
236
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:11,362
Oh, boy, okay, Mike's gonna
really need this lasagna.
237
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:14,636
I never liked that Moranto clown.
238
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:16,540
Tell Mikey I'll be back.
239
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,108
Where are you going?
240
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,536
To see a man about a boat.
241
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:44,029
Just leave the lasagna at the door, Ma.
242
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,504
- It's me.
- Oh. Hey.
243
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,465
How much of that did you see?
244
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:55,045
Uh... Enough to know
I want to date the drummer.
245
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,546
Very funny.
246
00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:00,145
- You okay?
- Oh, I'm perfect.
247
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:02,116
I'm a grown man,
laying in his childhood bed,
248
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:03,778
doing an air drum solo.
249
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:05,453
No red flags here.
250
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:08,956
When I'd have a really rough day
in high school,
251
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:11,289
I'd come up to my room, I'd slam the door,
252
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,864
and I'd do a really angry Riverdance.
253
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,061
I can't believe Vince.
254
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,431
What kind of person
leads someone on like that,
255
00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:22,836
making all sorts of promises
he never planned on keeping?
256
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:24,264
Yeah.
257
00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:25,910
That sounds like someone else you know.
258
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,272
Who?
259
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,105
Your father.
260
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,006
Oh, you are way off on this, okay?
261
00:12:31,183 --> 00:12:33,208
Everything isn't daddy issues.
262
00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:35,319
No, with you it's mostly mommy issues.
263
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,513
It's kind of a nice change of pace.
264
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:42,217
Look, Molly, I promise you,
this deal between me and Vince
265
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:44,692
has nothing to do with me and my dad.
266
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,855
Although they are both liars,
267
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:49,091
and they both reek of Aqua Velva.
268
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:52,237
And they both promised
to take you fishing.
269
00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:53,871
And never did.
270
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,366
That's why you made up
those stories about your dad?
271
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:01,945
I guess I just wanted those to be true.
272
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,315
It sure as hell beats the real one.
273
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,114
Well, I wanna hear the real ones.
274
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,088
What's to say?
275
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:16,826
I walked in on him one day
and he was packing a suitcase.
276
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,156
I said, "Where are you going?"
277
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:21,094
He said, "I'll be back tomorrow
to take you fishing."
278
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:25,165
So I woke up early and I got my pole,
279
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:27,466
and I waited for him on the porch.
280
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:30,168
But he never came.
281
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:34,403
Turns out that was the day
that he skipped out on us.
282
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,583
I just sat there, waiting
to go fishing, like a chump.
283
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:42,914
I guess I'm still waiting.
284
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:47,120
You know what?
285
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:49,788
Just saying that and getting it out,
286
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:52,658
- I feel better.
- I don't.
287
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:56,290
Oh, no, no, no, no.
288
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:58,158
You okay?
289
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,599
Well, I mean, you were just a little boy,
290
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,332
sitting there with your little
sad fishing pole.
291
00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:05,807
You need a hug?
292
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:12,049
Does someone need to Riverdance?
293
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,778
- Maybe, later. Yeah.
- Okay.
294
00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:25,323
Why the hell is my mom's car on the lawn?
295
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:26,828
Did you say something to her?
296
00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:30,127
Well, you know, we exchanged
our usual pleasantries
297
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:34,102
and may have mentioned Vince
and maybe the boat.
298
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,737
Vince might have
broken your heart with the boat.
299
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,843
- Oh, God.
- I didn't know.
300
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,571
All the boy wanted to do
was go fishing.
301
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,112
It may not seem important to you,
302
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:44,579
but it was important to him!
303
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,308
I know that now.
You've made that very clear.
304
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:48,453
Do you have any idea how hard it is
305
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,486
to be both mother and father to him?
306
00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:53,454
I had to teach him how
to shave and slow dance.
307
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,761
You did a remarkable job
with both those things.
308
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,760
Mike, do you think
you should jump in here?
309
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,922
Eh, she drove all the way over here.
310
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:03,928
I don't know, I've never had kids.
311
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,161
That you know of.
312
00:15:05,337 --> 00:15:07,032
And if you did, they'd be swimming around
313
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,367
in the shallow end of the gene pool.
314
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,273
You know what, it's actually
pretty entertaining
315
00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:14,469
when she's not yelling at me.
316
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,341
Mother Biggs, all I did was sell a boat.
317
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,711
This has nothing to do with a boat.
318
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:22,183
This is between you and me.
319
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:24,117
I think you might be projecting now.
320
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,781
Oh, I'm gonna project you through
that glass cabinet!
321
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:29,127
Okay, it's getting violent.
We should get in there.
322
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:31,354
No, no, no, Mike. It's just getting good.
323
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:34,590
I'm gonna rip the last five hairs
324
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,928
out of your head!
325
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:39,465
Get him!
326
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,310
- Hey.
- Hey.
327
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,806
Listen, big guy.
328
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:50,949
I've been feeling bad
about the whole boat thing.
329
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,777
Uh, hey, look. Don't worry about it, okay?
330
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,011
I got carried away, it's over.
331
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,983
I know, but I liked the time
we spent together on it.
332
00:15:58,457 --> 00:15:59,788
Hey, I was thinking
maybe you and I could go
333
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,189
in the backyard and toss
the old pigskin around.
334
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,189
- I'm good.
- You sure?
335
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:05,625
'Cause we could do something else.
336
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,266
Mini-golf? A batting cage?
337
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:09,594
Oh, I saw in the paper that
338
00:16:09,768 --> 00:16:11,167
the Harlem Globetrotters are in town.
339
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:12,929
I hear the new Curly's a broad.
340
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,206
Bald head and everything.
341
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:19,934
Look, Vince, seriously, you
don't have to do all this, okay?
342
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:21,841
I'm fine. Just let it go.
343
00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:25,777
All right. I won't bother you.
Enjoy your paper.
344
00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:29,910
I'm gonna take off. Oh, if Joyce asks,
345
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:32,421
just tell her I went to DQ
to get a dipped cone.
346
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:45,526
Ho! Do I know my boy?
347
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:48,998
All right. Now, this is about
the ice cream and nothing else.
348
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,364
You got it, champ.
349
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:51,668
If you lied about that dipped cone,
350
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,141
you're a dead man.
351
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,781
- Come on, please.
- No.
352
00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:07,222
I can't sleep. Now that you told me
353
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:08,690
you could do it,
it's all I can think about.
354
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,692
Well, it's not gonna happen.
355
00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:14,161
That's not fair.
You walked in on me doing it.
356
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:17,063
Who's fault is that?
You should have locked the door.
357
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:19,931
Please. Don't make me beg.
358
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:22,896
Fine.
359
00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:24,406
But if you brag to your friends about it,
360
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:26,043
I am never doing it again.
361
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:27,235
I won't say a word.
362
00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:32,315
Oh, my God,
it's even cuter than I thought.
363
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,883
It's actually really cathartic.
364
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll