1 00:00:15,837 --> 00:00:18,474 Table for two under McLintock, Mike McLintock. 2 00:00:18,588 --> 00:00:20,474 Uh, yes. The table is ready. 3 00:00:20,556 --> 00:00:22,346 We're clear. Bring in Sparrow. 4 00:00:23,867 --> 00:00:26,152 Listen, can I just reiterate once again 5 00:00:26,267 --> 00:00:28,424 how really, really sorry I am? 6 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:31,703 Wow! Oh, look at this. I guess they like us, huh? 7 00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:34,823 Hi. Wonderful. What were you saying? 8 00:00:34,905 --> 00:00:37,943 How really sorry I am. And I'm not someone who loves to apologize. 9 00:00:38,024 --> 00:00:40,502 Uh-huh, right, but you're loving it now, aren't you? 10 00:00:40,584 --> 00:00:41,830 Oh, loving it. Want another one? 11 00:00:41,944 --> 00:00:44,022 - Yeah, I do. - I'm really sorry. 12 00:00:44,103 --> 00:00:46,741 - I'm really, really, really sorry. - Now sing it. 13 00:00:46,871 --> 00:00:49,748 The president and Mr. Baird enjoyed a delicious dinner 14 00:00:49,831 --> 00:00:52,819 of blue crabs trapped by local fisherman Steve Yerkes 15 00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:55,428 and a cheese course including "Basil Hayden" Blue 16 00:00:55,542 --> 00:00:56,867 from Jasper Hill, Vermont. 17 00:00:56,981 --> 00:00:59,059 Mike, how is she able to focus on the economy 18 00:00:59,188 --> 00:01:00,899 if she's running around with her new boyfriend? 19 00:01:00,980 --> 00:01:04,578 The president has always placed great value on fiscal responsibility. 20 00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:06,865 In fact, as vice president, she was chairman 21 00:01:06,947 --> 00:01:09,777 of the Meyer Postal Commission, which reduced post office debt 22 00:01:09,858 --> 00:01:13,184 from 65 billion to just over 62 billion. 23 00:01:13,298 --> 00:01:15,696 Okay, Eagle. Well, I'll see you in a few seconds. 24 00:01:15,777 --> 00:01:17,264 Yeah, bye. 25 00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:19,455 All right, we got six more votes this morning. 26 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,662 - Whoo! - We're never gonna close that gap. 27 00:01:21,776 --> 00:01:25,982 Well, on the less shitty side, people are really loving you and Charlie Baird. 28 00:01:26,096 --> 00:01:27,774 Even Wall Street's got a boner for you guys. 29 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,453 - Really? The market's up? - No, it's flat. 30 00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:31,420 But not down is straight up for us at this point. 31 00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:34,780 Madam President, we have received word that Chinese hackers 32 00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:37,291 have now breached the National Security Council servers. 33 00:01:37,374 --> 00:01:39,611 I got a great idea. Why don't we give the Chinese 34 00:01:39,693 --> 00:01:41,179 their own log-ins and passwords? 35 00:01:41,293 --> 00:01:43,290 Okay? Save everybody a lot of time. 36 00:01:43,373 --> 00:01:47,370 Ma'am, the FDA is monitoring a salmonella outbreak at a Missouri chicken farm. 37 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,690 - Got a few fowl questions. - What? 38 00:01:49,771 --> 00:01:51,369 Also from the comms department, 39 00:01:51,451 --> 00:01:53,257 multiple mentions of tomorrow's trip 40 00:01:53,338 --> 00:01:54,889 to the Museum of Natural History 41 00:01:54,970 --> 00:01:56,936 in New York City with Mr. Charlie Baird. 42 00:01:57,018 --> 00:01:59,655 Huh, not bad. Phone. 43 00:01:59,738 --> 00:02:01,847 Oh, listen to this. 44 00:02:01,929 --> 00:02:05,174 Charlie says O'Brien won't go down on his wife without biscuits and gravy. 45 00:02:06,728 --> 00:02:09,253 Hey, can you show me how to find on Twitter 46 00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:11,845 those tweets where people were gushing about me and Charlie? 47 00:02:11,928 --> 00:02:13,492 Oh, yeah. You see this button right here? 48 00:02:13,607 --> 00:02:16,644 Okay, so listen, certification is tomorrow. 49 00:02:16,727 --> 00:02:18,452 I mean, seriously, do we have any reason 50 00:02:18,566 --> 00:02:21,043 to think that we're not as fucked as a Senate page here? 51 00:02:21,125 --> 00:02:24,131 Actually, ma'am... I'm sorry I'm late... I think I may have found something. 52 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:28,322 The voting data in Nevada is multiple standard deviations outside the means. 53 00:02:28,404 --> 00:02:30,082 Christ, Kent, know your audience. 54 00:02:30,212 --> 00:02:32,289 I think that there is statistical evidence 55 00:02:32,371 --> 00:02:34,081 of missing ballots in Nevada. 56 00:02:34,163 --> 00:02:35,601 - Where? - I do not know. 57 00:02:35,682 --> 00:02:37,121 - How many? - I do not know. 58 00:02:37,202 --> 00:02:39,040 - Are you sure? - Absolutely. 59 00:02:39,122 --> 00:02:40,560 Graydon Carter is begging for a photo spread 60 00:02:40,642 --> 00:02:42,720 of you and Charlie Baird in "Vanity Fair." 61 00:02:42,801 --> 00:02:45,919 Hey, Garfield, we're right in the middle of talking about Nevada, okay? 62 00:02:46,049 --> 00:02:47,406 Kent, what can you tell us? 63 00:02:47,521 --> 00:02:49,838 I might be able to pinpoint the vote anomaly 64 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:53,405 if I could break down confounding variables using an intercept model. 65 00:02:53,488 --> 00:02:56,477 What Alan Turing is trying to say is if there are missing votes, 66 00:02:56,559 --> 00:02:58,045 - he needs time to find them. - Mm-hmm. 67 00:02:58,127 --> 00:03:00,044 All right, then we have to delay 68 00:03:00,158 --> 00:03:01,756 the certification of the recount. 69 00:03:01,886 --> 00:03:03,484 Exactly my thought, ma'am. 70 00:03:03,565 --> 00:03:05,563 I could have the lawyers file an injunction. 71 00:03:05,597 --> 00:03:08,154 - Bob, what do you think? - I think it's a weak case. 72 00:03:08,285 --> 00:03:10,602 Let me just take a meeting with Jim Whitman. 73 00:03:10,716 --> 00:03:12,953 And after I'm done dick slapping him, 74 00:03:13,084 --> 00:03:15,033 he will have agreed to delay certification. 75 00:03:15,116 --> 00:03:18,153 - Amy, set it up. - The injunction or the dick slapping? 76 00:03:18,235 --> 00:03:20,121 Christ, Amy, the meeting. 77 00:03:20,202 --> 00:03:22,680 All right, gonna have to start chumming the media waters. 78 00:03:22,762 --> 00:03:24,360 I want you to get me on the horn 79 00:03:24,473 --> 00:03:26,871 with Ned Mitchell from the "Las Vegas Gazette" 80 00:03:26,953 --> 00:03:28,791 and Susan Bailey with the "Reno Star." 81 00:03:28,872 --> 00:03:31,639 Amy, set it up. Sue Bailey, the "Reno Star," everything. 82 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,318 Madam President, who would you say 83 00:03:33,432 --> 00:03:36,309 would be your best person to be at that meeting as my number two? 84 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,637 - I could. - Richard. 85 00:03:37,752 --> 00:03:39,237 Oh, well. 86 00:03:39,351 --> 00:03:42,037 Okay, listen, I need to talk to Bob privately, 87 00:03:42,118 --> 00:03:43,476 so everybody get out, please. 88 00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:45,476 - Even... - Yeah-huh. 89 00:03:47,190 --> 00:03:50,386 Bob, I am going crazy here in DC. 90 00:03:50,469 --> 00:03:52,306 I just... I feel trapped 91 00:03:52,389 --> 00:03:53,906 like a Saudi housekeeper. 92 00:03:53,988 --> 00:03:57,186 Is there any way I could get to Nevada? 93 00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:59,266 Just let me win the presidency for you 94 00:03:59,347 --> 00:04:02,064 and then you can land Air Force One on the Strip 95 00:04:02,195 --> 00:04:03,872 and piss in Caesar's fountain if you want. 96 00:04:03,986 --> 00:04:05,904 Oh, come on, please, Bob, I would never stay at Caesar's. 97 00:04:06,034 --> 00:04:07,823 Yes? What? 98 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:09,903 Ma'am, weekly CIA briefing. 99 00:04:09,986 --> 00:04:11,663 See? Crapistan's calling. 100 00:04:11,745 --> 00:04:13,742 That's what I'm talking about. I'll talk to you later, though. 101 00:04:13,873 --> 00:04:15,982 Catherine, do not use any of the vulgar parts. 102 00:04:16,064 --> 00:04:17,582 Yeah, but that's like all of it, Mom. 103 00:04:17,664 --> 00:04:19,662 - Well, then don't use it. - But it's a doc. 104 00:04:19,791 --> 00:04:22,349 - A what? - A documentary. 105 00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:24,429 Then say that. 106 00:04:30,861 --> 00:04:32,939 Never heard back from you. 107 00:04:33,069 --> 00:04:34,859 Late night? 108 00:04:34,989 --> 00:04:36,747 Sophie told you? 109 00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:38,698 What? 110 00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,138 No. 111 00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:41,977 Gross. 112 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:44,585 You didn't tell me she worked for CBS. 113 00:04:46,058 --> 00:04:47,576 Oh! 114 00:04:47,658 --> 00:04:49,816 Oh, this is too good. 115 00:04:49,897 --> 00:04:52,583 Dan, Sophie doesn't work for CBS. 116 00:04:52,666 --> 00:04:55,015 She works for CVS. 117 00:04:55,097 --> 00:04:56,982 You sold your dick for bulk iced tea 118 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,614 and off-brand cough syrup. 119 00:04:58,696 --> 00:04:59,894 Don't worry. 120 00:04:59,976 --> 00:05:02,021 You're gonna look really cute in a blue vest. 121 00:05:03,576 --> 00:05:05,333 I am not having a good year. 122 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,333 Unfortunately, ma'am, the man we captured 123 00:05:09,414 --> 00:05:11,652 is not, in fact, Abdullah Saeed. 124 00:05:11,734 --> 00:05:13,412 Do the Israelis know anything about this? 125 00:05:13,541 --> 00:05:15,331 Because they're a sneaky bunch of fucks. 126 00:05:15,413 --> 00:05:17,059 Excuse me one second, ma'am. 127 00:05:20,932 --> 00:05:24,929 So Mike McLintock, tonight for 8:30. Thank you. 128 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:27,809 Sorry, Kent, Salt and Moon, new restaurant. 129 00:05:27,938 --> 00:05:30,097 Impressive. How did you secure a reservation there? 130 00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:32,656 Well, Sue uses my name for POTUS reservations, 131 00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:34,928 so when I call, I get an amazing table. 132 00:05:35,009 --> 00:05:36,335 I'm back on food. 133 00:05:36,449 --> 00:05:38,815 Doctor says the cleanse caused no lasting damage. 134 00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:42,366 @POTUS is tweeting? 135 00:05:42,496 --> 00:05:44,526 I'm the only one who's supposed to send her tweets. 136 00:05:44,607 --> 00:05:47,965 "Ha, ha, ha, @RealCharlieBaird. Here's one for you now." 137 00:05:48,095 --> 00:05:49,853 The president is tweeting. 138 00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:51,532 She's tweeting? 139 00:05:54,734 --> 00:05:56,812 Sorry, just... I just have to go in. 140 00:05:56,926 --> 00:05:57,582 The president has to... 141 00:05:57,606 --> 00:05:58,946 I can't let you in there, sir, I'm sorry. 142 00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:00,922 Please, Marjorie, please. I have to talk to the president. 143 00:06:01,053 --> 00:06:02,731 - Please take a step back. - Look, please. 144 00:06:02,844 --> 00:06:04,282 Oh, no. 145 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:06,522 - Uh, ma'am. - Yes? 146 00:06:06,652 --> 00:06:08,442 It turns out our prisoner's name 147 00:06:08,523 --> 00:06:11,001 is Abdullah Faeed, a local schoolteacher. 148 00:06:11,130 --> 00:06:13,081 What is he doing? 149 00:06:13,210 --> 00:06:15,000 - What is that? - Beats me. 150 00:06:15,130 --> 00:06:17,080 Hi, ma'am. If you hear this, do not tweet. 151 00:06:17,162 --> 00:06:19,960 - Please, stop... ma'am? - Mike, what are you doing? 152 00:06:20,041 --> 00:06:21,559 - You tweeted. - What? 153 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:22,967 About O'Brien. It wasn't nice. 154 00:06:23,048 --> 00:06:24,599 I just direct messaged Charlie. 155 00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:27,478 No, it was public. Everybody saw it on Twitter. 156 00:06:27,607 --> 00:06:29,046 - No, they didn't. - What did you tweet? 157 00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:31,317 What? It was just some funny joke I was just... 158 00:06:31,399 --> 00:06:33,797 - Oh, shi... - I pushed that feather button. 159 00:06:33,878 --> 00:06:36,244 I know, you tweet... that's a tweet. 160 00:06:36,326 --> 00:06:38,116 - That's a tweet. - Well, then delete it! 161 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,844 - Delete it! - Just delete it! 162 00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:41,715 - Delete it! - Hey, hey, hey! 163 00:06:41,845 --> 00:06:43,875 - What? Okay. - Not here. 164 00:06:45,956 --> 00:06:48,754 Gary, I did it the way you showed me to do it. 165 00:06:48,836 --> 00:06:50,962 But that's not the way I showed you to do... 166 00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:53,873 That's exactly the way that you showed me to do it. 167 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,201 Do you want me to show you again? 168 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,912 I'll tell you what I want you to do. 169 00:06:56,995 --> 00:06:58,240 Nothing, okay? 170 00:06:58,354 --> 00:07:00,031 That's your punishment. Get out. 171 00:07:00,114 --> 00:07:01,632 Okay, I'll just go make some tea. 172 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,152 You better not. 173 00:07:03,281 --> 00:07:07,391 The Swedish prime minister just retweeted your tweets with an LOL. 174 00:07:07,472 --> 00:07:10,750 Well, what the FOL are we supposed to do about this? 175 00:07:10,832 --> 00:07:12,477 I suggest that we disavow the tweets. 176 00:07:12,592 --> 00:07:14,237 Phones are hacked all the time 177 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,637 to steal pictures of celebrities' penises and whatnot. 178 00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:18,796 - Oh, my God. - Hold that thought, Kent. 179 00:07:18,878 --> 00:07:20,908 Madam President, are you sure you did this? 180 00:07:21,038 --> 00:07:22,667 What do you mean, am I sure? 181 00:07:22,798 --> 00:07:25,627 Well, maybe the White House computers aren't as secure as we think. 182 00:07:25,709 --> 00:07:28,426 Maybe the firewalls have more holes in them 183 00:07:28,509 --> 00:07:29,786 than a gold digger's diaphragm. 184 00:07:29,868 --> 00:07:31,626 My God, I hated those things. 185 00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:33,273 Wait a minute. 186 00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:36,713 - There was a breach earlier today. - Mm-hmm. 187 00:07:36,795 --> 00:07:40,104 Oh, my God, and maybe that breach concerned those tweets. 188 00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:41,174 Maybe it did. 189 00:07:41,198 --> 00:07:44,014 Oh, my God, maybe you had nothing to do with it. 190 00:07:44,106 --> 00:07:46,231 Oh, my God. 191 00:07:46,345 --> 00:07:48,343 In that case, China would be blamed 192 00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:51,830 for your messages going public, maybe. 193 00:07:51,944 --> 00:07:53,862 So is that what I think happened? 194 00:07:53,944 --> 00:07:55,461 That China tweeted this? 195 00:07:55,592 --> 00:07:58,901 Oh, no, ma'am, no. You have no idea what happened. 196 00:07:58,982 --> 00:08:02,068 And neither does Mike, who would be outraged by this. 197 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,588 Actually, ma'am, I have a better idea. 198 00:08:03,670 --> 00:08:05,299 No, you don't, Mike. History has proven that. 199 00:08:05,382 --> 00:08:07,779 Now, let me just run this by Bob 200 00:08:07,909 --> 00:08:09,939 and see if he thinks blaming China is a good idea. 201 00:08:10,021 --> 00:08:12,738 - This can't leave this room. - Can or can't? 202 00:08:12,821 --> 00:08:14,178 - It cannot, Mike. - Not! 203 00:08:14,308 --> 00:08:15,426 Why don't you just tell the truth? 204 00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,425 - I don't sound like that. - That's exactly how you sound. 205 00:08:19,507 --> 00:08:20,977 - No, I don't. - Spot-on. 206 00:08:21,058 --> 00:08:22,417 Yeah, it's pretty close. 207 00:08:22,498 --> 00:08:23,984 I don't know where you get that impersonation. 208 00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:26,576 Ma'am, you have to make a decision now. 209 00:08:26,658 --> 00:08:29,343 I mean, can I really blame another country 210 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,975 for something they didn't do? 211 00:08:31,057 --> 00:08:32,782 It's been the cornerstone of American foreign policy 212 00:08:32,896 --> 00:08:34,654 since the Spanish American War. 213 00:08:34,736 --> 00:08:38,333 This morning the White House cybersecurity was breached 214 00:08:38,464 --> 00:08:41,021 by what the NSA has come to believe was a hack 215 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,101 that originated in mainland China. 216 00:08:43,182 --> 00:08:46,652 Mike, Mike, what about the president's tweet about Senator O'Brien? 217 00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,091 The president was horrified. 218 00:08:48,174 --> 00:08:52,379 Horrified by this latest violation of cybersecurity. 219 00:08:52,461 --> 00:08:55,851 The president believes cybersecurity is paramount 220 00:08:55,932 --> 00:08:58,618 for the United States' future survival. 221 00:09:00,252 --> 00:09:02,009 Kent, any progress on the ballots? 222 00:09:02,091 --> 00:09:05,049 I've eliminated eight counties as potential locales, 223 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,569 but there's no way around my doing 224 00:09:06,650 --> 00:09:08,856 a district-by-district regression analysis. 225 00:09:08,938 --> 00:09:11,447 Are we paying you by the word here, Kent, or what? Ben? 226 00:09:11,529 --> 00:09:14,327 He needs more time. Ma'am, we got O'Brien on a live feed. 227 00:09:14,408 --> 00:09:16,534 Oh, boy. Well, we knew this was coming. Let's hear it. 228 00:09:16,617 --> 00:09:20,326 I will not dignify the president's petty remarks with a response. 229 00:09:20,408 --> 00:09:21,573 And yet he's responding. 230 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,125 I do, however, want to point out 231 00:09:23,207 --> 00:09:24,853 that over 29 million people 232 00:09:24,935 --> 00:09:27,204 suffer from various forms of diabetes. 233 00:09:27,286 --> 00:09:30,484 - Oh, who cares? - What truly troubles me, however, 234 00:09:30,566 --> 00:09:33,091 is President Meyer's timid response 235 00:09:33,205 --> 00:09:35,651 to a clear act of aggression. 236 00:09:35,765 --> 00:09:37,923 Did you just see that? Okay? 237 00:09:38,004 --> 00:09:39,603 We're gonna have to do something about China now. 238 00:09:39,684 --> 00:09:41,442 - No, you don't, ma'am. - I need to look strong. 239 00:09:41,524 --> 00:09:43,521 - If we lose Nevada... - "Nev-add-a." 240 00:09:43,603 --> 00:09:46,289 ...O'Brien is gonna kill us in the House over this China thing. 241 00:09:46,371 --> 00:09:48,241 In reality, ma'am, China... 242 00:09:48,322 --> 00:09:50,320 In reality? I know reality, Ben. 243 00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:52,560 You're the one who suggested we all live in the Matrix. 244 00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:54,872 Ma'am, nobody chose to live in the Matrix. 245 00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:55,622 What? 246 00:09:55,681 --> 00:09:58,319 The machines rose up and placed humans in the Matrix 247 00:09:58,401 --> 00:10:00,767 so they could use them as a biological power source. 248 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,757 - Whose side were you on? - What about targeted sanctions? 249 00:10:03,888 --> 00:10:06,237 That will send a message of real strength, won't it? 250 00:10:06,319 --> 00:10:09,516 Or we could go to the United Nations and have them issue... 251 00:10:09,599 --> 00:10:12,844 Have them what? Have them help us park in front of a fire hydrant? 252 00:10:12,926 --> 00:10:14,204 I mean, come on. 253 00:10:14,317 --> 00:10:16,684 Ma'am, your focus now should be on Nevada. 254 00:10:16,765 --> 00:10:19,323 I'm president, in case you forgot. 255 00:10:19,437 --> 00:10:22,202 I know what I should focus on. 256 00:10:22,316 --> 00:10:23,754 Sorry, ma'am. 257 00:10:27,435 --> 00:10:29,113 Jesus, you're still here? 258 00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,921 I don't know why. My only jobs seem to be 259 00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:33,240 asking Bob and finding out what Bob thinks. 260 00:10:33,355 --> 00:10:35,320 Yeah, it's been pretty fun to watch. 261 00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:37,240 So you want to grab a drink or something? 262 00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:39,431 No, thanks. 263 00:10:39,561 --> 00:10:41,719 Oh, but on your way, would you mind stopping 264 00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:43,590 at ABC News and picking up some Advil? 265 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,558 Oh, did I say ABC News? I meant Rite Aid. 266 00:10:45,672 --> 00:10:47,030 Yeah, I think you're forgetting something, Amy, 267 00:10:47,111 --> 00:10:49,429 is that I still had sex with your sister, so... 268 00:10:49,511 --> 00:10:51,637 Good night, have a pleasant evening, 269 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,668 and I had sex with your sister. 270 00:10:53,798 --> 00:10:57,316 You might actually want to go to Rite Aid. Get some Valtrex. 271 00:11:01,749 --> 00:11:03,347 Dan? 272 00:11:10,915 --> 00:11:12,753 - Hello? - Oh! 273 00:11:12,866 --> 00:11:14,625 Bob, I didn't know you were still here. 274 00:11:14,754 --> 00:11:16,272 Yeah. When's the meeting? 275 00:11:16,386 --> 00:11:17,945 The Whitman meeting's tomorrow afternoon. 276 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:18,487 Tomorrow. 277 00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:21,583 You might want to go to your hotel and get some sleep. 278 00:11:21,665 --> 00:11:24,030 No, I got some more work to do. 279 00:11:24,113 --> 00:11:25,583 You have a good one, Jamie. 280 00:11:29,904 --> 00:11:32,269 Mike McLintock. I have a reservation. 281 00:11:32,383 --> 00:11:34,621 The McLintock party has already been seated. 282 00:11:34,751 --> 00:11:37,661 No, no, that's impossible 'cause he's Mike McLintock. 283 00:11:37,742 --> 00:11:39,260 Show her your driver's license. 284 00:11:39,342 --> 00:11:41,500 - I can't find it. - Again? 285 00:11:41,582 --> 00:11:44,107 Uh, where exactly is the McLintock party? 286 00:11:44,221 --> 00:11:45,419 Right over there. 287 00:11:46,941 --> 00:11:48,906 This is my table. 288 00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:50,778 And this is my fat johnson and you can suck it 289 00:11:50,859 --> 00:11:53,418 as long as you promise not to put your dirty gay mustache on it. 290 00:11:53,499 --> 00:11:55,385 What is that, some kind of side effect from your AIDS medication 291 00:11:55,467 --> 00:11:57,497 or did you shave it off of Freddie Mercury's corpse? 292 00:11:57,626 --> 00:11:59,944 Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to enjoy my bay scallop gateau. 293 00:12:00,058 --> 00:12:03,943 You, you're a bald jerk. Pardon me, Mrs. Furlong. 294 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,263 Jesus, you think I married that? 295 00:12:06,345 --> 00:12:07,415 That's Will's wife. 296 00:12:07,545 --> 00:12:09,015 Hi, Mike. It's good to see you. 297 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,614 This is my wife Mary. 298 00:12:10,744 --> 00:12:12,421 The congressman was kind enough 299 00:12:12,536 --> 00:12:14,293 to take us out to dinner on our anniversary. 300 00:12:14,424 --> 00:12:16,533 - Hello. - I guess Will likes them old. 301 00:12:16,663 --> 00:12:18,581 Why don't you fuck off back to Burger King? 302 00:12:18,663 --> 00:12:20,932 - Happy anniversary. - Hi, Wendy. 303 00:12:21,014 --> 00:12:22,532 We're going. We're going. 304 00:12:22,614 --> 00:12:24,260 Christ, she looks like a Batman villain. 305 00:12:24,374 --> 00:12:26,691 What'd Dopey get you for your anniversary? 306 00:12:26,773 --> 00:12:29,011 And when I'm president, 307 00:12:29,093 --> 00:12:31,778 we will defend our digital borders 308 00:12:31,892 --> 00:12:36,849 just as diligently as we defend our physical ones. 309 00:12:36,979 --> 00:12:39,329 Yeah, can I get a secure line? 310 00:12:39,411 --> 00:12:41,536 Bradley. 311 00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:43,616 Bob, oh, God, I hope I'm not waking you. 312 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,248 No, no, I'm always awake. 313 00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,535 Great. So this China thing. 314 00:12:47,617 --> 00:12:49,854 They did hack us, 315 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:54,286 but they didn't exactly hack my Twitter account. 316 00:12:54,368 --> 00:12:56,654 - Say no more, Madam President. - Oh, God, I knew it. 317 00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,605 I knew you would understand, Bob. 318 00:12:58,688 --> 00:13:01,005 It is so nice to finally be talking to a professional here. 319 00:13:01,087 --> 00:13:04,045 This is how I see it, okay? If I'm soft on China, 320 00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:05,724 I'm gonna get killed in the House. 321 00:13:05,806 --> 00:13:07,612 Your instincts are telling you you should be strong. 322 00:13:07,726 --> 00:13:10,043 Yes, you think my instincts are right? 323 00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:11,611 Does a bear piss in the shower? 324 00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:13,450 - You should lead. - I'm the leader. 325 00:13:13,533 --> 00:13:15,770 - You caught the fish, now gut the fish. - Gut the fish. 326 00:13:15,852 --> 00:13:18,282 You're wearing the fireman's hat, now put out the fire. 327 00:13:18,411 --> 00:13:21,769 - Yes! This is better than phone sex. - Well, I just came. 328 00:13:21,851 --> 00:13:24,041 Forget threatening sanctions. 329 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:26,840 I should call on Congress directly to levy them. 330 00:13:26,922 --> 00:13:28,440 That's a bold move, Madam President, 331 00:13:28,522 --> 00:13:30,279 and one that'll only earn you respect. 332 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,247 Bob, thank you so much. 333 00:13:32,361 --> 00:13:34,118 Well, I'll be around for the next 334 00:13:34,249 --> 00:13:36,998 five to six hours if you need anything else. 335 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,677 That is why today I am announcing 336 00:13:40,808 --> 00:13:43,525 a set of unilateral sanctions 337 00:13:43,606 --> 00:13:46,484 starting with the freezing of all assets 338 00:13:46,598 --> 00:13:49,636 associated with the Chinese state-sponsored 339 00:13:49,718 --> 00:13:52,355 cyberespionage apparatus. 340 00:13:52,486 --> 00:13:55,682 Thank you. 341 00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:01,953 Well, that seems to have shut O'Brien up, huh? 342 00:14:02,036 --> 00:14:04,513 - There's a new stegosaurus. - That's not my problem. 343 00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,961 - Absolutely, ma'am. - Right. Hey, Amy. 344 00:14:07,075 --> 00:14:09,040 You all set for today's meeting? 345 00:14:09,154 --> 00:14:11,152 Ma'am, have you noticed... 346 00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:13,552 God, please back up your face, Amy, okay? 347 00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:15,072 Back it up. 348 00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:17,471 Have you noticed anything weird about Bob? 349 00:14:17,553 --> 00:14:19,118 He was acting a little off last night. 350 00:14:19,232 --> 00:14:20,638 That's just Bob being Bob. 351 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,430 No, I know what this is about. 352 00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:26,157 Amy, you know that you are very important to the campaign, right? 353 00:14:26,271 --> 00:14:27,417 - No, this is not... 354 00:14:27,441 --> 00:14:30,131 - No, Amy, listen, you are doing a great job. 355 00:14:30,238 --> 00:14:33,708 A great, great, very good job. 356 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,236 Ben, tell Amy what a great job that she's doing. 357 00:14:36,349 --> 00:14:37,627 One heck of a job, Amy. 358 00:14:37,757 --> 00:14:39,994 If the Eagle told you that the Eagle was acting odd, 359 00:14:40,077 --> 00:14:41,306 - would you listen to him? - Yeah. 360 00:14:41,436 --> 00:14:42,826 You got to trust the Eagle. 361 00:14:42,908 --> 00:14:45,753 Why? Did he say something to you? 362 00:14:45,836 --> 00:14:48,025 Is everybody's cell phone off? 363 00:14:48,107 --> 00:14:50,105 Yeah. Those things cause cancer, you know. 364 00:14:50,235 --> 00:14:52,206 That's what I hear. Good to see you, Bob. 365 00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:53,215 Good to see you. 366 00:14:53,306 --> 00:14:55,512 - Been a while, huh? - Yeah, it has indeed. 367 00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:59,223 I think the last time was at your ski cabin with your wife. 368 00:14:59,353 --> 00:15:01,143 I still got the cabin. 369 00:15:03,352 --> 00:15:07,109 So, Bob, neither of us have time to waste with the certification so close. 370 00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:08,341 What's on your mind? 371 00:15:08,424 --> 00:15:10,421 What we have here is a classic thumb 372 00:15:10,502 --> 00:15:13,621 in the apple pie situation and Grandma is mad as hell. 373 00:15:13,702 --> 00:15:15,380 - She spent all day cooking... - Look, Bob. Bob. 374 00:15:15,462 --> 00:15:18,227 We all know you're as folksy as a butter churn lamp, 375 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,988 but let me cut to the chase. 376 00:15:20,069 --> 00:15:22,099 From where I'm sitting, my boy's ahead. 377 00:15:22,228 --> 00:15:25,858 If you're here to beg for more time, take your cup and cane elsewhere. 378 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,978 Hold that thought. 379 00:15:41,345 --> 00:15:43,023 - The gown is just gorgeous. - I know. 380 00:15:43,105 --> 00:15:44,623 - Did this come from India? - I don't know. Did you get it? 381 00:15:44,704 --> 00:15:46,974 Just all of this just screams Grace Kelly. 382 00:15:47,056 --> 00:15:48,574 - I know. - Charlie is gonna flip. 383 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,142 - I don't like my eyes, though. - What? 384 00:15:50,255 --> 00:15:52,781 Yeah, I feel like I've got two diaper bags underneath. 385 00:15:52,863 --> 00:15:54,812 - No, no, no, no. I don't think... - Oh, God. 386 00:15:54,895 --> 00:15:56,461 - I need my ring. - Okay. 387 00:15:57,742 --> 00:15:59,292 - Oh, Bob. - Evening. 388 00:15:59,374 --> 00:16:01,612 Hi, you're getting ready to go to the Whitman meeting, right? 389 00:16:01,693 --> 00:16:03,419 Mm-hmm, there's never been a Whitman's Sampler 390 00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:06,459 I couldn't take apart piece by piece and shit out, Madam President. 391 00:16:06,572 --> 00:16:09,418 I love to hear that. Okay, you're hanging on to me like a skin tag. 392 00:16:09,499 --> 00:16:12,778 Hey, you know what? Could you go and tell Charlie I'll be just a couple minutes? 393 00:16:12,859 --> 00:16:14,329 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. - Thank you very much. 394 00:16:14,411 --> 00:16:16,569 So listen, I talked to Kent and he really needs 395 00:16:16,651 --> 00:16:19,208 as much time as possible, so whatever you could do 396 00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:22,807 to buy more time to delay the certifica... Bob? 397 00:16:22,889 --> 00:16:26,407 Bob? Are you all right? Can you hear me? 398 00:16:26,536 --> 00:16:29,654 - Is there someone in here? - What? 399 00:16:29,768 --> 00:16:32,614 - What is this? - Bob, is Richard there? 400 00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:35,525 Bob, are you okay? 401 00:16:35,607 --> 00:16:37,332 Oh, fuck. You know what? 402 00:16:37,446 --> 00:16:40,852 I wonder... I think maybe we should delay the meeting. 403 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:42,564 Oh, not a chance, Mr. President. 404 00:16:42,693 --> 00:16:45,091 - I'm locked and loaded. - Madam President. 405 00:16:45,173 --> 00:16:48,563 A lady president? Yeah, maybe in the year 2000. 406 00:16:48,645 --> 00:16:52,130 Bob! Oh, my God. Jesus Christ! 407 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,802 - Mr. Baird, Mr. Baird. I'm so sorry. - Excuse me. 408 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:57,761 I know everybody's waiting, but she just texted and she's running a little bit late. 409 00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,241 You sure she just texted or did she tweet the entire world? 410 00:17:02,083 --> 00:17:03,568 It's okay, she's not here. 411 00:17:03,682 --> 00:17:05,279 All right, then let's just sit down. 412 00:17:05,362 --> 00:17:06,928 - Wait, you want... - It's fine. It's fine. 413 00:17:07,041 --> 00:17:08,479 - She won't care. - I don't know if... 414 00:17:08,609 --> 00:17:10,638 Howard, would you do me a favor and slide over for my pal? 415 00:17:10,721 --> 00:17:11,280 Sure. 416 00:17:11,304 --> 00:17:12,981 I don't know if this is such a good idea. 417 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,998 It's 250 grand. I bought the table. Sit down. 418 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,525 Gary is a key member of the Meyer administration. 419 00:17:18,607 --> 00:17:20,397 So kind. Thank you. 420 00:17:20,478 --> 00:17:23,484 - You have a card? - No, just a bag. 421 00:17:23,566 --> 00:17:26,156 Guys, something is deeply wrong with Bob. 422 00:17:26,237 --> 00:17:26,737 What? 423 00:17:26,761 --> 00:17:28,259 I'm talking like blood in the urine wrong. 424 00:17:28,317 --> 00:17:29,803 Yes, that's what I've been trying to tell you. 425 00:17:29,917 --> 00:17:32,315 No, not now, Amy, okay? Just focus on this. 426 00:17:32,445 --> 00:17:34,234 Amy, this is really bad. 427 00:17:34,365 --> 00:17:35,834 Oh, hello, ma'am. 428 00:17:35,964 --> 00:17:39,321 - What's bad? - Can I tell Amy and have her tell you? 429 00:17:39,403 --> 00:17:41,241 Jonah, just speak. What is it? 430 00:17:41,323 --> 00:17:43,512 Ma'am, I've been trying to get Mr. Bradley on the phone 431 00:17:43,643 --> 00:17:45,273 with Ned Mitchell from the "Las Vegas Gazette." 432 00:17:45,402 --> 00:17:48,359 - Right. - Ned Mitchell died in 2006. 433 00:17:48,473 --> 00:17:50,692 And the "Las Vegas Gazette" stopped publishing in 2007. 434 00:17:50,716 --> 00:17:51,454 Oh, my God. 435 00:17:51,513 --> 00:17:54,678 I was able to get in touch with Susan Bailey at the "Reno Star," 436 00:17:54,761 --> 00:17:57,990 which is not a newspaper, it's a legal brothel. 437 00:17:58,071 --> 00:18:01,238 But she did seem excited to help the campaign in whichever way she could. 438 00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:02,789 Jesus Christ, ma'am. I'm so sorry. 439 00:18:02,871 --> 00:18:04,948 He just seemed like the same old Bob to me. 440 00:18:05,031 --> 00:18:07,668 Ma'am, this morning he told me the Jews cause hurricanes. 441 00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:09,716 He just went into this Whitman meeting, you guys! 442 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:12,148 What if he takes a shit on the table or something? 443 00:18:12,277 --> 00:18:15,427 Ma'am, at his age, if he can take a shit whenever he wants, that's a major victory. 444 00:18:15,508 --> 00:18:17,426 All right, Amy, this meeting cannot make it 445 00:18:17,509 --> 00:18:19,106 past the School Book Depository. 446 00:18:19,188 --> 00:18:20,945 I'm loading my gun and heading to the sixth floor. 447 00:18:21,028 --> 00:18:23,505 Well, then, go, go, go! Ben, don't hang up. 448 00:18:23,587 --> 00:18:25,392 - I've got to tell you something. - Uh-oh. 449 00:18:25,475 --> 00:18:28,912 Bob knows there wasn't a Chinese hack. 450 00:18:28,994 --> 00:18:30,992 I think I might have told him. 451 00:18:31,074 --> 00:18:32,623 Well, don't worry, ma'am. 452 00:18:32,706 --> 00:18:34,591 We'll get him on the first flight out of Nevada 453 00:18:34,705 --> 00:18:38,350 and we'll shove his ass out somewhere over Oklahoma. 454 00:18:38,432 --> 00:18:41,982 Alzheimer's or no, I image-searched Susan Bailey 455 00:18:42,063 --> 00:18:44,061 and she is legit fuckable. 456 00:18:44,143 --> 00:18:45,741 Hi, this is Dan, leave a message. 457 00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:47,341 Shit! Thing Two. 458 00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:49,100 Honestly, her rates are reasonable. 459 00:18:52,829 --> 00:18:54,747 Richard, call... 460 00:18:54,861 --> 00:18:55,692 Can you go any faster? 461 00:18:55,715 --> 00:18:57,489 Amy, if you had rented me a Sebring, yes. 462 00:18:57,580 --> 00:18:58,779 Just go! Go, go! 463 00:19:00,508 --> 00:19:03,337 This is like that famous scene from the movie "Heat." 464 00:19:03,468 --> 00:19:05,785 You know, with De Niro and Brenneman. 465 00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:08,425 Just thinking about that scene gives me goose bumps. 466 00:19:08,507 --> 00:19:10,776 The fuck is going on? 467 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,735 Mr. Whitman, sir, I'm sure that Mr. Bradley 468 00:19:13,866 --> 00:19:16,135 will be right back 469 00:19:16,217 --> 00:19:18,663 very soon. 470 00:19:18,745 --> 00:19:20,935 You know, I'm just gonna step out, 471 00:19:21,064 --> 00:19:23,334 make sure that Bob doesn't need anything. 472 00:19:23,416 --> 00:19:25,142 Be right back. 473 00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,733 Good evening, everyone. Before we start, 474 00:19:29,815 --> 00:19:32,180 I would like to acknowledge the chairman of tonight's dinner 475 00:19:32,294 --> 00:19:35,780 and a longtime generous benefactor of this unique institution, 476 00:19:35,861 --> 00:19:38,532 - Mr. Charles Baird Jr. - Oh! 477 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:44,498 Thank you, Steve. I'd like to say dig in, 478 00:19:44,612 --> 00:19:46,210 but my date is running late. 479 00:19:46,292 --> 00:19:48,417 Presidents, right? 480 00:19:48,451 --> 00:19:51,409 Well, hopefully she arrives before we all turn into fossils. 481 00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:55,409 Why is nobody answering their phones right now? 482 00:19:55,490 --> 00:19:57,568 Hang on, ma'am. I'm gonna try Dan again. 483 00:19:57,649 --> 00:19:59,615 - Hey. - Dan, you're on with the... 484 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,695 Dan, are your ears on mute? 485 00:20:01,776 --> 00:20:03,294 I've called you like 80 times. 486 00:20:03,377 --> 00:20:05,326 - You're on with the president. - Sorry, ma'am. 487 00:20:05,409 --> 00:20:08,286 Whitman made us turn our phones off before Bob walked out of the meeting. 488 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,046 What do you mean? The meeting is over? 489 00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,885 Well, no, but that didn't stop the Eagle 490 00:20:11,967 --> 00:20:14,204 from flying out onto the street and getting in a cab. 491 00:20:14,335 --> 00:20:16,284 Yeah, turns out he's nuttier than a squirrel's diaper. 492 00:20:16,366 --> 00:20:18,412 - Tell Jonah to shut the fuck up. - Shut the fuck up. 493 00:20:18,526 --> 00:20:20,652 If the meeting's still going on, who's with Whitman? 494 00:20:20,766 --> 00:20:23,723 - Richard. - Oh, thank God. 495 00:20:23,804 --> 00:20:25,482 Hate to say I told you so. 496 00:20:25,565 --> 00:20:28,282 - Shut the fuck up. - Shut the fuck up, Jonah. 497 00:20:29,804 --> 00:20:32,122 Mr. Splett, where's Bob Bradley? 498 00:20:32,251 --> 00:20:33,849 Honestly, I was gonna ask you that. 499 00:20:33,883 --> 00:20:35,320 Do you mind if I get a picture with you 500 00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:37,208 for my blog "Let's Talk About Splett"? 501 00:20:38,682 --> 00:20:41,127 Tell the Eagle it was great to see him. 502 00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,759 And at 6:00 P.M. tomorrow, 503 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,399 every vote in this state will be counted and certified. 504 00:20:45,528 --> 00:20:48,438 Well, not every vote. Funny thing about elections, 505 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,198 historically there've always been leftover ballots. 506 00:20:50,327 --> 00:20:54,085 Sometimes up to 16% end up missing or thrown out. 507 00:20:54,199 --> 00:20:56,757 - Is that what this is about? - I'm so sorry for... 508 00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:58,997 The missing ballots in Washoe County. 509 00:20:59,078 --> 00:21:01,636 We looked all over for them, came up empty, 510 00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:03,284 so best of luck to you. 511 00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:06,323 And if you do happen to find as much as one new vote, 512 00:21:06,405 --> 00:21:08,834 - we'll see you in court. - Thank you. 513 00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:12,753 Holy bacon double Asperger's. 514 00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:14,514 - How did you do that? - I'm sorry, what? 515 00:21:14,643 --> 00:21:17,793 Amy, what are your top five favorite De Niro movies? 516 00:21:17,875 --> 00:21:20,400 And you can't say "Meet the Parents" 'cause that's automatically number one. 517 00:21:20,482 --> 00:21:23,792 Kent, it's Washoe County. Don't ask me how I know. 518 00:21:23,873 --> 00:21:26,511 Kent, get the Justice Department on this, okay? 519 00:21:26,642 --> 00:21:29,230 You give them your statistical whatever it is to narrow it down. 520 00:21:29,313 --> 00:21:31,550 - You mean my data narrative matrices. - Yeah, the datas. 521 00:21:31,632 --> 00:21:35,518 Amy, is there any sign of the Eagle or is he crossing America on a lawn mower? 522 00:21:35,632 --> 00:21:37,757 Ma'am, we really ought to get someone in court right away 523 00:21:37,871 --> 00:21:39,788 to file a Hail Mary injunction to extend the deadline, 524 00:21:39,919 --> 00:21:41,389 someone who can stall till we find the ballots. 525 00:21:41,518 --> 00:21:42,668 I already thought about that. 526 00:21:42,798 --> 00:21:44,427 I've got it covered. 527 00:21:49,949 --> 00:21:51,754 Mm-hmm. 528 00:21:55,595 --> 00:21:57,546 So the lady-in-waiting came over to us 529 00:21:57,675 --> 00:22:01,704 and she said, "Her Majesty thought perhaps you would like to see her crown." 530 00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:04,504 Imagine a shy kid from Birmingham, Alabama, 531 00:22:04,586 --> 00:22:06,024 and the Queen of England... 532 00:22:06,105 --> 00:22:08,552 Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States. 533 00:22:08,633 --> 00:22:11,383 Oh, thank you. 534 00:22:11,465 --> 00:22:13,270 Thank you. Oh, look at that. 535 00:22:13,384 --> 00:22:15,942 That's sort of a grey-blue dress. Isn't that something? 536 00:22:16,024 --> 00:22:18,470 Hi, feeling good in Nevada. 537 00:22:18,552 --> 00:22:21,269 Nifty in Nevada. Hi. 538 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:24,069 - You look fantastic. - Yeah, I need a drink. 539 00:22:24,150 --> 00:22:27,140 Indeed I do. Everybody, please, sit down. 540 00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:30,659 I am so excited to hear all about the... 541 00:22:30,742 --> 00:22:32,899 Stegosaurus, the armored plant eater. 542 00:22:32,980 --> 00:22:35,666 - Stegosaurus, the arm... Gary? - Mm-hmm. 543 00:22:35,780 --> 00:22:39,266 I dropped my lipstick somewhere between here and the motorcade. 544 00:22:39,347 --> 00:22:41,537 - Okay, I got one right here. - No, go get that one. 545 00:22:41,667 --> 00:22:43,537 - Uh-huh. - So what did I miss? 546 00:22:43,619 --> 00:22:46,497 We just heard a lovely story about the Queen of England. 547 00:22:46,626 --> 00:22:48,256 She's a fucking cunt. 548 00:22:48,386 --> 00:22:50,176 - You didn't hear it from me. - No. 549 00:22:52,066 --> 00:22:54,783 We're still searching for the votes, so we need you to stall. 550 00:22:54,865 --> 00:22:56,495 Amy, I respect the sanctity 551 00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:59,134 of this courtroom far too much to "stall." 552 00:22:59,264 --> 00:23:01,694 This is a simple and straightforward case. 553 00:23:01,775 --> 00:23:04,781 Although, in many ways, that's what makes it so complicated. 554 00:23:04,895 --> 00:23:07,580 - You see... - That's good. Do that. 555 00:23:07,663 --> 00:23:10,252 The court will hear the matter of Meyer v. Nevada, 556 00:23:10,334 --> 00:23:12,060 a motion to delay certification. 557 00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:15,771 Before we begin, I would love to define a few key terms. 558 00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:19,370 Vote. What is a vote? 559 00:23:19,452 --> 00:23:21,210 Well, I think that's pretty obvious. 560 00:23:21,340 --> 00:23:22,970 Oh, is it, Your Honor? 561 00:23:23,099 --> 00:23:27,817 In many cultures, the word vote can mean a myriad of things. 562 00:23:27,931 --> 00:23:30,409 It can mean a celebration. 563 00:23:30,490 --> 00:23:32,488 It can mean a dance around a fire. 564 00:23:32,570 --> 00:23:35,608 It can mean a silent nod. 565 00:23:35,737 --> 00:23:38,967 In this room, what does it mean? 566 00:23:39,049 --> 00:23:40,566 Any news on Creaky McGee? 567 00:23:40,696 --> 00:23:42,646 Seriously, we have got to find Bob before... 568 00:23:42,728 --> 00:23:44,934 Look at this. How beautiful you look. And check this out. 569 00:23:45,048 --> 00:23:47,285 No, no. What about the Nevada State Police? 570 00:23:47,367 --> 00:23:49,525 - Ma'am, there's nothing. - Oh, never mind. We got him. 571 00:23:49,607 --> 00:23:51,252 What? Where is he? 572 00:23:51,334 --> 00:23:53,732 - Here. - Good morning. 573 00:23:53,846 --> 00:23:55,683 Hi, Bob. 574 00:23:55,766 --> 00:23:57,091 - Hey. - Hi. 575 00:23:57,205 --> 00:23:59,603 I am so happy to see you. 576 00:23:59,733 --> 00:24:01,523 What kind of soup do you have today? 577 00:24:01,604 --> 00:24:06,002 Um, what kind of soup is on your mind? 578 00:24:06,083 --> 00:24:07,890 Well, what is today? 579 00:24:07,971 --> 00:24:10,561 - Um... it's Thursday. - It's Thursday. 580 00:24:10,643 --> 00:24:12,081 - Thursday? - Yup. 581 00:24:12,162 --> 00:24:15,088 Navy bean. So delicious. 582 00:24:15,169 --> 00:24:17,728 Ma'am, you want to... hey, Bob. 583 00:24:17,842 --> 00:24:19,487 Bob Bradley. Nice to meet you, sir. 584 00:24:19,601 --> 00:24:22,046 - They found the ballots. - Seriously? 585 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,918 - Yeah. - Excuse me, Bob. 586 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,566 Breaking news out of Nevada. 587 00:24:27,647 --> 00:24:30,318 Acting on a tip, US Justice Department deputies 588 00:24:30,399 --> 00:24:33,997 found an estimated 10,000 uncounted mail-in ballots 589 00:24:34,078 --> 00:24:35,697 from last week's presidential election... 590 00:24:35,721 --> 00:24:36,259 Come on. 591 00:24:36,366 --> 00:24:40,123 ...in the house of this man, 54-year-old US postal worker Vance Otlow. 592 00:24:40,205 --> 00:24:42,763 - Look at this guy. - Otlow had grown more erratic 593 00:24:42,845 --> 00:24:45,034 following post office closures last year 594 00:24:45,117 --> 00:24:46,954 by the Meyer Postal Commission. 595 00:24:47,036 --> 00:24:48,554 10,000 ballots! 596 00:24:48,684 --> 00:24:52,841 From a district with an empirically high applied demography value. 597 00:24:52,923 --> 00:24:56,472 I don't know what you're saying, but you keep doing that math stuff, Kent, 598 00:24:56,554 --> 00:24:58,328 no matter how much anyone makes fun of you, okay? 599 00:24:58,352 --> 00:24:58,942 Yes, ma'am. 600 00:24:59,002 --> 00:25:02,631 All right, listen. Karen has got to get those ballots admitted, right? 601 00:25:02,713 --> 00:25:04,871 She will or she won't. 602 00:25:05,001 --> 00:25:07,670 Amy, I know the last couple days have not been ideal. 603 00:25:07,753 --> 00:25:09,558 To say the least, ma'am. 604 00:25:09,672 --> 00:25:10,949 I just want you to know 605 00:25:11,032 --> 00:25:13,589 that I could not have done it without Richard 606 00:25:13,671 --> 00:25:16,548 and I want you to please relay my thanks to him. 607 00:25:16,679 --> 00:25:18,948 I'll get right on that. 608 00:25:19,030 --> 00:25:21,076 Uh, ma'am, from our ambassador in China. 609 00:25:21,190 --> 00:25:24,227 As I feared, the Chinese are responding to your threat of sanctions. 610 00:25:24,309 --> 00:25:26,866 Can I not have just one minute to enjoy this? 611 00:25:26,949 --> 00:25:29,026 I'll ask the Chinese. 612 00:25:29,156 --> 00:25:31,234 Your Honors, I have just been informed 613 00:25:31,316 --> 00:25:35,025 that uncounted ballots have been discovered in Washoe County. 614 00:25:35,107 --> 00:25:37,664 I'd like to move that those be included in the recount. 615 00:25:37,795 --> 00:25:40,385 Objection, the deadline has already passed. 616 00:25:40,514 --> 00:25:44,191 Your Honor, how is counsel defining "deadline" and "passed"? 617 00:25:44,274 --> 00:25:46,271 Your Honor, objection! 618 00:25:47,553 --> 00:25:48,942 The deadline will be extended 619 00:25:49,025 --> 00:25:50,462 until we can hear on this matter. 620 00:25:50,545 --> 00:25:54,222 We will reconvene tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. 621 00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:57,069 After today's stunning turn of events in Nevada, 622 00:25:57,183 --> 00:25:59,469 the president has asked Bob Bradley, the Eagle, 623 00:25:59,583 --> 00:26:01,341 to return to Washington as her new 624 00:26:01,422 --> 00:26:04,380 cybersecurity czar, effective immediately. 625 00:26:04,462 --> 00:26:06,779 Also the State Department is reporting 626 00:26:06,862 --> 00:26:10,139 the Chinese government announced a series of measures aimed at the US. 627 00:26:10,221 --> 00:26:13,019 New restrictions on American imports into China, 628 00:26:13,100 --> 00:26:15,978 freezing of US investment funds in China... 629 00:26:17,468 --> 00:26:21,145 a ban on all foreign adoptions by American citizens. 630 00:26:22,667 --> 00:26:25,144 - A bunch of other stuff. - Mike! Mike! 631 00:26:25,226 --> 00:26:27,735 Will the president move forward with her sanctions? 632 00:26:27,818 --> 00:26:29,335 I don't know. 633 00:26:31,817 --> 00:26:33,862 I have to call my wife. 634 00:26:36,104 --> 00:26:37,862 I didn't know there was a subbasement. 635 00:26:37,976 --> 00:26:39,733 - Nice and cool. - Yeah, it's nice. 636 00:26:39,863 --> 00:26:42,020 - A lot of supplies here. - This is mine, right? 637 00:26:42,134 --> 00:26:43,573 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, boy. 638 00:26:43,654 --> 00:26:45,572 And here we go, Eagle, your new nest. 639 00:26:45,654 --> 00:26:48,291 Now, I don't think my cell phone's gonna work here. 640 00:26:48,374 --> 00:26:50,739 - No. Good luck. - Great. 641 00:26:52,213 --> 00:26:54,450 Thanks, buttfucker.