1 00:00:07,330 --> 00:00:08,696 Previously on House of Lies... 2 00:00:08,731 --> 00:00:09,897 [Marty] That's right! 3 00:00:09,933 --> 00:00:11,899 - You get a partnership! - [Doug] What? 4 00:00:11,935 --> 00:00:14,168 - And you get a partnership! - No. No way! 5 00:00:14,203 --> 00:00:15,436 - [Clyde screaming] - Are you serious?! 6 00:00:15,438 --> 00:00:18,205 We are on our way to Angeles Crest Highway. 7 00:00:18,241 --> 00:00:21,676 Don't worry, I'll have Jeremiah home by 2:00, Mr. Kaan. 8 00:00:21,711 --> 00:00:23,077 I'd like for you to advise the campaign. 9 00:00:23,112 --> 00:00:24,412 All right, I want you to be part of this. 10 00:00:24,447 --> 00:00:25,580 I'm not taking no for an answer. 11 00:00:25,615 --> 00:00:26,998 - Ron Zobel? What the f...? - [Ron] Oh, hi. 12 00:00:27,033 --> 00:00:29,150 I got your message last night, man. 13 00:00:29,185 --> 00:00:31,252 And the way you talked about working together, 14 00:00:31,287 --> 00:00:33,588 I'm yours, balls deep, my brother. 15 00:00:35,979 --> 00:00:40,879 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 16 00:00:40,930 --> 00:00:42,179 [elevator bell dings] 17 00:00:42,215 --> 00:00:44,215 - [woman] Good morning. - [Marty] Morning. 18 00:00:53,943 --> 00:00:56,744 What the fuck is going...? 19 00:00:56,779 --> 00:00:59,146 [beeping] 20 00:00:59,198 --> 00:01:01,198 Try it now. 21 00:01:02,318 --> 00:01:03,868 [elevator humming] 22 00:01:03,903 --> 00:01:06,087 I forgot my key card the other day, too. 23 00:01:06,122 --> 00:01:07,204 - Key card? - Yeah. 24 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,756 You know, I just keep it around my neck. 25 00:01:08,791 --> 00:01:10,057 I'll get you a lanyard. 26 00:01:10,093 --> 00:01:13,060 Oh, great. 27 00:01:13,096 --> 00:01:14,211 A lanyard. 28 00:01:16,332 --> 00:01:17,331 [elevator bell dings] 29 00:01:19,002 --> 00:01:20,501 Yeah, bye. 30 00:01:20,553 --> 00:01:23,170 [indistinct chatter] 31 00:01:23,222 --> 00:01:24,839 - Martin! - [Marty groans] 32 00:01:24,891 --> 00:01:27,008 Get your ass over here! Come on! 33 00:01:27,010 --> 00:01:28,976 You look rested, man. How was the cruise? 34 00:01:29,012 --> 00:01:30,511 Anchors aweigh, huh? Anchors aweigh. 35 00:01:30,563 --> 00:01:32,563 Yeah, it wasn't really that kind of a trip, Ron. 36 00:01:32,598 --> 00:01:34,015 - Sorry, all right, all right. - Okay? 37 00:01:34,017 --> 00:01:36,350 I had no idea I'd be coming back to fucking Quantico. 38 00:01:36,402 --> 00:01:38,019 I mean, what clearance level 39 00:01:38,071 --> 00:01:39,654 do I need to walk into my own goddamn office? 40 00:01:39,689 --> 00:01:40,855 Did you get my e-mails? 41 00:01:40,857 --> 00:01:42,923 Yeah, I got about 200 of the fucking things. 42 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:44,942 I hired you to mind the store. 43 00:01:44,994 --> 00:01:46,527 Not turn it into fucking Gitmo. 44 00:01:46,529 --> 00:01:49,163 Yeah, well, your store is in a sketchy hood, Marty. 45 00:01:49,198 --> 00:01:52,199 And it's rampant with cyber theft, corporate espionage. 46 00:01:52,251 --> 00:01:55,436 These upgraded security measures are how you stay in business, 47 00:01:55,471 --> 00:01:56,971 not to mention put a spit-shine on the place 48 00:01:57,006 --> 00:01:59,757 up your valuation, you know, getting K and A all sexy 49 00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:01,208 for Skip Galweather and the Kohl brothers. 50 00:02:01,210 --> 00:02:02,510 Uh-huh. 51 00:02:02,545 --> 00:02:04,378 Also positions you rather nicely to take over 52 00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:05,379 once I leave, huh? 53 00:02:05,381 --> 00:02:06,380 Well, you know. 54 00:02:06,382 --> 00:02:07,381 - Big shoes to fill, man. - Yeah. 55 00:02:07,383 --> 00:02:08,716 What, are you a size 12, 13? 56 00:02:08,768 --> 00:02:10,051 [chuckles] Hey, Ron, is it hard for you to breathe like that? 57 00:02:10,103 --> 00:02:11,452 What do you mean? 58 00:02:11,487 --> 00:02:13,821 You know, with your nose jammed all the way up my ass. 59 00:02:13,856 --> 00:02:16,107 [wry laugh] So I hear you're about to close Delcour, huh? 60 00:02:16,142 --> 00:02:20,277 Huh? Getting our cosmetic index all engorged 61 00:02:20,313 --> 00:02:21,829 and tingly? [spits] 62 00:02:21,864 --> 00:02:24,131 [wry laugh] What the fuck is wrong with you? 63 00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:26,000 Not a goddamn thing. 64 00:02:26,035 --> 00:02:27,952 Good luck today. 65 00:02:27,987 --> 00:02:29,203 [Clyde] So you think voters will 66 00:02:29,238 --> 00:02:31,072 just trade in their keys for a bus pass? 67 00:02:31,124 --> 00:02:33,574 Los Angeles loses its way as a first-class city 68 00:02:33,626 --> 00:02:35,459 if we're relying on cars to drive us into the future. 69 00:02:35,495 --> 00:02:37,628 I hear you; I understand what you're saying, 70 00:02:37,663 --> 00:02:39,747 but launching major initiatives in... what do we have? 71 00:02:39,799 --> 00:02:41,215 Public transportation, 72 00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:44,835 water conservation, and school reform in your first term? 73 00:02:44,887 --> 00:02:46,187 Dude, it's gonna break the bank. 74 00:02:46,222 --> 00:02:49,423 Seth, please, you have to set priorities. 75 00:02:49,475 --> 00:02:50,474 They're all priorities. 76 00:02:50,510 --> 00:02:52,660 What if... one of them wasn't? 77 00:02:52,695 --> 00:02:53,761 [laughs] 78 00:02:53,763 --> 00:02:54,895 They're all gonna face stiff oppositions. 79 00:02:54,931 --> 00:02:56,097 I know that. 80 00:02:56,099 --> 00:02:57,264 Look, that's what I'm talking about. 81 00:02:57,266 --> 00:02:59,100 I mean, in our current political culture, 82 00:02:59,152 --> 00:03:00,684 we've internalized the "no." 83 00:03:00,737 --> 00:03:02,103 We don't reach for things anymore, because 84 00:03:02,155 --> 00:03:03,537 what's the point? Nothing's gonna 85 00:03:03,573 --> 00:03:05,740 come of it, anyway, so why even try? 86 00:03:05,775 --> 00:03:08,192 But when we stop shooting for the moon, 87 00:03:08,244 --> 00:03:10,344 I tell you, man, we... we die as a society. 88 00:03:10,379 --> 00:03:12,613 Oh! If I weren't holding this bagel, 89 00:03:12,665 --> 00:03:13,614 I would slow-clap 90 00:03:13,666 --> 00:03:15,783 the shit out of this moment. 91 00:03:15,785 --> 00:03:18,018 Um, Clyde, we're getting ready to head out. 92 00:03:18,054 --> 00:03:20,221 You two will have to continue crafting empty promises later. 93 00:03:20,256 --> 00:03:21,288 Well, now, wait a second. 94 00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:22,356 What makes you think they're empty? 95 00:03:22,391 --> 00:03:23,874 Um... 96 00:03:23,926 --> 00:03:25,292 I've been alive. 97 00:03:25,344 --> 00:03:27,711 [Jeannie scoffs, Clyde laughs] 98 00:03:27,764 --> 00:03:28,763 [Clyde] Jeannie, do you want some more 99 00:03:28,798 --> 00:03:29,930 cream cheese on your bagel? 100 00:03:29,966 --> 00:03:31,365 Or are you fi... you're fine. 101 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,400 - Okay. - [Clyde] Okay. 102 00:03:33,436 --> 00:03:34,769 Seth Buckley, 103 00:03:34,804 --> 00:03:37,054 this dignified woman is Jeannie van der Hooven. 104 00:03:37,106 --> 00:03:38,055 Jeannie, this is... 105 00:03:38,107 --> 00:03:39,440 Seth Buckley, running for mayor. 106 00:03:39,475 --> 00:03:41,041 I recognize you from the 107 00:03:41,077 --> 00:03:42,893 ten million campaign flyers 108 00:03:42,945 --> 00:03:44,645 plastered to my windshield every morning. 109 00:03:44,697 --> 00:03:45,896 I'm... I'm sorry, you have... 110 00:03:45,948 --> 00:03:47,314 [Clyde] To tell us 111 00:03:47,366 --> 00:03:48,399 more about your concerns. 112 00:03:48,451 --> 00:03:49,784 I mean, we are eager to hear them. 113 00:03:49,819 --> 00:03:51,552 - Thank you so much. - [Seth] No, actually, 114 00:03:51,587 --> 00:03:53,387 y-you have a little bit of cream cheese... 115 00:03:53,422 --> 00:03:55,589 - Uh... - I can get that for you. 116 00:03:56,459 --> 00:03:57,458 Mm? 117 00:03:58,377 --> 00:03:59,727 See? 118 00:03:59,762 --> 00:04:01,378 I do care about my constituents. 119 00:04:01,414 --> 00:04:02,379 [Marty] Hey, David Plouffe, 120 00:04:02,415 --> 00:04:03,764 you still work for K and A? 121 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,416 Yes, actually, Marty... Marty, Marty, Marty... 122 00:04:05,468 --> 00:04:07,134 I want you to meet Seth. 123 00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:09,253 Marty Kaan, this is Seth Buckley. 124 00:04:09,305 --> 00:04:10,337 Seth Buckley, Marty Kaan. 125 00:04:10,389 --> 00:04:11,505 - How you doing? - Nice to meet you. 126 00:04:11,507 --> 00:04:12,890 - You, too. - And you know what? 127 00:04:12,925 --> 00:04:15,142 - I think that is everybody. - No, not quite everybody. 128 00:04:15,178 --> 00:04:16,510 So if you want to head on out, I'm telling you, 129 00:04:16,512 --> 00:04:17,595 - you should get out right now. - Let... excu... rude! 130 00:04:17,647 --> 00:04:18,679 Doug Guggenheim. 131 00:04:18,681 --> 00:04:20,080 - So nice to meet you. - Hi. 132 00:04:20,116 --> 00:04:22,349 Can we go now? 'Cause we do have a hair appointment to keep. 133 00:04:22,401 --> 00:04:23,517 - Sure. - Great. 134 00:04:23,569 --> 00:04:25,152 - Good luck with the campaign. - Thank you. 135 00:04:25,188 --> 00:04:26,353 Very good talk today. 136 00:04:26,405 --> 00:04:27,388 Sincerely. Okay? 137 00:04:27,423 --> 00:04:28,355 You can let yourself out? 138 00:04:28,407 --> 00:04:29,423 Yeah, yeah, actually, 139 00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:31,909 actually, uh, hold on one second. 140 00:04:31,944 --> 00:04:33,527 What is her story? 141 00:04:33,579 --> 00:04:34,528 Who, Jeannie? 142 00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:35,913 It'd be cool if I call her? 143 00:04:35,948 --> 00:04:38,082 Why would you call Jeannie? 144 00:04:38,117 --> 00:04:39,834 Well, why do you think I'd call her? 145 00:04:41,287 --> 00:04:42,703 I'm assuming you have her number? 146 00:04:42,705 --> 00:04:45,039 Yeah. 147 00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:47,041 I got her number, all right. 148 00:04:47,093 --> 00:04:49,043 [♪ funky music ♪] 149 00:04:49,095 --> 00:04:50,477 ♪ ♪ 150 00:04:55,601 --> 00:04:57,051 [Doug] Oh, wow! 151 00:04:57,053 --> 00:04:58,969 Can you believe all these free samples? 152 00:04:59,021 --> 00:05:01,021 Douglas, those products are for black hair. 153 00:05:01,057 --> 00:05:03,140 What in the fuck you gonna do with... 154 00:05:03,192 --> 00:05:04,475 curling custard? 155 00:05:04,527 --> 00:05:05,643 Don't forget to use a relaxer 156 00:05:05,695 --> 00:05:06,810 before you put the custard in. 157 00:05:06,863 --> 00:05:07,811 Yeah. I know. 158 00:05:07,864 --> 00:05:09,029 I'm grabbing all these for Tess. 159 00:05:09,065 --> 00:05:10,447 She gets a little kinky in the mornings, 160 00:05:10,483 --> 00:05:11,899 and I don't mean the sex. [chuckles] 161 00:05:11,951 --> 00:05:13,400 I also mean the sex. 162 00:05:13,452 --> 00:05:15,903 Oh, yeah, vegetables... not just for salad anymore. 163 00:05:15,905 --> 00:05:17,571 [man] Whether she wants a more relaxed look, 164 00:05:17,623 --> 00:05:20,457 or a natural, or just to have fun with braids, 165 00:05:20,493 --> 00:05:23,077 we offer a variety of organic conditioners 166 00:05:23,079 --> 00:05:24,795 that will keep her hair healthy. 167 00:05:24,830 --> 00:05:26,247 Go ahead, baby, give it a whip. 168 00:05:26,299 --> 00:05:27,248 [thwack] 169 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:29,416 Oh... whew! 170 00:05:29,418 --> 00:05:33,003 Well, snatch off your wave caps and set down your hot combs. 171 00:05:33,055 --> 00:05:34,922 We are at the annual 172 00:05:34,924 --> 00:05:37,758 Braxton Brothers International Beauty Sh... 173 00:05:37,810 --> 00:05:38,759 [coughs, spits] 174 00:05:38,811 --> 00:05:40,761 Jesus! 175 00:05:40,763 --> 00:05:43,681 ...one of the largest trade exhibitions for black hair. 176 00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:46,016 Come see the newest trends or... 177 00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:50,738 set up a booth and cash in on the over $700 million dollars 178 00:05:50,773 --> 00:05:53,407 that black folks spend every year to get their hair did. 179 00:05:53,442 --> 00:05:54,942 Let the church say, "Amen"? 180 00:05:54,994 --> 00:05:56,694 [all] Amen! 181 00:05:56,746 --> 00:05:58,612 [Marty] Mm! 182 00:05:58,664 --> 00:06:01,332 Oh, and these rather anxious- looking white folks here? 183 00:06:01,367 --> 00:06:05,869 They are our clients, executives at Delcour, 184 00:06:05,922 --> 00:06:08,172 third largest beauty company in the world, 185 00:06:08,207 --> 00:06:12,676 promising to bring "Paris runways to your driveway." 186 00:06:12,712 --> 00:06:15,512 Like countless European colonizers before them, 187 00:06:15,548 --> 00:06:19,516 Delcour sees opportunity on this dark continent. 188 00:06:19,552 --> 00:06:22,636 So we are just going to have to colonize... 189 00:06:23,889 --> 00:06:25,105 ...the colonizers. 190 00:06:26,058 --> 00:06:27,641 Devin, we are so excited 191 00:06:27,693 --> 00:06:29,610 to relaunch your brand under our banner. 192 00:06:29,645 --> 00:06:30,744 All right. Marty. 193 00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:33,030 [chuckles] Hey. So, have you reviewed the offer? 194 00:06:33,065 --> 00:06:35,115 We have, and it's very generous. 195 00:06:35,151 --> 00:06:36,116 We're almost there. 196 00:06:36,152 --> 00:06:37,217 Almost? 197 00:06:37,253 --> 00:06:38,953 Hey, who's gonna see change coming? 198 00:06:38,988 --> 00:06:40,154 Me or these guys? 199 00:06:40,206 --> 00:06:42,206 I cannot maintain an edge 200 00:06:42,241 --> 00:06:44,491 unless I have final say 201 00:06:44,493 --> 00:06:47,227 over Planet Curl's operational budget. 202 00:06:47,263 --> 00:06:48,762 We're gonna look over the counteroffer. 203 00:06:48,798 --> 00:06:49,747 - Great. - [phone rings] 204 00:06:49,799 --> 00:06:50,831 Hold on. 205 00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:51,999 - [clears throat] - [ringing continues] 206 00:06:52,001 --> 00:06:53,217 I'm sorry, I gotta take this. 207 00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:55,419 - [Marty] Sure. - [ringing continues] 208 00:06:55,471 --> 00:06:57,471 And this smooth motherfucker right here, 209 00:06:57,506 --> 00:07:01,008 [wry laugh] waving his black flag to leverage more control, 210 00:07:01,010 --> 00:07:04,345 this is Devin Townsend, CEO of Planet Curl, 211 00:07:04,347 --> 00:07:07,097 and soon to be head of Delcour's Planet Curl division. 212 00:07:07,149 --> 00:07:08,182 [ringing resumes] 213 00:07:08,234 --> 00:07:10,484 Marty, what is with all these demands? 214 00:07:10,519 --> 00:07:11,568 I thought we had a deal. 215 00:07:11,604 --> 00:07:13,487 I guess the guy really knows his worth. 216 00:07:13,522 --> 00:07:14,688 Devin Townsend grew Planet Curl 217 00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:17,358 to $70 million dollars in sales last year alone. 218 00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:18,692 [Doug] Oh, yeah, hands down, 219 00:07:18,744 --> 00:07:20,694 that man is your best entrée into this market space. 220 00:07:20,746 --> 00:07:21,762 Correct. 221 00:07:21,797 --> 00:07:22,946 I would not have flown 222 00:07:22,999 --> 00:07:25,666 to this asshole you call a city if he wasn't. 223 00:07:25,701 --> 00:07:27,334 We are ready to close. 224 00:07:27,370 --> 00:07:28,869 Make him an offer he'll sign, okay? 225 00:07:28,921 --> 00:07:30,137 That's what we're working on. 226 00:07:30,172 --> 00:07:31,839 [golf putter hitting ball] 227 00:07:31,874 --> 00:07:33,290 [Donald groans] 228 00:07:33,342 --> 00:07:35,259 [chuckles] Tough greens to read! 229 00:07:35,294 --> 00:07:36,343 [Devin] Maybe she thought there was 230 00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:37,428 a second hole past the first hole. 231 00:07:37,463 --> 00:07:38,429 [Devin snickers] 232 00:07:38,464 --> 00:07:39,680 [Donald laughs] 233 00:07:39,715 --> 00:07:41,015 If y'all are still hungry, 234 00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:42,883 I left a sack of dicks you can munch on 235 00:07:42,885 --> 00:07:44,385 back at the clubhouse. 236 00:07:45,554 --> 00:07:46,603 - [Devin whoops] - Hey, keep it up. 237 00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:47,771 - All right, you too, man. - Keep it up. 238 00:07:47,807 --> 00:07:48,772 Keep it up and that money's ours. 239 00:07:48,808 --> 00:07:50,224 Start that on the green, hard. 240 00:07:50,226 --> 00:07:53,894 Rita, you ever see a movie called The Color of Money? 241 00:07:53,896 --> 00:07:55,229 You know, if you're gonna hustle somebody, 242 00:07:55,231 --> 00:07:56,563 you actually have to start making shots. 243 00:07:56,615 --> 00:07:57,815 I mean, you can golf, right? 244 00:07:57,867 --> 00:07:59,366 You need to chill the fuck out, Marty. 245 00:07:59,402 --> 00:08:00,484 I got this. 246 00:08:00,536 --> 00:08:02,536 Just go hit another one of your shitty ones. 247 00:08:02,571 --> 00:08:03,670 [Devin] I may skip 248 00:08:03,706 --> 00:08:05,122 this Delcour deal, Marty. 249 00:08:05,157 --> 00:08:07,541 I can make more money, uh, playing golf with your friends. 250 00:08:07,576 --> 00:08:08,542 [both laughing] 251 00:08:08,577 --> 00:08:09,543 [Marty] Oh, uh, 252 00:08:09,578 --> 00:08:10,544 she's not my friend, okay? 253 00:08:10,579 --> 00:08:12,046 She's dating my dad. 254 00:08:12,081 --> 00:08:14,465 [dramatic gasp] Oh, you brought your stepmother to play golf. 255 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:16,150 - That is so sweet. - [Marty chuckles] 256 00:08:16,185 --> 00:08:18,318 Not actually my stepmother, either. 257 00:08:18,354 --> 00:08:19,503 Okay. All right. 258 00:08:19,555 --> 00:08:21,138 Change is hardest on the children. 259 00:08:21,173 --> 00:08:22,556 - [Donald] Hmm. - [laughing] 260 00:08:22,591 --> 00:08:24,641 Rita, before I forget, my wife wants to get 261 00:08:24,677 --> 00:08:26,143 something called a blowout? 262 00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:27,811 Yeah, she said she wants to keep it all natural. 263 00:08:27,847 --> 00:08:29,396 Can you give me a recommendation to a salon 264 00:08:29,432 --> 00:08:30,397 or something like that? 265 00:08:30,433 --> 00:08:31,815 Oh, yes, she should check out... 266 00:08:31,851 --> 00:08:33,567 Well, it all depends on the texture of the hair, you know. 267 00:08:33,602 --> 00:08:35,102 No, no, go ahead, 'cause you know more 268 00:08:35,104 --> 00:08:36,270 about black women's hair than me. 269 00:08:36,322 --> 00:08:38,405 Well, take Rita here, you know? 270 00:08:38,441 --> 00:08:40,274 She's got real shiny curls, 271 00:08:40,276 --> 00:08:41,742 and I tell you, man, this... 272 00:08:41,777 --> 00:08:43,110 look how healthy this hair is, really. 273 00:08:43,112 --> 00:08:44,278 And the color is great, too. 274 00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:46,280 You must use a deep conditioning treatment... 275 00:08:46,332 --> 00:08:47,881 something... this is amazing. 276 00:08:47,917 --> 00:08:51,185 Where did you say you were from again? De-Detroit? 277 00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,286 Yeah, yeah. You? 278 00:08:52,288 --> 00:08:53,353 Oh, uh, Virginia. 279 00:08:53,389 --> 00:08:54,788 But I heard about this place, 280 00:08:54,790 --> 00:08:56,457 um, the Carriage House... 281 00:08:56,459 --> 00:08:58,692 it's supposed to have the best soul food in Detroit. 282 00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:00,127 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, that place is the bomb. 283 00:09:00,129 --> 00:09:01,128 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 284 00:09:01,130 --> 00:09:02,262 [Marty] Hey, black Zagat's. 285 00:09:02,298 --> 00:09:03,397 Can we golf? 286 00:09:03,432 --> 00:09:05,182 [all talking at once] 287 00:09:05,217 --> 00:09:06,633 Yeah, I didn't know we was that loud. 288 00:09:06,635 --> 00:09:07,768 Come on, man! 289 00:09:12,358 --> 00:09:14,041 - Oh, get... get! - Oh, no... 290 00:09:14,076 --> 00:09:16,643 - Oh, man. That's not good. - Come on, man. 291 00:09:16,695 --> 00:09:17,978 - [Donald] Marty, close the face. - Yeah, I know. 292 00:09:18,030 --> 00:09:19,029 - Close the face down. - I know. 293 00:09:19,064 --> 00:09:20,030 Oh, let me line you up here, dawg. 294 00:09:20,065 --> 00:09:21,148 Nah, I got this, big dawg. 295 00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:22,316 [Devin] I got you, man! Come, let's do it! 296 00:09:22,318 --> 00:09:23,317 [Donald] I notice you tend to put 297 00:09:23,319 --> 00:09:24,368 some backspin on that bad boy. 298 00:09:24,403 --> 00:09:26,370 Uh, you might want to check your boy. 299 00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,322 Which one? 300 00:09:28,324 --> 00:09:30,491 Devin. The white one. 301 00:09:30,543 --> 00:09:32,543 What the fuck are you talking about? 302 00:09:32,578 --> 00:09:34,461 He looks black, he says he's black, 303 00:09:34,497 --> 00:09:35,629 but he ain't black. 304 00:09:35,664 --> 00:09:37,164 The Carriage House does not have 305 00:09:37,216 --> 00:09:38,732 the best soul food in Detroit. 306 00:09:38,767 --> 00:09:40,884 Do you know why I know that? 307 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,137 Because the Carriage House is in Chicago. 308 00:09:43,172 --> 00:09:45,772 What are you... What is this, a Columbo act or something? 309 00:09:45,808 --> 00:09:49,643 Furthermore, that fake Negro had his hand all up in my hair. 310 00:09:49,678 --> 00:09:53,013 Unless you're my stylist and I'm sitting in your chair, 311 00:09:53,065 --> 00:09:55,649 I don't give a fuck what you do for a living... 312 00:09:55,684 --> 00:09:58,185 you do not touch a black woman's hair. 313 00:09:58,237 --> 00:10:00,921 Even you know that, Marty, and you don't even date black women. 314 00:10:00,956 --> 00:10:02,489 - I... - Stop. 315 00:10:02,525 --> 00:10:04,258 [Donald] Oh, boy, oh, boy, 316 00:10:04,293 --> 00:10:06,243 - oh, boy! - Oh, no. 317 00:10:06,278 --> 00:10:07,694 It's gonna be a long day, brah. 318 00:10:07,696 --> 00:10:10,197 Oh, no, I can feel the money just going in my pocket. 319 00:10:10,199 --> 00:10:12,366 - Shimmy, shimmy. Mm-hmm. - Mmm. 320 00:10:12,418 --> 00:10:13,967 - This just feels so good. - [Donald laughs] 321 00:10:14,003 --> 00:10:17,938 Why don't we play the back nine at, uh, $300 a hole? 322 00:10:17,973 --> 00:10:19,923 - Oh, shit, by all means. - Yeah. Yes. 323 00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:22,009 - Please, let's do. - Listen, if you want to keep 324 00:10:22,044 --> 00:10:23,510 contributing to my retirement fund, 325 00:10:23,546 --> 00:10:26,046 your money's still green. 326 00:10:29,385 --> 00:10:30,634 - What the...? - Oh, shit. 327 00:10:30,686 --> 00:10:32,269 You trying... you trying to hustle us, Marty? 328 00:10:32,304 --> 00:10:33,487 A good shot. 329 00:10:33,522 --> 00:10:35,189 All right, now, which one of you ass-clowns 330 00:10:35,224 --> 00:10:37,724 wants to be the mystical caddy in my Bagger Vance? 331 00:10:37,776 --> 00:10:39,393 All-time top ten. 332 00:10:39,395 --> 00:10:42,729 Love that movie. 333 00:10:42,731 --> 00:10:45,232 A man's grip on his club is like his grip on the world. 334 00:10:45,234 --> 00:10:46,533 - Uh-huh. - Yes. 335 00:10:46,569 --> 00:10:47,951 He just said he loved Bagger Vance. 336 00:10:47,987 --> 00:10:49,536 - Just... - The Legend of. 337 00:10:49,572 --> 00:10:50,737 [golf club swings] 338 00:10:50,789 --> 00:10:52,239 [Doug] Well, the good news is 339 00:10:52,241 --> 00:10:53,640 Devin is in fact African-American. 340 00:10:53,676 --> 00:10:55,309 And the bad news? 341 00:10:55,344 --> 00:10:56,827 Well, African-American in that 342 00:10:56,879 --> 00:10:59,012 his family emigrated from Cape Town. 343 00:10:59,048 --> 00:11:01,164 So... you be the judge. 344 00:11:01,217 --> 00:11:04,635 I'd say his complexion's more de Klerk than Mandela. 345 00:11:06,138 --> 00:11:08,055 [Jeannie] Sorry. 346 00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:10,474 I forgot my fucking key card. 347 00:11:10,509 --> 00:11:12,593 What's going on? 348 00:11:12,645 --> 00:11:14,645 We have run into a little hitch with this Delcour plan. 349 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,179 I wouldn't use the word "hitch" in this case. 350 00:11:16,232 --> 00:11:17,431 "Hitch" is probably a strong word. 351 00:11:17,433 --> 00:11:18,482 It's more like a moral quandary, really. 352 00:11:18,517 --> 00:11:19,499 That's a little better, yeah. 353 00:11:19,535 --> 00:11:21,602 You fucking pussies, just say... 354 00:11:21,654 --> 00:11:23,837 Devin isn't black. 355 00:11:23,872 --> 00:11:25,672 Not-not black how? 356 00:11:26,659 --> 00:11:29,026 Johannesburg, 1972. 357 00:11:29,078 --> 00:11:30,377 A country torn asunder by apartheid... 358 00:11:30,412 --> 00:11:31,678 What? Whoa. 359 00:11:31,714 --> 00:11:32,713 Doug. 360 00:11:32,748 --> 00:11:33,997 Oh. 361 00:11:34,033 --> 00:11:35,082 Marty, 362 00:11:35,117 --> 00:11:37,284 all your palling around with this guy, 363 00:11:37,336 --> 00:11:38,869 and your black-dar never went off? 364 00:11:38,921 --> 00:11:40,954 Whoa. What about your white-dar? 365 00:11:41,006 --> 00:11:42,089 It's pretty fucking defective, too. 366 00:11:42,124 --> 00:11:44,558 - This guy is one of yours. - [Doug] It's strange. 367 00:11:44,593 --> 00:11:46,460 I don't know why any white person would want to be black. 368 00:11:46,512 --> 00:11:48,128 - Uh... - Well, there's sports, of course. 369 00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,464 You know, basketball, marathon running, all that jazz. 370 00:11:50,516 --> 00:11:51,798 - Uhp, there's another one, jazz. - [groans] 371 00:11:51,850 --> 00:11:53,634 So what are we gonna do? 372 00:11:53,636 --> 00:11:55,135 Same thing we did last time 373 00:11:55,137 --> 00:11:57,304 we had a black CEO turn out to be white. 374 00:11:57,356 --> 00:11:59,556 So... no idea? 375 00:11:59,608 --> 00:12:01,475 No fucking idea. 376 00:12:01,477 --> 00:12:02,776 [sighs] 377 00:12:02,811 --> 00:12:05,946 People are complicated, right? 378 00:12:05,981 --> 00:12:08,532 I mean, they can be a real mix of... 379 00:12:08,567 --> 00:12:10,317 good qualities and bad qualities. 380 00:12:10,369 --> 00:12:11,451 Really fucking deep, Clyde. 381 00:12:11,487 --> 00:12:12,552 I brought it up 382 00:12:12,588 --> 00:12:13,820 'cause I was thinking about Seth. 383 00:12:13,872 --> 00:12:15,088 Remember Seth Buckley? 384 00:12:15,124 --> 00:12:18,091 On one hand, dude is super smart 385 00:12:18,127 --> 00:12:19,960 with policies and politics, but in his personal life, 386 00:12:19,995 --> 00:12:21,561 he just can't... he can't take a hint. 387 00:12:21,597 --> 00:12:23,263 You obviously hate him. 388 00:12:23,299 --> 00:12:24,631 And he keeps pestering me for your phone number, 389 00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:26,066 so I told him don't even worry about it. 390 00:12:26,101 --> 00:12:27,634 I didn't give it to him. We're good, okay? 391 00:12:27,670 --> 00:12:29,269 Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. 392 00:12:30,472 --> 00:12:32,139 Seth wants to ask me out? 393 00:12:32,174 --> 00:12:34,474 Yeah, but we're good. Bullet dodged. 394 00:12:34,510 --> 00:12:37,277 Seems like you really don't want me to go out with him. 395 00:12:37,313 --> 00:12:38,945 What would make you...? 396 00:12:38,981 --> 00:12:41,682 Good, 'cause I'm gonna fuck his brains out. 397 00:12:41,734 --> 00:12:43,900 Are you cool if we used your bed? 398 00:12:43,936 --> 00:12:45,085 You're kidding, right? 399 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,120 Am I? 400 00:12:47,156 --> 00:12:49,589 Jeannie. Jeannie, Jeannie. 401 00:12:49,625 --> 00:12:50,824 Jeannie, listen. 402 00:12:50,859 --> 00:12:53,160 Seth has a real shot of being mayor, 403 00:12:53,195 --> 00:12:54,961 of being a great mayor. 404 00:12:54,997 --> 00:12:57,748 Now, I know you usually limit your radius of human wreckage 405 00:12:57,783 --> 00:13:00,334 to your tiny circle of friends and family, 406 00:13:00,369 --> 00:13:03,370 but this could have atomic bomb repercussions 407 00:13:03,422 --> 00:13:05,872 on all of fucking Los Angeles. 408 00:13:05,924 --> 00:13:08,508 I don't know, Clyde, I really like to play to a big room. 409 00:13:08,544 --> 00:13:11,111 Don't fuck things up for him. 410 00:13:11,146 --> 00:13:13,180 And by "him," you mean you. 411 00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:15,799 Don't worry, Clyde. 412 00:13:15,851 --> 00:13:17,818 I have no interest in fucking your boyfriend. 413 00:13:17,853 --> 00:13:20,153 Thank you. Thank you. 414 00:13:20,189 --> 00:13:22,522 But just so you know, if you want to fuck him in my bed, 415 00:13:22,558 --> 00:13:24,558 I'm cool with that. 416 00:13:29,031 --> 00:13:30,313 Marty, my man. 417 00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:31,898 - Oh, hey. - [chuckles] 418 00:13:31,950 --> 00:13:33,316 - Hey. - Thanks for coming in, man. 419 00:13:33,369 --> 00:13:35,235 Absolutely, man. Whatever you need, brother. 420 00:13:35,287 --> 00:13:36,620 [chuckles] 421 00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:39,639 You and Rita really ran a game on us this morning, man. 422 00:13:39,675 --> 00:13:42,626 [chuckles] Uh, speaking of games, have a seat. 423 00:13:42,661 --> 00:13:44,478 [clears throat] 424 00:13:44,513 --> 00:13:47,798 - So, look, it's, uh... - Mm-hmm. 425 00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:49,166 ...it's just us talking right now. 426 00:13:49,218 --> 00:13:50,417 Sure. 427 00:13:50,469 --> 00:13:52,886 Um, is there anything that you want to tell me? 428 00:13:52,921 --> 00:13:54,221 About what? 429 00:13:54,256 --> 00:13:55,422 I don't know. 430 00:13:55,474 --> 00:13:56,757 I mean, I'm sure if you think really hard, 431 00:13:56,809 --> 00:13:57,924 something will come to mind. 432 00:13:57,976 --> 00:14:01,027 No, I-I don't think I'm following. 433 00:14:01,063 --> 00:14:02,763 Uh, yeah, I'm just thinking, 434 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,098 anything about your past, you know. 435 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:06,266 Your "blackground." 436 00:14:06,318 --> 00:14:07,734 [both laugh] 437 00:14:07,770 --> 00:14:10,003 I mean, your biological parents, they were... 438 00:14:10,038 --> 00:14:11,605 Wonderful people. 439 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,841 - Marty, what are you getting at? - [clears throat] 440 00:14:14,877 --> 00:14:16,410 Ah. 441 00:14:16,445 --> 00:14:17,878 You're not black, Devin. 442 00:14:17,913 --> 00:14:20,580 No, uh, I don't understand the question. 443 00:14:20,616 --> 00:14:22,215 I didn't ask you a question. 444 00:14:22,251 --> 00:14:23,917 I made a statement. You're not black. 445 00:14:23,952 --> 00:14:25,252 [chuckles] 446 00:14:25,287 --> 00:14:26,787 - Um... - [chuckles] Devin, 447 00:14:26,839 --> 00:14:28,755 - I know. Devin, listen... - [laughs] Wait... 448 00:14:28,791 --> 00:14:30,457 I already know, so... 449 00:14:30,459 --> 00:14:31,892 You're a phony. 450 00:14:31,927 --> 00:14:35,962 I mean, you're a sad clown in a fucking business suit. 451 00:14:36,014 --> 00:14:38,131 Your-your whole waking life is like a Kabuki show in blackface 452 00:14:38,183 --> 00:14:40,600 with the bronzer and the head shaving. 453 00:14:40,636 --> 00:14:42,385 Look, we're-we're still gonna make this money, 454 00:14:42,438 --> 00:14:43,637 but don't you want to 455 00:14:43,689 --> 00:14:45,305 drop the whole act for a second, 456 00:14:45,307 --> 00:14:46,807 you know, all the theatrics, 457 00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:48,608 and just be real? 458 00:14:51,146 --> 00:14:52,312 Hmm. 459 00:14:52,364 --> 00:14:53,980 [laughs] 460 00:14:55,984 --> 00:14:58,452 You know what's real, Marty? 461 00:14:58,487 --> 00:15:01,872 I applied to Wharton three times as a white guy 462 00:15:01,907 --> 00:15:04,491 and was denied admission. 463 00:15:04,493 --> 00:15:07,327 I checked "African-American" the fourth time around... 464 00:15:07,379 --> 00:15:09,296 - [snaps fingers] - ...got right in. 465 00:15:09,331 --> 00:15:10,747 [sighs] Man. 466 00:15:10,799 --> 00:15:12,399 Will white men ever catch a break? 467 00:15:12,434 --> 00:15:14,835 You know what's worse than discrimination? 468 00:15:14,887 --> 00:15:15,836 What? 469 00:15:15,888 --> 00:15:17,387 Feeling invisible. 470 00:15:17,422 --> 00:15:21,575 Void of culture, guilty of crimes I didn't commit. 471 00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:24,077 I step out into the world as a black man, 472 00:15:24,112 --> 00:15:26,947 for better or for worse, people see me. 473 00:15:26,982 --> 00:15:29,616 Yeah. Being black's really working out well for you, huh? 474 00:15:29,651 --> 00:15:31,785 Me being black is working out for a lot of people. 475 00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:33,653 [laughs] Okay. You're gonna have to run that one back. 476 00:15:33,689 --> 00:15:34,654 What? 477 00:15:34,690 --> 00:15:36,323 Curious, 478 00:15:36,358 --> 00:15:38,658 how many black people have you hired at K and A? 479 00:15:38,694 --> 00:15:40,660 You done any mentoring lately? 480 00:15:40,696 --> 00:15:42,496 Community boards? 481 00:15:42,531 --> 00:15:43,497 Church groups? 482 00:15:43,532 --> 00:15:44,764 Maybe you should 483 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,700 thank me for all the work that I do. 484 00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:49,669 I mean, go ahead. [chuckles] 485 00:15:49,705 --> 00:15:52,706 Play golf, uh, shut out the world. 486 00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:54,424 I-I'll hold it down for the two of us. 487 00:15:54,459 --> 00:15:55,625 'Cause, you see, Marty, um, 488 00:15:55,677 --> 00:15:57,377 in a lot of ways, I'm blacker than you. 489 00:15:57,429 --> 00:16:01,598 Yeah, except in one small but kind of crucial way, Devin. 490 00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,283 You're not actually black. 491 00:16:03,318 --> 00:16:06,152 But I am where it counts the most, you feel me? 492 00:16:07,189 --> 00:16:09,139 Oh, my God, please tell me 493 00:16:09,191 --> 00:16:11,124 you're not talking about your dick right now. 494 00:16:11,159 --> 00:16:14,110 Oh, God. Marty. 495 00:16:14,146 --> 00:16:15,662 Right here. 496 00:16:15,697 --> 00:16:17,898 This is where it counts the most. 497 00:16:17,950 --> 00:16:19,115 You know, I almost wish 498 00:16:19,151 --> 00:16:21,167 you were talking about your dick right now. 499 00:16:21,203 --> 00:16:25,238 Fuck, fuck, fuck that piece of shit 500 00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:28,542 Al Jolson, minstrel show, Devin Townsend. 501 00:16:28,577 --> 00:16:30,710 Pull up everything we have on Asantewa Hair Care. 502 00:16:30,746 --> 00:16:32,245 We are switching horses. 503 00:16:32,247 --> 00:16:34,014 Asantewa isn't Planet Curl. 504 00:16:34,049 --> 00:16:35,749 You're right. It's better. 505 00:16:35,801 --> 00:16:38,752 Asantewa is an eye to the future instead of the past. 506 00:16:38,804 --> 00:16:41,488 With Planet Curl, Delcour was paying a huge markup 507 00:16:41,523 --> 00:16:43,473 for name recognition. Okay? 508 00:16:43,508 --> 00:16:44,758 Asantewa is the value buy. 509 00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:47,594 It's what Planet Curl was 15 years ago. 510 00:16:47,646 --> 00:16:50,096 Together the two of them can grow at a third of the cost. 511 00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:51,231 It's great. 512 00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:53,099 Okay, well, what happens when Jean-Michal says, 513 00:16:53,151 --> 00:16:54,601 [French accent] "Uh, where's your pal? 514 00:16:54,653 --> 00:16:58,271 "Uh, that articulate fellow whose dick was balls deep 515 00:16:58,273 --> 00:17:01,408 in your mouth for the last four months... where did he go?" 516 00:17:01,443 --> 00:17:03,076 That was good. 517 00:17:03,111 --> 00:17:04,611 - Really? I don't know. - Yeah. 518 00:17:04,613 --> 00:17:06,279 I mean, I don't know shit about French accents, 519 00:17:06,281 --> 00:17:07,547 but I thought it was pretty good. 520 00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:08,999 I'll tell you what I do know. 521 00:17:09,034 --> 00:17:11,084 That motherfucker Devin is about to have 522 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:13,920 a real black experience: unemployment. 523 00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:16,840 Make it happen. 524 00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:18,892 You got it, boss. 525 00:17:18,927 --> 00:17:21,795 [♪ up-tempo music ♪] 526 00:17:23,849 --> 00:17:25,966 [chuckles] 527 00:17:26,018 --> 00:17:27,467 Well? 528 00:17:27,469 --> 00:17:28,685 "Well" what? 529 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:29,853 What you mean "what"? 530 00:17:29,888 --> 00:17:31,855 Was I right about your vanilla friend? 531 00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:33,473 You were right. You were right. 532 00:17:33,475 --> 00:17:35,642 Okay, so let the jokes begin. 533 00:17:35,694 --> 00:17:37,611 I'm ready. Three, two, one. 534 00:17:37,646 --> 00:17:39,446 This is no joking matter. 535 00:17:39,481 --> 00:17:41,448 Thank you. Appreciate it. 536 00:17:41,483 --> 00:17:44,217 Got a call from the State Department today. 537 00:17:46,088 --> 00:17:47,654 They're revoking your black card. 538 00:17:47,706 --> 00:17:50,123 [laughter] 539 00:17:50,158 --> 00:17:52,058 Don't worry, don't worry. 540 00:17:52,094 --> 00:17:54,427 We are gonna help you study for the retest. 541 00:17:54,463 --> 00:17:55,462 Uh-huh. 542 00:17:55,497 --> 00:17:57,380 If the cookout starts at 1:00, 543 00:17:57,416 --> 00:17:59,132 what time should you arrive? 544 00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:01,267 [Jeremiah] Name your favorite 545 00:18:01,303 --> 00:18:03,753 celebrity in The Wiz. 546 00:18:03,805 --> 00:18:05,171 Michael Jackson doesn't count. 547 00:18:05,223 --> 00:18:06,172 Ah. 548 00:18:06,224 --> 00:18:07,424 This is great stuff. 549 00:18:07,476 --> 00:18:08,608 I mean, really, really good. 550 00:18:08,644 --> 00:18:10,093 [laughter] 551 00:18:10,145 --> 00:18:11,261 Hey. 552 00:18:11,313 --> 00:18:12,395 What you doing up? 553 00:18:12,431 --> 00:18:13,980 Thought you had to get your beauty sleep 554 00:18:14,016 --> 00:18:15,482 for the big modeling gig tomorrow. 555 00:18:15,517 --> 00:18:17,951 It's in two days, actually, and I'm not gonna go. 556 00:18:17,986 --> 00:18:20,487 What do you mean you're not gonna go? Why not? 557 00:18:20,522 --> 00:18:22,906 Dad, being straight edge is more than just 558 00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:25,158 veganism and abstinence. 559 00:18:25,193 --> 00:18:27,627 It's about subversion of dominant culture. 560 00:18:29,164 --> 00:18:30,864 Modeling doesn't give off the right message. 561 00:18:30,916 --> 00:18:32,666 Does this have anything to do with the fact 562 00:18:32,701 --> 00:18:35,101 that your modeling gig is for the Sears catalog? 563 00:18:35,137 --> 00:18:37,103 [Rita] You know, a lot of big models got their start 564 00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:38,972 doing catalog work. 565 00:18:39,007 --> 00:18:39,973 Tyra Banks. 566 00:18:40,008 --> 00:18:41,608 - See? - Marty, 567 00:18:41,643 --> 00:18:43,143 she's an African-American model of prominence. 568 00:18:44,479 --> 00:18:45,645 Dad, I thought you'd be happy. 569 00:18:45,681 --> 00:18:47,147 I thought you didn't want me to be a model. 570 00:18:47,182 --> 00:18:48,148 I don't. 571 00:18:48,183 --> 00:18:49,215 Okay, then. 572 00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:50,467 But-but wait a minute, wait a minute. 573 00:18:50,519 --> 00:18:52,318 I also don't want you just to pack it in 574 00:18:52,354 --> 00:18:55,321 because fame and success isn't being handed to you. 575 00:18:55,357 --> 00:18:57,357 Listen, sometimes you got to eat some shit. 576 00:18:57,392 --> 00:19:00,060 Okay? The trick is to figure out the minimum amount of shit 577 00:19:00,112 --> 00:19:02,062 you got to eat and still get what you want. 578 00:19:02,114 --> 00:19:04,130 [Rita] What your dad's saying is you need to keep 579 00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:06,633 your eyes on the prize. 580 00:19:06,668 --> 00:19:08,802 That's a song black people used to sing 581 00:19:08,837 --> 00:19:10,470 back during the Civil Rights Movement. 582 00:19:10,505 --> 00:19:11,638 [Jeremiah] You do know 583 00:19:11,673 --> 00:19:13,173 what the Civil Rights Movement is? 584 00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:14,474 [chuckles] 585 00:19:14,509 --> 00:19:16,876 Yeah. You know, 586 00:19:16,912 --> 00:19:18,178 this whole new you, Pop? 587 00:19:18,980 --> 00:19:20,413 I don't like it. 588 00:19:20,465 --> 00:19:22,148 Don't like it. 589 00:19:22,184 --> 00:19:23,967 I'm gonna be in the bedroom. 590 00:19:24,002 --> 00:19:25,135 O-Okay... 591 00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,053 - Toby or Kunta Kinte? - [laughing] 592 00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:28,054 Chess or dominoes? 593 00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:29,055 [Marty] Okay. 594 00:19:29,091 --> 00:19:31,057 - [laughter] - [door closes] 595 00:19:36,598 --> 00:19:38,164 Ron, is there something...? 596 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,532 I'm-I'm hearing rumblings. 597 00:19:39,568 --> 00:19:41,034 Now... 598 00:19:41,069 --> 00:19:43,186 when I heard the rumblings... 599 00:19:43,238 --> 00:19:44,604 I thought, no way. 600 00:19:44,656 --> 00:19:46,606 I mean, th-this can't be right. 601 00:19:46,658 --> 00:19:48,241 'Cause Marty Kaan is ruthless. 602 00:19:48,276 --> 00:19:51,161 Marty Kaan is a fucking tack, he's so goddamn sharp. 603 00:19:51,196 --> 00:19:53,446 Marty Kaan doesn't give a shit about shit. 604 00:19:53,498 --> 00:19:54,848 And he's certainly not gonna fuck up 605 00:19:54,883 --> 00:19:56,282 an $80 million dollar acquisition deal 606 00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:59,185 because some ethnically fluid douche bag hurt his feelings! 607 00:19:59,221 --> 00:20:01,955 Delcour wanted an entrée into the black hair market. 608 00:20:02,007 --> 00:20:03,690 That's exactly what we're gonna deliver. 609 00:20:03,725 --> 00:20:05,425 Uh, with Asantewa? 610 00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:06,526 The earthy, 611 00:20:06,561 --> 00:20:07,761 neo-Nubian start-up that offers 612 00:20:07,796 --> 00:20:09,379 a free Erykah Badu download 613 00:20:09,431 --> 00:20:10,964 with every bottle of beeswax? 614 00:20:11,016 --> 00:20:13,099 Hey. Who doesn't like Erykah? 615 00:20:13,135 --> 00:20:14,300 The Kohl brothers, 616 00:20:14,352 --> 00:20:15,802 I'm thinking, right? You remember them? 617 00:20:15,854 --> 00:20:17,937 Those are the gentlemen who are looking to put 618 00:20:17,973 --> 00:20:19,906 tens of millions of dollars in your pocket. 619 00:20:19,941 --> 00:20:21,808 Ron, I'm not a fuckin' idiot, okay? 620 00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:24,561 I understand how important Delcour is to our portfolio. 621 00:20:24,613 --> 00:20:26,045 We're gonna keep them happy. 622 00:20:26,081 --> 00:20:29,199 By pitching a company Planet Curl outshines in sales index, 623 00:20:29,234 --> 00:20:30,733 distribution models, nearly every metric 624 00:20:30,786 --> 00:20:32,385 by which we measure growth? 625 00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,954 It is a value-based approach, all right? 626 00:20:34,990 --> 00:20:36,990 - It's different... - Hey, Delcour isn't shopping 627 00:20:36,992 --> 00:20:38,458 for a bargain. 628 00:20:38,493 --> 00:20:40,794 Do you understand? They want to own the market! 629 00:20:40,829 --> 00:20:42,428 I will talk to Devin, and I will tell him you've stopped pouting. 630 00:20:42,464 --> 00:20:44,330 In the meantime, okay, take your anger, 631 00:20:44,382 --> 00:20:46,966 you take your pride, okay, and you put them in a box, see, 632 00:20:47,002 --> 00:20:49,085 and you tie it up in a tight little bow, right, 633 00:20:49,137 --> 00:20:51,087 you put your cock there and set the knot, 634 00:20:51,139 --> 00:20:53,840 and you take it to maybe your Aunt Sally for Christmas 635 00:20:53,892 --> 00:20:55,592 or Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, whatever the fuck, 636 00:20:55,644 --> 00:20:59,095 and you go and you close Delcour like a fuckin' big boy! 637 00:21:01,099 --> 00:21:03,066 - Ron. - [laughs] Yeah? 638 00:21:03,101 --> 00:21:06,019 Get the fuck out of my office. 639 00:21:06,071 --> 00:21:09,022 [♪ mid-tempo music ♪] 640 00:21:09,024 --> 00:21:11,024 - Uh, uh... - Ron. 641 00:21:22,787 --> 00:21:23,937 Hey. Jeannie. 642 00:21:23,972 --> 00:21:25,171 So glad I ran into you. 643 00:21:25,207 --> 00:21:28,541 Right outside my office... what are the odds of that? 644 00:21:28,593 --> 00:21:29,676 Oh. Yeah, well, 645 00:21:29,711 --> 00:21:31,644 some might call that fate. 646 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:32,962 Or stalking. 647 00:21:33,014 --> 00:21:35,014 - Some people also call it stalking. - Well, 648 00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,966 Clyde told me that you guys are gonna be working late, 649 00:21:37,018 --> 00:21:39,319 so I thought I'd be nice and bring you some coffee. 650 00:21:39,354 --> 00:21:40,620 And you only brought two? 651 00:21:40,655 --> 00:21:42,555 Well, they ran out of those trays. 652 00:21:42,607 --> 00:21:44,858 Look, I don't know what Clyde told you, 653 00:21:44,893 --> 00:21:46,059 - but I'm not... - He told me 654 00:21:46,061 --> 00:21:47,610 that you're not interested in dating, 655 00:21:47,646 --> 00:21:49,229 which... I totally respect. 656 00:21:49,281 --> 00:21:51,481 Clearly, you don't, though, 'cause you're... 657 00:21:51,533 --> 00:21:52,999 - here and... - No, I just wanted 658 00:21:53,034 --> 00:21:55,568 to give you an opportunity to say no for yourself. 659 00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:59,906 Plus, this pour-over brew is... out of this world. 660 00:21:59,958 --> 00:22:02,342 Come on, look... 661 00:22:02,377 --> 00:22:04,244 humor me, all right? Don't make me walk out of here 662 00:22:04,246 --> 00:22:07,297 with two cups in my hand... that'd be so embarrassing. 663 00:22:07,332 --> 00:22:09,382 You're not even in office yet, 664 00:22:09,417 --> 00:22:10,984 and you're already wasting money. 665 00:22:11,019 --> 00:22:13,253 - Aw... busted. - Yeah. 666 00:22:13,305 --> 00:22:15,638 [elevator bell dings] 667 00:22:15,674 --> 00:22:17,757 - [Marty] Hey. - Oh, hey. Bad news. 668 00:22:17,809 --> 00:22:19,759 They ran out of the honey prawns you like. 669 00:22:19,811 --> 00:22:21,311 We got the drunken noodles instead. 670 00:22:21,346 --> 00:22:22,929 Yeah, whatever. Listen, game change, okay? 671 00:22:22,981 --> 00:22:25,265 - We're pulling the plug on Asantewa. - Why? 672 00:22:25,317 --> 00:22:27,350 Uh, because I said so, Clyde. 673 00:22:27,402 --> 00:22:29,936 Wha... wait, wait, wait... we're going back to Planet Curl? 674 00:22:29,988 --> 00:22:31,154 [scoffs] Are you kidding? 675 00:22:31,189 --> 00:22:32,572 After working round the clock? 676 00:22:32,607 --> 00:22:35,191 Eating two-and-a-half- star Thai food, at best? 677 00:22:35,243 --> 00:22:37,443 And prepping a baseline for Asantewa? 678 00:22:37,495 --> 00:22:40,280 [clears throat] Which has been a pleasure, by the way. 679 00:22:40,332 --> 00:22:42,332 Oh, you're welcome. Listen, I found a way 680 00:22:42,367 --> 00:22:44,918 to make Planet Curl work, okay? So meet me in my office 681 00:22:44,953 --> 00:22:47,587 in five minutes, I'll get you up to speed on the game plan. 682 00:22:47,622 --> 00:22:49,756 - Hey, numb nuts, I'm talking to you, too. - Yeah. 683 00:22:49,791 --> 00:22:52,125 [Clyde] Planet Curl, I got it. 684 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:53,760 [Seth] No, I coach youth league, 685 00:22:53,795 --> 00:22:56,229 honestly, because I really love basketball. 686 00:22:56,264 --> 00:22:58,898 It's not for press or... a chance to stump 687 00:22:58,934 --> 00:23:02,201 or anything like... it's just... straight ballin'. 688 00:23:02,237 --> 00:23:03,803 [laughs] 689 00:23:03,838 --> 00:23:06,539 So you hang out in South L.A. for the fun of it? 690 00:23:06,574 --> 00:23:09,275 Well, I-I grew up not too far from there, in Lincoln Heights. 691 00:23:09,311 --> 00:23:10,376 I see a lot of myself 692 00:23:10,412 --> 00:23:11,411 in those kids. 693 00:23:11,446 --> 00:23:13,479 And I don't care if the world 694 00:23:13,481 --> 00:23:15,448 has lowered their expectations of them. 695 00:23:15,483 --> 00:23:16,916 I haven't. 696 00:23:19,487 --> 00:23:22,872 [groans] Oh... I think we're being watched. 697 00:23:22,907 --> 00:23:23,923 Hey. 698 00:23:23,959 --> 00:23:25,241 Hey, Seth. What's up, man? Do we have 699 00:23:25,293 --> 00:23:27,210 - a meeting on the books, or...? - No, I actually 700 00:23:27,245 --> 00:23:29,262 just came by to bring coffee for you and Jeannie, 701 00:23:29,297 --> 00:23:32,131 which I then proceeded to drink. 702 00:23:32,167 --> 00:23:33,132 [laughs] 703 00:23:33,168 --> 00:23:35,051 Anyway, hate to break this up, but Marty 704 00:23:35,086 --> 00:23:36,552 wants to see us in his office, so... 705 00:23:36,588 --> 00:23:38,104 Yeah, I should probably get going anyway. 706 00:23:38,139 --> 00:23:40,640 - I'll walk you out. - I'll walk you out. 707 00:23:40,675 --> 00:23:43,009 - She can walk me out. - Jeannie, yeah, yeah, of course. 708 00:23:43,061 --> 00:23:44,427 Dude, good to see you. 709 00:23:44,479 --> 00:23:46,012 I didn't really... 710 00:23:46,014 --> 00:23:48,014 [♪ mid-tempo music ♪] 711 00:23:48,016 --> 00:23:49,349 ♪ ♪ 712 00:23:49,351 --> 00:23:51,351 [Doug] So, all employees 713 00:23:51,353 --> 00:23:53,152 of Planet Curl will be absorbed 714 00:23:53,188 --> 00:23:54,787 by the new entity Delcour. 715 00:23:54,823 --> 00:23:56,522 Substantive changes, 716 00:23:56,524 --> 00:23:58,074 like policy, benefits, NDAs, that sort of thing, 717 00:23:58,109 --> 00:23:59,075 - you know. - Mm-hmm. 718 00:23:59,110 --> 00:24:00,276 Uh, just initial here. 719 00:24:00,328 --> 00:24:01,861 I heard you're having dinner with Seth tonight. 720 00:24:01,913 --> 00:24:03,296 I am. 721 00:24:03,331 --> 00:24:05,915 Seriously, if you're just doing this to fuck with me... 722 00:24:05,950 --> 00:24:08,751 [groans] Relax, Clyde. Not everything is about you. 723 00:24:08,787 --> 00:24:11,704 He's actually... kind of great. 724 00:24:11,706 --> 00:24:12,705 [Doug] Merci beaucoup. 725 00:24:12,757 --> 00:24:14,340 [Doug chuckles] 726 00:24:14,376 --> 00:24:16,926 - And that should pretty much cover it. - Great. 727 00:24:16,961 --> 00:24:18,845 - You may now kiss the bride. - [laughing] 728 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:20,313 [Marty] Hang on a second, guys. 729 00:24:20,348 --> 00:24:24,017 Um... I think we skipped over the part where they say 730 00:24:24,052 --> 00:24:25,985 "speak now or forever hold your peace," 731 00:24:26,021 --> 00:24:28,054 because I had something that I really want to add. 732 00:24:28,056 --> 00:24:29,322 What is it, Marty? 733 00:24:29,357 --> 00:24:30,940 Fire this cracker. 734 00:24:34,529 --> 00:24:36,562 That's a joke, right? 735 00:24:36,564 --> 00:24:37,613 No. 736 00:24:37,649 --> 00:24:39,565 I'm sorry, what's happening here? 737 00:24:39,567 --> 00:24:42,535 You're banking on an image, correct? 738 00:24:42,570 --> 00:24:44,470 I mean, in beauty... 739 00:24:44,506 --> 00:24:47,790 [clears throat] you live or die by how the world sees you. 740 00:24:47,826 --> 00:24:50,243 So tell me, what is it... 741 00:24:50,245 --> 00:24:52,712 that you see? 742 00:24:54,332 --> 00:24:57,050 An attempt to force me to answer a question 743 00:24:57,085 --> 00:24:58,684 I shouldn't have to. 744 00:24:59,587 --> 00:25:00,803 This-this is a high-tech lynching. 745 00:25:00,839 --> 00:25:03,056 [Clyde] Really? It feels kind of low-tech to me. 746 00:25:03,091 --> 00:25:04,257 That's just a JPEG, Marty, right? 747 00:25:04,259 --> 00:25:05,258 Oh, yeah, that's just something 748 00:25:05,310 --> 00:25:06,592 we found and turned it into a JPEG. 749 00:25:06,644 --> 00:25:08,861 Come on, man, I thought you were smarter than this. 750 00:25:08,897 --> 00:25:11,647 [exhales] And I thought you were black. Whoops. 751 00:25:11,683 --> 00:25:14,267 Marty, you knew about this, and you still had me sign 752 00:25:14,269 --> 00:25:16,486 those documents... it's un-fucking-believable. 753 00:25:16,521 --> 00:25:18,604 From an ethical standpoint, you're absolutely correct. 754 00:25:18,606 --> 00:25:20,823 I'm sorry, Jean-Michal, we should have told you earlier. 755 00:25:20,859 --> 00:25:24,744 - You're fired. - You may want to rethink that. 756 00:25:24,779 --> 00:25:27,413 I mean, firing the black consultant 757 00:25:27,449 --> 00:25:31,000 who told you about the white man you hired 758 00:25:31,035 --> 00:25:32,452 pretending to be black? 759 00:25:32,504 --> 00:25:33,920 It's not gonna look good. 760 00:25:33,955 --> 00:25:35,088 - No. - Mm-mm. 761 00:25:35,123 --> 00:25:36,672 [Marty] Listen... 762 00:25:36,708 --> 00:25:39,041 this asshole almost blew us all out of the water. 763 00:25:39,094 --> 00:25:41,043 Don't let him ruin what is a perfectly good 764 00:25:41,096 --> 00:25:42,378 working relationship. 765 00:25:42,430 --> 00:25:44,097 [Clyde] We have three very qualified candidates 766 00:25:44,132 --> 00:25:46,099 chomping at the bit to jump into this position. 767 00:25:46,134 --> 00:25:47,733 You willing to take that risk? 768 00:25:47,769 --> 00:25:49,902 When I got to Planet Curl, 769 00:25:49,938 --> 00:25:51,904 it was a garbage fire, okay? 770 00:25:51,940 --> 00:25:53,723 We are now poised to hit 771 00:25:53,775 --> 00:25:56,109 the $100 million dollar mark in sales this year. 772 00:25:56,144 --> 00:25:59,312 And all the candidates are totally amenable 773 00:25:59,314 --> 00:26:01,981 to doing business the way Delcour sees fit. 774 00:26:01,983 --> 00:26:04,867 I'll-I'll back off my demands for budget control. 775 00:26:04,903 --> 00:26:06,452 [Jeannie] We're gonna stay ahead of the narrative, 776 00:26:06,488 --> 00:26:07,987 showing how you both discovered there was a problem 777 00:26:07,989 --> 00:26:09,956 and then found a solution. 778 00:26:09,991 --> 00:26:11,707 No, there's no other fucking solution. 779 00:26:11,743 --> 00:26:12,992 Planet Curl 780 00:26:12,994 --> 00:26:15,077 may be the chocolate cookies, okay? 781 00:26:15,130 --> 00:26:18,581 But I'm-I'm the white guts that's holding it all together 782 00:26:18,633 --> 00:26:20,833 and making it delicious, okay?! 783 00:26:20,835 --> 00:26:22,084 I'm the real Oreo! 784 00:26:22,137 --> 00:26:24,137 Not a fake Oreo like Marty! 785 00:26:24,172 --> 00:26:25,571 [quietly] Wow. 786 00:26:25,607 --> 00:26:28,241 Did you even hear what you just said? 787 00:26:29,260 --> 00:26:30,676 [hits table] 788 00:26:31,679 --> 00:26:32,945 Okay. 789 00:26:32,981 --> 00:26:35,414 - [hits table] - Okay. 790 00:26:35,450 --> 00:26:37,567 [Jeannie] I think that's your cue to leave. 791 00:26:37,602 --> 00:26:39,235 Yeah, that's what that was. 792 00:26:39,270 --> 00:26:42,155 [groans] Aw... Devin. 793 00:26:42,190 --> 00:26:44,157 Don't take it too hard, buddy. 794 00:26:44,192 --> 00:26:47,160 At least you get to go back to being white. 795 00:26:47,195 --> 00:26:48,945 I'd try only one chai latte a day, though... 796 00:26:48,997 --> 00:26:50,079 you don't want to rush it. 797 00:26:50,114 --> 00:26:51,297 White people, how much NPR we thinking? 798 00:26:51,332 --> 00:26:53,199 [Clyde] Start with one hour a week 799 00:26:53,201 --> 00:26:56,285 of This American Life and figure it out. 800 00:26:58,139 --> 00:26:59,956 - ♪ ♪ - [camera shutter clicking] 801 00:27:00,008 --> 00:27:02,375 [woman] It's Christmas morning! 802 00:27:02,427 --> 00:27:05,094 Happy, happy Christmas! 803 00:27:05,129 --> 00:27:06,946 You're so happy 804 00:27:06,981 --> 00:27:08,181 around the tree. 805 00:27:08,216 --> 00:27:09,382 It's lovely, lovely. 806 00:27:09,434 --> 00:27:11,117 Put your arm round him, Mum. 807 00:27:11,152 --> 00:27:13,186 Hey, buddy. Smile. 808 00:27:14,355 --> 00:27:16,455 Uh, one second. I-I'll be right back. 809 00:27:16,491 --> 00:27:18,357 Dad, can I talk to you for a second? 810 00:27:18,393 --> 00:27:21,394 Why are you here? I told you I'd be done by 8:00. 811 00:27:21,446 --> 00:27:23,396 Come on, man, I didn't want to miss this. 812 00:27:23,448 --> 00:27:25,064 You kidding? In fact, you know what? 813 00:27:25,116 --> 00:27:26,365 Let me get a selfie. 814 00:27:26,401 --> 00:27:28,067 - I'll post this on Insta... - No, no, no, no. 815 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:29,802 They want you in the Santa hat for this next one. 816 00:27:29,837 --> 00:27:31,470 I'm not gonna wear that. 817 00:27:31,506 --> 00:27:33,306 But the client specifically... 818 00:27:33,341 --> 00:27:35,808 If you want to throw away the last hour's worth of photos 819 00:27:35,843 --> 00:27:36,909 and find yourself another model, 820 00:27:36,961 --> 00:27:38,077 you can do that. 821 00:27:38,079 --> 00:27:39,512 But I'm not wearing this stupid hat. 822 00:27:39,547 --> 00:27:42,848 - Okay. No hat. - [Marty] No hat. 823 00:27:42,884 --> 00:27:44,667 [woman] Roscoe, love, Christmas is coming! 824 00:27:44,719 --> 00:27:47,820 - We need you back on set! - [Roscoe sighs] 825 00:27:47,855 --> 00:27:49,021 Santa's on his way. 826 00:27:49,057 --> 00:27:51,974 - Dad, this is the worst day of my life. - Aw, really? 827 00:27:52,010 --> 00:27:54,227 'Cause this is the best day of my life. 828 00:27:54,262 --> 00:27:56,979 [laughing, snorting] 829 00:27:57,015 --> 00:27:59,315 And here we go! 830 00:27:59,350 --> 00:28:01,100 Lovely, lovely. Oh! 831 00:28:01,152 --> 00:28:02,768 And we've got some new options. 832 00:28:02,820 --> 00:28:04,937 That special... oh. 833 00:28:04,989 --> 00:28:07,907 No. I think that's a little too understated. 834 00:28:07,942 --> 00:28:09,208 U-Understated? 835 00:28:09,244 --> 00:28:10,943 [woman] We want something that really screams 836 00:28:10,995 --> 00:28:13,212 Christmas. Yes. 837 00:28:13,248 --> 00:28:15,164 That is fabulous. 838 00:28:15,199 --> 00:28:17,250 ♪ Rock them bells ♪ 839 00:28:17,285 --> 00:28:18,718 [shutter clicks] 840 00:28:18,753 --> 00:28:20,152 ♪ Let's rock ♪ 841 00:28:20,188 --> 00:28:22,622 ♪ Rock them beats, rock-rock them beats ♪ 842 00:28:22,657 --> 00:28:24,824 ♪ Let's rock, rock them beats ♪ 843 00:28:24,859 --> 00:28:27,727 ♪ Rock-rock them beats, beats ♪ 844 00:28:27,762 --> 00:28:29,729 ♪ Rock them beats, rock-rock them beats ♪ 845 00:28:29,764 --> 00:28:32,265 ♪ Let's rock, rock them beats ♪ 846 00:28:32,316 --> 00:28:37,416 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com