1 00:00:02,334 --> 00:00:05,118 You don't seem to have a strong relationship with your wife. 2 00:00:05,229 --> 00:00:05,891 Excuse me? 3 00:00:06,712 --> 00:00:08,980 Our relationship is rock-solid. 4 00:00:09,006 --> 00:00:10,639 You lied to her about getting fired. 5 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:11,376 You lied to her about 6 00:00:11,377 --> 00:00:13,212 the real reason you were going on vacation, 7 00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:14,613 which was to get your job back. 8 00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:16,382 - Do you tell your wife everything? - I do. 9 00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:19,351 - Bullshit. - No, I can't get diapers, babe. 10 00:00:19,696 --> 00:00:22,728 Because I am in the middle of a federal investigation 11 00:00:22,729 --> 00:00:24,928 with public enemy number one. 12 00:00:24,929 --> 00:00:28,177 Because he left a trail of bodies about 6 miles long, that's why. 13 00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:29,689 It's not you. I'm just joking. 14 00:00:29,690 --> 00:00:31,456 All right. Okay. I'll be home soon. 15 00:00:31,482 --> 00:00:32,718 I love you. Bye. 16 00:00:32,719 --> 00:00:34,887 I'm so sorry. Where were we? 17 00:00:34,888 --> 00:00:37,790 - He's lying to his wife. - Oh, that's bad. 18 00:00:37,791 --> 00:00:39,368 I love my wife very much. 19 00:00:45,307 --> 00:00:46,974 Hey, I'm Nate. 20 00:00:46,975 --> 00:00:51,312 Hi, Nate. Nice to meet you. 21 00:00:54,716 --> 00:00:57,084 I know this may be a little forward, but... 22 00:00:57,085 --> 00:00:59,319 I would love to take you out. 23 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,056 Wow. 24 00:01:01,057 --> 00:01:03,758 Ohh! 25 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:06,560 - I'm getting you! - Aah! Stop, Nate! 26 00:01:08,564 --> 00:01:10,767 I think I love you. 27 00:01:13,001 --> 00:01:14,501 I do. 28 00:01:21,743 --> 00:01:24,346 And that is how we met. 29 00:01:25,156 --> 00:01:27,455 That's not actually how you remember it, is it? 30 00:01:28,751 --> 00:01:31,451 Everything I just said was true. 31 00:01:31,452 --> 00:01:32,953 If you hadn't used our names, 32 00:01:32,954 --> 00:01:34,822 I wouldn't have recognized the story. 33 00:01:34,823 --> 00:01:36,524 What are you talking about? 34 00:01:36,525 --> 00:01:38,359 Who... who is this? 35 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,427 Hello? 36 00:01:40,428 --> 00:01:42,364 - Hello, Nathaniel. - Who is this? 37 00:01:42,365 --> 00:01:44,099 - It's Vanessa. - Who is it? 38 00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:46,433 - It's work. - I just wanna let you know 39 00:01:46,434 --> 00:01:49,938 that your very important package will be in Orlando soon. 40 00:01:49,939 --> 00:01:51,638 Orlando? 41 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,640 That's not... The shipping arrangement 42 00:01:54,671 --> 00:01:56,438 that we agreed upon. 43 00:01:56,439 --> 00:01:59,454 We said Fort Lauderdale, 'cause that's where I'll be. 44 00:01:59,455 --> 00:02:01,497 Sorry. Plans change. 45 00:02:01,498 --> 00:02:03,780 I'm on the lam with my angel... 46 00:02:03,806 --> 00:02:05,235 Caleb. 47 00:02:05,236 --> 00:02:07,571 Gonna need a little more context on that. 48 00:02:07,572 --> 00:02:09,798 He's the lead singer of Sacrificial Jam. 49 00:02:09,824 --> 00:02:12,087 They're, like, Richmond's fifth best conviction rock band. 50 00:02:12,113 --> 00:02:14,112 That's not the context I was looking for. 51 00:02:14,113 --> 00:02:17,749 - Okay, I'll drop a pin. Bye! - Wait. 52 00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:20,253 Can we talk a little more about your selective memory? 53 00:02:20,254 --> 00:02:21,786 I don't lie. 54 00:02:21,787 --> 00:02:22,795 Okay. What's wrong? 55 00:02:22,821 --> 00:02:24,355 It's work. 56 00:02:24,825 --> 00:02:29,994 Work is a stupid idiot. 57 00:02:43,799 --> 00:02:47,234 You see that sign? Don't touch the driver. 58 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:49,704 Hey, put your phone down next time! 59 00:02:49,705 --> 00:02:53,376 Not my fault. 60 00:02:55,739 --> 00:02:58,305 All I'm saying is that sometimes maybe you forget details, 61 00:02:58,306 --> 00:02:59,974 and then you make up stories that are better 62 00:02:59,976 --> 00:03:01,003 than what actually happened. 63 00:03:01,004 --> 00:03:03,906 Yes, it's called storytelling because truth-telling sucks. 64 00:03:03,907 --> 00:03:05,907 - No, it doesn't. - Yes, it does. 65 00:03:05,908 --> 00:03:08,278 Human beings can't handle the whole truth. 66 00:03:08,279 --> 00:03:11,113 Yes, we can. 67 00:03:13,336 --> 00:03:15,804 Whoa! 68 00:03:16,227 --> 00:03:19,564 You are rock-solid. 69 00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:21,124 Oh. Mnh. 70 00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:23,969 Ow. What's wrong with you? Why are you biting me? 71 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:25,094 Haven't had my lunch yet. 72 00:03:25,095 --> 00:03:29,465 - Then go get a sandwich. - Ooh. I love finger food. 73 00:03:29,466 --> 00:03:31,100 - What are you doing? - Shh. 74 00:03:31,101 --> 00:03:32,351 No. What are you doing? What are you doing? 75 00:03:32,377 --> 00:03:32,768 Unclench. 76 00:03:32,769 --> 00:03:34,169 - What are you... what? - Come on, just let me in there. 77 00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,605 - No! Get out of there. - Stop being a little bitch! 78 00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,273 - It hurts. - Unclench! 79 00:03:37,274 --> 00:03:39,174 - Why would you do this? - Ahh. 80 00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:41,109 - What's wrong with you? - Ooh! 81 00:03:41,110 --> 00:03:43,613 I know something that'll loosen you up. 82 00:03:45,114 --> 00:03:46,782 - Ah! - What the... 83 00:03:46,783 --> 00:03:49,185 - Where was that? - What? You said you like to party. 84 00:03:49,186 --> 00:03:50,453 How is this a party? 85 00:03:50,454 --> 00:03:52,355 Oh, right. 86 00:03:52,356 --> 00:03:54,190 - Let's do it on the casket. - No! 87 00:03:54,191 --> 00:03:55,824 What is wrong with you? 88 00:03:55,825 --> 00:03:57,793 Your loss. 89 00:03:58,795 --> 00:04:00,728 Hey, hey, hey. Where'd you get that? 90 00:04:00,729 --> 00:04:02,399 That dude just gave it to me. 91 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:03,732 I'm sorry. She was so young. 92 00:04:03,733 --> 00:04:05,034 We used to surf together. 93 00:04:05,035 --> 00:04:07,303 She would've wanted me to dress like this. 94 00:04:10,507 --> 00:04:12,508 - Hey. - Hi. 95 00:04:12,509 --> 00:04:13,143 I'm Nate. 96 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,257 Hi. Uh, nice to meet you. Um, you're a piece of shit. 97 00:04:15,283 --> 00:04:16,712 Like, a real piece of shit. 98 00:04:16,713 --> 00:04:19,748 So why don't you take your board shorts and your flip-flops 99 00:04:19,774 --> 00:04:20,815 and your piece of shit face, 100 00:04:20,816 --> 00:04:22,576 and get the hell out of here before I have to call the cops? 101 00:04:22,602 --> 00:04:25,012 Okay, lady, relax. Okay, it's not my fault. 102 00:04:25,013 --> 00:04:26,527 I met your loser friend at a bar, 103 00:04:26,553 --> 00:04:27,886 and she asked me to come to a party. 104 00:04:27,887 --> 00:04:29,989 - How is this a party? - That's what I said! 105 00:04:31,324 --> 00:04:33,025 Oh, my god. What a shit show. 106 00:04:33,026 --> 00:04:35,294 Looks like someone didn't get enough love from daddy. 107 00:04:35,295 --> 00:04:36,795 That's my sister. 108 00:04:36,796 --> 00:04:38,230 - That's not your sister. - That's my half-sister. 109 00:04:38,231 --> 00:04:40,541 - She looks nothing like you. - Her mom's an... idiot. 110 00:04:40,542 --> 00:04:41,882 Well... yeah. 111 00:04:41,883 --> 00:04:43,649 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. 112 00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:46,262 The shit show was aunt Vanessa? And you made out with her? 113 00:04:46,288 --> 00:04:48,255 I didn't make out with her. She stuck her finger up my... 114 00:04:48,256 --> 00:04:49,329 No, whoa, whoa! What... don't tell her that. 115 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,358 What? You wanted the truth, 116 00:04:51,384 --> 00:04:54,720 and the truth is that when your aunt is wasted, 117 00:04:54,721 --> 00:04:55,922 which is pretty much every single day, 118 00:04:55,923 --> 00:04:57,388 she'll make out with anybody with a mouth. 119 00:04:57,389 --> 00:04:58,457 No, that's not true. 120 00:04:58,458 --> 00:05:00,859 - So who's funeral was it? - It doesn't matter. 121 00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:03,058 Of course it matters. She was a close family friend. 122 00:05:03,059 --> 00:05:03,876 - Oh, really? - Mm-hmm. 123 00:05:03,877 --> 00:05:05,608 - What was her name? - Beth. 124 00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,024 - Be... - Becky? 125 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:07,767 - Beth? - Becky? Becky. 126 00:05:07,768 --> 00:05:09,597 - Bethanny. Is that... - Uh, Beckanny. 127 00:05:09,623 --> 00:05:11,221 - Beckanny something or other. - That's not a name. 128 00:05:11,247 --> 00:05:11,935 Okay, well, whatever. 129 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,636 What I do remember is that she was bipolar, 130 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,731 which led to anxiety, which led to prescriptions... 131 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,415 Mom! Mom! Dad's right. Nobody cares. 132 00:05:18,441 --> 00:05:19,877 Oh! 133 00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:21,512 I hate this story. 134 00:05:21,513 --> 00:05:23,380 Yeah. Keep going. 135 00:05:28,154 --> 00:05:30,421 Come on. Come on. I didn't get your name. 136 00:05:30,422 --> 00:05:31,174 That's 'cause I didn't give it to you. 137 00:05:31,175 --> 00:05:32,802 - Would you just stop for a second? - Ohh. 138 00:05:32,828 --> 00:05:35,738 All right, look, I think you are smokin' hot, 139 00:05:35,764 --> 00:05:37,331 and I'd love to take you out. 140 00:05:37,332 --> 00:05:39,033 Wow. You stole flowers from a dead person. 141 00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:39,850 She's not gonna miss 'em. 142 00:05:39,851 --> 00:05:41,348 You know, that's really disrespectful 143 00:05:41,349 --> 00:05:42,617 to poor what's-her-name. 144 00:05:42,618 --> 00:05:44,084 Damn it. What was her name? 145 00:05:44,085 --> 00:05:46,213 Look, when we tell our kids this story, 146 00:05:46,239 --> 00:05:49,757 they're gonna want to know that you took the flowers. 147 00:05:49,758 --> 00:05:51,425 You're right. 148 00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:53,081 Well, that's... 149 00:05:53,082 --> 00:05:55,037 Mmm, that's a salty finger. 150 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:55,649 Oh, buddy. 151 00:05:55,725 --> 00:05:57,092 Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, 152 00:05:57,118 --> 00:05:58,369 I would not do that if I were you. 153 00:05:58,370 --> 00:05:59,462 Mind your business, bro. 154 00:05:59,463 --> 00:06:02,875 - Yeah, that was... up in my business. - What, are you jealous? 155 00:06:02,901 --> 00:06:04,924 No, "jealous" is not the word I would use. 156 00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,573 Hey, get this shit away from my sister. 157 00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:08,100 - Well, it's not hers. - That's not mine. 158 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,401 - Yeah, but I don't want it. - I want it! 159 00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:10,603 - No. It's cocaine. - I know it's cocaine. 160 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,530 - I don't... - Oh, I love cocaine! 161 00:06:11,531 --> 00:06:13,033 - Please just take it. - What do I look like, a cokehead? 162 00:06:13,034 --> 00:06:14,201 I don't wanna do it. It's not my cocaine. 163 00:06:14,227 --> 00:06:14,701 I understand, 164 00:06:14,702 --> 00:06:16,237 but I'm going with her. You're not, so why don't you 165 00:06:16,238 --> 00:06:17,872 - get rid of it? - I don't care who you're going with. 166 00:06:23,537 --> 00:06:25,412 Holy shit, that's a lot of coke. 167 00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:26,795 Ohh. It's, like, $5,000 worth of coke. 168 00:06:26,796 --> 00:06:28,495 That's, like, 15 years in prison worth of coke. 169 00:06:28,496 --> 00:06:29,865 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 170 00:06:29,866 --> 00:06:31,800 I'm late for a funeral! Bye-ee! 171 00:06:35,111 --> 00:06:36,709 Oh, my nose is burning. Is your nose burning? 172 00:06:36,710 --> 00:06:38,204 My nose is on fire, but it feels really good. 173 00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:39,495 Oh, my god, I feel great. 174 00:06:39,521 --> 00:06:41,388 I feel like someone shoved a cup of coffee up my nose. 175 00:06:41,389 --> 00:06:42,496 Yeah, I kinda feel like I wanna work out. Do you work out? 176 00:06:42,497 --> 00:06:44,198 - Of course I work out. Check it out. - Oh, wow. 177 00:06:44,199 --> 00:06:45,642 Right. Hey, what's your favorite city? 178 00:06:45,643 --> 00:06:47,209 - I really like Boston. - I could totally live in Boston. 179 00:06:47,210 --> 00:06:49,398 - And they have great Indian food. - Oh, I love ethnic food! 180 00:06:49,399 --> 00:06:50,423 - Right? - You know what else is great? 181 00:06:50,424 --> 00:06:50,993 - What? - Music. 182 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,594 Oh, my god. I love music! It's so good, right? 183 00:06:52,595 --> 00:06:53,643 Oh, my god, you should see my CD collection. 184 00:06:53,644 --> 00:06:54,684 - Do you read? - I can read. 185 00:06:54,685 --> 00:06:56,734 - Oh, reading's the best. I love books. - Books are the best! 186 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,460 Wait. You're not a Bruins fan, are you? 187 00:06:58,461 --> 00:06:59,761 - What's a Bruin? - It's a bear. 188 00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,212 Hey, do you wanna see my place? 189 00:07:15,213 --> 00:07:17,013 I would love to see your place. 190 00:07:17,014 --> 00:07:18,482 - I got a really great place. - I really wanna go back to your place. 191 00:07:18,483 --> 00:07:19,948 - Let's go to my place. - I love your place! 192 00:07:19,949 --> 00:07:21,184 - Let's go. - Okay. 193 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,049 - Are we doing it? - Oh, god, yeah, we're doing it. 194 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,619 - Where we gonna do it? - Oh, let's do it on the chair! 195 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,088 No, let's do it on the bed. It's so much more comfortable. 196 00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:36,739 Hey, what's your name again? 197 00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:39,139 Ew! You didn't even know her name? 198 00:07:39,538 --> 00:07:41,273 What is wrong with you?! 199 00:07:41,532 --> 00:07:45,604 And that is why we don't tell the whole truth. 200 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:52,424 I think I love you. 201 00:07:52,425 --> 00:07:53,493 Oh, if that's a line, you don't need it. 202 00:07:53,519 --> 00:07:53,888 That's not a line. 203 00:07:53,889 --> 00:07:55,124 Well, then you need to grow a pair of balls. 204 00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:56,825 I got a big set of balls, and I love you. 205 00:07:56,826 --> 00:07:58,893 - How? You've known me for two days. - Doesn't mean I can't feel it. 206 00:07:58,919 --> 00:08:00,586 - Oh, just shut up and stick it in. - Okay. 207 00:08:00,587 --> 00:08:02,789 Oh, my god. We don't need to know this. 208 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,783 Skip to post-coital, please. 209 00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:05,983 Thank you. 210 00:08:05,984 --> 00:08:07,951 Okay, I'll be good to go in another five. 211 00:08:07,952 --> 00:08:11,144 Man, whoever wedgied mom got her good. 212 00:08:11,175 --> 00:08:12,347 Don't let him look at that. 213 00:08:12,348 --> 00:08:13,738 - Can I see another one? - No! 214 00:08:13,739 --> 00:08:14,241 Too much? 215 00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:15,420 Yeah, it was too... well, it's different. 216 00:08:15,421 --> 00:08:17,088 - Ah! - It's ocular. It's different. 217 00:08:17,089 --> 00:08:19,756 Mnh, it's not. 218 00:08:19,757 --> 00:08:22,414 So listen, I haven't exactly been the most honest with you. 219 00:08:22,415 --> 00:08:24,012 Okay, wait, before you continue, 220 00:08:24,013 --> 00:08:26,516 I just need you to know that I really hate liars. 221 00:08:26,542 --> 00:08:29,451 My dad's pathological, and I hate my dad. 222 00:08:29,452 --> 00:08:30,927 Continue. 223 00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,498 Well, remember when I said I design roller coasters? 224 00:08:32,535 --> 00:08:32,900 Mm-hmm. 225 00:08:32,955 --> 00:08:34,072 What I meant to say is, 226 00:08:34,073 --> 00:08:36,933 - I-I-I really like roller coasters. - Yeah, I figured. 227 00:08:36,959 --> 00:08:39,729 This doesn't really look like the apartment of a roller coaster designer. 228 00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:40,872 - Right. - Yeah. 229 00:08:40,873 --> 00:08:42,339 So what do you do? 230 00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:45,975 I don't... What's... 231 00:08:45,976 --> 00:08:48,778 - I play hockey. - Oh. Sorry. Um... no. 232 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,513 What I meant was, what is your job? 233 00:08:53,488 --> 00:08:58,260 I play hockey. 234 00:08:58,261 --> 00:08:59,693 Okay. 235 00:08:59,694 --> 00:09:02,573 - It's not funny. I play hockey. - Oh. 236 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,946 Whoo! 237 00:09:17,489 --> 00:09:20,193 - You didn't play hockey! - Yes, I did! 238 00:09:20,194 --> 00:09:23,161 - You can barely skate! - He was a goon. 239 00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:24,662 Uhh! 240 00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:25,964 I was an enforcer! 241 00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,199 He basically just fought people. 242 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,800 'Cause that's what goons do! 243 00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,102 That's awesome! 244 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,503 I wanna go to goon school when I grow up! 245 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,372 There's no school for it. 246 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,839 You just have to have a keen sense 247 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,507 of right versus wrong! 248 00:09:36,508 --> 00:09:38,176 Oh. 249 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,581 - Ohh! - And a rock for a head. 250 00:09:40,607 --> 00:09:43,008 It kind of made him who he is today. 251 00:09:43,009 --> 00:09:45,512 You know what? It actually did. 252 00:09:46,947 --> 00:09:48,515 It taught me loyalty! 253 00:09:50,118 --> 00:09:52,185 It taught me to protect the ones I love! 254 00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:56,689 It taught me to do the right thing... 255 00:09:56,690 --> 00:09:59,191 Even if it's unpopular! 256 00:09:59,192 --> 00:10:00,460 - Uhh! - Whoa! 257 00:10:03,563 --> 00:10:06,199 Get off the ice! 258 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:10,405 You suck, Ithaca! You suck! You suck! 259 00:10:14,808 --> 00:10:16,898 What I meant to ask is, what do you do for money? 260 00:10:16,899 --> 00:10:17,766 Oh. 261 00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,845 I got a part-time job at this biotech pharma company. 262 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,293 I don't really know what they do. 263 00:10:22,405 --> 00:10:23,740 Well, that's sounds workable. 264 00:10:23,741 --> 00:10:25,274 I could use some stability in my life. 265 00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:27,384 Yeah, I'm not gonna be there for long. I'm going pro. 266 00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:28,611 Boom! 267 00:10:28,612 --> 00:10:30,914 - Uh, hey, Nate? - Yeah? 268 00:10:30,915 --> 00:10:32,469 Did you take off the condom? 269 00:10:32,495 --> 00:10:34,116 Well, I remember the sex was amazing. 270 00:10:34,117 --> 00:10:37,262 And it got way more amazing for a minute. 271 00:10:37,263 --> 00:10:39,530 W-what? I thought you took it off. 272 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,404 Why would I take it off? 273 00:10:40,405 --> 00:10:41,640 I don't know. Feel little Nate? 274 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:43,476 Yeah, I felt a little Nate, but... 275 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,511 It's bigger than that. 276 00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:48,180 Mm. 277 00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:50,001 Do you see anything? 278 00:10:50,002 --> 00:10:51,769 There's definitely something up there. 279 00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:53,035 Looks like a lot of liquid. 280 00:10:53,036 --> 00:10:54,296 Well, what color is it? 281 00:10:54,297 --> 00:10:56,079 It's white and cream liquid. 282 00:10:56,104 --> 00:10:57,131 Uh, what should I do? 283 00:10:57,267 --> 00:10:58,952 You should probably try and get it out. 284 00:10:58,978 --> 00:11:00,211 What do you want me to do, use my finger? 285 00:11:00,314 --> 00:11:03,338 You could use your tongue. 286 00:11:03,339 --> 00:11:05,639 Oh, I think I love you. 287 00:11:06,219 --> 00:11:07,546 - A Magnum?! - What? 288 00:11:07,547 --> 00:11:10,083 You... are not... a Magnum! 289 00:11:10,084 --> 00:11:11,785 Hey, it worked the first six times! 290 00:11:11,786 --> 00:11:13,120 Why would you even buy magnums?! 291 00:11:13,121 --> 00:11:15,212 Same reason I don't like tight pants, okay? 292 00:11:15,238 --> 00:11:16,752 Relax. It's gonna be fine. 293 00:11:16,753 --> 00:11:18,096 All right, I'm gonna ask you a favor. 294 00:11:18,097 --> 00:11:19,931 You seem like just the boring, stable person 295 00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:21,097 I need in my life right now, 296 00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:22,164 so I'm gonna ask you two things... 297 00:11:22,165 --> 00:11:23,308 Don't ever lie to me 298 00:11:23,309 --> 00:11:25,952 and don't ever, ever tell me to relax. 299 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,311 - Okay, fine, rela... - Oh! 300 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:31,282 All right. Okay. I'm not a Magnum. 301 00:11:32,145 --> 00:11:34,144 It's okay. I'm not ovulating anyway. 302 00:11:34,145 --> 00:11:37,048 Then what are you complaining about? 303 00:11:37,049 --> 00:11:39,183 It fell off 'cause his penis is too small! 304 00:11:39,184 --> 00:11:40,952 You know that's genetic, right? 305 00:11:40,953 --> 00:11:42,220 - You're genetic. - I know. 306 00:11:42,221 --> 00:11:44,998 You admitted it! 307 00:11:44,999 --> 00:11:47,133 Oh, man. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? 308 00:11:47,159 --> 00:11:47,951 What are we gonna do? 309 00:11:47,952 --> 00:11:49,167 We don't have to decide right now. 310 00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:52,721 We'll, um, we'll think about it and we'll weigh the options, 311 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,461 and I will make the decision. 312 00:11:56,464 --> 00:11:58,565 What decision? 313 00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:04,443 You brought it up, not me. 314 00:12:04,671 --> 00:12:06,440 Um... 315 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:16,082 I don't know if I'm ready for this. 316 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,089 Or am I? Am I? 317 00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:18,758 I don't know. I barely know you. Are you? 318 00:12:18,759 --> 00:12:21,827 I don't know. Maybe? I mean, this is really scary. 319 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:23,495 I know. And twins? That's super scary. 320 00:12:23,496 --> 00:12:25,097 I know. What do you do with twins? 321 00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:26,599 I think you stick one on each titty. 322 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,433 And then you say stupid shit like that, 323 00:12:28,434 --> 00:12:30,937 and it really makes me not wanna do this with you! 324 00:12:30,938 --> 00:12:32,471 What else you wanna do? 325 00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:33,939 I'm really confused right now. 326 00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:35,903 - You were pregnant. - Yep. 327 00:12:35,904 --> 00:12:37,687 So what was there to decide? 328 00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:39,149 Well, I had to make a choice. 329 00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:41,217 Whether you were gonna have a boy or a girl? 330 00:12:41,243 --> 00:12:43,743 - No. - What color hair I was gonna have? 331 00:12:43,744 --> 00:12:46,780 Um... I had to make a choice, uh... 332 00:12:46,781 --> 00:12:48,982 About whether or not I was gonna keep you. 333 00:12:48,983 --> 00:12:51,319 You were thinking about giving us up for adoption?! 334 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,819 No, not exactly. 335 00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:54,518 Well, who was gonna be our mom and dad? 336 00:12:54,519 --> 00:12:58,920 Ooh. 337 00:12:58,921 --> 00:13:02,022 I had to, uh, make a choice 338 00:13:02,023 --> 00:13:05,324 a-about whether or not I wanted to take a-a trip to the... 339 00:13:05,350 --> 00:13:07,429 Um, Europe. 340 00:13:07,430 --> 00:13:11,099 - That's what you're going with? - Yeah. 341 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,336 See, there... there are a lot of women, who, um, 342 00:13:13,362 --> 00:13:15,598 find themselves in a position where they feel like 343 00:13:15,624 --> 00:13:18,035 they have to choose between being a mom and going to Europe, 344 00:13:18,061 --> 00:13:22,422 and... and it's a... it's a very, very serious decision 345 00:13:22,423 --> 00:13:24,156 and one that should never be taken lightly. 346 00:13:24,157 --> 00:13:26,360 And make no mistake, 347 00:13:26,361 --> 00:13:30,016 every woman deserves the right to choose... Europe 348 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,953 if she so desires. 349 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,347 But just know this... 350 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:38,483 Every time I look at you... 351 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:43,323 I am so thankful that I decided to stay in Syracuse. 352 00:13:49,684 --> 00:13:51,251 That was beautiful. 353 00:13:51,314 --> 00:13:53,481 So your mother gave up a trip to Europe, 354 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:56,002 and I gave up a hockey career for you guys. 355 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,837 - You didn't give up a hockey career. - Yes, I did. 356 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,940 And we both made the right choice. 357 00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,509 Did you ever go to Europe? 358 00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:05,277 Just once. Last year of high school. 359 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,188 What? 360 00:14:06,189 --> 00:14:07,922 Oh, is that too much truth? 361 00:14:07,923 --> 00:14:11,759 So when did you get married? 362 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,495 Um... 363 00:14:13,496 --> 00:14:14,929 You wanna take this one or should I? 364 00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:17,265 I think it's your turn. 365 00:14:23,172 --> 00:14:25,341 - Babe, did you see that? - Mnh-mnh. 366 00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:27,142 - Did you see that, babe? - Yeah, that was aw... yeah. 367 00:14:27,143 --> 00:14:30,044 That's one. That's one. Check it out. 368 00:14:30,045 --> 00:14:33,648 If I make this, we're gonna be together forever. 369 00:14:36,952 --> 00:14:38,453 Ah! 370 00:14:38,454 --> 00:14:42,023 - Did you see that? - No, I missed it. Nope. 371 00:14:42,024 --> 00:14:44,625 - I made it. - You're so good. 372 00:14:44,626 --> 00:14:48,629 Hey, excuse me? Hey, can I get two beers, please? Yeah. Great. 373 00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:50,532 Hey, how many times do I have to tell you? 374 00:14:50,533 --> 00:14:52,634 - These two don't drink. - Yeah, that's why I only ordered two. 375 00:14:52,635 --> 00:14:53,232 Come on, you're up. 376 00:14:53,258 --> 00:14:54,802 And they can't bowl. What are we doing here? 377 00:14:54,803 --> 00:14:56,171 'Cause you said you were a bowling alley kinda girl, 378 00:14:56,172 --> 00:14:58,139 not a fancy restaurant kinda girl. 379 00:14:58,140 --> 00:14:59,642 I say that to all the broke guys. 380 00:14:59,643 --> 00:15:01,976 Look, all that matters is that we're together... 381 00:15:01,977 --> 00:15:04,852 - My hemorrhoids are really bad right now. - And that we are a team. 382 00:15:04,878 --> 00:15:06,844 Ow. Why are you saying weird things? You're talking weird. 383 00:15:06,845 --> 00:15:08,580 'Cause I-I've got something to say. 384 00:15:08,581 --> 00:15:10,917 - Do you have cancer? - No. No. No, no, no. 385 00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:13,074 Look, I don't want us to split. 386 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:17,780 I want us to strike, every time, like a... ball in a... 387 00:15:17,913 --> 00:15:19,748 I wrote this when I thought you liked bowling. 388 00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:20,938 - I don't. - I know. 389 00:15:20,939 --> 00:15:22,138 - Just watch. - Okay. 390 00:15:22,140 --> 00:15:23,775 Ready? 391 00:15:25,084 --> 00:15:26,518 Ta-da! 392 00:15:26,544 --> 00:15:27,211 Babe. 393 00:15:27,212 --> 00:15:28,544 - Good job. - No, look up. 394 00:15:28,545 --> 00:15:29,777 - Mm-hmm. - Baby? 395 00:15:29,778 --> 00:15:31,379 - Robin! - Vanessa! 396 00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:33,315 - Hey! - Hi! 397 00:15:34,054 --> 00:15:35,455 What is she doing here? 398 00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:36,956 I've got something to tell you. 399 00:15:36,957 --> 00:15:38,790 Oh, good. What is it? 400 00:15:38,791 --> 00:15:40,125 Do you remember Sharon? 401 00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:41,393 Yeah! I love Sharon. 402 00:15:41,394 --> 00:15:43,062 Hey, I'm in the middle of something. 403 00:15:43,063 --> 00:15:44,630 Oh, my god! Why would you interrupt me when 404 00:15:44,631 --> 00:15:46,513 I'm trying to tell my sister the most important thing that 405 00:15:46,514 --> 00:15:49,815 - has ever happened in my life?! - Seriously, Nate! Go play bowling! 406 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,952 But, Babe... 407 00:15:54,088 --> 00:15:56,256 - I'm gay! - Shut up! 408 00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:58,090 - Yes! - Oh, my god! That's great! 409 00:15:58,091 --> 00:15:59,459 I mean, I'm still getting used 410 00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:02,362 to the whole having sex with a woman part... 411 00:16:02,363 --> 00:16:02,897 Mm-hmm. 412 00:16:02,922 --> 00:16:04,750 But emotionally, we just really clicked. 413 00:16:04,776 --> 00:16:06,044 You know, we go to the movies 414 00:16:06,045 --> 00:16:08,140 and we talk at the café for hours. 415 00:16:08,166 --> 00:16:09,767 Sounds like you just made a new friend. 416 00:16:09,768 --> 00:16:10,844 Why would you say that? 417 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,779 I'm sorry. You know I support all choices, but... 418 00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:14,088 - It's not a choice. - No. 419 00:16:14,089 --> 00:16:15,081 I was born this way. 420 00:16:15,082 --> 00:16:16,948 I know it's not a choice for actual lesbians, 421 00:16:16,949 --> 00:16:18,216 but for flighty attention seekers, 422 00:16:18,217 --> 00:16:19,851 - it's very much a choice. - You're a homophobe. 423 00:16:19,852 --> 00:16:21,352 No, I'm a Vanessa-phobe. 424 00:16:21,353 --> 00:16:23,831 Here I am, coming out of the closet, 425 00:16:23,862 --> 00:16:26,030 pouring my heart on my sleeve... 426 00:16:26,056 --> 00:16:27,258 You're pouring your heart on your sleeve? 427 00:16:27,259 --> 00:16:28,336 That's a thing she does. 428 00:16:28,633 --> 00:16:30,110 And you're spewing hate at me. 429 00:16:30,262 --> 00:16:33,137 - How long did her lesbian phase last? - About a month. 430 00:16:33,163 --> 00:16:34,697 - Lame. - Tell me about it. 431 00:16:34,698 --> 00:16:37,108 Well, at least he can't completely ruin your life. 432 00:16:37,109 --> 00:16:38,042 What does that mean? 433 00:16:38,043 --> 00:16:40,711 You can't marry her, dumb-ass. 434 00:16:40,712 --> 00:16:42,579 Well... 435 00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:45,390 If she would have me, I would love... 436 00:16:45,416 --> 00:16:47,083 Oh, my god! I'm so proud of you! 437 00:16:47,084 --> 00:16:49,853 - I'm gay! - You're so... you're so gay! 438 00:16:49,854 --> 00:16:53,291 - I'm so excited! - And now you're a lesbian! 439 00:16:53,292 --> 00:16:53,722 Aah! 440 00:16:53,886 --> 00:16:55,386 You're gonna have a gay sister! 441 00:16:55,387 --> 00:16:57,189 I know! Finally! So proud of you. 442 00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,523 I feel at soul with the rainbow. 443 00:16:58,524 --> 00:17:01,359 You were gonna propose to me that night? 444 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,894 I was down on my knees a few times. 445 00:17:03,895 --> 00:17:06,272 Oh, my god. Vanessa. 446 00:17:06,273 --> 00:17:09,510 - God, what a shit show! - Mm-hmm. 447 00:17:09,536 --> 00:17:10,716 She really is. 448 00:17:10,717 --> 00:17:14,421 So when did you wind up proposing? 449 00:17:17,062 --> 00:17:18,924 - Oh, that's, uh... - Complicated. 450 00:17:18,926 --> 00:17:20,513 Yeah. 451 00:17:22,256 --> 00:17:25,881 And do you, sir, take Robin to be your lawfully wedded wife? 452 00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:27,683 Sí. 453 00:17:28,195 --> 00:17:32,686 And do you, Robin, take Carlos as your lawfully wedded husband? 454 00:17:32,688 --> 00:17:34,256 I-I do. 455 00:17:34,257 --> 00:17:37,259 Then I now pronounce you man and wife. 456 00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:39,862 - You may kiss the bride. - Oh. 457 00:17:40,965 --> 00:17:42,932 Who the hell is Carlos? 458 00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:44,249 He's our real dad. Keep up. 459 00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:46,251 I married him so that I could help him get his green card, 460 00:17:46,252 --> 00:17:47,618 and he paid for my college. 461 00:17:47,619 --> 00:17:50,317 It was just a ceremony and a few I.N.S. Meetings. 462 00:17:50,343 --> 00:17:52,604 Wait. So you guys aren't actually married? 463 00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:53,449 Nope. 464 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:56,025 No, I couldn't find Carlos to get the annulment 465 00:17:56,051 --> 00:17:57,451 before you guys arrived, 466 00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,121 so we never really got around to doing it. 467 00:17:59,122 --> 00:18:01,256 - So why do you wear rings? - They're promise rings. 468 00:18:01,257 --> 00:18:02,624 A promise that we made to each other, 469 00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:04,392 that we would someday get it together 470 00:18:04,393 --> 00:18:06,133 and actually get married... Which we will. Someday we will. 471 00:18:06,134 --> 00:18:06,810 Will we? 472 00:18:07,506 --> 00:18:08,836 I can't believe you're not married. 473 00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,007 I can't believe you two are still together. 474 00:18:11,033 --> 00:18:12,734 You guys are the shit shows! 475 00:18:12,735 --> 00:18:17,772 What about us? I mean, we're bastards! 476 00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:21,743 A piece of paper isn't the important thing. 477 00:18:21,744 --> 00:18:23,900 - It's not. - No. 478 00:18:23,901 --> 00:18:26,071 Wait. So my dad's a goon, 479 00:18:26,073 --> 00:18:28,209 my mom's a liar, and I'm a bastard? 480 00:18:28,235 --> 00:18:29,206 And I almost went to Europe? 481 00:18:29,603 --> 00:18:31,339 What's next? Is my name even Jared? 482 00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:35,049 - Of course it is. - Well, technically... 483 00:18:35,050 --> 00:18:36,536 - Now? - Why not? 484 00:18:36,562 --> 00:18:38,206 Okay. 485 00:18:38,207 --> 00:18:39,943 What are you talking about? 486 00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:44,647 I don't wanna do it. 487 00:18:44,648 --> 00:18:47,050 Jareb?! 488 00:18:47,975 --> 00:18:49,083 Yeah, listen, you know, 489 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,888 your dad hadn't gotten a lot of sleep 490 00:18:50,889 --> 00:18:52,857 when he filled out the birth registration. 491 00:18:52,858 --> 00:18:54,593 My name's jareb?! 492 00:18:54,890 --> 00:18:57,789 Just on all your official documents, yes. 493 00:18:57,938 --> 00:18:58,429 What? 494 00:18:58,431 --> 00:19:02,231 Just for the record, my actual name is Jareb? 495 00:19:02,372 --> 00:19:04,334 Yeah. But you know what, honey? It's fine. We can change it. 496 00:19:04,335 --> 00:19:06,669 No, you cannot! This is my choice! 497 00:19:06,670 --> 00:19:09,406 My choice is to keep it, because it's the truth! 498 00:19:09,407 --> 00:19:11,507 I am Jareb! 499 00:19:11,797 --> 00:19:13,733 I can't handle any more truth! 500 00:19:13,759 --> 00:19:16,880 Exactly. We finally understand. 501 00:19:16,881 --> 00:19:21,685 Now with that said, we have to take a tiny detour to Orlando. 502 00:19:21,686 --> 00:19:24,187 - What? - No more questions, right? 503 00:19:24,188 --> 00:19:26,985 Oh, wait. You're joking, right? Why are we going to Orlando? 504 00:19:26,986 --> 00:19:28,183 - I can't tell you. - Yes, you can. 505 00:19:28,184 --> 00:19:29,466 No, I can't. 506 00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:31,480 Have you not learned anything in the last 20 minutes? 507 00:19:31,481 --> 00:19:33,550 We don't tell each other every little detail 508 00:19:33,551 --> 00:19:35,386 that's rattling around in our brains. 509 00:19:35,387 --> 00:19:37,214 Hold on. Is this the reason we didn't fly? 510 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,472 This is the reason we're driving? 511 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,503 Oh, babe, come on. 512 00:19:47,504 --> 00:19:48,892 Get back in the car, please. 513 00:19:48,893 --> 00:19:50,918 - That's it. I'm out. - Oh. You know what? 514 00:19:50,919 --> 00:19:52,644 This pretending to leave thing is getting a little old. 515 00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:53,422 Oh, I'm not pretending. 516 00:19:53,449 --> 00:19:56,118 - This is bad. - I hope they don't get a divorce. 517 00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:58,587 - Tell me what's going on right now. - I can't. 518 00:19:58,588 --> 00:19:59,589 Guess what, kids? 519 00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:01,432 We're gonna rent a car and we're gonna go home. Come on. 520 00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:02,527 Robin, come on. 521 00:20:02,553 --> 00:20:03,638 I asked you for two things. 522 00:20:03,639 --> 00:20:06,323 One, don't ever lie to me. Always be honest and... 523 00:20:06,349 --> 00:20:10,944 - Babe, relax! - Bye. Come on. 524 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,687 Does this mean we're choosing to live with mom now? 525 00:20:13,688 --> 00:20:14,872 Shut up, Jareb. 526 00:20:14,873 --> 00:20:17,108 But I'm just saying. Dad's place could have a pool. 527 00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:40,041 Babe, listen to me, please. I'm doing this for you. 528 00:20:40,042 --> 00:20:43,511 O-okay, everything I do, I do for you guys! 529 00:20:43,512 --> 00:20:47,215 Babe, please, I'm sorry! No! 530 00:20:47,216 --> 00:20:51,218 Aah! Shit! 531 00:20:51,219 --> 00:20:52,986 Come on, move out of the way! 532 00:20:55,082 --> 00:20:58,219 And I'm sorry your stupid shit show of a sister 533 00:20:58,221 --> 00:21:00,722 decided to meet me three hours away 534 00:21:00,723 --> 00:21:02,656 in Florida! 535 00:21:08,196 --> 00:21:09,597 Aw, come on! Push it to the side! 536 00:21:09,598 --> 00:21:11,233 Come on! Move your car out of the way! 537 00:21:13,668 --> 00:21:17,540 Whatchu doin' there? 538 00:21:17,565 --> 00:21:20,865 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com -