1 00:00:00,016 --> 00:00:01,913 Ah, the last week of school. 2 00:00:01,938 --> 00:00:04,381 It's a truly magical feeling of impending freedom 3 00:00:04,406 --> 00:00:07,250 as the entire student body unites in not giving a crap. 4 00:00:07,992 --> 00:00:09,655 Even the teachers were checked out. 5 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:11,181 All right, stop your stretching. 6 00:00:11,215 --> 00:00:12,929 We're gonna watch the movie "Bloodsport". 7 00:00:12,954 --> 00:00:14,015 Not that I'm complaining, 8 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,976 but isn't that, like, wildly inappropriate 9 00:00:16,001 --> 00:00:17,687 and has nothing to do with gym class? 10 00:00:17,722 --> 00:00:19,625 "Sports" are in the title. Leave me alone. 11 00:00:19,641 --> 00:00:21,342 I got nothing left to give you kids! 12 00:00:21,367 --> 00:00:22,534 You did this to me! 13 00:00:22,569 --> 00:00:24,108 But for all us eighth graders, 14 00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:26,248 the last week of school meant one thing. 15 00:00:26,273 --> 00:00:30,143 All right, boys and girls, today begins Freshman Fear Week. 16 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,256 This is when upperclassmen 17 00:00:33,281 --> 00:00:35,949 hunt down terrified incoming ninth graders 18 00:00:35,984 --> 00:00:37,366 and throw them in the showers. 19 00:00:37,398 --> 00:00:39,099 - Did he say "hunt"? - Balls! 20 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:40,867 No! I made it through middle school 21 00:00:40,892 --> 00:00:42,429 without using those showers! 22 00:00:42,455 --> 00:00:43,038 Back in the '80s, 23 00:00:43,071 --> 00:00:45,046 school policy on cruel hazing traditions... 24 00:00:45,055 --> 00:00:46,835 Oh, yeah. Tended to be a tad more lax. 25 00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:48,524 I swear, one day, they'll realize 26 00:00:48,558 --> 00:00:50,526 this whole practice is completely barbaric. 27 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,728 You will never live to see that day! 28 00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:55,085 But... you're my brother. You're supposed to protect me. 29 00:00:55,110 --> 00:00:56,031 Opposite! 30 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,524 I've been training for this my whole life. 31 00:00:58,549 --> 00:01:01,384 Every headlock, noogie, and wet willy 32 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,764 has led to this moment. 33 00:01:02,789 --> 00:01:04,523 There has to be a way out of this. 34 00:01:04,548 --> 00:01:06,890 There is, but it's not pretty. 35 00:01:06,915 --> 00:01:08,968 Mama! Barry's gonna hurt me! 36 00:01:08,993 --> 00:01:09,826 I'm here, Schmoo. 37 00:01:09,851 --> 00:01:10,985 He's gonna hunt me down 38 00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:12,437 and throw me into the gross gym showers! 39 00:01:12,462 --> 00:01:13,331 - No! - Yes! 40 00:01:13,356 --> 00:01:13,765 - No! 41 00:01:13,806 --> 00:01:15,140 And then he's gonna rip my shoes off 42 00:01:15,165 --> 00:01:17,257 and make me touch the floor without flip-flops! 43 00:01:17,282 --> 00:01:19,583 You're not athletic enough to get athlete's foot! 44 00:01:19,608 --> 00:01:20,941 Help me! I'm just a boy! 45 00:01:20,966 --> 00:01:22,665 I got you, baby. 46 00:01:22,690 --> 00:01:24,156 Oh, God! No, I don't. 47 00:01:29,791 --> 00:01:32,259 Synced and corrected by Nest0r www.addic7ed.com 48 00:01:37,961 --> 00:01:39,895 It was June 2, 1980-something, 49 00:01:39,929 --> 00:01:41,463 the end of the school year... 50 00:01:41,498 --> 00:01:43,832 A moment that would live in time forever. 51 00:01:43,867 --> 00:01:44,960 Hey, guys. 52 00:01:45,007 --> 00:01:47,459 Still looking for contributions for the time capsule. 53 00:01:47,484 --> 00:01:49,866 So far, we've got one Hall & Oates poster, 54 00:01:49,891 --> 00:01:50,781 put in by me. 55 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:52,406 I'm gonna put in a naked picture of myself 56 00:01:52,431 --> 00:01:55,750 so I can look back and say, "Yeah, Naked Rob had it." 57 00:01:55,775 --> 00:01:57,531 I'm gonna put myself in there. 58 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,454 Boom! Livin' in the future. 59 00:01:59,479 --> 00:02:01,847 Dude, it's a time capsule, not a time machine. 60 00:02:02,337 --> 00:02:03,375 Right? 61 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,704 You're funny 62 00:02:04,729 --> 00:02:07,797 and have trouble making eye contact with girls. 63 00:02:07,822 --> 00:02:09,155 I like it. 64 00:02:09,270 --> 00:02:11,771 All except for the haircut and the posture, but I can fix that. 65 00:02:11,796 --> 00:02:13,664 Thanks, I think? Hey, Erica! 66 00:02:13,689 --> 00:02:14,484 Oh! 67 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,429 You want to sign my yearbook? 68 00:02:15,453 --> 00:02:17,554 I saved you precious real estate right next to my face. 69 00:02:18,125 --> 00:02:18,593 Fine. 70 00:02:18,641 --> 00:02:19,959 Yeah, you know, if you need some more time with it, 71 00:02:19,984 --> 00:02:20,539 you could just give it back to me. 72 00:02:20,564 --> 00:02:22,648 Okay, you're done. "Have a summer." 73 00:02:22,796 --> 00:02:24,863 Did you mean, like, "good summer" or... 74 00:02:24,898 --> 00:02:27,633 Or "bitchin' summer" or... Or "sexy summer"? 75 00:02:27,658 --> 00:02:28,656 Just "summer". 76 00:02:30,681 --> 00:02:32,805 Do you think she meant it like "Have a summer" 77 00:02:32,839 --> 00:02:34,306 or "Have a summer"? 78 00:02:34,341 --> 00:02:35,960 Dude, you got to let this go. 79 00:02:35,985 --> 00:02:38,031 - Yeah, don't be such a Duckie. - Such a what? 80 00:02:38,056 --> 00:02:40,488 Duckie, the twerpy, lovesick best friend 81 00:02:40,513 --> 00:02:42,280 who never gets Molly Ringwald. 82 00:02:42,305 --> 00:02:43,305 That's you, bro. 83 00:02:43,340 --> 00:02:44,109 Pbht! Please! 84 00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:45,577 If I'm anyone from "Pretty in Pink", 85 00:02:45,602 --> 00:02:47,403 it's feather-haired bad boy James Spader. 86 00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:49,238 - That is delusional. - Get to know yourself, bro. 87 00:02:49,273 --> 00:02:52,983 Geoffrey, Andrew, Robert, I need to speak to my child. 88 00:02:53,008 --> 00:02:54,709 She's using our proper first names. 89 00:02:54,743 --> 00:02:56,218 - Move it. - It's scary 'cause she said "Andrew." 90 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,734 - What?! - I didn't even do anything! 91 00:02:57,759 --> 00:03:00,894 Adam says you're gonna haze and humiliate him at school? 92 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,185 Oh, that. Yeah, that's happening. 93 00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:06,093 - Like heck it is! - You lay one finger on my baby... 94 00:03:06,118 --> 00:03:09,093 You mean the pubescent monster standing next to you? 95 00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:11,664 Take a look at him, Ma. He's all grown up now. 96 00:03:11,689 --> 00:03:15,759 That is not... the, uh... 97 00:03:15,784 --> 00:03:17,385 No, that's not... 98 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,085 Is this true? 99 00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:23,398 No! Look at me! 100 00:03:23,587 --> 00:03:24,968 Actually, don't. 101 00:03:24,984 --> 00:03:27,468 Uh, close your eyes and imagine me from last year. 102 00:03:27,493 --> 00:03:28,476 Oh, my God! 103 00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:31,093 He's right. My baby is going to high school. 104 00:03:31,118 --> 00:03:33,608 No! Stop reeling at the passage of time! 105 00:03:33,633 --> 00:03:34,600 Protect me! 106 00:03:34,634 --> 00:03:35,734 Your voice! 107 00:03:35,769 --> 00:03:38,537 I'm just now hearing it for the first time. 108 00:03:38,572 --> 00:03:41,941 It's like the last gasp of an old helium balloon. 109 00:03:41,975 --> 00:03:43,442 No. 110 00:03:43,476 --> 00:03:44,677 Oh, yes. 111 00:03:44,711 --> 00:03:47,726 I just broke Mom's spirit, so now I can shower you. 112 00:03:47,751 --> 00:03:48,952 Get ready, bro. 113 00:03:49,101 --> 00:03:51,483 Shhhhhhhhhhh. 114 00:03:51,518 --> 00:03:52,585 Why are you shushing me? 115 00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:54,804 That's not a shush. That's a shower sound. 116 00:03:54,829 --> 00:03:57,537 What are you talking about? This is a shower sound. 117 00:03:57,562 --> 00:03:58,382 Kwwwwwwwhhhhh! 118 00:03:58,407 --> 00:04:01,281 That's the ocean, bro. A shower sounds like this. 119 00:04:01,306 --> 00:04:01,968 Shhhhhh! 120 00:04:01,977 --> 00:04:03,765 You're making a fool out of yourself! 121 00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:05,178 Listen to me. Listen. 122 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,714 - Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh! - Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 123 00:04:06,749 --> 00:04:08,549 - Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh! - Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 124 00:04:08,584 --> 00:04:10,885 - Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh! - Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 125 00:04:10,929 --> 00:04:13,414 Oh. 126 00:04:13,439 --> 00:04:14,698 - Hi. - Hello. 127 00:04:14,723 --> 00:04:17,892 Don't mind me. I'm just having some Bev time. 128 00:04:19,165 --> 00:04:21,070 Do you mind closing the door, please? 129 00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:24,031 Mur? Your wife is sitting in the broom closet, 130 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,304 sniffing a baby blanket. 131 00:04:25,329 --> 00:04:26,093 That's her thing. 132 00:04:26,118 --> 00:04:27,710 She sits in there and sniffs them to remind her 133 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,328 of when our children were babies and not the worst. 134 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:31,654 And that doesn't bother you? 135 00:04:31,679 --> 00:04:33,012 What do I know? I'm just the husband. 136 00:04:34,610 --> 00:04:35,477 Fine. 137 00:04:39,189 --> 00:04:40,304 That's good blankie. 138 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,656 Bevy, I know it's hard with Adam going into high school, 139 00:04:43,681 --> 00:04:47,469 but you can't hide here in the closet forever. 140 00:04:48,537 --> 00:04:49,670 You're right. 141 00:04:49,695 --> 00:04:51,397 Just... Just take this thing 142 00:04:51,431 --> 00:04:52,703 and put it where I can never find it. 143 00:04:52,728 --> 00:04:54,281 It's time to let go. 144 00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:56,592 - It doesn't appear like you are. - I'm letting go. 145 00:04:56,617 --> 00:04:58,147 I shouldn't have to struggle like this. 146 00:04:58,172 --> 00:04:59,062 Set me free. 147 00:04:59,087 --> 00:05:00,414 Al! Will you help me?! 148 00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:02,015 She's got superhuman strength! 149 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,226 Take it! I'm handing it over. 150 00:05:04,251 --> 00:05:06,889 She's got the forearms of a tennis pro. 151 00:05:06,914 --> 00:05:07,835 Take the blankie. 152 00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:09,226 Put your back into it. 153 00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,785 Cure me of my sickness. 154 00:05:10,812 --> 00:05:12,601 As my mom was losing her safety blanket, 155 00:05:12,626 --> 00:05:14,764 my friends and I were living in danger. 156 00:05:14,789 --> 00:05:15,796 Are you okay, Taz? 157 00:05:15,821 --> 00:05:18,561 No, man! I'm so wet, I'm so cold. 158 00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:19,820 They didn't even give me a towel. 159 00:05:19,845 --> 00:05:21,289 If they can throw Taz Money in the showers, 160 00:05:21,297 --> 00:05:22,562 there's no hope for us! 161 00:05:22,587 --> 00:05:24,625 We just have to come up with a plan before the bell rings. 162 00:05:24,650 --> 00:05:25,884 It's too late! 163 00:05:26,048 --> 00:05:27,539 Shhh! Shhh! 164 00:05:27,564 --> 00:05:28,890 Why is he shushing us? 165 00:05:29,149 --> 00:05:32,365 No matter what happens, we go down together. 166 00:05:32,390 --> 00:05:33,046 For sure. 167 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:33,849 No! 168 00:05:33,874 --> 00:05:34,742 - Take him, not me! 169 00:05:35,164 --> 00:05:36,742 It was every man for himself. 170 00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:37,867 We tried to escape, 171 00:05:37,892 --> 00:05:39,945 but that day, we faced the greatest shower ambush 172 00:05:39,970 --> 00:05:41,522 the eighth grade had ever seen! 173 00:05:41,547 --> 00:05:43,671 No! Wait! No showers! 174 00:05:43,696 --> 00:05:46,576 My turtlenecks shrink when they get we-e-t! 175 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,288 Those next 10 seconds lasted an eternity 176 00:05:50,313 --> 00:05:52,992 as my friends were picked off one by one. 177 00:05:53,017 --> 00:05:55,062 They even got Taz Money... again! 178 00:05:55,087 --> 00:05:55,773 No! 179 00:05:56,497 --> 00:05:57,320 Next thing I knew, 180 00:05:57,345 --> 00:05:59,813 I was facing off against my destiny. 181 00:06:00,044 --> 00:06:02,579 Maybe it was panic. Maybe it was nerd rage. 182 00:06:02,611 --> 00:06:03,703 Maybe it was the fact 183 00:06:03,728 --> 00:06:05,984 that my brother had been kicking my butt my whole life. 184 00:06:06,009 --> 00:06:06,890 Aaaaaaah! But right then, 185 00:06:06,915 --> 00:06:09,083 I said, "No more". 186 00:06:09,197 --> 00:06:12,766 ♪ 187 00:06:14,259 --> 00:06:16,660 What the [bleep] 188 00:06:18,063 --> 00:06:21,445 Nice one, Goldfarb. Walk it off, Goldberg. 189 00:06:21,742 --> 00:06:24,460 Ow. Ah... 190 00:06:33,501 --> 00:06:35,742 What did I just do? 191 00:06:35,767 --> 00:06:38,101 You just became hot, freshman. 192 00:06:38,126 --> 00:06:39,281 That was badass. 193 00:06:39,306 --> 00:06:42,132 In that one moment, I had done the impossible! 194 00:06:42,157 --> 00:06:43,921 I became awesome! 195 00:06:43,930 --> 00:06:46,703 Meanwhile, the school time capsule was a complete dud. 196 00:06:46,728 --> 00:06:49,453 Seriously? This is why I had a sign-up sheet! 197 00:06:49,778 --> 00:06:50,906 Why do I even bother? 198 00:06:50,931 --> 00:06:52,375 New Kids on the B., huh? 199 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,468 You know, my Nana says that I look like handsome renegade Donnie Wahlberg. 200 00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:59,022 Oh, your Nana is so sweet... but... wrong. 201 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,234 If you're any Donnie, you're Donny Osmond. 202 00:07:03,259 --> 00:07:05,507 Clean and non-threatening. 203 00:07:05,532 --> 00:07:06,832 I dig that. 204 00:07:07,181 --> 00:07:08,500 Thanks? 205 00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:11,092 While our resident Duckie was still looking for love, 206 00:07:11,117 --> 00:07:14,375 my mom was on a desperate hunt for a blankie. 207 00:07:14,496 --> 00:07:17,179 What is this? You look insane. 208 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,648 You haven't by chance seen a baby blanket... 209 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,147 Uh, blue, soft, precious beyond measure... 210 00:07:22,172 --> 00:07:23,437 You know, a standard blankie? 211 00:07:23,462 --> 00:07:24,671 You mean that gross, blue rag 212 00:07:24,696 --> 00:07:26,468 that smells like chickenpox and nightmare sweat? 213 00:07:26,493 --> 00:07:28,828 You shut your face-mouth! But, yes, that's the one. 214 00:07:29,652 --> 00:07:31,788 Okay, don't freak out... 215 00:07:31,813 --> 00:07:33,171 but I took it. 216 00:07:33,196 --> 00:07:34,944 Oh, no, no, no, no, no! 217 00:07:34,969 --> 00:07:36,803 I wrapped it around a New Kids plate 218 00:07:36,828 --> 00:07:38,203 and put it in a time capsule! 219 00:07:38,228 --> 00:07:39,615 No! No, no, no, no, no! 220 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,601 That blankie is the only thing I have 221 00:07:41,626 --> 00:07:43,640 to remember my favorite baby! 222 00:07:43,665 --> 00:07:45,097 First of all, ouch. 223 00:07:45,122 --> 00:07:47,226 But I think this is a good thing. 224 00:07:47,251 --> 00:07:50,273 Your closet time is... How do I put it?... 225 00:07:50,298 --> 00:07:52,304 Sad and creepy. 226 00:07:52,329 --> 00:07:54,031 This will force you to go cold turkey. 227 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:56,545 Or I just dig it up first thing in the morning! 228 00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:56,977 No. 229 00:07:57,002 --> 00:07:58,002 - Yes. - No way. 230 00:07:58,017 --> 00:07:59,679 All people will remember all summer 231 00:07:59,704 --> 00:08:02,132 is my crazy mom digging up the school's front lawn. 232 00:08:02,157 --> 00:08:04,425 Good idea. You be my lookout. 233 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,395 Don't even put that thought in your mind. 234 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:09,281 Too late. Look in my eyes, Erica. 235 00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:10,572 It's locked in. 236 00:08:10,597 --> 00:08:12,296 Come on, I need you. 237 00:08:12,321 --> 00:08:15,756 If you do this, I promise, next year, 238 00:08:15,781 --> 00:08:18,375 I will not go storming down to the school. 239 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,600 Seriously? My whole senior year 240 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,656 without my crazy mom roaming the hallways like a blond ghost? 241 00:08:23,681 --> 00:08:24,681 That's what I'm promising. 242 00:08:24,719 --> 00:08:26,116 We dig during first period, 243 00:08:26,141 --> 00:08:28,303 while everyone is still half asleep in class. 244 00:08:28,328 --> 00:08:29,062 Understand? 245 00:08:29,087 --> 00:08:30,621 You have my word, boop. 246 00:08:30,646 --> 00:08:33,039 You will not humiliate me more than normal. 247 00:08:33,064 --> 00:08:36,351 ♪ We're gonna dig to get the blankie ♪ 248 00:08:36,376 --> 00:08:38,347 Okay, that's... That's enough. 249 00:08:38,372 --> 00:08:41,546 ♪ And I'm gonna sniff it 'cause it's so snuggly ♪ 250 00:08:41,571 --> 00:08:43,414 You have a serious problem. 251 00:08:43,547 --> 00:08:45,530 There were only two days left until summer, 252 00:08:45,555 --> 00:08:48,577 and that meant one thing... Nobody cared. 253 00:08:48,602 --> 00:08:51,484 Okay, your calculus teacher called in sick. 254 00:08:51,509 --> 00:08:52,960 Wish I'd have thought of it. 255 00:08:52,985 --> 00:08:55,511 So we're gonna watch a math-based movie... 256 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,187 "Cannonball Run II." 257 00:08:57,212 --> 00:08:58,435 How is that a math movie? 258 00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:01,928 "II." It's got a number in it... Math. 259 00:09:01,953 --> 00:09:03,484 Psst. Snuggy. 260 00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:04,757 Oh. 261 00:09:05,242 --> 00:09:07,773 Mr. Coach Mellor, can I go to the bathroom? 262 00:09:10,489 --> 00:09:11,145 Hey, 263 00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:12,953 why are you going to the bathroom with a shovel? 264 00:09:12,978 --> 00:09:14,769 Oh, is this a lady thing? 265 00:09:14,794 --> 00:09:17,687 No. I got to dig up the stupid time capsule. 266 00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:19,225 Oh, no. 267 00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,148 I'm boned. 268 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,982 I stashed a tape professing my love to Erica 269 00:09:22,007 --> 00:09:22,687 in that time capsule 270 00:09:22,712 --> 00:09:24,164 so that our kids could hear it 30 years from now. 271 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,429 Nice move, Duckie. 272 00:09:25,461 --> 00:09:27,203 I'm not Duckie! It's romantic. 273 00:09:27,228 --> 00:09:28,968 I even serenade her with the power ballad 274 00:09:28,993 --> 00:09:30,093 "Heat of the Moment" by Asia. 275 00:09:30,118 --> 00:09:31,156 - It's classic Duckie, bro. - Yeah. 276 00:09:31,181 --> 00:09:33,234 Aw, you're right! I got to get that tape back. 277 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,921 How are you so good at this? 278 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,046 Jazzercise builds upper-body strength. 279 00:09:41,071 --> 00:09:42,742 Stop! You can't dig that up! 280 00:09:42,767 --> 00:09:44,507 You stop! We have one minute till the bell rings, 281 00:09:44,532 --> 00:09:45,945 and then everyone will see us. 282 00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:47,671 Ooh! There! I see shiny metal. 283 00:09:47,696 --> 00:09:49,203 We're one scoop away. Wait, wait, wait! 284 00:09:49,228 --> 00:09:50,718 I'll help so I can open it first! 285 00:09:50,743 --> 00:09:52,577 Uh, aah! 286 00:09:52,602 --> 00:09:55,094 Oh! Oh! 287 00:09:55,119 --> 00:09:55,882 D-D-D-Don't worry! 288 00:09:55,907 --> 00:09:57,851 I'll... I'll plug it with my body! 289 00:09:59,454 --> 00:10:00,984 Erica, save me! 290 00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:01,850 Geoff! 291 00:10:01,875 --> 00:10:03,092 My tummy's drowning! 292 00:10:03,117 --> 00:10:04,420 Oh, my God! 293 00:10:04,445 --> 00:10:05,616 Beverly Goldberg! 294 00:10:05,641 --> 00:10:07,942 My office... now! 295 00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:10,326 May I ask what this is regarding? 296 00:10:10,351 --> 00:10:11,951 Aaah! 297 00:10:11,991 --> 00:10:13,124 As my mom and sister 298 00:10:13,149 --> 00:10:14,858 were flooding the front of the school, 299 00:10:14,883 --> 00:10:16,491 Barry was drowning in embarrassment 300 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,302 from my epic body slam. 301 00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:19,827 Hey, man, how's your back? 302 00:10:19,862 --> 00:10:21,607 A little sore, but I'm on the mend. 303 00:10:21,632 --> 00:10:22,530 Thanks for asking. 304 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,656 That wasn't concern. That was ridicule. 305 00:10:24,681 --> 00:10:27,209 Ha! You got flipped on your ass like a turtle. 306 00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:30,764 JTP, I need your counsel immediately. 307 00:10:31,311 --> 00:10:34,069 Um... is it cool if we talk after school... 308 00:10:34,094 --> 00:10:36,221 or later this summer? 309 00:10:36,246 --> 00:10:37,061 Yeah, the thing is, 310 00:10:37,086 --> 00:10:39,084 you got body-slammed by a middle schooler, 311 00:10:39,109 --> 00:10:41,116 which makes you lower than a freshman now, 312 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,333 so we have to keep our distance. 313 00:10:43,358 --> 00:10:43,920 You get it. 314 00:10:43,945 --> 00:10:46,747 You guys can't blow me off. I'm your leader. JTP! 315 00:10:50,365 --> 00:10:51,397 What the hell? 316 00:10:51,429 --> 00:10:53,998 You're supposed to automatically repeat "JTP". 317 00:10:54,023 --> 00:10:55,924 Has the entire school turned on me? 318 00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:57,099 We need to talk. 319 00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:58,178 Oh, God, you're breaking up with me. 320 00:10:58,203 --> 00:11:00,069 No, of course not. Yet. 321 00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:02,123 - We just need to undo what happened. - Right. Easy. 322 00:11:02,148 --> 00:11:03,929 So, just lure Adam into a public space 323 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,811 and dispense a swift beatdown for all to see. 324 00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:07,717 Done. Quick question. 325 00:11:07,779 --> 00:11:09,451 Is there anything else I can do 326 00:11:09,476 --> 00:11:11,350 - that doesn't require me going near him? - Why? 327 00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:14,844 I'm, like... How would you put it?... 328 00:11:15,324 --> 00:11:16,530 Very afraid of him. 329 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:18,795 Adam, your nerdy brother, 330 00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:20,905 who dives for cover when someone pops a balloon? 331 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:21,936 Correct. 332 00:11:23,038 --> 00:11:23,889 This is a lot. 333 00:11:23,929 --> 00:11:26,396 As Barry was facing his cold, dark future, 334 00:11:26,421 --> 00:11:28,381 my sister was feeling the heat. 335 00:11:28,406 --> 00:11:30,045 Congrats. Your little stunt 336 00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:32,701 broke the water line leading to the locker room. 337 00:11:32,938 --> 00:11:36,428 You ruined both Freshman Fear Week 338 00:11:36,453 --> 00:11:37,920 and a timeless tradition 339 00:11:37,945 --> 00:11:40,280 started by the great William Penn himself, 340 00:11:40,305 --> 00:11:44,006 who, after he founded this institution in 1689, 341 00:11:44,031 --> 00:11:46,506 immediately threw a freshman into the showers! 342 00:11:48,524 --> 00:11:51,858 Oh, yeah, and, uh, there are some people 343 00:11:51,883 --> 00:11:54,686 who are also very upset about their pet project. 344 00:11:54,711 --> 00:11:56,037 Yes, I am upset. 345 00:11:56,062 --> 00:11:58,717 Everything in the time capsule was completely ruined. 346 00:11:58,742 --> 00:11:59,147 Yes! 347 00:11:59,172 --> 00:12:01,086 Oh, everything except this one thing. 348 00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:02,244 No! 349 00:12:02,585 --> 00:12:04,155 We should throw that away just to be fair. 350 00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:05,614 Oh, I think this is for you. 351 00:12:06,085 --> 00:12:09,772 "For future wife Erica Schwartz. Love, your future hubby"? 352 00:12:09,944 --> 00:12:10,772 Really, dude? 353 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:11,967 - Aww. - Awkward. 354 00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,660 Geoff, for the millionth time, I don't like you that way... 355 00:12:14,685 --> 00:12:16,998 Not now, not in the future, not ever. 356 00:12:17,509 --> 00:12:19,404 So I really am the Duckie. 357 00:12:19,921 --> 00:12:22,123 The dork from "Pretty in Pink"? 358 00:12:22,157 --> 00:12:25,436 Yes, that's a great example. That's exactly who you are. 359 00:12:25,461 --> 00:12:26,995 I think Duckie's cute. 360 00:12:27,641 --> 00:12:28,685 Thanks. 361 00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:31,123 Okay, this conversation's gotten away from me. 362 00:12:31,148 --> 00:12:32,482 Let's just wrap it up. 363 00:12:32,863 --> 00:12:35,345 Both of you are suspended for the day. 364 00:12:35,370 --> 00:12:36,178 Called your parents. 365 00:12:36,203 --> 00:12:37,397 They're on their way to pick you up. 366 00:12:37,422 --> 00:12:38,780 Message received. Come on, Schmoo. 367 00:12:38,805 --> 00:12:41,483 Buh-buh-buh-bip! I called your husband. 368 00:12:41,670 --> 00:12:43,850 I'm suspending you from parenting for the day. 369 00:12:43,875 --> 00:12:46,510 Nice try, but Murray won't care unless money's involved. 370 00:12:46,535 --> 00:12:48,334 Here's the bill. 371 00:12:49,106 --> 00:12:53,030 Are you kidding me?! 600 bucks for a broken pipe?! 372 00:12:53,912 --> 00:12:57,991 Well... the headline here is, I saved Blankie. 373 00:12:58,281 --> 00:13:01,285 Sure, it's lost its Adam smell, but I'll just recharge it. 374 00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:02,475 You can't recharge a blanket. 375 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,217 Ho-ho! You bet I can! 376 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:05,897 I'll just sneak it into his pillowcase 377 00:13:05,922 --> 00:13:08,023 or mix it in his hamper like a stew. 378 00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:10,116 Don't do that. Don't make a hamper stew. 379 00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:13,334 I just... I need the blanket. 380 00:13:13,718 --> 00:13:15,936 Once they grow up, it's all I'll have. 381 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,131 Look, I know how hard this is for you. 382 00:13:18,156 --> 00:13:19,209 I do. 383 00:13:19,234 --> 00:13:21,116 They're more than my world, Murray. 384 00:13:21,141 --> 00:13:22,311 They're my life. 385 00:13:22,336 --> 00:13:24,905 If I'm not Mama, what am I? 386 00:13:25,826 --> 00:13:27,467 Well, that's up to you. 387 00:13:27,492 --> 00:13:29,826 While my mom had to figure out her place in the world, 388 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,215 I was loving my new life as a cool kid. 389 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,076 ♪ Gummi Bears ♪ 390 00:13:34,101 --> 00:13:37,123 ♪ Bouncing here and there and everywhere ♪ 391 00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:40,384 ♪ High adventure that's beyond compare ♪ 392 00:13:40,409 --> 00:13:43,245 ♪ They are the Gummi Bears ♪ 393 00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:44,991 Look at him sitting there, Pops, 394 00:13:45,016 --> 00:13:47,194 acting like a badass street punk. 395 00:13:47,219 --> 00:13:48,186 - Adam? - Correct. 396 00:13:48,211 --> 00:13:51,014 With the cartoons - and the gelatin candies? 397 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,607 He thinks he's bad? Well, I'll show him who's bad. 398 00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:55,217 I wouldn't do that if I were you. 399 00:13:55,593 --> 00:13:56,225 Why not? 400 00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,287 'Cause I'm enjoying my leisure time. 401 00:13:58,312 --> 00:14:00,850 If I stand up, you're gonna regret it. 402 00:14:00,875 --> 00:14:02,042 I can't live this way! 403 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:04,510 You ruined my life by fighting back and winning! 404 00:14:04,535 --> 00:14:06,420 Hey, I needed a win! 405 00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:09,209 Do you realize how crappy this year has been for me? 406 00:14:09,234 --> 00:14:12,834 I lost my girlfriend, puberty was not kind to my body, 407 00:14:12,859 --> 00:14:14,889 and I got pantsed on the pull-up bar, 408 00:14:14,914 --> 00:14:16,114 undies and all! 409 00:14:16,216 --> 00:14:18,518 And then you tried to kick me when I was down! 410 00:14:18,543 --> 00:14:20,991 No! I was trying to help you! 411 00:14:21,016 --> 00:14:22,108 By throwing me in the showers?! 412 00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:23,747 Yes, idiot! 413 00:14:23,772 --> 00:14:26,108 Only the cool kids get hazed during Fear Week. 414 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,741 When I was your age, no one picked on me, and it sucked! 415 00:14:28,766 --> 00:14:30,567 I didn't want it to suck for you, too! 416 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,428 I...didn't know that. 417 00:14:34,872 --> 00:14:37,803 Well... looks like next year is gonna be awesome... 418 00:14:38,257 --> 00:14:39,334 for you, anyway. 419 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,076 It had been a day 420 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,209 since I robbed Barry of his pride and dignity. 421 00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:49,138 He was not taking it well. 422 00:14:49,163 --> 00:14:51,932 Goodbye, nunchucks. I will need you no more. 423 00:14:51,966 --> 00:14:54,233 Find a master who's not a wussbag. 424 00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:57,380 Arigato, samurai sword. 425 00:14:57,405 --> 00:15:00,537 This is not a place of honor. It's a place of shame. 426 00:15:00,562 --> 00:15:02,708 What did you do to the boy? 427 00:15:02,733 --> 00:15:04,576 He's trying to murder that garbage can. 428 00:15:04,601 --> 00:15:06,068 This isn't my fault. 429 00:15:06,093 --> 00:15:07,022 Did Barry seriously think 430 00:15:07,047 --> 00:15:09,030 I'd be a nerdy little brother forever? 431 00:15:09,055 --> 00:15:10,256 Actually, yes. 432 00:15:10,281 --> 00:15:12,670 Look at me. I'm getting older and bigger. 433 00:15:12,695 --> 00:15:13,412 Things change. 434 00:15:13,437 --> 00:15:15,053 Well, no matter how big you get, 435 00:15:15,078 --> 00:15:17,380 you're always gonna be Barry's little brother, 436 00:15:17,405 --> 00:15:19,287 and that means a lot to him. 437 00:15:19,312 --> 00:15:20,553 He sure doesn't act like it. 438 00:15:20,578 --> 00:15:23,358 Trust me, he loves being your big brother. 439 00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:25,651 I-It's a huge part of who he is, 440 00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:29,530 and without that... he's just not the same. 441 00:15:30,757 --> 00:15:32,551 Hey, Big Tasty, we need to talk. 442 00:15:32,576 --> 00:15:33,667 Whatever! Just stay away! 443 00:15:33,794 --> 00:15:35,140 Not that I'm scared of you, 444 00:15:35,165 --> 00:15:36,693 but, please, don't put hands on me. 445 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:37,334 Come on, dude, 446 00:15:37,359 --> 00:15:40,083 we both know the only reason I could body-slam you 447 00:15:40,108 --> 00:15:41,442 was the summer solstice. 448 00:15:41,476 --> 00:15:42,147 Summer what? 449 00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:44,271 You know, the one day a year 450 00:15:44,296 --> 00:15:46,045 when the moon is closest to the earth, 451 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,480 which means there's less gravity? 452 00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:49,206 - There is? - Yes. 453 00:15:49,231 --> 00:15:52,000 That's how a nerd like me suddenly had super strength. 454 00:15:52,025 --> 00:15:52,975 It's science. 455 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,264 Science, you say? Like the kind with scientists? 456 00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:56,412 Oh, sure! 457 00:15:56,437 --> 00:15:59,295 With white lab coats and clipboards and safety goggles. 458 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,014 - Beakers? - Tons of beakers, yeah. 459 00:16:01,039 --> 00:16:02,506 They hold them up the light and nod? 460 00:16:02,531 --> 00:16:04,303 How else would they see the chemicals? 461 00:16:05,044 --> 00:16:08,529 I knew there was no way that happened for real! 462 00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:11,686 So the balance of power has been restored. 463 00:16:11,711 --> 00:16:12,655 You can be you again. 464 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,123 It's not that easy! 465 00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:16,951 The whole school witnessed this once-in-a-lifetime moment. 466 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,042 It can't be undone. 467 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:20,264 Actually, I think it can. 468 00:16:24,827 --> 00:16:27,498 Okay! Not that complicated, people. 469 00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:29,311 I call your name, 470 00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:31,873 and then you go up and get the piece of paper. 471 00:16:31,898 --> 00:16:34,186 But no showboating, no speeches, 472 00:16:34,211 --> 00:16:35,483 and no doing the worm, Dave Kim. 473 00:16:35,508 --> 00:16:37,014 I am onto you. 474 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,467 This is America, man. 475 00:16:38,492 --> 00:16:40,701 Mic check, 1, 2. 1, 2. 476 00:16:40,726 --> 00:16:41,701 Mic check, 1, 2. 477 00:16:41,726 --> 00:16:43,160 Checkity-check-check. 478 00:16:43,185 --> 00:16:45,620 Stop checking and just talk before we get busted! 479 00:16:45,633 --> 00:16:47,686 Attention, William Penn Academy! 480 00:16:47,711 --> 00:16:49,178 Prepare to bear witness 481 00:16:49,203 --> 00:16:52,397 to the most epic Fear Week Prank of all time. 482 00:16:52,422 --> 00:16:55,658 Eighth graders, welcome to high school. 483 00:16:55,833 --> 00:16:57,123 Go kick some ass. 484 00:16:57,148 --> 00:16:58,582 I'm back, baby. 485 00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:01,194 That day, 486 00:17:01,219 --> 00:17:03,807 I helped my brother repair his damaged rep 487 00:17:03,832 --> 00:17:04,799 in one fell swoop. 488 00:17:04,812 --> 00:17:07,561 No! This is my graduation turtleneck! 489 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,857 Just like that, all memories of my brother getting body-slammed 490 00:17:11,882 --> 00:17:13,998 were completely washed away. 491 00:17:14,023 --> 00:17:17,192 I'm not a freshman! I'm the principal, damn it! 492 00:17:17,217 --> 00:17:19,569 It's not funny when it happens to you! 493 00:17:19,594 --> 00:17:21,912 Dude, Goldberg just showered the whole eighth grade! 494 00:17:21,937 --> 00:17:24,537 No way! Legendary! 495 00:17:24,562 --> 00:17:25,920 Classic Tasty! 496 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:26,897 Growing up, we all have 497 00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:28,819 those magical moments etched in stone. 498 00:17:28,844 --> 00:17:31,858 For Barry Norman Goldberg, his moment was now. 499 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:34,381 Middle school's over, losers! 500 00:17:34,406 --> 00:17:37,600 Oh, my God, he's right! Middle school's over! 501 00:17:40,565 --> 00:17:42,766 I think next year's gonna be pretty damn awesome. 502 00:17:43,401 --> 00:17:45,259 - I'm happy for you. - For both of us. 503 00:17:45,284 --> 00:17:46,803 I'll make sure of it. 504 00:17:46,828 --> 00:17:48,436 But until then... 505 00:17:48,461 --> 00:17:49,975 Wait. What are you... 506 00:17:51,258 --> 00:17:52,936 Yeah! 507 00:17:52,961 --> 00:17:53,772 JTP! 508 00:17:53,797 --> 00:17:55,381 JTP! 509 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,028 I want all of you to go back to class! 510 00:18:00,053 --> 00:18:01,139 All of you! 511 00:18:02,029 --> 00:18:03,397 Let it happen, Earl. 512 00:18:03,422 --> 00:18:07,131 This prank deserves our respect. Let it happen. 513 00:18:07,156 --> 00:18:08,756 Turns out, Freshman Fear Week 514 00:18:08,781 --> 00:18:10,522 was one of the best weeks of my life. 515 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,858 We not only survived the rite of passage, 516 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,194 we soared right through it. 517 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:19,116 ♪ 'Cause it's the heat of the moment ♪ 518 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,787 ♪ Heat of the moment 519 00:18:22,062 --> 00:18:23,772 Guys, you've got to hear this tape 520 00:18:23,797 --> 00:18:25,394 that Geoff Schwartz made me. 521 00:18:25,419 --> 00:18:27,803 He, like, rambles on about how special I am. 522 00:18:27,828 --> 00:18:29,295 Such a dork. 523 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,207 - Oh. - Enough. 524 00:18:30,232 --> 00:18:30,845 - What? 525 00:18:30,870 --> 00:18:32,638 All year, you've been saying you don't like the guy. 526 00:18:32,663 --> 00:18:33,696 That's 'cause I don't. 527 00:18:34,345 --> 00:18:35,146 What? 528 00:18:35,171 --> 00:18:38,819 But I don't. I don't like Geoff Schwartz. 529 00:18:40,565 --> 00:18:41,928 It's crazy how sometimes 530 00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:43,701 your life can change in a flash... 531 00:18:43,726 --> 00:18:46,545 and all the things you were blind to or refuse to admit 532 00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:49,295 are suddenly staring you right in the face. 533 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,006 Damn it, I like stupid Geoff Schwartz. 534 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:55,444 And just like that, everything suddenly falls into place... 535 00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:57,397 Uh, Geoff, can we t... 536 00:18:57,422 --> 00:18:59,295 Come on, sweetie, we got to get to Blockbuster. 537 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,288 Even if it's not the way you thought it would. 538 00:19:01,313 --> 00:19:02,780 Hey, do you need something? 539 00:19:02,805 --> 00:19:05,373 It's... nothing. 540 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,771 Uh, h-have a great summer. 541 00:19:08,796 --> 00:19:10,397 Yeah, have a summer. 542 00:19:10,626 --> 00:19:12,627 Yeah, growing up is tough... 543 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,357 but no matter how hard it gets, 544 00:19:14,382 --> 00:19:16,638 you can always look forward to the future. 545 00:19:17,772 --> 00:19:19,521 Like my big boy. 546 00:19:21,883 --> 00:19:23,530 My big man. 547 00:19:23,765 --> 00:19:25,929 For me, I didn't know what life would bring. 548 00:19:25,954 --> 00:19:27,569 And, sure, that was scary. 549 00:19:27,594 --> 00:19:30,179 But for the first time, I wasn't so afraid. 550 00:19:30,204 --> 00:19:35,335 Congratulations, graduating middle-school class of 198... 551 00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:38,600 It was the end of an era... 552 00:19:38,625 --> 00:19:39,791 You're the cutest! 553 00:19:39,834 --> 00:19:41,701 And the start of a brand-new one... 554 00:19:41,736 --> 00:19:43,904 Oh, just look at him. 555 00:19:43,938 --> 00:19:46,206 We are gonna have so much fun in high school. 556 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:47,890 - "We"? - You know, you were right. 557 00:19:47,915 --> 00:19:50,351 I do need a life outside the house, 558 00:19:50,376 --> 00:19:53,507 and that is why I'm gonna get my teaching certificate. 559 00:19:53,532 --> 00:19:55,299 What have you done, Murray? 560 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:56,804 In more ways than one. 561 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,594 Oh, and I want this to be a surprise, 562 00:19:58,619 --> 00:20:00,387 so don't tell the kids, okay? 563 00:20:00,421 --> 00:20:02,976 Don't worry, we'll let you deliver that message. 564 00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:05,101 That's the thing about our greatest memories. 565 00:20:05,126 --> 00:20:06,772 Sure, we don't always remember 566 00:20:06,797 --> 00:20:08,952 exactly who was there or how it happened. 567 00:20:08,977 --> 00:20:12,210 All I remember was the blur of 1980-something, 568 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,048 and it was awesome. 569 00:20:15,532 --> 00:20:17,937 - Luck Tin Tin, save me! - Luck Tin Tin, save me! 570 00:20:17,962 --> 00:20:20,202 Luck Tin Tin, attack! 571 00:20:20,227 --> 00:20:21,961 - Oh! - Aah! 572 00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:35,787 Okay, as you know, you've been mocking my changing voice for this entire year. 573 00:20:35,812 --> 00:20:37,583 But now that I'm going to high school, 574 00:20:37,608 --> 00:20:41,037 it's time for you to get out all your insults here and now 575 00:20:41,062 --> 00:20:43,327 so we can bring this hurtful chapter to a close. 576 00:20:43,352 --> 00:20:44,991 You sound like a harmonica in a dryer. 577 00:20:45,016 --> 00:20:47,811 You sound like the child of Louis Armstrong and Harvey Fierstein. 578 00:20:47,836 --> 00:20:50,404 You sound like the Tin Man before he was oiled. 579 00:20:50,429 --> 00:20:53,116 You sound like a witch gave a frog a voice. 580 00:20:53,141 --> 00:20:55,350 Stop it! His voice is perfect. 581 00:20:55,375 --> 00:20:58,043 He sounds like a beautiful angel... 582 00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:00,524 with an undescended testicle. 583 00:21:00,549 --> 00:21:01,849 I regret this.