1
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:09,050
I am actually
kind of into you...
2
00:00:09,085 --> 00:00:11,953
Previously on House of Lies...
3
00:00:11,988 --> 00:00:13,988
So yeah, I would
go out with you.
4
00:00:14,024 --> 00:00:14,989
You can get me a TED Talk?
5
00:00:15,025 --> 00:00:15,990
Yeah, the executive curator,
6
00:00:16,026 --> 00:00:17,225
she's my friend.
7
00:00:17,260 --> 00:00:18,826
Well, they've asked me
to give a TED Talk, so...
8
00:00:18,862 --> 00:00:19,727
Are you giving a TED Talk,
9
00:00:19,763 --> 00:00:21,496
or like a special TED Talk?
10
00:00:21,531 --> 00:00:22,463
Could you imagine
11
00:00:22,499 --> 00:00:24,632
stepping off the hamster wheel?
12
00:00:24,668 --> 00:00:26,634
Are we jumping in?
13
00:00:26,670 --> 00:00:27,902
Getting K and A all sexy
for Skip Galweather
14
00:00:27,938 --> 00:00:30,171
and the Kohl brothers.
15
00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:32,941
From this point on,
it is big game fishing only!
16
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:36,244
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
17
00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:38,079
[Marty]
Now, kiddies,
18
00:00:38,114 --> 00:00:40,315
you remember back in the day
you all had a guy in your dorm
19
00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:42,817
who sold you those
sketch dime bags of weed
20
00:00:42,852 --> 00:00:45,086
from his shitty hydroponic
plants he grew in his bathtub?
21
00:00:45,121 --> 00:00:46,287
100%.
22
00:00:46,323 --> 00:00:47,522
His name was Jonah.
23
00:00:47,557 --> 00:00:48,890
I think it may have
been the closest
24
00:00:48,925 --> 00:00:50,124
I've ever been
to blowing a dude.
25
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,961
Mmm, his name was Octavio.
26
00:00:52,996 --> 00:00:55,296
- Octavio.
- I definitely blew him.
27
00:00:55,332 --> 00:00:56,831
Spencer.
And I reported him.
28
00:00:56,866 --> 00:00:58,166
He was a menace.
29
00:00:58,201 --> 00:00:59,701
Well, I want you
to erase all memories
30
00:00:59,736 --> 00:01:04,305
you have of rolling papers and
Pink Floyd posters on the wall,
31
00:01:04,341 --> 00:01:06,641
'cause these Washington
State weed slingers,
32
00:01:06,676 --> 00:01:08,176
[whoops] they're
like Ganja Walmart.
33
00:01:08,211 --> 00:01:09,811
I got to say, even
Wall Street's taking notice.
34
00:01:09,846 --> 00:01:11,946
Yeah, you're goddamn right,
and they should.
35
00:01:11,982 --> 00:01:13,848
It's one of the fastest growing
industries in the nation.
36
00:01:13,883 --> 00:01:16,517
$3 billion dollars in
revenue alone last year.
37
00:01:16,553 --> 00:01:17,719
And that's a "B," y'all!
38
00:01:17,754 --> 00:01:18,820
Sweet Jesus!
39
00:01:18,855 --> 00:01:21,055
That buys a lot
of Burning Man swag.
40
00:01:21,091 --> 00:01:22,190
[whispers]
Cha-ching!
41
00:01:22,225 --> 00:01:23,291
[cash register dings]
42
00:01:25,328 --> 00:01:27,295
[Jeannie]
Whoa. Seriously?
43
00:01:29,866 --> 00:01:31,966
This is a lot less patchouli
and a whole lot
44
00:01:32,002 --> 00:01:33,534
more full automatic weapons
than Jonah carried.
45
00:01:36,773 --> 00:01:38,006
I'll need to see
all your IDs.
46
00:01:38,041 --> 00:01:39,374
- [Clyde] Yes, sir, here we go.
- Okay.
47
00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:41,909
Hi.
48
00:01:43,013 --> 00:01:45,013
There you go.
49
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,684
Pleasant.
50
00:01:49,719 --> 00:01:52,420
Well, I for one will not be
partaking while we're here.
51
00:01:52,455 --> 00:01:54,555
[indistinct radio transmission]
52
00:01:54,591 --> 00:01:56,224
Well, don't you
want to know why?
53
00:01:57,627 --> 00:01:59,227
I'm keeping my temple pristine!
54
00:02:00,630 --> 00:02:02,997
For two days from now!
55
00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:04,932
Come on, the TED Talk!
56
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,267
I marked it in your
calendars weeks ago!
57
00:02:06,302 --> 00:02:07,668
Yeah, that reminds me.
58
00:02:07,704 --> 00:02:08,870
- Uh, Jeannie?
- Hmm?
59
00:02:08,905 --> 00:02:10,338
While we're here,
do your best
60
00:02:10,373 --> 00:02:11,773
to keep your little
temple pristine, okay?
61
00:02:11,808 --> 00:02:13,708
- Yes.
- [Jeannie] Not this again.
62
00:02:13,743 --> 00:02:16,177
I am fine high!
63
00:02:16,212 --> 00:02:17,178
You are deeply,
deeply not fine.
64
00:02:17,213 --> 00:02:18,613
You're kidding.
65
00:02:18,648 --> 00:02:20,281
I'd rather get high
with Anne Hathaway.
66
00:02:20,316 --> 00:02:21,482
Very cute.
67
00:02:21,518 --> 00:02:23,851
Everybody gets a little chatty
when they're high!
68
00:02:23,887 --> 00:02:26,187
That's like saying Octomom
got a little pregnant.
69
00:02:26,222 --> 00:02:27,288
[both]
Oh...!
70
00:02:27,323 --> 00:02:28,556
- Big Daddy, can I get it?
- [Doug] Alley-oop!
71
00:02:28,591 --> 00:02:30,491
Jeannie, please,
do other things, okay?
72
00:02:30,527 --> 00:02:32,727
Like drink or mainline heroin.
73
00:02:32,762 --> 00:02:33,795
Literally anything else.
74
00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:36,631
Step out of the car, sir.
75
00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:38,099
Oh, okay.
76
00:02:38,134 --> 00:02:40,468
No way.
I got you, Marty.
77
00:02:40,503 --> 00:02:42,603
I'm gonna get footage in case
he shoots you in the back.
78
00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:44,705
- Put the fucking phone away.
- Uh-uh.
79
00:02:44,741 --> 00:02:45,740
Sign here.
80
00:02:45,775 --> 00:02:47,075
Black lives matter.
81
00:02:47,110 --> 00:02:48,643
Sorry.
82
00:02:48,678 --> 00:02:50,845
[Max] Sorry for all
the military tactics.
83
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,747
[Marty] Come on,
who doesn't love machine guns?
84
00:02:52,782 --> 00:02:54,549
[Joy] It's just that we handle
everything in cash.
85
00:02:54,584 --> 00:02:56,384
Ooh, not to mention
all of this weed
86
00:02:56,419 --> 00:02:57,885
just innocently sitting here.
87
00:02:57,921 --> 00:03:00,688
These backwards fucking banks
won't take us on as clients,
88
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,790
because according
to federal law,
89
00:03:02,826 --> 00:03:05,793
this whole, beautiful, uh,
90
00:03:05,829 --> 00:03:09,397
spiritual, sensual operation
91
00:03:09,432 --> 00:03:11,399
- is criminal!
- Crazy.
92
00:03:11,434 --> 00:03:12,800
You know, the people,
they want salvation.
93
00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:14,402
It's the law
that can't catch up.
94
00:03:14,437 --> 00:03:15,536
- We can't have checkbooks.
- No.
95
00:03:15,572 --> 00:03:16,671
We can't even
have back accounts.
96
00:03:16,706 --> 00:03:18,773
[Max]
No, we are the 99%.
97
00:03:18,808 --> 00:03:20,508
We are the checkbook-less.
98
00:03:20,543 --> 00:03:22,810
We are unprotected.
99
00:03:22,846 --> 00:03:24,212
We're naked.
100
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,513
Well, you're wearing
$400 sneakers,
101
00:03:25,548 --> 00:03:26,848
- so you're doing okay.
- Hey, Doug?
102
00:03:26,883 --> 00:03:27,982
Well, l-listen.
103
00:03:28,017 --> 00:03:31,185
The man put
the people down in Ohio.
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00:03:31,221 --> 00:03:33,621
That's not gonna happen with us,
'cause we got the power
105
00:03:33,656 --> 00:03:36,124
of the plant on our side.
106
00:03:36,159 --> 00:03:37,325
Mm-hmm, yeah.
107
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,327
Last year, we sold our crops
by the ton, literally.
108
00:03:39,362 --> 00:03:40,595
And edibles on top of that.
109
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:42,163
The world is changing.
110
00:03:42,198 --> 00:03:44,365
Humanity is changing.
111
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,467
And like any people's
revolution, it takes time
112
00:03:46,503 --> 00:03:47,869
to change people's minds.
113
00:03:47,904 --> 00:03:49,470
- Mm-hmm.
- Their hearts.
114
00:03:49,506 --> 00:03:51,339
Their lives.
115
00:03:51,374 --> 00:03:54,008
Their reality.
116
00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:55,243
Come see my babies.
Come here! Come here!
117
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:57,311
Yeah.
118
00:03:57,347 --> 00:03:59,614
Hello, bags of money.
119
00:03:59,649 --> 00:04:00,781
So you guys will be good
getting all your fees in cash?
120
00:04:00,817 --> 00:04:02,717
"Cash"?
121
00:04:02,752 --> 00:04:04,619
- Cha-ching.
- [cash register dings]
122
00:04:04,654 --> 00:04:05,820
Yeah, you smell that?
123
00:04:05,855 --> 00:04:07,989
Yeah, no, excuse me,
I'm not interested.
124
00:04:08,024 --> 00:04:10,158
Yeah, move.
125
00:04:10,193 --> 00:04:11,292
- Oh, it's like heaven.
- Smell?
126
00:04:11,327 --> 00:04:12,627
- No, no.
- You're not to smell.
127
00:04:12,662 --> 00:04:14,695
That, sir, smells
like money, money, money.
128
00:04:14,731 --> 00:04:17,031
Actually, that is
the smell of civil rights.
129
00:04:17,066 --> 00:04:18,466
Of a movement.
130
00:04:18,501 --> 00:04:20,234
Of all the soldiers
who lost their lives
131
00:04:20,270 --> 00:04:21,402
- in the War on Drugs.
- And also
132
00:04:21,437 --> 00:04:23,571
- it has made us millions.
- Right.
133
00:04:23,606 --> 00:04:25,740
In the words of Fidel,
"Capitalism is repugnant."
134
00:04:25,775 --> 00:04:27,074
It causes hypocrisy
135
00:04:27,110 --> 00:04:30,978
and war and...
[groans]
136
00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:31,979
I'm sorry.
137
00:04:32,015 --> 00:04:33,648
Is he quoting Castro?
138
00:04:33,683 --> 00:04:36,317
Didn't I see, like, a gazillion
American dollars roll by?
139
00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:39,020
You guys have all heard the
term "high as a kite," right?
140
00:04:39,055 --> 00:04:40,121
- I heard that one time.
- Yeah.
141
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:41,556
- Yeah, yeah.
- What's more beautiful
142
00:04:41,591 --> 00:04:44,058
than a kite
143
00:04:44,093 --> 00:04:45,526
flying in the sky?
144
00:04:45,562 --> 00:04:47,428
- Maybe two kites?
- Jeannie naked?
145
00:04:47,463 --> 00:04:50,331
Different Jeannie.
You don't know her.
146
00:04:50,366 --> 00:04:52,366
[crying]
Nothing...
147
00:04:52,402 --> 00:04:55,903
nothing is more
fucking beautiful!
148
00:04:55,939 --> 00:04:57,572
Starshine.
149
00:04:57,607 --> 00:04:59,707
Oh, honey.
150
00:05:01,311 --> 00:05:02,610
- I think we should keep moving.
- Okay, yeah.
151
00:05:02,645 --> 00:05:04,245
Come on, we'll show you
how revolution happens.
152
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,280
Starshine.
153
00:05:07,584 --> 00:05:09,550
Here we have a sampling
of all of our products
154
00:05:09,586 --> 00:05:12,019
that we supply
to vendors around the state.
155
00:05:12,055 --> 00:05:13,688
Soon to be around the country
156
00:05:13,723 --> 00:05:15,356
with a little cooperation
from Congress.
157
00:05:15,391 --> 00:05:16,757
- Mm-hmm.
- This is fucking amazing!
158
00:05:16,793 --> 00:05:18,426
I'm glad you can
appreciate it.
159
00:05:18,461 --> 00:05:20,928
We package all our buds
by flavor.
160
00:05:20,964 --> 00:05:22,930
We have White Rhino, Agent
Orange, Island Sweet Skunk.
161
00:05:22,966 --> 00:05:25,566
- There's even a Kosher Kush.
- Mazel!
162
00:05:25,602 --> 00:05:27,702
And our gourmet edibles,
all with a real taste profile.
163
00:05:27,737 --> 00:05:29,136
I oversee the testing
164
00:05:29,172 --> 00:05:30,571
and focus group research
on every one.
165
00:05:30,607 --> 00:05:31,706
- Oh.
- Now, those are
166
00:05:31,741 --> 00:05:32,807
our Mindbomb Truffles.
167
00:05:32,842 --> 00:05:34,308
Our most potent.
168
00:05:34,344 --> 00:05:36,010
Feel like I'm in Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory.
169
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,211
Whoa there,
170
00:05:37,247 --> 00:05:39,247
Veruca Salt,
these are off-limits for you.
171
00:05:39,282 --> 00:05:41,482
Clyde, I'm a big girl.
I can handle it.
172
00:05:41,517 --> 00:05:43,251
Really? How many friends have
you made when you were high?
173
00:05:43,286 --> 00:05:44,452
[scoffs]
For the night?
174
00:05:44,487 --> 00:05:46,487
Tons.
175
00:05:48,157 --> 00:05:49,056
Want a little taste?
176
00:05:49,092 --> 00:05:50,124
No, don't...
stop that.
177
00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:51,525
Cut it out.
It's not funny.
178
00:05:51,561 --> 00:05:53,261
All right, I have one
shot with this talk.
179
00:05:53,296 --> 00:05:55,763
If I get it right,
it will be downloaded
180
00:05:55,798 --> 00:05:56,964
and shared on Facebook
ad infinitum.
181
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,432
What is that...
Latin for "throw up"?
182
00:05:58,468 --> 00:05:59,900
[Doug] I could be legendary...
think about it.
183
00:05:59,936 --> 00:06:01,936
I could be like that data
guy who swallowed a sword
184
00:06:01,971 --> 00:06:04,105
for no reason or the most
popular TED Talk of all...
185
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,840
how orgasms work.
186
00:06:05,875 --> 00:06:07,842
Popular entirely because
it gave a scientific basis
187
00:06:07,877 --> 00:06:09,310
for jerking off.
188
00:06:09,345 --> 00:06:11,112
Yeah, like you needed a reason.
189
00:06:11,147 --> 00:06:12,947
Well, in the beginning, we were
trying to help cancer patients.
190
00:06:12,982 --> 00:06:14,448
We were trying-trying to help
191
00:06:14,484 --> 00:06:16,684
people suffering from epilepsy.
192
00:06:16,719 --> 00:06:18,352
But now we are
193
00:06:18,388 --> 00:06:21,455
changing the fucking world.
194
00:06:21,491 --> 00:06:23,824
No, we are... mavericks.
195
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:25,159
- Yeah.
- [Marty chuckles]
196
00:06:25,194 --> 00:06:27,962
But these people did not come
here for a history lesson.
197
00:06:27,997 --> 00:06:29,530
Let's talk P&Ls,
shall we?
198
00:06:29,565 --> 00:06:31,766
- Cha-ching.
- [cash register dings]
199
00:06:31,801 --> 00:06:33,534
- Well, I feel enlightened already.
- Same.
200
00:06:33,569 --> 00:06:35,036
We're gonna spend
the rest of the day
201
00:06:35,071 --> 00:06:37,471
tightening up the valuations,
the modeling and then
202
00:06:37,507 --> 00:06:40,107
we would love to come
back to you, uh, over dinner
203
00:06:40,143 --> 00:06:42,310
and, uh, let you know
what we've come up with.
204
00:06:42,345 --> 00:06:43,544
Dinner would be nice.
205
00:06:43,579 --> 00:06:45,379
And by "tightening up
valuations,"
206
00:06:45,415 --> 00:06:47,915
you mean we get to try
all the marijuanas, Marty?
207
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:50,418
[chuckles] Okay, look, I don't
want to be a buzzkill here.
208
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:51,752
- [Clyde and Marty] Too late.
- You already are, Doug.
209
00:06:51,788 --> 00:06:54,488
But here's my concern...
if we partake in these samples,
210
00:06:54,524 --> 00:06:55,890
we could be delayed for days!
211
00:06:55,925 --> 00:06:57,325
- [Clyde groans]
- And I've got to get back
212
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,426
for, well, you know.
213
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:00,027
We get it, we get it,
we get it.
214
00:07:00,063 --> 00:07:01,429
But we can't take it
on the plane.
215
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:02,830
And it'd be wasteful
not to try it,
216
00:07:02,865 --> 00:07:03,831
- or rude really.
- Ah, shit.
217
00:07:03,866 --> 00:07:05,433
Should've called in sick.
218
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,667
Marty, I feel sick.
219
00:07:06,703 --> 00:07:08,636
So, kiddies,
were you picking up
220
00:07:08,671 --> 00:07:10,771
on what Kush Lady
in there was putting down?
221
00:07:10,807 --> 00:07:12,373
Yeah, Kush Lady
wants to get rich.
222
00:07:12,408 --> 00:07:15,476
Correct, and Ron Zobel
has been working himself
223
00:07:15,511 --> 00:07:18,212
to get deep
into the pocket of MRJ.
224
00:07:18,247 --> 00:07:20,748
- MRJ the tobacco giant?
- And lobby.
225
00:07:20,783 --> 00:07:22,216
They've been looking
for a big play from us,
226
00:07:22,251 --> 00:07:23,884
and this could be
the mother lode.
227
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,720
Clyde, call Ron Zobel.
228
00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:27,388
Tell him that we're
gonna land MRJ
229
00:07:27,423 --> 00:07:29,023
at the same time
we're gonna work Kush.
230
00:07:29,058 --> 00:07:30,858
Tell him that we've got the
biggest growers in the business,
231
00:07:30,893 --> 00:07:32,860
and they're ready
to sit down and deal.
232
00:07:32,895 --> 00:07:34,895
Are you fucking nuts?
233
00:07:34,931 --> 00:07:37,798
He asked respectfully.
234
00:07:37,834 --> 00:07:40,234
And he...
235
00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:42,036
picks up his phone.
236
00:07:42,071 --> 00:07:43,404
- Ron Zobel, please.
- You know, Marty,
237
00:07:43,439 --> 00:07:45,272
he's not wrong.
I mean, the clash
238
00:07:45,308 --> 00:07:47,608
between Big Tobacco and weed,
it's pretty insurmountable.
239
00:07:47,643 --> 00:07:49,910
Not to mention, these people
seem very committed
240
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:52,213
to the movement... I mean,
"Capitalism is repugnant"?
241
00:07:52,248 --> 00:07:54,715
Yeah, I got to say
that one hurt a little.
242
00:07:54,751 --> 00:07:56,550
Kiddies, kiddies, kiddies,
have you not noticed
243
00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:58,185
that in any partnership,
there's always one person
244
00:07:58,221 --> 00:08:01,555
who's more swayed by greed
than the other?
245
00:08:01,591 --> 00:08:04,191
With the right argument,
I believe we can get Joy
246
00:08:04,227 --> 00:08:06,560
to come down off
of her husband's pot altar
247
00:08:06,596 --> 00:08:09,463
and get on board
with the biggest play possible.
248
00:08:09,499 --> 00:08:11,932
And the biggest play possible
is obviously Big Tobacco.
249
00:08:11,968 --> 00:08:14,201
So she's been going along,
but she's itching for more.
250
00:08:14,237 --> 00:08:15,803
Yes!
Clyde?
251
00:08:15,838 --> 00:08:17,638
- Bring it in.
- In two days?
252
00:08:17,673 --> 00:08:21,575
Children, we have been moving
the ball down the field
253
00:08:21,611 --> 00:08:24,912
prepared to settle for a
bullshit VC expansion field goal
254
00:08:24,947 --> 00:08:27,381
when we got Gronk in the corner
on a fade route for six.
255
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,549
What?
256
00:08:28,584 --> 00:08:29,683
It's touchdown time, come on!
257
00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:30,684
- Let's get it!
- Let's get it!
258
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:31,685
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
259
00:08:31,721 --> 00:08:32,753
- Let's rock it!
- Let's rock it!
260
00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:33,888
- Let's roll!
- Let's roll!
261
00:08:33,923 --> 00:08:34,889
- Let's get it!
- Let's get it!
262
00:08:34,924 --> 00:08:35,890
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
263
00:08:35,925 --> 00:08:37,091
- Let's rock it!
- Let's rock!
264
00:08:37,126 --> 00:08:38,159
- Let's go, put it in!
- Let's roll!
265
00:08:38,194 --> 00:08:39,160
[all]
K and A!
266
00:08:39,195 --> 00:08:41,262
And football, right?
267
00:08:41,297 --> 00:08:43,030
[Clyde]
Ooh, this looks great.
268
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:44,064
[Joy]
Word to the wise?
269
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,599
The butter is infused.
270
00:08:45,635 --> 00:08:48,169
Word to the wise.
271
00:08:48,204 --> 00:08:50,070
The butter is delicious.
272
00:08:50,106 --> 00:08:52,373
I typically don't eat dinner,
273
00:08:52,408 --> 00:08:54,175
so nothing personal.
274
00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:56,710
But don't worry, I smoked
plenty of, uh, the pot,
275
00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:58,446
uh, before, so...
276
00:08:58,481 --> 00:09:00,314
Oh, yeah, love me
some of that,
277
00:09:00,349 --> 00:09:03,350
uh, the sweet Mary Jane.
278
00:09:03,386 --> 00:09:04,785
And so I'm very high.
High as a...
279
00:09:04,821 --> 00:09:06,821
- They get it. Hey, Jeannie?
- Hmm?
280
00:09:06,856 --> 00:09:08,289
You do understand
that the edibles
281
00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:10,591
are more potent
than the smoke, correct?
282
00:09:10,626 --> 00:09:12,293
Hmm!
283
00:09:12,328 --> 00:09:13,427
Ugh, it's like
a fucking horror movie.
284
00:09:13,463 --> 00:09:15,930
Food and pot together
in the rabid claws
285
00:09:15,965 --> 00:09:17,164
of Jeannie
van der Hooven.
286
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,466
[Joy]
We've seen every kind
287
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:20,334
of high there is,
and we embrace it.
288
00:09:20,369 --> 00:09:21,802
[Max]
It's true.
289
00:09:21,838 --> 00:09:24,572
It is our privilege
290
00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:27,074
and our honor
to experience your bliss.
291
00:09:28,077 --> 00:09:29,677
And she was
inside me
292
00:09:29,712 --> 00:09:30,978
and then she
was inside,
293
00:09:31,013 --> 00:09:33,147
and then she just came out.
[laughs]
294
00:09:33,182 --> 00:09:35,182
You know, we get it,
we get it, we-we do.
295
00:09:35,218 --> 00:09:36,984
Is-is she always... like this?
296
00:09:37,019 --> 00:09:37,985
Oh, this is level one.
297
00:09:38,020 --> 00:09:39,854
- This has just started.
- It gets worse.
298
00:09:39,889 --> 00:09:41,455
This is nice.
299
00:09:41,491 --> 00:09:42,890
Can we just get real for a
second, you know what I mean?
300
00:09:42,925 --> 00:09:44,291
Like, fuck the
"consultantspeak."
301
00:09:44,327 --> 00:09:45,960
- You know?
- We get you, Marty.
302
00:09:45,995 --> 00:09:47,161
We do.
303
00:09:47,196 --> 00:09:49,864
And we get that you get us.
304
00:09:49,899 --> 00:09:51,632
[chuckles]
305
00:09:51,667 --> 00:09:53,701
You're a fuckin' maverick.
306
00:09:53,736 --> 00:09:57,037
Well, I do... and I am.
307
00:09:57,073 --> 00:09:58,506
You guys,
you guys!
308
00:09:58,541 --> 00:09:59,907
You guys.
309
00:09:59,942 --> 00:10:02,276
I can feel you
being free
310
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:03,878
right now.
311
00:10:03,913 --> 00:10:04,879
[Doug sighs]
312
00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:06,380
[Jeannie]
Wait, wait.
313
00:10:06,415 --> 00:10:08,115
What if everyone in the world
314
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:09,650
blinked at the exact same time?
315
00:10:11,888 --> 00:10:12,887
Now.
316
00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:14,889
Now.
317
00:10:16,225 --> 00:10:17,157
Now.
318
00:10:17,193 --> 00:10:18,225
You know, it's interesting.
319
00:10:18,261 --> 00:10:20,160
What you do here
actually reminds me
320
00:10:20,196 --> 00:10:22,363
of the third commandment
of TED Talk:
321
00:10:22,398 --> 00:10:24,698
thou shalt reveal thy curiosity
and thy passion.
322
00:10:24,734 --> 00:10:25,733
Mm-hmm.
323
00:10:25,768 --> 00:10:28,068
These are broke.
These are broken.
324
00:10:28,104 --> 00:10:29,103
So I feel you, bro.
325
00:10:29,138 --> 00:10:29,937
Hey, can you get this guy
to shut the fuck up?
326
00:10:29,972 --> 00:10:31,739
Who you talking about?
327
00:10:31,774 --> 00:10:33,774
I don't think so.
328
00:10:33,809 --> 00:10:36,110
Look, here's the thing:
329
00:10:36,145 --> 00:10:38,212
the banks won't touch you.
330
00:10:38,247 --> 00:10:39,280
Who gives a fuck?
331
00:10:39,315 --> 00:10:40,514
Fuck those guys, okay?
I can find you money.
332
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:41,949
There's a lot of investors
333
00:10:41,984 --> 00:10:44,218
that will back small
businesses like yours.
334
00:10:44,253 --> 00:10:45,352
Sure, your competitors,
they're gonna
335
00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:47,021
probably align themselves
with much bigger,
336
00:10:47,056 --> 00:10:49,623
you know, consortiums,
multinationals,
337
00:10:49,659 --> 00:10:51,225
that-that kind of thing.
338
00:10:51,260 --> 00:10:53,394
And you... God, we hope
you don't get buried,
339
00:10:53,429 --> 00:10:55,262
but the important
thing is
340
00:10:55,298 --> 00:10:56,764
that your integrity
341
00:10:56,799 --> 00:10:58,299
remains, right?
342
00:10:58,334 --> 00:10:59,767
Your-your mission
remains intact.
343
00:10:59,802 --> 00:11:01,802
The mission succeeds,
344
00:11:01,837 --> 00:11:03,137
freedom succeeds.
345
00:11:03,172 --> 00:11:04,405
Goddamn right.
346
00:11:05,508 --> 00:11:06,874
Anyone for coffee?
347
00:11:06,909 --> 00:11:08,475
Yeah.
348
00:11:08,511 --> 00:11:10,511
Uh, I'll... I'll help out.
349
00:11:12,048 --> 00:11:13,047
[clears throat]
350
00:11:15,952 --> 00:11:17,952
I could use
some fresh air.
351
00:11:19,355 --> 00:11:21,121
Yeah?
Okay.
352
00:11:21,157 --> 00:11:22,489
- No, no, no, no.
- No.
353
00:11:22,525 --> 00:11:23,490
Don't leave me with her.
354
00:11:23,526 --> 00:11:24,491
Take care of her.
355
00:11:24,527 --> 00:11:25,793
Do you want some coffee?
356
00:11:25,828 --> 00:11:28,095
[scoffs]
You know why I'm in here, Joy.
357
00:11:28,130 --> 00:11:29,229
Okay.
358
00:11:29,265 --> 00:11:30,864
What's the better play?
359
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:33,567
[door creaks open, closes]
360
00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:34,568
Hey, listen, okay?
361
00:11:34,604 --> 00:11:36,370
Don't fly off the handle.
362
00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:37,738
Big Tobacco.
363
00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:39,139
Tobacco?
364
00:11:39,175 --> 00:11:41,141
I see what you need.
365
00:11:41,177 --> 00:11:42,176
Earplugs?
366
00:11:44,547 --> 00:11:45,980
You and Clyde.
367
00:11:46,015 --> 00:11:47,181
That's the love story.
368
00:11:47,216 --> 00:11:48,916
No, I don't think so.
I see...
369
00:11:48,951 --> 00:11:50,384
inner children.
370
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:51,819
And they want the same thing.
371
00:11:51,854 --> 00:11:53,621
They both just want to...
372
00:11:53,656 --> 00:11:55,456
fill the holes, you know,
where the love goes.
373
00:11:55,491 --> 00:11:56,490
[gasps]
374
00:11:58,694 --> 00:11:59,994
You could fill
each other's holes.
375
00:12:00,029 --> 00:12:01,629
I mean, I'm not saying
376
00:12:01,664 --> 00:12:04,431
I've never thought
about it, but no.
377
00:12:06,969 --> 00:12:08,502
Does anyone have a guitar?
378
00:12:08,537 --> 00:12:10,037
Big Tobacco is
a fucking monster, okay?
379
00:12:10,072 --> 00:12:11,138
They're the biggest fucking
monster of them all.
380
00:12:11,173 --> 00:12:12,640
- Yeah.
- But they have all the money
381
00:12:12,675 --> 00:12:13,774
that you could ever want,
382
00:12:13,809 --> 00:12:15,075
to do anything
that you want with.
383
00:12:15,111 --> 00:12:17,711
Fuck handing out post-chemo
joints and lollipops;
384
00:12:17,747 --> 00:12:18,879
you guys could
fucking cure cancer.
385
00:12:18,914 --> 00:12:20,547
But we're growing, we're steady.
386
00:12:20,583 --> 00:12:21,715
Oh, my God!
387
00:12:21,751 --> 00:12:23,684
My eyes feel like
I just got them today.
388
00:12:23,719 --> 00:12:24,685
Oh, my God,
389
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,353
could you please...
Doug, grab her.
390
00:12:26,389 --> 00:12:27,354
Oh, Marty, I need a break!
391
00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:28,856
- Just grab her.
- [Doug scoffs]
392
00:12:28,891 --> 00:12:30,724
Listen, I know that
you guys are growing, okay?
393
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:34,161
But I'm talking about $100
million dollars, minimum, here.
394
00:12:34,196 --> 00:12:35,663
And you can be hands-on
with the expansion
395
00:12:35,698 --> 00:12:37,031
as all the state
and federal bullshit
396
00:12:37,066 --> 00:12:38,298
gets worked out
397
00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:39,800
and you'll have
the biggest voice behind you
398
00:12:39,835 --> 00:12:41,168
to push through Congress, okay?
399
00:12:41,203 --> 00:12:43,137
Big Tobacco has
the infrastructure,
400
00:12:43,172 --> 00:12:45,205
you guys have the street cred
401
00:12:45,241 --> 00:12:47,574
and the culture.
402
00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:48,809
You'd be the
Starbucks of pot.
403
00:12:48,844 --> 00:12:50,077
That's the play, Joy.
404
00:12:50,112 --> 00:12:52,312
And it's the play
that Max should want, too.
405
00:12:52,348 --> 00:12:54,181
They want you to think
it's about the money
406
00:12:54,216 --> 00:12:57,084
and the power and the
suits and the cars...
407
00:12:57,119 --> 00:12:59,019
- Fuck that.
- That's the opiate.
408
00:12:59,055 --> 00:13:01,088
It's like having a Black Card
409
00:13:01,123 --> 00:13:02,756
makes up for
having a black soul.
410
00:13:02,792 --> 00:13:04,224
I have a fucking Black Card
411
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:06,994
and honestly
I don't think I'm happy.
412
00:13:07,029 --> 00:13:07,995
Happiness...
413
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,830
the path to salvation...
414
00:13:09,865 --> 00:13:13,100
can only come from
Earth feeding you.
415
00:13:13,135 --> 00:13:14,201
Fuck, yes!
416
00:13:14,236 --> 00:13:15,803
Take me through it
from the beginning.
417
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:18,272
I want to hear the whole fucking
thing... chapter one, go.
418
00:13:18,307 --> 00:13:21,141
God... It just-just
feels like we're giving in
419
00:13:21,177 --> 00:13:22,976
to everything
we've fought against.
420
00:13:23,012 --> 00:13:25,179
I know, but don't
do that, okay?
421
00:13:25,214 --> 00:13:27,414
You're letting your
feelings tell you a story.
422
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:30,718
You can't let feelings
make business decisions.
423
00:13:30,753 --> 00:13:32,286
Okay? This isn't...
424
00:13:32,321 --> 00:13:33,954
this isn't greed.
425
00:13:33,989 --> 00:13:34,955
It's smart.
426
00:13:34,990 --> 00:13:37,191
Yeah.
427
00:13:37,226 --> 00:13:38,592
History's greatest
thinkers got high.
428
00:13:38,627 --> 00:13:40,060
- Shakespeare...
- What?
429
00:13:40,096 --> 00:13:42,096
Joan of Arc,
George Washington...
430
00:13:42,131 --> 00:13:44,264
and he invented peanut butter.
431
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,066
Wow! Although
I don't think so.
432
00:13:46,102 --> 00:13:47,301
I think that's
George Washington Carver.
433
00:13:47,336 --> 00:13:48,602
Well, he wrote
the Constitution, so...
434
00:13:48,637 --> 00:13:50,504
- Same thing.
- Look, the point is,
435
00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:52,539
all the greatest innovations
come from the plant.
436
00:13:52,575 --> 00:13:54,108
You've got
hemp clothes,
437
00:13:54,143 --> 00:13:55,542
uh, hemp birdseed,
438
00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:56,877
um, Bible pages
439
00:13:56,912 --> 00:13:58,045
that were
440
00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,880
written... on...
441
00:13:59,915 --> 00:14:00,981
- Paper. Hemp.
- Hemp probably. Hemp.
442
00:14:01,016 --> 00:14:02,216
You were talking
about hemp, yeah.
443
00:14:02,251 --> 00:14:03,484
- Hemp probably. Yeah.
- Uh, but, you know,
444
00:14:03,519 --> 00:14:06,120
it's a matter of time,
it is, till we got cars,
445
00:14:06,155 --> 00:14:07,755
uh... airplanes...
446
00:14:07,790 --> 00:14:08,756
Hey. Riddle me this.
447
00:14:08,791 --> 00:14:10,758
How does hemp hold up against,
448
00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:12,459
- say, straw?
- What's he doing?
449
00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:13,627
[Clyde] Did Joan of Arc
wear hemp?
450
00:14:13,662 --> 00:14:14,895
Because that would be insane
if it were a helmet.
451
00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:15,963
Oh, I've always
wanted to know that.
452
00:14:15,998 --> 00:14:17,097
No, I get it.
453
00:14:17,133 --> 00:14:18,565
You guys, you bring me out here,
454
00:14:18,601 --> 00:14:21,168
you get me to talk about the
mother plant while this fuck
455
00:14:21,203 --> 00:14:22,469
- works my fucking wife in there?
- Oh, shit.
456
00:14:22,505 --> 00:14:23,637
No, I want to talk about
your conspiracy theories.
457
00:14:23,672 --> 00:14:25,072
Just hang in there.
Set both of your feet.
458
00:14:25,107 --> 00:14:26,373
- All right? You're right.
- [Max] Hey.
459
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,242
Hey, he is filling your
head with toxic shit.
460
00:14:28,277 --> 00:14:29,443
Marty, this is...
461
00:14:29,478 --> 00:14:31,044
Sweetie, I know
what you're gonna say,
462
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,746
but tobacco's play
is unavoidable, okay?
463
00:14:32,782 --> 00:14:34,348
- [dog squeaks]
- No, no, no, no,
464
00:14:34,383 --> 00:14:35,349
no, no, no.
465
00:14:35,384 --> 00:14:36,617
We don't eat dogs.
466
00:14:36,652 --> 00:14:37,951
He asked me to.
467
00:14:37,987 --> 00:14:40,687
You can't just eat
everything that asks you to.
468
00:14:40,723 --> 00:14:42,256
[Max]
Are you selling us out?
469
00:14:42,291 --> 00:14:43,624
This is our legacy, baby,
this is our fucking life.
470
00:14:43,659 --> 00:14:44,858
Are you prepared
to lose our life?
471
00:14:44,894 --> 00:14:46,827
'Cause that's what's
going to happen.
472
00:14:46,862 --> 00:14:48,095
Look at history.
473
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,129
Anheuser-Busch came in
474
00:14:49,165 --> 00:14:51,165
and made an empire
after Prohibition.
475
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,267
They totally erased the
mom-and-pop businesses like us.
476
00:14:53,302 --> 00:14:54,868
I don't even
recognize you right now.
477
00:14:54,904 --> 00:14:55,869
Where are you?
478
00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:57,704
It's still us, okay?
479
00:14:57,740 --> 00:14:59,206
We're still mavericks.
480
00:14:59,241 --> 00:15:00,774
- Yeah?
- I just think we should
481
00:15:00,810 --> 00:15:02,376
open our minds to it, you know?
482
00:15:02,411 --> 00:15:04,978
We can use the system
to beat the system, okay?
483
00:15:05,014 --> 00:15:06,213
All right, you know what? Fine.
484
00:15:06,248 --> 00:15:07,214
I'll take a meeting.
485
00:15:07,249 --> 00:15:08,982
Doesn't mean I'm saying yes.
486
00:15:09,018 --> 00:15:11,185
And could you please
put my fucking dog down?
487
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:12,352
[growls]
488
00:15:17,193 --> 00:15:18,392
Oh, hey, you would know.
489
00:15:18,427 --> 00:15:19,493
Is this
a load-bearing wall, here?
490
00:15:19,528 --> 00:15:21,962
You, uh, picturing
a Marty-less world, Ron?
491
00:15:21,997 --> 00:15:24,832
Imagination is
actualization, Marty.
492
00:15:24,867 --> 00:15:27,167
Yech. Feel like
I'm trapped in a rental car
493
00:15:27,203 --> 00:15:28,569
with Mr. TED Talk
494
00:15:28,604 --> 00:15:30,204
spouting his, uh, you know,
sound bite bullshit.
495
00:15:30,239 --> 00:15:31,672
Don't touch my things.
496
00:15:31,707 --> 00:15:34,208
T-minus two hours
and counting.
497
00:15:34,243 --> 00:15:36,176
[imitates shivering,
laughs nervously]
498
00:15:36,212 --> 00:15:37,711
I feel okay.
499
00:15:37,746 --> 00:15:39,012
Had a bit too much coffee.
500
00:15:39,048 --> 00:15:40,781
But, uh, so, listen.
Uh, good news.
501
00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:43,417
I've got them to tape off
three seats for you guys,
502
00:15:43,452 --> 00:15:44,985
but they're expecting
an at-capacity crowd,
503
00:15:45,020 --> 00:15:46,186
so I'd get there
at least 30 minutes early.
504
00:15:46,222 --> 00:15:47,387
Which part of this is
505
00:15:47,423 --> 00:15:49,423
- the good news?
- Well, I got to save you...
506
00:15:49,458 --> 00:15:50,691
Oh. Okay.
507
00:15:50,726 --> 00:15:52,292
Well, 20 minutes early,
all right?
508
00:15:52,328 --> 00:15:55,195
But then I can't guarantee
anything after...
509
00:15:55,231 --> 00:15:56,930
On time.
510
00:15:56,966 --> 00:15:58,565
Get there on time, you know
how to manage your schedule.
511
00:15:58,601 --> 00:16:00,167
Wish me luck.
512
00:16:02,204 --> 00:16:03,670
So MRJ is confirmed
for tomorrow morning.
513
00:16:03,706 --> 00:16:05,405
Took some serious
arm-twisting,
514
00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:07,107
since they wanted a few
months to run numbers first.
515
00:16:07,142 --> 00:16:08,442
Well, that's
great, Ron.
516
00:16:08,477 --> 00:16:10,711
Okay? 'Cause this is
all gonna be about timing.
517
00:16:10,746 --> 00:16:13,580
Kush Vistas has too much time
to stroll down memory lane,
518
00:16:13,616 --> 00:16:14,915
- we're gonna miss this window.
- Mmm.
519
00:16:14,950 --> 00:16:17,017
Big Weed makin' a baby
with Big Tabaccy.
520
00:16:17,052 --> 00:16:18,385
[chuckles]
521
00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:19,519
How much is Skip Galweather
522
00:16:19,555 --> 00:16:21,054
gonna love this
little cutie pie, eh?
523
00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:23,290
Well, it's gonna be a big,
old, fat baby, isn't it?
524
00:16:23,325 --> 00:16:24,424
[cackles]
Hey, Ron?
525
00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:25,525
Your guys are gonna come
526
00:16:25,561 --> 00:16:26,593
with their checkbooks
open, right?
527
00:16:26,629 --> 00:16:27,661
Don't worry about it. No, no.
528
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:28,829
These guys are gonna
follow my lead.
529
00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:30,030
See, back in the day,
530
00:16:30,065 --> 00:16:31,999
I saved Syd Black's ass
during the whole
531
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,868
"we believe nicotine
is not addictive" phase.
532
00:16:34,904 --> 00:16:36,970
Ugh, God...
You are a bad man, Ron Zobel.
533
00:16:37,006 --> 00:16:39,439
Well, game recognize game, baby.
534
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,210
- [♪ mid-tempo music ♪]
- Excuse me. Sorry.
535
00:16:43,245 --> 00:16:45,579
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
536
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,482
I feel like I'm
about to watch
537
00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:50,417
a tiny Christian
get eaten by a lion.
538
00:16:50,452 --> 00:16:51,451
Ooh...
539
00:16:51,487 --> 00:16:53,754
I'm feeling funny
in my naughty place.
540
00:16:53,789 --> 00:16:55,155
Hey, guys,
turn your phones off.
541
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:07,801
This is gonna be
the greatest TED Talk ever.
542
00:17:07,836 --> 00:17:09,336
[♪ music continues ♪]
543
00:17:14,543 --> 00:17:16,910
Big Bird's big beak... ah.
544
00:17:16,946 --> 00:17:17,978
[inhales sharply]
545
00:17:18,013 --> 00:17:19,112
♪ Mi mi mo mo moo ♪
546
00:17:19,148 --> 00:17:20,147
♪ Mi mi mo mo moo... ♪
547
00:17:20,182 --> 00:17:21,315
Tess.
548
00:17:21,350 --> 00:17:22,316
Oh, my God.
549
00:17:22,351 --> 00:17:23,583
- Hey.
- Hey, you okay?
550
00:17:23,619 --> 00:17:25,919
Yeah. Oh, God.
No, I'm...
551
00:17:25,955 --> 00:17:27,287
Because you don't look so great.
552
00:17:27,323 --> 00:17:28,355
[clears throat]
553
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:29,356
You look freaked out.
554
00:17:29,391 --> 00:17:30,691
[high-pitched]
Come on, no.
555
00:17:30,726 --> 00:17:32,125
And your voice is
really, really high.
556
00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:33,593
Oh, God, maybe I'm
a little freaked out.
557
00:17:33,629 --> 00:17:35,262
- Okay. Okay.
- I don't know.
558
00:17:35,297 --> 00:17:36,897
Who am I kidding?
I'm a lot freaked out.
559
00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:38,131
It's all finally happening.
560
00:17:38,167 --> 00:17:39,366
I can't believe it,
I've been thinking
561
00:17:39,401 --> 00:17:40,534
about this moment
for so long and here it is.
562
00:17:40,569 --> 00:17:41,802
- Doug...
- Hmm?
563
00:17:41,837 --> 00:17:42,803
Deep breath.
564
00:17:42,838 --> 00:17:46,106
You'll be amazing.
565
00:17:46,141 --> 00:17:47,607
You are a dungeon master.
566
00:17:47,643 --> 00:17:48,875
You are a genius.
567
00:17:48,911 --> 00:17:50,410
I know that.
568
00:17:50,446 --> 00:17:52,946
But what if I'm a misunderstood
genius, like Carrot Top?
569
00:17:52,982 --> 00:17:55,615
- You fucking got this.
- Yeah?
570
00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:58,151
And I made a reservation at
Mr. Chow after, to celebrate.
571
00:17:58,187 --> 00:17:59,152
- Okay.
- Excuse me, sir.
572
00:17:59,188 --> 00:18:00,153
- Yeah.
- Okay.
573
00:18:00,189 --> 00:18:01,154
- Ready when you are.
- Right.
574
00:18:01,190 --> 00:18:03,056
- [clears throat]
- Okay.
575
00:18:03,092 --> 00:18:04,558
- Okay, here you go.
- Here I go.
576
00:18:06,929 --> 00:18:08,895
[sighing]
Oh, boy.
577
00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:16,703
[clearing throat]
578
00:18:18,674 --> 00:18:20,707
[coughs, clears throat]
579
00:18:22,444 --> 00:18:24,411
Show of hands.
580
00:18:24,446 --> 00:18:26,980
How-how many people
here think about orcs?
581
00:18:29,718 --> 00:18:31,018
Might be having a technical
difficulty with the mic.
582
00:18:31,053 --> 00:18:32,252
Are we on?
583
00:18:32,287 --> 00:18:33,520
How many people here
think about orcs?
584
00:18:33,555 --> 00:18:34,521
"Orcs."
585
00:18:34,556 --> 00:18:35,689
Uh, okay, how about this?
586
00:18:35,724 --> 00:18:36,857
Uh, you're shy,
you're nervous.
587
00:18:36,892 --> 00:18:38,191
Don't be.
[chuckles]
588
00:18:38,227 --> 00:18:39,526
I'll cover my eyes.
589
00:18:39,561 --> 00:18:40,861
Now I can't see you.
590
00:18:40,896 --> 00:18:42,529
So you can all do it.
[chuckles]
591
00:18:42,564 --> 00:18:44,765
I'm sure most of you have
your hands raised.
592
00:18:49,071 --> 00:18:50,370
So you can drop your h...
593
00:18:50,406 --> 00:18:52,706
Okay, so not that many.
594
00:18:52,741 --> 00:18:54,041
Okay.
595
00:18:54,076 --> 00:18:56,676
Today, I'm going
to share with you
596
00:18:56,712 --> 00:18:58,779
how to embrace
your authentic self
597
00:18:58,814 --> 00:19:01,615
by defeating
the level-nine orc of doubt
598
00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:04,451
that lives inside each
and every one of us.
599
00:19:04,486 --> 00:19:07,454
Correction:
"level-nine orcs."
600
00:19:07,489 --> 00:19:09,389
Orcs...!
601
00:19:09,425 --> 00:19:10,724
[whoops]
602
00:19:10,759 --> 00:19:12,793
Dougy Doug, my man!
603
00:19:12,828 --> 00:19:15,028
Ah.
604
00:19:15,064 --> 00:19:17,597
Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
605
00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:19,733
So let's dig into Doug...
606
00:19:19,768 --> 00:19:22,235
♪ Got to give the people ♪
607
00:19:22,271 --> 00:19:23,804
♪ Now... ♪
608
00:19:23,839 --> 00:19:26,773
Who here has ever been
defeated by an inner orc?
609
00:19:26,809 --> 00:19:28,108
What's that, destiny?
610
00:19:28,143 --> 00:19:29,910
I'll meet you there.
611
00:19:29,945 --> 00:19:33,280
- [growls]
- ♪ Got to give the people ♪
612
00:19:33,315 --> 00:19:35,615
♪ Give the people
what they want... ♪
613
00:19:35,651 --> 00:19:38,118
Aah. Someone...
614
00:19:38,153 --> 00:19:40,287
This is not the floor
we worked on.
615
00:19:40,322 --> 00:19:42,222
♪ ♪
616
00:19:42,257 --> 00:19:43,423
[laughs]
617
00:19:43,459 --> 00:19:46,626
The die itself
gives birth to you.
618
00:19:46,662 --> 00:19:48,295
That's what he was
building in the office.
619
00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:50,263
Get out of here.
620
00:19:50,299 --> 00:19:52,265
[crying, speaks indistinctly]
621
00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:56,069
[crying] ...how hard
I was trying...
622
00:19:56,105 --> 00:20:00,107
Please, dear God,
lubricate the bear.
623
00:20:00,142 --> 00:20:01,808
Namaste.
624
00:20:01,844 --> 00:20:03,110
♪ Got to give the people... ♪
625
00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:05,579
- [screaming]
- [laughs]
626
00:20:05,614 --> 00:20:08,915
♪ Give the people
what they want... ♪
627
00:20:08,951 --> 00:20:09,916
Yeah... Fuck!
628
00:20:09,952 --> 00:20:11,084
Oh! Aah!
629
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,687
I'm never gonna be able
to unsee this.
630
00:20:13,722 --> 00:20:15,655
- [audience claps rhythmically]
- [Clyde] Yeah, do it
631
00:20:15,691 --> 00:20:16,690
to the beat, do it
to the beat, Doug.
632
00:20:16,725 --> 00:20:17,991
That's it!
633
00:20:18,026 --> 00:20:19,593
Shit! That... No!
634
00:20:20,662 --> 00:20:22,963
[music ends]
635
00:20:22,998 --> 00:20:24,664
So, in closing,
636
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:28,902
if I can leave you
with just one thought,
637
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,270
let it be this.
638
00:20:31,473 --> 00:20:34,441
In the quest to find
your authentic self,
639
00:20:34,476 --> 00:20:37,978
it is better to merge
powers with an orc
640
00:20:38,013 --> 00:20:39,212
than to fight it.
641
00:20:49,691 --> 00:20:51,324
Oh, wasn't that fucking great?
642
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:54,327
Oh, that connected
with you?
643
00:20:57,833 --> 00:20:59,466
- Hey.
- OMG.
644
00:20:59,501 --> 00:21:00,800
Amazing, right?
645
00:21:00,836 --> 00:21:02,802
I mean, yes, definitely.
646
00:21:02,838 --> 00:21:04,571
- Aah.
- Come here.
647
00:21:04,606 --> 00:21:05,839
God.
648
00:21:05,874 --> 00:21:07,207
[Doug] Uh, well,
[chuckles] look at this.
649
00:21:07,242 --> 00:21:09,209
Looks like I'm gonna have
to press flesh with the fans.
650
00:21:09,244 --> 00:21:10,710
Okay, um...
651
00:21:10,746 --> 00:21:12,045
but we should get
going, though,
652
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:13,380
if we want to make our
reservation at Mr. Chow.
653
00:21:13,415 --> 00:21:14,881
Ah, yeah, Mr. Chow.
654
00:21:14,917 --> 00:21:17,250
I just think I need to spend
a little more time here
655
00:21:17,286 --> 00:21:19,553
and, um, [clears throat]
how about this: you go ahead,
656
00:21:19,588 --> 00:21:21,555
hold the table, and I will meet
you as soon as I can break away.
657
00:21:21,590 --> 00:21:22,589
If I can break away.
[chuckles]
658
00:21:22,624 --> 00:21:23,590
If?
659
00:21:23,625 --> 00:21:25,091
Oh, that's Lily Wu.
660
00:21:25,127 --> 00:21:26,826
Producer of the talk.
I think she's looking for me.
661
00:21:26,862 --> 00:21:29,329
Lily! Hey, oh, where
are you running to?
662
00:21:29,364 --> 00:21:30,397
Hey, no, come
back here.
663
00:21:30,432 --> 00:21:31,431
[laughs]
664
00:21:34,636 --> 00:21:36,269
Yes, he's right in front of me.
I'm gonna tell him right now.
665
00:21:36,305 --> 00:21:38,271
- Yes, Ron, tonight, yes.
- Wow.
666
00:21:38,307 --> 00:21:39,606
Okay.
667
00:21:39,641 --> 00:21:41,107
Marty, that
was Ron Zobel.
668
00:21:41,143 --> 00:21:42,275
Yeah.
669
00:21:42,311 --> 00:21:43,610
The meeting has
to move up, okay?
670
00:21:43,645 --> 00:21:45,445
The MRJ execs are leaving
on a red-eye tonight
671
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,447
to go to Hong Kong, so if you
want this meeting to happen,
672
00:21:47,482 --> 00:21:49,883
- it has to happen now, okay?
- [♪ synthpop music plays ♪]
673
00:21:49,918 --> 00:21:51,785
Or they have a window
in eight months.
674
00:21:51,820 --> 00:21:54,454
So you get it?
What do you think?
675
00:21:54,489 --> 00:21:57,357
[echoing]
Marty.
676
00:21:57,392 --> 00:21:58,692
♪ How you like my cut? ♪
677
00:21:58,727 --> 00:22:00,360
[Clyde] [echoing]
Marty?
678
00:22:00,395 --> 00:22:03,363
♪ What? How you like my cut? ♪
679
00:22:03,398 --> 00:22:05,031
♪ How you like
my cut? ♪
680
00:22:05,067 --> 00:22:07,033
♪ How you like my cut? ♪
681
00:22:07,069 --> 00:22:10,036
♪ What? How you like my cut? ♪
682
00:22:10,072 --> 00:22:11,705
♪ How you like my cut? ♪
683
00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:13,707
♪ How you like
my cut? ♪
684
00:22:13,742 --> 00:22:16,376
♪ What? How you like my cut? ♪
685
00:22:16,411 --> 00:22:18,278
♪ How you like my cut? ♪
686
00:22:18,313 --> 00:22:20,046
[CFO] We're an
American tradition.
687
00:22:20,082 --> 00:22:23,416
[Max] Oh, so killing your
customers is traditional.
688
00:22:23,452 --> 00:22:24,751
Un-fucking-believable.
689
00:22:24,786 --> 00:22:25,819
- Marty.
- [♪ music continues ♪]
690
00:22:25,854 --> 00:22:28,154
Do you have a
thought on this?
691
00:22:28,190 --> 00:22:31,625
Must be nice living in a goddamn
unicorn-and-fairies wet dream.
692
00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:32,659
Oh, my God, this guy.
Is this guy for real?
693
00:22:32,694 --> 00:22:33,660
Yeah, well, at least
we don't sell murder.
694
00:22:33,695 --> 00:22:35,762
I mean, your hair is like silk.
695
00:22:35,797 --> 00:22:36,730
[Joy]
'Cause if we make the product...
696
00:22:36,765 --> 00:22:38,965
- [Max] I smoke to get high.
- Marty.
697
00:22:39,001 --> 00:22:39,899
- [CFO] We're done with this.
- Marty.
698
00:22:39,935 --> 00:22:43,903
We're moving on to a
multibillion-dollar deal
699
00:22:43,939 --> 00:22:47,641
that makes your herbal
tonics look like rat shit.
700
00:22:47,676 --> 00:22:48,642
- Okay.
- Okay, you know what,
701
00:22:48,677 --> 00:22:50,744
fuck these death-squad fascists.
702
00:22:50,779 --> 00:22:51,678
We're out of here,
all right?
703
00:22:51,713 --> 00:22:53,346
Hey, hey, hey.
704
00:22:53,382 --> 00:22:56,916
Hey, hey, hold it, hold up,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
705
00:22:56,952 --> 00:23:00,120
I'm sorry, let me get this
straight, because I don't think
706
00:23:00,155 --> 00:23:03,790
I'm quite believe I'm hearing
what I think it is I'm hearing,
707
00:23:03,825 --> 00:23:07,861
which is that you guys don't
think that you need each other.
708
00:23:07,896 --> 00:23:10,163
[Marty laughs]
709
00:23:11,533 --> 00:23:12,832
That's beautiful.
710
00:23:12,868 --> 00:23:13,867
Blockbuster?
711
00:23:13,902 --> 00:23:16,169
Who knows Blockbuster?
712
00:23:16,204 --> 00:23:17,537
Yeah, I remember it.
713
00:23:17,572 --> 00:23:19,139
Okay, well, you remember
when Blockbuster
714
00:23:19,174 --> 00:23:20,807
was hanging on by a thread?
715
00:23:20,842 --> 00:23:23,009
Because it refused
to adapt to the new reality?
716
00:23:23,045 --> 00:23:27,180
Guys, in every state, state
after state, day after day,
717
00:23:27,215 --> 00:23:28,581
legal weed is spreading
through the states.
718
00:23:28,617 --> 00:23:30,016
Spreading,
spread-spread-spread-spread.
719
00:23:30,052 --> 00:23:32,652
And in those states, even on
the sidewalks in those states,
720
00:23:32,688 --> 00:23:34,020
they are banning cigarettes.
721
00:23:34,056 --> 00:23:37,023
And those... those,
um... those, um...
722
00:23:37,059 --> 00:23:40,427
young cherubic kids that
you guys try and brainwash
723
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,762
with your sexy ads and your
fucking... your health denials,
724
00:23:42,798 --> 00:23:44,864
they are hip to your shit, baby.
725
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:46,199
Hip to your shit.
726
00:23:46,234 --> 00:23:48,101
That market share is
going bye-bye, okay?
727
00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:49,402
But, no, that's cool.
728
00:23:49,438 --> 00:23:51,538
You just hang in there
with your Blockbuster card
729
00:23:51,573 --> 00:23:53,873
and get in line
and rent your VHS tapes.
730
00:23:53,909 --> 00:23:55,608
"Uh, excuse me,
uh, might you have,
731
00:23:55,644 --> 00:23:59,346
uh, the behind-the-scenes
edition of Blade Runner?"
732
00:23:59,381 --> 00:24:00,914
- [laughing]
- [Marty] Fucking idiots.
733
00:24:00,949 --> 00:24:02,582
No, no, no,
you-you...
734
00:24:02,617 --> 00:24:04,084
uh, I meant
you also
735
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:06,386
are fucking idiots, okay?
736
00:24:06,421 --> 00:24:07,721
With your
psychedelic fantasy.
737
00:24:07,756 --> 00:24:09,389
You think that you can survive
without these guys?
738
00:24:09,424 --> 00:24:14,060
You're back there, holed up
in your maximum security utopia,
739
00:24:14,096 --> 00:24:16,129
huddled behind
your stacks of cash,
740
00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:18,131
'cause you can't open
a fucking bank account?
741
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:21,267
Motherfucker, my teenager
got a bank account.
742
00:24:21,303 --> 00:24:23,069
Okay.
743
00:24:23,105 --> 00:24:24,738
You need these guys.
744
00:24:24,773 --> 00:24:26,539
They can give you a seat
at the grown-up table.
745
00:24:26,575 --> 00:24:28,541
With the bankers
and the lobbyists.
746
00:24:28,577 --> 00:24:29,743
Do you get it?
747
00:24:29,778 --> 00:24:32,746
Big Tobacco is coming
to the party
748
00:24:32,781 --> 00:24:34,080
with their big dicks out,
749
00:24:34,116 --> 00:24:36,116
and they're gonna fuck
all the hot chicks.
750
00:24:36,151 --> 00:24:38,385
Now, you want
to change the world?
751
00:24:38,420 --> 00:24:39,419
You better play along.
752
00:24:39,454 --> 00:24:40,754
You better try
and change that shit
753
00:24:40,789 --> 00:24:41,988
from the inside out.
754
00:24:42,023 --> 00:24:43,656
Guys, guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys, guys.
755
00:24:43,692 --> 00:24:45,959
It's not about David
versus Goliath.
756
00:24:45,994 --> 00:24:48,261
No, David with Goliath.
757
00:24:48,296 --> 00:24:50,130
David holding hands
with Goliath.
758
00:24:50,165 --> 00:24:52,632
David giving Goliath
a-a reach-around.
759
00:24:52,667 --> 00:24:53,967
[Marty moans]
760
00:24:54,002 --> 00:24:55,802
[Marty chuckles]
761
00:24:55,837 --> 00:24:58,471
Oh, come on, am I spitting
wisdom right now?
762
00:24:58,507 --> 00:25:00,140
Yes.
763
00:25:00,175 --> 00:25:03,476
Do you guys need each
other right now? Yes.
764
00:25:03,512 --> 00:25:05,745
Am I high as fuck right now?
765
00:25:05,781 --> 00:25:07,080
Yes.
766
00:25:07,115 --> 00:25:12,085
But am I making 100% complete
total sense right now?
767
00:25:25,467 --> 00:25:27,767
Yes, yes, yes, I am.
768
00:25:27,803 --> 00:25:32,105
At the end of the day,
let's face it,
769
00:25:32,140 --> 00:25:35,341
it is better to merge
powers with an orc...
770
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:38,645
...than to fight it.
771
00:25:39,815 --> 00:25:41,114
[chuckles]
772
00:25:41,149 --> 00:25:42,615
Ah-boom.
773
00:25:42,651 --> 00:25:43,616
Wait a minute.
774
00:25:43,652 --> 00:25:44,617
Ah-ba-boom.
775
00:25:44,653 --> 00:25:45,685
[chuckles]
776
00:25:48,857 --> 00:25:52,225
Okay, let's deal.
777
00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:54,060
You gonna open up your
wallets and make it rain?
778
00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,165
Fair enough.
779
00:25:59,201 --> 00:26:00,300
[chuckles]
780
00:26:00,335 --> 00:26:01,468
Say word.
781
00:26:05,507 --> 00:26:07,474
Did we really just do that?
782
00:26:07,509 --> 00:26:08,475
Mm-hmm.
783
00:26:08,510 --> 00:26:10,477
[Doug chuckles]
784
00:26:10,512 --> 00:26:11,811
Don't get me wrong,
I'm flattered.
785
00:26:11,847 --> 00:26:14,147
I just wish Marty would
have run it by me
786
00:26:14,182 --> 00:26:15,815
before he used
the whole orc thing.
787
00:26:15,851 --> 00:26:18,485
But I get it, he was caught up
in the moment and carried away.
788
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,487
Aw, you realize he was
fucked up out of his mind
789
00:26:20,522 --> 00:26:21,821
when he said it, right?
790
00:26:21,857 --> 00:26:23,823
[chuckles] You'll get it
eventually, Clyde.
791
00:26:23,859 --> 00:26:25,492
Hang in there.
792
00:26:25,527 --> 00:26:26,826
[Jeannie sighs]
793
00:26:26,862 --> 00:26:28,495
Not bad for someone
who ate enough pot
794
00:26:28,530 --> 00:26:30,163
to tranquilize
an elephant.
795
00:26:30,198 --> 00:26:32,332
What the fuck
just happened?
796
00:26:32,367 --> 00:26:33,399
[laughs]
797
00:26:33,435 --> 00:26:35,635
What the fuck
just happened
798
00:26:35,670 --> 00:26:38,271
is you just scored
a touchdown
799
00:26:38,306 --> 00:26:41,074
with two seconds
left on the clock.
800
00:26:41,109 --> 00:26:42,408
Shit, I did?
801
00:26:42,444 --> 00:26:43,810
Mm-hmm.
802
00:26:43,845 --> 00:26:45,345
Ah.
803
00:26:45,380 --> 00:26:46,946
[chuckles]
804
00:26:46,982 --> 00:26:48,381
That's cool.
805
00:26:49,818 --> 00:26:51,384
[sighs]
Oh, Marty.
806
00:26:51,419 --> 00:26:52,752
[sighs]
807
00:26:52,787 --> 00:26:55,722
[chuckles, sighs]
808
00:26:55,757 --> 00:26:59,025
I ate all the marijuanas.
809
00:26:59,060 --> 00:27:00,927
You sure did.
810
00:27:00,962 --> 00:27:03,062
♪ 1612 ♪
811
00:27:04,432 --> 00:27:06,332
♪ That's the code
to my heart, I ♪
812
00:27:06,368 --> 00:27:09,335
♪ I go one, six, one, two ♪
813
00:27:09,371 --> 00:27:12,338
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, star ♪
814
00:27:12,374 --> 00:27:15,341
♪ 1612 ♪
815
00:27:15,377 --> 00:27:17,877
♪ That's the code to my heart,
I, I go ♪
816
00:27:18,012 --> 00:27:24,844
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com