1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:02,834 I've got a tape I want you to see. 2 00:00:02,868 --> 00:00:04,534 Ooh, I hope it's that croc hunter. 3 00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:07,367 I tell you, that guy's nuts.. 4 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,267 Actually, it's from "New York one." . 5 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,701 Citizens are not happy about your relationship with Claire.. 6 00:00:11,734 --> 00:00:14,701 What do you think about the mayor conducting an affair 7 00:00:14,734 --> 00:00:17,067 with a married woman at Gracie mansion? 8 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,634 I think it's a disgrace. 9 00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:20,434 I mean, the taxpayers' money paid for his home. 10 00:00:20,467 --> 00:00:22,100 I think it shows no class.. 11 00:00:22,133 --> 00:00:25,200 The man has no concept of dignified behavior.. 12 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,334 That broad needs to get some.. 13 00:00:28,534 --> 00:00:30,400 T-that's ridiculous.. 14 00:00:30,434 --> 00:00:33,033 Claire's just waiting for her divorce to be finalized. 15 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,167 I wouldn't put stock in these.. 16 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,767 What kind of people hang out in central park 17 00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:37,300 in the middle of a workday?. 18 00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:38,634 Look who we have here.. 19 00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:40,300 Amy! Hey, what do you say?. 20 00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,367 Paul, what do you think 21 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,567 of the mayor bringing a married woman back to Gracie mansion? 22 00:00:44,601 --> 00:00:47,200 I think it's terrible. Can you believe it? 23 00:00:47,234 --> 00:00:49,634 I mean, the guy's taking a public building, 24 00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,901 he's turning it into a Roman bathhouse.. 25 00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:53,934 Of course, this is off the record.. 26 00:00:53,968 --> 00:00:55,868 Actually, this is on the record.. 27 00:00:55,901 --> 00:00:57,734 The camera's right over there.. 28 00:01:01,567 --> 00:01:05,033 This might be a good time to tell you about my twin brother.. 29 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:33,100 So, how was your weekend?. 30 00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:36,567 Terrible. I went on three dates... all disasters. 31 00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:39,501 I'm starting to wonder if there are any quality single men in this city. 32 00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:40,801 I'm single.. 33 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,968 Quali single men. 34 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,667 I'm sorry, I didn't hear that part.. 35 00:01:47,868 --> 00:01:50,200 Why do I think that meeting some guy 36 00:01:50,234 --> 00:01:52,167 is going to complete my life?. 37 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,200 You know, I am tired of guys. 38 00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:56,634 I say that all the time.. 39 00:01:56,667 --> 00:02:01,000 Then I watch Brad pitt in "fight club" and I'm back in. 40 00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:04,834 Caitlin, your problem is that you don't understand men.. 41 00:02:04,868 --> 00:02:07,834 All they're interested in is sports, booze, and women.. 42 00:02:07,868 --> 00:02:10,434 Wow, you even got the order right. 43 00:02:12,934 --> 00:02:16,167 Caitlin, can I give you a little advice?. 44 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:20,567 No. And to top it off, I have to go to a baby shower tonight.. 45 00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,200 What's wrong with that?. 46 00:02:22,234 --> 00:02:25,801 Everyone there will be married with a family except for me. 47 00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:29,734 I'll go with you. But I have to be back home by 10:00.. 48 00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:30,734 Why?. 49 00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:33,067 "Fight club" is on.. 50 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,901 Every paper has a negative story about us at the mansion.. 51 00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:40,033 Don't they have anything else to write about?. 52 00:02:40,067 --> 00:02:42,367 Yeah, don't they know that crime is up?. 53 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,200 Turn the page.. 54 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,234 There you go.. 55 00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,601 Sir, if I may, 56 00:02:50,634 --> 00:02:53,267 maybe you and judge Simmons should find some place 57 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:56,033 other than Gracie mansion to spend your couple time.. 58 00:02:56,067 --> 00:02:58,767 It's the only place we can go to get away from reporters.. 59 00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:00,601 If we go to my place, they're there.... 60 00:03:00,634 --> 00:03:02,200 If we go to a restaurant, they're there.. 61 00:03:02,234 --> 00:03:04,100 People are always chasing after us, 62 00:03:04,133 --> 00:03:05,234 just like that poor princess. 63 00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:06,400 Diana?. 64 00:03:06,434 --> 00:03:08,100 No... Leia.. 65 00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:14,067 Sir, we are in the middle of an election.. 66 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:17,567 It might be wise to take some time off from each other. 67 00:03:17,601 --> 00:03:19,634 I don't think we should let public opinion 68 00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:20,801 dictate our relationship. 69 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,734 I mean, what's the worst that could happen?. 70 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,234 The mayor could lose the election.. 71 00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:26,200 Fine... then he'd have more time 72 00:03:26,234 --> 00:03:28,400 to focus on his driftwood sculptures.. 73 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:33,033 Just go with it... she digs artists. 74 00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:39,934 Randall, whatever you decide, I'll support... 75 00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:42,834 whether you're the mayor or a sculptor 76 00:03:42,868 --> 00:03:45,767 or even if you go back to being a Navy seal.. 77 00:03:47,968 --> 00:03:51,200 Bye. 78 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,667 I've used that one. 79 00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:02,100 So, sir, can you and Claire spend some time apart? 80 00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:06,067 Charlie, I've waited a long time to find a woman like that.. 81 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:09,667 The wine of my love has been uncorked. 82 00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:13,434 I've got to let it breathe.. 83 00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:16,067 Well, sometimes you appreciate wine more 84 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,434 if you haven't had a drink for a while.. 85 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:22,534 What if she goes looking for another vintage?. 86 00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:24,901 Something more fragrant.... 87 00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:26,501 With a larger penis? 88 00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:32,467 I've said too much. 89 00:04:34,434 --> 00:04:35,801 Yeah.. 90 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,868 Guys, there's someone I'd like you to meet.. 91 00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:42,801 This is Shelly, my publicist.. 92 00:04:42,834 --> 00:04:44,834 You hired a publicist?. 93 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,701 Well, after that "New York one" experience, 94 00:04:46,734 --> 00:04:49,400 I decided it was time to improve my image. 95 00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:51,367 I want the public to know the real me. 96 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,834 Paul, the fact that people don't know the real you is your strongest asset.. 97 00:04:56,534 --> 00:04:59,400 Starting tomorrow, we'll take this town by storm.. 98 00:04:59,434 --> 00:05:03,868 Oh. Check out the getaway sticks on blondie. 99 00:05:05,133 --> 00:05:07,701 Paul... I can't believe I'm going to say this... 100 00:05:07,734 --> 00:05:10,000 you're too big for this guy.. 101 00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:11,367 Shelly's gonna make me 102 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,634 one of the most recognizable men in this city.. 103 00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:14,834 How much are you paying him? 104 00:05:14,868 --> 00:05:16,300 I give him 5% of my earnings 105 00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:19,534 and I drive him to the doctor twice a week. 106 00:05:27,234 --> 00:05:29,868 Sir, I need your signature on this letter. 107 00:05:29,901 --> 00:05:32,501 I really miss Claire.. 108 00:05:32,534 --> 00:05:36,367 It's been eight hours.. 109 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,934 That's like three full workdays.. 110 00:05:40,634 --> 00:05:42,000 Oh, it's almost 2:00.. 111 00:05:42,033 --> 00:05:45,400 Next up, I've got a special request.. 112 00:05:45,434 --> 00:05:47,934 Running a city is a lonely job... 113 00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:49,834 especially without your lady.. 114 00:05:49,868 --> 00:05:52,367 So this one's going out from the mayor of love town 115 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,567 to judge Claire bear. 116 00:05:55,601 --> 00:05:58,901 ♪ baby, I'm-a want you ♪ 117 00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:01,434 ♪ baby, I'm-a need you ♪ 118 00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:06,868 ♪ you're the only one I care enough to hurt abo ♪ t 119 00:06:06,901 --> 00:06:09,467 nothing tugs on your heartstrings 120 00:06:09,501 --> 00:06:12,100 like a group of men singing like women.. 121 00:06:13,801 --> 00:06:16,467 Sir, I don't want you to be unhappy.. 122 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,934 If you have to see Claire, just be discreet.. 123 00:06:18,968 --> 00:06:22,100 Maybe take her out of town or go to a friend's house.. 124 00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:26,467 That's good advice, Charlie. I feel better already. 125 00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:28,868 ♪ ...Used to be my life was just emotions passing by ♪ 126 00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:31,801 * emotions passing by 127 00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:33,367 I'm gonna go now, sir. 128 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:39,100 ♪ feeling all the while, but never really knowing why ♪ 129 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:45,234 mmm... Peaches and apricots.. 130 00:06:45,267 --> 00:06:47,634 No, wait... peaches and strawberries?. 131 00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:48,767 Right!. 132 00:06:48,801 --> 00:06:50,300 Oh, good.. 133 00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:53,000 Okay. Now your turn.. 134 00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:59,267 Mm! Mm! Mm! Could be squash.. 135 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,434 Hmm, there's a hint of fennel.... 136 00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:04,334 With a white truffle infusion.. 137 00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:06,434 It's stewed peas. 138 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,767 I was getting there.. 139 00:07:08,801 --> 00:07:11,434 Okay, now let's open the gifts.. 140 00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:13,901 Look at the little baby booties.. 141 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,300 Look at the little, little.... 142 00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:18,067 What happened to my friends?. 143 00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,601 They used to be intelligent, independent women.. 144 00:07:20,634 --> 00:07:23,567 They get near a baby and they lose all ability to speak.. 145 00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:26,100 Ooh, look at the baby booties, booties, booties.. 146 00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:27,968 Baby booties, oh.. 147 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,868 If I ever talk like that, you have permission to slap me. 148 00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:32,734 I have to go to the ladies' room.. 149 00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:34,033 Can you hold Jackson?. 150 00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:35,567 Oh, I don't know if I'm comfortable... 151 00:07:35,601 --> 00:07:37,234 oh, you'll be fine.. 152 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,067 Oh. Oh, you know what? 153 00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:43,968 I don't think he likes me very much.. 154 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,300 You want me to take him? That's a good idea.. 155 00:07:46,334 --> 00:07:47,567 Oh, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.. 156 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:48,801 Oh, my gosh.. 157 00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:50,234 You're smiling at me.. 158 00:07:50,267 --> 00:07:52,100 Yes, you did!. 159 00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:54,734 Yes, you did!. 160 00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:57,567 Oh, what a little cutsie, wootsie baby! 161 00:07:57,601 --> 00:07:59,534 I'll slap you when you put the baby down.. 162 00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:03,534 Oh, he's such a little angel. Oh. 163 00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,033 I'm back. Thanks, Caitlin.. 164 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,534 No, I'm fine.. 165 00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:08,033 No, really, I'd like him back.. 166 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,534 Oh, you get him all the time.. 167 00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:12,367 That is a gorgeous baby.. 168 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,133 Thank you. Thank you.. 169 00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:32,133 And... Baseball. 170 00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:53,267 Sir, what are you doing here?. 171 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,334 Remember when you said Claire and I 172 00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:58,400 needed to be more discreet... maybe go to a friend's house?. 173 00:08:58,434 --> 00:09:01,434 Yeah.. 174 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,400 Hey, friend.. 175 00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:12,033 What's rags doing here? 176 00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:14,667 I thought he was shooting a dog-food commercial. 177 00:09:14,701 --> 00:09:16,133 Carter stormed off the set 178 00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:19,000 over creative differences.. 179 00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:21,901 Rags isn't going to play second fiddle 180 00:09:21,934 --> 00:09:23,934 to some... Taco-eating chihuahua!. 181 00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:26,067 You know what rags needs?. 182 00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,501 A good publicist.. 183 00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,167 "Shelly hallerman... 184 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,567 "for all your u.S.O. Needs.. 185 00:09:33,601 --> 00:09:38,167 Our performers will fly to Korea.". 186 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,033 Keep it.. 187 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,767 Hey, Charlie, how about that game last night?! 188 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:45,968 I didn't see it.. 189 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,801 The mayor came by with Claire 190 00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:50,634 and "Claire bear" wanted to watch the food network.. 191 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,801 But don't talk about the game... I taped it.. 192 00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,534 Oh, Charlie, Charlie... 193 00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:57,868 Claire and I really appreciate you letting us hang out 194 00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,434 at your place last night.. 195 00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:01,133 My place is your place.. 196 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,167 Great, 'cause I had a key made.. 197 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,601 Oh, listen... 198 00:10:05,634 --> 00:10:09,467 by the way, I had your security code changed to my birthday.... 199 00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:12,434 Easier for me to remember.. 200 00:10:12,467 --> 00:10:14,634 When is your birthday, sir?. 201 00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:17,400 Oh, Charlie, you don't need to get me anything. 202 00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:19,701 I'm already staying at your place. 203 00:10:21,067 --> 00:10:24,133 Carter, thank you for coming to the baby shower with me.. 204 00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:26,067 You didn't want to go and you ended up having a great time.. 205 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:30,234 But it was more than that. It really made me think.. 206 00:10:30,267 --> 00:10:32,300 In fact, I've got some big news.. 207 00:10:32,334 --> 00:10:34,300 Is it bigger than the mayor and his girlfriend 208 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,701 moving into my apartment? 209 00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:37,834 I'm having a baby.. 210 00:10:37,868 --> 00:10:40,000 So, yes.. 211 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,033 You're pregnant? No.. 212 00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:50,868 Phew!. 213 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,200 Why are you so relieved? We never had sex.. 214 00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:56,033 Force of habit. 215 00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:01,467 Caitlin, when did you make this decision?. 216 00:11:01,501 --> 00:11:02,968 When I was holding Jill's baby, 217 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,834 it made me realize what I'd been missing.. 218 00:11:04,868 --> 00:11:06,400 Drool? 219 00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:10,167 'Cause if that's what you're missing, just go wink at Stuart.. 220 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,067 So, you're planning to have a baby by yourself?. 221 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:16,067 Why should I hold up my life for some man I may never meet?. 222 00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,367 There are other options.. 223 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,067 Yes, there are.. 224 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:23,334 And I want you to know it would be an honor to impregnate you.. 225 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:28,534 I can assure you the experience will be fast and efficient.. 226 00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:30,367 Your pleasure will be minimal.... 227 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:34,734 And I will only be as excited as is necessary. 228 00:11:34,767 --> 00:11:36,167 I'm flattered.. 229 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,801 But it's my responsibility as a woman 230 00:11:38,834 --> 00:11:41,200 to make sure you never reproduce.. 231 00:11:43,133 --> 00:11:44,934 Point taken. 232 00:11:44,968 --> 00:11:46,434 I think this is wonderful.. 233 00:11:46,467 --> 00:11:48,968 Imagine... being responsible for another person, 234 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,033 feeding them, cleaning up after them, 235 00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:53,133 laying their clothes out in the morning. 236 00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:56,601 I have that now with the mayor. It ain't that great.. 237 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:02,701 So, Carter, I'm not crazy, right? I can do this. Absolutely. 238 00:12:02,734 --> 00:12:04,968 I've just never taken care of anyone before.. 239 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,200 Why don't you take rags for a couple of days?. 240 00:12:07,234 --> 00:12:08,467 He might give you a sense 241 00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:10,267 of what it feels like to be a parent.. 242 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,167 How?. 243 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,767 If you can take care of him, a kid will be a breeze.. 244 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,167 Fine. Hand him over.. 245 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,634 Great!. 246 00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:20,934 These are his medications.. 247 00:12:20,968 --> 00:12:24,601 Now, the green one gives him a healthy coat.. 248 00:12:24,634 --> 00:12:27,133 The yellow one is for his eyes.. 249 00:12:27,167 --> 00:12:29,634 And the red one is for his tooth. 250 00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:37,167 Shelly and I just closed a major deal this morning.. 251 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,968 By this time next week, every bus in this city 252 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,767 is gonna have a 5x10-foot photo of my face on it.. 253 00:12:42,801 --> 00:12:45,100 So it'll be actual size?. 254 00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:47,968 Ha ha, what, are you jealous, Mr. small potatoes?. 255 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,601 You're looking at the spokesman 256 00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:52,234 for the department of education's new ad campaign, 257 00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:55,000 and look... This is my first check. How much? 258 00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:59,467 I will put it in terms that you can understand, Stuart.. 259 00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:01,567 It's roughly 35 lap dances. 260 00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:04,300 $723?! 261 00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:07,300 Here comes the choo-choo.. 262 00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:10,367 Chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga.. 263 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,567 Why won't you eat? You're acting crazy.. 264 00:13:12,601 --> 00:13:15,501 Yeah, the dog's the crazy one.. 265 00:13:15,534 --> 00:13:17,000 Lower your voice.. 266 00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:19,200 Why? Rags is finicky.. 267 00:13:19,234 --> 00:13:21,000 He won't eat if there's too much noise.. 268 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:24,367 Are you kidding me? The dog is deaf.. 269 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,667 Those ears are completely decorative.. 270 00:13:27,701 --> 00:13:28,834 Watch this.. 271 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,701 Aaaaaaaaaaaahh! 272 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:41,934 Stop it! You don't know what I've been through with this dog.. 273 00:13:41,968 --> 00:13:44,234 He wouldn't take his bath, he won't take his pills, 274 00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:47,000 and now I can't get him to eat. Eat, rags, eat.. 275 00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:49,033 Keep it up... he won't call you when he gets to college.. 276 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,467 It's not so easy.. 277 00:13:50,501 --> 00:13:52,534 You try getting him to do something. 278 00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:55,767 I'm sorry I'm not being that understanding.. 279 00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:59,434 Thanks to the mayor, I haven't slept in two nights.. 280 00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:01,000 The guy is totally in my space. 281 00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:04,767 Charlie, you have to talk to him before it gets out of control.. 282 00:14:04,801 --> 00:14:07,133 It's the first time the guy's been happy in years.. 283 00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:09,601 Do you want me to crush him in the middle of an election? 284 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,934 That's probably him paging me. 285 00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:15,200 I got a meeting to go to.. 286 00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:16,767 Where's my pager?. 287 00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:20,033 Oh, it was on the table next to rags. 288 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:31,801 I've got an emergency. My dog just swallowed a pager.. 289 00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,601 Are you sure? 290 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,100 I'll get a doctor.. 291 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:49,300 Oh, God, please be okay. What happened?. 292 00:14:49,334 --> 00:14:52,000 Oh, well, I had three horrible dates last weekend, 293 00:14:52,033 --> 00:14:54,133 and I went to this baby shower with my friend Carter, 294 00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:56,501 and I thought I wanted a baby, so I took rags, 295 00:14:56,534 --> 00:14:58,901 and Charlie screamed at him, and then he ate a pager, 296 00:14:58,934 --> 00:15:00,667 and now I'm never going to be a mother!. 297 00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:02,801 Dogs swallow things all the time.. 298 00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:04,534 Doctors will get that out in minutes.. 299 00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:07,000 Now, just take some deep breaths.. 300 00:15:10,467 --> 00:15:11,734 That helps.. 301 00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:13,567 When I was in law school, 302 00:15:13,601 --> 00:15:16,868 this guy ate the passenger seat to my v.W. Rabbit.. 303 00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:18,534 Really?. 304 00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,801 So you're a lawyer.. 305 00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:27,167 That restaurant was great, Charlie.. 306 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,934 Well, the night isn't over.. 307 00:15:28,968 --> 00:15:33,400 Are you interested in some soft music and a little wine?. 308 00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:37,868 No, but I'd like to fool around.. 309 00:15:37,901 --> 00:15:39,734 Let's go with yours.. 310 00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:43,133 Hey, Charlie.. 311 00:15:43,167 --> 00:15:45,167 You're just in time for some cheese fondue.. 312 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,367 It's a lot of fun.. 313 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,634 But what a mess, huh? See?. 314 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,634 That keeps happening. 315 00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:54,801 Charlie, I have to get up early.. 316 00:15:54,834 --> 00:15:58,634 Why don't I go and you stay here and hang out with your parents?. 317 00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:00,901 They're not my parents.. 318 00:16:00,934 --> 00:16:02,634 Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Crawford. 319 00:16:03,968 --> 00:16:07,501 Hey, pull up a seat... we'll start a new jenga.. 320 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,868 No, I think I'll just go to my room 321 00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:12,467 and watch the tape of last night's game.. 322 00:16:12,501 --> 00:16:15,801 Was that labeled "yankees/ Red Sox, do not erase"?. 323 00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:19,334 Yes, it was. Why?. 324 00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:22,334 Well, we accidentally taped over it.. 325 00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:25,367 But if you want to watch "Dawson's" later, you're good to go.. 326 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,167 Get out. What?. 327 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:33,033 Get your stuff, get your fondue, get your jenga, get out. 328 00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,868 Charlie, it was just a baseball game.. 329 00:16:34,901 --> 00:16:38,200 It's not just the game. It's my apartment.. 330 00:16:38,234 --> 00:16:42,701 This isn't city hall. This is my home. 331 00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:45,567 I've got hot cheese.. 332 00:16:45,601 --> 00:16:47,567 Put the cheese down, Claire. We're leaving.. 333 00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:49,300 All right.. 334 00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:53,634 You can have your keys back. 335 00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,734 I won't be bothering you anymore. 336 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,067 I feel like such a failure.. 337 00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:08,767 All I had to do was take care of rags for one day, 338 00:17:08,801 --> 00:17:09,901 and I couldn't do it.. 339 00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:12,100 Who am I kidding? I am not ready for this.. 340 00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:13,534 Don't give up so easily.. 341 00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:15,234 You had one crisis. You handled it well.. 342 00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,834 When I was at the hospital, I was freaking out and... 343 00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:20,667 and there was this really nice guy that helped me through it, 344 00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:22,968 and it made me realize that when I have a baby, 345 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,234 I don't want to do it alone.. 346 00:17:24,267 --> 00:17:27,234 Okay. No, I-I-it makes... it makes sense.. 347 00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:28,901 What's wrong? 348 00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:31,100 I got to admit... 349 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,000 I'm a little disappointed. 350 00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:36,901 I thought if you had a child, 351 00:17:36,934 --> 00:17:41,000 I could do everything that a father does, you know.... 352 00:17:41,033 --> 00:17:45,701 Take the kid to the salon.... 353 00:17:45,734 --> 00:17:48,334 Dance class, shopping.... 354 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:51,767 And if it was a girl, I could learn. 355 00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:55,467 Carter, have you ever thought about having a baby yourself?. 356 00:17:55,501 --> 00:17:58,334 It's crossed my mind. But it would never work. 357 00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:00,767 I mean, I'm single, I have a career.. 358 00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:04,100 Besides, do you know how hard it is for a gay man to adopt?. 359 00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:06,968 Those are just excuses. You're a born nurturer.. 360 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,000 Right now there is a kid out there 361 00:18:09,033 --> 00:18:11,634 who would be so lucky to have you as their dad.. 362 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,334 You really think so?. 363 00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:15,667 Of course. You've had enough practice.. 364 00:18:15,701 --> 00:18:17,000 You treat that dog as if it were a child.. 365 00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:19,901 One time, I made him little pants.. 366 00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:28,601 Hello, Charlie. I want to apologize on behalf of both of us.. 367 00:18:28,634 --> 00:18:30,701 Sometimes Randall can be a little insensitive.. 368 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,100 Hear! Hear!. 369 00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:36,133 He grew up with a silver spoon, and quite frankly, 370 00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:37,701 he can be selfish.. 371 00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:39,000 Guilty as charged.. 372 00:18:39,033 --> 00:18:41,100 People give, he takes.. 373 00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:43,734 And takes... And takes... And ta... 374 00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:45,400 let's wrap this up. 375 00:18:46,868 --> 00:18:48,968 Charlie, I really am sorry. 376 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:58,033 Charlie, I really meant... Everything that Claire said. 377 00:18:58,067 --> 00:19:01,100 I guess I should apologize, too. 378 00:19:01,133 --> 00:19:03,634 I did overreact last night.. 379 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:07,234 If I was bothering you, why didn't you just say something? 380 00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:08,834 I mean, you of all people 381 00:19:08,868 --> 00:19:11,834 know how oblivious I am to other people's suffering.. 382 00:19:11,868 --> 00:19:14,634 It's not my style to complain... 383 00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,434 especially to my boss. 384 00:19:16,467 --> 00:19:18,934 I'm not just your boss, I'm your friend.. 385 00:19:18,968 --> 00:19:22,133 And friends should be able to tell each other anything... 386 00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:23,367 even if it's bad.. 387 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,300 Now, come... come on.. 388 00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:30,000 Tell me something I don't want to hear.. 389 00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:33,367 Let's not go down this path. 390 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,667 I'll go first. Um... 391 00:19:36,701 --> 00:19:41,033 Charlie, sometimes you go a little nuts with the hair gel.. 392 00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:43,367 Okay.. 393 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,267 See? Ha ha.. 394 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,934 Sir?. 395 00:19:47,968 --> 00:19:49,234 Uh-huh?. 396 00:19:49,267 --> 00:19:52,067 "Furthertheless" is not a word.. 397 00:19:53,601 --> 00:19:55,400 Stop using it.. 398 00:19:55,434 --> 00:19:59,534 You breathe too loud. 399 00:19:59,567 --> 00:20:03,901 I don't like it when you talk to me at the urinal.. 400 00:20:03,934 --> 00:20:06,534 You come in late every day.. 401 00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:09,234 That's you.. 402 00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:12,200 Oh, yeah. 403 00:20:12,234 --> 00:20:13,934 I don't think this is helping.. 404 00:20:13,968 --> 00:20:16,267 No, this is good... as mayor, I'm constantly surrounded 405 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,501 by people who tell me what I want to hear. 406 00:20:18,534 --> 00:20:20,868 I've got a million friends.... 407 00:20:20,901 --> 00:20:23,434 But not a lot of close friends.. 408 00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:27,467 I was hoping you could be one, Charlie. 409 00:20:27,501 --> 00:20:29,901 I'd be honored.. 410 00:20:29,934 --> 00:20:33,267 And I'll try to be one, too.. 411 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:34,667 Hey, buddy.. 412 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,033 Tell you what... 413 00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:41,634 I'll buy you a drink at my favorite cigar bar.. 414 00:20:41,667 --> 00:20:45,300 Uh, to be honest, sir, cigar bars are pretty lame. 415 00:20:45,334 --> 00:20:46,701 Crawford, I'm your boss. 416 00:20:46,734 --> 00:20:49,100 I'll see you at the Cuban room in 20 minutes. 417 00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:54,367 Charlie, Carter has big news.. 418 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,033 Is it bigger than the mayor and Claire leaving my apartment? 419 00:20:57,067 --> 00:20:59,701 I'm gonna have a baby. 420 00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:01,400 I gotta stop asking that question.. 421 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,767 Oh, what is with the hat? 422 00:21:10,801 --> 00:21:14,133 I'm incognito. Why?. 423 00:21:14,167 --> 00:21:17,601 When the buses with my face on it hit the streets, 424 00:21:17,634 --> 00:21:19,434 I'm gonna be an instant celebrity.. 425 00:21:19,467 --> 00:21:22,467 You're gonna wish you were me.. 426 00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:31,000 Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog. 427 00:21:32,267 --> 00:21:34,734 Moo.