VOICE RECORDING: North Norfolk Digital.
Crikey!
ALAN: Middle of the day? You bet!
Middle-aged? Maybe.
Middle of the world? No way!
Do it less. Do it less.
Do it less. Do it less. Do it less. Do it less.
(BABBLING)
Look after the pennies and the pounds look after themselves.
That was the magnificent Gary Barlow.
- Oh... Sorry. - (LAUGHS)
Simon Denton. Foxes, they're bastards.
Sorry.
Yeah, come on, the chickens are screwing the foxes.
Sorry, the foxes...
You know, these foxes are... Sorry.
- (MAN LAUGHING) - Sorry, I'm getting confused there.
Chickens screwing these foxes.
Better socks? We could see the socks.
I just put my black socks away. Can I have some of Alan's socks?
Alan's socks, please.
I want to see my socks.
Socks fine, yeah?
- (CREW AGREEING) - Okay, fine, let's do it.
♪ What will we do without song... ♪
- No. No... - What would life be without.
- Oh, what would life be without... ...song.
- No, sorry... - MAN: iPads.
♪ What would life be without iPads? ♪
- Worse. No, better. - Yeah.
- (LAUGHS) - One, two, three, four.
♪ What would life be without... ♪
- Beer. - Bollocks.
Two, three, four.
♪ What would life be without iPads? ♪
Worse! No, better. Sorry.
One, two, three, four.
- Nick in Beccles - ♪ What would life be without... ♪
- Sorry, sorry. Fuck! Sorry. - Worse!
Sorry, my mistake, sorry. John in Beccles.
If I was a dog right now I'd be chewing a slipper.
(MAN LAUGHING)
The past is a foreign country.
They do things a little differently there.
- Well, it's not a little. - Oh, I'm so sorry.
Now, you want to sell lots of copies, don't you?
Yeah, assuming the...
(CREW LAUGHING)
Copies!
Okay, sorry.
Gary Glitter, "Do you wanna be in my gang?"
No thanks, Gary.
(MAN LAUGHING)
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Crack open that bottle will you, Jill?
- It's only cooking wine. - I know.
(LAUGHS)
- It's just cheap cooking wine. - It's just cheap cooking wine.
I know.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Fucking desperate. (SNORTS)
Earlier I played Meat Loaf's...
- Meat Loaf's... - (MAN LAUGHS)
The over-tactile approach to 15-year-old boys.
Sure, that was the way things were.
What changed?
- (LAUGHS) - Sorry. Sorry.
VOICE RECORDING: North Norfolk Digital.
Ow!
(SHATTERING)
(SLURRING) I'm Alan Partridge!
Didn't you once swap his Scalextric for cocaine on Christmas Day?
Yup.
I mean, let's just say to that detail, "On Christmas Day".
- That's discipline. It really is. - (ALAN GROANING) It's horrible.
Erm, just goes to show that anyone can fall foul of the law.
You know, it can happen that easy.
It can happen that easily.
Erm, back... Correcting you there.
- Yeah, I like that. - Like it?
I couldn't. My wife... Girlfriend.
(MUTTERING) Sorry.
- Erm... - (MAN LAUGHS)
- (NEWS ALERT MUSIC) - Oh, it's like a man from the '70s.
Still has ashtrays in his house.
Big, heavy ashtrays.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Fray Bentos unspecified meat pie filling
without the pie, just the filling cold with a tablespoon.
Got to stretch your mouth to get it in.
(CREW LAUGHS)
(STIFLED LAUGHTER)
Er, Sir Cecil, does dogs have self-esteem?
(ALL LAUGHING)
I can't speak.
- (COUGHING) - (SNIFFLES)
VOICE RECORDING: North Norfolk Digital.
So I go, "Hey, coughing, here's..."
(SNEEZES)
I need a vitamin C
I don't want to put it in my stomach, it might swell up.
Like a pigeon when fed with an aspirin.
(LAUGHING)
That's what you do, isn't it? You kill pigeons throwing aspirins at'em.
- (LAUGHS) - I knew that you... That's horrible.
Oh, yeah, their thorax explodes. Fall out of the air.
It's their own daft faults for eating them.
(ALAN LAUGHS)
Ripped By mstoll