1 00:00:02,708 --> 00:00:05,078 And so, to reiterate... 2 00:00:05,112 --> 00:00:07,246 Due to your various relationships with the victim, 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,983 Ellis Crane, both professional and personal... 4 00:00:10,015 --> 00:00:13,853 You are all persons of interest in an active homicide investigation. 5 00:00:15,789 --> 00:00:17,658 Wait. Can't you eliminate us by testing our hands 6 00:00:17,691 --> 00:00:20,761 - for gunshot residue? Hmm? - Wha... Y-Yes! 7 00:00:20,794 --> 00:00:21,520 Yes, we can. 8 00:00:21,545 --> 00:00:23,697 And that's exactly what we're gonna do, smart guy. 9 00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,499 - So... - Think you're so goddamn smart. 10 00:00:25,532 --> 00:00:29,036 So we're gonna need everybody to come down to the station, 11 00:00:29,069 --> 00:00:32,606 so, uh, we can test your hands for gunshot residue! 12 00:00:32,639 --> 00:00:36,008 Yeah, hi. Alan Shapiro, attorney for Veronica Deane? 13 00:00:36,042 --> 00:00:38,112 - God, she is so great! - Huge fan. Huge! 14 00:00:38,145 --> 00:00:39,880 - Ohhh! - Yeah. Super. 15 00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:43,049 But my client will not be frog-marched into a police station 16 00:00:43,082 --> 00:00:45,618 like a common criminal before God knows how many cameras, 17 00:00:45,652 --> 00:00:48,287 every one of which was tipped off by the LAPD! 18 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,789 I-I... Well, no. No. 19 00:00:49,823 --> 00:00:52,526 - We wouldn't want that. - She will, however... 20 00:00:52,558 --> 00:00:55,695 consent to the test being conducted at my office. 21 00:00:55,728 --> 00:00:57,463 Thank you. That's very accommodating. 22 00:00:57,496 --> 00:00:59,465 Get a load of Obi-Wan-Attorney. 23 00:00:59,498 --> 00:01:01,067 So, should we head there now, or... 24 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:03,536 No, let's say tomorrow. Elevenish? 25 00:01:03,570 --> 00:01:05,472 - Elevenish it is! - Looking forward to it. 26 00:01:05,504 --> 00:01:07,307 - Are you kidding me? - How is that fair? 27 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:10,043 - Why does she get special treatment? - Because she is special. 28 00:01:10,076 --> 00:01:13,480 - She's... a movie star! - Yeah. Because she's special. 29 00:01:13,513 --> 00:01:16,216 Well, I don't really want to go down to the police station either, so... 30 00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:18,818 Goddamn it! You will comply! 31 00:01:18,852 --> 00:01:21,487 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey... It's all good, buddy! 32 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,656 She's comin' down to the station. 33 00:01:23,689 --> 00:01:25,492 - Comin' down to the station, right? - Uh, yup. 34 00:01:25,525 --> 00:01:27,995 See? She's comin' down to the station. 35 00:01:28,028 --> 00:01:30,998 Yeah! 'Cause I remember you, Lana Kane. 36 00:01:31,031 --> 00:01:32,833 You're still on probation for the gun charge and the stalking. 37 00:01:32,865 --> 00:01:35,168 - It was a hamentashen! - Yeah. 38 00:01:35,201 --> 00:01:37,170 Well, you're not gonna "yummy Jewish cookies" your way out of this one. 39 00:01:37,204 --> 00:01:39,439 Ah! I couldn't have murdered Ellis. 40 00:01:39,471 --> 00:01:42,341 I was in Veronica's dressing room ripping Archer like a rented mule! 41 00:01:42,374 --> 00:01:45,111 Oh, man, you never rent a mule. 42 00:01:45,144 --> 00:01:47,113 - So wait a second... - You lease that surly bastard. 43 00:01:47,147 --> 00:01:48,916 - Shut up! So wait... - Shut up! 44 00:01:48,948 --> 00:01:52,285 So, your alibi is that you were busy committing felony assault. 45 00:01:52,319 --> 00:01:54,120 - Yes! - She's a real menace. 46 00:01:54,154 --> 00:01:56,023 Shut up, and they all saw me. 47 00:01:56,055 --> 00:01:57,757 - I didn't. - What? 48 00:01:57,791 --> 00:01:59,692 Yes, you did! I was right there! 49 00:01:59,726 --> 00:02:01,028 - Nope. - You little... 50 00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:03,029 - Shapiro! You saw me! - Did I? 51 00:02:03,063 --> 00:02:04,631 - What? - Because what I don't see... 52 00:02:04,664 --> 00:02:06,867 is how that helps my client, Veronica Deane. 53 00:02:06,899 --> 00:02:08,100 - - Huge fan. - So great. 54 00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:10,269 - Archer... - Yes, Lana? 55 00:02:10,303 --> 00:02:12,206 Would you care to tell the detectives... 56 00:02:12,238 --> 00:02:13,940 that I couldn't have killed Ellis... 57 00:02:13,974 --> 00:02:16,042 because I was busy beating your ass? 58 00:02:16,076 --> 00:02:18,111 I would love to. 59 00:02:18,143 --> 00:02:20,279 - There. See? - Unfortunately... 60 00:02:20,313 --> 00:02:21,139 Goddamn it! 61 00:02:21,164 --> 00:02:23,617 I must have gotten a bonk on the noggin, 62 00:02:23,649 --> 00:02:26,486 - because I can't remember anything! - Ohahhh! 63 00:02:26,518 --> 00:02:28,721 So, Miss Kane, you can ride with me... 64 00:02:28,755 --> 00:02:30,224 I'll call a van for the rest of you. 65 00:02:30,256 --> 00:02:32,558 And remain with you in a supervisory capacity. 66 00:02:32,591 --> 00:02:37,597 - Because. Whatever you do... - You are not to wash your hands! 67 00:02:41,768 --> 00:02:44,038 Uhmm... 68 00:03:16,139 --> 00:03:18,741 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com - 69 00:03:25,735 --> 00:03:27,771 Yeah, so listen. The whole thing about... 70 00:03:27,798 --> 00:03:29,866 not washing our hands... 71 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:33,037 But, darling, they were so terribly goopy from our love-making! 72 00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:34,871 Which was so wonderful, darling. 73 00:03:34,905 --> 00:03:37,275 Wasn't it just... so... wonderful. 74 00:03:37,308 --> 00:03:39,543 Well, yeah. I mean, it almost always is, 75 00:03:39,577 --> 00:03:41,645 both wonderful and goopy, but... 76 00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:44,815 But, darling, surely you don't think that I could have murdered Ellis? 77 00:03:44,847 --> 00:03:48,719 - No! I mean... you know... - After all, he was killed at 2:14, 78 00:03:48,751 --> 00:03:52,055 and I was in here with you, until almost the very stroke of 3:00. 79 00:03:52,089 --> 00:03:54,392 Which you were extremely clear about. 80 00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:56,059 And repeatedly, come to think of it. 81 00:03:56,092 --> 00:03:58,795 - But there's no clock in here, so... - What do you think... 82 00:03:58,828 --> 00:04:00,665 about... Mexico? 83 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,900 Like, their extradition treaty, or... 84 00:04:02,932 --> 00:04:05,302 No, you goose. As a romantic getaway! 85 00:04:05,335 --> 00:04:08,672 Oh. Well, then, theoretically, me gusto mucho. 86 00:04:08,705 --> 00:04:09,648 But... 87 00:04:09,673 --> 00:04:12,475 I have a fabulous bungalow in Las Caletas. 88 00:04:12,508 --> 00:04:15,078 - Just down the beach from John Huston. - Really? 89 00:04:15,112 --> 00:04:17,080 Hmm. You could hit his house with a coconut. 90 00:04:17,114 --> 00:04:18,515 Which I've always wanted to do. 91 00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:20,251 We could be there in four hours. 92 00:04:20,283 --> 00:04:24,254 Is... But is now a great time, or even a not very bad time? 93 00:04:24,287 --> 00:04:26,323 What with the whole murder investigation... 94 00:04:26,357 --> 00:04:27,924 Oh, Alan can handle that. 95 00:04:27,958 --> 00:04:29,493 But until all the fuss dies down, 96 00:04:29,525 --> 00:04:31,429 we could swim in the ocean... 97 00:04:31,462 --> 00:04:35,265 swim in tequila, dance naked on the beach by firelight... 98 00:04:35,299 --> 00:04:37,501 Prank John Huston with some coconuts... 99 00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:41,104 Besides, it looks like that enormous Lana Kane person is the real killer. 100 00:04:41,138 --> 00:04:43,541 What? No, I-I shouldn't have joked about that. 101 00:04:43,573 --> 00:04:46,210 - I'll tell the cops she... - She certainly had a motive. 102 00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:48,678 I mean, my God, the victim's jealous lover? 103 00:04:48,712 --> 00:04:51,515 Yeah, hey, uh, you know what? My hands are pretty goopy, too. 104 00:04:51,547 --> 00:04:54,050 I'm just gonna pop out, give 'em a quick rinse, and... 105 00:04:54,083 --> 00:04:55,886 Well, just use the sink here, silly. 106 00:04:55,919 --> 00:04:59,290 Uh, no. I have diarrhea, so... 107 00:04:59,323 --> 00:05:02,293 Miss Deane? I have kind of a fanboy request. 108 00:05:02,326 --> 00:05:04,695 And you can't let those fans down! 109 00:05:04,727 --> 00:05:07,631 - See, I... Oh. - Yeah. 110 00:05:07,665 --> 00:05:10,133 - I... - I have diarrhea. 111 00:05:10,167 --> 00:05:12,570 - You better not wash those hands! - I won't! 112 00:05:12,602 --> 00:05:14,972 - I'd like your word, please! - You have it! 113 00:05:15,004 --> 00:05:16,640 Great police work. 114 00:05:16,674 --> 00:05:20,477 Seriously? What is it with everybody washing their hands? 115 00:05:20,511 --> 00:05:23,147 Exactly! I'm not going to be the only chump 116 00:05:23,179 --> 00:05:25,816 walking into that police station with unwashed hands! 117 00:05:25,849 --> 00:05:27,718 Oh, man! 118 00:05:27,751 --> 00:05:30,655 We gotta wash our hands? 119 00:05:30,688 --> 00:05:32,657 What? No! They said, "Don't wash them." 120 00:05:32,689 --> 00:05:34,591 Wait, what are we all washing? 121 00:05:34,624 --> 00:05:36,826 Goddamn it, wash everything! 122 00:05:36,859 --> 00:05:39,062 Geez! Make up your mind, America! 123 00:05:39,095 --> 00:05:41,431 And I need to talk to you. Now. 124 00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:43,667 All right, Grabney Coleman! What? 125 00:05:43,701 --> 00:05:45,602 It's about the murder. 126 00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:48,773 Oh, Sterling, I know exactly what you're going to say. 127 00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:51,409 - You do? - And I know exactly what to do. 128 00:05:51,441 --> 00:05:53,343 - You do. - Sterling, it's me. 129 00:05:53,376 --> 00:05:56,179 Of course I do, just like I knew you were headed for trouble 130 00:05:56,213 --> 00:05:59,350 the minute you laid your eyes on that washed-up old crone. 131 00:05:59,383 --> 00:06:01,519 Oh, for... She's like 50! 132 00:06:01,552 --> 00:06:03,787 Also, maybe, a little a lot crazy. 133 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:07,424 - Oh, really? An actress? - Who's crazy? 134 00:06:07,458 --> 00:06:09,359 Nobody. Get out of here, Krieger! 135 00:06:09,393 --> 00:06:12,296 - With your goddamn human breast milk. - Okay! Geez! 136 00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,864 And it's not human! 137 00:06:13,897 --> 00:06:16,200 I don't know if that's better or worse. 138 00:06:16,232 --> 00:06:18,768 Anyway, now I'm worried the cops might actually think Lana did it, so... 139 00:06:18,802 --> 00:06:20,136 Mexico. 140 00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:22,372 Wait? Yeah. That's what she said. 141 00:06:22,405 --> 00:06:25,876 Well, it's obvious. It's basically right next door, for God's sake. 142 00:06:25,908 --> 00:06:28,712 As if Los Angeles needed another minus. 143 00:06:28,746 --> 00:06:31,482 Come... I don't know, mother. Fleeing to Mexico? 144 00:06:31,515 --> 00:06:33,384 It just kinda screams, "I'm guilty." 145 00:06:33,417 --> 00:06:38,289 So, no one is technically fleeing, because no one is under arrest. 146 00:06:38,321 --> 00:06:39,131 Yet. 147 00:06:39,156 --> 00:06:41,559 So you're saying now would be the best time to go? If... 148 00:06:41,592 --> 00:06:43,794 If there could ever be a "best time" 149 00:06:43,826 --> 00:06:47,464 to have your picture taken with a donkey painted to look like a zebra. 150 00:06:47,498 --> 00:06:49,967 Hmm, pretty sure those are real zebras. 151 00:06:49,999 --> 00:06:51,568 - Typical. - Who's a zebra? 152 00:06:51,602 --> 00:06:54,071 Goddamn it, Krieger. I told you to... Wait. 153 00:06:54,104 --> 00:06:56,240 - How did you change so fast? - Oh! Um... 154 00:06:56,273 --> 00:07:00,244 Don't engage him! You need to be on the first mode of transport to Mexico. 155 00:07:00,277 --> 00:07:02,979 Don't even bother packing, just grab a fake passport 156 00:07:03,013 --> 00:07:04,915 at the office and go... 157 00:07:04,948 --> 00:07:07,585 But first, wash your gunpowdery hands. 158 00:07:07,617 --> 00:07:09,352 My... Wait. You don't think I did it? 159 00:07:09,386 --> 00:07:11,922 - Wh... Who else? - Veronica! 160 00:07:11,955 --> 00:07:13,758 - Who's Veronica? - Jesus! - What the... 161 00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:15,692 Why are your frickin' cyborgs here? 162 00:07:15,725 --> 00:07:19,028 Because we're getting 30 bucks a day as extras! Each! 163 00:07:19,061 --> 00:07:20,764 - Who is? - Well, get the hell out of here. 164 00:07:20,797 --> 00:07:23,333 - All of you! - No! Now wait a minute. 165 00:07:23,366 --> 00:07:25,102 This could actually help you! 166 00:07:25,135 --> 00:07:27,872 To do what? Open an Adolf E. Cheese? 167 00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:31,275 Krieger, you have one of these god-awful monstrosities 168 00:07:31,307 --> 00:07:33,610 - for each of us? - No! 169 00:07:33,643 --> 00:07:37,280 - Maybe. Yes. - There you go! You go to Mexico, 170 00:07:37,314 --> 00:07:39,383 your robo-doppelganger takes the fall, 171 00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:41,951 you come back after he gets the chair. 172 00:07:41,984 --> 00:07:44,521 - Ohh... - First of all, I didn't do it! 173 00:07:44,554 --> 00:07:46,790 - I doesn't matter! - I feel like it does! 174 00:07:46,823 --> 00:07:49,693 - It's not always about you! - Wha... And second of all, 175 00:07:49,725 --> 00:07:52,196 there's no way one of these damn "inepticons" 176 00:07:52,229 --> 00:07:54,131 could pass the fricking Turing test! 177 00:07:55,032 --> 00:07:57,535 Oh, they can totally pass the Turing test. 178 00:07:57,568 --> 00:08:00,137 What is that? A thing from Star Wars? 179 00:08:00,169 --> 00:08:03,540 No, it's a test to see if a machine's artificial intelligence 180 00:08:03,573 --> 00:08:06,376 can convince a human that the machine is also human. 181 00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:10,080 Which they totally can. Go ahead. Ask them anything about anything. 182 00:08:10,113 --> 00:08:12,583 Ugh. Okay, uh, let's see. 183 00:08:12,615 --> 00:08:14,818 What is love? 184 00:08:14,851 --> 00:08:17,987 Batubatu... battery. 185 00:08:18,021 --> 00:08:19,824 Wh-wh-wh-wha... 186 00:08:23,527 --> 00:08:27,098 Now I have to wash my hands again. 187 00:08:35,065 --> 00:08:37,485 Goddamn it, this is classic Archer! 188 00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:39,646 - Oh, yeah? - He knows I didn't kill Ellis! 189 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:41,982 But he's so goddamn immature, he thinks it's funny 190 00:08:42,014 --> 00:08:45,385 to watch the mother of his child hauled off to jail. 191 00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:47,754 Which, by the way, is a total waste of time, 192 00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:50,490 because you are not gonna find any gunshot residue 193 00:08:50,523 --> 00:08:53,092 - on my hands. - Uh, you never know. 194 00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:55,762 No, actually, I do know, because... I'm sorry... 195 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,398 - And that means what? - What? 196 00:08:57,431 --> 00:09:00,501 - You never know... - Uh, figure of speech? 197 00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:02,602 Oh, really? Because from where I'm sitting, 198 00:09:02,635 --> 00:09:04,671 which by the way is in a black woman's skin, 199 00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:06,840 in the back of a prowler with no door handles 200 00:09:06,873 --> 00:09:09,410 driven by a white cop, it sounds like the LAPD 201 00:09:09,442 --> 00:09:11,010 is gonna frame me for murder. 202 00:09:11,043 --> 00:09:14,081 Like I said, "You never know!" 203 00:09:14,114 --> 00:09:16,282 Oh, damn it! 204 00:09:16,316 --> 00:09:18,085 No-o-o! 205 00:09:18,118 --> 00:09:21,121 You maniac! You blew him up! 206 00:09:21,153 --> 00:09:26,192 Aw, damn you! Goddamn you all to hell! 207 00:09:26,225 --> 00:09:28,095 Oh, give it a rest. 208 00:09:28,128 --> 00:09:31,699 That'll do, Milkly, that'll do. 209 00:09:31,731 --> 00:09:33,933 - And here. Hold this. - Wait. What? No. 210 00:09:33,966 --> 00:09:36,369 - I don't want to... - Hold it! Hold it right there! 211 00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:38,706 Man down! Man down! Man down! 212 00:09:38,739 --> 00:09:40,874 Man? It's basically an appliance. 213 00:09:40,907 --> 00:09:42,876 What the hell happened here? 214 00:09:42,908 --> 00:09:44,544 - What's happening? - Don't y'all know? 215 00:09:44,577 --> 00:09:47,047 That is what I'm trying to find... Damn it, woman! 216 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,215 I thought I told you not to wash your hands! 217 00:09:49,249 --> 00:09:51,051 Yeah, I'm almost positive you did. 218 00:09:51,084 --> 00:09:53,720 Okay. Nobody move. Nobody do anything. 219 00:09:53,754 --> 00:09:56,789 In fact, everybody put your hands in your damn pockets! 220 00:09:56,822 --> 00:09:58,792 All right, you heard the man. 221 00:09:58,825 --> 00:10:00,460 - Let's go. - Whatever. - Okay, okay. 222 00:10:00,494 --> 00:10:02,463 Ugh. 223 00:10:02,495 --> 00:10:05,164 Hey. Yeah, I need you to come back to the studio real quick. 224 00:10:05,197 --> 00:10:08,401 No, the van's not here, but it looks like we've got another homicide... 225 00:10:08,435 --> 00:10:11,839 Uh, just in the very brief time since you left, yes. 226 00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:13,907 What are ya, shootin' 'em yourself? 227 00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:16,576 How... Uh... Okay. Shut up. I'm almost at the station, 228 00:10:16,609 --> 00:10:18,412 just wait for the van, dummy. 229 00:10:18,445 --> 00:10:20,914 Well, sweetheart, today just might be your lucky day. 230 00:10:20,946 --> 00:10:23,182 What? You're gonna park in an alley, and let me go 231 00:10:23,215 --> 00:10:25,918 - if I give you a blow job? - Mmmm... no. 232 00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:29,088 They made us quit doing that. There was a whole big thing about it. 233 00:10:29,122 --> 00:10:31,925 - Then why am I suddenly so lucky? - Because it looks like... 234 00:10:31,957 --> 00:10:34,193 - maybe the killer struck again. - Ha! 235 00:10:34,226 --> 00:10:36,863 Told you! Dumbass idiot cops! 236 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:39,099 So, how's it feel to be such an idiot? 237 00:10:39,132 --> 00:10:42,335 Mm, I guess... almost like there's a vast number of things 238 00:10:42,369 --> 00:10:45,605 that can happen to you between now and when you're released 239 00:10:45,638 --> 00:10:48,274 from police custody, and almost none of them are good? 240 00:10:48,307 --> 00:10:51,278 Um. Point. Taken. 241 00:10:51,311 --> 00:10:53,781 Let's go, folks. Nothing to see here. 242 00:10:53,813 --> 00:10:57,216 - What on earth is going on? - Because whatever it is, my client had 243 00:10:57,249 --> 00:10:59,119 absolutely nothing to do with it! 244 00:10:59,152 --> 00:11:01,121 Come on, beat it! 23 skidoo! 245 00:11:01,153 --> 00:11:04,624 Hey! You need to get your old, tiny, fake policeman ass 246 00:11:04,657 --> 00:11:07,894 out of my space! I'm trying to do real policeman shit! 247 00:11:07,927 --> 00:11:10,129 Then arrest her! For murder! 248 00:11:10,162 --> 00:11:11,965 You can't murder a machine! 249 00:11:11,998 --> 00:11:14,234 Yeah, that's like the first law of robotics. 250 00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:16,302 No, it's the exact opposite of that! 251 00:11:16,335 --> 00:11:19,907 Well, excuse me, Dr. Han Fastolfe. 252 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,575 - Too obscure? - I mean... 253 00:11:21,608 --> 00:11:23,143 The point is, legally speaking, 254 00:11:23,176 --> 00:11:25,311 a murder victim has to be a human being. 255 00:11:25,345 --> 00:11:28,315 - That is true. - Besides, it's your word against mine. 256 00:11:28,348 --> 00:11:30,250 No, it isn't! Because all my K-bots 257 00:11:30,282 --> 00:11:32,252 have a digital recorder in their CPU. 258 00:11:32,284 --> 00:11:34,587 You can't record me without my permission! 259 00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:39,091 That is also true. California is a two-party consent state, so... 260 00:11:39,124 --> 00:11:41,828 Actually, in California, you can record a conversation 261 00:11:41,861 --> 00:11:43,831 without the other party's consent, if you believe 262 00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:46,166 - it will collect evidence of a crime. - Aha! 263 00:11:46,199 --> 00:11:48,502 But you didn't know a crime was going to occur 264 00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:50,002 when you started recording! 265 00:11:50,036 --> 00:11:54,007 Aha! But also, isn't the question moot? 266 00:11:54,039 --> 00:11:58,177 Because that dude's CPU's... totally dickholed. 267 00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,414 Aha! But his CPU is working perfectly! 268 00:12:01,447 --> 00:12:05,018 - And he witnessed everything! Copley? - Yep, yep, yep! 269 00:12:05,051 --> 00:12:08,422 Please rewind to Milkly's heinous murder and play it back for us. 270 00:12:08,455 --> 00:12:10,691 - All righty... - None of this is admissible! 271 00:12:10,724 --> 00:12:12,526 And more importantly, they're robots. 272 00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,360 Accessing digit... al... 273 00:12:14,393 --> 00:12:18,465 Ba-Ba-Ba-Batter-r-ry l-l-l-low. 274 00:12:20,633 --> 00:12:23,637 - Goddamn it! - No-ho! 275 00:12:25,504 --> 00:12:30,042 Aw, thank God. Okay. Gunshot residue testing and the truth... 276 00:12:30,076 --> 00:12:31,711 shall set you free! 277 00:12:31,744 --> 00:12:34,047 Or not. But get in that van! 278 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,450 - With the exception of my client! - Of course. 279 00:12:36,483 --> 00:12:39,052 Absolutely. And thank you for the autograph. 280 00:12:39,085 --> 00:12:42,155 That was so great, and you're just... so great! 281 00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:45,124 And this is all a huge waste of time. 282 00:12:45,157 --> 00:12:48,061 Well, yes! Because it's so totally obvious 283 00:12:48,094 --> 00:12:49,796 that Lana Kane murdered Ellis. 284 00:12:49,829 --> 00:12:51,064 Uh, hang on. Actually... 285 00:12:51,096 --> 00:12:53,232 As a matter of fact, Mr. Shapiro will be 286 00:12:53,265 --> 00:12:55,801 presenting you evidence of Miss Kane's guilt tomorrow morning. 287 00:12:55,835 --> 00:12:57,638 - He what? - Do what? - I what? 288 00:12:57,671 --> 00:13:00,907 - Isn't that what you told me? - Uh, yes? 289 00:13:00,941 --> 00:13:03,643 So, Detective. See you at elevenish? 290 00:13:03,677 --> 00:13:05,579 Oh, yes. Yes. 291 00:13:05,611 --> 00:13:09,081 So great. The rest of you, asses in the van! 292 00:13:09,114 --> 00:13:11,585 - You'd better do something. - Let's go! Come on! 293 00:13:11,618 --> 00:13:14,153 - Get in there! - But, Veronica, what about Mexico? 294 00:13:14,186 --> 00:13:15,922 We may not need to go, after all. 295 00:13:15,956 --> 00:13:18,157 But the coconuts. The naked tequila. 296 00:13:18,191 --> 00:13:21,360 - Can't we at least talk about it? - All right, darling. Calm down. 297 00:13:21,393 --> 00:13:23,496 Come to my house tonight, and we'll talk. 298 00:13:23,529 --> 00:13:25,765 Yo! Faceman! In the van! Now! 299 00:13:25,798 --> 00:13:28,201 Okay. There's a nice way to do that. 300 00:13:28,234 --> 00:13:29,703 See ya tonight. 301 00:13:29,735 --> 00:13:33,105 - Okay, is everybody in? - Yes! 302 00:13:33,138 --> 00:13:34,608 Okay, count off! 303 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,775 One... 304 00:13:35,808 --> 00:13:38,044 Goddamn it. Would you go? 305 00:13:38,077 --> 00:13:39,946 But, Veronica, what evidence? 306 00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,782 Well, my darling Alan... 307 00:13:41,815 --> 00:13:44,451 I have a teensy-tiny favor to ask of you. 308 00:13:44,484 --> 00:13:47,454 ♪ Uh, 99 bottles of beer on the... Ow! ♪ 309 00:13:47,486 --> 00:13:48,788 Je-sus! 310 00:13:48,821 --> 00:13:50,123 Thank you. 311 00:13:50,156 --> 00:13:51,325 My pleasure. 312 00:13:54,427 --> 00:13:56,196 Whoa-oa-oa! 313 00:13:56,229 --> 00:13:58,031 Keep it down back there! 314 00:13:58,063 --> 00:14:00,466 I swear, if I have to pull this van over... 315 00:14:01,901 --> 00:14:04,638 Whoa, that kinda hurt. 316 00:14:04,671 --> 00:14:06,806 Is L.A. making me soft? 317 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,975 Or... softly awesome. 318 00:14:09,008 --> 00:14:10,844 Like a haiku... 319 00:14:23,456 --> 00:14:24,991 Oh... 320 00:14:25,024 --> 00:14:27,827 Ho-ly shit. 321 00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:31,097 Right? Come here. What are we doing? 322 00:14:31,130 --> 00:14:32,665 Are we doing this? 323 00:14:32,699 --> 00:14:34,568 We're hugging it out! 324 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,169 Hey. Are you up for a dangerous mission? 325 00:14:37,202 --> 00:14:40,941 Am I? There is literally no question I ever wanted to hear... 326 00:14:40,974 --> 00:14:43,076 - more than that! - Okay, cool. 327 00:14:43,109 --> 00:14:46,446 Have you ever had bourbon? 328 00:14:46,479 --> 00:14:49,181 Have I... Ha! I wish to amend 329 00:14:49,215 --> 00:14:50,254 my previous statement. 330 00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:52,853 Okay, come on. I'll brief you while we get ready. 331 00:14:52,885 --> 00:14:54,855 Nghung. Wait. 332 00:14:54,888 --> 00:14:57,456 Hang on a sec. 333 00:14:57,489 --> 00:14:59,459 Oh! 334 00:14:59,491 --> 00:15:00,760 Damn it, Archer! 335 00:15:00,793 --> 00:15:03,362 Me and you... is this not the best? 336 00:15:03,396 --> 00:15:06,400 It's got spinoff written all over it. 337 00:15:14,543 --> 00:15:17,268 Gillette! Residue test. Let's go. 338 00:15:17,293 --> 00:15:19,144 Excuse me. 339 00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:21,901 Do you have any idea how long this is going to take? 340 00:15:21,926 --> 00:15:23,327 Yes. 341 00:15:23,361 --> 00:15:25,631 At this rate, we'll be here all night. 342 00:15:25,664 --> 00:15:29,300 Or forever, once Veronica Deane fakes her whatever bullshit evidence on me. 343 00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:32,570 Thanks to you and Archer, who lied to the cops with her. 344 00:15:32,603 --> 00:15:35,073 - Hope you're happy! - Uh, duh... Free cornrows. 345 00:15:35,107 --> 00:15:38,142 - Lana, Sterling feels awful about that. - Phht! 346 00:15:38,175 --> 00:15:40,244 Which is why he's out there right now, 347 00:15:40,277 --> 00:15:42,914 working on a plan to trap Veronica Deane 348 00:15:42,948 --> 00:15:44,482 so there's no need to worry. 349 00:15:44,516 --> 00:15:46,517 Are you sure? 350 00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:48,820 Yes! Trust me, it's a good plan. 351 00:15:48,853 --> 00:15:51,756 It just kind of seems a little more complicated than it needs to be. 352 00:15:51,790 --> 00:15:54,093 No, it isn't. Shut up. It'll work. 353 00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:56,995 Hmm. Also, why are we wearing tuxedos? 354 00:15:57,027 --> 00:15:59,831 Exactly. Okay. Let's do this! 355 00:15:59,865 --> 00:16:02,668 Oh, man. We're just like the Wonder Twins, right? 356 00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:06,604 I would take the form of, uh, an eagle. What about you? 357 00:16:06,637 --> 00:16:09,348 I guess... I don't know. Ice stairs? 358 00:16:09,606 --> 00:16:11,708 Eh, Luigi! Piccolo aiuto, eh? 359 00:16:13,843 --> 00:16:16,546 Do you... like it around the rim? 360 00:16:16,579 --> 00:16:18,414 I be... I beg your pardon? 361 00:16:18,448 --> 00:16:21,150 Your margarita. Salt around the rim? 362 00:16:21,183 --> 00:16:23,920 Oh. Sorry. Yes. More than you know. 363 00:16:23,953 --> 00:16:25,722 Although, I have to say... 364 00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:28,726 I prefer my margaritas on the beach in Mexico. 365 00:16:28,759 --> 00:16:32,730 Mm, yes, of course! And we'll dance naked on the beach in Mexico... 366 00:16:32,762 --> 00:16:35,064 after... Oh, my! 367 00:16:35,097 --> 00:16:39,068 Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? 368 00:16:39,102 --> 00:16:41,438 Oh! Uh, both. Sorry. 369 00:16:41,471 --> 00:16:44,941 I'll just lay this right here, on this table. 370 00:16:44,975 --> 00:16:47,778 You were saying... Mexico? After... 371 00:16:47,811 --> 00:16:51,180 Well, after they formally charge Lana Kane with Ellis's murder. 372 00:16:51,214 --> 00:16:53,617 - And... you think they will. - Oh, I should think so. 373 00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:56,253 Once they find her enormous fingerprints on the gun. 374 00:16:56,285 --> 00:17:00,791 - And you think they will? - I... Archer, do you love me? 375 00:17:00,823 --> 00:17:03,693 Oh, darling. Don't you know I do? 376 00:17:03,727 --> 00:17:06,530 Well, then... in that case, 377 00:17:06,563 --> 00:17:08,866 let's just say I have my ways. 378 00:17:08,899 --> 00:17:13,270 Oh, sorry, Lana. You big sexy galoot. 379 00:17:13,303 --> 00:17:15,639 Shapiro, that little rat. 380 00:17:15,671 --> 00:17:17,540 Oh, it's not Alan's fault, darling. 381 00:17:17,573 --> 00:17:19,375 He's doing it because he loves me. 382 00:17:19,409 --> 00:17:21,044 And you live for that, don't you? 383 00:17:21,077 --> 00:17:22,779 Making men fall in love with you? 384 00:17:22,813 --> 00:17:25,149 Well, that's not a crime. Is it? 385 00:17:25,181 --> 00:17:28,718 No. But murder is. And I know you murdered Ellis Crane, 386 00:17:28,752 --> 00:17:30,054 and you're going down for it! 387 00:17:31,755 --> 00:17:33,290 I mean, really, darling. 388 00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:35,958 Just how stupid do you think I am? 389 00:17:35,992 --> 00:17:37,995 Hm. I guess slightly more than... 390 00:17:41,598 --> 00:17:43,768 Oh! 391 00:17:45,602 --> 00:17:47,604 Archer! 392 00:17:55,611 --> 00:17:59,749 Good night, sweet prince. 393 00:17:59,783 --> 00:18:03,754 "And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." 394 00:18:03,786 --> 00:18:05,756 Jesus Christ! 395 00:18:05,788 --> 00:18:07,990 So, you're actually kind of nuts, huh? 396 00:18:08,024 --> 00:18:10,660 But... But how? 397 00:18:10,694 --> 00:18:13,030 Cyborg. I won't bore you with all the details, 398 00:18:13,063 --> 00:18:15,932 and science, which actually I don't even understand, so... 399 00:18:15,966 --> 00:18:18,702 So, all this time, you knew that I killed Ellis. 400 00:18:18,735 --> 00:18:21,772 Well, I suspected. All that "stroke of three" stuff? 401 00:18:21,804 --> 00:18:25,374 Then you were trying so hard to make Lana look guilty? 402 00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:28,011 Helped by Marlon Jerkins over here, just because 403 00:18:28,044 --> 00:18:30,013 I was mad at her... I mean, Jesus! 404 00:18:30,045 --> 00:18:33,182 - I'm such an idiot. - Oh, I wouldn't say that, darling. 405 00:18:33,216 --> 00:18:35,119 You caught me, didn't you? 406 00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:38,455 - Well, yeah, but... - You knew that I was secretly having 407 00:18:38,487 --> 00:18:40,356 all these shoots sabotaged, 408 00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:42,892 because Sandpiper-Crane was insuring the productions 409 00:18:42,926 --> 00:18:45,663 for ten times what they could ever make at the box office! 410 00:18:48,832 --> 00:18:52,468 - Yes. - Well, bravo, Archer. Bravo. 411 00:18:52,502 --> 00:18:56,140 Well, wait! So Longwater was all just a grubby little insurance scam? 412 00:18:56,172 --> 00:18:58,875 Little? It was a massive insurance scam, 413 00:18:58,909 --> 00:19:00,811 and also a re-insurance scam, 414 00:19:00,843 --> 00:19:03,147 not to mention a stock manipulation scam... 415 00:19:03,179 --> 00:19:06,150 with a little help from those odious twits at Stratton-Whitney! 416 00:19:06,182 --> 00:19:07,074 Wait, what? 417 00:19:07,099 --> 00:19:09,752 Their hedge fund shorted the insurance company's stock. 418 00:19:09,785 --> 00:19:13,055 - We made millions! - I mean, Jesus! 419 00:19:13,089 --> 00:19:15,826 And all this time, I thought it was just a sex tape! 420 00:19:15,859 --> 00:19:18,328 Oh. That actually was a sex tape, 421 00:19:18,361 --> 00:19:20,429 which I accidentally recorded onto a disk 422 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:21,832 with some Longwater evidence. 423 00:19:21,864 --> 00:19:24,000 Oh, well, that's just stupid. 424 00:19:24,034 --> 00:19:26,169 As are you, Veronica, you just confessed. 425 00:19:26,202 --> 00:19:28,104 Yes, darling, but only to you. 426 00:19:28,138 --> 00:19:30,174 Doesn't do you a bit of good without a witness. 427 00:19:30,207 --> 00:19:32,842 - Uh, dahoy? - What, the robot? 428 00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:36,579 No, not a robot! Again, I don't understand all the science, but... 429 00:19:36,612 --> 00:19:39,515 Robots can't testify in court. 430 00:19:39,548 --> 00:19:42,018 Oh, I know that. But wait. Hang on... 431 00:19:42,052 --> 00:19:45,188 Plus, it didn't hear what I said, because... spoiler alert... 432 00:19:45,221 --> 00:19:47,857 - it's dead! - Wait, but... Goddamn it! 433 00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:50,694 So, no, Archer. I didn't confess. 434 00:19:50,727 --> 00:19:54,264 Not to a crime, anyway. But I'm afraid I do have to confess 435 00:19:54,296 --> 00:19:56,600 that... ohh... 436 00:19:56,632 --> 00:19:59,803 I really could have fallen for you. 437 00:19:59,835 --> 00:20:01,704 - Really? - My God, yes. 438 00:20:01,737 --> 00:20:03,806 But unfortunately... - 439 00:20:05,909 --> 00:20:07,777 Goddamn it. 440 00:20:07,811 --> 00:20:09,947 Goddamn it! 441 00:20:09,979 --> 00:20:13,616 Veronica! Veronica! 442 00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:14,817 Ow. Wha... 443 00:20:14,851 --> 00:20:17,054 Who puts a table there? 444 00:20:18,822 --> 00:20:21,625 Archer? Archer. 445 00:20:21,658 --> 00:20:25,062 - Archer! - That would be Ms. Archer to you. 446 00:20:25,094 --> 00:20:27,130 Oh! I'll make a note. 447 00:20:27,162 --> 00:20:29,900 You're free to go. Actually, you're all free to go. 448 00:20:29,932 --> 00:20:31,400 Really? 449 00:20:31,434 --> 00:20:33,070 But I haven't even been tested yet. 450 00:20:33,102 --> 00:20:36,406 You don't need to get tested, they have a suspect. 451 00:20:36,438 --> 00:20:38,074 - Veronica Deane. - Ha! 452 00:20:38,108 --> 00:20:40,010 Geezy Petes! 453 00:20:40,043 --> 00:20:43,412 This whole time, I thought Ellis Crane... was the one behind all this. 454 00:20:43,446 --> 00:20:47,083 Yeah, right up until he shot himself through both the wrist and the face. 455 00:20:47,117 --> 00:20:50,254 Anymahoo, apparently she shot another guy. 456 00:20:50,286 --> 00:20:52,756 Floating in her pool as we speak. 457 00:20:52,788 --> 00:20:54,590 Sterling! 458 00:20:57,127 --> 00:20:59,529 Well, what do you think? 459 00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:02,265 I think that in my next life, I'm gonna come back as a movie star. 460 00:21:02,298 --> 00:21:03,933 Yeah. Look out, gay porn. 461 00:21:03,967 --> 00:21:05,768 - Rimshot. - Yeah, that could be your name. 462 00:21:05,802 --> 00:21:07,603 So what, some movie star lives here? 463 00:21:07,637 --> 00:21:09,940 Yes. Veronica Deane. Don't you remember? 464 00:21:09,973 --> 00:21:12,009 She's a person of interest in the other murder we're working. 465 00:21:12,042 --> 00:21:14,111 - No shit. - Wait, what are you... 466 00:21:14,143 --> 00:21:16,279 You were just questioning her ten hours ago! 467 00:21:16,313 --> 00:21:18,381 He was her alibi. 468 00:21:18,415 --> 00:21:21,051 - You like her? - As an actress, or for this homicide? 469 00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:23,053 - Both. - Loved her in Shanghai Moon. 470 00:21:23,085 --> 00:21:25,221 - Oh, my God, that dress? - Right? 471 00:21:25,255 --> 00:21:27,623 But as for Tennessee Tuxedo here, I want to talk to her. 472 00:21:27,657 --> 00:21:30,060 See if she knows who tried to weight him down... 473 00:21:30,092 --> 00:21:33,296 with an ounce of lead. Found it on the ground, over there by the table. 474 00:21:33,330 --> 00:21:35,465 - Is it hers? - Hard to tell with no serial number. 475 00:21:35,497 --> 00:21:37,099 Yeah, probably why they put them on there. 476 00:21:37,124 --> 00:21:37,633 Rimshot. 477 00:21:37,667 --> 00:21:40,971 Hey, you should ask Veronica Deane if her agent reps gay porn stars. 478 00:21:41,004 --> 00:21:42,539 And maybe if she murdered this guy. 479 00:21:42,572 --> 00:21:44,975 - Ah, you got a real knack for this. - Rim Schott. 480 00:21:45,007 --> 00:21:46,476 Yeah, you don't have to say it every time. 481 00:21:46,508 --> 00:21:48,812 No, as my gay porn name. Not bad. 482 00:21:48,844 --> 00:21:50,313 - Let me through! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 483 00:21:50,346 --> 00:21:51,914 - Hey, this is a crime scene! - Hang on, hang on! 484 00:21:51,948 --> 00:21:54,083 Sterling! 485 00:21:58,787 --> 00:22:02,491 - Thanks. Thanks, assholes! - Yeah. Yeah, right? 486 00:22:02,525 --> 00:22:04,261 Archer? 487 00:22:06,196 --> 00:22:08,999 Bet she hasn't cried like that since Prohibition. 488 00:22:09,032 --> 00:22:10,766 - You little... - Ow! 489 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,669 - Ow! Cut it... - Had me worried sick! 490 00:22:12,701 --> 00:22:16,006 Mother! Ow! Stop it. I am gut-shot, woman! 491 00:22:16,038 --> 00:22:18,342 By Veronica Deane, by the way, 492 00:22:18,374 --> 00:22:21,178 and I will be... more than happy to testify to that. 493 00:22:21,210 --> 00:22:22,511 Damn! 494 00:22:22,544 --> 00:22:24,014 Any idea where she is? 495 00:22:24,046 --> 00:22:26,783 Probably Mexico. Go to John Huston's house, 496 00:22:26,815 --> 00:22:29,518 - and start throwing coconuts. - Which I've always wanted to do. 497 00:22:29,552 --> 00:22:31,855 But... What? Okay, wait. How are there two of you? 498 00:22:31,888 --> 00:22:34,691 They've got robots. It's cool. We've already been through all this. So... 499 00:22:34,724 --> 00:22:36,860 - Okay, A: They're not robots. - Nobody cares. 500 00:22:36,892 --> 00:22:40,197 And B: they're obviously good enough to pass the Turing test. 501 00:22:40,229 --> 00:22:41,964 - Oh, totally. - Whatever that is. 502 00:22:41,997 --> 00:22:43,799 Okay, you're all free to go! 503 00:22:43,833 --> 00:22:46,602 - Including you, Miss Kane. - With our sincere apologies. 504 00:22:46,636 --> 00:22:48,538 Yeah... Not accepted. But... 505 00:22:48,571 --> 00:22:50,474 Speaking of... Archer, 506 00:22:50,506 --> 00:22:52,375 is there anything you'd like to say to me? 507 00:22:52,409 --> 00:22:56,380 Yes, Lana. There is. 508 00:22:59,815 --> 00:23:01,852 What's happening? What are we doing? 509 00:23:02,685 --> 00:23:05,054 Lana Kane... 510 00:23:08,925 --> 00:23:11,161 No-o-o! 511 00:23:12,429 --> 00:23:14,296 Wait, what just happened? 512 00:23:14,330 --> 00:23:17,400 Holy shitsnacks! 513 00:23:17,434 --> 00:23:20,804 Wait. But if that's a cyborg... 514 00:23:20,836 --> 00:23:22,939 That means... the man in the pool is... 515 00:23:25,374 --> 00:23:30,146 Ster-ling! 516 00:23:34,551 --> 00:23:37,388 Wow! Suck it, Alan Turing! 517 00:23:38,270 --> 00:23:40,341 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com -