Last time round was fucking wicked.
Yeah, Tour de France.
Charlotte broke up with her boyfriend, Mitch,
and then jumped into bed with Gary!
Me and her are perfect together.
Marnie got herself into so much shit.
Shock.
Why should I clean that shithole up?
- 'Cause you're not a princess! - Why?
Holly learned to trust Kyle, and they literally
went out with a bang.
I have waited so long for this.
Scott and Aaron's bromance disappeared
quicker than a stiffy in a cold shower.
Fuck off!
It's over.
Vicky left the house for good.
Get back inside, you set of cunts.
Fuck knows what's gonna happen this time round.
We're back.
It's gonna get messy.
Let's fucking do this.
More pulling.
More arguing.
Shut up!
More getting mortal.
More fights.
Fuck off, man.
Don't you fucking ever!
What the fuck!
More banging.
Things are about to go crazy.
Come on!
It's gonna be louder.
Sexier.
Crazier.
What am I doing?
Let the chaos begin.
I feel like a cake.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I would never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
The hardest graft I've ever done is to do me hair.
I'm a natural beauty. Real boobs, real hair.
Get me into this house 'cause I'm gonna tear the place up.
I'm totally crackers me, like.
I'm preened to perfection.
I am cheeky, colourful and full of mischief.
I'm fit, I'm flirty and I've got double F's.
I'm gonna make sparks fly and get everyone feisty.
Geordie Shore, wae'aye!
The Geordie's are back and we're gonna rock
the fucking cock, clean off of Newcastle.
I cannot wait to start this crazy shit
all over again.
Let the chaos begin.
I've been working out and really looking
after meself, and I'm determined that when I go
back in that house, it's not gonna stop.
I am gonna be fitter than the fucking lads.
Bring it on.
I'm buzzin' to get back in that house,
and what better way to get there than with my best mate.
- Ready? Come on. - Aye.
Ripped By mstoll
Last time round, me and Charlotte started
sleeping together again, but we called it off
before any feelings got involved.
This time round, I want to stay just friends.
There's no chance that I'm still gonna get back with Marnie.
Last time, we made up and fell out
more times than Charlotte's pissed the bed.
And by the end, I was fucking sick of it.
Me and Aaron have made a deal, if I get back with Charlotte
or he gets with Marnie, you've gotta get a slit in your eyebrow.
I'm confident that Aaron's gonna end up with no eyebrows.
A lot has happened since the last time
I was in the Geordie Shore house.
I can't wait to get back in and, this time,
I'm not going in alone.
I'm going in with Kyle.
And we've been shagging a lot.
- Are you excited? - Aye.
I'm really looking forward to going back
in the house and being with Holly.
We're not girlfriend and boyfriend yet,
but we have been seeing a lot of each other.
You're amazing.
I know.
This time I've got a boyfriend, and it's true love.
I'm taking this with us.
I'm gonna put it next to my bedside table.
I've never been in love until now,
and there's no way I'm gonna let anything fuck it up.
It's always hard leaving behind Kate and Arnie,
but for some reason, this time around,
it's just even harder.
I'll see you later, OK?
For the first time ever, I'm actually having serious
doubts about going into the Geordie Shore house.
Oi to the fucking oi. We're back.
I cannot wait to cause some fucking mayhem.
Geordie Shore is my second home, and I never wanna leave.
I cannot wait to get in that house.
I can't wait to see everyone and let the fun begin.
Hello!
I'm the first to get here and the house looks completely different.
Oh, my God!
There is an extra room.
It's not an extra shag pad, it's a gym!
Oh, my God! How do I stop it?
Yes, this might mean that we'll finally stop being fat twats.
I have an amazing idea.
I'm gonna hide, and surprise the next people
who are to come in.
Right, OK.
Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
Oh, God.
Oops.
- I'll get the little one. - I'll get the big one.
Me and Kyle are so excited to get in the house.
- Hello? - Hello!
No one's here? What the fuck? Where is everyone?
I like it, me, like.
Yeah, I love it!
It's so good to be back in the Geordie Shore house.
It's nice to have the place to ourselves.
It's time we took advantage of it.
I can hear Holly and Kyle's voices.
I am so excited to jump out on these.
I am gonna scare the fucking shit out of them.
Surprise!
Scared you there, you big pussies!
What the hell?
I am so fucking excited to see Charlotte.
First thing we need to do is have a drink.
Whoo!
I mean, I didn't pour it as good as VIP Vicky,
but I haven't quite mastered that skill yet.
I know.
Vicky is always the one who pours the drinks.
Vicky is VIP Vicky and, without her,
it's just not the same.
VIP Vicky.
- Miss and love you. - Queen Vicky.
- You gonna shag him again? - No!
Last time around with Gary was fun,
but we both know that we're better off as friends.
Me and Gary would never work,
I mean he's hardly relationship material.
I am an independent, strong woman.
Who doesn't need no man.
I don't need no man or no penis in my life,
in my vagina or in my mouth.
Hi, James!
What the hell...
I get to the house and Holly, Kyle and Charlotte
and already getting on it.
But fuck it, bring on the tequila.
- Go. - Yeah!
Naughty.
I'm so excited to be getting back in this house,
I love nothing more than being with me family.
Ding dong.
Whoo!
Me and Aaron walked in the house and the first thing
I noticed was how good Charlotte is looking.
Fuck. Eyebrows! I do not wanna lose you.
I walk outside and see this amazing new gym.
And it's next to the shag pad.
So now I've got two places to work out.
I can't wait to get back in that house
and tell everyone that I've got a boyfriend.
Now I'm a changed woman. Goodbye Dramie.
Here comes trouble, fucking hell.
Marnie arrives and I'm actually glad to see her.
Last time, we fought like cat and dog,
so who knows what's gonna happen this time round.
She is looking fit, though.
I'm so excited to see everyone.
Straightaway, I need to find out what's going on
with the lasses' love life.
I need to know about you and Kyle.
Me and Kyle, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend.
- We're not seeing anyone else. - Right.
We don't wanna put a label on it because we think...
But you practically are?
We just think that a label in this house
is just a recipe for disaster.
But this is kind of a test to see
if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Holly and Kyle are verging on being boyfriend and girlfriend.
I'm worried for them,
because there is no avoiding the Geordie Shore relationship curse.
And everyone knows that.
Right, yous, I've got something to tell you.
- What? - What?
- I'm in love. - What?
Marnie is in love? Marnie has a boyfriend?
Marnie has a heart? I never thought I'd see the day.
No. Like, I love Dan enough to not hurt him.
I've had shits longer than Marnie would last in a relationship.
And this is gonna be no different.
I respect you for that,
- I think that's a big thing to do. - It is.
Because if you do fuck up you're gonna look like a tit.
You gonna look like a fucking idiot!
There's no chance I would ever risk ruining
anything with Dan over them lads in that house.
There's only Scott left to arrive,
so while we're waiting for him, we might as well get this party started.
Come on, there ain't no party like a turbo cock party.
Scotty T is back in the mixer.
Scott arrives, and I'm buzzin' to see him,
but we're all absolutely mortal. Oops.
I know I'm the last one in, but this lot are already fucking wrecked.
Tonight is gonna be pure radge.
How abouts you all get ready and go out.
Yeah. Cheers, everyone!
Now we're all back together, there's only one thing to do,
get ready and hit the town.
The Geordies are back in the Toon, let the games begin.
Whoo!
Let's fucking do this.
We arrive at Tup Tup, and it's fucking bouncing.
Let's have a drink.
It's amazing to have the family all back together
and everyone's having such a good time.
I wanna tell Gary and Scott that I've got a boyfriend,
but I know they're just gonna take the piss.
Marnie's got a boyfriend.
What the fuck. Let's see how long this lasts.
It's a shame that Marnie's got a lad now,
'cause the girl is looking fucking turbo fit tonight, like,
but you know how Scotty T always loves a challenge.
What's so funny about it?
To be honest, their love life is a lot more of a joke than mine.
Give me a kiss.
I'm having a wicked night with Holly and if things carry on like this,
it's gonna be amazing.
Me and Kyle are having an amazing night together.
We're downing drinks together, we're laughing together.
And we're probably gonna buck together later.
I need to tell Aaron that Marnie's got a boyfriend.
Shit. Does this mean he stands a better chance of keeping his eyebrows
and winning the bet?
Marnie having a boyfriend might be a blessing in disguise.
It means there'll be no more drama,
and I get to keep a hold of me eyebrows.
Aaron's saying that he's buzzin' that Marnie's got a boyfriend
'cause it's less hassle for him, but secretly, I think he's gutted.
Me and Aaron seem to be getting on so well.
Last time in the house, all we did was argue and fight
but, because I've got a boyfriend now,
hopefully we can concentrate on being friends.
Fucking hell, I've had a few too many here,
and for some reason, I'm telling Marnie about the pact.
What a fucking tit.
Gary is not gonna be happy.
Even though it'd be so funny seeing Aaron with a slit in his eyebrow,
it just isn't gonna happen with me.
I've got a boyfriend and it's just not worth it.
Tonight has been absolute frisk.
Charlotte can't see, Aaron can't speak,
and everyone else is pure fucked.
It's time to get these clowns back to the nest.
Let's all get in the hot tub!
We get back to the house, and it's the first night,
and we all wanna get in the hot tub.
Hot tub! Hot tub!
Everyone else is being lightweights and going to bed,
so it looks like it's just me, Holly and Kyle getting in the hot tub.
It's a bit dry.
Charlotte's feeding me cereal sandwiches.
We're fucking tramps.
Hang on a minute, this hot tub's a bit more warmer than usual.
Oh.
Oh, wait there, Charlotte's just pissed herself again.
You're weeing in here?
It's still coming out.
I'm sorry.
At least it wasn't in me bed, or in someone else's bed,
or in the sink, or on the settee, or on the floor.
It was just kind of like on meself, and on Holly and Kyle.
Tonight has been absolutely amazing.
Me and Kyle have ended up in bed together,
we're having sex, this has been the perfect end to a perfect night.
OK, OK!
Holly's decided to sleep with Kyle tonight,
but that doesn't matter, I can have just as much fun,
by meself, in me own bed.
Sleep when I'm dead.
How's everyone's fucking head this morning?
Me head is absolutely bouncing,
I can barely remember a thing that happened last night.
What about, er, Marnie?
Marnie's got a fucking lad now, ain't she?
I'm glad Marnie's got a boyfriend.
Being in the house with her last time turned into a nightmare,
so hopefully this means no more drama between the two of us.
So, last night you and Gaz made some sort of bet,
like, what the fuck was that all about?
He thinks he's adamant that I'm gonna go back to Marnie,
which is not gonna happen,
and I'm adamant he's gonna go back to Charlotte.
So, whoever fails, gets a slit in their eyebrow.
I can't believe those two have made that stupid bet.
If they lose, Gaz will look like a bald gerbil
and Aaron will look like someone's just scribbled
over a fucking ping-pong ball.
What?
What is it?
I've gotta tell Charlotte about what Aaron told us last night.
About their stupid, ridiculous pact.
Right, so if Aaron goes near me or Gary goes near you,
they've gotta put a slit in their eyebrow.
Gary and Aaron have got a pact.
Are they really this pathetic?
Why did they make that pact?
- I don't even... - You've got a boyfriend.
I know.
And what are they trying to say? That Gary...
Gary doesn't wanna come near me at all?
I'm so confused.
Does this mean that Gary wants to get with us
or that he doesn't wanna get with us?
Is it an ego boost, or is it an insult?
So how did you find out about it?
Yeah, you can't tempt him, but I can.
Yeah, you could.
It's my mission now, to try and kiss Gary
so he has to get a slit in them massive bushy eyebrows.
Move over.
Gary and Aaron have got a pact that if Aaron
goes near Marnie and if Gary goes near me,
they're gonna shave a slit in their eyebrow.
Fuck the slit if you want sex.
Slit for slit.
Slit for clit!
This is Operation Slit for the Clit.
Gary will get the slit, because he wants the clit.
- Hi, everyone! - Hi.
Anna comes round and she never brings good news.
All she brings is a dodgy tan.
So welcome back everybody.
I've been thinking for a while now about expanding
the Tash-On Tours business.
I've chose Charlotte and Scott to work today.
As this is a new business proposal,
Anna's only gonna wanna send her two best workers,
and seeing as you can't send two of me,
she's just gonna send me and DJ Charles.
Wicked.
- You're going to deliver a Tash-o-gram. - Right.
It's my version of a kiss-o-gram.
Come on.
I've gotta go and kiss a random person?
I'm literally getting pimped out.
I don't get paid enough for this.
I have your costumes here that you've gotta wear.
So, you both need to deliver
a poem to a special birthday boy, and make sure that the birthday boy
has a really special treat. Charlotte?
- OK, I will do, Anna. - Thank you.
Anna, I'll give the birthday boy a good time.
You can count on me!
- Enjoy. - Bye!
Get these on.
What the fuck are these costumes gonna be?
Probably a giant clit and a massive knob.
Oh, my God.
Man up, it's not that bad, it's just a pair of carrots.
Why would we be a carrot?
Anna's new business idea is shit.
I think she's chose them outfits 'cause it matches her tan.
Come on, carrot brother.
Me and Charlotte are gonna get ourselves upstairs
and start practising.
Just say the first bit.
"It's your birthday,
"so we're here to make a fuss.
"You like to keep trim, never out the gym, and your hair's the same colour as us."
He's got green hair.
What? What? What is that?
I think he might have ginger hair.
So I'm looking through this poem and all it's talking
about is carrots and carrot tops and carrot cakes.
This man is obvs ginger.
I thought gingers were extinct.
We're here, we'll just fucking... We'll just box it off.
Me and Scott are prepped and ready to go.
We are gonna be the best two carrots anyone has ever seen.
Good luck, carrot cock.
We arrive at the café ready to burst in
and make some kid's birthday pure orange.
Right, jeer it up, lots of energy, lots of energy.
Carrots are here, time to get this party started!
Oi, oi!
What's up, doc?
Have you never seen a 6'4" singing carrot, like?
We are the birthday carrots!
And we are looking for a carrot-topped birthday man!
Is that me?
This is awkward.
It turns out the birthday boy
isn't even that ginger, so why has Anna made us
dress up like orange carrots?
"Ian, it's your birthday so we're here to make a fuss.
"You like to keep trim, never out of the gym,
"and your hairs the same colour as us!"
I don't know what's going on with this Tash-o-gram, like,
I'm sure it's more like cringe that ginge!
"The cake is made of carrots, your mates have bought you this.
"Never fear, your wife is not here.
"Now come and give us a kiss."
Ian's taken it really well and definitely deserves a kiss.
Only a peck on the cheek, though, 'cause he is still a bit ginger.
Your hair's not as ginger as we expected.
No?
- Happy birthday, then. - Thank you.
This Tash-o-gram has gone down a treat.
Surprise. Cheers, guys.
Hip, hip, hurray!
Anna's gonna be buzzin' her saggy tits off!
- Hip, hip... - Hurray!
Me and the lads are getting ready for the night.
Let's get fucking buckled!
Bijou, here we come.
I think tonight's the night.
This is Operation Slit for Clit.
Tonight I'm going to kiss Gary
so he'll have to get a stupid slit in his eyebrow.
I can't fuck this up.
Gary's gonna look like such a mug tomorrow
when he's got a massive slit in his eyebrow.
He's gonna look like a right chav.
I don't think it's gonna be that hard, you know,
I think he's just gonna give in easily to me.
- Do you? - Yeah.
I'm so excited for tonight,
because Charlotte is definitely gonna seduce Gaz.
The girls are going to win.
In a way, we'll be triumphant
when we fuck them over at their own, sad, pathetic little game.
We've arrived in Bijou, ready to tear the fucking place up.
Let's get this party started!
It's time to put Operation Slit for a Clit in action.
Gary's shitty eyebrows are gonna be mine.
I need to reel him in gently, so I'm winking at him
and I'm flicking me hair.
Eh? Charlotte's just grabbed my arse.
I'm not sure if she's just pissed
or she's actually cracking on with us.
I'm proper pissed and I seem to be cracking on with Marnie.
I don't know whether it's 'cause she's got a lad,
or 'cause me and her are getting on so much better.
Either way, it's a pure frisk.
Everyone knows that I'm a little bit of a flirt,
and I like the attention.
I know I'm not gonna do anything,
so what's the harm in it?
Everyone's getting fucking mortal,
but for some reason I'm just not feeling it tonight.
I don't know what it is,
'cause usually I love getting pissed with this bunch of bellends.
Hopefully it's just 'cause I'm missing Kate.
I've put the groundwork in,
and I've got him right where I want him.
So I'm just gonna put it out there and ask Gary for a kiss.
This is gonna be like taking candy from a baby.
As far as I knew, me and Charlotte were trying to be friends,
but now she's coming up to us saying,
"Do you ever think about us kissing?"
That's just weird.
Maybe. Maybe means "yes" in my book.
Fuck it, I'm going in for the kill.
Charlotte has just tried to kiss us.
What is she playing at?
I need to get myself out of this situation, right now.
I can't believe Gary's just pied us.
This is gonna be harder than I thought.
Tonight has been absolutely mint,
but everyone is paralytic drunk,
so it's time to get the fuck out of Bijou and back to the house.
Argh!
I look around and I can't see Scott.
He's jumped into bed with Marnie.
That kid has got no fucking respect.
She's got a boyfriend.
Babe, I didn't realise you had a sensitive back.
Stop it, Scotty!
Listen, I'm a trained masseuse.
I've got proper wicked senses, me,
and I sensed that Marnie is pretty keen,
so I'm gonna swoop in like a fucking kestrel.
- Want a crisp? - Yeah.
Yeah?
No, Scott.
I know everyone's gonna have their own opinion
on Scott flirting with us again, but I don't care.
I'm not gonna cave.
- Like, I warmed to you. - Be honest, right?
I still warm you. I'm warm now.
- No, but be honest, though. - What?
- He's good-looking. - Who?
Dan.
Oh, I thought it was your pal.
You all right, mate?
Marnie seems to be a tougher nut to crack than I thought.
Operation Slit for a Clit might have went shit in the club,
but that doesn't mean it's over.
Gary's gotta be mortal by now, so I'm going in hard.
Kiss me, Gary.
No, no.
Charlotte is still trying to kiss us.
She's being really weird.
Pied again!
I've been given so many pies, I feel like a fucking bakery.
Welcome to Charlotte's custard pies.
The pieiest pies around.
Gary might have won the battle,
but he hasn't won the war.
Operation Slit for a Clit is still gonna be successful.
- I know, I got totally pied, didn't I? - I know.
How embarrassing.
My attempts to get with Gary last night
was a bigger fail than Anne Boleyn's marriage to Henry VIII,
but at least I didn't get beheaded.
I'm literally going in tonight.
I'm gonna practise chat-up lines,
I'm gonna touch his leg.
I'm gonna whisper things in his ear.
- Sweet nothings. - Yep, or dirty things.
I'm not gonna let it dampen me spirits.
I'm gonna give it one more try tonight.
Charlotte last night was acting really, really weird,
trying to kiss us, being full-on.
I don't understand why.
You told her about the bet.
Now Aaron's saying that he told Marnie about our bet.
So Charlotte knew the whole time.
No wonder she was being so full-on last night.
I don't think that she knows that you know what she's playing at.
So she thinks I just think she's trying to...
Ah, yeah.
So you could actually, you could put your advantage out.
You could spin this around, aye.
You could play her at her own game.
I can just imagine Charlotte sitting there with Holly and Marnie,
conjuring up a little plan, thinking she's a genius,
but now the professor knows, the student is fucked.
I just couldn't get into it last night,
and I just didn't feel meself.
So I'm gonna call Kate, 'cause she knows us inside out.
So I'm telling Kate how I still do enjoy being here,
but me life outside of this place has changed so much,
and being in here just doesn't fit in with it any more.
After speaking to Kate today,
I think being here just isn't the right thing for us any more.
I've got a lot of serious thinking to do.
- Hi! - Hiya.
- What you doing? - Working out.
Troy needs his daily workout, but Marnie's already in the gym,
and she looks like she could do with some help.
Introducing PT's Scotty T.
I'll look at your form.
- Stop it! - I'm not, I'm just checking your form.
Right, OK.
I'm not an idiot.
I know Scott's trying to get in my pants,
and it's not gonna work.
But if he wants to give us training tips, be my guest.
Er, I think I'd feel more comfortable if you weren't standing directly behind us.
Rule number one of training,
make sure your technique is bang on,
and that needs to be explored from all angles.
The rest of this phase we're just spotting.
Scott!
The way Scott stood, it's like I'm practically tea-bagging him.
But that's the most action he's ever getting from me.
Last night's like the first time we've actually proper got along.
I'm pleased that you're being nice to us again.
It's such a mint thing that me and Marnie are friends now.
I know she's got a lad, like,
but once Scotty T's had a few drinks
and a naughty bird is standing in front of him, he's just gotta follow his heart.
Wicked.
Gotta crack on tonight, me, like.
Obviously, she doesn't know that I know.
Tonight I'm gonna play Charlotte at her own game.
She doesn't know that I know she knows about mine and Aaron's bet.
So that means I've got the upper hand,
I've got this in the bag.
Tonight I'm gonna let Charlotte think
that she's in control but, mark my words,
the joke will be on her.
Tonight, Operation Slit Clit is back on.
Slit-clit, slit-clit, slit-clit, slit-clit, slit-clit, slit-clit!
So what's the plan?
First I'm gonna play it really cool.
- Yeah. - And sit down with him
and drink with him and stuff and just dance with him and stuff.
- Yeah. - And follow him around.
No change there, then.
I know exactly what to say to get Gary's juices flowing.
When the time's right, I'm gonna be like...
Dirty talk to me is like me second language.
Especially when it comes to bumholes.
Call me Professor Bumholio.
Will you tell us when you're gonna say it so I can watch?
Mmm-hmm.
I am so excited for tonight.
I'm gonna sit there with me drink
and me popcorn and watch the magic unfold.
Everyone's ready to hit House of Smith.
Cocks washed, fannies fresh.
Let's fucking do this.
We get to House of Smith and, straightaway,
I'm going in for the kill. I'm gonna get Gary mortal,
and to my luck, because he's such a scrawny skinny prick,
it only takes him two drinks and he'll be mine.
Straight away in the club, Charlotte comes over,
said, "Do you want a drink?"
Trying to get me drunk, thinking she's in control.
I don't know what's going on with Marnie tonight,
she's like fucking catnip for Scotty T. Meow.
You're flirting with Scotty T.
So me and Scott are chatting, and he's being so over-flirty.
I don't know what's going on with him.
Scott's telling us that he's still trying to come
to terms with the fact that I've got a boyfriend.
He's gonna have to get used to it.
He had his chance and he didn't take it.
It's just my luck that I've got a pure stonk on for Marnie,
but she comes by in the house with a fucking lad.
Liberty.
I was nervous coming to this house with Holly,
'cause I know what it can do to relationships,
but if we carry on the way we are,
I'm gonna love every minute of it.
It's time to take things with Charlotte
and her silly little games to the next level.
I don't care what I've gotta do,
I'm sexy dancing, slip-dropping.
I'm gonna do all I can so Charlotte thinks
I'm gonna get with her tonight and lose my eyebrows.
She could not be more wrong.
Me and Gary are now sexy dancing. Whoa.
Things are getting pretty steamy now.
I look over and Charlotte's loving all of Gary's attention.
I think Gazza's got this in the bag.
Charlotte has got no idea.
Now it's time to unleash me secret weapon.
Talking dirty.
Gary seems to be massively falling for Charlotte's charms.
I'm watching on and I just can't believe it.
He's clearly falling for whatever the fuck she's doing.
I'm in control of the situation,
but I did not expect that to come out of Charlotte's mouth.
Is that her idea of talking dirty?
No wonder she's failing and I'm gonna win.
I've done the prep, I've done the ground work,
and I've pulled out all the stops.
Charlotte thinks I'm putty in her hands.
How wrong can she be?
Once again, everyone's fucked, so let's get back to the house.
I can't wait to get Charlotte back the house
and give her the surprise of her life.
We get back to the house and I am wasting no time.
I pick Charlotte up and I need to get her in the shag pad ASAP.
Ow!
He's already got us over his shoulder
and on the way to the shag pad.
Someone's keen.
Once I get Charlotte in the shag pad,
I need to keep me head in the game,
keep focused and end this once and for all.
Give us your hand.
You haven't even kissed us yet.
Gary's tying us up and getting all sexy,
and I suddenly feel like I'm in some kind of erotic novel.
What the fuck's this? Fifty Shades of Gary!
You need to promise me that you will kiss us if you tie us up.
In a minute, five minutes.
In Charlotte's head, she's thinking it's worth getting
tied up 'cause then I get to kiss Gaz,
he'll lose his eyebrow and I'll lose the bet.
If only she knew what she was in for.
I'll be two seconds. Right?
This is going better than I ever would have thought.
Slit for the Clit is about to be victorious.
I want a proper kiss?
No.
I'll be two seconds. Just relax.
Just give us a proper kiss.
Lube? I'm wet enough down there,
I'm like Niagara Falls... Fuck lube! Come back!
I run back in the house and I feel like a sergeant, gathering the troops.
We'll get the ketchup, we'll get the mayo,
we'll get the eggs, we'll get the flour.
I've never seen me and the boys more excited
to get in that shag pad.
I've been here a while now. What's going on?
Next thing I know, all the lads come bursting through
with a selection of cooking ingredients.
Are we going to bake a cake?
What the hell? So it turns out Gary did know
that I knew that he knew about the bet that he made with Aaron.
So instead of him getting a slit in his eyebrow,
I now look like a cake mixture.
- Great. - I'm the best!
Me and the lads are fucking caking Charlotte all over.
Her face looks like someone's just stood on a cherry Bakewell.
How could I have been so fucking stupid to fall for this?
Idiot!
Charlotte's taken everything so well,
and I knew she would.
And this has gone down as one of the funniest nights I've ever had.
I can't see. I can't speak. I'm spitting flour.
I'm like The Exorcist, but a slightly more eggier version.
The Eggsorcist!
I feel like a cake!
I am in a very good place right now and so is Kyle,
right in between my legs.
I squirted all over you, babes.
If me and Holly can stay like this the whole time we're in the house,
I'd be buzzin' and I'd be keen on making her me lass.
Charlotte comes sprinting after me in the garden.
No fucking way! I guess that lube worked.
You all right? Come on.
Charlotte's covered in everything.
I realise that this is my doing.
I need to get it washed off so, fuck it, I dump her in the hot tub.
Is it off?
Wait a minute.
I went in for another kiss, and this time,
it's nothing about the game,
I just actually feel like I really wanna kiss him.
Charlotte is still trying to kiss us, but I can't go there.
Things have changed this time.
I don't want either of us getting hurt.
Ripped By mstoll