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The House will come
to order for a roll call vote
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00:00:19,666 --> 00:00:22,701
on the matter of who will be the
President of the United States.
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Senator William O'Brien from Arizona...
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All right, here we go. Alabama
first in the alphabet,
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last in every other fucking thing.
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I believe it's number
one in easiest state
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- to get away with murdering a black guy.
- Come on, come on.
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Alabama casts its vote
for President Selina Meyer.
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That's my town!
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Ooh, bam-a-lama ding dong!
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Yeah... oh, Catherine.
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Would you please give it
a rest with that camera?
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My name is Catherine Meyer.
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I've spent my entire
life in the public eye.
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While the public will always
remember me as the little girl
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who fell off the stage
twice in one evening,
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I'm a grown woman now with my
own passions and interests.
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One of the biggest things
that ever happened in my life
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and my family's life happened
when the House of Representatives
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voted to decide the presidency
of the United States
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for the first time in 140 years.
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Almost two months to the day earlier,
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the American people voted for president,
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but that night ended in an
historic electoral college tie
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between Senator Bill O'Brien and the
sitting president Selina Meyer, my mom.
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It meant that the House
of Representatives
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needed to vote to break the
tie and choose a president.
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My bowling coach used to say a tie
was like kissing your sister.
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Yeah, well, this feels like my
sister took a shit on my chest.
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In order to tell this story,
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I have to go back to where it all began,
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the day after the presidential
election was tied.
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I do not give my consent
to have my likeness
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appear in this or any other film.
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The president will see you now.
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I set out to
make a film about the tie,
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but somewhere along the way,
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I ended up discovering
something about myself.
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I'm gonna have to have approval over
all of this footage, Catherine, okay?
40
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Okay, we can talk about that after.
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When did you first know
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that you wanted to be president?
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It was 1973.
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- Catherine, out.
- I was a very little girl
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and Mother wasn't "feeling well."
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Daddy asked me to be his date
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for President Nixon's inaugural ball.
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Daddy did a lot of
business with Bebe Rebozo.
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President Nixon entered the room
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and, you know, he had his bow tie
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and his eyebrows.
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Daddy leaned in to me and he said,
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"You know, a lot of
people don't like Nixon,
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but by God, they respect him.
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And that's you, peanut."
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00:03:03,654 --> 00:03:05,254
- Delaware?
- Come on, come on.
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00:03:05,256 --> 00:03:08,724
Delaware votes for
President Selina Meyer.
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- Oh!
- I don't want to jinx things, guys,
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but I think maybe we should
start making our list
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of who I'm going to punish when I win.
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- Where are you?
- I don't know.
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I went home with a congressional
fan girl last night.
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I don't have my car. I
think I'm in Maryland.
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Well, first of all, sir,
congratulations are in order.
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Shh! She's got a fucking parrot,
and if the parrot wakes up,
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the parrot's gonna make
noise and wake up her mom.
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- Has the vote started yet?
- Yes, Delaware just voted.
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Shit. Shit. Okay, you gotta come get me.
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Okay, just drop a pin
in Apple Maps and...
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I don't know how to drop a fucking pin.
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00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:37,651
Well, it's a really intuitive feature.
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- Do you have iOS 9.2.3?
- Shut up.
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Bring me a change of clothes
and come and get me.
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00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:44,957
The day after the
tie, the stock markets crashed,
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but my mom did everything she
could to get them back on track.
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This afternoon, I asked Tom James
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to do his country the honor of
stepping up to serve as economy czar
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and to my absolute delight, he said yes.
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Did you ever play sports?
80
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,909
Remember how no one ever
wanted to play catcher?
81
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:07,713
Playing catcher is kind of
like being the economy czar.
82
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:10,782
There's not a lot of glory,
but a lot of squatting.
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A lot of asses in your face.
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Thank you
so much, Senator James.
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You're very welcome.
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00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:18,923
- How's it going?
- It's going very well, thanks.
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00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,492
- And Bob's your uncle.
- Knock, knock, future calling.
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Cheese, please, Louise.
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Gentlemen, you know the first daughter.
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We do.
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00:04:26,341 --> 00:04:28,665
She's interviewing me
for a college project.
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No, it's a doc.
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Oh, yeah, like one of those movies
for people who like to be sad.
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00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,706
What do you think
of the electoral tie?
95
00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:38,041
You know, at night when I
dare to close my eyes,
96
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I dream about your mother losing
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00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,879
and then coming upon her
holding a cardboard sign
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00:04:42,881 --> 00:04:44,580
at the bottom of a highway exit ramp.
99
00:04:44,582 --> 00:04:46,582
Now, if I were Tom
James, I would just try
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to get three states to abstain and
then it would go to the Senate,
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serving the president the
most abject humiliation
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in the history of the United States.
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Oh, you know what the
cardboard sign says?
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00:04:54,692 --> 00:04:56,191
What does it say?
105
00:04:56,193 --> 00:04:58,861
It says, "I'm so sorry, Bill Ericsson."
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What if you
lose the presidency?
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Well, I'll tell you something,
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you can't think that way.
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That's what Mother always said.
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When you have those kinds
of negative feelings,
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you just pick them up and
you stuff them in your box
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and you close it down tight
and you take that box
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and you shove it way
back here in your...
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00:05:19,582 --> 00:05:23,450
in the corner of your head
and swallow that key.
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And then, poof, they're gone.
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And then that's it. And
it works, too, sweetie.
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That's something that
Mother told me that works.
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Okay, you pour the hot water
into the pot, all right?
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Swirl it around a bit.
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00:05:36,931 --> 00:05:39,565
And then you pour it out, okay?
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That's called hot in the pot.
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Now this is a special blend I've got.
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It's got chamomile and rose hips
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and some other little
special ingredients
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that I'm not gonna tell you on camera.
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00:05:46,841 --> 00:05:48,508
Um, my question was
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what's your take on
the financial crisis.
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Oh.
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I just think they ran out of money.
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They should probably just print more.
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I don't know why it's
been such a big issue.
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Okay, guys, when are we gonna
fire Mike, by the way?
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Because it is seriously just one
fuckup after fuckup with him.
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Yeah, right after the inauguration,
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00:06:08,028 --> 00:06:10,694
we'll show Mr. McShittock the door.
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Hey.
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Hi.
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I love my job.
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Oh, my God, I want to do it forever.
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Especially because this
is the kind of job
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that I've gotten better at every year.
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And it's also the kind of job
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00:06:22,742 --> 00:06:24,875
that you need to be fast on your feet.
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00:06:24,877 --> 00:06:27,109
You need to be quick and
you need to sort of,
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00:06:27,111 --> 00:06:31,147
uh, I don't even know what the word is.
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00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:33,382
We're in the process of
converting the guest bedroom
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00:06:33,384 --> 00:06:36,218
into a nursery for our
arriving Chinese angel.
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00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:39,288
And Ta-da! We went with a
Winnie the Pooh knockoff.
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00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:41,858
It's made in China so Ellen
will feel right at home.
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00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,859
I think he's called Happy Sun Bear.
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00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,928
So much cheaper. And we've
checked the room for lead,
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00:06:45,930 --> 00:06:48,697
so there's... actually, I need...
I'm supposed to check...
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00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:52,000
I have to get a guy to check the room
for lead, but we will check for lead.
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00:06:52,002 --> 00:06:53,936
In mid-November,
my mom's team
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challenged the vote totals in Nevada,
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which meant the tie might
not be a tie any longer.
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- I've changed my mind.
- About what?
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Send me to Nevada. I want the job.
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00:07:02,311 --> 00:07:05,145
Oh, but so does Candi Caruso.
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00:07:05,147 --> 00:07:07,381
And even though, and I quote,
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the fact that I'm a woman means we will
no longer have any women presidents
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because we've already tried
one and she fucking sucked.
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Please, please, please.
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Well, I'll give you this...
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Candi Caruso would not
eat this amount of shit.
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Unless afterward she went
into a bathroom stall
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and used the old
two-fingered wood chipper.
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Why would I want to stand next to a twig
169
00:07:30,271 --> 00:07:32,338
like that all day when I
can stand next to you?
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What would
you do if you lost?
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You keep harping on this.
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But I'll tell you something,
I have lost elections.
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I lost the first time
that I ran for Congress.
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They called me Selina Vanderbilt
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as if the Vanderbilts
had any money left.
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Anyway, after that, you know,
I went to Arizona to a spa
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and I took stock
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and I asked myself some
tough questions...
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00:07:55,729 --> 00:07:59,463
Wait, is that when you had
your nervous breakdown?
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00:07:59,465 --> 00:08:03,401
No, no, I did not... no, I
went to a spa, sweetie.
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00:08:03,403 --> 00:08:05,570
No, when Rosa had to take care of me
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00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,872
because you went to a mental hospital.
183
00:08:07,874 --> 00:08:10,874
No, darling, I didn't go
to a mental hospital.
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I went to a spa.
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00:08:12,711 --> 00:08:15,612
Is this how this is all
going to be in your movie?
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00:08:15,614 --> 00:08:18,214
Massachusetts
votes for Selina Meyer.
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00:08:18,216 --> 00:08:20,283
- 11-10, O'Brien.
- I just talked to Furlong.
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00:08:20,285 --> 00:08:22,653
He said everything's under
control plus a bunch of stuff
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00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:24,555
about assholes and jizz
and my pretty mouth.
190
00:08:24,557 --> 00:08:26,756
Richard, where is Jonah?
191
00:08:26,758 --> 00:08:29,391
- Morning!
- Shut the fuck up, Richard.
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00:08:29,393 --> 00:08:31,894
Well, you can't scream
that in this neighborhood.
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00:08:31,896 --> 00:08:35,364
I couldn't find my clothes. I had to
get this out of her dad's closet.
194
00:08:35,366 --> 00:08:37,633
She already told me she was
a senior at Georgetown.
195
00:08:37,635 --> 00:08:39,602
Turns out she meant
Georgetown Day School.
196
00:08:39,604 --> 00:08:41,537
- Oh.
- She's on the math team.
197
00:08:41,539 --> 00:08:43,705
- Are you filming me?
- Might be a crime.
198
00:08:43,707 --> 00:08:47,375
Oh, yeah, Catherine asked me to help
assist her with documenting the vote.
199
00:08:47,377 --> 00:08:49,611
Plus she taught me how to
make sure the camera is on.
200
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:52,346
Oh, okay, good, well, then
on this historic day...
201
00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:54,449
- Also, the president's on the line.
- Oh, motherfuck.
202
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,284
- Jonah, can you hear me?
- Yes, ma'am.
203
00:08:56,286 --> 00:09:00,253
You listen to me, all right?
You are already dead.
204
00:09:00,255 --> 00:09:03,791
What you do now you do for your family.
205
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,660
You get yourself in there
and you vote for me!
206
00:09:06,662 --> 00:09:11,364
Is my entire presidency about to have its
neck snapped by Congressman Lennie here?
207
00:09:11,366 --> 00:09:14,234
Call all friendlies. Let's
slow this thing down.
208
00:09:14,236 --> 00:09:17,470
The great state of Michigan
209
00:09:17,472 --> 00:09:20,707
would like to cast its vote.
210
00:09:20,709 --> 00:09:23,876
But first, let us pray.
211
00:09:23,878 --> 00:09:25,778
My mom lost
the Nevada recount,
212
00:09:25,780 --> 00:09:28,648
but that was overshadowed
by some terrible news.
213
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:30,249
My dear mee-maw died.
214
00:09:30,251 --> 00:09:32,451
This is the Oval Office.
215
00:09:32,453 --> 00:09:35,921
Wow, three generations
of Meyer women.
216
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,523
It's like the best episode
of "Falcon Crest" ever.
217
00:09:38,525 --> 00:09:41,660
Mother, this right here
218
00:09:41,662 --> 00:09:44,129
is the Resolute desk.
219
00:09:44,131 --> 00:09:46,331
And it was used by FDR
220
00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:49,367
and now by me, Mother, your daughter.
221
00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:55,072
I do hope you'll wait
till your hair grows
222
00:09:55,074 --> 00:09:57,341
to have your portrait painted.
223
00:09:59,646 --> 00:10:01,211
This has been fun.
224
00:10:01,213 --> 00:10:02,947
- She looks like a boy.
- Okay.
225
00:10:02,949 --> 00:10:07,151
It doesn't seem that deep. Look.
226
00:10:07,153 --> 00:10:08,852
Oh, yeah, that's not that deep.
227
00:10:08,854 --> 00:10:11,387
Excuse me, should this be deeper?
228
00:10:11,389 --> 00:10:12,889
Have you ever
lost a grandparent?
229
00:10:12,891 --> 00:10:15,525
All my grandparents are dead.
230
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,293
Wait. Um, no.
231
00:10:17,295 --> 00:10:19,462
One or two might still be alive.
232
00:10:19,464 --> 00:10:22,298
- Hey.
- Hey.
233
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:24,500
Good to be back in good old DC,
234
00:10:24,502 --> 00:10:26,334
away from the greed, the
money, and the hookers.
235
00:10:26,336 --> 00:10:28,904
Listen, um...
236
00:10:28,906 --> 00:10:30,839
...so, if you're not
doing anything later...
237
00:10:30,841 --> 00:10:34,609
Jesus fucking Christ. You got to
tell your sister to stop calling me.
238
00:10:36,747 --> 00:10:40,348
Hmm. Hey, girl.
239
00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:43,384
So now as a person in politics under 40,
240
00:10:43,386 --> 00:10:45,653
you just... wait, cut.
241
00:10:45,655 --> 00:10:49,256
Actually, I'm the one
that's supposed to say cut.
242
00:10:49,258 --> 00:10:51,926
No, no, no, I'm saying it because
we're starting that over.
243
00:10:51,928 --> 00:10:54,128
Ready? Action.
244
00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:58,265
As a person in politics who's younger
than most of her... cut, cut.
245
00:10:58,267 --> 00:11:00,533
- No, Amy, please don't actually say...
- Action.
246
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,670
We were really disappointed about
the Chinese adoption sanctions.
247
00:11:03,672 --> 00:11:06,239
That... but on the bright side,
248
00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:08,675
I turned the nursery
into a man cave for me.
249
00:11:08,677 --> 00:11:12,378
I mean, surround sound,
55-inch television screen.
250
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,881
It actually cost the same as
the kid, so it works out.
251
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:18,550
I can't wait for Wendy to see it.
She is gonna...
252
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:20,953
possibly like it.
253
00:11:20,955 --> 00:11:23,081
Do you like
working at the White House?
254
00:11:23,106 --> 00:11:23,790
I do, yes.
255
00:11:23,791 --> 00:11:26,117
Have you enjoyed working
for the president?
256
00:11:26,142 --> 00:11:26,892
Yes.
257
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,294
- Were you ever frightened for your life?
- No.
258
00:11:29,296 --> 00:11:31,722
Are you really ready to take
a bullet for the president?
259
00:11:31,748 --> 00:11:32,532
Yes.
260
00:11:32,533 --> 00:11:34,632
- Have you ever killed a man?
- Can't say.
261
00:11:34,634 --> 00:11:36,868
Do you think my mom's a good president?
262
00:11:39,606 --> 00:11:42,173
- Yes.
- That was perfect.
263
00:11:42,175 --> 00:11:43,444
Everybody else that
I've interviewed just
264
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:44,743
talks about themselves
all the time and...
265
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:47,411
Um, would you like to have
dinner with me sometime?
266
00:11:47,413 --> 00:11:49,347
Oh, yeah, I... I would love that.
267
00:11:49,349 --> 00:11:52,349
I should say that... you
know that I'm not gay?
268
00:11:52,351 --> 00:11:54,551
- Really?
- Yeah. Well, I...
269
00:11:54,553 --> 00:11:56,754
- I didn't mean that to come across...
- No, it didn't.
270
00:11:56,756 --> 00:11:59,890
You know, it's just I
assumed just because,
271
00:11:59,892 --> 00:12:02,159
you know, the way you
dress and stare at me.
272
00:12:02,161 --> 00:12:04,094
Well, I mean, I like guys.
273
00:12:04,096 --> 00:12:06,630
The Thanksgiving death
of Congressman Harry Sherman
274
00:12:06,632 --> 00:12:10,133
put the key state of New Hampshire
back in play for the House vote.
275
00:12:10,135 --> 00:12:14,070
I followed candidate Jonah Ryan as
he campaigned in his home state.
276
00:12:14,072 --> 00:12:17,306
How am I doing? Eating so much
pussy I'm shitting clit, son.
277
00:12:17,308 --> 00:12:18,407
- Hey!
- What?
278
00:12:18,409 --> 00:12:19,976
This is an elementary school!
279
00:12:19,978 --> 00:12:22,311
Watch your spewing mouth, you animal!
280
00:12:22,313 --> 00:12:23,979
Hey, you are gonna pay for that.
281
00:12:23,981 --> 00:12:25,480
- That is assault.
- Out. Out.
282
00:12:25,482 --> 00:12:27,048
That is assault. You are witnesses.
283
00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:28,950
- This is assault!
- Right now, get out.
284
00:12:28,952 --> 00:12:31,820
Hello there. I'm Jonah Ryan.
285
00:12:31,822 --> 00:12:33,989
Ah, fuck.
286
00:12:33,991 --> 00:12:37,492
Mothercunt. Piece of shit.
287
00:12:37,494 --> 00:12:39,327
Fuck you. Fuck you.
288
00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:42,629
Ah, fuck.
289
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,165
Careful. Careful. Careful.
290
00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:46,834
I think the problem is that
you lack upper body strength.
291
00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:48,202
Oh!
292
00:12:48,204 --> 00:12:49,904
Why am I even chopping the fucking wood?
293
00:12:49,906 --> 00:12:51,471
It's the 21st century.
294
00:12:51,473 --> 00:12:53,373
We don't even use this shit anymore.
295
00:12:56,145 --> 00:12:57,744
Worked fine.
296
00:12:57,746 --> 00:13:01,080
Ah, and I grew up right here
297
00:13:01,082 --> 00:13:03,149
in the awesome state of New Hampshire.
298
00:13:03,151 --> 00:13:06,419
I hitched my wagon to a
shooting star named Jonah Ryan.
299
00:13:06,421 --> 00:13:08,154
Well, maybe I should say comet
300
00:13:08,156 --> 00:13:10,556
because shooting stars burn
out and he never will.
301
00:13:10,558 --> 00:13:13,459
The only downside is that
I'll probably have to miss
302
00:13:13,461 --> 00:13:15,961
my Gilbert & Sullivan
Society annual show.
303
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,696
You know, operetta is my passion.
304
00:13:17,698 --> 00:13:21,834
♪ If you want to know who we are ♪
305
00:13:21,836 --> 00:13:26,104
♪ We are gentlemen of Japan... ♪
306
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,876
...home to Motown,
307
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:35,546
aka Hitsville USA,
308
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:38,682
would like to cast its vote
309
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:41,819
for President Selina...
310
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,322
Catherine Meyer.
311
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,390
Michigan votes for Selina Meyer.
312
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:48,859
- Jesus, Richard, please drive faster.
- Minnesota?
313
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,328
- If you held the camera...
- I'm not gonna hold the camera, Richard.
314
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,529
How would I be on the camera...
315
00:13:54,248 --> 00:13:56,299
Jesus Christ, Richard! You
could have killed me.
316
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:58,001
Can't you do two simple things at once?
317
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,936
I just thank God I didn't
hit those schoolchildren.
318
00:13:59,938 --> 00:14:02,205
Who gives a fuck about them? Go! Go!
319
00:14:02,207 --> 00:14:04,507
Well, actually, the car won't start.
320
00:14:04,509 --> 00:14:07,243
- Maybe call an Uber.
- We can't call an Uber.
321
00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:09,778
I've been banned for life
because I have a low rating.
322
00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:11,914
Missouri abstains from the vote.
323
00:14:11,916 --> 00:14:13,849
- Missouri abstained?
- Abstained?
324
00:14:13,851 --> 00:14:16,151
This is Tom and he's making a move
325
00:14:16,153 --> 00:14:18,040
like some kind of grand
fucking chess master.
326
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:18,821
Right.
327
00:14:18,822 --> 00:14:22,324
Stalemate his endgame. Shades
of Karpov versus Kasparov.
328
00:14:22,326 --> 00:14:24,792
- Oh, who's that for, Kent?
- Guys, Missouri's gonna abstain.
329
00:14:24,794 --> 00:14:26,995
Tom just needs to make sure
that no one gets to 26
330
00:14:26,997 --> 00:14:29,364
and then get his buddy Marwood to
make sure there's not another vote.
331
00:14:29,366 --> 00:14:31,399
- That's it.
- Where is Jonah, folks?
332
00:14:31,401 --> 00:14:33,601
Motherfucker! They're taking a Lyft now?
333
00:14:36,373 --> 00:14:39,040
- Time to wake up.
- Stop.
334
00:14:39,042 --> 00:14:42,109
You big lesbo.
335
00:14:42,111 --> 00:14:44,778
And what's it to you? I
think it's time to wake up.
336
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:47,814
Suddenly everything
in my life made sense.
337
00:14:47,816 --> 00:14:49,482
Actually, I got a question for you.
338
00:14:49,484 --> 00:14:52,052
Is it weird going hallway to hallway
339
00:14:52,054 --> 00:14:54,821
- with your mom's twin?
- What?
340
00:14:54,823 --> 00:14:57,623
To... never mind.
341
00:14:57,625 --> 00:15:00,726
Do you think about what
you'll do if my mother doesn't win?
342
00:15:00,728 --> 00:15:03,495
God, I have no idea.
What else am I gonna do?
343
00:15:03,497 --> 00:15:05,131
Go out and see the world?
344
00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:08,801
I don't even like looking
out my window, so...
345
00:15:08,803 --> 00:15:11,304
I really... I don't know.
346
00:15:11,306 --> 00:15:14,105
Ben, you home.
347
00:15:14,107 --> 00:15:15,740
It's the spouse.
348
00:15:15,742 --> 00:15:18,310
Hey, sweetie. Hi.
349
00:15:18,312 --> 00:15:22,113
Um, Joyce, this is the
president's daughter Catherine.
350
00:15:22,115 --> 00:15:24,182
Catherine, this is my wife Joyce.
351
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,551
- Nice to meet you.
- What a surprise.
352
00:15:26,553 --> 00:15:28,514
I thought you and the kids
were on vacation this week.
353
00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:29,621
Yeah, that was last month.
354
00:15:29,622 --> 00:15:32,589
Joyce, she took care of me
after my third heart attack.
355
00:15:32,591 --> 00:15:35,326
My second wife was a nurse as well.
356
00:15:35,328 --> 00:15:37,627
I guess I have a thing for nurses, huh?
357
00:15:37,629 --> 00:15:39,964
Yeah, but I his best nurse.
358
00:15:39,966 --> 00:15:43,300
These Precious Moments figurines
are a very good investment.
359
00:15:43,302 --> 00:15:44,701
Would you care for a drink?
360
00:15:44,703 --> 00:15:47,737
Hi, yeah, I'm trying to
reach Charlie Baird.
361
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,672
This is a friend of his, Gary Walsh.
362
00:15:49,674 --> 00:15:53,009
Oh, what's the... what
is this concerning?
363
00:15:53,011 --> 00:15:54,810
Um, hanging out?
364
00:15:54,812 --> 00:15:57,347
_
365
00:15:57,349 --> 00:15:58,881
_
366
00:15:58,883 --> 00:16:03,252
_
367
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,087
These are my compatriots.
368
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:08,223
We are a historically
Spanish-speaking motorcycle club
369
00:16:08,225 --> 00:16:12,827
which has been under a great deal
of unfair legal scrutiny lately.
370
00:16:12,829 --> 00:16:15,530
This is our president, El Cabeza.
371
00:16:15,532 --> 00:16:17,832
Hola, chica. ¿Cómo estás?
372
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,236
_
373
00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:23,731
_
374
00:16:23,772 --> 00:16:25,806
I find that my
involvement in the club
375
00:16:25,808 --> 00:16:28,042
keeps the internecine skirmishes
376
00:16:28,044 --> 00:16:29,943
of Washington in perspective.
377
00:16:32,148 --> 00:16:34,948
Yello.
378
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:37,651
- Hey, how far out are you?
- We're at security.
379
00:16:37,653 --> 00:16:40,120
Get the Hunchback of Notre
Hampshire down to the floor.
380
00:16:40,122 --> 00:16:42,522
Well, we've reached a
little bit of a kerfuffle.
381
00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:44,491
I'd say even more of a kerfuffle.
382
00:16:44,493 --> 00:16:46,259
Like a snafu approaching quagmire.
383
00:16:46,261 --> 00:16:48,461
Jonah Ryan. Just Google me. Google me.
384
00:16:48,463 --> 00:16:50,997
- Come on, fucking Google me.
- Calm down, sir.
385
00:16:50,999 --> 00:16:52,065
Jesus Christ.
386
00:16:53,335 --> 00:16:56,435
- Hey!
- No!
387
00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:58,404
We're hanging on by a thread,
but if everyone votes
388
00:16:58,406 --> 00:17:00,272
the way we think they're
gonna vote, we'll win.
389
00:17:00,274 --> 00:17:02,241
Yeah, that's the least
reassuring sentence
390
00:17:02,243 --> 00:17:04,743
I've heard since "It's
okay, it's just the tip."
391
00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:06,678
It's looking tighter
than Will's own butthole
392
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,280
when he's got his finger jammed up there
393
00:17:08,282 --> 00:17:10,582
watching "Bad News Bears"
while he jerks off.
394
00:17:10,584 --> 00:17:13,351
- How tight is that, Will?
- It's very tight, sir.
395
00:17:13,353 --> 00:17:15,719
Yeah, but I wouldn't take
down the tampon dispenser
396
00:17:15,721 --> 00:17:17,488
in the Oval Office bathroom just yet.
397
00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:19,657
How will you
feel if my mom loses?
398
00:17:19,659 --> 00:17:22,226
If your mom loses? I'll miss her.
399
00:17:22,228 --> 00:17:24,128
She's a pretty classy lady.
400
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,197
She's the only person in this
town who really gets me.
401
00:17:26,199 --> 00:17:29,600
Oh, so I will see you tomorrow night.
402
00:17:29,602 --> 00:17:31,268
- Yes.
- Yes, indeed.
403
00:17:31,270 --> 00:17:33,002
As the vote got closer,
404
00:17:33,004 --> 00:17:35,872
the tension in the White House
ratcheted up even further.
405
00:17:35,874 --> 00:17:37,607
Run.
406
00:17:37,609 --> 00:17:39,809
Door.
407
00:17:39,811 --> 00:17:42,679
So what the fuck is Tom up to?
408
00:17:48,686 --> 00:17:51,019
Sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry.
409
00:17:53,224 --> 00:17:55,057
Yes?
410
00:17:55,059 --> 00:17:58,961
I was just checking to see if there
was another meeting about me.
411
00:17:58,963 --> 00:18:01,197
Not today.
412
00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:02,664
Okay.
413
00:18:05,602 --> 00:18:08,903
Guys, Mike is a moron. Jesus Christ!
414
00:18:08,905 --> 00:18:10,980
I can't wait until
after the inauguration.
415
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:11,672
No.
416
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:14,309
I'm sure he's an inspiration
to other slow adults,
417
00:18:14,311 --> 00:18:15,977
but it's enough already with Mike.
418
00:18:15,979 --> 00:18:17,612
I'll start lining up interviews.
419
00:18:17,614 --> 00:18:19,314
Since the surrogate's pregnant,
420
00:18:19,316 --> 00:18:22,015
we've converted the man
cave back into a baby cave.
421
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,318
And this thing here was
already hard mounted.
422
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,020
It's pretty solid, so I think I'm
just gonna leave it here, you know?
423
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:29,323
That way, we can play
educational stuff for the baby.
424
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:32,192
You know, Barney, nature
films, nothing harmful.
425
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:35,895
Oh, God, check for lead. Note to self.
426
00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:38,564
So what's up
with all the hockey stuff?
427
00:18:46,674 --> 00:18:49,041
Let's go in here. We can
talk privately in here, Tom.
428
00:18:49,043 --> 00:18:50,186
Shit.
429
00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:53,613
I've been waiting for
this for a very long time.
430
00:18:53,615 --> 00:18:56,879
- Okay, how stupid are you,
you motherfucking snake?
431
00:18:56,904 --> 00:18:58,049
Fuck.
432
00:18:58,051 --> 00:19:00,385
- All right, I wanted to fuck you!
- That's right!
433
00:19:00,387 --> 00:19:02,554
And now you're trying to
fuck me again tonight.
434
00:19:02,556 --> 00:19:04,422
No, I am fucking you tonight!
435
00:19:04,424 --> 00:19:07,959
No, I'm gonna fuck you!
436
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:13,464
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, please.
437
00:19:13,466 --> 00:19:16,333
Have you thought about
what you'll do if my mother loses?
438
00:19:16,335 --> 00:19:18,369
We'll be fine.
439
00:19:18,371 --> 00:19:19,238
Sorry.
440
00:19:19,263 --> 00:19:21,838
Yeah, hi. It's this
couch right here, yeah.
441
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,607
I mean, whether we're in the White House
442
00:19:23,609 --> 00:19:26,243
or we're antiquing in Charleston
443
00:19:26,245 --> 00:19:30,046
or we're on the pink,
sandy beaches of Barbuda,
444
00:19:30,048 --> 00:19:32,582
you know, it's like we'll be fine.
445
00:19:32,584 --> 00:19:35,485
- Where do you want this?
- Just not here.
446
00:19:35,487 --> 00:19:38,154
We haven't even been to Italy.
447
00:19:38,156 --> 00:19:40,089
My father was a navy guy,
448
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:42,525
so we travelled the world quite a bit.
449
00:19:42,527 --> 00:19:47,563
I am very excited to
be secretary of state.
450
00:19:47,565 --> 00:19:49,498
What about
Congressman Graves?
451
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,734
I thought that he was doing it.
452
00:19:52,736 --> 00:19:53,968
No.
453
00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:56,371
Um...
454
00:19:56,373 --> 00:19:58,773
did I tell you I have a
photograph of my father?
455
00:19:58,775 --> 00:20:00,809
- New Hampshire?
- Where is he?
456
00:20:00,811 --> 00:20:03,911
The state of New Hampshire
begs the floor's indulgence.
457
00:20:03,913 --> 00:20:06,013
We are still missing a
member of our delegation.
458
00:20:06,015 --> 00:20:07,865
I thought that you
said he was at security.
459
00:20:07,891 --> 00:20:08,482
He was.
460
00:20:08,484 --> 00:20:11,085
He's 18 feet tall. How could
he have gone missing?
461
00:20:11,087 --> 00:20:12,753
- Jesus. Catherine, move.
- Ow!
462
00:20:15,891 --> 00:20:17,491
Oh, other exit.
463
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,894
Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no!
464
00:20:21,896 --> 00:20:23,947
Oh, you want it open? Sorry.
Okay, I got it.
465
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:24,655
Fuck!
466
00:20:26,635 --> 00:20:28,201
- I'm so excited.
467
00:20:28,203 --> 00:20:30,303
- Oh!
- She's here? Oh.
468
00:20:30,305 --> 00:20:31,871
Hi.
469
00:20:31,873 --> 00:20:35,074
- Hi, Mom.
- Welcome home. Oh!
470
00:20:35,076 --> 00:20:37,443
- Catherine, this is my mom, my dad.
- Hi.
471
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,612
- Hi. Hi.
- Grandma. Grandpa.
472
00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:42,384
This is Catherine Meyer,
my, uh, work friend.
473
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:43,649
What?
474
00:20:43,651 --> 00:20:44,983
Welcome to Montana.
475
00:20:44,985 --> 00:20:48,153
We had a fight.
476
00:20:50,157 --> 00:20:53,292
I trust the American people
to make the right decision.
477
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,760
What if you think they're
gonna make a certain decision
478
00:20:55,762 --> 00:20:58,429
and they make a different decision
and then it completely derails
479
00:20:58,431 --> 00:21:00,632
what you thought was gonna happen?
480
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,368
- And then your plans are different.
- Oh, honey, don't cry.
481
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:06,704
Mommy's gonna get elected, honey.
482
00:21:06,706 --> 00:21:09,674
Marjorie and I broke up.
483
00:21:09,676 --> 00:21:12,542
Oh. Oh.
484
00:21:12,544 --> 00:21:16,480
That's terrible.
485
00:21:16,482 --> 00:21:19,316
- Do you need a tissue?
- No, I'm fine.
486
00:21:19,318 --> 00:21:20,950
Yeah, no, you do.
487
00:21:20,952 --> 00:21:24,053
Honey. Oh, you look terrible!
488
00:21:24,055 --> 00:21:26,456
You look terrible.
489
00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:28,091
Oh...
490
00:21:28,093 --> 00:21:29,858
Honey, let me tell you something.
491
00:21:29,860 --> 00:21:34,530
Marjorie is insufferable, okay?
492
00:21:34,532 --> 00:21:39,134
There are other... there are other
fish in the sapphic sea, babe.
493
00:21:39,136 --> 00:21:43,339
I mean, seriously, there are more
lesbians in the Secret Service, even.
494
00:21:43,341 --> 00:21:45,473
- You feel better?
- Yeah, a little bit.
495
00:21:45,475 --> 00:21:47,309
Good girl. Good. Okay, let's get back.
496
00:21:47,311 --> 00:21:50,312
Legacy is not something that
I can be concerned with.
497
00:21:50,314 --> 00:21:52,681
I'm laser-focused
498
00:21:52,683 --> 00:21:55,550
on doing the best possible job I can...
499
00:21:55,552 --> 00:21:58,986
...as president... Catherine.
500
00:21:58,988 --> 00:22:01,489
Not everybody gets to
just walk into the Oval.
501
00:22:03,091 --> 00:22:04,591
Madam President.
502
00:22:04,593 --> 00:22:06,760
- Wayne! Hey!
- Hey.
503
00:22:06,762 --> 00:22:09,797
What the what? What, are
you doing an interview?
504
00:22:09,799 --> 00:22:11,365
Yeah, he is.
505
00:22:11,367 --> 00:22:14,100
- Well, completely slipped my mind.
- Okay.
506
00:22:14,102 --> 00:22:16,169
Ma'am, here are the talking
points for this afternoon.
507
00:22:16,171 --> 00:22:18,071
Oh, no. Sorry.
508
00:22:18,073 --> 00:22:19,939
Wrong ones. I'll be back.
509
00:22:19,941 --> 00:22:23,876
- See you at poker on Wednesday.
- Right.
510
00:22:23,878 --> 00:22:26,412
So you see what I'm dealing with here.
511
00:22:26,414 --> 00:22:29,716
So you didn't tell him that
I'm taking his job yet?
512
00:22:29,718 --> 00:22:31,851
No, that'll be your first press release.
513
00:22:31,853 --> 00:22:33,820
Now that there will be
three babies on the way,
514
00:22:33,822 --> 00:22:36,255
we decided to move the kiddos
upstairs to the master
515
00:22:36,257 --> 00:22:39,290
and this will be the new love palace.
516
00:22:39,292 --> 00:22:41,926
She gets the dresser and I'll hang those
517
00:22:41,928 --> 00:22:43,962
in the... I don't know where.
518
00:22:43,964 --> 00:22:46,631
The lead, still a problem.
519
00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:48,800
Raise your right hand, please.
520
00:22:48,802 --> 00:22:51,737
- I do solemnly swear...
- I do solemnly swear...
521
00:22:51,739 --> 00:22:54,739
...that I will support and defend the
Constitution of the United States...
522
00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:58,376
...that I will support and defend the
Constitution of the United States...
523
00:23:00,613 --> 00:23:02,346
Vermont abstains from the vote.
524
00:23:02,348 --> 00:23:04,314
Oh, God.
525
00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:06,984
That's three abstentions.
Sorry, ma'am.
526
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,987
What?
527
00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:12,255
Wait, though, isn't there
anything that we can do?
528
00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:14,323
No, you'd have to run
the table now to win.
529
00:23:14,325 --> 00:23:15,992
There's no way you can get to 26.
530
00:23:15,994 --> 00:23:17,861
- But what if we get Virginia?
- You're not gonna get Virginia.
531
00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:19,829
- What if we get West Virginia?
- You're not gonna get anything.
532
00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:21,898
Can we give them farm subsidies?
533
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:22,659
Can we...
534
00:23:22,684 --> 00:23:24,934
You can't win, ma'am. You're
not gonna be president.
535
00:23:24,936 --> 00:23:28,203
- Virginia votes for Bill O'Brien.
- Ma'am?
536
00:23:28,205 --> 00:23:29,971
Virginia votes
for Bill O'Brien.
537
00:23:29,973 --> 00:23:32,841
- Oh, Christ. O'Brien's only got 22.
- Yeah.
538
00:23:32,843 --> 00:23:35,944
I mean, I don't think
even he can get to 26.
539
00:23:35,946 --> 00:23:39,448
Looks like we're looking down the
barrel of a Tom James presidency.
540
00:23:39,450 --> 00:23:42,350
Could you explain to me one more
time how this whole thing works?
541
00:23:42,352 --> 00:23:44,252
Why is Tom...
542
00:23:44,254 --> 00:23:46,454
I'm really sorry, Mom.
543
00:23:46,456 --> 00:23:48,022
Hey, don't worry, ma'am.
544
00:23:48,024 --> 00:23:50,925
You can run again in
four years, you know?
545
00:23:50,927 --> 00:23:53,528
Not if Tom James is president, I can't.
546
00:23:53,530 --> 00:23:57,331
...Washington votes
for Bill O'Brien.
547
00:23:57,333 --> 00:23:59,767
Washington
votes for Bill O'Brien.
548
00:24:01,370 --> 00:24:04,471
- All right, everybody clear out.
- Okay.
549
00:24:04,473 --> 00:24:06,873
- Clear out!
- Let's go.
550
00:24:06,875 --> 00:24:08,909
Except you, Amy.
551
00:24:08,911 --> 00:24:12,612
Oh, God, come on, come on.
552
00:24:12,614 --> 00:24:15,782
Okay, look.
553
00:24:15,784 --> 00:24:18,318
Get that clowntard Jonah
on the phone right now.
554
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:22,054
What if we tell him to vote for O'Brien?
555
00:24:23,891 --> 00:24:26,559
Ma'am, you can't do that.
He is the opposition...
556
00:24:26,561 --> 00:24:30,496
It is the only fucking
thing that I can do, Amy.
557
00:24:30,498 --> 00:24:32,264
Seriously.
558
00:24:32,266 --> 00:24:36,133
If O'Brien wins the presidency, I
can run against him in four years.
559
00:24:36,135 --> 00:24:38,035
But if Tom James wins,
560
00:24:38,037 --> 00:24:42,239
he's gonna be president for the
next eight years, Amy. Eight!
561
00:24:42,241 --> 00:24:44,175
- 12, ma'am.
- Huh?
562
00:24:44,177 --> 00:24:46,110
Tom's first term won't count
563
00:24:46,112 --> 00:24:48,379
because technically he'll be
an elevated vice president.
564
00:24:48,381 --> 00:24:50,014
But I sound like Kent, so...
565
00:24:50,016 --> 00:24:51,950
My God, in 12 years,
566
00:24:51,952 --> 00:24:55,185
I'm gonna be a shriveled-up can of ass.
567
00:24:55,187 --> 00:24:57,921
Seriously, I can't... I
mean, my political window
568
00:24:57,923 --> 00:25:01,191
just slams shut the second I
can't wear sleeveless dresses.
569
00:25:01,193 --> 00:25:06,029
Call Jonah right now and tell
him to vote for O'Brien.
570
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,799
Oh, excuse me. Where
is the House Chamber?
571
00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:11,634
The House Chamber is that way.
572
00:25:11,636 --> 00:25:13,435
No, it's not. We just...
573
00:25:13,437 --> 00:25:15,638
we just fucking came from there!
574
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,874
No, it's not...
575
00:25:17,876 --> 00:25:19,408
God damn it.
576
00:25:21,045 --> 00:25:23,412
You better be right.
577
00:25:23,414 --> 00:25:25,047
They're gonna close the vote.
578
00:25:25,049 --> 00:25:26,781
- O'Brien 25.
- He's one away.
579
00:25:26,783 --> 00:25:28,550
Please, God, deliver Jonah to Congress
580
00:25:28,552 --> 00:25:30,752
and then give him any kind of cancer.
I don't care.
581
00:25:30,754 --> 00:25:32,821
- There he is.
- Catherine.
582
00:25:32,823 --> 00:25:36,024
- Marjorie? I don't want to talk to you.
- I'm sorry, okay?
583
00:25:36,026 --> 00:25:38,126
I told my parents about us.
584
00:25:38,128 --> 00:25:39,928
- New Hampshire...
- They took it hard, but I don't care.
585
00:25:39,930 --> 00:25:41,796
- I love you.
- ...proudly casts its vote
586
00:25:41,798 --> 00:25:43,964
- for President Selina Meyer.
- I love you, too.
587
00:25:44,694 --> 00:25:46,700
New Hampshire
votes for Selina Meyer.
588
00:25:46,702 --> 00:25:49,236
The vote is hereby closed.
589
00:25:49,238 --> 00:25:53,373
That's O'Brien 25, Meyer 22.
590
00:25:53,375 --> 00:25:56,710
With three abstentions,
no candidate has received
591
00:25:56,712 --> 00:25:59,780
the constitutionally required 26 votes.
592
00:25:59,782 --> 00:26:01,681
This House is adjourned.
593
00:26:01,683 --> 00:26:03,850
I'm sorry, I would like
to change my vote.
594
00:26:03,852 --> 00:26:05,985
I voted for the wrong person.
595
00:26:05,987 --> 00:26:08,655
I would like to change
my vote, thank you.
596
00:26:08,657 --> 00:26:10,222
Where is everyone going?
597
00:26:10,224 --> 00:26:11,958
The gentleman from New Hampshire
598
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,028
puts forth onto the floor
a do-over, thank you.
599
00:26:15,030 --> 00:26:17,763
We have just witnessed
a historic no decision
600
00:26:17,765 --> 00:26:19,464
in the House of Representatives.
601
00:26:19,466 --> 00:26:21,332
Okay, we got to
get a statement out.
602
00:26:21,334 --> 00:26:24,603
The Senate will now choose between
Senators Tom James and Laura Montez.
603
00:26:24,605 --> 00:26:26,672
- Oh, hey, Marjorie.
- Hello, ma'am.
604
00:26:26,674 --> 00:26:28,707
If I lose, I lose.
605
00:26:28,709 --> 00:26:31,843
Teddy Roosevelt lost. John Adams lost.
606
00:26:31,845 --> 00:26:33,144
Winston Churchill lost.
607
00:26:33,146 --> 00:26:35,279
So plenty of presidents have lost
608
00:26:35,281 --> 00:26:38,515
and gone on to do great, great things.
609
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,687
Are we done, sweetie?
610
00:26:42,689 --> 00:26:46,123
- I can't fucking lose this thing.
- You won't. You won't.
611
00:26:50,396 --> 00:26:52,696
We are now entering the Red Room,
612
00:26:52,698 --> 00:26:54,864
which originally was
the yellow drawing...
613
00:26:54,866 --> 00:26:57,834
Madam President, I am so sorry.
614
00:26:57,836 --> 00:26:59,502
- We're just coming through.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
615
00:26:59,504 --> 00:27:02,171
Everybody come on in. Come on in.
616
00:27:02,173 --> 00:27:04,273
Welcome, welcome.
617
00:27:04,275 --> 00:27:06,042
Welcome. Hello.
618
00:27:06,044 --> 00:27:07,944
Look at you. I think you're from Kansas.
619
00:27:07,946 --> 00:27:10,412
- I can see it...
- I am. I voted for you twice.
620
00:27:10,414 --> 00:27:13,415
This year and back when you ran
for president the first time.
621
00:27:13,417 --> 00:27:16,051
Oh, you're clutching your bag
like I'm gonna steal it.
622
00:27:16,053 --> 00:27:17,853
- Oh, no!
- No.
623
00:27:17,855 --> 00:27:19,989
- Would you like to take a picture?
- Oh, yeah.
624
00:27:19,991 --> 00:27:22,524
Oh, yeah. She knows what she wants.
625
00:27:23,794 --> 00:27:25,127
- Did we get it?
- Yeah.
626
00:27:25,129 --> 00:27:26,794
Okay, great. Thank you.
627
00:27:26,796 --> 00:27:28,763
- I love you.
- Oh.
628
00:27:30,967 --> 00:27:33,067
Oh.
629
00:27:33,069 --> 00:27:35,503
Whoo!
630
00:27:35,505 --> 00:27:37,605
- Thank you.
- Whoo-hoo!
631
00:27:37,607 --> 00:27:39,340
Yeah!
632
00:27:39,342 --> 00:27:41,943
Thank you.
633
00:27:41,945 --> 00:27:44,044
- Whoo-hoo!
- Thank you.
634
00:27:44,046 --> 00:27:45,578
Thank you.
635
00:27:50,152 --> 00:27:53,219
Who else would like a photo?
Oh!
636
00:27:53,221 --> 00:27:56,957
Some say a tie is
like kissing your sister.
637
00:27:56,959 --> 00:27:59,059
But it took an electoral college tie
638
00:27:59,061 --> 00:28:03,262
for me to get to kiss the
sister I never knew I had.
639
00:28:07,635 --> 00:28:09,702
I'm just gonna
ask you what you think
640
00:28:09,704 --> 00:28:12,271
of a few people in my
mother's administration.
641
00:28:12,273 --> 00:28:14,040
It's a great opportunity. Thank you.
642
00:28:14,042 --> 00:28:15,775
What do you think of Amy Brookheimer?
643
00:28:15,777 --> 00:28:17,608
She likes to hear herself talk.
644
00:28:17,610 --> 00:28:19,144
- Tense.
- Shrill.
645
00:28:19,146 --> 00:28:20,344
- Shrill.
- Shrill.
646
00:28:20,346 --> 00:28:22,113
- Shrill.
- Did they say shrill?
647
00:28:22,115 --> 00:28:25,050
- How would you describe Gary Walsh?
- A kind person.
648
00:28:25,052 --> 00:28:27,752
- Truck stop glory hole.
- Can do a handstand still.
649
00:28:27,754 --> 00:28:29,921
- What do you think of Dan Egan?
- Douchebag.
650
00:28:29,923 --> 00:28:32,691
- The other side of the glory hole.
- He's fine.
651
00:28:32,693 --> 00:28:35,525
Mike is an idiot. It's amazing
he got a driver's license.
652
00:28:35,527 --> 00:28:38,929
One of the most extraordinarily incoherent
people I've ever met in my life.
653
00:28:38,931 --> 00:28:41,699
Sometimes, like, in a futuristic...
like a sci-fi movie,
654
00:28:41,701 --> 00:28:45,069
you'll see, like, a robot that's
like the old version of the robot
655
00:28:45,071 --> 00:28:47,171
- and you kind of feel bad.
- How about Jonah?
656
00:28:47,173 --> 00:28:50,507
Jonah Ryan is the congressman that
the people of New Hampshire deserve.
657
00:28:50,509 --> 00:28:53,843
Do you think you had a crowning
achievement as vice president?
658
00:28:53,845 --> 00:28:57,513
Well, I became president.
659
00:28:57,515 --> 00:29:01,017
- Can we call that an achievement?
- Did you vote for Mom?
660
00:29:01,019 --> 00:29:03,753
If I would have voted, it would have
certainly been for your mother.
661
00:29:03,755 --> 00:29:05,688
Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
662
00:29:05,690 --> 00:29:07,823
- White House.
- I'd say the Galapagos Islands.
663
00:29:07,825 --> 00:29:08,712
Just be president.
664
00:29:08,737 --> 00:29:11,126
I have it penciled in 2036.
Gonna go there.
665
00:29:11,128 --> 00:29:12,961
- Just the seat of power.
- I bought two tickets.
666
00:29:12,963 --> 00:29:14,696
I don't know who the other is gonna be,
667
00:29:14,698 --> 00:29:16,832
but I'm assuming by then
I'll be coupled up.
668
00:29:16,834 --> 00:29:19,000
Everyone saying, "Mr. President,
this is the most important bill
669
00:29:19,002 --> 00:29:22,738
- that has ever been signed into law."
- I like to be close to the sun.
670
00:29:22,740 --> 00:29:24,706
I haven't thought that far ahead.
671
00:29:24,708 --> 00:29:26,741
I'm so focused on the present.
672
00:29:26,743 --> 00:29:28,075
Let me ask you a question.
673
00:29:28,077 --> 00:29:30,677
What's the best lesbian porn site?
674
00:29:30,701 --> 00:29:32,701
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -