1 00:00:00,069 --> 00:00:02,239 Last season on "Odd Mom Out"... 2 00:00:02,272 --> 00:00:04,206 This from Dottie. 3 00:00:04,207 --> 00:00:07,308 "My mommy loves tattoos, 4 00:00:07,309 --> 00:00:09,978 underwear dance parties, 5 00:00:09,979 --> 00:00:12,283 and bad words." 6 00:00:13,682 --> 00:00:15,850 Oh, shit. 7 00:00:18,787 --> 00:00:20,689 It's my sister-in-law. I can't escape her. 8 00:00:20,690 --> 00:00:22,658 Just promise me you will not turn 9 00:00:22,659 --> 00:00:24,559 into one of those freaky mom-bots. 10 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,728 Oh, shit. 11 00:00:26,729 --> 00:00:27,896 One more push. 12 00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,530 - I can't do it! - Yes, you can! 13 00:00:29,531 --> 00:00:31,000 You are an Olympian! 14 00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:32,634 Jill... 15 00:00:32,635 --> 00:00:35,905 from now on, we have to stick together. 16 00:00:35,906 --> 00:00:38,874 You are wasting your life at that white-shoe law firm. 17 00:00:38,875 --> 00:00:40,208 You should come work for Hercules. 18 00:00:40,209 --> 00:00:41,509 - Lex... - What the... 19 00:00:41,510 --> 00:00:43,078 - Oh! - Lex is cheating on Brooke 20 00:00:43,079 --> 00:00:45,247 with his assistant Ella. 21 00:00:45,248 --> 00:00:46,414 Did you say something? 22 00:00:46,415 --> 00:00:48,549 Next time, keep it in your pants. 23 00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:50,753 I quit. 24 00:00:50,754 --> 00:00:52,755 I'm sorry your husband cheated on you, 25 00:00:52,756 --> 00:00:54,256 but you manipulated me 26 00:00:54,257 --> 00:00:56,692 the way you manipulate everyone to get your way. 27 00:01:01,664 --> 00:01:04,399 It is so funny to bump into you here. 28 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,068 I know. I can't believe it. 29 00:01:06,069 --> 00:01:09,338 - So how was your summer? - Not good. 30 00:01:09,339 --> 00:01:11,806 We did a gut job on the house on Gin Lane, 31 00:01:11,807 --> 00:01:13,374 but it wasn't ready in time. 32 00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:16,044 So we had to stay in a $50,000 rental next door, 33 00:01:16,045 --> 00:01:18,514 but now my contractor isn't speaking to my architect 34 00:01:18,515 --> 00:01:20,082 who isn't speaking to my decorator. 35 00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:22,250 It's like civil war. 36 00:01:22,251 --> 00:01:24,254 Ooh, I think I found one. 37 00:01:27,623 --> 00:01:30,758 Holy Neptune's nutsack! 38 00:01:30,759 --> 00:01:32,794 Oh, my God, steamrollered boobage. 39 00:01:32,795 --> 00:01:34,262 I can't look at it! 40 00:01:34,263 --> 00:01:37,232 Oh, my God, has anyone's nipple ever exploded? 41 00:01:37,233 --> 00:01:39,434 No, wait, don't tell me. No, tell me. 42 00:01:39,435 --> 00:01:40,469 No, don't. Don't. 43 00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:41,770 Are my cans gonna be 44 00:01:41,771 --> 00:01:43,137 smashed beaver tails after this, 45 00:01:43,138 --> 00:01:44,573 or do they go back to melons? 46 00:01:44,574 --> 00:01:45,907 Ma'am it's very important that 47 00:01:45,908 --> 00:01:49,211 you don't move or talk or breathe. 48 00:01:49,212 --> 00:01:51,015 Sorry, bad habit. 49 00:01:52,715 --> 00:01:54,383 Oh, mercy. 50 00:01:54,384 --> 00:01:57,151 Mercy mine. 51 00:01:57,152 --> 00:02:00,055 If guys had to shove their nutsack on this thing 52 00:02:00,056 --> 00:02:02,223 and turn 'em into silver dollar pancakes, 53 00:02:02,224 --> 00:02:04,325 they'd find a better way, am I right? 54 00:02:04,326 --> 00:02:07,396 Mm-hmm. Time for the other side now. 55 00:02:07,397 --> 00:02:09,598 What? Is that really necessary? 56 00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:11,300 I have to do the other one? 57 00:02:11,301 --> 00:02:12,735 Oh, my God. 58 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:22,243 Oh, look, it's my boobs. 59 00:02:22,244 --> 00:02:23,845 To healthy cans. 60 00:02:23,846 --> 00:02:27,349 And with my family history, that's no small feat. 61 00:02:30,285 --> 00:02:31,653 Oh, my God, sorry, 62 00:02:31,654 --> 00:02:33,688 I keep thinking I'm seeing Brooke. 63 00:02:33,689 --> 00:02:35,924 I have loved this break from her. 64 00:02:35,925 --> 00:02:37,291 Why does it have to end? 65 00:02:37,292 --> 00:02:38,961 School starts tomorrow, right? 66 00:02:38,962 --> 00:02:41,663 Relax, the woman doused you in fruit punch. 67 00:02:41,664 --> 00:02:43,231 I mean, what else can she do? 68 00:02:43,232 --> 00:02:45,166 She could throw one of her handbags at me. 69 00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:46,835 Oh, my God, is she still making those? 70 00:02:46,836 --> 00:02:48,670 - Come on. - She keeps posting pictures 71 00:02:48,671 --> 00:02:50,873 of her trunk shows in the Cramptons. 72 00:02:50,874 --> 00:02:53,641 Her friends are actually paying for her original designs. 73 00:02:53,642 --> 00:02:55,176 Ah, too good. 74 00:02:55,177 --> 00:02:57,312 Here's what you're gonna do next time you see her. 75 00:02:57,313 --> 00:02:58,580 I already told you. 76 00:02:58,581 --> 00:03:00,015 I can't call her the gold medalist 77 00:03:00,016 --> 00:03:01,450 in the Asshole Olympics. 78 00:03:01,451 --> 00:03:03,451 Andy's making me take the high road. 79 00:03:03,452 --> 00:03:05,954 Fine, but I went to this empowerment workshop 80 00:03:05,955 --> 00:03:07,956 the other day for female physicians... 81 00:03:07,957 --> 00:03:10,759 - Aka doctors without penises. - Exactly. 82 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,729 And it's all about power-posing to command respect. 83 00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:17,199 You've gotta take up an obnoxious amount of space. 84 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,034 Like this... 85 00:03:19,035 --> 00:03:20,669 Okay, thanks, Linda Carter. 86 00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:22,638 Or even better, this... 87 00:03:24,207 --> 00:03:26,008 Key is to communicate dominance. 88 00:03:26,009 --> 00:03:27,375 Can you sit down? 89 00:03:27,376 --> 00:03:29,410 Your dominance is starting to freak me out. 90 00:03:29,411 --> 00:03:31,313 Oh, and you can do it at the magazine. 91 00:03:31,314 --> 00:03:33,047 Aren't you meeting with your old assistant today? 92 00:03:33,048 --> 00:03:35,516 Yes, but she's senior photo editor now. 93 00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:37,552 It's gonna be so weird to be back there. 94 00:03:37,553 --> 00:03:39,555 - So many skeletons. - Literally. 95 00:03:39,556 --> 00:03:40,855 You were, like, the fat chick there. 96 00:03:40,856 --> 00:03:42,690 And, of course, 97 00:03:42,691 --> 00:03:45,027 Trixie's still in charge, sucking up people's souls 98 00:03:45,028 --> 00:03:46,761 like a DustBuster, 99 00:03:46,762 --> 00:03:49,198 but I guess I have to "network" 100 00:03:49,199 --> 00:03:51,332 if I want to jump start my career. 101 00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:54,169 Well, it's "about time." 102 00:04:11,855 --> 00:04:14,388 Daddy, are you unemployed? 103 00:04:14,389 --> 00:04:17,892 No, Miles, I am on what is called a sabbatical, 104 00:04:17,893 --> 00:04:20,395 which means we get to do a bunch of fun stuff, 105 00:04:20,396 --> 00:04:22,798 and then I start my new job in January. 106 00:04:22,799 --> 00:04:27,269 But today, we are gonna go to the zoo, the boat pond, 107 00:04:27,270 --> 00:04:30,205 then we're gonna water taxi over to Red Hook. 108 00:04:30,206 --> 00:04:33,575 But are we ever seeing Uncle Lex again? 109 00:04:33,576 --> 00:04:36,411 What? Um, of course. 110 00:04:36,412 --> 00:04:39,448 Sure, yeah. Actually, you know what? 111 00:04:39,449 --> 00:04:41,717 Uncle Lex's new place is right by the subway. 112 00:04:41,718 --> 00:04:44,719 Why don't we stop there first and cheer him up? 113 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,387 Oh, my God, the lamp. 114 00:04:46,388 --> 00:04:48,056 I can't believe you still have that. 115 00:04:48,057 --> 00:04:51,092 Oh, and I risked everything smuggling it in here. 116 00:04:51,093 --> 00:04:53,395 There is an actual tchotchke limit now, 117 00:04:53,396 --> 00:04:55,330 but you gave it to me 118 00:04:55,331 --> 00:04:57,065 and you're still my favorite boss. 119 00:04:57,066 --> 00:04:59,801 Oh, Kate, that means so much to me. 120 00:04:59,802 --> 00:05:03,171 This stay-at-home mom thing has gotten so old. 121 00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,972 Yeah, but at least you got off the hamster wheel 122 00:05:04,973 --> 00:05:06,642 long enough to get a personal life. 123 00:05:06,643 --> 00:05:10,012 Oh, I'm... I'm so grateful for my kids, of course... 124 00:05:10,013 --> 00:05:12,813 - Oh, I meant your husband. - Oh, him too. 125 00:05:12,814 --> 00:05:14,616 I'm not complaining. I'm just... 126 00:05:14,617 --> 00:05:15,616 Don't listen to me. 127 00:05:15,617 --> 00:05:17,085 I am just so fried 128 00:05:17,086 --> 00:05:18,120 after fashion week. 129 00:05:18,121 --> 00:05:19,188 There have been so many layoffs, 130 00:05:19,189 --> 00:05:20,656 morale is in the shitter. 131 00:05:20,657 --> 00:05:22,590 - I've been hearing. - Don't worry. 132 00:05:22,591 --> 00:05:24,359 We are still hiring photographers, 133 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,794 and I'm about to sit down with Trixie, 134 00:05:25,795 --> 00:05:28,262 so if you're serious, 135 00:05:28,263 --> 00:05:29,830 I'll get her to rubberstamp a few gigs 136 00:05:29,831 --> 00:05:31,065 I think you'd be perfect for. 137 00:05:31,066 --> 00:05:32,467 Really? Like, now? 138 00:05:32,468 --> 00:05:34,001 Totally. 139 00:05:34,002 --> 00:05:36,137 Take my ID, go to the caf, 140 00:05:36,138 --> 00:05:38,207 put anything you want on it, and be greedy. 141 00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:40,409 When you get back, we'll get down do brass tacks. 142 00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:43,145 Thank you. This is so exciting. 143 00:05:43,146 --> 00:05:44,479 - I worship thee! - Aww. 144 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,448 - Building a shrine. - Aww. 145 00:05:53,388 --> 00:05:56,657 The first von Weber line, "Palm Bitch," 146 00:05:56,658 --> 00:05:59,161 was about embracing entitlement. 147 00:05:59,162 --> 00:06:01,996 It took inspiration from Slim Aarons photographs, 148 00:06:01,997 --> 00:06:04,899 toddlers in lederhosen, and attitude. 149 00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:09,404 As you know, our South Hampton trunk show sold out in one day. 150 00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:11,138 Obviously, you've touched on something. 151 00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:12,873 Mm, I have. 152 00:06:12,874 --> 00:06:16,911 And my fall collection is all centered on one thing, 153 00:06:16,912 --> 00:06:18,179 decadence. 154 00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:21,015 - Decadence is the new excess. - It's trending. 155 00:06:21,016 --> 00:06:22,316 J'neece is in charge 156 00:06:22,317 --> 00:06:24,219 of von Weber's urban markets. 157 00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:26,121 Like so many cutting-edge corporations, 158 00:06:26,122 --> 00:06:28,724 we've made diversity a top priority. 159 00:06:28,725 --> 00:06:32,094 J'neece is our not-so-secret weapon. 160 00:06:32,095 --> 00:06:33,395 Yes. 161 00:06:33,396 --> 00:06:35,162 It's Janice. 162 00:06:35,163 --> 00:06:37,498 To me, decadence is 163 00:06:37,499 --> 00:06:40,301 coming home after a black-tie affair, 164 00:06:40,302 --> 00:06:41,969 kicking off your stilettos, 165 00:06:41,970 --> 00:06:45,339 unzipping your velvet dress by the fire, 166 00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:48,342 and reminding yourself it was for charity. 167 00:06:48,343 --> 00:06:50,145 You earned it. 168 00:06:50,146 --> 00:06:51,145 I like it. 169 00:06:51,146 --> 00:06:54,116 It's feminine, yet muscular. 170 00:06:54,117 --> 00:06:56,851 As you know, Trixie, men have always 171 00:06:56,852 --> 00:06:58,286 been seeking pleasure 172 00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,290 at all costs. 173 00:07:01,891 --> 00:07:03,125 It's our turn. 174 00:07:06,528 --> 00:07:07,529 I'm giddy! 175 00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:08,763 It went so well, 176 00:07:08,764 --> 00:07:10,866 I didn't even need the power-poses, 177 00:07:10,867 --> 00:07:13,402 and Andy's having a great day with the kids. 178 00:07:13,403 --> 00:07:14,803 That's amazing. 179 00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,642 Ugh, freaking Brooke-a-likes everywhere. 180 00:07:21,643 --> 00:07:23,210 Brooke wouldn't be downtown. 181 00:07:23,211 --> 00:07:25,580 She gets nosebleeds south of 57th Street. 182 00:07:25,581 --> 00:07:26,681 You're so right. 183 00:07:26,682 --> 00:07:28,416 Vaness, no more shooting 184 00:07:28,417 --> 00:07:30,251 toddler birthday parties. 185 00:07:33,256 --> 00:07:34,488 Yes, Weber! 186 00:07:34,489 --> 00:07:36,590 Yay! 187 00:07:36,591 --> 00:07:39,260 Listen, Miles, if you pull your pants down one more time 188 00:07:39,261 --> 00:07:40,262 we are going home. 189 00:07:40,263 --> 00:07:41,596 Mini-Webs! 190 00:07:41,597 --> 00:07:43,097 - Uncle Lex! - Hi! 191 00:07:43,098 --> 00:07:44,399 Hey, what'd you guys do, 192 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,335 take Miracle Grow over the summer, huh? 193 00:07:46,336 --> 00:07:49,770 Hey, there's a deluxe Foosball over there. 194 00:07:49,771 --> 00:07:52,207 - No, me first! - Go check it out. 195 00:07:54,076 --> 00:07:55,844 So... good to see you, man. 196 00:07:55,845 --> 00:07:59,246 Yeah. That's new. 197 00:07:59,247 --> 00:08:00,315 Mom seen that? 198 00:08:00,316 --> 00:08:01,916 Yeah, she hates it. 199 00:08:01,917 --> 00:08:04,452 She'll never understand what I've been through. 200 00:08:04,453 --> 00:08:06,253 From the moment I got to Man Camp, 201 00:08:06,254 --> 00:08:07,988 things just started to shift for me. 202 00:08:07,989 --> 00:08:09,424 Right, sure. 203 00:08:09,425 --> 00:08:11,493 By the time I got to Burning Man, 204 00:08:11,494 --> 00:08:13,628 I was just open. 205 00:08:13,629 --> 00:08:15,796 Yeah, no, you touched on that in your email diaries, right. 206 00:08:15,797 --> 00:08:16,832 So, are we good? 207 00:08:16,833 --> 00:08:18,265 Because I'm happy 208 00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:19,835 to hash things out with you again. 209 00:08:19,836 --> 00:08:22,036 - Unpack. - No, no, not necessary. 210 00:08:22,037 --> 00:08:24,839 We're... it's all... I'm just glad you're hanging in there. 211 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,508 Found a nice place to live. Better than nice, dude. 212 00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:29,276 Bunch of my YPO buddies are here. 213 00:08:29,277 --> 00:08:30,846 My old boss from Goldman, 214 00:08:30,847 --> 00:08:33,180 the guy who invented Uber for hot tubs. 215 00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:34,649 They're all between marriages. 216 00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:36,550 Hey, we should hit up the golf simulator. 217 00:08:36,551 --> 00:08:39,721 Throw the kids in the rec room. Fully staffed 24/7. 218 00:08:39,722 --> 00:08:41,122 I wish; This is my last full day 219 00:08:41,123 --> 00:08:42,156 with the kids. 220 00:08:42,157 --> 00:08:43,225 We got a lot planned. 221 00:08:43,226 --> 00:08:44,659 I'm just glad you're doing okay. 222 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:45,726 I was worried. 223 00:08:45,727 --> 00:08:47,795 No need. I'm fine. 224 00:08:47,796 --> 00:08:51,566 Miles keeps picking his nose and wiping his boogies on us! 225 00:08:51,567 --> 00:08:54,302 Okay. See ya. 226 00:08:54,303 --> 00:08:55,504 Daddy, come and look at me. 227 00:08:55,505 --> 00:08:56,571 Get off of me or I swear to God... 228 00:08:56,572 --> 00:08:58,305 Have fun. 229 00:08:58,306 --> 00:09:00,007 Hello. 230 00:09:03,078 --> 00:09:05,480 - This is declined. - Seriously? 231 00:09:05,481 --> 00:09:07,649 That's weird. That's okay, I have cash. 232 00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:10,050 - We don't take cash. - You don't take cash? 233 00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:11,752 Who doesn't take cash? 234 00:09:11,753 --> 00:09:15,156 Um, can I do an IOU? Personal check? 235 00:09:15,157 --> 00:09:16,191 Bitcoin? 236 00:09:16,192 --> 00:09:19,026 No, way! Jill Kaplan. 237 00:09:19,027 --> 00:09:22,665 - Amy. - No way. 238 00:09:23,732 --> 00:09:25,332 It's for my kids. 239 00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:26,735 Oh, no, no, no, no. Elizabeth left. 240 00:09:26,736 --> 00:09:28,102 She went to Harper's Bazaar, 241 00:09:28,103 --> 00:09:30,771 and Trixie literally kicked her in the cooter 242 00:09:30,772 --> 00:09:32,106 when she found out. 243 00:09:32,107 --> 00:09:34,042 And now there's a whole lawsuit pending, 244 00:09:34,043 --> 00:09:35,342 so I can't say much. 245 00:09:35,343 --> 00:09:36,845 How does Elizabeth still have a job? 246 00:09:36,846 --> 00:09:38,045 I don't know. 247 00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:40,015 Well, look who's back from the dead. 248 00:09:40,016 --> 00:09:41,582 Richard! How are you? 249 00:09:41,583 --> 00:09:43,250 Oh, that dress is gor-gina. 250 00:09:43,251 --> 00:09:45,920 - Oh, my God, Man-orexia. - Oh, what about Aims here? 251 00:09:45,921 --> 00:09:47,789 Me? Richard, you're my birth weight. 252 00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:50,024 You make Amal Clooney look like she needs gastric bypass. 253 00:09:50,025 --> 00:09:51,326 You're Karen Carpenter. 254 00:09:51,327 --> 00:09:52,794 Karen Carpenter climbed out of her coffin, 255 00:09:52,795 --> 00:09:53,995 looked at you and was so jealous 256 00:09:53,996 --> 00:09:55,730 she popped a laxative and crawled back in. 257 00:09:55,731 --> 00:09:58,199 I'm obsessed with you. Are you not obsessed? 258 00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,201 Obsessed. 259 00:09:59,202 --> 00:10:00,434 That day that Trixie 260 00:10:00,435 --> 00:10:01,870 threw a stapler at my head, 261 00:10:01,871 --> 00:10:03,371 he still managed to make me laugh. 262 00:10:03,372 --> 00:10:04,805 But you got out. 263 00:10:04,806 --> 00:10:06,374 I'm in therapy three times a week. 264 00:10:06,375 --> 00:10:08,443 Well, actually, I might be doing some work 265 00:10:08,444 --> 00:10:10,077 for the magazine again. 266 00:10:10,078 --> 00:10:12,313 Kate's hooking me up with some freelance gigs. 267 00:10:12,314 --> 00:10:14,882 Kate Cooper? 268 00:10:14,883 --> 00:10:16,918 - When did you meet with her? - Just now. 269 00:10:16,919 --> 00:10:18,752 She's the one who lent me her meal card. 270 00:10:18,753 --> 00:10:20,889 - Why? - Oh, no reason. 271 00:10:20,890 --> 00:10:24,226 Okay, I've gotta yell at Fiona for taking my J. Mendel samples. 272 00:10:24,227 --> 00:10:25,393 And I totally have to go with you. 273 00:10:25,394 --> 00:10:26,727 It was really good seeing you, Jill. 274 00:10:26,728 --> 00:10:28,630 Oh... oh, thanks for the snacks. 275 00:10:34,770 --> 00:10:37,005 Are you sure it's okay, to leave 'em in the kids' lounge? 276 00:10:37,006 --> 00:10:38,973 Yeah, it's kid heaven. 277 00:10:38,974 --> 00:10:40,641 Everybody wins. 278 00:10:40,642 --> 00:10:42,343 What? Were they being little shits? 279 00:10:43,478 --> 00:10:45,313 I just need about a half hour to decompress. 280 00:10:45,314 --> 00:10:46,780 That's not enough time. 281 00:10:46,781 --> 00:10:49,351 I just booked an 80 minute Thai-yoga massage. 282 00:10:49,352 --> 00:10:51,785 - You gotta join me. - I better not. 283 00:10:51,786 --> 00:10:53,822 I... at the very least, I gotta get 'em to the zoo. 284 00:10:53,823 --> 00:10:57,659 Dude, you're shadowboxing against a dead guy. 285 00:10:57,660 --> 00:11:00,861 Dad was never around emotionally or physically, 286 00:11:00,862 --> 00:11:03,265 so now you're over-compensating. 287 00:11:03,266 --> 00:11:05,100 Okay? 288 00:11:05,101 --> 00:11:06,770 So let's go get a massage. 289 00:11:07,870 --> 00:11:09,004 Oh, my God. 290 00:11:09,005 --> 00:11:10,804 Kate, what's going on? 291 00:11:10,805 --> 00:11:13,207 I'm out. I got shit-canned. 292 00:11:13,208 --> 00:11:15,443 No way. I am so sorry. 293 00:11:15,444 --> 00:11:17,779 It wasn't the lamp, was it? 294 00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:18,947 No. 295 00:11:18,948 --> 00:11:20,814 Oh, God. Well, I-I should just... 296 00:11:20,815 --> 00:11:23,318 I gave this place my 20s, and my 30s. 297 00:11:23,319 --> 00:11:26,221 I have no husband, no kids, no sex life. 298 00:11:26,222 --> 00:11:28,722 I have GI problems round the clock. 299 00:11:28,723 --> 00:11:32,126 Diarrhea or constipation, nothing in between, 300 00:11:32,127 --> 00:11:33,861 and I'm losing my hair. 301 00:11:33,862 --> 00:11:36,497 This. This isn't real. 302 00:11:36,498 --> 00:11:40,135 I have to clip it on every day. And for what? 303 00:11:41,636 --> 00:11:43,804 Oh, and I brought your name up, 304 00:11:43,805 --> 00:11:45,640 by the way, to Trixie... 305 00:11:45,641 --> 00:11:47,241 You should have seen her face. 306 00:11:47,242 --> 00:11:49,744 Really? What kind of face? 307 00:11:49,745 --> 00:11:53,213 Oh, my God, I just signed a lease on that apartment 308 00:11:53,214 --> 00:11:55,516 that I could barely afford on this crappy salary. 309 00:11:57,085 --> 00:12:00,322 Look, well, you are a goddess to mention me to Trixie. 310 00:12:00,323 --> 00:12:02,390 Um, should I... Like, is there anyone 311 00:12:02,391 --> 00:12:04,159 I should follow up with or... 312 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,260 You know what, I am just so grateful 313 00:12:06,261 --> 00:12:08,196 that you came in today. 314 00:12:08,197 --> 00:12:10,731 I could really use a drink right now. 315 00:12:10,732 --> 00:12:13,101 Oh, sure. Okay. 316 00:12:13,102 --> 00:12:15,736 Let me just run to the bathroom and make a quick call. 317 00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:18,173 - My husband has the kids. - Okay. 318 00:12:18,174 --> 00:12:20,708 Okay. 319 00:12:27,049 --> 00:12:28,218 Oh, yeah. 320 00:12:46,736 --> 00:12:50,704 High road, high road, high road. 321 00:12:50,705 --> 00:12:52,641 Here we go. 322 00:12:55,444 --> 00:12:57,412 Hi. 323 00:12:57,413 --> 00:12:58,913 Jill. 324 00:12:58,914 --> 00:13:00,848 Simone, you're blonder. 325 00:13:00,849 --> 00:13:02,082 Summer sun. 326 00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:03,684 And you have a dog. 327 00:13:03,685 --> 00:13:06,621 It's a therapy dog to help cure my narcissism. 328 00:13:06,622 --> 00:13:08,088 I was diagnosed in June. 329 00:13:08,089 --> 00:13:10,991 Oh, well, I'm glad you're getting help. 330 00:13:10,992 --> 00:13:12,660 - Hi, Stephanie. - Hi. 331 00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,496 And we haven't met yet. I'm Jill. 332 00:13:14,497 --> 00:13:15,496 Janice. 333 00:13:15,497 --> 00:13:16,865 J'neece is bringing 334 00:13:16,866 --> 00:13:19,534 an urban perspective to my label. 335 00:13:19,535 --> 00:13:21,369 We were just meeting with the fashion editors 336 00:13:21,370 --> 00:13:22,404 about my new line. 337 00:13:22,405 --> 00:13:23,771 It's very exciting. 338 00:13:23,772 --> 00:13:25,106 What brings you here? 339 00:13:25,107 --> 00:13:26,975 I used to work here, actually. 340 00:13:26,976 --> 00:13:29,778 An old friend is hiring me for some photo shoots. 341 00:13:29,779 --> 00:13:31,846 I'm getting back in the game. 342 00:13:31,847 --> 00:13:34,049 Jill, I'm not even getting an exit interview. 343 00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:36,483 They just confiscated my ID. 344 00:13:36,484 --> 00:13:38,185 Um, can I meet you in the lobby? 345 00:13:38,186 --> 00:13:41,289 - It'll just take a minute. - Okay. 346 00:13:42,692 --> 00:13:44,525 Yikes. 347 00:13:44,526 --> 00:13:45,894 Guys, can you give us a minute? 348 00:13:45,895 --> 00:13:47,329 Sure thing. 349 00:13:48,798 --> 00:13:51,533 So, Brooke, I just wanted to say... 350 00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:53,467 Are you power-posing? 351 00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:56,638 No, that's over. It's all about eye contact now. 352 00:13:56,639 --> 00:13:57,972 Oh. 353 00:13:57,973 --> 00:14:00,475 Well, anyway, I just wanted to say... 354 00:14:00,476 --> 00:14:03,211 Jill, you and I had a hard moment, 355 00:14:03,212 --> 00:14:06,347 but we're family, so I'm taking the high road, 356 00:14:06,348 --> 00:14:08,216 and I invite you to join me. 357 00:14:08,217 --> 00:14:11,251 I'm pretty sure that if you say you're taking the high road, 358 00:14:11,252 --> 00:14:14,154 you're automatically not on the high road. 359 00:14:14,155 --> 00:14:16,924 Yet, somehow, I've managed to do both. 360 00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:19,593 You may be on the high road, but I was already on it, 361 00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:21,228 and it's, like, a one-lane thing. 362 00:14:21,229 --> 00:14:22,362 Sweetie, 363 00:14:22,363 --> 00:14:24,598 as the "Joy Manifesto" says, 364 00:14:24,599 --> 00:14:26,834 "Forward is upward." 365 00:14:26,835 --> 00:14:29,037 Thanks to "Joy" I have manifested 366 00:14:29,038 --> 00:14:31,206 an entirely new philosophy. 367 00:14:31,207 --> 00:14:34,842 Women need to stick together to demand equal pay, 368 00:14:34,843 --> 00:14:37,678 equal rights, equal everything. 369 00:14:37,679 --> 00:14:41,049 It's what I am calling "Shedonism." 370 00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:42,683 You mean Feminism. 371 00:14:42,684 --> 00:14:44,685 Ew, no, I wax down there. 372 00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:48,555 Guys, I'm gonna have to meet you in the lobby. 373 00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:51,425 J'neece is such a breath of fresh air. 374 00:14:51,426 --> 00:14:53,127 I didn't want my company to be 375 00:14:53,128 --> 00:14:55,196 as white as the Upper East Side, you know? 376 00:14:55,197 --> 00:14:57,866 Yeah, but Janice doesn't look... 377 00:14:57,867 --> 00:14:59,033 It's J'neece, 378 00:14:59,034 --> 00:15:02,102 and I don't see color. 379 00:15:02,103 --> 00:15:04,540 I'll see you at drop-off, Jill. 380 00:15:06,809 --> 00:15:08,709 Who the hell keeps calling me? Hello? 381 00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:11,044 Hi, this is Kelly from daycare. 382 00:15:11,045 --> 00:15:13,615 We're having some behavior issues with your son. 383 00:15:13,616 --> 00:15:15,082 You need to come pick him up. 384 00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:16,750 Sorry, my son's not in daycare. 385 00:15:16,751 --> 00:15:19,120 I think you have the wrong number. 386 00:15:19,121 --> 00:15:20,989 Is that who I think it is? 387 00:15:22,925 --> 00:15:26,093 Jill, were you really going to come all the way down here 388 00:15:26,094 --> 00:15:27,395 and not say hello? 389 00:15:27,396 --> 00:15:29,496 Of course not. 390 00:15:29,497 --> 00:15:31,399 My last assistant was worse. 391 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,500 I would look at her and she would cry. 392 00:15:33,501 --> 00:15:35,002 I would yell at her and she would cry. 393 00:15:35,003 --> 00:15:36,804 I would hit her and she would cry. 394 00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:39,741 These millennials, they're made of glass. 395 00:15:39,742 --> 00:15:42,177 Sack up. I'm not running a nursery. 396 00:15:42,178 --> 00:15:45,013 Seriously. What is their problem. 397 00:15:47,348 --> 00:15:48,982 Hello, it's Kelly from the daycare center. 398 00:15:48,983 --> 00:15:50,485 - Sorry, sorry sorry. - It's about your... 399 00:15:50,486 --> 00:15:52,986 So tell me, Jill, did you end up keeping the baby. 400 00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:56,256 Uh, yeah, we'd been trying for two years, 401 00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:58,592 and I had two more, actually. 402 00:15:58,593 --> 00:16:01,862 Three children? Oh, Jill, what a waste. 403 00:16:01,863 --> 00:16:04,365 No wonder you dropped off the map. 404 00:16:04,366 --> 00:16:08,635 Um, well, I'm actually getting back into the photography thing, 405 00:16:08,636 --> 00:16:13,006 so I hope you'll keep me in mind for any work that comes up. 406 00:16:15,276 --> 00:16:17,010 Jill, I'm tired of sugar-coating everything 407 00:16:17,011 --> 00:16:18,980 with you; may I be candid? 408 00:16:18,981 --> 00:16:21,015 When I think of you, which isn't very often, 409 00:16:21,016 --> 00:16:23,483 I think of an A-plus student. 410 00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,720 You fulfilled every assignment, 411 00:16:25,721 --> 00:16:28,121 and wrapped everything in neat little bows. 412 00:16:28,122 --> 00:16:30,457 I do have a thing for bows. 413 00:16:30,458 --> 00:16:31,793 But your work was safe. 414 00:16:31,794 --> 00:16:35,529 It had no teeth or balls, really. 415 00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:37,332 Which always puzzled me 416 00:16:37,333 --> 00:16:40,334 because you're obviously a colorful person, 417 00:16:40,335 --> 00:16:43,136 but that moxie never showed up in the work. 418 00:16:53,248 --> 00:16:54,716 You wanna get that? 419 00:16:54,717 --> 00:16:57,853 Answering phones was always one of your strengths. 420 00:17:00,356 --> 00:17:02,856 Hello? 421 00:17:02,857 --> 00:17:04,560 What? 422 00:17:06,095 --> 00:17:07,995 And downstairs, there's a pool, 423 00:17:07,996 --> 00:17:09,297 tennis bubble, 424 00:17:09,298 --> 00:17:10,498 and screening room 425 00:17:10,499 --> 00:17:13,166 with a classic film series this month. 426 00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:15,202 "Caddyshack" is playing tonight. 427 00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:17,038 I can see why you never want to leave. 428 00:17:17,039 --> 00:17:19,507 Can I get divorced? 429 00:17:19,508 --> 00:17:22,844 Sorry, I'm... actually, I should check in with Jill. 430 00:17:22,845 --> 00:17:24,545 Yeah, that's good. 431 00:17:24,546 --> 00:17:27,550 It's cool you still have a wife you can check in on. 432 00:17:28,817 --> 00:17:30,285 You okay, Lex? 433 00:17:30,286 --> 00:17:32,185 Yeah, no, um... 434 00:17:32,186 --> 00:17:34,021 I'm not. 435 00:17:34,022 --> 00:17:36,958 I send Brooke flowers at least once a day. 436 00:17:36,959 --> 00:17:39,359 She never accepts them. 437 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:42,864 She blocked me on Facebook. 438 00:17:42,865 --> 00:17:44,365 I'm all alone here. 439 00:17:44,366 --> 00:17:46,200 Brooke will come around. 440 00:17:46,201 --> 00:17:50,137 She will, and until then, try to enjoy all of this 441 00:17:50,138 --> 00:17:51,705 for both of us. 442 00:17:51,706 --> 00:17:54,174 Good-bye, Jasper. Good-bye, Atticus. 443 00:17:54,175 --> 00:17:56,144 See you in two Wednesdays. 444 00:17:56,145 --> 00:17:59,180 We'll go to Fred's at Barneys for that truffle pizza you like. 445 00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:00,714 Daddy loves you. 446 00:18:00,715 --> 00:18:02,817 Is your boo-boo better, angel? 447 00:18:02,818 --> 00:18:05,219 I'm gonna put my lips to the screen for a kiss, 448 00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:07,190 and you put your lips to the screen. 449 00:18:09,157 --> 00:18:11,093 I have to get the kids. 450 00:18:14,363 --> 00:18:16,697 Everybody's gone. Where are my kids? 451 00:18:16,698 --> 00:18:18,366 I lost the kids. Jill's gonna rip me a new... 452 00:18:18,367 --> 00:18:19,866 - There you are. - Where're my children? 453 00:18:19,867 --> 00:18:21,868 - Are they okay? - Yes, everyone's fine. 454 00:18:21,869 --> 00:18:23,937 - They're with their mother. - No! 455 00:18:23,938 --> 00:18:26,507 That's almost worse than if they'd been abducted. 456 00:18:26,508 --> 00:18:29,577 Oh, well, your son had some impulse control issues 457 00:18:29,578 --> 00:18:31,346 and when we couldn't reach either of you, 458 00:18:31,347 --> 00:18:33,047 your daughter gave us your ex's number. 459 00:18:33,048 --> 00:18:34,449 My ex? No, she's not my ex. 460 00:18:34,450 --> 00:18:36,517 Did she say she's my ex? 461 00:18:36,518 --> 00:18:39,052 No, I just assumed. 462 00:18:39,053 --> 00:18:41,923 Dude, you're in trouble. 463 00:18:41,924 --> 00:18:44,692 Movie night starts at 8:00, if you need a place to crash. 464 00:18:47,363 --> 00:18:49,364 Okay, you can be mad at me forever, 465 00:18:49,365 --> 00:18:51,699 just please don't divorce me. 466 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,433 - Yeah, I'm over it. - Really? 467 00:18:53,434 --> 00:18:55,635 But you had to leave a Trixie meeting because of me. 468 00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:58,806 Can you believe she said my work had no balls? 469 00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:01,475 Has she met you? Your balls have balls. 470 00:19:01,476 --> 00:19:03,478 Honestly, I was secretly relieved 471 00:19:03,479 --> 00:19:05,645 that you needed a break from the kids too. 472 00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:06,646 Are you kidding? 473 00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:07,647 At one point in the day, 474 00:19:07,648 --> 00:19:09,083 I realized I hated all of them. 475 00:19:09,084 --> 00:19:11,251 Welcome to motherhood, honey. 476 00:19:11,252 --> 00:19:13,120 Yeah. 477 00:19:13,121 --> 00:19:14,254 Mm. 478 00:19:14,255 --> 00:19:16,124 Say it again. 479 00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,526 Our kids are incredibly annoying. 480 00:19:18,527 --> 00:19:19,527 More. 481 00:19:19,528 --> 00:19:20,795 I wanted to put them 482 00:19:20,796 --> 00:19:23,064 in three tiny straightjackets. 483 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,969 Oh, this'll just be a minute. 484 00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:30,171 - Hi. - Take your time. 485 00:19:30,172 --> 00:19:31,472 I'm already asleep. 486 00:19:31,473 --> 00:19:34,275 - Night, Vanessa. - Okay, where were we? 487 00:19:34,276 --> 00:19:35,542 You'd just gotten up to Brooke's new acolyte. 488 00:19:35,543 --> 00:19:36,577 Right! 489 00:19:36,578 --> 00:19:37,779 Okay, I know this is 490 00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:39,780 gonna sound weird, but I get the feeling 491 00:19:39,781 --> 00:19:42,183 that Brooke thinks she has a new black friend. 492 00:19:42,184 --> 00:19:44,251 - She doesn't? - Oh, no, she has a new friend. 493 00:19:44,252 --> 00:19:47,855 I met her, but I'm pretty sure she's just a white chick 494 00:19:47,856 --> 00:19:49,190 who doesn't Keratin. 495 00:19:51,026 --> 00:19:54,194 Okay, Vaness, in exactly eight hours, 496 00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:58,665 I'm dropping off all my kids at real, full-time school. 497 00:19:58,666 --> 00:20:01,501 Finally, I'm done. I'm done with diapers. 498 00:20:01,502 --> 00:20:03,870 I'm done with sippy cups. I'm done. 499 00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:06,307 You realize they're not going to boarding school, right? 500 00:20:06,308 --> 00:20:09,010 Vaness, this is why you have to have kids, 501 00:20:09,011 --> 00:20:11,878 so you can experience the jubilation 502 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:14,081 of handing them off to other people. 503 00:20:15,517 --> 00:20:16,584 I feel like I've been running a marathon, 504 00:20:16,585 --> 00:20:19,020 and now I'm at the finish line. 505 00:20:19,021 --> 00:20:21,122 Mazel. 506 00:20:55,656 --> 00:20:57,224 - Hello? - Mrs. Weber? 507 00:20:57,225 --> 00:20:58,893 You forgot the doctor's forms. 508 00:20:58,894 --> 00:21:01,261 - I forgot what? - The medical forms. 509 00:21:01,262 --> 00:21:03,763 Hazel can't start school without it. 510 00:21:03,764 --> 00:21:06,533 She's waiting here in the administrative office. 511 00:21:06,534 --> 00:21:08,370 Be right there. 512 00:21:08,371 --> 00:21:10,771 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com