1 00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:08,265 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:19,143 Mike! Mike! Mike! 3 00:00:19,245 --> 00:00:21,578 Mike, will the president be making a statement about the House vote? 4 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,481 No, the president will not be making a statement at this time. 5 00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:26,550 While she was disappointed in the result, 6 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,685 she was thrilled to watch democracy in action. 7 00:00:28,788 --> 00:00:31,755 I mean, the chances of this happening in Russia, nyet. 8 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:34,825 Mike, if Tom James wins against Senator Montez 9 00:00:34,927 --> 00:00:37,728 in the Senate and becomes president, will President Meyer consider... 10 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,463 Okay, let me cut you off right there. 11 00:00:39,565 --> 00:00:42,699 Selina Meyer is not interested in becoming vice president again. 12 00:00:42,802 --> 00:00:44,535 That job is in her rearview mirror. 13 00:00:44,637 --> 00:00:46,403 I stake my reputation on this. 14 00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:49,973 Selina Meyer will never be vice president ever, ever again. 15 00:00:50,075 --> 00:00:53,143 SELINA: So, Tom, let's be real. 16 00:00:53,245 --> 00:00:55,112 You're gonna be an accidental president. 17 00:00:55,214 --> 00:00:57,581 Pot, kettle. 18 00:00:57,683 --> 00:01:01,018 I'm here to offer my help 19 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,154 in making this transition of power 20 00:01:04,256 --> 00:01:05,622 as smooth as possible 21 00:01:05,724 --> 00:01:09,793 by joining your administration. 22 00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:12,896 Well, strangely enough, I was thinking along the same lines. 23 00:01:12,998 --> 00:01:15,032 Okay, fantastic. I'll tell you what I want. 24 00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:16,834 I want secretary of state 25 00:01:16,936 --> 00:01:18,735 'cause I think that's the least you can do. 26 00:01:18,838 --> 00:01:21,638 I was thinking vice president. 27 00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:24,608 That's literally the least you can do. 28 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,677 And I really want secretary of state. 29 00:01:26,779 --> 00:01:30,047 - Vice president. - Come on, secretary of state. 30 00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:32,916 Vice President Meyer's got a nice familiar ring to it. 31 00:01:33,018 --> 00:01:34,151 No, it doesn't. 32 00:01:34,253 --> 00:01:36,186 Vice president, take it or leave it. 33 00:01:36,288 --> 00:01:39,890 I wouldn't be your veep if there were a grassy knoll 34 00:01:39,992 --> 00:01:43,360 full of Jodie Foster fans in the front row 35 00:01:43,462 --> 00:01:44,795 at your inauguration. 36 00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,430 That's a leave it. 37 00:01:46,532 --> 00:01:48,665 SELINA: General George Washington could climb 38 00:01:48,767 --> 00:01:52,536 out of his grave right now and I would rather eat out 39 00:01:52,638 --> 00:01:56,139 his zombified wooden asshole twice a day 40 00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:58,809 than be his vice fucking... fucking anything! 41 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:01,311 Okay, let's put a pin in the VP for now. 42 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:02,846 (SNORING) 43 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,882 - Seriously? - Morning, ma'am. 44 00:02:04,984 --> 00:02:07,517 Will somebody wake up Mike? Or not. What's the difference? 45 00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:11,488 Ma'am, last night I ran a flash poll on presidential scholars. 46 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:15,359 They have rated you the 43rd most effective president ever. 47 00:02:15,461 --> 00:02:17,027 - Out of how many? - KENT: 44. 48 00:02:17,129 --> 00:02:18,829 You were right ahead of James Buchanan, 49 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,497 who many feel caused the Civil War. 50 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,000 Kent, can you give a girl some warning next time 51 00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:24,501 before you jam it in the back door? 52 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,403 Data gives no warning, ma'am. 53 00:02:26,505 --> 00:02:28,572 Any chance Marjorie and Catherine want to get married? 54 00:02:28,674 --> 00:02:30,240 There you go, first White House lesbian wedding. 55 00:02:30,342 --> 00:02:31,975 That'll get you in the history books. 56 00:02:32,077 --> 00:02:34,778 Oh, God. I can't take that much acoustic guitar. 57 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,381 (GROANS) What we have to do 58 00:02:37,483 --> 00:02:39,616 is we have to make Tibet happen. 59 00:02:39,718 --> 00:02:41,218 That's what's gonna be my legacy. 60 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,520 Selina Meyer, the woman who freed Tibet. 61 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:46,456 Ma'am, we've been in radio silence with the Chinese for the last two weeks. 62 00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:51,194 Well, then why don't we send warships out into the South China Seas? 63 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:54,598 - Sea. - I want my Nobel Peace Prize! 64 00:02:57,169 --> 00:02:58,635 Legacy! 65 00:03:00,172 --> 00:03:02,873 - Legacy meeting adjourned. - (PHONE BUZZES) 66 00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:05,842 God, my phone is blowing up with these TV offers. 67 00:03:05,945 --> 00:03:07,678 Think I'm gonna need an agent, you know, 68 00:03:07,780 --> 00:03:09,346 someone who can take the Dan Egan brand to the next level. 69 00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:10,948 Too bad Goebbels killed himself. 70 00:03:11,050 --> 00:03:12,783 The only president 71 00:03:12,885 --> 00:03:15,085 to pee sitting down since FDR. 72 00:03:15,187 --> 00:03:17,287 Is that gonna be my legacy, Ben? Is it? 73 00:03:17,389 --> 00:03:20,123 Well, I pee sitting down sometimes if it's gonna be a longy. 74 00:03:20,225 --> 00:03:21,925 Okay, we've got to make Tibet happen. 75 00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:24,294 Go through the Qataris, okay? 76 00:03:24,396 --> 00:03:27,497 I bet there are a dozen of them right now at the Georgetown Four Seasons. 77 00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:29,366 Go to a Lamborghini dealership, you know? 78 00:03:29,468 --> 00:03:32,469 Wherever they have prostitutes. These guys could help you. 79 00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,440 I'm finished with your brag wall. 80 00:03:36,542 --> 00:03:38,475 All the photos of you with the Washington elite. 81 00:03:38,577 --> 00:03:40,644 Are there any pictures where the president isn't yelling at me? 82 00:03:40,746 --> 00:03:43,880 As far as I can tell, no such picture exists in the known universe. 83 00:03:43,983 --> 00:03:46,583 Oh, also, we got to get some eye candy in here. 84 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,251 You know, hire some hot interns. 85 00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:50,487 Oh, Uncle Jeff sent a bunch of resumes from New Hampshire. 86 00:03:50,589 --> 00:03:52,589 One of them was a phone number on a bar napkin. 87 00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:55,225 No, New Hampshire is just a fancy word for "it's cold outside, 88 00:03:55,327 --> 00:03:57,361 - so I don't shave my pubes." - I'm writing that down. 89 00:03:57,463 --> 00:03:59,445 Focus on the warm- weather states, okay? 90 00:03:59,471 --> 00:04:00,388 Congressman... 91 00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:02,232 I have a feeling you're gonna do some really great things. 92 00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:03,967 I'm getting kind of hungry. Do you think you could find 93 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,103 a lobbyist to take me out to lunch short notice? 94 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:08,739 Try for Big Pharma. I hear they do The Palm. 95 00:04:08,841 --> 00:04:11,208 Madam President, I'm afraid to tell you 96 00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:14,144 that the Chinese are rather nervous about moving forward 97 00:04:14,246 --> 00:04:16,646 with Tibet now that you're out of power. 98 00:04:16,749 --> 00:04:20,984 I am not out of power and... at all. 99 00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:24,588 This has not, in fact, been formally announced yet, 100 00:04:24,690 --> 00:04:27,991 - but I will be continuing on... - Oh. 101 00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,327 ...as, um... 102 00:04:31,864 --> 00:04:33,697 as vice president. 103 00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:37,601 Tom James offered it yesterday. 104 00:04:37,703 --> 00:04:39,836 It's really more of a copresident position. 105 00:04:39,938 --> 00:04:41,671 - Wouldn't you agree with that, Ben? - Sure. 106 00:04:41,774 --> 00:04:43,473 And between you and me, 107 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,209 Tom James could be healthier, I have to say. 108 00:04:46,311 --> 00:04:49,780 - Oh? - Yeah, he's a bit of a, you know... 109 00:04:49,882 --> 00:04:52,983 Well, I suspect this will be of great interest to the Chinese. 110 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,685 Great. Thank you very much. Yes, thank you. 111 00:04:55,788 --> 00:04:57,220 Oh, right, no touchy the ladies. 112 00:04:57,322 --> 00:04:59,189 Oh, no, no. It's fine. It's private. 113 00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:01,358 Just don't let the lunatics back home know. 114 00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:03,060 (LAUGHS) 115 00:05:03,162 --> 00:05:04,928 SELINA: All right, come on, Ben, let's go. 116 00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:07,264 - Yes, ma'am. - This is gonna suck. 117 00:05:07,366 --> 00:05:09,232 Hang on, I need to make a stop. 118 00:05:09,334 --> 00:05:11,568 - Madam President. - Is the vice president in? 119 00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:13,336 No, he's at the Senate for the vote. 120 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,172 Uh-huh. 121 00:05:28,087 --> 00:05:30,020 Okay, I can do this. 122 00:05:31,557 --> 00:05:33,890 - Selina Meyer. What a delight. - Tom. 123 00:05:33,992 --> 00:05:36,593 Um, I've got good news. 124 00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:39,296 - I have decided to... - No, don't tell me. 125 00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:42,065 You have decided to throw away 126 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,367 every last shred of dignity you have 127 00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:46,436 and accept my offer of the vice presidency. 128 00:05:46,538 --> 00:05:49,806 I... I guess so, yeah. 129 00:05:49,908 --> 00:05:51,241 I'm delighted to hear it. 130 00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:53,877 - Thank you. - I don't want you to worry. 131 00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,947 You are not just gonna be any vice president. 132 00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,350 You're gonna be a partner... 133 00:06:00,452 --> 00:06:03,386 (CHUCKLING) and a very important part of my administration. 134 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:06,323 - You're a motherfucker. - No, I'm serious. I'm serious. 135 00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:09,326 You're gonna be... you know, you're gonna be part of the team. 136 00:06:09,428 --> 00:06:11,128 - You're gonna be at every meeting. - Okay. 137 00:06:11,230 --> 00:06:12,596 It's like a shitty Groundhog Day. 138 00:06:12,698 --> 00:06:14,731 (LAUGHS) Your country thanks you. 139 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,100 - (PHONE RINGS) - MAN: Congressman Ryan's office. 140 00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:18,368 - Congressman Ryan's office. - Hello. 141 00:06:18,470 --> 00:06:19,870 - Morning, sir. - Morning. 142 00:06:19,972 --> 00:06:22,239 - Morning, sir. - Congressman Ryan's office. 143 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,907 Richard, who are these dudes? 144 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,976 - Oh, these are the new interns. - What? 145 00:06:26,078 --> 00:06:27,811 That's Colt. He's from UVA. Played lacrosse. 146 00:06:27,913 --> 00:06:30,780 Richard, I told you to get hot interns. 147 00:06:30,883 --> 00:06:32,349 Sir, by any objective standards, 148 00:06:32,451 --> 00:06:34,417 Colt, Brady, and Mason are unequivocally hot, not not. 149 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,288 Hot interns means girls. How the fuck do you not know that? 150 00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:40,991 Excuse me, sir. I made you a latte. 151 00:06:41,093 --> 00:06:43,260 Uh, thank you. 152 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:46,496 Mmm, oh, my God, this coffee is exceptional. 153 00:06:46,598 --> 00:06:48,398 Thanks. 154 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,168 - Can we please keep him? - Yeah, absolutely. 155 00:06:51,270 --> 00:06:53,103 Hey, Colt, welcome to team Ryan. 156 00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:54,704 I want you guys to get used to two things... 157 00:06:54,806 --> 00:06:56,439 killing it daily on the Hill 158 00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:58,775 and nights rated PG-squirteen. 159 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,343 - Baller. - Baller. 160 00:07:00,445 --> 00:07:02,779 - Baller. - Baller. 161 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,115 REPORTER: We are moments away from the Senate vote 162 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:08,251 for vice president between Senator Tom James and Senator Laura Montez. 163 00:07:08,353 --> 00:07:10,654 And, of course, with the presidency vacant, 164 00:07:10,756 --> 00:07:13,823 the winner of this vote will assume the presidency. 165 00:07:13,926 --> 00:07:16,426 Well, President Lu, I'm very glad 166 00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:18,094 that we've come to an agreement 167 00:07:18,197 --> 00:07:20,096 and I'm exceptionally glad 168 00:07:20,199 --> 00:07:22,933 that we're gonna have another four years of working together. 169 00:07:23,035 --> 00:07:27,671 President Lu is particularly happy to work alongside Senator James. 170 00:07:27,773 --> 00:07:30,373 - He hears he's quite the statesman. - (PHONE BUZZES) 171 00:07:30,475 --> 00:07:33,843 Statesman-ish, which is a joke, of course. 172 00:07:33,946 --> 00:07:35,612 - BEN: Ma'am? - What? 173 00:07:35,714 --> 00:07:38,215 We've got to see what's going on in the Senate right away. 174 00:07:38,317 --> 00:07:39,316 You're kidding. 175 00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,084 Forgive me, President Lu, 176 00:07:41,186 --> 00:07:43,220 but I'm afraid I have to go and attend to 177 00:07:43,322 --> 00:07:46,056 the vote that is happening right now in our Senate. 178 00:07:46,158 --> 00:07:48,959 But feel free to follow along on the television 179 00:07:49,061 --> 00:07:52,229 or perhaps on one of the many bugs 180 00:07:52,331 --> 00:07:54,364 that you've planted throughout the White House. 181 00:07:54,466 --> 00:07:56,967 - WOMAN: Mr. Lowell. - Senator James. 182 00:07:57,069 --> 00:07:58,802 Jesus Christ. What have we got? 183 00:07:58,904 --> 00:08:01,071 It's tighter than we thought, ma'am. Tom up by two. 184 00:08:01,173 --> 00:08:02,739 - What? - Mr. Murray. 185 00:08:02,841 --> 00:08:05,108 - Senator Montez. - KENT: Up by one. 186 00:08:05,210 --> 00:08:07,277 - Tom, what's going on in here? - I don't know, I... 187 00:08:07,379 --> 00:08:09,079 Senator Montez. 188 00:08:09,181 --> 00:08:11,348 - You motherfucker! - AMY: Nelson voted against you? 189 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:13,450 But Nelson is your protégé, man. 190 00:08:13,552 --> 00:08:14,951 Get Nelson on the phone right... 191 00:08:15,053 --> 00:08:17,020 - this doesn't just happen. - Tom, he voted! 192 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,990 They're going alphabetically. Get somebody after him. 193 00:08:20,092 --> 00:08:21,725 - Get Wallace on the phone. - Get Wallace! 194 00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:23,927 I'm hearing something about your "borking" Dunkirk. 195 00:08:24,029 --> 00:08:26,596 - TOM: What? - Yeah, on a circuit court nominee. 196 00:08:26,698 --> 00:08:28,932 That was... no. That was 10 years ago. 197 00:08:29,034 --> 00:08:31,001 Someone is trying to fuck me. 198 00:08:31,103 --> 00:08:32,602 Tom James. 199 00:08:32,704 --> 00:08:36,339 Thank you, Summerlin, you senile old piss sponge. 200 00:08:36,441 --> 00:08:38,375 - 50-48. - KENT: Tom needs just one more. 201 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,710 AMY: Got all kinds of rumors about vote trading. 202 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:44,614 - SELINA: It's not us. - Oh, fuck. Wallace is going Montez. 203 00:08:44,716 --> 00:08:48,018 She's telling people that you reneged on her Alaskan coast cleanup bill. 204 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,120 That was a handout to Big Oil. 205 00:08:50,222 --> 00:08:53,123 - Mrs. Wallace. - Senator Montez. 206 00:08:53,225 --> 00:08:56,259 50-49. This is not Montez. She's getting help. 207 00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:57,378 Mr. Yinui. 208 00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:00,454 Come on, you page-diddling Hawaiian fat fuck. 209 00:09:00,532 --> 00:09:02,799 Senator Montez. 210 00:09:02,901 --> 00:09:05,635 - KENT: That's 50. - Not another tie. 211 00:09:05,737 --> 00:09:07,971 - BEN: What now? - KENT: A tie in the Senate 212 00:09:08,073 --> 00:09:10,073 is broken by the president of the Senate. 213 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,776 Or what we humans call the vice president. 214 00:09:12,878 --> 00:09:15,111 Oh, my God, perfect. You can vote for yourself. Go, go, go, go. 215 00:09:15,213 --> 00:09:19,015 - BEN: Tom's not veep, you butler. - Doyle is vice president. 216 00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:21,117 Being called upon to cast this vote 217 00:09:21,219 --> 00:09:23,920 is a pleasure and an honor, 218 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,388 not a burden. 219 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:28,091 There's been enough uncertainty in this country, 220 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,860 so I won't stall any further. 221 00:09:30,962 --> 00:09:33,697 - Please. - AMY: Come on, just spit it out. 222 00:09:33,799 --> 00:09:38,668 With this in mind, I vote for Senator Laura Montez. 223 00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:41,204 - (CHEERING) - REPORTER: It's official. 224 00:09:41,306 --> 00:09:44,007 The United States of America has a new president. 225 00:09:44,109 --> 00:09:46,676 This is a truly stunning turn of events 226 00:09:46,778 --> 00:09:48,011 for Laura Montez. 227 00:09:48,113 --> 00:09:50,447 Now you know what it feels like. 228 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:54,818 I've got a source. Apparently Doyle masterminded the whole thing. 229 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,252 Rumor has it he's getting secretary of state. 230 00:09:57,277 --> 00:09:58,746 DAN: Secretary of state. 231 00:10:00,158 --> 00:10:02,425 God, I hate this country. 232 00:10:02,527 --> 00:10:04,561 I know. 233 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:14,237 You fuckers. 234 00:10:14,339 --> 00:10:15,739 How dare you? 235 00:10:15,841 --> 00:10:18,241 That magnificent woman 236 00:10:18,343 --> 00:10:20,744 counted on you and you losers let her down. 237 00:10:20,846 --> 00:10:22,812 Yeah, I got to call you back. Something amazing is happening. 238 00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:26,616 All you fucking cared about was your stupid, bad selves. 239 00:10:26,718 --> 00:10:30,186 Your numbers... your numbers are garbage. 240 00:10:30,288 --> 00:10:32,922 Your speeches, garbage. 241 00:10:33,024 --> 00:10:35,091 (LAUGHS) And you're supposed to give her advice? 242 00:10:35,193 --> 00:10:37,127 Is that right? All I heard was dumb, 243 00:10:37,229 --> 00:10:38,828 stupid I don't know what the fuck it was. 244 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,997 Garbage? 245 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,700 - TOM: Gary... - Oh, shut up! 246 00:10:46,238 --> 00:10:49,105 You screwed her the worst. 247 00:10:49,207 --> 00:10:51,141 In all the ways. 248 00:10:51,243 --> 00:10:53,643 (LAUGHING) Oh, I know... 249 00:10:53,745 --> 00:10:55,111 I know you make fun of me 250 00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:57,447 and I know that you think that I'm funny 251 00:10:57,549 --> 00:11:00,183 and I'm funny, ha, ha, ha. Well, at least I cared. 252 00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,853 I did my job! I fucking cared! 253 00:11:08,693 --> 00:11:11,127 Well, that just kind of made this whole year worth it. 254 00:11:11,229 --> 00:11:12,128 Yeah. 255 00:11:13,765 --> 00:11:17,233 MONTEZ: Today is a great day for democracy. 256 00:11:17,335 --> 00:11:21,571 It marks the beginning of a new chapter for America. 257 00:11:21,673 --> 00:11:25,975 You know, the vote we just witnessed sends one very clear message. 258 00:11:26,077 --> 00:11:29,412 Now is the time we put our divisions aside 259 00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:31,815 and we move this great nation forward. 260 00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:36,119 I just spoke to my good friend Senator Bill O'Brien 261 00:11:36,221 --> 00:11:38,254 and I'm happy to say 262 00:11:38,356 --> 00:11:42,058 he's fully endorsing my presidency, 263 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,661 so I will be counting on his help... 264 00:11:44,763 --> 00:11:46,296 I need fruit. 265 00:11:46,398 --> 00:11:51,234 ...as I guide America out of these turbulent times. 266 00:11:52,604 --> 00:11:54,037 Here she is, baby Ellen. 267 00:11:54,139 --> 00:11:56,639 Yeah, she seems really, really large for a baby. 268 00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:58,475 I was a tall kid when I was three. 269 00:11:58,577 --> 00:12:00,777 In fact, people in the neighborhood thought something was wrong with me 270 00:12:00,879 --> 00:12:02,412 'cause I was the size of a five-year-old. 271 00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:03,813 So what's the reason now, then? 272 00:12:03,915 --> 00:12:06,149 Morning, Madam President. I am back. 273 00:12:06,251 --> 00:12:08,885 - Were you gone? - Nevada. Six days. 274 00:12:08,987 --> 00:12:09,646 Oh, wow. 275 00:12:09,671 --> 00:12:11,645 Yeah, it was a really, really amazing visit. 276 00:12:11,723 --> 00:12:15,692 This is Mee-Maw's painting back here and I want to make sure to get this home. 277 00:12:15,794 --> 00:12:18,595 Okay, that's technically Catherine's painting. 278 00:12:24,336 --> 00:12:25,568 - Hey. - Hello. 279 00:12:25,670 --> 00:12:28,738 Are you here selling a young adult fiction idea, too? 280 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,140 Mine takes place in an alternate timeline 281 00:12:31,243 --> 00:12:34,077 where overweight, alcoholic ex-chiefs of staff 282 00:12:34,179 --> 00:12:35,445 are considered a sexual prize. 283 00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:37,313 Alternate timelines are a crutch 284 00:12:37,415 --> 00:12:40,350 for lazy sci-fi premises, e.g., "Star Trek" 285 00:12:40,452 --> 00:12:42,785 with the exception of "Deep Space Nine." 286 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,754 You should try your hand at romance novels. 287 00:12:44,856 --> 00:12:46,656 - I have. - Mmm. 288 00:12:46,758 --> 00:12:49,659 You hear Montez is looking to keep one senior White House staffer? 289 00:12:49,761 --> 00:12:52,161 Probably just a rumor. Wouldn't worry about it. 290 00:12:52,264 --> 00:12:55,999 As is customary, President-Elect Montez 291 00:12:56,101 --> 00:12:59,469 and her family will spend tonight at Blair House. 292 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,705 Tomorrow morning at 10:00 A.M., she will join President Meyer 293 00:13:02,807 --> 00:13:04,574 for coffee in the Red Room 294 00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:06,709 before heading to the inauguration. 295 00:13:06,811 --> 00:13:10,280 REPORTER: MSNBC has just learned that President-Elect Montez 296 00:13:10,382 --> 00:13:12,032 - plans to nominate Wall Street banker Charlie Baird... 297 00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:12,606 - (GROANS) 298 00:13:12,684 --> 00:13:15,118 - That seems about right. - ...to be her secretary of the treasury. 299 00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:19,222 President Meyer dated the banker briefly late last year. 300 00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:26,563 (RUSTLING, THUDDING) 301 00:13:27,732 --> 00:13:29,465 Oh, hey, Richard. 302 00:13:29,568 --> 00:13:31,534 Oh, Madam President. 303 00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:35,138 Uh, I'm just finishing packing up Congressman Ryan's old office. 304 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,640 I have to do it now because it's the last night before... 305 00:13:37,742 --> 00:13:41,110 Yeah, I know what it's the last night before of. 306 00:13:41,212 --> 00:13:43,146 You know about Colt's birthday dinner? 307 00:13:43,248 --> 00:13:46,382 - It's good, isn't it? - It's very, very, very relaxing. 308 00:13:46,484 --> 00:13:48,117 I should have relied on you more, Richard. 309 00:13:48,219 --> 00:13:50,320 I mean, really, seriously, you're one of the good ones. 310 00:13:50,422 --> 00:13:52,088 Oh, well, thank you, Madam President. 311 00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:55,425 I mean, if I had had 100 Richards, who knows what I could have done? 312 00:13:55,527 --> 00:13:57,427 Probably a lot. 313 00:13:57,529 --> 00:13:59,996 Or it could turn out like one of those "Twilight Zone" scenarios 314 00:14:00,098 --> 00:14:01,764 where we all murder each other. 315 00:14:01,866 --> 00:14:05,435 I don't even remember how to drive. 316 00:14:06,838 --> 00:14:09,238 - I need a wallet. - Probably. 317 00:14:09,341 --> 00:14:11,941 - And stamps. I've got to get stamps. - Yeah. 318 00:14:12,043 --> 00:14:15,244 If I was a little girl and you said to me, "What do you want to do?" 319 00:14:15,347 --> 00:14:17,814 I would have said, "Please, can I be president?" 320 00:14:17,916 --> 00:14:22,452 And then it turned out to be the 12 loneliest months of my life. 321 00:14:22,554 --> 00:14:24,554 My auntie used to talk about loneliness like that. 322 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,023 - Okay, so, right, you know that. - Yeah, yeah. 323 00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:29,592 We were pretty, pretty close, 324 00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:32,195 especially 'cause my mother was so much older. 325 00:14:32,297 --> 00:14:34,364 Old enough to be my grandmother, as a matter of fact. 326 00:14:34,466 --> 00:14:35,865 - Yeah. - Yeah. 327 00:14:35,967 --> 00:14:39,068 Maybe my auntie was actually my real mother 328 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:42,338 and my mother was actually my grandmother. 329 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,074 Ah, wow, that's starting to make a whole lot of sense. 330 00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,243 Everybody knew about it but me, too. 331 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,778 Are we praying, ma'am? 332 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,813 No, I'm just gonna lie down. 333 00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:55,018 Oh, God. 334 00:14:56,121 --> 00:14:58,521 Oh, I wish I had won. 335 00:14:58,623 --> 00:15:00,189 I wish everybody won. 336 00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,691 (GROANS) 337 00:15:03,261 --> 00:15:04,694 Ma'am? 338 00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:08,064 Ma'am? 339 00:15:08,166 --> 00:15:11,267 Ma'am? Okay. 340 00:15:14,305 --> 00:15:15,705 Can you just stay? 341 00:15:15,807 --> 00:15:17,940 Mm-hmm. Absolutely, ma'am. 342 00:15:25,784 --> 00:15:28,351 - (KNOCKS) - GARY: Special smoothie 343 00:15:28,453 --> 00:15:30,153 for a special lady. 344 00:15:31,322 --> 00:15:34,390 - What happened? - I don't know. 345 00:15:34,492 --> 00:15:37,894 Oh, my God, I hope I didn't fuck Richard. 346 00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:39,462 What? 347 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:43,399 - Okay, you need some help? - No. Ow. Ow. 348 00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:45,635 Okay, Mrs. Montez and her family, they're on their way. 349 00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,770 You're gonna greet them at the North Portico doorway. 350 00:15:47,872 --> 00:15:49,572 - Mom. - Oh! 351 00:15:49,674 --> 00:15:50,449 Wow! 352 00:15:50,474 --> 00:15:52,799 Have you seen my film? The hard drive is missing. 353 00:15:52,877 --> 00:15:54,777 Honey, look at you. 354 00:15:54,879 --> 00:15:56,946 Yeah, I've been working with this new stylist 355 00:15:57,048 --> 00:15:59,315 since I've been doing all this press for the rescue farm. 356 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:02,018 - It's my new look. - Oh. 357 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,821 Mom, you're gonna do something with your hair, right? 358 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,522 Huh? 359 00:16:06,624 --> 00:16:09,625 Oh, God. Look at this. 360 00:16:09,728 --> 00:16:11,694 Okay, you listen to me. Listen to me. 361 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,963 They can take away your presidency, 362 00:16:14,065 --> 00:16:16,999 they can take away your power, they can take away your dignity, 363 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:20,937 but what is the one thing that they cannot take away from you? 364 00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:23,272 - My beauty. - That's right. Let's go. 365 00:16:23,374 --> 00:16:25,775 - (MEN SHOUTING, THUDDING) - MAN: Go back door! Back door! 366 00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:27,977 - Put it up! - Oh! 367 00:16:28,079 --> 00:16:29,645 - That's it. - You fouled me. 368 00:16:29,748 --> 00:16:32,749 Do you realize the whole goddamn Rayburn House Office Building 369 00:16:32,851 --> 00:16:36,486 can hear you and your twink army in here cock scraping each other's esophagi? 370 00:16:36,588 --> 00:16:38,387 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. We were roughhousing. 371 00:16:38,490 --> 00:16:41,190 Jesus, Will, are you looking at what I'm looking at here? 372 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:43,559 Will, tell him the first rule of hiring male staff. 373 00:16:43,661 --> 00:16:46,462 They must be substantially less attractive than the congressman. 374 00:16:46,564 --> 00:16:48,631 And I almost hired an Iraqi war veteran. 375 00:16:48,733 --> 00:16:52,168 Third degree burns on half of his face, but the guy had personality, so... 376 00:16:52,270 --> 00:16:54,003 Will, tell him why I hired you instead. 377 00:16:54,105 --> 00:16:56,372 Because I'm repulsive both in appearance and manner. 378 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,608 Now let me give you some advice 379 00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:01,377 before you're yanked out of here like a cheerleader's unwanted fetus. 380 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,613 You say nothing and you do less. 381 00:17:03,715 --> 00:17:05,748 And take off those fucking glasses. 382 00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:08,885 You look like Clark Kent if they dug up Christopher Reeve's corpse to play the part. 383 00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:12,155 And as for you ladies, this is DC, not Miami. 384 00:17:13,591 --> 00:17:16,058 - Congratulations, Jonah. - Thanks, man. 385 00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:18,327 (WHISPERS) Fuck that guy. 386 00:17:18,429 --> 00:17:20,329 Come on, let's go. Game on. Here we go. 387 00:17:20,431 --> 00:17:21,898 - All right, ready? - Alley-oop! 388 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,433 (GRUNTS) My fucking nuts! 389 00:17:24,536 --> 00:17:26,536 Oh, shit, Colt. 390 00:17:26,638 --> 00:17:28,905 Call a doctor and call my mom. (GROANS) 391 00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:33,042 Hey, have you ever used that Truman bowling alley? 392 00:17:33,144 --> 00:17:35,344 No, no, of course not. I worked here. 393 00:17:35,446 --> 00:17:38,614 I didn't go to the White House for a fourth grade birthday party. 394 00:17:38,716 --> 00:17:40,883 Jesus. Oh, I'm sorry. 395 00:17:40,985 --> 00:17:42,018 I'm sorry. That's... 396 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,320 - Amy, hi. - Hey, Candi. 397 00:17:44,422 --> 00:17:46,689 Congratulations. Wow. Montez's new chief of staff. 398 00:17:46,791 --> 00:17:48,691 - Ben here is just showing me around. - I am. 399 00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,693 You've interviewed here so many times, 400 00:17:50,795 --> 00:17:53,429 I'd think that you'd know the place like the back of your hand by now. 401 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,865 - Kent Davison. - Mike McLintock. 402 00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:58,234 - Any luck with the new job search? - Uh... 403 00:17:58,336 --> 00:18:01,237 Oh, it's all right. I'm back at the "Post," so we're good. Yeah. 404 00:18:01,339 --> 00:18:02,605 This is Debralee, our surrogate. 405 00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:03,973 - Hi. - The twins are in there. 406 00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:05,608 - In there. - In here. 407 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,844 And this is Ellen, 408 00:18:07,946 --> 00:18:09,712 our new big girl. She's three. 409 00:18:09,814 --> 00:18:12,348 Mike, she has the head circumference of a six-year-old. 410 00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:14,450 I'm six. 411 00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,185 What did she say? 412 00:18:16,287 --> 00:18:18,554 Here's an interesting fact. 413 00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:21,023 Would you believe that it was called the Red Room 414 00:18:21,125 --> 00:18:22,725 before it was actually painted red? 415 00:18:22,827 --> 00:18:24,994 - WOMAN: Oh. - MARWOOD: I heard that. 416 00:18:25,096 --> 00:18:25,913 Yeah. 417 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,388 What'd it cost to paint this thing back then? 418 00:18:28,466 --> 00:18:29,392 $12. 419 00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:32,192 Yeah, $12. I was thinking right around 15. 420 00:18:32,270 --> 00:18:35,037 I think it was a slave state, so it might have been free. 421 00:18:35,139 --> 00:18:37,607 MEN: Oh. 422 00:18:37,709 --> 00:18:40,810 - (CLATTER) - Oh, I'm just wondering... boys. 423 00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:43,112 - Boys. They're fine. - SELINA: No. Okay. 424 00:18:43,214 --> 00:18:47,450 Hell, when my boys were that age, they'd have just torn this place apart. 425 00:18:47,552 --> 00:18:50,319 I have three boys. My entire house smells like an armpit. 426 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,322 Ooh, hate to hear that. See, glad I have girls. 427 00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,224 Girls will cost you later. 428 00:18:55,326 --> 00:18:58,127 Mm, girls are the worst. 429 00:18:58,229 --> 00:19:00,863 (CLEARS THROAT) 430 00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:04,267 Well, I also heard that it might go down into the teens tonight. 431 00:19:04,369 --> 00:19:06,903 Hey, I better get out my fur for the ball tonight, right? 432 00:19:07,005 --> 00:19:08,905 - (ALL LAUGHING) - MARWOOD: Yes, you should. 433 00:19:09,007 --> 00:19:11,307 Well, give me the heat any day. 434 00:19:11,409 --> 00:19:13,576 But then again, I grew up in Mexico. 435 00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:15,077 MARWOOD: Well, sure, yeah, we know that. 436 00:19:15,179 --> 00:19:16,679 His family is from Jalisco. 437 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,848 Es muy caliente there. 438 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:22,952 And where exactly in Ohio are you from, Laura? 439 00:19:23,054 --> 00:19:26,289 Um, well, I grew up 440 00:19:26,391 --> 00:19:30,092 right outside of Cleveland, but after, you know, 441 00:19:30,194 --> 00:19:34,530 15 years, I feel like I am 100% New Mexican. 442 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:37,233 New Mexican, but not Mexican? 443 00:19:40,772 --> 00:19:42,371 Of all the White House traditions, 444 00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,874 this one is probably my favorite. 445 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,809 - Is it? Oh. - Yeah. 446 00:19:58,222 --> 00:20:00,923 Damn it. I just had it. 447 00:20:01,025 --> 00:20:03,726 I have this thing every day and now I can't find it. 448 00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:06,095 Okay. 449 00:20:06,197 --> 00:20:08,898 An estimated one million people are anxiously awaiting 450 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,001 the arrival of President-Elect Laura Montez. 451 00:20:12,103 --> 00:20:15,137 (CHANTING) Montez! Montez! Montez! 452 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,308 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, 453 00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:23,346 the President of the United States, Selina Meyer. 454 00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:25,348 - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - (BAND PLAYING) 455 00:20:27,218 --> 00:20:29,485 GREG: President Meyer has taken the stage. 456 00:20:29,587 --> 00:20:32,254 And she's greeting a very attractive stranger. 457 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:35,057 GREG: That is first daughter Catherine Meyer. 458 00:20:35,159 --> 00:20:37,360 Oh, wow. Too bad. 459 00:20:37,462 --> 00:20:39,228 GREG: The handoff of power has begun. 460 00:20:39,330 --> 00:20:41,497 President-Elect Montez will be sworn in 461 00:20:41,599 --> 00:20:44,900 and address the nation as president for the first time. 462 00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:47,403 Why'd you do it, Andrew? 463 00:20:47,505 --> 00:20:49,505 I offered you secretary of state. 464 00:20:49,607 --> 00:20:51,173 You offered it to everybody in town. 465 00:20:51,275 --> 00:20:53,809 Your head is so far up Montez's ass. 466 00:20:53,911 --> 00:20:57,546 Next time it's Alejandro's birthday, he's gonna come all over your face. 467 00:20:57,648 --> 00:20:59,982 Oh. (LAUGHS) 468 00:21:00,084 --> 00:21:01,917 That's the truth. 469 00:21:02,020 --> 00:21:05,421 President Meyer taking a moment to catch up with her vice president 470 00:21:05,523 --> 00:21:07,723 and longtime political ally Andrew Doyle. 471 00:21:07,825 --> 00:21:10,226 Those two have a very special relationship. 472 00:21:10,328 --> 00:21:14,897 I, Laura Priscilla Montez, do solemnly swear... 473 00:21:14,999 --> 00:21:19,101 I, Laura Priscilla Montez, do solemnly swear... 474 00:21:19,203 --> 00:21:21,570 ...that I will faithfully execute the office 475 00:21:21,672 --> 00:21:23,739 of President of the United States... 476 00:21:23,841 --> 00:21:26,008 ...that I will faithfully execute the office 477 00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:27,910 of President of the United States... 478 00:21:28,012 --> 00:21:30,179 ...and will to the best of my ability... 479 00:21:30,281 --> 00:21:32,314 ...and will to the best of my ability... 480 00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:36,452 ...preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. 481 00:21:36,554 --> 00:21:40,523 ...preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. 482 00:21:40,625 --> 00:21:41,991 So help me God. 483 00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:43,993 - So help me God. - (PURSE THUDS) 484 00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:47,263 - Congratulations, Madam President. - (CHEERING) 485 00:21:50,802 --> 00:21:52,301 Gracias. 486 00:21:52,403 --> 00:21:54,070 My fellow citizens, 487 00:21:54,172 --> 00:21:56,972 this is the dawn of a new era. 488 00:21:57,075 --> 00:21:59,842 Una epoca nueva. 489 00:21:59,944 --> 00:22:01,744 (CHEERING) 490 00:22:01,846 --> 00:22:03,979 We are interrupting President Montez's speech 491 00:22:04,082 --> 00:22:05,548 to bring you breaking news. 492 00:22:05,650 --> 00:22:07,283 On the left side of your screen, 493 00:22:07,385 --> 00:22:10,186 you're seeing live footage from Andrews Air Force Base. 494 00:22:10,288 --> 00:22:13,556 We have just learned that mere minutes into her presidency, 495 00:22:13,658 --> 00:22:15,524 President Montez has brokered a deal 496 00:22:15,626 --> 00:22:18,427 with the Chinese government to free Tibet. 497 00:22:18,529 --> 00:22:21,530 And on board that plane are the so-called baby lamas, 498 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,599 Tibetan spiritual leaders who have been freed 499 00:22:23,701 --> 00:22:25,534 from decades of Chinese captivity 500 00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:28,070 as part of this historic agreement. 501 00:22:28,172 --> 00:22:31,140 This will no doubt put President Montez in line for the Nobel Prize. 502 00:22:31,242 --> 00:22:34,743 MONTEZ: ...all of our problems. We must put our faith... 503 00:22:34,846 --> 00:22:38,414 You're not gonna believe this, but she just freed the lamas. 504 00:22:38,516 --> 00:22:40,182 What? 505 00:22:40,284 --> 00:22:42,585 She brokered with the Chinese to free Tibet. 506 00:22:42,687 --> 00:22:44,453 Thank you. May God bless you 507 00:22:44,555 --> 00:22:47,389 and may God bless America. 508 00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:49,458 - (CHEERING) - (BAND PLAYING) 509 00:22:52,063 --> 00:22:54,163 Madam President. 510 00:22:54,265 --> 00:22:56,899 Oh, Senator James. 511 00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:59,602 An historic day for womankind. 512 00:22:59,704 --> 00:23:01,403 What'd you think of the speech? 513 00:23:01,506 --> 00:23:03,772 I had no idea her tits were that big. 514 00:23:05,243 --> 00:23:06,909 So what's next for you? 515 00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:09,411 Well, I've always dreamed of living in a small town, 516 00:23:09,514 --> 00:23:12,548 having a little place on Main Street, hanging a shingle out front, 517 00:23:12,650 --> 00:23:15,384 and running my own little multibillion-dollar hedge fund. 518 00:23:15,486 --> 00:23:17,086 - Uh-huh. - You know, back to basics. 519 00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:21,123 Okay. All right. Well, I'll see you around. 520 00:23:21,225 --> 00:23:22,558 - See you around. - See you around. 521 00:23:22,660 --> 00:23:25,494 - Madam President. - What? 522 00:23:25,596 --> 00:23:27,429 Nice shoes. 523 00:23:27,532 --> 00:23:29,698 Oh, come on, man. 524 00:23:31,302 --> 00:23:34,336 - (LIGHT APPLAUSE) - Thank you. 525 00:23:34,438 --> 00:23:37,306 Thank you. Thank you. 526 00:23:37,408 --> 00:23:40,009 - Where's Sue? - I don't know. 527 00:23:43,114 --> 00:23:45,381 Well, I'm not good with good-byes. 528 00:23:47,084 --> 00:23:49,118 Or winning presidential elections. 529 00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:50,686 Well, that's not true. 530 00:23:50,788 --> 00:23:53,889 - Yeah, it is. - Okay. 531 00:23:53,991 --> 00:23:55,457 Um... 532 00:23:57,695 --> 00:23:59,495 I don't know what to say. 533 00:23:59,597 --> 00:24:01,463 Was I supposed to write something, ma'am? 534 00:24:01,566 --> 00:24:02,865 Nobody told me. 535 00:24:02,967 --> 00:24:04,600 I thought he was getting a baby. 536 00:24:04,702 --> 00:24:06,468 Yeah, that's not a baby. 537 00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:10,806 Uh, well, we gave America everything we had. 538 00:24:10,908 --> 00:24:12,274 Yeah, sure did. 539 00:24:12,376 --> 00:24:15,377 Inspiring words, ma'am. Godspeed. 540 00:24:15,479 --> 00:24:18,681 Thank you, all of you. 541 00:24:19,984 --> 00:24:22,685 It's... 542 00:24:22,787 --> 00:24:24,534 All right, let's go, girls. Get on the thing. 543 00:24:24,559 --> 00:24:25,545 BEN: Good-bye, ma'am. 544 00:24:25,623 --> 00:24:27,756 - MAN: Ma'am. - MAN #2: Bye. 545 00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:34,863 (APPLAUSE) 546 00:24:39,870 --> 00:24:41,237 Ma'am! 547 00:24:41,339 --> 00:24:43,639 Ma'am, I just want to thank you 548 00:24:43,741 --> 00:24:45,307 - for everything you did... - Amy, just come with us. 549 00:24:45,409 --> 00:24:47,109 - No. - No, no, you should just come. 550 00:24:47,211 --> 00:24:49,278 Okay, but I don't even have my... 551 00:24:55,086 --> 00:24:57,219 Where are they going? 552 00:25:06,697 --> 00:25:09,965 Gosh, from a distance, it looks really beautiful. 553 00:25:11,535 --> 00:25:13,636 Yeah, from a distance. 554 00:25:15,506 --> 00:25:17,740 Can I borrow somebody's phone? I have to check on Buddy. 555 00:25:17,842 --> 00:25:19,808 - Oh, did you get a dog? - Buddy's my... 556 00:25:19,910 --> 00:25:21,377 - (ENGINE SPUTTERING) - Ooh, what was that? 557 00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:23,379 - Okay. - What the fuck is that? 558 00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:25,681 PILOT: Small problem with one of the engines, Madam President. 559 00:25:25,783 --> 00:25:28,250 - We're gonna have to take her back down. - Oh, Lord. 560 00:25:30,021 --> 00:25:32,454 Hell of a time to run out of gas. 561 00:25:32,556 --> 00:25:34,990 If you could just step away from the aircraft for a bit, 562 00:25:35,092 --> 00:25:36,392 we'll call you a motorcade. 563 00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:38,560 Oh, my God. 564 00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:41,297 - What am I walking on? - MARJORIE: Grass, ma'am. 565 00:25:43,834 --> 00:25:45,634 - Mom. - What? 566 00:25:45,736 --> 00:25:48,404 Are you sure you don't know where the hard drive of my film is? 567 00:25:48,506 --> 00:25:49,972 - No. - No. 568 00:25:50,074 --> 00:25:52,908 - (BAND PLAYING) - (CROWD CHEERING) 569 00:25:53,010 --> 00:25:54,710 What is that sound? 570 00:25:54,812 --> 00:25:56,945 The parade, ma'am. 571 00:25:57,048 --> 00:25:59,615 I think I can walk back from here. 572 00:25:59,717 --> 00:26:02,551 (BAND CONTINUES) 573 00:26:02,653 --> 00:26:05,287 (CROWD CHEERING) 574 00:26:08,426 --> 00:26:10,292 (SNIFFLES) 575 00:26:33,451 --> 00:26:35,351 Oh, my God. 576 00:26:38,022 --> 00:26:39,855 Here you go. 577 00:26:47,665 --> 00:26:49,765 Maybe it'll ruin her parade. 578 00:26:49,867 --> 00:26:53,235 That's it from the National Mall. Back to you, Wolf. 579 00:26:53,337 --> 00:26:55,404 FLOOR MANAGER: And clear. 580 00:26:55,506 --> 00:26:57,139 - Nice work, Egan. - Thank you. 581 00:26:57,241 --> 00:27:00,175 - I may have a full-time gig for you. - Really? 582 00:27:00,277 --> 00:27:04,480 We've got an opening for someone to cover the state department on the overnight. 583 00:27:04,582 --> 00:27:06,482 - Really? - Easy, Cronkite. 584 00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:08,259 Just think of it as morning somewhere. Carrie? 585 00:27:08,284 --> 00:27:08,841 Yes? 586 00:27:08,919 --> 00:27:09,795 (PHONE BUZZES) 587 00:27:09,820 --> 00:27:12,445 Could you give me tomorrow's research, please? 588 00:27:12,523 --> 00:27:14,156 So, what do you say? 589 00:27:14,258 --> 00:27:16,725 I just got an offer from CBS News. 590 00:27:17,862 --> 00:27:20,195 So, Greg, I will say this... 591 00:27:20,297 --> 00:27:21,730 Egan out. 592 00:27:22,933 --> 00:27:24,400 Yeah, I just got your email. 593 00:27:24,502 --> 00:27:26,935 I just want to make sure the job is with CBS, right? 594 00:27:27,037 --> 00:27:28,704 That's Columbia Broadcasting? 595 00:27:28,806 --> 00:27:31,940 Yeah, there's just some minor swelling, Mr. Ryan, 596 00:27:32,042 --> 00:27:33,542 but nothing a little ice won't fix. 597 00:27:33,644 --> 00:27:35,611 Excellent. (GROANS) 598 00:27:35,713 --> 00:27:38,781 Hoo. I have tickets to the inaugural ball tonight. 599 00:27:38,883 --> 00:27:41,016 - Oh. - Yeah. I'm a congressman. 600 00:27:41,118 --> 00:27:45,354 The second ticket is unclaimed if you're available. 601 00:27:45,456 --> 00:27:48,290 I'm married. I have the ring hiding under the gloves. 602 00:27:48,392 --> 00:27:50,025 - No, I saw it. - No. Oh. 603 00:27:50,127 --> 00:27:51,860 Anyway, there is no easy way to say this, 604 00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:54,797 but you have a lump on your left testicle. 605 00:27:54,899 --> 00:27:57,900 I just want to biopsy it and we can take it from there. 606 00:27:58,002 --> 00:27:59,401 Take what from where? 607 00:27:59,503 --> 00:28:01,670 Early detection would have prevented this. 608 00:28:01,772 --> 00:28:03,705 We really encourage regular self-exams. 609 00:28:03,808 --> 00:28:04,973 Yeah, I know. 610 00:28:06,977 --> 00:28:09,378 Oh, they're waiting for you in the Roosevelt Room, ma'am. 611 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,513 - Thank you, Sue. - Of course. 612 00:28:11,615 --> 00:28:14,716 Selina, good news. We found the missing Nevada ballots. 613 00:28:14,819 --> 00:28:16,285 You won.