1 00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:13,063 Mike! Mike! Mike! 2 00:00:13,161 --> 00:00:15,400 Mike, will the president be making a statement about the House vote? 3 00:00:15,498 --> 00:00:18,186 No, the president will not be making a statement at this time. 4 00:00:18,283 --> 00:00:20,171 While she was disappointed in the result, 5 00:00:20,269 --> 00:00:22,220 she was thrilled to watch democracy in action. 6 00:00:22,319 --> 00:00:25,166 I mean, the chances of this happening in Russia, nyet. 7 00:00:25,264 --> 00:00:28,112 Mike, if Tom James wins against Senator Montez 8 00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:30,898 in the Senate and becomes president, will President Meyer consider... 9 00:00:30,996 --> 00:00:32,563 Okay, let me cut you off right there. 10 00:00:32,661 --> 00:00:35,668 Selina Meyer is not interested in becoming vice president again. 11 00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:37,430 That job is in her rearview mirror. 12 00:00:37,528 --> 00:00:39,223 I stake my reputation on this. 13 00:00:39,321 --> 00:00:42,649 Selina Meyer will never be vice president ever, ever again. 14 00:00:42,747 --> 00:00:45,691 So, Tom, let's be real. 15 00:00:45,789 --> 00:00:47,581 You're gonna be an accidental president. 16 00:00:47,678 --> 00:00:49,950 Pot, kettle. 17 00:00:50,048 --> 00:00:53,248 I'm here to offer my help 18 00:00:53,346 --> 00:00:56,258 in making this transition of power 19 00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:57,666 as smooth as possible 20 00:00:57,764 --> 00:01:01,669 by joining your administration. 21 00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:04,647 Well, strangely enough, I was thinking along the same lines. 22 00:01:04,745 --> 00:01:06,697 Okay, fantastic. I'll tell you what I want. 23 00:01:06,795 --> 00:01:08,426 I want secretary of state 24 00:01:08,524 --> 00:01:10,250 'cause I think that's the least you can do. 25 00:01:10,349 --> 00:01:13,036 I was thinking vice president. 26 00:01:13,134 --> 00:01:15,886 That's literally the least you can do. 27 00:01:15,984 --> 00:01:17,872 And I really want secretary of state. 28 00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:21,106 - Vice president. - Come on, secretary of state. 29 00:01:21,204 --> 00:01:23,859 Vice President Meyer's got a nice familiar ring to it. 30 00:01:23,957 --> 00:01:25,044 No, it doesn't. 31 00:01:25,142 --> 00:01:26,997 Vice president, take it or leave it. 32 00:01:27,095 --> 00:01:30,552 I wouldn't be your veep if there were a grassy knoll 33 00:01:30,649 --> 00:01:33,882 full of Jodie Foster fans in the front row 34 00:01:33,979 --> 00:01:35,259 at your inauguration. 35 00:01:35,357 --> 00:01:36,828 That's a leave it. 36 00:01:36,926 --> 00:01:38,972 General George Washington could climb 37 00:01:39,070 --> 00:01:42,687 out of his grave right now and I would rather eat out 38 00:01:42,785 --> 00:01:46,145 his zombified wooden asshole twice a day 39 00:01:46,244 --> 00:01:48,707 than be his vice fucking... fucking anything! 40 00:01:48,805 --> 00:01:51,108 Okay, let's put a pin in the VP for now. 41 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,535 - Seriously? - Morning, ma'am. 42 00:01:54,633 --> 00:01:57,064 Will somebody wake up Mike? Or not. What's the difference? 43 00:01:57,163 --> 00:02:00,874 Ma'am, last night I ran a flash poll on presidential scholars. 44 00:02:00,972 --> 00:02:04,589 They have rated you the 43rd most effective president ever. 45 00:02:04,687 --> 00:02:06,190 - Out of how many? - 44. 46 00:02:06,288 --> 00:02:07,919 You were right ahead of James Buchanan, 47 00:02:08,017 --> 00:02:09,520 who many feel caused the Civil War. 48 00:02:09,618 --> 00:02:11,922 Kent, can you give a girl some warning next time 49 00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:13,362 before you jam it in the back door? 50 00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:15,188 Data gives no warning, ma'am. 51 00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:17,269 Any chance Marjorie and Catherine want to get married? 52 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:18,870 There you go, first White House lesbian wedding. 53 00:02:18,968 --> 00:02:20,535 That'll get you in the history books. 54 00:02:20,633 --> 00:02:23,225 Oh, God. I can't take that much acoustic guitar. 55 00:02:23,323 --> 00:02:25,723 What we have to do 56 00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:27,867 is we have to make Tibet happen. 57 00:02:27,965 --> 00:02:29,405 That's what's gonna be my legacy. 58 00:02:29,503 --> 00:02:31,614 Selina Meyer, the woman who freed Tibet. 59 00:02:31,712 --> 00:02:34,431 Ma'am, we've been in radio silence with the Chinese for the last two weeks. 60 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:38,978 Well, then why don't we send warships out into the South China Seas? 61 00:02:39,077 --> 00:02:42,245 - Sea. - I want my Nobel Peace Prize! 62 00:02:44,712 --> 00:02:46,119 Legacy! 63 00:02:47,594 --> 00:02:50,186 Legacy meeting adjourned. 64 00:02:50,284 --> 00:02:53,035 God, my phone is blowing up with these TV offers. 65 00:02:53,134 --> 00:02:54,797 Think I'm gonna need an agent, you know, 66 00:02:54,895 --> 00:02:56,398 someone who can take the Dan Egan brand to the next level. 67 00:02:56,496 --> 00:02:57,935 Too bad Goebbels killed himself. 68 00:02:58,033 --> 00:02:59,696 The only president 69 00:02:59,794 --> 00:03:01,905 to pee sitting down since FDR. 70 00:03:02,003 --> 00:03:04,018 Is that gonna be my legacy, Ben? Is it? 71 00:03:04,116 --> 00:03:06,740 Well, I pee sitting down sometimes if it's gonna be a longy. 72 00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:08,469 Okay, we've got to make Tibet happen. 73 00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:10,742 Go through the Qataris, okay? 74 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,816 I bet there are a dozen of them right now at the Georgetown Four Seasons. 75 00:03:13,914 --> 00:03:15,610 Go to a Lamborghini dealership, you know? 76 00:03:15,708 --> 00:03:18,588 Wherever they have prostitutes. These guys could help you. 77 00:03:21,023 --> 00:03:22,398 I'm finished with your brag wall. 78 00:03:22,496 --> 00:03:24,351 All the photos of you with the Washington elite. 79 00:03:24,449 --> 00:03:26,433 Are there any pictures where the president isn't yelling at me? 80 00:03:26,531 --> 00:03:29,538 As far as I can tell, no such picture exists in the known universe. 81 00:03:29,637 --> 00:03:32,132 Oh, also, we got to get some eye candy in here. 82 00:03:32,230 --> 00:03:33,733 You know, hire some hot interns. 83 00:03:33,832 --> 00:03:35,879 Oh, Uncle Jeff sent a bunch of resumes from New Hampshire. 84 00:03:35,976 --> 00:03:37,896 One of them was a phone number on a bar napkin. 85 00:03:37,994 --> 00:03:40,425 No, New Hampshire is just a fancy word for "it's cold outside, 86 00:03:40,523 --> 00:03:42,475 - so I don't shave my pubes." - I'm writing that down. 87 00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:44,475 Focus on the warm- weather states, okay? 88 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:45,380 Congressman... 89 00:03:45,455 --> 00:03:47,150 I have a feeling you're gonna do some really great things. 90 00:03:47,247 --> 00:03:48,815 I'm getting kind of hungry. Do you think you could find 91 00:03:48,912 --> 00:03:50,864 a lobbyist to take me out to lunch short notice? 92 00:03:50,962 --> 00:03:53,394 Try for Big Pharma. I hear they do The Palm. 93 00:03:53,492 --> 00:03:55,763 Madam President, I'm afraid to tell you 94 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,581 that the Chinese are rather nervous about moving forward 95 00:03:58,679 --> 00:04:00,982 with Tibet now that you're out of power. 96 00:04:01,081 --> 00:04:05,145 I am not out of power and... at all. 97 00:04:05,243 --> 00:04:08,603 This has not, in fact, been formally announced yet, 98 00:04:08,701 --> 00:04:11,869 - but I will be continuing on... - Oh. 99 00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:14,111 ...as, um... 100 00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:17,345 as vice president. 101 00:04:18,947 --> 00:04:21,091 Tom James offered it yesterday. 102 00:04:21,189 --> 00:04:23,236 It's really more of a copresident position. 103 00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:24,997 - Wouldn't you agree with that, Ben? - Sure. 104 00:04:25,096 --> 00:04:26,726 And between you and me, 105 00:04:26,824 --> 00:04:29,352 Tom James could be healthier, I have to say. 106 00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:32,779 - Oh? - Yeah, he's a bit of a, you know... 107 00:04:32,877 --> 00:04:35,853 Well, I suspect this will be of great interest to the Chinese. 108 00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:38,446 Great. Thank you very much. Yes, thank you. 109 00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:39,919 Oh, right, no touchy the ladies. 110 00:04:40,016 --> 00:04:41,808 Oh, no, no. It's fine. It's private. 111 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,890 Just don't let the lunatics back home know. 112 00:04:45,621 --> 00:04:47,316 All right, come on, Ben, let's go. 113 00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,557 - Yes, ma'am. - This is gonna suck. 114 00:04:49,655 --> 00:04:51,446 Hang on, I need to make a stop. 115 00:04:51,544 --> 00:04:53,688 - Madam President. - Is the vice president in? 116 00:04:53,785 --> 00:04:55,384 No, he's at the Senate for the vote. 117 00:04:55,483 --> 00:04:57,146 Uh-huh. 118 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:11,395 Okay, I can do this. 119 00:05:12,870 --> 00:05:15,109 - Selina Meyer. What a delight. - Tom. 120 00:05:15,207 --> 00:05:17,703 Um, I've got good news. 121 00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:20,297 - I have decided to... - No, don't tell me. 122 00:05:20,395 --> 00:05:22,954 You have decided to throw away 123 00:05:23,052 --> 00:05:25,163 every last shred of dignity you have 124 00:05:25,262 --> 00:05:27,149 and accept my offer of the vice presidency. 125 00:05:27,246 --> 00:05:30,383 I... I guess so, yeah. 126 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:31,760 I'm delighted to hear it. 127 00:05:31,858 --> 00:05:34,289 - Thank you. - I don't want you to worry. 128 00:05:34,387 --> 00:05:37,235 You are not just gonna be any vice president. 129 00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:40,501 You're gonna be a partner... 130 00:05:40,599 --> 00:05:43,415 and a very important part of my administration. 131 00:05:43,513 --> 00:05:46,233 - You're a motherfucker. - No, I'm serious. I'm serious. 132 00:05:46,331 --> 00:05:49,115 You're gonna be... you know, you're gonna be part of the team. 133 00:05:49,213 --> 00:05:50,844 - You're gonna be at every meeting. - Okay. 134 00:05:50,942 --> 00:05:52,253 It's like a shitty Groundhog Day. 135 00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:54,302 Your country thanks you. 136 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,575 Congressman Ryan's office. 137 00:05:56,673 --> 00:05:57,792 - Congressman Ryan's office. - Hello. 138 00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:59,233 - Morning, sir. - Morning. 139 00:05:59,331 --> 00:06:01,507 - Morning, sir. - Congressman Ryan's office. 140 00:06:01,605 --> 00:06:03,107 Richard, who are these dudes? 141 00:06:03,205 --> 00:06:05,093 - Oh, these are the new interns. - What? 142 00:06:05,191 --> 00:06:06,854 That's Colt. He's from UVA. Played lacrosse. 143 00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:09,703 Richard, I told you to get hot interns. 144 00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:11,209 Sir, by any objective standards, 145 00:06:11,307 --> 00:06:13,193 Colt, Brady, and Mason are unequivocally hot, not not. 146 00:06:13,292 --> 00:06:16,908 Hot interns means girls. How the fuck do you not know that? 147 00:06:17,006 --> 00:06:19,502 Excuse me, sir. I made you a latte. 148 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,680 Uh, thank you. 149 00:06:21,777 --> 00:06:24,785 Mmm, oh, my God, this coffee is exceptional. 150 00:06:24,883 --> 00:06:26,610 Thanks. 151 00:06:26,708 --> 00:06:29,268 - Can we please keep him? - Yeah, absolutely. 152 00:06:29,366 --> 00:06:31,125 Hey, Colt, welcome to team Ryan. 153 00:06:31,223 --> 00:06:32,662 I want you guys to get used to two things... 154 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,327 killing it daily on the Hill 155 00:06:34,426 --> 00:06:36,568 and nights rated PG-squirteen. 156 00:06:36,666 --> 00:06:38,073 - Baller. - Baller. 157 00:06:38,171 --> 00:06:40,411 - Baller. - Baller. 158 00:06:40,509 --> 00:06:42,653 We are moments away from the Senate vote 159 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,662 for vice president between Senator Tom James and Senator Laura Montez. 160 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,968 And, of course, with the presidency vacant, 161 00:06:48,066 --> 00:06:51,009 the winner of this vote will assume the presidency. 162 00:06:51,108 --> 00:06:53,507 Well, President Lu, I'm very glad 163 00:06:53,605 --> 00:06:55,108 that we've come to an agreement 164 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,029 and I'm exceptionally glad 165 00:06:57,128 --> 00:06:59,752 that we're gonna have another four years of working together. 166 00:06:59,849 --> 00:07:04,298 President Lu is particularly happy to work alongside Senator James. 167 00:07:04,396 --> 00:07:06,891 He hears he's quite the statesman. 168 00:07:06,989 --> 00:07:10,221 Statesman-ish, which is a joke, of course. 169 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,919 - Ma'am? - What? 170 00:07:12,017 --> 00:07:14,417 We've got to see what's going on in the Senate right away. 171 00:07:14,515 --> 00:07:15,473 You're kidding. 172 00:07:15,571 --> 00:07:17,170 Forgive me, President Lu, 173 00:07:17,268 --> 00:07:19,220 but I'm afraid I have to go and attend to 174 00:07:19,318 --> 00:07:21,941 the vote that is happening right now in our Senate. 175 00:07:22,039 --> 00:07:24,727 But feel free to follow along on the television 176 00:07:24,825 --> 00:07:27,865 or perhaps on one of the many bugs 177 00:07:27,963 --> 00:07:29,914 that you've planted throughout the White House. 178 00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:32,412 - Mr. Lowell. - Senator James. 179 00:07:32,510 --> 00:07:34,173 Jesus Christ. What have we got? 180 00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:36,351 It's tighter than we thought, ma'am. Tom up by two. 181 00:07:36,448 --> 00:07:37,951 - What? - Mr. Murray. 182 00:07:38,049 --> 00:07:40,225 - Senator Montez. - Up by one. 183 00:07:40,323 --> 00:07:42,306 - Tom, what's going on in here? - I don't know, I... 184 00:07:42,404 --> 00:07:44,035 Senator Montez. 185 00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:46,213 - You motherfucker! - Nelson voted against you? 186 00:07:46,311 --> 00:07:48,230 But Nelson is your protégé, man. 187 00:07:48,328 --> 00:07:49,670 Get Nelson on the phone right... 188 00:07:49,768 --> 00:07:51,656 - this doesn't just happen. - Tom, he voted! 189 00:07:51,754 --> 00:07:54,506 They're going alphabetically. Get somebody after him. 190 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,171 - Get Wallace on the phone. - Get Wallace! 191 00:07:56,269 --> 00:07:58,284 I'm hearing something about your "borking" Dunkirk. 192 00:07:58,382 --> 00:08:00,846 - What? - Yeah, on a circuit court nominee. 193 00:08:00,943 --> 00:08:03,087 That was... no. That was 10 years ago. 194 00:08:03,185 --> 00:08:05,073 Someone is trying to fuck me. 195 00:08:05,171 --> 00:08:06,609 Tom James. 196 00:08:06,707 --> 00:08:10,195 Thank you, Summerlin, you senile old piss sponge. 197 00:08:10,293 --> 00:08:12,149 - 50-48. - Tom needs just one more. 198 00:08:12,247 --> 00:08:14,390 Got all kinds of rumors about vote trading. 199 00:08:14,488 --> 00:08:18,136 - It's not us. - Oh, fuck. Wallace is going Montez. 200 00:08:18,234 --> 00:08:21,403 She's telling people that you reneged on her Alaskan coast cleanup bill. 201 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,420 That was a handout to Big Oil. 202 00:08:23,518 --> 00:08:26,302 - Mrs. Wallace. - Senator Montez. 203 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,312 50-49. This is not Montez. She's getting help. 204 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:30,385 Mr. Yinui. 205 00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:33,337 Come on, you page-diddling Hawaiian fat fuck. 206 00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:35,588 Senator Montez. 207 00:08:35,686 --> 00:08:38,309 - That's 50. - Not another tie. 208 00:08:38,407 --> 00:08:40,551 - What now? - A tie in the Senate 209 00:08:40,649 --> 00:08:42,568 is broken by the president of the Senate. 210 00:08:42,666 --> 00:08:45,162 Or what we humans call the vice president. 211 00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:47,403 Oh, my God, perfect. You can vote for yourself. Go, go, go, go. 212 00:08:47,501 --> 00:08:51,149 - Tom's not veep, you butler. - Doyle is vice president. 213 00:08:51,247 --> 00:08:53,166 Being called upon to cast this vote 214 00:08:53,264 --> 00:08:55,856 is a pleasure and an honor, 215 00:08:55,954 --> 00:08:57,265 not a burden. 216 00:08:57,363 --> 00:08:59,859 There's been enough uncertainty in this country, 217 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:02,516 so I won't stall any further. 218 00:09:02,614 --> 00:09:05,239 - Please. - Come on, just spit it out. 219 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:10,009 With this in mind, I vote for Senator Laura Montez. 220 00:09:10,107 --> 00:09:12,443 It's official. 221 00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:15,133 The United States of America has a new president. 222 00:09:15,231 --> 00:09:17,694 This is a truly stunning turn of events 223 00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:18,975 for Laura Montez. 224 00:09:19,073 --> 00:09:21,313 Now you know what it feels like. 225 00:09:21,411 --> 00:09:25,507 I've got a source. Apparently Doyle masterminded the whole thing. 226 00:09:25,605 --> 00:09:27,843 Rumor has it he's getting secretary of state. 227 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,277 Secretary of state. 228 00:09:30,632 --> 00:09:32,808 God, I hate this country. 229 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,857 I know. 230 00:09:41,423 --> 00:09:44,143 You fuckers. 231 00:09:44,241 --> 00:09:45,584 How dare you? 232 00:09:45,682 --> 00:09:47,985 That magnificent woman 233 00:09:48,083 --> 00:09:50,387 counted on you and you losers let her down. 234 00:09:50,485 --> 00:09:52,372 Yeah, I got to call you back. Something amazing is happening. 235 00:09:52,470 --> 00:09:56,022 All you fucking cared about was your stupid, bad selves. 236 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:59,448 Your numbers... your numbers are garbage. 237 00:09:59,546 --> 00:10:02,074 Your speeches, garbage. 238 00:10:02,172 --> 00:10:04,155 And you're supposed to give her advice? 239 00:10:04,253 --> 00:10:06,109 Is that right? All I heard was dumb, 240 00:10:06,207 --> 00:10:07,742 stupid I don't know what the fuck it was. 241 00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:09,823 Garbage? 242 00:10:09,921 --> 00:10:12,417 - Gary... - Oh, shut up! 243 00:10:14,852 --> 00:10:17,604 You screwed her the worst. 244 00:10:17,702 --> 00:10:19,558 In all the ways. 245 00:10:19,656 --> 00:10:21,959 Oh, I know... 246 00:10:22,057 --> 00:10:23,367 I know you make fun of me 247 00:10:23,465 --> 00:10:25,609 and I know that you think that I'm funny 248 00:10:25,707 --> 00:10:28,235 and I'm funny, ha, ha, ha. Well, at least I cared. 249 00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:31,757 I did my job! I fucking cared! 250 00:10:36,401 --> 00:10:38,737 Well, that just kind of made this whole year worth it. 251 00:10:38,835 --> 00:10:39,698 Yeah. 252 00:10:41,269 --> 00:10:44,597 Today is a great day for democracy. 253 00:10:44,695 --> 00:10:48,760 It marks the beginning of a new chapter for America. 254 00:10:48,858 --> 00:10:52,986 You know, the vote we just witnessed sends one very clear message. 255 00:10:53,084 --> 00:10:56,284 Now is the time we put our divisions aside 256 00:10:56,382 --> 00:10:58,590 and we move this great nation forward. 257 00:10:58,688 --> 00:11:02,721 I just spoke to my good friend Senator Bill O'Brien 258 00:11:02,819 --> 00:11:04,769 and I'm happy to say 259 00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:08,420 he's fully endorsing my presidency, 260 00:11:08,518 --> 00:11:10,918 so I will be counting on his help... 261 00:11:11,016 --> 00:11:12,487 I need fruit. 262 00:11:12,585 --> 00:11:17,226 ...as I guide America out of these turbulent times. 263 00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:19,916 Here she is, baby Ellen. 264 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,413 Yeah, she seems really, really large for a baby. 265 00:11:22,510 --> 00:11:24,174 I was a tall kid when I was three. 266 00:11:24,272 --> 00:11:26,384 In fact, people in the neighborhood thought something was wrong with me 267 00:11:26,481 --> 00:11:27,953 'cause I was the size of a five-year-old. 268 00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:29,297 So what's the reason now, then? 269 00:11:29,395 --> 00:11:31,539 Morning, Madam President. I am back. 270 00:11:31,637 --> 00:11:34,164 - Were you gone? - Nevada. Six days. 271 00:11:34,262 --> 00:11:34,895 Oh, wow. 272 00:11:34,919 --> 00:11:36,813 Yeah, it was a really, really amazing visit. 273 00:11:36,888 --> 00:11:40,697 This is Mee-Maw's painting back here and I want to make sure to get this home. 274 00:11:40,795 --> 00:11:43,483 Okay, that's technically Catherine's painting. 275 00:11:48,992 --> 00:11:50,174 - Hey. - Hello. 276 00:11:50,272 --> 00:11:53,216 Are you here selling a young adult fiction idea, too? 277 00:11:53,314 --> 00:11:55,521 Mine takes place in an alternate timeline 278 00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:58,340 where overweight, alcoholic ex-chiefs of staff 279 00:11:58,438 --> 00:11:59,653 are considered a sexual prize. 280 00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:01,445 Alternate timelines are a crutch 281 00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:04,360 for lazy sci-fi premises, e.g., "Star Trek" 282 00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,696 with the exception of "Deep Space Nine." 283 00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:08,586 You should try your hand at romance novels. 284 00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,411 - I have. - Mmm. 285 00:12:10,509 --> 00:12:13,293 You hear Montez is looking to keep one senior White House staffer? 286 00:12:13,391 --> 00:12:15,694 Probably just a rumor. Wouldn't worry about it. 287 00:12:15,793 --> 00:12:19,377 As is customary, President-Elect Montez 288 00:12:19,475 --> 00:12:22,707 and her family will spend tonight at Blair House. 289 00:12:22,805 --> 00:12:25,813 Tomorrow morning at 10:00 A.M., she will join President Meyer 290 00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,606 for coffee in the Red Room 291 00:12:27,704 --> 00:12:29,655 before heading to the inauguration. 292 00:12:29,753 --> 00:12:33,082 MSNBC has just learned that President-Elect Montez 293 00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:34,763 - plans to nominate Wall Street banker Charlie Baird... 294 00:12:35,389 --> 00:12:37,725 - That seems about right. - ...to be her secretary of the treasury. 295 00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:41,663 President Meyer dated the banker briefly late last year. 296 00:12:49,830 --> 00:12:51,493 Oh, hey, Richard. 297 00:12:51,592 --> 00:12:53,478 Oh, Madam President. 298 00:12:53,576 --> 00:12:56,937 Uh, I'm just finishing packing up Congressman Ryan's old office. 299 00:12:57,035 --> 00:12:59,338 I have to do it now because it's the last night before... 300 00:12:59,436 --> 00:13:02,668 Yeah, I know what it's the last night before of. 301 00:13:02,766 --> 00:13:04,622 You know about Colt's birthday dinner? 302 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,727 - It's good, isn't it? - It's very, very, very relaxing. 303 00:13:07,825 --> 00:13:09,392 I should have relied on you more, Richard. 304 00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:11,506 I mean, really, seriously, you're one of the good ones. 305 00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:13,203 Oh, well, thank you, Madam President. 306 00:13:13,301 --> 00:13:16,405 I mean, if I had had 100 Richards, who knows what I could have done? 307 00:13:16,503 --> 00:13:18,326 Probably a lot. 308 00:13:18,424 --> 00:13:20,792 Or it could turn out like one of those "Twilight Zone" scenarios 309 00:13:20,890 --> 00:13:22,488 where we all murder each other. 310 00:13:22,586 --> 00:13:26,011 I don't even remember how to drive. 311 00:13:27,358 --> 00:13:29,661 - I need a wallet. - Probably. 312 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,255 - And stamps. I've got to get stamps. - Yeah. 313 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:35,424 If I was a little girl and you said to me, "What do you want to do?" 314 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,891 I would have said, "Please, can I be president?" 315 00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:42,341 And then it turned out to be the 12 loneliest months of my life. 316 00:13:42,439 --> 00:13:44,359 My auntie used to talk about loneliness like that. 317 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,728 - Okay, so, right, you know that. - Yeah, yeah. 318 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,193 We were pretty, pretty close, 319 00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:51,691 especially 'cause my mother was so much older. 320 00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,773 Old enough to be my grandmother, as a matter of fact. 321 00:13:53,871 --> 00:13:55,213 - Yeah. - Yeah. 322 00:13:55,311 --> 00:13:58,287 Maybe my auntie was actually my real mother 323 00:13:58,385 --> 00:14:01,425 and my mother was actually my grandmother. 324 00:14:01,523 --> 00:14:04,051 Ah, wow, that's starting to make a whole lot of sense. 325 00:14:04,148 --> 00:14:06,132 Everybody knew about it but me, too. 326 00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:07,605 Are we praying, ma'am? 327 00:14:07,703 --> 00:14:09,558 No, I'm just gonna lie down. 328 00:14:11,577 --> 00:14:13,593 Oh, God. 329 00:14:14,652 --> 00:14:16,955 Oh, I wish I had won. 330 00:14:17,053 --> 00:14:18,556 I wish everybody won. 331 00:14:21,504 --> 00:14:22,879 Ma'am? 332 00:14:24,002 --> 00:14:26,113 Ma'am? 333 00:14:26,211 --> 00:14:29,187 Ma'am? Okay. 334 00:14:32,102 --> 00:14:33,446 Can you just stay? 335 00:14:33,543 --> 00:14:35,590 Mm-hmm. Absolutely, ma'am. 336 00:14:43,118 --> 00:14:45,581 Special smoothie 337 00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:47,311 for a special lady. 338 00:14:48,432 --> 00:14:51,377 - What happened? - I don't know. 339 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:54,739 Oh, my God, I hope I didn't fuck Richard. 340 00:14:54,837 --> 00:14:56,244 What? 341 00:14:56,342 --> 00:15:00,022 - Okay, you need some help? - No. Ow. Ow. 342 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,168 Okay, Mrs. Montez and her family, they're on their way. 343 00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:04,217 You're gonna greet them at the North Portico doorway. 344 00:15:04,314 --> 00:15:05,946 - Mom. - Oh! 345 00:15:06,044 --> 00:15:06,788 Wow! 346 00:15:06,811 --> 00:15:09,043 Have you seen my film? The hard drive is missing. 347 00:15:09,118 --> 00:15:10,941 Honey, look at you. 348 00:15:11,039 --> 00:15:13,022 Yeah, I've been working with this new stylist 349 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,296 since I've been doing all this press for the rescue farm. 350 00:15:15,394 --> 00:15:17,890 - It's my new look. - Oh. 351 00:15:17,988 --> 00:15:20,580 Mom, you're gonna do something with your hair, right? 352 00:15:20,677 --> 00:15:22,212 Huh? 353 00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:25,190 Oh, God. Look at this. 354 00:15:25,289 --> 00:15:27,175 Okay, you listen to me. Listen to me. 355 00:15:27,273 --> 00:15:29,353 They can take away your presidency, 356 00:15:29,451 --> 00:15:32,266 they can take away your power, they can take away your dignity, 357 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:36,045 but what is the one thing that they cannot take away from you? 358 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,286 - My beauty. - That's right. Let's go. 359 00:15:38,384 --> 00:15:40,688 Go back door! Back door! 360 00:15:40,786 --> 00:15:42,801 - Put it up! - Oh! 361 00:15:42,899 --> 00:15:44,402 - That's it. - You fouled me. 362 00:15:44,501 --> 00:15:47,381 Do you realize the whole goddamn Rayburn House Office Building 363 00:15:47,478 --> 00:15:50,967 can hear you and your twink army in here cock scraping each other's esophagi? 364 00:15:51,065 --> 00:15:52,791 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. We were roughhousing. 365 00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:55,481 Jesus, Will, are you looking at what I'm looking at here? 366 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,754 Will, tell him the first rule of hiring male staff. 367 00:15:57,852 --> 00:16:00,540 They must be substantially less attractive than the congressman. 368 00:16:00,638 --> 00:16:02,622 And I almost hired an Iraqi war veteran. 369 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:06,016 Third degree burns on half of his face, but the guy had personality, so... 370 00:16:06,114 --> 00:16:07,777 Will, tell him why I hired you instead. 371 00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:10,050 Because I'm repulsive both in appearance and manner. 372 00:16:10,148 --> 00:16:12,196 Now let me give you some advice 373 00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:14,853 before you're yanked out of here like a cheerleader's unwanted fetus. 374 00:16:14,951 --> 00:16:16,999 You say nothing and you do less. 375 00:16:17,097 --> 00:16:19,048 And take off those fucking glasses. 376 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:22,058 You look like Clark Kent if they dug up Christopher Reeve's corpse to play the part. 377 00:16:22,156 --> 00:16:25,196 And as for you ladies, this is DC, not Miami. 378 00:16:26,574 --> 00:16:28,942 - Congratulations, Jonah. - Thanks, man. 379 00:16:29,904 --> 00:16:31,119 Fuck that guy. 380 00:16:31,217 --> 00:16:33,041 Come on, let's go. Game on. Here we go. 381 00:16:33,138 --> 00:16:34,546 - All right, ready? - Alley-oop! 382 00:16:34,644 --> 00:16:36,979 My fucking nuts! 383 00:16:37,078 --> 00:16:38,997 Oh, shit, Colt. 384 00:16:39,095 --> 00:16:41,270 Call a doctor and call my mom. 385 00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:45,241 Hey, have you ever used that Truman bowling alley? 386 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,450 No, no, of course not. I worked here. 387 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,588 I didn't go to the White House for a fourth grade birthday party. 388 00:16:50,686 --> 00:16:52,765 Jesus. Oh, I'm sorry. 389 00:16:52,863 --> 00:16:53,854 I'm sorry. That's... 390 00:16:53,952 --> 00:16:56,063 - Amy, hi. - Hey, Candi. 391 00:16:56,161 --> 00:16:58,337 Congratulations. Wow. Montez's new chief of staff. 392 00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,258 - Ben here is just showing me around. - I am. 393 00:17:00,356 --> 00:17:02,179 You've interviewed here so many times, 394 00:17:02,277 --> 00:17:04,805 I'd think that you'd know the place like the back of your hand by now. 395 00:17:04,903 --> 00:17:07,143 - Kent Davison. - Mike McLintock. 396 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,416 - Any luck with the new job search? - Uh... 397 00:17:09,514 --> 00:17:12,298 Oh, it's all right. I'm back at the "Post," so we're good. Yeah. 398 00:17:12,396 --> 00:17:13,611 This is Debralee, our surrogate. 399 00:17:13,708 --> 00:17:14,923 - Hi. - The twins are in there. 400 00:17:15,021 --> 00:17:16,492 - In there. - In here. 401 00:17:16,590 --> 00:17:18,638 And this is Ellen, 402 00:17:18,736 --> 00:17:20,431 our new big girl. She's three. 403 00:17:20,529 --> 00:17:22,960 Mike, she has the head circumference of a six-year-old. 404 00:17:23,058 --> 00:17:24,978 I'm six. 405 00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:26,643 What did she say? 406 00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:28,916 Here's an interesting fact. 407 00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,285 Would you believe that it was called the Red Room 408 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,919 before it was actually painted red? 409 00:17:33,017 --> 00:17:35,096 - Oh. - I heard that. 410 00:17:35,194 --> 00:17:35,978 Yeah. 411 00:17:36,002 --> 00:17:38,353 What'd it cost to paint this thing back then? 412 00:17:38,428 --> 00:17:39,317 $12. 413 00:17:39,341 --> 00:17:42,004 Yeah, $12. I was thinking right around 15. 414 00:17:42,078 --> 00:17:44,734 I think it was a slave state, so it might have been free. 415 00:17:44,832 --> 00:17:47,200 Oh. 416 00:17:47,298 --> 00:17:50,274 Oh, I'm just wondering... boys. 417 00:17:50,372 --> 00:17:52,483 - Boys. They're fine. - No. Okay. 418 00:17:52,581 --> 00:17:56,646 Hell, when my boys were that age, they'd have just torn this place apart. 419 00:17:56,744 --> 00:17:59,399 I have three boys. My entire house smells like an armpit. 420 00:17:59,497 --> 00:18:02,281 Ooh, hate to hear that. See, glad I have girls. 421 00:18:02,379 --> 00:18:04,106 Girls will cost you later. 422 00:18:04,204 --> 00:18:06,892 Mm, girls are the worst. 423 00:18:09,616 --> 00:18:12,784 Well, I also heard that it might go down into the teens tonight. 424 00:18:12,882 --> 00:18:15,314 Hey, I better get out my fur for the ball tonight, right? 425 00:18:15,412 --> 00:18:17,235 Yes, you should. 426 00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,540 Well, give me the heat any day. 427 00:18:19,638 --> 00:18:21,718 But then again, I grew up in Mexico. 428 00:18:21,815 --> 00:18:23,158 Well, sure, yeah, we know that. 429 00:18:23,256 --> 00:18:24,695 His family is from Jalisco. 430 00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:26,777 Es muy caliente there. 431 00:18:26,875 --> 00:18:30,715 And where exactly in Ohio are you from, Laura? 432 00:18:30,813 --> 00:18:33,918 Um, well, I grew up 433 00:18:34,015 --> 00:18:37,567 right outside of Cleveland, but after, you know, 434 00:18:37,665 --> 00:18:41,826 15 years, I feel like I am 100% New Mexican. 435 00:18:41,924 --> 00:18:44,420 New Mexican, but not Mexican? 436 00:18:47,816 --> 00:18:49,351 Of all the White House traditions, 437 00:18:49,449 --> 00:18:51,753 this one is probably my favorite. 438 00:18:51,851 --> 00:18:53,610 - Is it? Oh. - Yeah. 439 00:19:04,562 --> 00:19:07,154 Damn it. I just had it. 440 00:19:07,252 --> 00:19:09,844 I have this thing every day and now I can't find it. 441 00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:12,117 Okay. 442 00:19:12,215 --> 00:19:14,807 An estimated one million people are anxiously awaiting 443 00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:17,785 the arrival of President-Elect Laura Montez. 444 00:19:17,883 --> 00:19:20,794 Montez! Montez! Montez! 445 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,797 Ladies and gentlemen, 446 00:19:24,895 --> 00:19:28,672 the President of the United States, Selina Meyer. 447 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,563 President Meyer has taken the stage. 448 00:19:34,661 --> 00:19:37,221 And she's greeting a very attractive stranger. 449 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,911 That is first daughter Catherine Meyer. 450 00:19:40,008 --> 00:19:42,121 Oh, wow. Too bad. 451 00:19:42,219 --> 00:19:43,913 The handoff of power has begun. 452 00:19:44,011 --> 00:19:46,091 President-Elect Montez will be sworn in 453 00:19:46,189 --> 00:19:49,356 and address the nation as president for the first time. 454 00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:51,758 Why'd you do it, Andrew? 455 00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:53,776 I offered you secretary of state. 456 00:19:53,873 --> 00:19:55,376 You offered it to everybody in town. 457 00:19:55,474 --> 00:19:57,906 Your head is so far up Montez's ass. 458 00:19:58,004 --> 00:20:01,492 Next time it's Alejandro's birthday, he's gonna come all over your face. 459 00:20:01,590 --> 00:20:03,830 Oh. 460 00:20:03,928 --> 00:20:05,687 That's the truth. 461 00:20:05,786 --> 00:20:09,049 President Meyer taking a moment to catch up with her vice president 462 00:20:09,147 --> 00:20:11,258 and longtime political ally Andrew Doyle. 463 00:20:11,356 --> 00:20:13,660 Those two have a very special relationship. 464 00:20:13,758 --> 00:20:18,143 I, Laura Priscilla Montez, do solemnly swear... 465 00:20:18,241 --> 00:20:22,177 I, Laura Priscilla Montez, do solemnly swear... 466 00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:24,547 ...that I will faithfully execute the office 467 00:20:24,644 --> 00:20:26,628 of President of the United States... 468 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,806 ...that I will faithfully execute the office 469 00:20:28,903 --> 00:20:30,631 of President of the United States... 470 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,808 ...and will to the best of my ability... 471 00:20:32,906 --> 00:20:34,857 ...and will to the best of my ability... 472 00:20:34,956 --> 00:20:38,828 ...preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. 473 00:20:38,926 --> 00:20:42,735 ...preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. 474 00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:44,144 So help me God. 475 00:20:44,241 --> 00:20:46,065 So help me God. 476 00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:49,203 Congratulations, Madam President. 477 00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:54,037 Gracias. 478 00:20:54,135 --> 00:20:55,735 My fellow citizens, 479 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:58,520 this is the dawn of a new era. 480 00:20:58,619 --> 00:21:01,274 Una epoca nueva. 481 00:21:03,197 --> 00:21:05,244 We are interrupting President Montez's speech 482 00:21:05,343 --> 00:21:06,750 to bring you breaking news. 483 00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,415 On the left side of your screen, 484 00:21:08,513 --> 00:21:11,201 you're seeing live footage from Andrews Air Force Base. 485 00:21:11,299 --> 00:21:14,435 We have just learned that mere minutes into her presidency, 486 00:21:14,533 --> 00:21:16,323 President Montez has brokered a deal 487 00:21:16,421 --> 00:21:19,109 with the Chinese government to free Tibet. 488 00:21:19,207 --> 00:21:22,087 And on board that plane are the so-called baby lamas, 489 00:21:22,185 --> 00:21:24,073 Tibetan spiritual leaders who have been freed 490 00:21:24,170 --> 00:21:25,929 from decades of Chinese captivity 491 00:21:26,027 --> 00:21:28,363 as part of this historic agreement. 492 00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:31,309 This will no doubt put President Montez in line for the Nobel Prize. 493 00:21:31,407 --> 00:21:34,767 ...all of our problems. We must put our faith... 494 00:21:34,866 --> 00:21:38,290 You're not gonna believe this, but she just freed the lamas. 495 00:21:38,388 --> 00:21:39,986 What? 496 00:21:40,084 --> 00:21:42,292 She brokered with the Chinese to free Tibet. 497 00:21:42,390 --> 00:21:44,085 Thank you. May God bless you 498 00:21:44,183 --> 00:21:46,902 and may God bless America. 499 00:21:51,388 --> 00:21:53,403 Madam President. 500 00:21:53,501 --> 00:21:56,029 Oh, Senator James. 501 00:21:56,127 --> 00:21:58,623 An historic day for womankind. 502 00:21:58,721 --> 00:22:00,351 What'd you think of the speech? 503 00:22:00,450 --> 00:22:02,624 I had no idea her tits were that big. 504 00:22:04,036 --> 00:22:05,635 So what's next for you? 505 00:22:05,733 --> 00:22:08,036 Well, I've always dreamed of living in a small town, 506 00:22:08,135 --> 00:22:11,046 having a little place on Main Street, hanging a shingle out front, 507 00:22:11,144 --> 00:22:13,768 and running my own little multibillion-dollar hedge fund. 508 00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:15,401 - Uh-huh. - You know, back to basics. 509 00:22:15,499 --> 00:22:19,275 Okay. All right. Well, I'll see you around. 510 00:22:19,373 --> 00:22:20,652 - See you around. - See you around. 511 00:22:20,750 --> 00:22:23,470 - Madam President. - What? 512 00:22:23,568 --> 00:22:25,327 Nice shoes. 513 00:22:25,426 --> 00:22:27,504 Oh, come on, man. 514 00:22:29,043 --> 00:22:31,955 Thank you. 515 00:22:32,053 --> 00:22:34,805 Thank you. Thank you. 516 00:22:34,903 --> 00:22:37,399 - Where's Sue? - I don't know. 517 00:22:40,379 --> 00:22:42,554 Well, I'm not good with good-byes. 518 00:22:44,189 --> 00:22:46,141 Or winning presidential elections. 519 00:22:46,238 --> 00:22:47,645 Well, that's not true. 520 00:22:47,743 --> 00:22:50,719 - Yeah, it is. - Okay. 521 00:22:50,817 --> 00:22:52,224 Um... 522 00:22:54,371 --> 00:22:56,099 I don't know what to say. 523 00:22:56,197 --> 00:22:57,987 Was I supposed to write something, ma'am? 524 00:22:58,086 --> 00:22:59,333 Nobody told me. 525 00:22:59,431 --> 00:23:00,998 I thought he was getting a baby. 526 00:23:01,096 --> 00:23:02,790 Yeah, that's not a baby. 527 00:23:02,889 --> 00:23:06,953 Uh, well, we gave America everything we had. 528 00:23:07,051 --> 00:23:08,362 Yeah, sure did. 529 00:23:08,460 --> 00:23:11,340 Inspiring words, ma'am. Godspeed. 530 00:23:11,438 --> 00:23:14,511 Thank you, all of you. 531 00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:18,353 It's... 532 00:23:18,451 --> 00:23:20,127 All right, let's go, girls. Get on the thing. 533 00:23:20,151 --> 00:23:21,098 Good-bye, ma'am. 534 00:23:21,172 --> 00:23:23,219 - Ma'am. - Bye. 535 00:23:34,844 --> 00:23:36,156 Ma'am! 536 00:23:36,254 --> 00:23:38,461 Ma'am, I just want to thank you 537 00:23:38,559 --> 00:23:40,062 - for everything you did... - Amy, just come with us. 538 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,791 - No. - No, no, you should just come. 539 00:23:41,889 --> 00:23:43,873 Okay, but I don't even have my... 540 00:23:49,446 --> 00:23:51,493 Where are they going? 541 00:24:00,589 --> 00:24:03,725 Gosh, from a distance, it looks really beautiful. 542 00:24:05,232 --> 00:24:07,248 Yeah, from a distance. 543 00:24:09,042 --> 00:24:11,186 Can I borrow somebody's phone? I have to check on Buddy. 544 00:24:11,284 --> 00:24:13,171 - Oh, did you get a dog? - Buddy's my... 545 00:24:13,269 --> 00:24:14,677 Ooh, what was that? 546 00:24:14,774 --> 00:24:16,598 - Okay. - What the fuck is that? 547 00:24:16,696 --> 00:24:18,807 Small problem with one of the engines, Madam President. 548 00:24:18,905 --> 00:24:21,272 - We're gonna have to take her back down. - Oh, Lord. 549 00:24:22,972 --> 00:24:25,307 Hell of a time to run out of gas. 550 00:24:25,404 --> 00:24:27,740 If you could just step away from the aircraft for a bit, 551 00:24:27,838 --> 00:24:29,086 we'll call you a motorcade. 552 00:24:29,184 --> 00:24:31,166 Oh, my God. 553 00:24:31,265 --> 00:24:33,793 - What am I walking on? - Grass, ma'am. 554 00:24:36,227 --> 00:24:37,955 - Mom. - What? 555 00:24:38,053 --> 00:24:40,613 Are you sure you don't know where the hard drive of my film is? 556 00:24:40,711 --> 00:24:42,118 - No. - No. 557 00:24:45,033 --> 00:24:46,664 What is that sound? 558 00:24:46,762 --> 00:24:48,809 The parade, ma'am. 559 00:24:48,908 --> 00:24:51,372 I think I can walk back from here. 560 00:25:23,842 --> 00:25:25,665 Oh, my God. 561 00:25:28,229 --> 00:25:29,988 Here you go. 562 00:25:37,483 --> 00:25:39,498 Maybe it'll ruin her parade. 563 00:25:39,596 --> 00:25:42,828 That's it from the National Mall. Back to you, Wolf. 564 00:25:42,926 --> 00:25:44,909 And clear. 565 00:25:45,007 --> 00:25:46,574 - Nice work, Egan. - Thank you. 566 00:25:46,672 --> 00:25:49,488 - I may have a full-time gig for you. - Really? 567 00:25:49,586 --> 00:25:53,619 We've got an opening for someone to cover the state department on the overnight. 568 00:25:53,717 --> 00:25:55,540 - Really? - Easy, Cronkite. 569 00:25:55,638 --> 00:25:57,245 Just think of it as morning somewhere. Carrie? 570 00:25:57,269 --> 00:25:57,804 Yes? 571 00:25:58,743 --> 00:26:01,263 Could you give me tomorrow's research, please? 572 00:26:01,337 --> 00:26:02,905 So, what do you say? 573 00:26:03,002 --> 00:26:05,370 I just got an offer from CBS News. 574 00:26:06,461 --> 00:26:08,700 So, Greg, I will say this... 575 00:26:08,798 --> 00:26:10,173 Egan out. 576 00:26:11,327 --> 00:26:12,735 Yeah, I just got your email. 577 00:26:12,833 --> 00:26:15,168 I just want to make sure the job is with CBS, right? 578 00:26:15,266 --> 00:26:16,865 That's Columbia Broadcasting? 579 00:26:16,963 --> 00:26:19,971 Yeah, there's just some minor swelling, Mr. Ryan, 580 00:26:20,069 --> 00:26:21,508 but nothing a little ice won't fix. 581 00:26:21,606 --> 00:26:23,494 Excellent. 582 00:26:23,592 --> 00:26:26,536 Hoo. I have tickets to the inaugural ball tonight. 583 00:26:26,634 --> 00:26:28,681 - Oh. - Yeah. I'm a congressman. 584 00:26:28,778 --> 00:26:32,844 The second ticket is unclaimed if you're available. 585 00:26:32,941 --> 00:26:35,661 I'm married. I have the ring hiding under the gloves. 586 00:26:35,759 --> 00:26:37,326 - No, I saw it. - No. Oh. 587 00:26:37,424 --> 00:26:39,087 Anyway, there is no easy way to say this, 588 00:26:39,185 --> 00:26:41,905 but you have a lump on your left testicle. 589 00:26:42,003 --> 00:26:44,883 I just want to biopsy it and we can take it from there. 590 00:26:44,981 --> 00:26:46,324 Take what from where? 591 00:26:46,422 --> 00:26:48,501 Early detection would have prevented this. 592 00:26:48,599 --> 00:26:50,454 We really encourage regular self-exams. 593 00:26:50,553 --> 00:26:51,671 Yeah, I know. 594 00:26:53,594 --> 00:26:55,898 Oh, they're waiting for you in the Roosevelt Room, ma'am. 595 00:26:55,996 --> 00:26:57,947 - Thank you, Sue. - Of course. 596 00:26:58,045 --> 00:27:01,021 Selina, good news. We found the missing Nevada ballots. 597 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,526 You won. 598 00:27:07,264 --> 00:27:09,673 After this one, let's go to Teacup. 599 00:27:09,769 --> 00:27:10,663 What's wrong? 600 00:27:10,751 --> 00:27:12,047 Can I have a divorce? - No! 601 00:27:12,143 --> 00:27:16,448 Next time you get the Fastpass. We get down and through these lines so much faster.