1 00:00:07,798 --> 00:00:10,465 How the fuck does something like this happen? 2 00:00:10,567 --> 00:00:13,134 How does an elephant just die? 3 00:00:13,236 --> 00:00:15,770 He was very old and depressed. 4 00:00:15,872 --> 00:00:18,273 He'd recently been rescued from the circus, 5 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:21,142 but as it turns out, he actually really loved performing. 6 00:00:21,244 --> 00:00:23,378 Who gives a fuck about the elephant? 7 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:24,846 What about me? 8 00:00:24,948 --> 00:00:26,247 This does not look good. 9 00:00:26,350 --> 00:00:29,050 I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out how to remove him. 10 00:00:29,152 --> 00:00:30,852 He weighs 9,000 pounds. 11 00:00:30,954 --> 00:00:32,053 Cut it up. 12 00:00:32,155 --> 00:00:33,655 Take it out in pieces. 13 00:00:33,757 --> 00:00:34,856 I... I don't mean to interrupt, 14 00:00:34,958 --> 00:00:37,392 but... but I could call in a personal favor 15 00:00:37,494 --> 00:00:39,327 and get a helo crew out of Travis AFB 16 00:00:39,429 --> 00:00:41,196 with a Sikorsky Skycrane to airlift it out 17 00:00:41,298 --> 00:00:42,764 and drop it in the ocean right after dark. 18 00:00:42,866 --> 00:00:44,966 No muss, no fuss. 19 00:00:45,068 --> 00:00:46,001 There. 20 00:00:46,103 --> 00:00:47,202 Was that so hard, Patrice? 21 00:00:47,304 --> 00:00:48,970 Because Hoover sure didn't think so. 22 00:00:49,072 --> 00:00:51,039 I mean, I just found my footing again, 23 00:00:51,141 --> 00:00:52,774 and you put me in danger of losing it all 24 00:00:52,876 --> 00:00:54,676 over some fucking elephant? 25 00:00:55,812 --> 00:00:57,612 Gavin, you always said that 26 00:00:57,714 --> 00:01:00,515 here at Hooli, "In order to achieve greatness, 27 00:01:00,617 --> 00:01:02,884 we must first achieve goodness." 28 00:01:02,986 --> 00:01:04,085 Right. 29 00:01:04,187 --> 00:01:05,286 So? 30 00:01:05,389 --> 00:01:07,455 So... 31 00:01:07,557 --> 00:01:10,258 I was a bridesmaid at Sean Parker's wedding 32 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,094 when he handed out live bunnies as plush toys. 33 00:01:13,196 --> 00:01:15,130 That wasn't goodness. 34 00:01:15,232 --> 00:01:16,698 It was badness. 35 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,500 And so is this. 36 00:01:18,602 --> 00:01:20,435 You're using endangered animals 37 00:01:20,537 --> 00:01:22,070 just to make points at board meetings. 38 00:01:22,172 --> 00:01:25,173 I'm drawing thoughtful, zoological comparisons. 39 00:01:25,275 --> 00:01:28,877 But couldn't you just show them a picture of these animals? 40 00:01:28,979 --> 00:01:31,880 A simple Hooli search would yield thousands of choices. 41 00:01:31,982 --> 00:01:33,915 Patrice, I thank you for your honesty, 42 00:01:34,017 --> 00:01:35,850 and I will repay you with my own. 43 00:01:35,952 --> 00:01:38,553 I honestly never want to see you in my offices again. 44 00:01:38,655 --> 00:01:40,055 You're fired. 45 00:01:40,157 --> 00:01:41,589 Hoover? 46 00:01:41,691 --> 00:01:44,059 - Scramble that Skycrane. - Yes, sir. 47 00:01:50,999 --> 00:01:55,089 - sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com - 48 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:57,972 Please, uh, come in. 49 00:01:58,075 --> 00:01:58,940 Come in. Have a seat. 50 00:01:59,042 --> 00:02:01,109 I won't take a lot of your time. 51 00:02:01,211 --> 00:02:02,444 I promise. 52 00:02:02,546 --> 00:02:03,478 Okay. 53 00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:04,712 Would you like some tea? 54 00:02:04,815 --> 00:02:07,248 I can put a kettle on the hot plate. 55 00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:08,783 Oh, no, I'm fine. Thank you. 56 00:02:08,885 --> 00:02:09,818 There's no trouble. 57 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:11,186 You know what? I have a box of... 58 00:02:11,288 --> 00:02:14,289 of Russell Stover's if the spiders didn't get into 'em. 59 00:02:14,391 --> 00:02:16,257 Jared, is this about the fake users? 60 00:02:18,161 --> 00:02:19,094 You know? 61 00:02:19,196 --> 00:02:20,762 Two days ago, I wanted to look 62 00:02:20,864 --> 00:02:22,297 at user behavior to figure out 63 00:02:22,399 --> 00:02:23,698 what spurred the sudden uptick, 64 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,233 and, uh, well, I noticed something. 65 00:02:25,335 --> 00:02:27,102 Almost all of our new users 66 00:02:27,204 --> 00:02:29,471 were just uploading a single photo 67 00:02:29,573 --> 00:02:31,940 into a shared folder, and then the next day, 68 00:02:32,042 --> 00:02:34,409 they would take the photo out and then put it back in 69 00:02:34,511 --> 00:02:36,377 the day after that and that's it. 70 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,314 You know, just enough to qualify as a daily active user. 71 00:02:39,416 --> 00:02:40,915 Classic click-farm behavior. 72 00:02:41,017 --> 00:02:42,817 And then I remembered our conversation in the bathtub, 73 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,120 and it just... it had to be you. 74 00:02:45,222 --> 00:02:47,155 Richard, I am so sorry. 75 00:02:47,257 --> 00:02:48,389 It's okay. 76 00:02:48,492 --> 00:02:50,468 Would it make you feel better to... to strike me? 77 00:02:50,493 --> 00:02:52,428 No. You... you had good intentions, Jared. 78 00:02:52,529 --> 00:02:53,995 Honestly, don't give it another thought. 79 00:02:54,097 --> 00:02:55,396 Just, you know... 80 00:02:55,499 --> 00:02:58,633 you and I right now are the only ones that know about it. 81 00:02:58,735 --> 00:02:59,767 Okay? 82 00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:02,137 And in a few weeks, when we run out of money, 83 00:03:02,239 --> 00:03:03,671 this will all be over anyway. 84 00:03:04,608 --> 00:03:07,041 - Richard? - Yes? 85 00:03:08,044 --> 00:03:09,544 We have a secret. 86 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,046 Yeah. 87 00:03:13,717 --> 00:03:14,949 I mean, I swear to god, 88 00:03:15,051 --> 00:03:16,251 your dicks would have blown 89 00:03:16,353 --> 00:03:17,585 out of the back of your assholes 90 00:03:17,687 --> 00:03:19,154 if you had been there, hand to God. 91 00:03:19,256 --> 00:03:20,388 Hey, guys. What's going on? 92 00:03:20,490 --> 00:03:22,891 Richard, sit down. I did it. 93 00:03:22,993 --> 00:03:24,626 I saved the company. 94 00:03:24,728 --> 00:03:26,594 What do you... What? How? 95 00:03:26,696 --> 00:03:27,862 Jared, have you been crying? 96 00:03:27,964 --> 00:03:29,831 Yes, but for ordinary reasons. 97 00:03:29,933 --> 00:03:31,599 - Please, go on. - Okay. 98 00:03:31,701 --> 00:03:33,401 I was at The Rosewood for lunch. 99 00:03:33,503 --> 00:03:34,502 I mean, it was the lunch hour. 100 00:03:34,604 --> 00:03:35,937 I was there, I wasn't eating, the usual. 101 00:03:36,039 --> 00:03:38,406 So, I walk over to Andreessen and I say something funny, 102 00:03:38,508 --> 00:03:41,176 but he stone-faces me. 103 00:03:41,278 --> 00:03:42,377 What did you say? 104 00:03:42,479 --> 00:03:44,345 It doesn't matter. The point is, it was hilarious, 105 00:03:44,447 --> 00:03:47,515 but he gave me nothing and neither did his friends. 106 00:03:47,617 --> 00:03:49,484 Then I realized why. 107 00:03:49,586 --> 00:03:50,885 You're not funny? 108 00:03:50,987 --> 00:03:52,687 No, Gilfoyle, but that is. 109 00:03:52,789 --> 00:03:55,156 No, it's that everybody thinks 110 00:03:55,258 --> 00:03:56,824 Pied Piper is in this death spiral, 111 00:03:56,927 --> 00:03:59,127 so it would be inappropriate to laugh at my hysterical joke. 112 00:03:59,229 --> 00:04:01,529 And it hits me. 113 00:04:01,631 --> 00:04:03,565 I know something that they don't. 114 00:04:03,667 --> 00:04:06,000 I know about the uptick. 115 00:04:06,102 --> 00:04:07,302 The uptick? 116 00:04:07,404 --> 00:04:09,003 Yes, the uptick! 117 00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:11,973 The recent sudden surge in users. 118 00:04:12,075 --> 00:04:13,474 Yeah. That. 119 00:04:13,577 --> 00:04:15,510 Yes, that. So, while our fortune 120 00:04:15,612 --> 00:04:17,979 is rising, everybody else thinks that it's plummeting, 121 00:04:18,081 --> 00:04:21,049 and I can use these opposing forces 122 00:04:21,151 --> 00:04:23,518 to a multiplying effect like a slingshot, 123 00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:25,153 and then I make a decision. 124 00:04:25,255 --> 00:04:26,454 I'm gonna make a move. 125 00:04:26,556 --> 00:04:29,524 So, I say something cryptic about the uptick, 126 00:04:29,626 --> 00:04:30,892 and I walk away. 127 00:04:30,994 --> 00:04:32,560 - What did you say? - I don't know. I can't remember. 128 00:04:32,662 --> 00:04:35,697 But I walk over and I see McNamee's having the short rib, 129 00:04:35,799 --> 00:04:37,532 which I hear is delicious but not too heavy, 130 00:04:37,634 --> 00:04:38,800 and then I say to him, 131 00:04:38,902 --> 00:04:40,702 "You're gonna have to tuck in your tie-dye 132 00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:42,437 if you want to eat here." 133 00:04:42,539 --> 00:04:45,406 - Uh, how's that relevant? - It's not. 134 00:04:45,508 --> 00:04:48,209 But the people that I just walked away from don't know that. 135 00:04:48,311 --> 00:04:49,844 All they know is that I'm over there 136 00:04:49,946 --> 00:04:52,280 exchanging witty banter with McNamee, 137 00:04:52,382 --> 00:04:53,815 and about what, they don't know. 138 00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:55,850 It's all that they do want to know. 139 00:04:55,952 --> 00:04:58,052 And then, it settles in. 140 00:04:58,154 --> 00:04:59,921 F.O.M.O. 141 00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:01,923 The fear of missing out. 142 00:05:02,025 --> 00:05:03,958 Suddenly, it feels like time is slowing down. 143 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:06,661 I could see every move I was going to make 12 steps ahead. 144 00:05:06,763 --> 00:05:09,197 It was like I was Bobby Fischer if he could really fuck. 145 00:05:09,299 --> 00:05:11,165 I go outside, I walk across the street 146 00:05:11,268 --> 00:05:12,967 to Graylock, I check in on Instagram, 147 00:05:13,069 --> 00:05:15,737 Vinod Khosla calls me, asks me what I doing there. 148 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,640 I say, "I can't talk right now. Call me at Wood Opal." 149 00:05:18,742 --> 00:05:21,476 Well, he does, and then suddenly Wood Opal is going, 150 00:05:21,578 --> 00:05:23,444 "What's Khosla got going on with Bachman?" 151 00:05:23,546 --> 00:05:26,481 Meanwhile, I'm taking a leak at a Restoration Hardware. 152 00:05:26,583 --> 00:05:28,783 I jack off a little bit. I don't cum. 153 00:05:28,885 --> 00:05:30,685 And then it snowballs. 154 00:05:30,787 --> 00:05:34,689 I deftly played Ross Loma against Index Ventures. 155 00:05:34,791 --> 00:05:38,793 And because of that, the big kahuna bites. 156 00:05:38,895 --> 00:05:40,094 Sequoia. 157 00:05:40,196 --> 00:05:43,865 I spend the next 20 minutes denying calls from Jim Goetz, 158 00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:45,199 over and over. 159 00:05:45,302 --> 00:05:47,635 And yes, I'm jacking off, but I don't need to ejaculate 160 00:05:47,737 --> 00:05:50,171 because by the time I listen to the messages, 161 00:05:50,273 --> 00:05:53,308 I've got offers, I've got counters, 162 00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:55,310 I've got counter-counters. 163 00:05:55,412 --> 00:05:56,477 I cum. 164 00:05:57,947 --> 00:05:59,781 When the dust settled... 165 00:05:59,883 --> 00:06:03,818 and the losers went home, all that was left was this. 166 00:06:05,088 --> 00:06:06,254 "Hello, Mr. Bachman. 167 00:06:06,356 --> 00:06:09,824 "Coleman Blair Partners would like to offer Pied Piper 168 00:06:09,926 --> 00:06:13,761 "a Series B round of $6 million 169 00:06:13,863 --> 00:06:17,031 on a $60 million valuation." 170 00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:18,666 Oh. 171 00:06:19,836 --> 00:06:20,902 Yeah! 172 00:06:21,004 --> 00:06:23,271 Holy shit. 173 00:06:23,373 --> 00:06:25,907 And this asshole wanted to pivot to video chat. 174 00:06:26,009 --> 00:06:26,974 Still valid. 175 00:06:27,077 --> 00:06:29,610 Although less sexy now. I'll concede that. 176 00:06:29,713 --> 00:06:30,945 It's my Mona Lisa. 177 00:06:31,047 --> 00:06:33,047 And the entire cornerstone 178 00:06:33,149 --> 00:06:36,551 upon which I built this motherfucking cathedral 179 00:06:36,653 --> 00:06:38,753 that I will forever be remembered for, 180 00:06:38,855 --> 00:06:43,191 was this beautiful little uptick. 181 00:06:44,794 --> 00:06:46,828 I think I have a bottle of Cold Duck in the crisper. 182 00:06:46,930 --> 00:06:48,229 Who's drinking? Come on! 183 00:06:48,331 --> 00:06:50,098 I got a bottle of Martinelli's for you, Jared. 184 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,633 This is a big day! 185 00:06:52,736 --> 00:06:55,536 We did it! Yes! 186 00:06:55,638 --> 00:06:57,605 - Are there any wine coolers? - I'll talk to him. 187 00:06:57,707 --> 00:06:58,840 I... I'll talk to him. 188 00:06:58,942 --> 00:07:00,875 Here's my Hooli badge. 189 00:07:01,945 --> 00:07:03,978 And I have a hanging tag 190 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,681 on my rear-view mirror for the parking structure. 191 00:07:06,783 --> 00:07:07,882 Can I just mail that in? 192 00:07:07,984 --> 00:07:09,951 No, you need to go get that now. 193 00:07:10,053 --> 00:07:11,552 Okay. 194 00:07:35,612 --> 00:07:36,811 Hey, Dinesh. 195 00:07:36,913 --> 00:07:38,813 I'm just, um, looking for Erlich. Have you seen him? 196 00:07:38,915 --> 00:07:40,214 Oh, he went to the liquor store. 197 00:07:40,316 --> 00:07:41,482 Gotta keep the party going, you know? 198 00:07:41,584 --> 00:07:43,618 Oh yeah. Yeah, Series B. Crazy, right? 199 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,386 - Oh, it's unreal. - Yeah. 200 00:07:45,488 --> 00:07:47,722 Almost like some of our users. 201 00:07:49,592 --> 00:07:50,558 What? 202 00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:52,093 What... what does that mean? 203 00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:54,328 Oh, "unreal" has so many meanings. 204 00:07:54,431 --> 00:07:56,264 "Fake," "paid for," 205 00:07:56,366 --> 00:07:59,934 "one person in Bangladesh pretending to be 6,000." 206 00:08:00,036 --> 00:08:01,569 Okay. Um... 207 00:08:01,671 --> 00:08:03,271 All right, Dinesh, um... 208 00:08:03,373 --> 00:08:04,539 Oh, no. 209 00:08:04,641 --> 00:08:06,040 I don't want to know a fucking thing. 210 00:08:06,142 --> 00:08:08,342 Okay then. Great. 211 00:08:08,445 --> 00:08:12,313 I won't tell you anything because nothing happened. 212 00:08:12,415 --> 00:08:13,381 Great. 213 00:08:13,483 --> 00:08:14,749 Okay. 214 00:08:15,919 --> 00:08:17,652 But if something did happen, 215 00:08:17,754 --> 00:08:19,187 and we're not saying it did, 216 00:08:19,289 --> 00:08:20,655 the fact remains 217 00:08:20,757 --> 00:08:23,024 that leaves us in a very advantageous position. 218 00:08:23,126 --> 00:08:25,226 There's a lot of money on the table. 219 00:08:25,328 --> 00:08:27,161 And it would be a shame if that went away. 220 00:08:27,263 --> 00:08:28,863 You know what else would be a shame... 221 00:08:28,965 --> 00:08:32,333 is if I couldn't find my flash drive. 222 00:08:32,435 --> 00:08:34,335 Gilfoyle, have you seen my flash drive? 223 00:08:34,437 --> 00:08:36,304 Right, the one with the zombie script on it? 224 00:08:36,406 --> 00:08:40,141 Why yes, the zombie script that randomizes user action 225 00:08:40,243 --> 00:08:41,876 in platforms such as Pied Piper. 226 00:08:41,978 --> 00:08:43,177 You mean so that 227 00:08:43,279 --> 00:08:45,580 fake users and click farms would be 228 00:08:45,682 --> 00:08:48,316 absolutely indistinguishable from real users? 229 00:08:48,418 --> 00:08:49,383 Oh, I suppose. 230 00:08:49,486 --> 00:08:51,719 I mean, especially during due diligence, 231 00:08:51,821 --> 00:08:54,755 like the kind done by VCs or possible future reviews 232 00:08:54,858 --> 00:08:57,925 done by certain regulatory bodies. 233 00:08:58,027 --> 00:09:00,461 It also had photos of my auntie. 234 00:09:01,564 --> 00:09:03,431 Anyway, Gilfoyle, have you seen it? 235 00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:04,532 I have not. 236 00:09:04,634 --> 00:09:07,902 Mm, well, Richard, keep an eye out for it, will ya? 237 00:09:16,513 --> 00:09:18,613 Hey, Gilfoyle, you wanna come inside and help me 238 00:09:18,715 --> 00:09:23,351 - get a new flash drive on www.staples.com? - Yeah, I think 239 00:09:23,453 --> 00:09:25,086 - we're sort of done with the ruse. - Okay. 240 00:09:25,188 --> 00:09:27,355 Okay, fine. Well, whatever you did 241 00:09:27,457 --> 00:09:30,691 or didn't do, that was serial-killer-level shit. 242 00:09:30,793 --> 00:09:31,626 Agreed. 243 00:09:31,728 --> 00:09:33,995 I think I finally respect you as a CEO. 244 00:09:38,635 --> 00:09:39,834 Fuck. 245 00:09:49,546 --> 00:09:50,545 This is fraud. 246 00:09:50,647 --> 00:09:52,179 Is it? 247 00:09:52,282 --> 00:09:55,983 I mean, our... our platform does exactly what we say it does. 248 00:09:56,085 --> 00:09:57,985 Okay? It's not like we're lying about it 249 00:09:58,087 --> 00:09:59,320 like fucking Theranos. 250 00:09:59,422 --> 00:10:02,123 And if our platform works, which we know it will, 251 00:10:02,225 --> 00:10:05,026 we will make them billions of dollars. 252 00:10:05,128 --> 00:10:06,427 Everybody wins, Jared. 253 00:10:06,529 --> 00:10:07,695 You still believe that, right? 254 00:10:07,797 --> 00:10:10,631 That, if given enough time, the platform will catch on? 255 00:10:10,733 --> 00:10:14,001 Richard, don't weaponize my faith in you against me. 256 00:10:14,103 --> 00:10:16,804 Your faith made all this possible. 257 00:10:16,906 --> 00:10:18,172 It's wrong. 258 00:10:18,274 --> 00:10:20,908 Well, every time I try to do the right thing, I get fucked. 259 00:10:21,010 --> 00:10:22,443 And if I do the right thing here, 260 00:10:22,545 --> 00:10:23,778 we're done. That's it. 261 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,947 Doesn't seem like much of an option, does it? 262 00:10:29,352 --> 00:10:32,386 Deng, they're all just so good. 263 00:10:32,488 --> 00:10:35,089 Gavin, CJ Cantwell, line one. 264 00:10:35,191 --> 00:10:37,391 Deng, let's pick this up tomorrow. 265 00:10:40,063 --> 00:10:40,995 CJ. 266 00:10:41,097 --> 00:10:43,331 I'm finishing a story I'd love a comment on. 267 00:10:43,433 --> 00:10:46,968 It's about the death of an unpermitted Indian elephant 268 00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:50,538 named Maurice in your sculpture garden and its subsequent 269 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,573 illegal dumping in the San Francisco Bay. 270 00:10:52,675 --> 00:10:54,275 That's preposterous. 271 00:10:54,377 --> 00:10:56,077 Mm, I have a very good source. 272 00:10:57,714 --> 00:10:59,647 What do you propose we do here? 273 00:10:59,749 --> 00:11:01,515 Well, I have one idea. 274 00:11:01,618 --> 00:11:03,985 And what, pray tell, might that be? 275 00:11:04,087 --> 00:11:07,989 CJ sold the blog for $2 million. 276 00:11:08,091 --> 00:11:10,491 No shit. 277 00:11:10,593 --> 00:11:11,559 Bachmanity rides again. 278 00:11:11,661 --> 00:11:14,295 Well, not exactly. Uh, I called Big Head 279 00:11:14,397 --> 00:11:16,731 to tell him that our share was worth half a mil each, 280 00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:18,566 and, uh, not five minutes later, 281 00:11:18,668 --> 00:11:21,535 his father, one Nelson Bighetti, Sr., 282 00:11:21,638 --> 00:11:23,838 called me and explained that I was never to have 283 00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:25,940 any financial dealings with his son 284 00:11:26,042 --> 00:11:28,376 in perpetuity, uh, ever 285 00:11:28,478 --> 00:11:30,177 or he would get very Italian on me. 286 00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:31,946 And I'm not interested 287 00:11:32,048 --> 00:11:33,481 to find out what that means. 288 00:11:33,583 --> 00:11:34,815 Okay. Shall we? 289 00:11:34,917 --> 00:11:37,051 To Coleman Blair! Let's close this fucker. 290 00:11:37,153 --> 00:11:38,452 Good luck, fellas. 291 00:12:04,847 --> 00:12:07,515 Remember, you just sit there and look pretty. 292 00:12:07,617 --> 00:12:09,050 Leave all the talking to me. 293 00:12:09,152 --> 00:12:10,851 And if you mention my Montblanc, 294 00:12:10,953 --> 00:12:13,354 then, uh, don't make it overt, like I told you to. 295 00:12:13,456 --> 00:12:14,922 But do. 296 00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:18,559 Uh... 297 00:12:18,661 --> 00:12:19,694 Hey, what's up? 298 00:12:19,796 --> 00:12:21,629 Are you guys out raising money from someone else? 299 00:12:21,731 --> 00:12:24,832 Uh, Monica, it's, uh... it's kind of a long story. 300 00:12:24,934 --> 00:12:27,301 - Why are you whispering? - Uh... Um... 301 00:12:27,403 --> 00:12:29,937 Oh, my god, you're there right now, aren't you? 302 00:12:30,039 --> 00:12:31,305 Jesus! Do you have any idea 303 00:12:31,407 --> 00:12:33,107 how big of an asshole you're making me look here? 304 00:12:33,209 --> 00:12:35,376 Laurie just lost her shit at me, okay? 305 00:12:35,478 --> 00:12:37,845 So, you need to turn around and walk the hell out of there. 306 00:12:37,947 --> 00:12:40,448 Erlich put all this together. I really had nothing to do with it. 307 00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:42,083 You have everything to do with it. 308 00:12:42,185 --> 00:12:43,684 You're the fucking CEO, Richard! 309 00:12:43,786 --> 00:12:47,288 Whatever your company does is 100% on you! 310 00:12:47,390 --> 00:12:48,556 Gentlemen. 311 00:12:49,659 --> 00:12:50,925 - They're ready for you. - Oh. 312 00:12:51,027 --> 00:12:52,226 Yes. I... I gotta go. 313 00:12:52,328 --> 00:12:53,294 Do not hang up on me. 314 00:12:53,396 --> 00:12:55,229 Richard, do not... 315 00:12:56,165 --> 00:12:57,364 So listen, we're pumped, guys. 316 00:12:57,467 --> 00:12:59,133 We're thrilled to be getting into Pied Piper 317 00:12:59,235 --> 00:13:00,568 right at this inflection point. 318 00:13:00,670 --> 00:13:01,669 It's very exciting. 319 00:13:01,771 --> 00:13:03,637 We are pumped as well. Aren't we, Richard? 320 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:04,805 - Richard. - Hm? 321 00:13:04,907 --> 00:13:05,840 - Pumped. - Pumped! 322 00:13:05,942 --> 00:13:07,775 - We are pumped up. - Pumped up. Mm-hmm. 323 00:13:07,877 --> 00:13:11,345 So we'll just need your John Hancock right here. 324 00:13:11,447 --> 00:13:12,346 Oh, sure, Richard. 325 00:13:12,448 --> 00:13:14,882 Uh, you can use my Montblanc. 326 00:13:15,818 --> 00:13:17,451 Oh. Uh... 327 00:13:17,553 --> 00:13:19,220 this is an actual term sheet. 328 00:13:19,322 --> 00:13:21,922 And once I sign this... this, that's it, right? 329 00:13:22,024 --> 00:13:24,325 Yup. No turning back. 330 00:13:26,796 --> 00:13:27,828 You can have your lawyers vet 331 00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,230 the actual stock purchase agreement 332 00:13:29,332 --> 00:13:30,731 once we close here just to make sure 333 00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:32,066 no one is pulling any funny business. 334 00:13:32,168 --> 00:13:35,069 - No, no. - No, my lawyer is in jail, so. 335 00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:37,671 So. 336 00:13:39,308 --> 00:13:41,142 Hm. 337 00:13:46,282 --> 00:13:47,615 Oh, my god. I, uh... 338 00:13:47,717 --> 00:13:50,251 Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of this 339 00:13:50,353 --> 00:13:52,219 before, um, because, 340 00:13:52,321 --> 00:13:53,654 well, let me put it to you this way. 341 00:13:53,756 --> 00:13:55,222 What would you say if I told you that 342 00:13:55,324 --> 00:13:57,491 the same compression that you know and love 343 00:13:57,593 --> 00:13:59,293 is being used in a world-beating, 344 00:13:59,395 --> 00:14:02,596 game-changing... wait for it... 345 00:14:02,698 --> 00:14:04,598 video conferencing application? 346 00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:08,035 Wouldn't that be interesting? 347 00:14:09,338 --> 00:14:11,705 - What? - You mean like Hooli-Chat? 348 00:14:11,808 --> 00:14:14,108 This will be far superior to Hooli-Chat. 349 00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:16,110 You may want to fund that instead. 350 00:14:16,212 --> 00:14:17,611 In fact, why don't I, um... 351 00:14:17,713 --> 00:14:19,280 why don't I just go home, I'll grab my laptop, 352 00:14:19,382 --> 00:14:20,948 I'll come back here, I'll show it to you guys. 353 00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:22,416 It's not that far. I don't mind. 354 00:14:22,518 --> 00:14:24,285 - I'll tell you what, I'll grab an Uber. - Richard, what... 355 00:14:24,387 --> 00:14:25,853 - No, no, no, no. - It's no problem. 356 00:14:25,955 --> 00:14:27,888 - Richard, what the fuck are you doing? - There. I've ordered it. 357 00:14:27,990 --> 00:14:30,090 Neal is in a blue Kia Sportage and he's right around the corner. 358 00:14:30,193 --> 00:14:31,692 All right, all right. Look, look, look. 359 00:14:31,794 --> 00:14:34,595 I don't know who else you're talking to about the platform, 360 00:14:34,697 --> 00:14:36,897 but I'm willing to go up to seven million on 70. 361 00:14:36,999 --> 00:14:39,967 Okay? But that's it. You sign this thing right here and right now. 362 00:14:40,069 --> 00:14:42,269 Bravo, Richard. Nice neg. 363 00:14:42,371 --> 00:14:43,604 Now sign it. 364 00:14:43,706 --> 00:14:45,706 Thank you. Very generous of you. 365 00:14:45,808 --> 00:14:48,576 I just... I just want to make sure that you're aware of all the feedback 366 00:14:48,678 --> 00:14:51,212 'cause we had some focus groups and there were some issues. 367 00:14:51,314 --> 00:14:52,446 Just so you're clear, 368 00:14:52,548 --> 00:14:55,716 people have been wondering, "Eh! Where are my files? 369 00:14:55,818 --> 00:14:57,186 "Zero K used? Where's the download button? 370 00:14:57,211 --> 00:14:57,942 Richard, Richard... 371 00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,887 - The terminator... " - All right, all right, you know what? 372 00:14:59,989 --> 00:15:00,514 'Cause it... 373 00:15:00,539 --> 00:15:02,113 I'm gonna sign it. Can I sign it? I'll sign it. 374 00:15:02,191 --> 00:15:05,192 You can if you want, but we still need his signature. 375 00:15:10,266 --> 00:15:12,466 Richard, sign it. 376 00:15:12,568 --> 00:15:14,134 That's two years of runway. 377 00:15:14,237 --> 00:15:15,870 - Sign it now! - I can't. 378 00:15:15,972 --> 00:15:17,471 Why the fuck not? 379 00:15:17,573 --> 00:15:18,839 Because the numbers are fake. 380 00:15:20,109 --> 00:15:21,475 What? 381 00:15:21,577 --> 00:15:22,643 What? What do you mean? 382 00:15:22,745 --> 00:15:24,745 - What do you... - We bought... 383 00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:28,515 fake users from a Bangladeshi click farm. 384 00:15:29,552 --> 00:15:30,951 The uptick was fake. 385 00:15:32,288 --> 00:15:35,789 But the... the vid chat... 386 00:15:35,892 --> 00:15:37,258 is real. 387 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,094 Erlich, the fake users were just meant to cheer the guys up. 388 00:15:40,196 --> 00:15:41,862 I had no idea you were gonna take those numbers... 389 00:15:41,964 --> 00:15:43,264 And what, and go do my fucking job? 390 00:15:43,366 --> 00:15:45,532 Pour everything I had into getting the best possible 391 00:15:45,635 --> 00:15:48,235 deal for Pied Piper because I believe in them? 392 00:15:48,337 --> 00:15:49,570 Well, that's all over now. 393 00:15:49,672 --> 00:15:52,039 Richard, we are fucked! 394 00:15:52,141 --> 00:15:54,008 In the amount of time that it took for us to get 395 00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:55,576 from that office to right here, 396 00:15:55,678 --> 00:15:57,411 every VC in the Valley knows about this. 397 00:15:57,513 --> 00:16:00,247 If I signed those term sheets, I would be committing fraud. 398 00:16:00,349 --> 00:16:01,582 That's a fucking crime! 399 00:16:01,684 --> 00:16:02,816 You're saying you wanted me to... 400 00:16:02,919 --> 00:16:04,652 No, I wanted you to fucking think about that 401 00:16:04,754 --> 00:16:07,021 before you paraded me around the whole fucking valley 402 00:16:07,123 --> 00:16:08,088 to sell your lie! 403 00:16:08,190 --> 00:16:11,558 And then suddenly grew a thick, girthy conscience 404 00:16:11,661 --> 00:16:12,660 and fucked me with it. 405 00:16:12,762 --> 00:16:14,128 Are you Richard? 406 00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:16,597 - Did you order an Uber? - Oh. No. 407 00:16:17,934 --> 00:16:21,035 All you had to do was keep your fucking mouth shut 408 00:16:21,137 --> 00:16:23,003 and sign that piece of paper. 409 00:16:23,105 --> 00:16:25,406 We would have fixed it afterwards. 410 00:16:25,508 --> 00:16:27,708 But you didn't. You caked your pants. 411 00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:29,910 No, better yet, you caked my pants. 412 00:16:30,012 --> 00:16:31,578 Fuck you, Richard Hendricks. 413 00:16:31,681 --> 00:16:33,180 Fuck you. 414 00:16:34,283 --> 00:16:35,749 Richard Hendricks, huh? 415 00:16:35,851 --> 00:16:37,384 Prick. 416 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,061 - Hey. - Oh, hey, Monica. 417 00:16:47,163 --> 00:16:48,929 Is Richard here? I heard what happened, 418 00:16:49,031 --> 00:16:50,531 but he's not answering any of my calls. 419 00:16:50,633 --> 00:16:52,399 We just wanted you to know for the record 420 00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:55,836 that we had no idea any of that stuff was going on. 421 00:16:55,938 --> 00:16:57,871 Still trying to wrap our heads around it. 422 00:16:57,974 --> 00:17:00,808 Point is, don't beat yourself up about not seeing it. 423 00:17:00,910 --> 00:17:02,476 I'm not beating myself up... 424 00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:05,112 I hope you don't think we're guilty by association, 425 00:17:05,214 --> 00:17:08,816 because then we would have to think you're guilty by association, which we don't. 426 00:17:08,918 --> 00:17:11,318 Just want to let you know that we would definitely work 427 00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:12,720 with you again in the future. 428 00:17:12,822 --> 00:17:15,022 It's good to know. Guys, thanks. 429 00:17:15,124 --> 00:17:17,458 Um... is he in his room? 430 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,827 I mean, he said he was. 431 00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:23,163 But... 432 00:17:23,265 --> 00:17:24,898 I'm gonna go to his room. 433 00:17:25,001 --> 00:17:26,133 Mm-hmm. 434 00:17:27,336 --> 00:17:30,170 Uh, what's up, Gleb? 435 00:17:30,272 --> 00:17:33,307 I hear, uh, Richard shit bed, huh? 436 00:17:33,409 --> 00:17:36,410 So, the platform is no goo-oo-oo-oo... 437 00:17:36,512 --> 00:17:39,146 Fuck, now the vid chat's fucking up. 438 00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:42,282 Odd, considering who wrote the code for it. 439 00:17:42,385 --> 00:17:44,618 Not the code. The server is overloaded. 440 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,854 How is that possible? We only gave it to like 12 people. 441 00:17:46,956 --> 00:17:50,491 Well, there's a few more than that using it now. 442 00:17:51,627 --> 00:17:52,559 Holy shit. 443 00:17:52,661 --> 00:17:54,161 For what it's worth, Richard, 444 00:17:54,263 --> 00:17:55,796 I think you did the right thing. 445 00:17:55,898 --> 00:17:58,465 And I can see now why you didn't want to come to us for funding. 446 00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:00,467 You were trying to protect us. 447 00:18:00,569 --> 00:18:02,069 Yeah. 448 00:18:02,171 --> 00:18:03,704 Well, I really appreciate it. 449 00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:06,607 Uh, Laurie wants out. 450 00:18:06,709 --> 00:18:10,310 Even a whiff of fraud is a mortal sin for VCs. 451 00:18:10,413 --> 00:18:13,280 She needs to wash her hands of any Pied Piper business. 452 00:18:13,382 --> 00:18:14,681 She's forcing a sale. 453 00:18:14,784 --> 00:18:16,116 Fuck. 454 00:18:16,218 --> 00:18:18,886 Yeah, frick. 455 00:18:18,988 --> 00:18:20,087 Yeah. 456 00:18:20,189 --> 00:18:21,388 But it is an open auction, 457 00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:23,724 and, you know, between the fraudulent numbers 458 00:18:23,826 --> 00:18:26,060 and the real numbers, 459 00:18:26,162 --> 00:18:28,228 you guys aren't exactly killing it out there. 460 00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:30,597 So, there is a chance that no one will bid 461 00:18:30,699 --> 00:18:32,666 and you might be able to buy back your own company 462 00:18:32,768 --> 00:18:33,700 for next to nothing. 463 00:18:33,803 --> 00:18:35,636 That will have to be for literally nothing 464 00:18:35,738 --> 00:18:37,604 because we're out of money. 465 00:18:41,844 --> 00:18:42,876 Ow! 466 00:18:42,978 --> 00:18:44,545 Jesus! Are you okay? 467 00:18:44,647 --> 00:18:47,081 Yeah, we're fine. 468 00:18:47,183 --> 00:18:49,416 All right, I spun together a few more servers. 469 00:18:49,518 --> 00:18:50,918 That should handle the traffic. 470 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:53,420 Look at this. There are 157 people 471 00:18:53,522 --> 00:18:54,721 using it near Gleb. 472 00:18:54,824 --> 00:18:56,857 And 400 people using it near Tara in Boston. 473 00:18:56,959 --> 00:19:00,160 Yeah, I told her to give it to her Satanist friends out there. 474 00:19:00,262 --> 00:19:01,428 Looks like she did. 475 00:19:01,530 --> 00:19:05,299 She knows 400 Satanists in Boston? 476 00:19:05,401 --> 00:19:07,768 The Catholic church really did a number on that town. 477 00:19:09,138 --> 00:19:12,139 Hey, Erlich, remember when Gilfoyle said that 478 00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:14,041 my video chat app was a piece of shit 479 00:19:14,143 --> 00:19:15,943 and that nobody would ever use it? 480 00:19:16,045 --> 00:19:19,480 Well, he was wrong. Over 4,000 times. 481 00:19:19,582 --> 00:19:22,349 Wow, and you developed that with the Pied Piper IP, right? 482 00:19:23,285 --> 00:19:25,119 Well, then you can kiss that goodbye. 483 00:19:26,188 --> 00:19:27,187 Oh, fuck. 484 00:19:27,289 --> 00:19:29,123 Speaking of, I'm actually using 485 00:19:29,225 --> 00:19:31,892 the first dollars of my blog windfall 486 00:19:31,994 --> 00:19:33,827 on a trip to Kainchi Dham Ashram 487 00:19:33,929 --> 00:19:35,929 in Nainital, India, 488 00:19:36,031 --> 00:19:39,833 where Steve Jobs famously sought peace and came up 489 00:19:39,935 --> 00:19:44,071 with the idea for a little product called the Lisa. 490 00:19:44,173 --> 00:19:45,305 Good luck. 491 00:19:47,843 --> 00:19:51,011 Richard, I'll expect you off the premises 492 00:19:51,113 --> 00:19:52,546 by end of day. 493 00:19:52,648 --> 00:19:54,047 Monica. 494 00:19:56,152 --> 00:19:57,918 - I'll see you later. - Okay. 495 00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:00,988 You know, you can stay here for one year. Free rent. 496 00:20:01,090 --> 00:20:02,456 Jian-Yang! 497 00:20:05,961 --> 00:20:07,294 Laurie! 498 00:20:08,364 --> 00:20:11,331 Ah. Gavin. 499 00:20:11,433 --> 00:20:12,900 You know Jack, of course. 500 00:20:13,002 --> 00:20:14,201 That is correct. 501 00:20:14,303 --> 00:20:17,804 Um, Gavin, can we address the elephant in the room? 502 00:20:18,841 --> 00:20:20,841 - Sorry? - Pied Piper. 503 00:20:20,943 --> 00:20:23,143 Right. Yes, of course. 504 00:20:23,245 --> 00:20:25,546 I am forcing a sale. 505 00:20:25,648 --> 00:20:28,815 Your Maleant dealings demonstrate that you're still pursuing a middle-out. 506 00:20:28,918 --> 00:20:30,884 Might you be interested in placing a bid? 507 00:20:30,986 --> 00:20:32,853 Why would he want to bail out Raviga? 508 00:20:32,955 --> 00:20:34,454 You said it yourself, 509 00:20:34,557 --> 00:20:36,423 our compression play is thriving. 510 00:20:36,525 --> 00:20:37,891 Fair enough. 511 00:20:37,993 --> 00:20:39,359 You know what? I'm a completionist. 512 00:20:39,461 --> 00:20:42,296 Even if I buy it just to throw it in the garbage, 513 00:20:42,398 --> 00:20:44,097 I'd like to be the one to drive the final nail 514 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,532 in the Hendricks coffin. 515 00:20:45,634 --> 00:20:47,834 I'll give you... 516 00:20:47,937 --> 00:20:49,102 $900 for it? 517 00:20:49,205 --> 00:20:51,638 I believe that is a joke. 518 00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:54,875 You know what? I like nice, round numbers. 519 00:20:54,977 --> 00:20:57,044 Make it... 520 00:20:57,146 --> 00:20:58,979 a million? 521 00:20:59,081 --> 00:21:00,214 A million dollars? 522 00:21:00,316 --> 00:21:03,951 Gavin Belson gets to buy Pied Piper for $1 million 523 00:21:04,053 --> 00:21:07,321 and Raviga gets all of it because of their liquidation preference 524 00:21:07,423 --> 00:21:08,455 and I get jack shit? 525 00:21:08,557 --> 00:21:10,524 Is that what you're telling me? Goddamn it. 526 00:21:10,626 --> 00:21:12,926 I know this is the last way that you wanted it to end. 527 00:21:13,028 --> 00:21:14,328 I'm really sorry. 528 00:21:14,430 --> 00:21:16,763 Yeah, well, I... I'll see you at the meeting. 529 00:21:16,865 --> 00:21:18,832 Is that Hooli-Chat? 530 00:21:18,934 --> 00:21:20,100 They fix it or something? 531 00:21:20,202 --> 00:21:22,936 - That didn't look shitty at all. - Actually, it's... it's ours. 532 00:21:23,038 --> 00:21:24,471 Um, the guys hacked it together. 533 00:21:24,573 --> 00:21:25,906 I can send you an invite if you want. 534 00:21:26,008 --> 00:21:27,207 Yeah. Cool. Thanks. 535 00:21:27,309 --> 00:21:30,310 We got up to 4K users totally organically. Oh. 536 00:21:30,412 --> 00:21:32,746 Oh, shit! 7K now. 537 00:21:33,949 --> 00:21:36,483 Wow, we should have been focusing on this instead. 538 00:21:36,585 --> 00:21:37,951 Not that it matters. 539 00:21:38,053 --> 00:21:40,654 I mean, it's all gonna be property of Gavin Belson in an hour, so. 540 00:21:40,756 --> 00:21:42,556 That's ironic, huh? 541 00:21:43,559 --> 00:21:45,392 N... no, for real, I'm asking. Is it? 542 00:21:45,494 --> 00:21:47,394 I don't know. I was just smiling. 543 00:21:47,496 --> 00:21:49,396 Feels ironic. 544 00:21:50,866 --> 00:21:52,866 Hey, uh, so thank you for, uh... 545 00:21:52,968 --> 00:21:54,635 letting me stay here. No worries. 546 00:21:54,737 --> 00:21:56,937 Steve says you're welcome to take my spot on the couch 547 00:21:57,039 --> 00:21:59,573 until you can find a job and get your own place. 548 00:21:59,675 --> 00:22:00,674 Thanks. 549 00:22:00,776 --> 00:22:03,310 So, uh, when's your dad coming to pick you up? 550 00:22:03,412 --> 00:22:05,312 Uh, a couple of hours I guess. 551 00:22:05,414 --> 00:22:08,081 Then we're turning right around and going back to Phoenix. 552 00:22:08,183 --> 00:22:09,883 You know, he said he wants to be able 553 00:22:09,985 --> 00:22:12,119 to keep an eye on me and my money 554 00:22:12,221 --> 00:22:13,687 and that I need to get a real job 555 00:22:13,789 --> 00:22:16,056 to learn the value of a... of a hard day's night 556 00:22:16,158 --> 00:22:18,191 or something like that. 557 00:22:18,294 --> 00:22:20,727 Well, um, I should probably get going to this board meeting. 558 00:22:20,829 --> 00:22:25,565 Um, and you're probably gonna be gone when I'm back, so... 559 00:22:25,668 --> 00:22:27,834 - guess this is it. - Yeah, I guess so. 560 00:22:27,936 --> 00:22:28,969 See ya. 561 00:22:29,071 --> 00:22:30,437 - Oh... - Oh... 562 00:22:31,507 --> 00:22:32,606 - Okay. - Okay. 563 00:22:32,708 --> 00:22:35,342 - All right. Cool, man. - There we go. 564 00:22:42,718 --> 00:22:45,585 Richard, e... even though it's the last board meeting 565 00:22:45,688 --> 00:22:47,821 and... and essentially meaningless, 566 00:22:47,923 --> 00:22:49,956 thank you for letting me be a part of it. 567 00:22:50,059 --> 00:22:51,258 It's an honor. 568 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,926 Okay, you don't have to keep saying that. 569 00:22:55,798 --> 00:22:57,698 Good day, all. This should be brief. 570 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,334 The only item on the agenda is, 571 00:23:00,436 --> 00:23:01,635 of course, the authorization 572 00:23:01,737 --> 00:23:03,503 of the sale of Pied Piper to the current high bidder. 573 00:23:03,605 --> 00:23:05,372 Three "yes" votes will approve the sale. 574 00:23:05,474 --> 00:23:08,108 And as Raviga controls three of the board seats, 575 00:23:08,210 --> 00:23:09,810 - it seems... - I'm sorry. I... 576 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,914 - I'm not doing it. - Oh, Monica, not again. 577 00:23:14,016 --> 00:23:16,183 I'm sorry, but look, Richard has worked too hard 578 00:23:16,285 --> 00:23:18,552 and I know that I can't stop it, but I'm not gonna vote 579 00:23:18,654 --> 00:23:20,854 to let Pied Piper become the property of that asshole. 580 00:23:20,956 --> 00:23:24,591 Monica, I also happen to find him contemptible. 581 00:23:24,693 --> 00:23:27,794 But Pied Piper will be sold to the high bidder, period. 582 00:23:27,896 --> 00:23:29,696 You know what? I don't care. 583 00:23:29,798 --> 00:23:31,031 You want to fire me, fire me. 584 00:23:31,133 --> 00:23:33,166 If we're not gonna adhere to the values that 585 00:23:33,268 --> 00:23:35,936 Peter Gregory instilled, then I don't think I belong here. 586 00:23:36,038 --> 00:23:37,404 Monica, you don't have to do this. 587 00:23:37,506 --> 00:23:40,474 I'm not voting yes. Very well. You're off the board. 588 00:23:40,576 --> 00:23:42,376 Excuse me! Man! 589 00:23:44,313 --> 00:23:46,747 - Do you work here? - Well, it was my first day actually. 590 00:23:46,849 --> 00:23:48,348 - Everybody's been super ni... - Sit. 591 00:23:48,450 --> 00:23:51,318 You are now officially on the board of directors of Pied Piper. 592 00:23:51,420 --> 00:23:54,354 Oh, okay. That's fine I guess. 593 00:23:54,456 --> 00:23:55,956 When I point to you, you will vote yes. 594 00:23:56,058 --> 00:23:58,258 Now, I move to vote on the sale of Pied Piper. 595 00:23:58,360 --> 00:23:59,893 I vote yes. 596 00:23:59,995 --> 00:24:01,695 I vote yes. 597 00:24:01,797 --> 00:24:03,130 And Evan. 598 00:24:04,933 --> 00:24:06,199 Evan? 599 00:24:07,736 --> 00:24:09,035 I can't do it. 600 00:24:09,138 --> 00:24:10,103 What? Why? 601 00:24:10,205 --> 00:24:12,873 Because... 602 00:24:12,975 --> 00:24:14,040 Monica? 603 00:24:15,144 --> 00:24:16,243 I love you. 604 00:24:16,345 --> 00:24:18,478 There. I said it. 605 00:24:18,580 --> 00:24:20,256 And I could never do anything to make you sad. 606 00:24:20,282 --> 00:24:22,717 Oh, for fuck's sake! Do I have to pull the receptionist in here? 607 00:24:22,818 --> 00:24:24,885 How does this compare with a typical board meeting? 608 00:24:24,987 --> 00:24:26,820 All right, stop. Everybody, just stop. 609 00:24:26,922 --> 00:24:28,722 We all know how this is gonna go, 610 00:24:28,824 --> 00:24:29,990 so let's just get it over with. 611 00:24:30,092 --> 00:24:31,091 All right? 612 00:24:31,193 --> 00:24:33,093 Um, I vote yes. There. 613 00:24:33,195 --> 00:24:34,694 Okay? I approve the sale. 614 00:24:34,797 --> 00:24:37,497 Three "yes" votes. Can this please just be done? 615 00:24:37,599 --> 00:24:38,465 Very well. 616 00:24:38,567 --> 00:24:41,268 - I vote yes also. - Irrelevant. 617 00:24:41,370 --> 00:24:42,269 But thank you. 618 00:24:42,371 --> 00:24:43,603 The sale is approved. 619 00:24:43,705 --> 00:24:46,072 Pied Piper, its IP, and all of its assets 620 00:24:46,175 --> 00:24:49,276 are now officially the property of Bachmanity, LLC. 621 00:24:50,579 --> 00:24:53,213 Wait, sorry, did... 622 00:24:53,315 --> 00:24:56,249 did you just say "Bachmanity"? 623 00:24:56,351 --> 00:24:59,219 As in Erlich Bachman and Nelson Bighetti? 624 00:24:59,321 --> 00:25:00,720 Yes, you know them. 625 00:25:00,823 --> 00:25:03,290 They... wait, they... they had the highest bid? 626 00:25:03,392 --> 00:25:07,127 I received a telephone call approximately 30 minutes ago 627 00:25:07,229 --> 00:25:10,330 entering a bid of one million and one dollars with a firm no-shop clause. 628 00:25:10,432 --> 00:25:13,900 So when you were referring to the person who bought Pied Piper 629 00:25:14,002 --> 00:25:17,838 as a contemptible asshole, you were talking about Erlich? 630 00:25:17,940 --> 00:25:22,142 To which contemptible asshole did you think I was referring? 631 00:25:22,244 --> 00:25:23,510 Gavin Belson. 632 00:25:23,612 --> 00:25:24,945 Oh. 633 00:25:26,248 --> 00:25:28,048 I see. No. 634 00:25:28,150 --> 00:25:30,250 This meeting is adjourned. 635 00:25:30,352 --> 00:25:32,853 I thank you all for your time. 636 00:25:35,524 --> 00:25:38,158 So... Bachmanity it is. 637 00:25:41,263 --> 00:25:42,295 That's good. 638 00:25:42,397 --> 00:25:46,233 So... should we give this thing a shot? 639 00:25:57,946 --> 00:25:59,579 You and Big Head, huh? 640 00:26:02,217 --> 00:26:03,950 Um... 641 00:26:04,052 --> 00:26:06,920 sorry you had to cancel your trip. 642 00:26:07,022 --> 00:26:09,890 And look, I... I really appreciate all this. 643 00:26:09,992 --> 00:26:13,827 I really think this video chat thing is gonna be something, you know? 644 00:26:13,929 --> 00:26:15,106 I don't know if you've seen the numbers. 645 00:26:15,232 --> 00:26:19,199 You want a number? The percentage I give a fuck about you, zero. 646 00:26:19,301 --> 00:26:20,634 It's trending steady. 647 00:26:20,736 --> 00:26:23,303 And of course I've seen the numbers. 648 00:26:23,405 --> 00:26:24,838 This is a business opportunity. 649 00:26:24,940 --> 00:26:26,907 Nothing more. Big Head was your friend. 650 00:26:27,009 --> 00:26:29,743 He was the one that, uh, talked me into it. 651 00:26:31,547 --> 00:26:33,413 I don't trust you, Richard Hendricks. 652 00:26:35,050 --> 00:26:38,585 And it's gonna take a long, long, long time 653 00:26:38,687 --> 00:26:40,253 to regain my trust. 654 00:26:40,355 --> 00:26:41,855 Are we clear? 655 00:26:43,559 --> 00:26:46,226 Are we absolutely clear? 656 00:26:46,803 --> 00:26:48,152 Always blue! Always blue! 657 00:26:48,230 --> 00:26:49,796 Always blue! Always blue! 658 00:26:49,898 --> 00:26:51,464 Always blue! Always blue! 659 00:26:51,567 --> 00:26:52,832 - Always blue! Alway... - Aah! 660 00:26:53,902 --> 00:26:55,268 You suck. 661 00:26:55,370 --> 00:26:59,172 Oh, fuck, it's my dad again. He's gotta be so pissed. 662 00:26:59,274 --> 00:27:00,707 I can't believe this is happening, you guys. 663 00:27:00,809 --> 00:27:02,876 I mean, I guess now we're a video chat company, 664 00:27:02,978 --> 00:27:05,045 but the best part of it is it's us, you know? 665 00:27:05,147 --> 00:27:07,314 Just us controlling our own destiny. 666 00:27:07,416 --> 00:27:09,249 No, the best part of it is I own 50%. 667 00:27:09,351 --> 00:27:10,984 Well, yes, 668 00:27:11,086 --> 00:27:13,486 um, you and Big Head do own the entire company, 669 00:27:13,589 --> 00:27:15,288 but I am the founder, it's my algorithm, 670 00:27:15,390 --> 00:27:17,657 so I'm assuming I'm getting my original shares back, right? 671 00:27:17,759 --> 00:27:19,059 Why would you assume that? 672 00:27:19,161 --> 00:27:20,994 Well, when a tech company reboots, 673 00:27:21,096 --> 00:27:23,129 it's normal to have a... a conversation 674 00:27:23,231 --> 00:27:24,698 about restructuring the cap table. 675 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:28,134 Good, 'cause I'm the guy that hacked together the video chat app 676 00:27:28,236 --> 00:27:30,003 to see if that woman was hot, so... 677 00:27:30,105 --> 00:27:34,074 Yeah, but it's not gonna scale until I get in there and scrape all the Dinesh off. 678 00:27:34,176 --> 00:27:37,143 Well, Laurie still hasn't called me back, so I may need a new job. 679 00:27:37,245 --> 00:27:40,547 And I'm assuming Pied Piper can't afford my salary, 680 00:27:40,649 --> 00:27:41,915 so I'll need stock. 681 00:27:42,017 --> 00:27:44,784 Do we really want it to be called Pied Piper anymore? 682 00:27:44,886 --> 00:27:47,087 No, yes. Of cour... of... of course we want... 683 00:27:47,189 --> 00:27:48,989 Why do we want to change the name? It's great. 684 00:27:49,091 --> 00:27:51,458 Yeah, and we do already have the jackets. 685 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,361 Big. Head. 686 00:27:55,597 --> 00:27:56,796 Big Head. 687 00:27:57,866 --> 00:27:58,798 Go for Erlich. 688 00:27:58,900 --> 00:28:01,968 Erlich Bachman, this is you as an old man. 689 00:28:02,070 --> 00:28:06,673 I'm ugly and I'm dead. Alone. 690 00:28:07,876 --> 00:28:09,175 I'm gonna let him have this one. 691 00:28:09,277 --> 00:28:10,176 All right, uh... 692 00:28:10,278 --> 00:28:12,379 well, I'm sorry to hear that, Future Me. 693 00:28:12,481 --> 00:28:13,380 What a terrible thing. 694 00:28:13,482 --> 00:28:15,181 I'll talk to you in several years. 695 00:28:15,283 --> 00:28:16,316 You're up. 696 00:28:16,418 --> 00:28:18,118 Always blue! Always blue! 697 00:28:18,220 --> 00:28:20,120 - Always blue! - Always blue! 698 00:28:20,222 --> 00:28:22,122 Always blue! Always blue! 699 00:28:22,224 --> 00:28:24,190 - Always blue! - Always blue! 700 00:28:24,292 --> 00:28:25,392 Always blue!