1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000 I don't care what you say. I think they're evil. 2 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,909 - You can't call homeless people evil. - Why not? 3 00:00:02,071 --> 00:00:04,162 Because it's hobo-phobic. You're a hobophobe. 4 00:00:04,282 --> 00:00:05,790 I'm not a hobophobe. I'm a realist. 5 00:00:05,950 --> 00:00:08,390 I've seen them skulking around on streets corners 6 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:11,670 with their designer fingerless gloves and their surprisingly well-fed dogs. 7 00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,408 They are plotting a wino revolution. 8 00:00:13,528 --> 00:00:16,550 OK, from the number of texts, you've offended most listeners. 9 00:00:16,710 --> 00:00:18,555 Who'd be offended? Unless they're a hobo 10 00:00:18,675 --> 00:00:20,670 and if they are hobos, why do they have a radio? 11 00:00:20,831 --> 00:00:22,270 If they have a radio, they're not a real hobo, 12 00:00:22,431 --> 00:00:25,161 they're pretend ones with nice trainers and good teeth. 13 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,196 I worked in a shelter in Croydon 14 00:00:27,316 --> 00:00:30,564 and very few of them were homeless dog-owning revolutionaries. 15 00:00:30,824 --> 00:00:33,830 I had a Malaysian meal in Croydon once and I got food poisoning. 16 00:00:33,991 --> 00:00:36,163 I went back the next day and they gave me a free meal. 17 00:00:36,283 --> 00:00:38,657 The same thing happened. This went on for a week. 18 00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,750 We'll come back to that. You worked in a homeless shelter? 19 00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:43,550 You will go anywhere to find a man. 20 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,779 - Look, I didn't choose to work there. - What do you mean you didn't choose? 21 00:00:45,899 --> 00:00:49,710 - Who would force you to work there? - I felt I had to service my community. 22 00:00:49,906 --> 00:00:50,737 You... 23 00:00:51,599 --> 00:00:54,590 you did community service! You're a crim! 24 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,701 What did you do? Bear-baiting? Gun running? 25 00:00:56,821 --> 00:00:59,390 - I was 17. - Did they even have laws in those days? 26 00:00:59,965 --> 00:01:02,568 And I accidentally forgot to pay for a lipstick. 27 00:01:02,892 --> 00:01:05,938 Like Harold Shipman accidentally prescribed the wrong pills. 28 00:01:06,058 --> 00:01:09,205 They gave you community service for forgetting to pay for a lipstick. 29 00:01:09,619 --> 00:01:13,110 Three lipsticks. And some nail varnish. And a toasted sandwich maker. 30 00:01:13,271 --> 00:01:15,363 Oh, my God. You're, like, a proper thief, innit? 31 00:01:15,483 --> 00:01:18,030 I had a klepto phase, but I grew out of it 32 00:01:18,190 --> 00:01:21,233 and I'm a paid up member of the paying for things club. 33 00:01:21,353 --> 00:01:23,630 - Has anyone seen my wallet? - Listen Jane, It's a slippery slope. 34 00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:26,750 One day you're stealing sandwich makers, the next you're forcing drug mules 35 00:01:26,916 --> 00:01:28,868 to swallow condoms full of heroin. 36 00:01:30,285 --> 00:01:32,128 I don't think drug mules are mules. 37 00:01:32,248 --> 00:01:35,470 We've all got a past. Mine is just more interesting than yours. 38 00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:37,053 Listen, Jane, I'm sorry. You're right. 39 00:01:37,173 --> 00:01:39,696 It's a sensitive subject, so let's just forget all about it. 40 00:01:40,671 --> 00:01:43,950 - Let's just play a song, shall we? - Yes. Sorry, Jane. Sorry. 41 00:01:44,809 --> 00:01:47,630 OK, this is Jane's Addiction, Been Caught Stealing. 42 00:01:49,870 --> 00:01:52,306 Transcript: chocolate 43 00:01:52,426 --> 00:01:54,710 Synchro: mpm 44 00:01:57,310 --> 00:01:59,088 Oh, my God. Have you seen this thing about Ladyhawke? 45 00:01:59,208 --> 00:02:02,194 posI know, poor thing. I've emailed her to make sure they're on for tomorrow. 46 00:02:02,658 --> 00:02:06,445 posLook at her. She's so delicate. She's like a glass Barbie. 47 00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:10,070 THE PIG PEN 48 00:02:12,310 --> 00:02:15,070 If you keep sending me these emails, I'll be forced to mark you as spam. 49 00:02:15,279 --> 00:02:18,508 - You make such a sweet couple. - Closest you'll ever get, Cox. 50 00:02:18,628 --> 00:02:20,590 - Coming for a beer? - Can't. Date. 51 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,179 Who's the lucky lady? 52 00:02:25,430 --> 00:02:27,636 - Poppy. She's in Hollyoaks. - Really? Which one? 53 00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:30,921 She's the deaf bird in the corner who does the sign thing. 54 00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:34,508 A girl who can't hear what you're sayingyou. This is really gonna work out for you. 55 00:02:34,628 --> 00:02:37,166 I imagine Hollyoaks is actually better if you're deaf. 56 00:02:37,286 --> 00:02:39,646 I'm gonna take her to the Cribs gig. She's gonna be mostiest. 57 00:02:39,766 --> 00:02:41,870 Why are you taking her to a gig if she's deaf? 58 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:47,230 - OK. Lindsay, beer? - Don't just assume that I'm free. 59 00:02:47,390 --> 00:02:48,700 I may also have a date. 60 00:02:50,951 --> 00:02:53,710 I'm actually going the movies tonight with someone, so. 61 00:02:53,870 --> 00:02:56,790 - All right. Who's your lucky lady? - Well, she's just a... 62 00:02:57,004 --> 00:02:57,869 Lindsay, You ready? 63 00:02:58,315 --> 00:02:59,669 Don't wanna be late. 64 00:03:03,371 --> 00:03:05,109 - What's in the bag? - Marshmallows. 65 00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,630 - Acoustically-friendly cinema snack. - Excuse me, gents. 66 00:03:07,791 --> 00:03:10,270 I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm trying to get into a shelter. tonight 67 00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:12,572 - And I just wonder... - I don't have anything. 68 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,169 Come on, mate. You got anything to spare? 69 00:03:14,289 --> 00:03:16,442 I've got a smoothie. It's got goji berries in it. 70 00:03:16,562 --> 00:03:19,314 No, thanks. Those things have got more sugar than a can of Coke. 71 00:03:20,384 --> 00:03:22,177 Where did you get those trainers? 72 00:03:22,589 --> 00:03:24,190 - Shop. - Oh, keep walking, Neil. 73 00:03:24,485 --> 00:03:26,910 I know what you people are up to. Let us be, Welsh man! 74 00:03:32,873 --> 00:03:34,867 Does this class as sexual harassment? 75 00:03:38,990 --> 00:03:40,201 Those are tight. 76 00:03:41,449 --> 00:03:44,146 They're supposed to be, Jane. They're skinny jeans. 77 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:45,808 Someone dressing up for Ladyhawke? 78 00:03:45,928 --> 00:03:47,537 No, I like them. They're... 79 00:03:48,727 --> 00:03:51,070 If I'm honest, they're a little tighter than I'd like. 80 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,469 - I actually see your balls. - Morning, losers! 81 00:03:54,991 --> 00:03:57,725 You're like a character from A Nightmare Before Christmas. 82 00:03:58,385 --> 00:04:00,630 - What a gig last night. - Dom, We're right here. You don't haveNo need to shout. 83 00:04:01,494 --> 00:04:04,590 - We're right here. You don't have to shout. - I can't hear you. My ears are fucked. 84 00:04:04,881 --> 00:04:06,830 I spent the whole gig sat next to a speaker 85 00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:08,960 so Poppy could feel the vibrations. 86 00:04:09,390 --> 00:04:11,470 - She's amazing. - Look at you all loved up! 87 00:04:11,681 --> 00:04:13,430 You can't do the show if you can't hear. 88 00:04:13,591 --> 00:04:14,389 I said... 89 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,840 You can't do the show if you can't hear. 90 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,590 I've gotta do the show. Poppy's coming to watch tonight. 91 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:20,910 Coming in to watch? 92 00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:24,310 - She can't listen, can she? - Dom, you're not going on air deaf. 93 00:04:24,492 --> 00:04:27,161 I'll be all right. It'll be back by lunchtime. I've had it before. 94 00:04:27,281 --> 00:04:29,217 It better be or I'll cut your nuts off. 95 00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:34,403 Hello. Ladyhawke has emailed. 96 00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:36,830 She's very excited she's coming in. 97 00:04:38,191 --> 00:04:39,150 Seriously. 98 00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:41,645 You've gotta go out with a bird who does sign language. 99 00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:44,043 Hand speed is unbelievable. 100 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,436 Right. That's it. I'm changing. 101 00:04:54,390 --> 00:04:57,230 - Drinks are on you, then? - That's money from the sponsored walk. 102 00:04:57,532 --> 00:04:59,509 - When was it? - It was meant to be Last Sunday, but I was ill. 103 00:05:00,670 --> 00:05:02,869 - When are you gonna do it? - Not much point doing it now. 104 00:05:02,989 --> 00:05:04,905 I've got all the money. I'll just be... 105 00:05:05,278 --> 00:05:07,150 - walking, really. - Isn't that stealing? 106 00:05:07,455 --> 00:05:08,910 That's a bit rich, Pot! 107 00:05:09,554 --> 00:05:11,269 - What? - I'm just saying, You're the klepto. 108 00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:13,004 You're calling me black when... 109 00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:15,041 You're a pot. 110 00:05:16,534 --> 00:05:18,151 - Can I have my post? - Yes. 111 00:05:29,504 --> 00:05:32,270 - What are you giggling at? - Nothing. I'm just fucking funny. 112 00:05:34,565 --> 00:05:35,830 Check your email. 113 00:05:44,202 --> 00:05:45,652 What have you done? 114 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,129 It's funny! 115 00:05:47,691 --> 00:05:48,750 Dirty little pig! 116 00:05:49,395 --> 00:05:51,110 Come on. When Dom does it, it's OK. 117 00:05:51,271 --> 00:05:53,078 - You do know you've hit'reply all'? - Yeah. 118 00:05:53,198 --> 00:05:54,990 Which means you've sent it to everyone. 119 00:05:55,469 --> 00:05:57,289 - Including Ladyhawke. - No! 120 00:05:58,877 --> 00:05:59,780 Oh, God! 121 00:06:01,830 --> 00:06:03,710 - Stop it! Neil, stop it! - What? 122 00:06:03,870 --> 00:06:05,467 The email, stop it! Catch it! 123 00:06:05,587 --> 00:06:07,470 - Catch it? It's not a mouse. - Stop it! 124 00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:09,138 Unsend! What's the unsend button? 125 00:06:09,258 --> 00:06:10,608 Ladyhawke's here. 126 00:06:10,891 --> 00:06:12,611 Sweet Lord! What have I done? 127 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,454 You know you've hit'reply all'? Prick! 128 00:06:16,183 --> 00:06:17,950 What if I tell her that my PC's got a virus 129 00:06:18,121 --> 00:06:21,278 that causes it to send inappropriate emails to recently bereaved women? 130 00:06:22,177 --> 00:06:25,230 - What? - Dom, Lindsay, this is Ladyhawke 131 00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:27,230 - and this is her manager, Jules. - Hi. 132 00:06:28,043 --> 00:06:29,893 Hi. Great to meet you both. 133 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:32,190 So excited to have you on the show. 134 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,334 How are you doing? How are you? 135 00:06:35,831 --> 00:06:37,510 Someone looks bleary-eyed. Big weekend? 136 00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:39,190 Well, we had the funeral 137 00:06:40,158 --> 00:06:41,040 yesterday. 138 00:06:41,470 --> 00:06:44,430 How was it? Did the weather hold out? Did they put on a good spread? 139 00:06:44,591 --> 00:06:47,950 You probably didn't have an appetite. They say grief's good for the waistline, 140 00:06:48,111 --> 00:06:50,005 not that you need to worry about that. 141 00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:53,183 You're gonna fade away, you little thing, if any more of your friends... 142 00:06:53,923 --> 00:06:54,950 - die. - Right, Coffee? 143 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,390 Decaff for me, thanks. 144 00:06:57,430 --> 00:07:00,350 - You all right looking after these guysCan you look after them for 5 minutes? - Of course I am. 145 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:03,039 We're gonna be all right. I think so. 146 00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:05,122 Why do we... Have a seat. 147 00:07:07,222 --> 00:07:09,552 Do you guys have Wi-Fi? I need to check my emails. 148 00:07:10,467 --> 00:07:12,750 We don't... It's broken. 149 00:07:13,097 --> 00:07:15,990 Yeah, the router's having its modem refrag... 150 00:07:16,263 --> 00:07:19,337 - How long until the Wi-Fi it will be fixed? - Wi-Fi's not... 151 00:07:21,456 --> 00:07:23,627 An hour or two. 152 00:07:25,527 --> 00:07:27,133 Five... five hours. 153 00:07:27,540 --> 00:07:28,999 Rest of the bloomin' day! 154 00:07:29,119 --> 00:07:31,630 Why don't you bring the guys into the studio and get set up? 155 00:07:38,407 --> 00:07:39,198 Good. 156 00:07:49,221 --> 00:07:51,790 - What are you doing? - I am saving my arse. 157 00:07:52,685 --> 00:07:53,685 Password? 158 00:07:59,033 --> 00:08:00,345 Morning, Mr Aktar. 159 00:08:15,616 --> 00:08:17,241 Golden Virginia, please. 160 00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:26,390 Thank you. 161 00:08:28,031 --> 00:08:28,709 So, 162 00:08:29,655 --> 00:08:31,229 So, have you ever had a pet? 163 00:08:32,316 --> 00:08:34,830 My parents had a dog when I was a kid called Teresa, 164 00:08:35,064 --> 00:08:37,111 but I haven't had any pets since. 165 00:08:44,339 --> 00:08:45,775 My mum's called Jill. 166 00:08:46,265 --> 00:08:47,608 What's your mum's name? 167 00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:50,295 That reminds me. Your mum called earlier. I said you'd call her back. 168 00:08:50,415 --> 00:08:52,910 - Cool. Thanks. Where's my phone? - It's next door. 169 00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:53,870 Stop. 170 00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,150 Abort. Abort. 171 00:08:55,406 --> 00:08:56,955 - Abort! Abort! - What? 172 00:08:57,075 --> 00:08:58,910 I bought my nephew 173 00:08:59,285 --> 00:09:01,270 your album yesterday. It's good. 174 00:09:01,467 --> 00:09:02,276 Cool. 175 00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:08,190 My mum's called Gloria. 176 00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:17,090 38, 39, 177 00:09:17,701 --> 00:09:18,870 and 40. 178 00:09:21,030 --> 00:09:22,910 Sorry. I didn't hear you come in. 179 00:09:23,070 --> 00:09:25,259 Hey, have you seen my laptop? It was right here. 180 00:09:26,592 --> 00:09:27,927 - What? - My laptop. 181 00:09:28,594 --> 00:09:30,030 I was doing press-ups. 182 00:09:31,311 --> 00:09:32,252 That's weird. 183 00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:35,150 - What's wrong? - I think Someone's stolen my laptop. 184 00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:36,810 - What? - I'm sure it'll turn up. 185 00:09:36,930 --> 00:09:39,410 No, you don't understand, mate. It had the new album on it. 186 00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:41,907 The record company are gonna go ape shit. Fuck! 187 00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:44,668 Cappuccinos and Hobnobs. 188 00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:49,695 Still grieving. 189 00:09:49,815 --> 00:09:51,750 Don't worry. It'll be fine. We'll find it. 190 00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:59,990 - What happened? - Just turned around and it was gone. 191 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,201 Modern bloody society. 192 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,230 What? I wasn't even here! I was buying Hobnobs. 193 00:10:09,293 --> 00:10:10,750 What? There's been a robbery? 194 00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:13,070 If only someone had pointed out the flaws... 195 00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:14,734 ... in our security system. 196 00:10:14,854 --> 00:10:16,630 - Yeah, I did. - On numerous occasions. 197 00:10:16,845 --> 00:10:19,488 Fucking hell! My hearing should be back by now. 198 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,451 You'll get no sympathy from me. They're tools. 199 00:10:22,571 --> 00:10:24,026 You need to look after them! 200 00:10:24,146 --> 00:10:26,310 You don't see me throwing my Leatherman in a lake. 201 00:10:29,591 --> 00:10:31,150 - What's going on? - I'm deaf! 202 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,941 Don't know how I'm gonna do the show now. 203 00:10:35,061 --> 00:10:37,006 Is it earwax? I know what you need. 204 00:10:37,126 --> 00:10:39,439 My mate did a BTEC in holistic therapy. 205 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:42,367 She swapped it after a term to tourism, but she got the gist. 206 00:10:42,487 --> 00:10:43,910 I'll give her a ring. 207 00:10:44,614 --> 00:10:45,870 I'll get it fixed for you. 208 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:53,910 Hey there, rainy face. 209 00:10:54,295 --> 00:10:55,688 I got you some tea. 210 00:10:55,808 --> 00:10:57,248 - It's Earl Grey. - Thank you. 211 00:10:57,368 --> 00:10:59,284 Yo. What's crack-a-lacking peace? 212 00:10:59,404 --> 00:11:01,669 She'd just had her laptop stolen, so could you... 213 00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:04,917 - You're kidding me. What, just now? - It's got my new album on it. 214 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,299 I'm in the middle of a show in there. Just give me one minute. 215 00:11:09,549 --> 00:11:11,709 There he goes. Always something better to do. 216 00:11:11,829 --> 00:11:13,990 This is Topher Kiefer. Sorry for breaking up the beats, 217 00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:16,550 but my girl Ladyhawke has had her laptop nicked. 218 00:11:16,711 --> 00:11:19,687 I wanna do a big shout-out to anybody with any information. 219 00:11:19,807 --> 00:11:21,373 Holler at me now. 220 00:11:21,493 --> 00:11:22,622 He's so amazing. 221 00:11:22,742 --> 00:11:24,230 Back to the music. Peace! 222 00:11:24,502 --> 00:11:25,790 That's really sweet of him. 223 00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:28,862 You're not really supposed to stop a song in the middle, but... 224 00:11:29,071 --> 00:11:31,310 - I don't know if it will help, but. - Thank you. 225 00:11:31,973 --> 00:11:32,790 Come here. 226 00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:37,110 Yeah, I'm gonna put a shout-out on my show tonight. 227 00:11:37,270 --> 00:11:38,550 I would have done it already obviously, 228 00:11:38,815 --> 00:11:41,425 but I didn't wanna interfere with the police investigation. 229 00:11:41,545 --> 00:11:44,670 I'm sure your album's safe. You got a password on it, yeah? 230 00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:47,230 Password, right. It must be something cryptic. 231 00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:49,389 No, my password's rubbish. It's just my name. 232 00:11:49,551 --> 00:11:50,551 Your name? 233 00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:53,110 Bloody obvious when you think about it. 234 00:12:03,830 --> 00:12:05,070 Her bloody name. 235 00:12:06,470 --> 00:12:07,590 Here we go. 236 00:12:09,117 --> 00:12:10,350 Just one more look. 237 00:12:19,302 --> 00:12:20,470 Oh, sweet Lord! 238 00:12:21,666 --> 00:12:22,864 Come back to me! 239 00:12:29,198 --> 00:12:30,398 Everything OK? 240 00:12:36,372 --> 00:12:37,644 What are you doing? 241 00:12:39,066 --> 00:12:41,123 - Having a poo. - Is that Ladyhawke's laptop? 242 00:12:41,243 --> 00:12:44,550 - It was an accident. - They're going fucking mental out there. 243 00:12:44,710 --> 00:12:47,013 - You've got to give it back now. - I will. Very soon. 244 00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:50,230 Come on, Jane. If they see the email, they'll think it was me. 245 00:12:50,477 --> 00:12:52,080 - It was you! - I know, 246 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,590 but I don't want them to know that. Come on, Jane. 247 00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,418 You're not a grass, are you? Us crims need to stick together. 248 00:12:57,751 --> 00:13:00,390 - I am not a crim! - Just get me Ladyhawke's power cable. 249 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,390 If they find out about this, we'll be fired. 250 00:13:03,551 --> 00:13:05,950 Just one last job. One last job and then we're out. 251 00:13:12,836 --> 00:13:14,800 So you're gonna remove wax from my ear 252 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,910 while sticking in a candle made of wax? 253 00:13:17,070 --> 00:13:19,470 - And you're sure it's not dangerous? - No, course not. 254 00:13:19,802 --> 00:13:23,802 "Attention, just keep total still so burning wax not scar face." 255 00:13:31,653 --> 00:13:32,581 Power cable! 256 00:13:37,603 --> 00:13:39,084 It's definitely not in there. 257 00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:48,390 - Where the hell are you? - I'm helping 258 00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:52,230 - the police with their enquiries. - They caught you! Remember the code! 259 00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:55,110 I'll make sure they catch the utter twat who's taken it. 260 00:13:55,536 --> 00:13:57,183 OK. I'll get it back right now, OK? 261 00:13:57,303 --> 00:14:00,356 Yeah, you do that cos Supergrass are gonna be coming in 262 00:14:00,476 --> 00:14:03,670 and they'll sing Caught By The Fuzz, so I wouldn't want you to miss that. 263 00:14:04,081 --> 00:14:06,150 - Supergrass are coming in? - They're not confirmed. 264 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,030 He went that way, the thief. 265 00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:49,990 I managed to wrestle the laptop from him, but then he attacked me. 266 00:14:50,268 --> 00:14:51,723 - God. Are you OK? - Yeah. 267 00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:53,518 What did he look like? 268 00:14:53,638 --> 00:14:55,830 He was homeless. Yeah, he was a hobo. 269 00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:57,910 He was just a filthy, lawless hobo. 270 00:14:58,870 --> 00:14:59,895 Hobophobe. 271 00:15:00,015 --> 00:15:02,670 - Anything else? - He had white trainers 272 00:15:03,830 --> 00:15:05,180 and he was Welsh. 273 00:15:05,756 --> 00:15:07,782 - Am I bleeding? - You're so brave. 274 00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:09,897 I am brave. 275 00:15:10,790 --> 00:15:12,895 Instinct kicked in and I just went - 276 00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:15,310 champ. You know? 277 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,647 Shit! Shit! Shit! 278 00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:27,709 It's all right. 279 00:15:32,506 --> 00:15:33,506 Bollocks. 280 00:15:34,777 --> 00:15:37,377 I'm pretty sure I chopped him in the neck. 281 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,630 Can we just get it out and check everything's OK? 282 00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:48,335 Wait! 283 00:15:50,084 --> 00:15:51,839 - I'm sorry. - It's broken. 284 00:15:52,026 --> 00:15:53,423 - What's that now? - It won't turn on. 285 00:15:53,543 --> 00:15:54,735 - Brilliant. - What? 286 00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:57,470 Brilliant! What the f... What's next? 287 00:15:57,799 --> 00:15:58,633 Jesus! 288 00:15:59,511 --> 00:16:00,790 You got it back? 289 00:16:01,042 --> 00:16:03,103 - Yeah, but it's broken. - What? 290 00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:07,830 Well, I learnt a bit about electronics when I was in Taiwan. 291 00:16:08,027 --> 00:16:10,114 - I can have a look at it. - That'd be great. Yeah. 292 00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:12,531 - Who goes to Taiwan? - Just some UNICEF thing. 293 00:16:13,230 --> 00:16:14,670 OK, guys, just about ready to record. 294 00:16:14,830 --> 00:16:17,507 OK, we'll have a little look at this. I'll bring it out. 295 00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:19,418 Thanks, guys. 296 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,668 - Are you gonna be all right to do the show? - It's fine now. It's back. 297 00:16:42,829 --> 00:16:44,119 Candle did the trick. 298 00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:19,174 Poppy's gonna be here in a minute. I need your help. 299 00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:20,730 Cue cards. 300 00:17:21,924 --> 00:17:23,553 For the show. You read out the lines, 301 00:17:23,673 --> 00:17:25,729 give me the nod and I'll come back with banter. 302 00:17:25,849 --> 00:17:28,150 Jane won't know I'm deaf. Poppy will think I'm funny 303 00:17:28,370 --> 00:17:30,110 and no-one will know any different. 304 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:38,832 "So, Ladyhawke, I hear you were once attacked by a dog who tried to 305 00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:40,951 "rip your trousers off. 306 00:17:41,071 --> 00:17:44,521 "Dom, have you ever had a dog try and rip your trousers off?" 307 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:50,181 Yeah, every time I go to Diamond Joe's nightclub in Essex. 308 00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,710 Hello. Welcome back to The Lindsay Carol Show. 309 00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:11,830 That was our very special guest, Ladyhawke 310 00:18:12,104 --> 00:18:14,479 with a track she recorded for us today. 311 00:18:15,231 --> 00:18:16,870 Hi. I'm here to see Dom Cox. 312 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,142 Are you Poppy? 313 00:18:18,262 --> 00:18:21,390 Right. The show's just started, so I'll get somebody to take you up. 314 00:18:21,990 --> 00:18:24,272 Neil, this is Poppy, she's a guest of Dom's. 315 00:18:24,392 --> 00:18:26,420 Can you take her up to the studio, please? 316 00:18:28,937 --> 00:18:30,470 You as well? Are you deaf? 317 00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,126 Yeah. Well, no sympathy from me. 318 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,750 Brought it on yourself, silly! 319 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:39,390 - Lovely to have you with us. - It's lovely to be here. 320 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,470 Big fans of yours here at the show, aren't we, Dom? 321 00:18:45,967 --> 00:18:46,829 OK, great. 322 00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:50,470 So sorry. I genuinely have so much respect for your people. 323 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,395 I mean, my second cousin is partially deaf. 324 00:18:52,515 --> 00:18:54,214 I love all the language, all of that. 325 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,718 That track was called Paris Is Burning. 326 00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,550 And that was taken from your debut album, 327 00:18:58,711 --> 00:19:02,898 Ladyhawke by Ladyhawke, which was an imaginative title! 328 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:05,029 Where did you come up with the name Ladyhawke?, Ladyhawke? 329 00:19:05,149 --> 00:19:07,750 - It's from the'80s movie. - Right, starring Rutger Hauer? 330 00:19:08,432 --> 00:19:09,789 A lady of taste. 331 00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:13,070 "I hear that you grew up 332 00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:16,150 "but you're actually allergic to dairy?" 333 00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,030 - Yes. Ironic, isn't it? - It is. 334 00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,550 "And Dom, are you allergic to anything?" 335 00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:24,110 "I think I must be allergic to beautiful women 336 00:19:24,270 --> 00:19:26,886 "because every time I'm near one, my dick swells up." 337 00:19:30,531 --> 00:19:32,006 I know that on that debut album, 338 00:19:32,126 --> 00:19:34,950 Ladyhawke by Ladyhawke, you worked with six different producers. 339 00:19:35,110 --> 00:19:37,270 What was that about? Are you tough to work with? 340 00:19:37,779 --> 00:19:38,790 I hope not. 341 00:19:39,181 --> 00:19:42,470 Basically they were collaborators of mine that happened to be producers. 342 00:19:42,751 --> 00:19:45,270 It was just like a giant Ladyhawke musical orgy? 343 00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:48,920 And I read that when you were younger, 344 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,190 you ran over a rabbit in your mother's Toyota Corolla. 345 00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:54,167 - Yes, that's true. - That is sad. 346 00:19:55,566 --> 00:19:57,297 "Didn't you once run over a badger?" 347 00:19:57,417 --> 00:19:59,910 Yeah, every time I go to Diamond Joe's nightclub in Essex. 348 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,270 OK, we'll come back to that badger story. 349 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:07,903 I know that you are putting a polish on your latest album. 350 00:20:08,071 --> 00:20:09,632 - How is that? - It's going well. 351 00:20:09,752 --> 00:20:12,870 It's dedicated to a friend of mine who recently passed away. 352 00:20:13,030 --> 00:20:15,021 She was killed in a hit and run accident. 353 00:20:15,670 --> 00:20:18,590 The last thing that went through that poor sod's head was my numberplate! 354 00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,151 - What? - What the fuck is wrong with you? 355 00:20:27,271 --> 00:20:28,949 - It's a joke. - Right, We're leaving. 356 00:20:29,177 --> 00:20:31,630 No, wait. No. I can explain. He's deaf, 357 00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:33,395 aren't you, Dom? 358 00:20:34,196 --> 00:20:36,950 Listeners, I'm afraid today, Dom is a deaf man. 359 00:20:37,478 --> 00:20:38,728 Dom's not deaf. 360 00:20:40,149 --> 00:20:42,230 - He's... he's deaf. - What's going on? 361 00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:43,590 You're not deaf. 362 00:20:43,750 --> 00:20:46,110 - Are you making fun of me? - I can't hear you! I'm deaf. 363 00:20:46,270 --> 00:20:48,536 Oh, very funny! I know why you brought me here, 364 00:20:48,656 --> 00:20:51,255 so you could take the piss out of me in front of all your friends. 365 00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,630 You don't give a shit about me. It's over. 366 00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:56,230 Ignorant dickhead! 367 00:21:02,402 --> 00:21:04,927 That was an extract from a play we're writing 368 00:21:05,047 --> 00:21:06,478 called "Deaf Dickhead". 369 00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:09,270 And we can hear more of that right after this song. 370 00:21:09,615 --> 00:21:11,992 - What the fuck is going on here? - I'm really sorry. 371 00:21:12,112 --> 00:21:15,190 I can explain. He was talking about a badger, not your dead friend. 372 00:21:15,350 --> 00:21:16,590 Dom, my office now. 373 00:21:17,911 --> 00:21:19,470 Sorry to interrupt, guys, 374 00:21:20,170 --> 00:21:22,713 but I've got a little present for you. 375 00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:25,390 - You fixed it? - I think I might have. 376 00:21:25,550 --> 00:21:28,088 - It should take a couple of seconds. - No, don't! 377 00:21:38,368 --> 00:21:39,310 I can hear now!