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Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com

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♪ Oh bless your heart,
bless your heart ♪

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♪ Wooo hey ♪

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♪ Okay I'm reloaded ♪

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♪ Yeah ♪

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♪ Hey some heads
talking about me like ♪

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♪ That dude ain't a
true rapper though ♪

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♪ He ain't hip-hop ♪

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♪ He ain't got those bars, bars ♪

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♪ You know what I'm
talking about? ♪♪

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I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

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I'm sorry, I know it was my turn

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to sort all the deliveries.

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And I did text you last night

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to tell you I wasn't coming home, but...

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Oh my God, Paige.

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- You already sorted all the product.
- Yeah, I did get that text.

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I also got a weird 2:00 a.m. butt dial

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where someone was
shouting, "Denver Broncos"?

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That's his safe word.

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Paige...

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- you sorted all the product.
- Yup.

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You have your indica over there.

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Sativa on the right,
hybrids in the middle.

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00:00:40,335 --> 00:00:41,752
All the pre-rolled
joints are over there.

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And our vape cartridges and
gummies are in the baggies.

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This is the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

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Paige, let me make it up to you.

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Oh, a muffin...

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that's been sitting in your bag

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for a couple hours.

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Jordan, you really shouldn't have.

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Okay, fine, substandard gift, I agree.

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I'm gonna roll you a perfect doob of

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Kylo Ren Faire.

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It's a classic morning high

37
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with a hint of... you know what?

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Maybe I will go back to bed.

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No, no, I am on a strict
no-wake-and-bake policy.

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♪♪

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What, did you... what, on your face?

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Yes, they're all trying to
do it now because of porn.

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- It's ruining everything.
- Oh my God.

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We need to put it out there to guys.

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Like this is a no-splash zone.

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- Mm-mm.
- Like do a PSA.

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Jizz.

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Men who care don't finish there.

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Brought to you by every
woman's face in America.

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Girls are so much cleaner than that.

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And you never have to
wash your hair afterwards.

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- So where did you meet this doughnut glazer?
- (chuckling)

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Um, he was actually,
uh, what's it called?

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My delivery.

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You (bleep) a customer?

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- Jordan!
- But he made me muffins afterwards,

57
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so it's like...

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So this is a sex muffin?

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Oh my God, how close
was this to your face?

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Not that close... hey, whoa, come on,

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don't be angry high right now, Paige.

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Go back to being carefree high.

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Remember when we were joking about jizz?

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Jordan, we cannot sleep
with our customers.

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We are a pot delivery service,

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- not prostitutes.
- I know we're not prostitutes.

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That's why I didn't take any money.

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You didn't take any
money for the weed either?

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- Nope, I didn't.
- Jordan, oh...

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It was one customer, multiple times,

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but it's not like gonna
be a regular thing.

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When you asked me to help you with this,

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you said you wanted to
start a real business.

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I was going to go into event planning.

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I gave up my lifestyle
blog for this, Jordan.

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Whoa, P, I do care about this.

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- Mary + Jane means everything to me.
- Mmm...

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I've invested every penny
I have in this business.

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On my honor, we will be
the great "ganjapreneurs"

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of the east side or we will die trying!

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Also, Daniel Day-Lewis

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is eating my underwear again.

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What? Hey!

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DDL, come here!

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Why does he always chew on my underwear?

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Why can he never chew on yours?

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(whimpering) _

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I told you to stay out
of Paige's room, dude.

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(moaning) _

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This is really starting to wear on me.

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Oh, he just needs exercise.

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Let me walk him around the block

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and then we'll go get breakfast.

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♪♪

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♪ So you wanna party? ♪

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♪ So you wanna dance? ♪

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♪ You better know someone ♪

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♪ Then find someone of our friends ♪

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♪ You wanna get higher? ♪

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♪ Shake that thing ♪

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♪ Spinning round and round and
round and round like that ♪♪

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Oh, I'm starving.

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Why couldn't we just
go to the Mexicatessen?

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Everyone says this place is amazing.

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Oh, look, it's Jenée.

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Jenée!

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Hey, chick-chacks.

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Ooh, you guys are here really late.

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I hope they don't run out.

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You guys should've just
tweeted me your orders.

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The owner is obsessed with me.

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You look amazing.

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Uh, I am so over everything.

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You know how I got that
book deal off my blog?

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Well, it turns out
they're flying me to Tulum

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for this whole media conference.

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It's basically the new TED Talks.

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And now I have to buy sunscreen.

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So much yes.

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But anyways, once I'm done,

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I'm definitely gonna
throw myself a bomb party.

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You guys should come.

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Softs3rve is gonna DJ.

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Ooh... I don't know
how you guys left things

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after he dropped you off in Dumpsville.

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Oh, no, we're... we're totally fine.

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We're cool.

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Okay, 'cause you know he was just here.

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People were freaking out.

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He's basically the new Banksy.

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Softs3rve was here?

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Yeah, and you know he
cut off that man bun.

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He looks really good.

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I think he's doing CrossFit.

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(cell phone clicking)

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Oh, this place is already over.

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Bye, Jenée.

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Ugh, Jenée.

139
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You know her name is Jenny, right?

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Like there's no way her
parents named her Jenée.

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He was like just here.

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I just missed him.

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I always told him he
should cut off that man bun.

144
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He has like the perfect
jawline for short hair.

145
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Hey, hey, hey, like the only
reason she brought him up

146
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was to make you feel like shit.

147
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'Cause she's an asshole.

148
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Sorry, she's an <i>assholé.</i>

149
00:04:26,110 --> 00:04:27,979
Anyway, things are looking up for us, P.

150
00:04:28,045 --> 00:04:29,980
- We got a killer review on "Weeder LA" today.
- Really?

151
00:04:30,046 --> 00:04:31,082
Like if we keep this up,

152
00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:32,849
we're gonna land on the Green 15.

153
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The Green 15!

154
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The top-15 weed dealers in the city.

155
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I've already been practicing
my acceptance speech.

156
00:04:39,990 --> 00:04:41,492
I'm pretty sure there's not a ceremony.

157
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Best to be prepared.

158
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Look, look, look.

159
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"Dank wax, tasty buds,

160
00:04:45,595 --> 00:04:47,890
hot chicks who go the extra mile."

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Boom.

162
00:04:49,242 --> 00:04:51,101
Okay, see, this is why we...

163
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...this is why we cannot
sleep with our customers.

164
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What? Why?

165
00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:58,008
That doesn't say anything.

166
00:04:58,074 --> 00:05:00,217
Uh, "who go the extra mile"?

167
00:05:00,242 --> 00:05:03,079
Yeah, it's talking about
our delivery radius.

168
00:05:03,147 --> 00:05:04,615
You realize that review basically says

169
00:05:04,682 --> 00:05:05,916
we're prostitutes.

170
00:05:05,983 --> 00:05:08,408
I think it's pretty
clear we're drug dealers.

171
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Uh, uh, mostly legal

172
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prescription delivery service.

173
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Fine, no more sex.

174
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But if someone insists on
<i>just</i> going down on me,

175
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then I have to let them.

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Mm-mm.

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00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:22,098
(hammering in the distance)

178
00:05:22,164 --> 00:05:24,234
Go, go, go, go, go...

179
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Welcome to MNNA.

180
00:05:25,502 --> 00:05:26,971
Cracked wheat or six-year sourdough?

181
00:05:27,038 --> 00:05:28,805
I'm gonna do the six-year
sourdough and a coffee.

182
00:05:28,872 --> 00:05:29,807
Two please, with butter.

183
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,007
We don't have butter.

184
00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:32,242
No butter, no jam, no spreads,

185
00:05:32,308 --> 00:05:34,143
also no coffee or any drinks.

186
00:05:34,211 --> 00:05:36,480
Wait, I'm sorry, you
just sell dry toast?

187
00:05:36,546 --> 00:05:37,814
Two six-year sourdough.

188
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That's 14.

189
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Dollars?

190
00:05:40,393 --> 00:05:41,994
American dollars?

191
00:05:44,721 --> 00:05:46,957
♪♪

192
00:05:49,894 --> 00:05:51,228
(toast crunching)

193
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,766
Mmm... mm-hmm.

194
00:05:55,832 --> 00:05:57,433
(gulping)

195
00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:58,274
No Instagramming!

196
00:05:58,299 --> 00:05:59,633
Get the (bleep) out!

197
00:06:05,175 --> 00:06:06,877
- Yuck.
- (cell phone ringing)

198
00:06:06,944 --> 00:06:08,454
Ooh, delivery.

199
00:06:08,479 --> 00:06:10,181
- Beachwood.
- Nice.

200
00:06:10,206 --> 00:06:11,574
Oh, crap, it's Robbie.

201
00:06:11,602 --> 00:06:13,183
(Paige) Ugh, come on.

202
00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:15,853
(man) Ladies, hi!

203
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:16,954
How's business?

204
00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,688
Saw your review on "Weeder LA."

205
00:06:18,755 --> 00:06:22,125
You guys are offering
prostitution services now too?

206
00:06:22,192 --> 00:06:23,293
See?

207
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:24,661
What, do you just go through "Weeder LA"

208
00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:26,297
and look for our reviews?

209
00:06:26,363 --> 00:06:28,666
You must be really
threatened by us, Robbie.

210
00:06:28,731 --> 00:06:29,866
Not at all, actually.

211
00:06:29,933 --> 00:06:30,868
I read that and I was like...

212
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:31,743
(gasping)

213
00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:32,769
...good for them.

214
00:06:32,794 --> 00:06:34,162
That's adorable.

215
00:06:34,187 --> 00:06:36,839
I have something here that
I thought you'd love to see.

216
00:06:36,906 --> 00:06:39,276
Oh, look who cracked the Green 15.

217
00:06:39,343 --> 00:06:41,044
(bleep) me with a Christmas tree.

218
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,245
How did you do that?

219
00:06:42,312 --> 00:06:43,581
Easy, celebrity endorsement.

220
00:06:43,647 --> 00:06:44,647
(gasping)

221
00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:45,649
Boom!

222
00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:46,684
Oh, come on.

223
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:47,688
That's right, bitches.

224
00:06:47,713 --> 00:06:50,362
Pot Holder is Rogen approved.

225
00:06:50,387 --> 00:06:51,988
You got a picture with Seth Rogen?

226
00:06:52,055 --> 00:06:53,690
How much did you have to pay
him to get him to do that?

227
00:06:53,757 --> 00:06:54,587
Nothing.

228
00:06:54,612 --> 00:06:56,234
I just send him some free Sour Diesel.

229
00:06:56,259 --> 00:06:57,048
(gasping)

230
00:06:57,073 --> 00:06:58,374
Business.

231
00:06:58,399 --> 00:06:59,767
Big deal, who cares?

232
00:06:59,892 --> 00:07:00,926
I'm sorry? Big deal?

233
00:07:00,951 --> 00:07:01,952
- Yeah.
- The Green 15?

234
00:07:01,977 --> 00:07:03,532
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you're right.

235
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,491
It is a big deal.

236
00:07:06,502 --> 00:07:07,594
(inhaling)

237
00:07:07,619 --> 00:07:08,754
Have a smoking day.

238
00:07:08,779 --> 00:07:10,082
(exhaling)

239
00:07:11,574 --> 00:07:13,144
(inhaling)

240
00:07:13,209 --> 00:07:15,178
(hoverboard whirring)

241
00:07:16,118 --> 00:07:18,254
We are getting on that goddamn list.

242
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,921
"Have a smoking day."

243
00:07:19,988 --> 00:07:21,690
Stupidest (bleep) catchphrase ever.

244
00:07:24,686 --> 00:07:26,521
♪♪

245
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:27,467
♪ Hey ♪♪

246
00:07:27,492 --> 00:07:28,826
I am not losing to Robbie

247
00:07:28,893 --> 00:07:29,994
because he got a selfie

248
00:07:30,061 --> 00:07:32,464
with the world's most famous stoner.

249
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:33,564
Okay, who do we know?

250
00:07:33,631 --> 00:07:35,167
Who can we get a picture with?

251
00:07:35,234 --> 00:07:36,234
What?

252
00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:40,500
You okay?

253
00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:41,973
Yup.

254
00:07:43,275 --> 00:07:44,676
Okay, I...

255
00:07:44,742 --> 00:07:46,811
I just need to come out and say this.

256
00:07:46,878 --> 00:07:48,880
You need to get over
this shitbag and move on.

257
00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:51,576
Jordan, I am fine, okay?

258
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,585
I mean, I barely even
think about him anymore.

259
00:07:53,651 --> 00:07:54,718
Look, I get it, okay?

260
00:07:54,785 --> 00:07:56,487
He is a rising graffiti artist

261
00:07:56,554 --> 00:07:57,789
with a mystique about him,

262
00:07:57,846 --> 00:08:00,347
like a smile from Kanye West.

263
00:08:00,372 --> 00:08:01,727
And, yeah, he makes ten grand a night

264
00:08:01,792 --> 00:08:03,456
to (bleep) DJ.

265
00:08:03,481 --> 00:08:05,050
Which is not a real job.

266
00:08:05,075 --> 00:08:08,131
And according to you,
he has a huge penis.

267
00:08:08,198 --> 00:08:10,669
But at the end of the day, he's a...

268
00:08:10,735 --> 00:08:14,605
self-centered, cheating... asshole.

269
00:08:14,672 --> 00:08:16,607
Who overuses the word "authentic."

270
00:08:16,674 --> 00:08:18,843
Also, he used all my
Moroccan oil shampoo

271
00:08:18,910 --> 00:08:20,679
on his goddamn man bun.

272
00:08:20,746 --> 00:08:21,913
You can't live like this, P.

273
00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,630
I have my own process, okay?

274
00:08:23,655 --> 00:08:25,105
I have been doing vision boards.

275
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,684
I have my positive affirmations.

276
00:08:26,751 --> 00:08:28,420
I am doing Tracy Anderson, it's not...

277
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:29,917
No, no, no, no.

278
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,855
You need to (bleep)
him out of your system.

279
00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:33,658
Random sex doesn't cure anything.

280
00:08:33,724 --> 00:08:35,292
Random sex cures everything.

281
00:08:35,317 --> 00:08:37,425
Headaches, uh, period cramps,

282
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,196
Lyme disease, boredom.

283
00:08:39,262 --> 00:08:42,128
Also, it is scientifically
proven to be the best

284
00:08:42,153 --> 00:08:43,834
and only way to get over a breakup.

285
00:08:43,901 --> 00:08:44,968
You realize that Lyme disease

286
00:08:45,035 --> 00:08:46,203
is a real thing, right?

287
00:08:46,271 --> 00:08:47,871
Is it?

288
00:08:47,939 --> 00:08:50,175
Oh my God, look, someone lost a monkey.

289
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,636
- I would kill for a monkey.
- _

290
00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:53,812
I would not give him a dipshit
name like Tumbles, though.

291
00:08:53,877 --> 00:08:55,345
Jordan, we cannot get a monkey.

292
00:08:55,413 --> 00:08:57,849
We would never get our
security deposit back.

293
00:08:57,915 --> 00:08:59,950
And plus, Daniel
Day-Lewis would freak out.

294
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:01,819
It's not his fault,
he's a jealous breed.

295
00:09:01,886 --> 00:09:03,822
♪ Ah push it ♪♪

296
00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:05,504
_

297
00:09:05,528 --> 00:09:07,323
_

298
00:09:07,324 --> 00:09:08,459
♪♪

299
00:09:10,328 --> 00:09:12,597
- (Paige) Whoa...
- (Jordan) Whoa...

300
00:09:12,663 --> 00:09:14,232
It's so fancy.

301
00:09:14,299 --> 00:09:15,566
Who the hell lives here?

302
00:09:15,632 --> 00:09:17,668
And how do we get them
to be regular clients?

303
00:09:17,736 --> 00:09:19,433
Without having sex with them.

304
00:09:23,006 --> 00:09:24,375
Good afternoon.

305
00:09:24,442 --> 00:09:25,477
Cool place.

306
00:09:25,544 --> 00:09:26,678
We have your weed.

307
00:09:26,743 --> 00:09:28,049
What? They called us.

308
00:09:28,074 --> 00:09:29,313
They know we're drug dealers.

309
00:09:29,381 --> 00:09:32,150
Uh, mostly legal
prescription delivery service.

310
00:09:32,217 --> 00:09:33,818
Follow me, won't you?

311
00:09:33,885 --> 00:09:35,220
(shrieking)

312
00:09:37,288 --> 00:09:38,423
Please, wait here.

313
00:09:42,017 --> 00:09:43,666
Will you look at this place?

314
00:09:43,691 --> 00:09:45,463
No one comes by this
kind of money legally.

315
00:09:45,530 --> 00:09:47,031
I mean, that's what I'm hoping.

316
00:09:47,098 --> 00:09:49,734
God, you could throw
such great parties here.

317
00:09:51,336 --> 00:09:53,299
I always used to dream
that Softs3rve and I would

318
00:09:53,324 --> 00:09:54,738
throw really good parties.

319
00:09:54,805 --> 00:09:56,807
And we'd invite people from his gallery.

320
00:09:56,873 --> 00:09:58,075
And normal people too.

321
00:09:58,142 --> 00:09:59,910
Maybe Cara Delevingne would show up.

322
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:02,814
Our house would be big but not this big.

323
00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:03,847
You know, it would be cozy.

324
00:10:03,914 --> 00:10:05,316
- Mm-hmm.
- Tasteful.

325
00:10:05,382 --> 00:10:08,819
My dream is to live inside
a 747 that circles the globe,

326
00:10:08,886 --> 00:10:10,447
and we'd only land when I need to

327
00:10:10,472 --> 00:10:12,756
slap you in the face for
talking about Softs3rve.

328
00:10:12,823 --> 00:10:14,525
Hey, Jordan, look.

329
00:10:14,592 --> 00:10:15,894
Look, look, look, look!

330
00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:16,994
Oh, come on, you can get these

331
00:10:17,062 --> 00:10:18,162
in any souvenir shop in Hollywood.

332
00:10:18,228 --> 00:10:19,395
No, no, no, these are real.

333
00:10:19,463 --> 00:10:21,533
- Wait! Don't touch that.
- Why?

334
00:10:21,558 --> 00:10:23,072
Because if you touch
it you're never gonna

335
00:10:23,097 --> 00:10:24,712
win one in real life.

336
00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:26,339
Don't.

337
00:10:27,332 --> 00:10:29,407
Best Supporting Actress 19...

338
00:10:29,473 --> 00:10:30,508
(gasping)

339
00:10:32,742 --> 00:10:34,278
That's who lives here.

340
00:10:34,346 --> 00:10:35,549
Oh my God.

341
00:10:35,574 --> 00:10:36,697
I think they're like the biggest

342
00:10:36,722 --> 00:10:37,915
movie stars on the planet.

343
00:10:37,982 --> 00:10:39,877
They're like the sexiest
movie stars on the planet.

344
00:10:39,902 --> 00:10:41,580
I don't even know which
one of them I'd do it with.

345
00:10:41,605 --> 00:10:42,705
And they're such good people.

346
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:45,143
He basically rebuilt
Haiti with his bare hands.

347
00:10:45,168 --> 00:10:46,721
And I think she won a Nobel Prize.

348
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:48,247
I mean, I guess I could
do it with both of them.

349
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,751
No, no, you are not going to have

350
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:50,850
a three-way with them.

351
00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:51,985
What? No!

352
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,386
I mean, yeah, but no.

353
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:54,955
I'm gonna get a picture with them.

354
00:10:55,023 --> 00:10:56,090
"F" Seth Rogen!

355
00:10:56,157 --> 00:10:57,958
This is our ticket to the Green 15.

356
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:58,958
If they ever show up.

357
00:10:59,025 --> 00:10:59,959
♪♪

358
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,041
Sir?

359
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,873
- Did you see this? It has boobs in it.
- What?

360
00:11:09,608 --> 00:11:11,043
♪♪

361
00:11:12,702 --> 00:11:13,870
(cell phone clicking)

362
00:11:13,937 --> 00:11:15,873
(Jordan) Dammit, Robbie's at 13.

363
00:11:15,938 --> 00:11:17,841
That asshat's actually climbing.

364
00:11:18,134 --> 00:11:19,669
We gotta get on this list, Paige.

365
00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:21,538
What are you doing?

366
00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:24,247
Oh, I might go home for Thanksgiving

367
00:11:24,314 --> 00:11:26,817
and when my friends brag to
me about their engagements,

368
00:11:26,884 --> 00:11:29,419
I can tell them I deliver
weed to movie stars.

369
00:11:29,486 --> 00:11:30,855
Oh, I'm not gonna say that.

370
00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:32,459
No, I meant why are you using my camera

371
00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:33,770
on the back to take a selfie?

372
00:11:33,795 --> 00:11:35,372
Because the camera on
the front isn't as sharp.

373
00:11:35,397 --> 00:11:37,093
Yeah, but that's what
the camera is for, look...

374
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,996
- No, Jordan, I'm fine, I know how to do it!
- Yeah, this is how you take...

375
00:11:40,063 --> 00:11:41,064
(both gasping)

376
00:11:41,131 --> 00:11:42,833
- Oh!
- Oh, fix it.

377
00:11:42,899 --> 00:11:44,634
Dude, you fix it, I
don't know how to fix it.

378
00:11:44,702 --> 00:11:46,505
You're crafty, don't you
have glue in your bag?

379
00:11:46,530 --> 00:11:47,513
I have weed in my bag.

380
00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:48,616
I'm not a glue dealer!

381
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:49,702
Hello.

382
00:11:50,673 --> 00:11:52,677
Why is that Asian man so tiny?

383
00:11:52,743 --> 00:11:54,178
It's not a man, it's a child.

384
00:11:54,244 --> 00:11:55,178
Ugh.

385
00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:56,947
♪♪

386
00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:00,283
Why are there so many of them?

387
00:12:00,351 --> 00:12:02,385
Have you seen Mama or Papa?

388
00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:03,798
Um...

389
00:12:04,388 --> 00:12:05,590
Are you the new nannies?

390
00:12:05,655 --> 00:12:06,690
Will you play with us?

391
00:12:06,756 --> 00:12:08,025
(Jordan) They're looking at you.

392
00:12:08,091 --> 00:12:09,393
No, they're not, they're looking at you.

393
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:10,860
I don't know how to play with kids.

394
00:12:10,928 --> 00:12:13,697
You have a dog, that's
basically the same thing.

395
00:12:13,764 --> 00:12:15,399
Can we watch a show?

396
00:12:15,466 --> 00:12:16,866
- Yeah, sure.
- Oh yeah.

397
00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:18,568
Oh yeah, there's so
much I wanna catch up on.

398
00:12:18,634 --> 00:12:19,636
Where's the remote?

399
00:12:19,703 --> 00:12:20,771
In the theater.

400
00:12:20,837 --> 00:12:22,072
- Home theater, sweet.
- (chuckling)

401
00:12:22,139 --> 00:12:23,706
(text alerting)

402
00:12:23,774 --> 00:12:25,243
Oh, it's another delivery.

403
00:12:25,308 --> 00:12:26,743
What are we gonna do?

404
00:12:26,809 --> 00:12:29,379
I am not leaving without this picture.

405
00:12:29,447 --> 00:12:31,716
You go, take the car, I'll Lyft it home.

406
00:12:31,783 --> 00:12:34,585
Kids, Auntie Jordan's
coming to watch TV with you!

407
00:12:37,388 --> 00:12:38,656
(glass tinkling)

408
00:12:38,721 --> 00:12:40,890
(woman on radio) <i>I am
happy being single.</i>

409
00:12:40,957 --> 00:12:43,459
<i>I can have a lot of
fun being single.</i>

410
00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:45,153
I'm happy being single.

411
00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:46,996
I can have a lot of fun being single.

412
00:12:47,235 --> 00:12:49,838
<i>I find romance everywhere I go.</i>

413
00:12:53,537 --> 00:12:55,038
<i>I never know what amazing,</i>

414
00:12:55,105 --> 00:12:58,008
<i>incredible person
I might meet next.</i>

415
00:12:58,075 --> 00:12:59,177
(man sobbing)

416
00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:03,879
Tumbles!

417
00:13:03,947 --> 00:13:05,215
Tumbles.

418
00:13:05,282 --> 00:13:08,553
<i>There is joy and
happiness all around me.</i>

419
00:13:10,754 --> 00:13:12,897
Okay, what are we watching, "SpongeBob"?

420
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,124
"Phineas and Ferb"?

421
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,029
We're not allowed to
watch television or movies.

422
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:18,186
What?

423
00:13:18,211 --> 00:13:20,245
I thought you said we
were watching a show.

424
00:13:20,593 --> 00:13:22,729
♪♪

425
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:26,169
Good evening, we are Live Wire.

426
00:13:26,236 --> 00:13:29,240
We're gonna do some long-form
improvisational comedy for you.

427
00:13:29,307 --> 00:13:30,740
Now, can I get a suggestion

428
00:13:30,807 --> 00:13:32,110
from the audience for a topic?

429
00:13:32,176 --> 00:13:34,610
Anything... a book
title, current events.

430
00:13:34,678 --> 00:13:36,679
(girl) Poop!

431
00:13:36,746 --> 00:13:40,583
Okay, we're going to do poop... again.

432
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:42,352
♪♪

433
00:13:42,419 --> 00:13:43,920
(whispering) What year is it?

434
00:13:43,987 --> 00:13:45,821
How long have you been here?

435
00:13:45,889 --> 00:13:46,923
Shh.

436
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:48,692
Can you give this letter to my parents?

437
00:13:48,759 --> 00:13:50,394
Are you kidding?

438
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:51,894
Of course she's kidding.

439
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:52,697
It's comedy.

440
00:13:52,763 --> 00:13:54,197
(nervously laughing)

441
00:13:56,701 --> 00:13:58,235
<i>(Australian accent) G'day, mate.</i>

442
00:13:58,302 --> 00:14:01,605
<i>I think I might've had too
much Mexican food last night.</i>

443
00:14:01,672 --> 00:14:02,773
(blowing raspberry)

444
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,173
(children laughing)

445
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,643
(whispering) Help me.

446
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:07,845
Excuse me, they're ready to see you now.

447
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,084
(crickets chirping)

448
00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,620
(doorbell ringing)

449
00:14:19,523 --> 00:14:20,825
- Hi.
- Hello.

450
00:14:20,890 --> 00:14:23,193
- (man swallowing)
- I have your... delivery.

451
00:14:23,260 --> 00:14:24,727
Cool, I'm Chris.

452
00:14:25,006 --> 00:14:27,030
Um... how does this work?

453
00:14:27,096 --> 00:14:30,033
Do I just give you the cash first or...

454
00:14:30,101 --> 00:14:31,134
(whimpering)

455
00:14:32,735 --> 00:14:35,059
- Um, we could do cash later.
- Oh, God.

456
00:14:35,084 --> 00:14:36,467
I'm sorry, I don't
know what's happening.

457
00:14:36,492 --> 00:14:38,442
- Are you okay, are you having a seizure?
- I'm sorry.

458
00:14:38,509 --> 00:14:40,110
♪♪

459
00:14:44,414 --> 00:14:46,250
(electrical beeping)

460
00:14:49,398 --> 00:14:51,200
You know, he was working at a Chipotle

461
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,333
when I first met him,

462
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,035
and he was like totally broke and...

463
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:57,304
every night I had to buy all
of his spray paints for him.

464
00:14:57,372 --> 00:14:58,672
I used to drive him around at night

465
00:14:58,739 --> 00:15:00,609
so he could tag things
and not get caught.

466
00:15:02,643 --> 00:15:04,879
But then (bleep) Taylor Swift Insta'd

467
00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:06,047
one of his ice cream cones

468
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,415
and suddenly he's all like,

469
00:15:07,481 --> 00:15:08,681
"Oh, babe, sorry,

470
00:15:08,749 --> 00:15:11,185
"I just got invited
to this event in Malibu

471
00:15:11,252 --> 00:15:12,954
and I can't bring a plus-one."

472
00:15:13,019 --> 00:15:15,356
And he's not coming home
at night anymore and...

473
00:15:16,691 --> 00:15:18,960
He doesn't even need me to
buy him his spray paints.

474
00:15:26,588 --> 00:15:27,521
Thanks.

475
00:15:28,768 --> 00:15:30,641
My best friend, Jordan...

476
00:15:31,239 --> 00:15:32,572
she just keeps on telling me

477
00:15:32,639 --> 00:15:34,508
that the only way I'm
ever gonna get over him

478
00:15:34,575 --> 00:15:37,479
is if I have rebound
sex with someone else.

479
00:15:37,546 --> 00:15:39,393
And that it doesn't
even really matter who.

480
00:15:39,418 --> 00:15:42,308
I just have to have
sex with someone and...

481
00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:48,757
I mean, that's...

482
00:15:51,859 --> 00:15:53,628
That's like crazy, right?

483
00:15:55,729 --> 00:15:56,665
Mmm.

484
00:15:57,965 --> 00:15:59,433
♪♪

485
00:16:14,863 --> 00:16:17,052
(woman) Come on in.

486
00:16:17,118 --> 00:16:19,119
- (Paige) Right there, right there!
- (Chris) Okay, okay.

487
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,654
That's nice.

488
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,457
- Oh, it's so...
- Oh my God.

489
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,292
Oh...

490
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,028
I'm getting close.

491
00:16:27,095 --> 00:16:28,495
- Oh!
- (shrieking)

492
00:16:28,562 --> 00:16:29,697
Tumbles?

493
00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:32,700
You're ruining it!

494
00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:34,502
Yeah, yeah, I'm ruining it.

495
00:16:34,569 --> 00:16:35,503
I'm wrecking it.

496
00:16:35,569 --> 00:16:37,372
I'm a wrecking ball!

497
00:16:37,437 --> 00:16:38,638
Oh, yeah.

498
00:16:38,705 --> 00:16:40,041
Oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

499
00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:43,744
♪♪

500
00:16:43,811 --> 00:16:45,613
Whoa!

501
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:46,881
(woman) Sorry to have kept you waiting.

502
00:16:46,947 --> 00:16:51,452
You guys look so different in person.

503
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,856
Well, without all the
makeup and costumes,

504
00:16:54,922 --> 00:16:57,066
we're really just normal people.

505
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,511
What the (bleep) did I just smoke?

506
00:17:02,797 --> 00:17:06,066
Um, I have your... stuff.

507
00:17:06,133 --> 00:17:08,201
Oh, great, just leave it on the dresser.

508
00:17:08,268 --> 00:17:10,069
The money should be there for you.

509
00:17:10,136 --> 00:17:11,071
Oh.

510
00:17:12,395 --> 00:17:13,663
Thanks.

511
00:17:13,941 --> 00:17:15,375
You know, we love supporting women

512
00:17:15,442 --> 00:17:17,478
in business for themselves.

513
00:17:17,545 --> 00:17:19,748
Hey, would it be like totally crazy

514
00:17:19,814 --> 00:17:22,238
if I asked to take a
photo with you guys?

515
00:17:23,316 --> 00:17:24,951
Oh, not at all.

516
00:17:25,018 --> 00:17:25,920
No problemo.

517
00:17:25,987 --> 00:17:27,287
That's so cool, thank you.

518
00:17:27,354 --> 00:17:28,523
God, move over.

519
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:29,890
Ah, thanks, guys.

520
00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:35,705
You know, you should really
use the camera on the back.

521
00:17:35,730 --> 00:17:36,830
Wait, really?

522
00:17:36,896 --> 00:17:39,432
Trust me, I'm an award-winning director.

523
00:17:39,499 --> 00:17:41,603
Just do it, she's
right about everything.

524
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:42,871
All right.

525
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,940
(cell phone clicking)

526
00:17:46,006 --> 00:17:47,141
You were great.

527
00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:48,275
Thanks.

528
00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:49,277
You too.

529
00:17:49,344 --> 00:17:50,577
- (chuckling)
- Thanks.

530
00:17:52,144 --> 00:17:55,149
Hey, um, you got Square, right?

531
00:17:55,216 --> 00:17:56,651
So I can use my card?

532
00:17:56,718 --> 00:17:58,920
Oh, yeah, yeah.

533
00:17:58,987 --> 00:18:00,454
Sorry, it's kind of stupid...

534
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,504
For charges under $50
we kind of prefer cash.

535
00:18:04,858 --> 00:18:06,168
Wasn't the Kush 45?

536
00:18:06,193 --> 00:18:07,394
Yeah.

537
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,756
What about the sex?

538
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,408
What?

539
00:18:11,731 --> 00:18:14,835
How much for the sex that we did?

540
00:18:14,902 --> 00:18:16,237
Why would I charge you for sex?

541
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,239
I'm... I'm not a hooker.

542
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,239
Okay, very funny.

543
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:20,341
(chuckling)

544
00:18:20,408 --> 00:18:21,776
Well, how would you get that idea?

545
00:18:21,843 --> 00:18:23,611
'Cause the "Weeder LA"
review said you guys

546
00:18:23,676 --> 00:18:24,677
"go the extra mile."

547
00:18:24,745 --> 00:18:26,414
Like what else would that mean?

548
00:18:26,691 --> 00:18:27,859
Dammit, Jordan.

549
00:18:29,049 --> 00:18:31,719
Wait, you had sex with
me 'cause you wanted to?

550
00:18:31,785 --> 00:18:32,824
That's awesome!

551
00:18:32,849 --> 00:18:34,152
Goddamnit, Jordan!

552
00:18:35,379 --> 00:18:36,814
♪♪

553
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:41,336
(Jordan) Why the hell do we
have to bring our own plates?

554
00:18:41,396 --> 00:18:43,034
- It's a green experience.
- What?

555
00:18:43,059 --> 00:18:45,088
No, they're really concerned
about the water shortage.

556
00:18:45,113 --> 00:18:46,151
Yeah, but it doesn't matter.

557
00:18:46,176 --> 00:18:47,035
When I go home and wash the plate,

558
00:18:47,102 --> 00:18:48,202
I'm still gonna use water.

559
00:18:48,270 --> 00:18:49,672
So this is not a green experience.

560
00:18:49,739 --> 00:18:51,040
- This is not a green experience!
- Shh!

561
00:18:51,107 --> 00:18:52,774
- You're gonna get us kicked out of line.
- So?

562
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:54,909
- But Jenée said this place is the tits.
- (groaning)

563
00:18:54,976 --> 00:18:56,278
You are the only person
I would do this for.

564
00:18:56,346 --> 00:18:57,512
Aw...

565
00:18:57,579 --> 00:18:58,747
Oh, and great advice, by the way,

566
00:18:58,815 --> 00:19:00,349
on using the camera on the back.

567
00:19:00,415 --> 00:19:01,583
Look at this.

568
00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:03,118
- That photo's worthless.
- Mmm...

569
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:05,521
But the good news is we
got a lot of referrals.

570
00:19:05,588 --> 00:19:07,088
We're gonna be fine.

571
00:19:07,156 --> 00:19:09,259
Oh, and Robbie got a cease
and desist from Seth Rogen.

572
00:19:09,325 --> 00:19:10,371
- What?
- Yeah.

573
00:19:10,396 --> 00:19:11,869
He made him take the picture down.

574
00:19:11,894 --> 00:19:14,430
He fell off the Green 15 completely.

575
00:19:14,496 --> 00:19:16,231
Clearing the way for us, baby boo.

576
00:19:16,299 --> 00:19:17,465
- Boom!
- Boom!

577
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:18,800
- (text alerting)
- Oh.

578
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,762
- Who's that?
- I don't know.

579
00:19:20,787 --> 00:19:22,136
Who's Chris?

580
00:19:22,804 --> 00:19:24,305
It's that guy from last night.

581
00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:26,008
"Can I take you out sometime?

582
00:19:26,075 --> 00:19:27,477
I'll bring the weed."

583
00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:28,944
Nice, okay.

584
00:19:29,011 --> 00:19:30,613
Are we gonna text him back?

585
00:19:30,679 --> 00:19:32,647
- I don't know, it's...
- This is great.

586
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:34,515
This is the power of rebound sex.

587
00:19:34,582 --> 00:19:35,817
You are already moving on.

588
00:19:35,885 --> 00:19:37,619
I love it, this could be something.

589
00:19:37,685 --> 00:19:39,021
Yeah, being mistaken for a prostitute

590
00:19:39,088 --> 00:19:41,523
is exactly how I thought
I'd meet my soul mate.

591
00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:43,559
(whimpering) _

592
00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:45,059
(text alerting)

593
00:19:45,127 --> 00:19:48,113
See, homegirl, he's texting
you twice in one day.

594
00:19:48,138 --> 00:19:49,699
- You got skills.
- _

595
00:19:51,254 --> 00:19:53,002
So, what are you gonna tell him?

596
00:19:54,481 --> 00:19:55,771
Good move, man.

597
00:19:55,838 --> 00:19:57,205
Don't wanna seem desperate.

598
00:19:57,272 --> 00:19:58,506
I get that.

599
00:19:58,573 --> 00:19:59,842
- (text alerting)
- Oh...

600
00:20:01,377 --> 00:20:03,046
"Fillabow," that's a delivery.

601
00:20:03,111 --> 00:20:04,246
Can't wait in this line anymore

602
00:20:04,313 --> 00:20:05,547
Gotta go!

603
00:20:05,615 --> 00:20:07,983
Uh... (bleep) this green experience!

604
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,921
We bring you the real green experience.

605
00:20:15,224 --> 00:20:17,425
'Cause we're mother(bleep)
drug dealers, yo!

606
00:20:17,492 --> 00:20:18,727
Okay, okay, it's a mostly legal

607
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:20,496
prescription delivery service.

608
00:20:20,562 --> 00:20:22,831
Okay, Mary + Jane,
look us up, thank you.

609
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,958
♪♪

610
00:20:25,033 --> 00:20:27,168
You know what, that's
a really good slogan.

611
00:20:27,235 --> 00:20:29,787
Mary + Jane bring you
the green experience.

612
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,663
Yes, put it on some panties
so your customers can see it.

613
00:20:33,175 --> 00:20:34,910
♪ Say it baby what's your name? ♪

614
00:20:34,977 --> 00:20:36,211
♪ Are you the one Mary? ♪

615
00:20:36,279 --> 00:20:37,680
♪ Are you Jane? ♪

616
00:20:37,745 --> 00:20:40,115
♪ I know a few faces
and I do got game ♪

617
00:20:40,183 --> 00:20:42,786
♪ Turn it up for me now
light that flame ♪♪

618
00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:44,034
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