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♪ Wanted out again ♪
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- ♪ Wanted you, so fun... ♪
- (door bell jingles)
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So you remember Jimmy,
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- right?
- Oh, my God. Gretchen.
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Tough titties, it's a free country.
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Anyway, I have to have this
really sucky conversation with him
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- and I don't want to at all.
- Your appointment isn't until next week.
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- You cannot just show up places.
- Well then,
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stop Foursquaring yourself
every time you leave the house,
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like the Mayor of Thirsty Town. Also,
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stop using Foursquare
like the Mayor of 2011.
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Okay. So you need something from Jimmy.
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Yeah. I need his dad to
have seen a cardiologist!
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Ha-ha, snap.
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He died?
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- I'm so sorry. When?
- Okay.
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So here's the part where
you feel like total dog shit.
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Remember you made me open my mail?
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Well I did. And boom.
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There's his dad's obit. And I'm like,
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"Well, shit! How am I
supposed to tell him?"
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So how am I supposed to tell him?
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- You haven't told him?
- No! Ew! I couldn't!
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He was so stoked
about selling his book.
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And then I got busy and
forgot for a couple days.
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But then, I was gonna tell him,
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and I got preoccupied by
this iguana on Instagram
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(chuckling): who is just so over it.
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It's gonna suck so bad.
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I get it. It's tough.
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The idea of seeing Jimmy in pain...
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Jimmy? No, this is
gonna suck for me.
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We've been having hella fun lately.
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Boning like crazy.
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(chuckles) I tricked him
into giving me backrubs,
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saying that it made me horny.
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Jokes on you, dummy. I'm horny already.
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Here's an idea: what if
I just never tell him?
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I-I don't like to tell my patients what
to do, but Jesus Christ, you have to
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- tell Jimmy his father died.
- What if he cries,
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and I see the sad little boy inside?
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I don't want to tell him.
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I know. And I've met Jimmy...
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that sounds disgusting... but you have to.
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(sighs)
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Fine.
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I suppose you want me to pay you now.
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Ugh, you owe me a five spot.
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♪ ♪
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♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
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♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
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♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪
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Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
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JIMMY: Right. Remember,
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the look we're going for is jocund but...
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profoundly tormented. Okay?
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Uh, what's going on, Jimbo?
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Jacket photo. It's a bit early.
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But I'm planning on going full D'Onofrio
once the advance money comes in.
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Can you take a little break?
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God, no, woman! There's too much to do,
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now that the starting gun on
the Grand Prix has sounded,
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the instant that I take my
foot off the proverbial gas
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to celebrate, shall
materialize five other writers
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in my side mirror just ready to pass me
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on the Autobahn that is
the publishing industry...
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to clumsily mix European
race car metaphors.
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As a veteran writer girlfriend now,
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- you know that the work is never-ending.
- But you spent
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the last few months drinking and jerking
it to the Lane Bryant shoe catalog.
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If I have to explain this one more time:
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it's all writing.
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- Um, I'll be quick.
- (groans)
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Listen, Jimmy...
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No, I'm sorry. Look, this is
gonna be a very long, arduous...
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yet certainly rewarding... journey for you,
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at my side, so before the madness begins,
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as a pre-ward, I want to take
you on a restorative trip.
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Like a cruise?
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Can we go on a cruise?
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- Um...
- That's my dream vacation!
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(pants) My parents always
thought it was tacky.
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Okay. Well, if your idea of paradise
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is succumbing to Norovirus
on a floating red state,
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then sure!
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(screams)
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(laughs)
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There-there is a water
slide and-and a musical revue
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and if the grown-ups are busy gambling,
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you hang out with the
other kids and just color!
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Okay, I need to get back to my
shoot. I have a liquid brunch
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with my editor, so we can
plan marketing strategies.
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Sounds fun!
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Gretchen.
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Every mimosa is a chore.
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Okay? Every sip is a
brick in a literary wall
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- that I'm painting...
- Got it. Yay! Cruise!
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Okay, back to work. Props.
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♪ ♪
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Ooh, you hungry?
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I could eat.
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♪ ♪
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P.A.: May I help you?
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GRETCHEN AND LINDSAY:
We're with the network.
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So, how's your gimpy husband?
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Poor Paul. He's off the couch,
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but his wound keeps
getting reinfected somehow.
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I poked around there with my
fingers, and couldn't find anything.
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I feel guilty because
of how much he suffered.
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And because you stabbed him on purpose.
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I didn't want to kill him, I just snapped.
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- Oops...
- I knew it!
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Lindser! Oh, my God, I
thought I was scared of you
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that time you yelled
at that cop in Tijuana.
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You should be scared.
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And it was so easy.
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I was just like...
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Poking some cheese.
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(knife clatters)
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GRETCHEN: Poking some cheese?
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It's spooky. Afterwards,
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I kept telling myself I didn't do it,
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until I actually believed it.
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Like how Oprah can eat bread now.
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You don't love Paul.
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That was true for Old Lindsay.
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New Lindsay can put any
thought in her brain.
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(gasps) Like that upside down
movie with Juno and the dreidel
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- and Tom Hardy with the tight pants.
- (groans)
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If I can incept myself I didn't stab Paul,
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maybe I can incept myself into loving him.
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How are things with the Jim-dogs?
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- Oh, suck-balls. His pops croaked.
- Yawn.
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- So what's the probs?
- I haven't told him yet.
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- And now my therapist is making me.
- You can't tell him, Gretch!
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The second those words
come out of your mouth,
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You are no longer Jimmy's fun sex hole.
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You're the guys at the beginning of Saving
Private Ryan who make the moms fall down.
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You're right!
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That titty-sucking bitch is trying to
straight "Lemonade" my relationship.
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- What do I do?
- Get some
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other sucker to tell him.
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- (excited chatter in distance)
- Colby! Travis!
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You two know the policy on roughhousing.
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I don't care if you are best friends.
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Ten more minutes and I'm coming in there!
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As I was saying, we've
got a killer special.
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$49 for three yoga sessions,
or three Pilates sessions.
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We also have a cutting-edge new lineup
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of the hottest new
hybrid workouts. Piloxing:
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Pilates and boxing, yogitsu:
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yoga and jujitsu,
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spowing: spinning and rowing,
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Zustified: that's Zumba while
you binge-watch Justified,
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- it's actually not really...
- Edgar, shut up.
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We need to tell you a secret.
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No, no, no, no, no. I-I
don't want any secrets.
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You love secrets.
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Secrets are your favorite thing.
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Oh, this is a really bad
time. Okay? I've been stuck
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with processing some events, like
the time we got pinned down outside
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of Tikrit, and we had to improvise
body armor with tank shrapnel.
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That's not so bad.
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Or like, the time I was
so thirsty I shot a camel.
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- Because the humps have water?
- Because you thought there was water in the humps?
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Yeah. Turns out they don't work
like that. Anyway, seriously,
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I-I don't have any room in
my heads for any more dark...
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Jimmy's dad died, and he doesn't know.
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Jimmy's dad what?
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Oh, God.
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Poor Ronny, poor Jimmy, poor camel.
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Poor Bing Bong.
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Everything's bad, you guys.
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Everything's really, really bad.
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- So you'll tell him, yeah? Thanks.
- No,
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no, no way! I...
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I told enough people that
someone that they love died.
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(gasps) I have an idea. When my parents
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got divorced, they told us at Benihana's
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so we wouldn't cause a scene.
The chef put a shrimp in his hat.
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- How'd that work?
- He just put a shrimp in his hat.
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No, I mean, telling you in public.
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Oh. It totally made us
not freak out as much.
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Except later, I drank my mom's
mai tai and climbed on the table
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'cause I forgot it was a grill.
That's why I don't have footprints.
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(slurping)
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GRETCHEN: Okay.
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So, maybe I invite a bunch of people over,
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and then everyone tells him together.
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And then he associates the sadness
with you jerks, and not with me.
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That suddenly sounds bad for us.
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(sniffs) I got to go, you guys.
I'm late teaching Treadsparent.
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It's running on a
treadmill while you watch...
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We get it.
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(grunting)
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These hand-crutches were all Lindsay
could find at the medical supply.
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I don't like that place.
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So many weird toilets.
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Mmm.
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I love sneaking an
extra dessert, don't you?
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One's for me, one's for my baby.
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I'm not giving my dessert to your baby.
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Oh, right, you meant my baby.
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That's right, I'm still pregnant.
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Check it out.
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Looks like a normal vest
with a ton of pockets, right?
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00:08:55,872 --> 00:08:57,682
Wrong.
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00:08:57,733 --> 00:08:59,165
Harmonica vest.
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00:08:59,202 --> 00:09:02,624
Ever since I Venmo'd a year's
salary to some chick in the Ukraine,
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00:09:02,698 --> 00:09:05,899
I can only have hobbies
that cost less than $25.
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♪ ♪
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Hell yeah!
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♪ ♪
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GRETCHEN: Hey, everybody.
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00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:16,391
Uh, thank you so much for coming
to Jimmy's surprise/congratulations-
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00:09:16,438 --> 00:09:17,654
you-sold-the-book
party.
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00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:20,820
Um, small change of plans, though.
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Jimmy's dad passed away.
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(all gasp)
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What a major tradge,
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but happens every day
on my operating table.
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00:09:29,066 --> 00:09:31,558
Someone dies every day
on your operating table?
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00:09:31,593 --> 00:09:34,185
Not literally every day, dummy. On average.
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Our condolences, Gretchen.
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00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:38,379
We should let you two grieve in private.
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GRETCHEN: Oh, no, no, no, no! Stay.
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Um, in fact...
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Wait, crazy idea.
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Um, why don't we tell him together?
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He doesn't know?
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Well, it happened in England.
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00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,724
And there's a time difference, so...
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Yeah, uh, so, when he comes home,
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I'll give the signal,
you guys drop the bomb,
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and boom... it's your fault.
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Thanks so much for doing
this. Eat cheese, have fun.
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00:10:03,315 --> 00:10:05,084
(harmonica playing)
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00:10:05,119 --> 00:10:06,873
Can you imagine?
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00:10:06,932 --> 00:10:08,924
He was almost
my father-in-law.
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Of course, I'm much closer to
the whole thing now that I'm
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going to have a daughter.
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That's right.
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We're having a girl.
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Aah!
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00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,369
Isn't that amazing?
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00:10:20,425 --> 00:10:21,922
Can't you just die how cute
247
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- we're gonna be together?
- Mm.
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00:10:23,246 --> 00:10:26,148
Of course, it's such a shame
that our gender-reveal party
249
00:10:26,211 --> 00:10:30,011
was spoiled when those North Korean
hackers stole Vernon's identity.
250
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,991
Becca, we all know
Vernon was a money-slave.
251
00:10:33,026 --> 00:10:35,535
What? No, no, no.
252
00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:38,833
No, that was just a story he
told, because he was embarrassed.
253
00:10:38,902 --> 00:10:40,301
Bad passwords.
254
00:10:40,405 --> 00:10:41,704
Poor Jimmy.
255
00:10:41,872 --> 00:10:43,355
I lost my dad, too.
256
00:10:43,394 --> 00:10:44,500
- Your dad died?
- No.
257
00:10:44,535 --> 00:10:46,259
I just lost him.
258
00:10:46,294 --> 00:10:48,763
Last week, we were at
the Beverly Center and
259
00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:52,202
he told me to go look at puppies
while he went to Sunglass Hut.
260
00:10:52,288 --> 00:10:54,092
I think we both knew
what was about to happen.
261
00:10:54,147 --> 00:10:56,070
- Oh, no.
- So, I've been
262
00:10:56,117 --> 00:10:58,866
living alone, sleeping in his bed.
263
00:10:58,901 --> 00:11:00,439
I'm not ready to be an adult.
264
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:04,699
Contemplate the sundry ways
a society handles its elderly
265
00:11:04,741 --> 00:11:06,441
and infirm. For instance,
266
00:11:06,476 --> 00:11:10,092
the noble Eskimo sets
himself adrift on an iceberg.
267
00:11:10,182 --> 00:11:12,644
Mm, he's so smart.
268
00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:16,495
You love this smart, smart man.
269
00:11:16,566 --> 00:11:20,360
You love his jiggly body and square face.
270
00:11:20,431 --> 00:11:22,012
You really do.
271
00:11:22,106 --> 00:11:23,671
GRETCHEN: He's here!
272
00:11:23,732 --> 00:11:24,990
Get ready.
273
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:31,930
Gretchen, that brunch was a nightmare.
274
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:34,723
The publisher just kept telling
me, "When I write the book..."
275
00:11:34,791 --> 00:11:37,520
Plus the "bottomless"
in "bottomless mimosas"
276
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:41,415
means nothing if the waitress
disappears for ten minutes at a time.
277
00:11:41,453 --> 00:11:44,064
Jimmy, look who's here.
278
00:11:44,099 --> 00:11:45,798
Huh. You invited people over.
279
00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:46,880
Is it Oscar night?
280
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:50,149
Well, keep it down. I, of course,
must handcuff myself to my laptop
281
00:11:50,219 --> 00:11:51,446
until my book is written.
282
00:11:51,481 --> 00:11:53,074
Good-bye, all. See you in the spring.
283
00:11:53,109 --> 00:11:54,665
Wait, Jimmy, uh...
284
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:55,944
Just stay a moment.
285
00:11:56,002 --> 00:11:58,298
Um, everyone's here for you.
286
00:11:59,616 --> 00:12:01,944
You're here to celebrate my book sale.
287
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:05,589
Well, it would be positively unsporting
of me to deny you the pleasure
288
00:12:05,624 --> 00:12:07,701
of basking in my success, even though
289
00:12:07,764 --> 00:12:09,582
nothing good happened to you.
290
00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:11,907
I never understood that impulse, really.
291
00:12:11,942 --> 00:12:16,088
Though we do tend to gather around a fire.
292
00:12:16,143 --> 00:12:18,010
No, Jimmy, you don't understand, um...
293
00:12:18,076 --> 00:12:19,806
- Hey, everybody, could we, um...?
- And, Gretchen,
294
00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:21,367
my partner in crime,
295
00:12:21,425 --> 00:12:26,122
the diminutive, mole-lipped Lillian
Hellman to my Dashiell Hammett.
296
00:12:26,157 --> 00:12:28,724
You have been so supportive.
297
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:31,225
No problem. Uh, the people
would like to tell you something.
298
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:33,653
So, I was gonna surprise you.
299
00:12:33,688 --> 00:12:35,426
But I did some research.
300
00:12:35,473 --> 00:12:37,519
And I think I found the
perfect cruise for you.
301
00:12:37,587 --> 00:12:38,920
It's called
302
00:12:38,979 --> 00:12:42,599
"The Famous Pets of Instagram Cruise."
303
00:12:44,628 --> 00:12:46,400
What?!
304
00:12:46,487 --> 00:12:48,318
Sombrero Iguana?
305
00:12:48,353 --> 00:12:49,545
(sobbing)
306
00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:52,490
Bus Stop Goat!
307
00:12:52,525 --> 00:12:54,439
Cookie Pig!
308
00:12:54,532 --> 00:12:57,272
They're all gonna be there for me?
309
00:12:57,929 --> 00:13:00,134
EDGAR: When are we delivering
the package, you know?
310
00:13:00,184 --> 00:13:02,498
- The top secret intel?
- Shut up.
311
00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:04,808
(whispers): After he buys the tickets.
312
00:13:04,843 --> 00:13:08,105
This is the greatest day of my life!
313
00:13:08,195 --> 00:13:10,569
I am gonna meet Grumpy Cat!
314
00:13:10,604 --> 00:13:12,482
I sold my book!
315
00:13:12,517 --> 00:13:14,477
We're gonna live forever!
316
00:13:14,512 --> 00:13:16,712
♪ ♪
317
00:13:49,134 --> 00:13:53,049
Lindsay, I got champagne in my wound.
318
00:13:53,104 --> 00:13:55,293
The bubbles, they sting!
319
00:13:55,328 --> 00:13:57,577
You have to flush it for me.
320
00:13:57,768 --> 00:13:59,684
Okay, Bear, let's go to the sink.
321
00:13:59,719 --> 00:14:01,417
It hurts so bad!
322
00:14:01,452 --> 00:14:03,667
Does it smell funny?
If it smells like eggs,
323
00:14:03,733 --> 00:14:05,570
you have to take me back to urgent care!
324
00:14:05,605 --> 00:14:07,372
You love him. You love him.
325
00:14:07,442 --> 00:14:09,200
Want to get stupid?
326
00:14:09,255 --> 00:14:12,794
How can you party like this
when you know someone died?
327
00:14:12,872 --> 00:14:14,543
I work at a hospital, dude.
328
00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:16,684
Just 'cause a busload
of dead kids rolled up,
329
00:14:16,739 --> 00:14:18,545
doesn't make it not
Margarita Monday.
330
00:14:18,580 --> 00:14:21,480
♪ ♪
331
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:42,388
♪ ♪
332
00:15:05,136 --> 00:15:06,735
(indistinct chatter)
333
00:15:12,854 --> 00:15:15,154
Congratulations, Jimmy.
334
00:15:15,538 --> 00:15:19,020
It is really great to see you so happy.
335
00:15:19,055 --> 00:15:20,413
Mm.
336
00:15:24,112 --> 00:15:27,647
You have always been a success in my book.
337
00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:29,704
Oh.
338
00:15:32,308 --> 00:15:33,963
(singsongy): Okay.
339
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,879
I picked out an ocean suite
340
00:15:35,914 --> 00:15:38,440
with a porthole so we can smoke and
341
00:15:38,475 --> 00:15:40,943
I added a meet and greet
with Sarcastic Llama.
342
00:15:40,978 --> 00:15:43,884
They take Apple Pay. You just have
to put your thumb on the thing.
343
00:15:48,026 --> 00:15:50,341
They don't want me to succeed.
344
00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:52,021
Oh, no, Jimmy, before you turn,
345
00:15:52,090 --> 00:15:53,523
can you just put your thumb on the thing?!
346
00:15:53,591 --> 00:15:55,302
- Look at them.
- No!
347
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:58,133
JIMMY: Sirens singing, "Come play with us."
348
00:15:58,187 --> 00:16:02,203
But really they just want me
to pilot my literary schooner
349
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,408
into the rocks of do-nothingness.
350
00:16:04,443 --> 00:16:06,295
- I invited them!
- Exactly!
351
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:09,125
If you all didn't want me to fail,
352
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:12,766
then you would've listened
when I said I have to write!
353
00:16:12,835 --> 00:16:16,102
They're desperately afraid
that I will shine so brightly,
354
00:16:16,137 --> 00:16:19,433
it will illuminate how dim
their lives are by comparison.
355
00:16:19,484 --> 00:16:20,653
Congratulations, Jimmy.
356
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:24,341
Unaccepted. This is
attempted criminal derailment.
357
00:16:24,376 --> 00:16:26,777
I don't know what you're
saying, but it sounds jerky.
358
00:16:26,841 --> 00:16:28,693
Yeah, and I'll be sure to return the favor
359
00:16:28,766 --> 00:16:30,381
and sabotage your eventual attempt
360
00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:32,720
to do something useful with your life like
361
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:36,154
finish your GED or dance
in your adult tap recital.
362
00:16:36,227 --> 00:16:38,118
It's Afro-funk fusion.
363
00:16:38,153 --> 00:16:39,448
Listen here, buster.
364
00:16:39,504 --> 00:16:42,920
Lindsay is my bride, she's
pregnant with my offspring,
365
00:16:42,955 --> 00:16:46,071
and she deserves respect!
366
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,522
You love him.
367
00:16:48,202 --> 00:16:49,920
(laughs): It worked.
368
00:16:49,982 --> 00:16:51,361
Apologize.
369
00:16:51,424 --> 00:16:52,984
I will do you one better.
370
00:16:53,038 --> 00:16:55,215
I'm gonna go downstairs
and get my heckle file.
371
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:58,534
And after I put you all in
your place, once and for all,
372
00:16:58,597 --> 00:17:00,008
I'll be free to get to work,
373
00:17:00,043 --> 00:17:02,864
sans distractions.
374
00:17:03,114 --> 00:17:04,936
- Yes.
- GRETCHEN: Okay, everybody.
375
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,764
Clock is ticking. Let's
rip off the Band-Aid.
376
00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:10,198
Mm, we're going home. Vernon?
377
00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:11,541
But I want to get heckled.
378
00:17:11,576 --> 00:17:13,395
Fine, you can Uber home.
379
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:15,563
But only the cheap carpool one.
380
00:17:15,598 --> 00:17:17,672
I can't wait to see him cry.
381
00:17:17,711 --> 00:17:19,455
(British accent): Oh, no, me Da.
382
00:17:19,490 --> 00:17:21,724
- Go tell him, Gretchen!
- No, Edgar's gonna do it.
383
00:17:21,787 --> 00:17:22,965
Remember?
384
00:17:23,027 --> 00:17:25,153
- I-I can't.
- Just do it!
385
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,104
I'm dealing with some major shit.
386
00:17:28,855 --> 00:17:32,232
Delivering tragic news
is a kind of service.
387
00:17:32,267 --> 00:17:36,846
To sacrifice your own comfort so
they can have the gift of truth?
388
00:17:36,901 --> 00:17:39,095
That is true nobility.
389
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,646
Like when I was born dead,
390
00:17:40,689 --> 00:17:43,377
I vividly remember the
pain in the doctor's voice
391
00:17:43,412 --> 00:17:47,119
when he told my parents, "I have
good news and I have bad news.
392
00:17:47,154 --> 00:17:48,011
"The good news...
393
00:17:48,046 --> 00:17:50,261
"it's a boy and he's hella hung.
394
00:17:50,296 --> 00:17:52,663
Bad news... dude's dead."
395
00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:55,662
You're right.
396
00:17:55,697 --> 00:17:57,398
Jimmy deserves to know the truth.
397
00:17:57,433 --> 00:17:58,857
Thank you. You're a hero.
398
00:17:58,892 --> 00:18:00,157
Now, get down there.
399
00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:03,470
Ooh, and remind him about
the cruise afterwards.
400
00:18:03,505 --> 00:18:04,854
Oh, no, wait.
401
00:18:04,889 --> 00:18:06,644
Maybe it's too early.
402
00:18:06,679 --> 00:18:08,401
Yeah, hold it.
403
00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:09,666
Go!
404
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:16,157
_
405
00:18:16,192 --> 00:18:18,192
(chuckles)
406
00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:23,855
More like dim... (laughs)
407
00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:24,743
Hey, Jimmy.
408
00:18:24,778 --> 00:18:27,197
I'm afraid some of these
heckles are a bit out of date.
409
00:18:27,251 --> 00:18:30,569
"Paul, nice It's Pat cosplay.
410
00:18:30,604 --> 00:18:32,071
"Edgar, I liked you better when you
411
00:18:32,106 --> 00:18:35,889
"writing and starring in the hit
musical In the Heights.
412
00:18:35,924 --> 00:18:36,689
"Becca,
413
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,380
"heaven must be missing an angel,
414
00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:40,238
"because an angel saw your stupid face
415
00:18:40,273 --> 00:18:42,926
and blew its brains out." (laughs)
416
00:18:43,004 --> 00:18:44,363
That one's evergreen.
417
00:18:44,398 --> 00:18:48,221
Uh, so you know how, uh,
people come into your lives
418
00:18:48,256 --> 00:18:50,847
and, and they touch you?
419
00:18:51,762 --> 00:18:54,411
Is this about you being molested?
420
00:18:54,446 --> 00:18:57,672
Boo-hoo. Every neighborhood
had a handsy fishmonger.
421
00:18:57,707 --> 00:18:59,703
No, Jimmy,
422
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:00,949
it's about your father.
423
00:19:00,984 --> 00:19:03,671
Has Gretchen been infecting
you with her therapy?
424
00:19:03,740 --> 00:19:07,459
See, unlike Gretchen,
my father is a non-entity
425
00:19:07,509 --> 00:19:10,060
in my life. If this is
about anything,
426
00:19:10,142 --> 00:19:15,310
it's about my need to disprove the
notion that at the core I'm just shit,
427
00:19:15,347 --> 00:19:17,781
which all started when I was a kid and...
428
00:19:19,028 --> 00:19:20,694
Oh, my God.
429
00:19:20,857 --> 00:19:22,723
This is about my father.
430
00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,692
- Yeah, okay, see...
- No wonder I can't take
431
00:19:24,761 --> 00:19:26,699
a moment to enjoy my triumph.
432
00:19:26,734 --> 00:19:29,151
- I-I wouldn't...
- He's my true enemy!
433
00:19:29,186 --> 00:19:32,554
Instead of heckling my friends,
I am gonna call that old twat
434
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,530
- and tear him to pieces.
- Uh, no, no, J-Jimmy!
435
00:19:34,565 --> 00:19:35,607
- Thanks, Edgar.
- Do not do that.
436
00:19:35,671 --> 00:19:37,878
This is the first good
idea you've ever had.
437
00:19:37,956 --> 00:19:39,360
Oh, no, Bing Bong!
438
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:40,674
Bing Bong!
439
00:19:41,408 --> 00:19:42,748
Dad...
440
00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:45,123
Oh, no. Oh, this is bad.
441
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:46,347
This is bad.
442
00:19:46,415 --> 00:19:47,561
Is he crying?
443
00:19:47,607 --> 00:19:50,478
It's really snotty and moany, isn't it?
444
00:19:50,541 --> 00:19:52,051
Bye! I'm gonna move to Arizona
445
00:19:52,086 --> 00:19:53,211
- and sell turquoise jewelry.
- No!
446
00:19:53,246 --> 00:19:55,030
He's gonna call his dad!
447
00:19:55,065 --> 00:19:57,258
- Wait, wait! You didn't tell him?!
- Not at all.
448
00:19:57,293 --> 00:19:58,604
Holy crap!
449
00:19:58,666 --> 00:19:59,627
We have to stop him.
450
00:19:59,695 --> 00:20:01,823
Or maybe we don't.
451
00:20:01,858 --> 00:20:03,025
Think it through.
452
00:20:03,079 --> 00:20:04,960
One of the trash-bag sisters picks up.
453
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,287
Confusion, confusion.
454
00:20:06,322 --> 00:20:08,507
(British accent): Oy, ya daft
fart. We sent the obit. Da's dead.
455
00:20:08,581 --> 00:20:10,671
And boom! A couple of weeks from now,
456
00:20:10,706 --> 00:20:12,981
I have a tan line shaped like Grumpy Cat,
457
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:15,844
because she's been sitting on
my lap on the cruise deck...
458
00:20:15,879 --> 00:20:18,748
Gretchen, you don't get
to be in charge anymore!
459
00:20:18,783 --> 00:20:19,810
What? You can't do that.
460
00:20:19,878 --> 00:20:21,895
My man takes charge.
461
00:20:21,973 --> 00:20:24,995
Everyone who's not
currently on hobble sticks,
462
00:20:25,053 --> 00:20:28,754
go down there and stop him
from calling his dead father!
463
00:20:28,789 --> 00:20:31,743
A ghost picks up the phone,
I'm gonna shit my pants.
464
00:20:39,077 --> 00:20:40,180
EDGAR: Oh, God.
465
00:20:40,219 --> 00:20:42,128
- We're too late.
- Shh, what's he saying?
466
00:20:42,163 --> 00:20:44,493
Hey, Ronny, it's your son.
467
00:20:44,548 --> 00:20:46,927
You're probably at the pub
passed out in your stool over
468
00:20:46,962 --> 00:20:50,711
a half-eaten scotch egg in lard sauce,
469
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:53,038
but I just wanted to let you know...
470
00:20:57,785 --> 00:20:59,651
I sold a book, Daddy.
471
00:21:03,259 --> 00:21:04,831
(phone beeps)
472
00:21:06,115 --> 00:21:07,463
Good luck.
473
00:21:19,692 --> 00:21:22,019
Thanks for sticking up for me earlier.
474
00:21:22,094 --> 00:21:23,682
Of course.
475
00:21:23,792 --> 00:21:25,286
That's my job.
476
00:21:27,184 --> 00:21:29,049
I love you.
477
00:21:29,118 --> 00:21:31,652
(laughs)
478
00:21:32,114 --> 00:21:33,446
Ow...
479
00:21:33,504 --> 00:21:36,193
I think my wound is weeping again.
480
00:21:42,753 --> 00:21:44,214
Hey, dude?
481
00:21:44,308 --> 00:21:46,867
Can I give you my profesh medical opinion?
482
00:21:47,476 --> 00:21:49,203
Yeah.
483
00:21:49,272 --> 00:21:51,038
You need some help.
484
00:21:51,395 --> 00:21:52,740
I know.
485
00:21:57,567 --> 00:21:59,767
(playing "Taps")
486
00:22:14,913 --> 00:22:17,047
(bottles clank)
487
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:20,563
("Taps" continues in distance)
488
00:22:25,609 --> 00:22:27,182
Hey, um... (clears his throat)
489
00:22:27,264 --> 00:22:29,122
Just got off the phone with my father.
490
00:22:29,185 --> 00:22:30,752
Sure gave it to old Ronny.
491
00:22:30,826 --> 00:22:32,757
First, I jabbed him about his illiteracy
492
00:22:32,794 --> 00:22:35,472
and then his pulmonary
oxygen absorption rate.
493
00:22:35,507 --> 00:22:36,672
Jimmy, your dad died.
494
00:22:36,707 --> 00:22:38,574
Yeah, when I heckled him so hard.
495
00:22:38,609 --> 00:22:41,215
This came in the mail. I'm so sorry!
496
00:22:43,389 --> 00:22:45,468
_
497
00:23:07,599 --> 00:23:08,953
(quietly): I'm just gonna...
498
00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:10,954
♪ ♪
499
00:23:19,302 --> 00:23:21,678
♪ I'm taking off ♪
500
00:23:21,759 --> 00:23:24,010
♪ I've closed the door ♪
501
00:23:24,075 --> 00:23:26,413
♪ As cold as stone ♪
502
00:23:26,490 --> 00:23:28,781
♪ Can take no more ♪
503
00:23:28,899 --> 00:23:31,159
♪ To be alone ♪
504
00:23:31,293 --> 00:23:33,625
♪ Is where I go ♪
505
00:23:33,717 --> 00:23:36,007
♪ I choose to walk ♪
506
00:23:36,093 --> 00:23:37,507
♪ This lonely road ♪
507
00:23:37,561 --> 00:23:39,900
♪ Change the f... ♪