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_
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Eleanor?
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Come on in.
4
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Hi, Eleanor. I'm Michael.
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How are you today?
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I'm great.
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Thanks for asking.
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Oh, one question.
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Where am I? Who are you?
And what's going on?
10
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Right, so,
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you, Eleanor Shellstrop,
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are dead.
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Your life on Earth has ended,
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and you are now in the next phase
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of your existence in the universe.
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Cool.
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Cool. I have some questions.
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Thought you might.
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How did I die?
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I-I don't remember.
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Yes, um,
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in cases of traumatic
or embarrassing deaths,
23
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we erase the memory to allow
for a peaceful transition.
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Are you sure you want to hear?
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All right, so you were
in a grocery store parking lot.
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You dropped a bottle of something called
27
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"Lonely Gal Margarita Mix for One."
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And when you bent down to pick it up,
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a long column of shopping carts
30
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that were being returned to the
shopping cart collection area
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rolled out of control
and plowed right into you.
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Oof.
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That's how I died?
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No, sorry, there's more.
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You were able to grab on
36
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to the front of the column
of shopping carts,
37
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but it swept you
right out into the street
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where you were struck and killed
39
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by a mobile billboard truck advertising
40
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an erectile dysfunction pill
called "Engorge-ulate."
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Funnily enough, the first EMT to arrive
42
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was an ex-boyfriend of yours...
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Okay, that's... I get it, thank you.
44
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,143
Oh, okay, sorry.
45
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:52,512
Um, so who was right?
46
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I mean about all of this?
47
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Well, let's see.
Hindus are a little bit right,
48
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Muslims a little bit.
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Jews, Christians, Buddhists,
50
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every religion guessed about 5%,
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except for Doug Forcett.
52
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Who... who's Doug Forcett?
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Well, Doug was a stoner kid
54
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who lived in Calgary during the 1970s.
55
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One night, he got
really high on mushrooms,
56
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and his best friend, Randy, said,
57
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"Hey, what do you think
happens after we die?"
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And Doug just launched
into this long monologue
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where he got like 92% correct.
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I mean, we couldn't believe
what we were hearing.
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That's him, actually, right up there.
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He's pretty famous around here.
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I'm very lucky to have that.
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So...
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Maybe my biggest question:
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am I...
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I mean, is this...
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Or...
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Well, it's not the
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heaven or hell idea
that you were raised on.
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But generally speaking,
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in the afterlife, there's a Good Place
73
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and there's a Bad Place.
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You're in the Good Place.
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You're okay, Eleanor.
76
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You're in the Good Place.
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Well, that's good.
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Sure is.
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Okay, let's take a walk, shall we?
80
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Oh, did I have a purse?
81
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,896
No, I'm dead, right. Okay.
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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So this is how it works.
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The Good Place is divided
into distinct neighborhoods.
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Each one contains exactly 322 people
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who have been perfectly selected
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to blend together into
a blissful harmonic balance.
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Do all the neighborhoods look like this?
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No, every neighborhood is unique.
90
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Some have warm weather, some cold.
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Some are cities, some farmland.
92
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But in each one, every blade of grass,
93
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every ladybug,
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every detail has been
95
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precisely designed and calibrated
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for its residents.
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There's a lot of frozen yogurt places.
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Yeah.
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That's the one thing we put
in all the neighborhoods.
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People love frozen yogurt.
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I don't know what to tell you.
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You're gonna have a million
more questions, I know.
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For right now,
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better grab a seat.
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Movie's about to begin.
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- Ah. Hello, everyone.
- _
107
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And welcome to your first day
in the afterlife.
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You were all, simply put, good people.
109
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But how do we know that you were good?
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How are we sure?
111
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- During your time on Earth,
- _
112
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every one of your actions
113
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had a positive or a negative value,
114
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depending on how much good or bad
115
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that action put into the universe.
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- Every sandwich you ate,
- _
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- every time you bought a magazine,
- _
118
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every single thing you did
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had an effect that rippled out over time
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and ultimately created
some amount of good or bad.
121
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You know how some people
pull into the breakdown lane
122
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when there's traffic?
123
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And they think to themselves,
124
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"Ah, who cares? No one's watching."
125
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We were watching.
126
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Surprise.
127
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Anyway, when your time
on Earth has ended,
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we calculate
the total value of your life
129
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using our perfectly accurate
measuring system.
130
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Only the people
with the very highest scores,
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the true cream of the crop,
132
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get to come here, to the Good Place.
133
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What happens to everyone else, you ask?
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Don't worry about it.
135
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The point is, you are here
because you lived
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one of the very best lives
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that could be lived.
138
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And you won't be alone.
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Your true soul mate is here too.
140
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That's right.
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Soul mates are real.
142
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One of the other people
in your neighborhood
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is your actual soul mate,
144
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and you will spend eternity together.
145
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So welcome to eternal happiness.
146
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Welcome to the Good Place.
147
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Sponsored by:
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otters holding hands while they sleep.
149
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You know the way you feel when you see
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a picture of two otters holding hands?
151
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That's how you're gonna feel every day.
152
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So who is in the Bad Place,
that would shock me?
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Uh, well, Mozart,
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Picasso, Elvis,
155
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basically every artist ever,
156
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uh, every U.S. president except Lincoln.
157
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That sounds about right.
158
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What about Florence Nightingale?
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That was close,
but, no, she didn't make it.
160
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Wow, all those amazing people
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down there, it just seems
so hard to believe.
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Again, it's an incredibly
selective system.
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Most people don't make it here.
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But you, a lawyer who got
innocent people off death row,
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you're special, Eleanor.
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And by the way,
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welcome to your new home.
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Oh, it's perfect, isn't it?
169
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You see, in the Good Place,
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every person gets to live in a home
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that perfectly matches
his or her true essence.
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Cool.
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So I guess that's why
my house, for example,
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is this adorable little cottage,
175
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whereas other people might
have homes that are bigger,
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like that one.
177
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Exactly.
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Oh, I'm so happy you get it.
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As you can see, the interior has been
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decorated just as you like it,
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in the Icelandic primitive style.
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Oh, oh, and, uh, of course,
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you love clowns, so...
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I do love clowns.
185
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Now, let me show you the, uh...
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00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,915
the video system here.
187
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You can review everything
that happened in your life
188
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from your point of view.
189
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There we go.
190
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This is your Human Rights
mission to the Ukraine.
191
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I mean, you got
a ton of points for that one.
192
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It really put you over the top.
193
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Oh.
194
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:50,036
Chidi, come on in.
195
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,337
Eleanor?
196
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:54,040
I'm Chidi Anagonye,
197
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and you are my soul mate.
198
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Cool, bring it in, man.
199
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,048
Now, excuse me.
200
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,050
I have other people to attend to.
201
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,185
So where you from, Chidi?
202
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,854
Well, I was born in Nigeria,
203
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raised in Senegal,
204
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but my work took me
all over the place...
205
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:15,027
Australia, Hong Kong, Paris.
206
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,295
What about you?
207
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,864
Uh, well, I... I was born in Phoenix.
208
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,199
- Mm-hmm.
- Arizona.
209
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,035
And then I went to school
in Tempe, Arizona.
210
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:28,407
And then I moved back
to Phoenix, Arizona.
211
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,176
Your English is amazing.
212
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,011
Oh!
213
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,080
I'm actually speaking French.
214
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,915
This place just translates
whatever you say
215
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,150
into a language
the other person can understand.
216
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,052
- So it's incredible.
- Whoa.
217
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,188
And now I want to say this.
218
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,389
Mm-kay.
219
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,857
Eleanor.
220
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,059
I have spent my entire life
221
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,229
in pursuit of fundamental truths
about the universe.
222
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,398
And now we can actually learn about them
223
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:56,068
together as soul mates.
224
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,238
It's overwhelming.
225
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,799
Chidi.
226
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,542
You'll stand by my side
no matter what, right?
227
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,987
Of course I will.
228
00:09:04,988 --> 00:09:07,413
Promise me. Say, "I promise
229
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:10,916
I will never betray you for any reason."
230
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:12,118
Eleanor, I swear
231
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:16,088
that I will never say or do anything
232
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,090
to cause you any harm.
233
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,258
Good.
234
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,127
Because those aren't my memories.
235
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,262
I wasn't a lawyer.
I never went to the Ukraine.
236
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,531
I hate clowns.
237
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,267
There's been a big mistake.
238
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,970
I'm not supposed to be here.
239
00:09:34,428 --> 00:09:35,723
Wait, what?
240
00:09:44,396 --> 00:09:45,971
Are you sure this isn't you?
241
00:09:45,972 --> 00:09:47,829
Yeah, man, I'm pretty sure
242
00:09:47,830 --> 00:09:49,797
I wasn't a death row lawyer
243
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,299
who collected clown paintings
244
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,067
and rescued orphans.
245
00:09:53,068 --> 00:09:55,336
They got my name right,
but nothing else.
246
00:09:55,337 --> 00:09:58,973
I mean, somebody royally forked up.
247
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:01,676
Somebody forked up.
248
00:10:01,677 --> 00:10:02,877
Why can't I say "fork"?
249
00:10:02,878 --> 00:10:04,679
If you're trying to curse,
you can't here.
250
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,400
I guess a lot of people
in this neighborhood
251
00:10:06,424 --> 00:10:07,815
don't like it, so it's prohibited.
252
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:08,850
That's bullshirt.
253
00:10:08,851 --> 00:10:10,885
So, uh, if you're not this person,
254
00:10:10,886 --> 00:10:12,854
then who are you?
255
00:10:12,855 --> 00:10:14,038
What did you do for a living?
256
00:10:14,039 --> 00:10:17,058
I was... in...
257
00:10:17,059 --> 00:10:18,159
sales.
258
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,827
So we sell two products here,
259
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,362
NasaPRO and NasaPRO Silver.
260
00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:22,730
We aim this at seniors.
261
00:10:22,731 --> 00:10:24,866
Now, you can't legally call it medicine
262
00:10:24,867 --> 00:10:28,035
because it doesn't technically work
263
00:10:28,036 --> 00:10:31,005
and it is technically chalk,
264
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,173
so what you're gonna want to do...
265
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,574
You need me to lie to old people
266
00:10:33,575 --> 00:10:35,209
and scare them
into buying fake medicine.
267
00:10:35,210 --> 00:10:37,712
I get it, man. Which one's my desk?
268
00:10:37,713 --> 00:10:39,914
So your job
269
00:10:39,915 --> 00:10:42,049
was to defraud the elderly?
270
00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:44,886
Sorry... the sick and elderly?
271
00:10:44,887 --> 00:10:46,220
But I was very good at it.
272
00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:48,723
I was the top salesperson
five years running.
273
00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:49,924
Okay, but that's worse.
274
00:10:49,925 --> 00:10:52,226
I mean, you... you do get
how that's worse?
275
00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:53,928
- Right?
- Mm.
276
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:56,931
You know, maybe...
277
00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:58,232
it's a test.
278
00:10:58,233 --> 00:10:59,867
Maybe if you go to Michael
279
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,971
and you tell him the truth,
280
00:11:00,972 --> 00:11:02,603
you'll pass the test
281
00:11:02,604 --> 00:11:03,604
and you'll get to stay.
282
00:11:03,605 --> 00:11:04,739
No way.
283
00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:06,203
I can't risk going to the Bad Place.
284
00:11:06,204 --> 00:11:07,909
Okay, well, maybe
it's not actually, like,
285
00:11:07,910 --> 00:11:09,076
all that bad.
286
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:11,078
Let's just get some information first.
287
00:11:11,079 --> 00:11:12,914
We'll ask Janet. Hey, Janet?
288
00:11:12,915 --> 00:11:13,915
- Hi there.
- Gah!
289
00:11:13,916 --> 00:11:14,916
How can I help you?
290
00:11:14,917 --> 00:11:16,417
What the fork? Who are you?
291
00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:17,885
I'm Janet.
292
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,087
I'm the informational assistant
here in the Good Place.
293
00:11:20,088 --> 00:11:22,623
She's like this walking database.
294
00:11:22,624 --> 00:11:24,258
You can ask her about
295
00:11:24,259 --> 00:11:26,661
the creation of the universe
or history...
296
00:11:26,662 --> 00:11:28,262
Oh, there was a guy who lived
297
00:11:28,263 --> 00:11:30,832
in Avondale, Arizona, around 2002.
298
00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,733
His name was Kevin Paltonic.
299
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,302
- Is he gay?
- No.
300
00:11:34,303 --> 00:11:36,771
Really? Huh.
301
00:11:36,772 --> 00:11:38,806
I guess he just didn't want
to have sex with me.
302
00:11:38,807 --> 00:11:40,174
That's correct.
303
00:11:40,175 --> 00:11:41,776
Well, that's fine,
I wasn't that into him anyway.
304
00:11:41,777 --> 00:11:43,000
- Yes, you were.
- Okay, Janet,
305
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:44,278
- I have a question.
- Okay.
306
00:11:44,279 --> 00:11:47,081
What is the Bad Place like?
307
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,183
Oh, sorry, that is the one topic
308
00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:51,085
I'm not allowed to tell you about.
309
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,955
I can only play you a brief audio clip
310
00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:56,090
of what is happening there right now.
311
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,658
Okay.
312
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,296
The bear has two mouths!
313
00:12:03,966 --> 00:12:06,434
Well, it doesn't sound awesome.
314
00:12:08,804 --> 00:12:11,339
Does everyone have
a huge house except me?
315
00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:12,974
All right, we need a plan.
316
00:12:12,975 --> 00:12:14,208
I say we just lie low
317
00:12:14,209 --> 00:12:15,710
and hope that they don't notice me.
318
00:12:15,711 --> 00:12:17,334
I'm sorry, I don't think I can help you.
319
00:12:17,335 --> 00:12:18,980
I just don't like being dishonest,
320
00:12:18,981 --> 00:12:22,216
and I can't advise you
to be dishonest either.
321
00:12:22,217 --> 00:12:24,952
Come on, I'm just asking
you to fudge a little bit.
322
00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,154
You must've told a few
white lies in your life.
323
00:12:27,155 --> 00:12:28,723
I mean, what was your job?
324
00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:31,726
I was a professor of ethics
and moral philosophy.
325
00:12:31,727 --> 00:12:34,128
Motherforker!
326
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:35,997
I'm getting a stomachache.
327
00:12:35,998 --> 00:12:37,899
I'm in a perfect utopia,
328
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,233
and I'm... I have a stomachache.
329
00:12:39,234 --> 00:12:40,801
This is awful.
330
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,970
I-I, uh... I think I have
to tell Michael about this.
331
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,839
Tell Michael about what?
332
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,173
Michael? Hi.
333
00:12:46,174 --> 00:12:48,075
What have you been up to?
334
00:12:48,076 --> 00:12:50,211
Eleanor, Chidi, I would like you to meet
335
00:12:50,212 --> 00:12:51,979
Tahani and Jianyu.
336
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,180
They are soul mates
337
00:12:53,181 --> 00:12:55,383
and your next-door neighbors.
338
00:12:55,384 --> 00:12:56,817
Hello.
339
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,320
Can I just say I love your house?
340
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:02,757
It's just so tiny and cute.
341
00:13:02,758 --> 00:13:04,261
It's like a little child's plaything,
342
00:13:04,262 --> 00:13:05,860
like for a family of mice
343
00:13:05,861 --> 00:13:07,995
or for a very fancy little dog.
344
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:11,866
I love it.
It's just so sweet and teensy.
345
00:13:11,867 --> 00:13:14,035
Just like you. Boop.
346
00:13:14,036 --> 00:13:15,369
- Oh.
- Oh.
347
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:17,004
You booped me. Ha-ha.
348
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,739
- I did.
- That's fun.
349
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:20,408
Tahani and Jianyu are having a little
350
00:13:20,409 --> 00:13:22,777
welcome party tonight,
and they've invited
351
00:13:22,778 --> 00:13:24,211
the entire neighborhood.
352
00:13:24,212 --> 00:13:26,747
I simply adore entertaining.
353
00:13:26,748 --> 00:13:29,517
Don't I just adore it, Jianyu?
354
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,218
Oh, um, yes, by the way,
355
00:13:31,219 --> 00:13:33,921
Jianyu here is a Buddhist monk, you see?
356
00:13:33,922 --> 00:13:36,958
And he obeys a strict code of silence.
357
00:13:36,959 --> 00:13:39,393
So when you see him smiling and nodding,
358
00:13:39,394 --> 00:13:42,797
that's actually his way of
jumping up and down with glee.
359
00:13:42,798 --> 00:13:44,298
Isn't that right, darling?
360
00:13:45,901 --> 00:13:47,268
So we'll see you tonight?
361
00:13:47,269 --> 00:13:48,936
- Great.
- Yes.
362
00:13:52,107 --> 00:13:54,208
No way.
363
00:13:57,413 --> 00:14:00,214
My entire house could fit in this room.
364
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,516
Okay, uh...
365
00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:02,550
help me out here.
366
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,419
Tell me one good thing
367
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:06,220
that you did on Earth,
368
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:09,424
just one truly kind and decent act
369
00:14:09,425 --> 00:14:12,293
so that I can feel better
about helping you out.
370
00:14:15,264 --> 00:14:16,597
Let's forget about good.
371
00:14:16,598 --> 00:14:18,581
Um, just tell me something
neutral about yourself.
372
00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:20,401
Like, tell me about
the day before you died.
373
00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,515
What do you remember?
374
00:14:23,272 --> 00:14:24,462
Hi there.
375
00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:26,486
Do you have a second
to talk about the environment?
376
00:14:26,487 --> 00:14:28,476
Do you have a second to eat my farts?
377
00:14:28,477 --> 00:14:29,477
You missed.
378
00:14:29,478 --> 00:14:30,745
Pick it up
379
00:14:30,746 --> 00:14:32,329
if you're so horny for the environment.
380
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,682
I don't remember anything specific.
381
00:14:34,683 --> 00:14:36,150
- Oh.
- Look.
382
00:14:36,151 --> 00:14:37,374
I might not have been a saint,
383
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:39,420
but it's not like I killed anybody.
384
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,788
I wasn't an arsonist.
385
00:14:40,789 --> 00:14:43,157
I never found a wallet
outside of an IHOP and
386
00:14:43,158 --> 00:14:45,704
thought about returning it but
saw the owner lived out of state
387
00:14:45,705 --> 00:14:47,448
so just took the cash
and dropped the wallet
388
00:14:47,449 --> 00:14:48,529
back on the ground.
389
00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:50,031
Okay, that's really specific,
390
00:14:50,032 --> 00:14:52,255
and that makes me think that
you definitely did do that.
391
00:14:52,256 --> 00:14:53,968
All I'm saying is
392
00:14:53,969 --> 00:14:56,304
these people might be "good,"
393
00:14:56,305 --> 00:14:59,807
but are they really
that much better than me?
394
00:14:59,808 --> 00:15:01,976
Well, I spent half my life
in North Korea
395
00:15:01,977 --> 00:15:03,711
fighting for women's rights
396
00:15:03,712 --> 00:15:05,213
and the other half in Saudi Arabia
397
00:15:05,214 --> 00:15:06,647
fighting for gay rights.
398
00:15:06,648 --> 00:15:09,217
So we said, "If the U.N.
won't remove those land mines,
399
00:15:09,218 --> 00:15:10,551
we will."
400
00:15:10,552 --> 00:15:12,987
And we dug up over a thousand
unexploded land mines
401
00:15:12,988 --> 00:15:14,789
from the area surrounding the orphanage.
402
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:16,124
Well, then he said,
403
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:18,326
"You can't give me both
your kidneys; you'll die."
404
00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:20,228
And I said, "But you will live."
405
00:15:20,229 --> 00:15:23,052
And I know we just met on this bus
ten minutes ago, but he seemed nice.
406
00:15:23,053 --> 00:15:25,666
Oh, forget it. Heading to the bar!
407
00:15:29,338 --> 00:15:31,506
Thank you, thank you.
408
00:15:31,507 --> 00:15:35,009
You all know that I am the
architect of this neighborhood.
409
00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:37,211
But what you don't know is...
410
00:15:37,212 --> 00:15:40,248
Golly, I'm not supposed
to tell you this, but, um,
411
00:15:40,249 --> 00:15:42,316
oh, what the heck?
412
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,552
This is actually
the very first neighborhood
413
00:15:44,553 --> 00:15:46,254
that I have ever designed.
414
00:15:46,255 --> 00:15:49,690
I had been an apprentice
for over 200 years,
415
00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:51,826
and my boss has finally given me
416
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:54,262
my first solo project.
417
00:15:54,263 --> 00:15:55,997
Yes!
418
00:15:58,033 --> 00:16:00,368
Ah, gah-gah... gah-gah-gah.
Hold on there, ace.
419
00:16:00,369 --> 00:16:02,036
Let me get more of them shrampies.
420
00:16:02,037 --> 00:16:03,538
- Okay, easy.
- What?
421
00:16:03,539 --> 00:16:04,839
They're for everybody, right?
422
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,240
Yes, exactly.
423
00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:09,343
And you deserve a perfect world
424
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,780
because every single one of you
425
00:16:12,781 --> 00:16:14,882
is a good person.
426
00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:17,351
That's it for me. Back to you, Tahani.
427
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:20,354
- Bravo, Michael, bravo!
- Thank you.
428
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,523
Um, and I would just like to quickly say
429
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,792
if any of you would like
to play tennis tonight,
430
00:16:24,793 --> 00:16:28,062
we have 36 regulation
grass tennis courts.
431
00:16:28,063 --> 00:16:30,398
Such fun. Cheers.
432
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,569
Tahani, what a condescending bench.
433
00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:36,123
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Am I right?
434
00:16:36,124 --> 00:16:38,147
Why does she still have
that British accent, right?
435
00:16:38,148 --> 00:16:39,574
No one else here has an accent.
436
00:16:39,575 --> 00:16:41,309
She's choosing to have that accent.
437
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:44,278
- Shh-shh-shh-shh.
- "Oh, hello.
438
00:16:44,279 --> 00:16:46,056
"I am just a big, beautiful,
439
00:16:46,057 --> 00:16:48,583
utterly perfect cartoon giraffe."
440
00:16:48,584 --> 00:16:49,953
Oh, okay. Okay.
441
00:16:49,954 --> 00:16:52,620
I think it's time to go home.
442
00:16:52,621 --> 00:16:54,622
Wait, wait, wait.
I just have to go upstairs
443
00:16:54,623 --> 00:16:56,824
real quick and steal
a bunch of gold stuff.
444
00:16:56,825 --> 00:16:59,760
Okay, don't do that.
445
00:16:59,761 --> 00:17:01,464
Don't do... no, Eleanor,
Eleanor, Eleanor.
446
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:07,026
Hello, creepy house that I hate.
447
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:10,096
Hello, one million clowns.
448
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:13,099
Why aren't there stairs here?
449
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:19,371
What kind of weirdo house is this?
450
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,107
Ooh.
451
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:24,110
Did you fill your bra with shrimp?
452
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,277
No.
453
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:27,513
Yes.
454
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,515
Whatever, it's freakin' heaven.
455
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,418
I'm sure they have plenty of shellfish.
456
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:34,587
That Tahani is a real butthead, huh?
457
00:17:34,588 --> 00:17:36,188
Hey.
458
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,424
At least I can still say "butthead."
459
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,060
She is a butthead.
460
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:44,697
Found some pajamas.
461
00:17:44,698 --> 00:17:47,099
Chidi... Chidi, Chidi?
462
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:51,403
I'm sorry that you had
to deal with this...
463
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,571
It's okay.
464
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,073
It's not, though.
465
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,743
Do you think anybody cared that I died?
466
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,378
Maybe someone did.
467
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,713
I don't know.
468
00:18:00,714 --> 00:18:02,414
I was an only child.
469
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,650
My parents were divorced
when I was a kid.
470
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,585
They were both crummy people,
471
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,720
so they're probably...
472
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,656
in the Bad Place.
473
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:14,593
Maybe they're being used
to torture each other.
474
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:15,728
It would work.
475
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:20,266
I bet way more people
cared that you died.
476
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,101
'Cause you're a nice person.
477
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:26,505
You're a nice person, Chidi...
478
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:29,508
Anaconda.
479
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:30,509
Anagonye.
480
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,077
Aganocomonga.
481
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,445
Anagonye.
482
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,281
- Ags... say it again.
- Anagonye.
483
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,582
No, say what you said before.
484
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,083
I did. It's Anagonye.
485
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,151
You just changed it.
486
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:40,619
I didn't change it; it's my name.
487
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,621
Argrugande. Ariana Grande.
488
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,123
That's a person.
489
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,125
I did it.
490
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,360
Good night.
491
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,063
Good night.
492
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,172
Well, that's terrifying.
493
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,619
That can't be good.
494
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,633
Oh, fork.
495
00:19:39,813 --> 00:19:41,213
- Michael.
- Mm?
496
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,815
Is that giant, terrifying ladybug
497
00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:45,116
supposed to be there?
498
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,618
Ah, well, great question, Tahani.
499
00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:49,053
No. No, it's not.
500
00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:50,955
I have no idea why
any of this is happening
501
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:52,490
or how to control it.
502
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,492
Should we run away then?
503
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:55,693
Yes.
504
00:20:17,459 --> 00:20:18,382
Chidi, Chidi!
505
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:19,850
What's going on?
506
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:21,552
Why are there giant animals everywhere?
507
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,088
Do you hear Ariana Grande playing?
508
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:27,825
Why is everyone wearing blue and yellow?
509
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:29,694
You're not.
510
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,596
You're... you're the only one who's not.
511
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:35,666
Eleanor, this is all
happening because of you.
512
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,889
Ah, fork me.
513
00:20:39,207 --> 00:20:40,607
Okay, okay.
514
00:20:40,608 --> 00:20:42,229
We don't know this is because of me.
515
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:45,211
Eleanor, this place is a
perfectly made Swiss watch,
516
00:20:45,212 --> 00:20:47,079
and you are a wrench in the gears.
517
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,648
Actually, you're a hammer,
518
00:20:48,649 --> 00:20:50,416
just smashing the gears into dust.
519
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:51,617
Oh, hang on.
520
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,619
Not everybody here is perfect, okay?
521
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,254
Tahani is totally condescending.
522
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,223
And there are a couple of,
523
00:20:57,224 --> 00:20:58,925
you know, chunksters.
524
00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:00,226
Oh, come on!
525
00:21:00,227 --> 00:21:02,228
No judgment. I'm just saying
526
00:21:02,229 --> 00:21:04,297
I'm not the only one with flaws.
527
00:21:04,298 --> 00:21:06,766
So how can we be sure this is my fault?
528
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:08,067
You hogged all the shrimp,
529
00:21:08,068 --> 00:21:10,002
and now there are shrimp flying around.
530
00:21:10,003 --> 00:21:11,971
You called Tahani a giraffe,
531
00:21:11,972 --> 00:21:13,406
and now there are giraffes everywhere.
532
00:21:13,407 --> 00:21:15,030
Okay, fine, turns out
there are many ways
533
00:21:15,031 --> 00:21:16,075
to know that it was me.
534
00:21:16,076 --> 00:21:17,276
Let's just face it, Eleanor,
535
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:18,878
you don't belong here.
536
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:23,182
Well, then this system sucks.
537
00:21:23,183 --> 00:21:25,785
What, one in a million
gets to live in paradise
538
00:21:25,786 --> 00:21:28,020
and everyone else
is tortured for eternity?
539
00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:29,188
Come on.
540
00:21:29,189 --> 00:21:31,290
I mean, I wasn't freaking Gandhi,
541
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,125
but I was okay.
542
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:36,262
I was a medium person.
543
00:21:36,263 --> 00:21:39,131
I should get to spend eternity
in a medium place!
544
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:40,800
Like Cincinnati.
545
00:21:40,801 --> 00:21:43,035
Everyone who wasn't perfect
but wasn't terrible
546
00:21:43,036 --> 00:21:45,171
should get to spend eternity
in Cincinnati.
547
00:21:45,172 --> 00:21:47,306
Look, apparently
it doesn't work that way.
548
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:49,108
I'm sorry, Eleanor,
549
00:21:49,109 --> 00:21:51,977
but there's nothing anyone can do.
550
00:21:53,146 --> 00:21:55,314
Unless...
551
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,149
there is something we can do.
552
00:21:57,150 --> 00:22:00,019
Unless you could teach me.
553
00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:01,187
Teach you what?
554
00:22:01,188 --> 00:22:02,722
How to be good.
555
00:22:02,723 --> 00:22:04,290
That was your job, right?
556
00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:06,192
A professor of ethics?
557
00:22:06,193 --> 00:22:08,494
No one knew I was a problem
when I arrived.
558
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,062
Things only started getting crazy
559
00:22:10,063 --> 00:22:12,198
after I was an ash-hole
to everyone at the party.
560
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:15,403
You know I'm trying to say "ash-hole"
561
00:22:15,404 --> 00:22:17,169
and not "ash-hole," right?
562
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:18,204
I got that, yes.
563
00:22:18,205 --> 00:22:20,006
Okay, give me a chance.
564
00:22:20,007 --> 00:22:22,008
Let me earn my place here.
565
00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:24,176
Let me be your ethical guinea pig.
566
00:22:25,212 --> 00:22:26,512
Hey, guys!
567
00:22:26,513 --> 00:22:28,381
Uh, emergency neighborhood meeting, now!
568
00:22:28,382 --> 00:22:30,249
We'll be right there, Michael!
569
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:32,184
If I walk out of here in these clothes,
570
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:33,185
I'm toast.
571
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:35,921
My soul is in your hands, soul mate.
572
00:22:35,922 --> 00:22:37,390
What's it gonna be?
573
00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:42,871
Oh, stomachache.
574
00:22:43,476 --> 00:22:50,870
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com