1
00:00:02,296 --> 00:00:05,686
So Aristotle was Plato's student.

2
00:00:05,711 --> 00:00:08,015
And Aristotle believes
that your character

3
00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:09,447
- is voluntary,
- _

4
00:00:09,448 --> 00:00:12,616
because it's just the result
of your actions,

5
00:00:12,685 --> 00:00:16,886
which are under your control.

6
00:00:16,921 --> 00:00:18,721
For example, right now,

7
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:22,291
you have made the insane choice
to ignore the person

8
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,395
who is literally trying to
save you from eternal damnation.

9
00:00:25,430 --> 00:00:26,796
No, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm listening.

10
00:00:26,865 --> 00:00:28,564
Uh, I just...

11
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,900
are we sure we should be paying
attention to these guys?

12
00:00:30,935 --> 00:00:35,404
It's like, who died and left
Aristotle in charge of ethics?

13
00:00:35,439 --> 00:00:36,439
Plato.

14
00:00:37,741 --> 00:00:39,307
Uh, coming!

15
00:00:39,376 --> 00:00:41,710
Uh, we're just... kissing.

16
00:00:41,745 --> 00:00:43,612
And groping?

17
00:00:43,647 --> 00:00:44,647
What?

18
00:00:47,584 --> 00:00:49,417
Hello.

19
00:00:49,452 --> 00:00:50,452
Tahani.

20
00:00:50,486 --> 00:00:52,085
Hi. What brings you here?

21
00:00:52,121 --> 00:00:55,456
You know, I was just, uh,
in the neighborhood.

22
00:00:55,491 --> 00:00:56,791
Do you get it, Eleanor?

23
00:00:56,826 --> 00:00:58,826
Because, you know, we're all
in the same afterlife,

24
00:00:58,861 --> 00:01:00,661
so, you know, I'm always
in the neighborhood.

25
00:01:00,697 --> 00:01:01,796
Do you get it?

26
00:01:01,831 --> 00:01:04,332
And I do, and it's delightful.

27
00:01:04,367 --> 00:01:06,899
Anyway, this is for you.

28
00:01:06,968 --> 00:01:08,501
Just a housewarming plant.

29
00:01:08,537 --> 00:01:10,577
It's a little reminder that if
there's ever anything

30
00:01:10,639 --> 00:01:12,539
that you need, I am right next door.

31
00:01:12,574 --> 00:01:13,906
How could I possibly forget?

32
00:01:13,975 --> 00:01:15,709
Have a great day, Tahani!

33
00:01:15,744 --> 00:01:18,010
Oh, all right.

34
00:01:19,047 --> 00:01:21,548
Ugh. Tahani.

35
00:01:21,583 --> 00:01:23,482
Welcome to the neighborhood.

36
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,718
Even though we all arrived here
at the same time,

37
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:29,988
here's some dirt I put in a bowl
because I'm amazing.

38
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:32,658
I thought it was kind of a nice gesture.

39
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,493
Oh, Chidi.

40
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,329
It's a total con.
I see through her little act.

41
00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:41,432
Her act of being a nice person
who brings you gifts?

42
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,700
- Bingo.
- Okay.

43
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,702
I'll... I'll remind you that
you're trying to learn

44
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,871
how to be a good person.

45
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,939
Maybe you should return the favor

46
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:50,274
and bring her something.

47
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:54,445
Oh, so now I'm supposed to
be nice and make friends

48
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:57,058
- and treat her with mutual respect?
- Yeah.

49
00:01:57,083 --> 00:02:00,605
That exactly what she wants
me to do, Chidi, wake up!

50
00:02:02,421 --> 00:02:05,589
That... that's what everyone
wants everyone to do.

51
00:02:05,613 --> 00:02:06,000
Resync

52
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:06,500
Resync by

53
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,000
Resync by Rapunzel

54
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:07,501
-Resync by Rapunzel-

55
00:02:07,501 --> 00:02:10,600
-Resync by Rapunzel-
thanks to kinglouisxx@addic7ed.com

56
00:02:10,618 --> 00:02:12,740
_

57
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:13,864
Hello, Chidi.

58
00:02:13,899 --> 00:02:15,898
No frozen yogurt for you this morning?

59
00:02:15,933 --> 00:02:18,033
Oh, uh, no, just, uh,
doing some reading.

60
00:02:18,068 --> 00:02:19,435
Ugh, been there, brother.

61
00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:21,970
Workin' hard or hardly workin',
am I right?

62
00:02:22,039 --> 00:02:23,071
Hump day.

63
00:02:23,107 --> 00:02:24,774
Uh, sorry.

64
00:02:24,809 --> 00:02:26,709
Janet's functioning as my assistant,

65
00:02:26,744 --> 00:02:28,778
but she's a little stiff,
so I've been trying to get her

66
00:02:28,813 --> 00:02:31,446
to be a little more casual
and conversational.

67
00:02:31,481 --> 00:02:33,581
I'll have what she's having.

68
00:02:33,617 --> 00:02:34,982
It's a work in progress.

69
00:02:35,051 --> 00:02:36,918
Listen, Chidi.

70
00:02:36,953 --> 00:02:38,653
I've been studying your file.

71
00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:40,555
You're a very interesting case.

72
00:02:40,590 --> 00:02:43,458
You essentially only did one
thing while you were on earth.

73
00:02:43,493 --> 00:02:45,560
You thought and wrote about ethics.

74
00:02:45,595 --> 00:02:49,062
Yes, I spent 18 years
working on my manuscript

75
00:02:49,097 --> 00:02:51,998
called "Who We Are
and Who We Are Not... colon...

76
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:53,834
"Practical Ethics and Their Application

77
00:02:53,903 --> 00:02:56,470
in the Modern World...
semi-colon... a Treatise..."

78
00:02:56,505 --> 00:02:57,738
Yes, yes, yes, that's the one.

79
00:02:57,773 --> 00:02:58,906
That's the one.

80
00:02:58,941 --> 00:03:01,742
I think you should
experience new adventures.

81
00:03:01,777 --> 00:03:04,745
You know, do things that you
haven't done on earth, right?

82
00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:06,746
So why don't we meet tomorrow

83
00:03:06,781 --> 00:03:08,448
and try out some new hobbies.

84
00:03:08,483 --> 00:03:10,450
Uh, why not?

85
00:03:10,485 --> 00:03:11,918
I'll... I'll see you guys tomorrow.

86
00:03:11,953 --> 00:03:14,787
Not if I see you first.
Where's the beef?

87
00:03:15,857 --> 00:03:17,490
- I don't know.
- Hump day.

88
00:03:20,361 --> 00:03:22,094
Hello, Eleanor.

89
00:03:22,129 --> 00:03:24,996
Jianyu, darling, look, it's
Eleanor from next door.

90
00:03:25,031 --> 00:03:26,832
Is he asleep?

91
00:03:26,867 --> 00:03:28,867
Yeah, there's really no way to tell.

92
00:03:28,936 --> 00:03:30,469
Come on in.

93
00:03:30,504 --> 00:03:32,136
What brings you to our home, my dear?

94
00:03:32,172 --> 00:03:35,139
Well, I'm simply repaying your kind gift

95
00:03:35,175 --> 00:03:37,476
with a housewarming gift of my own.

96
00:03:37,511 --> 00:03:38,977
Fresh pears.

97
00:03:39,012 --> 00:03:40,711
It's a plant, just like your gift,

98
00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:42,480
but you can actually eat them.

99
00:03:42,515 --> 00:03:44,147
So maybe it's a better gift.

100
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:47,050
- Who's to say?
- That's so kind.

101
00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:49,620
However, in, um, Chinese culture,

102
00:03:49,655 --> 00:03:50,955
pears are actually a symbol of bad luck.

103
00:03:50,990 --> 00:03:52,890
And... and I wouldn't want
to offend Jianyu,

104
00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:54,057
so I'm afraid I'm gonna have to

105
00:03:54,126 --> 00:03:55,158
throw these in the garbage.

106
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:58,060
But do come and sit down.

107
00:03:59,163 --> 00:04:00,463
We haven't even had a chance

108
00:04:00,499 --> 00:04:02,665
to discuss all of the mayhem
in our neighborhood yet.

109
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,868
- It's so disconcerting.
- Yes.

110
00:04:04,903 --> 00:04:06,536
What do you think is causing it?

111
00:04:06,571 --> 00:04:07,804
Oh, I'm sure I don't know.

112
00:04:07,839 --> 00:04:09,572
But we must keep our heads up.

113
00:04:09,641 --> 00:04:11,875
In fact, tomorrow I'm actually
going door-to-door

114
00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:13,542
to make sure that every single person

115
00:04:13,577 --> 00:04:15,844
in this entire neighborhood
is keeping calm

116
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,312
and carrying on.

117
00:04:17,347 --> 00:04:19,515
'Cause I think that helping
others will make me feel like

118
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,551
I truly belong here, you know?

119
00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:28,724
Here's a brainstorm,
why don't I go with you?

120
00:04:28,759 --> 00:04:31,893
I mean, I would love to do my
part to help the neighborhood,

121
00:04:31,928 --> 00:04:34,729
not to mention, get a little
bonding time with you, lady.

122
00:04:34,764 --> 00:04:36,931
Oh, hurrah!

123
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,032
Such fun.

124
00:04:39,569 --> 00:04:41,702
I'm telling you, Tahani's out to get me.

125
00:04:41,738 --> 00:04:44,038
What are you talking about?

126
00:04:44,073 --> 00:04:48,508
This note was slipped
under my door yesterday.

127
00:04:48,544 --> 00:04:50,176
It has to be Tahani.

128
00:04:50,211 --> 00:04:53,547
She just said to me, "I want to
feel like I truly belong here."

129
00:04:53,582 --> 00:04:55,882
Well, where have I seen
the word "belong" recently?

130
00:04:55,918 --> 00:04:57,551
Oh yeah, kaplow!

131
00:04:57,586 --> 00:04:59,719
I really don't think
she's the type of person

132
00:04:59,755 --> 00:05:01,054
who would write this.

133
00:05:01,089 --> 00:05:03,590
She is that kind of person
and she did write it.

134
00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:06,959
She wants everybody to think
she's such a perfect princess

135
00:05:07,028 --> 00:05:09,695
just 'cause she's tall
and glamorous and has

136
00:05:09,730 --> 00:05:12,464
cappuccino skin and curves everywhere...

137
00:05:12,533 --> 00:05:14,433
and now I'm complimenting her.

138
00:05:14,468 --> 00:05:15,734
And kind of turned on.

139
00:05:15,770 --> 00:05:18,571
The point is,
she straight up sucks, bro.

140
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:23,908
- Whoa.
- Typical Tahani.

141
00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:26,143
Brings us a faulty plant
so she can brag about

142
00:05:26,212 --> 00:05:27,311
being a better gardener.

143
00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:30,815
No, I think this is another way in which

144
00:05:30,884 --> 00:05:33,150
your negative actions affect this world.

145
00:05:33,219 --> 00:05:36,487
This plant represents
your relationship to Tahani,

146
00:05:36,556 --> 00:05:40,156
so when you're mean to her,
it starts to wilt.

147
00:05:40,225 --> 00:05:41,758
Well, then this plant is doomed,

148
00:05:41,794 --> 00:05:44,561
because tomorrow, I'm going with
her and I'm gonna prove to you

149
00:05:44,597 --> 00:05:47,898
and to everyone that she is
secretly a two-faced,

150
00:05:47,933 --> 00:05:49,967
calculating, phony bench.

151
00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:52,903
Hmm. Yeah.

152
00:05:52,938 --> 00:05:55,068
Truth hurts, doesn't it, plant?

153
00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:02,348
So all I want to do is just check in,

154
00:06:02,384 --> 00:06:03,571
see how everyone's holding up.

155
00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:06,093
Just bring some cheer to
these extraordinary people.

156
00:06:06,121 --> 00:06:07,554
Cool.

157
00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:10,023
So tell me about yourself.

158
00:06:10,059 --> 00:06:11,997
I mean, I want to
hear it all, girlfriend.

159
00:06:12,022 --> 00:06:14,849
The good, the bad, the really bad,

160
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,331
the embarrassing, the
humiliating, just... let's bond!

161
00:06:18,356 --> 00:06:20,789
Okay, well I was born in Pakistan,

162
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,115
raised in London, schooled
in Paris, but I think

163
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,032
the primary reason that I'm in
the Good Place is that

164
00:06:25,057 --> 00:06:27,452
I raised quite a lot of money
for non-profit groups.

165
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,885
Oh.

166
00:06:28,954 --> 00:06:31,888
Did you ever, uh, skim a little
off the top for yourself?

167
00:06:31,957 --> 00:06:33,790
Gracious, no, no!

168
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,826
Every penny was accounted for.

169
00:06:35,861 --> 00:06:37,828
And as I raised nearly $60 billion,

170
00:06:37,863 --> 00:06:39,183
there was quite a lot of pennies.

171
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,032
But I also dabbled
in some other professions.

172
00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:44,701
I was a model, a museum curator,

173
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,469
an "It Girl," and...

174
00:06:46,505 --> 00:06:48,404
oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's
muse for a while.

175
00:06:48,473 --> 00:06:49,473
That was quite fun.

176
00:06:49,508 --> 00:06:51,807
Modeling? That's a crazy life.

177
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:54,144
Want to tell me about that
rock bottom you probably hit?

178
00:06:54,179 --> 00:06:55,678
Oh, I didn't really do it for long.

179
00:06:55,713 --> 00:06:57,079
Couture just doesn't fit my body.

180
00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:58,848
I'm cursed with ample bosom.

181
00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:00,350
And yet you soldier on.

182
00:07:00,385 --> 00:07:01,584
Oh, this is silly...

183
00:07:01,653 --> 00:07:04,486
so "Tahani" means
"congratulations" in Arabic.

184
00:07:04,522 --> 00:07:06,087
And "Al-Jamil" means "beautiful,"

185
00:07:06,157 --> 00:07:07,589
so my full name altogether means...

186
00:07:07,624 --> 00:07:08,890
"Congratulations, Beautiful."

187
00:07:08,926 --> 00:07:10,825
Thanks, Eleanor. You big flirt.

188
00:07:14,932 --> 00:07:16,898
Hey, babe, got you coffee.

189
00:07:16,934 --> 00:07:18,300
Oh, great.

190
00:07:18,335 --> 00:07:19,934
Oh, Andy's Coffee, uh,
we shouldn't go there.

191
00:07:19,969 --> 00:07:21,469
Everybody's boycotting.

192
00:07:21,504 --> 00:07:23,837
Yeah, I know that one guy
found a scorpion in his latte.

193
00:07:23,906 --> 00:07:26,006
I don't really care, though,
'cause it's so close to here.

194
00:07:26,076 --> 00:07:28,443
No, no, no, it's because
he's sexually harassing people.

195
00:07:28,478 --> 00:07:30,744
Look, a journalist went
undercover for an interview

196
00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:31,812
and recorded him.

197
00:07:31,847 --> 00:07:33,514
Here, watch.

198
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:35,149
Here's the thing, sweetheart.

199
00:07:35,185 --> 00:07:36,916
You're very qualified,
but you're also what we call

200
00:07:36,952 --> 00:07:39,519
in the coffee shop game
a, uh, "dog-face."

201
00:07:39,588 --> 00:07:41,754
You're a three, and you have to
be a nine to work here.

202
00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:43,022
It's just math.

203
00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:44,624
So I didn't get the job?

204
00:07:45,994 --> 00:07:49,096
No, dog-face, you didn't get the job.

205
00:07:49,131 --> 00:07:52,432
All right, I'll check your references.

206
00:07:52,568 --> 00:07:54,032
- Just to be nice...
- Hey, my breasts!

207
00:07:54,068 --> 00:07:56,702
I'll check 'em. Oh, they're good. Honk!

208
00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:58,970
I mean, this guy's a monster,
we can't support this guy.

209
00:07:59,039 --> 00:08:00,706
Okay, hey, you're not better than me

210
00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:03,709
just 'cause you won't support
a guy who grabbed a boob once.

211
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:05,877
No, I'm just saying we
shouldn't go there.

212
00:08:05,913 --> 00:08:07,446
We can get coffee somewhere else.

213
00:08:07,481 --> 00:08:09,114
Did you know your left
reference is a little bit

214
00:08:09,149 --> 00:08:10,781
bigger than your right reference?

215
00:08:10,817 --> 00:08:12,817
It's not a bad thing,
it's just... it's a thing.

216
00:08:14,153 --> 00:08:16,554
This is the perfect hobby
for you, Chidi.

217
00:08:16,590 --> 00:08:17,655
Cartography.

218
00:08:17,724 --> 00:08:19,591
Your neighborhood stretches way beyond

219
00:08:19,626 --> 00:08:20,725
what you've already seen.

220
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,661
And you can map it,

221
00:08:23,730 --> 00:08:25,430
revealing all of the mysteries,

222
00:08:25,465 --> 00:08:27,064
like an explorer.

223
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:29,065
I see how that might be fun.

224
00:08:29,101 --> 00:08:31,435
Uh, but, uh, exploring makes me nervous.

225
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:34,170
I have what doctor's call
"directional insanity."

226
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,573
I once got lost on an escalator.

227
00:08:36,609 --> 00:08:38,442
So not exactly Christopher Columbus.

228
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,677
Fun fact: Columbus is in the Bad Place

229
00:08:40,746 --> 00:08:43,980
because of all the raping,
slave trade, and genocide.

230
00:08:44,015 --> 00:08:45,848
The fact that it makes you nervous

231
00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:47,816
is exactly why you should do it.

232
00:08:47,852 --> 00:08:49,452
You know, get out of your comfort zone.

233
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,913
Become a trail-blazer.

234
00:08:50,938 --> 00:08:54,267
Fun fact: all deceased members
of the Portland Trail Blazers

235
00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:56,767
basketball team are also
in the Bad Place.

236
00:08:57,962 --> 00:08:59,094
Yeah, sorry about this.

237
00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:01,496
I steered her away from colloquialisms

238
00:09:01,531 --> 00:09:04,466
and into "fun facts" and trivia tidbits.

239
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:06,468
I thought it'd be
more in her wheelhouse.

240
00:09:06,503 --> 00:09:09,003
Fun fact: a "wheelhouse"
is a part of a boat.

241
00:09:09,038 --> 00:09:10,605
Okay, thank you, Janet, thank you.

242
00:09:10,641 --> 00:09:12,106
Fun fact: Janet is me.

243
00:09:12,142 --> 00:09:14,208
All right, let's forget about exploring.

244
00:09:14,278 --> 00:09:16,010
Plenty more ideas for hobbies.

245
00:09:16,045 --> 00:09:19,045
Let's walk back to town, shall we?

246
00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:22,816
- Wrong way.
- Yep.

247
00:09:24,553 --> 00:09:26,787
Well, Glenn, we just wanted to
make sure you were all right.

248
00:09:26,822 --> 00:09:28,622
Tahani, you're too sweet.

249
00:09:28,658 --> 00:09:30,157
Isn't she just the nicest person?

250
00:09:30,192 --> 00:09:31,224
Mm-hmm.

251
00:09:31,294 --> 00:09:33,059
That is what a lot of people are saying.

252
00:09:33,128 --> 00:09:34,795
Oh, everyone I know is saying that.

253
00:09:34,830 --> 00:09:36,862
Yeah, it's just a big neighborhood

254
00:09:36,898 --> 00:09:39,632
full of enormous mansions
and people who love Tahani!

255
00:09:42,236 --> 00:09:44,136
Eleanor and I just want to see
if there's anything

256
00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:45,237
we can do to help you.

257
00:09:45,307 --> 00:09:47,139
Oh, Tahani, you are so thoughtful.

258
00:09:47,175 --> 00:09:48,974
Despite all the chaos earlier,

259
00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:50,710
we simply couldn't be happier.

260
00:09:50,745 --> 00:09:52,644
Oh, I'm so glad to hear it, Cualli.

261
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,145
Please take a maple butter scone.

262
00:09:54,181 --> 00:09:55,580
I made them fresh this morning.

263
00:09:55,649 --> 00:09:58,650
Oh, they look a bit burned.

264
00:10:00,854 --> 00:10:01,886
But they're not.

265
00:10:01,922 --> 00:10:04,566
Hmm. Oh, fork, that's good.

266
00:10:04,591 --> 00:10:06,725
Extra, extra!

267
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,893
Read all about you.

268
00:10:08,929 --> 00:10:11,527
Chidi, this is the
perfect hobby for you.

269
00:10:11,554 --> 00:10:12,796
- Journalism.
- _

270
00:10:12,832 --> 00:10:15,766
Well, obviously, I like to write.

271
00:10:15,801 --> 00:10:17,901
But I don't love deadlines.

272
00:10:17,937 --> 00:10:19,637
I prefer to take my time with things.

273
00:10:19,672 --> 00:10:20,804
Yes, I know.

274
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,006
Uh, you never even named
your dog, did you?

275
00:10:23,075 --> 00:10:25,743
When it ran away,
you posted signs saying,

276
00:10:25,778 --> 00:10:27,910
"responds to long pauses."

277
00:10:27,946 --> 00:10:31,481
Look, Chidi, I'm just trying to
find you a hobby...

278
00:10:31,516 --> 00:10:34,917
the hat... that will bring you
a positive experience.

279
00:10:34,953 --> 00:10:36,185
What do you say?

280
00:10:36,255 --> 00:10:38,488
I'm loving that hat on you.

281
00:10:38,523 --> 00:10:40,189
It would look even better on my floor.

282
00:10:40,259 --> 00:10:42,091
What is happening now?

283
00:10:42,127 --> 00:10:45,093
I suggested she be friendlier;
she seems to have

284
00:10:45,129 --> 00:10:47,095
slipped right into overt sexuality.

285
00:10:47,131 --> 00:10:49,164
I got something you can slip into.

286
00:10:49,199 --> 00:10:51,700
- Oh...
- Janet, no!

287
00:10:51,769 --> 00:10:53,769
No, Janet.

288
00:10:54,972 --> 00:10:57,973
Oh, Jianyu, darling,
would you like some tea?

289
00:10:59,009 --> 00:11:00,642
That nod meant no, apparently.

290
00:11:00,677 --> 00:11:02,477
Well, it was nice to get out
and meet all of

291
00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:03,544
our wonderful neighbors.

292
00:11:03,613 --> 00:11:06,113
They all truly belong here.

293
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:08,549
Oh, yes they do, cutie-pants.

294
00:11:08,618 --> 00:11:09,817
Boop!

295
00:11:09,852 --> 00:11:11,519
Well, I should really be going.
I have to begin

296
00:11:11,554 --> 00:11:13,020
my 12 step Korean skincare regiment,

297
00:11:13,055 --> 00:11:15,022
but, uh, I'll see... oh, no, no, no.

298
00:11:15,057 --> 00:11:16,991
Please stay and enjoy the evening tea.

299
00:11:17,026 --> 00:11:19,192
I'll see you soon.

300
00:11:19,227 --> 00:11:20,527
Boop!

301
00:11:34,875 --> 00:11:37,477
"The Diary of Tahani Al-Jamil."

302
00:11:39,013 --> 00:11:41,514
Okay. Arc welding.

303
00:11:41,549 --> 00:11:43,916
You could learn sculpture,
you can make furniture,

304
00:11:43,984 --> 00:11:45,818
you can get your hands
a little greasy, you know,

305
00:11:45,853 --> 00:11:46,819
and you make things.

306
00:11:46,854 --> 00:11:48,887
This equipment is very scary!

307
00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:51,523
Don't be a baby. It can't hurt you.

308
00:11:51,558 --> 00:11:53,658
Watch, I'll blowtorch your face off.

309
00:11:53,694 --> 00:11:55,527
- Janet.
- Whatever.

310
00:11:55,562 --> 00:11:57,228
This whole thing is stupid.

311
00:11:57,263 --> 00:11:58,396
Oh, brother.

312
00:11:58,432 --> 00:12:01,833
I told her to be less flirty
and now she's

313
00:12:01,868 --> 00:12:03,735
cruel and distant, apparently.

314
00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:05,002
I just can't get this right.

315
00:12:05,038 --> 00:12:07,271
Thank you for trying to
find me a new hobby.

316
00:12:07,341 --> 00:12:10,273
Um, but I just want to be an academic.

317
00:12:10,343 --> 00:12:14,110
I want to keep working on my manuscript.

318
00:12:14,179 --> 00:12:15,912
Chidi, here's the thing...

319
00:12:15,948 --> 00:12:20,217
see, I read your whole book,
all 3,600 pages of it.

320
00:12:20,252 --> 00:12:21,918
It's, um...

321
00:12:21,954 --> 00:12:23,019
how shall I put this?

322
00:12:23,055 --> 00:12:24,788
It's a mess, dude.

323
00:12:24,857 --> 00:12:27,223
- Hey!
- She's right.

324
00:12:27,258 --> 00:12:30,025
You see, Chidi, I can read the entirety

325
00:12:30,061 --> 00:12:32,194
of the world's literature
in about an hour.

326
00:12:32,230 --> 00:12:34,897
This took me two weeks to get through.

327
00:12:34,932 --> 00:12:37,299
I mean, it's so convoluted,
I just kept reading

328
00:12:37,369 --> 00:12:40,570
the same paragraph over and over
again, trying to figure out

329
00:12:40,605 --> 00:12:41,771
what the heck you were saying.

330
00:12:41,806 --> 00:12:42,771
Oh, no.

331
00:12:42,806 --> 00:12:44,773
I mean, on page 1,000,

332
00:12:44,808 --> 00:12:47,743
you start section two with the sentence,

333
00:12:47,778 --> 00:12:50,945
"Of course, the exact opposite
might be true."

334
00:12:50,981 --> 00:12:53,281
You're a brilliant guy, Chidi.

335
00:12:53,316 --> 00:12:56,931
But you just kept revising and rewriting

336
00:12:56,956 --> 00:12:58,712
and adding words to your title.

337
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:01,837
I think you just twisted
yourself up into a knot.

338
00:13:01,862 --> 00:13:04,592
I have a very bad stomachache.

339
00:13:05,066 --> 00:13:06,338
Hey, man.

340
00:13:08,202 --> 00:13:09,267
What's wrong?

341
00:13:09,303 --> 00:13:10,936
Am I a good teacher?

342
00:13:10,971 --> 00:13:13,205
Am I clear? Do I make sense?

343
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,707
Yeah, you're a great teacher.

344
00:13:14,742 --> 00:13:16,974
I'm super ethical now.

345
00:13:17,043 --> 00:13:18,275
- What's that?
- Hmm?

346
00:13:18,311 --> 00:13:21,312
Nah... don't worry about it.

347
00:13:22,582 --> 00:13:24,381
I stole Tahani's diary.

348
00:13:24,417 --> 00:13:27,085
So I could see if her
handwriting matches the note

349
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:30,121
and also read about all
the mean and terrible things

350
00:13:30,156 --> 00:13:34,057
she's definitely done so I can
prove she's actually evil.

351
00:13:37,162 --> 00:13:38,753
Huh.

352
00:13:39,598 --> 00:13:41,297
What do you think that means?

353
00:13:46,882 --> 00:13:49,507
You stole Tahani's diary.

354
00:13:49,532 --> 00:13:52,114
I know I broke some ethical rule,
but I had good reason.

355
00:13:52,139 --> 00:13:54,486
Eleanor, in order to be a good person,

356
00:13:54,522 --> 00:13:56,756
you have to do good things.

357
00:13:56,791 --> 00:13:58,791
And not stealing people's stuff,
that is just

358
00:13:58,827 --> 00:14:00,760
a basic kindergarten rule.

359
00:14:00,795 --> 00:14:04,067
I mean, do I also have to
tell you to not throw sand?

360
00:14:04,092 --> 00:14:06,731
First of all, throwing sand is an
excellent way to put out a vodka fire.

361
00:14:06,756 --> 00:14:07,986
Why would you even know that?

362
00:14:08,011 --> 00:14:10,091
Second of all, I know that
it may not be nice,

363
00:14:10,126 --> 00:14:14,594
but neither is pretending to be
100% perfect, like Tahani does.

364
00:14:14,602 --> 00:14:17,320
- She wrote that note.
- No she didn't!

365
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,256
You did!

366
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:22,325
I was hoping you would come to
this conclusion on your own,

367
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:27,230
but, obviously, no one here
would ever threaten you.

368
00:14:27,265 --> 00:14:30,633
That note is the Good Place
manifesting your own guilt.

369
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:33,570
Like with the plant,
or when you literally made

370
00:14:33,605 --> 00:14:37,439
giant shrimp fly through the air.

371
00:14:37,474 --> 00:14:39,775
I wrote myself the note.

372
00:14:39,811 --> 00:14:41,476
And as it turns out,

373
00:14:41,512 --> 00:14:43,312
I do belong here.

374
00:14:43,347 --> 00:14:44,947
Because I'm just as good
as everyone else.

375
00:14:44,982 --> 00:14:46,148
No, no, no.

376
00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:48,450
No, you don't belong here.

377
00:14:48,485 --> 00:14:51,286
And in this place,
everyone is better than you.

378
00:14:51,322 --> 00:14:53,788
It has been proven by
an infallible formula.

379
00:14:53,824 --> 00:14:56,657
Tahani might be a little British

380
00:14:56,693 --> 00:14:58,693
and condescending at times,

381
00:14:58,762 --> 00:15:02,931
but she devoted her entire life
to helping other people.

382
00:15:02,966 --> 00:15:04,298
She's a good person.

383
00:15:04,334 --> 00:15:06,334
Accept that.

384
00:15:07,871 --> 00:15:09,104
Hey, babe.

385
00:15:09,139 --> 00:15:11,805
Great news, I got us tickets
to the Coyotes game.

386
00:15:11,841 --> 00:15:14,641
- Awesome!
- But, ooh, yikes.

387
00:15:14,676 --> 00:15:17,177
Turns out two of the players have DUIs.

388
00:15:17,213 --> 00:15:18,879
Guess we can't cheer for that team.

389
00:15:18,948 --> 00:15:20,614
- Eleanor, I...
- You know what?

390
00:15:20,649 --> 00:15:22,783
Instead, let's just stay in,

391
00:15:22,818 --> 00:15:25,652
watch a Roman Polanski movie,
listen to R. Kelly,

392
00:15:25,687 --> 00:15:27,221
and eat Chik-fil-A.

393
00:15:27,289 --> 00:15:28,721
Does that sound good?

394
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:30,890
There's bad stuff everywhere, man.

395
00:15:30,959 --> 00:15:32,792
It's impossible to avoid.

396
00:15:32,827 --> 00:15:34,827
Yeah, but shouldn't we just try?

397
00:15:34,863 --> 00:15:37,329
Shouldn't we just try to do the
right thing whenever we can?

398
00:15:37,365 --> 00:15:39,423
Why? It's so much harder
to live like that.

399
00:15:39,448 --> 00:15:41,088
And it's not like
someone's keeping score.

400
00:15:42,005 --> 00:15:43,836
Look, I know you're gonna
break up with me, okay?

401
00:15:43,872 --> 00:15:44,872
I'm not an idiot.

402
00:15:44,905 --> 00:15:46,471
I read your emails to your dad.

403
00:15:46,506 --> 00:15:48,807
Have fun being so amazing
and perfect until you die.

404
00:15:48,842 --> 00:15:50,508
And by the way, I'm talking really fast

405
00:15:50,543 --> 00:15:51,983
because I still go to Andy's Coffee,

406
00:15:52,012 --> 00:15:53,812
and I got a full punch card, bro.

407
00:16:00,854 --> 00:16:03,020
Good people make me insecure.

408
00:16:03,055 --> 00:16:05,823
When I'm around someone
who I think is better than me,

409
00:16:05,858 --> 00:16:07,724
I try and drag them down to my level.

410
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,361
That's why perfect Tahani
is like my kryptonite.

411
00:16:11,397 --> 00:16:15,365
Well, even admitting that
is an important step.

412
00:16:15,401 --> 00:16:16,867
And also, maybe don't listen to me.

413
00:16:16,903 --> 00:16:18,769
I would love not to listen to you.

414
00:16:18,837 --> 00:16:19,769
Wait, what?

415
00:16:19,838 --> 00:16:22,272
Basically, my life's work

416
00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:25,708
is 3,600 pages of garbage.

417
00:16:25,743 --> 00:16:27,710
Even Michael couldn't understand it.

418
00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:28,778
So?

419
00:16:28,847 --> 00:16:30,847
- What does Michael know?
- Everything.

420
00:16:30,882 --> 00:16:32,515
That's my point... he knows everything,

421
00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:34,784
and it was too convoluted, even for him.

422
00:16:34,853 --> 00:16:36,952
Michael does not know everything.

423
00:16:37,021 --> 00:16:40,388
Michael does not know
I'm not supposed to be here.

424
00:16:40,424 --> 00:16:42,791
You wrote 4,000 pages on one of the most

425
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:45,060
complicated subjects in the world.

426
00:16:45,095 --> 00:16:46,735
I mean I used to get bored
halfway through

427
00:16:46,763 --> 00:16:48,563
writing a text message.

428
00:16:48,598 --> 00:16:51,599
Be proud.

429
00:16:54,904 --> 00:16:56,470
I want to broaden my horizons

430
00:16:56,539 --> 00:16:58,572
and try new things, and I will.

431
00:16:58,607 --> 00:17:00,741
But even though I might have
gotten lost in the weeds,

432
00:17:00,776 --> 00:17:03,410
I loved writing this book.

433
00:17:03,446 --> 00:17:05,713
And I want to try again.

434
00:17:05,748 --> 00:17:07,548
So...

435
00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:08,716
will you be my advisor?

436
00:17:08,751 --> 00:17:12,618
Chidi, all I want
is for you to be happy.

437
00:17:12,654 --> 00:17:15,755
So if spending eternity
getting blunt feedback

438
00:17:15,790 --> 00:17:19,759
on your circular, rambling ideas
will make you happy,

439
00:17:19,794 --> 00:17:22,428
then of course I will be your advisor.

440
00:17:22,464 --> 00:17:26,164
Let's throw that monstrosity
in the trash and start over.

441
00:17:27,735 --> 00:17:29,601
Aren't there maybe
some parts worth salvaging?

442
00:17:29,636 --> 00:17:30,952
Honestly, man, I don't even know.

443
00:17:30,977 --> 00:17:32,604
I mean, that thing is unreadable.

444
00:17:32,639 --> 00:17:34,773
I literally learned what headaches were

445
00:17:34,808 --> 00:17:36,808
because that thing gave me a headache.

446
00:17:36,844 --> 00:17:37,844
Okay.

447
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:40,480
There you go.

448
00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:42,081
New beginnings! Well done.

449
00:17:52,658 --> 00:17:53,624
Oh!

450
00:17:53,659 --> 00:17:55,659
Oh, hello, Eleanor. Hi.

451
00:17:55,695 --> 00:17:57,996
Sorry, I was just cleaning up.

452
00:17:58,031 --> 00:17:59,830
You okay?

453
00:17:59,866 --> 00:18:01,664
Do you want to...

454
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:02,665
talk about it?

455
00:18:02,701 --> 00:18:04,701
Desperately.

456
00:18:04,770 --> 00:18:06,436
It's Jianyu.

457
00:18:06,471 --> 00:18:07,971
I just can't seem to connect with him.

458
00:18:08,007 --> 00:18:09,672
I know that he took a vow of silence,

459
00:18:09,708 --> 00:18:13,377
but he won't even talk to me,
his soul mate!

460
00:18:13,445 --> 00:18:15,112
And I adore talking.

461
00:18:15,147 --> 00:18:16,813
I know. You do.

462
00:18:16,848 --> 00:18:19,048
Eleanor, you don't know what
it's like to be in paradise

463
00:18:19,117 --> 00:18:22,551
and feel like there's something
just not quite right.

464
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:24,820
Well...

465
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:27,123
I may not know exactly
what you're feeling,

466
00:18:27,158 --> 00:18:29,058
but I do understand.

467
00:18:29,127 --> 00:18:33,462
And you deserve to be happy, because...

468
00:18:33,497 --> 00:18:37,065
you are an impressive,
thoughtful, and special person.

469
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,768
Not to mention...

470
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:43,638
you have a rockin' bod.

471
00:18:43,673 --> 00:18:45,706
I mean, Jianyu may be mute,

472
00:18:45,742 --> 00:18:47,909
but he's not blind.

473
00:18:47,978 --> 00:18:50,511
You two belong here.

474
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,479
And you belong together.

475
00:18:52,514 --> 00:18:55,682
And you have all of eternity,
so there's plenty of time

476
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:56,917
for things to change.

477
00:18:56,986 --> 00:18:58,552
Oh, thank you.

478
00:18:58,587 --> 00:19:01,588
I really needed to hear that. Come here.

479
00:19:02,828 --> 00:19:05,607
Ugh, of course your hugs are amazing.

480
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:18,188
Stupid ledge.

481
00:19:18,222 --> 00:19:20,693
Ugh, stairs.

482
00:19:21,759 --> 00:19:24,760
Everyone here is really into hugging.

483
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,864
Looks like someone learned something.

484
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:33,935
Well, it's 'cause someone else

485
00:19:33,971 --> 00:19:36,972
is a really good teacher.

486
00:19:38,809 --> 00:19:40,394
Eleanor, hello.

487
00:19:40,419 --> 00:19:43,178
How are you, my dear, sweet bestie?

488
00:19:43,246 --> 00:19:44,746
Never better. What's up?

489
00:19:44,781 --> 00:19:47,347
Well, Janet has been acting
as my assistant.

490
00:19:47,416 --> 00:19:50,684
It's not what she was designed to do.

491
00:19:50,753 --> 00:19:53,120
- Didn't go great.
- But now I'm back to normal.

492
00:19:53,155 --> 00:19:54,855
It turns out that the best Janet

493
00:19:54,924 --> 00:19:57,858
was the Janet that was
inside Janet all along.

494
00:19:57,927 --> 00:20:00,127
She was feeling a little lost,
so I gave her

495
00:20:00,162 --> 00:20:03,262
a self-help book
to restore her confidence.

496
00:20:03,297 --> 00:20:06,866
Now I'm living my truth
and creating my bliss.

497
00:20:06,935 --> 00:20:08,267
Anyway, um, look,

498
00:20:08,302 --> 00:20:10,870
Michael asked me if I would
serve as his assistant,

499
00:20:10,939 --> 00:20:14,173
but I'd quite like to focus
on my relationship with Jianyu.

500
00:20:14,209 --> 00:20:17,343
So I recommended you for the job.

501
00:20:18,379 --> 00:20:20,278
Eleanor, you and I could work

502
00:20:20,313 --> 00:20:22,714
side-by-side to figure out

503
00:20:22,783 --> 00:20:25,117
what's going wrong
with this neighborhood.

504
00:20:25,152 --> 00:20:26,852
Will you help me?

505
00:20:26,887 --> 00:20:28,954
- How could I say no?
- Yeah, hurrah!

506
00:20:28,989 --> 00:20:30,789
Hurrah!

507
00:20:33,894 --> 00:20:35,894
What now?

508
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,049
_

509
00:20:43,502 --> 00:20:46,303
Relax, Eleanor.

510
00:20:46,338 --> 00:20:48,405
You sent this to yourself.

511
00:20:48,474 --> 00:20:52,676
This is your own guilt
manifesting itself.

512
00:20:53,845 --> 00:20:55,979
I've been waiting for you.

513
00:20:56,014 --> 00:20:57,346
Jianyu?

514
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,382
You talk now?

515
00:21:01,853 --> 00:21:03,887
You sent me these threatening notes?

516
00:21:03,922 --> 00:21:04,988
What the fork, man?

517
00:21:05,023 --> 00:21:06,886
Some Buddhist monk you are.

518
00:21:06,911 --> 00:21:08,620
You don't belong here.

519
00:21:08,645 --> 00:21:10,145
Admit it.

520
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:12,803
Okay, you're right.

521
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,372
I don't belong here.

522
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:15,616
Michael made a mistake.

523
00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:17,055
But I'm trying, dude.

524
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,076
I'm really trying to be a good person.

525
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,921
And I think I'm changing for the better,

526
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,852
so just please, please don't rat me out.

527
00:21:24,665 --> 00:21:26,422
Don't worry, I won't.

528
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,486
Because I'm not
supposed to be here, either.

529
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:32,222
I don't know how I got here,
I have no idea what's going on,

530
00:21:32,257 --> 00:21:33,756
and I am freakin' out, homey!

531
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,392
You got to help me.

532
00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:36,593
I'm scared!

533
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:39,397
What?

534
00:21:39,421 --> 00:21:41,021
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